#this is my future husband i am officially claiming him no one else is allowed to take him

[chet-ho7mgren]

Perfection from head to toe 😍😍😍

[visforvengeance]

944 miles

Requested by: no one<3

Notes: Hi! So sorry I took so long to post this lmao. Um this will be a series. I haven't worked out how many chapters there will be but I do know how I want at least the next two chapters to be. If you've seen my last post where I posted a snippet of it, then you know I had an OC named Rue Winston. That will be changed and the only thing that will remain is the last name and no character description will be involved but do know I had black!reader in mind. Thanks for reading <3

Pairing: Carmen Berzatto x Reader

Warnings: cursing? she/her pronouns. i think that's it. it's only the first chapter so nothing too crazy going on.

masterpost

Fatima rushed to the Berzatto Family Salon door with her young daughter by her side. Fatima wouldn’t have been late if it weren’t for her babysitter canceling at the last minute. The poor child was just too young to care for herself. 

As Fatima frantically searched around the building for Donna, her hairstylist, Y/N sat idly by. She played with the toys her mother had gotten her for her 5th birthday, which was just a few months before. When Fatima’s eyes landed on Donna’s, they reflected a range of emotions. 

Donna felt bad for the young mother, having three kids of her own, she knew what Fatima was suffering. Donna’s eyes traveled to the playing toddler on her floor, not a care for the outside world. She reminded her of her own child, Carmen, the youngest. 

“Donna! I’m so sorry I’m late. My babysitter bailed last minute and I had no one else to watch her,” Fatima was on the verge of tears. This wasn’t the future she imagined when she found out she was with child. 

Her husband, Ezra, had walked out on his family when their daughter was 2 years old. He had claimed he never wanted a child in the first place. 

“Ok ok ok, Hun. Just take a deep breath, it’s fine. I have a son who’s around the same age as her. He’s here with me today, they could play together!”

She rushed through the door, ignoring everyone except for Carmen. He sat on his bed watching his best friend bounce around in his bedroom. 

“It’s here! It’s here! It’s here!” She squealed while clutching the unopened envelope to her chest. 

Carmen was dreading the day when they received their acceptance letters. He hadn’t told her that his college of choice was in New York. He knew that she’d d be attending college in Chicago, but fucking Carmen. He always had to strive for the best. 

He felt like shit, but the pure excitement on her face was infectious. He couldn’t help his smile as they switched envelopes, now holding each other’s futures in their hands. 

“I’ll go first, you ready?” He watched as she bit at her nails anxiously, she nodded. 

Carmen opened the letter, he spared one glance at her before he began reading. 

“Dear Ms. Winston, I am pleased to inform you that you have been accepted as an official student of the English Literature and Arts Department…” Rue’s hearing had faded as she allowed the words to process. 

When it finally hit her, she rushed into Carmen’s arms. Her tears soaked into the cotton of his shirt but he didn’t let that deter him from telling her just how proud he was of her. When they pulled away, he held her face in his hands as she took deep breaths to calm herself down. He looked into her eyes, silently asking if she was okay. She nodded, looking back into his blue ones. 

Y/N carefully tore into the letter, her eyes scanning over the paper. The Institute of Culinary Education, 225 Liberty Street, 3rd Floor, New York, NY 10281. New York? No, this can’t be. He’d tell her if he was going to New York, right?

She cleared her throat and began reading, “Dear Mr. Berzatto, we are very pleased to offer you admission into The Institute of Culinary Arts.” Her throat ran dry as she read. What the fuck?

“Why didn’t you tell me you applied for New York?”

“You’re the one who told me not to tell you,” he huffed, suddenly feeling defensive at his lack of mentioning. 

“It’s fucking New York, Carmen! I meant don’t fucking tell me if it was in the goddamn state. I thought that was obvious. Why there, anyway?”

He felt strings tugging at his heart as her voice cracked. Why did he choose New York? A 944-mile drive away from his home? His family? From the girl he loved? When making his decision, She was the last thing on his mind at the time. Mikey not allowing him to work at the family restaurant fucked with Carmen’s nerves. 

Lack of communication led to him believing that his brother thought he wasn’t good enough. So, Carmen figured “Maybe if I go to this prestigious school and become the world’s greatest chef, he’ll think I’m good enough then.” 15-year-old Carmen had made up his mind, everything else be damned. But, nothing would prepare him for the moment it came time to tell his best friend that he was leaving her. 

“It’s the best culinary school in the state,” her eyes began to water. She felt fucking elated that Carmen was getting into the school of his dreams, but it being 14 hours away was breaking her heart. She didn’t want to make him feel bad or ruin this moment, but the way she could feel herself start to sweat was overwhelming. 

She decided to drop it. She didn’t want Carmen to feel bad about his decision. Willing her tears to dry, she quickly smiled. “I’m so proud of you,” She was genuinely so proud of Carmen. She wanted nothing more than for him to succeed. If his succeeding meant she had to cheer him on from Chicago, she’d do it proudly. 

Carmen could feel the sadness radiating off of her. He knew what she was doing. The switch from being on the verge of tears to smiling brightly was a reaction he’d seen far more than he liked. Being the reason wasn’t something he liked too much, either. But, when she said that she was proud of him, he believed her. He always believed her. 

The last few days of school had been so tiring with graduation and Carmen leaving for NYC soon. She and Carmen spent as much time with each other as they could. Fatima worked a lot and Donna always had something that needed her attention. Everyone was busy. Summertime was approaching which meant Mikey had to prepare. He’s still not letting Carmen help, though. 

She sighed as she felt her back hit the mattress beneath her. She hadn’t had time to relax and take a deep breath until now. She was home alone, with no plans and a severe and excruciating lack of Carmen. She saw less of him after the pair read their acceptance letters together. She didn’t know whether it was because of the news he shared or he was just extremely busy. 

Regardless of whether they were fighting or not, Carmen never avoided her. There was no reason for him to be mad at her and she wasn’t particularly mad at him, but there was a dark cloud that hung over them. An unwavering force that bullied its way between them, you could practically see it. 

She wanted to be happy for him, but the negative feelings always crawled their way back up. Was she overreacting? This wasn’t the end of them. They could always call, visit each other, or text. It wasn’t like he was moving to another country. 

He was leaving her today. She began to panic at the thought but forced herself through it. She gathered all of the items she wanted to give to him before he left. His favorite shirt that he’s always searching for (she stole it), the matching bracelet that he’d leave on her dresser so he wouldn’t lose it, and a painting that she made for them. The painting was of them together. She spent the entire school year working on it, she made it for him after he practically begged her to do a painting for him. 

After she was done, she made her way next door. The constant ruckus could be heard outside of the door. Donna is yelling for Mikey to help his brother, Sugar and Richie are fighting over god knows what. She pushed herself through the door. It was warm inside, and it smelled like apple pie and cinnamon. It always smelled like something delicious at the Berzatto house. 

Donna noticed her first, rushing to her while calling for Mikey to come and grab the (not heavy) box from her. Donna pulled the younger girl into her warm embrace, bombarding her with questions as she always did. It never bothered her as she knew what Donna was like and loved her dearly. Donna always treated her as if she was her child, she’d look after her when Fatima was busy with work. She’d invite her on family trips, she was an unofficial family member like Richie. 

“How are you, sweetheart? You hungry? We made a little something for Bear before it’s time for him to go,” Donna held her face in her hands as she spoke. Her heart warmed at Donna’s actions. Despite her doing things like this since the moment they met, it always made her smile. She politely declined, though. She wanted to be alone with Carmen for a while. 

“I’m not hungry at the moment, Mama D, but I promise I’ll eat before I go,” Donna nodded and gave her cheeks a small pat. They spoke a little bit more before Donna left her to continue doing what she was doing. She had a habit of minimizing her emotions when something big happened. She kept a straight as she walked up the stairs to Carmen’s room, but her mind was racing. She didn’t want to think about the bad things that could happen while she and Carmen were apart. 

She pushed the door open, standing in the doorway as she watched the two brothers talk. “Dude, you’re doing it the wrong way-“

“I think I know how to properly tape up a box, Carmen.”

“You’re literally doing it wrong.”

She couldn't hold in her laughter as they bickered back and forth. Their heads snapped toward her, startled by her presence. “Jesus, fuck, bunny. You scared the shit out of me!” Mikey set down the box he was holding to rush over and hug her. She hugged him back, squeezing him a bit as she did so. “Sorry, Mikey. I wanted to see who’d get hit first,” Mikey chuckled. 

She and Mikey had a special kind of bond. She had a unique bond with each Berzatto child. But, the two of them were like siblings. Mikey was like the big brother she never had, always to her rescue if needed. When Carmen couldn’t be bothered, she had Mikey and Sugar. 

Before he could respond, Carmen cleared his throat. Mikey looked between the two, gears turning in his head. You see, Michael knew of his feelings for the girl. He was constantly trying to get Carmen to step up and admit his feelings for the girl but Carmy was always too nervous to do so, afraid he’d lose her. He couldn’t risk that. 

Mikey nodded, raising his arms in defense and he backed off, “I’ll leave you two to talk.” She sat on Carmen’s bed, looking around his room. It looked nearly empty, aside from the furniture. “Did you get a chance to look at the things I brought?” Carmen looked over everything except for the painting. He’d seen her art before, he knew how talented she was. But he feared that if he looked at it now, his heart would break all over again. 

“Yeah, everything except for the painting.” She felt her body twitch as their eyes locked. His expression was unreadable as she wondered why he hadn’t taken a glance. “Promise you’ll take a peek when you get to your dorm?” She thought she sounded fucking pathetic. ‘Please look at this painting that means so fucking much to me, it’s the least you could do.’ She wanted to throw up. 

In reality, Carmen didn’t want to look. Not because he feared he’d hate it, but because then he’d be forced back to reality. The reality that he’s in love with his best friend whom he’s about to leave for four fucking years. The reality is that he’s loved her since middle school and now it’s too late because he’s a coward. “Promise.”

She and Carmen had spent their last few hours together in his bed. The sun had fallen, and everything was packed up and ready to go. Carmen said his goodbyes to everyone, except her. She lingered somewhere nearby, watching as he hugged and kissed his family. They were both trying to prolong their last few moments together. “I’m gonna miss you,” she could hardly speak. God, did she not want to cry right now. 

“I’m gonna miss you too.” Carmen’s facade was starting to crack. He allowed it to, he only allowed himself to feel in front of her. “And don’t forget about me, either.” Her tears were streaming down her face, heavy drops landing on her shirt. Carmen couldn’t handle it anymore as he pulled her into a tight hug. Their tears soaked into the other’s shirt as they cried together. They stayed like that for what felt like hours until Mikey called for Carmen. She watched as her best friend drove away. She’d never believe you if you told her that she wouldn’t hear from him for 2 years.

[drwcn]

The Shadow Beneath the Light 

Concept: Sect Master Wen Qing & her harem of Jiang heirs demonic cultivators. CQL!Verse. 

[Part 1] Part 2

(long post, tw: scars)

~

The remnant heirs of Yunmeng Jiang all had scars, Wen Qing knew.

She discovered Jiang Yanli’s first. 

“Do you want me to help you remove them,” she had asked the oldest Jiang when her brothers brought her to Nevernight for Wen Qing to ease the ravage of demonic cultivation on their sister’s constitution. Wen Qing was good at that, erasing scars. She had helped herself along these many years; Wen Ruohan didn’t like weakness, and scars were much too telling. 

“No.” Jiang Yanli replied, and Wen Qing found her steel like resolve magnetic. 

“What they did to me cannot be undone, Wen-zongzhu.” Jiang Yanli raised a pale hand from the dark medicinal bath Wen Qng had put her in, water dripping from her wrist down to her elbow, rolling across the countless white lines that marred her once untouched skin. With a twist of her wrist, tendrils of back smoke danced between her bony fingers and gathered in her palm. 

She closed her eyes. “But they’ve paid for it.” 

There was no point in asking her how these fine scars made by thin blades came to be, or what others scars she carried that could not be seen with the eye. Nevernight received reports from Wen Chao himself when he had captured the three Jiang children. Having been raised beside him, Wen Qing knew her cousin’s nature well, and she knew even better the pettiness of his mistress Wang Lingjiao. 

...the Jiangs have fallen under our might, stripped of their powers and dignity alike...

Even Wen Ruohan had scoffed at his son’s letter in distaste and muttered “that idiot boy” before sinking back into deep meditation. In his later days, he had little energy for anything else but controlling the Yin Iron. 

It made him easy to kill. 

After she’d slain him, Wen Qing had preserved his body in her laboratory, and ordered him to be studied in detail by her healers. The physiological effects of demonic cultivation on the body: such uncharted water, so much untapped knowledge, a realm of unexplored potential. She wasn’t going to get another subject that was as readily available and un-missed as her predecessor. 

And if this just so happened to allow the three Jiangs to bear witness to his systematic disassembling while his de-brained head floated in a glass tub above her workbench... well, that was a convenient bonus. 

Wen Qing was not a nice woman. 

Fortunately, the Jiangs weren’t looking for nice. 

~

She married Jiang Yanli on an auspicious summer day. 

With the memories of Yunmeng’s vengence still so fresh in their minds and Qishan Wen’s new political foundation so precarious, it seemed wise to keep to a serious, private agenda. Yet, this was Sect Master Wen’s da’hun, an official affair if nothing else, so no corners were cut when it came to matters of ceremony and sanctity. Though it was not the lavish event that Jiang Wanyin and Wei Wuxian had dreamed of giving their sister in their youth, Wen Qing made sure that Jiang Yanli was afforded every measure of respect and dignity. 

They rose early in the morning, bathed, and meditated to clear their minds. At noon, they climbed Nevernight’s tall stairs together to bow and pay homage to the heavens and gods. There was no song, no music, just the high altitude winds in their ears as they bond themselves to each other, witnessed in full by their brothers, their parents’ spirits and their disciples. 

Then later, inside the sanctuary of their wedding suite - the only place where Wen Qing gave in to her impulse to make it as decorated and luxurious as she knew Jiang Yanli deserved and desired - the young Sect Master of Qishan Wen allowed herself to be unwrapped by her new fu’ren and to unwrap her in return. 

“It’s all yours,” Wen Qing promised within the cocoon of their canopy, the air dense with the heat of their coupling. Her body tingled in pleasure where Jiang Yanli’s hands had mapped out its planes and claimed them for herself. 

“Hm?” Her new wife laid propped on her elbow by her side, the curtain of her hair falling around her pale shoulders, lips dark, kiss-swollen, and smiling. She was the very definition of beauty, the epitome of divine, and living proof in Wen Qing’s mind that mere mortals could not taint perfection. “What’s mine?” 

Her heart, they both knew, would have to be shared. In fact, Wen Qing suspected Yanli rather preferred it this way: all of them in Wen Qing’s bed and in her life, so that none would have to be without the other. To the outside world it may seem like a harem, but Wen Qing understood without a doubt that there could be no others, nor did she want there to be. 

She reached for Jiang Yanli’s free hand, laced their fingers together and pressed a tender kiss to her palm. “Everything. All that I am - my titles, my powers, my lands - they’re yours. Fu’ren, you are my fu’ren, my legally wedded spouse, my only wife. I entrust myself, my life to you.”

“Yanli,” she whispered, caressing her wife’s - her wife, what miracle! - face with the back of her knuckles, her thumb brushing her lips open and then down under her chin, along her neck, across her clavicle and over the mount of her left breast, a motion which earned her a soft moan from Yanli’s parted lips. “I can’t turn back time, can’t undo the past, but henceforth I will do everything in my power to ensure the happiness of you future. Qishan Wen Sect lies at your feet.”

Jiang Yanli’s eyes darkened incrementally with her every word, darkened in a way that had nothing to do with the yin energy that flowed through her veins.  

“I like it when you call me fu’ren,” Jiang Yanli leaned closer, her gaze falling to Wen Qing’s lips. “Say it again.” 

“Fu- mhm!” 

Her words were lost somewhere in between them. Jiang Yanli shoved Wen Qing onto her back and caught her lips in a kiss that was truly too filthy to have come from any good gentry girl, and proceeded to show her just exactly how much she liked it.

~

 A-Ning once asked her once why the Jiang siblings would agree to marry her, despite the Wens being the reason for all their tragedy. Wen Qing told him that there could be no greater karmatic justice than if the clan from whom Wen Ruohan and his sons took everything became the bloodline to inherit Qishan Wen’s future. 

~

Jiang Cheng’s scars are ragged and angry, overturned flesh, long and deep. 

They hurt him on the days when the weather turned and the temperature dropped. His temper was terrible on those nights, and with the dark powers aggravating his spirit, that made him dangerous. 

Wen Qing didn’t mind. She was a Wen, and Wens practiced ways of the fire, and for Jiang Cheng she would set her mountains alight to keep him warm for a moment. 

Two days after Jiang Yanli became the new lady of Nevernight, Wen Qing welcomed Jiang Wanyin into her harem with a small private ceremony of their own.  He looked odd in proper red; it wasn’t his colour, but his smile was sweet and shy and Wen Qing lost herself a little in those eyes. 

He was her consort, what a strange notion to think about. Even now she still couldn’t quite wrap her mind around it. Dukes and emperors had concubines and consorts, cultivators rarely did. She wasn’t the first but certainly one of the few. Not to mention, she was the first female head of family in Qishan Wen’s history. A female Sect Master with a harem of demonic cultivators, what a colourful tableau they must seem to the world. 

She asked Jiang Wanyin before he committed himself to her if there was any part of him that minded that he couldn’t be her legal husband, that she couldn’t give him the same prestige she gave his sister. He shook his head. After everything, he and Wei Wuxian both agreed that Yanli came first and that they would honour her before all others. Wen Qing thought this was perhaps their way of atoning for a mistake that was never theirs to begin with, but as much as she didn’t agree, she understood why the boys couldn’t let go of the guilt of not being able to protect their sister. 

(Sometimes, they would tell her stories of what they endured at the hands of Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao, and how the three of them survived the months they spent together in the Burial Mount. It gave her nightmares, those stories, she who didn’t lose a wink of sleep after cutting off a man’s head.) 

Jiang Cheng couldn’t be her husband in name, but she made sure to arrange for him all the sweet and homely customs that normal couples would enjoy on their wedding night. A veil for him to lift from her face, and wine for them to drink with their arms entwined. He looked confused when the merry old wives, who were her wedding attendants, led by Grandma came to her with a bowl of half cooked dumplings. 

She took a bite. The merry wives chuckled and asked, “sheng bu sheng a?”  

Jiang Cheng blushed. He understood. Wen Qing bit back a laugh and nodded, “sheng.” 

Then they were left alone. Jiang Cheng was still blushing, even though what was supposed to happen next would hardly be their first. 

Hm, on second thought, perhaps it would. 

Their times spent together prior to this had always been accompanied by special assists that Wen Qing was quite good at using and that Jiang Cheng was quite delighted at receiving. She didn’t bring them tonight. She figured that tonight of all nights he would want her a different way, just as she wanted him. 

Jiang Cheng shuffled back onto the bed and glanced in further confusion at all the dried dates, peanuts, longan and sunflower seeds spread across the silk. “What? Did we run out of plates?” 

Wen Qing climbed leisurely onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Use that big boy brain of yours and think.” 

It only took a couple more seconds before it clicked. “Oh”. His blush darkened. “Wow they’re really serious about this stuff.” 

“What?” Wen Qing teased, purposely gyrating her hips to grind down against him. “You don’t want to?” She could feel him, and he definitely wanted to. 

His hands spanned her waist, pulling her closer. “I never said that.” 

Unlike Yanli, Jiang Cheng needed a firm but gentler hand. Something consistent, unwavering, safe. Wen Qing cradled him between her thighs and within her arms. The heat from her golden core flowed out from her fingertips, crawling up his spine and along his scars to warm him from within. 

Jiang Cheng panted against her neck, clung to her tightly and pressed desperate kisses where he could. 

“I’ve got you,” she whispered against his ear, as their shared pleasure dizzied her usually sharp perception of the world. “I’ve got you. A-Cheng, Wanyin, I’m with you, you’re safe, you’re good, you’re so good, so good, you can let go, let go. Let go.”

In the back of her mind even as their world exploded into blissful white lights, a single thought lingered. You’re not allowed to die.

Afterwards, when he curled up quietly at her side, pillowed against her soft breasts, she found herself running her fingers through his hair and lulling him to sleep with her visions of their future. Yunmeng would be free, she would tell him. Lotus Pier would be cleaned and rebuilt just as the three of them remembered. She would send her most trusted subordinates to the Jiang library, to preserve their books and scrolls. She would dispatch her most agile trackers to find remnants of their disciples and Jiang elders travelling the lands so that they may help to pass down Yunmeng Jiang's wisdom and guide the steps to train their young folks... 

“Young folks,” she mused. She could still feel his spent between her legs, a bit sticky where it was starting to pool under her thighs, and a daring part of her wondered if it would happen tonight. “Hm.”

“Someday,” Jiang Cheng mumbled, half asleep. “’hm many d’you want?”  

“The better question is how many your sister wants. Fu’ren is calling the shots on this front - ha ha - stop!” Wen Qing shrieked a little as his sneaky fingers danced across her sensitive ribs. The bastard knew just where to tickle her! 

“What?” Jiang Cheng grinned, pulling her closer and apparently no longer interested in sleeping. “A-jie has high expectations, we can’t disappoint her.”

“Hm yes,” Wen Qing smiled, melting into his kiss. “That would be unacceptable.” 

~ 

The stories about them, the stories that the Jins were spreading, painted a wretched affair. 

Wen Qing didn’t have to hear it to know that it must be bad. The cold blooded assassin betraying the man who raised her, decapitating his head and usurping his rule, overthrowing him to steal Qishan Wen Sect from under him. She claimed zero tolerance for his tyranny and yet, not months later, she had taken in not one, not two, but three of middle kingdom’s grandmasters of demonic cultivation. Within a year, she’d married all of them. A harem. She was the only master of a major sect to have one. Word on the street was that the Jiangs were her puppets, her slaves, that she owned them. 

What people didn’t know is that although she usurped Wen Ruohan and assumed his power, in doing so, she had also assumed his debts, the debt that Qishan Wen owed Yunmeng Jiang. Yes she owed Gusu Lan as well, so she sent her resources, and yes she owed Qinghe Nie, so she sent her healers. But the Jiangs...what could she do for them? 

So no, the Jiang remnants were not her puppets, her soldiers, nor - heaven forbid - her slaves. They were her debt, a debt she could never repay, and would owe for the rest of her life. 

~

Wei Wuxian’s scars were the worst. They were the only kind she couldn’t do anything about because they were inflicted with the spiritual fire brands of her own clan. 

Wen Mao, their founder, had them forged when he established their sect. It was intended for their own disciples who’d committed the gravest of crimes. Once inflicted, the evidence of it could never be removed through any healing methods known to man. It was never meant to be used for torture. 

Wen Chao clearly didn’t care, or more likely he didn’t know, since he barely bothered to read his own ancestor’s teachings.  

The first time Wen Qing saw Wei Wuxian’s scars, it was when she had finally wrangled him into her clinic to have him examined for damages from demonic cultivation. She had examined his sister, and she had examined his brother. They both got better under the care of her and her team of healers. Only Wei Wuxian resisted, even though he was the most aggressive practitioner of the them three. 

When he finally shed his upper robes, Wen Qing understood why. He was covered in them. Her assistant healer actually swore aloud and flinched, though Wen Qing’s withering glare had him quickly lowering his eyes to apologize. “I’m sorry, that was unprofessional.” 

Wei Wuxian shrugged. 

He drank a lot and was indiscriminate about his liquor, but once in a drunken stupor he confessed that he missed Gusu’s Emperor’s Smile. So when Wen Qing proposed to him like his siblings wanted, she expected him to refuse. Wei Wuxian wasn’t the type to be forced to do anything no matter how much his brother and his sister wanted him to. 

Except he didn’t. 

“You understand what I’ve saying right?” 

“Yeah. Being the concubine of the most attractive young Sect Master in the land - no offence Zewu-jun and Chifeng-zun - uhm some would call me a lucky bastard.”  

Wen Qing was baffled. “If you’re sure. You know I wouldn’t let the Jins do anything to you or Yanli or A-Cheng, marriage or no marriage.” 

“Pff, I’m not afraid of the Jins, and why wouldn’t I be sure?” 

“Because....Lan Wangji?” No need to beat around the bush about these things. She was there when the two of them fell out of the cave together, wrists bound with Gusu Lan’s head ribbon. 

Hm. 

Wei Wuxian glowered. “Well, more reason to get married isn’t it? If I’m part of your inner court, your harem, the venerated and righteous Hanguang-jun can’t reasonably come and force me to go back to Gusu with him so he can exorcise the evil out of me.”

“He said that?” Somehow the dots just didn’t connect.  

“Not in so many words.”

Right. 

Well, in her defense, Wen Qing didn’t really know Lan Wangji all that well, so she couldn’t be blamed for what she did next. 

Two days after her ceremony with Jiang Cheng, and four days after her da’hun with Jiang Yanli, Wei Wuxian dressed himself in red and Wen Qing came to him with a giant vat of Qishan’s finest alcohol. 

There was none of the grandeur she afforded Yanli (he wouldn’t have preferred that even if she could arrange it), nor any of the sweetness she shared with A-Cheng (“He’s the sentimentalist in the family not me”, waved Wei Wuxian dismissively). Wei Wuxian just wanted a good time, and Wen Qing obliged. 

