#tldr let people enjoy things or else

[michellenero]

What is an unpopular opinion that you have, Chelly. I feel like we deserve to know

uhhh hmm let’s see

just because you don’t want to share your f/o doesn’t give you the right to be a dick to other people who might ship with them. have your boundaries, everyone does and i encourage that but don’t send hate to someone who likes the same fictional character as you. Stop being so competitive, you don’t own them and the character isn’t yours.

and!!!! not everyone who has those boundaries are assholes, in my experience, they’re all very very sweet people. the problem comes when you try to claim a fictional character as yours and only yours and try to dictate other people’s art, writing, or headcanons about the character just because you don’t agree with them.

[a-driftamongopenstars]

alright, i finally finished Dragon Age the Veilguard.

tldr; 3/10. I didn't like it.

If you enjoyed the game and would rather keep enjoying it, please don't click the read more section as what follows is rather critical.

I can finally sit down with my thoughts and put them together in a more cohesive structured review, touching on most things that I wanted to address. I'll start with positives and then focus on the negatives.

Warning, this is VERY long.

Overall, I had a neutral to negative impression of DatV, which got worse by the end of the game. It had some good moments, but they were entirely unexplored and underutilized, suffering from bad writing. While the game itself is rather pretty, it didn't outweigh the dialogues, the stories and the lore butchering that took place.

1. Environment and visuals. 8/10.

I think Veilguard is a very beautiful game. I enjoyed exploring the corners of this new world, the little bits of environment design and storytelling that it had. It felt magical, certain locations were mesmerizing! I couldn't stop staring at the valley where you go to with Harding, the carcass of a titan.

2. Combat. 9/10.

I love flashy combat, I enjoy hack and slash, so until the very end of the game I was having most fun in combat. Yes there was repetitiveness but I tried to combat (hehe) it with changing my abilities and weapons every now and then. I liked combos and I liked timed parries. Enemy tactics got a bit boring by the end, but a few enemies still surprised me and challenged me.

.... That's where positives end. Now on to the negatives.

1. Characters. 2/10.

I don't understand what happened. Almost all the characters in this game were tuned down to a two-dimensional personality, "good" and "bad" - and absolutely no nuance. This happened not only to the villains, but to the different NPCs and even our companions. Their interests got narrowed down to single points of interest (Lucanis and coffee being a prime example to me), their motivations got watered down.

This is not what I expect from a Bioware game. I want to be challenged, I want to dislike characters or approve of their choices. I like characters who are messy and complex and don't always have their shit together.

I like villains who may have other reasons for their choices, other than "ba ha ha, I am so evil and I will do evil things". Where is Alexius who sold himself to the Elder one, just so he could save his beloved son? Where is Samson, forsaken by the Chantry and turned to red lyrium with his addiction? Where is Calpernia, misguided in her choices, just to free the slaves of Tevinter?

Where are the slaves of Tevinter anyway?? That's another topic.

2. Rook. 4/10.

On one hand, I liked playing Rook. They were stoic but with a humorous side, ready to get the job done, compassionate to other people.

The problem is that it's the only Rook you can really play. The protagonist is set in their ways and their dialogues and there is very little to roleplay. Rook really does feel like a gentle manager, trying to get everyone to play along nicely, while providing therapy every now and then, and is excluded from the majority of friendly interactions with other people. That awkward glance everyone gives you after their banter is embarrassing. The way you can third wheel people, the way the game actively offers you to leave a couple of animated conversations between other people - why even include those? Why not make Rook a part of the 'team'?

I did like Rook's dynamic with Solas. They got to see a different side of him, one that's not presented heavily in Inquisition. But like everything else, it felt surface level and underexplored.

3. Story arc. 2/10.

I am left unsatisfied with the story. The pacing threw me off so much nearly every quest, it was hard to stay on track. From "we need to solve this NOW" to "actually, let's all slow down and deal with our problems", the plot's priorities were all over the place. We kept hearing about the gods and their destructive oppression, but we saw surprisingly little of it. Yes, there was the Blight, yes there were Venatori and the Antaam, but they felt more like a video game fodder and dressing rather than a part of the story.

Not to mention that all of those things made little sense to me. Why would the gods align with aforementioned factions? Why would the aforementioned factions align with the elven gods? In-game explanation was not enough for me, it did not make sense. Not with the established lore in the previous games.

I also did not enjoy the ending. While the idea of Solas binding himself to the Veil is good and does make sense, what was suggested as the good ending (inviting Mythal to deal with Solas essentially) actually left me feeling awful. I sent a man, full of regrets and self-loathing, on a lonely journey to figure himself out. That... did not sit right with me at all. Neither did the fact that Northern Thedas, supposedly the point of the gods' attack, gets to live and flourish, while Southern Thedas is dying of starvation and blight. That is UNHINGED to me.

4. Music. 1/10.

There was no music. I remember one track. It was not memorable whatsoever and I can't believe they hired Hans Zimmer to do exactly nothing. Just wow.

5. Lore. ???/10.

And here is the worst offender. What was done with Dragon Age lore is unacceptable. I was doing a head-in-hands every five minutes. This was a slap in the face of so many fans who enjoyed the three prior games and delved into deep, interesting lore of various races, countries, cultures and religions. Veilguard showed a big middle finger to all that.

Everyone has already touched upon the sanitization of different factions. From the suddenly slaveless Tevinter to found family Antivan Crows, everything has been scrubbed clean and made sweet and palatable and "good".

The Dalish clans have been removed from existence as we know them. The Antaam left the Qun? Don't even get me started on that. The Chantry has no influence in this game? Really? The Chantry? The biggest religion in Thedas? The one that we know has heavy presence in the Anderfels, the Black Divine in Tevinter? That Chantry?

I think it really hit me how disrespectful the game is during the quest of saving the Dalish elves, where apparently Elgar'nan's Venatori, uplifted to be his servants and chosen people, were trying to sacrifice them. It's a gross and oddly telling idea that the ancient Elven god turned to a faction of racist mages to sacrifice elven people. I actually can't believe I'm writing this. Just how much are you going to shaft these people? Mindboggling.

There is a lot more I have to say on this specific topic, and I probably will later, but the idea is this.

6. Romances. 2/10.

Whoever said this is a game with romance lied so hard. So hard. The romance was atrocious. From the badly written flirting to the lack of romantic scenes (I romanced Davrin), to the poorly timed and awkward 'final' romance moment... It was atrocious. I felt no connection between Rook and Davrin beyond what game was telling me. My actual companions got more screen time with their romances than me and my LI.

Damn, even Evka and Antoine, my single most beloved NPCs in this game, had more romance going on that my Rook.

---

All in all, Veilguard was a massive let down. After having enjoyed the first 3 games many times over, with multiple playthroughs, I was so excited to see how the story of the Inquisition, of the elves, would end. When I saw the first trailer for VG, I knew I would never get to see it. When I played the game, I was left with disappointment and disdain.

I'm glad there are people who enjoyed this game, genuinely. I'm sure there's something to find for anyone, but it was not for me. Nor was it for many other people. It was a let down. I feel like I'll never get the conclusion I wanted - so I'll have to write my own I guess.

I have more thoughts on this game that I might be sharing, but for now this is the review I wanted to write. Thanks for reading!

