#this is more of an analysis on how he presents himself and how the audience percieves him

[shantechni]

Natsume's Fear of Thunder

I'm gonna be honest, this can hardly be considered an analysis. It's more of a "sporadic and unnecessarily deep observation" of how Natsume's astraphobia has been presented in the series over the years, both in the anime and in the manga. So, please for the love of God take all of this with a grain of salt.

Yes, I'm using the term "phobia" very loosely, but I'm not about to get into that rn. Natsume has an irrational fear and strong dislike of thunder, that's an undeniable truth.

Before I dive in, I'd like to briefly explain why, of all the little bits of information Midorikawa has given us about Natsume, this one is the one to ceaselessly bump around in my brain like a DVD logo. This series is not in the horror genre (it's serialized in LaLa DX after all), but it does get suspenseful, and pretty disturbing depending on whatever topic it touches or the types of situations the characters may find themselves in. I don't fault anyone, particularly Natsume, for growing up with valid fears and preconceived misconceptions about most youkai; they can sound scary, they can look scary, and they can do some scary stuff if they really feel up to it.

That's why I'm so fascinated to see Natsume develop and still harbor an irrational fear for something like the everyday phenomena of storms. He's landed himself in all sorts of trouble and has come face to face with many beings, both natural and supernatural, who didn't have his best interests in mind, and yet the clap of thunder somehow keeps its spot on the list of things that has him scared stiff.

Aight, spoilers for both the anime and the manga beyond here, you've been warned👏🏽

Our first introduction to Natsume's fear is near the beginning of chapter 42, when he and Tanuma accidentally stumble across Taki's home while seeking shelter from a sudden shower. He questions how Nyanko-sensei ended up at her home as well and the youkai, much to Natsume's visible dismay, cheekily explains:

That doesn't end up happening since the rain remained light until its swift end, and the mention of Natsume's fear is glossed over rather quickly to save him the embarrassment, but it's an interesting mention made by Midorikawa nonetheless since it adds another layer to whatever image the audience has of Natsume and the series itself. Nyanko-sensei, having been around this kid long enough to know a lot of his vulnerabilities and insecurities (even the ones his dreams unwittingly reveal to the youkai), has seen and grown accustomed to a side of him that the audience had yet to be formally introduced to for once.

Right about now, you may be wondering how the anime adapted this scene. It didn't💀.

While the start of the episode (S3 EP5) is a one-to-one recreation of the chapter with virtually the same dialogue and scenery, any mention of Nyanko-sensei following Natsume to pick on him when it thunders is nonexistent and entirely skipped over so the gang can go straight to cleaning out the storeroom.

Most fans who have read the manga will tell you how notorious the anime is for excluding some of the characters' lines or scenes that take place in the manga, or just straight up rearranging or changing up those same factors. Sometimes those alterations work wonders, and other times they leave more to be desired, mainly if you know what happened in the manga counterpart of the episode. This such example is one of the times that'll leave people scratching their heads and wondering what warranted getting rid of a scene so insignificant that it'd have no effect on the plot of the episode whether or not it stayed. The only answer I can think of for that is the directors likely wanting a smoother progression of events to make for a viewing experience better tailored for an anime episode rather than a manga chapter.

Or, they genuinely didn't have enough space in the episode to squeeze in that little bit, which I highly doubt, but what would I know, I don't work for them. At the end of the day, we didn't get to see that scene in the episode.

After some more anime switcheroo shenanigans go on behind the scenes, along with an original episode pulling a retcon during a lightning storm, we receive our next moment in a surprising scene from the anime team in S3 EP10 (adaptation of chapter 28). Though the scene itself is short and not exactly an example of Natsume's astraphobia, I feel it should still be included because of its relation.

The chapter originally starts with Natsume and Nyanko-sensei searching for a tree that was struck by lightning during a storm the night before. However, the anime makes an addition of their own by rewinding time to that very night and showing Nyanko-sensei excitedly watching the storm take place while Natsume is tied up with his homework.

Nyanko-sensei goes on to tease him by suggesting that he doesn't want to watch the storm because he's scared, but Natsume dodges the youkai's mocking and begins to tell him to close the curtain before a crack of lightning cuts him off and illuminates his room.

Not only does Natsume not simply deny Nyanko-sensei's claim of him being scared, but his reaction to the thunder is seemingly more sudden than Nyanko-sensei's. Both of these points could subsequently lead the audience to interpret this entire sequence as the anime's first acknowledgement of his phobia, and it'd make for a very intriguing choice on the anime team's behalf after taking their ommitance of the previous scene into consideration. It could be a stretch though ngl, I tend to stretch like crazy, it makes sense to close a curtain when a pet is being noisy—

Finally moving on from S3, we eventually reach the most overt instance of Natsume's astraphobia, and potential origin or exacerbation of it, in the S4 finale (adaptation of chapter 46). This three episode arc is a largely intimate and heart wrenching one as it focuses on Natsume's journey to revisit his childhood home before it gets renovated by its new owners, a task he initially denied himself the permission of doing before realizing Touko and Shigeru would never deny him something so personal. Of course, he wouldn't be Natsume if he didn't attract a youkai along the way, and he's being pursued by one that seeks to feed on the tragic memories he formed while staying with the Aoi family, who was strongly implied to be the first family (if not, one of the first families) he was taken in by after his father's passing.

One of those memories shown to the audience is a younger Natsume relaxing in a shrine while memorizing where his childhood home is located, all in the hopes of gaining more discernible memories of his father and no longer being a burden to Miyoko and her parents.

Unfortunately, he falls asleep at the shrine and consequently loses track of time before having his slumber disturbed by a violent boom of thunder. He's so frightened by the ordeal that he can't even bring himself to rush back to the Aoi family's place, and his exhaustion puts him back to sleep until he's eventually found by some of the neighbors who went out searching for him.

The anime, with the natural strengths it has over the manga, goes the extra mile by not only keeping this portion relatively untouched, but further setting up the scenery and depicting just how rapidly the area goes from peaceful to turbulent. The character animation and voice acting make for a splendid combination and do a wonderful job of capturing this image of a helpless childhood version of Natsume.

What comes soon after this scene is a depressing sequence of events on its own, even more so when we can see he's still reeling from the storm and believing he caused the Aois to get into trouble by not getting back before dark. The adults obviously don't fault Natsume for getting stuck in the storm, but he doesn't see it that way in his shocked state.

The way Miyoko reacts by throwing her frustrations onto him doesn't help either.

And so, after aimlessly running off in his last unsuccessful attempt to find his childhood home, the memory fades away with a somber note as his present self recalls the moment he finally stopped calling for his long gone father.

Now, one could argue that Natsume had his fear of thunder prior to his time with the Aois since we don't have much reference material to work with when concerning his short period of time with his father, and they could be right for all I know. It's common for children to be startled by loud noises and bright flashes since they just aren't quite accustomed to those loud noises and bright flashes being customary for weather disturbances. Natsume, who we know grew up to be pretty sensitive to the things that go on around him, may have been one of those children who felt apprehension anytime a bad storm rolled in, and his father may have been the one to quell his fears back then. So, if we go with the conclusion that his fear didn't originate here, then this scene likely could've aggravated it. But I'm personally leaning a bit more towards the concept of this being the cause of it (partly due to how appealing that conclusion is to the obsessive part of my brain).

His initial reaction to the thunder is seemingly one of surprise rather than fear, and his behavior suggests that he's more concerned with making it back down the mountain before the thunder halts his progress. Although he's seen trying to talk himself down and fails to do so with how relentless the thunderstorm is proving to be, he doesn't need to have preexisting fears or anxieties over thunder to resort to calming himself down.

The dialogue differences strike me as something to consider too, but they're likely irrelevant.

Setting aside everything I just ranted about in the above paragraph, I should specify that I'm not simply pointing to the storm scene as the singular root cause for his future woes. Many psychological problems often aren't so black and white that someone can definitively point to one person or thing as the sole reason for the existence of their psychological problems. And phobias obviously don't always develop as a result of going through or observing a traumatic event; people can grow to fear or strongly dislike something merely by its association with an unpleasant memory or stressful situation. I know I'm starting to stretch hard rn, and this part of the post is getting awfully wordy, just hear me out—

Going back to that aforementioned short period of time with his dad, it's plain to see just how innocent of a time that was for Natsume. He was playful and affectionate with his dad like many children growing up in a healthy environment would be at that age. He doesn't even appear to have an awareness of youkai (if so, only slight enough for it to not become a problem for him just yet). We're shown later on that he would commonly draw around the house too, as evidenced by the nearly two decade old pieces of artwork his father never removed from the kitchen area and closet.

