#and this is how I know I’m old because shit that does not impact me or my life is pissing me off lol

[dailyautophagy]

I can’t imagine being so young I need an audience to feel real

[love-anddeepression]

Father mine. Miguel O’Hara x teen!Spider!reader

Hope you like this :D it’s sad asf.

Warnings: mommy issues backstory, feelings of inadequacy, wanting to feel pain. Angst.

Miguel’s body shields over yours as Miles breaks through the force field and causes everyone to fly backwards. Your leg bends in an unnatural way and you resist the urge to cry out.

He holds you to him and does a once over of your form. You nod at him, not wanting to worry him and he looks to Miles.

You can see the exact moment where the rope finally breaks and he chases after the boy.

Your cries fall on deaf ears as you run behind him. Your legs screams with ever step and you’re forced to stop and look helplessly as he calls every spider and alerts them.

Soon enough there’s a hole broken in one of the windows as Miles jumps and Miguel follows. Every other spider jumping after the both of them like blind followers.

You join them, because you would follow Miguel to the death.

You try to focus all the power into your arms and your good leg but it’s fucking hard because you’re climbing the spaceship that Miles has somehow traversed.

In front of you, is every other spider that is a part of the society, and each of them is almost climbing on top of the others like mindless zombies that crave flesh.

Your spider sense tingles and you duck just in time for Miguel to fall past you and hang on to the spaceship with his claws.

You Web him and he looks at you gratefully.

“Gracias, Mija.” He grunts, his eyes glowing red.

You don’t answer. His hair is disheveled and he looks he’s been electrocuted or some shit, his fangs are bared and he snarles as he looks above you, “let me go now, and go back to the fucking tower.”

You scowl, “why should I?”

He tears through the webs, “because I said so, I’m already pissed off at two teenagers, don’t make me even worse.” He seethes and your lips form a thin line under your mask.

Suddenly, you’re eight years old trying to convince your mother to talk to you when she’s giving you the silent treatment and you have to gulp to try to keep your whimper of pain inside. You’re not a burden, you think, as he shakes his head and jumps past you.

something in you screams to go back, to listen to him. For once to listen to him, not just because you’re afraid he won’t love you anymore if you don’t but, call it spider sense pro, it helps predict the future so you listen to it.

You reluctantly jump out of the force field and swing. You can see the hole in the broken window and the jagged edges that form it. They resemble your heart and you clench your jaw and zoom through, tucking your legs inwards and crouching into a roll to minimise impact. The pain is still there when you hit the ground, but you wish it was harder.

You deserve to hurt right now. You deserve the pain in your leg and the pain in your heart because you’re not a good kid.

A groan leaves your lips as your spider sense tells you to go to where the go home machine is.

You run to the area and see spider byte and lyla walking around in a panicked frenzy.

“What the hell is going on?” You say out loud and they turn to look at you.

“Your dad is being a horrible person.” Spider-Byte scowls.

You look at Lyla and she doesn’t meet your eyes, only turning back to look at the monitors.

You squint and look at the go-home machine.

Miles. Invisible Miles.

You know why Miguel is mad, you know the risk that Miles brings, because you’ve seen first hand how a universe is destroyed. Your own was.

But Miles is a kid. He’s like you, wanting to save his dad. Just like you’re trying to help yours.

You can feel his panic and his anger and his hurt.

He turns visible at the last second and you meet his eyes as everyone storms in. Your own dad leading the party as the go-home machine starts to operate.

And then you look at the man who is your father. The man who has fed you and bandaged you and smiled at your jokes. The man who has been there with you through so much.

You watch as he shouts and tries to break the barrier. You see Peter’s horror. You watch as he pries open the field just the slightest. You see him try and kill a kid. A kid like you.

And your eyes fill with tears because this man is a monster.

By some dumb luck, Miles is able to escape and Miguel stands defeated. The go-home machine Scans him and he breaks it like it’s nothing. You flinch.

You watch as he turns and walks amidst everyone like nothing has happened. You watch as he dishes out orders as if he hasn’t just tried to take the life of a child. You watch him threaten Gwen, and you watch as he sends her to her universe. Ignoring her cries because to him, she’s an inconvenience.

Is that what you are? Now that you’re not on his side anymore?

He opens a portal and Jessica and another Peter you don’t give a shit about walk through. His eyes meet yours as his mask materialises over his face. You know he expects you to follow him, even if he tells you to stay. So he doesn’t bother and walks in.

You don’t follow.

Because this man, this cold, unflinching monster of a man is not your father.

Part 2 here

[historicity-was-already-taken]

What I'm actually furious about, isn't just the anti-Semitism I've dealt with here.

What I'm furious at is the Israeli government and military. I am furious that they have the nerve to perpetrate war crimes while appropriating the memory of the 6 million. It makes me sick. It feels me with rage. It fills me with feelings of betrayal (those are complex and require deconstruction, discussed briefly below). How dare they massacre children, civilians, and fucking hospital patients; and how dare they do so while using the 6 million as a rhetorical shield?

The edgelord who left me a snide remark comparing the situation in Gaza to the Warsaw Ghetto wasn't the first person to make that comparison to me. It was actually the Palestinian woman who translated two major sources from Hebrew into English for me.

She was translating a biography of Tossia Altman when her three nephews and sister-in-law were murdered during the IDF action in Gaza. I asked her if she wanted to stop working on the project (with no impact on her fee for the project, of course; that's where about $4000 of the money y'all helped me raise went, fyi). The brand of Zionism practiced by Tossia and her comrades is very very different from the version embodied in Netanyahu, and it was those schools of Zionism which mostly died in the Holocaust (I said), but I would completely understand if the material was too triggering for her.

She said "I’m not sure about this triggering me, I think holocaust survivors and Gazans are on the same boat to tell you the truth. It could be an opportunity for me to actually fathom the full picture, in a way." And I haven't stopped thinking about it since.

I'm not going to post the rest of our conversation here, for what I hope are obvious reasons. And for concerned parties, this woman has been living away from Gaza for a very long time.

But this is why I'm so angry and emotional.

And I'm over here having these, frankly, very painful, personal feelings (if my posts over the last 4 months haven't made it clear, I spent my teen years in an extremely manipulative right wing Israel "education" program, and was raised surrounded by first and secondhand Holocaust trauma which inevitably impacted how my elders educated me about The Conflict none of which I was fully able to deconstruct until I became a Holocaust Historian in grad school). Especially with my knowledge of how SHITTILY Holocaust survivors were treated when they got to Palestine in the mid-1940s; of how fucking disgracefully Yad Vashem treated Rachel Auerbach and Yitzhak Zuckerman. Of the way the Jewish fighters actually died in the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising. I became a Holocaust historian because I am the great/granddaughter of survivors and I do this work because it's a fucking calling, not something that brings me joy. And the goddamn Israeli government, the government of a nation which likes to say it exists for all Jews (when it barely even represents the Jews who live there but that's a different conversation); the way that government manipulates and misuses that history to excuse their actions in Gaza make me fucking sick. And, as demonstrated by some of you actual fucking pieces of shit, puts Diasporic Jews in danger. (side thought: Does Netanyahu WANT to put Diasporic Jews in danger?? He knows how this fucking shit works, and I wouldn't be surprised if he WANTED Jews to feel deeply unsafe and respond to that by fleeing to Israel).

And WHILE I'm experiencing all of this and trying to keep it all together while writing the what may be the most important thing I've ever written in my career, you fucking [word I don't use out loud or in writing] come in here and to throw your anti-Semitic bullshit at me when I ask you to please not spew it at me via my (year old) fucking Holocaust Remembrance Day posts, and when I ask you to be fucking mindful of it in your political speech.

So let me make it fucking clear, as far as I am concerned there are 4 separate conversations at play rn.

1) October 7 was horrific, genocidal, and traumatizing for Jews on a global basis.

2) Israel is committing heinous war crimes in Gaza right now which, if its own military's statements are anything to go by, are actively genocidal.

3) You shouldn’t harass random Jewish people because you’re disgusted with Israeli governmental and military decisions and actions.

4) The Israeli government’s appropriation of Holocaust memory within its larger state building project doesn’t give you [collective: non-Jews] the right to abuse Jews for discussing and generally having feelings about the Holocaust.

And FRANKLY I think all those conversations are accurate and valid. I also don't think I'm obligated to tear my heart open give you all my intimate feelings because a bunch of pieces of shit on this site can't grasp points 3 and 4.

So fuck that right wing program I belonged to as a teen, fuck you fucking left wing anti-Semites who can's grasp that you're touting the ideologies of people who would have wanted you dead, and fuck the Israeli government for committing war crimes. fuck them for their ongoing abuse of palestinian civil and human rights, and fuck them for invoking the memory of the 6million while doing it.

I've fucking had it with that fucking State, I've had it with you goddamn Jew-haters, and I've had it with the Jewish ppl who might want to destroy my career upon seeing this post.

I am mad as HELL.

I'm not even saying my mental health break is over. I've just had a moment of clarity, my period is over, and I'm pissed as hell. i'm tired of policing myself to make the gentiles who hate me comfortable; and I'm tired of policing myself to make my coreligionists who'd destroy me for having these thoughts comfortable. and there are 122,000 if you, so i don't care if you're so fucking fragile that this post makes you hit the unfollow button.

tl;dr:

[chatterbox-73]

Simptember 2024.

Day 2 - Psycho B*tch.

Dabi/Toya Todoroki x fem!Reader

This story is a smut story for simptember, I’ll be writing more characters x reader one shots for simptember and if you want to see a character please let me know...

You must be 18 years or older to read this...

🔞⚠️NO MINORS ALLOWED⚠️🔞

A/N: this is an edited re-upload from my old account😁

Summary: you’re crazy but Dabi likes that about you, you always know how to show him a good time.

Word count: 1.2k

CW: NSFW and adult content, implied relationship, ‘L’ bomb, mention of gun and knife play, drinking, drug use, Degradation, swearing, slapping/kicking (impact play), spitting, choking, mention of blood, daddy kink, mention of mental issues, creampie, unprotected sex, fingering/mastubating, eating cum and dub-con? (because there high)

‘Psycho Bitch’ were the words Dabi would use to describe you and Dabi knew he wasn’t wrong, you were the kind of skank that dressed up all cute, to ride his cock and then try to slit his throat or shot him in the face, laughed hysterically the entire time, you could just match his kind of crazy. Emotionally unstable and traumatic backstories, two things Dabi shouldn’t find so alluring, yet he does. Along with no sense of shame whatsoever and a willingness to open your legs for almost anything, Dabi found himself so deeply and madly into you, you draw him in with your sweet sensual affection and kept him coming back with you lack of sanity.

Dabi was lying curled up on a crusty old mattress on the floor, pain stinging his body and blood dripping from some of his skin grafts, he heard the window to his run down apartment slid open and instantly knew it was you, “fuck off, I’m not in the mood” he hissed and you only laughed as you walked over to his bed.

“Oh don’t be like that, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have any other options” you sighed before look down at the floor next to dabi’s mattress only to find a pile of empty pill bottles, “oh no, have you ran out of drugs” fake sympathy dripped from your voice as you leaned down and yanked the sheets off Dabi, “you’re in luck, patch face” you chuckled and dropped some bottle of mystery pills and a small baggie of white powder, “what’s this?” He held up the baggie and you winked, “maybe start with the pills” you sat on the bed next to Dabi, you leaned over and grabbed a half empty bottle on liquor, before giving it to the male.

