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#this means so much to me i actually cant even explain
triglycercule · 23 days
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Murder trio
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i actually cried seeing this in my inbox i will not lie. like actually fucking cried tears of joy /srs absolutely no words can express just how absolutely thralled i am that you drew this. i'm actually ACTUALLY so so overjoyed and flattered and so happy that someone could manage to encapsulate just how much i love the jk!trio and just how silly they are and how you put your own spin on this and made them just as cute and silly and amazing as i've always wanted to see I'M ACTUALLY CRYING THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DRAWING THE JK!MTT 😭😭😭
im so sorry for the late answer i have literally had no time to draw but TYSM FOR THIS I DREW MORE JK AU 4 YOU TO THANK YOU❤️❤️💜💜💙💙 ‼️‼️
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they just got out of an extreme gaming session at the boardwalk arcade and now the suns setting and killer wants to get ice cream before it sets so they can watch the sunset but as usual she's a bit too excited for horror and dust to keep up and dust is absolutely dying (she gets ZERO excercise and killer is FAST) and horror just wants to take her time and also spare dust from killer's wrathful running speed. its ok though they manage to eat the icecream while watching the sunset even while slowed down (the vibes in this one are immaculate this is what jk fashion au stands for. silly fluffy important friendship bonding memories. i love. it's not full effort because i wanted to get this done quickly so i wouldnt respond late but im UNFORTUNATELY busy and now its been a day,,,,, I STILL LOVE THE ART YOU SENT ME THANM YKJ SO MUCH)
#nobody understands just how much i love this#NOBODY DOES. NOT A SINGLE ONE OF YOU. NONE.#this means so much to me i actually cant even explain#i NEVER expected that someone would ACTUALLY DRAW JK FASHION MTT. I NEVER DID#I JUST MADR JK AU BECAUSE I WAS FEELING LONELY AND BORED AND I LIKED THE CONCEPT#AND SOMEONE COMES OUT HERE AND MAKES ART OF SOMETHING I DIDN'T EVEN PUT THAT MUCH EFFORT INTO#IM ACTUALLY OVERJOYED I CANT BELIEVE THIS#i love art i love expression i love experiencing joy from the kindness of others#i don't even cry that much but this legitimately made me cry. like seriously#and theyre so cute and theyre so happy and sweet and amazing#and the rendering on this is absolutely fucking gorgeous#and i love how horror looks cute but she's giving dirty looks and all that#and killer is JUST SO HAPPY AND GO LUCKY AND STUPID I LOVE HER#DUST MY ANTISOCIAL BABY SHE LOOKS SO EMBARRASSED TO BE HERE#THIS IS SOOOO CUTE I CSNT HELP IM CDRYING IM DYING#how long did this take. i need to know. i can't believe you actually made art of my cheap concept and it looks so good#god now i need to draw more jk!mtt. just knowing that there's someone out there that likes the au so much makes me wanna create#goddamn ink and his joy of creating. he's cheering me on in my head right now#THIS IS LITERALLY THEM. THE MUTED COLOR PALETTES LOOK SO GOOD FOR THE FIRST 2#AND THEN THE BRIGHT PASTEL THIRS ONE??? ITS EXACTLY THE KIND OF GIRLY PASTEL CUTE I LOVE WITH THEM#unrelated but when i saw this in my inbox and it was censored i was expecting to see gore or something. not THIS. christmas came early#i had to whip up a thank you response quick and fast because this is the biggest mkst flattering thing ever. how can i not be thankful#how much art will it take to repay you for your time and effort. i will keep making jk au art until its been repaid#i really wanna use this as my pfp but i dont wanna not credit you so can i pls use it for my pfp.....???? will credit!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PL#maybe i'll just redraw one of these and use it as my pfp instead if that's ok. i need to change my pfp anyways#ITS STOLEN ART AND I CANT FFIND THR OG ARTIST AND ITS BOTHERING ME I SHOULD CHANG IT#i get all giddy and happy and giggly when i see this it means so much to me. this is the best thing thats happened in ever#tricule asks#tricule art#jk fashion au
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bunnihearted · 8 days
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being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me
