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transmascblueblur · 2 years ago

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What if Jak was trans? (Part I)

[Content warnings: semi-graphic descriptions of afab puberty (menstruation and unsafe binding in particular) with mentions of amab puberty, medical abuse/trauma/torture, mentions of ftm top surgery and HRT, some slightly transphobic & misogynistic phrasing/language, a brief mention of forced detransition, and subtext suggesting that cis adults see a trans minor naked without his consent, though NOT in a sexual way (as well as all the standard stuff you’d expect from the game Jak II, mostly violence).]

Out under the burning sun of the Wastelands, King Damas of Spargus is blessed with a gift from the Precursors: a baby girl.

Or so he thinks.

The heir to the Spargan throne enjoys desert life, riding the leaper lizards, watching the sand fly up behind the buggies as they speed out of the city's gate, sneakily observing the monks as they chant and perform their mysterious rituals. It's a happy, blissful time.

It doesn't take long, though, for the kid to realise that he's not a girl like everyone says he is, and communicates his feelings to the people around him as soon as he knows how. Damas, the leading reject in a city of rejects, a man ruled by nothing more than fatherly love, who would wage war on the blazing sun itself for his child, doesn't turn his back on his now-son, but embraces him. (Perhaps there are even other trans people in Spargus that ended up there for that reason, if Haven is generally a transphobic place?) He changes his former-daughter's name from the feminine Mara to the masculine Mar (or perhaps it was always Mar, in a gender neutral fashion). He cuts his son's hair, lets him wear his little dungarees, and since Mar is so young at this time, nobody who isn't already aware has no reason to suspect that Damas' son was ever anything else.

But then Count Veger strikes.

He hears that the banished King Damas, descendant of the House of Mar (and likely skilled in eco channelling), has had a son. Children are a lot easier to kidnap than adults, even the children of kings, and Veger needs someone who can channel eco for his experiments. In the night, he kidnaps Mar, whisking him out of his desert home and into the heart of metallic, miserable Haven City.

Damas' grief could swallow stars. He'll never stop looking, even if he has to empty the Wastelands of sand one grain at a time. Even if it kills him.

As surprised as Veger is to eventually discover that Mar isn't exactly a typical little boy, this doesn't affect his experiments, so he's content referring to Mar the way everyone else does, as a boy. All he truly cares about is unlocking the Precursors' secrets, anyway.

By means that remain unknown, perhaps after only a few days, or perhaps after many months, or something in-between, Mar is freed. Maybe Veger, or even an assistant of some kind, lets his guard down for just a second, and the sly little kid sneaks away, stumbling out of the lab and finding himself alone in an unfamiliar place — bare-footed, traumatised, silent. A stray croca-dog, just as dirt-covered and lonely as the boy, forms an attachment to him. With saliva dripping from flesh-rending teeth, he protects Mar from those that would harm him long enough for him to be found by Samos and taken to the Underground, where he also meets Kor.

Samos realises what that amulet around the child's neck means. As long as the kid sticks around long enough to be put on Haven's throne when Praxis is done away with, it doesn't really matter if he has shoes or not, right? Besides, as The Shadow, Samos has bigger priorities than babysitting. To the rest of the Underground, a scruffy little kid with short hair, dungarees, and a big croca-dog looks enough like a boy, so they have no reason to question whether he's a real boy or not. Besides, a lot the Underground's members generally prefer knowing that the heir to Haven isn't a girl, even if they can't quite justify why when Tess asks them.

Kor, meanwhile, already knows just who this child will become. Whilst baby Mar is now with the Underground, his older self has already come through the warp-gate and fallen into Praxis' hands, so Kor has seen the kid's older self at least once, and has seen at least a hint of the man - the hero - that he will grow into. (If he doesn't kill him first.)

And then, of course, shenanigans ensue. Mar meets Jak (thinks he's really cool) and Daxter (thinks he's really cute), is told to attempt the Tests of Manhood (and the door opened for him at first — he always knew he was a boy!), and gets kidnapped by Kor to open the Precursor Stone.

In the end, Mar watches as his former carer's severed head skids along the ground towards Jak's feet. (Gross. But also kinda cool.)

