#coping worse than i am | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rosesradio · 2 months ago

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#in hindsight (or foresight?) it’s kinda bonkers that all of my fave toxic ships being ones where the more predatory one is obsessed with—#the victim. most definitely not reflective of my own trauma lmao have you ever met a man 🧍 if you’re not putting out you’re obsolete #though ofc the former is always more interesting #anyways. definitely fully intending to look into therapy next year i cannot keep either crying myself to sleep or being numb #not related to the former statements just winter depression. also pondering…other coping…which ofc is gonna make things way worse #but all in the name of being honest #the strange thing is that i feel like everyone around me is also fully aware of everything going to shit and they’re either ignoring it or—#coping worse than i am #the thing is mostly just that the things i freak out about are real issues and not just like. anxiety things #so i have to find a way to not worry about things that actually matter so that i can function #so so tired #also staying off here/my phone more to feel a bit better. gonna listen to my audiobook #tw vent #rose.txt

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ganondoodle · 5 months ago

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just saw more on twitter about the stupid book and apparently theres a "timeline update" and supposedly hylia made the stupid magic pebbles

yeah sure, say whatever you want, theres no saving this shit anymore, lore down the drain yeehaaawww

one of my biggest fears before totk came out was that it would screw not only botw lore up but also mess with existing lore, and i hate to be right on that part, id much prefer if theyd leave whatever shit they invent as being something new and not something that has "totally always existed", they clearly dont care about lore consistency, why do they keep trying to connect things afterwards anyway

....... if im being honest, i was surprised but glad that the game didnt actually end up killing my passion for the franchise even if it made me struggle for a good while

but

the stupid book might. and im being serious.

i really just want to throw everything zelda related i ever made or bought away right now, it will only get worse from here and the sooner i can stop caring the better

"that sounds unhealthy" oh you dont say?? i am mentally ill, in fact, the passion that an obsession like that brings with it can turn into some really ugly distress, i am aware of it, i do fucking wish i could just stop caring about lore and timelines and find something else, but i cant, thats not how this works, just bc i am aware of how stupid this is doesnt mean i can change anything about it, i feel what i feel

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #ganondoodles rants #when will i be free #ngl its getting rly hard to cope with this #the game at least was still just .. shitty game #the damn book is making it all worse trying to hastily integrate anything it introduced #when the game itself was more disconnected from it as a whole than any other game #to bad i made this stupid franchise my whole personality #i am nothign without it #wish i could sue nintendo for emotional damage or soemthing #should have just ended the franchise and moved on to make a billion shitty mario pratt movies #at least it would have ended somewhat gracefully #i know im over emotional over this #i know #but again i cannot stop feeling what i feel just bc i know its dumb as shit

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criminal-sen · 5 months ago

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Reading my own ff then getting mad there's no more chapters. I fucking cliffhanged myself

#i think #no idk #maybe im doing somewhat better now? than i was? but am at a complete creative standstill rn #just am in recovery mode i think #also my problems havent gone away and some of them are worse. just how im coping w them has improved a tiny bit #:D fun this is a fun post #oh yah so one of my problems might be carpel tunnel (need to book a doc appt to find out)#so like. spending all my free time drawing/writing is just. i cant without making it worse #(be it carpel tunnel or smth else it is definitely a wrist injury of some kind and uh. it hurts)

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kraro-school-life · 8 months ago

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I got full points in my philosophy exam!! 😭 The teacher handed it back just saying "this is perfect". I feel so content rn ❤️

#(I felt like I did worse than in the first semester #so this was a nice 'surprise' - not that I was expecting much less but still)#It´s the fact that all other good students only got a 95 #I´m posting about it here because I need to cope with my parents only ever telling me 'I did good' and only ever that #which - valid - but I am afraid your daughter needs at least some genuine praise...#eldest daughter things #drug of choice: academic validation #academic validation #academic weapon #study motivation #study inspiration #studyblr #karoupdates #karoriginal

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outlying-hyppocrate · 5 months ago

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well. did you fucking miss me.

