#“my sister who has never entertained men or had a serious relationship is giving me courting advice”

[beyondthislifetime]

People who truly dislike Edwina Sharma are wild. Heaven forbid an 18 year old be charmed after being almost relentlessly pursued by an older man. Three married women, including her mother, are for the match. THE QUEEN is for the match. The only person saying he isn't right for her is her sister and like I'm sorry but my sister could swear that a man wasn't that into me and I would not listen if he BOUGHT ME A HORSE!???!!?!!

[vibraniumwing]

soft.

a bucky barnes x fem!reader wherein the reader comes home to see the super soldier with a toddler tucked in his lap.

WARNING: none! (all mistakes within the story are mine)

A/N: soft and domestic (and clingy) bucky, anyone? i’ve written this with tfaws bucky in mind after episode five where he was on the couch and smiled after seeing sam’s nephews. so yes now i present to you bucky with a child bcs we need that content, ,, good bYe for i shall be drowning in my own feels.

---

“Do you really have to go, doll?” Bucky asked, watching you by the frame of your shared bedroom door with his hands crossed against his chest. A heavy sigh heaving from his lips as his eyes observed you pick out a shirt to wear, hands grasping on his black shirt and opted to wear that; a small smile formed on his lips as you slipped into the clothing piece, adoring how big it looks on you.

You turned to him with your hand on your waist, an eyebrow raised, “Unless you want to starve for a whole month then fine I won’t go to the grocery” you say teasingly, checking yourself out in the mirror before walking up to him, arms linking around his neck loosely; his hands circling around your waist in a protective manner as he pulls you into him. “I won’t be gone for the whole day, James.”

He groaned softly, wanting nothing more than to accompany you but seeing that you were going with your mother, he opted out. “You always say that then be gone for the whole afternoon.” he grumbles in between the kisses he gives you. “You and your mom take so much time at the grocery store.”

You threw your head back and laughed, finding his small whiny state adorable. You retract your arms from behind his neck and cupped the sides of his face, squishing his cheeks gently. “You sound like a child, Buck. I promise I won’t be long. Besides, you have Alpine to keep you company.” you motion your head to the sleeping cat on the bed.

“Now please let me go so I can leave now and be back sooner.” you tell him, pressing one final kiss to his lips before ducking out of his embrace, making your way to the front door and grabbing your car keys before turning back to see him standing behind you with a small pout on his lips (albeit he would never admit to doing such an act),

You grinned and walked up to him, reaching up to press a small kiss on his lips. “Sometimes it's hard to believe you’re this big scary dude that can take twenty men down in a course of ten minutes when all I see is this big baby.” you tease, a hand snaking up to the back of his head to play with the ends of his hair softly.

“Doll wait before you go” Bucky starts off, holding onto you, cheeks lightly flushed as he hesitated with his words, clearing his throat lightly before looking away, “Can you set up that damn Netflix thing on the TV before you leave?”

Your gaze on him softened even more and nodded, leading him to the living room and set the whole thing up for him, handing him the remote right after. “I’m guessing you can manage now?” he smiled shyly, the area around his eyes crinkling as he nodded. “Yeah, I will. Thanks, doll.”

“I’ll be back later, I love you, Buck!” You bid him a goodbye, looking back at him from the door and gave him a small wave, the male waving back before focusing on the TV, searching for that one movie you suggested he watch.

“What was that movie called again? RIght, The Breakfast Club”

---

Not even half-way through the movie, Bucky had somehow fallen asleep on the couch, not finding the first few minutes of the film entertaining. He somehow fell deep into slumber that he didn’t even notice the front door of the house opening until he felt something being placed on his stomach.

He stirred awake and the first thing his blurry vision could make out is the outline of a toddler sitting on him. “Hey James, I’m leaving Hugo with you and Y/N for the weekend. Our babysitter cancelled out last minute and I’ve been trying to call my sister but she hasn’t picked up any calls.” Damian, your younger brother said in a rush, putting down your nephew’s baby bag on the coffee table. “Thanks James, we owe you one.”

But before Bucky could get a say in any of this, Damian was already out the door and the sound of a car pulling away was followed. Barely half-awake, he stared at the tyke who was staring right back at him with his innocent E/C doe eyes. “What do I do with you?”

He takes Hugo in his arms as he sits up, placing him on his lap, his metal arm reaching over to pause television. “Y/N’s better at this than I am.” he mumbles, watching the child look around the room before he started to fidget on the larger male’s lap, wanting to roam around.

Bucky sighs, “Now why won’t Y/N answer her calls?” he asks the tiny human who was still staring up at him. He reaches over to grab his phone and dials your number, only to hear it ring from the other side of the house, inside your room. He dropped the call and placed his phone inside his pocket, now wondering what he could do to keep the small person alive.

“Usually Y/N deals with you.” He says, watching the small child struggle on his lap, clearly wanting to get down. Bucky finally gets what Hugo wanted to do and sets him down on the carpeted floor, watching the toddler (wobbly) walk around the space freely.

Seeing that the child was doing alright after finding a small fixation with Alpine who was now resting near the couch, he returned his attention back to the TV to resume watching the movie. His attention split in half as he continued to glance back at the kid who was now playing with the toys you had brought him and kept at in a basket in the corner of the living room where you deemed it “Hugo’s Area”

Bucky was finally getting into the film, entertainment written all over his face at the sight of the students dancing around the library until it morphed into one of concern when a small bonk followed by a loud cry resonated the room making him look over at Hugo who was already flushed from crying.

He paused the movie again and rushed over to Hugo’s side, taking the small boy in his arms, cradling him on his lap as he tried to calm him down. “Now kid, don’t cry on me. C’mon” he mumbled, raising him up lightly to look at his forehead as he searched for any wounds, relieved to find none.

“C’mon James, what would Y/N do…” He said to himself, standing up as he moved around and cradled the crying child, trying to remember what you would do whenever he has meltdowns like this.

“Oh god, right!” Bucky exclaimed as he remembered, quickly going to the couch and sat down, placing Hugo on his lap as he gently placed his vibranium hand on the back of his head and his flesh one cupping the smaller one’s cheek, wiping the tears that glistened on his smooth skin.

Seeing how the toddler was starting to calm down, he carefully spoke, “Now you gotta work with me, little one.” Bucky then proceeded to blow softly on his face, remembering how you would do that when Hugo was having a fit. “Now can you do that for me as well?” He asked, encouraging the child with a small smile.

Once he felt the kid do the same thing, he repeated the steps a few more times until he was completely calm, letting the child snuggle up against his chest, feeling how he would occasionally let out a small shuddering sob from time to time, making Bucky laugh at the adorable action. “Now what do you want to do?” he gently asked, the cold surface of his metal hand that caressed the child’s back making small bubbles of laughter elicit from the baby.

“Bucky wead [ read ] pwease?” was all that left the two-year old’s mouth, causing a small surprise from the older. Hugo then pushed himself off from Bucky’s chest and turned to his small corner of the room, raising his small arm and pointing his even smaller finger towards the bookshelf that was filled to the brim with story books.

A chuckle left the soldier’s lips, “Alright then, little dude. Go take your pick.” he then proceeded to let him down and watch as the toddler walked his way towards the array of books and picked out one, running back towards him with a big smile.

“Alright big guy, what do you have for me?” Bucky asked, taking the tyke in his arms once again, taking the book from Hugo’s hands. He let out a (very) fake gasp of excitement which made the toddler laugh out loud as his reaction, making small little wiggles of his own eagerness for the book.

Bucky shifted in his seat a little to be more comfortable, letting Hugo snuggle up to him as he opened the book and started to read, “Llama Llama, red pajama, reads a story with his mama.”

---

You were elated to finally come back home and fall into your lover’s arms from a long day of errands with your mom. After the Target trip with your mom, you had to drive her back home and help her with her own groceries and pack up everything with her over at your childhood home一 with an addition of having a few serious talks with her about your future.

“Seriously, Y/N. When are you going to give me a grandchild?” Your mother poked your sides as you helped her bring in the bags filled with her stuff. Ever since Damian introduced Hugo to the family, she’d been on your heels about when you and Bucky would bring one to them as well; admittedly you and him had been in a much longer relationship than Damian and his wife which surprises everyone even more.

You shrugged, rolling your eyes in a playful manner. “I don’t know, mom. I think I’m content being with Bucky for now.” you answered truthfully, setting the items on the kitchen island and turned to her, “Besides, we have Alpine! Our cat!”

This made your mother sigh, laughing softly at your antics. “I know my sweet girl, but I’m just so excited to see a little you or James run around with Hugo.” Her answer causes your heart to swell at the thought of starting a family with him some day; conversations like this with him are normal but are always caught in a fleeting moment so you were never certain about his opinions on the matter.

“Well you just have to wait and see, ma.”

Taking the bags in your hand, you walked over to the door and opened it with ease, expecting to see Bucky waiting for you on the other side only to be greeted by none. Your eyebrows were furrowed as you carefully stepped inside, assuming he had fallen asleep as he waited for you until you heard his quiet voice resonating through the living room. “Little llama, don’t you know? Mama llama loves you so”

You peeked at the source of the sound and what you saw made you just melt on the spot. Bucky had Hugo on his lap, your nephew playing with the thumb of his artificial arm as he listened to the story that he was barely paying attention to as he was already falling asleep.

Not wanting to interrupt the moment, you graced on over to the kitchen in silence and arranged everything as quiet as you can. The smile on your face growing bigger at the thought of how much of a good father Bucky could be; the sight of him with your nephew caused a thousand butterflies to dance around in your stomach freely.

“You’re back, doll?” Bucky’s quiet voice made you jump, head whipping to his direction where he stood with Hugo fast asleep in his arms.

You nod and walk towards him, offering to take him from his arms and Bucky disagreed, pulling away from your attempts. “Hugo’s with me, I’ll take him to bed and I’ll help you finish out here, alright?”

Chuckling softly, you agree and reach up to place a quick kiss on your nephew’s forehead, moving aside so Bucky can place him down inside your room.

You were folding up the plastic bags when you felt a pair of arms sneak up and circle your waist, capturing you in a back hug. Your back was flat against his chest, the warmth from his body making you relax in his arms. Turning around, you let your arms snake up around his neck, your hands playing with the ends of his hair, his physique visibly loosening up. “So your brother came here earlier and said you weren’t picking up your calls.”

“I forgot my phone, i know.” you told him, throwing your head back slightly to let out a soft groan of annoyance at yourself before looking back at him. You met his gaze and his eyes were filled with adoration and love with a spark of something you can’t seem to pinpoint. “What’s going through that head of yours, James?”

He hummed softly, pressing a quick kiss to your lips, “I was just thinking of how I want to have a family of my own with you.” he answered truthfully, not finding anything shameful in admitting his thoughts. “The afternoon I spent with Hugo made me realize I want that for us as well.” his words were soft and dripping with enthusiasm at the thought of being with you for the rest of your days.

This made your cheeks flush lightly, a happy smile resting on your lips as you were already in agreement of his words, “I’ve been thinking the exact same thing, Bucky. I can’t wait to have our own little minion running around the house.” you admitted, this time making Bucky smile even wider than yours, happy that you had the same thought.

“Also, not to brag but I think I’m his favourite now.” Bucky said out of nowhere, grabbing the small carton of chocolate milk from behind you and letting you go, opening the drink and chugging it down in one go.

You rolled your eyes at his words, playfully flipping him off as you sauntered into the pantry where you were arranging your stock of goods. “I highly doubt that, he loves me way more.”

“That’s what you think but Hugo made me read his favourite book to him so now I’m his favourite. He even said it himself.”

“Oh no he didn’t!”

---

TAGLIST: @lunalovecroft @anchoeritic @harrysweasleys @https-bvcky @luana @weasleytwins-41 @angelsgrxzer

for those whose usernames are in bold, it means i cannot tag you for some reason. join my taglist! it's linked in the masterlist <3

[headinthestaticsky]

The Dusk Calls for me: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 12

AUTHORS NOTES: None of the characters in Twilight belong to me. All rights go to Stephanie Meyer.

We’re heading into the Finale of book 1 folks... I have so many ideas for book 2... it’s going to be great. Hopefully!

“You get ready, you get all dressed up

To go nowhere in particular Back to work or the coffee shop Doesn't matter 'cause it's enough To be young and in love.”

Love by, Lana Del Rey

Bella was finally going to meet the Cullens officially. All day before I had left to go down there she paced, looking like she was going to be sick. All of the Cullens were cooking Italian for Bella. The only person who I was worried about was Rosalie. She was furious at Edward for even dating her, and when he went public with her... it set her over the edge. Emmett was chopping up lettuce and other vegetables for her while Rosalie begrudgingly held a bowl for him to put it in. I was sitting in the living room with Jasper, he was concentrated on reading some books. It was always entertaining to watch vampires read so quickly.

“Is she even Italian?” Rosalie asked.

“Her name is Bella, Rose... she has to be.” Emmett replied.

“Emmett... you thought I was french just because my name is Fleur. That food was really good though... not like I am complaining. I said.

“Okay I admit I messed up there but, I have to be right about this one.”

“Whatever you say Em.”

“Shut it short-stack.”

“At least I don’t hit my head through small doorways.”

He glared at me jokingly and then rolled his eyes.

“Rose, tell her to stop bullying me.”

“I’m sorry I can’t do that... it’s too funny to listen to.” Rosalie said.

“Ugh, I feel betrayed.” Emmett said, his hands going toward his un-beating heart.”

Rosalie smiled, it was soon dropped though. She must’ve kept thinking about Bella.

“She better eat this.”

“Don’t want to sound gluttonous here but... I was totally eat if she doesn’t.... it’s her lose.”

“Stop trying to make me laugh.”

“I will never stop my attempts to make you laugh.”

“Woo, get a whiff of that, here comes the human!” Rosalie said in a sing-songy voice.

Esme smiled widely, she quickly wiped her hands before making her way over to Bella.

“Bella, we’re making Italiano for you.”

“Bella, this is my Esme my mother for all intents and purposes.”

Emmett raised his hand and waved at Bella with a knife in it. Bella and Esme exchanged a bit of Italian.

“Hello again Bella, hope you’re well.” Jasper said.

“Hey, Jasper... hope you’re well too.”

“You’ve given us an excuse to use the kitchen again. We usual make meals for your sister when she stays over.” Carlisle said.

“I hope you’re hungry.” Esme added.

I could see a nervous look on Bella’s face, I probably should’ve told her they would cook for her. 

“Y-yeah absolutely.”

“She already ate.” Edward said, a tinge of attitude in his voice.

Rosalie stood there, anger was all of her face. She smashed the bowl she was holding in her hand.

“Pull back Edward, you’re throwing her to the wolves!” I thought.

“Damn Rose... remind me not to piss you off again.” I said.

She had to bite down a smile.

“Perfect...” She said.

“It’s just because... I know you guys don’t eat. I didn’t want to put you into any trouble.”

“Of course, that is very considerate of you.” Esme comforted.

“Just ignore Rosalie, I do.” Edward said.

“Yeah, let’s just keep pretending that this isn’t dangerous for all of us.”

“Look, I would never tell anybody about you guys... Besides, Fleur knows and you trust her.”

“It’s because I pick up a good energy from her... I know I can trust her with anything I tell her. She’s not a backstabber, she’s told me some of the stuff you’ve done. I’m sorry but, it made me sick the way you use to treat her. I hated seeing how upset she got telling the things you and your mother said to her”

My eyes widened before looking down at my legs... maybe me being here just reminded them of some of the things I told them. I wasn’t being much help to Bella right now. Jasper sensing my nerves rising, calmed them down. My uncomfortable mood slowly simmering down.

“Rosalie, stop... don’t worry Bella, she knows you wouldn’t say anything about us to anyone.” Carlisle said.

“Well, the problem not is, you two have gone public now so...”

“Emmett.” Esme interrupted.” 

“No, she should know. The entire family could get implicated if this ends badly.”

“Badly, as in... I would become the meal.”

All of the Cullens in the house except for Rosalie and Esme started to laugh. I heard a few thumps before I saw Alice and Dean enter the room.

“Hi, Bella... I’m Alice.” Alice jogged toward Bella, giving her a hug.

“Hi.”

“Gosh, you do smell good.”

“Alice what’re you.”

“Don’t worry... Bella and I are going to be great friends.”

Dean looked like he was struggling to say something. I could tell he was uncomfortable to be around Bella right now.

“It-it’s a p-pleasure to meet you.” He said.

“Don’t mind Dean, he and Jasper are our newest vegetarians.” 

“It’s okay Dean, you won’t hurt her.”

The expression on Edward’s face made me want to laugh.

“Okay well, I’m going to show her around the house.”

“Okay.” Bella mumbled.

“I’ll see you soon.” Alice said.

“Okay.” Bella said again.

“So cute!” Esme gushed.

“I know!” Alice said in agreement.

“I think that went well.” Carlisle added.

“Rose, clean this up... now.” Esme said.

I leaned back into the couch, sinking into it. Jasper put his arm around my shoulder. “What an interesting visit.” I thought to myself.

Another day came and went by, Bella and I were on our way to the diner. It had been so long since I had been down there. I was in the passengers seat of her truck. I thought since we were going to the same place, we should probably drive in the same vehicle... During out drive she started talking about how Edward had been watching her sleep for months.

“Are you serious Bella? That’s kinda creepy.”

“I’m sure you have Jasper in your room with you at night.”

“Yeah but, he always asks me before he goes in there. We plan stuff like that out... He should be coming later tonight actually.”

“Okay... you have a point there.”

When we arrived at the diner and got out of the truck Mike approached us...

“Hey, you and Cullen huh? I don’t like it... I mean he looked at you like you’re something to eat.”

Bella and I looked at each other and smirked... he had no idea how correct he was in that statement. We walked past him and entered the dinner, dad was already waiting for us.

“Hey I hope you two don’t mind I ordered food for you guys already. I got you Bells a Spinach Salad and I got you a burger Fleur.”

“Yeah that sounds good.” I said.

“Good picks dad. Even though, you should get a salad like me next time... cut back the steak.” Bella said.

“Hey, I’m as healthy as a horse.”

"Hey , Chief, the boys want to know... did you find anything by Queets river today?"  The waitress asked.

"Yeah, we found a bare human footprint... but it looks like whoever it is is headed east... the Kisap County Sheriff is gonna take over from here."

 "Okay, I hope whoever it is... they get them fast." The waitress then walked away, a group of men started talking within there group.

I turned around hearing something outside, Mike was doing something to a poor bush outside. I nudged Bella, trying to get her attention.

“Hey, someone’s flagging you outside.”

“It seems that Newton boys got a big smile for you.” Dad added.

Bella looked, and then turned back around, her face looked horrified.

“You can join them if you want.” I said smirking.

“Shut up you jerk... Mike is a good buddy though.” She said back.

Dad face flushed slightly... as if what he was going to say next was embarrassing.

“W-what about any other of the yahoo’s in town?”

“Dad... we aren’t going to talk about boys are we?” Bella said, her face starting to turn red too.”

“I guess not... with you at least.... How is everything going with you and Jasper, Fleur?”

I looked up confused, how did conversation about Bella’s relationships get turn into one about mine.

“It’s going well.”

“Good, I noticed you’ve been spending a lot more time with him lately. That car ride you took was a long one.”

“Oh yeah we drove out for a while... we looked at the stars... it was really nice. He told me I seemed stress and just decided to take me somewhere.” I said, I looked down at my hands while smiling.

Dad seeing this smiled too.

“I always liked that boy, you got yourself I good one.”

“I know I do.” I said finally looking up at him.

“I was only bringing up boys with you Bella because... I feel like I leave you alone too much.”

“I don’t mind being alone dad, I’m like you in that way.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

Timeskip: Later that night.

I was in my room, thinking about what dad had said earlier... He found a bare human footprint in the woods. Could it of been the same footprint of the woman who’s body I seemed to be suck in during my dreams? Or could it of been someone else entirely? The wind from my open window got harsher for a second, I then heard a familiar soft thud on my floor. I turned my head, locking my eyes with his.

“What’s going on in that head of yours love?” Jasper asked

“Just thinking of something my dad said earlier...”

“What is it?”

“My dad said he found a bare human footprint down at Queets river today... He said it was heading east. Have you guys found anything yet?”

“No, we haven’t found anything, it’s starting to get frustrating. Have you had anymore dreams about those vampires?” 

“Nope... if it is them though, I have a feeling that print was just a trap to throw them off course.”

“I do too... hey, my family and I plan on playing baseball tomorrow, since Edward is inviting Bella... I thought you could come too.”

“Yes, I would love too, watching Emmett climb and crash into things is my favorite part of the game. That and all those tricks you do with the bat.”

“It’s a plan then, I’ll pick you up tomorrow.”

“Sounds good.” I pecked his lips before getting comfortable in my bed, I was still a human... I needed some sleep. I laid there, Jasper behind me holding close.

“Tomorrow is going to be a fun day.” I thought to myself, before drifting off to sleep.

[gascon-en-exil]

I'll admit I've never been interested in GoT books or the show, thus I'm not too interested in HotD either. But what issues do you think these shows (and books too) had re: portraying gay characters and treating them poorly in the narrative?

Given your opinions on House of the Dragon's handling of Laenor and Joffery's relationship, what do you think of Game of Thrones' queer content?

Combining these as they're similar.

I'll start out by saying that I've never read anything by GRRM, so my comments here are only reflective of the TV adaptations. From all that I have seen I know that GRRM has a history of defending the presence of certain elements in his work - including homophobia, women getting married very young, and sexual violence toward women - as something appropriate for the time period that he's depicting (or a fantasy equivalent thereof). Your mileage will definitely vary as to whether you think that defense holds up, but he does seem to be sticking to his guns judging by what we've seen of HotD which is adapted from a novel published only four years ago - well into the time where GoT had garnered major acclaim but also criticism for how it handles such subjects. I went into GoT knowing that it's the sort of media property where almost everyone is terrible and also almost everyone dies, and that that there's a bleakness to the storytelling that it's never about finding someone to root for or hoping that your favorite characters will get happy endings so much as enjoying the carnage as it goes down.

As for specifics, I think the first season and a half of GoT does a decently good job at developing Loras and Renly's relationship, and even gives them two intimate scenes which certainly stand out in the earlier seasons' abundant use of female nudity. Then Renly is killed off, more or less exactly as he is in the book as I understand it, and from that point on fans seem divided on whether Loras eventually taking a new lover in the show was a good thing or not. Personally I regard that choice more positively, because it doesn't enshrine gay relationships as purer and more romantic than straight ones (in a way that coincidentally prevents the need to show a gay relationship anymore), but I understand why book readers especially take issue with that. What I'm less fond of is how Loras and Olyvar become the victims of Cersei's new puritanical allies the Faith Militant in season 5, and how the discomfort of his trial (which sees both him and his sister imprisoned while Olyvar...vanishes from the plot) is overshadowed because it's in the same episode where Sansa is raped, an infamously horrible and despised moment. By that point I've pretty much checked out of GoT's gay content, content instead to follow Cersei through her repeated highs and lows as she continues to do entertainingly terrible things and reap the consequences of her actions in entertaining ways.

Those aren't the only queer characters in the show; Oberyn is a bisexual delight for his single season and gets to enjoy himself onscreen with both women and men, and there's like two scenes where Yara being a lesbian is referenced, but it's all very sparse and hard to get invested in when everyone keeps dying. I continue to be amused however by the not-really-serious implication in the show's final shots that Jon and Tormund are a couple going north with their pet direwolf and their Free Folk family, and how Jonmund shippers take this in stride as perhaps the only people to have anything nice to say about the last episode. That's more of fandom taking subtext and running with it though, and while that's certainly very fun in its own right it's not quite the same thing.

So far HotD looks to be much the same: gay content, when it exists, is light and not developed well, and the show loves its dramatic deaths too much for me to bother getting attached to any but the most significant characters who I know are going to be around for a while thanks to wikis and such. If you're looking for fantasy with gay content specifically, I would not recommend either show; their entertainment value lies elsewhere, and if there are occasionally gay people in them that's more of a minor perk.

[shimmershae]

Just a few random thoughts and observations about Daryl’s Origins episode.

Basically my stream of consciousness bullshit brought over from Twitter, lol.  I almost didn’t watch the episode after seeing all the drama over there, but ultimately I decided to because frankly?  I don’t trust certain fans’ perceptions of events.  For reasons.  It’s best, I feel, to always watch with your own eyes and form your own independent opinions because this fandom is teeming with people that delight in tormenting other fans by being very selective and oftentimes downright misrepresentative about what they pass along.  