Dabi open the pill bottle and tipped five pills onto his hand, before throwing them it to his mouth and washing them down with the liquor, Dabi laid on his back and closed his eyes. You took out a couple of pills and swallowed them with the last of the liquor, “why does your liquor taste like shit?” You groaned as you spat on the floor and throw the now empty bottle across the room. “Just great… fuck off and go get me a new bottle” Dabi grunted, you stood and walked to the window to leave so you could go get more alcohol.

It’d only taken you ten minutes to get the drinks and get back to the apartment, as you got inside to walked back over to Dabi and kicked the mattress “get up, I got some better booze” you sighed and sat on the bed. Dabi hummed in delight as he opened his now bloodshot eyes, “I feel like I’m floating, what the fuck did you give me, you crazy bitch” he chuckled as he sat up, you leaned into him and kissed his scarred cheek before moving on to his lap, “still in pain? Because I’m not waiting anymore” you ran your hands down his chest, “nah, let’s get started” Dabi pulled you down onto the bed, before he pulled your shirt and pants off. “Always so ready to slut your holes out” Dabi groaned as you opened your legs as wide as you could, he lent down while grabbing your thighs and pressed his tongue against your puffy clit, you moaned and ground your hip up as his tongue began massaging you sensitive bud.

Dabi pressed his tongue into your dripping cunt, catching as much fluid on his muscles as he could before pulling back, Dabi then pulled his boxers off, Dabi jerked himself, before letting all your wetness and his saliva he collected on his tongue drip down onto his twitching length, “god… just fuck me already” you groaned impatiently as your fingers spread your lips for him, “say you want it” dabi chucked rubbing the fluid over his shaft, “say you want daddy’s cock” he hummed looking down at your fingers as they toyed with your desperate hole, “I need daddy’s cock” you moaned and hooked your legs over Dabi’s shoulders before he suddenly lined his hefty cock up with your eager cunt.

Dabi roughly pushed his entire length into you, he pressed your legs to your chest, this caused you moan out loudly and wrapped your hands around Dabi’s neck before you squeezed and began to choke him.

Dabi’s thrusts were fast and rough, he let go of your legs and grabbed onto your wrists, causing your legs to fall comfortably back on his shoulders, “I can barely breath you desperate skank” he grunted as his hands burned your skin, you laughed as you tightened your grip on his throat, causing Dabi to gag before slapping you across the face, you let out a gasp as your cunt began squeezing the living daylights out of the patchwork man. Dabi breathlessly chuckled as the lewd sounds that filled the room, “I’m so close… smack me harder daddy” you begged…

…you and Dabi were a horrible match but also the best kind, when together you were like a lactose intolerant person eating chocolate and heavy cream, see great together just very difficult for wrong person to digest, however instead of being a sweet treat you were both homicidal maniacs with an array of issues, ranging from parental issues and all the way to anger management issues, and to top it off you both get your rocks off on killing and harming person…

…”I despise you, I hate your fucking guts” Dabi spat in your face and you cried out in pleasure, you grip on his neck loosened before he pinned your hands above your head with one hand and slapped you across the face with the other, Dabi gripped your face as he groaned “I’m gonna fucking bust” he thrusted fully into you before shuddering, you whined as you felt Dabi’s load paint your walls. Dabi pulled away and you groaned, “fuck you dick breath, I didn’t even finish” you kicked him in the stomach before trailing your fingers down to your hole, you pushed two fingers in and out of your filled opening while rubbing your clit. You moan and whined loudly as you push yourself over the edge, Dabi watched the whole sense as he opened the bottle of tequila and swigged it down, you pulled your fingers out of yourself and sucked them clean of all yours and Dabi’s cum. “Disgusting whore” Dabi snarled as he grabbed and opened the baggie, before scooping some powder up with his pinkie nail and snorted it up his nose, “useless fuck” you snatch the baggie off him and proceeded to snort some as well.

You and Dabi laughed hysterically as both laid naked on the mattress staring at the ceiling, “I swear you have a third eye” you turned to face Dabi as you held his face and poked his forehead, “god I fucking love you” Dabi sighed as his cupped your cheeks and kissed your lips, you kissed him back and laughed out “I love you too, you patchy fuck” you smiled and he pulled you in, leaning over you and pressing his shaft into you, you both moaned breathlessly before he began tracing your lips with his rough thumb, “Psycho Bitch.”

Simptember Masterlist

Day 1 - Kakashi Hatake: Attention

Day 3 - Hanji Zoe: Stuck with me

[chaifootsteps]

With Moxxies origin, wouldn’t it have made more sense if Moxxie just lied about his home ring? This would explain why he didn’t fit in with the wrath imps in harvest moon and wasn’t used to the culture. It would also have more impact to find out he lied to Millie of all people, because it makes you wonder, “why would he do that? He trusts Millie.” And while Millie is upset and questions it, Blitzø understands. A turn around of the usual dynamic.

Moxxie: Oh no, no, I hate this place. I grew up right over there.

Blitzø: I thought wrath was your old stomping grounds Mox?

Moxxie: Shit, busted. Okay. I haven’t been honest. This may be hard to believe, but I didn’t grow up on a ranch in the wrath fields.

Blitzø: Thats actually not hard to believe. I get it. I’m a greed imp too. Not the prettiest place.

Moxxie: I didn’t know that.

(After meeting Crimson)

Millie: Mox, why did you lie to me about where you’re from, and how come I haven’t met your Pa before?

Moxxie: I just don’t like to talk about this part of my life. I’m ashamed of the things that happened here. I’ll explain everything later Millie.

(Maybe you could add Blitzø telling Millie that some people aren’t proud of their families or where they grew up. This is something Millie struggles to understand, since she’s so proud of her own.)

I feel like there are ways to make new ideas fit with your story, and if they have an obvious inconsistency at first, you can adapt that into characters voicing the same confusion and questions the audience may have. Then just provide an in-universe answer. Book no more explanatory Twitter threads needed for your show.

Don’t just throw shit at the wall and hope it sticks. Or less graphically, don’t paint a wall green then later touch up the paint with blue and call it the same colour. Paint it turquoise.

It makes sense that Moxxie would lie about his home ring since he changed his own name just to hide from it. And that twist even makes the story and conflict better. At the dinner table Millie might even bring this lie up, having Crimson use it to try and drive a wedge between them. Because what else is he lying about? Same with Blitzø going to wrath after leaving Verosika, but in the next episode say to stolas that hes never been there. Both cant be true.

This episode just missed so many marks. On paper, Crimson and Chaz are a good dynamic duo of villains, one serious and dangerous, the other the less scary comic relief. You could have kept Crimsons scene very dark and serious, then after it ends and he goes upstairs to bed, Chaz does the dumb dick jokes. You keep Crimson as a threat, and keep the silliness you wanted, just keep that part focussed on Chaz. That’s what a comic relief is.

I just feel like the show needs consideration of its audience. There are ways to resolve plot holes by adapting the story slightly, even use them to create new reveals and new conflict.

There are absolutely ways to resolve plot holes by adapting the story slightly and ways to paint a green wall turquoise and all of this other extremely good and actionable writing advice. Unfortunately, Viv's solution to writing dilemmas is a mixture of "Do whatever and let the fandom harass anyone who points it out" and "add more rape."

[moonybug444]

(sorry for my bad english!) hii! I found your account and i want to tell you that your stories are, like, a GREAT comfort, the few you have are, it sounds weird but, in my opinion reading stories (or writing) about abusive relationships is an escape route to avoid falling into those relationships in real life, I mean, i read them and i get the adrenaline because of reading it instead of living them dhfjkshfsk so yes, they are also very, very well written <:

can i ask for a story where Connie is a little older thanreader, and constantly manipulates her with the excuse that he knows better and reader believes him, because, for a long time, he was the only older figure she had, something like that, I don't know. , bonus if reader cries hysterically in his arms (his fault, of course, he slapped her or something)

i really agree with your take on the whole writing about traumatic relationships because that’s how i feel. i’ve been thru so so much and i know it’s different but this is most definitely how i cope, im glad someone else can relate to me especially during these times i’ve felt so alone💗 you english is beautiful by the way, thank you 😊

tw: grooming - reader was 17 when she meant 24 year old connie / mental abuse / physical abuse - from connie and from readers dad / very mean and manipulative? connie / unestablished relationships / not proofread

such a baby

——————————————————————————————————

“really thought you were over that stupid shit y’know, (name)?” he looks down at you, sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed and spits, “you’re still just a fucking kid.”

he hates it when you cry. you know he does, he knows he does, so you don’t know why it feels like him making it happen is always his main goal.

you sit there silently looking up at him as he scrolls on his phone. after a couple minutes he puts it down and looks down at you.

“you’re gonna have to find a place to go.” your eyes widen all the more and you feel your heart beat quicken. it scares you when he says stuff like that. find a place to stay? where could you possibly go? you feel like you’ve been with connie so long, he’s taken care of you for so long…

“w-what?” you get up suddenly, trying to ease your way into his lap. you’re get even more nervous even harder when he meanly pushes you away, you pretty eyes water.

“c-connie..! hic wh-what— how will i—?” you can’t even finish your sentence you’re so shaken. you really can’t help it, you can’t imagine any life without connie. how could you? he’s the one that took you in, he’s the one that knows exactly what to do when you don’t, he tells you what to do when you’re just about to make the wrong choice. he’s shown you what love is when nobody else could.

while you’re breaking down crying you can tell connie’s losing his patience by the second, he’s getting up waving his hands all type of ways getting all in your face, yelling all types of nonsense.

“dammit (name), shut the fuck up, y’know i hate that crybaby shit, go fix yourself before i do it for you” when you don’t shut up he doesn’t give you a second warning, just slaps you clean across your face. you damn near fly across the room from the impact, connie’s just so much stronger than you.

“—oww ..!” your body shakes as you try to lift yourself up, your crying even harder now. “y-you’re a liar…! you said—you said hic you were d-done hitting me—!”

he stomps over to you, eyes wide and mad while he starts dragging you by your little arm to the front door, “who the fuck do you think your talking to?! i don’t owe you shit you know that, little girl?!”

connie goes to open the front door, “i’m fucking tired, (name) i’ll sleep like a fucking baby without your fucking crying tonight—”

when you don’t stop he freaks out a little more. he hates when you don’t listen.

“think i fucking won’t?” he gets louder, “think i won’t put you out this fucking house, right now?! i don’t give a fuck what time it is—!”

connie drags you back to your shared bedroom and starts ripping your clothes out wherever he can find them and putting them in so random bags, while you cry and hyperventilate. he doesn’t give one fuck, to him you deserve this shit. you’re always running your mouth.

“who got you all this shit, huh?!” he moves on to the vanity and starts packing all your cute little jewelry, breaking some in the process.

he stops for a second and just looks down at you. veins popping out of his neck as he screams, with the bag he’s stuffing all your belonging in tightly gripped in his hand and that mean look of sternness in his eyes, you realize just how how much older connie really is. just how scary he is. with him being 7 years older than you and all, you’ve always put connie on the high horse, always seen it as a flex. but you don’t think you’ve ever really seen it until now. how truly scary he can be.

