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thescarletwitchsapprentice · 4 years ago

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A Pure Soul (Yandere!Wanda Maximoff x ADD!Autistic!reader)

Summary: Two weeks or so after Wanda arrives at the Avengers’ Place, (y/n) shows up. An autistic Avenger who’s extremely honest and who doesn’t really seem to mind just being by themself, but also is kind and even affectionate to others. Wanda’s smitten by this and does the unthinkable.

Request?: Nope. I’m literally just throwing this out of the back of my head. From the Yandere Starter Prompts list by @yandere-mccree

Prompt: 5. “This world doesn’t deserve an angel like you.”

Warnings: (AOU Spoilers, CACW spoilers, IW spoilers, Endgame spoilers, torture sorta, sleep paralysis mention, ableism, slight manipulation?, kidnapping, mind-breaking mention)

Note: I wanted to try a bit more of a subtle Yandere vibe for Wanda. I’ve never really written one of these, so it might not be as great as I hoped. I don’t encourage or condone the unhealthy aspects.

Word Count: 3,268

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It’s only been a couple of weeks or so after she’d been taken from Sokovia after it was destroyed. Wanda’s still mourning the loss of her brother when you arrive. You're a shy person, not a fan of eye contact, but you do like touch, hugs in particular, as well as head pets.

Wanda doesn’t pay attention to you much at first. You’re just another Avenger to her; a nice change of pace, but that’s all. But then comes Lagos. Wanda now has guilt along with so much trauma. It’s no surprise when you hear her crying in her room one day, the door somehow left open a crack.

“I’m a terrible person,” she says softly, thinking no one heard.

You peek in and catch her with a pillow to her face, weeping. Your heart breaks. You know it’s on her, but she clearly feels terrible. You stand in the doorway until she soon notices you.

“Oh....(y/n),” she says as casually as she can. “Hey.”

“You’re not a terrible person,” you tell her.

She’s shocked to hear this.

“You’re not afraid of me?”

You shake your head.

“Why would I be?”

“I’m too destructive,” she says, sniffling. “You saw what happened in Lagos.”

You enter your room and sit on her bed with her.

“But you’re also very kind,” you point out. “And you’re a good person. You clearly care when you hurt others, and you want to rectify your mistakes. A bad person wouldn’t do that.”

In that moment, you can sense her need for some physical contact. You lean over and give her a hug, rubbing her back.

“I’m glad you’re here, Wanda,” you tell her.

And you are. You truly are. Even if you don’t know her well, you’ve heard her talk a few times, and she’s a breath of fresh air. Most of the Avengers tend to be a bit loud and sometimes a bit insensitive, but not Wanda. Wanda’s extremely sensitive to others’ feelings and tends to be a quiet person. It’s something you need. Her accent is also soothing to you for some reason, not to mention she’s beautiful.

You let her cry on your shoulder for a few hours, even humming to her a bit. Then it’s dinnertime and you’re called to the kitchen. That’s when something in Wanda changes. You, an Avenger who barely knows her, aren’t afraid of her; in fact, you’re glad that she’s here. She also doesn’t know you all that well, but she’s seen some acts of kindness you’ve done for her and the other Avengers, even when you thought no one was watching. And she heard your thoughts when you were hugging her, all wonderful things about her, how you wish she could see how amazing she is, how beautiful she is.

At that moment, her heart melts. How can someone with such a sweet and pure soul like you exist? How could someone so....perfect exist? It’s a ray of sunshine in her heart, making her forget about the guilt and trauma, even if only for a few moments. Your presence is exactly what she needs. And she needs more of it.....

===================================

At first it starts off simple and small; making an effort to see you more often, running into you in the compound, smiling at you, making conversation. And honestly, there’s something about Wanda you can’t quite shake off. She does make your heart flutter; sometimes you get shy around her or even blush. It’s adorable and it’s something that only makes her more fond of you.

She discovers you’re autistic when the lights of the compound are too bright one time. The second she notices how anxious you are after Tony turns on the lights before getting his coffee in the other room, she immediately turns them down for you, and she’s the first person you tell.

“I’m touched that you trust me enough to confess this,” she tells you with a few tears in your eyes.

Wanda asks you what other things you like or dislike, things that give you sensory overload and things that help you calm down. She asks you about your experiences as an autistic person. You’re touched by how considerate she is, and even confess to her about your ADD, or Inattentive ADHD, as they call it now. She also asks about that, but does her best to take it a little at a time so that you’re not overwhelmed with questions.

What you don’t know is that she already knows all of this, having telepathy and all; she wants to hear it from you so that it doesn’t come off as creepy. She also loves to hear your voice. It’s like music to her ears, music that eases her stresses and trauma, even if only temporarily.

Then she starts to make some more effort, actively implementing what she knows and paying attention to things you say and do, so that she knows what she can do or say without it being suspicious. Wanda wants the relationship to move as naturally as possible. You’re her precious angel, and she doesn’t want to scare you. And she won’t unless it’s inevitable or of absolute necessity.

Wanda buys a bunch of fidgets and other sensory things for you to try, keeping in mind what you’ve told her. But also throwing in some “close guesses,” meaning things she knows but that you haven’t told her, things close to what you’ve told her. She can easily pass it off as just “having a hunch,” as long as it doesn’t happen too often.

Though she wants it to be as natural as possible, she occasionally uses her powers on you; nothing too severe at first. Just sending little suggestions to your mind; she’s told you a few of her favorite things, so she’ll base those suggestions off of that. One of the first suggestions is why not ask her how to make paprikash? She suggests that the two of you make it together and you agree. You’re not big on spice, but there’s some sweet paprika as a substitute. And it’s not as spicy as you think, but it’s delicious.

Sometimes Wanda sends a suggestion to get you going on a rant on one of your Special Interests; it’s both a chance for her to “get to know you more,” but mostly because she adores hearing you speak about what you love; she especially loves seeing that twinkle in your eyes and she loves seeing your face light up. It’s one of the most precious things to her, seeing you so happy. She wants to cherish every single second of it.

Though you’re nervous about it, suggestions of humming or singing to her pop into your mind. You give into them fairly often, mostly later on in the relationship. She tells you about how beautiful your voice really is, which gets you shy and blushing. It’s so endearing to her, seeing her sweet little sunbeam being so cute without even trying.

When you come back from a battle, Wanda checks to make sure you’re okay as soon as possible. She volunteers to patch you up to the best of her ability, and she soon becomes the person you first think of when you need first aid or care after a battle.

Then Wanda decides to take it a little further; her room in the compound is next to yours. She stands outside of your door, waiting for you to go to sleep, before opening the door a tad and sending in sweet dreams. If there’s one thing she despises, it’s seeing her sweet little angel upset, and this assures that it won’t happen.

Next she sends little dreams with her in it; first only small appearances, but then she becomes apparent little by little until she ends up being the focus of many of them. Of course she’ll throw in miscellaneous dreams here and there, just to make sure you don’t get suspicious.

Then comes Wanda’s biggest suggestion to you; you two have gotten so close over the past few months, why not ask her to be your girlfriend? It only makes sense. You still feel those butterflies in your stomach, you two both have amazing chemistry, and you both are very close. At this point, you don’t question it. You’re just nervous to ask, as you’ve never been in a relationship before. Of course the nervousness is also slightly part of the suggestion, more on a subconscious level. It’s not enough to make you panic; just enough to make you shy when asking her. And of course, you are. You end up stammering a little, blushing a bit. She fondly assures you that it’s okay to feel this nervousness, and happily accepts being your girlfriend.

===============================

Now that you two are a couple, her next suggestion for you is to give into those affectionate feelings you have when cuddling with her. She loves the warmth you bring. Wanda didn’t think you could get any cuter, and yet she’s a full-on puddle when you cuddle with her. You’re just so sweet and Wanda can’t help but feel protective over you.

Others begin to notice you opening up more and they start making conversation with you. Of course Wanda’s listening to their thoughts to make sure they’re not interested in going further than a friendship with you. Friends are okay for her, and she’s very excited inside when you make a new friend, as she knows that making friends doesn’t exactly come naturally to you. However if it ever gets to anything past that, she’d have to take action. One does express interest in you, and that doesn’t sit well with Wanda. This person doesn’t deserve such a sweet angel, let alone her sweet little angel. Something must be done.

That night, after sending you sweet dreams, she sneaks over to their place and hides just outside of their bedroom door. She’s able to track their brain activity, so she knows when they’ve gone to sleep. Once they do, she sends them their worst nightmares, ones that paralyze them in their sleep out of fear. The next day, you don’t see them at their usual time. You figure maybe they’re sick or they overslept. In the meantime, she’s there to keep you company. It happens on and off with them for some odd reason.

If it’s one of the Avengers taking an interest in you, Wanda ensures that the two of you don’t get too close. If you go on a mission and need a partner, Wanda steps up. It’s not really a surprise to them, with her being your girlfriend and all. She glares at the Avenger who’s showing interest, letting them know to stay back.

=========================================

And then shit hits the fan.

You come back to the compound in tears one night and Wanda’s the first one at your side.

“(Y/N), what happened?” she asks worried.

You tell her about how you ran into someone who said that autism is a disease that needs to be cured and that you shouldn’t exist because you’re a burden on society. Wanda doesn’t leave your side that night. You need someone there for you. Externally she’s supportive and loving. But internally, she’s both heartbroken and fuming as she looks through the memory. A fire storms inside of her. How dare they tell such a sweet and pure soul like you that they’re a burden! How dare they say her sweet angel has a disease that needs to be cured! Wanda knows that autism has its challenges, but also its upsides. It’s not anything that needs a cure. It’s a part of your identity. She will NOT let this slide. Not even a little.

After cuddling with you, and sending extra-special sweet dreams that night, Wanda finds the place of the person who told you this. Wanda sneaks into their bedroom and induces their worst nightmares, along with a dose of sleep paralysis. She uses her telekinesis to throw objects around the room and even at them. She uses her power to make them choke. Her grief and anger only amplifies the severity. It’s satisfying to her to hear them scream, plead, beg for mercy, to see them so helpless, knowing what they said to her precious angel. She keeps doing this to them until they’re completely broken, even going back multiple nights, just to make sure they’re gone for good.

You don’t hear from them until you find out that they’ve become completely catatonic. Part of you still feels bad for them for some reason, but you don’t know why.

“You have nothing to feel bad about, (Y/N),” Wanda assures you when you bring this up with her. “Their guilt probably just got the best of them. C’mon, how about we get some lunch together?”

Wanda’s got your back and more for the next few days. And then Tony locks her in her room, and you’re infuriated. He just sees her as a weapon and not a person. In spite of their attempts to convince you to come along on missions, you decide to stay back and keep Wanda company, to make her confinement more bearable.

The two of you both fight Tony together, end up in the Raft, and escape together, living away from the compound. Then comes the war. You’re the one dusted and Wanda survives. Those five years without you are hell to her. She spirals back into grief, guilt, and trauma, blaming herself for not being able to save you. Thank God for Bruce Banner. In 2023, he brings you back. The second Wanda finds this out, she rushes for you, her eyes filled with tears, and you’re just as relieved to see her. Your warmth sparks a sense of purpose back into her. After you died and were brought back to life, to her you’re truly an angel now, and she refuses to let an angel be harmed. She’s reluctant to let you fight, but she tells you as long as you stay by her, it should be fine.

Tony sacrifices himself to save you all from Thanos. The second the funeral is over, you decide to take a nap. Wanda gently grabs you and takes you to a remote location; a cottage in the middle of the woods on an island. Those five years without you and then suddenly having you back sent her protective instincts into overdrive. She decides that she can’t let anyone or anything hurt you anymore. She’s lost her parents and her brother. She can’t lose you. She won’t lose you.

When you come to, you’re shocked about where you are.

“H-huh?”

Sitting up you begin to panic when you hear a familiar voice.

“Good! You’re awake.”

The smell of paprika hits your nose as you see her face, a sweet smile upon it.

“W-wanda?”

She brings over a plate of chicken paprikash.

“What do you think, (y/n)?” she asks.

“Of what?”

She gives a little giggle.

“Of our new home, of course.”

Your heart jumps in your chest.

“New home?”

Wanda sets down the food on a nearby table, and sits next to you on the bed you’ve been placed in.

“(Y/N), I.....those past five years....”

“Must’ve been horrific,” you say, still in shock.

She nods.

“And I wish I could’ve saved you.”

She gently takes ahold of your hands.

“And now that you’re back....I’m scared to lose you. I want us to be together forever.”

Your face flushes, and you glance away. She giggles a little and gently guides your face back up to her.

“My sweet (y/n), you’re too adorable,” she tells you.

Your eyes meet the bridge of her nose, and she doesn’t make you look at her eyes. She knows eye contact can be hell for you.

“I’ve missed this energy so much; I’ve missed your kind-hearted nature, your beautiful voice, your wide and innocent eyes, that cute little button nose, you cuddling up close to me. I’ve set everything in this cottage up just for you. I want you to be as comfortable and happy as possible here.”

“Where exactly are we, though?” you ask.

“Somewhere where you’ll never be hurt again. I’ll ensure that.”

This set off a slight red flag, and you panic a little.

“We couldn’t have just moved to a house in the suburbs or maybe a house in Greece?”

She shakes her head as she pets yours, something that absolutely gives you butterflies.

“No. This world doesn’t deserve an angel like you, sweet (y/n). You have such a pure soul-you are a pure soul-and the world outside will only hurt you. Sweet and innocent people, especially at your age, are very rare. They’re like diamonds; real diamonds. They’re extremely difficult to find, but once you do, they’re a treasure that needs to be protected. I want to be that for you. I want to protect you, keep you safe, love you and care for you. This cottage, this island, it can become a whole new world. At least give it a try? For me? Please?”

You want to say no, right? You’re not sure. It feels like something inside of you is at war, but one side is winning. Wanda’s clearly relieved to have you, and you’ve loved her for a long time now as she’s loved you for a long time now. You feel comfortable around her too. Perhaps a little protection might not be the worst idea. At the very least, a trial run wouldn’t hurt.

You nod.

“Okay, I’ll give it a go.”

Wanda hugs you close and gives you a small peck on the cheek.

“Thank you, my sweet (y/n)! Thank you.”

The two of you have dinner together and then watch a few sitcoms before you cuddle up in bed as Wanda softly sings you a Sokovian lullaby, your head lying near her shoulder. As you drift off to sleep, Wanda watches you endearingly. What you don’t know is that you’re going to enjoy being here. She’d love it if it’s on your own terms, but if you start to seem distant, she won’t hesitate to use her magic to send some suggestions. Maybe it’s to prompt you to ask her to include or remove or change something, or even to enhance your joy for the little things. Extreme worst-case scenario? She’ll plague you with a few nightmares, ones that’ll show you how dangerous the outside world is without her, but it will pain her to do so. Expect a lot of cuddling and kisses from her when you wake up in tears in the hopes of making things better. And she makes sure they do. All she wants is for you to stay and be happy and safe with her.

And even if you wanted to leave, it’s doubtful that even with your powers, you’ll get past the barrier Wanda’s put up. It’s doubtful that you’ll even get that far. It’s a big island after all. Big and deserted. She wants to give you enough space, but not too much. Just enough to make you happy. If you somehow find it, Wanda will make sure you’ll forget finding it. She’ll fill in the gaps with something else so that it doesn’t seem suspicious. It’s not surprising that she knows how to deal with so many outcomes; she’s had five years to think it over, after all, just in case you came back.

