#EVEN THO MY PARENTS SAID THEY WOULD
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I DID THE DISHES TODAY
#I felt bad cuz I came home and mostly just laid in bed#like I do. every day#I WORKED. OVER TIME. IVE BEEN SLOWLY FILLING UP THE DISHWASHER ALL WEEK#EVEN THO MY PARENTS SAID THEY WOULD#AND I FILLED IT UP THE REST OF THE WAY AND STARTED IT TODAY#I deserve to lay in bed for the rest of the fucking week#and. I probably will akdjskdjsk#I still have to do over time and then it’s time to rot in bed
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fairly odd parents still infecting my brain have a redraw
og screenshot ^ im already working on stuff with backgrounds i dont need to make even more
#fop#fopanw#dev dimmadome#fairly odd parents#the fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents#development devin dimmadome#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop dev#fop a new wish#fanart#from here on out are my own tags#memo's constellations#✳️#:dev#ahhhh millions of different tags for one thing i did not miss you#I STILL GOT IT THO! it being creating actual full lined pieces#very fun drawing. back to the reference sheet and animation mines for me though#i dont think i said it but i'm actually animating in fopanw reanimated!!#this drawing was just a quick break and also to make a discord icon thats my own art#i havent been so hyperfixated on something since fuck. i dont even know#but this show is taking over my mind dogggg its all i can think about#i keep saying this but#if you told me like a year ago that id be being really ill about doug dimmadome owner of the dimmsdale dimmadome etc's grandson#to the point of adding him to my fucking kinlist which hasnt been updated in fucking months#i would not believe you#but. here we are LOL#if you think im insane. honestly i dont know what to say except watch anw cause Jeeeesus christ dev dimmadome is one fucked up kid#okay sorry for ranting in the tagsss certified memo moment of ranting in the tags. its over now BYE <3
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decided to leave my job and i'm gonna fr gonna cryyyyy
#literally can't work with my new boss bc i can't trust her#she went to the head of the department with complaints abt me without ever speaking to me or giving me any indication she was unhappy#and various other reasons im not happy w management and the school in general#HOWEVER#i love the kids sm and im gonna miss them and worry abt them ��😭😭😭#im literally scared for some of them bc it feels like the other teachers have no empathy for some of my favorite kids#one of them who is so so sweet and when he cries i'm the girst to comfort him bc everyone else thinks he needs to toughen up 😭#also my new boss sucks so so bad and is gonna be such a bad influence on him and all the other kids#and my main co teacher said she's gonna quit if i do so i cant even beg her to look out for my babies and take care of them 😭💔#and it would be unprofessional to mention any concerns to the parents but genuinely some of the kids would be better off elsewhere#like im actually worried about it#i dont want some of the really sweet sensitive kids to lose their sweetness bc they're being treated unkindly#and the worst bullies and spoiled kids are the ones the teachers dote on#so it encourages some of the sweet ones to act out for attention#anyway 💔#i really do need to go tho#and i'm sure i'll love the kids at my new job#but im so sadddd#also its unlikely i can find a well paying job w this age group even tho i love this age group#its basically impossible not to get attached to them at this age and i get to pick them up and hold and cuddle them and stuff#and you cant really do that with the older kids sadly#literally on the verge of tears even seriously thinking abt leaving#things have been p bad for a while due to management but i never seriously considered leaving bc i love the kids so much#but i literally can't see a future here#and my new boss clearly hates me and im worried she's going to try to get me fired#she already made up a bunch of lies about me and its only been three weeks#anyway i only make 15 an hour so hopefully i'll at least get more somewhere else and i know i'll still love the kids#its just really hard#which is why i've stayed this long#i was p unhappy before my new boss even started bc of the way they treated my old boss
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i would like to stop experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions every day please. putting this out into the universe