“you wanna go back, (name)?” he takes a deep breath. “you wanna go back to that shit everyday? living in that fucking house, getting treated like some fucking shit?”

you sob when he finally lets go of your now bruised arm. he goes to sit on the bed.

you were 17 and connie had just turned 24. it was late out when you ran away from home. you were sick of it. your dad was terrible to you, all the yelling and screaming and the bruises—you couldn’t take it anymore. connie was one of your friends older cousin, you had meant him at her birthday party and you think you fell in love. he just seemed so…mature. at the end of the night when he saw you all alone, he went up to you and asked if you were alright. turns out your dad was pissed so he didn’t pick you up. connie couldn’t be more excited to hear that shit. cute little shy teenager, and she’s got daddy issues? he hit the jackpot. he ended up taking you home and giving you his number, in case you ever, “needed anything.”

you’d call connie whenever, no matter what. he always knew exactly what to say.

one night your dad blacked your eye and you called connie. connie showed up 8 minutes later and came barging in, beating the shit out of your dad. that was the last night you heard from your dad and the last night you ever weren’t by connie’s side. you’ve been living with him ever since. you’ll never forget that first night he held you in his bed. he whispered about how everything would be ok and how much he’d take care of you. and you believed it.

it’s been only 2 years since then and connie’s still that ever so cool senior that you look up to. you love connie to death and you don’t think you ever won’t. he knows you’re completely dependent on him now too, he thinks he'll always use it to his advantage.

“you’re such a baby.” you look up at him and he nearly melts, he wants to fucking ruin you. you eyes are all glossy and swollen from crying, your lips are stilly wobbly from the wailing, and your tears—don’t even get him started on the fucking tears.

connie thinks about how perfect you are.. you’re already as naive as you could possibly be, but the age gap just puts it more in his favor.

you look in his eyes to see if that gaze is still there…you know, the loving one even after everything, and it is.

“i love you….” you whisper it like it’s a curse, anxious for his answer.

connie smiles and kisses your forehead watching you light right back up just from the small gesture.

“i know you do.”

[emfleaa]

My horrible, no good, very bad, terrible, awful Mold!Ethan design (or his mutation if he’d had one)

clearly heavily influenced by the cleric beast from Bloodborne.

but I do actually have my reasons alongside the fact that I simply think the aesthetic fits well.

Deer/Antlers/Head

To me, Ethan Winters is best signified as a stag; a deer. The cleric beast, while not being completely ‘deer focused’, does have notable traits.

Deer are often thought of as shy, meek, weak prey animals due to their herbivore nature. Though certainly that can be the case, other times it is not. Deer are powerful creatures, quick and nimble. Antlers grown by deer can be strong enough to puncture the body or even cause interlocking, resulting in the eventual starvation of the other male (as well as possible decapitation).

Deer can be dangerous despite their initial appearance. A deer's kick can generate an estimated 700 psi. In comparison, a human punch can generate around 200 psi. They can easily break bone, knock a person down or cause internal bleeding through striking someone.

Ethan is often a character seen as weak or lesser than other Resident Evil protagonists, which I think is quite ridiculous. Drawing the parallel of deer and Ethan being seen as meek is an easy gap to bridge. But both are powerhouses in reality. Ethan is an unstoppable force to be reckoned with, injuries or not. More often than not, he is injuried in some form during gameplay.

Deer, even being hit by a car can still kill a man by kicking him to death through the windshield. (If it survives the initial impact of course.)

His antlers, and by extension head, would be made up of a hard material- possibly bone like. Perfect for ramming, skewering and protection.

Fur, claws, fangs, Skin

As for the fur aspect, I’m going to explain that using headcanon power/kind of canonical shit.

HGT or Horizontal Gene Transfer is the movement of genetic material between organisms other than the ‘vertical’ transmission of DNA from parent to offspring(reproduction).

HGT is present within the games and it is quite literally why Ethan is still Ethan after he is made up from the mold. Miranda uses it as well, disguising as Mia, and even Marguerite Baker ended up as a chimera of various insect genomes intersecting with her own.

All this to say, I believe the fur would come from lycans. But how?? How, dear god, is that even possible if lycans are the result of cadou experiments, emfleaa??? This is where things get more headcanony if they weren’t already. The cadou parasite changes one’s body, altering them heavily or not so unheavily. We know that lycans were the result of the cadou not taking properly to villagers, yet they are still a result of the cadou itself! As for how the DNA would be transferred onto Ethan, my explanation is extremely simple that it’s frankly stupid but apt, in my eyes.

He got his fucking fingers bitten off.

Now, I’m not saying the bite ‘infected’ Ethan, because clearly it didn’t. But for the sake of my little mold critter, I do think some lycan dna was taken in by the mold making up Ethan as a sort of reserve. Probably through the absorption of the lycans saliva through the wound.

And hence, the fur, the claws, the sharp teeth.

The skin, as I could try to depict it, wouldn’t actually be skin. It would more so be like the texture of the Molded from RE7, made up of pulsing mold.

Bloodborne

Bloodborne is so fucking amazing and personally one part sticks out to me and really makes me think of Ethan.

Djura, the retired hunter in Old Yharnam says, “There’s nothing more horrific than a hunt. In case you’ve failed to realize… the things you hunt, they’re not beasts. They’re people.”

I personally believe this sentiment fits Ethan so goddamn well. Especially if he were to mutate at all, into a beast, a monster. He’s still a person, somewhere deep down (probably).

But how or why would he mutate at all?

BLAAARRGHHH if you’re here for non-headcanon explorations into this topic this is where you can check out because I AM NOT GOING TO CLAIM I AM AN ETHAN WINTERS EXPERT. NOR RESIDENT EVIL. I AM SIMPLY A FAN WHO LIKES THIS WHITE BOY.

I truly believe Ethan Winters wouldn’t mutate unless under extreme emotional distress. I don’t believe that extreme physical distress would trigger a mutation within him, as he’s unfortunately fairly used to extreme physical distress. (Hand cut off, leg cut off, hand cut off again, impaled so many times, thrown around like a ragdoll, etc.)

Because of this mutation during extreme emotional states, I think his mutation would be a bit different from the usual “IM KILLING YOU. IM KILLING YOU. I DONT CARE WHATEVER THE FUCK ELSE IS GOING ON, I AM KILLING THAT GUY RIGHT THERE” mutation. I do think Ethan is capable of reacting violently, no doubt. I think he would lash out and create problems, but I don’t think he would actively seek them. To me, Ethan is the best example of the human will to survive.

I believe his mutation would prioritize survival over anything else. Doing whatever he needs to do to survive, no matter the cost, while staying safe.

I think on the chart of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, Mold!Ethan would simply want the basic needs. While Ethan himself would want all of them, as is human nature.

Mold!Ethan would not seek violence, unless provoked I believe. (Which would probably happen anyways considering the conditions needed for this mutation to arise to begin with.)

What’s with the eyes/red marks?

On the topic of his eyes, you’re probably thinking, uh, where the fuck are they or why are they closed. Both great questions. My answers?

His eyes are on his face, they’re pretty massive. I imagine that he’d have them closed most of the time, as seeing through such large eyes would be incredibly overwhelming, possibly painful. Once more, I believe he’d only open them out of necessity, or extreme distress.

He’s got those big bulgy eyes like a dog or a rat boggling. (Eye colors were inspired by Jack Baker’s mutated form in the boathouse.)

The red marks along the skin are scarring; I just made them red as a sort of undertone glow that some mutations in the series have. I tried to depict most of his more severe/memorable injuries through the scars left behind, including the exclusion of his two eaten fingers.

Okay that was a lot. Anything else?

yeah uhhh here’s molded Ethan freakin out I imagine him to be like one of those really nervous shaky chihuahuas despite being incredibly tall if he stood up straight (though he quite feasibly can’t, he wouldn’t be able to support his weight)

there’s a whole bunch of shit else but that simply delves into my headcanons of Ethan himself, and idk about exploring them too much here haha, I’m already nervous enough as is with my silly ideas

if you read this far you can smoke a fat one with mold!ethan my thanks to you

[knight-says-nanana]

An analysis on Ed’s comic childhood, how that impacted his OCD*, and how that translated to the Gotham TV show

Alternatively: GTV Ed’s Biography

*(and also how it very clearly gave him cptsd but they don’t explicitly Say that bc DC is full of cowards)

Normally I’d say comics don’t impact tv continuity, especially for a show like Gotham where so many things are changed, but the thing is? Cory Michael Smith specifically went out of his way to read the riddler comics when he accepted the role of Ed Nygma. He acted accordingly and did an amazing job trying to salvage the show’s poor writing. There are many tiny moments where he does things that reference Ed’s typical backstory despite the show, in all its 5 seasons, never bringing it up

Childhood wise there are typically two widely accepted routes

1 - his mom was around but neglectful and off her head with drugs n alcohol

2 - his mom left when he was a toddler due to not being able to handle his father anymore, which kinda kickstarted the abuse being focused onto Ed instead

I will be continuing this analysis with #2 because it is the most popular and explains his abandonment issues

Comic Based Childhood

So this guy basically grew up with Only his father. His father who is a dumbass, an alcoholic, blames Ed for his mother leaving, incredibly abusive physically, and couldn’t accept that 1) his kid is smarter than him or that 2) a kid so Weird cough traumatized and neurodivergent cough is anything but an idiot

A major sticking point was that he always thought Ed was lying, constantly, about everything. This will be important later.

And when Ed finally started going to school and getting A’s?? Yeah no Obviously he had to have been cheating so Mr Nashton just got More angry with him. Could Ed have dropped his grades on purpose to avoid this? Yeah. Did he? Absolutely not. Academic success was the one thing he could be proud of and the only thing that gave him any sort of praise or validation. He was clinging to it for dear life.

No matter the universe, this is a guy who craves attention.

There is difference between academic success and school life itself, because Ed is awkward n dorky n, especially at this point in time, anxious n quiet. So he didn’t have friends. In fact it’s usually written as either him having been bullied or being ignored entirely

The boy was not doing ok at all. So understandably he ran away as soon as possible and changed his name.

Now, this is the first point where Gotham’s canon ties into this in a Very interesting way

We know Ed’s official birth year from the ID card in the show. It’s canon. In season one he is 26. We know this. And it’s is insane for a few reasons!!

He is So Much Younger than his coworkers holy shit

Bullock is old enough to be his dad and he’s not nice, no wonder Ed doesn’t like him

He works in forensics. At 26. And he’s implied to have been working there a year or two before Jim joined the precinct.

Now, I had GENUINELY assumed that he was in his 30s like Jim. BECAUSE HE WORKS IN FORENSICS. But no he’s just actually a botched Spencer Reid because he’s 26 in season one.

A degree in forensic science takes 4 years.

If you want a masters it’s an extra 2 years.

Factoring in the time he would’ve needed to spend interning and working just to QUALIFY for a job at the GCPD???

If we assume he ran away n got into college at age 17 and got his bachelor's he’d be 21 by the time he graduated, 23 if he got his masters which of course he would, and then that leaves us only 3 or 1 year/s for internships and stuff before he joins the GCPD. What. What.

No wonder his apartment is so shitty!!! This is a man with hella student loans

But yeah! Hes only 26 and his 40 year old coworkers are bulling him for being weird. I’d hate my job too.

Bullock is 48 and I’m fully convinced he, like me, thinks Ed is at least 32 (Jim’s age) because. What.

So yeah that’s his general backstory, NOW the ways that plays into his mental state and how his actor managed to fit it into the show

So, you can reasonably assume he’s traumatized.