[pomefioredove]

Do you have any advice for writing Rook's character? I'm always worried I'll write the twst boys too ooc

mmm let me think

my absolute least favorite interpretation of his character is the loyal lapdog. I hate it with such passion that I won't engage with anything that makes him that. rook is eccentric and excitable and passionate about his interests, and none of that makes him "pathetic". reducing him to that dumbs him down, imo. he has also repeatedly shown that while he admires vil, he isn't bound by that admiration, and will disobey if he sees fit. he says he doesn't feel particularly committed to anyone in his suitor suit lines. he follows his heart, but he's aloof just the same

there's also nothing, to me, that tells me his interests are romantic in nature. if anything, what he says/shows tells me he's explicitly not romantically interested in anyone, whether that be vil, neige, or yuu. when I write rook, I don't lean on that crutch, because it doesn't exist to me. I don't read rook as a flirt, or a romantic. so I don't write him that way, either. rook admiring someone's beauty doesn't equal flirting. he's just autistic

so what I choose to focus on is understanding. rook is an intrinsically lonely character. he's very private, and guarded, and keeps himself at a distance from everyone. he's expressed that he doesn't get to talk about his interests much because people find that weird/annoying, and I think, as shameless as he seems, he carries a lot of shame with him. his friendship with vil feels unnatural, in a way, because he knows everything about vil (or, he thinks he does, at least, but this is also arguably not true), and vil knows almost nothing about him. rook enjoys supporting people, but is never supported in return. sure, he's extroverted, and eccentric, and surrounded by friends, but he never feels as if he can be his true self with any of them. supportive, but not supported. he's got that chronically lonely autism, which is something that has always really spoken to me about him

so, I don't want to write him as "the flirt" or "pathetically devoted loyal dog" because he isn't either of these things to me. rook is weird. he's also insanely withdrawn and lonely and sad, in a way that he doesn't really show. he isn't bound to anyone. he does his own thing. so I think his connection to yuu comes from a place of understanding. rook knows what it's like to feel lonely and isolated and like you don't quite belong where you are. he knows how it feels to always support others, but never be supported in return. he knows how it feels to have a mind that doesn't think like everyone else's, to be intrinsically "different" without even trying

rook is sympathetic. he's deeply caring. he's observant and a little mischievous, sometimes, but he's a good person. he wants to help. he struggles with being vulnerable because of how he's been rejected in the past. he's eccentric and extroverted but also emotionally sensitive. he can be difficult to understand, but he really is a good person

tldr um, I don't know, he's just got a lot of emotional depth people don't really write him with. and autism I guess is the big takeaway but that's hardly helpful. it makes sense to me. this is long and terrible sorry lol

[gilmore-angel]

unexpected pleasures || A.T x fem!reader

summary ♱ reader has just wed the infamous aemond targaryen, and though she's nervous, she will soon discover there are many pleasurable things to come (tldr reader gets finger fucked good)

warnings/contains ♱ arranged marriage, awkwardness at first, smut obvi, sub!reader dom!aemond, fingering, praise kink!! use of good girl, pretty girl, wife. overall very fluffy!! soft!aemond<3. let me know if I should add anything else!!

authors note ♱ okok this is probably trash but I'm literally forcing myself to write rn<3 lol anyways this is also my first time actually writing for aemond which is crazy bc I've been obsessed with him since like early January💀. if you enjoy please reblog! likes are obviously appreciated but reblogs are the thing that actually help the writer<3 oh and lmk if you want a part two!!

navigation 𔓕 follow and turn on notifications for @baysfics to know when I post my writings

married life isn't so bad after all.

of course, you've only been married for about three hours now, but it's going better than expected, which at this point is all you can hope for.

your new husband, prince aemond, has been quite pleasant thus far. you have only had roughly six full conversations since you were betrothed two months ago, but based off of them he was very polite and well educated.

though you had dreaded the wedding day, everything had gone smoothly. the ceremony itself was a big event, full of lords and ladies you didn't even know the house of, all eager to get on the new princesses good side. and of course there was the kiss you shared with aemond, one that sent an unknown feeling through you, settling at your lower belly. and now, the grand feast to celebrate the union.

it had less people there, only family and the very important houses were allowed to attend. you sat at the table in the middle, sitting in the center along with your husband. on your other side sat your father, mother and siblings, the same went for aemond. your husband stayed mostly silent during the feast, only speaking when spoken to.

your belly slightly ached with nerves for what was coming next; the bedding. thankfully, the queen had insisted upon a private bedding, just as she did for her other children when they wed. the action soothed your nerves a bit, but they still clung to you.

you had been warned by your mother that the bedding was an uncomfortable and painful process for the woman. but she also informed you that it is something all woman must do to please their lord husband and produce heirs.

you felt your heart sink when the king stood up weakly to announce it was time for you and aemond to head to your chambers. you both stood up and gave your goodbyes, your mother giving you a reassuring smile before you left.

there was an awkward silence as you walked with your husband to your chambers, escorted by guards. you glanced at him, only to see him looking straight ahead, blank expression on his handsome face.

once you arrived the guards pushed open the heavy wooden doors. you gave them a small smile in thanks before aemond dismissed them. as the doors closed aemond let out a small shaky sigh, you couldn't tell if it was out of nervousness or dread. you both stood awkwardly, unsure of where to begin. he spoke first, breaking the deafening silence.

"would you like help taking down your hair?" he blurted out. you nodded, giving him a awkward small smile.

"please," you moved past him to sit at the vanity. you began taking out the many odd placed pins and braids in your hair. aemond came up from behind you to start assisting in the process. the feeling of his long fingers in your hair made up for the times he would accidentally tugged too hard trying to take down the hairstyle. you both worked in silence, the only word spoken was his occasional 'sorry's when he would notice you wince.

now that your hair was down, the room was once again filled with an thick silence. eventually you stood up, turning to face him. you sucked in a breath, looking up at him nervously.

"should i..... should I remove my clothes, my prince?"

his eyes widened at the question, but he nodded, "yes, my lady... I can help."

he moved behind you, undoing the laces of the dress with shaky fingers. the gorgeous dress fell to the floor, pooling around your feet. you stepped out of the dress, leaving you in a silky shift and small clothes. you felt quite vulnerable as you begun taking your shift off, even more so once it was gone.

aemond let out a shaky breath at the sight of you in nothing but your small clothes. he looks up and down your body, desire filling his eye. he walks closer to you, looking deep into your eyes.

"may I kiss you, my lady?" he asked, his usual cold tone gone, now replaced with a soft, caring one. you nod, eyes wide.

aemond smiled softly before leaning down and kissing your soft lips. this kiss was unlike the other one you both had shared just hours before. this one was out of pure want, not obligation.

you gasp softly against his lips when he deepened the kiss, your hands flying up to his strong shoulders. his hands found home on your hips. he pulled away just enough to whisper against your lips, "is this okay?"

you nod, staring up at him with wide eyes. "yes, my prince, I just... I don't really know how to do this properly."

he smiles at you softly, moving one of his hands to caress your cheek gently.