Natsume even proceeds to make a comment about this childhood version of himself likely being the mischievous type for him to run around drawing on surfaces without a care in the world.

He undeniably had his own troubles at that stage of his life though, with one of those troubles being his mom and the empty spot left behind by her passing away. Apart from his heartwarming portrait of a family with both parents, he's also shown lamenting to Miyoko after the death of his dad about not being able to remember his mom. We've seen with those two examples that her absence indeed left an impact on him early on in his life, but he doesn't stay too broken up over her considering how little he got to bond with her, and he doesn't openly despair about the loss of his dad until his growing sense of loneliness and longing becomes too much for him to smooth over.

The point I'm trying (and admittedly struggling) to make here is that after moving in with Miyoko and her parents, the worries on Natsume's plate increased tenfold and weighed him down far more than he was willing to accept at first. Suddenly, this kid had little to smile about in life, taking a glance at his only picture of his parents causes grief and envy to flare up in his chest, he's afraid of being a burden to those who took him under his wing, he's eating less than Miyoko because he's concerned with coming off as too greedy, he feels responsible for Miyoko getting picked on because of his relation to her, he's still learning the way back to the Aoi family's home, and now he's surrounded by all of these weird creatures that apparently no one else can see.

Suddenly, he's no longer that carefree toddler we saw sitting on his dad's lap as the two of them watched over his late mom's garden.

I feel moderately certain about Natsume's experience with the storm, coupled with this pivotal and devastating shift in his life, being the plausible cause for him developing his irrational fear of thunder as a child.

After this arc, we aren't greeted with another scene featuring or centered on his astraphobia until chapter 85 (which doesn't appear to be adapted in S7 judging from the PV😭), and it focuses on Natsume, Tanuma and Taki viewing a limited exhibition at an old inn that has a deep history with youkai. Not too long after the owner engages in conversation with Taki, Natsume and Tanuma briefly comment on how peaceful the inn is making the both of them feel, and a sudden lightning strike cuts through the tranquility of the inn.

It catches everyone off guard and, unsurprisingly, has Natsume frozen in place as Tanuma asks him and Taki if they're alright.

Much like Nyanko-sensei's first time mentioning Natsume's fear, the moment doesn't last long as the gang soon realizes they'll have to spend the night at the inn while they wait for the sudden storm to pass.

By this point in the manga though, Midorikawa has evidently decided to make Natsume's astraphobia a recurring element of the sorts. She could've easily left his astraphobia as another facet of his that we get to see once or twice and never again since it's not serviceable to the story as a whole, but she's started using his phobia as an additional means of displaying his discomfort in any given situation. Having a thunderstorm suddenly appear during a moment of serenity, immediately after Natsume tells Tanuma the place is making him feel strangely good, was a brilliant move of jarring him. And it works especially well here as a sign of the looming threat that'll find its way into the inn over night and slowly creep upon the group the longer they remain there.

Midorikawa pulls this same stunt again to slightly greater effect in chapter 117, where Natsume, Tanuma and Nyanko-sensei happen upon the Kisaragi Manor and find themselves taking part in a ritual for summoning youkai.

It starts with the trio meeting up in the evening to view the bamboo lanterns, but a woman claiming to be in search of a mansion requests their help to find it before it gets too dark, as well as to avoid getting caught in a downpour should the drizzle grow heavier. While Tanuma shows interest in the ritual, and the people they meet are treating them somewhat cordially, Natsume is disconcerted by the arrangement they've found themselves in. He's surrounded by five women he's never met in his life, is once again in an unfamiliar place that feels weird in Nyanko-sensei's own words, and is thrown for a loop by everyone's enthusiasm with the idea of meeting youkai rather than being put off by them.

The group isn't even a minute into their summoning ritual when a huge boom of thunder shakes the room and causes a power outage, sending them into a brief stint of darkness until Hitomi relights the candle.

While waiting for the candle though, Natsume answers Tanuma's question by for once admitting that he's bothered by thunder, leading to Nyanko-sensei characteristically picking on his phobia by calling him a chicken.

Again, the moment is subtle and restricted to one corner of the page, but it sticks the landing. Instead of using the lightning or thunder as a sign of things to come as she's done before, Midorikawa uses them here as an integrant of an already somewhat concerning scene slowly veering towards being disturbing. In addition to selling just how uncomfortable of a situation this is for Natsume, it also depicts how far along he is in his friendship with Tanuma to be honest about an irrational fear we know he'd rather not speak of.

Alas, chapter 117 was our last time seeing thunder scare Natsume, at least until the next time Midorikawa chooses to use his fear to her advantage, unless the anime miraculously surprises us with its own original take as we've seen it isn't afraid to do. What we've been given so far though is plentiful in comparison to many other plot points or quirks that get reused or called back to far less than this one. I won't throw a tantrum if his never gets referenced to or utilized again (which I doubt will happen knowing Midorikawa's writing), but I eagerly anticipate seeing it again should it reappear.

It's captivating to watch this minor detail frequently make it's way back into the story somehow, to the point that it eventually cemented itself as a miniscule yet effective way of shedding different shades of light on the many complexities of Natsume.

[gh0st-ratt]

Charles, Edwin and action

Putting my two cents into the dbda analysis to talk about the boys' relationship with action/movement throughout the show

Within the first episode Charles easily defines himself as the "brawn" and Edwin as the "brain". This presents Charles as what I like to call a physical response character and Edwin as a verbal response character, which reinstates what has already been shown to us as the boys dealt with the WW2 ghost: Edwin recites the Latin enchantment as Charles grapples with the ghost. By doing this, job is jobbed, case is closed etc etc.

I feel I have to mention that this almost unconscious dance between them is something that Edwin couldn't have in Hell. Movement and speaking meant being caught and torn apart. But it's also the fact that he probably wouldn't have even had anyone to talk to in Hell, and now he gets to be a part of a duo where his main role is to speak and explain knowledge.

Anyhow, this pattern continues in most things that the boys do; while at the Dandelion shrine, Edwin is the one to read the writing on the shrine and verbalises (to both characters and audience) what the intent of the Dandelion sprites is. And then Charles is the one to pick up the vase (and break it).

The Devlin House is of note because this is the first time that we see this dance fail. Edwin has explained what the Stone Tape Theory is, and now it is time to look for what might have caused the loop. This is where their roles flip, if just for a moment. Charles talks to Crystal about how he connects to Hope Devlin while reading through her diary. He understands her situation, her fear, how it feels to be struggling under your parent's command. And he actually talks about it. In that scene, Charles is the verbal response character. You could say that it's because it isn't Edwin that he's talking to that he can change his role in the dance. Crystal isn't a part of their dance as the 'brain' and 'brawn', so he doesn't have to fit into the role of the physical response character with her.

(You could go as far as to say that this unfamiliar flip of roles is what leads them astray. Edwin has completed both the verbal and physical aspects of this scenario, the dance is off. You can go even further to say that Edwin didn't even complete the physical aspect correctly, he got the wrong trigger, he's not used to being the character of action)

It is then after all this, still in the Devlin house, that Charles steps back into being the physical response character when he attempts to attack Mr Devlin. This is the first time that the boys completing their roles has completely backfired. (You could argue with Esther, being hit back was just the response of a typical fight. You go to hit and you miss and get hit back.) Charles attempting his role as the 'brawn' takes him out of commission entirely, because there isn't that balance. He hasn't actually spoken about much and instead internalised it for 30+ years, and now uses that emotion to act. And it doesn't work.

Charles never really seems to make actions about himself, and the times he does? It never really works out for him. The Devlin house takes him out of commission, and the Lighthouse Leapers have his friends reject him for his actions (I might talk about this another time). Even his kiss with Crystal that he instigated doesn't go anywhere.

An interesting note is that the times when Charles is much more passive in his actions is with his relationship with Crystal. He initiates the kiss first, but even before that he's almost tiptoeing around what Crystal might want or not want (I've seen a few people talk about this better than I could so I won't get too into it).