And!? There are so many subtle moments in the show where Cory acts his character accordingly for this. He flinches when people raise their voice, he’s visibly spooked when men in the GCPD get huffy (usually it’s Mr James Anger Issues Gordon). He’s skittish as a mouse. In the watermelon scene, when Gordon busts into the room, Ed immediately falls over himself to explain what he’s doing in there. The guy was terrified. Of James. Who’s never done a thing to him.

Beyond that? CPTSD -beyond the regular symptoms of flashbacks, triggers, and hyper awareness- also includes difficulty regulating emotions, feelings of shame/guilt, and trouble staying in relationships.

Ed Nygma is a damn textbook case. He has meltdowns, he falls into substances, he does ANYTHING but cope when he’s overwhelmed. He is constantly trying to prove he’s smart, there’s a gut deep shame when he doesn’t hold up to genius standards. And you’ve seen his relationships.

Basic info ab OCD: it’s an anxiety disorder and the two main things are obsessive compulsions and intrusive thoughts, both of which are present in Gotham but not handled nearly as well as they are in the comics

Compulsions first!

These tend to stem from subconscious thoughts and people won’t always know Why they have a compulsion but they’re generally a way of preventing a vague yet all consuming Bad Thing.

Now, with Ed one of his major sticking points in comics AND the show is he cannot tell blatant lies, especially not with yes/no answers.

This is part of why he compulsively leaves clues for absolutely everything and tries to be so vague when he is lying. He also jumps through hoops so that he won’t need to lie.

Lying = incredible all consuming dread and anxiety, so he just Doesn’t and uses his little hints and clues as a loophole. Very obviously from his father’s influence.

In the show this is shown multiple times but just for a few:

Lucious asking if Jim is at Ed’s house and when Ed tries to say no he seems almost forced to correct himself

The compulsive clue in “Tom’s” note, even when no one had asked him if he knew anything he still couldn’t keep it entirely to himself. The note is a loophole. Technically he told on himself. They just didn’t figure it out. (Well. Kristen kinda did but denying it aka lying sent him into an anxiety attack the moment she left. So.)

When Sofia Falcone was torturing him to find out where Oswald was, he told her. He just told her via a riddler he knew she didn’t understand! No need to lie!

In the car ride to the docks Oswald also calls him out directly by saying he’s so predictable because he’s driven by obsessive compulsion. This is the most the show acknowledges it.

Beyond his compulsions he’s got explicit intrusive thoughts regarding a few big things. (Should be noted that these tend to drive compulsions but not always.)

being viewed as stupid

Ergo his criminal history just being a big show to prove how smart he is. Again, his fathers influence.

being actually stupid

Not knowing things stresses him out So Bad and he takes it So Personally. He NEEDS to know everything. The world is a puzzle and he is Going to solve it.

Side note: That’s why I do LOVE that Gotham made him a forensics specialist!! He’s always had, to quote a DC podcast where he’s talking to Batgirl “-and you have that terrible all consuming pathology which comples you to find answers” “AnD i HaVe tHaT tErRiBlE aLL cOnsUmiNG PaThOLoGy wHiCh coMpELs mE tO FiNd AnSwErS- Yes.”

Biggest for last: being like his dad

This one is specifically fun because it was almost represented so well. ALMOST. His entire relationship with Kristen was downright molded by it, as shown in the file room anxiety attack. Yes that’s what I’m going to call it.

He is constantly fretting over being like Tom, even when he clearly isn’t because he is disgusted by Tom. No mysoginist is going to see someone with the same thoughts as gross. No guy who thinks women should be “put in their place” is going to have such a physical reaction to hearing that be said. No abusive pos is going to have that reaction at all. At least, not in the way that situation went down or in the way Ed’s afraid of being. We aren’t discussing emotional harm or Nygmobblepot today. But he frets anyway. And if we chose to interpret his riddler hallucination as a Really poor way of representing intrusive thoughts? Yeah. Yeah. His brain is making him panic about doing exactly what he hates so much.

*it should be noted that compulsions are often reinforced by intrusive thoughts. specific example: if he lies he will be saying something wrong, he can not be wrong, everyone is going to think he’s an idiot if he’s wrong. You can see how the two things connect. This applies to the majority of compilations in some way.

Now, a moment where I deviate from discussing what Did happened because I’ll forever mourn this particular writing fuck up:

His thing with Kristen could’ve been perfect. It could’ve been the best live action riddler origin to date. Because this is a guy with OCD who’s very traumatized and would have a strong personal reaction to finding out a friend is facing domestic abuse. That would make his relationships complicated too because of the thought loop it would create off the risk of “turning out to be the type of person he hates” or “what if I hurt her like I was hurt.” That would have been so compelling? AND? AND YKNOW WHAT? MY BIGGEST GRIPE? HIS FIRST PUSH INTO VIOLENT CRIME BEING STABBING AN ABUSER WOULD BE PERFECT. It would be on point. Exceptional foray into crime and murder. BUT THEY DIDNT PLAY IT LIKE THAT. No instead it’s highly tainted by “who gets the girl” and I just. N o. Ugh. They fumbled it!! They fumbled it So Hard. THEY MAKE HIM CREEPY AS FUCK TOWARDS KRISTEN. Like- physically blocking her into small spaces and imposing on her and talking over her when, if they HAD actually leaned into the OCD on purpose, he would probably be hyper aware of not doing.

[sadstrever]

ok i’m sorry i contemplated not posting this because it’s almost meanspo so just don’t read it if ur triggered. it’s also just bad advice, don’t starve yourself and don’t be an (vodka) alcoholic.please recover love you i guess

first off i wanna preface this by saying FUCK YOUUUUU. if ur a little fat baby piggy no friends bitch i don’t want ur advice or opinions on my alcohol consumption while i fast😭😋!!! i’ve lost like 40lbs since i’ve started being an alcoholic and it’s had absolutely no impact on my weight, cuz just to irritate for the 100th time on this account: I NEVER EAT HOE! anwyays sorry maybe i’m just too drunk but that really pissed me the fuck off. like GOD OKAY RUIN THAT FOR ME TOO. like ok i never get any calories in except for alc but sure fuck it yk, because YOU said that alc has calories(you don’t think i know that bro?) i’m just gonna suddenly stop being an alcoholic. and now i just feel like shit because i consume calories from alc and someone thinks thats a “judgey” thing to say to me. now i feel fat so thank you. like if i could stop drinking that easily i WOULD and if i could start eating without gaining weight every time i do I WOULD. ur so dumb. ugh. i hate myself i’m sorry i’m so mean i love you people and i hope ur healthy and happy. i just need to put my anger out on someone lol. BUT also genuinely liek you guys do piss me off tho cuz you think it’s some crazy impressive thing to not eat for a week or eat like a grape a day…like guys… it gets worse and you will see and you’re gonna hate ur life. if ur ed is at that point PLEASE RECOVER AND RECONSIDER IT GWTS SO MUCH WORSE UGH. AND NO ONES GONNA LISTEN BECAUSE I DIDNT EITHER. i want to save you guys so bad. like i hate that people still get to romanticize it without all the pain and suffering every single waking moment of the day. also i’m officially underweight so someone send me a 0 calorie cake in the mail😝🙏

anyways this is somehow too related and will sound so fake but i swear on my whole life and my mamas and my brothers and my papas this is a TRUE STORY!!! i saw an old friend today and the first thing they said was “oh my god you lost so much weight” “like ur arms, face, whole body damn” BASICALLY LIKE THAT OBVIOUSLY I DONT REMEMBER WORD FOR WORD. but bro i have never felt so fucking seen in my life. like finally someone besides my family or best friend noticed my weight loss damn. AND SHE ASKED IF SHE SHOULD BE WORRIED FUCKKKKK. like no you shouldn’t cuz i’m never gonna get better but like fuck thank you bro. no one comments on people’s weight anymore and it pisses me offfff like i know it’s rude but i needed that comment to make me wanna keep starving!

am i a piece of shit? like genuinely did the eating disorder make me a horrible evil miserable person? i have this thought that even if somehow i recover physically(i pray to god i never get fat[by my standards] again ) that i’ll never recover mentally. i’ll always have this fucked up judgement of right and wrong that revolves around the stupid idea of being thinner. does it even matter? no. no it doesn’t. but it’s my whole world. my whole world is how skinny i am and it’s so tiring. the highlight of my day was being called worryingly skinny by an old friend who doesn’t care if i live or die. the second highlight of my day was the fact that i got 28k steps and burning 800 calories at the gym and bought another bottle. i’m tired of being a bad person. im tired of being annoying and stupid and dumb. such a fuckup. i’m sorry if i’m a bad person and you had to read this and feel like shit because you had to sit through reading my awful terrible judgment and thoughts.

LAST POINT:

tomorrow i have to eat my first meal in months(for real this time) and i am so scared and upset. it’s like a piece of myself dies everytime i eat. without starvation i am nothing. i am a shell of a person and when i eat i just become a shell that feels fat. i’m gonna take laxatives obviously and do some workouts but it’s never enough. i’m gonna make sure the meal that i’m forced to eat is as low calorie as possible because i’ll be drinking alcohol too and APPARENTLY i should just kill myself because it’s a crime to still be an alcoholic when you’re starving yourself.

also alcohol most likely won’t make you gain weight unless it’s beer or seltzers and it especially won’t if ur always drinking on an empty stomach. vodka on an empty(for months) stomach plus working out excessively won’t make yoh gain weight. shut up shut up shut up shut THE FUCK up you bitches piss me off.

FUCK YOU.

[crushedsweets]

I loved the ask about ticciwork what it would be like if they were able to date! Now I was wondering what that would be like with Jack and Toby!

Though I’m not sure if they have the same chemistry as ticciwork. 😭

Btw you have forever engraved ninakate to my soul LMAO I love them so much!! ❤️

I ABSOLUTELY CAN i think theyre super cute + i have a really sweet ticcijack ask i wanna draw soon. im gonna go off on a tangent about their upbringing and how that'd impact their sexuality tho, cuz i think that'd be relevant .

this was written more like notes for a one-shot of them getting together, rather than the format i did for ticciwork

ok. so for starters, toby has a huge wall to get over. i dont really have sexuality hcs for many of the creeps (jane and kate r lesbians, lius a gay man, ninas bi are my only concrete hcs) BUT i know toby's upbringing involved his dad constantly demeaning him for being 'feminine' (anytime he did something with lyra), a pussy, calling him slurs, telling him to man up, insulting any gay man he might see on tv, etc. and toby hates his dad, so he'd have an easy time being like 'ok whatever old man like i give a shit if a guy fucks a guy' BUT he would still feel a ton of guilt and shame if he were attracted to a guy.

jack might be a little similar, not because his dad was constantly berating him, but he still grew up in a pretty traditional house and his uncles/cousins would often tease him cuz he liked to cook and bake and had a lot of empathy. but he also went to university, and while it was still in alabama, a lot of colleges and stuff are a lot more progressive so it wasn't something he dwelled on much. live and let live, basically

AND AS A RESULT, it would be MUCH harder for either of them to make a move. toby would push any feelings down so fucking fast, and jack would just shrug it off and say he doesn't have like.. the "right" to have such emotions. after all he's done.