But none of that matters right now. All that matters is that she has you, her precious angel, and you’ll be hers forever one way or the other.

#yandere marvel #marvel #yandere!wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x autistic!reader #yandere!wanda maximoff #yandere avengers #Avengers #scarlet witch #yandere!scarlet witch #yandere x reader #avengers x you #avengers x reader #avengers imagine #autistic fanfics #dark!wanda maximoff #dark!wanda maximoff x reader

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well-its-not-human-anymore · 4 years ago

Note

So this is a personal one for me to ask and if you're not comfortable with it don't mind it; how would the tmnt boys (seperate) react when the reader confesses that they're autistic after the boys got curious when she had some peculiar, behavior or stims. The reader would be stressed, because she has a crush on the tmnt boy in question and she didn't want them to find her weird or just stop interacting with her. When she's met with confusion instead, because the boys never heard of it, cue this weird conversation where reader tells them to the best of her ability what it is and the boys just keep asking questions. Also some general headcannons with it maybe?

Okay so I'm actually really happy that you asked me this because I feel like ASD isn't portrayed a lot in any type of media. My ADD and ASD have a lot of overlap so I hope I can capture what you're asking of me!

Now let's get into it!

TMNT Headcanons

The boys reacting to an autistic reader

Leonardo

he wasn't really sure what was happening the first time you reacted

one minute you were standing next to him doing dishes and the next you were attempting to claw your skin off like an angry cat

Leo tried not to look annoyed as he watched you rub your hands against your shirt until your flesh started to turn red

you looked like you were crying but he knew you weren't

but your face was starting to turn purple and your cheeks were puffy from the effort of holding your breath

"Y/N? You need to breathe."

You shot a glare at him, scathing eyes meeting his now very concerned expression

your own softened and you clutched your arms to your chest, heaving oxygen into your lungs until your face became a normal shade again

"Are you okay?"

The words were stuck in your throat and you weren't sure if you should nod or shake your head

so you gave him a half-hearted shrug

he frowned back at you but turned to finish the dishes on his own

when he questioned you about it later he couldn't help but be curious

"Well actually it's uh- it's kinda a sensory type of thing? There are certain textures that I can't stand touching do I avoid them but if I come into contact by accident my brain just kinda explodes and I shut down."

"How exactly does that work though?"

"I don't really understand it much but like- you know that feeling you get when you think there's a bug on you and there's not but it really really feels like it?"

He nodded

"Yeah, it feels like that. And anytime I touch something that triggers that reaction it takes FOREVER to get the feeling off my skin. That's why I usually wear gloves when I do dishes. Guess I just forgot to grab 'em today."

He was sympathetic

and god, you were so embarrassed

lucky for you, Leo's not an asshole

"Well thank you for explaining it to me, you really freaked me out earlier. I'll talk to April and see if we can keep a pair or two at the lair just in case you forget again."

Consider your heart melted

you couldn't even find the words to thank him and holy shit was your face red

"Hey y/n?"

"Yeah Leo?"

"Why didn't you ever tell me- us that you were autistic?"

Did you rip the band aid off now or make something up? Which would ,technically speaking, be less catastrophic in the long run?

"I uh- I really like you and I really didn't want you or the other's to look at me differently..."

wow, you liked him? miss ma'am you have saved this boy a world of anxiety and damn does he thank you for it

"Thanks for telling me... and y/n? I really like you to."

Awh fuck yeah, best possible execution of band aid-ripping-off ever

Donatello

Donnie wished he could act surprised when you finally told him

he really wanted to, it would've made you feel better for sure

but he sucked at lying and he didn't want to make you feel like he thought you were an idiot

because that was so far from the truth

after going through extensive research on Mikey's behalf when he suspected he had ADHD Donnie had stumbled across many different websites that discussed the symptoms and overlaps between both disorders

to make a long story short, Donnie knew that you had ASD and he was waiting for you to tell him

it would probably come off as rude if he brought it up in conversation right?

he didn't want to risk it

but that didn't stop him from keeping an eye on you and your behaviors

he was a man of science, of course he was going to analyze you

not in a weird way or anything, just as a curious sort of precaution

but the longer you were involved in the turtle's lives the more noticeable your stims and meltdowns got, Donnie did his best to cover for you without making you suspicious of him

eventually he'd come up with something that he hoped would come across as a friendly gesture and wouldn't set you off or scare you away

it was game night at the lair and you, as always, were perched on the arm of the sofa, a large grin plastered on your face

inside your head was exploding but you were masking it pretty well if you do say so yourself

but Donnie was, well... donnie was donnie

so when he noticed you starting to rock a little more visibly he removed his attention from commentating the game and grabbed a pair of headphones from the side table

you were beyond confused when he passed them to you but your face revealed everything

"They're noise cancelling, try them on."

holy shit it was like putting your head underwater, everything was muffled

not in the way normal headphones did, you quite literally couldn't hear anything at all, just a calm amount of nothing

you nearly started crying when you realized that Donnie had figured you out on his own

but you'd never been more relieved about anything in your life

Raphael

he wouldn't admit that he was mesmerized by your presence

you practically radiated calm

his complete opposite

it was his favorite thing about you, because despite your quiet disposition and calming aura you weren't afraid to call him out or rebut any of his insults

this was not something you expected him to appreciate nor was it something you thought would make you catch feelings

but damn if you didn't

he'd been sitting in on yours and Donnie's little experiment for an hour or so now, watching you both exchange quiet whispers and inside jokes that you always seemed to lag on

then you slipped up

not bad, nothing detrimental to the project, just the same mistake that you'd already made ten times over

you might as well have exploded

"Y'N, you just have to move thi-"

"I KNOW DONATELLO. I FUCKING KNOW AND I JUST CAN'T DO THIS BULLSHIT!"

you set everything down gently enough to avoid breaking it before turning and storming out of the lab, waving your hands like they were on fire

Raph and Donnie exchanged a look that sent the larger red turtle following after you

when you calmed yourself down enough to talk you kept your gaze locked on the wall, explaining that you couldn't make eye contact when you were upset

he might not be the smartest brother, but Raph's no dummy, he put those pieces together pretty quickly after you told him that one small detail

he wasn't upset that you didn't tell him and you'd personally never been more relieved

your heart nearly splattered into the stratosphere when you finally gace him your own explanation

"yeah, I like ya too."

you grinned so wide you were sure your face would split open and your entire body rocked side to side with excitement

he thought that was pretty adorable too

And he did stick around to offer a bit of support when you apologized to Donnie for screaming at him

Michaelangelo

to be frank it probably shouldn't have taken so long for Mikey to realize that you were autistic

the similarities between your own personality and his ADHD were so in sight it was near painful

it was his turn to make dinner that night and you'd made sure that you came over early to help him set up, you knew how side-tracked he'd get and you were the poster child for solid routine

what more perfect matchup existed?

trick question, there isn't one

you were on one side of the counter cutting vegetables and he was on the other throwing said vegetables into the mixing pot

the music was at an ungodly level of loud so your only means of communication were screaming over it

"MIKEY."

"WHA?"

"YOU GOT THE-"

"YEAH."

"AND THE-"

"UH HUH."

"COOL, HAVE YOU SEEN THE-"

"TONGS? NO, THE SKEWERS. YEAH, THEY'RE IN THE OTHER DRAWER."

"THANKS."

the two of you went about your previous tasks, thinking nothing of the conversation that had just taken place

at least until you'd begun washing your knife and cutting board

that's when Casey walked in, looking both perturbed and annoyed at the same time

"Alright, which one of you knows telepathy?"

Mikey exchanged a glance with you and you returned it with a raised eyebrow

"The hell you mean brah?"

he looked at the both of you like you were the ones that had grown four extra heads before speaking again

"You literally just had a conversation with like five words and somehow just knew what the other meant? What's up with that?"

you glanced at Mikey again

"Holy shit, did we?"

"I mean, not really. You used your hands."

now all three of you were confused but it quickly became two when Casey shook his head in defeat and left the room

"You know I think he's right."

he blinked first and your staring contest ended

"But you used your hands-"

"I got autism Mikey, one does not simply not use their hands as forms of speech."

"You're-"

"Yep."

was the silence laughing at you? could it do that? it was kinda rude

"Huh, that actually makes sense, that's not mean is it?"

you shook your head no

"You're just me but fast."

Mikey agreed with that, pestered you with a few more questions, and went back about working, as did you, you saw no reason to address it further

but your cheeks burned red

"Yo- Y/N that actually explains why everyone else thinks we're a thing."

you didn't know if you could choke on air or not but you did it anyways

"Are we?"

he gave you his signature grin

"If we are then Raph owes April a hundred bucks."

you returned his smile

"Oh this oughta be good."

I'd like to preface this by apologizing for my near three week absence. Life got crazy and my writer's block hopped on a train, went through a school zone, killed seven pedestrians, and committed tax fraud before tumbling off a cliff never to be seen again.

But on the bright side- I got my SAT scores back and started some scholarship applications. Super happy with that. School's out in a few weeks so I'll be able to write more (hopefully).

Anyways, I hope I got this one down okay. I may have hyper analyzed the request so I might be a little off. But I really enjoyed doing this one and I hope you like it!

-Mars 🌠

#tmnt bayverse #tmnt headcanons #tmnt x reader #askbox #ask response #writing requests #writing blog #writersblock #tmnt raphael #tmnt donatello #tmnt michelangelo #tmnt leonardo #tmnt 2014 #tmnt 2016

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battery-forgot · 3 years ago

Text

Now, I come mid-week to give you all of my DSMP/MCYT headcanons because I have many

Don’t mind if these are repeated, misspelt, or has no logic, it is block game things and I am not checking over them-- and some will be organized, and some will be random, some might not have a Enter space because these are all ctrl c + ctrl v’ed from a Discord server I am in :]

Skeppy headcanons: Skeppy is 4 billion years old as scientists have thought that is how long ores and diamonds existed for

Skeppy's species is pretty rare

Every diamond that is broken or damaged causes Skeppy to feel a physical pain in his body

His species has lamp tail as they don't have night vision, some of them also have tiny wings that aren't usable, though they can kinda glide short distances with them

Because of his small height, he has taught himself magic to be able to change size, it can hurt him if he goes taller than 5'3, but he is able to get to Foolish's height if he tried

Sometimes random crystals grow on Skeppy's face, though they look different from normal crystals and can be used for things like explosives, though he doesn't know about it

Techno has seen Kristen but doesn't remember it well, though Kristen gave him his crown as a gift

Techno has a collection of skull masks that he has worn, he wears the skulls because of nostalgia now but he used to wear them because he thought they were cool and made him look threatening

Technoblade, Skeppy, Sam, Ranboo, Michael(the son- not Michaelmcchill), Phil, Bad, and some others really like shiny and golden objects

DreamSMP theme/"timeline" is kind of like a steampunk like thing

Drista is DreamXD's sister and DristaXD is Dream's "sister", though they aren't really siblings as they are robots

Drista and DreamXD are clones of DristaXD and Dream, though they actually look nothing alike

Callahan is a mute mini-god that everyone knows exists but doesn't really understand they are a mini-god. They kind of just chill and do what people ask them to do

Phil: Phil is more into traveling than anything else

Though he doesn't mind being a father figure, he doesn't think he is a good one especially after he killed Wilbur

He is able to turn into the size of a crow, though since his wings are now unusable, he doesn't do it as often as it is basically useless

Phil sometimes takes bird baths, though I guess they are always called that-

He has bird legs/talons,but they aren’t fully noticeable

joke headcanon I thought of is that Phil's handwriting is chicken-scratch because he is half-crow

Phil has really good memory, as a crow would

-DreamXD is actually pretty weak in powers, but he acts like he is the strongest person in the server

-Tommy's eye is just completely gone from when Dream killed him, but he covers it with an eyepatch

-Tubbo talks about things to Ranboo thinking he'll forget them, but some stories Ranboo remembers but doesn't speak about it because he doesn't want to make Tubbo worry too much

-Philza wasn't willing to kill Wilbur so Wilbur forced Phil by grabbing his arm and impaling himself

-Dream and Techno sometimes share stories about having ADHD

-Phil didn't really know about Fundy, he knew he existed but had no idea to how he acted, looked, or his actual name

-Wilbur had a letter written to Fundy about how he was sorry for what he was gonna do during November 16th, but the withers blew it up before Fundy knew about it

-Fundy doesn't let anyone hold his hand because it makes him remember the past where he would hold Wilbur's hand a lot

-Change of headcanons: Schlatt and Puffy are cousins, Tubbo was just a random kid that would follow Schlatt for hours a day, waiting for him to acknowledge him

-Dream jumps into the lava in the prison as it reminds him of Sapnap

-Bad was uncomfortable when Sapnap married Big Q and Karl because he went on a date with Quackity before but he still supported them (Yes I know Big Q basically had a divorce with Sap and Karl--)

-Skeppy knows a lot about other's pasts because of how old he is, even traumatizing facts

-Skeppy has a fear of fire (Pyrophobia) and he is kind of scared of Sapnap

-Dream used the revivebook on the cat Tommy killed, but Sam killed it thinking Dream would use the cat against Sam to escape quicker in the future

-Dream doesn't *fully* know why he is in prison, ever since Tommy and Tubbo killed him, a wire/chip broke in his body which made him forget a lot of things. Dream does get told what he had done a lot, but it makes him almost have a panic attack because he thought he was a pretty good person

-Ghostbur is Callahan, they were commanded by DreamXD to become Ghostbur so that everyone could feel like he was still there (Callahan can change who they are completely, but they don't actually know how they acted when as Ghostbur, though that doesn't mean he didn't know what happened, when Dream killed/revived Ghostbur, Callahan got to see what it felt like to die for the first time)

-Fundy has the habit of picking up things and using them at some sort of fidget (examples: knives, leaves, grass, wood, pencils, berry stems, etc.

-Ranboo will be writing/saying something about someone and use pronouns instead of their name or just with the person's name (example: "Puffy she/her was--" or "he/him writing down things") [Basically canon-]

-Tubbo used to headbutt people but stopped after around 2 years because he kept hurting people

-Phil used to squawk randomly when he was a kid, but he mainly just squawks when hiccuping now

-Even though Bad used to get really nervous picking people up because he was afraid he was gonna drop and kill them, he now just picks up everyone randomly... except Foolish and Ranboo

-Foolish is able to shrink to around 7ft, and unless he is building a big build, he will shrink so he can get around easier

-Because Ranboo is only half enderman, he isn't the full height of an enderman (He is only 8'5)

-If someone asks Charlie about his pronouns, out of confusion, he just responds with "Bones!" which sometimes leads Las Nevadas members (or just anyone really) calling him by He/it/Bones

-When Bad was being controlled by the egg, it made him get even more flashbacks about how his species was supposed to act which would end up with him panicking because that isn't who he wants to be (bonus: The more a member infected by the egg would panic, the more the egg would be able to take over the person because they can't focus)

-Kristin has taught Phil how to do makeup in their free-time of hanging out

-Kristin is insanely tall, if she shrinks then she turns more transparent, so she ends up looking more like a ghost when at average height

-Skeppy can't cry, though he still can feel sad

-Bad and Eret talk to eachother quite a lot

-When Tubbo was around 11-14, he would make redstone contraptions, though he doesn't remember how to make most of them now

Ranboo doesn't like photoshoots because he feels like everyone is staring at him, though this does mean he just doesn't have a passport photo, his alternative was to draw what he looked like on the passport but they didn't allow it, as well as Ranboo doesn't really remember what he looks like anyway because they don't like looking in mirrors--

I think this is half-canon but another headcanon is where every SMP is just an island far away from others. In this case, Hermitcraft, 30 day SMP, and other SMPs are all linked up, as for people who are in multiple SMPs, they travel around by boat for awhile, now, the thing I've just not figured out is how tf their look magically changes-like- outfit is decently obvious-- but do they magically transform like an anime girl? Idk-

Skeppy's voice randomly glitches out, is there an actual reason for this? No.

