#this will be my personal healing journey

[mrs-snape5984]

„You’re not alone, together we stand. I’ll be by your side, you know, I’ll take your hand…”

“Just stay strong, ‘cause you know, I’m here for you…” (“Keep holding on” by Avril Lavigne)

I decided to set a trigger warning on this post: Miscarriages, high risk pregnancies, ICSI treatments, traumatic wish for a child journey, hysterectomy. So, please feel free to skip the following x paragraphs, if you feel triggered by these topics. Thank you.

Those of you lovely people of Snapedom, who know me and my way of blogging about Severus and my personal hardships might have noticed, that I’m mostly venting about ME/CFS and the crumbs, which are left from my former life. Since I can’t do much about it right now, I decided to “fix” another one of my countless issues…an internal wound, which desperately needs to heal!

As some of you might remember, I’m a mother of three wonderful children. There are my eleven years old twins and then there’s my six years old daughter. My pregnancies were the result of a long and painful journey of ICSI treatments, several miscarriages, way too many tears, about ten surgeries - due to Endometriosis and myomas - which eventually ended in a hysterectomy four years ago.

My desperate wish for a child led me to some decisions and life choices, which I probably wouldn’t have made, if I would have been clearer…maybe more stable in my whole mindset. One of these choices was a totally over rushed marriage to a narcissistic man, who made me believe, that he wanted the same. Gosh…I’ve been so desperate and so fucking stupid! Well, at least I got my twins because of him.

I went to the appointment for the transfer of the embryos on my own. He didn’t want to join the procedure…and I should have known, that he was already saying “goodbye” back then.

The pregnancy was rough. I had to lie in bed from the 8th week of pregnancy until they were born as premature babies in the 29th week of pregnancy. The last 4,5 months of pregnancy, I had to stay in the hospital…fighting for my babies’ lives all on my own. The father of them had decided, that he didn’t want to be a father anymore…wow…

I don’t want to go further into details about this phase of my life…at least not yet. I commissioned my friend @alinearthp for this project and asked her for several drawings of the different phases of my journey to become a mother. This artwork will be the start of my healing process…and I’m incredibly grateful, that you’re doing this for me, Aline! I know, that you’ll need time to draw all these wishes of mine, but I’ll be patiently waiting for each of your breathtaking pieces of art, my dear!

So, for the next couple of months, Severus will accompany me on my path through this phase of my past…just like he did back then, when I spent months in a hospital bed in “Trendelenburg” position. During this period of my life - and to be honest, in so many other phases of the past 21 years, as well - I clung to my imagination of Severus in order to feel less helpless and alone. His resilience and determination have always been my inspiration to keep going through all these hardships, which life kept throwing at me. He’s the love of my life…and he will forever be the guiding light in my darkness.

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[cod-dump]

*in a meeting*

Price: Alright, let’s get something straight-

Ghost: *immediately puts his hand up*

Price: … yes, Ghost?

Ghost: Can I leave since I’m not straight?

Price: No because then all of you would leave

Ghost, looking around him: Point taken

Alex: Then can we leave if we’re straight?

Farah: You’re not straight, Alex

Alex: I’m not?!

Farah, looking him dead in the eye: The Christmas party, 2020

Alex: … okay, Price, let’s get this show on the road-

[evie-doesnt-write]

“Wille has gone through so fucking much from his shitty, neglectful, psychologically abusive parents, the death of Erik, the betrayal of August, his and Simon’s relationship issues, his mother becoming sick, finding out Erik was a homophobe, and so fucking much more, and he’s just a kid whose only support are his one friend and his boyfriend who are facing their own problems and nobody can blame him for not knowing how to deal with his emotions and having breakdowns” and “Wille is extremely flawed (as are everyone in this show) and never having been taught how how to deal with his emotions and problems in a healthy way and having little to no support system doesn’t change or excuse the fact that he constantly projects onto Simon, has internalised the mindset that Simon’s problems are far lesser than him, often behaves inconsiderate towards him and doesn’t listen or listen to Simon when he tries to talk to him and these are things he will need to work on, especially if he wants to keep a relationship with Simon” are not mutually exclusive statements

[siblingshuffle]

Sibling Shuffle: Maintenance Day

Sorry for the wait!

LORE:

This takes place between Game 4 and Game 5. Probably inspired by Rock tentatively trying to form a relationship with his family, Tempo just barely builds up enough confidence to share with Dr. LaLinde that she’s a bit uncomfortable with her messing with her systems unsupervised. They reach the agreement that Rhythm will stay in the room (which I forgot to clarify via dialogue, but Rhythm was going to be sent out to work on her job right after).