It's only really until after he and Crystal break it off that he starts really being a man of action for himself and not just others. He argues to not take Monty's case, he calls Crystal out on her lies about her powers, he stands on his decision to not let Crystal go to Hell. He's not being passive about what he might want and how it might clash with what others want.

Charles' arc and connection to his relationship with action kind of ends at the end of ep5 (Dead Dragons) when Edwin says "Let's get [Charles] sorted first" and they never really go back to Charles' arc lol

-

Edwin's relationship with his role as the verbal response character is interesting because part of his arc is about how he cannot verbalise what he is wanting. The Case of the Lighthouse Leapers makes that abundantly clear. To Niko he denies by "Absolutely not" wanting to kiss the Cat King, and he doesn't know what he wants with Monty. The Cat King has to literally spell him to get Edwin to admit what he wants from the agency ("[He] can make [his] case for leniency").

Edwin can explain anything for a case, anything for knowledge, but he does not like verbalising his wants. We see him struggle with this towards Monty at the swing set, he "-thinks it best if [they] stop seeing one another", but he also isn't sure if that's what he actually wants. It then!! Continues!! As Edwin begins to say what he wants, that there are "-feelings. That [he] thought were never to be spoken of.", Monty swoops (ha) in as the physical character in that moment, sealing it with a kiss.

But Edwin didn't finish! He as the spoken character has not finished his role before the action response occurs! And it doesn't work. The dance isn't working, they're stepping on each other's feet.

We then reach the Case of the Creeping Forest, wherein Edwin's feelings for Charles are, at this point in the narrative, one of the main things he cannot verbalise. So instead, Monty verbalises it! He is the one to finally state that "Those feelings that [Edwin has]? Are for Charles. He is the one [Edwin loves].".

(As I'm writing this I'm realising that Monty actually creates his own role as both a physical and verbal response character within like two weeks of being human compared to 2 oldass ghosts good for him)

Edwin's feelings for Charles have been established by the way he typically acts (with words), but not by himself, because he cannot do that. He has spent so long denying himself and avoiding verbalising anything akin to his own wants that he still cannot say it.

But then it is Charles' turn to establish how he feels for Edwin with his typical: actions. And how does this occur? With Charles' putting his hand over Edwin's as they are dragged by Teethface. It doesn't matter if the feelings being presented are or aren't exactly the same, it's still love. It's part of their dance. Edwin's perspective has been spoken, and then it's time for Charles' perspective to be acted on, and both times it means that they love each other.

Edwin's relationship with expressing want is also tied into his changing of clothes in ep6. One of the first things we are told about Edwin is that he "-[doesn't] like to try new things", but we see him in ep6 trying something new for Charles. This is Edwin, unable to express how he feels quite yet, but acting on something new.

Hell is really where the boys' relationship with action and movement turns almost entirely on it's head, because Edwin is Back In Hell so he can't really be the words or actions character, which leaves it for Charles to be both; which we've seen mess up in the past, but it works in Hell.

Charles gets to Hell fine, (he acts on ringing that bell impulsively because why not), he finds Edwin, he tells him they will get out, and then he is able to leave again! In the entirety of Hell Charles is able to go back and forth between a physical and verbal response character like he hasn't previously.

This then ties into our favourite myth of Orpheus and Eurydice.. and media illiteracy. The audience and Edwin know how the myth ends "-That story ends tragically.". That's the point of the myth, it's a tragedy. But Edwin (brains, words, verbal) finished the story and cannot choose their own ending. He's stuck with the understanding that the story never ends well, but he still acts on it.

In this story, Eurydice physically forces Orpheus to look, with the understanding that it could still end tragically.

Edwin forces Charles' to turn back to him and he finally finally acts on what he has been feeling to say "Charles, I'm in love with you", knowing it's a tragedy.

But Charles (brawn, actions, physical) did not finish the ending and therefore has the agency to change it. But he changes it with words. He turns around and he says "You're the most important person in the world to me" and he says "We have literally forever to figure it out".

Edwin and Charles, despite living in their unconscious dance roles of 'brain' and 'brawn', respectively, for 3 decades, swap their roles for the first time successfully in the show when Edwin takes a leap to act on his feelings and Charles responds with nothing but kind words and the reminder that their story doesn't have to be a tragedy, and they do this all on the steps of literal Hell because what wouldn't they do for each other.

[buddieism]

tommy's character, bucktommy's inherent flaws, tommy & eddie as mirrors and buddie endgame; a (lengthy) meta analysis

honestly, what's really confirmed my feelings about tommy (and the imminent bucktommy bones -> buddie pipeline) is that there have now been multiple opportunities for the writers to actually make tommy a likeable/serious love interest for buck and they just…haven’t. because while fans are naturally going to overanalyse every little thing, the vast majority of the show's audience are regular viewers who consume the show at face value and don't think twice about it -- so if tommy was intended to be buck's endgame or anything remotely close to it, they'd absolutely want to make the most of his (very limited) screen time to present him in the best light they could. think about karen, the only non-main LI, and how she was introduced to us -- despite hen's cheating, we can see how dedicated karen and hen are to each other and how karen is a complex character in her own right who is immediately easy to root for and love.

comparatively, when we look at tommy's s7 appearances and specifically his interactions with buck, it becomes abundantly clear that there isn't really much depth to their relationship at all. which is fine! it's just... you know. fine. let's get into it.

following the cruise arc, we watch tommy through buck's eyes in 7x04 where he's basically wining and dining eddie -- flying him to vegas, getting them front row tickets to a fight, sparring with him in muay thai, playing pick up basketball with him -- tommy and eddie are so similar (which we'll come back to later), and we even get that line from eddie about how well they "click." as the audience, we are being subconsciously told to align tommy and eddie together -- and furthermore, we are told that tommy can easily make grand gestures when he wants to. now let's compare that to the bucktommy moments of the season.

bucktommy's first date: tommy makes a shady comment that would have outed buck if eddie or marisol caught onto it and then proceeds to abandon him on the sidewalk because he thinks buck isn't "ready" for a relationship with a man

i'll be objective here -- i understand in a show like 911 there's always going to be "unnecessary" relationship conflict for the sake of drama and i can also see how buck trying to play off their date as platonic to eddie might have put a bad taste in tommy's mouth. but we hear from tommy himself that he struggled with being open about his sexuality when he was at the 118 so he could have absolutely extended some sympathy towards buck for not wanting to come out on the spot to his best friend -- especially when tommy fully knows how important of a role eddie plays in buck's life. at the very least, he didn't have to leave buck alone on the curb. this isn't me trying to woobify buck because yeah, he's a grown man, he's fine -- but that doesn't mean it still isn't a bit of an asshole move.

the bachelor party: tommy doesn't dress up for the theme and dismisses buck when he's clearly disappointed about him doing so

tommy showing zero interest for the bachelor party buck planned is practically the writers waving a massive red flag in front of the camera -- him having to leave because he's on call is an understandable 'conflict' plot point but why not have him show up in an 80s themed outfit? it wouldn't have changed anything except that he and buck would have had a positive interaction; buck would have been happy that tommy cared enough to make that small gesture and it could have been a cute way to establish their relationship as one built on mutual effort. (btw, the bucktommy hospital kiss could be seen as a big gesture, sure -- but from a more practical viewpoint knowing how rushed this season had to be, it was also just an easy way for buck to "come out" to the rest of the 118 without having to spend too much episode airtime on it.)

the medal ceremony: tommy says 'enjoy it while it lasts' (which, LOL) and also is not shown reacting to buck receiving his medal. he also has a conversation with henren in a deleted scene.

again, i'm going to try to give tommy the benefit of the doubt -- i'm not saying he has to be sunshine and rainbows all the time and i have no issue with a character having a snarky/sarcastic side. but when his screentime is so minimal, every line of dialogue matters. and it's pretty damning that the writers aren't taking those few chances to give us something to appreciate about him. with buck, tommy makes a dismissive comment for literally zero reason, and with hen and karen, who are rightfully looking out for their friend, tommy refuses to take them seriously at all.

bucktommy's dinner in the finale: buck displays some vulnerability about losing bobby, and tommy... really doesn't seem to care.