Then Mar realises that Jak is actually himself in the future, and gets the validation and euphoria he never knew he needed. He takes on the name Jak for himself, and travels back in time to Sandover Village with Samos, remembering nothing of his old life but the fading light of the warp-gate. (Unfortunately, he forgets that warning about the wumpbee nest.)

(Due to time loop issues, this means that the name Jak just appears from nowhere, since the Jak living in Sandover Village was given it from his older self that he met as a child in Haven, who heard it from his older self back when he was a kid, and the loop continues. If we want a satisfactory answer to the true origin of Jak's name, time-loop aside, my personal preference is this:

The Kid isn't speaking at all when he first arrives in Sandover, and Samos was always content to refer to him as just "The Kid" anyway, so without a way to clearly communicate his desire for a name with Samos, that's how he stays for a while. Over time, The Kid gets to know Keira, Daxter, and the villagers, and they get to know him. United by the same adventurous spirit, The Kid and The Explorer grow closer, and The Explorer then becomes known as Uncle. Samos is content to have someone else caring for The Kid, now that he has a daughter to take care of, and is happy for him to have some semblance of a family, so when Uncle suggests, you know, maybe giving the poor lad a name, Samos agrees. Keira and Daxter also suggest names, of course, but Samos flat refuses to let them, Daxter especially, who is currently a scruffy urchin but who he knows will one day be an animal, name the future hero of Haven. Furthermore, Samos is perfectly aware of the grim fate that Sandover Village will suffer when the warp-gate is reopened, so he allows The Explorer to name Jak as a small way for Sandover's people to live on.)

Time passes like thick honey in Sandover Village. The sea caresses the shoreline of Sentinel Beach, wind whispers and howls through the trees of the Forbidden Jungle, and yakows chew hay lazily over at the farm. Life is good, peaceful.

Jak grows up a bit, grows closer with Daxter and Keira, gets stung by some wumpbees, does a lot of exploring, makes a lot of trouble.

Eventually he finds himself able to talk sometimes, rather than just using the sign language he and Daxter invented for themselves, and doesn't mind doing it now and then. Then Daxter's voice starts dropping. A sudden jealousy starts gnawing at Jak, so he decides to keep quiet most of the time, even in the moments he can speak. (Daxter prefers the limelight anyway.)

Growing up has other downsides, too. Jak finds himself using whatever the women of the village recommend — certain types of grass, cloth, wool — to stop the bleeding that feels constant, even if it only comes every few weeks. And sweet Precursors, it hurts. (Not to mention the other strange stuff — headaches, tiredness, his gums feeling weird, an unsettled stomach, and the urge to cry and throw things, to name a few.) Keira, going through the same thing, gives advice and support, and whilst that makes it easier to bear, other boys don't have to suffer this, and that's all Jak can think about.

And then Jak's body starts really changing, visibly — especially his chest. All the while, Daxter enjoys a flat chest, a (small) growth spurt, no stomach cramps or bleeding, and a voice that cracks pleasantly, even if he himself finds it embarrassing (as well as apparently some... interesting dreams, but Daxter refuses to talk much about them).

When it gets too much to bear, Jak starts flattening his chest with bandages and suffers through the pain, periodically repairing the damage to his ribs and lungs with green eco. He has no other options. He'll always have to live this way, he knows. It's a horrifying truth, but perhaps it’s worth it when your two best friends - and all the other villagers, for that matter - can see you for who you are. But even when he begs Samos to please do something about all these awful, awful changes, the sage refuses, because even he doesn't know what to do. (Although, having already met Jak's older self, Samos knows that one day Jak's voice will be deep, his chest will be flat, and wonders how in green tarnation that will happen. It takes him a while to realise that the answer is not a happy one.)

Life goes on, and Jak grows older. For the first time, he finds himself truly envying his homeless, ill-treated, buck-toothed best friend, which just makes him feel worse, since Jak is objectively the luckier of the two (he's never accused of stealing, and always has a place to sleep). If Daxter notices Jak's jealousy, he's nice enough not to say anything. But no amount of envy on either side is enough to hurt their relationship, and they just grow closer the older they get.

More shenanigans ensue after the boys visit Misty Island (an inevitability, Samos knows, even if he did try to warn them). It all ends in a darkening sky, horrifying creatures crawling and fluttering out of a warp-gate, and a monster's voice cracking the tropical air like thunder,

"You cannot hide from me, boy!"