In short, they got drunk. Blindingly drunk. Over many, many rounds of drinking games which started with betting and ended with stripping, both of them worked themselves up enough to get their hands on each other. 

Probably. 

She was not entirely sure. When she woke up the next morning, she was on the floor with a pounding headache, completely naked, sore all over and wrapped in a red silk drape that somehow came down from the wall. The bed behind her was still made, which meant they never made it there. 

A groan came from the table. Crammed under there, Wei Wuxian was also completely naked. He shuffled out, rolling over onto his stomach, blew the errant strands of hair from his face and whined, “Ow! I’m so sore. Did we fuck?” 

“Uh...” What time was it? Surely way too early for any decent person to ask her to do a medical exam on herself. Wen Qing squinted against the light streaming in from the windows. “Uh, I’m not sure.”

Wei Wuxian padded down his body and winced when he reached his backside. “Yeah we did.” He gave a triumphant pump of his fist. “Alright! Mission accomplished.”  

Wen Qing laughed. Wei Wuxian sat up and laughed with her. She laughed harder when she was sure that his mirth was genuine.  

She felt lucky. She had a household: a brother who was safe, respected and maturing into a fine young man every day, a wife who was the pillar of her life, a consort who she loved very much, and a man who kept things interesting. A family. 

Wen Qing laughed, but she laughed too soon. 

~

“Gusu Lan Sect is sending an envoy next month to Nevernight for the trade negotiations.” Wen Qing paced the length of her wife’s private study. 

Jiang Yanli raised her eye brows. “Yes...we’ve spoken about this. Everything is in order, is it not? Lan Xichen was very reasonable in his letters. Certainly more agreeable than Jin Guangshan.” 

Wen Qing smacked the newest letter down on Yanli’s desk. “This was delivered to me personally this morning, addressed to the both of us. I can’t believe I’m receiving something of this nature from Zewu-jun of all people.”

Jiang Yanli picked up the slip, glanced it over, and fell silent. “Oh.” 

“Yanli, ‘Oh’ is an understatement, this is an outrage!” 

The intention of the letter was very clear; Lan Xichen wrote on behalf of his brother Lan Wangji for Wei Wuxian’s hand in marriage. 

The ladies stared at each other, in utter, shocked silence. No matter how close the Twin Jades were, there was no version of reality in which Jiang Yanli would believe that Sect Master Lan would ever stoop to asking a fellow Sect Master for her concubine, like Wei Wuxian was some kind of giftable property. This has to be a mistake. 

“Listen to this language. ‘My brother, though he may often find it difficult to express his affections, feels deeply for Wei-gongzi.’ Gongzi, he wrote, not xiansheng. ‘As there are regrettably no elders present for either the Jiang or Wei family, I must then seek blessing and permission from you Wen-zongzhu and Wen fu’ren, the current head of the clan with whom Wei-gongzi resides and his adopted elder sister’.” Jiang Yanli read aloud, pausing to exclaim, “I - I don’t think he knows!”

“How could he possibly not know? Jin Guangshan is fabricating nasty stories about us in every tea house, tavern, and inn. How could Lan Xichen not know?!” Wen Qing dug the heels of her hands into her eye socket in frustration. “Wen zongzhu and Wen fu’ren - he knows we married.”

“Yes, you and I. The vernacular used on the streets is the Jiang heirs, so maybe he thought it didn’t include A-Xian. In any case, you haven’t gone out in public with him yet.” Yanli tried to rationalize. People knew about Jiang Cheng because Wen Qing had taken him on an inspection of Qishan Wen’s cities and citadels three weeks ago. Everyone saw: subsidiary clans, townsfolk, peasants, travelling merchants. 

“That’s true.”  Then Wen Qing suddenly had a thought. “At the risk of sounding like a warlord trying to curry favour with an ally by gifting away her concubine, you think we can just ...lie about the marriage....? No, no that’s insane. And immoral.” 

 Yanli sighed. “We could try all we want, but A-Xian would never buy into it, even if you and I both know there’s still something there.” 

“Not that he’ll ever admit it.” Wen Qing grumbled.  

“A-Xian can be...difficult. Once upon a time, I had harboured some kind of hope that he and Lan-er-gongzi could...” Another sigh. “And then everything happened. I can no more speak for him than I can speak for myself, and without a family to back him, given his method of cultivation and his record during the war...well.” Jiang Yanli’s eyes took on a far away look. 

Wen Qing cocked her head. She was starting to see why Jiang Yanli wanted her to marry Wei Wuxian. Jiang Yanli understood as his sister just as well as Wen Qing understood as his once-physician, that Wei Wuxian was more fragile than he let on, and she wanted someone there to take care of him. More than that, Jiang Yanli wanted herself to be around to ensure that he was taken cared of. That person wasn’t going to be Lan Wangji. She had given up on Gusu Lan Sect. 

 Perhaps she should’ve waited. Perhaps they both should’ve. 

Wen Qing rounded the table and came behind Yanli, kneading her thumb into the tense muscles of her trapeziums. Jiang Yanli hummed. “He still loves him, you know.” 

“I know.” 

Over the months, Wen Qing had discovered that she and Wei Wuxian were quite compatible. She shared his bed - occasionally - because they were friends and it was fun and he needed the connection, but it wasn’t like that between them, and they were both well aware of it. Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing saw each other only as family, in the best sense of the word.  

Things were good. Really. It was warm and comfortable. Wei Wuxian spent his days with his siblings and Wen Ning and found joy in the duties he took up within her sect. If Wei Wuxian liked to stare at the orchids on his window sill, the white orchids Nie Huaisang brought as a gift when he visited lasted month and which Wei Wuxian tended to himself and didn't let anyone touch, Wen Qing pretended she didn’t see. 

“The envoy next month is clearly a ruse. Our trade agreements are all but finalized. Lan Xichen clearly wants to talk about this marriage in person, but why the smoke and mirrors?” Wen Qing knelt down and wrapped her arms around her wife. 

“His Uncle probably doesn’t agree. Or his Elders.”  Jiang Yanli leaned back into the embrace and closed her eyes. She was tired. They both were. “I don’t imagine Lan Xichen is coming here himself.” 

“Naturally not.” 

“Who is he sending?” 

Wen Qing pulled back just enough to tilt Jiang Yanli's chin towards her for a kiss. "Guess? Who does the kind and magnanimous Zewu-jun have at his disposal that is good with words, has his trust, and knows the ins and outs of Nevernight."

"Ah." Yanli understood.

Sunshot Campaign’s most prolific little spy. 

“Meng Yao.”

[Next]

~

Notes:

da’hun 大婚 - the official marriage of a person to their legal spouse.

sheng 生 = raw, but also “birth”. It’s an homonym for “is it raw?” and “are you going to give birth?” It’s for good luck.

date (zao), peanut (sheng), longan (gui), sunflower seeds (zi) - zao sheng gui zi 早生贵子 another homonym for having babies quickly. Lol yes traditional families are obsessed with babies.  

[clockworkgraystairs]

O.M.G!!! I loved your recent jurdan fic sooo much!! Can you write when she tells Cardan she’s pregnant?? Can Cardan get emotionally excited??I love their softness and excitement... love you 😍

Hello dear!!! Thank you so much for your words! 

I’m sorry it took me long but my job is a pain in the ass and I don’t have as much time as I would like to write. Buuut here it is!

It also came out longer than I expected bc apparently I can’t keep things easy.