#irl mostly. but even online. i cannot connect or find communities or support systems the way most of u can#even if i do have found great connections and one connection in particular im more than grateful for#but i have had so much of my humanness torn off for so long that i am awkward and useless in handling it#but yeah idk :/ im just so profoundly jealous of how everyone can just fit into a slot#even online when ppl talk abt being anxious and stuff they still have ppl to talk to#or ppl irl to hang out with and im like.. wow... i cant even do that :/#it is just so lonely in general. and it has made me confused and incapable of knowing how to be a human#and fully realise and actualize the one connection i do have#if i had gotten to learn and now know how to be a human and a person i would've... been a person#but now i feel so removed and far away from that idek how...#like im at a point where i cant even have simple and shallow conversations online bc im like so useless#maybe only other ppl with avpd and who have been socially rejected and isolated and alienated can fully understand what i mean#it is so scary and weird and i feel such deep envy for how people can just like... talk to eo. irl and online. i dont get it#and like the connection i do have that i mention bc it is so important to me.. that does all of those things#but it is like im so not used to anyone even keep wanting to have a connection with me#that i feel like bambi on ice 💀 for lack of a better metaphor#and inside of me idk how to dare to open up to it bc i've been numb and shut off i just dont know#i dont know. but i want to but idk how.#ahhhhhh wanna scream bc just trying to describe it so i can make sense of it is frustrating!!!!#it also sucks bc other ppl really dont seem to get how fkn weird and scary it is to feel so removed from humanness#and not even be able to do most basic human people things most ppl who are mentally ill or anxious do.. i cant even do that idk#talking and communicating is the main thing like ppl do not understand how fkn hard it is for me to even have a simple convo#and i cant explain it bc theres no way someone who doesnt feel the same and have avpd could get it...#but idk. i just hate all of this and i wish i had a normal functioning brain. i just wanna be like everyone else#even ppl w social anxiety are capable of having friends. and im terrified of losing the only connection i've somehow been lucky to get#in my hands??? im so scared of losing that but idk HOW to be a person and idk!!! idk!!#other ppl dont even think abt these things im so fkn jealous lmao#anyway whatever 😔
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nugatorysheep · 26 days
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Ş̸̻͕̺́̚Ṕ̵̛̪̃Ȩ̷̳̫̿̾Ã̶̞̺̇͐͘K̷͈̿̎̇.
This damn comic is fucking A N C I E N T but as far as like, the content of it- not necessarily the art because I always hate my older art, but the presentation, what is objectively here- still feels right to me, so I'm sharing it. again
#I do not have it in me to even begin explaining the layers of this horseshit lmao#one of these days I can try to actually like. talk about this thing#this beast of teeth and turmoil and shimmer and shadow#something so wonderfully beautiful and sickly foul#genuinely irritates me that i struggle to talk about them at all because I have drawn them. So. Much.#More than any other fusion. even the ones canon to the show lol#yes that includes garnet#Like in-universe sure i can explain. Karma is a manifestation of the one thread druid and sven share- control#Druid has had none. His corruption- the withering- took away most of his agency. and Sven needs control like he needs air#and both of them whether they admit it to themselves or not are more afraid of themselves than of any external force#Sven fears his emotions. fears feeling them. Druid fears his illness and what it does to his body and mind#And so Karma is fragmented into the parts that they want the world to see and the parts they're afraid of#Keeper is that fear. that need to contain. to control. to suppress. to hide. to mask.#Unbound is all inhibitions removed. it's the release. the freedom. the desire. the exposed. the raw.#Unbound is everything that Sven and Druid would never tell anyone. Desires buried so far down that they themselves don't recognize it#But that's all in-universe. That's not quite the scope of what they mean in a grander meta sense#that is too intrinsically tied to me in a way that I can't explain#because if I could explain... then I wouldn't need them#fucking. what the fuck do I tag this i cant keep shoving Karma under the SU tag lmao#nugget rambles#my art#au/niverse
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mewtwo24 · 4 months
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You know reading vol 5 of mdzs before all the rest (don't ask me why I'm a clown and there were Circumstances) has to be the craziest experience of my life. Because it took all of ten minutes of wwx talking to literally hit me so hard in the gut I had to sit down and listen to really loud music for a while to calm down.