More under the cut because this is random and all over the place and basically excerpts of my live blogging while watching the special.  Did I mention it’s random?  

You know.  It sure would be nice not going into one of these things so apprehensive.  Maybe one day, hmm?  

First things first.  From the very beginning of this Origins episode, I’m reminded of two things:  1).  Our introduction to Daryl, his colorful Dixonese, and his particular brand of humor certainly stands out as one of show's more memorable introductions.  2).  TWD certainly regressed on the deer front. I mean.  Daryl's deer>Richonne's deer.

I’m never going to get over "On Golden Pond."  Never ever and look.  I actually liked Dale but Daryl spitting those words at him still makes me laugh until I'm weak.

Daryl's still searching all these years later.  Or is he?  Really?  Seems to me the man's found exactly what he's been looking for and he's been chasing it since he came back from those woods:  a future with his soulmate.  The one that happens to be his best friend.  OFC, I’m talking about Carol. Who else?  

How pretty and soft are baby Daryl and Carol?  Too pretty and soft for this tired heart to withstand.  Like I love all versions of them, but baby Daryl and Carol just hit different.  

My immediate thought re: the Beth comment-- Misreads the situation?  WTF?  Whoever wrote this script just had to re-inject some eww into the narrative didn't they?  All those damn dirty spoons.  Ever think about how much it probably reeks in that office space?

Moving along, though.  Here’s some real facts.  Carol is so intrinsically woven into the fabric of Daryl's story, the only way she can be removed is if they are literally both destroyed and cease to exist.  Something happens to Carol?  The man is going to be a reanimated body without a heartbeat.  Basically a Walker.

 An aside, I know they're not making me rewatch a scene I haven't watched since the first time it aired.  The way Negan's head bashing tendencies had me seeing red and wanting that barbed wire bat shoved up his ass every time I saw his face.  My JDM love really took a serious hit for awhile.  I'm never going to forgive the character that hateful act.  I just can't.

Somehow I wasn't expecting this to be a teleprompter-fest.  Like who wrote this script?  Hmm.   Sorry.  Don't mind me.  Lost in my thoughts per usual. You know.  It still strikes me as hella insensitive that Rick had Daryl leading the Sanctuary community knowing what he suffered there.  There's no way Daryl would have returned that kind of favor.  

Yep.  Leah still feels tacked on last minute.  A means to an end.  Sigh.   They completely glossed her over here.  Too bad they had that lapse in judgment with some other toxic waste.  I cannot believe they touched that with a ten foot pole.  It's just cringe-worthy and wrong.

"Daryl can't say no to Carol."  They say those words and I’m like “Join the club, my dude.  Join the club, lol.”  

You know.  All the Carol-related moments in this Daryl Dixon recap speak for themselves.  She's his person, dammit.

Okay though.  That reunion in the tall grass with the sun shining on them all golden and picturesque, after Alpha’s taken Daryl to show him her horde?  That's some romance novel shit right there.  "Look at me.  Just look at me."   I'm never going to recover from that moment or the discovery of Sophia.  They break my heart so.  

This recap is literally 2/3's Carol and the other 1/3 Rick and everybody else.  I mean.  It's so obvious.  Utterly and completely misrepresented by some agenda-driven folks.  

"We have a future."   Oh.  Just some pretty, meaningless words you say everyday to all your friends, lol.   Just friends my whole entire ass.  

"I'm never gonna hate you."  Okay, AMC.  Back up all the talk with some action that even the most willfully blind cannot deny, m'kay?  Because they're not going to buy it until you're explicit about it.  Just saying.

The amount of times "Carol" has left this man's mouth during this recap, lol, and some people keep wanting to ignore it. 

Aww.  Guess who they showed when Daryl mentioned family?  How sweet.  And when they mentioned purpose in connection with C0nnie, it was not any indication of romance, IMHO.  

Let me explain.  

By the time C0nnie is lost,  Daryl’s floundering because he feels he hasn’t been able to help Carol despite giving it all and pushing back his previously established comfort zone(s).  Enter these pair of sisters.  And they put him in mind of the good parts of him and Merle.  Probably they make him remember  the Greene girls when things were good and hopeful before they went sideways.  In some small way, he’s probably reminded of other family units like Rick and Carl and Lori and Carol and Sophia and later Henry.  And all of those people have something in common.  Well, besides being people Daryl has known and cared for.  They’ve seen their family units fractured and/or destroyed by tragedies wrought by the world they live in.   They made a point and emphasized that Daryl’s a searcher and also that family matters to him.  In some way or form he’s been doing his best to help repair or reunite all these different family members since the beginning and ultimately he’s failed to succeed each time.  So yeah.  He’s been given a purpose in a time of uncertainty again with her because this time he’s determined to get it right.  This time he wants to bring the two sisters back together the way he couldn’t do for the Greene girls.  Like I did not, do not read anything romantic at all into that comment. Just my take on things.  Obviously, everyone else’s mileage may vary.  I’ll step off my soapbox now.  Hopefully, maybe these words might comfort.  

So relax, lovelies.  It wasn't as bad as I feared.  Sure, they could have left that one icky comment out but they didn't and honestly?  I don't think it's a positive for that particular 'relationship' because it's something that's brought up to show just how messed up Daryl was.  Because grown men that have their heads on straight don't usually have those type of misreads.  They know they are inappropriate.  Like I'm not putting Daryl into the pedo category because I don't feel like he belongs there.  But I can see how him being so emotionally stunted and naive so far as interpersonal relationships and the nuances of friendship and non-toxic family could lend itself to him maybe reading more into those moments than were really there and not really knowing how to deal.  

Whoever wrote that teleprompter script though?  That particular asshole is probably grinning like a donkey with a mouth full of briars at all the unnecessary drama they stirred up yet again. Like newsflash, goober.  There are better ways to foster interest in your show.

They should hire a team of fans to do the promotion.  Fans that represent all factions of this fractured fandom so the promotion is well-rounded and not so heavily slanted toward any one of them but the diverse fandom as a whole.

Stop fanning the stupid ship wars and just celebrate the damn characters and the overall story.   Nothing new or groundbreaking to see on this first Origins story but hey.  Who doesn't mind a decent recap now and then?  That said, don't sweat not having AMC+ or feel like you missed all that much because you didn't.

I do have to say.  Them pretending B3th was the first girl to be nice to Daryl really had me going WTF.  

I mean, there’s this little exchange from Carol, the first woman to be nice to Daryl, probably the first person from the group--

"You're every bit as good as them.  Every bit."   

  AMC?  TWD?  Do you even watch your own show?  

There you have it.  My bullshit stream of consciousness, originally posted over on Twitter as I liveblogged the show.  Hope you got something helpful or of entertainment value from this.  

Goodnight, lovelies.  

Until next time.  

[princeescaluswords]

Invalidating Interpretations

I’ve been on a tear recently about my view that people’s belief in ‘all interpretations are valid’ not only misrepresents what interpretation means but also serves as a cover for racism, sexism, and other immoralities.  Fandom has lionized the idea that the consumption of media can be solely an emotional exercise which comes with no responsibility whatsoever.  On a certain level that’s true -- when a person sits in their home and thinks ‘wouldn’t it be cool if Stiles Stilinski was actually a god’ it has no consequence beyond their own entertainment.

But the problem is that it doesn’t remain there.  People are shaped by the media they consume, unless you don’t think any politician has allowed media’s representation of life in the 1950s to inform their vision of how the world should be.  I don’t think it would be very hard to find real examples of people’s ideology conforming to a fictional representation.  How many people’s ideas about the colonial-era relationship between European settlers and indigenous natives were formed by the story of the first Thanksgiving?  

We are influenced by the stories we consume, and we influence others by the stories we tell.  That bears with it responsibility, whether the story is on MTV or AO3 or Tumblr or any other public space.   This means that the interpretation of those stories should not simply depend on emotional response.  Anyone can tell canon to go f*ck itself, but that action brings with it commensurate responsibilities depending on what they do afterwards.

Let me give you two examples of what I’m talking about from my own fandom and use it illustrate this. 

Derek Hale held the act of turning someone into the werewolf in high regard -- “The Bite is a gift” -- which made Scott forcing him to Bite Gerard especially heinous.  This interpretation is not only unsupported but it is also used as a cover for racism and abuse apologism.  

The phrase was uttered three times on the show -- once by Derek in Wolf Moon (1x01), once by Peter in Visionary (3x08), and once by Scott in The Benefactor (4x04).  Every single time it was used to manipulate others, and none of them were sincere.  Derek used it to try to get Scott to help him find the person who murdered his sister; Peter used it to get Derek to ask Ennis to bite Paige; and Scott used it to try to repair the damage he did to his and Liam’s relationship by panicking after Biting Liam in Muted (4x03).   None of them meant it.  

Derek did not believe that the Bite was a gift, because his actions didn’t treat it as a gift.  When telling Scott how cool being a werewolf was didn’t make Scott do what he said, he abandoned the gift approach and told Scott how being a werewolf would endanger everyone he cared about.  If the act of the Bite is  something solemn and sacred, why did he charge Jackson like a horror-movie villain and then how did Jackson get in the lake?   When Jackson rejected the Bite on his way to Kanima-dom, why did Derek abandon him?  Why did he not get angry when Scott accused him of Biting Jackson to kill him? Why did he give the Bite to some kid he met in a graveyard when chasing an omega?  Why did Derek not even check on Lydia until Venomous (2x05), six episodes after Peter gave her the gift?  Why did Derek Bite Victoria in the middle of a battle? Derek didn’t treat his betas as if he had given them a gift.  He didn’t object when Peter described the Bite as “increasing his power and numbers?”  There is not a single instance where born-wolf Derek treated the Bite as special.  

Why then is the interpretation that Derek held the Bite as a sacrament so popular?  Because it justifies their racist condemnation of Scott as hero and justifies Peter’s and Derek’s abuse of Scott.  Scott’s antipathy toward lycanthropy is not a reasonable reaction of a teenager who had been told that not only his life is now and will forever be in danger, but he will also become a threat to everyone he cares about, but instead  it becomes ingratitude.  And of course, it allows them to dismiss the reality that Scott had little agency in that scene in Master Plan (2x12), that he was being forced to do Gerard’s bidding, and to concentrate on intensifying the violation of Derek (when they aren’t busy trying to turn it into rape).   

It also a defense for Peter’s and Derek’s abuse of Scott.  Scott’s lycanthropy stops being something horrible that happened to him, and starts being a reciprocal obligation he has to Derek and Peter.  Derek isn’t stalking and manipulating Scott into helping him find Laura’s killer, he’s punishing him for being ungrateful.  Peter didn’t ruin a teenager’s life and then gloat about it; he gave him a gift.   If you treat Scott’s Bite as a “monkey’s paw” scenario -- as one racist anon did -- then he’s simply got what he wanted and is unhappy about it.  Derek and Peter shouldn’t have to waste time being kind to this selfish prick.  Derek lying to Scott about the cure isn’t that bad if Scott insulted the Gift that he no longer wanted.

The above interpretation is unsupported by any actual scene or any actual script excerpt or anything really, but it does serve the purpose of excusing Hale-style abuse and undermining Scott’s position as heroic protagonist.

Scott McCall had a strict no-killing possibility which was a result of his own sense of moral superiority and a black-and-white view of the world.  This interpretation is not only directly contradicted by canon but it is a fundamental aspect of the racist idea of the Left Hand, by which is meant that White Men Can Kill Whomever They Want.  

Scott McCall didn’t have a strict no-killing policy.  Not in Season 1, not in Season 6.  He didn’t get upset at Derek for killing Peter (he got upset because Derek deceived him about the cure) or mourn Kate’s death, in Season 1.  He didn’t stop Derek or Peter from killing Gerard in Season 2.  He did object to Derek executing Lydia and Jackson for things that were beyond their control.  His rise to being a True Alpha in Season 3A wasn’t due to him not being willing to kill; his rise to True Alpha was partly due to his refusal to let others manipulate him into killing.  He was certainly willing to threaten Gerard and Jennifer with death.   He didn’t argue that killing the Oni was wrong in Season 3B; he did argue that killing Stiles was wrong.  He didn’t hold his father in contempt for killing the Chemist, or get upset about dead Berserkers, or tell Satomi, Chris, Derek or Braeden not to use lethal force again the hunters-turned-assassins.  His objection in Season 5 was about -- once again -- killing those taken and turned against their will into monsters.  The show literally addressed this in The Beast of Beacon Hills (5x19):

Scott: Deucalion? You shouldn't trust him. 

Theo: And you're the one who let him live. 

Scott: I'm not a murderer. 

Theo: You still think you're gonna get through all this without killing anyone? 

Scott: I didn't say that.

He didn’t say that.  He never said “no killing, ever.”  Derek had killed.  Chris had killed.  Theo had definitely killed, including him.  Stiles had killed.  He didn’t consign them into the outer dark.  He didn’t refuse to work with them or listen to them.  

This ‘interpretation’ is about nothing less than justifying Peter’s murderous behavior and Derek’s attempted imitation.  By pushing Scott’s moral stance to an unrealistic extreme, they try to demonstrate it as unworkable and arrogant, even in the face of evidence to the contrary.  The problem is that they’re not doing this to ask serious questions about when it is a valid option to kill; they’re doing it to justify Peter’s and Derek’s and Stiles’s supposed (but not real) and Theo’s and sometimes even Deucalion’s casual approach to murder.  They re-interpret a nuanced position about the value of every individual life into a some sort of arrogant white knight platitude.

And they will do this, even if they have to discard 90% of canon, if that is what it takes to enable Sexy White Men (and only Sexy White Men -- they never use this to justify Kali, or Monroe, or Gerard, or the Doctors) to be treated as the heroic protagonist in their tales.   That’s why, mysteriously, in all those Steter fictions where they execute Scott for not being willing to kill (in one of the most ironic tropes in history, which has become quite popular), they never have Stiles or Peter kill police officers for objecting to their murder sprees.  They never have Stiles shoot down deputies saying “you would stop me from protecting who I love, you must die!”  Weird, isn’t it?

It’s not weird at all.  These interpretations are not meant to be serious investigations of the production; they’re meant to serve emotional needs which if they admitted openly might subject them to censure, and rightly so.   In conclusion, not all interpretations are valid.  

[kherohi]

Newcomer’s impression of Nijisanji (October 2020)

When I first started watching Nijisanji clips at the start of October 2020, it only took me a few days to realize that there was no coming back - barring a life-changing event, there was no way I would stop watching them in the next few years.

I decided to go through the Nijisanji official website with my one-week’s worth of clip-watching and record my thoughts on each liver so that I would have something to look back on. My knowledge back then was completely based off the clips I watched, so it’s interesting to see how absolutely skewed some of my impressions were.

I also added some of my current thoughts now that I’m one year in. Maybe next year I’ll look back and wonder how the heck I ever thought some of these things.

Disclaimer: I’m not thinking too hard when I write this stuff. It’s opinion, not fact.

Below are the livers that I could recognize and name on the official website. I’ve kept the name as I remember them, so some of them might be nicknames depending on how I knew them.

(The entries were written progressively from one week to one month of starting to watch Nijisanji.)

Tsukino Mito: She’s the Iinchou! She seems to have been around for a long time. She’s very popular. Since she’s been around for a while, she has inspired other people to join Nijisanji. One of these is Kenmochi Touya, who she self-proclaimed as her son. I don’t know much about her content, but she has a nice voice and it seems that she can sing as well.

I didn’t yet know just how influential she was, but I knew enough to include it in the description. Although I don’t really watch her, I do occasionally check out clips and it’s interesting to see what she comes up with.

Himawari: She’s cute and stupid! In the Dokuzuhonsha family she’s the older sister. She’s very positive. Though I’ve seen her often in collabs, I haven’t seen many clips of her own content. I can’t add much except for her airheaded-ness. She has great sibling interactions with Kuzuha.

This description was clearly based on watching Dokuzuhonsha clips, haha. But I still agree about her positivity! Now I think of her as hard-working and very kind!

Sasaki Saku: She is well-known for her panda outfit, but she has different outfits now. She can be quite ruthless... though that’s a common trait among Nijisanji livers. Although I can’t think of anything in particular to say about her, I do like her and if there’s an interesting looking video with her, I’d like to click it.

Why did I have an image that Nijisanji is ruthless? For that matter, I wonder what clip gave me the impression that Sasaki is ruthless. Well, she can be blunt and a bit of a brat.

Kuzuha: This famous guy. He’s a vampire - he’s lived for a long time. He’s socially awkward and makes sudden non-sequitors in his solo streams. He forms a unit called ChroNoiR with Kanae. He sings by himself and with ChroNoiR. In the Dokuzuhonsha family he’s the younger brother. After collabing with Ritsuki and the awkward conversations that ensued, the weather deck was created. His video thumbnails mostly look the same (red). His streams primarily have to do with gaming. He’s fun to watch and he’s good at games.

I pretty much agree with this one. I watched a lot of Kuzuha clips in my first week, so the impression was pretty accurate. Congrats on 1M subscribers! He’s going far!

Kanae: He’s a person that bullies people in a comedic way. Lots of people like him, but they are understandably wary of him because he has a tendency to use his friends as bait. He has a psychopath side that he plays up to scare others. He’s very calm most of the time, but can get heated in FPS. His character is someone with amnesia. He’s never uncomfortable - he can take things as they come. He’s friends with Kuzuha. He’s also very good at games. He can lie with a straight face. I really like his videos. I’d like to watch more. His cat plush is Roto.

There were definitely a lot of clips of Kanae playing pranks on people. It ended up being half of this description lol. I can’t say it’s wrong, but there’s certainly more to Kanae than pranks. Now he gives me a feeling of motivation for self-improvement.

Lize: I’ve seen her in a few collabs. I like her design. I haven’t seen her enough to form a proper opinion and haven’t started diving into her content at all. She’s cute though and I would be interested in seeing what she does.

I still haven’t watched her too much even after all this time, but now I have the impression that she has interesting talks. Also, she likes Mito.

Ange: I’ve seen her a few times. Not a huge impression, but she seems fun and plays off well with others possibly? I would be interested in watching more of her.

“plays off well with others” - she’s a bit awkward, but that makes it more fun to watch. Her interaction with male members is funny to watch.

Shiishii: She’s cute! a cute voice too! I don’t think I’d watch her solo, but I think she would be good in collabs. I don’t know much about her.

Kinda rude to say I wouldn’t watch her solo? Though true enough, I have just been watching her in collabs. Too many livers in Nijisanji. >_<

Utako: I saw Mayu look through her profile, so I know about her love of BL, shota, and all degeneracy like that. Any video with her about those topics are bound to be fun. That’s what I like about Nijisanji! Shotacon allies with Akina.

I’ve only come to learn more about her degeneracy, and it’s consistent with my expectations. I only hear about them on the side though - haven’t gotten to the point of actually watching the streams.

Ryushen: Gender: unknown. Ryushen is cool, though I haven’t seen too much of them. I haven’t thought of watching any solo content for Ryushen. Probably would only watch if it was a collab with someone else I know.

I recognized Ryushen enough to think they were cool, but I didn’t mention singing at all!? How did I manage that?? Now Ryushen = good at singing and interesting content to me.

Ars: She is very very shy. She’s also cute though. She has a very cute voice. She seems to have a master-disciple relationship with Ex Albio based on Minecraft. Their interactions are very entertaining. Would like to see more of it.

There’s been some amount of Ebimaru content, past me would be happy - present me is happy. I watch her Minecraft streams occasionally. She’s really good at building stuff.

Yashiro: IT employee! A totally normal human. His streams seem pretty mellow... well, the only one I say was a fetish-adding dice game... But it was very fun! In the Dokuzuhonsha family, he’s the dad. He’s pretty conscientious and responsible. He also got drunk and fell asleep on stream. I like watching him, especially when he has fun with the other adults (Kagami, Chaika, Yumeoi)

I agree with this description. That fetish-adding dice game stream sure was fun. I’d nearly forgotten about it. I feel the need to mention rhythm games though.

Chihiro: She is very good at APEX. She was in a tournament with Kanae and Kuzuha as teammates and they got pretty far. She can be serious which shows how much she cares. She has a cute voice. I would click a video with if it looked interesting.

Chihiro = APEX. It only takes a week to figure that out huh.

Hoshikawa Sara: I know her from Minecraft collabs with Kanae. They’re like siblings. She’s always laughing. Her voice can be kind of annoying, but that’s the sort of annoying little sister vibe she gives me. She likes teasing people by calling them papa (Kanae and Yumeoi). When I watch her I know the tension will be high.

I still agree with this. The papa teasing is reserved for Yumeoi though. She has a lot of covers out though!

Kagami Hayato: CEO of Kagami Industrials/whatever company. Fans love giving him money. He gets easily flustered. He always speaks politely. He gets teased a lot and I like watching him as he gets teased and tries to stop it. He’s very pure. That all said, he does have a violent side (as expected of Nijisanji). In Ark, he wanted to start a war and really went all in for that. When he played Forest with Yumeoi, he got used to killing stuff. He also likes metal and has a great scream. I like how he is with the people he debuted with. He’s like a papa. He also sings and has model building streams. He’s not good at playing FPS. He feels a bit of rivalry with Chaika, but admires him. Also, Minecraft underground.

This description was just a dump of all the clips I watched about him wasn’t it? Haha, the first half is a good description still. I still like his voice and gap.

Debi Debi Debiru: A god? A devil? In any case, Debidebi Debiru is basically a religion? a cult? They are pretty small. They have a very unique voice. Beyond that, I don’t really know too much about them. They seem to have been around for a long time. A senpai to others.

What was I thinking when I wrote this? Well, now Debi is just a koala to me. A really impressive 3D though.

Belmond Banderas: This guy is a man among men. Awesome deep voice. He’s got a very cool vibe - I think lots of people must think he’s cool. I don’t know too much else. I’ve seen a few videos with him in them. His voice is so deep! He once had a collab with Sasaki Saku in Minecraft?

He’s not only cool, but nice too! But the strongest impression is still his voice.

Gundou Mirei: I know her mostly due to her ship with Kanda - GunKan. She’s a teacher in the virtual world and real world. She was once found out by her students since she uses the same voice. She likes money. She’s a tsundere type. GunKan is a popular ship. Hoshikawa ships them and at least once pretended to be their child.

lol I don’t remember why I wrote that she likes money.

Mayuzumi Kai: His character is a hacker. His greeting is Domo. When he first joined Nijisanji he did streams where he read through the Nijisanji members’ profiles to get to know them. He was tied with Debidebi as best communication skills by Nijisanji staff. He’s got a really calm demeanor. Low energy. His English pronunciation is very good. He’s the type to play tricks on his colleagues, it seems (summer festival with the puff fish). He is a group called BLUE with Ars and someone else... Lize? I like what I’ve seen of him so far. He wants to be more popular with female viewers.

It started off well. Then Blues... It’s Uiha! Uiha is the third member! I clearly just picked a character with a somewhat blue colour. I also didn’t seem to be aware of the whole 2434 system thing yet. Now I see him as someone interesting and responsible. I sometimes listen to his zatsudan before sleeping since he has such a calm voice.

Hanabatake Chaika: He wears a maid outfit. He’s very eccentric. He references Jojo a lot. He’s on good terms with Kagami. He seems to be pretty successful. He even has his own card. His streams seem fun, especially his 3D streams. There seems to be a fluffy pink thing that he interacts with in 3D streams.

The mention of his 3D streams is good! Agreed!

Dola: A fire drake. In the Dokuzuhonsha family, she’s the mother. She’s good at singing and dancing. She’s weak to horror, but not as much as Kuzuha. Her famous quote is “o cha wo nomimasu”. She has a nice dynamic with Yashiro.

Another description that was written mostly based on Dokuzuhonsha clips, I believe. And the o cha wo nomimasu clip.

Joker: I only know him from the twister game. He seems to talk about dicks a lot?

I fell for the Joker reading. It’s Joe Rikiichi! Also, this is what happens when you try to describe someone with only one clip. Now he’s someone too cultured for me to understand. And he has a really good singing voice.

Ex Albio: The hero! He’s apparently quite lucky. He gives off the vibe of a main character who starts out clueless but gradually gets stronger. His Minecraft arc with his master Ars is very entertaining. His content seems to be very fun. I would like to watch more videos about him... In particular, I’m curious about his Minecraft house.

This is very based on Minecraft videos. But somehow I also knew about his luck. Recently, I have been enjoying his kusoge streams, so I definitely agree that his content is very fun. He somehow makes stupid games look so fun (I absolutely won’t play them myself though).