Rhythm has no idea how to contribute other than to try to add some levity to the moment lol

—————

The Clipboard notes: the official concept art sketches for Tempo are on the side, alongside Tempo’s Sibling Shuffle concept art (but in black & white)

Tempo and Dr. LaLinde? Having conversations to gradually rebuild the lost trust between them? Yeah that’s the aim 👍

—————

Next Up: Roll With The Punches

[feminiel]

Being highly intuitive is one thing but knowing how to use it is another. If we are using intuition from a place a fear, we are likely using it to control, manipulate, and hurt which comes from a dark feminine energy. If we are using intuition from a place of love, we are likely using it to enhance love, beauty and healing around us, which comes come a light feminine energy. Knowing how our intuition is serving us and others is part of working with divine feminine energy.

@feminiel

[puppy-phum]

something something i just want a humble, murderously simple thing: that mork would've been allowed to heal on screen and get through his trauma with loving people by his side or however that quote goes idk

[amalasdraws]

It's interesting to see how over the years my art reflects a journey from me being extremely heartbroken to slowly healing.

[itsnotmehuman]

My knight in shining armour.

My knight in shining armour does not look like those in the books.

My knight in shining armour is not trying to save a defenseless princess in distress.

My knight in shining armour sometimes looks like a little girl who is carrying the weight of words, which are sharper than knives.

My knight in shining armour sometimes looks like a reckless teenager who seeks justice or revenge.

My knight in shining armour hates her curly hair but loves letting her hair down, wild, and free.

My knight in shining armour has her whole body cover in tattoos to hide the scars of a skin, which had suffered the consequences of a pure soul living in a heartless world.

My knight in shining armour is a woman who is trying to heal her inner child as she tries to ease the pain of her younger self.

My knight in shining armour is me.

A woman who is holding on to life as tight as she can.

Fighting for a better present, fighting for a better future.

Fighting against her own demons.

Fighting in order to feel like herself again...

[girlmagicfr]

Weekly Journal Prompts

[poetessprachi]

why does nobody talk about emotional glow up and spiritual glow up..?

[transgenderfivepebbles]

hating hod is a red flag tbh. never trust a hod hater

[soulaanadelrey]

Have you ever loved someone so much that it feels like you've loved them before in another lifetime? Like loving that person feels so familiar. So safe. I don't have to worry about saying the right or wrong thing. It's just us.

[add1ctedt0you]

What's your version of Jiang Cheng Gives Up? *chinhands*

Hiii! My version of jc gives up is very boring: he gives up on wwx and their shared past and moves on.

An overexposure to yunmeng bros reconciliations has brought me to one conclusion: I don't necessarily need them to reconcile. (Not because: 'jc/wwx is so toxic!' or 'jc/wwx deserves better than that selfish asshole!'. Like, I always roll my eyes. They are two horrible human - fictional- beings who deserve each other!).

But imo, post-canon jc has two priorities:

Jin ling

Himself

First point: he needs to be there for jl. Not only politically! But emotionally too. jl is going through a rough time jc too experienced: a loved ones betrayal. jc knows what it does to you. And listen, one of the things I love about jc is how he is trying his best. Always. In particular when it comes to people he loves. ('but he did a lot of things wrong', thank fuck! He is a traumatized character who behaves like a traumatized character. This scene explains so much about jc imo: jc knows that not having an adult in your life who believes in you is shit. So he tries to give space - in his way- to jl, while fighting his urge to protect him, because the last time every one of his family member was on a battlefield, they died.) So yeah, he is going to try being there for jl, in his imperfect way. And that brings me to point two.

jc has to recalibrate himself, to be there for jl: what he thought were truths, are revealed to be lies. All his life was a lie.

That's my favorite jc's speech. It's visceral, it's painfully honest. He is literally saying to us his state of mind: he is feeling guilty, wronged and confused.

'who am I?' hits hard, because who you are when you have built your life on lies?! Should he feel guilty?! wwx has made this huge sacrifice for him, but he has hurt him too: what should he feel?!

So, because I interpret jc as someone who overthinks, I want him to lose his mind over his doubts and start a journey of healing (or, what realistically someone without therapy can manage).

I want him to look at Lotus Pier, his home, and think: 'dang, what I have managed is incredible'. I what him to realize: 'what wwx made for me was an huge sacrifice, but my feelings are valid too'. I want him to be, not happy, but satisfied, when thinking about his life. And I don't need him and wwx to reconcile, because I like the bittersweet taste their broken relationship leaves in his mouth.

So, my jc gives up is: he learns to live with himself and jl, peacefully.

[katsy-kitty]

I just wanted to say that I've been feeling better since Saturday afternoon and I'm no longer thinking of ending it all.

So that's good, I think.

Thank you once again to everyone who's been nice to me.

[feminiel]

Saturday, 13 July, 2024

Divine feminine energy is your highest spiritual feminine energy that you can embody. Goddess energy. It is your divine essence merging with feminine energy to reveal the journey of your soul and who you are meant to be. It gives deep intuitive insights into your soul mission and life purpose, connects you with the spiritual realm and your higher self, and empowers you at a spiritual level. Your spiritual power comes from accessing this energy through your heart space, intuition, and connection with the divine higher power you believe in. It can help you feel empowered through divine love and compassion, spiritually healing you by making you feel unconditionally loved and accepted as the person and spiritual being that you are. It also offers universal wisdom and guidances that opens your heart and mind to higher spiritual perspectives and universal truths. It connects you to the Source of all. The divine feminine encompass both dark and light feminine energy.