Who needs therapy when mxtx is alive and writing, I guess????? 🤡
Can't wait to get to the actual tragic parts I just know I'm gonna be that "help" frog phone meme
#mdzs#i was really out here thinking svsss would be my fave bc of lbh#and then i finally get around to reading mdzs and it blows my expectations out of the fucking water holy actual shit#and i just had this feeling the first time i read parts of it like 'oh. this series is going to kill me. im not coming back from this.'#and here i am booboo the fool getting my clown ass make-up on#idk how to explain it like i just fucking LOVE mxtx's takes on arrogance#that wwx is constantly being perceived as a show off and an incorrigible flirt and a know it all#how wwx cant always help the ways he acts out the desperation that has embedded itself into his very bones#how wwx only ever wanted to do the right thing and that having been so much of his downfall#how his worth and talent would always be eclipsed by virtue of his circumstances#how he's above needing recognition at his core but at the same time longs for an ounce of good will and positive recognition ->#how human he is despite his brilliance. how he never gets it no matter how hard he tries to be worthy.#like to me wwx is emblematic of what it means to be poor/an immigrant in high places#always villified always alien always wrong always unwelcome#no matter how clever or capable or kind youll always be an eyesore because you don't 'act right'. not 'one of them.' you never will be.#i just...the way he just wanted it all to be over by the end. the way he didnt even want to come back to life. that he was sick of it all.#im rattling the bars of my cage i love him I LOVE HIM i love him#i understand you lan wangji (and i love lwj too)#and even lan wangji too like. the way so many of their issues in the beginning stems from that self-same problem#how lwj couldn't live with his out of control feelings how he too couldn't quite lay down his pride#how lwj was also trapped by the expectations of his clan in his own way how so much of their separation was a form of penance#that the calamity of wwx's loss forced him to reconsider everything he thought he knew about himself and his life#how he was left with nothing but regret. how when wwx returns--lwj refuses to leave anything to chance this time#he refuses to let wwx be alone anymore--refuses to let him hurt himself for the sake of others refuses to just let it all happen#even if it means overstepping a boundary or propriety it doesn't matter--as long as wwx stays with him. pride be damned#god i just can't i just can't do it im biting im ripping things apart GOD#will also say the jokes about lwj being like. 'strict moral compass or BUST.' and then wwx literally committing like 17 felonies in the bg#while lwj is like 'crimes? what crimes. nothing to see here.' NEVER stops being funny. like i was pissing myself laughing#i know its a known trope but by god are they hilarious about it#also. lan qiren how many times do your nephews have to go catatonic for you to stop with the catholic guilt and repression
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themyscirah · 6 months
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Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute
#I JUST- SHDIAUDJSHDSHEYEYRYRYRY guys. guys#i know none of you see my vision and thats okay. i will make you see my vision. i will force you to see my vision. i will-#like jesus fucking christ oh my god. its so interesting and gives me so many emotions and just!!!#i know im not making sense bc none of my moots are sui sq fans and also like half of the content fucking me up specifically here is in my#head because i cant stop thinking about my absolute power fix it au but like!!!!!!!#also the fact i have a fix it for a comic that isnt out yet is so funny to me. its literally fucking real though. god knows we need it#may my own content carry me through the dark times (extreme villain waller arc)#anyways this fucks me up so bad you dont even know. someday ill actually explain it#dc hire me to write a suicide squad ongoing PLEASE. i could do it so good it would be so fucking good dc PLEASE 😭😭😭😭😭😭#also like this isnt me shipping them btw. like 110% not that. just to clarify.#i wouldnt even call it a friendship bc like. theyre not friends really. he has the most equal dynamic with her i would say but it still isnt#equal. shes v much his boss even though they have an understanding and respect there#like she believes and trusts in him much more than anybody really even himself. like she sees the good man and the leader even when he#doesnt. but she isnt nice about it. and there is a lot of conflict between them when there needs to be#like as much as ben is “wallers man”--the team leader she wanted from the beginning before rick flagg pushed his way in#ben i would say is still a very moral person even when lost and unsure of himself and his goodness (which is like one of his main things)#like i feel like while amanda can lean very into a “the ends justify the means” mindset in her worse moments and do bad things to get#herself out of a corner ben has like a deep and meaningful understanding of how the choices of your methods and how you act can weigh on you#like even though he was brainwashed and whatnot (thats still the story right? i cant remember) he holds a lot of guilt and baggage over his#actions and i think is able to temper amanda's worse tendencies in terms of that by calling her out when he recognizes that behavior#idk. i just really think that amanda waller and the suicide squad as a whole has lost its way without a more moral authority presence there.#like someone who can call her out and keep them more on track. which i really thing ben is and could be#i just very much am interested in their dynamic and how that would look like as equals and how i think they could help each other.#which ofc is what my wip is about and revolves around#blah#sui sq
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confession: sometimes I come to look at your art as references because you have noted details like moles + looking at what colors u put down in my quest to find what something looks like under neutral lighting I know the shit here has been thoroughly researched
i will be normal upon learning this news.