Kenmochi Toya: The lolicon master! Though it appears he’s also okay with shotas. He’s often shipped with Gaku as Togabito. He loves lolis. He does some skits with himself (Touko, Marshmallows). He’s an entertaining guy to watch. He made a bet with an artist vtuber and got her to make a loli stream. He’s good at tetris.

So much loli in this description lol. The shota mention is from Aki. That last comment about tetris is absolutely just from the clip with Shigure Ui. I’ve been watching more Kenmochi lately - he is very entertaining to watch. He keeps my attention easily when I watch him.

Alice: She seems to have been around for a while. All I know about her is that she’s learning how to play the acoustic guitar, so Kuzuha declared her as a guitar rival.

Now I know her as the liver that’s more popular on Bilibili than Youtube.

Saegusa Akina: His dream is to go to Budokan. He’s a huge Kanae fan and hangs out with him off stream often. He’s a shotacon. He sings well. He’s paired with Aizono to make Benizuwaigani. Their first meeting was very teetee and they ate cake and exchanged gifts on Christmas eve. Very teetee. He apparently calls Shellin master in Minecraft. I’m curious about that.

I pretty much agree with this, but there should be more emphasis on how good he is at singing!

Yumeoi Kakeru: He’s ranked 1st among Nijisanji staff for best communication. He’s very well-spoken. In Forest streams with Kagami, he shows off his psychopath side by happily killing all manner of living beings. He enjoys teasing too. He also sings. I don’t know much else, but I enjoy watching him.

Again, why is the singing an afterthought? His identity is singer songwriter after all. I also need to mention his machine gun speech though.

Kazaki Morinaka: She’s a loli but can also transform into an adult form. That’s the extent of my knowledge.

This is true. I mostly know her personality from Morigusa collabs and I also like her singing now too!

Ibrahim: The oil prince. He’s a merchant type. He likes money. His place is Minecraft has elaborate architecture. He sometimes plays with Kanae and Kuzuha which is where I first saw him. He joined the Alpha Slayers in ARK after some water disputes. He’s a pretty interesting guy overall. He’s got text-to-speech for his superchats.

I really like Ibrahim now! He’s seriously a really nice person. He’s also somehow able to be really cute! I like how his streams are straightforward and interesting. I like how he interacts with his viewers too. He gives a close sort of feeling.

Melissa: I saw a video with her playing FPS with Kanae maybe? But I don’t remember much about her.

Whoa! How is there not a single mention of singing?? Also that was probably the clip with Kuzuha I was thinking of. But no singing???? Now, it’s pretty much all that I know her for. Her singing voice is actually amazing!

Fuwa: His character is a host. He can sing well. I’ve listened to his Call Boy? a bunch. I actually haven’t watched many of his videos, but would like to look into him more eventually.

I’ve gotten hooked on Fuwa! So I’ve definitely looked into him more! I still really like Call Boy. I absolutely loved his 3D though! I watched it so many times! And I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve listened to the 3D live song clips that he uploaded separately. His personality is so good! His expressiveness and energy! I also really like how hard he tries and how he always tries to do his best to make his viewers happy. He streams so much that I can’t keep up with him too well though. x_X

Ririmu: She has a very unique voice. Her character is a demon or devil maybe. Something supernatural. She has a pairing with Uzuki Kou. I don’t watch her though, so I don’t know much else. She has a unique voice.

She’s a succubus! I’ve watched a couple of streams with her. Not enough to get a good grasp of her character, but Pacific Ririmu was hilarious! I got to see a lot of different interactions there, but considering the rules of the stream, it isn’t exactly reflective of her true interactions with others.

Ritsuki: She’s a very elaborate builder in Minecraft though she started as a beginner. Her character is an alien, so she experimented on stuff. She likes to create things that will be used by everyone like the summer festival location. She’s a good girl. A bit shy. It was during her collab with Kuzuha that he first used the weather deck. I’d like to see more of her Minecraft creations.

I haven’t seen much of her Minecraft still!! Her museum is really impressive though.

Shellin: His character is a detective. He looks cool. He seems good with people. For some reason he was a protected person in ARK and he got kidnapped by the Alpha Slayers. Shellin can be really loud which contrasts with his soft voice. He talks to himself even when alone. He’s funny to watch, but I can’t find many videos with him.

Right now, I’m looking forward to whatever he’s planning for the 3D debut. The most I’ve seen him is from the Iiheya netto radio. Or does narration for Lever Gacha count? I like his interactions with Kaida! In general I like how excited he gets.

Mashiro: I don’t know much of him other than the fact he’s male but looks as cute as a girl. And he did some kind of RTA for some action game?

He’s cute for sure. And he’s also always doing something horror-related.

Kanda: He’s very cool. He’s hardworking and honest. Though he might be best known for GunKan, my first encounter with him was a subbed clip of him talking with Mayuzumi about how he wanted to be more popular with female audiences and his interest in voicing BL. I admire his drive to improve himself. He also has a background with being bullied, dropping out of school, experiencing a terrible work environment, until he finally went back to school and enjoyed it everyday. Going back to GunKan, their interactions are very fun and there’s always so much energy in their interactions. It’s fun to see his eyes. Also, he’s friends with Mayuzumi.

Kanda is really cool. His control over how he presents himself is really impressive and almost scary. I can’t forget how in his presentation about how to speak clearly he said that you should always know what you want to say before you speak.

Uzuki Kou: I haven’t watched many videos of him. He’s a bit strange. He’s got a pairing with Ririmu. Together they are apparently pretty twisted. Beyond that, I don’t know too much about him.

I still don’t know too much about him, but he’s apparently good at speaking. Also nabe rap.

Shiba: The dog. That’s all I know.

The cute dog. Also has IRL stuff going on.

Aizono Manami: The other half of Benizuwaigani! She’s a maid. She’s really nice. She can put up well with others. She gives a big sister kind of feeling. I actually don’t know that much about her individually since most of what I see of her is in context with Akina.

I’ve seen her a bit since, but I can’t think of much else to add.

Fumi: I know her name and face. I feel like I should respect her for some reason, but I don’t remember. She is part of Sanbaka alongside Hoshikawa and someone else. She gets along well with Kanda. I don’t know much about her.

That last sentence there really couldn’t be more right! Sanbaka??? Neither of them have anything to do with that! I clearly somehow got it mixed up with Orihimeboshi somehow. What a mysterious entry... Now I know a bit about her from Fukeizai.

Nagao Kei: He’s loud and chaotic, but he’s also surprisingly smart. His loud voice is also good at singing. Actually, his streams are apparently very loud too. His voice is a bit nasally and it also sounds like Ibrahim’s voice. He’s very childish when he’s with VALZ, but with his senpai he’s more serious. He memorized the Keep talking and don’t explode manual. I want to watch that one. I also want to listen to his covers. I’d like to know more and more about Nagao Kei!

Nagao = sontaku. I have listened to his covers since and I’m interested in how far he’s going to take his lore. He comes up with a lot of unique stream ideas.

Gwelu Os Gar: A married man! He’s got a statue in Minecraft and Ark. He’s a fun guy in the collabs I’ve seen, but I don’t know much about him.

He’s somehow always involved in some interesting plan. Right now, I’m rooting for his 10-year-old PC. Endurance stream to 1M let’s go!

Suzuki Masaru: He’s a shota. He was once in a collab with Utako and Akina... that was interesting. He once came across Kanae’s slave ranch in Minecraft. Kanae was scary. Recently, I found out that Masaru has something to do with Kai Mayuzumi’s lore.

The shota that’s good at ASMR... that sort of introduction from the gasbag race is now imprinted in my mind. On the side, I also think of him as a member of Raindrops. I don’t think I’ve actually watched any of his streams (ASMR aside...).

Kasumi: She’s graduating. She’s involved with Mayuzumi’s lore.

She graduated right as I got started watching Nijisanji. I think I did see her very last stream back then.

Kaida Haru: He’s finally here! I’ve been very slowly adding to this, so it’s already be 1 month - almost - that I’ve been watching vtubers. Just about three weeks now. Kaida Haru is the one I decided to support. He has a good face and voice.

What about Kaida do I like? First of all I need to talk about his face and voice. He’s also good at guitar and singing and his taste in music is pretty similar to mine, so I know a lot of the songs he sings. His voice can be very loud and he plays with his voice a lot to make sounds. He’s bullied by a lot of people, but that’s just their way of getting along with each other. It shows how loved he is. He’s overall a really nice guy and he’s quite considerate. He can be serious too. Also, he apparently gets flamed easily.

One thing that makes me realize the passage of one year is the position of Kaida in this list. This list was ordered by the number of subscribers. Last year this time he didn’t even have 100k and now he’s got over 300k! It’s nice to continue supporting him for the past year, and I’m a happy fan. He does a lot.

Fushimi Gaku: He is friends with Kenmochi Touya and together they make Togabito. Some people ship them but they don’t especially like that. I don’t know too much about Gaku though.

Peace! I checked out OhaGaku once or twice and his Togabito stuff a bit. He feels like a nice senpai. Although I don’t really watch him, whenever I come across him (like in totsumachi) he always seems like a cool guy.

Aki Suzuya: I don’t know her

*him. Apart from Kenmochi’s obsession with him, I still don’t know him. I really, really like his cover of flos with Kenmochi though.

Kitakouji Hisui: She’s extroverted - very able to talk. I don’t know much of her. My image of her is from dogeza for breaking the lantern tree of Kaida.

She has a really cool adult form/outfit!! She also sings well. I think she’s interesting but I admit I haven’t seen much from her in the past several months.

Genzuki: This genius! He can sing, compose music, mix music, edit video, play games. He’s so powerful! Multiple instruments! Genius! He’s good at talking! Entertaining. I’m curious about the lore too. He also has a scary story about his memory. But I really like him. He’s got a very vocaloid-based library of music so very nostalgic! <3

I still admire his music so much! I’ve listened to all of his piano streams and they are very inspiring. His music stream lengths can go for a scary long time. Just listening to him talk is interesting especially when he talks about music.

Natsume: She seems nice. A good person. I know her most for the lantern tree story. She’s very cute. She just got a new outfit today.

I haven’t learned much else about her.

Kyoko Todoroki: I saw her in the singing relay. She seems nice, though I don’t know much about her.

Thanks to NijiFes, now I know she has a really good sense of fashion. And she can draw well. I haven’t seen much else of her though.

Gilzaren: I don’t know much about him, but his voice doesn’t match his model. He can also sing. I’ve listened to his songs.

I’ve managed to watch him live! It feels like an accomplishment. I’ve also spotted him in comment sections. It’s like seeing a unicorn.

Harusaki Air: The prince. He doesn’t stream much, probably because of his RL job.

I like watching him for casual streams. Since I know he has a day job, there’s a bit of a feeling of “casually playing games after work” that I like to imagine.

Naruse Naru: He does the voice drama club.

And he’s super good at Mario Kart! He’s also really cute and has a good voice. He’s been getting more popular! I still need to listen to some of the voice drama club - I’ve only listened to a couple.

Of course, there were a bunch of livers that I couldn’t name. Some are understandable, and others I wonder how I could have missed them.

Era Otogibara

Lulu Suzuhara

Kaede Higuchi

Roa

Toko Inui

Rin Shizuka

Mikoto Rindou

Rion Takamiya

Sister Claire

Kana Sukoya

Keisuke Maimoto

Rena Yorumi

Nui Sorciere

Meiji Warabeda

Machita Chima

Tamaki Fumino

Kokoro Amamiya

Furen E. Lustario

Petit Ratna

Fuyuki Hakase

Eru

Uiha Aiba

Tomoe Shirayuki

Levi Elipha

Ema August

Riri Yuuhi

Ichigo

Mugi Ienaga

Marin Hayama

Sou Hayase

Sayo Amemori

Eli Conifer

Youko Akabane

Mao Matsukai

Luis Camie

Moira

Naraka

Mahiro Yukishiro

Haruka Onomachi

Hoshizora Kirame

Yamagami Karuta

Miyako Seto

Hina

Momo Azuchi

Sango Suo

Rine Yaguruma

Kohaku

Akane Asahina

Tsumugu Kataribe

So here are my current day thoughts (very quickly written):

Era Otogibara: Graduated.

Lulu Suzuhara: Graduated.

Kaede Higuchi: Deron. She’s very rough. I mostly know her singing and the part that leaves an impression is the screaming. Also she did an anime OP.

Roa: I have only ever seen her through clips... Will she return?

Toko Inui: Super nice voice! She can sing live incredibly well!

Rin Shizuka: I get the impression she streams alone often? She does stream on twitch.

Mikoto Rindou: She is good at singing, she has a good voice (narration and speaking), she is athletic enough to dance and do a cartwheel, and she is cute. Even though I think all of this, I still haven’t really watched her, haha...

Rion Takamiya: Ojou. She’s pretty fun with Debi. I also like when she played around with Fuwa’s radio.

Sister Claire: Dogma is good. She has a very angelic voice. Our seiso representative in Nijisanji.

Kana Sukoya: Crazy smart. And how is she able to do everything she does??? Just doing nursing alone should be crazy, but to stream and sing and voice act too?? It’s only understandable that she decided to take a break to focus on her studies even though with the rate she releases content it doesn’t really feel like a break.

Keisuke Maimoto: He has some pretty intense stories (from watching clips). It feels like he’s someone with a lot of life experience.

Rena Yorumi: Magician! I like her! She’s got fun interactions in Minecraft and ARK. SMC is cute too.

Nui Sorciere: I don’t really watch her, but she plays RPGs a lot is the impression I have. Sorry, but I can’t help but think of “haitenakunaidesuka??”.

Meiji Warabeda: I know her best as a member of Raindrops. I don’t know much of her other activities as a liver.

Machita Chima: Freesia! No, but she has a really wonderful voice and a very cute design. I’ll tune into her utawaku occasionally.

Tamaki Fumino: Noraneko. At first, I would question the veracity of claims of her happenings, but now I’ve come to accept them.

Kokoro Amamiya: Dragon Girl. She’s cute and I like how she interacts with Kaida in contrast to that cuteness, haha.

Furen E. Lustario: Her design is very cool. She is really excitable which is fun to watch.

Petit Ratna: She does ASMR... I don’t watch her much, but my earliest impression is probably from when she invited Kuzuha in ARK.

Fuyuki Hakase: She can sing well. I really like her Gunjou. I don’t watch her actively, but I have had her minecraft streams play in the background before.

Eru: I am not going to even try her full name. I know her as a member of Raindrops. I’m sure there’s more to her, but I really haven’t watched much of her... I feel like I remember something APEX though... (You can say that about almost any Nijisanji liver though).

Uiha Aiba: Will she come back to streaming? What happened with the lore?? But her 3D debut was amazing and her constant singing and dancing covers are very impressive. They come out at such a pace that I haven’t been able to keep up so there are a bunch I haven’t seen.

Tomoe Shirayuki: She’s beautiful. All her MVs have really good art. Partly due to her 3D debut, I can’t help but think of her as an S...

Levi Elipha: She has a really powerful voice! And yet the gap with her normal speaking voice is so cute! The way she acts is also cute.

Ema August: She drinks a lot... for some reason that’s what I think of her. She has an adult form too.

Riri Yuuhi: She’s really cool. If you asked me for who the cool girl of 2434 is, it’s Riri.

Ichigo: I don’t know much about her. She doesn’t seem to be too active?

Mugi Ienaga: I don’t know much about her either. I’ve listened to some of her songs, but her part in Unknown Mother Goose is the one that I really remember.

Marin Hayama: Her mouth is always open in my mind. I wonder why? But I don’t know much about her. In the song werewolf I remember she had pretty dark lyrics.

Sou Hayase: She’s got a really cool singing voice! Apart from her singing, I probably see her the most in B-grade Variety.

Sayo Amemori: Another one who doesn’t stream much. I caught one of her streams live and I didn’t know what she was talking about. The quality of the video was really low though. Apparently that’s normal for her though, so I feel like I got the authentic experience.

Eli Conifer: She can play the flute. She went all out in the Koshien Siren tournament. She seems to do the thing where she duplicates herself to sing very well. Her voice is very cute.

Youko Akabane: I know her most for KanaeYou, but she seems like a nice person. Apart from those interactions, I see her sometimes in ARK clips.

Mao Matsukai: Very energetic! Her 3D debut showed off a lot of different appeal points. Her chat seems to like to bully her.

Luis Camie: A phantom thief?? She plays off well with Shellin. It’s fun to see their interactions, though I’ve only seen a couple. She has a bit of an airheaded kind of entertaining appeal.

Moira: The goddess. I don’t know much about her. She does seem nice and able to talk well. It looks like she gets along with her generation.

Naraka: Apparently her voice sounds like Maaya Sakamoto? I remember her singing is nice. She took part in VSaikyou I believe, but I don’t really watch her.

Mahiro Yukishiro: I recall she isn’t that popular, but I have heard some of her singing. I feel like I don’t see her stream that often?

Haruka Onomachi: She tries hard to appeal to English speakers. She also does ASMR. I don’t really watch her, but her on screen translator is interesting.

Hoshizora Kirame: I believe she’s good at drawing. I still don’t know much about her though.

Yamagami Karuta: A tengu! She has the image of being very pure though. I also don’t really watch her so I can’t say too much.

Miyako Seto: Photography club. She’s a fan of Kuzuha... but I don’t really watch her so I can’t say much.

Hina: She writes scripts. I don’t think she streams much at all anymore.

Momo Azuchi: She had a redesign at one point. I haven’t watched her.

Sango Suo: Absolutely amazing acting ability. I’ve seen a few examples where she acts with others and it’s very impressive. I haven’t seen her solo streams though.

Rine Yaguruma: I don’t know much about her.

Kohaku: Mela! is a banger. Unfortunately I don’t know much about her aside from that.

Akane Asahina: She’s been releasing a lot of high quality covers in high frequency and she makes a lot of effort to reach out to western fans. I’m not watching her, but I’m rooting for her success.

Tsumugu Kataribe: Library ghost. Will she ever stream again? (Have never seen her before).

[streets-in-paradise]

Battle Scars

Troy 2004 fanfiction

Characters: Hector, sister oc ( it can also be read as a reader insert since i haven’t named her yet and there are no mayor descriptions) 

Word Count:  2101

Genre: Angst Comfort - Fluff

Relationships : Platonic - Family. 

Summary: Paris is determined to fight Menelaus. His siblings are concerned with the high chances of his death and his younger sister wants to take his place. Hector comforts her and warns her about some less discussed consecuences of battle. ( I suck at writing summaries.)

Triggers: Mentions of war and typical war involved violence. (not much. Don’t worry because it is not gory) 

Disclaimers: This is my first attempt of writing fanfict to post. English is not my native language, i translated it to english with the help of an online translator. 

Tags: @hrisity12​ (tag you because i think you will want to see this)

I hope you enjoy this and thanks for reading 

The night after the start of the war had already fallen. The palace was quiet, a silent atmosphere that was nothing more than the mix of grief and exhaustion surrounded the entire place. Pacing around the hallways, Hector seemed to be the only person around, unable to allow himself to have some rest. He was looking for Paris, after the scandal created by his proposition of fighting against Menelaus and the lethal risks involved for him in that reckless idea he felt the need of having a serious conversation with him. 

Unfortunately, his brother was not the only one who needed his words and company that time. In his way he crossed ways first with Helen, stopping a grief induced attempt of scaping in a desperate try to stop the war. After comforting his sister in law, he was approached by his younger sister. The young lady was rageful and worried in the same amount. Without hesitation, she let go all the thoughts that were troubling her and vented to her brother. 

“Paris is the worst swordsman I have ever seen. How can you allow this? He can’t do that, i will not allow it. Why can’t I fight in his place?” she snapped.

 Seeing her state, Hector decided to stop his search for Paris and have a talk with her. The last time they had a few words was that morning in the armory when she begged him to let her fight and stumbled across his refusal. He thought that,after that short altercate in which no one had the time to explain themselves and with the news about Paris worrying both to the core, they needed some time alone. 

“You know you can’t do that. It would hurt his honour. He can’t let his sister fight his own battles “  he tried to explain. 

“Do you really think Paris cares for his honour? He is doing it out of guilt. I can’t let him die.“ she asserted 

“ It is his choice”  he stated. 

“ What about my choice of fighting this morning? I am the little girl so it is correct to take away my will to choose? “  she replied, her tone getting progressively more enraged.” Helen is a trojan princess now, let a trojan woman defend her freedom to choose her own fate. She is not a fighter but she has a sister willing to do it for her. I will be defending her freedom, not Paris’s right to possess her.” 

“ I will not let you get involved in actual combat for the first time against the King of Sparta. That man fought all his life.” 

“ But it is fine to send Paris to his death? It would be his first combat as well but with half of my training as backup. He never cared for this sort of thing, the only weapon he handles with a considerable talent is the bow. He can’t show up to a single combat with bow and arrows and he is terrible with swords.”  

“Don’t put me in the situation of being the one who has to choose between you two which one of my siblings will be sacrificed.”

“ Of course, because you already decided it.”

That thoughtless reply was more of what the man could handle. Abandoning his conciliatory tone, Hector allowed himself to let his own concernings go and said exactly what was going through his mind. 

“Do you think i want to burn our brother’s body?? I love him as much as i love you. I can’t allow you to fight, it is not your right to die in his place.”

“ How can you be so sure i’m going to die? Is your trust in me so small and weak?”she asked, confused by the switch in her brother’s approach.

“Real life is not like training in the safe space provided by the security of our walls. Battle is screams, blood,sweat, excrements and desperation. Nothing more. Your skills are worthy of trust but you are still very young and naive. You think you will go out there and end up crowned as trojan champion after doing some heroic act. That sort of attitude can get you killed.”  he explained in the most honest and realistic way he could use without upsetting her more. 

“Menelaus is a slow old beast. I’m young, fast and flexible. I’m a better choice than Paris for that combat and you know it.” she insisted. 

“I may be aware of it but i don’t care. “ Hector replied. The only way to go with this sort of conversation, especially considering the stubbornness of his sister on the topic, was through full honesty. 

He decided he was going to give her a complete explanation of his reasons on that choice. 

“Since the first time you picked a sword i told myself i would let you have your fun but i would also protect you from what would be waiting outside if you actually tried to pursue that path.”

The princess listened carefully and, imagining the route the conversation was heading, spoke her mind. 

“Death? That 's all? Your greatest fear is for me to end up dead in the battlefield? I am not afraid of it. I will die with glory if it saves our brother. Stories of my sacrifice will be tell all around our country and i will live in them. “ 

Hector was visibly angry this time. He wasn’t able to let himself believe what he was hearing. 

 “That is nonsense. Stories? You are asking me to let you die with stories as consolation? The songs of the bards are party entertainment, they aren’t worth your life “

“Even with the result of my death the outcome is good. If i leave my mark in history men will notice they need to change their ways. My death will save Paris and inspire more shieldmaidens.” she explained

“Had you realized who you are sounding like? That is exactly the sort of pointless nonsense i heard from Achilles. It is not what i taught you.”  he warned her 

“You taught me about sacrifice for my family and my country. That is your moral code, and it is the exact thing you don’t let me practice.” she complained, hurt by feelings of injustice. 

 Becoming desperate witnessing how nothing seemed to make her understand, he tried to show her understandment of her point of view and spoke from his own feelings and fears.

“I don’t want to lose you! I’m not even talking about death when i say it. That is indeed a big fear of mine regarding you but it is not the only one. I will not be talking about death now.” he said, lowering his tone trying to sound more calm to show her that his anger was not related to a misunderstandment of her point. “ Real combat, a battle in the middle of a war unleashed at our gates ... It is a terrible event to witness. I would not wish that to my worst enemy. It changes you, leaves scars on you that you would have to carry your whole life. Not just the physical ones, in your inside. Your mind and your heart are not the same after you survive your first battle. I hate to fight, it consumes you. Why would i want you to go through my same suffering? I don’t  forbid you to fight because you are a girl and i am some traditionalist who can’t come across to understand your will to challenge our ways. You know i am not like that, i wouldn’t had let you get involved in combat training sessions in the first place.”

The girl seemed less upset in her approach after hearing him. 

“You said it was a good way to wake some sort of interest in Paris and it was part of his formal education. We were very hard to separate back then.”

“And you still are. Menelaus would find you both sticked to each other in combat if i wouldn’t interfere in your choices.” he teased . She smiled briefly while hearing him. 

“ Combat has a terrible effect on people.I don’t wish such a terrible fate for you.” Hector stated, going back to his point. “As long as i live i will protect you from it. I love your sweet enthusiasm, your kindness and concern for our people. I already know you sneaked out to help in the expedition I sent to look for people in the camps. I should be mad about it but i am not because in that action you showed who you are. You are caring, you are full of hope and life. I love you as you are, Troy loves you as you are. Don’t ask me to take that away from you.” 

