#this is. more depressing than intended

[woodcries]

𝐊𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐃𝐖𝐈𝐑 + 𝐓𝐕 𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐒.

[taub-truther]

would you please grant us some more delicious taub headcanons

AAAAA yes SO happily!! Some things I've been pondering on here and there (spoilers ahead):

Taub is clinically depressed and has GAD. He treats his conditions with medication but keeps making excuses not to go to therapy. He thinks he should be smart enough to figure it out on his own, and he rationalizes his way out of it. Plus, who has the time, right?

In med school, he experienced a wicked case of Gifted Kid Burnout. He mentions being Class President in high school, and we know his CV is stacked as hell (prestigious publications, humanitarian work, etc.) to the point that Foreman, Mr Type-A himself, is completely blown away. Yet Taub is ashamed of it because he feels he never lived up to that potential. Sounds like a classic case of burnout. He was (and still remains deep down) an idealistic kid who wanted to change the world because it was his calling, his responsibility, as a Special Smart Boy (ie his god complex). But at some point he hit a wall and never fully recovered. This is one of the reasons behind his suicide attempt.

His ongoing issues stem once again from this central feeling of failure, of not being Enough. He insists he had a pretty happy childhood, normal parents who are still together etc., and thus feels like there's no "reason" for him to feel this way. Yet he does. And for the record, the life of a Gifted Kid with all the potential in the world can absolutely crush you under the weight of expectation, which is what happened to him.

His "backup career" as a plastic surgeon could be fulfilling because he did feel like he was helping people and had a measurable level of material success/status. But it also messed with his physical esteem. The nose, the height, the hairline, he's heard it all and while he acts like he's above being bothered, he's absolutely racked with insecurities.

So if he feels he doesn't "measure up" (literally or figuratively) what does a little man with an inferiority complex do? Cope, baby! He compulsively finds tangible ways to seek out approval of himself as a man, and I think his cheating stems from this existential discontent. He needs to prove to himself that he's wanted and good at something. Turns out what he's good at is sex. (As House himself says, uhh his nose ain't the only thing that's big. 🤐)

But obviously the validation of proving his own desirability comes with the flipside of crushing guilt, and that's where Taub's ability to rationalize anything really save his ass... at least until the Porsche incident which proves even in his own mind that Rachel is simply a better partner than he deserves. The cycle of failed expectations continues to grind Taub beneath its millstone.

[oeuvrinarydurian]

It’s ONE WORD WEDNESDAY.

You know the (new) rules. Choose a GIF or image that illustrates, to you, the meaning of the word. We do this obviously under protest, because we have no new half nakedness. Reblog with tags within this thread because we want to see everybody’s choices, etc. 

The past two Wednesday words have been beautifully oblique. I have been giving this a lot of thought, and took @jessieren’s comment that she tries to come up with a word around a photo she happens to want to use to heart.

I hope you find the myriad possibilities in this week’s word. 

Today’s word is…..

Morse.

[whump-n-comfort]

i've noticed a common generic idea beneath my fave stories

[blueshistorysims]

February 13th, 1931, Henford-on-Bagley, England

Byron’s 36th birthday passed without much fanfare. It felt cruel to throw a party, and he was expected to be in London the next day regardless. The dinner was small, and the cake was nothing more than a plain pound cake. It felt odd celebrating for some reason, though Byron couldn’t discern why. 

After dinner, Eleora brought him to her art studio, old servant rooms whose walls had been knocked down. She spent much of her free time there, like how Byron spent most of his extra time in the library and office. She had her paints, and he had his books. It looked much cleaner/emptier than it normally was, mostly due to Eleora holding an exhibition soon in Liverpool.

“You really thought I didn’t have a birthday gift?”

“Well, I said I did not want anything.”

“I don’t care,” she replied, gesturing to a large painting on the wall featuring Simon-Elliot and Amalia. 

“...Eleora. It’s lovely.” He turned to face her, smiling. “It’s our children.”

“Indeed it is, darling. You would not believe how difficult it was to get them to stay in that pose.”

He chuckled. “And how did you do it?”

“I took a photograph.”

“Smart.”