Quackity’s outfit is similar to Sub Urban’s (In Freak)

Skeppy acts as if he is royalty, he doesn't act rude or demanding unless joking- but he does act as if he is the superior person-

-Skeppy and Slime are the only "people" that don't have steampunk styled clothing because of how old they are

-Skeppy's hair grows insanely quickly and no one knows why, he honestly hates it

-Most of Skeppy's outfits have been made by Bad or Puffy

-Skeppy knows DreamXD as if he is a brother, but he despises him because of something that has happened around 3,000 years ago

-Skeppy has a lot of different shades in their hair on the "inside"(like- the side where his neck is is what I mean, I don't remember if it has a name or not-)

-Like I've said before, Skeppy's eyes are crystallized, but they are somewhat transparent, not enough to where you'd be able to see the inside of his head, but they are still transparent

-In the past, Skeppy didn't like their name which is why they called himself "Skeppy"

-He has an attachment to caves

-When Skeppy was a kid, they had the dream of him filling cave walls with houses of their own

-Skeppy goes by it/they/he

-Skeppy joke flirts with Bad all the time to confuse everyone, Bad doesn't like it because then everyone thinks they are dating which makes him feel a little uncomfortable

-Out of boredom, in the past, Skeppy would climb on the roofs of caves, hang upside down, and try and sleep like a bat

-They have no blood in his body, it is literally just a diamond covered with a thin layer of skin and hair

-Skeppy gets stressed out easily when it comes to learning because it just reminds him of everything he had to get used to as the billion of years he lived went by

-Skeppy used to not be allowed out into the open world, the first time it experienced going outside was when it was 2 billion years old

-Skeppy has accidentally caught things on fire during the day because of the reflecting of the sun, but even then, they are nocturnal so they don't really have to worry about it

-Wilbur adapted to hanging out with Sally in the water, he has some gills, but he can only breathe underwater for a bit longer with them

-Skeppy always has the equivalent of Diamond (armor) except when he was infected by the egg, he was equivalent to the strength of a Ruby

-Infected Skeppy has a redstone glow when touched, so when hugged(or hive fived- or- yeah you get the point), he would give a subtle glow around him until let go

-The Eggpire still can be controlled, but they are able to control it unless angered/upset

-Skeppy was 6ft when infected, now he is 3′9 un-infected

-At this point, Dream likes the prison because he sometimes feels safe there, like no one can hurt him

-DristaXD is more of a ghost robot than an actual robot

-DristaXD's hobby is murdering people and has basically been in some sort of jail before, she has broken chains around their ankles and hands, it seems to have been made of a really strong material as wel

-Sapnap used to have fire wings, but when he had to get extinguished, they disappeared, they are still there, they just aren't visible until dunked in lava and Sapnap can't use them anymore

-Infected Bad still took care of Sapnap, but Sapnap never cared

-Sapnap takes the name "lava cake" too seriously... though he thinks the literal lava cakes he makes taste good

-Puffy's hair has been dyed blue by Ghostbur before because he wanted people to remember Friend if they ever disappeared

-Going with my Ghostbur as Callahan hc, when Ghostbur was killed, Callahan kind of glitched between realities and so Ghostburs body glitched from Callahan's body and Ghostbur's then just disappeared. Callahan is still alive but they randomly glitch into different realities, he has glitched into places Karl has gone, including The Inbetween.

-When Ghostbur was glitching back into Callahan after killed, it shocked and concerned Dream

There you go :]

#dreamsmp #dreamsmp headcanon #skeppy #badboyhalo #dream #dreamxd #philza #Callahan minecraft #Ghostbur #Fundy #Wilbur #captain puffy #Sapnap #Quackity #mcyt headcanons #Ranboo #Tubbo

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seasidefallenangel · 4 years ago

Text

hq characters with a neurodivergent s/o

✰ neurodivergency refers to someone with adhd and/or autism.

sugawara koushi;

○ he tries his best to offer as much support as possible. he can’t say he understands a lot of it, but he absolutely sympathizes with you. you don’t have to worry a ton when you have more off days, or in the event you have rsd, that he’ll get upset with your feelings. he knows you genuinely can’t help it, and very rarely gets upset to point where he’d need a little distance from you

○ picks up on the concept of hyperfixations fairly easily. he can’t even begin to imagine how horrible it is - if one day he woke up and his passions meant nothing to him anymore. if you have a hard time making friends because of how quickly and intensely your interests change, he makes an effort to try and get into some of the new stuff you pick up. he can’t always guarantee he’ll like it or anything, but he’s always willing to listen to you infodump

○ if he spots any sort of fidget toy/stressball/etc, he’ll buy one for you. he’s not sure if they actually help you a lot, but you always seem super grateful for it. he’ll take notice of what ones you tend to reach for more and try to gear towards getting those ones for you

○ as patient as he is, he does have his moments where he can get overwhelmed with you. times where your impulsivity, aggression or other symptoms of neurodivergency become too much for him to handle can lead to him snapping a little. he’ll make sure to leave the room as he knows it’s not your fault and you don’t act like this on purpose, but he’s only human. he makes sure afterwards to let you know he’d never blame you for what you can’t help, and to not be too hard on yourself in these situations

nishinoya yuu;

○ there’s honestly a fair chance he had adhd himself, even if he doesn’t realize it. you’ve never explicitly said you think he is to his face, but sometimes you hint that the way you treat certain things is really similar

○ he’s a big believer that being spontaneous keeps a relationship fun and interesting, which is both a blessing and a curse. on some days, something new and unknown is exactly what you need to stimulate your brain and keep your attention. other days it’s hard to find purpose in doing anything at all, and keeping up with his energy proves to be difficult

○ he really doesn’t want to get annoyed with you, but it tends to happen pretty often. he recognizes you’re not purposefully trying to make him mad and in return he’ll try his hardest to never lash out at you. there’s been a few moments where it was just impossible to control himself (another sign of someone who’s nd, you noted afterwards), but both of you understand each others grievances and are able to work past it

kageyama tobio;

○ at first, he’s not going to take you seriously. he’s the type to say that you're just avoiding your problems, making up excuses, overreacting. the “if you want to do something, then just do it” type of person. he doesn’t really think he’s coming off as being an asshole, but when there’s a very noticeable rift between the two of you, he starts racking his brain for what might’ve made you upset and eventually puts two and two together

○ it takes time, as many things like this do. you’ll have to really sit down and explain things to him, and he slowly starts to understand. he’ll tell you some of this stuff reminds him of himself before brushing it off and never questioning it again. you absolutely suspect he’s on the spectrum but won’t bring it up until he either asks you or starts thinking about it himself - which happens when you accidentally mention how volleyball seems to be his special intrest

○ it can be... difficult to say the least. he can’t really keep up all that well with sudden shifts and the irritability you often show over things that seemingly don’t matter. sometimes it’s hard for him to not take things personally, and the fact you two seem so similar in this regard raises a fair amount of problems. you both have to learn from the issues and work together to co-exist peacefully, but it’s very worth it in the end

tsukishima kei;

○ tsukishima will pick on almost anyone for almost anything. this is something he will absolutely never joke about. he made the mistake once early on - something about a test grade - and had to deal with your emotional outburst, following a meltdown, over how you tried so hard but nothing makes sense. you can’t just sit in a class and learn like he does, you’ll never be normal, never be good enough-

○ he had to stop the downward spiral in the middle of the sidewalk, but he was too shaken up to worry about embarrassment. that sort of reaction wasn’t normal by any means, and when he got home that night he tried looking into why exactly that happened. the complete shift in attitude the next day was jarring you to, but the genuine apology was even more jarring. he doesn’t apologize easily, but something about having made fun of a neurological disorder you’ve suffered with your whole life just doesn’t sit well in his stomach

○ he picks up extremely quickly, even for him. he’s very perceptive of when you’re more on-edge than usual and reminds himself to be patient with you. he’s not coddling in public (unless you’re having some sort of breakdown or panic attack) but it’s noticeable that he doesn’t make any sort of jabs at you like he does with most others

○ helps tutor you without any gripes. he won’t lie and say he gets how hard it is for you to understand certain concepts, but he’s aware things don’t come as easily to other people like it does to him. very thorough in explaining whatever you have difficulty with and tries coming up with real life examples to help it make more sense. if it does become too much for him (he’s still a high schooler regardless of how he acts), he’ll end the session and let you know it’s nobody’s fault

kuroo tetsurou;

○ one of, if not at the top of the list, the best people to date if you’re neurodivergent. he takes this extremely seriously and doesn’t doubt you at all when you explain how it feels like everyday your disorder slowly rips you apart until there’s nothing left. every part of your life is affected by this and he wants to be able to help you feel as normal as possible despite everything weighing you down

○ puts a lot of time and research into your disorders. he wants to understand what’s helpful and what’s counterproductive without bothering you about it since he doesn’t know if you might react badly. he has a very good balance of figuring out how to help you cope in certain scenarios even if they’re not ideal and removing you from a situation where things are just too heavy for you to handle

○ he really stresses how important it is you talk to him about your boundaries, things you need, moments where you’re overwhelmed, etc. he can’t imagine life has been that easy for you thus far and tries to do everything he can, from helping with schoolwork, getting fidget toys, introducing you to new things that may help, and anything in between. he never wants you to feel as if you’re a burden or difficult because of what you can’t control, and will bend over backwards to prove it

kozume kenma;

○ kenma is fairly well versed in online topics and this is one that comes up often. given how perceptive he is towards the world around him, he was pretty easily able to figure out that something was different about you far before you started dating. he doesn’t speak about it much with you but does a lot behind-the-scenes to help make everyday life easier

○ given that kenma is always getting into new games and franchises, he’s able to help make the time in between hyperfixations more bearable. you had described to him how empty and monotone everything feels when you aren’t focused on something specific and he really hates picturing you so lifeless because your brain just won’t let you consume things normally. even if you aren’t playing the game so much as just watching his do it, he feels better knowing there’s something distracting you

○ something important to remember is that you’re not the only one who can act out or get overwhelmed easily. kenma hates being pushed out of his comfort zone and imagines it the same for you, so he makes sure to never put you in a place where you might face sensory overload or anything of the sort. he expects the same treatment back. infodumping is fine and he’ll nod and listen to you, but if there’s a point where you become suffocating then he’ll ask you to take a step back and give him a moment. wants to avoid triggering anything rsd-related so he’ll specify this isn’t your fault and that everyone makes him feel this way at some point

oikawa tooru;

○ quite possibly one of the worst people to go through this with you at the start. oikawa puts his soul into everything he does even if it shatters him, so some of your behaviors might not sit well with him. a lot of people who are neurodivergent have something they naturally excel in and in the same vein, end up dropping or disregarding because they no longer hyperfocus on it. it reminds him too much of a certain kouhai who had all the ability oikawa did with none of the years of practice it took him to get there, and puts a bad taste in your mouth

○ explain to him it’s not fair that he treats you in a way that implies you enjoy living like this, because you’d give anything to keep interests you have for longer than a few weeks or months, regardless of how much you try to force yourself to stay into it. he re-evaluates himself and realizes he’s in the wrong. he’ll never fully understand how it affects you but he’ll listen and learn about it, ask questions, study how he can help. he compares how you hyperfixate to how much he’ll focus on volleyball and knows this has to be an equally giving relationship in regards to respecting the other interests

○ he’ll have his moments where he can’t pretend that he’s able to handle your mood swings and inability to just sit down and pay attention to something. you tell him he wouldn’t be normal if he was somehow okay with everything you do. an afternoon where he practices in the gym by himself and you sit and binge watch something is good enough for some breathing room without causing any unclosable rift to appear. he’ll may sure he’s listening intently when he comes home and you go into detail about a new hobby of yours. he’s trying his absolute best, i promise you

bokuto koutaro;

○ it’s highly likely bokuto has adhd himself. it’s one of those things adults just say to kids when they’re being hyperactive without actually knowing all the things that come with having adhd, but the older bokuto got the more he looked into it and realized it might actually be a thing for him. there’s a lot of neurodivergent-related issues you have that sometimes fly over his head or he has to go back and think about again, but he’s the last person who ever wants to cause any issues for you

○ he’ll ask you questions regarding if you think he has adhd and some of the signs that make it recognizable. he’s terrified at the idea volleyball might just be a hyperfixation of his, but feels much better when you explain special interests and how if anything it would fall under that category for him. these conversations are a very intimate bonding moment for both of you, given how vulnerable you really have to be to let all your weaknesses be known without worry of ridicule. he wouldn’t trade the knowledge of having your trust so deeply for the world

○ bokuto, for as supportive as he is, can stimulate your brain in a bad way. he’s easily excitable and often has volume issues, and more than a few times has he triggered sensory overload for you. he feels horrible whenever it happens and wants to comfort you so badly, but knows the best thing is for him to just quiet down and leave you be. he never takes it personally and goes into “emo mode” because he knows how serious it can be. the only time he’ll get close in this moments is if you have a panic attack because of it in which case he tries helping you steady your breath and stop shaking. normally you’d hate being touched when you’re like this, but his arms and warmth work wonders for your psyche

tendou satori;

○ it’s terrifying how in-tune he is with you. it’s almost like you’re just talking about the weather instead of you trying to scratch the skin off your arm while your brain got the better of you. stimming, hyperfocusing, lack of interest, social interaction issues, you can talk to him about literally anything related to your neurodivergency and he’ll be on the exact same wavelength as you. he’s able to adapt very easily and can read your irritability, mood swings and any triggers you might have. is excellent at getting you out a situation before it becomes too much for you to bear

○ tendou is another character who always has something new to show you, so he’s also very good at filling the gap between hyperfixations. he’s somehow able to completely keep up with your infodumping and even will do something similar of the sort right back you. he loves finding new games and anime and will automatically partake in anything you show him. it really helps you mentally since you never feel like you’re talking too much or uncomfortably passionate about anything since he seems so genuinely interested in what you have to say

○ is extremely protective and defensive of you when it comes to others questioning why you act a certain way or do certain things. there’s probably a little bit of a personal tie there since he got bullied for being different when he was a kid, and he absolutely hates when people are derided because they don’t follow the falsely conceived notion of normalcy. you’re not harming anyone, why should it matter what you’re doing? if you’re insecure about stimming in public though, he invests in fidgets cubes for you to keep in your pockets to play with secretly so nobody notices anything out of the ordinary. his main goal is to make sure you’re happy no matter how much your head tries to tell your otherwise. really, he just loves you more than anything else

kita shinsuke;

○ if anyone else treated this the way mr. no gaps does, you’d absolutely freak out on them - but for some reason since it’s kita it comes off as comforting. he’s the type that doesn’t let you use disorders as a restriction or excuse to let yourself settle for mediocrity, but he makes it obvious that he wants to see you thrive despite the things holding you back. he’ll never put you in a situation he thinks will trigger any sort of attack, rather things he know you can handle if you put a little more faith in yourself and your abilities

○ if he sees you’re spiraling and can’t take any sort of outside forces interacting with you a ton then he’ll make sure you have a day or two off to yourself. he won’t criticize or ridicule you for anything and goes along with whatever whims you feel (or in same cases, don’t feel like doing anything at all.) understands there’s a very important balance you need to maintain in order to go through life feeling even semi-decent and doesn’t want to jeopardize any progress you’ve made towards helping yourself

○ likes to play casual volleyball in the backyard when you’re stable and attentive enough to understand what’s going on around you. if it becomes a hyperfixation of yours then he’ll be glad to go more in depth so long as it doesn’t hit a point where it’s damaging your ability to interact with anything else. he’s a big believer that moving your body and being outside helps relax you, even if you’re not enthusiastic at the moment about it. he won’t let anybody - not your family, not an outsider, not even yourself - look down on you for any disability you have

✧·ﾟ: *✧·ﾟ:* 　　 *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧

✰ this was stupid self indulgent but idc!! i’m neurodivergent myself and let it be known that if you say you have hyperfixations and you’re not nd i will stick your arm in a deep fryer <3

#sugawara koushi x reader #nishinoya yu x reader #kageyama tobio x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kenma kozume x reader #oikawa tooru x reader #bokuto kotarou x reader #tendou satori x reader #kita shinsuke x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!!#haikyuu headcanons #fluff #headcanons #haikyuu

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dazes-on-dazes · 4 years ago

Text

1.25.2021 - Gender

Gender is a funny thing to me, as in, I don't exactly know what it is like. Maybe it’s my mental problems like ADHD or Depersonalization, maybe it’s just that I was raised as a girl in an abnormal situation, it might even simply just be my perception on the matter. I think the most likely complete answer is a mix of all of the possible explanations, like everything is just one of the roots supporting the tree.