The words of her brother had a clear effect, she was on the edge of tears. 

“ But i want to help you!! I want to share the weight of the war with you.”  she yelled. “It is not fair for you to carry it all on your own and you know well Paris will not help” 

“He is trying”  he said, trying to comfort her

“He will kill himself!!” she shouted while tears started falling through her cheeks 

“ I promise i will help him as much as i can.” he reassured her 

 “It is not enough, i want to help you” 

“Your cheerful welcomes after every battle are more helpful to me than the strength of your arm.” 

With her feelings overwhelming her, the young lady hugged her brother tightly

“I want to fight for you and for our people. I love you so much, it hurts me to see how you work so hard on your own for all of us.”

Hector caressed her cheeks to clean her tears. 

“Do you want to know why it’s said that Achilles is a better warrior than me?” he asked in a trivial tone 

“ Because it is said that he is the son of a sea goddess?”  she answered in a slightly doubtful way. 

“ That is what people who have never stepped into combat believe. What i saw in him today, he is so good because he doesn’t care about anything. It’s clear that the scars war left on him took over and at some point he stopped caring. He has no mercy, no respect. He talks of war like it’s a game. When he is fighting he stops existing as a man and becomes only the tool war requires him to be. He became desensitized to all the death surrounding him. His only concern is to win glory because, once this lifestyle takes everything from you, that’s all what’s left for you to collect. He is a broken man, an extreme example of what war makes on soldiers.” he explained

“ You are my moral guide, my example of behaviour. I would never allow myself to get lost like that because i have you.” 

“ And i am not the almighty hero you see in me. I am another man changed by war. I fight hard to stay in my path, to remain as myself. I don’t want to look at you one day and see just a shade of the kind, lifeful girl you are now.”  he confessed. 

“ I have to assume you are protecting me from myself then?” she asked, without the connotations of assertiveness in her ways previously displayed. She felt regret for the rude ways in which her anger made her judge him 

“I am, even when you don’t notice it.” 

“ I don’t want our countrymen to die protecting my spirits.”

“I love you and i can’t allow it. Call me selfish if you want but even i have the right to a bit of selfishness on occasions.”  

After hearing her usually selfless brother admitting he was incapable of an impartial view of the issue when she was involved she was done with the talking. There was nothing more left to say that could mean as much as that. Hector’s life was full of sacrifices, she felt unable to question him. She wasn’t going to complain about the first time she ever heard him thinking of himself to make a choice. 

Instead, she thanked him for his concern and told him once more about how much she loved him. Hector kissed her forehead, wished her goodnight, and went to see their brother. He had brief thoughts about the very little time of sleep that was left for him but it didn’t matter. His siblings needed him that night and, as always, he was going to be there for them. 

[thoughtfulpaperback]

Charmed 02x18 Review SPOILERS!!!

Alright Y’all! Since there is no new episode of Charmed tonight I thought I would just post my review up today to make up for the lack of an episode. I’ve been saving my 10/10 for this moment!!! Honestly though 10/10. I was extremely entertained through the episode. I thought it was beautifully directed by Rupert. I thought everyone gave great performances including more sidelined characters (usually including Mel which i don’t like but since it has been a standard this season doesn’t affect my overall rating).  Standard format. Likes. Dislikes. Then episode highlights.

LIKES

1. Hacy Kiss Moment

Y’all knew this was going to be the first thing I mentioned. Damn! Listen however you feel about the handling/mishandling of the Hacy story-line you can’t deny this was one of the best kiss/confession moments ever. Macy is in control. They are just soaking up the moment. The smile of realization and joy on Harry’s face when Macy just takes command and asks him to get his butt over there and dance. The slow walk towards her and their dance mimicking the jimmy x macy scenes yet showing how different in feeling they are. That laugh of joy and hugging moment at the end. Y’all!!! I can’t! Story wise, It is so nice to see macy and harry have a moment of joy. In many ways they have been put through the wringer so much in both seasons, so to get some fluff. Beautiful.

2. Maggie, Mel, and Ray

Okay so I wish this storyline would have been distributed more evenly across the season, but I don’t feel this storyline came out of nowhere and it addresses so many things that I feel were worth exploring. Firstly, Maggie’s panic attacks. I do wish we would have had hints of them earlier, but other than that I felt this made a lot of sense. Maggie and Ray mended part of their relationship, but it wasn’t until after he left that she found out he knew the whole time that he wasn’t her biological father and she seemed upset by that information, although it got sidelined because of the situation they were in. While I know people think Maggie’s storylines are always about guys. I believe it has always been about growing up and to an extent being abandoned. Season 1, Maggie dealt with her sister not trusting her or at least not always telling her everything and treating her like a child. This season especially Maggie has been openly fighting against the way she feels Mel and others infantalize her and view the way she thinks. Yes especially when it comes to relationships, but not limited to that. Stretching back to 01x17, Maggie’s greatest desire is a love that will never leave. And it isn’t just romantic love. When fighting with Mel she straight up says that demon can give her “what Dad, Parker, and Harry could never give her: a love that will never leave.” In 02x15, Jordan treats maggie like a child and then when she asks him if he really is going to leave her, he says “that’s what men do”. Which to me isn’t necessarily about romance given that the only people who have stuck around in Maggie’s life are primarily women, even harry was gone for a bit. 

So you have these “conflicting” thoughts in Maggie. She is trusting, wants to see the good in people, and believes she is an adult with something to contribute. But then you also get the other part showing that, she actually fears people are exactly what they have been in the past (that is that people will leave or that they cannot change, or that in then end it doesn’t change anything for her). 

So with that, she then finds out that Ray and Mel have been improving thier relationship and she doesn’t know anything about it on top of the fact she is sore about him never telling her about her parentage. In these last few episodes we’ve seen her try to take charge and be proactive in a way she hasn’t been before, which is good, but you wonder how much of that is suppression of her feelings. What is she “sacrificing” to become the “adult” she thinks she needs to be? In sum, Panic attacks made sense for her story and I thought Sarah did a brilliant job acting. Her last conversation with Ray had me in tears! 

So for Mel and Ray in this, they had small roles, but Mel’s growth was amazing. For one, I really do wish there was more than like one or two references to chuchi after the first time her and her dad went on a mission together. more consistent small comments about ray sendings information of checking things out would have been nice to have more understanding of Mel expanding/healing relationship with her father. But moving on. Mel this season has taken a back seat and I hate that, but with the small character developing moments they have given us . . . I think that moment where Mel is looking in on Ray and Maggie having their conversation and walks away is the second best one this season in terms of development. Mel has admitted to always trying to be the person she thinks she needs to be. She basically said the same thing last season when she dropped out of her Master’s program. She is always trying to be this protector but at the same time wants to be able to let go of the wheel. Mel looking in probably to make sure she was okay was in character, but that moment where she nods and walks away able to realize that in this case Maggie doesn’t need her. This isn’t her “fight” or moment, and her being comfortable enough to walk away and trust that “it’s all good”. I feel old Mel would have wanted in, wanted to explain herself and defend her reasons for keeping that info on the DL, or would have stayed by the door just in case Maggie would need her at some point. But she trust both of them. Which I feel is huge! Anyways when they do little things like that which make sense I love it and just wish they had more moments like that spread out this season rather than some of the other stuff they tried. 

3. Marisol, Macy, and Harry meeting

Heart broken! but I loved it. I love that Macy did get to meet her mom, especially since lots of people in the fandom complained about how unfair it was that Macy was the only one to never get to really meet her mom. I didn’t care about personally, I like a little bit of bittersweetness so I didn’t mind. This scene was all about the bitter sweetness. Marisol getting to meet and talk to macy but not actually see her. Macy having to have her memory altered to forget the meeting, but still internalize that advice. Although now I wonder if that friend Macy spoke about in season one was actually herself and her mind just making up a new person to make up for the erased memories. More likely than not she really was just super serious and restrained, but then went crazy (like many do) in college and just started to shed off that restraint then her powers came in and they had to back that up. 

There is a tragedy in macy and her mothers situation. I don’t think this scene took away from that, but at the same time it added a new dimension to Marisol. Marisol definitely earned her Elder role. 

I loved how Harry in that moment. He explained what he was going to do, as best as he could without freaking her out (he was told to be gentle with her), I like how he shifts strategies when he sees her flinch away. He was being as clinical as could be before that, but when she flinches in fright, he gets personal “It will be okay” “I’d never do anything to hurt you, you have my word”. his movements were slower the second time around. And although she wasn’t going to remember his name, he still took that moment to tell her what it was. it was sweet. The background music was a bit off to me at first, but other than that it was great. 

4. Jordan

Every episode he is in I fall more in love with Jordan Chase. He is this seasons Harry. Harry season one was that way for me, but now it’s jordan. I love how he is open with Maggie and although she doesn’t want to hear it he tries to be as gentle as he can while explaining panic attacks. Then him with James! I love these guys together Rupert and Jordan are just so good in scenes together. 

DISLIKES

1. James

This is a huge nitpick. and I don’t really dislike it...I am just wanting the writers to make up their minds. So Jimmy and Harry, supposedly make up James. Jimmy has the old memories, but harry’s were erased? I thought the mind meld was showing that Jimmy still remembered but Harry had access to those memories because they shared that link. But now, apparently, Harry with no magic and no memories of being Harry is James with James’s memories.... 

Okay so if harry is equally as much of James as jimmy and Harry is a product of the new experiences and memories he made, then why is jimmy necessary? Like how is it that one cannot survive the other if they seem to be equally the “old” person as before. Because that means that jimmy isn’t necessarily inherently evil or less James and his faults than harry. He is a product of his experiences and memories which are of being locked up in a bottle without a body. Like I just want some real clarification, which I assume will be given next episode, but I wish we would have had more info through out the season. 

2. Julian is not that smart

@slowlyandrogynousmiracle mentioned it in her podcast, but I was also blown away by the fact Julian didn’t seem to make it make sense that there was something up with Macy and Maggie. Mijo! They literally disappeared at the same time that your testing room was broken into. Macy was down there just moments before she disappeared. Did your Aunt not tell you what happened? 

Also, I still don’t know what exactly Julian’s game is. That is I was sure before that he knew, but that he probably had other plans than what we all were assuming, or that Aunt Viv has different plans than Julian. This episode didn’t clarify anything, at least to me, again I expect that the next episode will do that, but I didn’t think this Julian moment added anything new other than expose the charmed ones to him. 

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS

1. James refusing to be held captive by a couple of “girls”. Reminding me of Harry’s first interaction with the trio.

2. James asking Macy about what she and Harry were. That cocky “what?” I might have issues.

3. Maggie’s rage and new power

4. Ray saying that it didn’t matter to him that Maggie wasn’t his bio daughter. “The truth is . . . I love you too damn much.”

5. Jordan pulling out that scalpel and saying he needs to cut that chip out of Harry.

6. That LAST SCENE 

[brightershadows]

Euphorically Honest-- Euphoria, Teenagers, and the Realities in Hardship

OVERVIEW

Euphoria is brutally honest about the hardships of life. Focusing on the stories of a group of teenagers in modern-day California, it navigates through issues of drug addiction, sexuality, masculinity and femininity, violence, and depression. It can be tragic and liberating. But it is honest. Created by Sam Levinson, a screenwriter for Assassination Nation and The Wizard of Lies,  the story reflects on his own experience with drug addiction as a teenager, as well as having a loose basis in an Israeli show of the same name (Stack, 2019). The story follows a group of young people of varying genders, ethnicities, classes, and sexualities, including the drug-addicted narrator Rue, new-to-the-suburbs Jules, Cassie, beautiful but easily manipulated, her kind and easy-going sister Lexi, Kat, who embraces her body type as she gains confidence through sex, Nate, a manipulative and dominating male with control issues, and his girlfriend, Maddy, who battles her self-identity and her reliance on Nate (Levinson, 2019). Euphoria can be seen as overly graphic, or critiqued as too sexual, but its mature nature allows it to unearth the ugly truths about life, living, and loving, and the beauty behind the hardships too. 

EPISODE TWO REVIEW

In “Stuntin Like My Daddy,” Nate discovers his father’s sex tape collection at a very young age, videos of his father having sex with several people. This is where Nate’s disdain male sexual anatomy stems from. Nate quickly becomes infatuated with Maddy. Whether disturbing or romantic, he fantasizes about hurting or killing the person who dares harms her. A series of flashbacks from Rue’s summer shows her consuming various drugs and getting high, fighting with her mom, waking up in the hospital, and singing in the car with her mom and sister, highlighting what she has gone through as well as her relationship with her family. On several occasions, Rue relapses. Reluctantly and unable to say no, she takes a dose of fentanyl. Unaware of the consequences, Jules is called to take care of Rue. Their friendship further develops. Kat learns that an explicit video of her has been posted to a porn website. When the video’s view count continues to grow, Kat is intrigued and signs for a web cam streaming account. Obsessed with Maddy, Nate begins stalking Tyler, Maddy’s most recent hookup. Maddy, still wanting to get back together with Nate, tells him that she was blacked out and did not mean to do what she did. This causes Nate to believe that Tyler had raped Maddy. Furious, Nate breaks into Tyler’s apartment and beats him half to death. At the end of the episode, we learn that the guy Jules has been texting is named Tyler but it actually turns out to be Nate.

Nate Jacobs is the typical football jock, yet he exhibits anger, aggression, and sociopathic behavior. Rue Bennett struggles with her own psyche as she suffers from ADHD, bipolar, general anxiety, BPD (borderline personality disorder), and drug addiction. Jules Vaughan is unapologetically herself, although she seems to seek attention, approval, and sexual relationships from men who are undeserving of her. Maddy Perez is the popular cheerleader who knows she is attractive and she goes after what she wants. She stands up to everybody else except Nate. Kat Hernandez may seem like a side character, the fat best friend, at first, but she finds her confidence grows as an individual. Fez/Fezco is Rue’s main drug dealer. Although he supplies her, he also cares for Rue and does want her to get mixed up with a worst crowd.

Although there are people of color in the show, there could always be more representation of race. Rue and her sister, Gia, are mixed, with a Black mom and a white dad. Maddy is Latina as both of her parents are Latino. Kat Hernandez is also of Latin descent but we do not see much of her parents or family. Every other (main) character in this episode is white, this includes Nate, Jules, and Tyler. This show, and episode, is not particularly making any waves or strides with their representation of race. And with the representation of race that they do have, there is no portrayal of racial identity, culture, or heritage. Jules definitely stands out as she is a transgender woman. She is currently taking hormones and her father and closest friends accept her for who she is. Jules goes on to have sexual encounters with older men as well budding romances with boys her age. Nate is a stark contrast to Jules, with him being set in his heteronormative, gender binary ways. Most, if not all of the characters identify with the gender that they present. The males, Nate and Fez identity as male. The females, Rue, Kat, Jules, and Maddy identify as female. The main characters mainly fall into one of the two binary genders. All of the romantic or sexual relationship aspects in episode 2 revolve around a male and a female, such as Nate and Maddy, or Maddy and Tyler, or even Jules and her mysterious texter (a man). To my knowledge, there is no presence of a non-binary or agender character. Jules, a transgender woman, challenges Nate’s notion of the strict gender binary system.

Euphoria definitely relies on stereotypes because the writers of this show intend on having the characters break said stereotypes. Kat is initially insecure and self-conscious. After she has sex for the first time and the video of the act gets leaked, she redefines herself. Her sexuality blossoms throughout this show as she also begins to have casual sex which normalizing women having and enjoying sex. Kat becomes comfortable with herself by wearing clothes that are considered more edgy, outfits that she would have never worn before. Kat’s character breaks the sexuality stereotype because the media hardly ever sees a plus-sized woman be expressed in a sexually positive light, even though it may not have started out that way. Nate’s character is embodiment of the toxic, cis-gendered white masculinity. He describes the perfect girl as dressing more feminine, acting like a “proper lady,” and overall more “girly” as opposed to “tomboy.” Because he is so uncomfortable with the male sexual anatomy, and even disturbed by how comfortable others are, he may have some issues regarding internal homophobia. Nate does not really defy this stereotype, his character is the epitome of this stereotype. Maddy, a cisgender, heterosexual female, understands the delicate nature of the gender constructed society. She has prioritized Nate and his needs sexually by watching porn in order to mimic what the porn actress does so that she can please Nate. Her sexuality is rarely mentioned, it only rises in conjunction with other boys. Jules’ character as a transgender person challenges the conventional gender roles and constructs. Jules is very comfortable with herself and her sexuality and is proud of who she is.The concept of a non-binary gender system perplexes many people. With the current administration, transgender rights are not protected. In fact, transgender people are continued to be discriminated against. The Trump administration has played a major role in “withdrawing regulatory protections for transgender children in schools, fought recognition of transgender people under federal employment laws, banned transgender people from serving in the military, rolled back protections for transgender people in prisons, and threatened to cut off funding to schools that let transgender girls participate in sports” (Thoreson). Although Jules is able to be who she want to be and live the life that she wants, this may not be the case for many transgender people in the real world outside of the show.

Today people are often quick to criminalize or shun drug users and addicts. They are quick to judge and want the most severe punishment to be given. But medical professionals know that addiction is a very serious disease, one that requires “treatment, compassion, and support” (Siegel). Euphoria attempts to destigmatize and humanize addiction. The legal system should not be punishing people who have abused drugs by putting them into a jail cell where they are isolated from society, instead these people need real help through rehab and various treatments. Due to the fact that Rue had several relapses once she completed her rehab program, one may say that these programs do not work; however there is no singular timeline to get better. It may take weeks, months, or years, and the journey is difficult. But society cannot give up. Social and political reforms concerning drug use/abuse and addiction is very much needed. 

EPISODE THREE REVIEW

In ' Made You Look,' Nate meets Jules on a gay dating app disguised as Shyguy118. Although Nate doesn't identify as gay, Jules reveals being transexual and quickly falls in love with Shyguy118, oblivious to his true identity as a classmate at the same school. Maddy becomes skeptical of Nate and searches through his phone and, in shock, learns of Nate's involvement with a gay dating app and nude sending with Jules. Jules's heightened obsession over the mysterious Shyguy118 leads Jules to agree to meet Nate for the first time in person near a lake at night. While all of this unfolds, Rue, who is Jules's supportive best friend, at first, entertains Jules's fantasies by helping Jules send pornographic images to Nate. However, tension arises when Rue exposes her worries for her best friend and undeniable attraction for her as more than just friends. Unfortunately, Jules did not reciprocate the kiss they shared. This sent Rue spiraling into a frenzy and falling back into the addictive habit of taking pills and getting high, undoing Rue's 60-day clean streak. Embarrassed, Rue runs straight back to Fezco, her drug dealer, in hopes to illegally obtain more drugs to numb the humiliation she felt. Fortunately, Fezco doesn't give in to Rue and shuts the door on her, leaving Rue to look toward Ali, an omniscient man she met at a therapy gathering for drug users to seek guidance.

Kat, a Tumblr fanfiction queen, masks herself while exploring her curiosity for explicit content and webcam streaming. She exposes herself to lingerie and twerking on her account; she agrees to perform a private camera meet with a man who falls in love with Kat's powerful and sexual dominatrix persona. Originally insecure with her weight, Kat eventually learns to embrace her curves and dives into a new and unusual world of femdom. This episode also introduces Cassie. She displays as a bold, open-minded party girl that isn't phased by frat party endeavors. McKay, Cassie's crush, invites her to his frat-hazing event, and they both fall deeply in love with each other, foreshadowing potential problems to come from concupiscence for one another.

This episode involves various races but is primarily white-dominant. Cassie is blonde and white, represented as audacious and open-minded. Maddy is a cis-gender Latina and, in this episode, victimized by Nate, a white playboy who cheats on Maddy. Rue and her sister are a mix from a black mom and a white dad. Despite various races represented, this episode minimally illustrates heritage background and racial and cultural distinctiveness. There are very minimal cultural representations and race diversity besides the racially represented individuals such as Rue, Maddy, Kat, Ali, and Fezco. Although the film is predominantly white race influenced, there is still a general race narration awareness displayed in the show.  

Sexuality representation is a flourishing topic within each episode in Euphoria. Arguably one of the most influential characters in this episode, Rue, a lesbian half black teenager, finds herself falling in love with her openly transgender best friend. This tricky love triangle is demonstrated between Rue caring for Jules while she cares for Nate. Jules is head over heels for her classmate, Nate, who hasn't announced is gay but is chatting with Jules on a gay dating site. Moreover, Nate's girlfriend in this episode, Maddy, is only now beginning to question if Nate is straight like he demands he is.This episode centers around redirecting the audience's view of how a character's sexuality is initially perceived to how each character's sexuality is either nonchanging or questioned and altered due to more self-awareness. For example, Jules, from the beginning, identified as transgender and unchanging while Rue begins to question her sexuality and feelings for her friend after kissing her. Male, female, and non-binary characters speak and act quite differently in Euphoria. Male actors such as Nate, Ali, and Fezco are very much dominant and slightly manipulative in this episode. Nate is a controlling and manipulative character fueled by curiosity and confusion. Ali is a mysterious, omniscient figure who sees past Rue's addiction. Lastly, Fezco shuts Rue out when she almost dies from the drugs he gave her. The females include Maddy, Rue, Jules, Kat, and Cassie. Non-binary characters were not present in this episode; however, Nate being on a gay dating site and taking an interest in Jules knowing her being transgender urges the question of what Nate's sexuality may be. 

Cassie, in this episode, played an essential role in breaking gender profiling stereotypes. When Cassie was at the weekend frat-hazing party with McKay, she stood up to the guys at the party and took a shot of water with a live goldfish in it without hesitation, while McKay was hesitant and wanted to reject the challenge. Cassie taking that shot was significant because she didn't abide by her gender role limitations. Instead, she proved that she could equally compete alongside the frat boys at the party.

Illegal drug use for underage teenagers is very much a political issue. The creator of Euphoria, Sam Levinson, opens up about his struggles with addiction growing up. He talks about how his personal history of drug use as a teenager animated Rue's similar struggles in Euphoria. It's essential to recognize that Rue was not using drugs because of peer pressure but because she was struggling with "obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), attention deficit disorder (ADD), general anxiety disorder, and even bipolar disorder" (Health, 2020). Many teens go undiagnosed with disorders like these and spend their teenage years fighting addiction and going to rehab centers, sometimes more than once in hopes of ending the addiction. There are other situations where undiagnosed individuals who don't fall victim to drug addiction still live a life of struggle with their mental illness. Euphoria sheds light on addiction and mental health and de-stigmatizes mental illness, a topic that should be further normalized and empathized with. 

EPISODE SEVEN REVIEW

“The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Pee While Depressed” tackles a lot of issues. In many ways, this episode is openly candid about the hardships of life and the modern influences of distraction and avoidance. The candor of this episode is heartbreaking, revelating, and so, so real. The episode before the season finale follows multiple characters, including Jules, a trans woman battling confusion about her relationship with her best friend and her changing life; Cassie, a beautiful blonde teenager facing an unplanned pregnancy; and Rue, a drug addicted teenager battling a major low in her depression (Levinson 2019). This episode follows many differing plots that do not intersect in its time; however, at the root of the 59 minutes is the juxtaposition of two teenagers, the structures of family, and the deconstruction of femininity. 

As a whole, this show is unapologetically divergent from the stereotypes of society. It does not hesitate to tackle hard issues, easily addresses controversial issues regarding race, sexuality, and gender, without negating their seriousness. It makes normal the darkness we all battle in our private lives, especially in this episode. In it, characters from all walks of life get a say in the plot. Not only is the narrator and main character a gay Black women in love with her best friend, we also follow the story of Jules, a trans women, and hear from Cassie, a straight cisgender blonde girl who falls victim to the confines of the patriarchy, allowing herself to be sexualized and invalidated as a possession by the men in her life (Johnson, 2014). My only criticisms regarding this episode’s diversity is that there is little male influence or perspective on the storyline, and further, that there is little diversity outside of “black and white.” That is to say, while there are many Black characters given voice to this episode (and, by default many white characters as well), there is little representation of other ethnicities. We do not hear, for example, from the perspective of an Asian-American. That, to some extent, is an area that can be improved as the show continues. 