"that's okay, just copy what I do, okay?"

he leans back in, kissing at a slow pace. his lips are soft and warm against your own. you feel something wet poking at your bottom lip and soon realize it's his tongue. you open your mouth slightly and gasp when he slides his tongue in, exploring where he can reach. the sensation causes a soft whimper to fall from your lips.

he begins pushing you backwards gently until the back of your knees hit the edge of the plush bed behind you, causing you to lay down on it. to your surprise, aemond gets on his knees before you and pulls you down so your legs hang off the bed. leaning up on your elbows you look down at him extremely confused. "my prince... what are you doing?"

he simply smiled and blushed, "let me know if you wish to stop, okay my lady?". his big calloused hands went up and down your thighs, pulling them apart. you laid back, too embarrassed to look him in the eyes. his hands eventually found their way to your small clothes.

"may I remove these, my lady?" one hand continued rubbing you thigh gently. you hum and nod. that wasn't good enough apparently and aemond lightly pinched your thigh. "words, wife. I need to hear some words out of those pretty lips."

you blushed deeply, taking a deep breath, "yes, please take them off."

he smiles, murmuring under his breath "good girl". you felt a tingle in your lower belly, growing each time he touched or talked to you.

he carefully slid your small clothes off, throwing them somewhere in the room. he sucked in a big breath at the sight of your bare cunt. you squirmed slightly, his gaze lighting you on fire almost.

"may I touch you, wife?" he spoke softly, a poorly hidden desire behind the words.

you nod but quickly remember what he told you. "yes, you may."

with one hand he softly rubbed your thigh, with the other he rubbed one finger up and down your lips, pushing past them and exploring the wet outside. your back slightly arched at the unknown but not unwelcomed feeling. he moved his finger higher until he found your clit. a high pitched whimper escaped your lips at his soft but achingly good touch.

he looked up at you with a sweet smile. "does that feel nice, wife?". his finger moved in gentle circles, pressing ever so slightly.

a few breathy whimpers and moans slipped out of your mouth. "yes," you breathed, "so so nice..."

he let out a hmm, continuing his movements. he moved his finger up and down, gathering your wetness and then spreading it around your sensitive clit. as he rubbed on your bundle of nerves, his other hand came up, softly pressing against your slit.

"this may feel strange, my lady, but I promise it'll feel so good soon, okay?" he pushed a long thick finger into your previously untouched hole, groaning at how tight you were. your back arched off the bed as a loud moan rang around the room. he slowly started moving it in and out, sending waves of pleasure through your body when he curled his finger upwards. your gummy walls tightened around him, almost as tight as he cock felt in his trousers.

he looked up to see your reaction, smiling when he saw your head thrown back in pleasure. soft whimpers left your mouth as his movements quickened.

"may I add a second finger, sweet girl?" something about the way he said the affectionate name sent chills down your spine as you slightly bucked against his hand.

"hmmph, yes, yes please husband." he smirked as he added a second finger. he pumped them in and out fast, his other hand still focused on your puffy clit.

suddenly a new feeling hit you. like some sort of knot in your belly, ready to explode any second. a panicked expression washed over you at the strange sensation.

"aemond, aemond! something is, fuck, happening!" you cried desperately, clenching the sheets beneath you hard.

"shh, it's okay, it'll feel so good. just let it happen sweet girl." it was too much and too little, it was overwhelming yet you needed more. it hurt but felt so so right.

before you could reply waves and waves of pleasure washed over you, drowning you in the feeling of him. your whole body shook, hips bucking wildly into his hand. creamy white cum drooled onto his fingers and hand. he groaned at the sight and fucked you through your peak.

he eventually slid his hand out and climbed up the bed, hovering over you. he brought his cum covered fingers to you mouth, "open," he commanded softly, sucking in a shaky breath when you wrapped you lips around them. he pulled them out, moving to caress your cheek, "such a good girl."

he began kissing your neck, trailing his hand back down to your thighs. you whimpered sweetly causing him to chuckle.

"oh, sweet wife, we are just getting started."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

okay so I saw an ask that's similar to a situation I'm going through, and now I feel like I have to ask...AITA? NSFW content

(🐊🩷💀 for me to find)

this will be long, I'll try to shorten it

I've been married to my (25f) partner (27 mtf) for almost 6 years. I'm going to use he/him pronouns for him because he hasn't begun his transition and still wants these pronouns, but 3 years ago he came out to me as trans. we live in a not great state (US) for that, and so he hasn't begun his transition bc he personally doesn't want to start until he can also start medically, but, he was born a male and wants to transition to female

This was nbd to me at the time because I'm bisexual, so I was like "alright cool let's figure out how to get out of this state then and let you live your best life." we haven't been able to move financially, but we are hoping for next year.

When I believed he was still a male (if this is not the proper wording PLEASE correct me, I just don't know how else to say it??) we had this understanding that if I wanted to sleep with women, I could, bc I never have actually slept w a woman before. This never actually happened bc I'm terrible at flirting/weird w sex in general, so it never applied. However, around the time he came out to me, I began maturing (?) sexually myself. I got a SUPER high libido out of nowhere, started thinking about things I've never really wanted to do before (threesomes, etc) and thought about the possibility of sleeping w other men bc, idk, I just wanted to? I honestly considered (am still considering) if I'm sexually monogamous or not

I LOVE my partner, I do not want to leave him, but I literally cannot control my sex drive. When we have sex, it's great, but I also wanna sleep around a little. It has nothing to do w him and I don't wanna leave him, and honestly I don't even like the men I've considered as people, I just think they're hot. I'd never date them in a million years bc they're personalities are...not compatible to me. I honestly think they're assholes, it's just physical.

Anyways, when he came out, a few weeks later I proposed this question to him. I said "hey, you always said I could sleep with a woman bc it'd be a different experience than I could get with you, when you medically transition, can I sleep with men? I really like sex with a penis and you know straps kinda scare me a little. of course it'd just be sex." He kinda flipped, we got in a big argument and almost broke up over it bc he thinks I want to cheat on him. It doesnt help that around the same time, a male friend was showing big big interest in me, and when my husband asked who I'd even want to sleep with, I said this friend, and then he was convinced I had feelings for him and I lost some of his trust. Nothing ever happened w this friend, and nothing EVER would without my partner knowing and being okay with it, but he definitely lost trust in me.

His side of the story is, well honestly I don't understand it. I've been too afraid to bring it up again bc of how big the fight was, and everytime I broach the subject, he thinks I want to leave him/cheat on him. He says he's uncomfortable w me having sex w a man even after he transitions. He's tried explaining how it's different to him, but I don't understand. I think a lot of it is he just doesn't trust men and honestly probably hates them. I'm definitely attracted to women, but I like penetrative sex. Penetrative toys scare me, I've had panic attacks using them before. I just can't do it, I don't see them as an option. I love my partner and I dont want to leave him, but I also don't want to forego a sexual experience I enjoy.

TLDR; I've gotten a crazy high libido the last few years, my trans partner is uncomfortable with me sleeping with men once he transitions, even though I've been "allowed" to sleep with women this entire time that he still presents as male

Am I the asshole? Would I be if I brought it up again?

[labyrinthofsphinx]

We saw in one of the comics that Vox was on the phone with Vel. I’m curious what their relationship is in this AU?