Anyway, ENJOY! LOVE U TOO!

~~~~

JUDE TELLS CARDAN SHE’S PREGNANT

Jude had spent half of her life learning how to face danger.

Years and years of training, creating strategies, fighting and even killing when she needed to.

 Gods above, she was the Queen.

 The High Queen of Elfhame, and she was shrinking on one corner of her sister Vivi’s bathroom; staring at the little pharmaceutic device, the third one, showing the result.

Jude carved her face with shaking hands.

 “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” She muttered, her breathing harsh.

 This was supposed to be an ordinary weekend.

 One year had passed since her official coronation and occasionally she liked to spend a day or two at the human world with Vivi, Heather and little Oak. Sometimes Cardan came with her, partially she suspected, since he’d caught some fascination for Sephora stores and some human customs, he claimed, he wanted to experience.

This time though, he’d stayed back in Elfhame, to attend some meetings Jude didn’t want to be part of.

Everything was going fine, they went to the park, to the movie theater and at last to the pizza place near her sister’s house, where Oak asked for Jude’s favorite to honor her visit. What she didn’t expect, was the sudden nausea that crept up her stomach as soon as the pizza arrived, making her ran to the toilet in a couple of seconds.

 It didn’t take much time for Vivi to suspect what was going on, even with Jude’s insistence on it probably being a stomach bug.

On their way back to her apartment, she bought Jude three different pregnancy tests under the argument that “one could never know”. Then filled her with orange juice and waited. And waited.

 So here she was. With three positive results. Pregnant.

 A loud knock on the door made her jump. “JUDE? Is everything alright?? You’ve been there ages! Are you done??”

 “Let her be Viv, don’t make her more nervous than she already is…” That was Heather.

 “What? I’m not. I just want to know if-”

 Jude stood and opened the door stopping her mid-sentence.

Two pairs of eyes stared at her expectantly. She pursed her lips and took in a deep breath.

 “So, apparently I’m pregnant.” She said to no one in particular. The words sounded strange in her mouth, as if she wasn’t the one saying them.  

 “Are… are you sure?” Viv’s face had lost all track of emotion. Jude quirked an eyebrow and handed her sister the pregnancy tests.

 What came next was a bunch of screaming and “oh my gods” and Heather swearing she’d dreamed about it a few nights ago. Maybe something else about a bet between her sister and Madoc.

 Jude was only hearing half of it. Instead her mind was worrying about one thing only. Cardan. How in hell was she going to tell him? How was he going to react?

 She didn’t even know how she felt.

They didn’t talk much about the subject. Some comments from the Court members about them providing heirs had quickly turned into inside jokes she and Cardan occasionally teased each other with. But joking about it was very different to this. To actually being pregnant. To carry life inside her that someday would become a baby, a child. For her to become a mother. For them to become parents.

 How was a parent supposed to be to begin with? She’d grown up with her kidnapper, a cold-blood murderer as the only parental figure. Her husband didn’t have a better role model.

And now they’ll have to raise a new creature into this world. It was too much to digest in one day.

 The next morning, she returned to Elfhame. Still with no clue of how to tell Cardan the news.

 She found their chambers empty, and took the chance to take a bath and put on her queenly clothes before going to search for her husband. She needed to tell him immediately, before her sense of fake bravery vanished.

 “Last time I saw him, Your Highness, he was on his way to his mother chambers.” Fand told her. Jude rolled her eyes and groaned, that was the last place where she wanted to go but her hands had already started to tremble, if she waited more time she wouldn’t be able to do it.

 One step away from Asha’s door she hesitated. Jude had meant to knock, but the door was already half-opened and she could hear voices coming out.

 “Seriously Cardan, how long are you going to keep this up?” Asha sounded annoyed. “You had your fun with the mortal girl, why keeping her at all?”

 “She is my wife.” Was all he answered.

 Jude leaned just a bit so she could peer inside the room. Cardan stood before his mother, who rested on a pile of cushions. His back faced the door so she couldn’t see his expression.

Asha sighed.

 “That didn’t stop you from vanishing her once. And we are not at war anymore so I doubt her fighting skills are needed much.” she shrugged. “Aren’t you just bored already?”

 Jude could see Cardan’s fist tightly closed. “I don’t see why my personal decisions affect you mother, nor why should I explain them to you.” His voice sounded strained. “As for Jude, she is no weapon just designed for war, and her staying is not for you to decide or even mention.”

 Asha’s lips quirked just a little. “Ah, I see now. My dear son, are you not capable to see all of the pleasures you are denying yourself just for a whim?” She raised to her feet and rested one of her perfect hands on Cardan’s shoulder. “It is not rare for Kings to take mistresses, and let me tell you, I know several beauties who would do anything for the opportunity.”

 Jude’s ears were ringing with rage. How dare she suggested such thing? To even consider the possibility of Cardan taking some vulgar… she shook her head, not even finishing the thought of it. She was so focused in her desire to take Asha’s head and slam her into the floor she couldn’t hear his answer.

 Asha laughed in a cruel way that make Jude’s stomach turn as she came back to reality. Oh gods, was she going to be sick again?

 “You ought to think of the future of your people too, you know. Elfhame will need an heir someday. And do you think the folk will not prefer a precious pure fae, instead of some half breed…” Asha’s eyes darted to the side and locked with Jude’s, making her heart skip a beat. “With filthy human blood?”

 Jude took a step back, feeling tears stinging behind her eyes. She knew what Asha was doing, that bitch, knowing she was listening behind the door. But it didn’t matter, not as her heart hammered with such intensity it was starting to hurt. Not as her throat closed in anger and impotence, making her hard to breath.  

So she just turned and rushed far from there.

 Somehow she reached one of the back balconies and stood there, staring at the sea under her. Jude knew she would be a filthy human for some of the folk for the rest of her days. She’d grown with that knowledge and she didn’t care anymore. But now, it was not only her. It would never be only her ever again. Was she really that stupid for allowing this to happen to someone else? Not only someone else, but her own child? Would Cardan even agree to the idea?

 Minutes passed. Even hours maybe, but she didn’t move. She felt as if she’d forgotten how to.

 Light steps sounded behind her.

 “Jude?” Cardan’s voice somehow filled her with something between peace and anxiousness, remembering why she was searching for him in the first place.

 She didn’t answer, so he continued. “I ran into Sir Fand a while ago, she told me you were looking for me. I should have been there when you arrived, I am sorry my love.”

 Jude shook her head, “It’s okay.” Her voice was faint, almost a whisper. She still didn’t dare looking at him.

 “Jude, is there something wrong?” He came closer to her, now standing by her side. Cardan searched her gaze but she looked down. “Have… Have I done something to upset you?”

 Jude’s heart hurt at his tone.

 “No, no you didn’t.” She wanted to tell him everything was okay, that he didn’t do anything wrong, that she was perfectly fine. Except she was not. She just didn’t know what to say first or how. “And yes, I was… looking for you.”

 She felt Cardan’s hand take hers, soft as a feather. “And you were looking for me on the sea? Unlikely, but I appreciate the effort.” He chuckled for a second, and then went back to his worried voice. “I am here now. Will you tell me what is that troubles you? You look as if you just had a nightmare.”

 That wasn’t unusual. More than once Cardan had woken her up from some bad dreams, usually ones in which he didn’t return after Jude cut off the snake’s head.  It always left her pale and shaky. Sometimes it happened the other way around, but they always found comfort in each other’s arms.

 She bit her lip and took a deep breath.  “I don’t think your mother would appreciate being called a nightmare, even if she usually is.”

 He gave her a wide grin before furrowing his brow in confusion. “Funny, I was just with her right…ah.” Realization crossed his eyes, Jude watched him clench his jaw. “You went to my mother’s chambers. You heard us.”

 Jude nodded and held his hand tighter. “I heard some of it. Many of the folk will always find me to be inadequate, that’s nothing new. But I hadn’t heard any mention of it in so long that, for a moment I, I let myself believe that-“  

 “Jude, stop, you cannot possibly think you are not good enough. Look at what you have done for Elfhame; anyone could see that!”

 “That’s not it. I know I have done things for them, saving some of their asses and stuff.” She shrugged.

 “Then I am not understanding, Jude-“ With his free hand he reached for her cheek and cupped it, tugging her into a hug.

 “I’m pregnant.” Her voice was almost a whisper, but she felt him froze.

 Without letting go of her, he leaned back, wide eyed and openmouthed. “What did you just say?”

 “Cardan I’m,” She closed her eyes and said louder, “I’m pregnant.”

 She didn’t open her eyes, afraid to see his reaction. But instead of saying anything he just gasped and pulled her back into his arms. Jude felt his heart beating fast against her hands.

“When did you find out?”

Now it was Jude’s time to chuckle. “Yesterday, even though I was feeling odd for the past days. Oak invited me a pizza but it made me sick, Vivi guessed the rest and I took some tests.”

Cardan didn’t say anything letting her continue. “When I came back I looked for you to tell you, mostly because if I didn’t right away I would be too scared to do it after. But…”

 “But you found me with my mother,” He sighed. “And what she said…gods, Jude I am so sorry. I ought to throw her back to the Tower of Forgetting.”

 She couldn’t say the thought was not appealing.

 “Every day of my life since I got here I was reminded of how I was different. Sometimes in the cruelest ways.” Cardan started to say something but she continued. “I am over it now, I know who I am, and I am happy with it. With you. But the thought of my own blood going through the same thing is… I am afraid of it being as hard as it was for me. I am afraid of not knowing how to make it different. Of not knowing how to be a mother. And most of all, I am afraid of not knowing how you feel about this.”

 There. She’d said it. She felt herself shake, but it wasn’t until a few seconds had passed, that she realized it wasn’t her. “Cardan?”

 He let go of the embrace but raised his hands to cup her face. His eyes were shimmering… and wet. He was smiling in a way she’d rarely seen, leaving her breathless for a moment.

A tear escaped his right eye and Jude quickly caught it with her thumb, still puzzled about what she was seeing.

 “My love, I feel nothing but happiness at this moment.” He kissed her forehead. “I know we usually joke about this but, one part of me always wished for it to became true one day. To love and raise as we weren’t. Giving us the chance to become better than the ones who should have taken care of us.”

 Jude didn’t realize she had started to cry too until he kissed her cheeks and felt them cold. Cardan looked down at her belly hesitantly, “Can I?” He asked.

 She nodded and pulled his hand to where someday she was going to be the size of a watermelon. He touched her with such delicacy and devotion she almost couldn’t believe this was happening.

 “We are going to have a baby.” It seemed as if he said it in order to really believe it.

 “We are going to have a baby” She repeated. Beaming with emotion. “I don’t know about you but, I think the first one who should hear the good news is Asha, hopefully she’ll have a heart attack and let us be.”

 Cardan laughed and shook his head. “You are insufferable, my sweet villain. But this time, I am afraid I agree with you.” At that, he took her hand and guided her back inside.

Maybe, just maybe, she shouldn’t be afraid at all.

[bobasheebaby]

At Last- Following Her Heart Wedding

Pairing: Athena x Perceval

Word count: 5,613

Warnings: tear jerking fluff, drama, 🍋

Summary: Athena and Percy finally have their wedding.

A/N: I know. I know, about time, don’t worry any gaps in the story will be filled in with time. After this we shall be moving forward to babies in a new series that features them married and expanding their family since my muse is showing that more clearly than the lead up.

A/N2: Leo’s ceremony borrowed from PB, my own twist added. Vows are completely mine.

A/N3: prompt is from the Grey’s Anatomy prompt list requested by @loveellamae 12 “You were like coming up for fresh air. It’s like I was drowning and you saved me.” — Derek Shepard Percy prompt will be bolded.

A/N4: the beautiful commissioned artwork at the end was done by the insanely talented @somewillwin​thank you so much for the gorgeous pictures that capture my couple so perfectly. (Pictures definitely helped me finish this too.)

A/N5: a HUGE thank you to @loveellamae for prereading and to @sirbeepsalot​ for prereading, being my cheerleader along the way and being the best damn beta reader ever! Love you boos!

A/N6: Written as part of @choicesmaychallenge​ hosted by @kinda-iconic​ for day 16 Sunset. 

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist.

Disclaimer: I only own Percy, Alex and Bailey, the rest I’m borrowing from PB.

Athena turned to face Percy as the first streak of color kissed the sky. Purples, pinks, and oranges painted the sky, the brilliant colors reflecting across the ocean as they joined hands.

She beamed at him, her caramel eyes sparkling in the light of the tiki torches that lined the silk runner marking her aisle. He looked at her with such love and devotion that tears pricked at her eyes. This is it.

Everything she’d been through, conquered, and endured led her to this very moment. From the second she stepped onto the private plane her future was uncertain. There had been a chance that she would become a queen and rule beside a kind and benevolent king. There had been a time when she believed they were in love and that she belonged by his side. She had thought she’d lost her only chance at true happiness the night he called another woman’s name.

It was now clear to her that each and every step had her here, to him.

Every moment of pain dissipated as she stared into his twinkling hazel eyes. Nothing else mattered. She was where she belonged. Every tear she shed in hurt or anger was worth it in the end.

It no longer mattered that the importance of his title had been thrust upon them as they planned their special day. Everything was as it was meant to be. She was finally following her heart and marrying the man who saw her for her and not what she could be by his side.

She lightly squeezed his hand as she turned toward Leo, a groomsman turned officiant at the last minute. It was a change that might leave any other bride reeling; for her, it felt fitting. Nothing had gone according to plan since she stepped on Cordonian soil. A wedding officiated by a friend seemed more intimate and felt right.

This is going to be fun. Her eyes leveled with Leo’s sea green. Far from perfect, yet perfectly us. She stifled a laugh when he winked as he started to address the crowd.

“I know I don’t spend as much time in Cordonia as I used to, but for an occasion like this, I was happy to return home. Today, I’m here to help celebrate the wedding of Athena Morgan, and my close friend Perceval Hunter, the man who’s lucky enough to wed her. Originally I was meant to be in the wedding, but shit happens and I was more than happy to step in for my lifelong friend. Someone had to marry them, might as well be me.

Enough about me, let’s get to the marrying part, shall we?

There are many different wedding traditions around the world … some that involve more leaping over fire pits than others. But at its heart, every wedding is about one thing: the love between a couple and the bond they have chosen to share.

Here in Cordonia, we like to think of marriage as a promise. The promise that you will renew your love and commitment to one another every day that you are together.

Just as planting a seed is not enough for it to grow into an apple tree, speaking your vows is not enough for a marriage to truly flourish. But if you nurture and cherish one another, your relationship will always grow stronger.”

Percy gently squeezed Athena’s hand as they both nodded, turning to face one another.

“Good. Now, I believe you wanted to recite your own vows.”

Percy’s thumb brushed across Athena’s knuckles as she started to speak. “Percy, meeting you was purely by chance, but the stars truly aligned the day that brought you into my life.” She glanced down at their joined hands.

“When I met you, I was questioning every decision I ever made since coming to Cordonia. What I had thought was a sure thing had unraveled. I had been ready to leave but something kept me here. I know now that it was you.”

She smiled as he mouthed ‘I love you’ while giving her hand an encouraging squeeze.

“That night on the train you claimed my heart. You were the piece of me that had always been missing; finding you has made me happier than I could ever put into words.

Each day with you is a new adventure I will never forget. I vow to cherish every moment we share over the years and to love you more each and every day.

I’m so thankful you came into my life and that I get to call you my husband.”

“That was beautiful.” Leo smiled, nodding to Perceval.

“Athena, when we met I felt a spark that I never thought I’d ever feel. You called yourself broken, but I have only ever seen you as strong and courageous.

I’ve always called you my Doll, and I led you to believe that it was because you were broken that night, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I saw a woman who carried a strength within her, a woman who deserved to be cherished. I have never been as drawn to someone as I am to you.

You make me the happiest I’ve ever been, and I’m the luckiest man in the world to have your heart. I promise to only make you cry tears of joy. I will strive every day to make you feel as cherished and loved as you deserve.

No matter what the future brings, I can’t wait to experience it with you by my side.”

“Thank you both. Now, would the ringbearer please come forward.”

Chance yipped as he stood from his resting place by Percy’s feet. He took the few steps forward to Leo before carefully dropping the tulle bag into his outstretched hand.

“Thanks buddy.” Leo said, patting Chance’s head.

Chance gave a happy bark before he trotted back to Percy’s feet, where he plopped down, resting his head on the sun warmed sand.

Athena softly laughed at Chance as she delicately plucked the warm vintage band from Leo’s palm. Chance quickly becoming attached to Percy was one of the many reasons she found it so easy to let down her guard and let him into her heart. She couldn’t help but wonder, if Maxwell had not begged her to take in the abandoned corgi would she have still followed the same path? Was she always meant to be standing here in front of the man that swept her off her feet and helped piece her shattered heart back together?

“Perceval Hunter, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you vow to love her, comfort her, and cherish her, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in times of joy and in times of trial, till death do you part?”

“I do.”

“Athena Morgan, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you vow to love him, comfort him, and cherish him, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in times of joy and in times of trial, till death do you part?”

“I do.”

Athena carefully slipped the vintage golden band onto Percy’s finger, the deep etchings and five small diamonds glinting in the light of the flickering flame as the sun slowly sank below the horizon.

Percy held her hand in his left as he slowly slipped the diamond band onto her finger. The seven diamonds creating a gentle, sparkling curve in the waning light. The band wasn’t a perfect match to his mother’s ring, but would compliment it well enough. While she felt honored that he loved her enough to give her his mother’s ring the rings were mere symbols of their love. The old and new would blend perfectly no matter what, maybe she’d pass them both down one day.

Athena glanced at her hand adorned with the rose gold ring, her smile stretched as she imagined her heirloom teardrop ring sitting in front of it. She once again locked eyes with Percy, her husband, unshed tears shined back at her matching her own.

“By the power vested in me by the kingdom of Cordonia, I now pronounce you husband and wife. May this blessed union be sealed with a kiss!”

She tenderly cupped his bearded cheek the world around them melted away. The man who really saw her now finally hers in every sense of the word, and she was his.

Her head tilted up, her lips meeting his in a soft, love-filled kiss that echoed every word they spoke to each other and every unspoken word held in their hearts. They pulled apart, her hand slipping into his as the sounds of cheering filtered into her reverie from their guests mixing with the roar of the waves meeting the shore.

They made their way down the aisle in the sand, Chance happily trotting behind them. It was impossible to miss the one solemn face amongst the happy crowd of friends and loved ones. She felt a small twinge at the pain etched in his face. She looked up at Percy, unwilling to allow her happiness to be dampened. One glimpse of Percy’s smiling face and all pain instantly melted away; she was exactly where she belonged.

--

Athena’s eyes crinkled as she beamed at the photographer taking pictures of her and Percy in multiple poses; Chance sat firmly at their feet.

The photographer looked down at his digital screen. “Could we get a few shots without the dog?”

Athena laughed. “You’d have better luck rubbing sandpaper on a tiger's ass than getting Chance to leave Percy’s side willingly.” She instantly thought of the first night they’d spent together. They’d fallen asleep talking as they waited for Chance to fall asleep. Percy’s patience and understanding when dealing with the corgi was merely one of a million reasons he captured her heart.

The photographer sighed. “Okay, then. Can we have the groomsmen and bridesmaids?”

Athena’s eyes grew wide and her smile dropped a bit as Maxwell came towards them with the grey top hat he promised he’d only wear during the reception settled on his head. “Maxwell! Top hat!”

Maxwell looked at her sheepishly as he pulled the top hat off. He slowly moved to place it on a chair. “Can’t I just take one picture with it?” He looked at her with puppy dog eyes. “Please little blossom?”

Athena let out a sigh. “One picture …”

“Yay—”

“At the end.”

Maxwell made a show of slumping his shoulders in defeat as he laid the hat on the seat. “Okay fine,” he agreed as he joined the group, a smile once again present on his face.

The photographer snapped away, pictures of the entire wedding party, the groomsmen with the bridesmaids, groomsmen, bridesmaids, a few of just Athena staring off at the water. With the last of the natural light waning, he called the maid of honor and best man forward.

Alex smirked as he slipped his arm around Bailey. “Looks like it’s just you and me, Red.”

Bailey forcibly rolled her eyes. “I’m not the only redhead here, you know.”

“Only one I’m interested in, besides she looks a little … preoccupied.” He replied, his eyes falling on Olivia, who was thoroughly engrossed with her phone.

“I already told you I’m seeing someone.”

“Are they here? Would love to meet the lucky guy or gal that caught your eye.”

Bailey swallowed. How was she supposed to answer that? They were both there, but not with her. Drake couldn’t date her publicly and, since the trip to Applewood, Liam had taken her out less and less. She hadn’t been to a public event with him since the Homecoming Ball.

She understood -- or that’s what she kept telling him. Maybe it was herself she was telling. He had just made a public admission of his love for her cousin, who was now married to another man. Liam had to tread carefully for all three of them. A relationship held within palace walls was becoming tiresome, but she still cared deeply for both. She could endure.

She gave a soft, hopefully not too forced smile. “No, he couldn’t make it.” The lie twisted in her gut, but she couldn’t tell him the truth.

Alex hummed in response and she noticed his hold on her waist loosened. “His loss.”

She just nodded, fearful she might backtrack and admit the truth.

“Just one dance.”

She looked up at him in surprise.

“A beautiful woman like you shouldn’t have to stand by on the sidelines just because her boyfriend was too busy.”

The words felt like a gut punch. He wasn’t too busy, they just weren’t official. Was that the word? He told her every day he loved her -- they both did -- yet they all came to the wedding as ‘singles’.

Maybe she could dance with Liam, but she knew they’d both feel guilty about Drake the entire time. Drake didn’t dance, or maybe he did since college, but even so their minds would remain elsewhere.

Her other options were Leo, who seemed to be having an argument with his wife on the phone, and Maxwell. Maxwell was sweet, but she knew she’d never be able to keep up with him on the dance floor.

Her sage green eyes met his olive green. She gulped, the look in his eyes could nearly rival the one Perceval had when he looked at Athena. “Okay, one dance.”

--

Percy led Athena to the portable dance floor that was laid out on the soft sand as the opening notes began to play.

At last

My love has come along

My lonely days are over

And life is like a song

They gracefully glided around the floor in perfect step. Her caramel eyes sparkled with love as she looked up at him. “This is all like a dream. To think that you talking to me that night would save me.” She shook her head. “Thank you for really seeing me.”

“I should be thanking you. You saved me.” He twirled her out pulling her closer once she returned to his arms.

Oh yeah yeah

At last

The skies above are blue

My heart was wrapped up in clover

The night I looked at you

She looked up at him with questioning eyes. “How did I save you?”

“I was a bachelor partly by choice. Most of the women I dated had a different idea of what it meant to be noble. It was all status to them. You were like coming up for fresh air. By the time I met you, I’d resolved to never getting married. You get me in ways that no one else did. It’s like I was drowning and you saved me.”

I found a dream, that I could speak to

A dream that I can call my own

I found a thrill to press my cheek to

A thrill that I have never known

Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears. “Why don’t we just say we saved each other?”

He smiled. “I like that.”

He playfully dipped her, both laughing and smiling as he pulled her back into his arms. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She tilted her head up, giving him a tender kiss.

Oh yeah yeah

You smiled, you smiled

Oh and then the spell was cast

And here we are in heaven

For you are mine ...

At Last

Athena blushed as they pulled apart as she suddenly remembered all eyes were on them.

--

The sound of silverware clinking against crystal filtered through the air, drowning out the soft sound of the waves kissing the shoreline a few yards down the sand. Athena’s cheeks tinged pink as she looked to her husband, her stomach flipped at the thought. A year ago she would have never thought she would be across the ocean and married to a man who made her feel like she was walking on air.

As much as she loved kissing him, doing so on command felt strange. She smiled as Percy tucked a stray curl behind her ear. He rested his palm on her cheek as he leaned down, planting a chaste kiss on her lips.

“I love you,” he whispered as he leaned his forehead against hers, his eyes staring into hers.

“I love you too.” Her fingertips brushed across his bearded cheek. “Everyone is watching.”

“Let them.” He replied giving her another peck on the lips before reluctantly pulling apart.

“Okay you two lovebirds.” Alex chuckled, sending Percy a wink. “Save it for the wedding night.” He raised his champagne flute. “I’d like to propose a toast.”

Athena bit back a giggle; she was sure Tabitha was fuming somewhere in the crowd at Alex’s impromptu toast.

“I’ve known Perceval for a long time, since the day I met him back in boarding school he has always been the kind of guy you could count on. He was always down to Earth and hated the title he was born to, even if it got us both out of trouble with the dean.

The one quality he always said he wanted in the person whom he married was someone who could see past all the etiquette and titles and see who he really is. You don’t need to spend much time with Perceval and Athena to see that she does in fact see him for who he is, regardless of title.

Athena, I have spent more than half of my life being friends with Perceval, and I have never seen him as happy as he is with you. I wish you both a long and happy union full of love and joy. To the bride and groom.”

Athena lifted her champagne flute as the sentiments were echoed across the sand.

“I guess it’s me.” Bailey giggled as she stood, brushing down her knee length skirt. She turned to face the newlywed couple, smiling at her cousin with tears in her eyes.

“Athena, you are my cousin and best friend; more than that, you are my sister. You have always been happy, but, when Uncle Nick and Aunt Pat died, I noticed your eyes didn’t shine as brightly until you met Perceval.

Perceval, you are the kind of man I always pictured Athena marrying; you are kind and caring and you love my cousin completely. I know that with you by her side that her smile will never falter.

While Uncle Nick and Aunt Pat can’t be here today I know in my heart that they would be proud of the woman you’ve become and welcome Perceval to our family with open arms.

So welcome Perceval. I wish you and Athena all the love and happiness in the world. To a long and blessed union.”

Damnit Bailey. I told you not to make me cry. Athena thought blinking back tears welling at her cousin's words. She took a second small sip of the dry champagne before setting the flute back onto the table.

“You okay?”

She looked to Percy as his hand covered hers. “I’m fine, you worry too much.”

--

Athena looked up as Tabitha tapped her shoulder. “It’s time for the cake cutting.” Tabitha said, smiling sweetly.

Athena looked back at her barely touched meal. Between speaking with guests and the million excited butterflies swarming in her stomach, she’d barely been able to enjoy the menu Percy had planned. She turned back to Tabitha, taking Percy’s outstretched hand. “Okay.” I’ll just eat later when things calm down a bit.

Athena and Percy stood in front of their three tier buttercream frosted cake. The adorning fresh roses almost seemed to sparkle under the twinkling fairy lights. She glanced up at him as the cake knife glided through the cake.

Everything still felt so surreal; the entire day was like she was floating on a cloud. All the tears she spilled during the planning of their wedding no longer mattered. Their day was here, and it was everything she dreamed of.

She picked up a bite of cake turning to Percy, her husband. Her cheeks hurt from grinning so widely all day. She held the sweet confection to his lips.

“Smash it in his face!”

She shook her head at Alex’s request.

Nothing could dampen this day. It was utterly perfect; they were finally husband and wife. Even if the heavens opened up and rained down on them she knew she would still look up at him with a smile on her face and love in her heart, laughing at the surprise shower.

She carefully took the delicate bite from his fingers, her eyes closing as the flavors exploded on her tongue. It was as delicious as the day she’d picked it.

“You have a little cake right here.” He said pointing to the corner of her lip.

“Can you get it for me?”

She gently sighed as his arms slipped around her waist and kissed her.

Her heart soared as she envisioned their life together. Their home would be filled with so much joy and laughter.

“Could today get anymore perfect?”

“I have a few ideas …”

“Oh?”

He nodded, his eyes sparkling brightly.

“I’m listening …”

--

Bailey’s arms hung loosely around Alex’s neck as they swayed on the dance floor. She should have known that Alex would pick a slow song, he didn’t believe she was really dating someone and it wasn’t like she could confess the truth.

The truth. What was the truth? She was with Liam and Drake, or that’s what they said in private. Outside the palace she couldn’t hold hands or kiss either one of them. Liam had taken to avoiding the topic of him dating and his search for a queen, instead pushing reporters to the coming nuptials of Duke Perceval and Athena.

Bailey hadn't missed the way his jaw tensed every time he brought up the wedding, yet he did it time and time again. She couldn’t help but wonder what he would use as a buffer now that the wedding was over. Would he ever introduce her as his girlfriend and potential queen? She glanced up at Alex. Is that what she still wanted?

All this time, had she been subconsciously pulling away from them? Why else hadn’t she voiced her concerns to Liam and Drake?

Bailey quickly looked away, trying to force the unbidden thoughts away. She loved Drake and Liam, she was just being stupid. She shouldn’t be questioning their feelings for her; they loved her too, right?

She sucked in a breath as she met Liam’s eye. She couldn’t miss the hurt etched on his face even from so far away. Her stomach knotted because she didn’t want to hurt either one of them; she just didn’t like being hidden.

How the hell had Drake handled it for so many damn years? No wonder Athena fell for Perceval. He was available and showered her with affection no matter where they were. He always made her feel loved and cherished . She wanted that, not to be a secret in the night.

She shifted her arms, unconsciously moving closer to Alex. Her heart hammered in her chest as he tightened his hold on her hips. She knew she should pull away, tell him to put more space between them.

Instead, her body leaned in closer, the heat of his body soaking into hers. What was she doing? Tell him it was a mistake, step back.

She tilted her head up, her lips slightly parted to speak. Her head felt cloudy and she lost the ability to speak or even breathe as he leaned down. She needed to step back, push him away, something, anything to stop him but she couldn’t. It was as if her body was frozen, but not in fear. Did she actually want this? Did she want to kiss him? She couldn't want this, she shouldn’t be letting him get so close that she could feel the warmth of his breath on her lips.