Earlier I mentioned the juxtaposition at the core of this episode, and I want to dive a little deeper into that. Cassie and Rue are, in many regards, polar opposites. Rue is Black, gay, struggles with drug addiction and is a social outcast. Cassie, in comparison, is blonde and blue eyed, gorgeous, and popular. Rue is an older sister; Cassie is the younger in her family. But this juxtaposition highlights the conditions of the patriarchy that define familial dynamics, such as sisterhood and motherhood, both amplifying and deconstructing those norms. For example, at the end of the episode, Rue and Cassie both go to their moms, the caretakers, for help when they reach rock bottom. Those mothers show up, and they do their job: care. However, at the same time, these mothers have taken up the role of being the breadwinner for the family as well, defying the stereotype of reliance on the male for prosperity and survival. Rue’s mom, however, is portrayed as more successful and put-together than Cassie’s mother, whom we see to be an alcoholic and basically a hot mess. This is contrary to racial stereotypes that typically portray the black community as one falling apart and the white suburban mom as picture-perfect. The gender and racial norms that society and time have produced throughout our history in America are blurred as these two realities are expressed in this show (Scott, 1986).

This episode also attacks femininity. Speaking with her friends from the city, Jules, says, “In my head, it’s like if I can conquer men, I can conquer femininity” (Levinson, 2019). This conquering, or, as Jules later says, obliteration of femininity is addressed throughout the episode. Cassie, conforming to societal expectations, allows herself to be objectified and sexualized by all the men in her life, using that perception of beauty to define her over the course of her life. Rue, on the other hand, does not conform to femininity at all, as we see in the way she dresses, and even the persona of the masculine “detective” she took on in a manic state. These three approaches to femininity contrast each other, as each one represents a different sector of diversity: race, sexuality, and gender identity. 

Euphoria is inherently political. It brings to light the reasons why the personal is political, especially in the midst of an election cycle where the rights of those who don’t conform to societal norms are under threat. This show creates an avenue for those rights and the real people behind those laws to speak and tell their own stories. Not only that, it represents mental illness and drug abuse, revealing the realities of living with these issues and bringing to light the struggles of the individual and their community through addiction and mental health crises. The show helps create empathy; empathy creates connection.  And connection, more than anything else, is something we deeply need right now. 

CITATIONS

Euphoria creator Sam Levinson on his controversial show: 'I hope it opens up a dialogue' [Interview by T. Stack]. (2019, June 16). Entertainment Weekly. Retrieved 2020, from https://ew.com/tv/2019/06/16/euphoria-creator-sam-levinson/.

Health, A. (2020). How HBO’s ‘Euphoria’ Depicts Teenage Drug Addiction Accurately. Retrieved 14 November 2020, from https://amhealth.com/2019/09/25/how-hbos-euphoria-depicts-teenage-drug-addiction-accurately/

Johnson, A. G. (2020). Patriarchy, the System: An It, Not a He, a Them, or an Us. In 1046495481 799935172 G. Kirk & 1046495482 799935172 M. Okazawa-Rey (Authors), Gendered Lives: Intersectional Perspectives (Seventh ed., pp. 62-70). New York, New York: Oxford University Press. (The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy, (2014))

Levinson, S. (Writer). (2019). Euphoria [Television series]. HBO.

Levinson, S. (Writer). (2019, June 23). Stuntin’ Like My Daddy [Television series episode] In Euphoria. HBO.

Levinson, S. (Writer). (2019, July 28). The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Pee While Depressed [Television series episode]. In Euphoria. HBO.

Scott, J. (1986). Gender: A Useful Category of Historical Analysis. The American Historical Review. doi:10.1086/ahr/91.5.1053

Siegel, Z. (2019, August 06). Euphoria Doesn't Have a Drug Problem. Retrieved November 12, 2020, from https://www.vulture.com/2019/08/euphoria-hbo-drug-addiction-overdose.html

[thedevillord-writes]

Pandora - Selfless

"Sometimes you have to be selfish to be selfless"

-Edward Albert

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'd still choose them.

Those were four words that haunted Eisuke, even in his dreams.

Family had always been just a word to Eisuke. A word without meaning. At a very young age, he lost his mother then his father. His sister, with whom he had little to no memory, was taken from him too. Ichinomiya Akira was the man he would put on forms to state as family, but to Eisuke, it was only on paper. They had no blood relations that would make them a true family, just a piece of paper Akira signed years ago that somehow meant Eisuke was his son. Plenty of times before, he wished Akira never signed those papers. All his efforts were overlooked simply because he carried the name 'Ichinomiya'; no one believed the hard work he put in that brought him to where he was today. Family was a burden in that sense.

That statement would not stand with Haruka.

To her, family was everything. Between losing her mother and not knowing her father, one would think that she would have lost faith in keeping a family. It only strengthened the meaning of family, however. They were too important to her.

Having someone important in his life was an alien thought. So did being important to someone. Akira could disown him as easily as he signed those papers. He imagined he was 'important' to his business partners and clients but if they were to lose him one day, they would just replace him with another young, up-and-coming entrepreneur. Even Haruka's position as his secretary was not important to Eisuke. He only hired one because Akira he had to, he could do anything and everything a secretary does by himself. Truth be told, he was going through so many of them that Akira was so close to giving up.

Then she came along.

Through Haruka, Eisuke learnt that perhaps there were things that he could not do in place of a secretary. She dealt with paperwork he did not want to, and with people whom he could not tolerate. If it were not for her, he would be severing a lot more connections. There was no one else who could make that perfect cup of coffee every morning. Before he knew it, she became important to him when Eisuke did not believe in relying on just one person. And for the past eight years, he was important to her too. He was always first priority, attended to before anyone else.

It was not until today did he finally learn that he was only second place, behind her sisters. He was never the most important to her, and he was finding it hard to accept.

Why not?

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. He was in no condition to see anyone, but it would not be ideal to shut himself off either. With all the thoughts running wild in his mind, perhaps it would be better for him to be distracted.

"Come in."

Soryu walked in, holding a tablet in hand. He shut the door behind him, and that was when Eisuke knew he meant business. He walked up to Eisuke's desk and sat down, putting the tablet down before unlocking to show him several articles. They all had different headlines, but they were essentially the same story. It was a scandal involving him and Haruka. Though it was not the first time they were accused of an underground relationship, this was the first time the story was accompanied with photos.

Unlike news written about Haruka previously, these were incredibly detailed about her life. They dug up her history, from the day she was born to when she graduated high school, and eventually working for Eisuke. All twenty-six years of her life, they reported everything. One publisher even created a relationship map, mapping out any and every connection Haruka had, and how they were connected to her. That was where her sisters came in. Although not as detailed, there was a page dedicated just to her sisters. Everything about their life was now up and out on the internet for all to see. No wonder Haruka got so protective.

"Baba found out that the reporters went to ambush her sisters at their school too," Soryu added, patiently waiting for Eisuke to finish reading. "Fortunately, they were not hurt."

"Why was this not brought to my attention? They didn't come after me."

"They are sick of reporting about you, Eisuke." Eisuke raised an eyebrow at Soryu's statement. Sick of him? "They know everything there is to know about you. There's nothing shocking about a rich guy dating a common girl, that story has been oversold. The audience wants to know about the girl. Every woman in the population wants to know how an ordinary girl manages to get one of the most affluent bachelors in the country to fall in love with her. All this is just to highlight how normal she is, to up the shock value of the story."

"Haruka is no ordinary woman."

"To you. To everyone else, she's a commoner with all the luck in the world."

He did not like Soryu's choice of words: a commoner with all the luck in the world. Haruka was not born with a silver spoon, the life she led before meeting Eisuke was one led by most. But she was not 'common'; there was no one like her.

His attention shifted back to the articles as he toggled between them. There was no story to be told, in Eisuke's opinion. So what if they knew everything about her life? Yumi replaced Haruka as his secretary, but that did not mean that he would be falling for her instead. If anything, it made Eisuke realise just how much he needed Haruka by his side. Imitations could never be the real thing, no matter how good they were.

"Would you like me to take care of the reporters for Haruka?" Soryu asked.

"No," Eisuke shook his head, leaning on his chair. "It would only create more trouble for her if you do. Let me think."

"I know you, Eisuke. I know what you're thinking about. You can't buy every publishing company in the country to try and stop this."

"I said, let me think."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eisuke hated that he could not come up with a single idea to stop this train wreck. Every possible solution that he thought of came with consequences that could do more harm to Haruka. It took an embarrassing long amount of time for him to finally realise that in order for all this to go away, he could not be the person who stood up for her. That would only be feeding the scandal. Someone else had to step in instead.

"Every time I come to this hotel of yours, I'm at awe. To think that I'm invited to the penthouse this time. Wow. Just wow. So this is how the top one percent lives, huh?"

There was absolutely nothing to like about the person that was Sagara Yosuke. The way he moved, the way he spoke. Everything was just so...unappealing.

Yosuke could tell from just one look that he was not liked. He understood Eisuke, however. He would feel hostile toward the man with whom the woman he loved seemed so close. When he was the other party, however, it was simply entertaining to watch.

Eisuke was a simple man. He was put together to look complicated but Yosuke could see through all the facade. He was a man of vision, the casino hotel was prove of that. His tenacity, when it came to business, was possibly rivaled only by Taki's. In his line of work, Eisuke was no doubt the top dog. In the world of romance, however, he was lacking.

There was no doubt that Eisuke had plenty of experience in bed, skilled most likely. He was, however, inexperienced with a serious relationship. Like Yosuke, he did not have one healthy relationship growing up, which was now impairing his ability to hold onto the only relationship he wanted all his life. Perhaps the two men had more in common than Haruka, though if Yosuke were to tell Eisuke that, he was sure to receive a punch to the nose.

"You didn't invite me here to tour your hotel though, did you?" Yosuke hummed, tilting his head. "What could the mighty Ichinomiya Eisuke possibly want from me?"

A tablet was pushed toward him and Yosuke picked it up to read the article on the screen. For the past few days, each and every newspaper and magazine had been running different headlines all involving the same person: Matsuoka Haruka. He did not need to read the entire article to know what they were trying to sell. He had to admit, however, when he first saw the articles, he was shocked. Eisuke did not seem like a careless person, how could he have overlooked such a scandal and let it get so out of hand?

"Would you like me to read it out loud for you?"

"I'd like you to stop these headlines," Eisuke stated.

"Thought you'd be romancing me a little before jumping to the finale," Yosuke grinned, putting the tablet on his lap. "And how do you propose I do that, Mr. Ichinomiya? If you haven't noticed, I don't own any of the publishing firms. And I'm not exactly living in a hotel penthouse with my name plastered on a corporation."

"Don't play games with me. We both know that you are more than capable to stop all this."

"Help me out here a little, I'm confused. Since you're the main character, shouldn't you be stopping this instead? You know, save the damsel in distress and carry her off in your white horse, living happily ever after?"

Instincts did not like, especially not Eisuke's. The more he was in Yosuke's presence, the more he could not stand being around him. That dislike he felt was slowly developing into hatred. But he needed Yosuke's help, so he took in a deep breath to calm himself before looking Yosuke's way.

"If I'm to help, it would only worsen the situation for Haruka. And before you suggest it, the same goes for those I'm associated with. That's where you come in. I trust you can do this discretely?"

"What's in it for me?"

"Name your price."

"I want Haruka."

There was no hesitation at all when he said that, not even for a split second. Yosuke had that demand locked and loaded, waiting for the perfect timing to drop the bomb on him. As much as Eisuke needed his help, he had no intentions of giving up Haruka. While he only recently learnt that he indeed loved her, the depth of his love for her was not measured by time. He would do anything and everything for her, except hand her over to someone else. Particularly to someone like Yosuke.

The delayed response was all that Yosuke needed. All his life, he spent it observing others and using his observations against them, just to see how they would react. He did not mean anything by the provocations, just that it was entertaining. Over the years with Taki and the other guys, they had gotten so used to his usual antics that they barely give a response nowadays and he was starting to feel as stale as a biscuit that had been left out a week too long. Then along came Haruka, and her co-actor Ichinomiya Eisuke. It was painfully captivating how obliviously in love they were with each other. He liked to push they further, just to see if there was a limit to their love.

Instead of answering Yosuke, Eisuke leaned forward and pressed a button on his desk phone. "Yumi, please show Mr. Sagara the way out." He did not spare Yosuke another look, not when Yumi came into the room and when he was finally leaving. Eisuke did not know what he was thinking, bringing Yosuke in. He thought perhaps the friendship he had with Haruka would prompt him to help. He was willing to pay any amount of money Yosuke would ask for, give over the company even. But he drew the line when Yosuke asked for Haruka, be it seriously or jokingly.

Without Yosuke's help, he would have to find another way to solve the problem at hand. Eisuke sighed and closed his eyes, leaning back on his chair while pinching the bridge of his nose. His head was starting to hurt, but he could only think about Haruka. She was alone, suffering from the limelight placed on her. She was used to being in the spotlight, she was trained to be. She always had Eisuke with her, however. When things got difficult, he would jump in and take the bullet for her.

He was not by her side now. She was alone, and vulnerable.

A beep came from his desk phone and when Eisuke pressed a button to answer, Kenzaki's voice was heard. "Mr. Ichinomiya, there is a Miss Matsuoka here to see you."

Haruka? What was she doing here? What if the paparazzi followed her? She would only be further harassed and the story would continue to sell, despite his efforts to try and stop them.

Within minutes, Eisuke was in the lobby and searched for Kenzaki. He took big steps toward the manager, eager to see Haruka and to get her out of public's view. However, it was not Haruka standing next to Kenzaki. The girl bore resemblance to Haruka, but her features were too young. She was slightly taller, only about half a head shorter than Kenzaki without the aid of high heels. The most glaring difference, however, was her school uniform. This was Haruka's sister.

"I thought you said Haruka was here to see me?" Eisuke asked, in a soft but harsh voice.

"I said a Miss Matsuoka is here to see you, I didn't say it was Miss Haruka."

The smile on Kenzaki's face was polite, but Eisuke could see the mischief behind it. He knew Eisuke would rush down here at the mention of Haruka's name, Kenzaki was toying with his boss. Before Eisuke could reprimand him, however, he was quick to dismiss himself.

Looking to the younger version of Haruka, Eisuke felt the awkwardness. What was her little sister doing here? And why did she ask to see him? Still, it was not wise to be seen with a Matsuoka, even if she was not Haruka. Tabloids would exploit any and every story, and this was just feeding them the next headline. Quietly, Eisuke brought the girl to the hotel's restaurant and cleared it out so they could speak freely.

"What's your name?" Eisuke asked.

"Haruna, Matsuoka Haruna. But everyone calls me Nana."

He thought back to the background check Baba performed for him: Matsuoka Haruna was the third and last child of Matsuoka Hanae. She was two years younger than the second sister, and exactly ten years younger than Haruka. While she did not have the best grades like her sisters, she was active in school activities and was a member of several committees here and there. That was all Eisuke knew about her.

"Why are you here, Haruna? Does your sister know you are here?"

"Neither of them knows," Haruna said, picking up the cup of coffee. She grimaced from the smell alone, putting the cup down and pushed it away. "I came to talk to you about Haruka-nee. I'm worried about her."

"What about Haruka?"

"She's been really depressed. She tries to hide the fact that she's upset, like she always does, but it's really obvious this time. Since the reporters came to my school that day, she's been extra protective too. She comes and picks us up from school everyday. She won't tell us what's going on but I know. I think she's forgotten that we've got phones, and people talk. Something's different this time. I don't think it's the reporters, or the articles, or the people talking that's upsetting her. I think it's you."

"Haruna, my intentions were never to hurt your sister. I promise you that I am trying my best to make all this go away. I will fix-"

"I know. Haruka-nee talks about you a lot whenever we meet. She tells me how grateful she is to have met you, and how you have given us so much. She doesn't realise it but, she's in love with you. Probably why she's so upset this time, because she thinks she has to give you up to protect us. That's so Haruka-nee, always doing things for others and not herself."

Eisuke listened silently, watching Haruna. She never made eye contact the whole time, keeping her head low and her eyes trained on her hands that were resting on top of her knees. He could tell she was fidgeting too. She was probably nervous, coming here alone to talk to the man who not only employed her sister but owned the hotel they were in right now. She spoke lovingly of Haruka, and he could hear the croak in her voice that indicated she was holding back tears. This was the love that he did not understand, the reason why her sisters were more important to her than he was.

"She loves us a lot, and I love Haruka-nee too but I wish she would be selfish just once. She's been so selfless, sacrificing so much for us. It's time for her to be selfish. Please don't give up on Haruka-nee. She deserves to be loved too. She deserves to be happy, and I think you can give her that."

[scrumptioushottubinfluencer]

Er Emergency Room Season 1

Susan Lewis, MDFirst appearanceSeptember 19, 1994 (1x01, '24 Hours')Last appearanceApril 2, 2009 (15x22, 'And In The End')Portrayed bySherry StringfieldDuration1994–96, 2001–05, 2009In-universe informationNicknameSusieTitle

Resident (1994–1996)

Attending (2001–2005)

Chief of Emergency Medicine (2003–2005)

OccupationEmergency PhysicianFamily

Henry Lewis (father)

Irene “Cookie” Lewis (mother, deceased)

Chloe Lewis (sister)

SpouseChuck Martin (ex-husband)Significant otherDiv Cvetic (ex-boyfriend)ChildrenCosmo Martin (son, with Chuck)RelativesSuzie Lewis (niece)

Emergency Room

Hospital Er Rooms

Susan Lewis is a character as played by Sherry Stringfield, on the fictional television show ER. Sherry Stringfield is one of ER's original cast members, portraying Susan in Season 1 as an eager resident. Stringfield left the show, the character was not recast and Susan left County General Hospital and the series in Season 3, but. ER Confidential November 17, 1994. Season 1, Episode 10. November 17, 1994. Cvetic (John Terry) struggles with a growing sense of hatred toward his patients; Hathaway faces an ethical crisis.

Dr. Susan Lewis is a character as played by Sherry Stringfield, on the fictional television showER.

Sherry Stringfield is one of ER's original cast members, portraying Susan in Season 1 as an eager resident. Stringfield left the show, the character was not recast and Susan left County General Hospital and the series in Season 3, but Stringfield and the character returned five seasons later as an attending physician in Season 8. Susan Lewis eventually checked out of the ER for good in 2005, at the beginning of Season 12, having been passed over for tenure in favor of John Carter by Kerry Weaver. She was offered a tenured position at a hospital in Iowa City.

Development[edit]

During the third season of the series, actress Sherry Stringfield left ER for the first time. In an interview with the Chicago Tribune, Stringfield explained that having a family was one of the primary reasons for her to leave the show.[1] According to Entertainment Weekly, Stringfield's decision to quit angered the show's executive producer John Wells, because she left just as Dr. Lewis got embroiled in a budding romance with Anthony Edwards' Dr. Mark Greene.[2] Stringfield revealed it was not a pleasant situation and said: 'The producers were in shock. They tried to talk me out of it. It took a long time to get out of my contract.'[3]

However, by the time of the eighth season, her schedule allowed her to return to the series. Wells said they were 'delighted to welcome her back as a series regular and can't wait to work with her again.'[1] Stringfield remained in the main cast for four more seasons, until August 2005, when she announced that she would be leaving ER again and stated: 'I am extremely grateful for the time I spent on ER,' Stringfield explained. 'It is a wonderful show, and there are so many people I will miss. But I'm ready for new roles and new challenges.'[4]

Character history[edit]

Seasons 1–3 First Departure (1994–1996)[edit]

In Season 1, Susan is a second year resident. She is shown to be an eager and competent young doctor working in the emergency department of County General Hospital. She is good friends with Nurse Carol Hathaway, Dr. Doug Ross and especially Dr. Mark Greene, who is her best friend.

Though an extremely capable doctor, Susan is initially seen to have problems asserting herself. This is frequently taken advantage of by the senior and more forthright doctors in the hospital, such as Dr. Peter Benton and particularly Dr. Jack Kayson. This leads to several confrontations, and animosity worsens when Kayson discharges one of Susan's patients, failing to notice the severity of his symptoms, which ultimately leads to the patient's death.

Kayson tries to deflect the blame onto Susan and her competence is questioned. Her superior, Mark, is forced to monitor her every move and their friendship is put under strain as a result. During the case review, however, the board rules in Susan's favor and reprimands Kayson—much to his chagrin.

Shortly after, Kayson is rushed into hospital suffering from a heart attack. Despite their past disagreement on the issue, Kayson opts for Susan's non-invasive form of treatment against the advice of a senior doctor, who (like Kayson) is an advocate of surgical angioplasty. Finally asserting herself, Susan stands her ground and refuses to allow Kayson to be treated surgically. Following his recovery, Kayson shows his gratitude by asking Susan to be his valentine date, which she awkwardly declines.

Susan's personal life is far less settled than her professional one. In Season 1, she is seen to have a brief relationship with psychiatrist Div Cvetic, who ultimately has a nervous breakdown and disappears. Susan later learns that he married someone he met through a dating service, run by a taxi driver from his cab.

Most of her problems, however, are family-related. Susan's parents, Cookie and Henry, are shown to be flighty (her father is jokingly referred to as a test pilot for Barcalounger) and difficult to talk to. Her older sister, Chloe, is the source of most of her distress, with a seemingly never ending series of problems with alcohol, drugs, men, and money. Chloe eventually has a baby girl, who she names Susan ('Little Susie') after her sister. During Season 2 however, Chloe begins to use alcohol and drugs once again. After deciding that she cannot look after her baby, she leaves Chicago, abandoning Susie on a flustered and overworked Susan.

Susan as she appeared in 1996.

She struggles to be a good mother to the child while completing her demanding residency. Already overstressed, Susan clashes with the new Chief Resident, Kerry Weaver, numerous times, forcing Mark Greene to step in between them. Animosity between Kerry and Susan lessens over time, but never goes away completely. Realizing that Chloe may never return, Susan considers giving Susie up for adoption. She gets as far as introducing the baby to potential adoptive parents, but cannot bring herself to part with her niece, so she decides to keep her and adopt the child as her own.

Susan grows extremely attached to the baby, but she gets a surprise when a reformed Chloe reappears later in the season and tries to reclaim 'little Susie'. Susan can't see past Chloe's mistakes, regardless of her recent turnaround and new responsible boyfriend. Desperate to keep the baby, Susan attempts to fight Chloe for custody, but is forced to reconsider when the judge warns her that she would lose. Susan begrudgingly reaches an agreement with her sister, and after regaining custody of 'little Susie', Chloe moves her family to Phoenix, Arizona to start a new life.

Susan struggles to cope with the loss of her niece and goes through a period of grief and counseling. She throws herself into her work to escape her feelings of loneliness, which manages to impress Weaver and, with Mark's encouragement, Kerry agrees to offer Susan the position of chief resident (she promises to support Susan's promotion if Mark recommends her as County's new attending physician). Much of the ER staff hoped Susan could achieve that title, but Susan turns the position down, later telling Mark that there is more to life than work.

Setting up Sherry Stringfield's departure from the series in Season 3, the beginnings of a romance appears to develop between Susan and Mark, or more to the point, they are shown to have problems identifying their current relationship as friendship. Both seem timid and cautious around each other. Initially more upfront about the situation, Susan invites Mark to join her on holiday in Maui, Hawaii, but is embarrassed when he appears hesitant, and later retracts the offer, feeling she overstepped a boundary.

Fearful that he may have missed his chance with Susan, Mark attempts to convey his attraction towards her upon her return, though he cannot find the courage to follow through and is left perplexed by Susan's reticence. It transpires that Susan never actually made it to Maui, she instead visited her sister and 'little Susie' in Phoenix as she could not overcome her fear of flying. Mark helps her overcome this fear in the following episode ('Fear of Flying'), supporting her during a helicopter flight rotation where they are called upon to treat victims of a serious motor accident.

As they grow closer, Mark finally plucks up the courage to casually ask Susan out, however she declines, telling him that they 'need to talk'. Shortly after, Mark witnesses Susan in numerous secret talks with the ER's chief of emergency medicine, David Morgenstern, and concludes that they are seeing each other. He confronts Susan, but she reveals that Morgenstern was merely helping her to transfer her residency. Desperately missing her niece, Susan had made the decision to move to Phoenix to be near her sister's family.

During a hectic last day for Susan at County's ER, Mark struggles with her imminent departure, but still finds himself afraid to admit his true feelings for her. The hospital staff arrange a leaving party for Susan, but it is canceled due to an influx of critical patients from a motoring accident. Susan leaves the hospital unable to say goodbye to Mark, who was busy working on a trauma patient. He manages to arrive just as her train is about to depart (episode 'Union Station). Mark pleads with her to stay because he loves her. But Susan doesn't see a future in Chicago or with him. She kisses him and says 'I love you, too' as the train departs.