#had suchhh a good workday. had hot pot with my roommate where we talked about our quarter life crises#and then came home and had a 3 hour screaming match with both of my parents where i said i was cutting them out of my life#it turns out. my dad still does not understand what the word bi means even tho his fucking wife is bi#he was like 'so you marry someone and six months later you see someone else you like and u go marry them instead?'#like genuinely. truly trying to understand#and that shocked me enough to stop crying#do not reblog please#like in hindsight it is SO funny#and that was the point where i was like. wait is this not malice#this is homophobia but i don't think it's malice#anyways we're all Ok now#we've agreed that i'm going to do what i want#and even if they're unhappy they're still gonna have a relationship with me#and they'll figure out how to adjust#my brother periodically came into the room and also screamed at my parents#i feel bad for them a lil bit. like they're not bad people#after he left my mom told me that a week and a half ago#my brother came into her room and told her that when she died he would bury her in a grave instead#of the traditional last rites (cremation rituals etc etc)#if she wouldn't accept me#and my mom said she was on a bunch of meds cause she's sick so she was so out of it it didn't even register what he was going on about#and then today after that convo she was like WAIT A MIN WHAT THE FUCK DID THIS BOY SAY TO ME#funniest 16 year old u could have on your side#truly he kept coming into the room every 5 min and going HEY HAVE YOU BOTH CONSIDERED NOT BEING HOMOPHOBIC. HAVE YOU.#HEY CAN U TELL YOUR DAUGHTER YOU STILL LOVE HER MAYBE??? THINK??? USE YOUR BRAIN???#this is why i would die for this kid#he's the best#he's such an idiot most of the time but when he's not being an idiot he's my favorite person on earth#don't tell him that tho anyone please#he'll hold it against me forever and ever as siblings do
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Can- can I ask about the Somali pirates?
Hi hi, Lili! Yes, of course. Tbh I shouldn't have called them "pirates" they are known as such and treated like villains, but they're more like unofficial naval guard! The official naval guard was disbanded in the 90's due to the civil war that broke out [btw this civil war is why I'm diaspora! My maternal family fled to Djibouti or elsewhere. My dad came to Canada due to it.] Anyway! Other nations took advantage of this as they tended to do and started fishing illegally in the waters! Somali citizens rely on fishing to live [also farming and agriculture bc I also recall there was a drought and famine going on] so they turned to "piracy" to stop these thieves from stealing from them! Of course, these outsiders didn't like it and called it "piracy." they shouldn't be there in the first place!!!
BFJRKRKRKR I TALKED IM THE TAGS AND REACHED THE LIMIT I AM SO SORRY LMAOOOOO
Other than Puntland there is also Jubbaland ok lol I love talking about my people's history too much
#momo's fantastical replies#so anyway I saw other Somali ppl calling them the naval guard and jumped on it#but I have always gotten heated when ppl treated Somali Pirates like villains#but iirc even South Park defended them? lol they even got ppl speaking Somali in it!#talking about how they did this for survival!#lili#lixenn#also yeah sure they fuck ppl up but I consider this a 'fuck around and find out'#stop taking advantage of poor countries!!! especially when they are due to outside meddling forces!!#random but somalia makes me so sad bc of how destablized it is#somaliland is a lot more peaceful and has been but recently its gotten more dangerous due to#Somalia's destablization#djibouti seems fine as ever tho lol happy for them but wish somalia would fuck off already [with somaliland]#lili if you are wondering djibouti/somalia/somaliland and parts of kenya and ethiopoa#ethiopia* are all where Somali ppl are from#the parts of K and E were stolen while Somali ppl were getting colonized [so fuck Kenya and Ethiopia too tbh! who does that?]#but all 5 places are why Somalia's flag is a 5 point star! this siginifies we are all one#its funny bc Somaliland was a country before Somalia but then joined Somalia bc of false promises Somalia made#anyway the false promises was unity but the president/dictator named Mohamed Siad Barre#was all 'we should all band together...and kill Isaaq tribe! true unity after for real though'#and then Darood and I a few other major tribes tried that#Isaaq survived but there was in fact a genocide#they fled to what is Somaliland today! apparently they keep the bullet holes in the structure to remember what Darood/Somalia did#bc to these day these bitches deny it#diaspora somali ppl from somalia are especially insistend of this and im like...you stupid puppet you werent even there#I know this despite being Darood bc my parents arent puppets and also my mom is Isaaq tribe#what else? oh there are other places as Somali ppl within Africa become disapora#so strange right?#there is also Puntland [based off the ancient land that is said to be Ancient Somalia--#fun fact our queen from that time named Queen Arrarwelo was said to be friends with Queen Sheba of ancient Ethiopia]