#fave#snap chats#JUST KIDDINGLAKJVKLE I CANT EVEN MAKE A FUNNYMAN™️ COMMENT THAT'S SUCH AN HONOR THANK YOU SO MUCH#especially when i'm such a fan of your own work... i love your lighting and shading and how Shaped everyone is so much...#just the FEEL yk i cant explain it but your art just feels super great to look at..#the funniest thing bout being sent this today is ironically i was gonna make more 'model sheets' for myself like how i did with y2 daigo#dunno why i just felt compelled to do so.. just so i could draw bitches without having to think ACTUAL Rotating Like An SSBB Trophy moment#except this one i'd make more note heavy..... cause idk i always wanted to do that tbh..#if my arm didnt hurt i probably would ☠️ maybe tomorrow or if im too stubborn later tonight i will ☠️☠️#but wow... again thank you that means a lot. new favorite compliment achieved thank you...#i do spend hours looking at these bitches so im glad. im glad thats apparent i pay attention 😫#in truth i dont even draw EVERY mole on every character- daigo is esp awkward because his moles change throughout games#the moles i draw are specifically for the ps3 era/y3-75#he has different moles in the dragon engine- they're actually on the right side of his face opposed to the left: theyre entirely different#AND IM GOBSMACKED BOUT THE COLORS BIT people tell me my colors are nice but its still ?? for me to acknowledge that sometimes#like not BAD OF COURSE NO NO IM REALLY HAPPY im just.. hm... i didnt think i was doing anything nice..#in any case again. thank you. ive made it clear this is a big compliment I Will Can It now ☠️
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llegato · 9 months
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ok.
#wjatevr. i dont care#no actually i do care. its about morishige how can i not care#i saw a very interesting take on why morishige chases yuka (not the tutorial idea. thats also interesting though)#something about how he was protecting her and he was never going to harm her#and i was like huh. maybe i misunderstood because i played the game when i was 11#and then i realized i literally played it last week#i cant help but disagree? yeah he wasnt planning on hurting her. it makes the whole chase scene very funny especially if you get caught#he keeps repeating the same thing and me and my sister joke about it all the time lol#but anyways. i think that even in the manga he wouldnt have hurt her even though he hints at his intent being more malicious than in game#i love this scene because i love hearing people talk about why the fuck he did this#let me talk about the manga instead for a moment actually i think this scene is much funner there#he stops for a moment when yuka stops crying before he breaks into this very obviously malicious grin#like he was EXCITED. the darkening had already startrd to show and its very clear while hes chasing her#the whole time he was just messing with her. he wasnt planning to harm her in the manga either#because he literally catches up to her. and he could've caught up to her multiple times had he not been taking pictures as she ran#all he did when he caught up to her was whisper in her ear. so#yeah. he wasnt going to kill her or injure her like in the anime. but does that mean he had any good intentions?#im not sure how this could be described as him simply helping her#and i could be remembering wrong but doesnt he somewhat explain himself in book of shadows?#i remember him saying something about him just having fun and enjoying how scared she was#so ive always just seen it as him enjoying the rush he got from chasing someone weaker than him#because it was partially the darkening right?#im not one to say that morishige is inherently evil or always had a huge interest in gore or anything. becausw its not true#but i dont want to deface his character by warping his intentions to seem less malicious#i need to get a fucking journal this is getting out of hand#finn.txt
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bunny-heels · 1 year
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i hate how obsessed ive become to this show but god i cannot help it