Seasons 8–12 and second departure (2001–2005)[edit]

Susan returns during Season 8 as she left, shown to arrive on a train into Chicago to interview for a job. Susan visits County General for the first time in 5 years and sees the hospital has changed as well as the faces. She meets Mark for coffee and reveals that Chloe has moved on to another city, and she has decided that she can't follow her sister's family around forever. Mark offers her a job as an attending physician at County General, despite Kerry Weaver's reservations – the two never got along when they worked together before.

Susan returns to County (2001).

During Season 8 Susan has a brief relationship with Dr. John Carter after they both admit that they had a crush on each other when he was a medical student and she was a resident – it doesn't last, as Susan realizes in the episode Secrets and Lies, that Carter is really in love with Abby Lockhart. She then tells Carter to 'tell her' about his feelings. The two both break up on good terms and remain good friends throughout the rest of her career at County. Her problems with Chloe resurface when her niece Susie goes missing in New York after leaving a distressing voicemail message on her aunt's phone. Susan flies to New York (in a crossover with Third Watch) and discovers Chloe doped up, sleeping rough. Towards the end of the season, Susan faces one of her most difficult story lines, as her best friend Mark Greene reveals to her that his brain tumor has returned. The two rekindled their close friendship as she helps him come to terms with his diagnosis. Susan is alluded to in Mark's goodbye letter in 'The Letter' when Mark comments that he had to leave the way he did, even though there were things of a more personal nature to say. After her best friend's death, Susan warmed up to other friendships in the ER with Abby Lockhart and Elizabeth Corday, and was able to work better with her old colleague Kerry Weaver. Dr. Romano, who actually respected her (he once told another doctor to get Dr. Lewis when he had a medical emergency, calling her 'the least annoying person down there'), also promoted her to Deputy Chief of Emergency Medicine much to Kerry Weaver's dismay.

Into Season 9, Susan meets a flight nurse named Chuck Martin (played by Donal Logue) on a plane to Las Vegas. They both get drunk upon arrival and end up getting married in Vegas. They quickly have the marriage annulled once they return to Chicago, but eventually start dating again, and Susan becomes pregnant. She is finally promoted to the position of Chief of Emergency Medicine after Robert Romano dies in Season 10. While other pregnant characters had given birth on the show, at the time, Susan's was the first major birth offscreen, with her giving birth sometime between Seasons 10 and 11 (and being placed on bedrest amid concerns of preterm labor). Chuck ends up caring for their baby boy Cosmo as a stay-at-home parent while Susan works.

Into Season 11, Susan begins to build some anxiety about the upcoming tenure offer. It ultimately goes to her friend John Carter, due to her lack of grant funding, finally leading to her final exit from the series at the beginning of Season 12 in the episode 'Canon City'. Susan is offered a tenure track position at a hospital in Iowa City, Iowa (presumably University of Iowa). Technically, Stringfield was the first and last original cast member to leave the show. (Being the first to leave in 1996, then in 2005 after the rest of the original cast left.) This was later bested by Noah as he returned in the final season of E.R in 2009.

Season 15 Return in The End (2009)[edit]

In the season 15 episode 'The Book of Abby', long-serving nurse Haleh Adams shows the departing Abby Lockhart a closet wall where all the past doctors and employees have put their locker name tags. Amongst them, the tag 'Lewis' can be seen.

Dr. Susan Lewis returned for the series finale titled 'And in the End...',[5][6] returning to Chicago for the opening of The Carter Center. During evening drinks with Peter Benton, John Carter, Kerry Weaver, Elizabeth Corday, and Rachel Greene, Susan is heard confirming to Dr. Corday that she still lives in Iowa. Additionally, she states that she and Chuck have split and she is now dating again. She eventually returns to the ER for the last time in the series with Rachel Greene and Carter, where she visits and jokes with the staff, much to the annoyance of Dr. Banfield who interrupts the talk by asking Susan who she is.

Reception[edit]

Sherry Stringfield's decision to leave ER was a 'shock wave through Hollywood.'[7] According to Entertainment Weekly, people called Stringfield 'nuts' for leaving 'the hottest show on TV for some investment banker in New York.'[3]

Other officesPreceded by Robert Romano Chief of Emergency Medicine 2004–2005Succeeded by Luka Kovač

References[edit]

^ abVanessa Sibbald (2001). 'Why Sherry Stringfield has returned to `ER''. Chicago Tribune. Retrieved 2019-07-11.

^Kennedy, Dana (1997-10-17). 'Why I left ER, by Sherry Stringfield'. Entertainment Weekly. Retrieved 2007-02-24.

^ abKennedy, Dana (1997-10-17). 'Sherry Stringfield, the Goodbye Girl'. Entertainment Weekly.

^'Sherry Stringfield quits 'ER' Again'. Digital Spy. 2005-08-06. Retrieved 2007-04-12.

^Mickey O'Connor (2009). 'Sherry Stringfield Returning to ER'. TV Guide. Retrieved 2019-07-11.

^'Sherry Stringfield is Back!'. TV Guide. 2009-02-12. Retrieved 2009-02-12.

^'STRINGFIELD YEARNS FOR `NORMAL LIFE''. Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. 1996-11-22. Retrieved 2012-03-28.

Retrieved from 'https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Susan_Lewis&oldid=992148957'

Doug RossFirst appearanceSeptember 19, 1994 (1x01, '24 Hours')Last appearanceMarch 12, 2009 (15x19, 'Old Times')Portrayed byGeorge ClooneyDuration1994–1999, 2000, 2009In-universe informationFull nameDouglas RossNicknameDoug, DougieGenderMaleTitlePediatric Fellow (1994–1998) Pediatric Attending (1998–1999)OccupationPhysician, PediatricianFamilyRay Ross (father; deceased) Sarah Ross (mother)SpouseCarol Hathaway (wife)ChildrenKate Ross (daughter, with Carol) Tess Ross (daughter, with Carol)Born1962[1]

Dr. Douglas 'Doug' Ross is a fictional character from the television series ER, portrayed by George Clooney. George Clooney's removal from the main cast opening credits was in the 16th episode of season 5.

Plot[edit]

Doug Ross was raised by his mother, Sarah, after his father, Ray, abandoned their family. In Season 1, Ross revealed to a patient that he had a son, and he tells nurse Wendy Goldman that he doesn't know his son's name as he's never seen him. Not much else is known about Doug's past. Despite his jumbled personal life, Ross is a dedicated ER pediatrician. He has always been committed to medicine and children and to helping no matter the rules or the consequences. During Season 2, Doug rescued a boy trapped in a flooding storm drain during a rainstorm. His heroic efforts were filmed on local television, making him a media star. This event helped him earn back his job at County, because his supervisor in pediatrics originally wasn't going to renew his fellowship due to his disrespect for authority.

During Season 2, Ray tries to reconcile with Doug, who has difficulty reconnecting with the man who abandoned him and his mother. Ray owns a ritzy hotel in Chicago, and Doug lets his guard down a little but is disappointed when his father offers to take him to a Chicago Bulls game and then stands him up. Ross later reveals that he and his mother were abused by his father. Doug later has an affair with Ray's girlfriend, a woman from whom Ray stole money, but ends the relationship when it becomes clear that she has many problems.

Ross is a womanizer who dates and leaves many women throughout the course of the show. His womanizing days abruptly end after a one-night stand with an epileptic woman who hides her condition and dies in the ER. Ross learns her name only after she dies, after which he stops dating for a while until he gets back together with Carol Hathaway, the head nurse of the ER at County.

Warner Bros. Television, the studio which produces ER for NBC, kept secret from NBC Dr. Ross' cameo in 'Such Sweet Sorrow', which promoted the episode as Carol Hathaway's goodbye, with no mention of Ross' appearance. The original version of 'Such Sweet Sorrow' that Warner Bros. sent to NBC ended after the scene where we see Hathaway on the plane to Seattle. At the eleventh hour, Warner Bros. sent an 'edited' version of the episode by messenger to NBC headquarters in New York for broadcast. NBC was miffed that it was kept in the dark as it could have generated valuable ad revenue if it had aired promos that the episode marked the return of George Clooney. Clooney cited the fans of the show for his reason for making the cameo (he wanted Hathaway's and Ross's characters to get back together, which many fans hoped for). Clooney reportedly only asked to be paid scale for the cameo.

In the season 15 episode 'Old Times,' Ross is working as an attending physician at the University of Washington Medical Center. He is helping a grieving grandmother (Susan Sarandon) whose grandson was gravely injured in a bicycle accident. He talks to Sam and Neela after finding out that they are from County, asking them whether any of his old colleagues still work there. Doug and Carol are responsible for getting the kidney for Carter and a heart for another County patient, but they never discover who receives the organs.

Career[edit]

In the pilot episode, which takes place on St. Patrick's Day 1994, Ross is brought into the ER not long before his shift, to be 'treated' for drunkenness by his longtime friend, Dr. Mark Greene. Throughout the next few seasons, Ross is shown to be compassionate, though not always using the best judgment. His love of children is best seen during darker situations, such as when a child is in danger. When Peter Benton talks about how surgeons deal with emotionally charged cases and ER doctors have it easy, Ross leaves him stunned into silence when describing cases that include a young girl who beat her mother to death, a kid who is going to lose his leg to cancer and another kid who is dying from a life of homelessness. His lack of judgment leads him to assault abusive parents in the ER, but his counseling in that case just consists of the shrink telling him not to do that again.

He is a passionate doctor who puts the welfare of his patients, especially children, above his medical career. In one episode, Dr. Ross saves a young boy who is drowning and is flown in to County General using a news helicopter. This garners him much attention, earns him an award, and saves his job. Ross doesn't handle authority well, even when Mark is his boss. He is a pediatrician, but in several episodes performs medical procedures on adults, usually when the other doctors are busy.

In another episode, he tries to do an ultra-rapid detox on a drug-addicted baby without the mother's consent. Hathaway assists, but when Greene and Weaver discover that the procedure is being done in violation of hospital policy and the law, Doug is punished. He is left on probation for 30 days and is supervised by Dr. Kerry Weaver and Dr. Greene, who have to co-sign his charts. Doug's attitude toward patient treatment often has consequences for his coworkers and supervisors, who have received reprimands from their superiors for Doug's actions.

He vies to be an attending physician for emergency pediatrics. He eventually gets the job, even though doctors Greene and Weaver oppose his promotion because the position isn't necessary and the funds are needed elsewhere. Greene is ultimately happy for Ross, but Weaver is aghast and campaigns against his new position.

He resigns in the aftermath of a scandal in which he shows a mother how to bypass the lockouts on a DilaudidPCA, enabling her to give a lethal dose of medication to her terminally ill son. Ross had earlier stolen Dilaudid from a pain- medication study and given it to the mother, only to be discovered by Weaver and Greene, who reprimand him but kept the incident private. The incident prompts the closure of Hathaway's free clinic in the hospital, since it supplied the PCA to this mother, and Ross faces suspension from work and possible criminal charges. A friend of Ross, who is the Chief of Genetics, stands up for him and the charges against him are dropped, but Ross resigns from the hospital and moves to Seattle. When Ross leaves, he and Hathaway are on poor terms until she discovers that she's pregnant with his twin girls. Her clinic is later re-opened, but she has to report to her former assistant there.

Ross was written out of the series because Clooney wished to focus on his expanding film career. He also said that there wasn't any strong story in place for his character after Season 5.[This quote needs a citation] He appeared at the end of the penultimate episode of season 6, when Carol leaves Cook County to reunite with Ross in Seattle. He was reportedly asked to return briefly in season 8, to make an appearance in Anthony Edwards's last episode during Greene's funeral, but Clooney declined because he did not want his cameo appearance to overshadow the departure of a beloved character on the show.

Clooney returned to ER for its 15th and final season in 2009 in a story arc beginning with Episode 328, titled 'Old Times', with Julianna Margulies also returning as Hathaway. The two are now married and work to help convince a grieving grandmother to donate her grandson's organs. During the process, Doug talks with Neela Rasgotra and learns that nearly everyone he knows has since departed County with Anspaugh being the only one left. At the end of the episode they receive word of the success of their efforts, unaware that the doctor who got the kidney was their old friend John Carter.

Development[edit]

Casting and creation[edit]

George Clooney did not receive a casting call for the television series. He received a draft of the script from a friend; he read it and became interested in the part. He said: 'I like the flaws in this guy. I can play him.'[2]

Neal Baer who worked on ER was inspired by his personal experiences to write storylines for the character of Doug Ross. He did his residency while he was on ER and became a pediatrician, which helped to 'draw on really complicated ethical dilemmas.'[3]

Characterization[edit]

The character was described as 'a complicated children's doctor who could be self-centered quick-tempered and giving, hitting the bottle to avoid dealing with consequences of his actions.'[4]

Reception[edit]

In 2004, Ross was listed in Bravo's 100 Greatest TV Characters.[5]Entertainment Weekly placed Ross in its list of the '30 Great TV Doctors and Nurses'.[6] The character was included in Fox News' list of 'The Best TV Doctors For Surgeon General' and in Philadelphia Magazine's 10 Best Doctors on Television.[7][8] Ross was also listed in Wetpaint's '10 Hottest Male Doctors on TV' and in BuzzFeed's '16 Hottest Doctors On Television'.[9][10] His relationship with Carol Hathaway was included in AOL TV's list of the 'Best TV Couples of All Time' and in the same list by TV Guide.[11][12]

For his work on the series, Clooney received two Emmy Award nominations for Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series in 1995 and 1996.[13][14] He was also nominated for three Golden Globe Awards for Best Actor – Television Series Drama in 1995, 1996, and 1997 (losing to co-star Anthony Edwards).[15][16][17]

References[edit]

^Mimi Leder (director), John Wells (writer) (1996-02-22). 'The Healers'. ER. Season 2. Episode 16. NBC.

^Keenleyside, Sam (April 1998). Bedside Manners: George Clooney and ER. ECW Press. p. 51. ISBN978-1-5502-2336-1.

^Tate, Nick (January 11, 2015). ''ER' Producer Dr. Neal Baer Turns Lens on Poverty, Education Reform'. Newsmax Media. Retrieved August 15, 2015.

^Potts, Kimberly (September 1, 2011). George Clooney: The Last Great Movie Star Revised and Updated Edition. Applause. p. 51. ISBN978-1-5578-3785-1.

^'Bravo > 100 Greatest TV Characters'. Bravo. Archived from the original on July 17, 2007. Retrieved November 11, 2006.

^Wilkinson, Amy (June 15, 2009). 'George Clooney – Paging Dr. Feelgood: 30 Great TV Doctors and Nurses – Photo 12 of 28'. Entertainment Weekly. Time Inc. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'The Best TV Doctors For Surgeon General'. Fox News. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^Palan, Erica (October 11, 2011). '10 Best Doctors on Television'. Philadelphia Magazine. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^Martin, Rebecca (December 21, 2012). 'The 10 Hottest Male Doctors on TV'. Wetpaint. The Cambio Network. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'The 16 Hottest Doctors On Television'. BuzzFeed. September 28, 2012. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^Potts, Kimberly (February 11, 2008). 'Best TV Couples of All Time'. AOL TV. Aol, Inc. Retrieved September 24, 2012.

^'Couples Pictures, ER Photos - Photo Gallery: The Best TV Couples of All Time'. TV Guide. Retrieved June 25, 2012.

^'Primetime Emmy nominations for 1995 - Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series'. Emmys.com. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'Primetime Emmy nominations for 1996 - Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series'. Emmys.com. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'The 53rd Annual Golden Globe Awards (1996)'. Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'The 54th Annual Golden Globe Awards (1997)'. Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Archived from the original on May 21, 2013. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'The 54th Annual Golden Globe Awards (1998)'. Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

Emergency Room

External links[edit]

Bio at TNT.com

Official ER website at NBC.com

Hospital Er Rooms

Retrieved from 'https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Doug_Ross&oldid=991497793'

[lmfaopia]

03: 𝑳𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒖𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕: 𝑭𝒆𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒔

Have you ever think of what could happen if there will be no women in this world we live in? Imagine waking up one day and all of the women in the world had just disappeared. All the human females vanish right this instant. That means no one will give birth, a lot of factories will be affected because most of the workers are women, men will have to do all the household chores, get the grocery and do all that most of men take for granted in their lives. All women do the difficult work in the family goes to them and they do well in it. This will accelerate the rate of extinction. If there were no women in society then there would have been no existence of this society. No one can ever replace a women's kindness because for me a women’s heart is incredibly powerful and predictable.  

Since I was a kid, I have been always looking forward to be a strong and independent women like my Mother. She cleans everything! She cooks! She take of her children but still looking good like she didn’t even gave birth. But most importantly, she knows how to defend herself, she knows how to handle things, and she knows how to not give up when things get really messy. Usually, my Mom would pick up the outfit the I will wear throughout the day but then I kind of hate the clothes that she wants me to wear so I insist that from now on I will pick my own outfit- and that is the first day where I started looking like a chicken potato. I would never forget the time I had a dengue, a very serious disease that almost killed me. I don’t really remember every detail but I can still remember the face of my parents when I was in a critical condition, they look so miserable. When I saw their faces I knew right then and there that I have to fight and live. After not even a week, my brother was diagnosed with dengue too. Those kind of tough times made my parents stronger that they are and over the past years I grew up as a strong and brave girl. 

We all experienced talking to a girl, whether it is a soft girl or a bruh girl, we can all say that they are really powerful and beautiful in their own way. I met this one girl last year at Starbucks, she is too kind to approach me because we are facing each other but in different chairs because obviously we don’t know each other. We talked and shared a lot of information about ourselves but what made me speechless is when she told me she is living alone and she’s 17! I know some of you is not that amaze but for me it is really a milestone and surprising to think and to start living in your own without the support of your parents at a young age. I have always dreamed of living independently, where no one bothers you and you have all your time but as I think about it I realized my parents, they want me and my siblings to live in a compound where we can communicate because my Mom is the only child that is far from her siblings and I notice how hard it is for her and for us of course that we still have to travel just to be with out relatives. I saw a post last two days and it can’t out of my mind, it says “No matter what you do- don’t have just one child. Give them siblings.. that’s the family they will have when you are gone, cousins and aunts won’t be there. Take my word” like it makes sense right? Maybe at some point their relatives will be there but a love from your sibling is pure and unconditional. No one can even beat the anger that you feel whenever you fight with your sister or brother but at the end of the day you still forgive them like nothing happened. 

As I grow up, I learned that being a girl is a gift. Like women? The most intelligent human in the world? yES. Did you know that the two highest IQ scores in recorded history belong to women. We, as a women, have so much power simply because who we are. We can literally gave birth that can change the whole world, a child that you will raise which is by the way not easy, imagine taking care of a child for 9 months and raise it for the next 2 decades :00 It will be tough but the lessons and the unconditional love that a Mother can give is too much already. I think being a child is such an amazing experience that you will ever encounter, you have not much problems, you have the shelter that you need and the food that you’ll eat, the love from your parents and relatives. When I think about those times, I just want to be a child again. To be a child that only worry about what to play for the next day, what candy should I eat next or simply pushing yourself to sleep at afternoon so your Mom will let you play outside with your friends as soon as you wake up. How nostalgic. I miss those times where you rarely worry about life but I’ve learned a lot as a child. My childhood may not be as fancy as the other kids but I still had the best childhood.

As a girl, you should know how to protect other girls around you, like the code called girl code wherein you will communicate to a women that only women can understand. Don’t hate and spread rumors on girls you don’t know, there’s nothing more annoying than hearing some girl spreading gossip about you. It is extra annoying when you’ve never talked to this person before. Don’t be that kind of girl. Rescue or do something when someone is in danger or is dealing with sexual harassment, follow this rule even if you’ve never met this girl in your life. If it’s obvious this girl is uncomfortable or even if you just get bad vibes, do something. It will help her to get out and to avoid in that situation. If someone else’s boyfriend or girlfriend is hitting you up, tell the partner because no one deserve someone like that, if he/ she love her/him he/she will never do that even if it is just a friendly chat. Don’t entertain those kind of boy/ girl, they are not worth it. Reach out to the partner so that he can leave the toxic relationship immediately. A relationship should help you grow, enjoy and learn lessons that will help you in the future not to be played with and just to be taken advantage of.

In today's world, women seem to have little regard for OTHER men, which is why women themselves have low self-esteem. As a woman, you should know your importance, you should know you are not just a woman and you should know your worth. You should not look down on yourself, you should not step on others, remember that your parents did not raise you just to be oppressed by someone, they raised you to succeed in life, to make a name, of so when the time comes they will be proud of you that the person they are talking about is just a woman is now a woman who has succeeded because she is a wise women where she used her weakness to grow stronger and succeed in life. A guy will tell you "He managed even though he was just a girl." Remember that you have a reputation to be nurtured, you also need to know how important you are and most of all you should know your standard. Often, women are ruined when they love, remember that that is not the man for you if you are only ruined, because the man who loves will fill your imperfections and guide you in any way. You should not lower the standards you for men, because if he really loves you he will force you to reach that. Remember, you are not a drag girl who shows up to show that you are not just a women but show that "I am a women and I am not like everyone else", don't just shop but also think while choosing and you should not collect. Do not let yourself be ruined just because of a man, and if that is the case, do not show you are weak because the more they see that they can just manipulate you, they will repeat it again and again and again, instead stand up even with tears in your eyes, whether it is a bleeding heart, a fainting soul, or no matter how heavy the grief. that is, because YOU ARE A WOMAN AND NOT JUST A WOMAN. You should try to rebuild yourself even if you are completely ruined, you should not step on others, but be an inspiration that the woman who was destroyed before, will gradually rise in the mud that has been trampled and will rise to bring new life because you remember that while there is life, there will always be hope. A hope to change. A hope for a new start. A hope to start again. A hope to grow. 

"Feminism isn't about making women stronger. Women are already strong, it's about changing the way the world perceives that strength."    -G.D. Anderson

[delos-mio]

Death of a Bachelor - Part 15

A/N: hi guess what I have a new chapter for you!!!!!! did a little mapping today and it looks like there will likely be 2-3 more parts and an epilogue, subject to change. tags at the end, lemme know if you’d like to be added c:

The last of your things were boxed up and waiting for the moving truck to come any moment. It took you the better part of a month to sort through all the shit you’d accumulated over the years, pack up everything you planned on taking to Logan’s, and list your condo for sale. Logan had been there every step of the way to make sure you never had to lift a finger if you didn’t want to. Which, you were extremely grateful for all the help. You still had an office to attend to; business didn’t stop just because you were moving into a house with more space than you knew what to do with.

On the final Sunday afternoon, Logan had roped John Collins into helping with the final load of your things. True to his promise some month or so before, John had been around more and more frequently now that you were fully in the loop. He was a good man and so similar to Logan and completely the opposite in just as many ways. Where Logan was impulsive, John was calculated. Logan spoke with passion and conviction, whereas John was the silent enforcer. But both men were equally as excited to finally own Delos, perhaps for different reasons, but anxious to get their hands on it all the same. John was picking up the last box when he turned around to look at you and Logan.

“Think that’s it! Unless you’re hiding something else around here,” John grinned.

“Nah, that’s the last of it,” you sighed with a small smile. You were so happy to be living with Logan properly, of course you were. But there was that small corner of your heart that broke every time you remembered you were giving up this condo you loved so much. John had stepped out and you distantly heard his footsteps descend the stairs just outside your door. You wrapped your arms loosely around your middle and slowly paced around the now empty living room. The same room you’d given birth to your company, where you cried countless times to Emily about how you were ready to give up, where you and Charles got drunk after successfully landing clients, where Logan brought you sushi from your favorite restaurant to apologize for being a complete dickhead. The memory made you let out a small, sad chuckle.

“What’s the matter, princess?” Logan was reaching out and gently thumbing away a tear you didn’t realize had spilled from your eyes. You’d been so lost in your reverie that you failed to notice both Logan holding you cautiously and that you were crying. You shook your head a bit and forced a tight-lipped smile before looking up and meeting Logan’s soft and dark gaze.

“I guess,” you started, allowing yourself a deep breath and quickly wiped the remaining moisture from your cheeks. “This is one of only two places I’ve lived while I’ve been in LA. When I first came out here, I was in some shitty little studio like every other idiot who comes out here with enough arrogance to think they’re going to make it. But once I had real business and clients and money, I wanted to get the fuck out of that apartment.” You paused again and rubbed under your eyes once more. “This was the first place I looked at and I signed for it that same day. It was like it was here just waiting for me, you know? That probably sounds stupid. It’s just a condo. But this was the first thing I really bought for myself after I got my feet under me.”