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I hate when I get into these phases when once I process through one thing causing me anxiety there's another thing right behind it
#we've moved on to ye olde ''what if i have repressed memories and horrible things have happened that I don't remember''#which...#like...#to some degree you have to go with a schrodinger answer. like... it's inherently not true#but the weird part is that I have weird anxiety when I think about certain family members bc of this#but when I'm actually around them it's no more uncomfortable than any family member you're not around often#so I'm like OH NO WHAT IF SAID FAMILY MEMBER WHO I HAVEN'T SEEN IN YEARS DID SOMETHING TO ME#BUT I REPRESSED IT#and like... a what if is just a what if. do I believe it? no. do I fixate on it and get wildly afraid? sometimes#also it's not even consistent sometimes I'm like ah yes family member I haven't seen in ages I wonder what he's up to#and then other times it's like I'VE HEARD SO MANY STORIES OF FAMILY MEMBERS RAPING THEIR NIECES AND STUFF#WHAT IF THAT HAPPENED TO ME#actually I feel like watching law and order SVU made a lot of these anxieties worse like that's part of why I stopped watching it#bc it exacerbates a lot of anxiety my mind tries to throw at me#anyway I do not actually think any family member has done anything and I don't actually believe I have repressed memories#or else I would have probably brought it up to my parents. I'm still like ''ooogh anxiety monster what if?'' about it tho#which is why we have philippians 4:8!! is is true? categorically due to being a ''what if'' anxiety — nope!! okiedoke moving on#k I just needed to talk through this I'm done now#*I'm barely any more uncomfortable than with any family member I haven't seen in a long time#(tbf I'm generally less comfortable with my dad's family bc 1) no female relatives other than grandma and 2) I see them way less often)
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I am not a prismdani guy in the sense that I dont think that could ever have a happy ending even in theory without altering or disrespecting their characters in some essential way and i dont think a fully tragic and fucked up ending for a character like dani with no light at the end of the tunnel really suits cpuk's tone or themes in the grand scheme of things
but i am in the sense that i understand and am compelled by it in like a horror movie way.
In a 'dear god dani get the hell out of there' way.
In a 'hey that scene in orange looked almost like a date before the arm thing, (the most flagrantly horrifying red flag yet at that point and what made most of us fully turn on her after some hesitation about fully condemning her when she gave cobalt a crisis instead of advice and shoved folk and treuse around before the Kicker that was her killing crimson onstage) that, as a flashback, was immediately preceded by Crimson (literally a walking red flag that somethings deeply wrong in Prism's metaphorical house, Noone Really Acts Like That For No Reason,) asking what Prism's been doing and saying and followed within said flashback by Quadratic (Mr. Character Arc Revolves Around Healing From A Relationship With A Character He Goes On To Explicitly Compare Prism To) carefully soft-confronting Prism so as not to make a scene while checking in with Dani to make sure shes okay and to let Prism know he has his eyes on her and isnt afraid to bluntly and unambiguously leak information to the audience she wants to keep secret while theyre on camera so she better not pull any shit' way.
In a 'the butchest girl twitter can handle without getting scared and me, the sunshiney eccentric femme she serves and obeys onesidedly like a dog, her own character subsumed into an aesthetically cute complimentary nonthreatening opposition to mine :) (dani cannot bring herself to admit shes grown afraid of setting her off or disappointing her or disobeying and being made to feel that oppressive crush of obligation as Prism manipulates her, struggling to realize and process the idea that Prism is a threat to her because an Abuser™️ (as per popular cultural portrayal) is supposed to be an obviously evil physically threatening bastard mcbadguy not a 5'0" nothing bible camp counselor that uses pressure, guilt, information control and other such tactics to creep into your thoughts to rewire your behavior to her liking if you don't have the means to reject what she imposes on you.) look at us we share a character flaw we're foils arent we charming :)' kinda way.