honestly i refuse to rewatch this part of the ep because it really icks me out on another level but iirc: buck says he's glad bobby's okay because bobby is like the father he never had -> tommy says "your father's alive" -> something something joke about daddy issues. ignoring #that joke entirely, it's really insane to me that they have tommy even acknowledge the nuclear bomb that is buck's relationship with his parents. yes, we had a bit of a ham-fisted 'redemption arc' in s6 but that doesn't negate the buckley parents being absolutely heinous and the fact that buck verbalises how bobby played the role of the father figure because philip didn't -- all for tommy to basically deny that to his face -- is absurd. tommy has expressed on multiple occasions that he's jealous of the 118 family bond, so this line is just... very interesting to me.

now, let's recap all these events and bring eddie back into the mix!

post-bucktommy's first date, buck is more torn up about the fact that he lied to eddie than the actual date to the point that he has to vent to maddie about it. he then comes out to eddie, who is incredibly supportive (and oliver and ryan make some very curious acting choices indeed). eddie is reiterated as one of buck's most significant relationships.

pre-bachelor party, eddie is the one to suggest he and buck dress in matching (queer-coded) costumes. he then stays by buck's side at the party when everyone else leaves and although we'll never get to see it (tim minear i'm inside your walls👹), they sing an absurdly romantic karaoke song together. eddie is reiterated as one of buck's most significant relationships.

during the medal ceremony, when the camera pans to each member of the 118's love interest/family, it is eddie we are shown smiling at buck, not tommy. this is especially interesting considering we get buck reacting to tommy. i honestly can't get over how a reciprocated tommy reaction would have been an easy yet significant moment to cement bucktommy as a relationship, but they gave us eddie's instead (with chris in the background and marisol conveniently obscured, mind you). eddie is reiterated as one of buck's most significant relationships.

in the final episode, when eddie is experiencing his personal worst nightmare, buck is the one at eddie's side every step of the way. buck talks to christopher, buck reassures eddie (without judgement), and it's made clear that buck will be there for eddie, whatever he needs.

at every possible opportunity, we the audience are being implicitly told that eddie is buck's person. he is his place of support (buck having his more vulnerable coming out scene with eddie rather than his sister); he has buck's back (the bachelor party); he is his family (medal ceremony reaction), and ultimately, this goes both ways (finale).

some other things worth noting: when buck has his coming out scene with maddie, she tells him he's confused about his feelings in a way that seems to indicate she's talking about his feelings towards eddie ("if you there's something you need to tell eddie, you will"). in bobby's conversation with buck in the firehouse, he's verbally supportive of tommy and even asks if buck is going to see him, but buck goes to eddie's house instead. these were deliberate choices made by the writers; eddie has been consistently intertwined in bucktommy's relationship both overtly and subtextually throughout the entirety of s7. and let's not even get into the whole 'evan' thing, because that could be a whole other post in itself.

from the first moment we start to learn about tommy's character (beyond his... coloured past), we find out that he and eddie are practically mirrors. why not make tommy and buck share similar interests? why not give them something to bond over? why present tommy and eddie as almost identical in every way? because tommy is a placeholder for eddie. buck's initial bisexuality journey can't happen with eddie when eddie still hasn't come to terms with his own feelings. so, in the meantime, tommy is the "safe" choice in buck's mind because buck has nothing to lose with tommy whereas he's got everything to lose with eddie. buck can't confront what he truly wants yet because the risk factor is far greater and it's been repeatedly asserted that buck has an issue with people in his life leaving -- he would never do anything to jeopardise his relationship with eddie.

but ultimately (and in my opinion, fairly soon), we are going to get that moment where it "clicks" for buck and he realises that it is eddie he has feelings for. and when that happens, there's basically only one way it can go. we know buck can't keep secrets from eddie; we know eddie is going into s8 feeling "isolated"; we know tim loves making his characters suffer before they can be happy. in my mind, the narrative is going to go something like this: buck feelings realisation -> pining buck era -> eddie healing journey and a reevaluation of what buck means to him -> some insane life-threatening situation that really doubles down on how buck and eddie care more about each other than anyone else because it is 9-1-1 at the end of the day -> love confession induced by their dramatic near-death experience -> #BUDDIE_CANON !

when we factor in how there was a possibility of eddie having the sexuality arc this season instead, how tim has said buddie is one of his favourite dynamics of the show, and how supportive both oliver and ryan are of the ship, i really can't see how everything isn't building to buddie endgame. every other main pairing of the show has had seasons of development, of conflict, of bonding moments. buck and eddie have gone through that with each other time and time over (tsunami/lawsuit/shooting arc etc), which is why every other random love interest that's introduced for either of them falls flat in comparison. they quite literally are exactly what the other person needs; buck wants the stability of a home, a family, and unconditional love; eddie wants someone he can trust, a caretaker for his son but also a partner. buddie is the ship the audience wants to root for, because we know they work! now that we have canonically bisexual buck and eddie finally having to face his complicated feelings about losing shannon, buddie isn't just the logical conclusion -- it's the inevitable one.

[shsl-hubris-guy]

In-Depth Character Analysis On All The DR Characters Because What, Are You Gonna Try And Stop Me? Who Are You, My Mom? Yeah, I Didn't Think So- Part 1: Kiyotaka Ishimaru

Yes, I'm aware the title is ungodly long, it's called comedy. Behold, a series inspired by my overwhelming hubris! Despite my better judgement, I love this series and (almost) every single one of its characters, so I decided to do this little series of posts on the side, just cuz!

So part 1 of like, 88 I think?, going through the characters from THH, DR 0, SDR2, UDG, DR3, and DRV3 with as much objectivity as possible, analyzing their character using only canon material from the games/anime/novel/canon adaptation they're present in. So sit back and enjoy while I go feral! Or just scroll, if you aren't interested. Whatever works for you.

Part 1- Character Design

Kiyotaka Ishimaru is depicted as a very aggressive honors student, and is shown as such through his very expressive facial features and his choice of clothing. He has large eyebrows and big eyes, and is given a uniform meant to make him look more like a soldier, reflecting his rigid dedication to the rules and his ethics. This uniform also includes an armband meant to signify his authority within the class as Hall Monitor and as the unofficial class rep. His sprites are very animated, with big gestures using his arm(s) and his mouth often wide open, whether in a wide smile or while yelling. This makes him one of the more expressive characters in THH specifically, as most of those characters are pretty restrained on a day-to-day basis and only become more exaggerated when put under high levels of stress.

Something interesting about Taka is that his talent changes from the original Japanese to the English translation. His official talent is the SHSL Public Morals Committee Member, meaning his original talent was that of discipline and social order. This was translated to Ultimate Moral Compass in English, as most western schools don't have a Public Morals Committee. This change in translation unintentionally shifted the perception of his talent from discipline to morality. This change in distinction has had a bit of a negative impact on the Western perception of his character, as rather than appearing to impose order on the other students, it instead appears at the beginning as though we, the audience, are supposed to view him as a beacon of morality. We're not.

Part 2- Character Introduction

Taka is one of the first characters to actually speak to Makoto directly, berating him for being late on the first day of school, despite the fact that he and everyone else had experienced a strange warping of memory. He also goes on to interrupt your first conversation with Sayaka, stating that their time is being wasted by 'ridiculous back-and-forth'. Despite this, when it's his turn to introduce himself to Makoto, he goes off on a tangent about how cool Makoto's name is. He's described by Makoto as a 'flawless honors student' and is most publicly known for his work on his local Public Morals Committee. He believes in putting 'every ounce of effort' into living, and imposes this belief on those he interacts with, something Makoto finds irritating(This guy is... kind annoying.").

So in short, Taka's first impression on the player is that he's a mildly obsessive honors kid, and a bit of a hypocrite that isn't fully aware of his own presence or the effect it has on the rest of the cast. The game goes on to use this lack of social awareness as a source of comedy, as he takes Monokuma's initial greeting as Headmaster fully at face value. He struggles to grasp the concept of the killing game at first, opening the discussion upon Monokuma's departure from the welcome ceremony with dialogue that sounds like it was pulled from a customer feedback survey("So guys, how would you define what we just experienced?"). He's not a malicious or hateful figure; he wants to work with the class but isn't quite sure how to.

Part 3- Early-Game Events

The game spends the early-game establishing Taka's more negative traits. He's shown to be inobservant and wrapped up in his own ideals and need to command authority to even notice Kyoko is missing and, upon being informed of her disappearance, cares more about her punctuality than her safety. "Not only is she late, she didn't tell anyone she would be late! A most unbecoming personality trait..."

He's also established as hypocritical once again, and a bit egotistical, as he has trouble fathoming the others' lack of discoveries but overinflates the importance of his own.