“That’s not stupid at all,” Logan said sincerely, smoothing his hand over your hair. “I know you love this place. I don’t want you to feel like you need to give it up for me, ok? If you don’t want to…” he started, but you cut him off by quickly pressing your lips to his.

“You’re sweet, Lo. And I appreciate it. But I want to be with you and live in your hou—”

“Our,” he corrected with a small smile. The distinction made your heart swell and burst. Any lingering sadness you felt at saying goodbye to your space was quickly being pushed aside for the overwhelming joy you felt when you thought about being with Logan.

“Yes, our,” you laughed. “Ours,” you repeated before he was leaning down to kiss you again, slowly this time.

“Ours,” he mumbled against your lips, never moving away from them. One more languid kiss and you pulled apart, taking Logan’s hand in yours.

You scanned the place one more time as you stood in the doorway with Logan. After closing your eyes and taking in a long breath, you turned to him and nodded, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips. The silver key twisted in the knob and locked your old condo for the last time.

-----

A week or so later, Juliet was at the house firming up plans for Jim’s retirement party that was set to happen in a month. He was doing his best to keep this meeting as short as possible; he had something planned for this evening and Jules simply was not invited. Logan had already taken care of hiring catering, entertainment, and valets, but Juliet offered to help with décor of some kind since she tended to have a better eye for those sort of details. Truthfully, Logan didn’t give a shit what it looked like or what people ate or if they even had a good time. In fact, he’d prefer it be the shittiest party imaginable for the most miserable bastard he knew. But he couldn’t very well get away with that, not if he wanted to pull off the charade like he wanted and not with Juliet watching so closely. Why she wanted to give Jim a nice send off, he’d never understand.

“I was thinking of having these around the sitting room and out on the terrace,” Juliet said, showing Logan something on her computer. He didn’t know what it was because he couldn’t be bothered to look up from his phone.

“Uh huh, sure,” he agreed dismissively. Juliet angrily snapped her laptop shut, drawing Logan’s attention back to her.

“What the fuck is up with you? Do you not care about this?” she asked, a small fire starting in her eyes.

“Not at all, actually,” he shrugged.

“Then why the fuck are you throwing Dad this party, huh? You guys haven’t even spoken in months.” She was right. And it had been the best, most peaceful eight months of his life. “Listen, I know it’s been hard for you. And I know I haven’t been the best sister or friend even during all…this. But if there’s something you need to tell me, please.” She always had been able to read Logan better than anyone.

“Nope, just trying to send off dad the way he deserves,” Logan said cryptically, smiling a bit too wide. Juliet wasn’t buying it, but she conceded and decided maybe it was best to let it drop and stop talking about Jim for a bit.

“So, how’s it been living together? She’s not ready to rip your head off yet?” she teased, leaning back into the couch.

“It’s been amazing, actually,” he laughed silently, a fond smile playing on his lips as he thought about how excited he was for you to come home. “I was a little scared to live with someone else, you know? I’ve lived on my own for so long and she has too. But we’d been having so many sleepovers, it didn’t really feel like we had to learn how to live together. We just kind of got it. I just have less room in the closet now.”

“Which I’m sure is just unbearable for you,” Juliet said with a roll of her eyes.

“If that’s my biggest adjustment, I’m not complaining,” he remarked, bringing his bottle of beer to his lips, dumping the last of it down his throat.

“So, things must be…pretty serious then?” she asked with caution. Logan knew what she was trying to ask without the words actually leaving her mouth. For as well as Juliet could read him, he was just as well versed at catching her meaning without her coming out with it.

“We live together, Jules. I suppose so, yes.”

“Yeah, ok. But this is, like, easily the longest you’ve ever been with one person, let alone had a title on a relationship.” She was right. Logan didn’t exactly have a lengthy history of longevity in his relationships. Now that he was thinking about it, he was pretty sure you were the only proper partner he’d ever had. The thought was both jarring and comforting to him.

“Just ask me what you want to, stop with all this bullshit,” he said, waving his hand dismissively in her direction.

“Have you guys talked about, you know, getting married? Kids?”

“Jesus, Jules. No,” he answered a little too quickly. “We’re not there. Don’t know if we will be.”

“I’m just saying,” she started softly, “it’s something you might want to talk about if you plan on keeping her around. I mean, how are you going to feel if you’re on two completely different pages? How is she going to feel? What if she’s ready for you to put a ring on it and start popping out babies?”

Logan laughed violently at the thought. Fuck anyone who thought he’d ever even entertain being a father. And he couldn’t imagine you having thoughts like what Juliet just described. But…maybe she had a point. Exaggerated, but a point none the less. Logan still didn’t know how he felt about marriage as an institution. But, if he were going to consider spending his life with anyone, it was most certainly you.

“I’m almost positive she doesn’t feel that way,” he said as his laughter began to subside.

“Almost positive is not certain, though, now is it?” she countered with a raised eyebrow. “I’m just trying to get you to think a little bit since I know you like to gloss over that part.” Logan rolled his eyes. “I like her a lot, and I know you do too. I just don’t want to see either one of you end up hurt because you were too busy assuming you know everything like you always do.”

“I appreciate the concern, sis. I’ll make sure we’re both vehemently anti-baby,” he joked with a sly smile. The two fell into a comfortable silence before Logan decided it was time to open his mouth again. “Billy still a worthless piece of shit?” Logan asked nonchalantly.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” she huffed angrily, starting to put her things back in her bag.

“Do what?”

“Ruin an otherwise good time by being a shit head!” she spat back angrily. “Jesus, Logan. Wake up. He’s going to be your brother-in-law whether you like it or not.”

“I don’t like it,” he countered easily.

“I KNOW. I know, ok? And you know what? I don’t fucking care.” She was on her feet now, making her way to the front door with her bag slung over her shoulder.

“Jules…” Logan said with a sigh, only regretting bringing up William a little bit.

“I’ll talk to you later, ok?” With that, she was forcefully closing the door behind her, leaving Logan alone with an empty bottle and his thoughts.

He glanced at the clock and figured he had a couple hours until you’d be getting home. Perfect, he thought, and pulled himself off the couch to start getting ready for the evening he had planned for the two of you.

-----

You stepped into the foyer after getting home and immediately noticed all the lights were off inside the house. The only source of illumination was the soft glow of the fairy lights hung around the deck. You had no choice but to follow the pull of the warm yellows and oranges they emitted. When you got to the sliding glass door, you saw Logan standing in a clean but casual suit, a small bouquet in his hands.

“What is all this?” you asked, a little dreamy, as you stepped outside to join him and further observed a nice dinner set out for each of you, a few candles lit on the table between the plates. It was clear Logan had taken his time setting everything up, taking into consideration all the things you liked. No matter how beautiful of a scene he had set, he somehow managed to look even more perfect.

“You know what today is?” Logan asked, wrapping his unoccupied hand around your waist. You swallowed a large lump that had formed in your throat. Shit, did you forget about something huge? You were going to feel like such a dick if you did. Logan looked so happy and so handsome, you couldn’t stomach the idea of upsetting him.

“No…” you said in an impossibly small voice, your eyes worried as you looked up at Logan. But he just laughed a little and managed to smile wider.

“Well, I suppose I’m not surprised by that. Since this day definitely left a bigger impression on me than it did on you,” he said, confusing you even more. Logan just handed you the flowers and moved in to kiss you. His kiss was firm and full of the passion he couldn’t convey with words. His lips were perfectly soft as he moved against you, making you whimper quietly from the back of your throat. As he broke away just enough to speak again, you were left breathless thinking about the kiss he just gave you. “One year ago today, you yelled at me for being a little bitch to the barista at the coffee shop in my building.”

He knew. He remembered the day you met. Back then, you assumed he had been another pretty boy trying to get into your pants by any means necessary, but you now knew he’d been so persistent because he really wanted you and everything you were. The thought made you want to burst into tears on the spot. He really did have a gooey center under all those layers of armor he managed to put on every day. You reached up and cupped his cheek, grinning like an idiot.

“Logan Delos, are we celebrating our anniver—”

“Shh,” he cooed, kissing you again before motioning towards your seat and pulling your chair out for you. You just giggled and took your place across from Logan.

“This looks great. Thank you, Lo. It’s beautiful out here,” you praised with a genuine smile.

“Not nearly as beautiful as the company,” he said smoothly, sending you a wink that made a warmth spread across your chest. It was wild how he could still turn you into a schoolgirl with the smallest gesture.

You enjoyed your meal and a bottle of wine, just catching up on each other’s days, a little flirting where you could both fit it in. He told you about Juliet coming over and new party developments, well, the ones he cared to remember. You filled him in on work and the new client Charles had brought in. The whole evening, you were just itching to be closer, closer, closer to Logan. You wanted his skin on yours, your fingers in his hair, his lips to wander wherever they so desired. It was almost impossible to keep your train of thought at times; you hadn’t been this completely blinded by lust in quite some time. But just as you were getting lost in another fantasy about all the things Logan’s long fingers could do, he caught you off-guard with a question you had not at all been expecting.

“Do you want kids?” He asked it so casually, you almost didn’t catch it. But you did, and it made you choke momentarily on your wine.

“Excuse me?” you laughed lightly, trying to stifle a cough.

“Do you want kids?” he asked, more seriously this time.

“I…no. No, I really don’t. Never have,” you said honestly. “Sorry if that’s…”

“Good, me either,” he agreed quickly with a bright smile.

“Baby, where did that come from?” you asked with a tilt of your head. Logan let out a little sigh and ran his fingers absentmindedly through his hair.

“When Jules was over today. I don’t know, I guess she got into my head a little bit,” he said smiling again, shaking his head. “She asked me if we wanted to get married and have kids and…”

“Was moving in together not enough for her?” You raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“This,” he said, reaching his hand out and taking yours, tugging you gently until you got the idea to stand up and plopped yourself back down on his lap. Logan had really taken to having you in his lap lately, not that you were complaining. “This is why I love you,” he said gently, tucking your hair back behind your ear. “She was saying shit about how we could not be on the same page and how shitty that would be. But,” he paused to run a palm up your thigh, “I knew we were. We don’t even have to say it.”

“I’m happy with you, Lo. With us,” you said with a smile before kissing his temple. “I don’t feel the need to anything on anyone else’s timeline but our own, ok? And if we decide we don’t want to do anything, that’s our own goddamn business.” You leaned down to kiss him again, this time on his wine stained lips. Logan was quick to grip your hip a little tighter, swipe his tongue a little harder as he eagerly deepened the kiss.

“Can I show you part two now?” he asked, his voice now deep and rough, laced with his want for you.

“There’s a part two?” you giggled. Logan just nodded and swatted at your ass to get up. As soon as you did, he was quick to lift you in his arms again, carrying you bridal style through your house. He toed the door to the bedroom open where he had strung up similar lights to those outside around the bed. You could tell he had changed all the linens to be fresh for tonight. Logan gently dropped you on the plush bedding and quickly moved to lay over you.

“You’re so goddamn perfect,” he sighed against the delicate skin of your neck. “Let me show you how perfect you are.”

TAGGED: @marvelcapsicle @something-tofightfor @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @gollyderek @dylanobrusso @abroadcastofthemind @songtoyou

[linyi-is-dreaming]

One Way Out - Part 22

Story: BTS x Y/N

Category: Smut, Mystery, Abusive Relationship, Crime, Angst

Summary: After Y/N’s last break up, she tried to get her ex off her mind. Parties, one night stands, nothing helped except only one thing that helped her the most: her now boyfriend Hoseok. They became from friends to friends with benefits and after a while they both confessed their feelings for each other and started dating. But the calculation was made without her ex, Yoongi. Who does not come back on good terms. 

Chapter 22: The pre-game

“You are such a maniac.”, Yoongi says in disgust as Jungkook takes a few steps closer to them. Jungkook’s face shows what he thinks and what he thinks will not be in their favor. His eyes move along her body twice before he looks at Yoongi again.

“Me? Aww, do you have no painful names left for me?”, Jungkook asks arrogantly. Jungkook's grin is annoying them, more each second, he keeps it on his face. Tae notices that more members start to appear behind them. His eyes move over his shoulder without turning his head too much away from Jungkook. If members appear from two sides, it can only end up in a fight, Tae thinks. The only hard thing would be to keep on track with Y/N, shall they attack. How should they keep their eyes on her when there are more than six men against them? Jungkook knows Tae too well to oversee his thinking poker face. “Tae, you used to know me. I always have some tricks up my sleeve.” Tae says nothing but his hand grabs her upper arm to keep her between him and Yoongi. Yoongi watches his doing with his side eye as he grabs her by her wrist to pull her behind him. “I see. You still know what I want. Perfect. Let’s start the first round of the game!” He looks at his crew who immediately try to tare Y/N away from Tae and Yoongi. From the outside it looks like they are about to rip them apart. Tae and Yoongi immediately shoot at some members of Jungkook with success but there are still more crew members than them as every now and then, new members arrive. The downfall begins when they do not see the first real attempt. One guy jumps on the back of Tae as Tae tries to shoot at someone in front of him and that takes him by surprise. The force that Jungkook’s member uses pulls him to the ground harshly. The fast movement gives Tae hardly time to collect himself nor time to think about how to get out of the grip. The more he moves, the easier it is for Jungkook’s guy to take Tae in a proper headlock.. 

“Tae!”, Y/N screams whilst she loses her grip on him. Not able to do anything, she watches Tae struggling to break free. The gunshot of Yoongi’s gun brings her attention back to Yoongi. She holds on Yoongi for dear life but if she did not miscount, there are at least eight members who are walking up to them. They walk fiercely and directly at them. Yoongi panics on the inside when he notices that his gun is running out of bullets. With her free hand, she holds on tight on Yoongi's upper arm to not be ripped from him. Two crew members start to attack Yoongi whilst one other crew member tries to pull her away from Yoongi. The more she fights to hold on Yoongi, the stronger the grip of the member becomes on her body. His hands are on her waist with his fingers pushing on the inside of her hip bone. The pain fills her mind until her body is giving up. Her eyes move back to Tae in hope that he is doing better but what she sees frustrates her even more. A guy is hovering over him as he continues to punch Tae’s face. She shakes her head in disbelief whilst she looks up at Yoongi. She watches helplessly how they also beat up Yoongi. No mercy is given by any member of Jungkook’s crew. No matter how much she wants to attack Jungkook, she knows she has no chance at this moment to do anything to him. She can hear the struggle Tae and Yoongi are in as the man turns her body for a second away from the scene. She can hear how the punches and kicks land on someone’s body. From the angle she is standing now, she can see how Jungkook moves his chin forward. It looks like he would give someone a sign. His face shows how much he enjoys it. Y/N is right, it was a sign. The sign for the man behind her to let her watch the ongoing scene. The punches and kicks which land on Yoongi’s stomach repeatedly and that Jungkook seems to want her to watch the ongoing scene, makes her skin crawl. Her eyes wander almost automatically to Tae who also is still getting several punches on his upper body.  

“Enough. I think this will do the job for now.”, Jungkook screams. Y/N tries to kick herself free but she has no chance against the man who is still holding her. The man behind her holds her in a very tight grip. He took her by the upper arms after she slipped through his fingers for a second. “You are such a little fighter, doll.” Jungkook is walking closer and closer to Y/N. Slowly he approaches her as he would try to warn her to not fight him. “Always entertaining me the best way you can.” A smile escapes his lips as he looks into her eyes. His hand is almost touching her skin but he stops for a second, just in case Yoongi would try to intervene.

“Keep your hands off her!”, Yoongi screams as he keeps his eyes on Jungkook. Just as Jungkook calculated, it is easy to make Yoongi react quickly. “Touch her and I will break your neck!” Jungkook moves his chin forward to give his member who is looking at him a sign. The next thing Yoongi feels are two kicks on each side of his ribs. Jungkook watches how the kicks hit the air out of his lungs, amused he laughs as he keeps looking at him.

“Do not be so selfish. Dolls are meant to be played with.” Like on a command their eyes move towards the men with the ropes in their hands who are walking into the room. “Make sure they stay where they are.” Jungkook continues to move his hand closer to her face. “I think my doll prefers it rough though.” His thumb moves over her lips slowly. “So much you could do with these pretty lips but you always choose the wrong thing. Are you not tired of living a life you know is not meant for someone like you?” His eyes move to Yoongi to see if he has gone too far or if there are plenty more space he could use.

“I swear if you keep touching her-”, Yoongi says whilst they put the rope around his wrists.

“Then what? What do you want to do to me, huh?”, Jungkook says mockingly. “Are you not aware how bad it looks for you?” He takes her chin between his thumb and index finger and moves her head up before he looks at her again. “I do not like it when you look away. Shouldn’t you know it by now?” His eyes look as cold as they never looked like before. Usually they look emotionless, but this time they do not even look cold. They look dead, like there would be no life behind those eyes. The coldness that he also has in his voice makes her heart beat quicker in fear. Her shoulders start to hurt from the grip she is in. When her eyes move from Tae to Yoongi, she can see in their face that they must fear something too. Tae’s lip is bleeding lightly as well the bloody scratches on his cheek do. The man behind Tae has his knee on one of Tae’s calf to keep him on his knees. Another member puts also a rope around Tae’s wrists. “Hey!”, Jungkook screams loudly whilst he tightens the grip on her jawline. “I do not like it when my players do not play by the rule.” Her eyes show the anger and pain he had cost her in the last few days.

“That player is you.”

“What did you just say?”

“I said, the player who ignores the rules is you.”

“How dare you?” His fingers leave her face as his eyes look in her eyes. “I can give you anything you want and you are throwing your chance away!”

“You cannot give me anything. Absolutely nothing!”, she yells as she finally has enough.

“You will like me. No, you will love me back one day. One day, but that day will be too late.”

“You are pathetic.”

“I am? Are you sure?” He takes her by her left upper arm and turns her to look at Yoongi and Tae. “You are wrong. They are pathetic.”, Jungkook says in a serious voice. “You do not really think that you can rely on them, do you? They cannot defend you on any level.”

“You killed my friends, my boyfriend. What else do you want from me?”

“I hope with friend, you mean Tae’s sister. But I did not take your boyfriend Hoseok nor did I take Namjoon from you.” He tilts his head as he looks at her. Yoongi’s eyebrows narrow as he looks at Y/N. “Do you want to know how Hoseok and Namjoon died?”

“I already know. You send your crew members out to stab them. Only a maniac like you would come up with this kind of ideas.”, she answers confidently.

“Huh, you seem to be really sure, aren’t you?” Her eyes meet his with a secure face expression that she must be right. “I am sorry. You are not right about it.”

“Why are you lying? Aren’t you proud of the horrible things you organized?” Y/N struggles but she tries her best to hold her tears back. All sorts of words which are connected to the bad things Jungkook have done, come up suddenly. She feels as she wants to cry when she thinks about the pain her loved ones must have gone through, at the same time she wants scream in anger.  

“Why should I be proud about two dead police officers? As I said, it was not me.”

“Nobody else had a motive! It can only be you.”

“Nope. That is not true either. Are we playing a guessing game?” Jungkook looked amused at Yoongi as he starts to notice her interest in who had killed her boyfriend. With a grin he looks back at her

“You are lying!”

“I have my phone right here. I can show all the messages I had with my new right hand.”

“Can be easily faked.”

“Why do you think I killed Jin and not all three of you whilst you were hiding behind a car?” Y/N’s face expression changed from confidence to surprised. “Shall I tell you what kind of misinformation you have?” He looks at Yoongi and turns her body more into his direction. “You see he knew who did it, but he decided to cover it up.”

“You fucking pig!”, Yoongi screams at him. “I have nothing to do with it.”

“Come down. You were a part of it, but you chose to shut your mouth about it.”

“Y/N, do not listen to him! Jin did not mean to.”

“He did not mean it… Of course, when you use a knife, you do not mean it…” Jungkook shakes his head. “See there is this thing, Y/N. Life is pain. The painful truth is that my new right hand is as much as a betrayer as Tae is.”

“I do not believe a single word you say.” Y/N does not want to believe what believe a word he is saying. It could not be someone she trusted. Someone she has been around with.

“I think you are a little confused here. Let me help you out. My supposedly new right hand had this kind of app installed. This app lights up from time to time the phone screen and when it does, it sends me the location of where he is.” Y/N starts to think about Jin’s phone, the many times it started to light up out of nowhere. The many times he looked at the screen. “I think you found the truth by yourself.”

“What are you trying to say?”, Tae asks loudly.

“You did not understand it yet either? Such a shame. All the good things are three, right?” He pushes Y/N back to the member who held her before who grabs her immediately. Jungkook walks over to Yoongi almost casually. He kneels down in front of Yoongi with his body turned to Y/N. “I killed Jin only because one thought occurred to me repeatedly. If Tae betrays me, who would say his cousin would not do it too. Do you understand now that I am talking about Jin?” Yoongi only looks away towards Y/N. Her eyes become more and more wet the more she was reminded on Hoseok. How much pain he must have suffered from the stabbing How long must he had suffered until his last breath. “Kim Seokjin.”

“Jin would have never worked for you!”, Tae yells in disbelief.  

“He would not? Well, he wrote me that the paycheck you are receiving from me is much more than he gets from Yoongi for his work. If there is a chance, I should let him know about it.”

“No. He knew what we were doing. Jin never said a good thing about it!”

“He played you well. I told him as we made the plan with the police station, he should shoot you at the entry.” Jungkook’s finger points at Tae’s face. “It should not kill you but it should hurt you enough for me to finally end you but Jin is a coward. Therefore, he had to go.”

“You only put the murder on him because he is not alive anymore.”

“You know me better than that, Tae. I told Jin to do that if he really wants what he tells me that he would want. As the nice person I am, I got someone who hacked into the police system but there was no good news. I told him that his and Yoongi’s contract were not in their computer program yet. As clever he seemed to have been, he calculated one plus one. The deal would have never gone through for him. So, liars need to be gone. That is why he killed them. Originally, we only wanted Hoseok out of the way which would make it look like it was a jealousy act by Yoongi but Namjoon came into the room as he heard their fight. When Hoseok turned, Jin stabbed the knife right into his shoulder twice quickly. Namjoon pulled out the gun but Jin tackled him to the ground quicker than he could shoot. Then he stabbed him four times into his chest before he walked back to check on Hoseok. He stabbed him a few more times into his neck before he did the same to Namjoon.” Y/N starts to imagine what Hoseok must have endured until his last breath. The tears start to run along her face. “Aw, my lovely doll. Don’t cry. I am not done yet.” He gets up slowly to stand next her again. With his thumb he wipes the tears off her face. “The sad truth is that Yoongi knew what happened. He remained silence, the whole time. He even helped him to escape.” Her eyes are fixated on Yoongi until she cannot take it any longer. How could Yoongi know and not tell her, she wonders. All the time, he pretended that he wants to help her but now it seems like the only one who does, is Tae. The more she looks at the whole picture of what had happened, she start to believe that there is no one she could trust.

“Yoongi.”, Y/N speaks quietly with a broken voice. “How much is true about it?” Yoongi looks to the ground for a moment before he looks back at her.

“Trust me when I say that I wanted to turn him in for what he did.”

“You seriously knew? How could you lie to me?”, she screams.  

“I did not mean to lie to you. It has kind of happened along the way. I will let the police know that I know-”

“No. If you cared, you would have let them know already.”

“How was I supposed to find you on my own?” Y/N looks away from Yoongi after a second of looking at him. Her feeling is telling her that she might discover more than she wants to. The pain of betrayal makes her feel sick. She cannot even look at him for another second, not even at anybody else.

“Jungkook. I have a deal for you.”, Tae says.

“You have a deal for me? You’ve got my attention.”

“Surrender her to the police and you can shoot me right in the moment.” Jungkook starts to laugh out loud as he thinks about what Tae had suggested once again.

“I do not care about you. I do not care about him. The only thing I care about is getting you all out of her life so that she stops thinking about you.” Her heart skips a beat as she hears him pronouncing his plan. “I am only trying to figure out with who I should start with.” He looks at their face amused before he pulls her closer by her hips. The man behind her lets go of her instantly. “Doll, tell me. Who do you want first to be gone? Tae or Yoongi?” Y/N’s head moves quickly up to meet his eyes. “Both lied and both brought you pain.”

“You started this chain of pain, Jungkook. You killed my childhood friend, you let someone else put a toy in me until I needed a surgery. You made Yoongi do things that he would have never done to me if it was not because you were pressuring him this hard. Hoseok and Namjoon would still be alive if you would have not given this information to Jin.”