#something something chris fleming something something you are a cruel woman who just happens to be small. you get the picture#abusers can look like anything. be anyone. as long as they have the power to abuse#that goes for abusive parents and abusive partners alike.#and especially goes for someone who knows how to control the narrative. and i dont even mean that in the meta way#i mean that in the way that if someone can control how others percieve you. then they can use others as pawns of their abuse.#and if you can manipulate the information people have.#you can change how they feel about something in ways that make them resistant to realizing theyve been mislead.#if you can push your victim to the edge. make them lash out. make them unpalatable. you can justify becoming the 'hero' to put them down.#sincerely i love prism precisely because she is so deeply disturbing and sinister as a character concept#danth confronting prism in ncct3 has shades of these vibes too#“ive seen dani's face when she comes home”#“i know how hurt she is”#“i thought it was just pressure”#“but now i fucking know! its YOU isnt it?”#augh.#ncct spoilers#mostly in the tags but yknow#cpuk spoilers#for the whole post tho. lol#like i said this compells me. so i would talk about this more. but for Reasons the subject puts a bit of an anxious pit in my stomach#but i was thinkin about it anyway. so here we are. lol
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Mom called me a shitty roommate today bc after months of her telling me to rent a uhaul (too young to do so) and then flaking out on me whenever I asked her if we could it on x day, I gave up on trying to get my bf's heavy TV and dresser and ordered a mountable tv, instead of buying more storage totes so that I could add to the ever increasing stack of totes in our guest bedroom
#leading up to and since raine moved in i have thrown tons of shit away and so has he#we both moved from larger rooms into a smaller shared room#meanwhile my parents moved into a bigger room with a bigger closet and claimed the garage for storage space#i have several decorative items that would look cute out in the livingroom without clashing with her style#but she considers all my items ''clutter'' so i have to keep them in my room or in a tote#except all my totes are already occupied by other shit#i threw away 90% of my friends items that i was storing here in an effort to make my room tidier#(and to ensure that my items are not littered around the livingroom and kitchen)#i got a bed frame with drawers so i could store items in there#i am not a horder and neither is raine but we have to condense two peoples worth of things into one room and two closets#and like i said before we both had bigger rooms before moving to this house#my room was way larger before. even with my giant ass desk (that doesnt fit in my room) my old room#didnt look cluttered bc it had lots of open space. even tho that was a 2 bedroom apartment#and this is a 3 bedroom duplex with garage the square footage in this house was budgeted poorly#my hallway is literally a snail spiral shape so a lot of space is lost to the curvature#not to mention my parents have bought more shit than we had at the old place to fill up space that we all shared in our old apt#except i am going to mention it bc i think this is totally unfair#i get that my mom has never liked when my room is messy. she's my mom and she is going to nag#but she does not have to use my room or bathroom (she has her own. thats bigger than mine)#and i keep my bathroom clean for guests#and she has made it clear that she is unwilling to help me even when i ask and tried to plan out ways to cheaply get more furniture#raine has had tote boxes in his car since he moved in bc he knows that we dont have a place for them inside#not to mention several collectable swords (including limited edition skyrim sword and genuine damascus)#which is kind of a fucking road safety hazard since they are real blades#but he puts up with it bc he doesnt want to add to the clutter#i bought this tv and wall mount bc i know that as long as my tv is grounded to a dresser i cant rearrange my room to make more space in here#and im donating my current tv to the guest bedroom bc they wont buy one for it#they also wont buy a dresser for it which is why my mom was hounding me to rent a uhaul for raines dresser#(i cannot stress this enough. we are both TWENTY. how are we going to rent a car. we need older adult help!!!)