He then goes on to agree to Celeste's suggested nighttime rule for all the boys in the class, without letting them speak for themselves. While ultimately, no one has a problem with the rule, this is the first real instance of him doing something that, on paper, is beneficial to the group, but without considering how the others actually feel about it.

Taka doesn't show up in-story again until the day of the motive, when he goes around to the entire class demanding that they will now all have breakfast together every morning after the morning announcement. Although this is a good idea, allowing for everyone to bond and creating a morning headcount, he makes this decision for the entirety of the group. Leon and Makoto both complain about this if you speak to Leon outside the cafeteria, but ultimately go along with it because they don't want Taka to continue bugging them about it. So we can see that his efforts are perceived negatively by his classmates and go unappreciated.

Already we've seen Taka act overbearing and commanding over and over, inadvertently separating himself from the majority of his peers. He's direct and to the point, forming the breakfast meetings expressly to 'become friends and build trust' with the rest of the class. So we can see in no uncertain terms that he wants to befriend his classmates, but that his lack of social skills leads him to fail at every turn. He doesn't ask the class to join him for breakfast, he tells them. The strategy he employs doesn't leave room for choice, and ends up building resentment from his classmates.

It's not until the first body is discovered and the rules of the class trial are revealed that reality fully seems to set in for Taka. He, along with everyone else, are given the rules of a game they don't really want to play- that should they fail in the trial, all of them will be killed. And it sends Taka to a breakthrough- that some regulations can be harmful to those they're imposed upon.

There's now a shift in his actions- he's still trying to push for the class to follow the rules he's set, yes, but there's a newfound urgency to them. When Byakuya disappears in chapter 2, his concern has shifted from punctuality to his classmate's safety. He's the one to lead the search for Byakuya when he doesn't answer. Despite all his harshness, we can see that his strictness now comes from a place of genuine concern for the people around him, a direct parallel to earlier in the game when Kyoko went missing- "I'd like to think so. But I'm worried something might have happened to him."

This growth of character, though not focused on, is undoubtedly present. The dedication he has to his discipline and his ego are still fully intact, but now that dedication has moved beyond just order. It's an act of protection, for him and everyone else. The invisible threat of death has become all too visible with Sayaka's absence from their last breakfast meeting. If he can keep track of everyone, then he'll know they're still alive. He can prevent another murder. It imposes upon him the responsibility of the leadership he craves.

Part 4- Relationship(s)

Unincluding if the player actively seeks him out through FTEs, Taka only ever develops a real relationship with one character of the other fourteen in-game, though he does have some important dynamics with others. We'll continue moving in chronological order.

4.1- Ishimondo (these bitches gay?)

Throughout the game, whenever Taka is saying or doing something stupid, Mondo is typically the one to call him out on it or shut him down. While this doesn't start to take real shape until chapter 2, it is visible here and there in the early game.

But their connection doesn't really start to take focus until chapter 2, as Taka's failings as leader and Mondo's constant correcting him puts them at odds. Mondo's attitude is the antithesis of Taka's, living a life of complete risk and impulsiveness, yet has a matching level of energy, and despite being more intimidating on a surface level, he's able to actually befriend characters like Chihiro, Hina, and Sakura, while Taka's left on the out. One of the best examples of this is found not in the game, but in the stageplay adaptation, where both characters attempt to help Chihiro feel better about her weakness in the daily life segment.

When Byakuya starts mocking Chihiro for her fear, Mondo threatens him, and insists that Chihiro's weakness doesn't matter because she's a woman. But when this makes her upset and Sakuraoi call him out on it, he offers to help Chihiro train as an apology, acknowledging that his behavior was irrational. But when Taka tries to give her advice by telling her not to be weak anymore and is told to be reasonable, he can only insist that Mondo's words don't matter anyway.

In the game itself, Taka's barely present for this exchange, as it chooses instead to focus on Chimondo's relationship. Regardless, the animosity between Mondo and Taka is still made very clear in-game.

Mondo and Taka are both demonstrating the desire to protect their classmates here, but in different ways. Taka is the more logical of the two, focusing on keeping track of resources and devising a system of check for everyone to keep watch over each other in the breakfast promise. Mondo, meanwhile, wants to push the importance of actually getting everyone the fuck out of there. While their endgoal is the same, they disagree on how to go about it, and both their stubbornness drives them to butt heads as time continues to pass, leading to the sauna scene.

After being slowly built up in the background, Ishimondo's mutual anger finally comes to a head, with both not understanding the position that the other is in. Taka still believes Mondo's value to be what he provides to society, and as a biker gang leader, that's not much to a man that lives by lawful discipline. Meanwhile, Mondo can only see Taka as an egomaniac with a stick up his ass and doesn't know the background to why(and neither does the player without actively seeking out his FTEs). They each follow a different code of ethics, and view themself as the protector of the class, leading them to see each other as rivals. Yet, despite that, both of them still share their core value of total dedication, and so when finding a way to prove themself the better man, they end up with an endurance competition. For Taka, this reflects his belief that men connect by baring their souls, and do so by baring their bodies(something only learned in-game by approaching him for FTEs).

(This also leads to the implication that, while Mondo insisted on entering the sauna with all his clothes on, at some point, he was, in fact, naked while with Taka that night.)

The information as to what happened in that sauna is intentionally left unanswered, remaining fully private between both men in-game. The only thing either of them will say is that a brotherhood was formed between them, and that who won their initial contest no longer matters. Finally, Taka has found someone. Someone he can confide in and lean on, someone who'll support him and that he can support in turn("And if you can't do it alone, just find someone to support you, and you can support them back! That's how you can overcome any storm!" -Taka ch 1).

And then Chihiro's case happens.

At first, when the motives are introduced, Taka is one of the few to vocally insist no murder will take place. He has newfound confidence in the willpower of his classmates, and puts faith into everyone else for the first and only time. Even when presented with his own unknown secret, he finds it ridiculous that anyone would kill over the embarrassing memories and secrets. It's here that we truly see the highest high of this character- when he comes up with the idea to share secrets. When he presents this idea, he moves forward as usual, preparing to be the first one to reveal their secret and take the pressure off. But when his classmates insist they can't (Toko & Celeste) he doesn't keep chugging along, and he doesn't completely shut down, either. He looks around at his classmates, and he asks Chihiro. He actually steps back and asks for someone else's opinion.

And when she isn't yet comfortable, he backs off. He respect her wishes, and he stands with the class, ready to help them face their secrets the following day. Finding a friend in Mondo has softened his rigid exterior a little bit, enough to actually consider the opinions of the others. He's gotten comfortable. All that comes crashing down with the discovery of Chihiro's body the next morning. After finally taking a step back and letting his classmates- his friends- make their own choices, it directly leads to the murder of one of them("Dammit! I'm sorry, Chihiro... It's all because I wasn't strong enough!").

Taka fully blames himself for allowing Chihiro to be murdered, and as the guilt of failure starts to set in on him, he looks to his ethics and order to solve it. Chihiro may be dead, but the murderer will be condemned through the class trial("Justice always prevails! Right, bro!?"). A solution, a path forward, still exists for him. He still has Mondo by his side, and he and the rest of the class can surely prevent this from happening again, right?

The trial only validates him at first, revealing the existence of a serial killer among the group, someone so clearly immoral for her killing obsession. But it's not her. Why isn't it her? "Could such a heinous villain really be innocent!?" But his confusion is quickly stamped out- of course, it's Byakuya, the guy that's been threatening everyone and refusing to cooperate, the guy that has no regard for the rest of their classmates. "He kept calling this a game, right? So he'd totally be willing to do whatever it takes to 'win'!" But no, wrong again- he didn't know that the murder was in the boys' locker room, and was taken aback by Chihiro being AMAB. It should be him, someone so clearly antagonistic, that's how it's supposed to go, right?? But no, it's wrong! Why? And, who could kill someone like Chihiro at their most vulnerable?

He's failed. Taka's failed in every way conceivable. Mondo, the first person he's ever truly felt connected to, a murderer? Chihiro's murderer? That can't be it. Even long after Mondo's stopped arguing, Taka continues to push back against Makoto and Kyoko's accusations. It's a coincidence, that's not actually proof, anything to get them to stop, to save his brother, to save himself from the reality he's about to have to face. When sent into the BTB, it's Taka we fight in his despair, not Mondo. Until the very end, Taka won't acknowledge it. He can't. He can't bring himself to vote his Mondo a murderer, a killer. How could the man who gave him the chance no one else would, ever be so cruel? "I- I refuse to believe it... There's no way... no way he would kill someone! Why!? Why why why why why!? WHYYY!? Why did you do it!?"