but they've also had a ton of intimate moments. the amount of times toby's been sat in his boxers while jack has to stitch up his stomach is kinda obnoxious. the amount of times jack checks toby's temperature and scolds him for dumb shit. toby scoffing and grabbing jacks wrist to pull his hand off, but his touch lingers

jack wears his mask a lot, but toby would make a comment. "i wanna see what you look like. it cant be THAT bad." and then jacks like ? asshole. so toby backtracks and is like "ok but if it is bad, thats kinda cool" and jacks like 'dude shut up'. but then toby would try and go on about 'im serious man you're over here stitching me up every other week and im practically the only person you talk to. let me see' and jack thinks about it. maybe not that day, but eventually he would.

if toby has already kinda come to terms with liking guys, OR he's so oblivious to his own feelings, he might say something stupid like "oh shit you're hot dude why do u wear that stupid ass mask" and jack would get embarrassed. and try to put it back on, but toby would snatch it and toss it on some counter and say "ok well now i know so stop wearing it" and jacks like. ok. fuck you. fine.

and toby stares a lot. like. a lot a lot. and jack kind of knows. the echolocation and thermavision helps him know toby's head is turned his way, but he can't exactly pinpoint where toby's eyes are. but he keeps turning away

toby would eventually just ask 'you gotta know im looking at you , right?' and jack is like ...well i thought so. thanks for confirmation. and toby laughs it off but jack is getting embarrassed

jacks feelings would develop slowly and he'd recognize every single moment he feels something. tobys would develop more rapidly, but he has no fucking idea what he's feeling is romantic. he thinks jacks attractive as fuck, he likes intelligent people, he likes how jack challenges tobys toxic ass mindset (only after the fact, hates it in the moment), and jack does a lot for him. patches him up, cooks him good meals.

the ask i mentioned said something about jack touching toby's lip and toby keeps looking at jacks lips and theres crazy tension etc etc etc. i genuinely dont know who would kiss who first.

if it were jack, toby would sit there kinda stunned, and jack would pull away and fumble out an apology. then toby tells him to do it again. and again, and again.

if it were toby, jack would immediately kiss back. he's had it on his mind for a long time, but genuinely didnt think anything would come.

toby would ask what now. he wants jack to set some sort of guidelines. he hates rules but holy shit does he not know how to navigate this, not with jack. jack would shrug it off and theyd try not to talk about it. toby might not come back to see jack for a while, but end up really hurt and dragged there to get his arm popped back into place. and jack would have to ask why he stopped visiting.

toby would admit it, finally. something about 'because i fucking like you and its really fucking weird and i dont wanna ruin the whole medic patient pal thing we got going on but this entire fucking time ive been avoiding you, im thinking about you a hundred times more'. and jack would ask why he thinks its weird. and theyd talk for a while

jack would ask toby if he could kiss him again, and toby would say yes.

[bleue-flora]

Okay I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about discduo anymore, and I meant it. I did. But then I saw the clip of cc!Tommy [post] talking about them and a few people saying how clingy duo didn’t know that they hurt c!Dream, and how c!Dream was just this unreasonable psychopath who drove c!Tommy to want to kill himself… and well I just feel like I can’t stand by while Dream gets slandered after I was being nice to c!Tommy.

So... that brings us here, where to the best of my memory and ability, I’d like to look at c!Tommy as being part of the Antisocial Personality Disorder spectrum. Because here’s the thing, I’ve seen people refer to him as some golden boy, who’s caring and has a good heart, but I’m gonna just be honest, I just don’t see it. From what I can tell, we accuse c!Dream of having no empathy, but I don’t think I’ve really seen c!Tommy show any.

Now granted, I’m definitely no psychologist or whatever, and in the real world diagnosing these disorders is a very intense and extensive process. Especially because there is no true way to know whether an individual has empathy or not since we can’t exactly read their minds or feelings. So we really only have their behavior to study. Having said all that though, here’s why I actually think c!Tommy is perhaps the “psychopath” or since that term is no longer medically used, has Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) in which psychopathy is sometimes considered a subtype of.

And yes, while I am more than aware that I clearly have dsmp favorites and therefore am biased, I have to say when I was rewatching lore I didn’t expect to come to this conclusion, but something about this scene specifically in the finale bothered me.

[clip] Dream: “Why are you–why are you trying to—ruin everything all the time?” Tommy: “Cuz that was just me having fun with my friends, Dream, but I didn’t–I didn’t…” Dream: “Ah-you just stealing my shit and a—griefing my friends’ houses and breaking shit?” Tommy: “I just didn’t realize how much that hurt you.”

Because c!Tommy essentially just straight up admits to enjoying harming others. In fact, is so clueless he doesn’t grasp that killing and breaking and stealing and griefing hurts people. And like how can you possibly tell me that someone at the age of 18 years old can be so oblivious to other people’s suffering. Because he sure didn’t like it when people griefed or trapped his house, stole from him, and killed him, but somehow didn’t know that other people also didn’t like that. I mean, there’s just no way someone can be that clueless, I don’t care how old they are, even children know better than to just push their friend down the stairs because it’s funny. 

Like I don't think this is just the behavior of some flawed teenager, but of someone with a lack of empathy or ASPD, which the National Library of Medicine says this about, “Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a pervasive and enduring pattern of disregarding and violating the rights of others, typically emerging in childhood or early adolescence and persisting throughout an individual's life. This disorder significantly impacts interpersonal and occupational functioning, often leading to profound impairments in overall quality of life. Individuals with antisocial personality disorder frequently engage in criminal behavior and struggle to learn from the negative consequences of their actions” [source], And I don’t know about you, but doesn’t that sound like c!Tommy? Even further the Millon Theory has this to say about Antisocial (ADAntis) individuals, “Prone to lessened emotional resonance and a marked lack of empathy, those individuals evidencing ADAntis patterns actively seek out what they feel is their entitlement. ADAntis individuals often feel slighted by their circumstances and believe they must take in order to receive. They are impulsive by nature and uncaring about any damage they may inflict on others or themselves” [source].

In other words, someone who does and takes without thinking of others as if they are entitled to it. A great example of this is c!Tommy just up and killing c!Purpled for no reason and stealing c!Tubbo’s resources before they battle c!Dream again for the discs, where c!Tubbo notes that c!Tommy has a ‘shit moral compass’ [clip]. There is also the stream I love to bring up of c!Tommy stealing from c!Tubbo, killing his bee and then burning his house, and not giving anything but a half assed apology of 'I didn’t mean to burn your house down that much’ and ‘I didn’t mean to kill your bee I was just giving him a high five’ [post] and that’s how he treats his best friend, one he drags into war after war. c!Tommy more than once highlights how pain is real in the dsmp whether a non-canonical death or a punch and yet shows no regard for holding back hurting others, whether that's burning c!Techno [clip] or throwing a harming potion at him when he’s found in the basement [clip], lighting c!Dream on fire with a bucket of lava on the first day of Exile [clip & clip], killing c!Alyssa just cuz she’s there and a woman [clip], stabbing c!Dream as he fills in a creeper hole in c!Tommy's yard no less [clip], how bout just dragging c!Tubbo into wars to risk his life and experience pain over some replaceable discs… etc just as some examples off the top of my head I've have seen recently. 

I mean he doesn’t seem to care about others. When c!Tubbo needs help, where’s c!Tommy, like when he goes after c!Sam after he killed his husband and kidnapped his son he teams up with all the people who have killed him. Where the freak is c!Tommy - the one he fought so many wars with. Heck in the finale, c!Tubbo charges into what might be certain death, even after disagreeing with c!Tommy and reasoning that maybe they shouldn’t kill c!Dream [clip]. Oh and then of course, I've talked about his behavior towards c!Punz in the beginning too, of him helping clingy duo and then c!Tommy plotting to stab him the next minute [post]. 

And he struggles so hard to separate the value of items over the living [clip], seen no clearer than his struggle multiple times with putting the discs over c!Tubbo. And as I talked about when looking at c!Quackity at some point, people without empathy can love but it’s more like loving chocolate where they can enjoy it but there is no consideration for a candy bar’s well-being or feelings - people are more so just there to be used than cared about, and isn’t that what he does with c!Tubbo? With c!Techno? With c!Dream? Using them as a weapon and for their resources and then tossing them aside. Certainly not having their back when they need it, something c!Techno highlights pretty well in his speech about being a person [clip].

Perhaps our biggest clue should be how revolved his character arc is about understanding the value of items and how people are more important, as he finally in the finale gives up his discs for Tubbo’s life…

I don’t know maybe I’m wrong, but all I’m saying is I have yet to see a scene that really shows c!Tommy as caring or empathic, instead I see more so the telltale signs and behavior of someone with Antisocial Personality Disorder… who’s the psychopath now? *mic drop*

[jerzwriter]

This is a fictional answer to @tobias-carrick-appreciation-week's What Would Tobias Do? question for day 6: What would Tobias do if he was dating someone he was (surprisingly) really into, then he found out they were a porn actress. This has me changing his dating history, because this is officially part of my HC. lol I hope you enjoy this flashback to The Hopkins Years fic!

Book: Open Heart (Pre-Series / Johns Hopkins Years) Pairing: Tobias Carrick x F!OC Other: Ethan Ramsey Rating: Teen - maybe Mature to be safe. Nothing explicitly. Words: 3,027 (sorry...) Summary: Tobias Carrick wasn't known for taking relationships seriously - at this stage of his life - he was there for a good time, not for a long time. Then he meets Stacy, and things change. He's finally accepted that's OK when a secret from her past threatens to blow it apart. How will Tobias react to the news, and what impact does it have on the couple?

A/N: I have additional A/Ns at the end. But participating in @julychallenge Pink: Romance, Vulnerable Black: Attraction, The Unkonwn

Ethan stood over the stove wearing no more than his old, blue terry bathrobe. His disheveled hair, stubbly beard, and raspy voice all indicators of how raucous last night had been. The fact that he was standing and cooking could be considered a medical miracle in and of itself, or so it seemed, until Tobias emerged from his bedroom.

They had similar nights, but Tobias looked no worse for the wear. Already fully dressed, with a bright smile on his lips,  he waved to his friend and roommate as he continued a conversation on his phone.

“I’m making eggs. Do you want any?” Ethan hollered, but the question went ignored.

“It was great,” Tobias grinned. “I’m so glad you thought so, too.”

Ethan rolled his eyes as he tended to the eggs; this uncharacteristic behavior had become more common in recent weeks.

“Do you have plans today? No? Well, I was thinking of taking a drive to Kent Island. I’d love the company if you’d like to come along? All right... great! I’ll pick you up in an hour?”

Tobias sat at the kitchen counter, where breakfast awaited him. He didn’t say a word until the weight of Ethan’s stare became too much to ignore.  

“What?” he asked, almost annoyed.

“I took the liberty of making eggs for you,” Ethan scowled.

“So I see,” Tobias smiled. “Thank you.”  

“I asked you wanted any... of course, you didn’t answer.”

“You asked?” Tobias asked with confusion.

Normally, Ethan would have been annoyed, launching into a tirade about how Tobias doesn’t appreciate his contributions, but today, all he did was smile. It was a novel treat to see his roommate behaving this way.

“It’s Stacy... isn’t it?”

“What?” Tobias gasped, not willing to confess the obvious. “No! I’m just in a good mood, that’s all.”

“Yeah! Because of Stacy! No need to hide it; I can’t blame you at all. She is stunning.”

Tobias looked as bashful as he was proud; Ethan only wished he could be recording this.

“She is, isn’t she?” He replied with a grin.

“She’s also intelligent, funny, a great conversationalist....”

Tobias leaned back in his chair. His smug persona on full display.

“Most of my women are, Ethan...”

“Please,” Ethan scoffed. “Beautiful? Yes, but the rest... very debatable.”