“Did you name the painting?”

“Lord Simon-Elliot and Lady Amalia Walsh, 1931. Not very original.”

“No, I like it. Very direct,” he mused, leaning over to kiss his wife.

She giggled. “Perhaps we should take this to our room.”

“Too far,” he grumbled.

A knock quickly broke the couple apart, they looked to see Montgomery standing in the doorway. Byron hadn’t failed to notice that today was the first time his Scottish friend wore dining clothes since before Samira had died. 

“I was wonderin’ where ya two scuttled off to.”

“Eleora painted our children as a birthday present.”

The former doctor nodded, stepping into the art studio and staring at the painting. “Where has time gone?” He muttered to himself quietly.

Eleora stared at Byron, a quizzical look forming on her face. He knew her too well to not know what she wanted. “Montgomery?”

He looked up. “Sorry. I interrupted ya. Good night.”

“Wait,” Byron said, stepping forward. “...Would you like to stay?”

The Scotsman frowned, almost uncomfortable, but Eleora stepped forward and took his hands gently.

“When was the last time someone touched you, Montgomery? Held you?” She stood on her toes and kissed his forehead, as Byron smiled sadly and offered his hand out. 

“You are cared for, you know, even if it is not romantic love,” he said slowly, watching as the former doctor’s eyes canvased a thousand emotions.

Finally, he reached out and took Byron’s hand, simply nodding his head. “Alright.”

beginning/previous/next

[mxwhore]

im sorry

[peridotsarelongterm]

Thinking about City on the Edge of Forever again.

Thinking about how in the original script (I think?), McCoy was supposed to fall hard for Edith Keeler.

Thinking about how something initially happened in 1930 to make the Enterprise disappear for a bit there. And how Kirk and Spock deduced that it started with Bones and Edith.

And, finally, thinking about McCoy having an odd memory sometimes - something that flits through his thoughts just before he wakes up, or when he’s feverish - that there was actually a time that he and his dream girl were together, that she’d been his before she was Kirk’s, and how it had been one of the happiest times in his life, but that it had also resulted in unspeakable horrors for other people.

He doesn’t understand it, but he thinks about it. Because weirder things have happened to him. And because if it is true, maybe his worst fear isn’t unfounded, and maybe this really is some kind of horrible constant — that there is no universe in which McCoy’s happy ending doesn’t come at the expense of others.

[monster-noises]

I fuckin.. I need I need my art to be better man..

I need it to be looser, i need more Life, more Energy, more Colour!!!!! more Stylization!!!!!!! more SHAPES!!!!!! Mood Mood and Tone and Feeling!!!!!!!!!!

and less whatever weird archaic constraints I am holding from Highschool that I can't seem to shake off

I need to Break It a little bit, I need to Bend it until it Sings again..

[sojutrait]

actually i’m doing some deep scrolling and did we ever get backstory on eileen’s parents???

we haven’t!! but i retroactively gave it some thought once i realized i wanted to play with her long term and not just through uni djrkfk. basically both her parents were hardcore workaholics with no intention to have a kid (she was an accident god bless) so eileen spent the majority of the time with her grandparents! eventually around the time she was 13 they got full custody and she moved to copperdale with them which is where she went to hs. her grandpa died a little bit before the gameplay started so that’s why it was just her and her grandma hehe

[lovelesslittleloser]

I don’t give a fuck if it’s ‘beneath me’, children’s novels are where it’s at

[vegley]

hi guys i am pretty bored

[oilith]

My fic notes

I want to write them all, but i have no energy :') i made something quick tho, so i won't forget lol. They're both about lilith's aroace identity, and the bottom one i've wanted to do for a while, but couldn't find words. I got VERY inspired after watching apology tour tho, and i think i finally got something down

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[aibybirb]

Here's my take on the 'grave robbing or archeology?' question.

It never stops being technically grave robbing, but at some point, the deceased person's life becomes so far removed from the present that sadness and sympathy are no longer attached to their life/death.

In other words, if someone cares whether a person's remains are removed from their grave, it's grave robbing.

If there's no one left alive that cares, it's archeology.

[rosesradio]

🚬