Light feminine energy, on the other hand, is the feminine energy we commonly know and use in everyday life. I think someone can embody light feminine energy without necessarily believing or embodying the spiritual aspects described above. However, I find light feminine energy and divine feminine energy closely related and similar in many qualities they both share. It is the caring, gentle, soft, nurturing, creative, compassionate, maternal, and loving energy that most of all connects with in the physical world. It’s the energy that helps us connect with people, take care of ourselves, take care of others, and grow as individuals. It has a healing energy of its own kind.

Dark feminine energy is the energy of transformation, shadow work/self, and embracing the dark aspects of repressed feminine and masculine energies. It challenges you to grow, change, transform, and be your authentic self. It’s an empowering force that gives you the strength, courage, and resilience to face your psychological issues and the unconscious part of yourself. It represents your feminine form at its best if you follow its lead to discover your empowered self. It’s also an intuitive energy that helps you uncover hidden truths and wisdom about how you function as a woman. It pushes you to attain what you desire, what you want, and what you need. It’s an energy that guides you to your personal power and deep healing for the purpose of balance and wholeness. ~ @feminiel

♡

© 𝟸o𝟸𝟺 𝙵𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚎𝚕, 𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚍

[pattybbee]

Sunday

11:43 am

I have been in a roller coaster. The other day I was at the peak but yesterday I woke up in the pit. It was the feeling of misery again. Fear. Insecurity. Emotional Trauma. And I really, really just don’t want to be here anymore. In this place, in this neighborhood. I fought this feeling hard as I tried to fall asleep. I fought with what I knew I was worth. Repeating to myself over and over that I am above this suffering. I succeeded for the night. But I woke up as the same, demotivated girl that I have been while I was in the said state I’ve been trying to escape. The sun is bright outside. It’s a beautiful Sun-day. Yet I’ve been refusing to wake up since 7:25 am. I have abandoned my morning workout. Abandoned my Sunday morning freedom, to stroll this neighborhood. It was already 11 when I finally decided to have a beautiful day—on the outside. Because we all know that most days, I can make daily life look aesthetically pleasing.

I made my refrigerator stock of rice, some green beans for lunch, coffee and warmed up a pastry to start my day.

Which person should I be today? Which personality am I deploying?

A very tricky feature that’s built in me is my multiple personalities. The struggle is…they’re not friends. They have different interests and different methods to go around things. This feature isn’t bad because it allows me to understand people who are different than me, very deeply. My mind is open, and nonjudgmental…to others. But to myself? Very judgmental. One personality won’t let the other be. It’s an episode of Split every time and the personalities are fighting for their turn for the spotlight in this body.

I just want to finally come undone, have a mental breakdown and cry. I’m pretty sure it’s the Pisces in me. Having my Venus in Pisces, the love, romance and financial department of my life is a wreck. Exalted in theory but a wreck in execution. I just want to process a heartbreak sometimes but my Moon in Leo, and Sun in Capricorn are judging my Venus in Pisces for that need. Leo asks why? “Have you seen you? Why would you be sad over insignificant people? You are the loss.” Capricorn says, “It’s not even worth it. Not worth the time. Not worth the thought. If you pull up to the receipts, you can see that you’ve been at a disadvantage. So just cut the losses because really, the only thing that you’ve lost was money for spending time with people who didn’t see your value. You will be richer if you invest in yourself instead." By the way, I have my Mars in Cancer, and she will eventually want to wish a certain person a horrible outcome. She probably even caused this nostalgia in the first place! But for now, she’s retreated in her shell, sleeping sadly with my kitty cat babies, after wreaking havoc in my head.  My Sagittarius Rising just wants to get out of here honestly. Just let karma run its course. Just want to go to the gym, do sunset yoga by the river and be productive. And maybe that’s the only comfort my Venus in Pisces can seek solace from. Do Venusian things to escape. Maybe start writing again, start cooking, make videos or watch slow living vlogs to calm myself with the daydream that that’s me if I had it my way—my Piscean way.

Most of my personality is tough. And they usually take the wheel. And because of it, I couldn’t feel things as it happens. It’s very delayed because my pride won’t let me. In certain matters of the heart, my mind could never accept what has been done to me. My heart could get all beaten and blue, and my brain will still say no one broke it. It’s not heartbreaking, rather it’s just disappointing.

 What most of my friends say is... “You are in your head too much”. And that’s true. I predominantly operate in my head and not in my feelings. That personality doesn’t get to be in the spotlight too much. And when it does, it gets judged. I don’t hate my other personality traits however, because they’re not wrong. They are all for me. To back me up and to soothe me. Yet the irony of it all is that it’s always Me against Me. But even if sometimes they don’t sync, that’s okay because by the end of the day all I have is me and my multiple versions. At some point they will all have to agree.