Vel works closely with Vox as his personal designer, especially for his Hollywood sets and red carpet appearances. She also serves as Vox's right hand, and helps keeps things running smoothly when he's busy. Generally, everyone knows that Vel's word is law unless directly contradicted by Vox. Unofficially, Vox has Vel dig into the lives of other celebrities and people of importance. She's pretty good at getting her claws in those places.

She's well aware of Vox's, ahem, 'extra curricular activities'....and has more than helped him get rid of a corpse or two or who knows how many at this point. Annnnnd possibly be the one responsible for those corpses more than a few times. She's ambitious, and vicious. And she's not going to let something stand in her way, and Vox totally gets that.

To be honest, they've got a pretty good working relationship and casual friendship going on. Vel is...actually kinda grateful to Vox, in a way? During this time era, it would be almost impossible for her to get where she is for so many reasons...but Vox doesn't care about what the rest of society thinks about that. She does her job, and she does it well. That's all he requires.

And before anyone asks, yes, she has met both Alastor and Val, separately. She has no idea what Al does for Vox, like at all. But, if Al is what Vox wants then all she can do is give her support, and silently judge him on the inside X). She's met Val before on Vox's behalf for business. The two of them have a silent understanding with each other because, well, they both work for Vox. And yeah, they're both kinda attached to him (though in very, very different ways).

(Also, also, she will almost always be in a different outfit and hairstyle when she shows up XD)

TLDR: These two act like the means girls in a high school when together, talking gossip about everybody else. Vox is the ringleader, but Vel very much enjoys her 'in' crowd status, thank you very much.

Thanks for the ask!

[mellosdrawings]

noooo not the n2 ship 😭 omg people can be so weird sob sob you have more drawings of them as adults and frankly why does it even matter?!? it's not even an illegal ship sob (eg. incest or smth else that normally turns heads in fandoms) if you don't like it, don't read it???? (i personally like it tons!)

-🥬

(About this post)

Well, you know, it's the usual Leojami age difference discourse. I just delete those comments anyway, but I'm glad you like the N2 squad :3

I won't develop too much since I don't want this blog to be about discourse (I'm giving my opinions plenty on my sideblog) but here's what I think about these topics:

-I'm vehemently anti-censorship. I don't think something shouldn't ever exist and I will never push for something to be censored, even if it's stuff that makes me uncomfortable. I think warnings about particular contents are great, but in the end it's my responsibility to curate my experience with banning # and blocking people, etc etc. Even illegal stuff should be portrayed. If people can draw/write about murderers and conmen without a fuss, then they can also do that about taboo/illegal sexual topics. Depiction is not endorsement.

-I believe the reader/viewer is the one who injects meaning to art/stories. I'm an artist and all the things I do mean something, but that meaning doesn't prevail over the meaning my viewers inject in my art. I regularly see people "misreading" my comics in the tags, but it doesn't matter. Their interpretation is just as valid as mine, and if they wanna see ships where I didn't mean to draw ships, or if they interpret a scene as negative when I meant for it to be positive, then it's either my role as the content creator to be more explicit/obvious with what I meant, or to simply let my viewers have fun however they want with my stuff. I don't believe in the "there's only one valid interpretation and everybody who thinks otherwise is wrong".

(That's also why I don't really believe in DNI. People you disagree with will interact with your stuff anyway, caring about those things will just anger and tire you for nothing. I try to avoid interacting with people who have DNI that probably include me? But considering "proship" means anything and nothing it's hard to tell whether N2/LeoJami is considered a proship or not.)

Tldr: I'm anti-censorship and I think everybody should make and enjoy the content they want, even if it's topics that are usually frowned upon. Imagination is the one place one should be able to go hogwild without fearing retribution.

[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

Hiatus Update

Hey everyone! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and is ready for the next year!

I'm really sorry that I keep falling into a hiatus status, but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about some things.

No, this isn't an announcement of canceling my AUs or that I'm dropping Twisted Wonderland! I still love the series very much and I still have far too much in mind with the AUs to stop thinking about them so soon! I just wanted to get that out of the way since I realize my lack of content creation lately seems to have worried a few people, and I'd like to apologize to everyone for worrying you all.

That being said, that brings me to my next point, and...it's going to get serious. No TW, it's nothing like that! Just...me speaking my thoughts and realizations. TLDR at the end if you want to skip the ramble!

I've been writing for this blog for...gosh, I think about three years now? It feels less than that for me, but that's a lot of writing done over the years. So many AU ideas, so many asks, so much love for the AUs I've created that--honestly--I almost didn't even start this blog had it not been for some encouragement from a good friend. And I'm glad I did! These past few years have been some of the most creatively liberating times I've had before I ever discovered Twisted Wonderland (would you believe it was originally Leona that made me want to play it despite Malleus being the one that kept popping up in my feed to the point I had to try and figure out what his name was? XD).

Yet despite all that writing and hyper-fixating, I've come to realize and accept that I'm experiencing quite the huge burnout...and I have been for quite a while without realizing or accepting it.

It's not because of any particular wip fic or art that I've been slowing down. The burnout had been happening for a while and just boiled over, and I think as a result...I started doubting myself over time. Doubting that what I was writing was going to be good, or that I'd be able to fulfill everyone's requests or asks in a way that makes them happy or feel that I put as much effort into the writing as I do with others, feeling like I'd be letting people down if I don't make something as long or detailed as some of my other responses, or making promises of grand ideas and not being able to deliver on it. I didn't feel connected to my writing, that it wasn't meant for me to enjoy or feel like I could be part of.

To put it simply, I put far too much pressure on myself, and the lack of feedback or reactions beyond likes on some fics I spent a lot of time and effort on didn't exactly help my mind's relationship with my own writing. Because of that self-imposed pressure, I'd...forgotten what it was like to love my own writing, to enjoy the process for what it was and to feel like I can just write what I want and feel included in my own adventures. Writing consumed me to the point that most days...I'd only be able to stare at the blank screen or my notebooks, the words and scenes in my mind yet unable to string them together in tangible form and yet I felt terrible NOT sitting there trying to write.

It was a pretty vicious cycle I couldn't break until now.

Lately, I've been focusing more on self-care. Not just physical stuff like hygiene or cooking better home meals (though I am doing that), but I mean giving myself other things to enjoy on my self-care wheel.

This is what I mean by the self-care wheel (link to instagram post ). It puts it in a way that makes sense, and I hope it helps someone else as well! Here's a screenshot of the post for those who don't have Instagram.

I've been watching more anime and other shows on streaming services lately, I've been playing other games like World of Warcraft (which has become my current obsession!) among others, and just...essentially breaking up the routine I had where I did nothing but writing, so I could take a break. And honestly? I've been able to write other things again. But this time for myself.

I feel like I'm able to enjoy the process again.

I love my writing again!

But I know better than to just assume that things are okay now and I can jump back into the blog so soon. I don't want to repeat what I had been doing when I thought my burnout was gone and just silently falling into hiatus again. Healing isn't a linear process no matter what it's for, and things won't get better if I don't start being kinder to myself.