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I love my parents so much but very much put words in my mouth people
#omg kiera no one cares#can't say anything slightly critical without them immediately going I'm a bad parent and you hate me like i NEVER have said that#even if i thought it in a heat of the moment i would feel guilty cause it's not true#my dad is the worst of it tho even tho i love him greatly
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Communicate like an adult and get results :)
#one the best things I've learned to do in the last five years is advocate for myself#new people took over the kennel I contract at and they haven't been giving me any of the boarding nail trims#I've been a little miffed about it but didn't say anything bc I assumed it was a money thing - if I do the nail trim I get commission#but if a kennel tech does it they don't get commission#today I caught them with a special baby of mine tho and they had just gotten started so I said#I'm supposed to be the only one who does her nails#and the tech was thrilled bc she doesn't like doing nail trims anyway#so after that I pulled myself together and said something to the manager about how the old owner had me do basically all of the nail trims#and he goes#great!#we all hate doing nail trims#and I ended up with 3 today and 2 tomorrow which is an extra $25 in my pocket so that's awesome#i really have found just talking about things like an adult (calmly and rationally) can get you the things you want most of the time#ig bc I grew up with a parent who would sometimes snap at me just for speaking I always expect the worst reactions from people#but so far I've found I almost always get the best#and even when I don't get what I want#nobody has yelled at me for asking
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i’ve had this blog since i was 14 so sometimes when i want to inflict psychic damage upon myself i delve into the archives
#just found a post where i said i’m comfortable with my straight identity bc i realised that ‘everyone feels attraction to lots of genders#even if they are straight’ ok girl sure!! you’re a dyke tho hope this helps#also the mass amount of anon asks that my homoerotic high school bully would send me#and many posts where i lament about how my ‘mental illness ruined my chances of having a healthy relationship with my parents’ …..#again wrong baby i’m so sorry#your parents actually gave you that mental illness by abusing you since birth and then convinced you it was an inherent defect of your mind#that prevented them from loving you / meeting your needs!!!#past selves i love you and i’m holding you and you’re all so stupid but it’s ok bc you work it out in the end#i’m on my period can u. tell :)
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#uploads#blog post#moodboard#todays eats: khaleesi pitaya acai bowl#pesto mozzarella toast#rosemary lemonade and chocolate chip cookie#grandparent eggplant Parmesan ..#canes.#Drank lemonade at grampsthen water…#I’m Robotic lowkey cuz I am repetitive but it’s not the same sentence cuz I add diff nonverbal to it everytime#but whenever I go over to my grandparents. I’m the Grstitude robot lowkey all I say is thank you for having me thank yu for dinner thank you#for cooking thank you for your open door thank you for being concerned about us thank you for taking my call ahhh#Im not responding fr to two things i have a vague impression solicit a response#both are Boys#Been taking total drama island subliminals into my subconscious bc I have been watching the FUCK out of that show lately#Mom was wack lowk when i got home today but at the same time both my parents agreed to take me out to dinna for my bday ahhh#To the place of my childhood happiness#which my mom mercilessly dissed consecutively 6 times#i said she beats the dead horse and i hope she eats it#She fw horses so that was intentionally murderous imagery to shake her up lowkey#Been a bit since I’ve been to a therapy sesh gon from 4 hrs of therapy a week and dbt activities to free Willy Freeloada smokes weed as#therapy summaaaa#Amy and I linked after therapy today i was giving serious Dead eyed thousand yard stare weird sad faraway voice energy but of course w my#beautiful friends all my energy is beloved in some special wayyy#Im grateful to my family even tho it annoys and saddens me when my drunk mom gives energy that she would pick a fight over all else#Hmmm#Why not both lol#one must be a brave soldier to Fight the powa… powa the fighta#Good morning Nigo#I’m wearing Bape
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venting dont mind me xp ✌
#if i dont get out of my parents house im going to die#either by my hand or my mothers#i refuse to be forced into the role of woman becuz my mother cant get over herself or accept other peoples suffering#so i either leave or i die#i am never more depressed than when im in this house and it gets worse everytime i return#every second of oeace is a facade careful held up by smiles and jokes while ignoring who i am to please others#and ignorjng the genuinely genocidal beliefs of my parents against myltple peoples#at least one of which includes me#why cant life be easy#when is it .y turn to tbrive#in this hluse i am no older than a middle schooler no more mature or happy#everyday i dream of relapsing sh-ing just for some control of the pain i experiemce something anything#maybe someone will finally listen to me and se ehow ioset i am see how smothered i am and the sting will pull me back down