#but when i try to explain it im like ???????? i cant explain it but i know what im trying to say
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cyancees · 2 years ago
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i have neither a good imagination nor aphantasia, but a secret third thing
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umblrspectrum · 7 months ago
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go read Memento Nori and Like the Stars and What Friends Are For and just generally all of Ad Astra Per Aspera by LadyDaybreaker on ao3
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king-magppi · 3 months ago
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🦾Detroit doodles from these past two weeks! When I wasn't replaying the game I was drawing these.🤖
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Alice has 3 dads. NONE of them are Todd. (I need to draw Luther with Alice) Oh by the way the last two are from my own little happy ending AU where Kara, Luther, and Alice bring Ralph and Jerry(s) over to Canada with them!! They learn to adapt to life as "humans" and they all love Alice very much! She deserves it.
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arrowheadedbitch · 2 months ago
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Thinking about the episode where Nessie Jr hatches and how Colonel Baird assumes that Ezekiel is goofing off so she gives him a job to do and he keeps trying to get that job out of the way as fast as he can so he can go back to the very important job he was doing.
There's so much to be said about that part of the episode!
The way colonel baird assumes he's goofing off, the way he doesn't even try to defend himself until after he's already finished the thing she was stopping him from doing, the way he only explains why he was on his phone after she's already scolded him multiple times, the way he HACKED a GOVERNMENT SATALITE from his CELL PHONE, the way he genuinely cares about the egg despite it being dumped on him because of the assumption that he isn't working on something worthwhile, the way he's genuinely upset that he almost killed the egg by accident, the way he doesn't realise a bunsen burner will kill the baby but knows how to HACK a SATALITE from his CELL PHONE, the way he doesn't really care that Baird kept him away from his important work because of an assumption, the way he never tries to curb her assumption, the way he's only annoyed and really only mildly scolds her for making him take longer to figure out the other's were in big trouble, the way that this episode deeply effects how Baird sees Ezekiel, there's just so much to be said
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puppyeared · 6 months ago
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whenever someone asks me for help or advice i want to beam all my lived experience and advice that helped me through it directly into their mind to try and spare them as much pain and stress as possible, but because i cant actually do that what ends up happening is i dump everything i know related to that topic hoping something helps them like
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ratatatastic · 12 days ago
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they asked luosty about the paul quote on mikksy
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and he just smirks to himself as he tries to find his words to answer the question in way that gets no one in trouble
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bunnihearted · 2 months ago
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being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me
#irl mostly. but even online. i cannot connect or find communities or support systems the way most of u can#even if i do have found great connections and one connection in particular im more than grateful for#but i have had so much of my humanness torn off for so long that i am awkward and useless in handling it#but yeah idk :/ im just so profoundly jealous of how everyone can just fit into a slot#even online when ppl talk abt being anxious and stuff they still have ppl to talk to#or ppl irl to hang out with and im like.. wow... i cant even do that :/#it is just so lonely in general. and it has made me confused and incapable of knowing how to be a human#and fully realise and actualize the one connection i do have#if i had gotten to learn and now know how to be a human and a person i would've... been a person#but now i feel so removed and far away from that idek how...#like im at a point where i cant even have simple and shallow conversations online bc im like so useless#maybe only other ppl with avpd and who have been socially rejected and isolated and alienated can fully understand what i mean#it is so scary and weird and i feel such deep envy for how people can just like... talk to eo. irl and online. i dont get it#and like the connection i do have that i mention bc it is so important to me.. that does all of those things#but it is like im so not used to anyone even keep wanting to have a connection with me#that i feel like bambi on ice 💀 for lack of a better metaphor#and inside of me idk how to dare to open up to it bc i've been numb and shut off i just dont know#i dont know. but i want to but idk how.#ahhhhhh wanna scream bc just trying to describe it so i can make sense of it is frustrating!!!!#it also sucks bc other ppl really dont seem to get how fkn weird and scary it is to feel so removed from humanness#and not even be able to do most basic human people things most ppl who are mentally ill or anxious do.. i cant even do that idk#talking and communicating is the main thing like ppl do not understand how fkn hard it is for me to even have a simple convo#and i cant explain it bc theres no way someone who doesnt feel the same and have avpd could get it...#but idk. i just hate all of this and i wish i had a normal functioning brain. i just wanna be like everyone else#even ppl w social anxiety are capable of having friends. and im terrified of losing the only connection i've somehow been lucky to get#in my hands??? im so scared of losing that but idk HOW to be a person and idk!!! idk!!#other ppl dont even think abt these things im so fkn jealous lmao#anyway whatever 😔
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nyatbinary-81 · 6 months ago
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@vulpixisananimal sifstem art jumpscare!! more specifically i got bored and decided to mess around with sif and mal's outfits.