He learns the truth of Mondo's story alongside the rest of the class, unable to process it all. It makes no sense. They were friends who trusted each other, who helped each other. And what about the man's promise? Doesn't that count for anything!? This doesn't sound right. This isn't Mondo, not his Mondo, not the man from the sauna. How could he have been so wrong about him?! It just can't be, but it is; the truth is but a slap to the face.

He was wrong. He stood by Chihiro's killer and defended him. He let his brother become the monster he saw himself as. He didn't stop it when he could have. He was blinded by his own beliefs, and as he watches Mondo's death, his spirit dies with him, the game cutting out all music as Taka screams, filling a deafening silence. "As Taka's sad screams invaded our skulls, we were each forced to realize once again..."

4.2- Kiyondo Ishida

Taka enters chapter 3 as a hollowed out shell of himself. He's gone near comatose, staring at nothing and saying nothing. He won't eat, won't speak, won't sleep, and although there are a couple weak attempts to get him back in action from Hiro("It's times like this where the committee chairman needs to get things going with a BANG!"), he's mostly left to grieve by himself, as the rest of cast is more concerned with the expanded school than the bossy guy they didn't like that much.

Monokuma even goes out of his way to torture Taka, to punish him for his grief, lying about the existence of a time machine just to fuck with his head and give him false hope, sending him further into despair- "Hmm... You sound disappointed. But actually, I was lying about the whole thing anyway. There's no such thing as time machines!" He's forced to become Monokuma's most successful project from the class, completely and utterly destroyed.

When he learns of Alter Ego, something in his head clicks. He can still talk to Chihiro. He can repent. He can apologize directly to him. So, with Makoto's help, he's brought to the laptop. His guilt finishes totally consuming him as he asks: "Do you... hate Mondo? And since I couldn't stop him... do you hate me?" His own self-hatred stemming from his failure is projected onto Alter Ego in one last attempt to come to terms with what's happened. The response he receives, unfortunately, is the culmination of all the toxic and unhealthy ideas of manhood the other boys carried with them via an attempted simulation of Mondo.

"You're not letting yourself get crushed under the weight of that responsibility, are you!? A man's only worth as much as the load he can carry! You get it, right bro!? Hell, what am I saying? Of course ya do!"

"So you're just gonna stand there, huh? Just wait for things to get better? Just take your time and get all depressed... Take the time to indulge your regrets... You might even start walking again without realizing it. Sure, that kind of mediocre thing might work for some people."

This speech, while attempting to inspire Taka to keep living for Chihiro's and Mondo's sakes, encapsulates the desperate need to be perceived as strong and untouchable that Mondo himself carried, and that Chihiro admired so much. It sinks its way into Taka, convincing him that the way to respond to his guilt is simple- pretend it isn't there! Mondo has clearly returned to him, and he's never letting him go ever again. He fully deludes himself, and he's fused with this idealized version of his bro. He permanently ties himself to Mondo's memory, and goes from the SHSL Public Morals Committee Member to something else entirely- Kiyondo Ishida, the unholy mixture of both men.

This revelation also leads him to an obsession with Alter Ego, viewing it as the vessel in which his bro was returned to him. He views it as another chance to protect his bro from ever being hurt again, as some divine second-chance he's been granted. All desire to be around the rest of his class is gone, replaced with this obsession. He's put at odds with Hifumi, who's also connected with the AI, and separates himself from the group that much more. When Alter Ego disappears, he can't handle it. He panics. He won't let his bro die, not again. And so he dooms himself, refusing to let go of the shadows of the past enough to see his own death looming before him, and he's killed in the early hours of the morning, led by desperation to his demise. And even so, the class can only worry about the semantics of when he died, barely mourning him.

5- Isolation (What's the point of this guy, anyway?)

Rather than learning from the mistakes both Chihiro and Mondo made by subscribing to the societal expectations of what makes a man, Taka ends up doubling down, burning away the optimism and more reasonable logic Taka used to have. Taka's story is that of a doomed fate to become the symbol of manhood and its self-destructing nature, leeching off of his first and only friend's unhealthy behaviors and sending him spiraling. And it's allowed to happen because of his social isolation.

From the very beginning of the game, Taka is singled out as annoying to be around. He's put in a negative light and viewed as unpleasant to spend time with. Every attempt to befriend or connect with a classmate is written off as a nuisance, a hindrance. Taka doesn't know how to make friends. He doesn't know how to do anything besides follow the rules and regulations he's been taught. He sticks to his regimen, because it's comfortable, and doesn't understand why others can't conform in the way that he does. He's very thoroughly isolated mentally and emotionally from his classmates at every turn, to the point where even in the very first trial he's standing with no one but the dead by his side(as Sayaka and "Junko" were positioned on either side of his podium).

All this is done with the deliberate intention to showcase his solitude, and more importantly, the loneliness that comes from it. It's to the point that when he finally does make a friend, he thoroughly idealizes him in his subconscious, coming to view him as some perfect person who'd even support him. It's inherently contradictory from his established beliefs going into the game, that a delinquent could be kind, but he accepts it wholeheartedly. He gets to know Mondo on some deeper level while in that sauna, and it's enough to rapidly develop a massive codependency on him. So when Mondo self-destructs and dies, so too does Taka.

Taka's purpose as a character is to suffer. He wraps himself in his moral beliefs, remaining steadfast in what he views as right and wrong, making judgement calls he's 100% sure of, and when they're challenged/disproven, he's thrown wholly out of whack. He exists to serve a purpose- what would've happened if Makoto didn't accept the truth about Sayaka? What happens when you let your idealism blind you to the truth? What happens when you blind yourself to the reality of the people around you, of the darkness in the people you care about? You self-destruct. He's tossed aside, killed as an accessory to the plot of someone who does nothing but manipulate the truth. He dies, and that's just it. His story is cut short; he doesn't get to heal or grow or come to terms with the truth. Such is the fate of the failed.

6- Afterword

...I didn't even touch his FTEs for this. Holy shit.

I'm gonna be honest, as much as I love Taka, I never expected this post would become as long as it did, or that I'd uncover such a dark fucking reason for why he gets as totally fucked over as he does. Don't get me wrong, I still really wish he'd lived and gotten to grow after this, but maybe his death was more well-written than I used to think. Good god.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

So was rewatching Othertale: Before the Hack (part 1) a few days ago and posting about it, which you can find here, and i was taking notes as i did.

You can also find the link to my analysis of the [caring] animation here, and my analysis of the [experiment] animation here and here.

And happy 9th birthday to both Othertale, and Color Sans!

“Undyne, or Ivory, comes from an AU called Othertale. She can play piano and has a nice sense of music, but can’t sing. She’s much weaker than her Undertale counterpart.

In this AU, Sans never existed (aside from a mysterious sock in the house that Undyne and Papyrus eventually move in to.)

And instead, Undyne—an orphaned street kid blind in one eye with her red hair in a braid—starts looking after an even younger orphaned kid named Papyrus from bullies and thieves. Before eventually, the two decide to stick together as siblings.

Due to being more focused on looking after and raising Papyrus, Undyne does not have any goals to join the Royal Guard or free the Underground or capture any humans.

She cares more about her little brother than anything, and even uses piano skills to eventually become something of a celebrity for the Underground while Papyrus goes on to become a math teacher.

Othertale Undyne grows up in a universe where Sans doesn’t exist, Papyrus is her younger adoptive brother, and she had to work to keep herself and her brother alive.

Using her skills in piano playing to perform concerts, she earns enough to get herself and her brother off the streets.

She seems to take this very seriously, such as being nervous and not sleeping, staying up all night practicing. Especially since she’s become so well know that even King Asgore and Gerson Head of the Royal Guard would be there.

Neither she nor Papyrus have plans to join the Royal Guard, so Gerson is still the captain of the Royal Guard.

Neither Papyrus nor Undyne have any official training, although Undyne and the Royal Scientist Alphys are still love interests—with Alpyhs being Papyrus’ Undernet friend, and appearing to have a celebrity crush on Undyne—even giving her a gift for her big concert.