to earth again#but no who would see would understand#my brothers or my parents none of them would kniw why even if i said it to thwir face#i dint event even want to think of what my mother woukd say#shed use it as an excuse to further deny my transness surely#say how horribke and spirtful and manipulative i am against her#that i ddi it to hurt her#i am trapped as a doll in a house only allowed to be agreeable no politics no emotions other tan#contentness and love and adoration for my family#or else i am unloveavle and horrible and sick#i cannot tell my mom she has uoset me becuz it would be unfair i am silent instead#i am to take her anger and rage as a perfect recepticle and no matter how well i handle it#i am thanked with resentment amd scorn amd terfisms#i can neither disagree woth her beliefs nor avoid discussing them to keeo the oeace all she wants is comoliance#i refuse to do that tho ill take hee scorn on that one thing i refuse to xomprimise my beliefs verbally to save my own skin#ill just be quiet#im sure id be a better recepticle for her dead so she can dress me up as a girl one last time#the dead cant argue or disagree with you its everything she wants from me
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the villainess flips the script is a really fun manhwa with gorgeous art and my wonderful son luca who is a little bitch who i love so much BUT i will say. the family tree situation as the story has gone on makes my head hurt
#luca buddy im sorry ur family tree has at least one circle in it#somehow the most. ethical? incest? his parents were unknowing um. second cousins? hold on i need to work this out#are they second cousins or are they first cousins once removed. i need to consult charts#I THINK they were second cousins. lets go with that. okay so they were second cousins who didnt know they were second cousins#accidentally having a drunken one night stand and thats how luca came to be. no personal relation and apparently risk of like#genetic issues goes down with second cousins. so i guess its like. the most um. 'ethical'? it could possible be. but still :(#but also luca love interest is his second cousin too maybe? the kid of his blond great uncle???? i dont know man#all so the main character can turn out to be secretly royalty orz TOO COMPLICATED too complicated#although i guess this is how a lot of historical royal and noble families were tho. a bit circular.#that is something i would change tho if i wrote this. first of all i would make judith his bio mom instead of pretending#because i think a fl who had a drunken one night stand the dead playboy brother of her LI is just really interesting LOL#but also i would just like. remove her relation to the royal family entirely#but thats me personally. i find the main character finding out about secret royal blood trope suuuuper boring LOL#but it is common in stories like this so i deal. but in this case i would absolute strike out that plotline. maybe give it to#luca instead like make him look oddly like his great grandma and make the former king obsess over him instead#we'd still get a lot of the same plot beats because of judiths relation to him but just without the loopy family tree JKSDJHDKs#ALSO also i would make lucas relationship with rudiger stronger. NOT SAPPIER like the original in universe novel i like the difference#but i would make them closer in like a shitty uncle who sucks that you hang out with anyway and the shitty nephew u lovingly bully#sort of way. if that makes sense. one problem i have with a lot of villianess stories that have a kid in it is when the love interest like#doesn't have much of a relationship with the kid. i think its lame. i want them to be CLOSE not just like mild coworkers#but thats just me. thats just me#despite all i just said i still really like it. rudiger is cute luca is my baby boy who i love so much and judith is so silly and i love he#great characters even if i would personally alter their relationships
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sometimes living at home is just like
#so many things about today confused me#first like my sisters are eager to talk to me???#which like????#not like them#they hate me#also my parents said “oh there's dinner up here for you”#so I went up to get it#and it's like a sandwich with cheese... when I don't even like cheese#and they know that????#i dont think they were joking either#like I guess I just won't eat I wasn't even hungry anyway but?#idk#people keep trying to interact with me#i would like to be left alone#also none of this matters#im just blabbing too much#im gonna go watch tlou lets plays#and ignore the doc im supposed to be writing#pandora is being unhinged tho
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i am so close to losing my fucking mind rn :)
#is it bad that i had a good day yesterday and still wanna die#it just seems like everyday is the same shit#even tho i try and do something different everyday#wake up take my meds go to class waste away the day and go to bed#like even though i try and waste away the day differently everyday its just the same#one day il sleep and another ill go hiking but it all feels the same#im so desperate for attention...#ill sit out in the living room with my parents so maybe ill get a hug...but nope#and i feel like if i ask for a hug it doesnt count#last night i had a dream that i sae my brother irl again but he said he would rather find a new hostage#im his hostage.../ij /ref
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