#tho i still have the rest of the week to work on
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✨️🎆 Day 4- Sparks 🎆✨️
there were literally fireworks but ok😳💘
#toddallace week 2024#toddallace#toddallace week#wallace wells#todd ingram#spto#scott pilgram takes off#spvtw#that scene combo is crazy#literally huge fireworks#and then wallace is like 'what sparks'#like? hello???#that boy is wild#also poor todd#id kermit if wallace dumped me#tbh#also dont mind that i havent posted day 3 yet; ;#i drew it but then i hated it#so im probably going to go back and redo it#tho i still have the rest of the week to work on#and my other projects#pls pray for me#♡♡♡♡♡♡♡#shitty#(< that's my art tag)
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House of the Dragon s01e05 We Light the Way // Game of Thrones s02e06 The Old Gods and the New // House of the Dragon s01e05 We Light the Way // A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin, Chapter LVI, Theon V // House of the Dragon s01e07 Driftmark // Game of Thrones s02e03 What Is Dead May Never Die // House of the Dragon s01e07 Driftmark // Game of Thrones s02e07 A Man Without Honor // House of the Dragon s01e07 Driftmark // A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin, Chapter LVI, Theon V // House of the Dragon s01e07 Driftmark // A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin, Chapter XXXVII, Theon III // A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin, Chapter LVI, Theon V // House of the Dragon s01e07 Driftmark // Game of Thrones s02e06 The Old Gods and the New // House of the Dragon s01e09 The Green Council // Game of Thrones s01e04 Cripples, Bastards and Broken Things // House of the Dragon s01e09 The Green Council // A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin, Chapter LXVI, Theon VI // House of the Dragon s01e09 The Green Council // A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin, Chapter XLVI, Bran VI // House of the Dragon s01e09 The Green Council // Game of Thrones s02e03 What Is Dead May Never Die //
#gotedit#hotdedit#asoiaf#theon greyjoy#alicent hightower#long post#(c)lsb#in the entitled quote ali's being somewhat irrational and unfair bc nyra did not take an eye she's not trying to keep it away#rhaenyra was only trying to protect her own little boy whose eye alicent felt entitled to#while theon thought asha wanted him dead when she came to wf to save him tho she didnt have to and hes wishing her ill#and then we don't have a direct reaction to 'now they see you as you are' but you can see the words before that getting under ali's skin#making her look even more hurt and bewildered by her former bff than she already was on this night when her son was maimed#compared to theon still hurt by robb's ingratitude months later and caring abt being liked in wf even after his men killed some of the folk#so that's more a vibes based thing but the rest should be self-explanatory#happy theon thursday!#the book citations are so detailed bc i had this fully edited almost a week ago scheduled for next theon thursday#so i kept coming back to the queue to look at my work and make small little edits#tv: house of the dragon#tv: game of thrones
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commissions done for a lovely on twitter :]
COMMISSION INFORMATION (MAY, 2023)
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 3#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza series#yakuza 3#yakuza 7#yakuza like a dragon 7#ichiban kasuga#masato arakawa#ryo aoki#daigo dojima#yoshitaka mine#snap sketches#commission#UUUUGGH FINALLY DONE#these were fun to do dont get it twisted its just yk. im glad i finally have them done#i still have comm work this week tho but the mine/daigo one was one of the bigger ones i had to deal with#i did the aoki and ichi one last week but just wanted to wait to post these together yk#anyway with the rest of my night... im gona be silly... i think.. idk i might just turn my brain off and stare at a wall#WAIT I WANTED TO WRITE THAT SICK MINE ONE SHUT UP NO ONE TOUCH IT ITS MIIINEEEE#MOOOOOVEEEE //SKITTERS TO GOOGLE DOC//
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pinning so its seen-
sorry for not being as mentally ill on here/posting as much art/finnishing the peices i promised- i sadly have gotten myself a life for the next few weeks and am dieging. please send curses and blights my way so i can stop existing-
#ya so um. im learning hoe to drive yay!!!#but learning how to drive is taking up a bunch of my time-#and ive got therapy on top of that also with volenteering and classes and dnd and i booked a hangout with a friend this weekenx-#and thats not even touching how my drawing brain has been switched out with knitting because im sooo fucking cold and i have#a really lovely yarn the color of chuuyas hair and that homey yarn smell that makes you sleepy and is so so warm#plus the knit im using for it makes it so plush and comfy wile not being soft-#its just wjfbsucjejd so yeah! am on knitting kick#i will probably be back on my bs more in december but for the rest of october and november pls dont expect too much from me-#im! also! still trying to roleplay blog tho having a life is very much getting in the way of that-#yeah im really sorry- im also trying to inprove style again and am working on side profiles so now gotta fix up front view to look good#too and ajfbsjfbsubfudhfj- thats also also not counting how i gotta stay on top of my studdies and health and everything-#cause like. i still cant have dairy. and im i think im getting better slowly from the shift but it made me start to taste blood again#and is all just- yeah- again im so so sorry for not being here as mych i am just so tired#next week im going to make sure im not as busy. i swear. if im as busy/productive as this week i will die
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They'll be making urban legends about me the way i be crying in underpasses
#a very if i had a nickel moment#i'm fine tho👍 i think i just got sick is all#but next week no lectures so i'll rest up#try to. they're doing fucking construction work again and the sound insulation is still non existent#like i gen want everyone here rn to know that there is no difference in how much i hear when i have my windows closed vs open#it's that bad.