So to bring a long story short:

I'm okay. I'll be okay, I just have to remind myself to enjoy more hobbies and interests in my life to make each day more fulfilling--more rounded. And when I come back to Twisted Wonderland, I'll go at my own pace and remember to write for myself too. I'd still love to chat and ramble about it or even about other fandoms or things to try! I've spent far too long building this blog to let it and the wonderful people who have followed and commented and even sent asks and fanart go away, and I want to connect in a way I feel I hadn't been able to in ages. ;;v;;

Remember to take care of yourselves, and find other things to fill your self-care wheel! It'll take time and effort, but I promise that things will start to feel better the more you realize you've got other things to make life worthwhile. 💝

TLDR: I'm okay! I'm just going to be on hiatus for a while longer and working more on self-care to remember to enjoy life as it should be enjoyed. Writing and concept art will resume at my own pace when I feel I'm able to consistently enjoy the process of writing for the fandom again. Would love to ramble and chat about other hobbies and interests and interact with the community though!

[eonian-nightmare]

A note from someone who's graduating thesis for their literature degree was about how horror novels explore psychology.

"Horror books usually only become successful, or impactful if the main character isn't a good person. If the person doesn't have the ability to crack under pressure half the point of a horror piece goes out the window."

Why do I say this: well I'm just so sick of horror/psychological thriller fandoms.

Comments like "that relationship is so toxic and codependent why would you write something like that" Or "this character is so problematic" or "why are you romanticising ...." are honestly proof that either you don't understand the genre or you can't handle it.

Don't get me wrong, yes good can prevail in horror texts, yes there can be healthy relationships and good people in horror but I'm not talking about those, I'm talking about the specific psychological thriller sub genre of horror. Which makes up a large percentage of horror texts.

In psychological horror texts, characters are used to explore how a mind can corrupt due to trauma and stress. Mental illness, delusion, paranoia, all these things that make up an unreliable narrator thrive in horror because in these situations, that is how the human mind would react. It is very rare that a person would experience this stuff and come out fine. Sure some people may not crack to the extreme but that's what makes the novel interesting.

People generally don't enjoy reading about daily life , it's the same reason why people like to read about the apocalypse or heroes etc. we like to see what happens when a person is in a situation where they are broken

They always treat the text like the protagonists are not supposed to be good people and whenever someone isn't the rip it to shreds because "this is a toxic representation" like honestly fuck off. The genre isn't supposed to be healthy people doing healthy things. It's dark and gritty as a reflection of the crumbling and toxic society around us and as an internal reflection on the darkness within humans.

So, tldr: Let horror books be horrific. Let dark books be dark, and if you don't like it, go somewhere else, the genre isn't for you.

[joelscruff]

some fof related ramblings ✨️

so the other day (may 2nd) marked one whole year since i started fof and i didn't really want to draw much attention to it because i'm just so.... generally unkind to myself when it comes to this fic lmao. making a post just felt like pointing out to not only my readers but to myself that it's been a whole year since i started and yet the fic is still not complete - something my brain tells me is a massive failure on my part. which is FUCKED because i'd never think that way about anyone else's fic. i know exactly how long it can take to finish things when life is constantly throwing curveballs at you + the way creativity and inspiration is always ebbing and flowing. i get that completely, i just wish i was able to give that same understanding and kindness to myself.

i'm so appreciative of everyone who reads fof and has been so patient with me over the past year when it comes to posting. in the beginning i had just become unemployed and was unsure what direction my life was going in, so writing & posting fic was such an amazing escape and i spent SO much time dedicating myself to that creativity. then i decided to go back to school and a lot changed, for better and for worse. a lot of my time is no longer my own and my mental health took a real nosedive which will always be something i deal with regardless. i'm happy to be back at school and working towards something but it was definitely a sacrifice of creativity and because of that i still consistently feel like i'm letting people down. it doesn't come as easily to me anymore and it hurts to admit but that doesn't mean i don't still enjoy it or that i'm planning on giving up on it.

i love fof - it means so much to me and i WILL see it through to the end no matter how long it may take. same goes for all my other fic ideas & wips that that i've slowly been working on whenever my brain allows. i need to be kinder to myself and acknowledge that a year of writing a fic does not equate to a failure, it shows that despite everything i'm still here and i've still got that creativity and passion i had at the start, even if it manifests itself differently now.

tldr; one whole year of fof & i'm proud of myself 💖💖💖💖 and forever grateful to everyone who loves it just as much as i do ❤️

[artificial-transmutations]

Out Now: Dam Breakers

Hello everyone! I'm extremely excited (and, quite frankly, more than a bit nervous) to announce that I finished my fantasy romance novel Dam Breakers!

For the very TLDR-version: It is available here! Be sure to read the disclaimer below, though.

First of all, thank you! Everyone who reads my stories or likes them shows me that there is at least some interest in my mediocre writing. And even though the novel is not exactly like my stories here (more to that later), it gives me hope that you and other people might like it.

Now, for the actual novel!

Dam Breakers is the tale of Jared, a rather normal modern day college student, and Aleron, an apprentice mage living in a secluded tower with his teacher. One fateful day, they meet and are drawn into a maelstrom of magic, change and love - and dark secrets threatening to destroy everything they loved.

With over 120000 words, this is not only my longest story yet, but also my most carefully crafted one. I will attach an image of my Obsidian graph for the story at the end of the post.

Disclaimer:

As I have mentioned, it is a bit different from the stories I usually post here. First and foremost, it's a lot tamer. This novel isn't meant as a porn piece, but as an intriguing fantasy and romance tale. While there is love, desire and sex, of course, it's way more sparse and less explicit than, for example Closer Than Flesh.

It also features transformation themes, and the concept of change is one of the main focus points of the book, but, again, don't expect 500 pages full of transforming bodies because of it :)

And, finally, for a multitude of reasons, it does not contain AI generated images. I wouldn't be able to generate any that do the story justice, anyway.

Now that you know what not to expect, here are some things you MAY expect:

Transformation. Both in the sense of bodily changes but intriguing character development as well.

Gay Love. This is a story about two men from different worlds falling in love with each other, and their stony road to being together.

Magic. It's a fantasy story, and a truly enchanting one at that, with a fresh concept of magic and change.

Story. Last, but certainly not least, it's a good and interesting read, at least according to my opinion. Since I might be a bit biased here, let me tell you that my beta readers agree.

If you still want to read it (and I hope you do!), then you can grab your copy here:

If you are not in the US, you can just replace the .com with, for example, .co.uk to go to your local Amazon marketplace

I have not forgotten, of course, that I promised a special condition for you folks at Tumblr. Since Amazon makes it a bit difficult to actually implement that, I plan to offer a time limited discount or giveaway in a few weeks. I'll announce the exact time here on my blog beforehand.

If you really want to support me, it would mean a lot to me if you could leave a review on Amazon. That influences the algorithm a lot and helps the book get visibility, which is incredibly important . So, please, if you like the book, leave a review.

Teaser / Preview (mild spoilers)

And here is a short look into the book, from chapter 4. It contains some mild spoilers, but nothing too important. I also added an AI image, which is not in the book (see above).

[...]

Even though the weather was unstable, Jared enjoyed the journey through the vibrant spring land. It was a closeness to nature he had never experienced. Even back home with his parents, in rural Texas, the land had seemed different. Back there, the wilderness had been tamed decades if not centuries ago. There was no wonder, no adventure. Here, there were hills and forests, rivers and bogs, and who knew what else. It was as if Jared was seeing the world for the first time. Not to mention the smell. Jared could not remember a time when he had smelled the spring air like this.