Turn your head!! Stop this. Time seemed to slow. Or was he just giving her a chance to stop him?

Why wasn’t she stopping him?

Her breath hitched as his lips inched closer to hers. What was she doing? She was taken -- she already gave her heart away. Push him away, this is your last chance!

His lips were soft and warm as they met hers, and her arms instinctively pulled him closer. It was as though her brain short circuited as all thoughts of telling him this was a mistake ceased. All thoughts left her mind, leaving only the way his palms went flat on her back as he pulled her closer.

Her body was flush to his as they stood still in the center of the temporary dance floor. When had they stopped dancing?

She gasped as his lips pressed harder to hers, their lips moving together in tandem. Her body tingled, every nerve ending alive. What was even happening?

She pressed herself closer to him, acting purely on instinct. His grasp tightened and his tongue swiped against her lip. God, what was she doing? Did she want this more than she thought?

She pulled back, leaving them both stunned. “I … I …” she stuttered stepping backward. Tears stung at her eyes. She wanted it, but she shouldn’t. “I’m sorry.”

His hands fell to his sides as he watched her retreat with wide eyes. “It —”

She shook her head, “I shouldn’t have,” she said as she turned and ran towards the crashing waves.

Alex stood stunned. He could still feel her lips against his. She kissed me back. He wasn’t even sure why he leaned in in the first place. He had every intention of respecting her, it was just a dance between friends. He hadn’t expected her to move closer to him; he hadn't planned on kissing her. It was as if they were drawn to each other much like a moth to a flame.

The moment he leaned in he had been sure she would push him away but she didn’t. Did she want it too? He was pulled from his thoughts as a firm hand gripped his shoulder. He looked up into whiskey colored eyes that flickered as though they were on fire.

“What the hell -- she told you she had a boyfriend and to back off!” Drake growled through gritted teeth. Anger coursed through him and it took everything in him to not deck the piece of shit in the face.

Alex shook the shock from his face. “Maybe instead of getting in my face you should be more concerned with the reason a guy would claim to be too busy to escort someone as great as her to her own cousin’s wedding.”

“She said that?” Drake felt like he’d been hit by a Mack truck. Is that how she feels? Confusion filled his mind. Things had been complicated from the beginning but he thought they were all as happy as they could be given that they remained hidden. Sure, it was hard to pretend she was only a friend, but it’s what they needed to do.

“Yeah,” Alex gave him a cocky grin, “maybe instead of being pissed at me you should go tell off the piece of shit that made her go stag.”

Drake saw red; this asshole had no fucking room to talk. He continuously made unwanted advances towards Bailey and now he wanted to make him and Liam out to be the bad guys?

The pulsing pounding of the blood rushing in his ears was all he could hear as he clenched his fist.

He pulled his fist back, intent on showing Alex what happened when he walked around like a smug arrogant bastard who could have whomever he wanted.

He stepped forward, the anger leaving him as his fist collided with Alex’s jaw.

“Drake! What the hell?!”

Drake shook his head as Liam’s surprised shout reached his ears. “This piece of shit kissed Bailey.”

“What do you care? It’s not like you’re her boyfriend.” Alex's eyes sparkled as he made the simple connection. “I mean, how messed up would that be? Dating her but no one knows.”

Drake stared slack jawed. Did this fucker figure it out? Would this cocky bastard expose them all?

“Besides, it’s not like she didn’t kiss me back.”

Drake and Liam shared a stunned look as both men felt their stomachs sink.

“She what?” Liam questioned trying to make sense of what was unfolding. He’d been surprised when he saw Bailey dancing with Alex, so to hear he kissed her and she returned it had him reeling.

“She kissed me back. Guess that boyfriend of hers can’t keep her satisfied, which is not surprising since he couldn’t be bothered to join her for her cousin’s wedding.”

“Do you want me to hit you again?”

“Sure, maybe it’ll actually hurt this time.”

Drake drew his arm back ready to land another blow, intent of wiping the smirk from Alex’s smug face.

“Drake, stop!”

Bailey’s voice froze him in place.

“What are you doing?” Her heart pounded in her chest. She’d gone to the shore to clear her mind only to be pulled from her mixed up thoughts by the sounds of shouting.

She pulled away because she was scared. Scared of how much she wanted it and how far she’d let it go. Scared of what her jumbled feelings meant for her Drake and Liam. Did they even have a chance anymore? Did they ever truly have a chance when they had to remain hidden?

Drake turned, the hurt in his eyes enough to punch all the air from her lungs. “You kissed him back?”

Shit! She needed to talk to them, to explain all she was feeling, the hurt of being hidden and the confusion that led to her kissing back Alex. That’s gonna be an awkward conversation. As much as she knew they needed to speak, she knew it couldn’t be there with everyone watching. Double shit! The realization that one bad decision had derailed Athena’s wedding weighing heavy on her shoulders.

Thena is gonna be so pissed! Her eyes scanned the guests looking for her cousin. “Where is Thena?”

“Athena and Perceval ducked out before shit hit the fan.”

--

Percy and Athena stumbled into their room locked in a heated kiss. She wildly clawed at his jacket, pulling the garment down his arms, the linen fabric landing in a heap before the door clicked close.

Since the moment she said ‘I do,’ she felt an intense pull to be claimed by him. Every cell in her body screamed for him to show her, tell her, make her his.

Her fingers threaded in his obsidian locks and she let out a breathy sigh, her head tilting back as he trailed kisses along the slender slope of her neck.

She stumbled backwards, her hands fell to his chest, her fingers frantically undoing his buttons. She was desperate with need. She needed to feel every inch of him pressed against her.

She moaned, her fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt as he peppered kisses across her collarbone and down her chest.

Desire prickled across her skin. “Percy,” she gasped, “I need you ...”

He looked up, the hunger in his eyes mirroring her own nearly taking her breath away. “The bed …”

She shook her head. “Too far.” The few steps to the bed felt like miles; if she waited any longer her desire would surely consume her alive. “Need you now.” Her hands dropped to his belt, fingers nimbly working it free.

He let out a feral growl, his hand gliding over the curve of her hip. His fingers caught the smooth fabric, hiking it over her hipbone as he spun her. Her back pressed into the wall as she shoved his pants down his thighs, his hardened length springing free.

She never felt such overwhelming desire before. She was positive she wouldn’t survive if she waited much longer.

To be skin to skin, his body against hers. Every movement took too long. Each second moving forward at a tortuously slow pace.

His hand ghosted her hip as he gripped the back of her thighs lifting her. She wrapped her legs around his waist, breath catching in her throat as he rubbed against her clothed core.

Please.

Her hands rested on his shoulders as he bunched her dress around her waist. She whimpered as he pushed her white lace thong to the side.

So close, yet still so far. Each passing second only made her desire grow. How much longer could she wait?

Her head fell back with a gasped yes as he slowly inched into her.

She finally felt complete, giving herself over to him entirely.

She clutched to his back as he thrust into her. Her walls squeezing around his length.

Her fingers curved into his back. It felt so good. Did it always feel this good? Was it possible they somehow were more connected?

Her mind swirled, overwhelmed by feelings. Every stroke broughther closer to the edge.

Her back arched and legs shook as she came with a soundless scream, her pulsing walls bringing him to completion.

He brushed her hair back as she looked at him with a dazed expression. “I love you.”

She smiled dreamily. “Love you too.”

He slowly lowered her to her feet, his arms holding her steady. His lips brushed across her sweaty hairline as he kissed her forehead. “Better?”

She nodded, “yes … bath and then round two.”

“Or … round two in the bath.”

“I like the way you think.”

Feedback fuels me, feel free to scream I can take it.

Masterlist can be found in my bio.

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[azazelhinders]

Manson Abuse Claims

I am absolutely livid as I am typing this, and completely disgusted at the reactions of other human beings; or lack thereof. The apathy and lack of understanding to survivors of abuse appalls me. (possible trigger warning)

Recently I was reading victim statements about the abuse they underwent while dating Marilyn Manson. The details described are horrendous, along with messages shared from Manson himself, to them. They all shared details that are similar yet not exact, which is a marker of truthfulness in witness statements. On top of previously recorded statements made by Manson stating he wanted to “bash her head in with a meat hammer” after one girl had broken up with him, I find these accusations to be very credible.

Here is where I will disclose my bias. Not only can I sympathize with these women, but I do know what some of this abuse is like. I know what it’s like to fall head-over-heels for a guy who says and does all the right things at the right times but then suddenly turns into a monster. 

I know how hard it is to leave or to speak out when you feel so worn down that you believe him when he says everything is your fault. I understand the gaslighting, the broken feeling that sits in your chest every day, the fear that plagues you at every waking moment. 

I know what it is to have your voice stolen from you, when you no longer even bother fighting back or saying ‘no’ because your choice doesn’t matter anymore and it’s worse for you if you try.

The PTSD, anxiety, depression, unending rage and sadness that live within you. 

And most of all I know the fear, the fear of wondering if you’ll even be alive the next day, of attempting to tell your family and friends, wondering if they’ll believe you because he has all of them fooled too. The fear of backlash, not only from your abuser but from the very people there to protect you. 

The questioning, “do I even bother going to the police? Will anything be done? Will they take his word or mine? Can I even give them enough proof to do anything about it?” 

All too frequently I have seen the answers to those questions. 

When the police came to my house as a child and listened to my mother tell them all the horrible things my step father had just done, and then spoke to him and decided he was telling the truth. They labeled my mother as “hysteric”, and no this wasn’t back in the 1880s, this was in the 2000s.

A woman who was fearing for herself, but also for the well-being of her child, was labeled as hysteric by law enforcement and her husband who had just thrown her on the floor and beat her child was allowed to remain in the household with no consequence. No charges were pressed, no official statement was taken. 

This was the first time I had witnessed the only people I was sure would protect us side with the abuser instead of the victim, and unfortunately it will never be the last.

Now that story may seem irrelevant considering none of the women in this case had gone to the authorities, but I would argue that is why it is relevant.

As a woman in this society we get to see things from a different perspective than men. We get to see how hard work doesn’t always guarantee that promotion at work, how an impressive education and resume won’t mean you get the job in a male dominated field, and how men are more likely to accept the words of other men than they are women.

I am not saying that these things I mentioned above do not go both ways because they most certainly do, but I feel it is important to point out these things to people who are maybe not aware of such things.

Being a woman, in a male centered society, can lead to distrust. And by this I mean, distrust in the ability of authority to keep one safe. Distrust in other human beings to do the right thing. Distrust in others to do their job and look into claims of abuse more closely, instead of just picking a side that makes things easier on you.

Now, let’s imagine for a moment that you are a victim of abuse, that your abuser has funds for the best lawyers, and to pay any amount of bail. To top it all off, this abuser has repeatedly threatened your life, not only by his hands, but also by the hands of a well known gang, with whom he is affiliated.

At this point I would think any rational person would be fearing for their life, not only because of being worried about not being believed, but also because this abuser has already proven to be cruel. To you these threats are not just threats, they are a future you can see clearly.

Would you want to disclose any negative information on this man to people who you don’t think will believe you? Who would go to this man and tell them your name and what you said about him?

Because I wouldn’t.

And this is what leads us to the main issue.

Being scared to come forward, finally dealing with some of the mental trauma left behind, getting over that fear and coming out to the public to try to get someone else to share their story. Because maybe all of you together will be able to stop this man from hurting someone else the way he hurt you.

Accomplishing all of this only to have speculation thrown at you, to be called names like liar, bitch, whore. To be accused of trying to scheme and get money when really all you want is to try and stop this person from ruining more lives.

You spend years being broken over things like this, years just trying to piece yourself back together, only you can never find all the parts because this person steals little pieces of you every time they hurt you.

It takes courage to publicly speak about the horrors you have gone through, it takes great strength, and anyone who says otherwise has had the privilege of not having to do such things. I am not one of those privileged few, and I am not one of the courageous ones, willing to bear my traumas to the world. 

And that is because I do not want more burden laid upon my shoulders. A burden of having people I have never met nor spoken to calling me a liar, asking me why I didn’t say anything to anyone, not being able to understand the pain I have been carrying around with me everyday.

That is a strength I do not yet know and one I wish to have.

For those who are still reading, thank you for taking the time to go through this long post. I don’t wish to spread more hate, I simply wish to shed light on some issues that may not be frequently thought about. 

I am very aware of the laws we have set in place in this country and that everyone is innocent until proven guilty, I just ask that the same courtesy is shared to the accuser as well as the accusee.

We should not condemn the alleged abuse victims to being a liar simply because of the length of time between now and when the abuse happened, or because they came out with the information on social media. All claims of abuse should be thoroughly investigated and taken seriously.

[thepilotanon]

Prelude (epilogue)

{masterlist}

warning: mention of war/death.

As expected from a serious character, such as her husband, creating a systematic plan to begin rebuilding the First Order under his rule was going smoothly, much to everyone’s surprise. 

Taris was a planet with one sun and two moons, not much of a popular planet hidden within the Outer Rim Territories, but a golden location for the First Order. The planet itself hid an underground academy for officers and future soldiers to hit the high ranks, construction sites and shipyards that aimed to rebuild any kind of military ship to pristine conditions to make it look brand new whenever necessary. So, it was no surprise that, once the Supremacy docked in their reserved lots, that there was a major difference within the few day cycles from the damage done in the Crait system. The large gash of exposed parts of the Supremacy were now sealed and placed under tents for confidential construction - any damages panels and vital rooms were already cleaned and looking brand new with shiny new screens, buttons and sparkling floors.

Taris, on the outside, didn’t look very attractive or would hold civilized parties, but what they do for the military party that they support was the same as serving royalty.

It was even nice of the mechanics and prime minister of Taris to allow higher-ranked officials on the Supremacy to remain onboard, being more comfortable in their own quarters (that weren’t as damaged as originally thought). It was enough to try and house every single stormtrooper, officer, soldier, mechanic and everyone stationed aboard nearby the shipyards, much less make sure all those who were injured from the battle in the Crait System had enough attention and medical services with such short notice. Nova did make sure that she and Kylo (and Hux, using a rather convincing voice and reason) visited the makeshift med-units on Taris and let the stormtroopers know that their new Supreme Leader cared for the ones’ values and efforts that those who serve for his cause. Kylo was willing to admit how refreshing and uplifting it felt to sense how the injured did appreciate their visits and having (very, very little) small talk.

‘Still,’ Nova thought with a fond smile, placing her fallen rock and a couple of Kylo’s scrolls back on their shared shelf, ‘it’s the thought and effort that counts, and he did a good job.’

“I wouldn’t count on doing a good job,” the familiar voice and feel of her husband’s hands slipping around her, pulling her back to his naked chest. “It was you who did the most talking to them.”

Leaning her head back to smile up at him, Nova was rewarded a kiss to her forehead. “You still did a good job. You could tell that they appreciated you visiting them. Remember how many thought how Snoke never did anything like that, and how long they’ve been in service?”

“Mmm.”

Going quiet, Nova turned around in her husband’s arms and pressed her palms to his chest. Kissing between his pectorals and then going on her toes, Nova pressed against his heartbeat and kissed his jaw, bumping her nose against him lovingly while his arms around her tightened to a hug. A soft sigh slipped from him as he mouthed back at her pulse, fingers tangled in her hair, making her shiver in delight and happiness at his affectionate behavior. She really missed being with him and being able to touch him and be with him face-to-face. He was warm and strong, and she missed being able to feel protected and small with him.

She felt safe and loved.

“Will you show me?” he whispered soft, so softly that she thought he was speaking more to himself than to her.

Taking a deep breath, Nova looked down between them while she allowed Kylo to go through her wall, remaining in a physical state with him and held on to him as he straightened up. The hand on the back of her head carefully pulled her face to his chest and Nova willingly hid where his heart was, trying to focus more on her husband than on the memory that still irked her.

“If you are receiving this message from me, as of now, it means that I am dead.”

Kylo stroked Nova’s hair slowly, comfortingly while he focused on the memory of Nova’s past-self appearing emotionless to the hologram, but could feel the immense confusion and panic coming from within his wife. Even now, with her in his arms, he could sense the stress of reliving the memory for him to see, just from the sound of Snoke’s voice. Kylo took a moment to look down to check on her, give the top of her head a reassuring kiss to remind her that he was here with her, all while still listening to the recording. He wanted to ensure that his wife was alright, no matter what. To him, she always came first.

“This is my last Will and Testament, and I expect you, especially for all I’ve done for you, to fulfill my wishes. I am giving the role and title of Supreme Leader to you, as my last order.”

Snapping his gaze up just in time to see Nova use her abilities to destroy the holo-table with a simple blink, her face twisting and twitching with all her negative emotions overflowing from within. Her fears for those she knew and for her husband and how scared she was while the memory dissipated before him, returning them into their quarters.

Carefully pulling back and keeping a hold on her shoulders, Kylo knelt down to her height to see her looking off into nowhere, eyes filled to the brim with unshedding tears. He felt how upset she was, prompting her to never hide her true emotions from him, if she could help it, and held her face with both hands. Once she blinked hard enough for tears to fall, he was gentle to swipe the tracks away with his fingers. His thumbs traced the shape of her cheeks adoringly, having her meet his gaze once she composed herself.

“I don’t ever want that title,” she confessed to him, her voice thick and filled with bitterness directed towards the deceased predecessor of the First Order. “I can’t do it. I don’t want it.”

“I know,” Kylo responded, nodding and keeping her tears from falling down her face. “I know, I understand. You don’t need to take it.”

“Why would he ever want me to take his place? He knows I never wanted to become someone like that. Thinking I never had morals or beliefs, then just make me into something like him.” Nova sniffed and used her hands and wrists to try and wipe away the soreness of her eyes and incoming snot from her nose.

“He made it that I always belonged to him, in the end,” Nova told him, looking down again in shame. “It didn’t matter that I wasn’t… To him, I was still a slave - I was his slave.”

“No, you’re not. You never were his slave, Nova.” Kylo was firm and serious when he told her this, yet she still shook in his hold. He was careful to tilt her tearful eyes up to his and he kept their gaze locked, leaning down and speaking to her, hoping she could understand.

“Nova,” his voice making her skin suddenly burn, “I want you to listen to me, please. He’s dead. I killed him. He no longer has any control of you or me, because I killed him and he is dead now. You saw my memory, didn’t you?”

She nodded, sniffling, as best as she could with her face in his hands squishing her cheeks. “Yes,” she told him.

“Did you know what was going through my mind when I readied to strike him?” he asked her, voice quiet and gentle. All just for his wife. “The whole time, seeming to focus on Snoke and Rey deciding my fate for their own betterment. They claim that they know what my future is suppose to be, but they were all wrong - with everything. Rey thought I would go to her side of war; Snoke thought I would remain his dutiful, obedient student for the rest of my life...and I proved them all wrong.

“All that I could think about - all I cared about was seeing you smile and being alive with me. I didn’t care about Snoke. I didn’t care about Rey. None of them mattered, only you.” Leaning his forehead to lightly touch hers, Kylo closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Just you. You and I on a new planet you’ve never heard of, on a beach. You see a creature or find a shell, giving me the brightest, most happiest of smiles that makes my chest fill with joy and peace. Just us, no war, no First Order or Resistance hassling the galaxy...all is at peace, and we’re both happy.”

Opening his eyes and leaning back straight, Kylo stroked the curve of her cheek with the back of his fingers, so, so gentle.

“I’m going to make sure that comes true, Nova, not matter what it takes,” he whispered. “I’ll sacrifice myself to make sure you’re happy, if I must, because you deserve that.”

Sniffing, Nova leaned her face into his palm and let her tears fall in a sort of relief in his hold, holding his forearm with both hands. Kylo cradled her face and wrapped his other arm around her to keep her close to him, kissing the tears away just as careful. Keeping her close, he pressed his lips and nose to her hair and kept comforting her, feeling his own anger and hatred to the deceased Master dissipate once Nova nuzzled closer to him, her own sadness disappearing due to how warm and comforting he was.

“I’ll take the title,” he told her gently. “I’ll take it, and rule far better than he could ever have. As long as you’re with me, I can’t ask for anything else as I build a better, safer galaxy for you to live in with me.

“Think of it as being my guide to being the better Supreme Leader, my love.” Nova tilt her head up to look at him curiously, him keeping her close to feel his heartbeat. “You keep me grounded to what is most important. I don’t want to be the leader he was, how unhappy he made you… You won’t be the Supreme Leader, as you wish, but...please, all I ask is for you to be my support, my own queen that can show me how to rule accordingly, and justly.”

Nova blinked when he gazed at her with her own ideas. “A better galaxy, where we can be on the beach together,” she suggested with a small smile, an encouraging one. “And, everyone else can be happy, too, with no war going on, and we can all get along.”

“Is that what you want to happen, at the end of the war? Even with the Resistance, after what they’ve done to us?” Kylo sniffed a bit at her suggestion. “After they’ve killed Phasma, and many other ‘troopers and officers. Of all the struggle and pain you went through in mourning for your fallen friends, Nova…”

Her smile grew more soft, eyes understanding, as she nuzzled into his jaw. “Let the past die,” she said, “for me? There can’t be a future without moving on from the past, Kylo, just when you know that the future is going to be so much better.”

Kylo blinked slowly, taking a long, deep breath before leaning against her. His arms wrapped tightly around her, keeping her close as he pushed his nose and lips into her hair, just under her ear, kissing the spot softly.

Simply giving in, after seeing her point.

“You are right.”

Fun Fact: Taris is a SW canon planet that was in control of the Empire.

taglist: @ayatimascd @ymariejp @yippee-ki-yay-motherfucker460@formerly-anonhamster @rosalynbair @redhairedfeistynerd@imyourdreamwife @kyloxfem @goth-pigeon @renthusiast

[anniebibananie]

I didn’t know you accepted prompts! I just read the one you wrote post battle and I loved it. Can I send you a prompt? I’d like to read a oneshot about Jon and Sansa’s wedding and wedding night, it’s set after the war (politics) is won and they get married for love, I just want all the fluff I can get before the next Sunday’s episode. Thank you xoxo

i mostly wrote this before 8x05 aired, but like it pretty much fits still kinda?

Sansa watched Arya dance with Gendry through sips of wine and a small smile. She couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps the next wedding would be quick to follow, though Arya had done nothing but argue that when Sansa brought it up. 

It had seemed at times like they would never get to this. Sansa had thought at some point, she would never get to sit here and feel the happiness bloom through her chest unhindered by anything else. 

“What are you thinking about, wife?” 

She turned then, trying to enjoy every second of the movement. Jon was clearly in his cups with the smile he gave her, though maybe he was enjoying the feel of joy as well. The realization that the war was over and the war had been won. 

“Wife,” she said with a small shake of her head. “That is new.”

“I’ll never tire of saying it.” He reached out a hand and wrapped it around her own. He squeezed, and she felt warmth bloom further through her. “I may tire of this feast, though.” 

“You long for a bit of solitude, husband?” she teased back. “You could always do what you used to and scowl in a corner.” 

“No, no solitude,” he said. He dipped further over the arm of his chair and pushed red hair behind her ear, getting closer to whisper as the cheers and festive noise of the room grew for a minute as a song completed. “Just long for my wife.” 

Her lips tilted up and she leaned back, feeling the power shift through her limbs as he gazed at her. She nearly felt the room wash away as she stared at him, just him, and begged with her eyes for him to understand. Then, because she could and it would not be enough, she said it aloud instead. 

“You’re the King of the North,” she said. “You’re allowed it. Have me, before the Queen of the North takes what she wants instead.” 

He raised an amused brow. “And what’s that?” 

“You may be a king, but sometimes you remain so very dim-witted Jon Stark.” She stood up and held out her hand. “Now, come. While they’re still distracted with the switch of songs.”

His hand in hers, he followed. 

___

When Daenerys died, and Westeros broke back into seven kingdoms again, Sansa heard it through scroll first. 

The North is officially yours, it said. I shall be home soon, it continued amongst a few technical details before Jon Snow’s signature. Sansa tried to keep the letter out of her mind, but when the tasks of the day dulled or she laid in bed at night, she would think on that familiar scrawl. 

It was actually sunny the day he finally arrived back, and it had lifted Sansa’s spirits but seeing him had lifted them even more. Having him in her arms now was much better than the last time he had returned, having to look at the Dragon Queen over his shoulder and knowing there was an enemy in their home. 

He was quick off to do other things, and Sansa tried to not take it as a slight. She was busy, after all, and Winterfell was still in repair. He found her that night, though, as she had half-expected him to. 

She called for him to come in while she stayed near the open window, enjoying the fresh wind still coming in to remind her of her own heat, her own beating heart. He didn’t say anything as he closed the door behind himself. Nor did he as he stepped further into the room. 

Then, a few feet away from her. “Sansa.” As if it was little more than a breath of relief.

She turned, and it was easier to fall into the normalities of basic courtesies. The same way she had needed to for weeks with Daenerys around any corner. 

“I’m glad you’ve found your way home,” she said. “If only Arya could do the same.” 

Jon smiled, a real one, at the mention of Arya. “She will. I think she wanted to travel first. Can you imagine her on a ship? I’m sure she’ll be a proper captain by the time she finally decides it’s time to return.” 

A smile came to Sansa’s lips at the thought as well. “I’m sure she will.”

The silence flickered between them—a clumsy, awkward thing. Neither knew quite how to break it. Sansa reveled with the silence instead, feeling in small part that maybe Jon deserved to squirm first.  

“Now that we’re safe,” he said slowly, finally, as if he couldn’t quite believe it still now, “I thought I might owe you an explanation.” 

“Oh, now you do?” she asked, feeling her heat spike up. “Now that it does me little good?”

“Sansa.” There he went again, saying her name in a way that made her feel weak when she wanted to be anything but. “I did it for you.” 

She looked up, saw his tired face. It was clean now, but Sansa wondered if perhaps he could still feel the way dirt and blood had coated it after everything. There were days she would wake up and feel her hands sticky and red, though they had only ended up that way from her pushing down wounds in the wake of battle. 

He had been in King’s Landing. He had seen death surround him enough to suffocate. 

Still, there was something annoying about him suggesting it was for her when she had been isolated from his plans, when he had openly fought her, when the two of them had struggled to fall on the same page before he left. It was like losing your closest ally, really. In some ways, she could nearly forgive the political mindset now after they had gone through everything and the tragedies they’d all suffered. 

But the way he had made her feel? To lose the person she had felt as if she could tell anything, share it all, and then have it ripped away? She had spent many long stretches of time battling between missing Jon so dearly and being mad at him for the betrayal. Even now after all of it she found it hard to forget the way it had gnawed at her insides. The way it had seemed as if he had given up everything she had fought for without bothering to ask. 

“There was a lot you did for her,” Sansa said through gritted teeth. “Or perhaps some other reason, too. Please don’t claim it was all for me. Certainly not as if that makes it okay.” 

He nodded, looking pained. “All I’ve ever wanted is this,” he said. “I wanted to finally be back here. Now I am. Now we have the North, Winterfell, no threat from anyone. I don’t have to pretend–”

“And how exactly did you pretend?” she asked as she stepped closer. He looked beautiful in candlelight. “Say it.” 

“I never loved her,” he said with a sigh. “You had to have known that. We needed her armies if we were going to survive. She was family. I’m sad she’s dead, but I didn’t love her.” 

Sansa paused. She would remember the way she paused then, that second of longing in the air and in his face. She had wanted him to reach forward, or to keep saying something deep and romantic. Not the way I love you, maybe. It would have been just the sort of romantic thing she would have hoped for in her youth. 

Instead, she turned away from him and moved back toward the window. The cold on her skin was grounding, but then she dipped forward to close it. When that was complete, she was afraid to turn around for what she would see. 

“Is that really all you ever wanted?” she asked, her voice smaller than she would have liked. “Have you never wanted anything else?”

He released a ragged sort of breath, and she could hear it for it being so near. “Sansa. Please look at me.” 

She was scared to look at him because looking at him meant she might not be able to stop. For a long time it had felt as if she would never get to want things simply for the sake of wanting them. She wanted him, though, through it all. Gathering all her courage, she turned toward him. 

“I want you,” he said. His hand almost paused halfway to her face, but then he cupped her cheek. “I know I’ve failed you before, and I didn’t do things the way you wanted, but you have to know I did it all to get to this moment. I will do whatever you want Sansa, whether that’s leave you the North and disappear or stay beside you for the rest of your days. Just tell me, if there’s a chance you return my affections—” 

“You can’t do things in my name, for me, without asking again,” she said. “It’s together or not at all.” 

Jon nodded seriously, as if this was a political deal more than anything. “I can do that.” 