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ah shit only just realised its september now.... lets hope the rest of this month isn't like this.....
#just med shit innit. gonna force myself up at my usual work time even tho i have the day off bc I need to be in my routine or ill lose it#i am. very tired and very sad. and thats ok generally im ok ive been keeping myself so busy for weeks and weeks#and im glad im going out n doing shit often n meeting new ppl n trying to focus more on hobbies n get more on the life balance#but whenever i have a moment to stop i still get so sad. ik exactly why theyre all just old aches n wounds i dont want to wallow in them!!#lately its been well under control i only usually have one actual bad day a week and sometimes its not even a whole day#and the rest im.just busy and i dont know if im just avoiding things and its not satisfying being busy bc im still missing out needs#but i cant fulfil them so might as well stay busy and not think about it!!#and its okay its all okay im just so sad right now :-( but im going to sleep soon and then ill be busy tmr so i dont have to think abt it#i wanna ventpost abt it but also i dont rly want to bc findinf the words to talk abt the things distressing me involves thinking abt it#which will just.make me feel worse. and it wont resolve anything bc its all mostly outside of my control anyway just hurts innit#but im trying hard to make my life bigger than it was before even if its still shallow and not quite enough at least it covers more space#yeah yeah we all want to feel genuine connection and wanted and loved but life doesnt often work out like that so.#hands in your pockets player keep it moving. im goiny to brush my teeth and then rly need to go to bed zzzzz#.diaries#hope everyone else had a nice weekend i had a pretty good saturday at least. and played a lot of videogames today so could be worse#very glad i dont have work tomorrow as well thank u past me for booking it off ahh..
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#dont call anyone im safe im fine im just venting. tw for suicide/self harm/kind of intense language. ideally no ones reading this tho#bro i cant keep living like this#i dread waking up every day so much that i dread even falling asleep#i got insomnia medication in my system and my brain is still like nope absolutely not#i cant keep up at my job even when i am rested enough#i get headaches every other day#my instant mental reaction in the face of stress is to hurt myself (i have not)#like fuck. i work for the disability department of an insurance company#i know for a fact that (probably) every contract stipulates we wont cover disabilities as a result of self inflicted injuries#which is supposed to prevent ppl from taking advantage of the system or whatever#and im always like if someone goes to the lengths of actively injuring themselves to the point of disability#in the name of 'getting out of work'#that person is not 'taking advantage of the system' THAT PERSON IS FUCKING MENTALLY ILL#AND I WOULD KNOW BC I AM ONE OF THOSE PPL#do not come for me on some shit about wanting to disable yourself being morally questionable i cant be concerned abt that rn#i gotta focus on the fact that i hate my life so much id rather break my own right hand than continue it#its an improvement from the active suicidal ideation but its still a symptom of the passive ideation#fucking hell. im too self aware so i absolutely feel like im faking it or making shit up so i can be lazy and not work and whatever#but FUCKING CHRIST theres no way. if i had a choice i wouldnt let myself feel like this.#i just got to a point where i can live alone and support myself. i was so happy and so proud of myself. I don't want to lose that#but god every phone call i have to make for work makes me want to hurt myself. every early morning (and there arent many!!! i mostly work#from home!!!) makes me wish i was dead. i have to sleep for hours after work more often than not. i cant really maintain my living space#theres fucking. mold and discoloration and shit on a bunch of my clothes and some of my bags and shit!!