#my art#this is how I think theyd present themselves either in person or in headspace. the slouchers <3#sifs outfit is simple; the boots i always give them (but with star laces for funsies); loose sweater; simple pants#the pants are Meant to be jeans but isat doesnt Specifically Have Jeans so. theyre just Pants.#the sweater is slightly looser bc sif doesnt seem like a Form Fitting Clothes kinda guy to me but hes Trying to be more open#on particularly good days theyll roll the sleeves up or wear a sleeveless one methinks#even if everyone Knows abt the self-harm scars its hard to Look at them.#i also associate them being more open with them not wearing an eyepatch. esp bc hes the only one of the three to go without it#for mal (or 'ami' as i like to call it) i wanted smth reminiscent of a mourning outfit bc mal du pays means homesickness#and i picked 'ami' as a nickname bc ami means friend :] at least according to my basic translator. i dont speak french <3#ami's outfit being dark is also reminiscent of the inversion thing its got going on in canon.#ik the veil is starred in the original but i think ami would want the fewest reminders of home. on account of The Issues#(actually if i can come back to sifs laces sif also has issues with reminders of it bc of the memory loss but the shoelaces are His Choice—#—which gives them a form of control over it and they can keep it subtle or undo it if he wants. which makes it easier)#anyway. i put amis hair in an updo and smoothed the hat bc i think ami wants to be Unremarkable. Unknown. so it keeps its silhouette Simple#(it still keeps the pins. theres smth comforting abt them. they shine like stars and theyre not stars and theyre not Home. but theyre You.)#and i kept the long hair i gave loop. dont ask me why its so long when the canon hair is short. maybe their hair kept growing over the loop#OH and i drew ami in a side profile bc Silhouette and also bc i think itd make an effort to keep people away from its blind spot#andddd i think thats about it? plus i actually managed to keep this one within a reasonable timeframe.#if their hair changes lengths/the proportions change between drawings. no they dont 💛 peace and love and body craft#OH AND YOU FINALLY GET TO SEE WHAT I MEAN ABT SIFS BOOTS BC THESE ARE THE BOOTS I GAVE THEM ON MY REGULAR DESIGN ARENT THEY NEAT#i did actually try to give sif a different font but nothing Works for them like the pixel font. i cant explain it.#i think 'ami' would be a nickname that mira gives it. bc. shes Fantasy French. and its a sort of 'youre more than your yearning/loss' thing#me every time i think abt sifstem: yeah they just rotate in my head. nothing major#me every time i talk abt sifstem: oh hey im almost at tag limit again#au Good what can i say
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yarrowleef · 5 months ago
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I was skimming part of code of the clans today where the Leafpool narrator goes over proposed code rules that were struck down. I was curious why this StarClan rule wasn't implemented because it seems like something the zealot clan cats would go for. The guide does not rly answer my question lol
This is such a weird paragraph. It's like. In one breath Leafpool-narrator is saying they didn't make it a code rule because clan cats can think for themselves, but in the next breath implies that belief in StarClan is in fact necessary for living in the clan, because to live in a clan means you have to follow the warrior code, and belief in StarClan is what makes them follow the code (apparently). If you don't believe in StarClan, she seems to imply that must mean you are planning on leaving the clan? ("it's not a law to stay in the clan" + you can "choose a different path"?) There is not actually any room being made here for a clan cat to peacefully not believe in StarClan---at least not a good code abiding clan cat. And the alternative of leaving the clan obviously means you are no longer planning on following any of the code, so like...how is this meaningfully different from making it an official code rule?