“Then marry me,” she said with a ghost of a smile. “Let us be the King and the Queen of the North. Together.”

His smile was incredulous. “You speak the truth?” 

“We could make a good go of it, don’t you think?” she whispered. It was easy to let the past fall away there with the two of them close enough to breathe in the same air. 

There were so many more things they had to discuss, to talk through, to acknowledge. Sansa thought, though, that maybe she could release a small sense of control for a moment to get this. To try to want and let herself have. 

He reached forward. He kissed her. The room was warm, and Sansa was happy. For a moment, it felt like they were sharing the future between them instead of the weight of everything else. 

__

Sansa closed the door behind her, and when she turned around Jon was on her. He was dipping his hands into her hair, he was holding her closer, and she wanted more. She wanted everything he could give her. They were allowed that, now. 

They could be happy, she dared to think. 

“You can’t leave now,” she said between kisses. “You’re mine, and you stay.” 

“Why would I want to go anywhere else?” He stopped and smiled at her, a goofy sort of smile, a loving one. “You’re here. My wife.” 

“That’s right.” She pulled him into her again, kissing him slow and long and with so much feeling. “I love you.” 

He paused, his forehead on her own. “I love you.” 

Her lips twisted up slightly, though in her belly she felt a bit nervous, but how could she when it was Jon? Loyal, trusting, beautiful Jon. 

“Prove it,” she teased in a whisper. 

And he did. 

[nixmatize]

Making room for someone new (chapter 7)

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For @marigami-week, under the prompt “meet the family.” This is the second to last chapter, which means that tomorrow will be the end of the story - thank you so much to everyone who has read this far and left such kind feedback!

Marinette’s hands twitched down to smooth her shirt again, even though she had done so too many times already. She had brushed her teeth three times, undid and redid her signature ponytails twice, and changed outfits four times. Needless to say, she was slightly nervous about her date.

Above her, Tikki giggled, smiling down at her silly chosen. “Don’t worry Marinette, Kagami already likes you a lot. Tonight will go great!”

“I know Tikki, I just – I want everything to go perfectly!” Marinette checked her reflection one last time before starting for the stairs. “I’m going to go wait downstairs… I want to be there when she arrives!”

Tikki just rolled her eyes at her chosen’s antics, before diving into her hiding place on the inside lining of Marinette’s jacket.

Marinette stepped downstairs, only to see the bakery surprisingly empty except for her parents sitting together chatting at one of the tables. “Maman? Papa? Where are the customers?”

“We closed the shop a little early, Marinette,” her maman said with a secretive smile, “since it’s your first real date. We have to meet your new girlfriend before you two go!”

Marinette had almost entirely forgotten that her parents knew about her asking Kagami out today. Of course they had been the ones to help her prepare part of her confession gift, but she had still been stuck in such a happy daze when she got home from school that she just sighed longingly and nodded to her parents questions about how it went without even consciously registering them.

Marinette’s face blushed red at her parent’s focused attention. “She’s not – I mean not yet – we’re not girlfriends, actually… wait, did you say meet her? You’ve already met Kagami, she was over just this last weekend?”

Her papa laughed. “Of course we’ve met her, but that was before we knew she’s be dating our little girl. We have to re-meet her now that we know she’ll be part of the family!” His face dropped more serious for a moment. “And I have to let her know that if she ever plays with my precious daughter’s heart, no amount of sword training will save her.”

“Papa!”

At Marinette’s affronted shout, the humor returned to his face. “I’d say ‘just kidding,’ Nettie, but we both know I’m not.”

Sabine put her hand on her husband’s arm, and did her best to shoot him a warning glare that was weakened by the smile trying to inch it’s way onto her mouth. She turned to Marinette. “He’s right, sweetie, meeting a date is a bit different than just meeting a friend. We’re excited to talk to her for a few minutes before you two head off.”

As though summoned, a car pulled up in front of the bakery. Marinette turned just in time to see Kagami stepping out, and felt the air get stuck in her chest. Kagami was wearing black pants with a deep red button up, with a dark coat over top. She was gorgeous, and Marinette found herself frozen in place, unable to look away as Kagami straightened up and head for the bakery.

X

Kagami stepped through the door and made eye contact with Marinette. Both just stared for a moment, faces pink, before Marinette’s parents stood up.

“Welcome, Kagami,” Mme. Cheng said, clearly trying to hide the amusement and fondness in her voice. “We’re glad to have the chance to officially re-meet you, as the girl our daughter is dating rather than just a friend this time.”

Kagami snapped out of her trance, reluctantly turning away to focus on Mme. Cheng instead of Marinette. “Thank you for welcoming me in, Madame Cheng. I am honored to have the chance to date your daughter.”

Marinette’s papa drew himself up even further, until her was at his full height, broad shoulder creating an impressive sihouette.

“Now you take care of my little girl, okay? I will not take kindly to anyone meddling with her heart.”

Kagami supposed that this might have been somewhat unnerving, if she hadn’t known that Marinette was Ladybug. As it was, she knew Marinette could destroy anyone who crossed her without any help, though she was almost too nice in withholding herself from doing so. Mostly, Kagami was just glad to see someone else willing to stand up for Marinette, especially when there were terrible people in this world like Lila who would see Marinette’s kindness as a weakness to exploit rather than a precious treasure.

“Yes, sir,” she replied dutifully.

“Then it’s a pleasure to see you, Kagami!” He reached out a hand, and Kagami shook it. “I’m always happy to see my potential-future-daughter-in-law.”

“Papa!” Marinette shouted, face completely red.

Kagami just laughed, amused at the Dupain-Chengs’ antics and more than a little overwhelmed by their kindness in making her feel so welcome in their home.

Marinette stepped forward and linked their arms together. “We’ll be going now. Love you!”

“Love you too!” Marinette’s parents chorused, watching them exit the bakery arm-in-arm.

Kagami had never seen such raw kindness. While she had a working relationship with her mother, they were not quite close in the same way. Her mother cared, but never showed it as openly and often as Marinette’s parents seemed to. Kagami could not find it in herself to be jealous, though – Marinette deserved all the love in the world.

She turned toward Marinette. “I was thinking we could walk and find André’s ice cream tonight? I know you said his ice cream has some magical power for couples, though I will admit to doubting this claim myself.”

Marinette looked over with sparkling eyes. “Yes!” She seemed to realize that her volume had been a little too much, judging by the startled turn of nearby pedestrians, so she flushed a bit further and quieted down. Kagami found it unfairly endearing. “I didn’t really believe in it either, but when André was akumatized into Glaciator – do you remember that fight?”

Kagami nodded, hoping Marinette would take it as a vague memory of the event itself and not realize that she had gone back and pored over every last Ladybug clip in the past few days.

“Well, after he was akumatized, I realized that I was probably wrong about his ice-cream. Couples that get ice cream there really do seem to stay together. And, even if it’s not true… it can’t hurt to try, right?”

Marinette’s expression was so open, so earnest, that Kagami felt herself melt just a little bit further. Her first real friend that was around because she wanted to be and not because of any parental pressure, and her first date – she didn’t know what she had done to deserve such luck, but she promised to give everything of herself to Marinette in return.

Kagami started them off on the route she had looked up in the car. She and Marinette chatted pleasantly all the way there. Even though the walk was a respectable distance away, Kagami felt as though almost no time at all had passed when they arrived at the ice cream cart.

André was humming to himself, stirring a tub of ice cream when he noticed them approach.

“Ah Marinette! It’s good to see you again my dear. And a special someone came with you – try André’s Sweetheart Ice Cream, and your love will stay true.” He quickly scooped together a mix for them; orange and blackberry, two fruity flavors for them to share. André winked conspiratorally as he passed it over. “You expected a different pairing at the start, I’m sure, but André’s glad to see you have doubts no more!”

Kagami was unimpressed with the rhyming, but as she and Marinette sat on a bench to take a taste of the treat, she had to give credit where credit was due; this ice cream really did taste magical. She rarely let herself be caught up in fanciful dreams, but as she looked at a giggling Marinette who had a dab of orange on the tip of her nose, she couldn’t help but hope the stories about André’s ice cream were true.

Her heart felt too big for her chest as she smiled at Marinette. Kagami wanted to stay with Marinette for a very, very long time.

As she heard the screaming start somewhere off behind her, she added one more wish to her list: that Hawkmoth would get his just desserts very, very soon.

She and Marinette locked eyes over the ice cream, both reluctant to cut their perfect evening short but also both aware of what Marinette had to do. “Go,” Kagami said, and Marinette went.

She wished she could protect Marinette, could help her, could make sure that an akuma never hurt her again. But Kagami knew that not only was Marinette fully capable of protecting herself, as it was Kagami would be more of a hindrance than a help without any good way to fight the akuma. She ran off to hide nearby, even though every illogical part of herself was pushing to go back and stand at Marinette’s side, despite her complete lack of magical protection.

But even more than that what stopped Kagami from rushing over was her great respect for Marinette. If she allowed this secret to cause her to run into every battle, it would be an insult to Marinette’s skill and her faith in Ladybug. No, she would stay out of the way.

She heard a distant crash. Keeping herself from running immediately to Marinette’s aid was one of the most difficult feats of self-control she had ever performed.

[what-the-fuck-is-anime]

This kid is so fucking strong. He know this is going to get him hit, but he tries to hold his father responsible in a world where nobody else has.

This post contains talk of medical abuse, mental illness, and forced hospitalization.

Sending her to the hospital...it was deliberate. His dad must have been so happy to have an excuse to send her to a hospital. Her one outburst of terrible violence will forever overpower any of her claims regarding her husband’s ongoing violent abuse and manipulation. The media will never believe her about the abuse. They will frame her as incoherent, violent, and hysterical. This was all written to be as deliberate and as evil as possible to emphasize the extent to which this child is trapped. His mother returns from the hospital, inevitably not having been believed. And now she never will be, and she knew it, and that was probably why she was trying to call her mom. To try to avoid having the stigma of mental illness. In Japan, the nail that sticks up gets hammered down. Mental illness stigma is much worse there, and the views surrounding mental illness are different than many other places in the world. And now whenever either of them act up, the second most physically powerful man on the planet gets to threaten them with forced hospitalization because the whole world knows his mom went to a psych hospital. He may even claim she caused whatever abuse she tries to get help for. The threat of forced hospitalization is an extremely common abuse tactic. He uses hospitals as a weapon. He uses getting help as a weapon. Now he can beat up his son as much as he wants, and he may never want to go to the hospital because that was the place that took mom, and he may not be able to make the distinction between general hospitals and psychiatric hospitals. “Hospital” was the bad place that mom was forced to go to. And when he came home from the ER, his mother was taken from him. He may suffer he may hide illness he may never speak up about pain because he seems to only be around 5 or 6

WARNING

The purpose of the following is to begin to attempt to begin understanding the plight of Todoroki’s mother in terms of Japanese culture and viewpoints. I researched and highlighted some specific aspects of mental illness and psychiatric care in Japan that may not have been considered or otherwise known by a foreign audience. Most of my sources are in English, and a huge number of them are scientific or otherwise academic in nature, so while they are in no way a one stop shop about Japanese culture so to speak, they are quick notes about what I found interesting and potentially relevant to the situation. The content below this point may be difficult to read, and although I included the warning at the top, this is the part where it may get more difficult beyond this point. If you are sensitive to reading medical abuse or stigma surrounding mental illness, I do not recommend reading further.

While many things are lost in translation in terms of cultural differences, it is my opinion that even slightly understanding some aspects of psychiatric care in Japan as well as the attitude towards mental illness are essential to understanding the struggle of Todoroki and his mother in context, and the power that his father holds over the two of them after sending her there. While there are many other important cultural differences that may change the impact of Todoroki’s backstory depending on who is interpreting it, the stark differences between Japanese psychiatric care compared to what I am familiar with as an American stuck out to me as something that is probably less likely to be known by the average anime viewer. I realized I had no perspective on what psychiatric care meant in Japan, so I decided to investigate.

Many sources include clarification for other claims that may appear unsourced, as well as often referencing certain aspects of Japanese culture that appear unsourced. The following is not a scientific paper, nor is it anywhere near a complete representation of psychiatric care in Japan, and should not be treated as anything more than an extremely casual anime essay that I spent a disproportionate amount of time on trying to research statistics in order to put the suffering of Todoroki’s mother into perspective, and the weight carried by a threat of forcible hospitalization in Japan, and give insight into what this may mean in terms of the source culture.

How long she was likely gone, what she may have experienced, and the transition from being physically controlled by her husband to being physically controlled within a hospital. I am not from Japan, most of my readers are not from Japan, so the ways in which we may be inclined to interpret the situation and its impact are entirely through the lenses of our own local cultures. My focus was mostly on facts and results from studies, which while easily citable, are again in no way a full picture of anything; I am not a good source for Japanese culture, this is not a good place to read about it fully, and if you try to use this as an educational resource well, uh, stop that. Beyond condemning a few specific practices, this is also not intended in any way to be a criticism of Japanese culture, but rather, a focus on a bunch of statistics and facts that I thought pertinent to this scene in My Hero Academia. Another important point here is the fact that there is an extremely limited number of English resources regarding Japanese psychiatric practices compared to ones entirely in Japanese, and not even the laws are officially translated, specifically the laws and reforms regarding mental health. One important thing I want to note is that given how nightmarish Todoroki’s situation seems altogether and how much effort is put into making it as bad as possible, I am inclined to believe that his mother’s experience in the hospital was also intended to be on the more negative, potentially leaning towards worst or at the very least worse-than-average spectrum of experiences. My speculation reflects that.

END WARNING

Todoroki’s mom was so scared, she knew she needed to seek help to the point she asked help from people who forced her into the situation, but now that he forcibly hospitalized her, now that she acted out, now that he framed her as this inherently and consistently horrible violent person, the hospital could justify doing whatever they want to her. Japan is one of the last places in the world that uses physical restraints in psychiatric hospitals, and they use them very frequently alongside heavy sedation and otherwise high doses of drugs. Violent patients and patients with histories of violence are treated much, much worse on average, and she entered the hospital directly after having attacked her son. There is, to some extent, fear of mental illness and the mentally ill in Japan, especially in terms of those with histories of violence.

Even though Todoroki’s mother knows just how much she has been hurt and how much danger she and her son are in from her husband, they evidently never believed her, or at least never got her out of there. They may have called any claims of abuse acting out, they may have called it more evidence of her violence or her trying to blame her own assumed tendency towards violence on her innocent virtuous husband, they may have called her hysterical and drugged her even more, maybe even until she stopped claiming her husband was violent and abusive. After all, he is a top hero and has immeasurable influence, he very well also could have bribed or charmed the doctors just like he did everyone else to disregard his abuse and silence her. The doctors may be led to believe that her claims of abuse were delusions, and that she was suffering from a delusion when she attacked her son, so the goal for their treatment may have actually been to explicitly end those “delusions” of abuse to avoid future violence.

Another example of how much power Todoroki’s dad has is how he managed to get her admitted to a psychiatric hospital in the time it took Todoroki to come home from the ER thanks to his political influence. Involuntary admission in Japan requires politician approval. Additionally, who would believe her that she was not the consistently violent one? She brutally attacked her child with boiling water, after all. Surely it must have been the result of her mental illness to accuse him of any abuse, as the trustworthy top hero may have even warned the doctors, so surely all she needed was more drugs until her alleged delusions subsided. She attacked her son due to a claim that she was traumatized by her husband’s abuse, which he surely denied. The fact that he sent her to a psychiatric hospital instead of jail could have been seen as an act of mercy, when it truly was just to ensure he could manipulate her as long as possible, and the fact that having his wife arrested would have been a worse hit on his reputation than having her sent to a hospital. Plus, being charged with a crime might give her the opportunity to have him investigated. Regardless of how her claims of abuse were handled, nothing was done. Now she is scarier to the public than the man who deserved to be locked up a long time ago.

In 2017, a New Zealand man died from a heart attack after being restrained for 10 days in a Japanese psychiatric hospital and developing deep vein thrombosis (DVT) due to the restraints. 10 days not being allowed to leave the bed, to the point a blood clot developed, went entirely unaddressed, and resulted in a heart attack. The average time spent in medical restraints in Japanese psychiatric hospitals is 96 days. Yes, 3 months. Almost everywhere else in the world, that figure is a few hours if any. The source of the average length of time spent in restraints seems to be entirely written in Japanese, and while I was unable to directly read that particular report, I verified that it has been cited by numerous advocacy groups and news sources, and I spent hours comparing it to general information regarding physical restraints in Japan. Deep vein thrombosis is common for restrained patients in Japan, and use of restraints is on the rise. In 2013, about 29% of all psychiatric patients in Japan were placed in restraints (10,299 patients out of a total of around 297,000). Violent patients are more likely to be restrained.  According to a 2014 study of a Tokyo hospital, over 11% of patients in restraints develop deep vein thrombosis. And that study was performed with patients wearing compression stockings and receiving regular injections of unfractionated heparin (UFH), both of which reduce the overall chance of a blood clot. Those precautions are not enforced across Japan and may be exclusive to this study. So without those precautions, the general rate of developing DVT from these restraints is likely much higher.

Japan has the highest ratio of psychiatric beds to population in the world. In Japan, hospitals are viewed as long-term care facilities, so while a psychiatric stay in America might be a few weeks, in Japan it can be years. In 2008, the average length of stay in a psychiatric hospital was 290 days. Involuntary admission is associated with an even longer length of stay, and involuntary admissions between April 2014 and March 2016 were about 35% of total admissions. There is no legal upward limit of involuntary hospitalization in Japan. Involuntary hospitalization is initiated by the prefectural governor, with no guaranteed timeline for psychiatric assessment. Japan has on average four times the average involuntary hospitalization rate as other OECD countries.

As a result of research into restraints in Japan, I found https://www.norestraint.org/ , a Japanese advocacy website aimed to improve psychiatric care and campaign for the end of restraints in Japanese psychiatric hospitals. With the help of Google Translate, the page describes how some people in charge of psychiatric associations in Japan believe doctors should be given guns, which are extremely illegal in Japan. It also gives a visual on some types of restraint used. Japan has high rates of high dose medication and forced sedation, electroconvulsive therapy, and isolation in these psychiatric facilities. “Megadosing” is abundant, in that patients are given heavy doses of medicine until they are no longer resistant or are otherwise considered quiet, partially to compensate for understaffing. There are commonly not enough workers in these facilities, and high doses of drugs are often used to make patients more compliant instead of hiring more workers. The psychiatric hospitals in Japan are also mostly privately owned. In researching these statistics, I encountered countless stories demonstrating the worst possible scenarios. These experiences are again not necessarily indicative of the average hospital stay in Japan, and these statistics only represent very specific aspects of medical procedure within Japanese psychiatric hospitals, and are in no way “complete” representations of an average stay or the attitudes of all psychiatric healthcare professionals. However, one thing that came up repeatedly is the idea that some aspects of an individual’s stay can be influenced at the request of the family, including requesting longer time spent in restraints and longer stays.

In Japan, the views regarding mental illness differ greatly from the western model, which likely contributes to the contrast between their physical and psychiatric healthcare. A survey published in 2006 comparing the outlook towards mental illness between Australia and Japan presented four stories describing individuals with major depression, major depression with suicidal thoughts, early schizophrenia, and chronic schizophrenia, and then asked the respondents several questions regarding them. These stories were translated multiple times between English and Japanese to ensure that the translations were accurate. When asked to describe what the individuals in the story were experiencing, the results illustrated a Japanese preference towards phrases like “emotional problems” compared to the Australian survey. This same survey also demonstrated just how heavily family and community are expected to participate in the caretaking of those with mental illness in Japan, with nearly 2-3x the Japanese respondents saying that the individuals in the examples given would be best helped by their families, with more emphasis on the individual recognizing their own problems compared to the Australian responses. In terms of professional help, while the Australian participants largely recommended seeing a general doctor, the Japanese participants pointed towards counselors and psychiatrists.

In terms of what would not be viewed as helpful for the individuals in the stories, there was a significant disparity between the countries. In terms of depression, 87.3% of Australian respondents believed that a general doctor would be helpful, compared to only 30.4% in Japan. 35.4% of Australians surveyed said that a pharmacist would be helpful for the individual with depression, while in Japan only 6.8% believed a pharmacist would be helpful, with 22-23.6% actually saying that pharmacists would be harmful compared to about 8.1-8.7% in Australia. These responses were similar across all four examples. Roughly thrice the Japanese respondents believed that tranquilizers were beneficial across all conditions compared to Australia. Australia showed a heavy preference towards vitamins, with over 50% believing vitamins being beneficial to the individual with depression. In terms of medications being harmful, Australia leaned heavily towards calling tranquilizers, sleeping pills, and antipsychotics as harmful while significantly less Japanese respondents (roughly half as much or less) thought their application could be harmful to the individuals in the stories.

There was significant doubt towards the abilities of the individuals in the stories to recover in the Japanese survey, for example, just 7.4% believed that the individual with depression could make a full recovery even with professional help, compared to 37.3% in Australia. The Japanese survey leaned heavily towards individuals with professional help making progress, but with relapse. While the results are over 10 years old and there has been much change in society since then, I personally just thought the numbers were really cool.

More recently, a 2013 paper attempted to summarize the results of 19 papers regarding mental illness stigma in Japan published since 2001. Chronic schizophrenia was singled out as being viewed as especially dangerous in Japan, largely due to fear of violence, despite not many people being able to accurately identify it in practice. Medication for mental illness was generally poorly understood, with relatively few believing in the effectiveness of antidepressants as a whole. Friends and family were most commonly considered helpful, followed by counselors. Fear of schizophrenia in Japan was prevalent across multiple studies and statistics. Overall, Japan had more stigma than Australia and Taiwan, but less than China. The analysis mentioned that in Japan, personality is more commonly seen as a cause of mental illness than circumstance and biological factors. The findings suggested that the chronic institutionalization of those with mental illness may play a role in the stigma of mental illness, in that more frequent contact with and education about mental illness is associated with better outcomes in regards to acceptance.

Mental illness is commonly thought of in Japan as something that cannot be recovered from. Meaning, someone who has been labeled with a mental illness may never be viewed the same by society. This stigma played a role in why Todoroki’s mother took so long to seek out help, and why she waited until it got so bad to reach out. Mental illness is often seen as a loss of self-control, families are expected to care for mentally ill individuals, and there is a resistance to seeking out professional help beyond counselors. This plays a factor in why sending her to a hospital was an act of abuse on the part of Todoroki’s father within the context of Japanese culture. Although attacking Todoroki with boiling water was an extreme act of violence, general expectations are to discuss within the family how to address mental illness before seeking out a professional, or to at least look into a counselor, both which should have happened long ago. The process is not necessarily the same after an assault, but again, the family discussion should have happened a long time ago.

Todoroki’s mother reached out to her own family for help with what she was experiencing even though they were the ones that gave her to him for the sole purpose of bearing powerful children and were aware of the ongoing abuse for a while. They put her there. They did not get her out of there despite his constant physical abuse, either. She spoke about the situation on the phone as if they already knew. And evidently they also never backed up her claims of her husband actively hurting her and her son, since Todoroki never mentioned him getting investigated or them splitting up afterwards. She tried to seek mental counsel from a group of people who sold her for her Quirk as a readily available womb, because regardless of how they treated her, family is still expected to help. In that same sense, Todoroki’s father was supposed to attempt to help as well. Which would essentially involve telling him to stop being abusive, because it was evidently the trauma from his abuse that eventually led to the outburst. Obviously he did not want to do that. He wanted to punish her for acting out. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. Had he truly done this as an act of kindness, he would have changed. He did not, because he is an abusive shithead. As mentioned above, involuntary hospitalization requires authorization from local politicians, so the fact that he is a top hero plays an enormous role in exactly how easily and quickly he managed to get his wife committed. He could easily have her held longer, or re-committed should she ever act out again or even try to seek out help.

In terms of what contributed to the outburst, there are a ton of potential factors. For one thing, we saw Todoroki’s father shove his mother to the ground, leading the audience to believe there is a significant history of violence against her, as well as hints given by Todoroki’s description of his father being given access to his mother. Women in violent domestic abuse situations are extremely prone to having traumatic brain injuries. Experiencing domestic violence also makes someone more likely to develop mental illness in general. In terms of potential PTSD, the absolute inability to get away from her abuser due to how physically powerful and influential he is probably played a role in the severity of the attack. Her family was well aware of the abuse she experienced. She could have already been drugged, she could have already been on medication and experiencing side effects, there are not a lot of details thus far. But there are two things we know about Todoroki’s father for certain: he is one of the most powerful people in the world and has access to whatever resources he wants, and he is a raging abusive asshole. Regardless of the specifics here of what she experienced, the abuse evidently continued after her attack. Otherwise, this would have been considered an event in Todoroki’s life and not his backstory.

The impact of being forced into a psychiatric hospital is not the same in America and Japan, and the culture surrounding mental illness is much different as well.

I do not want to begin to elaborate how traumatic medical abuse is, and I will not pretend like America or any other part of the world is in any way free from it either, but the impact of the hospitalization may be lost in translation depending on the locale of the viewer.

Hospitals are supposed to help people. Police are supposed to help people. Heroes are supposed to help people. They have all failed this kid and he is absolutely trapped. He went to the hospital and returned to find his mother taken from him, leaving him with an angry father and presumably nobody to protect him. Todoroki was forced to grow up viewing “heroes” as people who hurt, as one of the most successful heroes in the world was personally dedicated to make his life hell. To that end, he may have even found himself occasionally cheering for villains, just to find refuge in a fantasy where someone can protect him from his father. His father had political influence, and because politicians are the ones responsible for permitting involuntary hospitalization in Japan, he had the power to send away his family at will if they ever tried to speak up. Even in a society of superpowers, even in a society with magic, the world still fails to protect children. It enables abusers. It did not even bother to consider that people who love violence might be attracted to the job of being a hero, to express their love for violence and to be able to legally hurt or kill people. UA has absolutely no resources to identify abusive heroes, they do nothing about outwardly violent students. They do nothing to guide them, they do nothing to support them. I bet anything nobody is going to take note of all this talk of rejecting his father and do anything either despite it being a huge red flag. All Might straight up asked his old buddy how his student’s home life was, and the response was basically that he was being abused and that the kid wanted out. And nothing happened.

He knows.

And All Might was allegedly the only person in the world stronger than Todoroki’s father, and allegedly the best hero in the world. At some point, Todoroki may have even cheered for All Might, hoping that the man his father viewed as a threat and so desperately wanted to overpower could one day help himself and his mother defeat the villain in their own lives. But that help never came.

This world is an absolute nightmare. Abusive childhood with added superpowers for the abusers and no consequences. People without superpowers are treated horribly. People with mental illness are still treated horribly. They never believed that poor woman, and even if they did, they never followed through to protect a CHILD.