#random thoughts #apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it #i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful #which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain #i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough #and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary #fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW #I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT #I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW #(<- tags canceled for now)

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lesbianleonardo · 2 years ago

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read the michaelanglo macro issue and ohhh my fucking god ojhhhhh my god

anyway. this page was really cute

#I HAVE. SO MANY THOUGHTS.#so wooo ramble in the tags #how splinter talks to leo actually makes me so ill #also the way the three of them try to justify the children in the foot clan is so interesting #raphael saying how it would be good for self defense because he was on the streets knowing Nothing and had no support #the children being a part of the foot is awful but at least they won’t be on the streets alone #and then donnie and leo knowing there’s no where else with resources and they just Can’t say no to splinter #i got my jenny crumbs too. i’m so excited to see more of her #and godddd just everything about mikey. i really enjoy the amount of love and care idw puts into his character #he misses the father he knew and he’s not afraid to stand up to the man he is now #‘you’re Worse than shredder’ OUGH.#and then his brothers cheering him on after winning :) he did what they couldn’t do!#i’m so excited to see what splinter’s future holds. i really hope this gets through his head that he need to change (i am coping and hoping)#ok ramble over #idw #idw mikey #idw leo #tmnt idw #idw tmnt #tmnt #turtle talks

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angelstrawbabie420 · 4 months ago

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in my quest to quell my pain ive only hurt myself worse. damned if i do damned if i dont.

#i need better coping mechanisms but it’s so easy to just turn to substances when you’ve never learned how to cope w your emotions #and physical pain. however a lot of it has been brought on by the substance abuse aka i did it to myself #so i probably deserve it #but i started with them in the first place to get rid of pain that was so overwhelming and constant #it feels like every time i do something to preserve myself im punished for it #and im so sick of it. i cant believe its gotten this bad #i drink to help the pain -> i get hungover and the pain is way worse -> i drink to stop that pain #and the worst part is it always works #realistically ive depended on substances for like a decade #i started drinking at 13 and fell into a rut of alcoholism at like 15/16 #my mom was going thru a phase of alcoholism and roped me into it so bad if be woken up by her bringing me a drink at 9 am #and we’d drink till she passed out and i had to walk her to bed and cook for everyone and do all the chores #it went on for months one summer #then it was weed and i smoked every day from like 18-22 #only thing thwt stopped me from drinking until i started again after both my parents died #i havent recovered since.#im still so traumatized and depressed that i looked for any method of relief #the dph phase was the worst. i think alc is even better than that lmfao it was horrible #once i got access to alc i stopped all that. wouldnt have if i hadnt had alc tho #it’s honestly been one addiction after the other for a decade #and my parents fueled so much of it #‘oh id rarher you drink under my eye than do it behind my back’#BRUH YOU WOULDNT LET ME GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING. HOW WOULD THWT HAVE HAPPENED #crazy how i was obsessed w drugs and shit by the time i was 10 and i remember thinking wow im gojna grow up to be an addict.#why am i so irreparably fucked up #idk whatever. like im not gonna drink abt it lmao.

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n3ongold3n · 5 months ago

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I literally need someone to hold a gun to my head so i can write anything for this thesis

#i am wasting so many days of my life trying and yet procrastinating #and robbing myself of sleep and flooding my system with constant stress hormones #and y e t #i can't press a word out of myself #but i have to and it has to make sense even. ideally look like i haven't wasted a week 🙃#i can't focus for shit in this heat either #i should get the tomato timer. try for 15 minutes at least. wish me luck.#pomodoro method is nothing like a gun to the head but what can you do #perso #sorry for the whining i just.#rather this than other worse coping mechanisms

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finalgirlgretchen · 3 months ago

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i can't even tell if i FEEL bad or if i'm just going through the motions of someone who feels bad in order to convince myself that i do

#because like. i'm probably fine. i can't imagine i'm struggling particularly worse than anyone else #i really think these are just normal mental issues. like i guess slightly low self-esteem and prob mild depression or whatever. but normal #if not better and more cope-able than normal!! than average i mean!!#like in terms of the mean negative feelings of the human population. i think i am probably experiencing far less than other people.#but also i feel like i want sympathy SO badly that i. tend to say and do things to imply to myself that things are #worse than they really are. maybe.#and all the pretending has convinced me that i'm ACTUALLY doing poorly and deserving of sympathy.#when really! i just ACT this way!!! no mental illness necessary!!!!!#don't take this too seriously. anyway. i'm feeling really dazed today. really really hazy.#hello world

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chilpilled · 9 months ago

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if you want to impress upon your anons that chilchuck is all that matters, show them how you acted during the episode 11 watch party

i think it gets the point across

(this ask is sent with much love)

ok but in my defense there were a lot of scenes without chilchuck….how was a chuckster like me supposed to survive!! i dont watch chilchuck meshi to see laios slay a dragon or whatever