#the bun talks#you dont understand#its a mixture of it being the perfect balance of kid wholesomness and angst#and the nostaliga of when i was a kid watching athf and had the thought of what if shake actually tried to be a good person#coupled with the fucking amazing voice actors#the lovingly featured representation and doing it in a way to really make you think#my bf and i were talking about how its basically WOY if wander and hater actually had a non-toxic relationship#this is the first kid show ive been obsessed with in years since MLP#and scratch and mollys relationship mean the world to me#i feel for scratch in that when i was younger it was really hard for me to accept that people outside my family cared about me#and i feel for molly cause deep down i wish i was as optimistic and outwardly friendly as her#and i have her kinda child like naivity that theres always a chance for things to get better#ive even had thoughts of kinning her at this point and maybe i want to? i dont know#the new ep related to me so fucking much i know its an experience that a lot of mixed race kids have but. it really really spoke to me#i really relate to her in ways that i cant fully explain. maybe i do kin her. i kinda feel like i already am#and finally like#im. so fucking in love with scratch. SO fucking in love#i live and die hard for characters like him. so upset at the world but finally gets the love he needs.#hes so fucking cute too and snyder does such a good job with him. hes very close to my heart already.#definitely fits the category of f/os that are short. vioent. and grumpy. but just really want attention#and that coupled with his lore and mysteries and the potential of what he really is its just.........#god i love him so so so so fucking much#im embarrassed cause i mean its literally just a kid friendly and a lil more likable MS but. im pretty sure thats another factor of it#cause obviously shake was one of the best parts of ATHF and yeah hes funny on his own#but my child brain back then was like. 'man i wonder what would happen if he was nicer'#and now i have my answer. in the form of him being a cute blue blob that befriends a girl who helps him open up#and its so nice that the show doesnt rely on secondhand embarrassment or making certain characters feel miserable for a gag#its#its just. such a fucking good show#and if it gets cancelled im genuinely gonna have a breakdown
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get-more-bald · 9 months
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when you're an inherently bad person🤪
#im a firmly believe that people arent truly or inherently born evil. except me ofc#the thing is that. if im not a bad person or whatever. im just incredibly unpleasant to handle deal with or be around. which may be worse#because im actually trying to be fun to be around. in general. when im not stressed out of my mind or almost (or actively) crying. i do try#and if im inherently unpleasant. it explains everything but it means i wont ever have anyone. not really.#its like a have a bad smell around me that i cant get off. which i also fear may be the reality as well.#i do shower! i do use deodorant and sometimes the fuckign. body mists or perfumes or whatever. nice smelling shite i dont actually ever wan#to use but i must be somewhat pleasant#but do i use too much of it? not enough? do i shower the wrong way? should i isolate myself forever amd not subject people to that smell?#well!#vent post#also i never fucking smile which is apparently important in being approachable. but i can blame that on the autism#god i fucking hate being who i am#im not even talking about personality rn. being trans. and autistic the way i am. and whatever else i fucking probably am. and being a part#of this fucking family and living in this god damned place. i hate it all#its difficult and i dont want to be that anymore but i cant ever stop. i can move out in what. a couple of years? i could eventually go no#contact with that family? i couldnt. but i wont ever stop being who i am at my core. and thats so depressing and it wants me to kill myself#not in a painful way though. no cutting or whatever. pills or a quick jump would be enough
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the-kipsabian · 1 year
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do you ever love so much you internally combust and just cry uncontrollably
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snekdood · 1 year
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Idk why i expect charitability from ppl who probably listen to whatever their staple favorite left-leaning video essayists says about the Other Leftists they dont like and takes it to heart and doesnt form their own opinion with the information provided (or the information specifically and intentionally left out to make the person look the worst that they can) just kinda does whatever that persons says because Its Probably Correct
I mean, theyre "on the left" and uses all the words you like, nevermind what their intentions or long terms goals are or how thatd reasonably be practiced irl or if it'd actually hurt the general cause of progressives and make things even more divisive and worse bc they value being petty more than actually having any values.
