#house headcanons

[walktozipperhead]

the diagnostics team 🤝 flirting with minors

[ur-fave-lived]

james wilson lived!

[iknowthislooksbad]

House MD 2024 Headcanons

Cuddy implements medical AI to help out with diagnosing patients faster. The whole episode is dedicated to House outsmarting the computer. Obnoxiously. (cue the futility of machine learning.) parallel to House vs God

Chase is a Twitch streamer. He is partial to fortnite. He has 34 devoted viewers, and that is all.

13 is an avid tumblr user, and is popular for her series, "Quotes from my Boss." Wilson follows her, but he never mentions it.

When Cameron gets fully pissed at House, she uploads her POV to Reddit's AITA page. Is it skewed? Absolutely.

Taub plays pickleball a lot.

Foreman discovers slam poetry. No further elaboration.

Wilson kills a man. House helps him evade law enforcement. Season finale?

Kutner gets really good at fortnite so he can humiliate chase on twitch. he regularly antagonizes him, and Chase has a sworn vendetta against the elusive 920NoScope69.

Cuddy closely follows the health gurus online. She gives herself oral flush by trying to make sourdough bread with her own yeast. She deletes Instagram permanently.

Paintball episode

House watches Young Sheldon as a guilty pleasure. He hates it. He loves it.

Cameron and 13 both discover crochet. They make eachother hats every holiday season. Cameron wears her hat every time the weather dips below 55 degrees.

House develops his own hot sauce line. Wilson finds it tasteful. He gifts Cuddy a few sauces for her birthday. She enjoys it with eggs.

[househrt]

assorted House headcanons

Thirteen is happily cis, but she's pronoun indifferent. he explored his gender as a teenager but they eventually realised they're not trans. she has a better understanding of their gender now though, so he doesn't think of it as time wasted or anything

Park & Kutner would be best friends that do so much mischief and so many fun crimes together

Stacy is trans, Cuddy is trans, Wilson is trans, House is accidentally a chaser but he doesn't realise

Lesbians: comphet Cameron/transfem egg Chase

Wilson is autistic and doesn't like physical contact unless he's drunk enough that it stops feeling like sandpaper. He forces himself to mask at work so he can comfort patients with a hand on their shoulder anyway, but he wishes he didn't have to

When Wilson is living with House in season 2, House waits til Wilson leaves for work and then he burrows onto the couch to soak up the Wilson-smell left on it

[cupidsworstcrime]

Greg House Headcanons - 💊

---

sfw

He's not big on PDA, but once when you were going to have lunch with him, he was so exhausted that he actually kissed your forehead in the middle of the hall.

He doesn't believe in pet names, he (affectionately) calls you dumbass

You're the one that asked him out, he stood you up. Twice. You gave up, but then he asked you out, you were tempted to stand him up, but Wilson convinced you that he was actually going to show up

You've offered to have an open relationship, cause him and Wilson seem too close for their own good, he turned it down. But considering Wilson is his 'soulmate' you don't consider it cheating. It's just you, your boyfriend, and your boyfriend's husband.

Surprisingly, he "doesn't" pick favorites at work, he has yelled at you more times than you care to remember. He's just a good doctor, it has nothing to do with your relationship. (He definitely has favorites.)

nsfw

A surprising amount of stamina, annoyingly so. You LOVE that he lasts longer than a minute, but after 3 hours when your cunt is sore, you're drooling into a pillow and he still has more to give, you genuinely think about killing him.

He once called you Wilson during sex, sparking that 'open relationship' conversation again.

He once called you Cuddy once during sex. Which you did not understand as much as the Wilson thing (He made it up to you after you refused to cuddle him)

You're like 87% sure he's into cucking but he denies it.

He's not super kinky, he likes breeding, tying your wrists sometimes, but he's not one to be rough.

[wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt]

One thing about Gregory House is that he's so ridiculous that I would believe almost any headcanon about him. Do you think he's secretly a phone sex operator? I can see that. You headcanon that he takes random vacations to go look for the Loc Ness Monster? Yup, he definitely does. Was he a part of a polygamous cult during college? That makes sense. Did he buy a Burkin? I bet he hides it in his closet. Do you think that he's secretly terrified of goldfish? Totally believable.