#asks #this makes me look worse than i am i swear. i wasnt like that the whole time #i did pull up a chil png for enrichment but that was to help me cope

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famewolf · 10 months ago

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a shot of whiskey at night has been doing wonders for my nerves. not to sound like I got my prescription from a cowboy-doctor or something, but it's near instant relief

#[static]#my ocd has been worse than it has been in months and it makes me feel feral-animal levels of anxious #as a general rule I never drink; never much liked the taste of it #the anxiety has been so bad that I've been trying all sorts of remedies on top of the healthy coping tools I have in my pocket #I'm not currently insured so I can't go to my normal doctor and ask for anxiety medication #but the moment I get insurance again in June ... you can bet I'll be making some phone calls #I just need to be conked over the head and put to sleep for a month maybe that'll help #I turned to trying whiskey as a last ditch effort and I'm grateful its helped ... settles my nerves enough where I can actually sleep #and not wake up still in a state of deep stress and anxiety #do not take this as medical advice if you're experiencing anxiety/ocd #i know my limits very well and am highly aware of the downward slope that self-medicating can lead to #*gestures to my entire family* I've learned from their history and have always been hyper aware of vices/crutches #but when a man can't sleep nor think except for the constant spiral of anxiety sometimes you have to find temporary aid

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himblebo · 4 months ago

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I just want to be allowed to scream at my sister the way she screams at me. I want to be allowed to slam doors and throw things and break things. I want to be allowed to react to the way she treats us and not be called selfish.

#hot fucking take but I don’t really see much dialogue on how fucking traumatizing it can be to live with an autistic person #whose autism outwardly manifests the most behaviorally #her not being able to help being dysregulated does not negate how fucking scary it is #to be on the receiving end of that behavior #and to be conditioned for your entire life that you’re bad if you react in any way #this is less about neurodivergence than it is about my fucking mother #especially because I’m likely on the spectrum as well #but if someone that wasn’t autistic did those same things it would be considered an abusive environment #I’m not saying that my sister is abusive #but I am saying that it is so incredibly emotionally damaging to live in this house #any harm done to me by the screaming and throwing and breaking things is not even allowed to be considered #because she ‘can’t help herself’#and the quotes there are again less about neurodivergence than my mother #because my sister actually has really solid coping skills… when my mother is not involved #my mother will make excuses and enables her in a way that is so frustrating #my sister would actually do much better if she were living in a dorm/group home like she previously was #but that costs a lot of money #and so she lives here with my enabling permissive mother #and is more dysregulated than she has been in YEARS #because so many of the skills and coping tools she learned at her resident program #she has completely stopped utilizing because she doesn’t have to #because instead of trying to work through it my mother will make excuses for her #so instead of trying to work through it she screams so loud my ears ring #and slams doors so hard they break #and throws things in a way that makes me scared she’s going to hurt one of us #but if I display any reaction to what in any other circumstance would be recognized as a frightening and harmful situation #I’m making things worse and I’m being selfish #I’m like. fine. in the way that I’ve had to be my whole life.#which is mostly dissociating and spending as little time home as possible #but every time it happens it makes me wish I was not alive

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hotsugarbyglassanimals · 1 month ago

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it's probably the sunnier weather that's doing stuff to my brain to make me more optimistic but it's so interesting having a brain that craves a lot of self-fulfillment to the point where I can move past some hang-ups around perfection by going "oh I really wanna do that though" and then I do it well because researching how to do it right is also a rewarding part of the process