In addition to the landscape, Jared's traveling companion also played a big part. Aleron was an intelligent and witty conversationalist, and Jared learned a lot about his new friend. They spoke of everything under the sun, and Jared told stories of his home, of modern inventions and the differences between this world and his. Even though Aleron was fascinated by his tales, he was also clearly skeptical about some of them, especially when it came to the more complex topics. That was only fair, though, as Jared himself had a hard time believing the fantastic stories of this world, even after having experienced some with his own eyes. Dragons, for example. It didn't matter how often Aleron recited what little information he had about those magnificent beasts, something in Jared resisted fully believing in them. He hoped that he would be able to see one of them for real - although Aleron repeatedly stressed how dangerous they were - in order to be able to fully believe in them.

While Aleron's world was certainly magical, it wasn't all like in the Lord of the Rings. There were, for example, no other humanoid races, as Jared learned. No elves, dwarves or orcs, at least to Aleron's knowledge, which, to be fair, mainly included the Kingdom of Myrthien. Although the Whispering Woods were not technically a part of Myrthien, and were generally considered wilderness, it was clear that they were no part of another nation either. The closest neighboring country to the Whispering Woods would either be the Golden Isles beyond the coast south of Eldoria or the Verdant Lands to the west. According to Aleron, the Verdant Lands couldn't really be considered a nation, too. It was more of a loose confederation of tribal communities, living in the characteristic dense forests of that region.

As Helena had promised, Luminara wasn't difficult to find. The capital of Myrthien was well known and if there was a sign post somewhere, it was sure to point to Luminara.

There was no shortage of smaller and bigger settlements, and about every third or fourth night they were able to sleep in beds. During the other nights, they made camp a bit off the road in order not to attract too much attention. It was one of those nights, about two weeks after they had left Eldoria, that Jared woke up in the middle of the night. Aleron, who was sleeping next to him, was moving in his sleep and occasionally made a sound, which had caused Flicker to gain a bit of distance to the sleeping man.

It was clear to Jared that his friend was dreaming, and he briefly considered waking him up from his nightmare. However, judging by the sounds, Jared began to suspect that Aleron was not having a nightmare but quite the opposite, although the dream seemed to be just as intense.

Quietly, he left the tent, careful not to wake the sleeping mage. Outside, he was greeted by the stars and a clear sky with an almost full moon. The campfire was almost dead, just a few embers and ashes were left. It was a quiet, peaceful night, and Jared decided to go to the nearby lake to drink. Aleron had never once shown a single sign of sexuality before, except for demonstrating a certain uneasiness around nudity and related topics. He never had commented on any woman - or man - in a suggestive way, so Jared had been half- convinced that this whole topic didn't have any relevance to the mage at all.

Of course, for his own reasons, Jared had avoided the subject as well, so, perhaps Aleron thought the same about him. Jared didn't mind that. As magical as this world was, he had yet to encounter a single sign of same-sex attraction. Perhaps this wasn't a thing here, biologically, or perhaps it was socially frowned upon, like in his world's medieval ages - or rural Texas, present day. In any case, there was absolutely no reason to bring that topic up, so he didn't. Not bringing up his sexuality was a sport he was very experienced in for 9 years straight now, after all.

As Jared neared the lake, he was feeling weird and tingly all over. It was not entirely unpleasant, but it stirred a vague memory in Jared. He had felt this feeling once before, but he couldn't quite recall when.

When he bent down to scoop some water into his hand, he stopped before his fingers touched the surface of the lake. The moon was bright, and Jared could see his reflection in the mirror-smooth water quite well. The only problem was that it was not him who was looking back at him.

Of course, there was a strong resemblance, but the details weren't right. His face looked somewhat stronger, his jawline a bit squarer. His hair a bit lighter and styled like the day he first stepped out of the mirror. On his chin, there was a short well-groomed beard even though he had shaved just last morning. It wasn't just his face, though. As he looked down on himself, he looked fitter than he should, as if he was visiting a gym regularly. In fact, the definition of muscle on his torso increased further, just as he was watching. Suddenly, the wonder was replaced by fear. He had felt that way before, and now he remembered when. It had been during his first visit to Aleron's world, when his body was 'destabilizing' as Aleron had put it. Given, the feeling had been stronger then, but it was definitely the same. And now, his body was changing again, and he was weeks of travel from the magic mirror.

Half-panicking, he sprinted back to the tent, not caring about being quiet anymore. Perhaps Aleron knew what to do! He ducked into the entrance and called out to the mage.

"Aleron, wake up!"

Almost immediately, the apprentice jolted awake. "Jared? What is wrong?"

"I... don't know, it's me. Look at me!"

After a few words of encouragement, Flicker began burning brighter, allowing them to see in the tent as well. Aleron looked at the half-naked Jared critically for a few moments before asking: "Okay... what am I looking for?"

"Can't you see? I'm..." However, as Jared looked down on himself, everything was fine again. He was looking at his plain old self, just as he should look like. The tingling feeling was gone, too.

"Oh." Jared felt incredibly stupid all of a sudden. "I... must have been imagining things."

[...]

If you liked the teaser, be sure to give the whole thing a read :)

Let me close with another whole-hearted Thank You for your continued interest!

Stay awesome!

And here, as promised, a peek at the creative complexity of the story:

[the-bitter-ocean]

mira and sif's friendship means so much to me so thinking about post-act 5 ICAS makes me want to explode (POSITIVE)

on that note i wonder how the conversation at the clocktower went? it's not like leaving mirabelle behind is an option so they probably don't bring that up but. y'know. how's everyone feeling?

( ACT 5 SPOILERS ) Hello anon I am glad that you are enjoying my au! To answer your question, as you brought up you’re correct that the group wouldn’t suggest leaving Mirabelle. They wouldn’t because 1) that’s their friend and 2) they quite literally cannot progress in any meaningful way in the king fight / through the house without her. They would most definitely not make it. That being said nobody is happy with how Mirabelle treated them. Concerned that Mirabelle won’t say what’s wrong to her friends and upset about all the mean things she said when lashing out etc. I have not fully posted the act 5 clock tower convo yet (still in the process of drawing the CGS for it) but I do have bits of dialogue if you’d like to see it! Writing excerpt is under the cut:

TLDR: The group does talk about how Mirabelle is acting really strange and how her actions have hurt everyone. They all wish to talk to her about how they feel and ask her to let someone else in the group do the leading instead, since they feel like Mirabelle in the state that she’s in right now isn’t exactly fit to lead the party like usual. The group planned on still taking her but opted to give her more of a break and let everyone else do more of the heavy lifting so to speak ( believing that the main source of her stress is from taking one too many responsibilities all on her own + the pressure of saving the country ).

Mirabelle unfortunately after overhearing the conversation came to the wrong conclusion altogether. Mirabelle (incorrectly) assumes that after all this time she clearly was being selfish- that she “forced” her companions to accompany her journey to defeat the king and that they don’t trust her anymore. Mirabelle thinks that it should have just been her to defeat him. In her mind it makes sense: she’s the one with the time freeze immunity given to her by Euphrasie and she’s the one looping in time. The act 5 clock tower conversation just unintentionally reaffirmed her fears that she dragged innocent people into danger and will only get them hurt or killed. So she decides the best course of action is to take the orbs and run off to fight the king alone.