Todoroki spent his childhood being abused by someone beloved by the world and ignored by every institution that was supposed to help him. The man that so many around the world were so excited to meet was the same man that he desperately wanted to escape from. He watched the world praise a man who went home and abused his family. He was forced to watch his mother suffer similarly, and was even attacked by her as a result from her trauma. Instead of this being a wakeup call for his father, he tightened the reins and punished her for not more readily accepting his abuse. Todoroki knew he had to become stronger, but he wanted to do everything he could to never become like his horrifying father. He struggled to make bonds with others, and where his peers chose teamwork, he opted for independence.

And Todoroki finally managed to reach out to his seemingly empathetic and understanding classmate to break the news to him that one of the top heroes that he probably was a fan of prior is a terrible, terrible person. He vents, revealing just to what extent he is trapped and suffering. While he does not detail the specifics such as in the flashbacks, he paints a pretty blatant picture of a very abusive home life without much hope to escape. He admits to the ways in which he tries to cope with his trauma and avoid becoming like his father, while still trying to become strong enough to physically protect himself and his mother, and what does Midoriya say, on international television for all to hear?

REJECTING YOUR FATHER MAKES YOU A JACKASS AND YOUR TRAUMA IS AN INSULT TO EVERYONE AROUND YOU

FUCK OFF

[shesdreamingofamonster]

Bound by Blood (I)

Word Count: 3,849

Genre: Vampire! AU, Arranged Marriage! AU

Pairing: Yixing x Reader

Summary: As the princess of one of the six clans sired from the witch who was originally cursed with the vampire virus, you were beckoned to be married to a young Prince before he can assume the throne. You may find more than just your fiance when you arrive.

This was never a life that you asked for. Surviving on the blood of others, and human blood being the only one that tasted the best and lasted the longest. Vampires were always thought to be fiction. Something that the humans would fantasize about and turn into something to enjoy when they were bored in book or televised form. But for you, it was the most real thing in your life. If you could even call it a life. Being immortal since birth, is that something that you could even call a life? You were conceived between two immortals. Your father always told you that your clan began when a mysterious virus infected his forefathers. It was believed to be from a witch who wanted to stay youthful and beautiful for eternity, but when she turned she had no idea that the only thing that would sustain her was blood. My grandmother claimed that she fed on her children while being driven mad with hunger. How horrible it must have been to receive a curse which was disguised as a blessing.

There are several clans which all began with one of the witch’s sires. Six in total, and they are spread out all over the world. We interact with humans, but they still aren’t fully aware of our species yet. Being the “princess” of the Ambrogio clan, you were obligated to sit in at the meetings with the elders. One of which you were currently in and wishing that you could practice your archery instead. Particularly because you were the topic of conversation.

“The Kharis Clan has just had some interesting occurrences,” Mikal was more lively than usual. Your uncle was many centuries older than your father, but he was never fit to take the throne. So, he opted for the head council position instead. “The eldest son has just been announced to be taking the throne from his father, whom is presumed to have grown tired of ruling.” He then turned to you, “A princess is required before he can officially assume the position. And he has requested that she be from one of the three original clans.” You were the eldest daughter in the house, which meant that you would be in the running. You immediately shot up from your chair. “Uncle, I would have appreciated this announcement in private before you presented it to the rest of the Elders.” Your father gave you a side glance. Since you were not queen, you did not have the authority to speak out like that during the council. You gave an apologetic bow as your father raised his hand to quiet you further. “This is wonderful news for the whole clan. Of course, we will accept the union if the prince so wishes.” And just like that, you remembered that your fate was never entirely your own.

That day you locked yourself in your room. Not that it was so horrible, since it was practically an entire suite. But you couldn’t face your father at your usual training session. They were mostly for show now, since you knew the duties of a queen and the woman of the household like the back of your hand. You were born and bred for this marriage, but even so, you wished that you had more say in the matter.

And when the notice was received that the prince had requested your hand in marriage several weeks later, your mother offered comfort. You knew that she was married to your father in a similar fashion, and you believed that they had grown to genuinely love each other. But now she was sending you off to live the same way that she had to. “Be strong my love. Try to find what makes him kind. That is what I did.” You nodded as she pulled you in for a long hug. Then she went to find your father and make arrangements for your send off.

Your send off to a whole new world with a man whom you had never met before.

The plane ride felt like an eternity. And for an immortal, that took a lot. Thankfully, the Prince allowed you to bring a member of your staff whom you felt would make the transition easier. You turned to face your longest and oldest friend. Amren was turned as a young child after she wandered into your territory. She was orphaned when her family died of sickness and was looking through the surrounding area for shelter. Unfortunately, she was met by one of your subjects who had been looking for a meal. You immediately did what you could to make her feel at home. Only recently reaching your maturity at the time, you were young enough to be a friend and a care taker. She eventually offered to become one of your ladies. You told her that she could live in the estate with no need to work, but she was too grateful to be just another mouth to feed. Centuries later, she was still dedicated to you. She took your hand and squeezed it. It was her who offered to join you in your new life. “I will see if I can divulge anything from the staff. And I will alert you to anything off-putting if I hear it.” You smiled back at her with a nod. Your parents would not be joining you for the union, so Amren was the only familiar person that would be with you until the wedding. She had said a snide remark about this situation after you had gotten on board. “Shipping their daughter away without even meeting the man they are giving her to, that seems questionable.” You had told her that it was their duty to remain in the estate. But truthfully, it would have survived without them for a day or two. “That is what happened with my mother as well. The day comes for every daughter in our family to leave home and create a union for our kind. I am just glad that I have you here for mine.”

Your new surroundings were secluded, much like your old ones to keep the humans from wandering in often. But instead of the cold and dreary mountains, here there was an abundance of greenery. As you prepared to get off of the plane, you tried to put a genuinely happy look on your face. Amren linked her arm with your own. Her closeness was the best comfort you could get at this time. The door opened, and you expected some of the staff to greet you and take you to your new home. Instead, you saw the curious face of a young man. He was dressed in a well-tailored navy suit which was accessorized with a black rose on his chest pocket. His eyes widened when they met your own. A glint of something else flashed over them for a moment before he gave a small bow, “Prince Zhang Yixing of the Kharis Clan. I am honored to finally meet you Princess,” He then turned towards your companion, “and the lovely Amren. I hope that your flight went well.” He was handsome, of course he was handsome. The immortality also came with exquisite features which drew prey in. But for some reason, you saw softness in his features that made you feel less on edge. “The feeling is mutual my Prince.” He offered his arm and you accepted, releasing Amren’s in the process. She understood the workings of the royals, you were only being cordial. This man would soon be your husband anyways. There were two male staff who accompanied him as well. They each held an umbrella. The Prince took one from the dark-haired boy and instructed the blonde one to hold it for Amren. “The sun is very prominent here, I hope that the adjustment won’t be that much of a pain.” He opened the umbrella and held it over you, shielding you from the strong rays. Unlike what many stories like to say, sunlight doesn’t kill your kind. It only irritates them, leading to headaches and slight nausea if stood in for too long. You were grateful for this gesture, as well as the kindness he was showing toward your friend.

The walk back to the estate was full of The Prince giving you a tour of the grounds. It wasn’t that far from where the plane had landed, but it was enough of a walk to get used to the way that it felt when your body would brush against the Prince’s as you walked. There was something about him that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. But just being near him made you feel safe, and at peace. As you walked, he showed excitement for what was to come from becoming the ruler of his clan. You had asked him if he had any plans. When researching your future empire, you were intrigued to know his answer. “I hope that we can do something to keep the mortals away from our land. Any unnecessary death is not going to help us for when we eventually decide to live in a world where they know we exist.” You turned to see the passion in his face. “My men try to find the biggest predator animals in the area for our people to feed on. The animals that would usually cause the mortals harm.” His aspirations were admirable. Especially when some of the other clans refuse to drink anything other than human blood. “You expect us to live in harmony one day?” Your voice was quizzical, unsure if it was something you could see truly happen. “I hope that harmony is possible. They will find out we are here soon enough, and when that day comes, I hope to be more of a friend than a foe.”

His words left a mark on you. His idea was lovely, but you both knew how hard it would be to convince mortals that the people who depend on taking the lives of others could be a friend to them. The front steps drew closer as you made some friendly conversation. Even if it was a short walk, getting to know this man would make the wedding easier. He dismissed his staff and led you into the main foyer. There was a grand staircase on either side of a luxurious balcony. You had seen this design many times. But the floral carvings into the wood that lined the walls of the building seemed out of place. “That design, it is very peculiar.” Compared to the gothic era décor of your old home, this place seemed much more… alive. “The clan’s namesake decided that she wanted a home which didn’t remind her of her deadly state all the time. Grace and beauty, I suppose that is what she had in mind with this.” As he led you upstairs, he traced the outline of the design on the railing. His fingers moving delicately. You noticed that the house seemed to be filled with lots of decorations for the ceremony, but there didn’t seem to be a lot of staff in the halls. He took you down the hallway then turned to the right, leading to another corridor. At the very end of that hall, there were larger double doors. He opened the door, which led to a beautifully decorated room with a canopy bed. It was filled with different hues of purple and silver. You had a room similar to this back home, however it had a balcony which you could walk out onto which had a view of the mountains. “This is your room until you feel comfortable enough to move into one with me.” You turned to him looking a bit surprised. “You gave me my own room?” He gave a soft smile, “Of course, it is only right. I am sure you feel out of place and having somewhere to call your own might make it better.” You spent some time looking around and he admired you from the doorway. “What do you think?” You smiled widely, “It is wonderful! Thank you, Yixing.” That was the first time you had used his name to address him, and he found it very relieving.

His smile made you understand that he genuinely just wanted to make you feel comfortable. He needed a wife to take the throne, but he didn’t want to force you to become a wife immediately. “Princess, please do not be afraid to let me know if there is anything you desire. I know how this situation must feel. The workers and I will always be only a call away. For now, I will leave you to settle in.” Before leaving he turned to Amren, “and your room is three doors down to the left. I assumed you would want to remain close to your lady.” She gave a grateful smile, “Thank you, it really does mean a lot my Prince.” You reached out your arm to take his hand softly before he whisked away. “You truly didn’t have to do all of this. I appreciate your efforts. And please, you may as well call me Y/N. We needn’t the formalities anymore.” He gave a small squeeze, firm but gentle, “Alright Y/N. I will see you for the proceedings tonight.” The way he said your name seemed to sound as if it was meant to be said by him. There was such an odd familiarity, but you released his hand and let him leave to close the door behind him. With his absence came a sort of longing in your bones.

Amren turned to you with an odd look on her face. One that you related with mischievous thoughts from all of your years with her. “What is it?” You asked as you bent down to lift your luggage up. Many of your belongings were sent to the estate ahead of time so that you wouldn’t have to wait for them. Unpacking your favorite casual clothes and laying them out, you weren’t looking at her, only waiting for the response. “The Prince does seem very kind. He is also one of your most handsome suitors yet.” You scoffed. There had been others, but they were hardly suitors. The son of the stable keeper, the high lord from the United Kingdom who didn’t hold any royal positions but was charming enough for a small summer fling, the visitor who brought a dying child to your lands in hopes of saving his life. All of them had their own reasons for getting some bit of your heart. But it was never truly your heart to give. You had to agree that if you were to be bound to someone for eternity, Yixing wasn’t such a bad option. There were princes who had their fun trying to win your father’s approval just for the sake of gaining another place to scavenge for human victims to torment for their amusement. “He does seem genuine. And aren’t we all visions of perfection?” She gave a small giggle. “You know what I mean.” You weren’t sure if you should bring up the odd things that seemed to be happening to you when it came to your new fiancé.

After getting your things all situated, you helped Amren get settled in her own room. It was not the size of yours, but it was bigger than you expected for one of your ladies. She was very delighted. “Look at these silks! They are definitely some of the finest I have ever laid my eyes on.” She leaned over to survey the fabric, taking it into her hands, “My hands too!” You were happy that Amren seemed to like your new home. She was also provided her own bathroom with a decent sized bathtub. You searched for a blue embroidered suitcase and found it sitting near the wardrobe cabinet. A sheepish grin filled your face as you called to her. “Amren, I have a little surprise for you.” She wandered away from the fabric to meet you across the room. “Should I be scared?” You rolled your eyes. “Only if fashion is horrifying to you.” You opened the luggage to reveal several new outfits for her. “I thought that a new home could use some new clothes to go along with it. Of course, I won’t be offended if you don’t wear them, but I wanted to get you something special. For being my most loyal friend and family.” Her intake of breath was enough to let you know that she loved them. She pulled out a cashmere sweater from your favorite designer’s fall collection. “Y/N, you spoil me! Thank you!” She laid the item on the bed before squeezing you tightly. She almost had as much energy as when she was a newborn when she got excited. The sparkle in her eyes was beautiful. “It is the least that I could do. You always mention that you like the things of hers that I wear.” Being a part of high society also had its perks with the mortal world. This particular designer had been dating a very abusive man when you had stumbled upon her. You had your men take care of him and made sure that she lived her life to the fullest. Her designs were in a boutique in a small city before you found her, now they were on the runways of Milan. You always tried to help what humans that you could and turning them wasn’t the only way. You opened orphanages up in the area where Amren was from in hopes of preventing another child from being infected or killed looking for a place to stay. When she found out, she threw her arms around you and wept. She had accepted her fate, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t mourn her mortal life.

You looked at the clock on the wall and realized that it was time to get ready. Most of Yixing’s court would be welcoming you to the estate tonight. A party was being held in your honor, and you were supposed to meet the Prince in an hour. Amren’s eyes widened. “Let’s turn you in to the prettiest thing in the room my love.” A few moments later she was leading you back to your room and sitting you down in front of the mirror. The virus made its victims look naturally stunning, but some makeup and hair-dos added allure. Your hair was curled and braided to rest on your head with a small jeweled crown. It was the one reserved for occasions where status was important, but not where you needed to attend to royal duties. A red lip paired with a maroon gown that hugged your hips and spread out near your feet were what Amren decided would make you stand out. Many people think that your kind wear red all the time, in all honestly, most strayed away from the color of their food. Black peep toe stilettos adorned your feet. Looking in the mirror, you seemed almost as dangerous as you were. “I will meet you at the party. Till then, enjoy the Prince’s company.” Amren kissed your cheek as she sent you away.

When Yixing turned, he didn’t expect to be caught off guard by your beauty. “Shall we be off then?” You asked as he took your sight in. Even the scent of you was intoxicating. He lent his arm towards you and you wrapped yours around it. “You look lovely tonight Y/N.” You smiled to yourself before turning your head towards his. “The same can be said for you.” Yixing was wearing a charcoal suit with silver embroidery in the shape of swirls. He led you to what you could only assume was his office. A large mahogany desk sat in the center of the room with a velvet chair behind it. On the desk was a large black box which was also made of the same material. “I was hoping that you wouldn’t have a necklace to wear tonight.” He lowered his arm to take your hand and led you to the desk. “Were you now?” You said back amused and raised your free hand to your collar bone. He opened the box to reveal a silver necklace with a stunning black shimmering stone in the middle. “It is black goldstone, not the most precious, but I thought it was as breathtaking as the woman I bought it for.” The way that the sparkles reflected in the light made it resemble the night sky, miles away from human civilization, where the stars shined brightly for the creatures of the night. “It is gorgeous!” He lifted it from the case and gestured towards your neck, “May I?” You nodded and lowered your hand, leaving your collarbone free for the dazzling jewel to rest upon. You clasped it in your hand as you admired it some more. When you looked up, Yixing was doing the same to you.

There seemed to be something happening between you both which you had never felt before. “Y/N, I hope that I am not being so intrusive, but may I ask you something?” “Of course, anything.” Then he moved closer and it was like you felt an invisible string linking him to you. Making you crave more of him whenever he was near. “Do you feel like we have known each other much longer than we have? As if there is something between us that you cannot explain?” You moved closer, and placed your hand on his chest before looking up at his face, his eyes, his lips. “Yes, I know exactly what you mean.” He placed his hands on your sides, then he casually slid them lower and lower to your hips. The dress leaving little fabric in between your skin and his own. “I think there is a reason why I was drawn to your picture, your description. It is like I was supposed to pick you before I even knew that I would be taking the throne.” You tilted your head up. If your skin could flush, you would be red all over your chest. The closer you were the more your body took over for you. Thought seemed to drift away. You only heard of one thing that could cause such emotions like this in a short time. Some of your kind wait several lifetimes to find what you have found by pure chance. This was the first time that you were alone with him since you had gotten here. The first time that you had truly been able to focus solely on each other. Feeling his hands on you, you wanted him to stay there forever. You wanted him to wrap you up in him and never let you go. “Who would have thought that a princess from the Ambrogio clan would be my mate.”

Your mate. A mate that could have slipped away if the circumstances weren’t exactly as they were.

Masterlist

[alittletournesol]

Kingdom Of Jinju {MinKey} part 6/33

Chapter 6 : The King's mercy

The scent of old paper was tickling his nostrils, yet it was such a comfortable feeling. He had always liked to be in his father’s office when he was a little boy, playing on the mat with his wooden toys while the King was working on his royal duties. During his rare moments of break, he would even sit next to him and either play with him for a minute or show him one of the really important papers he had to work on : the kingdom’s paperwork.

It was not the best memory of his childhood, but Minho cherished it as his dearest one with his father. King Minhyuk had never been a doting father, for he had always placed his duty before his family, and he had done quite rightly, his son had kept thinking during all these long years. But now, it was him who was sitting on the ornamented stool behind the tea table that was used as a desk. It was in order, several scrolls rolled on a side and a space left free for his Highness’ tea, for days he couldn’t help but miss the daily tea time with his parents and wife — in this case, his mother and husband.

Under his eyes, a piece of scroll covered with his handwriting and the royal seal at its end, only waiting for someone else to append their agreement. The young King had stayed alone in his office for more than three hours, wondering about the relevance of what he was about to do. He could still hear the vehemence of some of his advisers’ words, earlier that day when he had pardoned someone they had all agreed to call a guilty man.

“Then the sentence is death by decapitation… But this is not what is going to happen.” He said, standing before his throne at the top of the front yard’s stairs.

His words immediately provoked a bunch of protests, some of the council’s members even shouting and making a move towards the stairs. His mother had stood up from her sit herself, along with the other members who had their place by the side of the king ; the only one who hadn’t moved at all was the Prince, who was just staring at him with his eyes widened.

As voices were resounding in the yard and giving him a headache, the King immediately shouted himself, carrying his voice over any other one to demand silence. Everyone stopped, somehow surprised by the sudden anger in their sovereign’s eyes and voice. Minho stood straight, his stare defying anyone to go against him just one more time.

“I am the King.” He said. “My father once told me that claiming to be the one governing was not the proper way to assert my authority, nevertheless, it seems you all need to be reminded of who is ruling. I will not tolerate any riot from the members of the Royal Council, and in the case you do not agree with my decisions, you are free to leave the palace. Now, I ask you, no, I command you to listen to my words before trying to raise you voice over mine. Am I clear ?”

The sharp tone in Minho’s voice, especially in his last question, made the assembly shiver from head to toes, and they all nodded and remained quiet. The muscle on the King’s jaw was contracting as he was trying to come back to his senses ; anger had definitely not its place in a sovereign’s mind.

“Good.” He said. “As you just heard, I will not execute Kim Jonghyun, and my reason is simple. He stands here, accused of complicity in the Prince’s adultery. They are both guilty, there is not one more at guilt than the other one, and all of you here perfectly know it. If there has to be an execution, it has to be for both of them, however, I will not have my husband executed, first because it is against the royal laws, second, because I do not want to. Thus, it would be beyond unfair to kill Kim Jonghyun as a guilty man, alone.”

“But your Highness…” A man tried to intervene.

“Quiet.” Minho interrupted, his voice sharp and his eyes giving a death stare to the man before he looked back at the whole audience. “I know that all of you still hope that I will be the same king my father used to be. But I am not King Minhyuk, I am King Minho. We are both different persons, and so, we are different rulers. I learned a lot beside my father, but it is also high time for me to find my own way to govern. I am not a King who aspires to execute criminals. To punish a crime by a crime is not fair, and I want my reign to be concerned with fairness and objectivity. Therefore, Kim Jonghyun will not be sentenced to death because I pardon him, just like I pardon the Prince. As much power as he can have, a king cannot go against love, and I do not want to blame a man for loving someone who is not me, when he was forced to this marriage just as I was, for the sake of Jinju. I will decide of another way to keep my reputation safe, and for this I will discuss with the prisoner myself, his fate will not be anyone’s decision but mine, with his consent. For now, you are dismissed. And if the rumor of infidelity is spread outside the palace, I promise to each one of you that I will find who allowed it, and this person will be judged for high treason and conspiracy against the King, the Prince and the throne.”

The King slightly smiled at the fresh memory of every man and woman’s gaze in the yard, a subtle combination of shock and admiration for some, pure hatred for some others. Since that moment of the day, six members of the Royal Council had left the palace after being clear about their resignation. That was what had partly kept Minho busy in his office, dealing with the consequences of these leavings and how he would replace every deserter — if he would. 

But he had also written this agreement after he had spent a significant time on finding a solution to the issue with his husband’s lover. He didn’t want to deny his admiration towards this man who wasn’t that much older than him, and his mercy hadn’t been deceitful. But he couldn’t take the risk of letting Jonghyun stay in the palace when the Prince seemed to be so in love with him ; the royal reputation was at stake, and Minho had no right to ignore it.

But he had an idea and wanted to discuss it with the person involved. He wanted to have the teacher’s consent, for he knew how it felt to be forced to do something even though his case was particular ; he didn’t want anyone to do something without showing any interest in it, it was useless and a pure waste of time and energy.

His thoughts were interrupted by a few knocks at the office’s door, before it slid to reveal the silhouette of the General, the recently pardoned prisoner standing beside him. The King looked up and nodded, Jinki immediately making the third man enter before he closed the door and stood guard. 

“Hello again, Kim Jonghyun.” Minho solemnly said before showing the mat in front of his desk. “Please have a seat.”

The young teacher didn’t wait a single instant, approaching the mat and slowly sitting on it cross-legged, with his hands resting on his knees. He had been allowed to change before his private audience with the King, thus he had put his teacher’s outfit on again, his owl pendant shining more than ever as it had been cleaned with care. The small emeralds used for its eyes were now perfectly noticeable, making the jewel look simple yet carrying a considerable meaning. 

Jonghyun sat with his back straight, his posture dignified and inspiring respect. 

“I would like to discuss the future with you.” Minho calmly said, looking at him in the eyes. “I have an offer to make, yet I do not want you to accept only because it is your King offering. Do I have your word that you will think carefully about it ?”

“You have my word, your Highness.” The blonde man bowed his head. “I am grateful for your mercy, and I will show an assured interest to anything you offer me.”

“Fine. I assume you will understand why I cannot keep you in the palace.”

“You assume well, your Highness.”

“I have lost six of my advisers by pardoning you already, it would be a provocation to let you live in my own house after what happened. Even though I do not blame you, nor the Prince, I think it is necessary for you to leave. But I also acknowledge that my husband needs you, as a friend at the very least. Thus, I am not sending you back to Mongje.”

“Your Highness ?”

“I offer you an occupation, here, in Jinju. You are a teacher, and I know you are a remarkable one. You can help me to change things in my kingdom, to make a change that will assure my people’s good education, regardless of their status.”

“I am all ears.”

“Children of nobility receive a proper education thanks to private tuitions. I want all children of the kingdom to be equally educated, yet I know that private tutors grant importance to their pride, thus they will never accept what I want to ask you and I do not want to risk their resignation too. Therefore… would you accept to be the teacher of my people’s children ?”

On these words, the King handed the official agreement to Jonghyun, who took it and carefully read everything that was written on the scroll. Everything was really clear, if he accepted to teach basic education to lower class children, including reading, writing and counting, he would be assigned a renovated classroom, average wages and the sovereign’s gratefulness. He would become a precious help to the development of Jinju and would remain under the royal protection for as long as he would keep his occupation, yet he would also remain under the surveillance of General Lee from times to times.

The blonde man nodded and hummed as he read every single word, before he looked up and smiled.

“If my agreement to this occupation can allow every child to be fairly educated, then it is with a great pleasure that I say yes, your Highness.” He said. “I am beyond grateful, and I promise you I will not deceive you once again, nor will I make you regret your offer.”

“Excellent.” The King smiled in his turn and grabbed a thin brush and an inkwell, handing them to Jonghyun. “If you do not have anything to request, then you can append your name at the end of the agreement. This paper will be your property and the proof that everything you use regarding your occupation is yours, it will be sealed and you will keep it in your classroom. It will testify your allegiance to Jinju, and to myself as your ruler and employer.”

“I do not have anything to add, your Highness, if not… will you allow me to visit my friends some days ?”

“I do not think it would be wrong, you will have my authorization. However, every meeting with the Prince will be done in my presence, or my General’s if I cannot free myself. Should we call this a deal ?”

“Yes, your Highness.”

Jonghyun nodded and took the brush, slowly dipping its tip in ink before he carefully wrote his name in delicate characters. Once it was done, he gave the tool back, then he took the scroll with both hands and gave it to his sovereign, who accepted it. Minho softly blowed on the ink to help its drying, before he carefully rolled the paper ; he grabbed his sealing wax and heated it up above the flame of a candle, before he let it melt on the agreement. He eventually sealed it by appending the royal stamp on the wax before it cooled down.

“It is done, then.” He said, standing up and being immediately limited by the teacher. “You will have a place to live above the classroom, your belongings will be brought by my guard. For now, I suggest you take a rest. Tomorrow morning, General Lee will lead you to the Pearl Room, so you can say goodbye to the Prince and his companion until your next meeting, then you will be escorted to your new place.”

“I thank you, your Highness.” Jonghyun politely bowed after he received the sealed scroll. “I could not imagine better treatment, I will work hard to educate the children of Jinju, with your support.”

“I believe you will not disappoint your King, Kim Jonghyun. I have a lot of other duties to care about now, so you are dismissed.”

“I wish you a good end of a day, your Highness.”

On these words, Jonghyun bowed a second time before he turned around and walked away, the door being opened by Jinki to let him out. He looked at the General and nodded to notice him he was ready, and the so serious man started walking along the several corridors, escorting the young teacher until his now former quarters in the north wing.

Once he was alone, the blonde man carefully placed the scroll in his small trunk, making sure not to damage it. He then approached his bed and let himself fall on it, appreciating the softness of the mattress against his back after his night spent on the cell’s bare floor. As he was thinking of his upcoming new life, he smiled and hoped Kibum would find it easier to forget him. And if he didn’t… then Jonghyun knew that, this time, he would dare to say no.

The next morning, birds were chirping in the royal gardens’ trees as the gardener was watering flowers and plants, servants running here and there with laundry baskets or the dirty dishes from breakfast. Kibum had barely eaten, he had never been hungry on the morning, yet he had enough energy to pace back and forth in the Pearl Room. Staring at him, his young companion didn’t know how to react, so he chose silence.

The Prince’s mechanical movements were soon interrupted by the main door opening, the General entering with Jonghyun behind him, his small luggage in his arms. Without waiting for the two men to reach them, the dark haired man walked in their direction and glared at the soldier before he smiled to his lover. The teacher smiled in return before he put his belongings on the floor and put a warm hand on his student’s shoulder.