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commonzinnia · 2 months ago
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you are still responsible for your behavior! hope this helps ✨️💖💞
i didnt say i wasnt! hope this helps 🫶🫶🫶
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motherforthefamicom · 3 months ago
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redrew an oc thing from last year :3
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gifti3 · 6 months ago
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okay im back with more for this arranged marriage AU! Heres the last thing i wrote
this time i made something longer--Asmo and MC doing their little meeting/date before agreeing to marriage its fun check it out :]
the only warning is "an upset asmo getting in ur personal space'" other than that i think thats it!
Tomorrow you were supposed to meet your possible future fiancé. This type of affair was not a first time thing for you so you already had an idea of how things would go. Which was the two of you being forced to interact for several hours.
Though you knew what was coming, was it not possible to be a little nervous considering who it was you were meeting?
Asmodeus Morningstar--one of the most influential families in Nefarelin. Their was no shortage of exceptional members in that tree. And to be crass, every other potential spouse you met before were like dried leaves in comparison.
And this didn't even factor Asmodeus's own appeal and popularity. You'd only seen him in passing a few times but you could tell he was quite beautiful even from a distance. On top of that, the general public were strangely obsessed with him. You weren't completely sure why, but he must be very likeable if that's the case.
God, how many people have probably asked for his hand in marriage by now? You could only wonder.
All around it would be pretty foolish to turn this down. And that's why you were nervous…. Your parents were giving you a choice. But it was one of those choices where the answers were 'yes' or 'hmm, okay I suppose'. You did not want to know what would happen if you dare declined.
You'd already considered the logistics of this situation, dwelled on it for days. And it would definitely be a loveless marriage from your side. And that was something normal…but you were fine with how your life was currently! You didn't want to deal with any expectations romantic or otherwise from a spouse.
And what about Asmodeus.
He was well loved by many, had a reputation for enjoying the nightlife and being the center of attention. It seemed highly unlikely that a man like him was looking to "settle down" all of a sudden!
Your hands stop fiddling with your hair.
Wait.
Maybe this arrangement could work.
~
God this is so uncomfortable.
Maybe you underestimated Asmodeus. For some reason the first time your eyes met his saccharine ones, you struggled with maintaining contact. Each time, it felt like he was staring straight into your mind.
Perhaps it was just your nerves but either way you were overwhelmed. You didn't feel like yourself so had trouble talking.
Luckily for you, Asmodeus didn't notice or didn't care as he had been talking nonstop this entire time.
"Hellooo?"
"Oh--sorry what did you say?"
Asmodeus repeats his question while fanning himself. "I asked if you wanted to rest for a minute. I need a break from the sun."
"Okay…"
It was sunny today but not too hot to take a walk. Though you had been outside for a good while with Asmodeus. You both make your way to a gazebo that provided good shade around this time of day.
You rest your elbows on on of the railings and prop your head in your hands. A small sigh escapes you.
"Can you make it any more obvious that you don't want to be here?"
Asmodeus rests a small distance away, smiling but you're not so sure if he's being lighthearted about it.
It was a fair observation. These meetings always felt like a waste of time to you. They were forced interactions. The worst type. And you already knew you'd agree with the arranged marriage at the end anyways.
"Sorry, I'm just a little tired."
You look back at him and try to give a friendly(?) smile. Actually why not just be straightforward now?
"It's kind of hard to believe you want to get married. It doesn't seem like something that would interest someone like you."
"Eh…I guess there comes a time in everyone's life where they think about these things."
Very vague.
Asmodeus leans back in his chair, looking up as if he's scraping through his brain. "But I don't recall running into you beforehand. I definitely would have remembered…so how would you know that?"
"I've heard a lot about you. Kind of impossible not to."
You had a bit of an idea about him before this whole situation. But once it got out that he was "interested" in proposing, well the maids had no problem telling you everything they knew. It was definitely not all true, but it pretty much confirmed what you already felt.
"That makes sense. Isn't it great that now you get to experience me in person instead of by word-of-mouth~"
"…Uh huh. Well I feel like I should tell you now. That I plan to say yes."
"Say yes?"