I’m sure it went totally great.

[bloody-teared-angel]

Once again, I came across a defense post for St*las in the 'anti' and 'critical' tag and boy, do I have some thoughts.

The post screenshotted a post about the OG Paranoid DJ song 'Look My Way' and the tags underneath, defending St*las. Let's get into it shall we?

(DO NOT SENT HARRASMENT TO THIS PERSON!! I DO NOT CONDONE THIS BEHAVIOR!)

Stella and Octavia Deserve Better. There. I said it. They deserve better than to be written as a two dimensional a*usive spouse so the se* ab* would look better, so the writers could have an excuse to make it seem he is not in the wrong, his daughter deserves better than to be brought up as a plot device for his man pain.

Stella and Octavia deserved to have a mother and daughter relationship on screen, Stella deserved complexity since she's in the same boat as S*las if not worse.

Now, onto the person's post.

When did Stella destroy his stuff? When did she r* him repeatedly? From what I remember, they did it until Stella became pregnant then from what I remember they barely touched each other.

Until it was made in s2 that Stella was a* for Stolas to look good.

In s1 Stella threw an Imp at him which I think is justified, after what he did to her. When you think about it, Stella carried the brunt of it.

"Oh, the sad little owl was a* so it is ok if he neglects his own daughter, uwu."

Bollock.

Does it explain his actions? Yes. Excuse them? No.

No child should ever be caught in the crossfire. Especially one that is still at a vulnerable stage. St*as openly flirts with his booty call in front of her, doesn't listen to her until Octavia gets visibly upset or runs away, only then he starts to care.

It's easy to call S*as the better parent when we have no one else to compare him to.

I have no idea where this person was going with this, if it was reversed we would treat the woman in the scenario the same, since (if Blitz was a woman we will go with that) she would still se*a* someone else, who was doing it for the sake of feeding her daughter and employees.

TLDR: Allegedly, the VA for both Stella and S*as said, that the two are going to have complex relationship, which was hinted at Loo Loo Land but got discarded in favor of melodrama and woobification of S*as.

*snorts*

Good writing, my ass, Miss Medrano said on multiple occasions that she has no idea where HB is going, she writing things on the go and the fanbase is also influencing her fanbase due to how much she is in kahoots with them.

So um. You are telling is not to engage with media. At all. We are not allowed to criticize the show, is what you are telling us.

Fun fact, most of the people who are criticizing it are ex-fans or still fans that are still holding out hope that the show would get better.

And guess what, people would be wasting their time by watching the show so the people who were invested at LEAST want to finish S2 so their time would not go to waste.

PS: I was one of the fans. I enjoyed s1. I came to love Blitz. And I hate what the show is doing it to him.

We are not doing anything to you. We are using the appropriate tags, we are staying in our lane, you are the one who posted it into 'anti' and 'critical' tags, that's going exactly against what you are saying.

We can engage with the media we consume, weather we love it or hate it.

[twst-hottest-takes]

Am I the only one that thinks the character names in TWST aren't the greatest, and some of them outright suck? While some are perfectly fine like Azul, Rook and Malleus' full names to name a few, but some of the others...?

Why is there a character named "Deuce"? That seems too "on the nose" for a card suit character.

Leona sounds more like a nickname. It's not regal enough to suit a prince. While I know Leona's surname is some sort of pun that only makes sense in Japanese, Leona should have a Swahili last name. One, because it has always been tradition to use Swahili names for the characters in any The Lion King properties. Two, he's a fucking prince of an East African-coded nation, wouldn't he logically have a Swahili surname?

Ruggie isn't a real name. It sounds like a nickname, but it isn't, so it's fucking bizarre.

"Viper" seems more like a name that was forced onto Jamil's family by the Asims to sound deeming. It sounds fake. Wouldn't his real surname be something else?

Vil means "vile" or "horrible" in Portuguese and other languages. Who the fuck in their right mind would name their own child that? Wouldn't that more likely be a nickname, and his actual one be something else? It seems very out of character for Eric to give him such a name. While I heard it could be a spelling of "Ville", I still don't buy it. Because if that was the case, why not spell it like that? I think it's more likely that she was making an ill thought out pun with it. (Vil, villain? Get it?)

The explanation for Kalim's surname is hilariously inaccurate in both versions and genuinely makes it sound like he knows nothing about his own culture. (TLDR, it should be "ibn al-Asim" if we're going off of the canon explanation)

Why isn't Lilia spelt like "Lillia"?

Fellow Honest sounds awkward. Shouldn't it be Honest Fellow? Even that sounds like a stage name than his actual one!

Rollo seems stupid and lazy. It's just one letter off from the character he's based on. Plus, it's the name of a popular chocolate bar brand in a lot of countries, so why call him that

These aren't even half of my complaints in regards to this!

Granted, I'm knocking her too much for this. It's pretty common for Japanese content creators to have a hard time coming up with "western" names for characters like it's hard for some western writers to do the reverse. While, sure, she seems to enjoy making "punny" names, some of them work while others don't. I'm giving some leeway, since this is a fantasy story where people tend to make names up. But it's something I really stuck out to me over time with this game.

I think it's time to talk about what we would consider to be "good" naming conventions.

Also I'll defend the card soldiers' names to my dying breath. I like playing cards and I like how on the nose it is. (Literally, Ace of Hearts, Two of Spades, Three of Clubs, Four of Diamonds. . .lol, how do all these guys end up in school at the same time, and do they get made fun of for it?)

You're right that this is actually a pretty common thing to do when it comes to making up "foreign" names, so I don't know what you would expect from a game like this. As much as I think "Jack Howl" is a Monster High level name for a wolf-man, I don't know how you're supposed to improve on that when the idea is pretty clearly "describe the characters with their name" is idea here. They do it with Japanese characters too in a lot of Shonen series.

In the end my expectations are on the floor when it comes to Japan naming foreign characters, so I guess it just doesn't bother me as much. But here's an idea:

Reblog or comment whose name you would change, what you would change it to and why. Let's try to keep it positive though.

Thank you for your take.

[balrogballs]

I’m curious… how do the publishing sector(?) / your agents take to the concept of fanfiction? Do they consider it novels too? Is there a prejudice (or are your agents avid lindir smut readers too)?

Ooh I’ve answered this before but AGES ago and I think I deleted it because I shared too many specifics, so will answer in full haha.

From what I know from peers in genre fiction — especially romance/fantasy/YA/crime, it’s not exactly frowned upon in a rigid sense, many fanfic authors are open about being published authors and vice versa. Usually, most agents and publishers will have you ‘file off the serial numbers’ so completely remove your fic if any of it has influenced your writing. I don’t write in any of those areas however, so I could be wrong and someone else may be better placed to tell you more on that.

Litfic can be up its own ass — in certain niches an online presence is a good thing to curate, fanfic or no, but from what I see around me and in my circles, it can be somewhat looked down on and I’ve had several discussions with peers on it. Eg. literally last week one of my former professors went on a whole ass rant about how fanfic is ruining the literary landscape and I had to remind myself that biting people is illegal. It was quite funny because the guy raved about my book which is written in a very similar style to my fanfics so… 🤪

Litfic in general tends to be a bit snobby regarding fanfiction, but with the advent of the ‘MFA starkids’ as of late, this has been changing as a few of these types have begun curating a different, ‘younger’ brand — personally I dislike said brand but annoying progress is better than none I guess.