Tobias chuckeled as he finished his eggs, but he didn’t argue Ethan’s point.

“It’s OK... you know... to like her more than for a night.”

“I know,” his friend replied matter-of-factly. “I’ve been seeing her a while now... and I’m taking her out again today. But thanks for the permission, buddy.”

Ethan shook his head. “What I meant is you can like her seriously. It’s all right to think long-term; it’s OK to consider commitment. You’re not getting any younger, and it’s not every day you find someone as special as Stacy.”

“Yes, Mom.” Tobias dismissed.

Tobias knew his friend was right; in fact, it’s all he had thought about since he met Stacy two months before. It scared the shit out of him, but if he was being honest, the prospect was a little less frightening each day.

“Well, I never said we’re getting serious,” he argued. “I...I’m just... I like her, you know?”

“I know,” Ethan grinned. “And you could do worse. Have fun at the beach,” He said with a smirk. “Should I expect you home late?”

Tobias smiled like the Cheshire cat. “Maybe you shouldn’t expect me home at all.”

~~~~

Stacy heard Tobias’s car from nearly a block away. The beautiful weather meant his car’s roof was down, and Rhianna blaring from the speakers was the only calling card Stacy needed. She was already walking down her steps when he arrived, and God, she was a sight to see.

Tobias did his best to maintain his composure, but that was a tall task as she sauntered his way. Her long auburn hair glistened in the sunlight, and her white sundress hugged every curve. And that smile—innocent as an angel’s yet irresistibly inviting—left him utterly speechless, and Stacy didn’t miss a thing.

She hopped into the passenger seat with a giggle; not wasting a moment, she threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into a deep, passionate kiss, and her effect on the man was instant.

“Mmmm,” he growled. “You need to stop that, or we’ll never make it to the beach.”

“Oh, we’re going to the beach,” she insisted. “Of course... who knows what we’ll do on the beach.”

Tobias held her hand most of the drive; he was both astonished and ashamed of how he felt. How was he falling so hard that even Ethan saw it? At any other time, he would have cut off all contact at once to stop whatever crazy feeling was happening, but with Stacy, it was impossible.      

It wasn’t just her beauty or the way the sound of her voice drove him insane. It was her quick-witted sense of humor that often left him and everyone else in stitches. It was her tender heart, like the time Tobias had to cancel a reservation he called in a favor to make just so they could tend to a wounded bird she spotted on their way. It was her brilliant mind, the head of her class in biotechnology; she could talk him under the table. He encouraged her to go to medical school, but she had already planned another path in painstaking detail. He didn’t want to admit it, but she could well be the whole package... and he was nowhere near ready for that... but he was already enchanted, and there seemed to be no way to break free of Stacy’s spell.

“Have you ever been to Kent Island?”  he asked.

“No. But then, I’ve only been to the beach once since moving to Baltimore.”

“What?” Tobias was stunned. “You’ve been here two years and been to the beach once?”

Stacy shrugged. “We can’t all be you, dear!” she teased. “Some of us have to put in a lot of effort to stay at the top of our class... not to mention some of us have to work to pay for Hopkins.” 

“Hey, I didn’t mean any offense,” he said with a kiss on her hand. “But I’m hoping you’ll let me spoil you a little.”

“Oh, what do you have in mind?” she cooed.

“Do you mean today or more long-term,” he smiled.

With his eyes on the road, he hadn’t seen Stacy’s face. If the words surprised him, they surprised her even more.

“Uh, let’s stick to today... for now...”

“All right, how does a walk on the beach and dinner at a great little seafood place, I know of, sound? We could spend some time on the boardwalk and maybe give me a chance to win you a prize.”

Reaching over the console, she placed a kiss on his cheek. “And here I thought you were my prize.”

“You’re good for a man’s ego,” he beamed as she placed her head on his shoulder for the remainder of the ride.

The day went as planned... better than planned... neither could remember the last time they had such fun so effortlessly, and they didn’t want it to end. Tobias rented a room at a local bed and breakfast where little sleep was to be had. After making love the night through, they woke up and showered together, only to decide to use that comfortable be once more before getting in the car to return to Baltimore.

Tobias was beginning to push his fear aside, and the stupid grin on his face made that perfectly clear. He was so wrapped up in the pastel summer haze he found himself buried in that he didn’t notice how quiet Stacy had become. She left his car rather quickly when he dropped her off, but he chalked it up to being exhausted... after all, they hadn’t had much sleep.

When he walked into the apartment, Ethan looked up from his studies and smirked at his roommate.

“So, your day at the beach turned into a weekend at the beach, I see.”

“Did you miss me, boo?” Tobias teased.

“Hell no! I loved having the place to myself. It’s so much more spacious when your big head isn’t here.”

“Hahaha,” Tobias ?. “Like your head doesn’t take up a ton of space.”

“Oh, it does!” Ethan concurred. “That’s why it’s more comfortable when only one of us is home. So... are you ready to admit that you really like this one?”

“I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me, bro... but I do... I haven't told anyone this, but Mandy called to hang out the other night, and you know what hang out with Mandy's mean... and I passed. I could have gone, but I passed. Who the hell am I?”

“It’s not the worst thing in the world,” Ethan chuckled.

“That’s the scary thing,” Tobias said with a yawn. “I’m starting to see that. I even mentioned it to Stacy this morning.”

“You what?”

“I told her I was falling for her and asked if she felt the same... I can actually see myself wanting... more with her.”

“Wow,” Ethan grinned. “If I knew this was going to happen, I would have added the earthquake rider to our rental insurance policy. Sure, the idea of an earthquake in Baltimore is far-fetched, but right now, not so much.”  

“Shut up,”  Tobias chuckled, heading toward his room. As enlightening as the conversation was, he was desperate for some shut-eye. And luckily, he got a little in before his doorbell rang several hours later.

Ethan had headed out to work, so Tobias wiped the sleep from his eyes as he groggily answered the door. Though he was delighted to see he was disturbing his sleep.

“Stacy,” he beamed. “I didn’t expect to see you again today?”

She bit on her lip, then a hesitant smile formed on her lips. “I hope it’s OK that I dropped by unannounced. I tried calling you, but....”

Tobias took the phone out of his pocket. “Sorry, I turned the ringer off so I could take a nap. But you’re always welcome, come,” he said, opening the door. “Come on in. What brings you by?”

After assuring they were alone, Stacy took a seat on the couch, holding Tobias’s hands in hers. “I came by to talk about... what you said this morning... about wanting more... with me.”

“Oh,” he replied, noticing her apprehension. “Well, if that’s not what you want, it’s OK, I didn’t mean to frighten....”

“Tobias,” she smiled, holding a finger to his lips. “Let me finish. The thing is... I do... want more with you, too... but I’m not so sure you’ll want more with me.”

“But I’m the one who...”

She shot a look in his direction, and he was silent again. “There’s something you should know first.”

Retrieving her phone from her purse, she pulled up a video, then closed her eyes -  pressing pause – both on the video and her conversation.

“Hey... are you all right?” Tobias asked, placing an arm around her shoulders. “If you don’t want to....”

“No,” she sighed, it’s important. “I hope... I hope you don’t hate me.”

She handed him the phone and watched as his eyes grew three sizes. There on that little screen was Stacy – his Stacy – naked and having a great time – with someone that definitely wasn’t him. Peeling his eyes away, he pressed stop and turned to her.

“All right, hon, I’m not going to be mad at you and an ex having a sex video... that’s nothing I’ll judge... but why the need to show it to me.”

“He’s not an ex,” she said with a deep sigh. “He’s an actor... just like me.”

A wrinkle appeared on Tobias’s brow, showing his utter confusion, and Stacy swallowed hard before she continued.

“See, if I tell you my screen name, you can Google me... and you’ll find a whole lot more where that came from... I... I’m a porn actress.”

His eyes grew again, and his face was ashen. “You’re an... oh,” he fumbled for words.

“Look, it’s not that I’m ashamed,” she continued. “It was a choice I made... a choice that allowed me to attend college, a choice that made going to Hopkins for my masters a reality. A choice that helped get my family out of poverty...though I never really told them why. I told them I won the lottery and, well... I didn’t.”

“Stace,” Tobias started, “You really don’t owe me any explanation, I....”

“You’re right,” she interrupted. “I didn’t... until this morning. If you want us to be serious – you have a right to know. You don’t deserve to learn by some jackass telling you he saw me in Throbbin’ Hood.”

Tobias lowered his eyes with a little chuckle. “Now I saw Throbbin’ Hood, and you were not in that,” he joked, not sure what to say.

“So you’re a connoisseur, and you’ve never seen my work,” she half smiled. “I don’t know if I’m relieved or insulted.”

“I... I’m not sure what to say,” Tobias faltered. “I mean, I don’t judge you; as a connoisseur, I’d have to be a pretty big asshole to judge you...”

“Well,” she chuckled sadly. “You’d be surprised... most connoisseurs are quite judgemental.”

“Well, I’m not,” he said, taking her hand. “It’s just....”

“It’s just I’m not exactly what you had in mind when thinking about something serious.”

“No! I didn’t say that!” He insisted. “It’s just... this is a bit of a surprise, and I, can I have some time to process it?”

“Sure,” Stacy grinned, leaning over and placing a peck on his cheek. “Take some time and let me know what you decide, but Tobias?”

“Yes?”

“If you decide you don’t want to go further because of this part of my past, I’ll be sad, of course, but I’ll be OK. The person I’m meant to be with... they won’t hold it against me, and if you do... then you’re not my person. I just thought it was only fair to let you know before things go any further between us.”

After a hug, Stacy headed home, leaving Tobias in a daze on the couch. She had told him her porn name, and he was caught between temptation and horror at the thought of searching for it. In the end, horror prevailed, and he put his phone away. He was still in a state of astonishment when Ethan arrived home, immediately noticing the change in his friend’s demeanor.

Tobias wasn’t about to break Stacy’s trust, but if there was anyone he could trust to keep this between them, it was Ethan, and he needed a trusted friend’s opinion. Ethan did his best to conceal his own shock at the news.

“It’s OK, buddy,” he half-smiled. “I think my jaw was on the floor when she told me, too.”

“It’s just that I... I didn’t see that coming,” Ethan sighed. “Wow... of all things. So, does it change how you feel?”

Tobias sat back thoughtfully, then shook his head. “I meant what I said; I’d have to be a total dick if I watch porn, but judge someone for making it.”

“Agreed,” Ethan nodded. “And while I’ve never been in porn....”

“Of course you haven’t,” Tobias teased, attempting to add levity to the conversation. “Who the hell would want to see you?”

“And while I’ve never been in porn,” Ethan repeated loudly, ignoring his friend’s interruption. “I understand what it’s like to be poor and not sure if you’ll be able to live your dreams. I’m not advocating nor judging the choices she made... but my advice to you is not to pursue things further unless you can really say you don’t care. She doesn’t deserve to be with someone who will hold it against her, even if it’s subconsciously.”

“I agree,” Tobias replied. “And the truth is, I don’t think I would.”

“There is one other thing to consider,” Ethan injected. “Your family. I don’t know how the Carricks would take to their heir dating a former porn star. Ultimately, it’s not their choice, but...”

“Oh, I’ve given that thought,” Tobias interrupted. “But I’m not exactly proposing; we haven’t gotten nearly to that point. In a way, the idea of pissing them off is rather enticing, but I don’t think that would be fair to her.”