"Say yes to marrying you."
You watch for any negative reactions but nothing. Though you were still sure he wasn't really interested in marriage.
"…Oh?"
"Listen I understand if you were forced into this position. In fact, I'm sure that you were. And to be honest I've never been partial to marriage myself. I always thought it wasn't in the cards for me…"
You take a step away from the railing closer to Asmodeus. "But wouldn't it be foolish to say no? Outside of the benefits it would have for my family. You're definitely one of the most sought after bachelors…and well just look at you. I'm almost a little envious…"
Asmodeus's curious face changes to something else. Something you can't really place your finger on. You just knew he didn't look very pleased.
"Well at least I know you're not blind." His fingers play with his fringe. "And that's all fine and dandy but…"
When Asmodeus stands and looks back at you your heart skips a beat. You take a step back as he takes one forward. "I hope you're ready to handle me because I don't think you can."
Oh my god what was happening?
You were frozen in place as Asmodeus trapped you against the railing between his arms. You didn't even think to push him away and just stood there stupidly.
"I-I…"
Rustling sounds from a nearby hedge, but when you both look in the direction of the noise there's giggling and the sound of retreating people.
You sigh. At least someone was enjoying the show.
You gently push at Asmodeus's chest so you can make space.
"Sorry sometimes the staff gets bored haha…er should we h-head back?"
"If that's what you want."
Asmodeus turns away from you. "I just want you to know that since this marriage is just a title I'll be sticking to my usual. Hope you don't mind~" He walks away humming to himself.
Your brows furrow…that man. Why'd he have to do all that? You weren't expecting anything different in the first place?
You let out a huge sigh. Was this going to be the norm from now on?
Well at least you both were on the same page about the marriage…. but you couldn't help but think a serious misunderstanding just occurred.
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puppyeared · 10 months ago
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i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand
#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona#its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around#one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them#making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth#i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since#memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an#association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont#fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell#on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one#dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong#despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them#interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing#i struggle find a balance between those two things#actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of#her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard#or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it??#maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard#although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh#yapping#oc talk#oc
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nerime · 7 months ago
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my coworkers are being turbo transphobic and literally refuse to listen to answers to questions they fucking ask argh!!! I can just tell you!!! I can just answer you!!!!! I have answers!!! to the ridiculous questions you ask in a mocking way!!!! if you listen for one second I can just fucking explain!!!! 😡😭😡😭
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infiniteseriesofhalfways · 2 days ago
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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dailykugisaki · 8 months ago
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Day 124 | id in alt
A little bit of a rematch and my opinion on why you never see Mai's six(seven) shooter again.
Read from left to right.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#zenin mai#i was on that crazy shit when coloring thay in-between panel#i just wanted to make it look like it was two seconds short of being a comically fucked impact frame#we all know mai was tweaking the fuck out when her gun shattered it took her half a business day to walk up to Kugisaki and try to shake he#they hate eachother they do violence#Kugisaki had another nail in her hand but its blocked off by the thick ass borders lmao#writing for Kugisaki is like breathing air#IM FUCKING SERIOUS BTW IF I SEE ANU SLANDER ON KUGISAKI I WILL FUCKING CAST 1000#1000 PLAUGES UPON YE I WILL NOT TOLERATE SLANDER ON MY GIRLS NAME FRRR#Plus tbh. be creative with it. Jjk fans regurgitate the same shit over and over snd most of the ones i see cant comprehend shit unless#unless its shoved down their throats and even then its like a 50/50#anyway i just love thinking Kugisaki always just bites back shes built like that built aggressive#bear agenda Kugisaki is still hear yall trust trust#also now i low-key have a simmering animosity towards Fushiguro. some people just make me mad. its almost getting as bad as the#the hate i have for yuta. i will not explain myself and i WILL mind my own Business#i will draw yuta for other folks tho#its whatever your honor#maybe my sodium intake is catching up with me#the lizard comment low-key stems from the fact i aggressively called the queen of England a biped lizard#i dont fade into weird political theories but it was kinfa funny to me#ive been thinking about making an au where Kugisaki is a robot. trust i can make anything work#i will not elaborate
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