“I think your education has come to an end.” He said. “You learned a lot of things, you know ?”

“I don’t want you to go.” Kibum said, ignoring the way Lee Jinki winced at his words.

“I have to, and it won’t change. You should be grateful that I’m allowed to stay in the kingdom, so behave, alright ? We’ve been extremely lucky.”

“I’ve been told about everything… So you will teach children ?”

“Yes, the children of Jinju’s people. It’s an honor, I hope you are happy for me just as I’m always happy for you.”

“I… I am. Will we see you again ?”

“The King authorized me to come and visit you sometimes, Taemin and you. But Kibum, listen to me. Now you will have to behave, I will not be able to come every day, maybe once a week, I don’t know. You have to see this as a chance for you to start your new life properly. I don’t want you to put yourself in danger again, do you hear me ?”

The Prince stared at his teacher, biting his lips as he only wanted to protest. But the risk of losing Jonghyun had been to stressful and had made him think hard about what had been given to both of them. The King had been clear during the judgement, he didn’t think it was fair to execute only one of them, which means he could have executed his own husband. Yet, he hadn’t. He had chosen to spare them, and instead of exiling the teacher, he had offered him a reason to stay.

Despite his pride and his wish to hate his husband, Kibum couldn’t deny that this decision was relieving. And he knew, now, that trying anything once again would be even more disrespectful regarding the King’s mercy and generosity. 

“Yes, I hear you.” The Prince said, his voice trembling. “We… I mean, I have to forget you. I don’t want to risk your life again by being selfish. I’m so sorry, Jonghyun…”

“You don’t have to be, I would have accepted any sentence because I was guilty too.” His friend smiled. “Now, it’s fine. I will live in the village and I will help every child to be educated. I’m really proud of this, I hope you will be proud of me too. And… I also hope you will live a good life here. Be nice, alright ?”

Kibum smiled and nodded, before he approached Jonghyun and took him in his arms. It wasn’t a lover’s embrace ; it was an embrace full of trust. A goodbye, not a farewell. And more than that, it was a silent promise from both sides. When they parted, they both heard a sniffing sound and looked up to notice Taemin, who was trying to hold his tears back and clearing his throat.

The blonde haired man smiled and went to him, hugging him tight and softly stroking his hair.

“You’re all grown up now.” He gently said. “You will do very well, I’m sure of it. And I will visit you, right ?”

“Can I visit you too ?” The young boy asked as he straightened up, wiping a tear away.

“You will have to ask the King, but I would be happy if you come to my place from times to times. Also… be nice with Kibum, alright ? You know he only wants you to be safe.”

“I will, I promise.”

“And if you ever become a soldier, protect him. He can’t defend himself alone with his bow, he will need a bodyguard.”

“Jonghyun, what are you saying ?” The Prince rolled his eyes and crossed his arms on his chest. “I’m perfectly fine with my bow and arrows.”

“I never said you weren’t. But arrows won’t be enough to protect yourself, so be considerate and let Taemin follow his dream. He’s safe here, he won’t hurt himself, and he’s almost an adult now. He has to find his way and if it’s the army, then let him try.”

“Nice, now I will have to support his blathering about how nice it is to hold a sword and fight with other people. What if he get too enthusiastic when he will tell me about his training while taking care of my hair ? Yes, my hair is in danger. Thank you, Jonghyun.”

The three men laughed together before they drew each other into a warm hug, whispering words of encouragement. Looking at them from afar, Jinki slightly smiled. But it was high time to leave, and he somehow felt bad when he cleared his throat and noticed Jonghyun they must go. But the teacher smiled to him and nodded, then he promised once again to his friends they would see each other again, and made them swear that they would not make trouble again. 

“Goodbye, be safe.” Kibum whispered.

A few seconds later, Jonghyun was leaving the Pearl Room, then the palace by the General’s side. It was the first time he was seeing the streets ; it was alive. Many people were walking, running, talking and laughing, children were playing hide and seek or with a ball at their feet. There were also some dogs wandering around, and the young teacher kneeled to pet them once or twice… Jinki sighing as many times and waiting for him.

They soon arrived an isolated corner of a street, with only a structure made of stones and wood standing there — or trying to. It looked like a common house with two floors yet it was bigger than one that could be inhabited : the main difference was the disproportion between the floors, the ground floor’s walls being higher than the first floor’s. As the two men approached, Jonghyun felt happy to see that there was a meadow on the building’s left, it would be nice for the break times.

“It seems breakable but it is still solid.” The General notices as he approached the door, opening it and almost suffocating because of dust. “It will need to be cleaned, though.”

“Since when it is abandoned ?” The young teacher asked, taking a look at the inside from afar. “Ages, I would say.”

“Some years. It was used for the nobility’s children before private tutors decided to provide courses directly at their students’ place.”

“I see…”

Jonghyun gently pushed the other man to enter the house, and he groped around until he caught the string to open the few paper curtains. As soon as sunbeams were going through the windows, he noticed the layers of dust on every furniture, wooden tables and chairs being scattered here and there. There were a few shelves against the walls, filled with really old books, and a large trestle holding a slate to write on with chalk sticks. 

He also caught sight of a hidden door, which certainly led to the first floor through a staircase. It was kind of spacious for a classroom, but it was all for the best : there were a lot of children to teach things to in Jinju. This said, no one would ever enter this place as long as it was in such a bad state. Jonghyun coughed a bit when he moved a chair away, dust flying around him, and he shook a spiderweb off to access the windows, opening it and taking a deep intake of breath. 

“Alright, I suppose it is time to work.” He said, removing his jacket and rolling up his shirt’s sleeves before he approached on of the desks. “Please grab the other end.”

“I beg your pardon ?” Jinki cocked an eyebrow, still standing in the doorway.

“Well you are not going to stand here forever, are you ? Come, lend me a hand, we will put every furniture outside so we can do some cleaning.”

“We ? You are asking me to help you cleaning ? Do you know who I am ?”

“A really discerning soldier, I believe. Soldiers had to train themselves to carry one of their comrades on several miles, am I right ? A table should not scare you.”

The General was about to respond that it was not a task for him to accomplish when the blonde haired man made the first move to lift the desk. Sighing, he approached the furniture and grabbed it from beneath, slowly walking backwards until he went outside, followed by Jonghyun. They put their load on the sand and the teacher immediately headed back inside, the soldier following him with his eyes and slightly smiling when he was being called by a somehow high pitched voice.

It took them half an hour to completely empty the ground floor, and none of them ranted about anything. They didn’t talk at all, but the atmosphere wasn’t strange either, since they weren’t the kind to hold long conversations. In the end, they were grateful to each other for not feeling forced to discuss basic topics they didn’t even care about. 

When he went back in the big room, Jonghyun took a moment to find some cleaning tools in a closet, brandishing an old broom and a feather duster.

“Which one do you prefer ?” He asked before looking at both tools. “The duster suits you more, since you are a soldier. It is like raising a sword, right ?”

“It is nothing like raising a sword.” Jinki rolled his eyes. “And I do not want to use it, so I will take the broom.”

“Oh ? I thought you were going to tell me to get lost and do the cleaning alone. I am relieved, this is a huge room to clean all by myself ! So, here is the broom. It is tougher, are you sure ? I do not want you to feel pressured or something.”

“It is… I will be really grateful if I do not deal with spiderwebs. Now if you agree, we should start now, the King will certainly need me sooner or later.”

The teacher raised an eyebrow when the soldier put his weapons away and removed his coat of mail, his wrist and shin guards, before he grabbed the broom from his hands. Without saying anything more, he started scrubbing the floor and moved the dust and dirt towards the front door. Jonghyun shrugged and kept the duster, approaching the shelves to catch the webs in the feathers.

It had been such a long time since no cleaning had been done there that there was obviously not a single spider alive in their web. The blonde haired man smiled as he remembered how scared the Prince and his companion were of these little creatures, and of bugs in a general way. They would scream when seeing one, or leaving the room and refusing to enter it unless the beast was dead and buried. They would also avoid any place with spiderwebs, even if there was only one.

Thinking of this made Jonghyun raise his head and turn over to look at Jinki.

“Are you… afraid of spiders, General ?” He asked, and he didn’t miss the way the other man tensed up for less than a second.

“They are only insects.” The soldier replied without looking at him, but the slight shudder in his voice betrayed him enough.

“Not really insects but I will not be difficult about that. So you are.”

“I am not.”

“You are. Otherwise you would just have said no, not tried to reassure yourself. It is fine you know, a lot of people fear them.”

“Just clean and stay quiet, I have other duties.”

The teacher couldn’t help but laugh, a low and tinkling laughter that resounded against the empty walls. As he was going back to his task, Jinki discreetly looked behind him to stare at this young man with strange blonde hair. The first time he had seen him close, it had been when he had shown up in the Prince’s room with the King, and caught him to take him away. But he hadn’t minded him more than that.

He seemed… happy, to be here, less resigned than when he had been about to be executed. And more than that, even though his dignity could be noticed in his position and gestures, he was way much more relaxed than before. Or maybe the General was analyzing this stranger too much ? Like an enemy… but when the enemy started humming, he smiled the way he always did : discreetly, imperceptibly. 

Maybe Minho had had a good idea to let him stay in the kingdom, in the end. This young man was bringing a tint of sun even in the darkest places, without even trying. Jinju needed people like him, and the children would certainly be in good hands. Jinki felt relaxed himself as he thought his reports to his sovereign would be more positive than he had expected.

“Your Highness ? General Lee is away at the moment so I could not be announced and- oh, I can come back later if you are busy…”

Minho looked up from the umpteenth scroll on his desk, his eyes meeting Kibum’s. His husband was standing in the doorway, his hand resting on its frame as to signify he had opened it himself. The King immediately stood up and did his best not to seem surprised by this unexpected visit, as he bypassed the tea table.

“Please, my Prince.” He said, making a courteous gesture to invite him inside. “You do not disturb me, and a pause in my duties will be opportune.”

“I do think it will do you some good, indeed.” Kibum answered.

“Perhaps we could go to the gardens ? I noticed you appreciate them, enough to talk with more ease.”

“It would be delightful, your Highness.”

Minho smiled and let the Prince leave the office, following him and making sure to close the door before he joined the other man by his side. They both walked along the corridor until they reached one of the huge doors leading to the royal gardens. As soon as they went outside and felt the breeze caress the skin of their faces, Kibum took a deep breath and closed his eyes, relishing the sweet freshness in his nostrils and the soft fluttering of his hair.

The scent, the feeling, everything was soothing, appeasing. His husband was right when he said he liked this place ; of all the spaces he had spent time in since he had moved in the palace, the gardens were remaining his favorite for he had always preferred the feeling of freedom in the middle of grass, trees and flowers, to this uncomfortable impression of suffocating between four walls. 

“So then, did you have a reason to visit me ?” The King asked, holding his own hands behind his back as he walked slowly on the paved path drawing a wave shape on the grass. “It is always a pleasure.”

“Is it, your Highness ?” The Prince asked in return, his eyebrows raised as he hadn’t expected this last sentence.

“Naturally. You sound surprised.”

“Well… I thought you would despise having me around, henceforth. It appears I was wrong and it is a relief.”

“I do not despise it, you have my word. I suggest we put the past in the past and work on the future, I do think it will be for the best if we choose to forget this incident.”

Kibum nodded as an agreement and remained quiet for a few seconds before they arrived in front of a low trellis on which climbed a few roses, their petals wide open and their white color shining under the afternoon’s rays of sunshine. Only one was seeming a bit smaller, weaker because it was hidden in the shadow of its fellows. The Prince smiled and elegantly crouched, being careful not to damage his sumptuous peachy pink long coat ; he cautiously caught the rose just under the petals, avoiding the little thorns and slowly moving it so it could sunbathing too.

As he was making sure that the flower would not fall down later by wedging it in the trellis, Minho observed his husband from above. He hadn’t tied his hair that day, and his long black bangs were graciously cascading on his back while a few ones were held at the back of his head by the hairpin he had received from him. It was really dark, like the feathers of a raven, but not as colorless ; as black as it was, Kibum’s hair was radiant and very healthy, bringing life to the dark color. It didn’t have this fair tinge like the King had, making his bangs seem more dark brown than black.

Something he also had noticed throughout the days was the way the Prince only wore light colored clothes. His shirts were often white and his coats mostly pastel, what was creating a beautiful contrast with his hair. As eventually he stood up and showed his right profile, Minho noticed a strange pattern on the end of his eyebrow, as if it was splitting like a river between its two banks. It was somehow graceful, and the sovereign found himself thinking that this small imperfection was making his husband look more… human ?

“Your Highness, I…” Kibum spoke, not daring looking at the King as he started walking again. “I was willing to offer you my sincere apologies again for my behaviour, which put you in a difficult situation and threatened both your reputation and authority. It was egotistical of me to assume it would not cause any harm, or that it was not an immoral thing to do. This is all my fault and I feel remorseful towards you and whoever was put in danger or humiliated because of me.”

“I am delighted to hear it from you, it will serve both of us as a lesson for the future.” His husband nodded, keeping his voice low and soft. “I can hear the honesty in your words and I esteem you for this. But I presume this is not the only thing you wanted to confess, am I right ?”

“You are, indeed. I also wished to thank you from the bottom of my heart, for allowing Sir Jonghyun to stay in the kingdom. I… I was extremely scared of his potential exile since his execution was anuled by means of your mercy. It was still way much better than…”

“Yes. It would have been a waste of his certain talent for teaching. Besides, I think executions are barbaric and as I said it during the judgement, I had no right to punish love. I am not a god, I am only a King.”

“And a fair one, if I may say it this honestly. I do not know how to thank you for taking this decision, your Highness. It means a lot to me and I have also been told that you would allow some visits ?”

“Yes, we will discuss this. Now I am more than certain that you understand why I cannot let anything like this pass again, my reputation is at stake… our reputation. I had to resolve this issue as fast as possible, before our journey.”

“Of course. I do hope that, with time, you will be capable of forgiving my disrespect towards you.”

“Although I grew angry before, I have already forgiven you, my Prince. I want us to move on and to eventually accept the future together, not against each other.”

“I will gladly follow your wishes, for I also want to show myself to be flexible and cooperative from now on.”

“This is excellent. Then, if you are willing to assume your role as the Prince, I must inform you that we will soon hold a reception for my mother’s birthday, before our journey. We will invite a few noblemen and their wives to spend the evening in the Pearl Room, for a dinner dance. I do hope you are comfortable with the idea of assisting to it.”

“I am, your Highness, but… I do not think the Queen Mother will accept my presence.”

“Why so ?”

Minho stopped walking an furrowed his eyebrows, feeling the sudden tensed atmosphere between the two of them. But his question didn’t receive any answer, the Prince only cleared his throat and seemed to be holding something back deep inside. The King leaned a bit on to be able to see Kibum’s face, but he had it slightly lowered and so, hidden by his hair. 

Without any hesitation, the sovereign approached his husband to face him, and he gently put his finger under his chin to make him raise his head. What he hadn’t expected to see was the teary eyes that stare at his ; but it wasn’t sadness or despair like he had once seen in the intimacy of his quarters. It was more like a tint of fear, combined to a hurt pride.

Reading the Prince’s eyes like an open book and obliging him not to turn away, Minho frowned even more as he eventually noticed something he had missed all this time long. With a careful gesture, he pushed black strands away from the thin face, and discovered the start of a bruise, just next to the cheekbone. The color was still fade, a bit reddish at the moment but it would definitely turn violet and damage this beautiful face…

The King immediately understood what happened, yet he wanted to hear it from his husband’s mouth.

“My Prince…” He said with his low voice, willing to be reassuring but unable to hide his growing anger. “Who did this to you ?”

“It is nothing serious, it will disappear in no time.” Kibum tried to avoid it, forcing a smile and chasing his tears away. “You shall not worry about it, your Highness.”

“Whoever it is, no one in the kingdom, no one in the land has the right to raise an hand on you. I have to ask for your honesty once again, please. Did my mother hit you ?”

The Prince lowered his eyes but ended up nodding. His pride had been hurt just a few moments before he had visited the King in his office, as he had gone to the Queen Mother’s quarters in a first place. He had been willing to offer her the same apologies, hoping for this issue to be resolved now that his teacher had left. But he had not been well welcomed…

Minho’s jaw tightened and he let go of his husband’s chin, his thumb slowly caressing the slight swelling on the cheek. 

“I would feel reassured if you meet our physician.” He eventually said. “He has a lot of onguents for every type of wound, and he healed countless bruises on my own body when I was a child. Please, do me that favor.”

“I will, if you wish me to.” Kibum nodded once again. “But do me a favor too, your Highness. Please do not make a fuss of this… I do not want the entire palace to know that I let myself be hit by the Queen.”

“I cannot promise anything like this, it angers me to know that my own mother dared to touch you this way.”

“I deserved it, I almost hurt her son’s reputation… she reacted like a mother, not like the Queen Mother. Moreover, I do not wish for you to be in bad terms with your mother. I do know how it feels and I would not want my sworn enemy to feel it.”

The King stared at the Prince for a long moment, but the plea in his request was palpable. And if Minho had thought of meeting the Queen right away to reprimand her behaviour towards her son-in-law, he couldn’t do something Kibum didn’t want him to. He wanted both of them to start again on a sound basis, and a quarrel with his mother about him was definitely not needed.

“Fine, if it is your wish.” He eventually sighed. “I will just notice her that I strictly forbid this attitude towards you. No one will hurt you again, you have my word.”

“And your word is all that matters.” The Prince answered with a smile, and it was the first time his husband felt the sincerity in the way the corners of his thin lips raised. “Thank you, your Highness, I will also make sure your reputation will not suffer because of me again. You have my word, too.”

“I am delighted. I should now go back to my office, I still have a lot of things to deal with. Will you accompany me ? Perhaps I can show you some things that could one day rest on your hands if I am not available.”

“With pleasure.”

With a smile, the King bowed his head and both men headed back inside, the long corridors welcoming them again. They were about to enter the royal office when a squire joined them running, bowing with respect before he offered his sovereign a sealed scroll, the stamp being recognizable as the one used by the Queen of Maguk. Minho frowned and opened it right away, silently reading it in front of his husband.

As he noticed the vexation progressively drawing on his features, Kibum thought it would be right to ask if everything was alright.

“Maguk is in mourning, for they had lost the Queen’s youngest son a few days ago.” The King said. “Thus, she cannot welcome us.”

The Prince pursed his lips ; his husband’s reign was definitely not starting as well as anyone could have expected.

next

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

Chicago Tribune: 50 FFWPU / UC members allegedly joined Aum Shinrikyo in Japan. Aum later carried out the 1995 sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway.

                           1995 Tokyo subway attack

Chicago Tribune   January 5, 2001 By Uli Schmetzer, Tribune Foreign Correspondent.

In Japan, Spirituality Search Can Lead To Cults

1,100 Former Followers Of A Guru Known As The Voice Of Heaven Have Filed Lawsuits Claiming Damages Totaling $546 Million.

KISARAZU, Japan — The cure came to Tsuneo Kikuchi in the form of a dapper, silver-haired messiah—“His Holiness” Hogen Fukunaga, who promised Kikuchi long life and a place among the chosen when “the world falls apart.”

In the guru’s private chamber, an austere room with a ceiling of painted stars, Fukunaga, known to his followers as the Voice of Heaven, ordered Kikuchi to take off his socks so he could examine his feet.

"Your little toe is too short," the Voice of Heaven said. "It means your foot is out of balance. It means you have a health problem. Now let me check if the powers of heaven are flowing."

The kind of metaphysics preached by Fukunaga, 55, has attracted millions of Japanese, many disillusioned by the decline of Japan’s economy and the social displacement that has followed. Sociologists say many questionable spiritual organizations are operating in the vacuum created by a protracted recession that has eroded the confidence of this work-oriented society.

For generations, many Japanese workers believed that their future in their nation’s hierarchical corporate system was guaranteed and that their jobs would last forever.

These assumptions have been shattered.

Unemployment and economic uncertainty have created feelings of betrayal and insecurity that have led large numbers of Japanese on a search for spiritual guidance. In some cases, the search has led to membership in a cult.

"In Japan moral precepts have collapsed," said Masahiko Nakamura, a psychology professor at Ehime University. "Parents have lost authority. Teachers cannot control their students. Older people have naught to cling to. Nothing has replaced the old spiritual education since the war, and no one has taught us about God or the power behind mankind. The Japanese are lost. We don’t have the Christian belief that God is watching over us," he said.

The search for a new credo and an alternative to corporate cradle-to-grave security has spawned a bevy of individuals peddling their own weird brands of salvation. These spiritual gurus run organizations structured on the corporate system of strict hierarchy. Most seem determined to export their credos to branch offices abroad.

The worst of these organizations are the doomsday cults. Secretive and often brutal in preventing desertions, they prophesy Armageddon or promote a “new world order.”

The public was reminded just how dangerous some of these groups can be when a Tokyo court last year sentenced to death two members of the Aum Shinri Kyo for their role in planting sarin nerve gas on the Tokyo subway in 1995 and cyanide in public toilets a year earlier.

The most notorious of the doomsday gurus is Shoko Asahara, 44, now on trial for murder in the subway attack. The incident allegedly was part of a plan to destroy the “old world” and make room for a new creation—populated by Asahara’s disciples.

Police were told Asahara was trained by the Agon-shu sect.

Fifty members of the Unification Church sect allegedly joined Aum, including arms dealer Kiyohide Hayakawa.

Another cult, Sukyo Mahikari, sees Japan as the cradle of a new world order. Yoshikazu Okada, who reinvented himself as “Savior of Mankind,” founded the group. Today it has branches worldwide, including in the U.S.

Okada was exposed before his death in 1974 as the lieutenant colonel in the Japanese Imperial Army who devised the strategy for the so-called Rape of Nanking, in which Japanese troops allegedly murdered 300,000 Chinese and raped 20,000 women after conquering the Chinese city in 1937.

In an effort to crack down on sects, Japanese police in November charged Koji Takahashi, founder of the Life Space Cult, with the murder of a 66-year-old follower. When the member suffered a brain hemorrhage, the guru tried to cure him by beating on the patient’s head.

During a raid on Takahashi’s Tokyo headquarters, police found young children who had been kept out of school and being fed only once a day.

Meanwhile, Fukunaga has been charged with fraud and illegally practicing medicine.

Kikuchi recalls that Fukunaga circled him, touched his head a few times and finally said: “Your energy is stagnant. Only 30 percent flows, 70 percent is stationary. It means something bad can happen to you anytime unless you follow our instructions.”

All Kikuchi, 69, had been looking for was a cure for his high blood pressure.

Yet he was impressed, not so much by the pledge of long life or the diagnosis but by the photos in the guru’s outer office. They appeared to show Fukunaga shaking hands with world figures including President Clinton, Pope John Paul II, Mother Teresa and Mikhail Gorbachev.

What happened during the next 12 months to Kikuchi is not unusual for victims of neo-religious cults and sects anywhere in the world. He lost his self-respect and some $150,000 to the Ho-No-Hana Sanpopogyo—Way of the Flower/Three-Teachings cult.

The so-called foot cult was founded by Fukunaga, who wears $5,000 suits and custom-made Italian shoes. His wife, according to senior cult members, regularly spent $6,000 to $7,000 a month shopping.

Before he was allowed to see Fukunaga, Kikuchi was taken to an automatic teller machine near the cult’s Tokyo office and told to withdraw $1,800 for a personal audience.

Kikuchi was a man of means. He owned several restaurants in this small coastal town 50 miles south of Tokyo. Today he claims he was coerced during a number of visits by cult officials to shell out another $22,000 for a five-day training seminar at the cult’s sprawling headquarters below Mt. Fuji.

The purpose, he said, was to “purify” his mind and body.

"I was a fool," said a rueful Kikuchi. "I paid all that money to be brainwashed and tortured. The instructors kept 28 of us awake day and night, making us repeat Buddhist mantras, making us write mantras into a 100-page notebook and chorus for hours the guru’s seven commandments and the slogan: ‘I am happy and healthy, I’m happy and healthy…’ "

Any lack of enthusiasm was punished with latrine cleaning.

At the end of the seminar, tired, groggy and ready to accept or do anything, the trainees were asked to state if their minds had been liberated. Kikuchi said he felt no different.

"So they retrained me twice and all the other trainees started screaming and yelling at me until I admitted I now felt different. They are very determined people and made me sign a piece of paper pledging to recruit someone else within 72 hours. I would have signed anything," he said.

He recruited his wife. She paid another $22,000 and recruited their daughter-in-law who in turn recruited her husband, who, in desperation to find a recruit, offered as trainees his three children ages 9, 11 and 13.

"It didn’t stop there," Kikuchi said. "They told me to join a private school at 7 million yen [$6,900] per adult. But we had become suspicious by then. The Voice of Heaven never told us anything about the future. All he ever said was: `Who can you bring to us next?’

"Before he went to the seminar my son was in debt already for $100,000. But the Voice of Heaven told him he would recover everything if he joined. Today my son is broke and I am poor," Kikuchi said.

Two years ago Kikuchi and a group of other former followers sued His Holiness. Their suit is one of hundreds waiting to be litigated.

In May, police arrested the guru and 11 of his senior associates. Prosecutors charged them with practicing medicine without a license.

Investigators said that over the past decade the cult accumulated cash and assets worth $870 million from 30,000 members who paid consultation fees and bought fake remedies and icons peddled as cures for anything and everything.

So far 1,100 former followers have filed lawsuits claiming damages totaling $546 million. A court in central Fukuoka district already has awarded one group damages totaling $227,000.

Fukunaga might yet face manslaughter charges in the deaths of four recruits who died during rigorous initiation rites at Mt. Fuji.

Legal experts say Japan’s criminal justice system is ill equipped to combat the cult phenomenon.

"The biggest question is on what basis will the authorities decide whether this is fraud," said Takashi Hirohashi, editor of the monthly New Religions magazine.

Following his arrest, Fukunaga exploited this dilemma. He simply told investigators he could no longer remember what the divine voice had told him.

Worse, he said, he wasn’t receiving any more instructions.

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2001-01-05/news/0101050185_1_gurus-new-world-order-spiritual

FFWPU and Aum Shinrikyo connections

[sheikah]

There are non stop metas in Jon's tag about why J*nsa is endgame. Could you please explain why Jonerys is actually endgame? Just something to counter this irritating stream of J*nsa

Hi anon! I don’t think that people writing meta for their ship is irritating. But I do think Jonerys is endgame. My answer is under the cut because it is absolutely enormous. This took a lot of time but I hope it offers you some reassurance. 

First I am going to address book foreshadowing. A lot of this is going to be rehashing some of the points brilliantly made by my good friend @oadara who has spent a lot of time and effort discussing this. 

It’s no secret to most people in our fandom that Jon and Dany have been heavily foreshadowed in both book and show canon. 

I think the most famous instance of this is Dany’s vision in the House of the Undying in ACOK. The three visions below are widely accepted to be references to her three husbands (remember she marries Hizdahr in book!canon). The image in bold refers specifically to Jon. His mother Lyanna liked blue roses and was given a crown of them at a tourney by Jon’s father, Rhaegar. Ned reflects on this in AGOT:

Promise me, Ned, his sister had whispered from her bed of blood. She had loved the scent of winter roses. 

Jon spent the most pivotal years of his life so far at The Wall. He is the blue rose in the wall of ice that Dany sees in HOTU:

Her silver was trotting through the grass, to a darkling stream beneath a sea of stars. A corpse stood at the prow of a ship, eyes bright in his dead face, grey lips smiling sadly. A blue flower grew from a chink in a wall of ice, and filled the air with sweetness… mother of dragons, bride of fire …

What I think is also important about this quote is that the flower fills the air with “sweetness” which makes it sound like a positive image. He and Dany will not just be together like she was with Drogo or Hizdahr, but they will be in love. 

To further connect this quote to Jon we can look at the passage from ADWD when Jon is with Val:

The light of the half-moon turned Val’s honey-blond hair a pale silver and left her cheeks as white as snow. She took a deep breath. “The air tastes sweet.” / “My tongue is too numb to tell. All I can taste is cold.“

Her smelling the sweet air is a callback to Dany’s vision, and Val is connected to Dany in this moment by looking like her with “pale silver” hair. Additionally, the moonlight could be a contributing factor since it is what colors her hair like Dany’s and Dany was Drogo’s “moon of my life.”

Jon’s response to Val above about only being able to taste the cold reminds me of his death scene in ADWD:

Jon fell to his knees. He found the dagger’s hilt and wrenched it free. In the cold night air the wound was smoking. “Ghost,” he whispered. Pain washed over him. Stick them with the pointy end. When the third dagger took him between the shoulder blades, he gave a grunt and fell face-first into the snow. He never felt the fourth knife. Only the cold … 

Also in ADWD, Dany hears a howling wolf that tells me that some sort of bond between them allows her to be aware of Jon’s death even though they don’t know one another. She hears this mournfully howling wolf, which we can associate with bad things happening to the Starks since the direwolves howled after Bran’s fall and we heard Ghost howling at castle black in season 6 after Jon died. 

Off in the distance, a wolf howled. The sound made her feel sad and lonely, but no less hungry. As the moon rose above the grasslands, Dany slipped at last into a restless sleep. 