I don't see myself as a girl or even female in any real sense. It's all really superficial in my eyes, like how planes and ships are often called 'she'. I’m only a ‘girl’ because thats what you do, it’s customary or something.

It’s like, I don’t feel very connected to the idea of being a girl. I understand some experiences women and girls have and I experience the same things. What I don’t understand is being a girl, If that makes sense. I don’t understand gender roles or femininity or really anything.

Something isn’t firing or I simply cannot connect with the concepts in any meaningful way, I don’t know. Whatever it is, it’s left me feeling rather disconnected from the other girls my age, and I think they can tell.

I’ve never had many female friends my age, especially when I was younger. I was always either by myself or with the boys around me. I could have been described as a “tomboy” or a “horsegirl”, I despised the color pink and I refused to wear any kind of skirt or dress at all. I’ve since grown out of it, but at the time I defined myself by my rejection of traditional femininity.

It wasn’t too authentic, after all, It was a young kid trying to comprehend their feelings towards how they were percieved and how they percieved themselves. And that just so happened to manifest as a violent rejection of anything remotely feminine and a “not like other girls” phase, what I’ve come to see as actually pretty common in people raised as girls at this point in time.

My view of it also stems from what I mentioned earlier and in my socializing post, I’m a Military Brat and we moved wherever the detailers told us to, forcing me to start over making friends from scratch once again. I was always an outsider, I had no roots, I knew no one and had next to nothing in common with the other kids.

Seeing myself as “not exactly female, but not male either” might have come from internalizing my consistent designation as “the wanderer” or “the outsider”, I am just outside feminineness, drifting between masculine, feminine and androgynous with no clear goal. However, to the untrained or uninformed eye, I would be glanced at and immediately labeled as “female”, like a child calling all rhinestones diamonds simply because they are sparkly.

The few times that I’ve been mistaken for a boy or manage to nail down what I see as the perfect aesthetic middle ground for me fill me with all sorts of lightheartedness, it almost feels right. I talked to my friends about my middle school SRO mistaking me for a “young man” as I stood in line for my ACE math class, or how I finally felt confident in an outfit of a hot topic skirt, knee-high krampus socks and my dads over-sized Boston Bruins Jersey.

The dreaded Junior Year Picture day was immidiately made leagues better by the simple act of the camera operator calling me over and asking if the name I had down (my very feminine birth name) was the one I wanted in the yearbook because, and I quote, “I know my people”. I talked to my friends at length about how good it felt to be recognized as LGBTQ and to be offered an alternative.

After picture day I began to think at length about what I wanted to be called, I had a little joke with friends about how I was “tentatively nonbinary”, probably nonbinary, but being viewed as a girl and being called she is easy and I don’t really care enough to do anything about it.

I came up with a few names I liked, some are stereotypically nonbinary noun names like Cider or Gimmick. Most are just words I think sound cool and could possibly allow myself to be called, because regular names don’t seem to resonate with me. Including the two prior ones, they are: Whim, Ricochet, Whistle, Taxidermy (Taxi for short), Cheshire and Link. I’ll probably find some more, but these are the ones I like the most at the moment. (side note: I like hearing others opinions on my ideas but I don’t like begging for feedback, it makes me feel sort of pathetic. But if you have any feedback or counter-ideas, I would love to hear them :3)

I’m sure my ideas on who I am and how I feel about that will eventually change a bit as I mature or think about it further, but as of now, I feel somewhat confident on the matter. Well, as confident a complicated relationship with how I want to be percieved can be.

- Morrigan

- Post Script -

This post took forever to write, I wasn’t sure how I wanted to word it. School is also kicking my ass at the moment, I am very tired and not too motivated to do anything besides play Persona. Other than school, I am doing pretty ok. I have the chance to drop down out of my AP Lang class at the end of this quarter, dropping down should relive quite a lot of stress put on me right now. I can’t do much if the administration decides to be incompetent again though, but I guess I’ll see in time. My mom has pretty much left me alone, which is fantastic for me, I have at least a little time to rest.

I finished my first playthrough of Persona 5 The Royal the other day, I found it very good, I may or may not review it if I can muster up the motivation to do it. I praise Atlus for being able to make me cry five times in a row, I hope to get into the rest of the SMT franchise soon enough, if I can get my hands on the games.

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uwuowotf2waslife · 4 years ago

Note

The mercs with an s/o who is on the autism spectrum? If you want to

as a person with diagnosed autism( ASD that later changed to SCD but concidering my countrys lack of proper diagnosis and non-existant support when i was growing up, im not sure,it might was a result of chronic abuse or i was a really weird kid) its my duty to answer this ask,

always know that you are perfect with all your imperfections

just because maybe your brain is wired different it doest make you less of a person

you are poetry

Scout

-my boy has adhd ( probably undiagnosed until he was examined by Medic) so you two might have a little problem at the begining.

-he might be the closest to a jack russel in human form, but he cares about you and is willing to sit down and do his research so he can understand you and your struggles. He isn’t a hypocrite, he is a hyperenergetic bundle of daddy issues and is sure he will annoy you from time to time, he annoys pretty much everyone except his mom on rare occasion, he is a hanfull and he knows that years now. But he also has come to understand that everyone has struggles and little things that make them more special than others.

-if you have problems with communication , he’ll be your mouth .Problems with sensory overstimulation? he will escort you to the safest place and hug you tighter than he thought hes capable of. People mistreating or bullying/insult you? the bat is in his hands and his ready to hit home runs on their balls. You might not be the perfect couple, you will struggle like every couple and have fights and arguments, but he is ready to phase every difficulty that comes on your way. He loves you and he is here for the ride even if its bumpy.

Soldier

-( I and i think a big part of the community claim he is actually autistic) Probably the most tricky of the mercs, since at one side he might completely relate/understand you and the relationship go smoother than soft butter on bread, or he might have problems communicating the relationship problems with you.

-as all relationships you two must sit down and communicate your problems. Believe me he isn’t mentally retarded ( a horrible misconsumption ive seen being thrown around), yes he is stubborn and can’t read social cues to save his life, but he is a loyal beefcake with a golden heart hardened by a lifitime of war. He knows he isn’t the perfect man, he has nightmares and panic attacks on the regualr after so much trauma in his life. But he also knows that if he S/O needs him, it doesnt matter if its a small or big thing, he is ready to go through hell and back to make them happier or more comfortable

-you can’t stand loud noises? copy that privet, he will stop yelling/ screaming around you. Certain things make you uncomfortable/ anxious? hes at your side and he is ready to snap necks...you have his heart and his adoration, he ain’t a coward or a pansy, you’ll win over any challenge that comes your way like the absolute unit you are and he is there to assist

Pyro

-fresh from the start they can recognise you have autism, i lowkey think they might be ( actually in young adults asd and mild schizophrenia can be mixed and confused by not good qualified doctors, its been years since i read that study so correct me if im wrong) or have really good gut insticts. Either way, they know you are struggling and trie in subtle ways to help you

-did an important call without stuttering? hug and smooch on the crown of your head, completed all your work/homework? they will cover you in stickers and cuddle you in their pillowfort, stood up for yourself? my girl theyll make a huge cupcake tray and youll two will eat while watching sappy disney films

- you won’t struggle as much, i see them as more easy going than other members of the team. But they also have big issues that may create problems in the relationship that you both need to work on. They are more than a handfull and they aren’t unaware of it, they spended years locked inside their own head doing god-knows how vile and harming things to their mentality and body, they can’t believe they are alive and they wake up every day next to the most beautifull human being they have come across their lif, ( Y/n). You will bond slow but strong , you are their sunshine and theyll make sure their sunshine shines no matter what they have to do

Engie

( lowkey i think is canon he has some form of high-functioning autism, just hide its behind the southern warm and soft hospitality)

- when you confess, he hugs you ( a big thing coming from him since i dont consider him a touchy fella) and returns the confession that he is too. He knows each person experiences different so he won’t press you for explanations or description of what you have is excactly. He just assures whatever happens, he is there to help you with

- doesn’t really change how he views you, but he takes the initiative for things like talking to strangers, calling to order or things that you struggle with, but he doesnt baby you. You are an adult person and will be treated as that, even if sometimes he feels he needs to “help” or “protect” you

-one of the most easy going of the mercs, but his work is his priority so there will be long arguments about it. He understands your frustation, but he is a workaholic years now before you came in his life and can’t bring himself to change that. His work is his routine, the only comfort he knows and the only place that accepted him for who he is. But, he will be more elastic and have more breaks/ days off even if it means the project will be finished an hour or two later, unless it has an urgent deadline. He knows he can be very cold and emotionless, he is an engineer, not a spy for that reason. Furthermore he has his own times when he is stubborns or has an anger explosion because something broke/didnt meet his expectations or got way too invested into something that turned to be worthless/ uselless so he isn’t the one to judge if you are in a sour mood or you have your own “ explosion”. After all said and done, late at night when you are both alonein his workshop he will just cradle you in his arms and make a silence promise to always be there for you through thin and thick ( as we say to go through 40 waves and 40 more ) because you are something that no machine or creation can emulate or recreate, you are ( Y/N) and you are the love of his life.

Demo

-arguably one of the three more knowledgable of the mercs in the topic of mental health department. Being raised in an orphanage i doubt he didnt had at least a dozen other kids who had from high to moderate to severe autism ( during the 20th century it wasnt uncommon for people with autism to be thought less human or that the family of said people couldn’t provide for them in severe cases so theyd be dropped on orphanages and psychiatric hospitals)., so he has some first hand experiene with what autism is. It isn’t something for him in all honesty, after so much trauma and hardship in his life he is at peace that peopleare different and their brains are rarely wired the same

-he also know he isn’t ideal, he acts really stupid when he is drunk and his alcohol consumption alone is a very big problem for any relationship he ever had in his life and i doubt he is the image of psychological perfection, but he also knows that if you are willing to keep him around you have seen him wasted out of his mind, he is more than willing to put up with anyof your quirks or difficulties.

-you want to stim? go ahead he’ll leave the room/the house so you can stim to your hearts content, you want to stay? sure thing lass, hell sit in a corner and drink a bit while you have your thing. Work/ school/ home life is stress full and you are in the verge of a breakdown? he has already wrapped you like a burrito and he is holding you while you cry/vent, you dont want to be touched at that moment? hell take you to an open field and you can blow things up to get all those feelings out of you. He isn’t ideal, he is at peace with that, but now that you appeared in his life, you became the apple of his eye. He’ll cherish you and protect you both as body but as a mind and a soul for whatever shit life throws at you, he was never one to back down a challenge.

Heavy

-due to the language barrier and his nature as a quiet man it’ll take him some time. If you bring it up he’ll simply nod and run to Medic or Spy for translation. He isn’t shy to do a doctors worth of research so he knows what he has to deal with, he knows his english is broken and would prefer to have a migraine over the amount of books hes read than make you feel uncomfortable. Probably will ask advice from Medic ( the most qualified on the team) untill hes satisfied he knows enough.

-probably the sanest of the mercs, but he isn’t perfection. He had to endure famine and death from very early in his life, always be the stone his family anchored on and most people on his life, so he has his own big problems. At one side he is used to so many things, he is somewhat indiferent. You aren’t harming anyone nor its life threatening, so it doesnt really change what he feels about you. All people have flaws, noones perfect and if they do think they are perfect, they are very, very wrong. I won’t lie to you, some times hell get confuse with your behavior or will get tired of being the “ anchor” of the relationship, but he will never admit it. He survived the Gulags and years in Siberia, this is nothing but a walk in the park for him. He isn’t a fuckboy, he doesn’t want you just for some fuck and then hell forget you exist, he is much more sentimental than he appears to be. He beginned this with you because he sees you more than a body, he sees you as someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with even if itll be a challenge, he was never a quiter and he wont be now.

- don’t expect much communication help from him, unless its in russian. But whenever you feel the tiniest bit of self-doubt or anxiety his arms are open to embrace and warm you with his love. He might was raised among anarchy and war, but he is a gentle giant with a heart bigger than Russia herself. He knows you two will struggle especially on the communication domain but he is willing to do what it takes to make your life easier/ less challenging. He came here to stay, only if you allow him

Medic

-Arguably the most medically qualified of the mercs, but considering the era of his studies hes at least rusty on modern terminology and general understanding of what autism is. Nontheless his a doctor ( with or without a medical license) and i doubt he ever followed the rules of ethical and unethical medicine. He is a healer primeraly and he can’t claim to be the most mentaly stable of the team.

-he might be many things, he knows hes at least crazy by normal standards and has made extremely questionable choices in his life,but he cares for the people he is close to, lovers and collagues alike. He won’t try to ‘change’or ‘medicate’ you; unless you specifically ask him for, like yes he has defied any sort of ethical medicine and has played god many times in his life, but he knows that if he changes you, you won’t be ‘you’. You will be you still, but nothing more than a lobotomized version of yourself and he fears that. Let’s be real, he probably choosed you because you are a smart individual ( that includes both street and book smarts alike) so if he “killed” your smart he would essentially kill you and this doesnt sit well with him.