[soultragedy]

my house hcs but they progressively get worse.

my fav is the last one with chase in an estrogen bottle !!!!!

[taub-truther]

May I ask you about fave canon taubner moments and your taubner headcanons? :3

hi anon! So, my fave moment between Taub and Kutner is, of course, the moment when they got the absolute shit scared right out of them in the morgue

Just... the fact that their first instincts are to absolutely cling to each other??

That Taub instantly tucks his arm around Kutner's and runs away dragging Kutner back with him?? (maybe he was trying to hide behind Kutner and Kutner wouldn't let him 😭💀)

And then Kutner wraps his other arm around Taub as if his folder is a shield??

It's just goofy and fun and like five seconds of screen time! Love it.

Now I can't say I have a ton of headcanons for these two, or any pairing really, since I don't consider myself a Taub shipper in general, but if I were to speculate, I'd say:

Kutner actually has the most profound positive influence on the way Taub conducts himself for the rest of the series after Kutner's death. That relationship had to mean a lot to him.

I also think Taub is perpetually haunted by what could have been. What if he hadn't brushed off this other man when he tried to reach out? What if they had spent more time together? What if they had developed a meaningful connection beyond acting as each other's workplace psychoanalysts?

If they had actually taken the time to hang out, they would have had so much fun together! We know Taub and Foreman spent a lot of time gaming together, watching sports, etc. You're gonna tell me Kutner wouldn't have loved to geek out over Dr. Who right alongside Taub?? Their hangouts would have been lovely! And if other stuff happens, well. That's okay too 😌

At some point Kutner would have absolutely brought Taub along to a family function during Taub's sad bachelor phase... and I get the sense the Kutners would've loved him. "You should invite your friend over for dinner again sometime!"

I could see Taub reverting a bit to his college self when he's hanging out with Kutner. He loves the feeling, but Kutner recognizes that it's probably not all that good for him, so he tries to mix in some grownup shit for them to do, just to keep Taub properly socialized.

[movingonexceptnot]

House looking up at Wilson in s3 ep7 while saying "destroy my privacy, destroy my dignity" (after telling a guy if he answers his questions he will let him ask anything) has me chewing on wood wtf are you hiding??? Your undying love for Wilson???

We know

[yourfaveisomegaverse]

Dr. Gregory House from House is an Omega

[those2fireboys]

do you think House couldn’t stand the sound of Billy Joel after Wilson dies? do you think he has to leave the room when he hears Leave a Tender Moment Alone? Does it remind him too much of being bored in New Orleans and the soft face of a man he’ll never see again?

[locke-esque-monster]

There's a part of me that wants to think that House MD is a spiritual successor to Mash (which is a whole separate post). It's fascinating to me because outside of one brief reference in the early seasons to Trapper John, and the whole similar "POV of the patient" episodes, there aren't really any references to Mash within House. And frankly, I'm surprised their aren't unless it was deliberate on the part of the creators. But I honestly prefer to believe Greg House within the confines of the show itself is actually an old Mash fan.

Picture it with me, will you...

A young 13 year old Gregory getting obsessed with the show. In part because it's anti-military and anti-authority sentiment pisses off his dad. But he also loves it's mix of drama, goofiness, and quick-witted banter.

He mostly gets to keep watching it because his Mom also likes it, it reminds her of the quick banter of old screwball comedies of her youth.

Sixteen year old Greg being torn between appreciating the accurate harsh reality of killing off Henry Blake, and the fact he wants to write angry letters to the studio on behalf of his mom because the episode made her cry.

Do you remember in Sherlock (2010) how Mycroft brought up that Sherlock had the mind of a great thinker, but chose to be a detective? And his original hope was to be a pirate? I think of that when I think of how Greg became a doctor. He was never going to be the empathetic doctors he saw on Mash, but the show did infuse an interest in medicine he never quite shook.

Imagine Greg at 24, exhausted from med school and a little choked up watching the finale of a show he's spent half his life watching.

Greg starting our his doctor's career with a hatred of doctor's coats like Hawkeye hated uniforms. He knows it's a cliché for doctors of this era to love Mash so it's his own dirty little secret. The thought of wearing a Hawaiian shirt one day has crossed his mind, but is ultimately rejected because it's not worth the teasing, or really his style.