So this passage could mean that Dany sort of felt Jon’s death in a way. It reminds me of people sensing each other in Star Wars haha. But I definitely think it’s further foreshadowing of a momentous relationship between them. 

Jon’s and Dany’s loneliness is also something that foreshadows the love and companionship that will only come when they find each other.

Dany in ADWD:

Beneath her coverlets she tossed and turned, dreaming that Hizdahr was kissing her … but his lips were blue and bruised, and when he thrust himself inside her, his manhood was cold as ice. She sat up with her hair disheveled and the bedclothes atangle. Her captain slept beside her, yet she was alone.

Jon in ASOS:

Jon wondered where Ghost was now. Had he gone to Castle Black, or was he was running with some wolfpack in the woods? He had no sense of the direwolf, not even in his dreams. It made him feel as if part of himself had been cut off. Even with Ygritte sleeping beside him, he felt alone.

Other book foreshadowing placing theme together can be found earlier in ACOK, when Dany is thinking of a lover whilst alone in her bed:

Lying abed in her narrow bunk, she found herself wondering how it would be to have a man squeezed in beside her in place of her handmaid, and the thought was more exciting than it should have been. Sometimes she would close her eyes and dream of him, but it was never Jorah Mormont she dreamed of; her lover was always younger and more comely, though his face remained a shifting shadow.

This vision is probably referring to Jon, as it is too early for her to have met Daario, and we know that relationship ends. Additionally, we get this quote from Jon in AGOT:

Tyrion Lannister had claimed that most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it, but Jon was done with denials. He was who he was; Jon Snow, bastard and oathbreaker, motherless, friendless, and damned. For the rest of his life –however long that might be– he would be condemned to be an outsider, the silent man standing in the shadows who dares not speak his true name

This is significant not only because Jon is likely the shadowy man from Dany’s dreams but because Jon is ashamed of his true name, but shouldn’t be, as we know that he is not a bastard but a Targaryen, and a legitimate one at that. Since we know this, it makes Jon’s marriage to Dany even more likely. Consider this quote from Dany in ADWD:

Five Aegons had ruled the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros.

There would have been a sixth, but the Usurper’s dogs had murdered her brother’s son when he was still a babe at the breast. If he had lived, I might have married him.

Here, Dany considers that she would likely have been betrothed to Rhaegar’s son, who was named Aegon. Well guess what, anon? According to Lads leaks which have so far been true, we’re going to learn in episode 7 that Jon, Rhaegar’s legitimate son, was actually officially named AEGON.

I mention all of this because These are all fairly undeniable book foreshadowings that I don’t think GRRM would have bothered including unless it was for a reason, and that reason is to build up to a Jonerys romance and alliance. If it is this important, if their journeys for five books and thousands of pages are toward one another, why would that happen only for them to break up and be with someone else very briefly just in time for “end game?”

But the books aren’t all we have to go by. I think we have plenty of good evidence in the show now as well. 

First, the visual parallels in the show are well-known, and again these are things that connect Jon and Dany together even when they’re across the world from one another. 

credit: @sweetorganza

credit: @jondaenerysdaily

This sort of thing is done intentionally. It lingers in the audience’s mind. It reminds us that they are on parallel journeys, have faced the same types of struggles, and want the same thing for the realm. 

We can also see this in parallels of their actions and values in the show.

Both of them are leaders of their people–unwanted or downtrodden people (slaves, wildings). Both of them tragically lost their first loves. 

credit: @sweetorganza

Just from this season, we have several interesting parallels to look at. 

In episode 1, Jon insists that he won’t punish a child for the sins of of his/her father. In episode 3, Dany asks Jon not to judge her for the sins of her own father, the Mad King, as I pointed out in this gifset (the way I arranged the dialogue in this gifset would make it inconvenient to load them into a text post so I linked).

Also in episode 1, Jon asks for the allegiance of Ned Umber and Alys Karstark in the same way that Dany asked it of the Dothraki a few episodes prior:

credit: @annabelleebythesea

They are both successfully earning the love and admiration of the people.

In episode 2, Varys told Dany that she is the best hope for the people. Littlefinger told Jon that he is the best hope. It’s because they both are.

Also in episode 2, Dany said Jon sounded like “quite a man,” the same thing Sam said about Dany when discussing her with maester Aemon, right before Jon walked in conveniently as Aemon said Dany is a lone Targaryen.

credit: @annabelleebythesea

In episode 4, Dany impressed Jon by repeating the speech he gave to Mance Rayder in season 5 when he implored him to kneel for Stannis to save the wildlings. 

credit: @stevedoritoss

And this is just from these first 4 episodes of season 7. If you look here, here, and here you can see even more parallels in their lives and styles of ruling and leadership from throughout the series. And I’m sure there are more.

All of these set them up as compatible co-rulers who despite their early disagreements in 7.03 share a lot in common and will be compatible together. In this ask I talk a lot about why i think they will work well together and have a healthy relationship. 

Furthermore, I strongly believe that they are going to get married. Last season Dany herself said the best way to make alliances is with marriage. In 7.04 Jon says that he can’t swear to her because his people won’t accept a Southron ruler. Dany’s reply is important: “They will if their king does.” If Jon accepts her and loves her and they unite in marriage, then the people of the North will be more open to Dany.

Additionally, we know a few important things from the plot leaks concerning the future of their relationship. In 7.06 Dany will save Jon and his men near Eastwatch. She believes Jon to be dead but he returns and they have a bonding moment on the voyage back to Dragonstone. Jon offers to kneel to Dany if only he wasn’t so injured. Instead of accepting his kneel/the submission of his title as KitN, Dany says, “But what about your peolple?” Already, she is concerned about his people and about their perception of him. This looks forward to them ruling together and both of them caring for the citizens of both the North and South.

Finally, Jon and Dany are going to have sex in 7.07. I personally believe this is going to be a way to tell the audience, among other things, that they’re having sex so that the writers can set up a pregnancy plot. 

We also know that apparently Jon and Dany will discuss her infertility and then Dany will tell Tyrion she discussed it with Jon. So it is mentioned twice. This reminds me of how Jon was discussing being a bastard with Missandei in 7.04, explaining that his parents were not married when in fact we know that in 7.07 Rhaegar and Lyanna will get married in a flashback. So the writers set us up to be shocked. They are setting us up to be shocked when Dany gets pregnant.

As I discussed in this meta, I don’t believe Dany is truly infertile. In addition to the points I made there, I want to point out something an anon mentioned to me. While at the Citadel we saw Sam flipping through a book that featured the sort of globe thing we see in the opening credits and we saw hanging in the library when Sam first arrived. The pages he flipped through featured this and also had the planets and possibly deal with planetary alignment/etc. 

Additionally, when Bran has the vision being discussed in this reddit thread, a commenter pointed out something interesting:

As the screenshots of the tree progress from the start to end in Bran’s vision the sun is rising and setting from west to east. I’m reminded of Mirri Maz Duur’s prophecy about Daenerys “when the sun rises in the west and sets in the east…” I’m not sure what it could mean but the scene being shot that way has to be relevant somehow.  

So it’s possible that the trauma of The Wall falling in 7.07, which happens apparently right during or immediately after Jon and Dany have sex, is powerful enough to throw the planet out of joint in some way. After all, we know The Wall has magical properties. All of this together points to Dany getting pregnant with Jon’s child. 

So far I’ve tried to establish that Dany and Jon have been heavily foreshadowed, that they are similar and thus compatible, and that they will probably get married and have a child. The last thing I want to mention is that they are ice and fire of the Song of Ice and Fire.

They are the important couple. They are the two opposing parts that will come to together and unite not just kingdoms but continents under their banner. They are the two people who will bring humanity out of the Long Night and launch the next “dynasty that could last a thousand years” that Cersei mentions in episode 1. Their sex scene is going to be cut with Rhaegar and Lyanna, whose love tore the realm apart. By contrast, Dany’s and Jon’s love will put the realm back together again.

We can confirm the importance of their union now. It has always seemed obvious that the woman who is fire made flesh and the man from the North whose last name is Snow are ice and fire but now we know it. Melisandre said it to Varys in 7.03 and never told Jon or Dany that either is TPTWP because they are both chosen. Only together, a word Jon constantly used and emphasized with Dany in 7.04, can they save the world; so they WILL be together. 

Lastly, just from a simple storytelling perspective, if we know they are going to be together at all (which we do now, because the leaks have been confirmed by 4/7 episodes so far. We can trust Lads) then we can trust that they are going to only be together. Season 7 is short. Season 8 is shorter. We should think of them as one long, final season that is merely broken in half like shows like TWD do.

If Jon and Dany have 5 episodes of buildup this season, there is no time for them to break up in a believable way and move on to another romantic partner in the only 6 episodes remaining next season. Before anyone brings it up, no. I do not think that the revelation of Jon’s Targaryen heritage means they will fight or break up. I discussed in this ask what I think will happen IF they learn the truth, and I am not even convinced they will. 

In any case, with the war with the WW and the war with Cersei going on, there would not be time for Jon or Dany to break up and find another person to be with. They are going to constantly be in each other’s proximity during this time, and it wouldn’t make sense for them to break up and have time to get together with anyone else. It just doesn’t seem possible.

And I don’t think it’s in either of their character to move on to another romance quickly in the last season anyway. 

Jon Snow is a man of character and conviction. He’s loyal. He was loyal to Ygritte even after her death and he will be loyal to Dany because he will love her. And he especially wouldn’t desert Dany if/when she is pregnant. He will want to be around in the life of his child. Even if Dany dies, which I know the antis are praying for, I don’t think Jon will just hop in bed with someone else immediately.  Certainly not his sister. What reason would there be? To produce an heir? That argument stops making sense when you consider that like I said, Jon and Dany are almost certainly having a child, so that child will be the heir they need to carry on the Targaryen name and their legacy of peace and egalitarian rule. 

And of course, if Dany does get pregnant, that means she at the very least has to live long enough to carry that baby to term and have it. Because we know that Cersei has a miscarriage plot. I think this will be our only miscarriage plot. Because while Cersei represents doom and destruction for the realm, Dany represents life and rebirth. So if she does die, I don’t see it happening until the very end anyway.

Last season Tyrion told Dany that Daario wasn’t the first to love her and he wouldn’t be the last. Because Jon will. :) So Jonerys will be endgame. One or both might die. But in terms of couples and romance, I believe that Jon and Dany are each other’s last love.

[alittlecstaticxilophone]

The willow’s prince

Prologue

Natsu Dragneel had grown up in a palace between large marble columns and what could appear to be infinite rooms. He had been raised by his mother and father until they were killed when he was only eight leaving him and his older brother to be raised by another man who they had come to love over the past of the years.

He had always been the rebellious kid, when Zeref was in the library usually studying any lesson they had told him in was necessary for him to know so he could fulfill his future duty as king, the younger one spent most of his time playing, dreaming of being a knight instead of a king. The youngest found the fun entirely on doing more than sitting and learning. Of course, that didn’t stop Igneel from sitting the boy next to his brother in the library from time to time to learn the lessons that he had to learn.

Natsu, no matter the time of the day, always found a way to escape beyond the castle’s walls and make his way to the village far of the clutches of Igneel (Natsu really liked him, but he hated lessons) and any responsibility he could have and just center in having fun. It was a shame he grew too fast for Igneel’s and Zeref’s liking and before they knew it they didn’t have a sweet ten year old climbing trees to go beyond the castle’s doors; they now had a rebellious sixteen years old boy climbing from rooftop to rooftop refusing to meet any lady who could potentially be a good match, for him and the kingdom.

They were unaware that he used to frequent a tabern called Fairy Tail, it wasn’t a bad place it was always filled with music and fun and the people were really nice and everyone had a sense of friendship that he envied. Still, he knew that Zeref and Igneel wouldn’t see it that way and would only scold him for visiting such inappropriate places.

At the course of the years he had grown accustomed to always seeing the same people; a knight that came from another kingdom who had red hair and scared him, a boy with black hair and a weird stripping habit, a couple of white haired sisters, (he had dated with the youngest one) and a lot more, Natsu really appreciated them and the fact that they never treated him differently even though they knew who he was.

One particular day it was no longer the simple and original crew he always saw, next to Mirajane, the oldest of the white haired sisters was a blonde girl who seemed really focused paying close attention to everything the girl was doing.

-Hello Mira! - Natsu screamed sitting on the bar ready to order the usual

-Hi Natsu- The white haired greeted back looking at him for a second before turning her attention back to the blonde girl.

-Who is she?-Natsu asked bluntly curious unable to recognize the blonde’s face from his previous visits

-She is Lucy-Mira presented with her everlasting smile in her face; Lucy made a tiny reverence at the unknown astonishing him.

-It’s my pleasure to meet you- she muttered nicely,

-I already told you Lucy-Mira scolded her lie she usually scolded Lissana –You don’t have to make a reverence every time you meet someone new-

-I’m sorry-Lucy muttered, a soft embarrassed smile on her face.

-Are you royalty?- Natsu asked taking a drink of a beer that Mirajane had served him

-No, I’m not-Lucy stuttered embarrassed.

-Mhm-Natsu whispered while he took another sip from the beer and proceeded to clean himself with his coat’s sleeve leaving a stain on it –You’re weird Luigi, What kind of person makes a reverence every time they meet someone?- He mocked, in response the blonde girl looked at him offended

-In first instance my name is LUCY not Luigi, in second I’ve been thaught that it is common courtesy to salute someone you just met and lastly, don’t you think it’s rude to criticize people you don’t even know without introducing yourself?- She responded almost with malice making Natsu frown before smirking and standing up from his seat.

-My name is Natsu my lady; it’s my entire pleasure to be in front of a creature like you- He said while he took her hand and kissed it giving her a small blush internally he thanked all the etiquette lessons his parents and Igneel had forced him to attend.

Mira looked at the scene entertained; even if her little sister used to date Natsu she was eager to see him dating someone else. Natsu would soon be twenty three but perhaps he was following his brother’s example, the future king was twenty five and it didn’t seem like he had any marriage plans in the near future.

-You know-The young bartender started catching the attention of both of them –You two look cute together-Natsu and Lucy stared at her wide eyed before giving a view to each other

-We do not!-Lucy defended herself –I don’t even know him!-She continued

-Exactly!-Natsu agreed nodding –Besides, who would want to date such a weird girl- He said gaining a hate look from Lucy, Mirajane giggled like if she was resting any importance to the matter.

-May I have your attention please?-  Mavis screamed at the top of her lungs trying to reach every person inside of the castle’s ballroom, the people instantly quieted themselves and stared at the queen who was able to make such a call even at her pregnancy state. –Thank you- she said even after her husband chuckled and hugged her over her shoulders.

-Friends, relatives, family, other people, I wish every single one of you had a happy time in here-The crowd didn’t wait any minute to let the blonde woman know how much of a good time they were having, she laughed at the reaction expecting something like that-I’m really happy all of you are with us today. You might already know what’s going to happen; but since formalities are important in this family we have to make it official –She said pointing at Zeref who shrugged his shoulders and gave a small sigh thankful that his wife was the one making the announcement, although it bothered him that she insisted in doing everything by herself even if she was pregnant.

-So, my husband has something he wants to say to you-She spoke shocking him who stared ad her wide eyed

-Thank you Mavis for such introduction-He whispered nervously. –Well, let’s not take more time here. I want to say thank you for coming to celebrate the fact that my little brother is getting married soon to this Lovely lady who is so important to him.-He gestured at couple who smiled Lucy nervously and Natsu widely letting everyone know how happy they were even if they didn’t knew it. –I want to give my best wishes to Natsu Dragneel and Lucy Heartfilia who had the courage to pull up with him and still decided she wanted a long term commitment- He cheered making the crowd laugh and earning a few angry mutters from Natsu that made Lucy laugh.

-Let’s give a toast to the happy couple shall we? - a voice sounded from the crowd making Lucy squirm in fear recognizing it almost instantly, the colors ran away from her face –Yes, - he continued smirking –A toast for the prince and the deserter- it was then when the mood in the beautifully decorated ballroom changed and turned more hostile towards the stranger, without caring for the glances the man made his way across the people to be face to face to the couple. Lucy still looked scared frozen in her place unsure of what to do, Natsu instead was visibly angry at the man in front of them for putting the young girl in such state

-I don’t care what you came for-Natsu started grabbing the sword he had to carry –But I want you to get out from my palace and my kingdom-the young pink haired screamed ready to attack the man in front of them at any minute. The man laughed, his gray eyes seemed to shine beyond his white skin.

-So, my little Lucy already told you who I am-The man assumed, the entire room started to make a commotion, Zeref stood close to Mavis while he called the guards who should have seen the man come in

-I’m not yours Ankhseram, I never was and I will never be-Lucy spoke finally recovering herself from the initial shock Ankhseram brought on her. He chuckled at the statement

-That’s not what your father said-Ankhseram mocked –As far as I can recall, you are betrothed to me, so that makes pinky in here your lover- He pointed at him, Natsu, unable to control his rage anymore pointed at the man with his sword, act he dismissed without even touching the prince sending him at the other side of the room

-Now boy, do not interrupt us- the male said eyeing Natsu and the rest with fury making Lucy in front of him tremble

-You knew- he said pointing at Zeref, who like his brother; his first instinct was to put himself in front of the woman he loved because Mavis had refused to leave the room. –You heard about her, the missing duchess from the next kingdom and you always knew it was her and you did nothing- He yelled, Zeref did his best to remain calm

-It was not my business-Zeref stated simple trying his best to remain as calm as possible wondering why none of the guards had arrived

-Oh It wasn’t?-Ankhseram questioned –Then please, allow me to return the favor-He said pointing at Mavis, initially it felt like nothing had happened and the pregnant woman let out a sigh of relief.

It was then when she felt her entire body go stiff and she was slowly covered in a pink crystal in front of Natsu’s, Zeref’s and Lucy’s horrified glance.

-Leave her alone!-Zeref screamed –Take me! Take Lucy!-Natsu and Lucy couldn’t believe their ears and from what it looked like he couldn’t either.-But leave Mavis alone! She has nothing to do with this- He claimed desperate trying to get his wife back

-Oh don’t worry; I have something for you too-Ankhseram muttered through his smile now pointing at Zeref who started to feel weird

-What have you done to me?!-He screamed surprised when he wasn’t enveloped in a pink crystal just like Mavis

-Oh you’ll see, but I’m going to be nice with you and suggest you to get as far away as possible from these people and the ones you love before it’s too late and you end up killing them-Ankhseram said, Zeref looked at the frozen guests his family and his sister in law before abandoning the palace as fast as his feet allowed him.

Natsu ran as fast as he could, his sword still in hand not ready to give up the fight. Ankhseram noticed this quickly and raised him in the air

-Stop!-Lucy screamed –Stop this! Return them to normal! I’m begging you!- she begged putting herself at her knees in front of him

-No, you had your chance- Ankhseram muttered severely –Look at him Lucy- he said while Natsu let out a pain yell, Lucy could see him trying to keep himself quiet and that he was actually suffering more than what he let out. –Did you really though that you could be happy together?-he mocked, Natsu’s leg suddenly didn’t look human anymore, it was full of red scales, claws were at the end of his feet. The pink haired couldn’t contain the scream that came from the pain of having his anatomy changed.

-You must be the most stupid person that exist Lucy.-He claimed repeating the process with Natsu’s other leg, Lucy couldn’t even bear to look at them one in pure fear and disgust and the other because of shame and regret.

-You should have known I would find you-Ankhseram stopped to take a look at Lucy’s trembling form enjoying the scenery in front of him; all of the guests, including the guards where frozen in one spot, he could see a few of them had tried to go and attack him before everything started to happen

-And I did-He sentenced closing the palm of his hand, Natsu let out the most horrifying scream Lucy had heard, she covered her ears and closed her tearful eyes while Natsu’s transformation finished. He now looked like a fusion between a dragon and human, red scales covered his entire body, black horns adorned his head, a pair of red wings similar to the ones of a bat only harder and full of scales were behind his back, black claws instead of nails in his hands. The moment the transformation was finished, he fell to the ground unconscious.

-Why this?-Lucy asked avoiding to look at Natsu’s unmoving body-Why me?-She continued –You could have any girl in Magnolia, as many girls as you want, why did you decide to obsess over me? - Lucy asked, he just smirked in reply

-Now for you I have something else planned- He said without even answer her question –You can free them from this, in fact only you can because I’m not going to do it willfully – He laughed at her, -You don’t even have to marry me

-What?-She pleaded interrupting him –What do I have to do? Tell me!-She begged

-Well-He muttered as if he was thinking –You have two options, you can both accept me and marry me-Lucy’s hope suddenly dropped –or I’ll send you far away, so far it will be almost impossible to come back, you will forget them in that land, you have to find a way to remember them and connect with them to ensure that you actually remember. –Ankhseram explained, Lucy stared at him nervous

-How will I do that?-She asked with urgency he looked amused at her suffering

-That is yours to figure out- Ankhseram claimed, the blonde girl stared at him and explored her surroundings with her sight, Mavis was still within the crystal the baby in her belly, Natsu gave no signs of waking up soon and the guests stared in horror at the scenery except for the few that had in their plans fighting back.

-I’ll do it- She answered –I’ll forget-Lucy declared and the last two things she saw before darkness surrounded her was Ankhseram’s smirk and Natsu’s lethargic body.

Follow me to see when the next part is coming up. And thank you so much to the kind people who read this and liked it.

[worldssmallestbookclub]

Lady Audley’s Secret by Mary Elizabeth Braddon

When beautiful young Lucy Graham accepts the hand of Sir Michael Audley, her fortune and her future look secure. But Lady Audley’s past is shrouded in mystery, and Sir Michael’s nephew Robert has vague forebodings. When Robert’s good friend George Talboys suddenly disappears, he is determined to find him, and to unearth the truth. His quest reveals a tangled story of lies and deception, crime and intrigue, whose sensational twists turn the conventional picture of Victorian womanhood on its head. Can Robert’s darkest suspicions really be true? A publishing sensation in its day, Lady Audley’s Secret is a thrilling novel of deception and villainy in which the golden-haired heroine is not at all what she seems.

My friend and I had the most fantastic time reading this book! For me, it was a reread, since it was one of the novels covered in a Jane Eyre and Revision course I took in college, while for my friend it was a new adventure. Lady Audley’s Secret offers plenty of mystery and suspense, along with wonderfully sly depictions of class and gender inequality in Victorian England during the time. It also moves at a relatively fast past with lively prose, for those of you who may have bad past experiences with Victorian literature. If you are a fan of sordid pasts, incompetent detectives, and vicious battles of wits, then this is the book for you!

Discussion questions below the cut!

Although the Cinderella fantasy is quite common in literature or everyday speculation, we often seem to revile those who only say yes to a man for the sake of his money. Yet, when Sir Michael proposes to Lady Audley, he himself says, “I dare say I am a romantic old fool; but if you do not dislike me, and if you do not love any one else, I see no reason why we should not make a very happy couple. Is it a bargain, Lucy?” (11). Why do you think we judge women who marry for money so harshly? Consider marriage’s origins in Western culture as an exchange of property (with women intended to be a passive object in this exchange). What does marriage mean to you today? For what reasons would you consider marrying someone?

As Lady Audley describes her youth to her husband and Robert Audley, she talks about her early life in poverty and says, “So you see that at a very early age I found out what it was to be poor” (348). She explains to them, “You and your nephew, Sir Michael, have been rich all your lives, and can very well afford to despise me; but I knew how far poverty can affect a life, and I looked forward with a sick terror to a life so affected” (351). Consider the concept of marriage for love as a fiction created by upper class men. Would you agree or disagree with that concept? Why?

When Robert Audley is speaking to Miss Tonks, she describes Lady Audley as “only ornamental; a person to be shown off to visitors, and to play fantasias on the drawing-room piano” and not at all “useful” (236). If Lady Audley’s only worth is in being ornamental, who values her most? Is her ornamental worth also tied to her class? Consider Robert Audley who, one might argue, spends most of his life prior to this book being absolutely useless. Does he have any “worth”? Is he required to have any worth given his gender and social status?

Lady Audley’s Secret is an example of sensation fiction, the forerunner to detective novels. Mary Elizabeth Braddon was one of the more popular writers of sensation fiction, along with Wilkie Collins (who has a shout out in this book). Sensation fiction tended to focus on domestic dramas and often more feminine concerns. Robert Audley is, quite obviously, our detective character in this novel, and Lady Audley mocks him for it, saying, “You seem to have quite a taste for discussing these horrible subjects […] you ought to have been a detective police officer,” to which he replies that he believes he would have been a good one, “Because I am patient” (141). What do you feel makes a good detective in real life? How about a good detective in detective fiction? Do you think Robert Audley is a good detective? Why or why not?

The narrator occasionally describes Lady Audley and Robert Audley’s stand-off as a game of cards, with Robert having shown all his cards while she kept hers hidden (274), and Lady Audley not having thrown away a single card or trick she could have used to her advantage, ultimately losing only because Robert holds a more powerful hand (372). In this game, Lady Audley and Robert Audley are essentially fighting for the Audley inheritance – the wealth, the land, and the “stainless name” (378). Do you think this novel is approving or disapproving of the hierarchical class structure which has created this cutthroat game they’re playing? Who were you rooting for? Did you feel like changing sides at any point in the novel?

Lady Audley thinks to herself, “Have I ever been really wicked, I wonder? […] My worst wickednesses have been the result of wild impulses, and not of deeply-laid plots. I am not like the women I have read of, who have lain night after night in the horrible dark and stillness, planning out treacherous deeds, and arranging every circumstance of an appointed crime” (297). How do you yourself define “wickedness”? Would you consider Lady Audley wicked? If so, were there any actions in particular that made you decide this? If not, why? (You might also consider how our justice system makes a distinction between premeditated murder and a “crime of passion.”)

Do you think Lady Audley is truly mad as she claims on pg. 346? Why or why not? Do you think that Lady Audley truly believes she is mad? Why or why not?

Robert Audley has Lady Audley committed to a mental asylum in order to save his own family’s name from degradation. He tells himself this is a kindness toward Lady Audley, and that her committal to the asylum in Belgium is better than the public trial and possible execution she would have faced from English law. Do you agree with Robert Audley or do you feel that his actions were purely self-serving?

1851 marked the beginning of the official women’s movement in England with the Ladies of Langham Place and their debates focusing on women’s right to education and marriage rights. This novel was published in 1861 but set in 1857. Do you feel this novel is a critique of existing domestic ideology or is it an anxious critique of female uprising at the time? What in particular makes you feel one way or the other?

Male homosocial desire, as coined by Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick, is a way of describing the desire men feel to have close social relationships (not just a friendship, but a “bond”) with other men within a patriarchal society. Homosocial desire is distinct from homosexual desire, and tends to be created by an inability to have close social relationships with men due to societal structures and conventions (often with strong currents of homophobia defining how men are and are not allowed to interact). (To conceptualize this, you might think of bromance and the idea that men need a phrase to describe a close male bond distinct from romantic love or casual friendship - a phrase which allows them to have a close male-male relationship while adamantly denying any possibility of homosexual desire.) Male homosocial desire in literature frequently takes the form of a triangle in which male homosocial desire is expressed through a female conduit – for instance, two men with romantic/sexual desire for the same woman or a man who pursues a romantic/sexual relationship with the female sibling of another man. Essentially, the female conduit allows one man to express his desire/fascination/interest for the other man without violating social mores. Robert Audley frequently comments on Clara Talboys’ similarity to her brother both in appearance and personality (202, 208), and ends the book in a perfect picture of domesticity living with both George and Clara in their fairy cottage. Clara is also an obvious foil to Lady Audley, being upper class and independently wealthy as well as all that is pure and good in Robert’s opinion. Do you think Lady Audley also provides a female conduit for Robert Audley’s homosocial desire for George Talboys? Why or why not? And if you do, why is Lady Audley punished in this role while Clara is celebrated?

Lady Audley’s Secret (1861) has a number of similarities to Jane Eyre (1847), including the governess marrying a rich upper class man, madness, and a fire. In Jane Eyre, Rochester is conscious of his wife’s madness but hides her away in the attic pretending she doesn’t exist until this secret is suddenly revealed to Jane. In Lady Audley’s Secret, Sir Michael is unaware of his wife’s madness, only to have it revealed to him within his own domestic space. To whom in society is each scenario most frightening? How do you think fears regarding madness (or at least what madness represents) might have shifted between the two novels, keeping in mind the large social changes taking place during the Victorian era?

Page numbers referenced are from the 1987 Oxford World’s Classics edition.