-feeling down? no worries, the doctor is here ( afterhe finis hes re-connecting snipers new kidneys). Stressed? Archimedes will be your own personal cheerleader and the rest of the flock won’t let you all stressed and alone while Medic is working. In the simplest of works,he wants you to know that he might be a madman on the field and the medbay, but he is also your lover and that means he cares about you. He doesnt care if act a lil strange or you have some special things about you, guess what? he doesnt cares. H e never cared and he will never cared, all the greatest minds had something special about them and you are no exception. He chosed to have a relationship with you and you accepted the love request of a surgery-happy maniac , im sure he is beyond equiped to handle you in all aspects. He might not be the most touchy but he will make his point across that you are someone who means wayy to much for him to change

Sniper

- ( i highly think he is autistic, just the way hes potrayed in most fanfics he acts lowkey autistic, mostly in the communication and sociable part) growing up in the middle of nowhere probably he has never even heard ‘autism’ as a word , so his very lost. (another headcanon of mine is that he is also iliterate) You need to explain to him what autism is and how it affects your life. He has a non-pleasant expression on his face, because he realises most things that you say what that “autism”is and the thing it has are things he actually has and felt throughout his life. He looks like hes having a religious expierience and when you are done he only nods and hugs you almost mechanically.

-he will need some time, not because ofyou, but because of him. You might think he is breaking up with, butin reality he just needs some time alone to sit down and think about all the things you said. Its one of the biggest revalations he has experienced on his life and it has hit him like a wall of bricks.

- after a few days he will return to the base and will ask you to meet with him on the most secluded of his snipers nest. While you prepare for the upcoming breakup, he actually showers and wears somet hing nice for the first time in a while. He goes out of his way to make the sniper nest a bit more “ comfortable” even bribe spy into giving him one of his fancy wines. Once you go up the nest and you two meet, he is the most clingy he has ever been and almost drinks the whole bottle out of pure anxiety. Once his tipsy enough he actually confesses that from the things you said, he found out hes also autistic. Que him basically clinging you like a broken koala baby while half-sobbing to expell all the tension he has inside him. Please pet his hair and rub his back,he will melt and quit his rugged manly man persona for that moment. He needs you there, he needs your soft touch to ground him while his whole life comes crushing down and a weight he never imagined is being lifted from his shoulders.After that, its quaranteed you two won’t be seperated ever again, he needs you to ease all this pain he has gathered from his troubled life and he will provide you the world and the stars.

Spy

- he knows what autism is( as a spy he should know about human psychology/mental disorders just to know how to impersonate any person with or without issues) and he is a very observant man. He has above average attention span and knows how to read body language so he has figured you are autistic a long time ago. He is just waiting for you to open up about it or confess it, but he also knows the social stigma around autism so he keeps his mouth shut because he really doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable or ‘naked’ in front of him

- i heavily headcanon him to be at least depressed/having an ugly anxiety disorder or even a dissosiative disorder considering a big part of his life is carefully crafted theater , so he can’t say he is any more better than you.Furthermore he never really cared about what society thinks about mental ilnesses, whos here to judge who sane and not? he has seen so much shady things behind closed doors of “ pure” people he has lost all respect for what society thinks its normal and what is weird or not acceptable. Yes he follows the rules of “good” society but thats more of a habit than a need. Plus have you seen what the good ol’ society behind close doors? yap youll need a good bible study and some church to wash away the sins.

-eventually when you confess to him,he doesn’t really act. He knows its a heavyemotinal moment for you but he can’t open up for his own problems, at least now. But he will embrace you for now and say all the sweet words you need to hear...untill the same time he gets drunker than he can and confesses to you in french all his psychological troubles while he cries on your chest. He won’t let go unless he wants to vomit and he will cling to you for dear life while he experiences one of the ugliest meltdowns he has experienced in the last decade. Probably will wake up with a monster of a hangover, but once he feels you wrapped around him and feel your heartbeat on the bones of his back something will meltin him. He will gather whatever strenght he has, turn around, give you one of the most genuine smiles he has ever given in his entire life and peck your lips bore he starts whining and requiesting you to either kill him or fetch medic. Perhaps one day hell say all the things he wants to say in you mother tongoue but for now, just know he will cherish you and love you like the most exquisite poetry that has graced his life

#tf2 #tf2 imagines #tf2 facts #tf2 self insert #tf2 spy #tf2 scout #tf2 soldier #tf2 pyro #tf2 medic #tf2 heavy #tf2 sniper #tf2 engie #tf2 demo #so #all #long post #autism #relationships dynamic #mentall health

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literaphobe · 4 years ago

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Im so sorry...is your sister a minor

yeah she’s 17. i really don’t blame her it just sucks. anyway i think i needed to work through this but its also way too long so

lol like that was supposed to be my birthday gift but it has now become a romantic getaway for a man and his gf (who is 18 years younger than him) and my sister and one of her friends. at like. one of the most expensive hotels in the country. the same man who guilted me into giving private tutoring to 8 students at a time while i was a student because he apparently is super poor and has no money and no job. (i started tutoring for extra money and to just. have a job. because he has also given me shit about that before too. if i don’t have a job i’m like a useless baby child who he can never trust to be responsible for her own life. turns out that was just a load of bullshit to trap me. and yeah i was teaching 8-9 students at some point and i think i was like telling him hey i don’t know if this is a good idea. its a little crazy. and he was like no u should keep doing it. its money u should just earn it. we aren’t doing great financially and at some point we might need ur help paying for ur sister’s tutoring classes. and so i did and it hurt me SO much last semester. + covid but also. it was tutoring mostly lmao)

anyway i just. the thought of everything made me cry a lot in the shower lol. like that. quiet cry where u are sobbing uncontrollably but u have to mute it as much as possible so that ur mother who’s washing dishes in the kitchen doesn’t hear it

today we had some ikea furniture delivered. and i was assembling it. and my mom told me “when we were married i was always the one putting together the IKEA furniture. ur dad would always get frustrated and give up” and then in the shower i realized that’s exactly how my dad treats me lmao. i am.... his ikea furniture

so like. i can actually trace the most recent incident of abuse i faced from him back to when. i allowed him to “help” me with my university degree transfer issues. u know. because i couldn’t do the coding degree he pressured me into doing. and wanted to do something else (i could’ve gone to my uni open house w my friends. who ended up entering the arts faculty. and i WANTED to do psychology in the arts faculty too. but my dad and his gf were there. and they just. told me if i did that i would have no future and no job prospects when i graduated. which is SO fucking funny because both of them individually. their grades were super fucking shit and they were never good enough to get into the school that i did. so they had no fucking business telling me what i should or shouldn’t do. but i didn’t know that because they lied to me. my dad lied to me about so many things to scare me into thinking i couldn’t do anything. and at this point in my life. they were still monitoring my internet usage. and there were restrictions set on my phone. mere. months. before i was meant to be a university student. even getting restrictions off my phone was a big fight i had to have. i bought my own laptop with money i made from this f&b job because i knew if i waited for them to get one for me i would be waiting forever. and i was just so fucking scared of them so i got a. ‘practical’ degree. and then slid off my adhd meds because even that felt like part of the trap they kept me in for years)

i decided i wanted to do linguistics and become a linguistics major but my school wasn’t letting me. and it had been a year. so i let him and my mom get involved. which i had SUCH a bad feeling about. an awful awful bad feeling. i was right lmao. i should’ve known his involvement wouldn’t have done shit and would also. set me up for yet another Major Traumatic Incident. which i have spent the entirety of 2020 trying to avoid. do you know how stressful and tiring it feels to just like. every moment around ur own father is u just trying to walk on eggshells praying and hoping that nothing bad will happen. i tried so hard and it fell apart in the end anyway. he couldn’t fix this problem so he took it out on me

my school essentially texted us back saying “we get a shit load of transfer requests every year, even from students from other schools. ur grades from the classes u took aren’t good enough to justify a transfer” and like they were right. i had been off my meds. various things in life had happened. my commute situation wasn’t helping matters either (to and from was 2 hours each) and it has just. not been great. grandad passed away like 2 weeks ago or something at that point. which. may have been an underlying cause for the situation. or maybe he was always going to blow up at me and get violent and crazy. idk

anyway. i guess u could say it is ‘my fault’ for cutting off contact w my father n not speaking to him. but also. he threatened to throw me into a mental institute. and also. violently refused to let me leave the house so he could keep yelling at me. he physically would not let me. i yelled at him to just let me go but he implied that he would actually hurt me if i tried to get past him again. and he said all sorts of shit like he can be crazy too and he can be crazier than me which is something he’s said before. what triggered me to leave was. ok so in the beginning he was giving me the same thing he has yelled at me about over the years. i am super super fucking smart but i waste it all away on purpose and refuse to get my shit together and that’s somehow a personal attack on him. i can’t remember most of it by now. but anyway. i was tearing up and keeping absolutely quiet just waiting for it to be over so i could leave and go to another room. but then he started to. yell at me for crying. its so fucking ironic and weird because in a separate previous incident i was complaining about my school and how much it all was. and i was barely raising my voice but he was like woah woah stop being so emotional!!! as if he doesn’t regularly scream and shout and punch walls or whatever the fuck over the SMALLEST bullshit. anyway. he started to scold me for crying. and then he said ‘if you go out in the future and get a job are you going to cry like this too when ur boss scolds you? or are you acting like this because i’m family and you think its okay?’ as if. i have never had a job. as if i have never had to deal with a boss. bro i swear to fucking god. i am dead to most things now because of him. he can’t do shit. but. in the moment i found this so ridiculous and just SO fucking stupid that i left. i had had enough. i started laughing and i walked out and went to grab my bag so i could go. i didn’t. get very far obviously. and when my dad started threatening me i genuinely thought i was going to die. he was so angry and deranged that i thought he was going to murder me. my heart was going just. so so so fast. even tho i was just standing there. and i told him he was terrifying me (to which he said “GOOD”) and i just NEEDED to get out of this situation and get some space (to which he said “NO” repeatedly). he refused to admit that he would use actual violence to prevent me from leaving the house. he told me he would NEVER let me leave. which was fucking ridiculous. i stay at his house. 2 days out of the fucking week. he literally shoved me backwards so hard when i was trying to leave and he wanted to stop me. he also refused to admit that he used violence or was planning to use violence. i tried to point out this flaw in his logic to him. i said ur going to hurt me. he said no. i said ok then if ur not going to hurt me then let me walk past you and leave the house. he also said no again. and then our cousins rang the door at some point. so then he started to come to his senses. he was like. ‘the reason i don’t want to let you leave is because i’m afraid you’ll hurt yourself.’ which was so fucking stupid. i have NEVER threatened to hurt myself in front of him. i have never shared ANY thoughts of self harm in front of him. he’s the one who would get into massive fights w his dad and threaten to jump out of the window in anger (and i don’t even mean when he was younger. he would fight with his 93 year old dad. fucking stupid bitch). i made this clear to him that i was never ever planning on hurting myself. and then he said fine and let me leave. meaning i had to answer the door to my cousins in tears while he got to walk back to his room and lock himself in

he also. at some point during this argument, told me there would be consequences to me leaving. i guess i know those consequences now lmao. and like. i went home to my moms house. my cousins walked me there. i still haven’t told them. idk if my dad told them. my dad texted me to gaslight me. said that when he said he was going to put me in a mental hospital he meant it as a friendly suggestion because of ‘the state i was in’. and that it ‘wasn’t meant as a threat’ and like. oof. healthy suggestions aren’t meant to be yelled. anyway. i might be texting him. just to inform him about developments and to like. i guess set boundaries maybe. idk. i can’t carry on like this. i hate him and am terrified of him but. cutting him out of my life is basically inviting ostracism from his side of the family. and it’s putting so much stress on me. so. lol

#ask

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moonlitmessages · 4 years ago

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Reasons I think Saeyoung has ADHD

- Messy house. Hard to keep it clean. Everything just kinda piles up and he relies on Vanderwood to not live in a pig sty.

- He says early in his route (day five first story mode I think. When Vanderwood is first introduced) he says that Dr. Pepper helps him focus. He drinks it and gets super focused, but then the mess piles up even more because of the soda cans.

- Super smart, especially about very specific niches. I mean he's smart in general but also has his Thing™ (this can be applied to both ADHD and the autistic spectrum. )

- Insomnia. This is part of his work obviously as well but he's clear about the fact that his sleep schedule is hecking out of whack.

- Can't focus?? Let's do everything besides the thing we need to do. Even though it will do nothing to help the situation at hand.

- Cars. Going nyoom down the road could help with stimulation and sensory issues that come with ADHD. Something about the speed just makes it make sense.

- Hyperfocus. "Don't bother me I'm trying to work". Being so focused on work that he doesn't take the time to really even order a hot meal. Forgets to eat and sleep sometimes because of it. (a lot of instances it's simply that he CAN'T or he won't meet deadlines too so that also has to be kept in mind). Building robots out of thin air too is an example.

- Inattentive. When not super focused its almost like a disinterest in anything. His focus is on MC? Well gotta do something for MC. She'll like a flamethrower pup. That will keep her safe. Wait no it wont...I thought it would tho. Gotta work!! No but MC isn't safe. (Inattentive to his work cause super focused on MC)

Symptoms of ADHD include:

Disorganization

- This goes along with the messy house. There’s a picture where he’s shown surrounded by chip crumbs. Vanderwood claims that his couch smells like soda. There are likely aspects in which he can actually be quite organized, but those would likely be in reference to his job, and computer/automotive repair.

Lack of focus

- This happens a little bit through different routes, where he complains about not being able to focus and doing some procrastinating, but for the most part the biggest example is the very beginning of his route where his focus is faltered because his mind is on MC. While that is a normal reaction to have for anyone regarding what was going on, it can’t be ignored that 1.) He WAS unfocused to the point he couldn’t do anything besides worry, or work on things that ‘Could help protect MC” regardless of if they were useful or not. and 2.) Dr. Pepper is part of the reason he is able to focus on things when he DOES focus. He says this himself in the first story-mode for his route. That he drinks it, then gets super focused. Caffeine has been proven to actually help the ADHD brain focus.

Act or speak without thinking

- “Im leaving the RFA”, breaking the RoboCat, and some of his procrastinating during his route could be considered put into this category. Also, I know he is by all technicalities saying things with thought in regard to MC when he’s saying hurtful stuff, however I still think it could be put in here because while it was said with the thought “I want to make sure MC stays away from me so she will be safe,” it’s without thinking about how he feels/what he wants and he ends up regretting it down the road.

Restlessness

- Lets see, he has trouble focusing and when he can’t focus he ends up doing other stuff to keep his hands and mind busy. He has sleep troubles. I doubt he can sit still very easily if he isn’t super-focused on something life-or-death and/or a special interest. A good example could once again be the robo-animals he built. His focus was somewhere else, there’s little he can do to remedy the situation, he gets restless and tries to occupy himself with something he CAN focus on.

Difficulty coping with stress

- Source: His Whole Route

Mood Swings

- What I’m seeing as mood swings could also just easily be his stress and anxiety in the situation during his route causing him to bounce back and forth/ the mask he tries to put up to protect MC from getting involved with him being thrown up when he feels like he’s letting her to close. But nonetheless there are points where he will just seem sad and melancholy then get angry.

Anxiety

- I mean idrk how to explain this one for him, I don’t necessarily think that he has social anxiety, but maybe general anxiety (tho I’m not really sure how to explain how I see that in him) but regardless when he does experience pressure, he seems to have heightened anxiety levels. It just makes sense in my head so take this one a little lighter than the others.

Low self esteem

- ‘I’m not a good person” “Why do you like me?” I would say that when it comes to his looks he’s fairly confident. But when it comes to his personality (I mean he has a whole identity crisis) and actions, it’s a whole other story. He puts himself down a lot because he genuinely thinks that he doesn’t deserve MC and that she should be with someone better than him.

