pov your best friend™ occasionally turns himself into a beautiful woman and everyone thinks he’s your wife so you gotta be a dick about it because unfortunately you are not as immune to her wiles as you thought you were
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um calenhad aeducan lore. known fondly as prince cal by the people of orzammar and also me. he’s called that after the founder of the theirin line, because after ferelden successfully rebelled against orlesian rule, orzammar was like oh fuck we’ve got to repair that relationship as if we didn’t just sit by the whole time that was happening. so there were a bunch of these kind of uh diplomatic publicity stunts happening around the time he was born. and nothing about his life has ever not been someone else’s angle
his mother was one of endrin’s lesser concubines from a lower status house, and every jealous eye turned in her direction when she bore the king a son. despite that, endrin’s queen took her and the baby under her wing. it wasn’t entirely altruistic. the queen had no sons of her own, so cal could serve instead as her “contender” for heir against trian, the son of her long-time rival, a favoured concubine called lady rosdrada. the queen also happened to be a notable warrior, a powerful reaver, who died years later on a deep roads expedition under mildly suspicious circumstances, with many blaming lady rosdrada. (she was never publicly accused but neither did the king ever marry her and allow her to rise to the queen’s vacant place, a fact bitterly resented by her faction.)
cal’s mother, who returned the queen’s protection and favour with fierce loyalty, was first among rosdrada’s accusers. furious that punishment never came, she changed almost overnight from a shy, humble woman to a politician who could in her own right engage in the life or death battle for succession, raising her son to be the fulfilment of the late queen’s ambitions. he was trained since childhood in both the ways of princely charm and the ways of a reaver warrior, all to be the vengeance of a woman whose face he sometimes struggles to remember. perhaps there was a time, as boys, when he tried to be a brother to trian despite it all, but with his mother’s teachings always in his ears and trian less bearable each year, he’s long since accepted that deadly conflict between them is inevitable. he’s never eager to be the ruthless aeducan prince, but he’s always done his duty, however ugly. he never turns down the foul-tasting reaver concoctions, or quakes when he’s sent to the deep roads. he always defends his house’s honour and makes the point in blood. anything less is death; his mother tells him so
he doesn’t truly want the throne. he just wants more than anything to have the weight of expectations off his shoulders, and to no longer dread that his mother, his second, and all who support them will pay the deadly price of his failure. he’ll jump blindly at the chance to get this fight over with—and that’s all the opportunity bhelen ever needed
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The crew make it back to England and a few months later, the admiralty host a social function and crozier is only going so he can check in with the men, see how they're recovering. And while he's there, he spots James. But as he approaches, he overhears him talking about this "beautiful and elegant creature" he has back home
And crozier thinks "ah, alas. He is straight. But I'm happy he found someone..."
Meanwhile James won't stop telling people about his cat. Also he's carrying the BIGGEST torch for his co-captain, who is tragically uninterested in men. Whacky shenanigans ensue
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Hi Tumblr, I'm only here for a sec and then going right to sleep (please note this tendency of mine before you take seriously the criticism to follow), but I would like to lodge a complaint. Apparently, there is a miniseries airing, RIGHT NOW, in the GAP cinematic universe, where, if I'm understanding the MDL comments correctly, Nueng, aka Sam's incredibly hot older sister who yelled at Grandma, is in the In-from-180-Degree-Longitude role of out-of-the-picture-mom's bff who out-of-the-picture-mom's daughter wants to hook up with ????? and nobody ????? on my dash ?????????? told me* ???????????????
HOW COULD YOU, HONESTLY
*posted about it when I was online and osmosed it to me
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