(It also ends with Daxter remaining short, furry, and bright orange. Overnight, Jak's envy is replaced with guilt as solid as the mountains.)

And just like that, Jak is back in Haven, lost and confused with nobody but an animal companion by his side for the second time in his life (but the first that he recalls).

But it doesn't last long. Seconds, at most.

Commander Erol has already received his orders from Baron Praxis, who was himself given a tip-off from Onin, and is expecting to pick up a teenage boy at the pier, and drag him to the prison kicking and screaming if necessary (through preferably with less fuss than that). Erol and his team retrieve the boy as planned, and Praxis is thrilled to finally have the most promising candidate for the Dark Warrior Program in his clutches. Imagine their surprise, perhaps when making Jak change into his prison uniform, when they notice something strange — he's not quite as male as that old soothsayer had made him out to be.

At first, the Baron is baffled. Onin had said a boy, but whoever this kid is, they're definitely the one. Their eco powers speak for themselves. Perhaps he sends Erol to ask Onin for an explanation, and perhaps she says just what she said the first time. So Praxis thinks about it. He's heard of people doing this sort of thing before, changing their sex, though he can’t quite fathom it himself. Of course, he could simply force this kid to live as female, change his name, warp his entire identity into what Praxis himself wants him — her — to be.

But then the Baron thinks some more. Jak wants to be a boy, badly. The tight bandages on his chest are a clear testament to that, and if the wise old Onin says he's a boy, she's probably not wrong. All it would take is some injections (which Jak will be no stranger to, since the eco will need to go directly into his bloodstream) and maybe some surgeries here and there. If Jak doesn't need to bind anymore, doesn't have to worry about menstruating anymore, and can grow the strength and muscle of a real man thanks to the testosterone, he will be a better warrior, and that works in Praxis' favour. Furthermore, it might even make Jak feel indebted to him, could even inspire some loyalty. After all, what use is your perfect Dark Warrior if he hates your guts, resists all of your commands, and is probably constantly plotting to kill you?

So the Baron makes Jak into a man and, as they will soon see, into a monster.

(It takes Praxis longer than it should to realise that, despite the surgeries and testosterone that he wouldn't have otherwise been able to access, Jak will never feel even an ounce of loyalty to him.)

Erol, meanwhile, has no qualms with Jak's transition. If anything, it makes him feel slightly better, because now he knows for sure that it's not a girl he's hurting (and this, for some reason, makes a world of difference to him).

Time crawls by like some dying insect as Jak rots in his cell. He's forced to train until he drops, takes beating after beating from the guards, suffers Erol's relentless sadism, screams and thrashes in the injection chair. It feels like years. He still remembers Daxter’s last words to him,

“Don’t worry Jak, I’ll save ya before ya know it!”

He wonders how long ago that was. He wonders if he’ll ever see Daxter again. He didn't know it was possible to miss someone so much, and wishes he never had to know that feeling.

Finally, the time comes. Sure, he’s a man now, and much stronger than he was, but no amount of dark eco in his blood is making him into the superweapon that the Baron has been searching for, and Jak is his last hope. (He's already seen the other four die, one at a time, wondering when it will be him.)

Praxis orders Erol to kill Jak that night. The Commander, now apparently bored of using him as his personal punching-bag and lab rat, gleefully agrees.

So Jak is left alone, lying limp in his restraints, the agony of another dark eco injection still blistering through his veins, only vaguely aware that at last, his suffering will end.

At one time he’d hoped to escape, to tear Praxis limb from limb, to make him suffer, but apparently that time has passed.

Now there’s nothing he can do but wait for death.

But then a familiar voice, like the sun through stormclouds, rings out through the sterile silence of the prison.

#making my own posts is scary actually. wow #part 2 is mostly complete. not sure about a part 3 yet #i enjoy the trans Jak headcanon because it fits very well with his canon backstory #aside from the explicitly trans parts pretty much all of this is canon compliant #with some exceptions of course #im happy to point to where I got certain things from if people want to know #so. um yeah. enjoy?#lex.txt #jak and daxter #jnd #jak 2 #jak ii #trans jak

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