Impulsiveness

- Again, breaking Robocat. Felt impulsive and done without thought. His car rides could also be considered impulsive depending on how risky and speedy they may be. I recall at one point he texts MC while driving.

Trouble controlling anger

- Source: His Whole Route

Procrastination

- I feel like I keep bringing up the robo animals a lot, but they were also a form of procrastinating his work. (I suppose there are a lot of things that could be tied to those animals then, or maybe I’m just reading to deep into things). Uhm, idk I can’t think of anymore examples atm, and I know he tries not to procrastinate super important stuff. I feel like if I were to play the game again (it’s been a couple weeks) I would be able to find more examples for this even on a minor scale. Sometimes him teasing Yoosung could be seen as both him trying to relieve some stress and put off doing his work.

~•⭐ D e p r e s s i o n ⭐•~

- Yes I know his depression comes from trauma and abuse. However ADHD overlaps with different disorders quite commonly. A lot of his ADHD symptoms overlap with depression as well, such as the disorganization, mood swings, and insomnia. And depression can very often accompany ADHD too just simply due to the fact that mental illnesses do tend to come in multiples, and also the ADHD itself can be a contributor to depression.

Those are 12 different signs that he might have ADHD...and of course I’m no doctor. Everything that I listed were things that I found through an attempt to analyze him and his route, and online research regarding ADHD. I’m sure there are things I might have over-analyzed and taken some things out of context as it has been a couple weeks since I finished his route...So feel free to add your own thoughts/opinions, regardless of if you think I’m right or wrong. This has been in my drafts for a while and I finally got it finished and will likely go through editing later but I want to post it now. If anything is hard to understand let me know and it will get fixed to the best of my ability.

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sunqyu · 4 years ago

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Nova gets her shit together paaaart 1.

alright, so this post is mostly for myself to hold myself accountable a little more than just writing in my journal and not looking at it again for weeeks. there’s two things I want to do, first up I want to start getting more structure in my life and second I want to make actual friends. this is part 1, I’m going to write out where I’m at right now with these things, what has worked in the past and specific things I can do.

Structure

so my adhd-butt may be high functioning towards the outer world but the older I get the more the lack of structure is getting to me. one week I’m miss productivity with workouts, meditation, journaling, studies and my job galore and the next week I just sit in my own stress and anxiety too paralyzed by the pressure I put on myself to do anything at all. how to fix?

the things that have worked in the past were writing to-do lists per day and starting with max. 2 things on it, building up to 5 but never exceeding 5. if I have time left I can obviously do more but I shouldn’t feel bad if I spend the rest of the day chilling. why has this gone wrong before? probably because I either still felt bad when not doing anything, or because I simply couldn’t get myself to write a list every day or (and this is the important one) I was too strict on myself so I’d write down way too much to do, only leading to me doing none of the things I wrote down. how do I prevent this from happening? the first full week, I can only write down two things and I HAVE TO be proud of myself if I do both of them. I mean, with a history of perfect to-do lists without result, I really should be proud of doing two things a day for an entire week. another thing with this one is picking it up again when I miss a day because one day missed shouldn’t ruin the entire process of learning the habit.

now, a funny thing that is already happening in my brain as I type this is ‘oh we should work out every evening too so we have the energy to do the things’ and ‘we should journal everyday as well to keep up with our mood as we do these things’, ‘we have to meditate at the end of everyday to truly relax’ etc. etc. and FUCK that’s not how it works Nova, seriously. this whole all or nothing sh’bang doesn’t work and it’s my biggest downfall with these things. it’s okay if relaxing is just watching youtube vids, or whatever it is you want to do. you don’t have to be miss productivity-guru within one day. just get the basics right first and don’t rush. I repeat DO NOT FRICKING RUSH. Stop and smell the flowers, because you want to, not because it fits this dumb image you’ve created in your mind that you’re trying to live up to.

alrighty next.

Friendships

you’ve never been in a fight, you’ve never had anyone tell you they don’t like you and STILL YOU’RE INSECURE AS FUCK ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY? why? why would anyone hate you if you give them literally no reason to? if you just lock yourself in your room after appearing to be a very social person? stop pretending to be this super social happy person and let people know that you’re lonely as fuck. how are they going to know you want to get closer to them if all they get from you is how happy you are and no initiative to meet up? take initiative!

I know that’s terrifying. I know. but the more you do it the less scary it gets. the only reason you’re this scared is because you’ve never tried it. you’ve created this comfortzone in your head about how scary everything is as an excuse to be lazy and not take initiative, only to wallow in self pity about not having friends. when it’s you!

the most difficult parts about this is 1. when you’re talking to people all you’re thinking about is how to act instead of listening and opening up, you’re never going to connect to people like that and 2. you SUCK at checking up on people regularly. sometimes you don’t text the people you love most for like two weeks. now this might be because of your ADHD but you shouldn’t use that as an excuse not to do anything about it. what are we going to do about it?

first up, show initiative. scary but just do it. small steps first so you’ll realize that people don’t find you annoying for asking how they are. if the conversation dies down, no big deal, sometimes people are busy or they don’t know what to talk about either. those awkward moments are necessary to connect with someone more than surface level. also, 9/10 you’re the one who replies slowly and that’s not with ill-intent. why would it be the other way around?

the second thing is finding a way to be consistent and work around the whole ‘out of sight, out of mind’-frickery. maybe set an alarm? once a day? where you just go over all your texts and make sure to reply to all of them. no matter how lame your reply. let people know you want to talk to them and you appreciate reaching out to them? setting an alarm to text your friends definitely isn’t very normal and organic but fuck it, if that’s what you need to do to get back into the groove of things. once you make a friend it’ll be a lot easier because things you see will remind you of them faster.

Overview for this week

so, for structure we write down two things on a to-do list every single evening, nothing more, nothing less. don’t get sad if you forget, be proud when you don’t. don’t ask more from yourself than those two things (I mean it! don’t you dare!). set an alarm every day to text people. even if you haven’t spoken to them in a while, just do it! maybe they want to talk just as much but they’re afraid you don’t want to. someone has to start, why not let it be you?

#don't reblog #feel free to interact if you have tips or are in a similar situation or whatever #might make this a weekly thing to hold myself accountable #also typing was A LOT easier than writing aaaa #nova rambles

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winryofresembool · 4 years ago

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Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 18

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: Leo's life is hard (but maybe there's some hope left).

A/N: Yay, time for a new chapter! I decided to make Friday my new posting day so that’s when the future updates will (hopefully) happen.

It's not time to resolve the previous drama quite yet but dw, that's coming! Meanwhile, I hope you'll enjoy this Leo centered chapter. It’s also time to bring Frank in!

Don't forget to let me know what you think! :)

Characters in this ch: Leo, Frank, Georgina, Jo, Emmie

Words: 1700+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / next chapter / AO3

...

“Maldita sea!” Leo yelled at himself as his wrench flew at the wall, thankfully not causing damage to it. Nothing he tried to fix or build that day seemed to go right. He hadn’t been able to figure out a pretty basic seeming issue in someone’s phone, one of his own inventions had broken and even solving a physics problem that would usually have managed to distract him only felt frustrating.

There was a lot going on in Leo’s head. Well, he’d argue that he always had a lot going on there due to his ADHD, but this time his usual methods to calm himself down didn’t seem to work. He would probably have to quit studying the only field he was truly interested in. He couldn’t do his work. His flatmate for whom he may or may not have started slowly developing some very not flatmate appropriate feelings had apparently had a thing for his friend, which not only complicated Leo’s situation with Calypso but also with Percy. And his mother’s death anniversary was coming, which was always a hard time for him. Leo imagined she’d probably be so disappointed if she saw him now. ‘My son, a failure in every aspect of life’. No, Leo’s real mother had been way too nice to actually say something like that out loud, but he just knew she’d at least think that. And Jo, Emmie and Georgina were counting on him too.

After throwing the wrench, Leo decided to take a break because his hands had started shaking too much to continue working. Taking a deep breath, he leaned against his worktable, closed his eyes and started tapping a rhythm that he had memorized years ago. His mother had taught him Morse code when he was a kid, and this particular phrase was one she had used a lot when he had needed calming down. Written down, the code looked like this:

.. .-.. --- ...- . -.-- --- ..-

I l o v e y o u

He whispered it very quietly a couple of times before looking out from the window and saying aloud:

“Mom. I’m trying to be strong. I really am. But sometimes it just gets too fucking hard. Everything seemed to be fine. Really. My other family is great. I was studying something I actually cared about. My new flatmate… uh, she’s an interesting force of nature. But if she likes someone like Percy… I’d never have a chance. And all my career plans are about to run down to the sewers because I can’t use fire, in any way. Not because of what happened to you. Because of what I... I just feel lost.”

He took a deep breath and rubbed the corner of his eye dry quickly. Saying his thoughts aloud seemed to make him feel a little bit better, and he decided that maybe getting out of the flat and getting some exercise would help with the shakiness. To his relief Calypso wasn’t home either so he didn’t have to answer any awkward questions about why he looked like such a mess. Leo found himself jogging all the way to Waystation, which was several miles from his flat. As he reached the yard, he noticed Georgina with Festus, but even with her back to him he could sense something was wrong. Of course. There was always some way the day could get even worse.

“Hi, hermanita!” he started, trying to sound cheerful even though he didn’t think he was a very good actor. Georgie could probably see right through him. His suspicions were confirmed when Festus didn’t even run to greet him as he usually did. “What’s going on?”

“I tried to call you,” she said, hiding her worry badly. “Moms went to run some errands and something… something happened to him…”

“What do you mean? What exactly happened?” Leo insisted on knowing.

Georgina seemed to grow more and more upset each moment. “I… I gave him a bully stick… but I forgot to put it in a holder even though moms always say you should do that when you give him one because he always tries to swallow them so fast… And then he started feeling sick...”

To prove her point, Festus, who was laying on the ground, made a loud gagging sound. After that he tried to whine but even that didn’t sound like it usually did.

Leo’s ADHD kicked immediately in, in the form of him wanting to act fast.

“We’ll discuss this later, I need to borrow Jo’s car now that I can take him to the vet,” he exclaimed and ran inside the house to get the keys to the car from the spot Jo usually kept them. He picked them and Festus’ leash and ran back, telling Georgina to stay home to tell Jo and Emmie what happened when they’d return.

At least one thing went right that day: the emergency vet clinic was fairly quiet when Leo arrived there. Not long after that, the vet took Festus in. He had an intern with him; a young man who Leo suspected had his roots somewhere in East Asia. He had black, short hair, a bulky body and kind of child like face even though the intern was probably older than Leo. As the vet asked Leo some questions about what exactly had happened to Festus, the student wrote down some notes and occasionally added a short comment as well. When Leo was about to explain why exactly Festus had gotten issues with the bully stick, he heard the intern mutter something to himself.

“What was that?” Leo asked a bit more aggressively than he had planned, having already been stressed even before the issue with Festus had come up. He had to admit, though, that it had distracted him from the other issues.

“Nothing,” the intern quickly said, pretending to focus on his papers again.

Leo didn’t give up that easily. “I heard you, though. You were implying that I had somehow caused this.”

“Well, you did give him the bully stick, didn’t you?” the young man asked.

“I wasn’t even there when he got one!” Leo growled, starting to feel the frustrations from earlier that day flooding out of his system. “My… uh, little sister gave him one when our parents left to run some errands and he kept whining and wanted something to chew! It wasn’t her fault either, she’s a child and she didn’t know that could happen!”

“Mister Valdez, please calm down a bit,” the vet interrupted him, and Leo immediately shut up. “There’s no need to yell. Festus is going to be just fine; I’m going to give him some medicine and fluids to help with digesting the stick and we can watch how he’s doing overnight. And Frank, please don’t make assumptions like that about clients.”

“Yes, sir,” Frank said, to Leo’s surprise actually looking regretful. Then he turned to Leo. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“Nah, I kinda lost my cool there too…” Leo said, the frustration leaving when he saw Frank’s face.

“Kinda,” the intern said, attempting to joke about the situation.

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that;” Leo rubbed the back of his neck.

After that the vet asked Leo a couple of more questions and did some more examinations on Festus while Frank helped him.

“Other than this stick issue, he seems like a healthy dog,” the vet complimented after the check up. “His fur and teeth look good. I think you’ve been taking good care of him.”

“Well, to be honest he lives more with my parents than me because they have a lot more space…” Leo said, “But yeah, we all try our best. Even Georgina, my sister.”

“I’m glad to hear that. It’s a good thing you got him here that fast so he’ll get the best possible treatment,” The vet said.

After that he wrote some notes on the computer and then dismissed Leo who scratched Festus from behind his ear and promised to come back soon to get him. As he was putting his jean jacket on in the lobby, the intern, Frank, approached him.

“About what happened earlier, I really am sorry. It isn’t like me to attack clients; you can even ask my boss about that. I just…”

“Chill, man,” Leo said. “I’ve heard this story before. People assume things about me because I look like a problem teenager. Truth to be told? You’re not entirely wrong. But things have changed. And trust me, Festus is my best friend and I’d do anything for him. I’m sure Georgie has learned her lesson too now.”

“Good to hear that,” Frank said and extended his arm to Leo. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow when you’re coming to get Festus.”

Leo nodded. “Yep, I have a feeling my whole family will want to join me. Anyway, I’m off now. Thanks for the help!”

“I’m glad we could help!” Frank told him before he started walking towards his car.

...

Jo and Emmie had already returned to Waystation when Leo got there.

“Is everything OK?” Emmie asked immediately. “We didn’t really get much out of Georgina… Just that something had happened to Festus and you took him to the vet.”

“Nah, it’s gonna be fine!” Leo reassured her. “He got some digestion issues because he gobbled a bully stick too fast but that’s being taken care of now. Georgie sure remembers to be more careful from now on, won’t ya, hermanita?” he addressed the young girl then.

“I will…” she promised, not even protesting about the nickname this time.

Once Leo had explained with more details what had happened at the vet and it became clear that Festus would be fine soon, the family moved to other matters. Unlike usually, Leo was happy with mostly listening to the others. The incident had reminded him that there were bigger matters than girl issues or his studies and he realized that those things didn’t feel quite as hard to overcome now as a few hours ago. Yes, he still needed to deal with them, and yes, his past would probably never stop entirely haunting him, but when he had people like this around him? It wouldn’t be impossible.

#caleo #leo valdez #calypso #heroes of olympus #trials of apollo #percy jackson and the olympians #my fics #caleo uni au

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kozukenkitten · 4 years ago

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Reader with Dysnomia Headcanons - Shinsou, Bakugou, Kirishima

An Author's Note/Preface: Dysnomia is a learning disorder under the classification of processing deficits, the 5th most common form of learning disability (behind dyslexia, ADHD, dyscalculia, and dysgraphia, in that order). It basically means that you struggle with specific memory recall- names of objects, places, feelings, people, etc. are often the largest struggle for people, despite being able to perfectly describe the visual aspects of the word you're trying to find- and that your brain is thinking too fast for the rest of you, particularly the muscles involved with speech, to properly process it and coherently express your thoughts through words, leading to an audibly severe stutter. (For example, US presidential nominee/former Vice President Joe Biden has dysnomia. And although you would probably never know it since I don't post audio memos and I've undergone years of speech therapy, I also have dysnomia.) If you have any further questions about dysnomia after reading this post, please reach out, and I'll do my best to provide you with information and resources!