With me unfortunately, the average writer in my specific ‘area�� of litfic is around 45 years old, and it’s an issue-driven area so a lot of the writers and readers are academics/‘public intellectuals’ (ugh).

I have a doctorate and went to all the ‘right’ unis, but I was also in my mid-twenties when I debuted. So I have to very much try twice as hard to ‘live up’ to that sort of thing, and I find it a bit miserable so let the publishers handle any socials etc. Which is also why I really enjoy being on here.

Writer as a brand is a thing in many genres, especially if you write with a ‘big 5’ publisher — unfortunately, mid-twenties fanfic author is not a brand I am encouraged to curate. I REALLY lucked out with my agent and editor as both work with Booker-listers, but the flip side is that they can be a bit dismissive of writing they deem as ‘not serious’.

I do understand, because of the image ‘world literature’ has + my age + not-yet-established status + that fic was literally lindir getting drilled like a borehole… can feel a bit stifling, but work is work!

And yeah once you get to a certain level it stops being relevant, like I feel like if Salman Rushdie came out as a Gigolas shipper or idk Jungkook groupie, nobody would bat an eye. However — as you might be able to tell from how I have both the free time and the shamelessness to curate “Balrogballs” and write about breakfast blowjobs — am no Salman Rushdie.

(I’ve joked before that if I win any of the top 5 prizes I would reveal myself as Balls in my acceptance speech so get praying).

Re difficulty — I don’t have too hard of a time because I use my legal given name and surname in fannish spaces, hence me having always been chill about using my name here, and exclusively use my middle names in public/writing spaces, and there’s absolutely no connection between them online — we had a full check done on this by the publishers.

So people won’t know Zara is [middle names] unless they know me personally, and I don’t really care if people I know IRL know this is my blog because I act exactly like this IRL, just not professionally. A couple of people in fannish spaces did make the connection but the fault was mostly mine as I had been quite careless re: posting face at that point.

TLDR: no it’s not encouraged in my situation, but every genre and author and publisher is different — some genre-fiction agents clearly DO like a Cassandra Clare situation and an online fan community presence can help. I’m thinking about how I’ve seen quite a few fantasy writers openly say they’re Reylo shippers/wrote Reylo fanfic.

Apologies for essay, I’m bored on a train, but hope this answers the questions 😇

[annunen]

NHLWAM S12 E7: Niko Mikkola & Eetu Luostarinen

I translated the highlights of the video for any florida finns fans to enjoy.

TLDR: the finns love chirping each other and Lundy needs a babysitter.

Manninen and Putkonen are the NHLWAM hosts.

Under the cut <3

Manninen: We've got two Finnish Fort Lauderdale locals here. Niko Mikkola, new guy, and Eetu Luostarinen, who's already one of the vets. So what's up?

Mikkola: Nothing bad, getting to know new places and the sun shines. Great people here.

Luostarinen: It's always fun to get more finns here. Always welcome.

Manninen: Eetu, how would you describe Niko as a person and a teammate?

Luostarinen: He's a chill Oulu guy. Chill company, easy to hang out with him, he gets along with everyone. Really nice.

Manninen: Do you agree?

Luostarinen: Sure, i'll take what i'm given.

Manninen: Counterquestion for you.

Mikkola: We've known each other pretty long. He's one of those Savo guys, a little twisted like they all are. But there's only great guys here, like i said, so it's been easy to come here.

Manninen: You got pretty lucky, your training center moved from the middle of nowhere (lit. horse ass) to the neighbor. You could bike there, have you ever done that?

Mikkola: I don't have a bike but i've been planning to buy one. It's 5 minutes away so it would be pretty nice to bike there.

Manninen: Or an electric scooter! Has anyone ever come with one?

Mikkola: No, but Kaapo Kakko always used one in NYC. I'd walk and he'd drive past me.

Luostarinen: I haven't biked there either but some guys have electric bikes. And golf carts, pretty cool that you can come to the rink with a golf cart.

Manninen: Now that's style!

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Manninen: I asked "Lunkka" Lundell this same question, now i want to ask you Eetu too. Looking at your points, this season hasn't been as good as the last. The big crowds only look at points, they're thinking "what's up with Eetu, he hasn't scored points". So what do YOU think, has this season actually been worse than the last, or have you actually gone forward as a player?

Luostarinen: I wouldn't say it's been worse than last season, pretty equal. Just haven't had those successes. There's also a lot happening in the background, in the game. I play a lot shorthanded too, i've got to take credit for that. If i can't get confidence from points, i have to find it somewhere else in the small things.

Manninen: Are the points so important? I don't remember if you lead the league right now, but as a team you're playing really well.

Luostarinen: It's a team game, if your team is doing well, you're doing something right, and you have to be happy about that. But if i have less points than Mikkola, that's when i should be worried.

Mikkola: Why am I suddenly being attacked?

Putkonen: God damn, throwing you under the boat, right there under that Catamaran.

Manninen: What about you Niko, do you ever set - even though you're known as a defensive brush, let's not say broom (that's Hakanpää's "nickname") - do you set some personal goals for points when starting the season?

Mikkola: Defensive brush, i'll take that. Good name. I don't really set any goals for points. The beginning of the season was pretty wild for me, but now i've returned to a normal phase. Probably getting close to 30 straight pointless games now.

Luostarinen: Yeah, early in the season they were throwing the nickname "Niko Norris" around there.

Putkola: You were on a phase for 80 points.

Mikkola: It was crazy, but now we're back to the roots. You can't only get confidence from points. You need some guys who play shorthanded, keep the own net clear. Take some confidence from those.

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(Someone walks by with a dog.)

Putkonen: Cool dog. How's your dog doing?

Luostarinen: Yeah, we have a new one in the family - cavapoo, it's a cavalier poodle mix. And then we have Rose, she's a little over 4 years old now.

Putkonen: Who in your team would you not let dogsit your dogs?

Luostarinen: Lunkka. Even if we speak the same language, i wouldn't trust him with them.

Manninen: Is Lunkka your team's little rascal?

Luostarinen: He is, a little. You need to watch what he's doing sometimes.

Mikkola: But he's so young still.

Manninen: You're allowed to be careless when you're young. We've been careless too.

Putkonen: ...older too.

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Putkonen: Roberto Luongo was in the net at your practice. He still catches pretty well.

Mikkola: Yeah. I've said that he'd only need one training camp and he could play an NHL game again. I can't score on him either.

Luostarinen: Best possible EBUG.

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Putkonen: Let's take some fan questions. Does Sasha "whip" (reprimand) you?

Luostarinen: No, just constructive criticism.

Mikkola: He's flicked me a couple times with a video where I ice the puck or something. More as a joke. He doesn't really "whip" (reprimand) me.

Manninen: But he gives that to Lunkka!

Mikkola: Lunkka is "in his teeth" a little. In a good way.

Putkonen: Yeah, he was already the last time we visited. Gave him an earful from some celly, telling him "don't jump to the glass, only juniors celly like that".

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