Greg brings his love of banter and hatred of authority right into his work environment. He also has had no problem mixing the bleak with a sense of humor, maybe a residual effect of so many episodes of Mash.

He also maybe took Henry's season 1 speech about doctors not being able to save young men from dying maybe a bit too seriously, and that mixed with his own cynicism has helped inform his distance from his patients.

House meeting Cuddy and him taking great joy from their Margaret/Hawkeye "pushing back against authority but also kind of flirting" . He knows it'll never work, but damn if it isn't fun. It's fantasy straight out of his teenage years.

His ducklings (Cameron, Foreman, Chase) are his other assorted characters of the camp to bounce off of - the Radars, Klingers, and whatnot. He'll run circles around them verbally, but they have the potential to surprise him with a good idea or a clever comment.

When he met Wilson, it was like meeting his own tentmate in the Swamp. He maybe envisioned a little of having their own Swamp when he convinced Cuddy to move Wilson in next door. He was always sure Wilson was his BJ, with his commitment to his wives - even if maybe he went through them like Trapper did with nurses. But when Wilson left after Amber's death, he wondered if Wilson was maybe really his Trapper all along and his BJ didn't exist. When Wilson came back, House immediately thought back to BJ coming back to Hawkeye in the finale.

Wilson is the only one, other than his mother, who knows of his secret love of Mash. Wilson is also fond of it (he maybe internalized Hawkeye's commitment to his patients). And he sees a bit of Hawkeye in House's sense of humor. They occasionally watch it together and will makes jokes about it when the team or Cuddy aren't around. That said, Wilson has to convince House every so often that "No, we're not building our own still."

[icarusredwings]

Headcanon that Dr. Gregory House is like owning a high-energy working line terrier (bred to work) who is an absolute menace to society if he doesn't actively have a job. Without a case, he's distracting, disruptive, disSTRUCTive, and disregulated. I imagine he's an older Jack Russell that by rights should have calmed down by now, but he's still 9 years old, hunting rats day and night. Or.. you could say.. Mice.

Yknow. For the mouse bites.

Shamless self-promotion:

[lilysandhyacinths]

okay here me out

The Rosiers having a house near the beach it’s light pink, 3 story’s, and one of those slanted houses.

During the summer Evan would walk over to the beach with a bucket and gather jellyfish, he would then walk back, go to the attic or ‘lab’ and dissect it.

He would also really like algae and seaweed

[silly-lil-guy-asher]

Y'ALL I'VE FIGURED IT OUT

House is either borderline or narcissistic. Idk which tho let's decide

If you don't know what those are explanation below the cut

Borderline personality disorder(BPD):

"A mental disorder characterized by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships.

The cause of borderline personality disorder isn't well understood. Diagnosis is made based on symptoms.

Symptoms include emotional instability, feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, impulsivity, and impaired social relationships."

Narcissistic personality disorder(NPD):

"A disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance.

Narcissistic personality disorder is found more commonly in men. The cause is unknown but likely involves a combination of genetic and environmental factors.

Symptoms include an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others' feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement."

[wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt]

House's problem isn't that he lacks empathy. It's that he has too much. He cares to the point that it's self-destructive. That's why he avoids interacting with patients like the plague because he knows that he'll care. He knows that he'll get attached, and he can't cope with that kind of vulnerability. House can empathize with and understand people so well that if he didn't constantly fight against it, he'd lose himself. He insults people and hurts people, and pushes them away as a survival tactic. Nobody spends that much time trying to convince people they don't care when they actually don't care. He has experienced so much heartbreak and abuse that he's learned his only way to survive is to push people away. He's not just trying to convince others he doesn't care. He's trying to convince himself, too. And he fails every single time. Because Gregory House loves people. He relates to them, he cares about them, and he feels vast amounts of empathy for them. He never gives up on patients, and he'll try to convince you that it's just because he loves puzzles, and while he does, it also is because he cares. When you experience that much empathy for people, it saturates every single part of your life. Every interaction you have becomes painful and overstimulating. You start to lose yourself. House is desperately trying not to drown in the minds of others. His ability to understand and care about people is what makes him a great doctor, but it's a blessing and curse. So he bites and claws and avoids and fights because it's all he can do to stay afloat. He's trying to constantly battle experiencing the emotions of others, on top of his own emotions, all at the same time.