“No, it wouldn’t be. At the end of the day, it’s your choice, but for what it’s worth, this conversation stays between us, and I, for one, won’t think of her any differently than I did this morning, and I certainly wouldn’t judge you.”

Tobias smiled the first genuine smile he had since Stacy had left earlier in the day. “Thanks, buddy. I appreciate you listening.”

The following day, it was Stacy’s turn to open the door to an unexpected visitor. She wasn’t sure if her heart was about to be filled with joy or break when she saw Tobias at the door. Which might be why she couldn’t utter a word.

“May I come in?” he finally asked.

“Yes, of course!” She muttered as he stepped into her front hall.

Noting her puffy eyes, Tobias wanted to put an end to her worrying as quickly as possible; that’s when he pulled the small bunch of flowers he had picked up on his way over from behind his back, and Stacy broke into tears.

“Hey, hey!” He said, pulling her close. “Yeah, they’re supermarket flowers, I could do better next time, but it was kind of an impulse decision.”

“Next time?” she asked with a cracked voice. “So these aren’t a consolation gift when you tell me you never want to see me again.”

“No,” he replied with a kiss to her forehead. “They’re an apology for causing you what I’m sure was a very stressful night. And they come with an invitation – could I take you to dinner  tonight?”

“So, you still want to see where this goes?” she smiled.

“I’m willing if you are,” he grinned, and she replied by running into his arms and sealing the deal with a kiss.

“So, where are we going to eat?” he smiled. “Your pick!”

“In that case, order in a pizza and a six-pack,” she beamed. “Because tonight, I want you all to myself.”

A/N 2: OK I feel like some of my Tobias readers will be disappointed because this isn't humorous. But even back in Hopkins, I think he was having a good time, but I don't think he was a total asshole. He wouldn't have judged her, and he would be a hypocrite knowing his body count was definitely much higher than hers. College Tobias? Maybe he would have been a bit more of an ass, but he was mature enough by this point to handle it better.

While I won't write more for the pairing, my HC is that they dated exclusively for a little while, and they were happy during that time. But eventually, split up. Toward the end of med school the competition between Tobias & Ethan was turning toxic, and that colored his world and impacted his decisions (usually, poorly). Further, Ethan and Vincenza had broken up, and Tobias was being her shoulder to lean on. He realized how strong his feelings for Vincenza were, and didn't feel it would be right to string Stacy along. Basically, he wasn't remotely ready for anything like this. Stacy was disappointed, but it was an amicable parting.

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

Tagging others separately.

[spacerockfloater]

House of the Dragon, Season 2, Episode 1: Discussion

Overall, I did not like the episode at all.

First of all, am I crazy or was the whole scene at Winterfell and the Wall purely fanservice so that HOTD can gain the sympathy of old fans? I mean, it lasted like, 2 minutes, and added nothing to the plot. Cregan’s speech was amusing though.

Daemon didn’t let a single moment go to waste before he started acting like a king. Typical and at least consistent with his character.

Sigh. Preparing myself for the backlash I’m going to receive for this. I did not like the way Rhaenyra’s and Jace’s emotions were portrayed. Where was the shock? The agony? The horror? The pain? Too much silent grief for someone who just found out that their son/ brother was murdered. Hell, Rhaena showed more emotion than both of them combined and we saw her face for merely a second.

Good for my girl Alicent for finally getting some I guess, but the Alicole sex scenes were weak as fuck. No passion, no chemistry. It was robotic as shit. All that subtle tension between them during the first season led to nothing. Rushed as fuck and not at all what they made us think it would be. Provided absolutely zero context. Boring as hell, too. Thank fuck that it was leaked because it would have been a jumpscare. Nothing could have prepared me for it, it came out of nowhere.

Alicent standing her ground against Otto was surprisingly very good. I loved seeing her take the lead. And it was touching to see her light a candle for Luc, too.

Aegon II was very entraining. Refreshing to see him try to be a good king, actually care for his subjects and love his son. Distracts you from the fact that he’s still a stupid unseasoned teenager. Looking forward to some more character development on his part.

Now, what the actual fuck could Aemond ever possibly have to be angry about? Didn’t he just have his revenge? Who is he so pissed at?

Daemon and his murder cloak are the strongest ship in HOTD, which they should rename to “House of Misunderstandings” at this point.

I nearly pissed myself when Cheese’s super secret hidden path through the castle, that only he as a specialist knows, was crossing the fucking throne room on their tippy toes. Did they sneak back outside to meet Daemon the same way while leaving a bloody trail behind them? Are the writers actually insane? Who gave that shit the green light? Why does the door to Aemond’s room open by a lever? Is he Batman? Where the actual fuck was literally everyone? The guards? The servants? The ladies of honour? How was the fucking queen all alone?

And lastly, speaking of the queen… Oh my God. This was the most anticlimactic scene in the whole episode. I nearly fell asleep. I don’t know what’s Helaena’s deal, like is she neurodivergent? Is she just not fazed by anything because she has already seen everything play out in her head before it actually happens? It’s never explained and it makes it so infuriating that she looks just… concerned. Not traumatized or shocked, just perplexed and worried, lol. She pointed to her son faster than lightning. Did she just want all of it end as fast as possible? No idea. All the tragedy of the situation was removed. Luc’s death was much more impactful and shook the audience. This seemed so underwhelming and stale. And then Helaena quietly goes to her mother’s room, walks past her riding Criston like this happens to her every Tuesday, sits down, refers to her own son as “the boy”, and looks slightly distraught. Dian Doesn’t even shed a single tear. Nothing like the mourning woman gone mad by grief we saw in the trailer, though maybe we just have to wait I suppose. Like, lol okay. This was not giving like y’all promised it would. The only grotesque thing about it was listening to them sawing Jaehaerys’ head off.

The episode felt rushed as fuck and has severely reduced my interest in hating or loving any of the characters. There’d better be some top notch acting next Sunday or I’m dropping the show.

All opinions are welcome, just please be civil to one another!

[mdawgswizzleinthehizzle]

i’m doing a rewatch of the last of us hbo and i’m really realizing how cut and worn down joel gets in episode 6.

one thing right after the other happens to him and it’s honestly insane how long he kept his shit together, so i’m gonna spell it out…

and maybe those of y’all that call joel too emotional or soft in the show for having his breakdown can understand why…

within the first few minutes, joel is told by the couple in the cabin that there is a fairly good likelihood that his brother is dead. that alone would have sent me into a spiral and it does really impact joel like we haven’t seen before. after he and ellie leave the cabin, he has panic attack #1.

i’m gonna be a little transparent here and say this: i developed anxiety in 2020 that was debilitating for months and although i am in a much better place today, i’m still dealing with anxiety all the time. during the worst of it, i had panic attacks and while my trauma is nowhere near close to joel’s, i know how draining panic attacks are.

but anyways, he has his panic attack and moves on but for the remainder of the trip, until he is reunited with tommy, he is stuck with the thought that his brother may be dead. and all this time spent protecting him and then looking for him was in vain. he couldn’t save him in time. another failure.

between their reunion though, we see joel having nightmares. in the cave, after he falls asleep on watch, its very clear he wakes up from a nightmare. with the way he immediately searches for ellie upon waking, my guess is that his nightmare was about her.

then they are surrounded by jackson’s patrol. and joel has panic attack #2. once again, about ellie, fearing that she is about to be torn up by the dog, but his panic attack won’t allow him to do anything. he freezes.

there is a brief moment of happiness when he is reunited with tommy but it is quickly snuffed when he realizes tommy’s situation. tommy doesn’t need his help, he hasn’t this whole time, his brother has a wife and later finds out that he is expecting a baby. his brother has been living it up as best as someone can in the apocalypse and never radioed to joel ONCE to tell him he was okay.

at the table, when ellie, joel, tommy and maria are talking, maria very pointedly looks at joel when tommy says “a bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad” and maria says “not always, at least”. maria already doesn’t like him because apparently tommy has talked something bad about him. his own brother.

then he has a talk with tommy in the bar. its clear that his trust in tommy is shaky by this point because he lies to tommy about tess and ellie. then he has his fight with him and when he walks out of the bar, he has panic attack #3. let’s add insult to injury because then he sees someone who resembles sarah, his dead daughter. not only that but the lady has a kid of her own, something to resemble what joel never got: grandchildren.

then he finally has his breakdown. another little insult to injury, tommy gives him brand new boots since he noticed joel was trying to fix his old ones. another reminder that tommy is well off. the things he confesses to tommy are absolutely heartbreaking and its insane that he has been able to keep it all in to that point.

he is then faced with the choice of giving ellie over to tommy because while ellie feels less afraid with joel, joel feels more afraid with her.

then he has his fight with ellie where ellie uses his daughter against him (and i understand her desperation, i do). that was a really rough fight and once joel is alone in his room, we can see him shed another tear thinking of sarah.

the next day comes, and joel goes back on his choice and takes ellie. he has to say goodbye to his brother again but at least for a while after that, joel gets a break. he has fun and bonds with ellie on their trip.

… until he gets stabbed at the end of the episode.

so… to anyone that says joel is too soft in the show or too emotional, let’s remember that he is human. game joel is humanized too but its also a game. for the show, they had to really humanize joel which means that he is going to be much more mentally affected than game joel is throughout the story. panic attacks and crying are not soft or emotional, they aren’t weak, this man has been through hell and its a wonder he has made it this far. we only see three panic attacks but if they are that frequent, i can guarantee he has had more that we don’t see.

episode 6 really bashes him, its no wonder he broke down to tommy. pedro did an amazing job. he’s got me cryin’ everytime i watch it.

[grace-williams-xo]

I have but three things to say to the anti Penelope crowd. (Neither of which directly defend many of her worst offences as Whistledown).

ONE: Some people have pointed this out but I think it’s really important we remember that she is 17 s1, 18 s2 and 19 s3. She is high school age. Girl did not have a fully developed brain by any stretch. Is that an excuse and free license to be a dick? No, of course not, but I think y’all should remember some of the stupid and regrettable things you did in high school. Now again, think of the way society operated at the time and then imagine, just for a moment, what if teenage you had an anonymous and unfiltered Twitter/Insta account that was keenly followed by everyone in your town/city/community—most people you’ll interact with in your life. You would do DUMB SHIT. It’s not just ‘she’s young’ it’s ’she’s young with an unrestricted megaphone to everyone she’s ever met’.