#cause i cant fucking keep my room clean and my basement apartment got fucking humid over the summer and so much moisture got trapped#i constantly have dirty dishes getting moldy before i get to them#i just dont have the fucking energy. i want to take better care of my space. i want to be more social. i just want to go to sleep without#fucking dreading waking up. i wanna go a full week without a headache. i want my stress response to be something other than the intense and#overwhelming desire to cut myself. if i start again i dont know if ill be able to stop and i know i wont be able to keep it to my arms/legs/#easily hidden parts of my body. last breakdown i escalated to my face and i know ill pick up from there.#fuck
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Putting on last year's trans rigs stream from Drawfee before i have to get ready to go out with my mum and her bf today (bc i have the worst feeling in my gut he's gonna make that An Thing for me if given the chance today, aka whenever i eventually need the restroom while we're at Mystic)
#text post#Housemate was amazing and helped me calm down a bit before ae went to work bc my brain woke up in meltdown mode over this tbh#it sucks bc like. im excited to see my mum despite the Everything with that lmao#but im not excited for how her bf has been acting since they got here (and it's been day 1 out of 7 days)#with some outright homophobic comments while Housemate and i hosted them briefly at our house yesterday afternoon#not abt us but like. i mean. u know we're both queer so#doesn't really matter if it's abt us or not it's still fucky and makes me worry abt how he's gonna be today!!#doesn't help that he really wanted to go to Italy with her instead this summer#(despite the passive aggressive complaints from him & mum to a degree abt how expensive it was for them to come out here)#(we're ignoring the fact that a European trip would be even more expensive lmao tho i do think if they want to/can afford it they should go)#like. the Vibe from him has just been that he'll be Just Polite Enough but that he didn't want to be here#and he doesn't expect to have any fun and it's like#dude i am Trying. i and Housemate have looked up stuff to do that includes things he likes (like guns and historical weapons)#we tried making comments abt that yesterday like hey u might like this but if there's anything u have in mind already#and he was just. whatever idc but then made comments that made it clear he's not excited for anything else#like museums or the beach for sea glass hunting or the bird sanctuary or even the zoo#and all have places to rest/sit plus restrooms and food so I don't think it's a worry abt facilities thing for him#i think he's just fed up that I'm still involved in my mum's life since i moved and like#yes there's a detangling of the umbilical cord i and my past therapist were trying to eventually get my mum to cut#since cutting it myself in any attempt has had her metaphorically taping it back together#but like. it's not entirely on me here. I'm trying to set boundaries and make sure she's giving him more attention than me since he's w/her#more than i am now#i know he's upset when she helps me financially too (i offer to pay her back but she always refuses it) bc she took me aside yesterday#to give me some cash for the time with them for souvenirs/fun stuff i might not buy otherwise bc im trying to be mindful of money#aka still waiting on money my fkn job should have already paid me like. a week or more ago now#he makes her happy so even if he hates me i still care abt his frustrating ass#and i do want him to have as much fun as he can while still relaxing during the trip out here#but i feel like im gonna have to physically shake him by the shoulders screaming this before he listens#and even if he listens he probably won't believe me#sorry for the tag essay the edible hasn't kicked in yet can u guys tell lmao
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I hate people with dreams because I wish I could give up mine !!