#yall be like 'i better go watch this black person who believes in racial separatism and take everything they say to heart and not form my#own opinion because the Correct Thing To Do is to let every minority im not say shit that would only help nazis in the long run Because Im#Not That Minority So Clearly I Have No Stake In This'. like idk. its one thing to pretend you understand every thing about a certain#minorities experience that you dont have. its a whole other thing to actually challenge people on their beliefs. and if the person you#are challenging cant give you a good enough answer or dodges or gets MAD at you for even asking - you should probably avoid them or at the#very least not just believe every fucking thing they say and never come to your own conclusions on shit.#people are supposed to have the critical thinking ability to have their beliefs challenged and give you an actual answer#theyre supposed to want you to understand. theyre supposed ro be able to explain it to people who dont understand#and arent in the same spaces enough to understand. if you cant explain to me why racial separatism is somehow Ideal then why should#i listen to you. just to do whatever you say no questions asked or else im bad and very problematic?#like how am i supposed to take this kinda person seriously when they go around calling shark3ozero the c word and other#racist shit. like you're not serious lol. you have no issue just acting like the people who disagree with you on something are just purely#bigots.#when the people you attack are far more on your side than the fucking republicans who yall barely even mention. which is interesting.#anyways if you believe in dividing everyone by race understand that thats LITERALLY what white supremacists want. that is Not the ideal#world for me. idk about you. and if you understand this and still follow me gtfo of here#you're a dipshit and prolly an accelerationist and i dont have time for your bullshit and likely nihilism.#you're gonna end up killing yourself thinking the world is only ever against you and everyone who disagrees w you is a bigot.#and i dont mean necessarily actually putting up a noose i just mean you're gonna isolate yourself SO MUCH from other ppl and stay only in#your one little space. that if you ever lose that space for whatever reason you'll be left alone w no help.#or you'll isolate yourself so much and stay inside forever and be hella paranoid in grocery stores thinkin everyone there Wants To Kill You#and im not gonna act like ik whats in the mind of someone who believes in racial separatism. that was more of an example. but i can try#to understand and i can tell that someone has to go through a lot of bs to think thats the only solution. im not trying to downplay why ppl#might think thats the best option. but really its the same shit w terfs and cis men and it kinda seems like its a solution born from trauma#with convoluted justifications for why its Fine actually#thats how it looks from my angle rn. if thats not the case and you feel like its different im always willing to hear different angles on#stuff. im never married to my positions as im not exactly a static person who never changes.#id say thats quite the opposite of my Whole Thing
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depresseddepot · 2 years
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explained autism poorly today. will never recover from this
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straykats · 24 days
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if i was able to articulate everything in my head,,,, u guys would start unfollowing me bc of how much i'd talk
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nomairuins · 1 month
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i am going to try watching a show i never got 2 finish. not telling u what it is incase i actually am not able to
#ive seen a bitchy guy so ive been bewitched and i want 2 try it again#i was watching it with ykw but obviouslyyyyyyy we stopped wtchingggg bc . LOL#if yr aware of my life u may know what it is since there were just a couple shows i watched with him#well it isnt spn. ill tell u that. if i ever watch spn again itll probably be with lamp#but also idk if theyd actually have fun. but i think its very funny especially the first season the editing is sooo sillay. so yes#but anyways thats not what im watching so strike it off your list... there r like. 2 other options i think KJADNBKJWA#we watched That show 2gether (its getting another season soon and i genuinely dont know if ill like. Be Able to watch it or not. bc of.#gesture...)#but then theres the show im watchig which like even tho i watched it with him it was like. i think we started watching it when we were#already on a break LOL#so. itisnt rly a him show. so i think ill handle it better#its like allergy shots ill watch this and if i handle it ok i can try and watch That show. but also i still might not be able to#bc that one. ugh. im not getting into my stupid fucking kindating trauma thats Actually humiliating. whatever. suffice to say it was a much#bigger part of the relationship (the relationship went in phases of dumb fucking kin shit and that show was one of them)#no offense to kinnies . love u guys. i just have a very very very unstable sense of self and was pressured into acting more like characters#who were dating characters he kinned. and it like. idk ik its Sillay but it did rly mess with me like hed call me by the characters names#and stuff and Other details and idk. kinning just is not for me LOL it was honestly a big delusion for me and i will nott be returning. but#that doesnt mean im anti kinning even when it is a delusional thing like yk. Just for me it was very unhealthy and also i was pressured int#it. soo yes. sorry i got serious. shaking my fist#its so embarassing to have such tumblrcore trauma like. ok. i cant even talk abt it with therapists bc its so embarassing]#<- the kinning isnt the stuff its just like. Ok. how do i explain to a therapist in a way that isnt humiliating that i met a groomer bc i#drew fucking bmc life is strange crossover fanart on tumblr.com and then he invited me into a discord server that ruined my life.#like i cant say that. humiliating.#ANYWAYS. its show time. im just gonna start from. well ull never believe. The start#bc idr where we stopped lol...