TWO: The Whistledown moment that sticks with me, as perfectly capturing who Whistledown is and what she does, is not anything read by Julie Andrews but what Eloise talks about in the very first episode. She talks about how LW is discussing a countess who, despite looking like her season last year was good, lives in depressing solitude miles away from the earl she married. This stays with me for a few reasons. First, it shows that—right from the start—she has access and information and connections that we do not and will not understand. How does a 17 year old know the living situation of a married woman in the countryside? Maybe she overhead servants gossiping, we really have no idea. Second, it shows her equality in reporting. Like any news outlet, she reports what people want to read, but this passage sets up a precedent and example that she doesn’t just report on people from her block in Mayfair. I always watch shows and movies with the knowledge that what I’m seeing is never the characters entire day or life. Similarly, we never hear an entire LW issue—only what is plot relevant to the Bridgerton’s and that episode. I think this was shown well again in the opening of s3 when she comments on several of the other debutants.

THREE: On Marina. It is not Penelope’s fault that Marina attempted an abortion and nearly died. We are not responsible for other people’s reactions. At no point did she wish or encourage harm on Marina, she just wanted to stop a loveless marriage. I hear you saying it’s not her responsibility to stop it, but teenage girls have big emotions that they deal with badly—and many have an overwhelming and misguided sense of justice. Marina was in a fucking awful situation but Penelope did not cause it, and it was at several points exacerbated by Portia the actual adult. I’ve just started a rewatch of s1 and my anger at Portia (and Varley bc wtf there are some really unnecessary comments) about the way she treats Marina from the day she arrives is raging. Portia was bullying Marina at every opportunity because she was jealous Marina was more desirable than her own daughters.

I am very aware that intent does not diminish impact, you can hurt people accidentally, but I do firmly believe that Penelope a literal child and did not act out of malice.

All that being said, I don’t think the relaxed and forgiving reaction at the end of s3 from the queen and the ton was in character or proportionate at all but also we didn’t really get to see much of their reactions so will be interesting to see how s4 plays out.

TLDR; Penelope was a literal child in s1, and nothing can ever convince me that she didn’t write about lots of other people in the ton beside the Bridgerton’s. That’s just not relevant to a show called Bridgerton. Most of Marina’s problems are on Portia, not Penelope.

[gffa]

I’ve been playing GENSHIN IMPACT for over a year now and reading a bit of fic here and there, mostly of the Tartali and Zhongli&Venti variety, but then Sumeru hit and oh hey Alhaitham is an amazing unit in a quickbloom team and then Kaveh hurricaned his way into my heart and oh no suddenly I was in love and absolutely tearing my way through every bit of Haikaveh I could get my hands on because christ there’s no way Hoyoverse isn’t writing them that way on purpose. I mean, I’m already a sucker for Old Married Couple type bickering, but then you give me the undercurrent of how much they genuinely mean to each other? How much Alhaitham is genuinely caring about how self-destructive Kaveh is? How Kaveh just absolutely will not shut up about Alhaitham, even the other characters are like “You talk about him so much that it’s like he’s been here with us all night.”? Yeah, of course I fell in love. So, here, cry about a gacha game having beautifully designed characters with just the right types of personality and funny banter that know how to knock me the fuck out with both delight and genuine feelings about idiots in love. Or just old elemental grandpas who annoy the shit out of each other because they’re both several millennia old and nobody else understands their weird friendship. I’m having a great time and I’m going to make that everyone else’s problem. GENSHIN IMPACT - CHILDE IS 10000% CASUALLY UNHINGED OF COURSE HE WANTS TO NOT JUST FIGHT A GOD, HE WANTS TO FUCK A GOD: ✦ Set in Stone by seredemia, childe/zhongli & childe’s family, 115.4k wip      What do you do when you write about a certain six thousand year old consultant so much in your letters that it somehow convinces your entire family you’re not only dating each other, but that you’re also engaged? In Childe’s case, the answer is plain and simple: he goes along with it, of course. Absolutely nothing can go wrong if he makes a contract with the God of Contracts, vowing that the two of them will pretend to be lovers for the duration of his family’s stay in Liyue. Afterwards, they’ll return as normal and speak no more of this mess. No feelings or complications involved whatsoever. ✦ the wind through the mountain tops by glassdrachma, childe/zhongli & venti, 25.5k      Boredom brings Barbatos of Mondstadt to bother a certain ex-Archon of the Earth. ✦ my faceless self, alone by recursion, childe/zhongli & guizhong, 7.2k      There is one lone glaze lily left, shining brilliant blue in the depths of Dihua Marsh. Zhongli kneels over it as Xiao looks on. “The contract is fulfilled,” he whispers. He takes his mask off with trembling fingers and sets it aside. The blood that stains it seeps into the ground, turning it rust-red. “That which thou seeketh is now bestowed unto thee, for my promise is solid as stone.” (Zhongli, in the before and after.) ✦ more espresso, less depresso by birdsofpassage, childe/zhongli & ningguang & xingqiu & chongyun, coffeeshop au, 5.3k      There’s a quaint little coffee shop that catches Childe’s eye as soon as soon as he arrives into town. The man that works inside is more exhilarating than any drink Childe has ever tasted. ✦ passing afternoon by bearbearer, childe/zhongli, NSFW, 1.3k      Zhongli just came, really. He just broke into his office with a white loose robe hanging from his shoulders, skin exposed like a gift, and two glasses of fine wine in his hands. There was a smile on his lovely red lips, while they moved around cloying words. “Are you amenable for a rest?” And everything was warm as he approached, because how could Zhongli not— He wouldn’t have a rest at all. ✦ the consultant’s kidnapping by glassdrachma, childe/zhongli & hu tao & cloud retainer & xiao & ganyu & keqing & cast, 19.2k      The Traveller isn’t able to stop Cloud Retainer from seeking revenge on Liyue Harbor. Zhongli is, however. Sort of. ✦ if i choose not to see it, it does not exist by inareese, childe/zhongli, 5.1k      Zhongli might as well have just straight up told Childe. He absolutely refuses to think too hard about it. or Tartaglia’s accidental guide to why Zhongli is most definitely a hundred percent not Rex Lapis. There is nothing suspicious to see here. ✦ A New Mission by Kuranoa, childe/zhongli, NSFW, 2.8k      “Sensei, have you ever bedded anyone?” Childe asks, chin resting on his hand while he observes the flawlessly elegant way Zhongli drinks from his teacup. “I have not.” The Archon answers just as frankly, not even batting a lash. “Would you like to?” ✦ Trial And Success by woahiohioh, childe/zhongli, NSFW, read the tags, 6.7k      Or: Childe asks Zhongli if he can tie him up and they both discover they’re into some things they didn’t know about beforehand. ✦ C.P.R. by silverid, childe/zhongli, NSFW, read the tags, 3.3k      It’s something straight out of Childe’s fantasies. “Don’t worry, xiansheng.” he chokes out. “I’ll show you.” Zhongli’s eyes go half-lidded. “Well then. Direct me.” GENSHIN IMPACT - LET ROCK GRANDPA’S FRIENDS BULLY HIM IT’LL BE SO FUNNY: ✦ rex lapis is totally undeniably dead! by arataka, zhongli & hu tao, 1.7k      when zhongli comes into her office and tells her, “rex lapis is dead” paired with the most serious face she’s ever seen him wear, hu tao laughs at him. GENSHIN IMPACT - YOU EVER LOVE SOMEONE SO MUCH YOU WANT TO PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE? YEAH THAT’S HAIKAVEH: ✦ handle with care by smallghosts, alhaitham/kaveh, 2.4k      Kaveh may be a thorn in Alhaitham’s side, but he’s his favorite one. ✦ Slip of the Tongue by LONEMOON, alhaitham/kaveh & cyno, NSFW, 9.6k      Kaveh is inflicted by a curse that makes him only able to tell the truth. For someone who’s fairly honest and wears his heart on his sleeve, this shouldn’t be a big deal, right? Unfortunately, he has some feelings he’d like to keep hidden… ✦ theory and practice by alcyonenight, alhaitham/kaveh, 3.9k      Kaveh falls ill. Alhaitham works through some things. ✦ too many nights by effervescentskies, alhaitham/kaveh, 4.8k      Kaveh keeps coming back home drunk in the middle of the night. Alhaitham is not pleased. ✦ itni khafa nahin by solarclimes, alhaitham/kaveh, 2.4k      Rtawahist scholars have a curious theory about parallel worlds, where the stars of a person’s constellation are weaved in slightly different ways, creating an infinite number of universes where they make different choices, lead different lives. He had told Al-Haitham about it once, who had declared it outlandish and based on pure conjecture, but Kaveh had found the idea interesting. Perhaps, then, there exists a world, where Kaveh’s life isn’t so at odds with him. Where Kaveh can reach out in this moment and pull Al-Haitham into his arms. ✦ inertia by smallghosts, alhaitham/kaveh, 3.6k      A drunken confession is all it takes to set the inertia of their non-relationship into motion. ✦ Opposites Attract by LavastormSW, alhaitham/kaveh, NSFW, 3k      Alhaitham returns home after a long day commentating on and wrapping up the Akademiya Extravaganza, only to find Kaveh waiting for him… ✦ truck, barter, and trade by Seungshi03, alhaitham/kaveh & wanderer & nahida, 13.3k      Or: Al-Haitham is, without a doubt, the most annoying person Kaveh knows. Maybe the world’s second-most annoying person can help Kaveh figure him out. ✦ I’ll keep your brittle heart warm by clouds_hide, alhaitham/kaveh & nilou & traveler, 3.2k      Or: The Inter-Darshan Championship brings out the problems they don’t talk about. They really need to talk. ✦ i’ve been loving you for quite some time, time, time by creativedisaster, alhaitham/haikaveh, NSFW, 4.7k      After spending the week talking about his plans to move out, Kaveh’s not entirely sure he can face dealing with Alhaitham now he’s staying. But the bad thing about living together - he has to go home sometime. - OR - Alhaitham has some truth for Kaveh that he might not be ready for. ✦ knocking is a wonderous invention by dearwormwood, alhaitham/kaveh & cyno/tighnari, 2.8k      Four times Tighnari and Cyno think they walk in on Alhaitham and Kaveh in compromising positions, and one time they actually do. ✦ sunbird by caniculeo, alhaitham/kaveh & cyno & tighnari & nilou & kaveh’s mother & cast, 19.1k      This is how Kaveh grows up—well-loved and loving, with a pencil in his hand and starlight in his eyes. This is how he grows up, until his father leaves for the desert one day, and never comes back. ✦ you put the ‘fun’ into dysfunction by emigmatic, alhaitham/kaveh, NSFW, 3.7k      His dream was not a dream. It was real. “Oh.” “Is that all you have to say? Oh?” Kaveh presses, but he relents after studying his junior for a moment. His eyebrows draw together and a slight frown takes up residence on his face. “You…why do you look so surprised that I want to talk about how we just had sex?” ✦ diesel is desire (you were playing with fire) by clouds_hide, alhaitham/kaveh & cyno, NSFW, 6.7k      Kaveh on his back, his blonde hair splayed across the white sheets, his entire chest flushed from arousal, is the most beautiful sight in the world. Even if Alhaitham lives through a thousand samsaras, he will never forget this. ✦ modus vivendi by katraa, alhaitham/kaveh, NSFW, 3.5k      Kaveh has a sprained wrist, his roommate is insufferable, and said roommate knows how to take someone’s mind off the pain. Or, they finally stop dancing around the subject and bang. ✦ That’s The Way I Loved You by rewmariewrites, alhaitham/kaveh & cyno & tighnari & cast, NSFW, 16.9k      Tighnari rolls his eyes and turns back to Kaveh. “You didn’t answer my question,” Tighnari says, like he thinks Kaveh is an idiot. Kaveh rolls his eyes right back. “No, we’re not dating.” ✦ argumentative, antithetical dream girl by clouds_hide, alhaitham/kaveh & cyno & tighnari, NSFW, 6.8k      Or: Kaveh attempts to have no-strings-attached sex with his roommate. There are so many strings attached, he might as well be a marionette. GENSHIN IMPACT - THAT ONE SCENE OF VENTI BEING AN ANNOYING BASTARD AT XIAO WAS ENOUGH TO CONVERT ME TO SHIPPING THEM: ✦ carried by the wind by underfallingflowerpetals, venti/xiao, 1.7k      Or: Xiao isn’t used to being taken care of, but Venti is nothing if not persistent.