#this isnt' meant to be a deep post im just screaming into the void#im back in the city and there is just this deep sense of dread and I wish I could call my friends and talk abt it but everyone who would#understand is too busy#I have one fren who I think mite but shes busy#I have one midterm this week and im still scared of my prof even tho ik she means well and I rightfully pissed her off last last week#I want to leave the committee I work for completely#I want to leave this school completely!!#aaaaaaaaaaa#I want to go grad school#I also just look online and I wish I went to a diff school than this one#bc my family does NOT have the money for this school if Id just waited and gone somewhere else I would not be in this much DEBT#ik i was in a tough situation a few yrs ago and HAD to just pick a school + get out#but still#I think just. if my life events hadn't been so shit and bad#if I hadn't been in such a Bad place during and after the pandemic id be at a diff school#one that didn't make me feel so BAD and one that didn't put me in so much debt#some of why im pissed off and anxious is lit my fault#I burned some bridges and hurt ppl and pissed them off!!#but yn when u make a mistake and everyone around u will def define u by it#bc me rn#I just need to leave and not come back#or if I do not come back for a long time#I wish I could pack my shit and do the rest of the sem online#the only thing I'd miss is choir bc I love it#all of my friends (most of) are in choirrrr#its the way choir is the only thing that makes me feel good I hATE everything else
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Wee ha
#Arright here I go again I gotta do some of these when I gotta vent#posting this on the 17th of August#So the elestral thing is going alright. My focus has shifted a LOT there but I'm still working with em#But the majority of my work comes from another client now. It's another one of these things that I'd love to make by myself#But someone else is making it and wanting me to do the art and music. It's gonna be huge. What a life it is. Anyway#This gif is from yet another project I started recently. Separate from Smile More HoaM and anything else. I keep fucking doing this#But this one's strange. It reflects my current working skills I've built up all these years. A multimedia experience that has a start n end#featuring all your favourite elphame characters in a new style. I'm enjoying making it but there's one problem#I haven't worked on it in like a month and a half#Work is piling up. Pixel art is something I don't do for myself anymore#It's not even a case of “as soon as I have time to myself my fingers can't move" it's that I just do not have any spare time lmao#I meet Ashley once or twice a week. We still play digimon a lot but we're taking this month off since she's petsitting and can't go out lat#My flatmate has basically taken the summer off work since his job pays well enough for him to do so#so having him around to play games with is nice. Feels awkward taking baths with him in the house tho lmao#He is kind of the only reason I take breaks. I got pikmin 4 and it is incredible. Genuinely might have replaced Digimon World as 1st place#Mum took Andy and I to Netherlands recently. It was incredible. I played in a local digimon tournament and ate shit#Have just been so excited about travelling lately. Ashy taking me to manchester soon and I think we'll go london next spring or sooner#Worried I'm overdoing it with the tags so I'll sign off here. Work is stressing me out but it looks like big things are happening.#OH MY GOD I HAVE STOPPED BLEEDING BTW. Like almost altogether. Haven't in like a month. The trick is in the big box I rest my feet on.#It's too tall. I tried replacing it with a pile of folders half as tall and my bleeding fucking stopped. No crohn's disease or anything.#Just a big stupid fucking box. Anyway see you
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#ho hum they finally filled my prescription so ive now got the new medication#havent decided when im gonna start taking it tho. like i should start tomorrow bc i dont feel that great#i mean ive physically recovered from my allergic reaction debacle. my mood is generally just low. not like dangerously so. more like i#talk to ppl and im like oh im being a bummer. which i hate. so like i should start taking it#but im only here for like one more week before i fly home so im like. well ill b fine over the break bc no school#which is like yeah ill prob b fine but like even when im hanging out with family and being chill im not really happy. im just like not so#stressed but theres still like a cap on my mood so like maybe if i take it i can b like a human person. but like im still somehow resistant#which is dumb but like taking an old timey non ssri anti depressant feels different than taking an actual up and down mood stablizer#which is stupid bc im just getting freaked out by the word anti psychotic. and like grappling with the stupid voice#in the back of my head from growing up around the super health freaks in my family who r like: dont take medicine. dont trust doctors who#want to unnecessarily medicate u. but like im also worried itll work and ill just have to b on medication for the rest of my life#which is like fine but it feels weird to theoretically spend 30 dollars a month to be not miserable. bc idk the copay on this medication was#way higher than anything else ive had to get. but idk its dumb and i should just take it#but also a tiny bit a afraid of side effects after last time. i dont wanna deal with that :-[#unrelated
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I haven't done anything tonight yet bc I rediscovered Guitar Hero (damn I feel old XD)
but good news is I've only got 16 things left to do! by tomorrow, I should have more things in the queue than are left to be done, which is always a good feeling