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steampoweredskeleton · 2 months
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Ignore
#delete later#god i gotta get myself in therapy. i went on a date today and had a good time and now im so far away from my own body that#i literally am having trouble processing the world. its. theres something real broken somewhere in here and i can track what iy might#be but idk what to do about it. my parents really did a number on me huh.#im completely cut off from all emotions. all of them. so idk whether i even actually enjoyed the date properly. and won't for maybe#a day or so when i start getting emotions again. idk how to explain that to a person. that i enjoy going on a date with them but#i get so anxious. abd i guess triggered? that i literally stop being a human for a bit and dissociate wildly.#i also don't know if i understand relationships the way other ppl do. i dont understand the being in love thing. but also#i have no frame of reference so of course i dont understand it. if i think about the idea of any kind of love even familial i become#so anxious that i dissociate and can't feel anything. i know logically that i love these ppl but thinking about it means i cant access it#what happened to me man. my childhood sucked but not that much. all that stuff is so tightly tied to Danger even though it shouldn't be#that i cant make sense of it. and shut down. i at least dont just go with it now. bc that was the danger before that id just#shut down mentally and go with what the other person wanted. i can keep myself safer now. but its still. a mess. im a mess#i have so much fear wrapped up in human interaction and contact. idk how to fix that. and so much shame. idk idk#ill figure it out. time to research therapists again
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fortunately-bi · 5 months
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...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈
#i just spent like an hour writing and rewriting a post trying to explain myself amd its just so hard to put into words#im bored here but not in a ew not enough content for the dopamine hit shit#in like a every time i scroll through I dont smile I dont see anything that makes me happy at all i dont get a laugh or anything#its just mindless brain rotting scrolling nothing wasting my time hoping maybe ill see a new artist to follow or something#and every time its nothing#so much nothing taking up so much of my time and space in my life and i already dont have a lot of time to begin with#ive made some awesome friends here ive had lovers from here ive had people who are no longer on this earth from here who ill never forget#i dont think ive really enjoyed anything on here in 7 years#ive left before for a really long time i think like a year or more or something#and i wont be totally unreachable of people message me ill respond but im so sick of this stupid app taking up my life#and all i ever get out of it is getting mad or getting depressed over shit that really is t worth my mental state over#all i ever feel on here is that the world fuckin sucks and theres not even anything here to make hanging around worth it#im not new to this site making me suicidal for an abundance of reasons and im luckily in a spot where i wont actually hurt myself#its just ideation and intrusive thoughts but its a pattern i cant keep ignoring#also im old tumblr im old tumblr and i think i will always be old tumblr im just not catching on to new shit anymore#the fact im even saying anything about a hiatus should show how pld tumblr i am no one does this anymore lol#i just don't want to be here anymore i dont really want to be anywhere online anymore tbh#its always something and i cant mentally keep up with it anymore i have too much going on in my life#my wife is having cancer removed on Tuesday im a lead teacher who has to take care of i think 8 babies now#i have problems i have actual problems that need me and need me to be as there as i can be#i cant be spiraling over stuff online on top of real world problems im in no position to do anything about on top of personal life problems#that are drastically affecting my life at home and hurting my family and loved ones#i have a mass in my thyroid which is so big i choke to the point i stop breathing if I dont have my meds i throw up all day#i have to see a neurologist because at best i have a pinched nerve at worst im having seizures and i might have to move states again#i dont have it in me to come on here and see stuff that makes me upset for the chance i might see something i like#and i can unfollow people and whatever but I dont have the energy or time to sift through people i follow on here#if you want to talk in dms or asks or you want to send me posts pls by all means continue to do so thats fine#but i think i need to take the app out of my line of sight again for a bit and just be in the moment again same with twitter#anyways i love yall i promise i am safe and not in harms way im just stressed af and i have got to start cutting things out that#arent doing anything other then making me miserable
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