Because the six human souls also don’t exist in Othertale, breaking the barrier isn’t possible. Mettaton operates more like a living weapon than a star, and the amalgamates don’t exist either. Although Flowey still does.

In the present day of Othertale, many monsters have mysteriously been going missing; with the King himself having to speak on the issue.

It is unclear if Undyne is any concerned about this, given how she readily goes on walks alone with Alphys and was eager to explore an abandoned sentry station that showed up out of nowhere when she heard someone calling her name from it.

One day, however, Undyne is lured into the Void through a sentry station; she hears someone calling her name but no one else can hear it. She decides to immediately go exploring because she wants to have fun. She is rather pushy when Alphys is too scared to go in and explore, but ultimately doesn’t force the other woman to go in.

But inside she is confronted by Gaster and Sans/Color!Sans. She doesn’t understand what’s going on, but is knocked out by a magic fueled punch by Color that transfers some of Color’s “soul power” into her, which opened Undyne’s “blind eye.”

Ivory is not afraid to defend herself; not hesitant at all to summon one of her spears and point it at Gaster when he advances on her, warning him to stay back or else she will hurt him. Although she only does this when he attempts to make a move towards her.

She seems very very nervous about her concert, and she doesn’t seem to have been ready for the level of attention and popularity her skills brought her.

Due to her magic eye that Color unlocked, she seems able to immediately tell if there’s danger nearby; like a warning, perhaps from Color himself. She seems to trust her instincts a lot, immediately ditching her big concert and audience to follow her gut and run straight into danger.

When she finds Alphys injured, she’s furious and fiercely protective; demanding to know who did it in a low growling tone.

Once making sure Alphys is okay, her immediate concern after is her brother and his safety. But rather than immediately running off and abandoning Alphys, she expresses this to her—and after getting reassurance that the other woman is okay and understands, she gives Alphys a tight hug before running off after Papyrus.

As soon as she finds and protects Papyrus, she orders her brother to run and get help while she fights off against the other monster attacking him on her own.

She’s able to shortcut a lot like Sans is able to now. Her eye glows like Sans’ did, only yellow this time. Her fish ears/gills pin back when she’s scared.

When she gains her second form, her hair is chopped off to what appears to be about ear length. Her spears are stronger and longer, and she has her own Gaster Blasters.

She dresses like an Underfell Undyne in this form—and she wears a heart shaped golden necklace with the letter “f” on it.

We don’t know where she got it, what it means, who it came from—but it was said to be a gift from someone.”

^ the images I am referring to. (All art by superyoumna.)

This part is in reference to the [experiment] short, and the brother & sister comic.

Before Gaster jumped into the Core and Sans was forgotten in the Void to create Othertale, back when the universe was still Undertale—this universe seems to subscribe to the idea that both Sans and Undyne’s magical eyes were due to experiments by Dr. Gaster.

Sans says that Dr. Gaster made a mistake when giving him his eye, that it made Sans’ body extremely unstable and fragile—and possibly more, although Sans doesn’t seem to hold it against Gaster even when Gaster holds it against himself.

Sans reassures Undyne that Gaster won’t make that same mistake with her, but when the experiment finally works and Undyne is able to see from her fake eye, Gaster immediately tells Sans to remove the soul energy or it would damage Undyne’s body.

Undyne during this flashback seems to be around 5, while Papyrus is at most 1-2, and Sans seems to be in his late teens to early 20s. When Sans is pulled into the Void and the world is rewritten to forget Sans and make Othertale, Ivory’s eye is blind again and later needs to be reactivated by Color transferring his soul energy back to her.

All a part of Color and Shade’s plan to empower Ivory with knowledge and power so she can fight against the impending threat, since Color and Shade cannot leave the Void without the risk of dying.

Despite how Ivory and Shade’s meeting in Othertale’s Void is confronting and wary, in the past, child Undyne seemed to find comfort in Gaster and trusted him a lot—such as wanting him to share in her happiness, being worried about him when he leaves in frustration, and saying that the lab is spooky without him around.

As a child after Sans is forgotten, however, it appears little Ivory met little Sage sometime after an event just referred to as “the explosion.” And ever since then, Sage only ever sought Ivory out whenever the other children would steal from and bully him—and Ivory would beat up the bullies for him and get his stuff back.

One day, while searching for a rubix cube in the garbage dumps, a frantic and crying Sage runs up to Ivory to tell her that the others kids stole his toy car.

Ivory notes that he only ever comes to her when he needs protection. Sage immediately apologizes for this, but Ivory quickly corrects herself as that wasn’t what she meant—this is the moment where Ivory proposes that Sage stick with her instead of surviving on his own.

Sage is reluctant to accept because even though they are friends, they are still strangers. In answer to this, Ivory gives Sage her rubix cube and loudly states that they are neither friends nor strangers—instead they are siblings.

Sage immediately gets excited by this idea, and the two proudly and loudly declare that they are siblings—and Sage promises to always look up to her and support her as his big sister and as the “great Papyrus!”

[geekynotfreaky]

The Front Man's Worldview

I posted this Front Man analysis on Reddit the other day and it didn't get much traction, so I thought I'd post it here too!

Squid Game Season 2 spoilers below the cut.

(And yes, proper capitalization, because this shit's serious!)

While watching season 2, I had the basis for the rivalry between Gi-hun and the Front Man simplified into the following: the Front Man believes in peoples' inherent flaws, whereas Gi-hun believes in peoples' inherent capacity for good. But there's a lot more to it than that!

This article recently got me thinking about how interesting In-ho's worldview is: https://variety.com/2024/tv/news/squid-game-season-2-lee-jung-jae-lee-byung-hun-spoiler-breakdown-1236258362/.

"In-ho is a character that no longer has belief or hope in the outside world. So it’s almost like he has nowhere to go, because that is not really a world that he feels like he’s a part of anymore."

The Front Man has no hope in the world and feels almost completely disconnected from it. So he clings to the games because the world outside is dire and beyond saving, and the world of the games just makes more sense to him than the world outside. This explains his spiel about fairness and equality in season 1. Under this perspective, it’s true everyone who plays the games is given one last chance to "fight fair and win." Because there is zero hope for them in the outside world, whereas the world of the games is a world of opportunity.

Granted, the rules of the game are not entirely fair OR just, but it's a system that makes more sense than the world outside of it. Knowing the Front Man's backstory as In-ho, you might say the real world disappointed him so much he had to become the leader of his own world.

"In the process of these really grueling and violent games, his feelings faded. Feelings of hope and joy are long gone in the In-ho you meet in Season 2."

Similar to Gi-hun (and they do seem to be foils of one another), the trauma of playing through the games and winning contributed to his shattered worldview. Notably, though not discussed in the article, they both also lost someone close to them despite winning the games (for Gi-hun, his mother; for In-ho, his wife and unborn child).

In-ho is so cold-hearted and impassive as we know him in the present day...he has no joy, no hope. He is what Gi-hun has the potential to become. Throughout season 2, when he’s not putting on that act as Young-il, he's often staring into space with a sort of deadness in his eyes. There’s zero warmth there, and the betrayal in the end serves to remind the audience of that. And yet!

"You do find him almost momentarily enjoying the situation. And I think this is just a very small glimpse of his past self.”

...there are moments where he DOES seem to be genuinely enjoying himself, like during the relay race. And as the article explains it, these moments are like little, miniscule glimpses of his past self. So when he's having a laugh throwing that spinning top incorrectly (three whole times with his non-dominant hand, just for fun), is that something the In-ho of the past would’ve enjoyed? Playing a little joke without the others knowing? How much of that tiny light in his eye is just a remnant of something that has long since faded?

The fact Lee Byung-hun paid such deliberate attention to the details of his character really makes season 2 all the more interesting to watch! Every scene with him in it is captivating because you’re almost forced to scrutinize every aspect of his behavior in order to figure out who he is at that moment: is he the cold and cunning Front Man, the supposedly innocent Young-il, or his true self Hwang In-ho? And that's what makes him my favorite character!

[kradogsrats]

I've been kind of hesitant to voice this analysis/theory because honestly even I find it hella depressing, but... here goes.