Author's Note #2: I've been working on this one for the last 3 days or so, and I will admit it's a bit self indulgent because I'm v much in need of comfort because my dysnomia has been acting up especially terribly this week with all the stressful things cropping up in my life right now, but I hope y'all enjoy it nonetheless.

Shinsou Hitoshi

Hitoshi is very conscious of your disability.

He first notices it when you're studying together, as you're trying so desperately to say the name of the historical figure you know is the answer to his question, grasping for their name as you ramble on, describing literally everything you know about them to the sharpest detail, as if that might finally help you blurt the name out.

You're nearly in tears over it, stressed and anxious and frustrated by your brain's failure to do its job for you, over a piece of information you know that you knew.

His immediate response is to distract you for a bit, and let your brain take a break.

"I don't know about you, Kitten, but I need a break from studying for a bit. How about we grab a snack and relax for a few minutes, and we can come back to the question later?"

You feel heat rising to your cheeks, knowing what he's doing. He's obviously doing this for your sake and is trying to be subtle about it so he doesn't make you feel any more embarrassed than you already feel. But you appreciate his effort, if nothing else, so you agree. A break sounds nice, and more than anything, you need a nice long hug.

Hitoshi gets a couple of cups of water and your favorite snack, which he tends to keep around for you, and then settles you both on his bed, with you between his legs as his arms wrap around your midsection to hold you close against him.

He presses sweet little kisses to your cheeks and neck, comforting you. You can't help relaxing into his arms.

He's turned on his tv and set it to a lighthearted show. After a little while, you've completely forgotten about what you were struggling with, until the name finally pops into your head, completely unbidden.

"NAPOLEON BONAPARTE!" You exclaim excitedly, twisting around in Hitoshi's arms to face him. "Did I get it right, 'Toshi?!"

He lazily grins at you, the warmth of pride seeping into his expression. "Yes, Kitten, that's right. I knew you'd get there."

Bakugou Katsuki

Katsuki's kind of a jerk about it at first, because he finds it hard to understand what the issue is.

Like, why are you suddenly forgetting the name of the person who's been your best friend since you were three? Why are there times where you struggle to remember the names of your friends, including him?

Honestly that might be the straw that breaks his back. You can forget the names of all those extras all you want, but forgetting HIS name when you go to greet him one morning? No, no, no.

He confronts you from a place of frustration, and chances are, you break down and it makes the entire issue worse to the point where what you're trying to say has become incomprehensible between the stress aggravating your disorder and being furious at his lack of understanding, so you end up walking away from the situation and hole yourself up in your room for the rest of the day, asking Ochako or Momo to bring you your meals if it doesn't interfere with their schedules too much that day.

He only starts to understand when he overhears you in a meeting a couple of weeks later, with Aizawa-sensei and your speech therapist, going over how your disorder has been affecting your academics and your social life, and hearing you discussing how you three could work together to improve your situation.

That's how you end up with Katsuki begrudgingly apologizing to you and offering to tutor you, with a promise that he'll try to be patient and not get upset when you're struggling to process and communicate information.

Tbh, you're kind of pissed he listened in on such an intimate, private conversation, especially when you were still upset with him for being angry with you over something you couldn't control, but a large part of you is also glad that he's finally starting to understand your disorder, and is appreciative of his offer to try and help you. (Although you won't hold your breath on avoiding a temper flare the next time you can't remember his name. That's a sore subject for him, it seems, after all.)

You'd never know it, because he'd try to hide it for the sake of his ego, but he spends a week nonstop researching dysnomia after he overhears the conversation with Aizawa and your speech therapist. He wants to understand how and why it happens, and what signs to look for so he can try to help you when you're struggling (and so he can brace himself and stay calm when he starts to get frustrated).

He would try really hard to help you, but would likely need to step away at times to avoid going off on you in his frustration, and would likely send Mina, Kiri, and/or Kaminari to help instead if it got to be too much. (This probably leads to them playing guessing games with you to try and figure it out, which may lead into a game of charades somehow, and may drive him up the wall even worse, but it eventually gets the job done, if only because they distract you until you finally remember what you were trying to say.)

Ultimately, it takes Katsuki a while to adjust, but while he's not the most openly compassionate person, he works hard at controlling his temper when it comes to your memory lapses, and really does try hard to help you or find someone who can.

Will probably panic and be super awkward if/when you start crying in frustration. Awkward side hug will almost definitely happen. Eventually figures out that if he wraps you in a blanket and reads to you or watches something with you, you'll stop worrying about focusing on remembering, and it will come to you after a little bit.

Kirishima Eijirou

You were pretty up front with Eijirou about your dysnomia, because he seemed like a really sweet guy who would be willing to help you through an episode.

Eijirou notices pretty quickly when your first episode in his presence starts, because you start to get visibly frustrated and a bit prickly. You were literally just about to say something as you went on excitedly about a success you'd had in class, the occasional stammer slipping through your speech as your pace increased, but suddenly can't remember what you were going to say.

"You okay, Pebble?" He asks, an expression of confusion and concern crossing his face as tears prickle your eyes.

"I- I'm okay, just- just really, really frustrated, that's- that's all." You ramble out, shaking your head as he pulls you to him.

"Hey, it's okay, you know. Whatever's going on, you'll be okay. C'mere, baby. Let me take care of you?"

You nod your consent, letting yourself melt against him and burying your face in his shoulder, the salty tears falling as you let him comfort you.

You can't help feeling frustrated, but at the same time, Eijirou knows you well enough to know that you'll be okay with time, so he immediately jumps to whispering little jokes and stories in your ear as he rubs your back with one palm.

"Hey, did I ever tell you about the time Suneater accidentally challenged Fatgum to an eating contest at the BBQ joint outside the agency?" He asks with a grin, regaling you with the tale when you shake your head no, a small, barely noticable curious gleam in your eyes.

"... and that's how Suneater almost beat Fatgum at an eating contest! Can you believe it, Pebble?"

You giggle and snort a bit. "I don't think I can, a-are you sure you're not making it up, Eiji?"

He laughs boisterously, jostling you as he pulls you into his lap. "Not a chance, I'm completely serious! Want to ask Suneater yourself? I'll call him right now, if you want?"

He has his phone out in a flash, and presses dial before you can even reply, asking Tamaki to confirm that he really did almost beat Fatgum at an eating contest.

You're stunned at his determination to make you believe him, but can't help busting up laughing when Tamaki confirms Eijirou was telling the truth, before asking why he needed to hear it from him when he was there too.

"Y/N here didn't believe me when I said you did, so I had to prove it! Thanks senpai! See you on patrol tomorrow!"

He hung up before Tamaki could get a word in edgewise, grinning at you cheekily. "See? What did I tell you?"

"Eiji, you just hung up on Tamaki-senpai before he could even say goodbye!! That was so rude of you!" You're just starting to come down from your fit of laughter as Eijirou sputters and rushes to message an apology to Tamaki, when suddenly, you grip his arm and excitedly tell him, "Sensei told me today that I scored the highest grade in class on that one quirk studies project, you know, the one I put in three weeks' work in to get just how I wanted it? That's what I was trying to tell you earlier!"

Eijirou beams at you and kisses your forehead. "That's awesome, Pebble! I'm so proud of you, you know that? I knew you'd do great! All your hard work paid off!"

He's elated to see you smiling again, all the stress melting away from your face as he peppers your face with kisses and praises you for your hard work.

100/10 best at easing your anxieties and helping you take it easy when you get too worked up. Best storyteller, very engaging, very comforting.

#shinsou hitoshi #bakugou katsuki #kirishima eijirou #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #headcanons #dysnomia headcanons #reader headcanons #bnha x reader #mha x reader

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rotationalsymmetry · 4 years ago

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Commenting on without reblogging. (Thing is about: communicating about what you’re upset about with your partner or whomever and not making them guess.) (I don’t remember if the original post was partner specific or like...roommates. I’m thinking about partners, but this can apply to roommate conflicts as well, and anyone else you spend enough time with that you’re around each other when you’re not at your best. I’m mostly assuming one on one situations — this can be generalized to larger groups, but with 3 or more people there’s additional dynamics in play and I’m not sure how to comment on that here:)

Yes, and also I think this tends to be harder than a lot of people realize. As in: if just being told you should do that is enough, great. If not...

For those of us who would basically rather die than talk to our parents about our feelings as teens and didn’t have anyone else we could talk to about our feelings to either, it can be really hard to transition into adult relationships of equals and trust that the other person actually cares about our feelings.

For people who have especially extreme or unusual emotional reactions due to mental illness, ADHD, etc, identifying our feelings let alone talking about them can be extra hard.

For many people, figuring out how to say “I’m upset as a result of you doing x” without implying “I think it’s bad that you did x” can be challenging. Especially since a lot of people are primed to automatically hear the first as the second.

This can be even harder if you’re not sure whether you do think that it’s bad that the other person did x or not.

I don’t know what to say about people coming from abusive families, but I’m sure that adds extra layers of difficulty one way or another. Also previous abusive romantic relationships.

Basically we usually learn how to do this stuff by it being modeled to us, and a lot of us didn’t get that modeling. (Or for various reasons, got it modeled but didn’t pick it up. Or our problems and our role models’ problems are different enough that it’s not all that useful.)

Some people find it difficult to form words or say certain kinds of things under stress. This can look like deliberately choosing to stay silent when it’s actually not a choice.

The fight-or-flight stress response makes it harder to use the parts of your brain that control impulses and make rational, thought out decisions. So, knowing what to do when you’re calm and being able to do it when you’re aroused are very different things. Even more so if you’re getting into shut down/dissociation territory. (This is why “take some time apart to calm down” is such common relationship advice.)

Sometimes not only is it hard for B to read A’s feelings, but B might get it wrong. Some people look calm when they’re angry, sound angry when they’re scared, cry when they’re not sad, etc.

Oh, and also some people don’t have close relationships (or healthy close relationships) until relatively late in life, and are making their newbie relationship mistakes much later than most people.

So, what can you do?

Talk about conflicts when you’re not actively in conflict.

Make a plan for how you’re going to deal with intense feelings and/or sustained bad moods ahead of time; know your coping strategies. Let your partner know ahead of time what sorts of things tend to make you feel better or worse.

Look up communication advice (“I feel” statements etc) and either generate some rules of the road together as a couple (/household/polycule/whatever) or make some personal guidelines for yourself. (If you don’t always follow them it happens — this isn’t about whoever messes up first loses the argument, it’s about if you mess up you try to do better next time.)

If you want to keep the relationship, make sure you have a lot more positive interactions than negative ones. Even if there’s big disagreements that need to be talked through, it’s OK to take breaks and have time where you focus on enjoying each other’s company. If you’re in a frame of mind where you can do that.

Likewise, remember to say positive things about your partner etc even when you’re in conflict. “I care about you”, “I want to work through this together”, “thanks for hearing me out”, etc. You do not lose the fight by saying nice things. (Or if you do...maybe your problem isn’t a communication one.)

If either person wants to take a break from a difficult conversation, you take a break.

Think about who else you can talk to about this, or how else you can process the situation. It’s not necessarily a good idea to talk about all your relationship fights with a close family member (or another partner if you’re polyamorous) but often it’s a good idea to talk to someone. So...therapist? Bartender? Hotline volunteer? Random social media “let’s be nice to each other” group? Your dog? Maybe you’d just as soon write in your journal or go for a long walk? Sometimes if you process your feelings first, you end up having a much more constructive talk later on.

Be in process. Learning how to have healthy relationships involves a lot of highly complex and subtle skills. It’s work. It takes time. As with learning to play a musical instrument, you have to do it badly before you can do it well.

What if communication doesn’t help?

Maybe the way you tried it didn’t work or the timing was bad. Give it some time and try again later. (If it’s a big dealbreaker thing or potentially a big dealbreaker thing, get some distance if possible — communication isn’t a substitute for boundaries, and neither is patience or love or forgiveness.)

If there’s a consistent pattern of talking it out not working, or the other person seems to be acting deliberately cruel, this is probably not a good relationship (/living situation) for you. Good communication can’t make another person respect you, it only smooths things over between people who basically like and respect each other.

Couple’s counseling/family counseling is an option in some cases. I recommend only doing this if you basically trust that the other person cares about and respects you and it’s more about getting back to a previously happy relationship than trying to fix a relationship that was broken from the start. In a hostile roommate situation if you can’t move out yet, or if you’re in something that you know is a bad relationship but can’t break up yet, what you want is more boundaries, not better communication. Individual therapy might help with that, but family or couple’s therapy is generally more focused on gaining more closeness and mutual understanding, and less about setting boundaries and getting distance.

Some resources (books unless stated otherwise, authors left out because I’m feeling too lazy to look them all up but I can clarify on request):

Non-violent Communication (the book, but there’s also workshops etc): not everyone’s cup of tea, other people swear by it. It’s set up skills first/explanations second, so I recommend reading the second half first but you do you. If it’s not your thing, that’s OK.

Difficult Conversations

Feeling Good Together: this is a weird ass book, and does not differentiate between healthy relationships and abusive ones, but I’m still recommending it because the “five secrets of effective communication” is actually the communication advice that works best for me in the moment. (The “five secrets” can also be found if you poke around the Feeling Good podcast, which is free.)

Oh, yeah the Feeling Good book and the Feeling Good podcast in general, for people with depression, anxiety, etc. (note: the author/host ...has some very strong opinions, be willing to filter. There’s a ton of practical advice though, so I’m still recommending it.)

The Dance of Anger: short on practical tips, but pretty neat on theory.

Anything about CBT or DBT, or really anything else on emotional management written by therapy people.

I’m especially fond of Taming Your Gremlin on the “learn better coping strategies” front: it’s short, it’s got humor, it’s friendly to people with short attention spans, it does kinda do the “co-opting mindfulness concepts for personal gain” thing but that’s pretty hard to avoid these days, sigh.

Bouncing Back (about resilience and healing from trauma, science based but written for people who aren’t science people)

Burnout (about stress, ditto on the science thing, aimed at women, 10/10 recommend)

The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook (why so much about stress? Because dealing with “stress” is also dealing with fear and anger and hurt and resentment and frustration, that’s why. And because we all know that “stress is bad” and we’re supposed to do something about it, but most people think that means just avoiding stressful situations and WRONG.) (If you just read one, pick Burnout. But, the Workbook has a chapter on anger management so I’m including it for that if nothing else.)

How To ADHD YouTube videos, for people with ADHD and those who love them.

#commenting on without reblogging #relationship advice #communication skills #emotional management #coping strategies #mental illness #adhd #resources #long post

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anxietysroomsupport · 4 years ago

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Hey sorry for the long one I just kinda need to get this off my chest...

So I’m 17 and I’m in a psychology class rn and the teacher gave us a website with a list of tests for seeing if you had things like anger issues, adhd, anxiety, or even depression. He told us to choose two of the tests, take them and write one paragraph on wheather or not we thought the results were accurate. One of the tests I took was just labeled as a mental health assessment. It seemed vague enough that I figured nothing too crazy or specific would come up on the results. The other test was on adhd.

I took the adhd one because I’ve done a lot of research on it before and I kinda thought I might have it. The test showed the results on a scale of how bad your symptoms are. The scale went up by intervals of ten, 100 being the highest and meaning you have little to no symptoms, and the lowest being 10, meaning you have a lot of symptoms. I got ten. This one didn’t surprise me, the other test did.