I still have a little ways to go but DAMN I should have the askbox open in about a week! I'm so freaking excited <3
#mod post#my hands hurt tho idk if it's still eczema or if it's dry skin or what but they're cracking and painful#esp across my palm and on the webbing between my thumbs and first fingers? it SUCKS bc like obv you use your hands for everything#I'm a lil angy about it but I'm managing#also on shark week AND haven't had any ibuprofen in almost a week when I used to take it at least once a day for headaches#so I'm in a little pain but I'm trying to power thru bc I'm worried that my headaches are rebound headaches from taking ibuprofen so much#ALSO BITCHES????? BITCHES FNAF MOVIE DROPS ON FRIDAYYYY#me and Mom are gonna watch it on Saturday after I get out of work... WITH PIZZA AND WINGS!!!!#that thought is getting me through the rest of the week dammit#really looking forward to it#ANYWAY SORRY I RAMBLED IN THE TAGS BUT I'MMA TRY TO GET SOME HECKING THINGS DONE!!#should be able to manage at least two tonight <3#but I'm tired so two mmmmay be the most I can muster up tonight#but that'll mean the queue and my drafts will be tied at 14 each and that will feel HUGE#love you guys pls take care of yourselves!!!! practice good self care drink water take your meds go have a snack and watch a show!! <3
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I DID THE DISHES TODAY
#I felt bad cuz I came home and mostly just laid in bed#like I do. every day#I WORKED. OVER TIME. IVE BEEN SLOWLY FILLING UP THE DISHWASHER ALL WEEK#EVEN THO MY PARENTS SAID THEY WOULD#AND I FILLED IT UP THE REST OF THE WAY AND STARTED IT TODAY#I deserve to lay in bed for the rest of the fucking week#and. I probably will akdjskdjsk#I still have to do over time and then it’s time to rot in bed
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The only thing making me go to class is that I want to see what the classmate we carried on group projects the last few years is going to show on his presentation. Literally too much of a Hater to let the mental illness win
#specially because of his first idea i heard months ago...im curious#he never did shit or did it very lazily so im incredibly curious and i want to shit talk with the rest of my classmates about it#if nobody got me i know being a hater got me#the second corrections start im crumpling like a wet paper tho i have nothing and im sure no one still has read my work of the past 5 weeks#haunted.txt
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head in hands FINAL FANTASY
#🌙.rambles#i just. really want to listen to dedicated to moonlight already it's driving me insane#n i really want to replay ffix 🥺 i still rmb playing a lot through yk terra n pandaemonium n stuff n that ancient tree#during those brownouts hehe. i still rmb very well#i remember going upstairs n crying to myself in a corner bcs of the ending#w vivi !!!! :c n then i got infuriated too bcs i didn't realize i accidentally turned off bgm midway my game or smth#i have no idea how i didn't notice#but i was waiting for melodies of life n it didn't play 😭😭 so yeah that's how i realized. but i went back a bit tho#so i cld listen from around. hmmm i can't rlly remember but at least w behind the door & melodies of life yes#n then before ffix was ff7r i rmb apollo n i watching some ff7r stuff n cc on yt then#our dad saw n the day after he bought it :^) i love my family sm sobs#n then we used to take turns bcs only 1 ps4 then n we'd also sched like. 2 hours play n then 30 minutes rest or smth#i rmb when zack first appeared i was crying too man T_T i love video games n stories sm bcs#back then i rlly bottled my emotions even more n yk ^^ were an outlet :^) i love them so very much#OH YEAH finally finished ffxv too then 🤍 kh3 too around that time bcs. yk 2020 lockdown. a lot of switch games too#i still rmb my notes while playing those games T_T#& i rmb looking too around like. early october or even earlier i think. i was searching up a bunch of ff charas#hang on. i said i'll be productive but i really really don't want to work on this script#tmrrw i can rest though. don't rlly have much to do aside from. ah reviews on saturday i have to catch up#bcs i got sick last saturday n cldn't pay attention :c but other than that. the stuff due next week mon/tues r easy#n wed to fri no classes <3 just. have to get this bs done. i hate my group.
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Socialisation is key, i really am just like a bunny
#felt genuinely happy and all i did was go over to my friend's flat between our lessons since she rents close by#and we had coffee and talked ab our failed loves and laughed so much and awughhhhhh#i've really been feeling off these past few months but especially these past two weeks#i don't wanna say it but i just felt like i had no meaning#and hanging out and having fun and doing paid work really managed to make me feel a bit better#and like i actually am a human being with some sort of purpose#even if it is to offer cheap and quick last minute translations or a ''DON'T FALL FOR HIM'' through laughter#sighs#idk. maybe i shouldn't let myself get consumed with anxiety and ''if i fail this then this will happen which will lead to this and that so#essentially if i fail this minor thing i'll fuck everything up and there'll be no fixing it'' but that's easier said than done#i can always distract myself tho and just do my best#i think it was during that coffee that i thought ''okay so even if i fail an exam or two - i can take them during the autumn. i don't have#to pass everything on time - few first years do - and i will still be able to rest between summer and autumn dates#so it's not like i'll be a lost cause if i don't pass everything by july's end'' but. it's still hard to think of it#but we'll see. in God's hands#we also laughed a lot bc i mentioned being religious and she went ''YOU?!'' hdbsbsbsjdjd😭😭.... is that so shocking.........
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