“Nothing of all this has something to do with me directly, my dear.” He pulls her even closer than she already was. “I was never an active part of it all. Maybe at your first point but the rest, only happened with a touch of me but I did not tell anybody that they should do what they did.”

“I hate you! If you were active in those matters or not, you are the reason why it all started.”

“I do not have that much time on my hand to discuss that. Who should it be? Tae or Yoongi?”, he asks coldly. Her eyes widen as he did not let loose with asking her the same question. “Should I make the decision for you?” His arm moves up and down her upper arms. “There is one more thing I can suggest and you will not have to choose.” The evil grin on his face shows that whatever he suggests, will not be a good thing for everyone.

“Y/N. Don’t!”, Tae screams when the thoughts of what Jungkook used to suggest in those moments crosses his mind. Yoongi turns his head immediately to Tae as he wonders what he had just meant. Tae knows what it would mean, but he tried so hard to keep her safe. If she would say yes, everything has been for nothing. Jungkook turns his head slowly to look at him.

“Ugh. Tae, let her make her own decision.”, he says with a slightly annoyed tone in his voice.  

“Jungkook. Stop this damn game!” Now, Tae has the full attention from Jungkook. He walks up to Tae with a few steps and lowers himself just enough to look into his eyes with their faces close. The trust Jungkook had in Tae, is now completely gone. As his still living former right hand, it would only be a matter of time until Jungkook wants him out of the picture. Jungkook’s eyes are scanning Tae’s eyes and facial expression. “Just fucking end it!”, Tae yells. “But let surrender her to the police, she will not say a word.” Jungkook looks down where their knees almost meet. “Jungkook.”

“Why do you think, you can still influence me?”

“I am not.” Tae is biting his lips damn hard that it almost starts to bleed. He hates himself for what he will do, but any chance is a possibility. Not taking chances is giving up. “You know, I do not beg, but let her go. Please.”

“Are you telling me you are breaking down like a little girl again?” The grin that had disappeared, starts to appear on his face again as he looks back up into Tae’s face. “Uh, that reminds me on the day your sister took her last breath. The moment you fell to your knees, almost looked like the moment when I got your ass out of prison. Everyone could see in your eyes how broken you were. I do not know if the others still see it, but I do. Right behind those eyes is still the pain, the pain that cost you to turn against the wrong person. You should have been thankful, but no. You betrayed me instead!”

“I should be thankful? Are you kidding me? You killed my sister, my cousin... And you expect me to say ‘thank you’ for all that? I have no idea who you think you are, but I told you already once before. You are losing your own game.”

“I never lose.”

“Luck may last a while, but it does not stay forever.”

“Look, you learnt something from Jimin. He used to come up with those kinds of comments.” Jungkook looks with a side eye at Yoongi who is getting ignored by Y/N. “You owe me much more than you have given back to me.” Tae’s face is showing the disgust he feels towards Jungkook. Until now he has not figured out why Jungkook changed. The change must have happened since he went away to go to the police academy. Somewhere between then and the moment he planned the death of Tae’s sister.

“I do not owe you anything anymore! I did everything you told me to do! I never said ‘no’ once. You should be thanking me for doing your dirt work.”

“Thanking you? Do not be ridiculous. You still owe me more than you think.”

“I never asked you to get me out!” Jungkook’s smile disappears once again as his face turns into a cold expression.

“Still I did.” Tae narrows his eyebrows. “See, I believe in friendship. But it seems like other people do not care about it. That makes me mad.” He pulls his gun from his pants and points at Tae. “They have no respect for anything anymore. Just like you.” Yoongi’s and Y/N’s eyes are looking at Jungkook’s gun. The sound of him unlocking the gun sounds louder as usual when no one even dared to say another word.

“What was the other thing you wanted to suggest?”, Y/N asks quickly as she fears that he would shoot Tae right away. She swallows hard as Jungkook stands up whilst he still points the gun at him. “Tell me what else you would offer me!” Jungkook lowers his gun slowly as he tilts his head slightly. His shoulders are directed openly to all three.

“You want to hear your option?”

“If it would mean you let them go, yes.”

“You do not even know what I would suggest.” For his own entertainment he raises the gun once more towards Tae’s forehead. “Let’s see if you understand what I am trying to tell you. I had Tae on my side because I got him out. I had Jin on my side because he wanted the money. Can you guess what it means?” Y/N looks to the ground as starts to gather her thoughts. When she thinks through the ideas that come to her mind, she starts to shake her head. “Do not worry. Just because you are pretty, I will give you not only three chances. Take your time.” Her eyes meet with Yoongi’s. No matter how much she feels angry towards Yoongi, something inside of her still does not want him to be dead. When she turns her head to Tae, she can hear Yoongi say her name repeatedly. Tae is the only one so far who did not harm her. He might have helped Jungkook at first but she knows that he only pretended like he would help him. She takes a few deep breaths before she looks up at Jungkook who is only waiting for her answer.

“You want to have me because I want them to stay alive.”, she says with a broken voice as she realizes what it would mean. Yoongi looks directly at Tae with his eyes widen.

“I knew you are clever.”, Jungkook tells her with a happiness in his voice. Before Jungkook is even able to walk towards her, Yoongi tries once again to break away from the guy behind him. Y/N immediately turns around to see if somebody is standing right behind her. She can see that there is a man standing on the right side of her who is not paying any attention to her. When she sees nobody who could see what she is doing with her back pocket, she pulls her t-shirt up with her fingers. Once the t-shirt is up, she inserts her left hand into the pocket. She tries to reach the beeper she had hidden within her pocket. “Let him get up.”, he commands to the man who just wanted to force Yoongi back onto the floor.

“Stay away from her!”, Yoongi screams as he gets up. “Tell him to take this rope off me and we handle it between us.”

“You want to fight me? You are as pathetic as a worm.”

“A worm still tries to break free even though it is already in the bird’s beak.”

“Fine, if that is what you want. I am not such a monster to let you beg for it.” Before Yoongi is able to say anything else, Jungkook kicks him into his stomach. Y/N finally reached the beeper that she took secretly with her from Mr. Bang’s office and pushes the button. “I thought you wanted to fight me?”

“Take off these ropes and I will beat your ass. I am done with you and your stupid tricks!”

“You are done with me? Are you still trying to tell yourself that you are better than what you actually are? You are nothing.” Jungkook’s kick lands on the Yoongi’s left upper arm.

“Take them off!” Jungkook does not move for a few seconds before he gives his crew member a sign to remove the ropes from Yoongi. “Sure, let’s be fair.”

“Yoongi, please!”, Y/N whispers as her voice gives in whilst her eyes start to get wet. She can see that another crew member appears with what it seems to be a pocket knife. Yoongi does not spare a look at her as he tries to get the blood flow back into his arms. His arms feel slightly not existing because of the ropes. “Yoongi.” Tae’s eyes try to look for what she might have seen but the man already hid the pocket knife in his jacket.

“Then let’s begin.”, Jungkook announces. Whilst Yoongi tries to make some careful steps to get closer to Jungkook, Jungkook is taking off his jacket and throws it to the ground. Jungkook places his fists up as he would get ready for a boxing match. “Just a moment. I want to have both of them in my view. Sit her next to Tae.” Jungkook walks confidently into a position from where he could watch them both. The member of his crew places her down next to Tae with such a brutality that it must have bruised her knees for sure. A sign with Jungkook’s hand symbolizes to Yoongi that he should come closer for the first move. Yoongi attacked him immediately with his fist but Jungkook has been quicker and blocked the punches right away. Yoongi does not get irritated by his move and tries a few more punches but mostly they do get blocked. Jungkook is mocking Yoongi in any way he can just to have his own fun. Yoongi is not a big of a fighter as he usually does not fight. So far, he always handled everything verbally. Jungkook on the other hand, knows a few techniques from different fight sports as well from the street fights and is more than confident of winning any kind of fight. Y/N keeps a straight face as she grabs for her beeper once again. This time not to push the button on it, but find the sharp edge she had felt before. Her movements do not stay unnoticed by Tae. The man behind him left not that long ago to stand next to the guy who hides the pocket knife. Therefore, Tae risks to look what she is doing with her hands. Jungkook’s crew is looking intense at the fight, that they do not even notice what they are doing. They look from time to time but not longer than three seconds. Yoongi is keeping up so far as he is getting more into defense than landing hits. This gave Tae a bigger chance to take a closer look at what she is doing. From his new point of view, he can see that she tries to open her ropes but is being unsuccessful. Tae pushes his shoulder against her to make an eye contact. When she does look at him, he moves his head back as he would nod. Y/N nods back and gives him the beeper.

“I already pushed the button. Try to use the sharp edge on it.”, Y/N whispers. She keeps hear head straight ahead but with a side eye, she keeps looking around before she gives him the beeper. Tae wants to ask what the beeper is for but right now, he cannot open a conversation without getting too much of attention from anybody around. He takes it in his hand and tries to feel for a sharp edge. Whilst he feels around the item, he can feel something which felt cold. What he cannot see is that he had found a hidden short knife within the device. Carefully he opens the item as he keeps looking around with his head straight forward and without moving his shoulder too much. Tae starts to move this short knife up and down on the spot he felt the knot on.

“Do you give up, Yoongi? Do you finally understand that you cannot beat me?”, Jungkook yells as he places a strong kick into his left ribcage.  

“I do not give up.” Yoongi tries his best to stay on his feet but it is getting harder as the pain is taking over his body. Breathing became painful, moving felt like the current moved limb is about to be ripped of his body and realizing that the pain from the beating before is still there, makes it all twice that bad. Jungkook kicks one more time into Yoongi’s stomach and this time he crumps. Yoongi tries to get back up but one of his knees kept dragging him onto the ground which made it even harder to get back up. He tries to control his breathing but the pain and the bruises make it impossible for him. What he cannot see but hear is that Jungkook is walking away. Jungkook walks closer to the man who had the pocket knife which Y/N had seen before their fight. She watches him taking the knife from that said man and how he opens it up immediately.  

“Tae, hurry up!”, Y/N whispers. Tae says nothing as he tries to move his wrists. It has become looser but not loose enough. Tae works even harder when he feels how close he is. “Yoongi! Please, get up! Get up, Yoongi!” Yoongi is getting back on his feet slowly. When he looks at Jungkook, he sees the knife. Panic feels Yoongi’s body as he wonders what he wants to do next. Tae only cut into those pieces within the rope which would help him to loosen up the knot so he could free himself. When he cut the rope one more time, he could feel how the ropes slip down his wrists. Tae keeps his hand in the back to keep on pretending to be still in ropes. Slowly he pushes the beeper back into her hand.

“Keep it near you. When you see your chance, try to cut them too. Don’t cut everything, only the rope by the knot. Got it?”, Tae asks quietly as he turns his head to her direction to make Jungkook’s men believe that he is looking somewhere into another direction. Y/N takes the beeper from him and pushes the button one more time before she puts it back into her pocket. Jungkook walks up to Yoongi with the knife hidden behind his back.

“Do you want to end this now, Yoongi?”, Jungkook questions mockingly.

“You might think you have a trick or something up on your sleeve but we both know that you cannot beat me.”, Yoongi answers.

“Look at you! You look like a beaten trash bag and I hardly have any kind of bruises on my body.”

“You are just a big talker! That is why you have so many people working for you.”

“Am I? If so, how could I become wealthier than you, even you started your business before me?”

“Tell me. I do not understand how cockroaches like you even make it anywhere.” Jungkook’s anger is getting in his way of thinking.  

“See this?” Jungkook shows the pocket knife to Yoongi. This will show you that this is finally ending it right here, right now.” Jungkook takes the knife properly in his hands to be able to stab him correctly. Y/N’s eyes widen when she sees Jungkook walking up to Yoongi with the knife ready. Tae jumps up quickly and tackles Jungkook to the ground. Jungkook had no idea what had hit him until he sees Tae on top of him. His hands were on that one hand in which he held the knife whilst Tae’s knee is holding him down on his shoulder of his free hand. Jungkook’s members did not take long to take Tae off of him. When they dragged him away, Yoongi goes at Jungkook with full force. At the time Yoongi kicked Jungkook, Jungkook already sat himself up. The knife is still in Jungkook’s hand whilst Yoongi lands some kicks onto his upper chest and shoulder area before he got dragged away from Jungkook’s crew members.

“I wanted to spare you the death for a while but it seems like you are asking for it.”, Jungkook rushes to Tae but Tae is smarter and kicks the arm of Jungkook as soon he has been close enough. In surprise, he drops the knife to the ground. “You son of a bitch!” Jungkook lands two punches in Tae’s face before he gets kicked again. He turns around and picks up the knife. “Let go of him! I will fight him first.” Yoongi stood there out of breath and in pain whilst Tae appeared more fit for a fight. “I truly want to slaughter you but I guess it is better to let you feel it step by step.” Tae’s eyes are glued on Jungkook. He does not even close his eyes for a moment to make sure he sees what is coming next. Tae starts to put his arm up and kept one leg in front of the other just in case he needs to land a good kick. Jungkook tries a few times to get Tae into a grip so that he could wound him. After a few punches by Jungkook, Tae knows, he must get somehow a distance between them. Tae tries to hit Jungkook with his leg but Jungkook caught his leg and pulled him closer with a quick move. As he pulls him closer, he pushes the knife into Tae’s hip before he pushes his foot away.

“Argh!”, Tae screams out in pain.

“Tae!”, Y/N yells as she sees the blood leaving his body. “Please, Jungkook stop!”

“Look, doll is afraid I might kill him. Cute.” Jungkook puts the knife into his pocket. “Come on Tae, I thought you are so much better than me.”

“You are not playing by the rules!”

“You were too dumb to believe the Joker.”, he tells her. Jungkook picks Tae up by his hair to put him back on his feet. “I am so free to end your miserable life when you ask me to. So, do you want me to start?”

“Don’t!”, Yoongi says out loud.

“What did you say?”

“I said ‘don’t’.”

“Don’t what? You do not like him anyway, why would you care about him?” Yoongi’s eyes turn to her and hers are on Tae.

“Uh. That’s why.” Jungkook starts to laugh. “You do not want him dead because the doll likes him?”

“I do not care who she likes.”

“Well then.” Jungkook stabs Tae in his shoulder blades.  

“Argh!”, Tae screams in pain as he falls to the floor.

“Maybe I should cut your tongue. Then I would not have to hear you this clearly.” The pain in Tae’s body multiplies each second. A sudden pain fills his body when Jungkook rams the knife into his thigh.  

“Argh! Uh!” Y/N cannot stand the view she sees in front of her.

“Doll, do you like the show?” Y/N cannot move her head away from Tae as tears stream down her face. “I asked you a question!”

“Why are you doing this?” Jungkook lets go of Tae and walks towards her.

“Why? Stop asking me your stupid questions!” He puts his bloody hand on her neck. “If I would not like you that much, I would strangle you right here.” She looks up to him whilst she pushes the beeper further down her pocket. “Do not worry about Yoongi. He will be the show number three.”

“Jungkook, stop please! I will be your doll. Only yours if you do not hurt them any longer.” Tae’s painful groans fills the hall. “How much further do you want to go?”

“I think you have not understood my game, Y/N.” She tries to not look at Tae who is lying on the floor in his own blood. Something inside of her urges to look at him.

“The game is over when I want it to be over.” 

[truthofherdreams]

24 Days of Dickkory-smas

2. Pretend boyfriend/girlfriend for family Christmas party (ao3)

“I need your help.”

Things never end up well when Dick pops his head into her cubicle with such words. Last time, they both almost got fired over one of his so-called brilliant ideas. Before that, she nearly flooded the staff bathroom to prove him wrong about something. Then there was that time they got locked out of the building at midnight with all their shit still inside and no mean to break in.

So, really, Kory should stop entertaining him. It’s assured to be a shit-show.

Which is why she sighs and turns toward him. Or, well, turns as much as she can while her feet are propped up on her desk and her keyboard is balanced on her stomach – what? She likes to be comfortable at work, okay! “What do you want this time?”

And thing is, Dick is half decent at his job when he feels like it. He’s also the most popular guy at work, with the majority of people-attracted-to-men lusting over his (arguably interesting) ass all day long. But Dick has about zero skills when it comes to socialising, and to relationships, and to basically acting like a normal human being. Which is funny as fuck most of the time.

Which also means he rambles. A lot.

“Well, see, my sister is organising a Christmas party this year after a few years of us not really gathering as a family – you know how it is, she travels a lot and Rachel isn’t always the best at family shit, and driving back to Gotham isn’t that practical to us. And, anyway, Donna is going all in this year, big dinner at her place with lots of people, food for days, even…”

“Dick,” she interrupts him. Puts him out of his misery, really. “To the point.”

He sighs, and frowns. Cute. Almost. “She was very sarcastic about it, all ‘Guess you don’t need a plus one?’ so, obviously, I had to argue back. And well, long story short, I told her we’re dating so, are you free next Monday evening because I need you to be my date?”

Her mouth has opened agape halfway through his speech, but it’s only once Dick is done that Kory actually starts laughing. And laughing. And laughing. Tears pearling at the corners of her eyes that she brushes away with a knuckles, even if her body is still shaking with silent giggles. Dick looks upset, quite obviously, but it’s hard to take him seriously when he apparently decided to re-enact a Hallmark movie, just because – well, because he’s a petty dude, apparently. Kory can almost relate to that.

“Are you out of your mind?” she asks with another peel of laughter. “Your kids know we’re not dating; they’ll snitch in a second.”

He looks… almost sheepish now, which is totally not what she’s used to when it comes to Dick. Like, yes, the guy is awkward as fuck when it comes to making small talk, but at least he has enough confidence about him that it almost looks like he knows what he’s doing at all times. Except now, apparently.

“That’s the thing, right. I told them, and they find it fucking hilarious. Even told me they want to see this shit happen, just to see me fail. I think there’s bets going on and all.”

Kory has met Dick’s kids a couple of times before. They’re both cute as buttons, even if they definitely give as good as they get when it comes to sass and wit. Definitely take after their foster father in that category. And, well, maybe it’s the sick part of Kory talking, but she kinda want to see that shit happen too. And she’d never say no to spending more time with Rachel and Gar, cause those kids are awesome.

Which is basically how she finds herself in Dick’s soccer mom van not even a week later, on her way to Donna Troy’s Detroit loft. Dick has been prepping her for days about this shit, so now she can only picture his sister as some kind of crazy helicopter sibling who believes vaccines are causing autism and everything is cured by essential oils. Why else would he put so much effort in this story, after all, if not because his sister is off her rockers?

Needless to say, ‘surprise’ barely covers how Kory feels when the door to the loft opens on a very beautiful, very put-together brunette. Donna grins from ear to ear at the sight of them, hugging the two teenagers first, then Dick. Despite knowing they are not blood-related, Kory can’t help but notice how much they look like each other – it’s the way they hold themselves perhaps, or how Dick’s rare smiles seem to mirror Donna’s.

“And you must be Kory,” Donna exclaims as she pulls Kory into a hug too. “I’d say I heard a lot about you, but this one never tells me anything.”

“Like you tell me everything about your girlfriends,” he replies, petulant.

Kory jumps in. “Girlfriend, singular.”

Donna is grinning even more now, and Dick throws her a surprised smile before he checks himself and pulls an arm around her waist. It’s stiff and awkward, and he’s obviously not used to acting like that, but muscle memory is a beautiful thing to Kory. It only takes her a few moments to relax, leaning into him just enough that soon his arm doesn’t feel so uncomfortable around her or his body so tense against her side.

“You’re doing great,” she whispers to him as they make their way instead.

“Shut up.”

Donna’s Christmas dinner is less of a family matter than a quick get-together with friends, and Kory is soon introduced to many people who all seem to more or less know Dick and whose names she forgets the moment they move on to another conversation.

Thankfully, both for Dick’s social anxieties levels and for Kory’s boredom levels, Dawn and Hank are quick to arrive too, and stay by their sides all through the evening. Kory does enjoy Dawn’s company – so peaceful and quiet, her voice soothing even when she tells a particularly funny joke – and is glad to see at least two familiar faces. It doesn’t take long until a biracial guy, who introduces himself to her as Wally West, joins them in their corner of the loft.

And it’s so interesting, seeing Dick outside of work. Yes, there’s been the odd night out at a bar here and there with their colleagues, and that one dreadful picnic their boss all forced them to attend. But it really is something else to see him surrounded by friends who’ve known him for quite some time now – he’s more relaxed than she’s ever seen him, more at ease. He’s smiling a whole lot more too, and perhaps Kory is starting to understand why everyone and their brother has a crush on him.

“You all look like a Benetton advert and a half,” Donna jokes as she walks toward them, beer in hand. “Kory, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Dick shares a meaningful glance with her – of course they were expecting Donna to go all big sister on her ass tonight – but Kory rolls her eyes at him before she stands up. He has nothing to worry about; they did make up a believable story and she does know how to lie flawlessly.

Donna asks her to help with the cheese cubes or some other bullshit, just the two of them in the empty and quiet kitchen, so Kory isn’t fooled. This is less of a nice chat and more of an interrogation, at this point.

“It’s nice that you could come tonight,” is how Donna decides to start the conversation as she takes some stuff out of the fridge. “I haven’t seen Dick that happy in a while.”

Well, he did promise Kory he would do all her annoying paperwork for two months if she agreed to this so – sure, he must be thrilled. “Thanks? I guess.”

They do set up to cut some cheese and put it into bowls, which proves more arduous than Kory had anticipated, what with her nail extensions and all. She’d rather not take an emergency appointment at the salon between Christmas and New Year, thank you very much.

“Don’t tell him I said that, but I worried about him. Between his jobs and the kids, I think he often forgets to just – live, you know? It’s good that he found someone.” Donna smiles at her, and it’s soft and loving. Not for the first time, Kory aches for her own family, halfway across the world. “Especially with the way he talks about you.”

Her eyes widen, just a bit. “He talks about me?”

“Oh, girl, I was only fucking with him earlier. It’s been going on for months now, every time I manage to have him on the phone. Always complaining about how your bonuses are bigger than his and how your boss likes you better, and Kory this, and Kory that. It seriously only was a matter of time before he realised how bad he had it for you.”

Kory finds herself grateful for her dark skin – it definitely helps hiding the blush on her cheeks and how warm her entire face feels all of a sudden. She has a hard time believing Dick would just rant about her to his sister if given the chance, even more so than she has a hard time believing siblings actually still call each other to gossip in 2018. But it’s – cute, almost? Definitely heart-warming. The thought of Dick complaining to Donna about her, over and over again, until it became A Thing, capital letters and all, doesn’t fail to make her smile.

“But seriously though,” Donna goes on as she gathers a bunch of cheese cubes before dumping them into a bowl, “not to be all ‘if you hurt him, I’ll hurt you’ about it but – he’s seen some fucking shit in his life. And I know he can be a pain about, well, basically everything but… be nice to him, okay? Cause I’m strong enough to break a few of your perfectly manicured fingers.”

Kory can’t help but smile at that, even though Donna is dead serious about it. It’s comforting, in a way, that someone is as protective of him as Dick is of his kids, that someone cares about him just enough to make threats about his happiness. It makes Kory long for something long forgotten, left behind in a country she no long calls home.

“Whatever she’s saying, she’s lying,” comes from behind them, the two of them turning around to find Dick standing in the doorway. He looks between her and Donna, before his eyes stop on Kory. “Everything okay?”

“Yes, we’re done. Thanks for the help, Kory.”

Donna grabs both bowls before she walks away, leaving them alone in the kitchen. Dick lets her go, before he moves closer to Kory. She pretends to focus on plucking bits of cheese from under her nails, just so she won’t have to meet his eyes; she doesn’t know if she’s quite able of such a thing right now, not when Donna’s words still ring in her ears.

“Seriously, though. You okay?”

He’s right in front of her now, hand curling around her elbow. Kory has no choice but to look at him, and witness the flash of worry in his eyes as he takes her all in. She feels stupid and childish – like a school girl who suddenly realised that the boy was pulling at her pigtails for months because he actually likes likes her. And she doesn’t know how to react, because maybe she was replying in kind all this time to hide the fact that she likes likes him too. What a concept.

“What are you doing next week?”

He frowns, just a little. “Next week is New Year’s Eve.”

“Yes.” Genius.

Dick frowns some more, looking into her eyes for – something. She doesn’t know what, exactly, but it makes her stomach fluttery all of a sudden with the way he takes a step closer, fingers tightening around her elbow. He’s so close she can see the specks of gold in his eyes, so close her red hair brushes against his face.

And he’s smiling now, one of those real but rare smiles. “Spending the evening with you?”

She might be smiling, too. “Good answer.”