The other test was much longer than I expected it to be, and at the end it showed a bunch of things it tested for and a percentage of how likely you are to have it along with all of the symptoms you do or do not have. My test showed that I likely had a panic disorder, severe depression, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. The panic disorder and depression really didn’t surprise me all that much... but the bipolar disorder and PTSD was not expected. I’d researched them before and I kinda thought I might have it but I always just brushed it off as me overreacting and convinced myself that it was just a shitty mix of anxiety and depression.

I still kinda thought that it might be an overreaction but everyone else in my class seemed to think that their tests were accurate, including one girl who did both the same tests as me. The teacher said that he’d also taken a few of the tests and he thought that they were accurate as well.

My teacher saw my results too. He didn’t really ask to look at them until after he’d already looked and even then it was less a “is it okay if I see your results” and more a “it’s okay that I looked at those right?” I really hadn’t wanted to show the results, but since he had already looked at them, I felt like telling him I didn’t want him to look at them would probably make it seem even more concerning than it was.

He asked me if something had happened, and said I didn’t have to say. Something had happened, and I didn’t want to say, but I was supposed to write a paragraph about my results anyway, plus I kinda panicked thinking that if I didn’t say anything then he might think I was being abused or something. So I explained that it was a just a bad panick attack and it had happened a while ago so it wasn’t that big of a deal. There are more details obviously, like the people who were there, and what those people did while I was having a panick attack, but it wasn’t really any of his business, and trying to talk about it made my hands shake so I didn’t mention any of that.

I talked about it with my friends a little while after it happened, and tried to make a joke out of it so that I wouldn’t freak out over whether or not he was gonna tell the school counselor or the principal, but one of my friends said that what he did was fucked up and that he had no right to look at my results or ask me about why I would have PTSD. I’m not entirely sure that I agree, I didn’t have to take that particular test, I chose to, and he did tell me that I didn’t have to tell him what happened... So it’s kinda my own fault? This all happened about a week ago, I’m still jumpy and part of me is still waiting for the school councilor to call me to the office and ask about my results, but it hasn’t happened yet so I guess he hasn’t said anything. Idk the whole situation just feels wrong and I needed to get it out. Thanks.

Hi Anon,

It’s very understandable that you’re still on edge about this whole situation. It’s stressful and there were a lot of things that happened back to back that would each be something you needed to deal with.

First you took that mental health test that had surprising results. Something to think about, for sure.

Then you found out your teacher had read your results, when it sounds like there was an expectation of privacy.

At the same time as finding that out, he’s asking for your forgiveness about his transgression, instead of asking your permission in the first place.

And to top it off, he asks for even more personal information from you while you’re still dealing with everything else.

You didn’t do anything wrong by sharing with him in the moment. You didn’t know what would be on that test, or what the results would be. This was not your fault. He may not have realized it, but he did pressure you and overstepped when he did that. Because he is your teacher, he is automatically in a position of power over you and all the students. He would have, ideally, been aware of this and thought twice before reading your results and asking you questions. You’re right, it is truly none of his business.

Even though he technically gave you an opportunity to not answer, he had already put you in a position where you felt like you had to answer anyway. You had legitimate concerns about the consequences of not answering. His offer for you to not answer was an empty gesture at best, and manipulative at worst. Again, he may not have realized he was doing this, but he should have known better.

You were worried about what he would think and do based on your responses and no one can fault you for making the best decision you could to protect yourself in the moment.

I watched a video that, for the life of me, I cannot find again right now (if anyone recognizes it, please link), but it was an older male teacher talking to a classroom about boundaries and abuse of power. They were college-age students. He had a volunteer and clearly told her in front of everyone that he was just going to go stand at the other end of the room and talk to her, and as he talked to her, he would walk forward. He instructed that if she felt threatened at any time, to tell him to stop and he would, immediately.

He goes over to the far other side. They signal that he will start walking, and he takes off speed-walking directly at her, and talking very loudly about chit-chat topics like the weather and how she’s doing. He gets all the way up to her face and she never said to stop. He stops so that he doesn’t run into her.

Everyone in the class is startled and laughing nervously. He asks her, did you feel threatened? She says, yes. He asks her, why didn’t you tell me to stop?

Basically, because he gave her the decision to protect herself, instead of taking the responsibility upon himself to actually act safe around her - and then set up the situation so that it was “implied” that he was respecting her boundaries because of his offer, she was made to feel like actually telling him to stop would be rude. That feeling was only amplified by his offer, not lessened. He was putting the responsibility on her to act, instead of choosing to behave appropriately himself.

People in positions of power often do not realize the effect that power has, or choose to remain ignorant of it. They say things, like, “look - I gave you an opportunity to say no, you chose not to take it”, while ignoring all the ramifications of that choice. They put the burden of choice on the people around them.

So, if we give him the benefit of the doubt, he was only asking out of concern that you might currently be dealing with something and might have needed or wanted help. His method was just poorly done. You do not have to share information about your personal life that you aren’t comfortable with.

The ability to Not Answer Questions is a useful one, but it takes practice because we are trained our whole lives to always answer adults and authority figures when they ask a question. You could practice with some friends using interview questions - don’t answer them if the answer is private, or, if you’re not sure what answer is best, practice allowing yourself to pause and think before you decide on your answer. The silence and pause can feel uncomfortable which is why we need practice to get used to it.

You didn’t do anything wrong by answering his questions and it could be that it was the right choice for you in this case. He really caught you off-guard and that’s bound to happen sometimes. But if you would like to prevent similar events from happening in the future, a little practice will go a long way.

-Miss Fay

#mental health #adhd #panic disorder #severe depression #bipolar disorder #ptsd #anxiety #school #teacher #panic attack #power #abuse of power

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mimzy-writing-online · 4 years ago

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I hope this question isn't too stupid, but you're one of my favorite writing blogs so I'll give it a shot. I want to write a FanFic based on the 1971 version of Willy Wonka. I wanted the story to tell Violet Beauregarde's story, the one that turns into a blueberry. However, I have SOME questions as I'm fairly new to FanFic. 1). Am I better off focusing on each kid's perspective, going back and forth? Or is it good to narrow my focus one one character? 2). Can I give them a character arch, li

(2/3) like Violet's really mean in school but she becomes kind after her experience at the factory. Is that too cliche or predictable? 3). Why does she try waddling away after her blueberry transformation and the Oompa Loompas are singing/dancing around her? They're trying to help her, and I don't really get why she'd do something like that. 4). What are tips to better understand the characters I want to flesh out? I guess it circles back to the last question, understanding their psyche. Yikes

(3/3) Yikes! Super sorry this ask is long. And I'm even more sorry if my questions were lame or you've covered them before. :P. I can overthink at times, ESPECIALLY when it comes to my writing. I'm such a perfectionist storyteller, it's not even funny. I hope my questions aren't bothering you. You're one of my favorite writing blogs, so I figured I could come to you. I apologize in advance for wasting your time. You DO NOT have to reply at all if you don't want to. :P Thanks, have a great week

First and foremost: this is not a stupid question, you are not wasting my time at all. This is actually a rare treat for my blog because I don’t get many asks that don’t involve blindness, though I usually know better how to answer those than I do other questions. So, here we go:

Are you better off focusing on each kid’s perspective, going back and forth? Or is it better to narrow your focus onto one character?

The general rule of writing is to simplify. If two background characters serve a similar purpose, just combine the characters, for example. Slimming down extra scenes that don’t contribute to plot or character development.

However, that advice is meant for people publishing novels, working within an overflowing industry, dependant on sales and royalties. They have to meet whatever industry standards are, like word count or POV types. They have to find someone willing to take them on as a client because they love that book.

Fanfiction is not bound by such nonsense. Fanfiction is a beautifully lawless land where capitalism cannot influence it. What defines what you do with fanfiction is if you enjoy reading it, and if you have the steam to continue a long project.

Some people easily write 200,000k fics within a matter of weeks or months (or in my case, just once, two years). Some people work best with short fics. Both (and everything in between) are wonderful.

So, how much steam do you have for this project? How long do you think you can carry it and still finish it? Because that defines how big you should plan to make this project. If you don’t think you can write a long fic, then maybe just stick to one character.

A compromise between the two is to focus primarily on one character, and examine the other characters more briefly. This could be done in just a single POV chapter, or a handful. This could be done with the characters connecting and seeing the side character through your main character’s eyes, seeing how they’ve changed.

There’s no wrong answer. This fic is for your enjoyment primarily. No matter what you write, it will appeal to at least a few people, if not crowds. But your fun comes first, both literally and figuratively. Write for you, write to explore the story for yourself.

Can you give them a character arc like Violet’s where she becomes kinder after her experiences in the factory? Is that too cliche or predictable?

I wouldn’t call it predictable, because I’d expect everyone to go into completely different directions because they were all such unique and individual people before they entered the factory, and they were foiled by their own quirks.

Violet was mean and fake, she was demanding. I don’t know how much I want to speculate on the plotline you have going for her, how you’ll develop her to make her want to be more kind.

But I would love to speculate on the others.

Agustus Gloop?

I feel like his experience in the chocolate river and almost drowning would make it hard to enjoy chocolate ever again. I think it would be a long time before he had any sweets. Also, because of his weight, I imagine there’s got to be some body-image issues hiding under the surface. I’d also put money on him being bullied, and him acting out against the students who bully him and because of his size he is more intimidating, but that doesn’t stop people from saying things behind his back.

I imagine the chocolate thing is a form of self-comfort. Maybe he turns to other foods to over-eat with to cope. Maybe eventually he figures out that this isn’t helping him. Does he try to replace unhealthy foods with healthier ones? (idk, I have a personal turn off on getting into the concept of dieting, so I’m not going to dig in much there).

I’d like to see him learn to love himself, develop some body neutrality, that his body doesn’t define who he is or what his worth is. That he becomes okay with who he is as he grows up. People who are happy and comfortable with themselves are generally nicer and easier going than people who aren’t. Maybe with some self-love, he’ll be kinder to others.

Veruca Salt?

Okay, I have a confession. My brain thought of her when discussing Violet. I haven’t seen either of the films in years.

Well, let’s thank Wikipedia everyone, the greatest gift of the internet.

Veruca does come across as a spoiled brat. Her parents shower her in material objects, which might mean something. I have a close friend who hates people buying things for him or giving him gifts that cost money. This has to do with a parent buying him things out of guilt after episodes of emotional abuse. I asked him a while back what he wanted for his birthday (I meant baked goods, I bake or cook special meals as birthday gifts for my friends. A has asked for chocolate chip cookies for three birthdays in a row now. Several friends ask for cookies for Christmas). Anyway, my friend had a panic attack and couldn’t respond until an hour later.

Maybe there’s something to that.

What does she think about money as she grows up? Does her love language continue to be gifts? I think it might one day be quality time. Maybe it is now. It’s common for rich parents to be absent and barely spend time with their kids because of work and extravagant social lives that sort of money gives them access to, meaning they barely have time in the day to spend with their kids. Maybe gifts are the only way she can make sure her parents still care, the only way she can get their attention?

Mike Teavee?

Apparently in the movie credits his last name is spelled Teevee. But I’m obsessed with tea (and this is the point where I remember my tea and wonder if I’ve let it go cold because I got too focused. Nope, it’s still there). So it’s Teavee here.

Wikipedia describes him as a young boy who only watches TV, nothing but TV. He’s especially interested in cowboys and Western films. He comes across as a know-it-all. He’s easily annoyed but gets along with others.

Anyone have a guess at where I’m going with this?

Mike is neurodivergent. I mean, that’s my new headcanon. I lean towards ADHD because that’s what I project, but like everything else, his interpretation is in the eye of the beholder. Every viewer sees something different in him.

Some common ADHD (and autism) experiences beyond having a specific interest is how others react to your special interest. You get used to people getting bored when you talk about your interest for the thousandth time, but it’s still important to you, but not to someone whose opinion matters to you. RSD is probably common.

Wikipedia says he’s described as lazy in the books? Common ADHD “symptom,” or rather something that outside viewers label as laziness. Really, he just doesn’t have the motivation to do any of those other things.

And Charlie?

Did anyone think I wouldn’t have any thoughts on Charlie, our hero and protagonist?

Oh no, I have thoughts. Charlie goes to great lengths to set his family up comfortably, he becomes generous with his money. He also knows nothing about running a factory. I’m hoping Willy Wonka gives him some help there. But I bet adult Charlie is a stressed-out workaholic who tries to do everything and thinks he has something to prove, that he’s not just some random lucky child, that he can do this. Charlie totally gets a work-related anxiety disorder.

Those are my thoughts. I still think giving them Violet’s arc isn’t cliche or predictable, but rather completely different from what you think would happen to all those kids.

I mean, maybe a few of them are still little jerks in their adult lives. There’s no one road to grow up on, even if you’re four strangers who shared a similar traumatic experience.

Why does she try waddling away after her blueberry transformation and the Oompa Loompas are singing/dancing around her? They're trying to help her, and I don't really get why she'd do something like that.

They strange looking short men she’s literally never talked to, never seen or heard of before today, who’s already taken away two children by this point, all while singing a song about what terrible children they were.

And she’s scared because her body is doing something strange and scary and awful. She’s scared. She doesn’t know what to do. What will happen if these strange men take her away? She doesn’t know what happened to the other kids.

And they’re not really communicating they want to help, just singing cheerfully about how awful children are.

What are tips to better understand the characters I want to flesh out? I guess it circles back to the last question, understanding their psyche.

A lot of it is just watching real-life people and wondering why they are the way they are. Listening to their reasoning and what they tell you about who they are and where they come from.

I know people who grew up like Agustus with using over-eating as a way to self-comfort, and the bullying they experienced. I know that if a kid was physically bigger than his bullies, maybe he’d fight them to make them stop and leave him alone. People who go through that journey of learning that their body doesn’t define who they are, accepting it because it is theirs and it takes care of them.

(Which reminds me of a post I like that pops around here and there, that positive body image should be about more than how “sexy” your curves make you look. A person shouldn’t have to be sexy to be treated like a person. A person shouldn’t have to be sexy at all if they don’t want to, especially not all the time, and especially not a child. And there are a lot of obese children in the world who don’t have any positive body image messages designed for them)

I learned what my friend’s love languages are and why they have them and what they mean. Which is why I have that theory for Veruca.

Mike is just self-projection and listening to other neurodivergent people when they describe their life experiences or listening to their theories when they say a character is neurodivergent too.

I won’t lie, my theory on Charlie is based entirely on the Avatar: the Last Airbender fandom’s common head-canon that Zuko becomes a workaholic after he becomes Firelord. There might be some canon material in the comics that supports that, but I’ve never seen it. I think Zuko and Charlie have a similar vibe and that those three years Zuko struggled, and Charlie’s entire life before the factory make them both feel like they need to be perfect and do everything right to prove they deserve the job they’re given and that their backgrounds don’t define their worth.

Thank you so much for your ask anon!

And again, you are not a bother. I enjoyed digging into this movie I’d never thought in depth about until tonight. And you’re not alone, lots of writers are overthinkers and perfectionists. You are in good company. Our writing and fanfiction community welcomes and loves you <3

And thank you for your kind words! I’m so happy that you love my blog so much <3 It made my day to read that

Take care anon, and good luck in your writing :)

#writing advice #fanfiction #writeblr #anon #charlie and the chocolate factory #Anonymous

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