#it comes with the double edged sword of dropping projects as soon as they become a bit more involved/difficult #or when they don't feel fulfilling #but maybe it's better to take a break and come back to something with new knowledge ?#maybe it's good that my brain has a built in 'if it sucks hit da bricks' function ?#i just wish that i had more stamina for these things when they start lacking intrinsic rewards #it just feels like compared to my other family members i lose steam very very quickly and since we all have the same disorder i should be-#- 'just as capable'... but honest to god my under-activity feels SO severe #it honestly feels like compared to others my threshold for mental exhaustion is half the normal benchmark it should be #you know how there were studies done that found that 4 hours is the maximum amount of time people can work before a decline in efficiency?#i swear to god when the activity is something i have no internal reward for it takes 1-2 hours for that decline to start. and my brain -#- crashes HARD. my eyes start to glaze over. i start forgetting how to speak. my brain starts acting like it's 2-3 am and that i need to -#- sleep. i don't push myself not because i coddle myself but because i perform WAY worse. my work becomes unintelligible #or if it's some other kind of task (such as cleaning) my brain desperately tries to take shortcuts in order to get it done #i am trying to avoid a situation where i have to fix up the shitty job i did after the fact!#it's just kind of crazy to me how this is viewed as laziness LOL 'you did a bad job!' because i was pushed past my limit!#not to mention... i get burned out for DAYS if i push myself too hard. i am trying to conserve my efficiency #if you want me to do a better job... i need more time. and trust me: i'll do an excellent job if you let me rest #i am a very smart and capable person who cares about doing a good job - and i have a fine eye for smaller details as well #the trade-off here is i'll need some time to find joy and fulfillment somewhere else for a little bit while i rest. let me excel ok?#idk where this high self esteem came from other than like. realizing i wrote an entire research proposal in such short time #while receiving positive feedback with very few notes for improvement. i just sat down an added another section today based on -#-feedback and realized like 'wait. i know what i'm doing and i probably care about this far more than the average classmate'#i've been having a lot of thoughts lately and i sort of want to get to the bottom of how i have a difficult time coping w/ burnout #and i also want to figure out how to offset the costs of the stuff i need to do... it's a process

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katyspersonal · 1 year ago

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I really feel like such a helpless adult baby sometimes. Some things just take too long while to heal, and even when I think I've got no more pain left, something refuels it. Some wounds feel like putting a fireplace somewhere in innermost part of one's being; as long as it is there, there is a risk of someone throwing fuel in it and making it burn. And these fireplaces are so, SO darn hard to uninstall. Just.. how do I heal this?

#/vent #personal #yes it is about A again #I just can't believe that for her someone being rude when hurt/harmed/scared/belittled/etc is-#-much worse than stalking harassment bullying and lying #and that she wanted to take revenge at me for words I took back THAT SAME DAY to the-#-point of hurting two other mutuals she liked that never did anything to her at all #like.... I just can't cope with the fact that someone wanted to harm me to the point of willing to-#-pay a PRICE to do that #and over what? over me blowing up when she told me I was wrong about who the stalker was #also when they got caught after sending message off anon on accident A also pretended that-#-she never doubted who it was #like dude? you deadass told me I was wrong because you 'asked them and they said no'#for someone who lied SO many times A sure is strangely oblivious to the fact that guilty people can lie!#i just wish it stopped hurting already #like every time I think I got over it something 'fuels the fire' again #how I am 26 and still feel shocked that some people are JUST cruel and treacherous? for no reason?

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gaytobymeres · 3 months ago

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i still feel literally awful about my project like its making me feel ill with worry

#i feel marginally better than yesterday but i dont feel great #im like. considering changing my entire project #im hoping its just a misunderstanding but idk #im trying to work on other uni stuff and im struggling because i cant stop thinking about yesterday #i dont want to do something useless. but i was literally asked to do this project?? idk im so confused #and im panicking which never allows for good judgement #i just wish i didnt feel so terrible #everyone else had really cool ideas that were well received #which makes me feel even worse #like. it was humiliating. and i feel ive been misunderstood/misinterpreted which i never cope well with #god my grade for it is gonna be terrible i can just tell #which is fine in the sense of its a 'best two of three' type thing. so as long as i do okay in the other two presentations its fine #im trying to think of it as a learning experience but its hard #i was also earnestly looking for jobs today because i really am considering just walking away #which feels dramatic but also my mental health is so so bad rn its not funny

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heartshattering · 6 months ago

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I SLEPT (⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

#(without taking more pills)#I was so tempted to because I did need to be awake for something at a certain time today #but I knew that even if I'd sleep faster with more pills I'd sleep worse and be groggier in the morning #so I used my non-medicine coping strategies to fall asleep and they worked #I am so grateful that YouTube and podcasts exist #I think the tea I drink helps a little too even if it might be placebo but it tastes good either way so I don't care #and I also make up lists in my mind #my thoughts never really stop so might as well try to distract myself with something that isn't too 'heavy'#I really thought I wasn't going to be able to sleep and I'm still surprised that I did #but I have been trying to cope better and not use more meds than I need to #I am trying

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