At the end of s6e5: "Moonless Night," we have this kind of cryptic sequence with Viren:

Now, this isn't exactly subtle. It starts with a callback to Aaravos's "the human mage, already tainted by darkness and destined to play right into my hands," line (and a nice Callum > fake pearl > real pearl > Viren cut sequence) and ends with the kind of spider-and-fly imagery you bust out when you want the audience to really get the point. This sequence tells us in no uncertain terms, Aaravos will inevitably use Viren again... at least one more time.

I say it's cryptic because the eventual payoff is a lot more subtle, particularly since everything escalates so rapidly and is actually presented as a crazy, unexpected twist. Basically, there's no follow-up until s6e8: "We All Fall Down," where we have a highly specific series of events:

Sol Regem, under Phaaravos's direction, attacks Katolis

Viren decides to make the sacrifice of both doing dark magic again and losing his own life to protect the people from Sol Regem's fire

Viren successfully casts the spell and the people are protected

Phaaravos does this:

Once Viren has cast the spell (and is probably dying), Aaravos is pleased and ends Sol Regem's attack.

Aaravos needs three things to free himself: the pearl, the staff, and a sympathetic mage. He can't just possess Callum and free himself at the start of the season, because—whether that would work or not—he doesn't have the staff. He knows, however, that Viren is going back to Katolis, so he can influence Callum to switch the real and fake pearls. Then, when Viren arrives, the pearl and the staff are lined up... but Viren is no longer sympathetic (and possessing him wouldn't really do any good because like, come on... he's in prison).

The way that the attack on Katolis plays out gives him everything: the pearl and staff are abandoned in the chaos, leaving them free for Claudia. Viren, being dead, is also now unable to influence Claudia directly—not to mention that, despite what he told her in s6e1, he chose to do dark magic again.

There are several reasons that could be behind Phaaravos's smarmy little smirk there—either he's satisfied that the staff is in play and will be easily accessible to Claudia instead of buried under a castle's worth of rubble, or he's satisfied that Viren is going to die and that removes what could actually have been a very serious obstacle to Claudia's persistence, or... he's pleased that Viren has caved and done dark magic again, whether because that's leverage he can use with Claudia, or for a more insidious reason.

We can stop here, because "Aaravos uses Viren's loyalty to his family and Katolis to manipulate him to his death and to set up his daughter for digging herself deeper in aiding his own return" is honestly plenty of payoff as far as Aaravos "using" Viren a final time. BUT just to get a little tinfoil-hat, here:

How exactly are we supposed to understand the pearl got from the subterranean secret dark magic workspace to outside in the ground-level courtyard... except by Aaravos walking the dying Viren down there to bring it back out, then neatly arranging pearl, staff, and Dad's dead body in close proximity for Claudia's homecoming? Which is pretty fucking grim.

As a counterpoint, the one thing this series sometimes plays extremely fast and loose with is the space-time continuum: like, working out travel times? Good fucking luck—it takes exactly as long to get somewhere as the plot demands, regardless of distance, terrain, or mode of transportation. So "how did the pearl get into the courtyard" could just be one of those "how did Soren and Claudia get up the Cursed Caldera without Lujanne knowing"-situations where the answer is "it's fine, don't think about it."

Sure, the staff, pearl, and Viren's body are all suspiciously accessible, but we also don't have screentime for Terry and Claudia to do an extensive search of the rubble overlaid with sad music and intercut with flashbacks. Sometimes shit just has to be convenient so we can move along... but I'll probably still always kind of wonder.

[wyllaztopia]

You mentioned that if we know Denji’s characterization of Killer and Killer’s original backstory that we should understand why he’s so touch starved and has such a messed up definition of love. Is there any way you could tell me who Denji is?? I’m very curious now lol

Denji is a character from Chainsaw Man. I recommend you read the manga or watch the anime - though just the anime alone won't grasp the inspiration I derived from the character into Killer.

I also took inspiration from Gojo Satoru (Jujutsu Kaisen) but more so from his younger self more than the present Gojo.

(These are just drawn for the sake of meme-ing, not actually AG Killer's design)

Further down is explanation and slight spoilers. I don't talk much about it since I want most information to be a slow burn reveal for the characters, as if the audience is getting to know the AGDT cast in real time. (I am a sucker for narratives where it keeps you wanting to psycho-analyze a character rather than revealing everything upfront.)

Starting off with Denji, he's a teen boy who suffered through poverty and taken advantage of for labor just because he's willing to do anything just to get by in life. He's a boy who will do anything to live a normal teen life without having to worry about if he'll die from starvation. Along the story of CSM, he's been treated poorly due to how easily he can be manipulated - he literally has no idea of his own rights as a person. He's also very emotionally unaware because he's lived all alone his life except for a friendly devil named Pochita, who gave his heart to Denji so he can live and become chainsaw man to protect himself. Again, this is just a rough summary I made of Denji's character and I can't exactly explain it here! I recommend watching character analysis video that can further explain him or- you can also check at the original source (manga or anime) yourself which I believe will be worth it since CSM is such a good story.

In AGDT, I suppose you can consider Chara as Killer's Pochita, but in a more unhealthy / partners in crime way. I'll leave that up for the future to explore since at the moment, that's not what I want AGDT to focus on.

As for young Gojo, he's also complicated. He believes himself to be invincible and he can rub off as cocky most of the time. In the story, he holds no compassion or positive feelings for people who are weak - which is essentially everyone for him since he views himself as the strongest. This changed for a while when he was tasked to protect someone - he grew fond of them. However, later on this care disappeared when he perfected a technique - his feeling of pride for himself was stronger than his care for the person he was meant to protect. Gojo is usually nonchalant and playful, also emotionally unaware most of the time as he only thinks about himself (and a fellow 'strongest one' ahem, Geto but that's something I'll ramble for another day). However, he does go absolutely crazy when he's in intense fights since he's absolutely determined to win out of pride.

I would love to talk about what else Killer takes from Gojo but I'd feel like I'd be spoiling everything so I'll leave it for another time to talk about or explore.

There's other medias I took inspiration from for other parts of AG Killer but again, it's a subject to navigate around another time.

I hope this gave some insight on how this variant of Killer is and I hope you enjoyed reading through it!

[bombasticsalt]

Loustat and Loumand love vs fascination (take this analysis with no grammar because it's 1am)

One of the scenes that really sticks out to me with Loumand in season two is when Louis tells Armand he loves him and dreamstat starts laughing it's crazy because if this were a Louis and Lestat scene it would have been framed as dramatic and their would have been tears but it's comedic almost when Louis and Armand do it especially when you remember that we never see Louis tell Lestat he loves him yet we as the audience can obviously see he did. Both Armand and Lestat stalked Louis and they both had some sort of soft spot for him before they even actually talked to him and yet, look at how different the way Louis views their first meeting as he says he left the meeting with Lestat thinking only of him but Lestat was real he said things that he meant with Armand it's almost like their meeting is framed as some meetcute he says I will not harm you which yeah sounds sweet until you consider the fact that meetings later he talks about killing Louis. Ever since they met Armand has been presenting himself as a sheep in wolfs clothing and you can say a lot about Lestat but for all his acting he showed Louis who he really was before Louis got in too deep he shows Louis his temper he shows Louis his passions his ramblings his privilege everything I think that says something that Armand would rather pretend to be anything else but what he is a dangerous predator.

And the worst part is it still doesn't work sure love at first sight wasn't something to expect in a gothic romance but listen to how Louis describes meeting Lestat he wanted to be the man and murder the man when Louis was at the party getting ready to kill Lestat he still wanted him all to himself there was this passion for Lestat since their first meeting yeah sure Louis at the moment thinks of this memory fondly but at that time when it happened he was confused like the scene was almost eerily sweet to me

I don't think Louis feels absolutely nothing for Armand I think Louis thinks he loves Armand or at least Armand interests him at first he loves armand in the way you love a spring fling that you don't expect to last through the winter it's fun, interesting and new and that's the main problem with Loumand it lasted way longer than it should have because both Louis and Armand can't be alone a spring fling is nice during the spring when you're bored and depressed but what about when you have a thousand other things you could be doing and you're stuck in a marriage thats like a candle that went out almost five seconds after you lit it for 77 years when the person stops being interesting and fun what's really left of the relationship? Love? Yeah sure maybe but not when you know there's a person out there you loved more than anybody else somebody like Lestat

I feel like this is further proved by how Lestat and Armand react to the boys Louis confides in, for Lestat it was Jonah he got mad about Jonah because he famously heard their hearts dancing and felt the affection Louis had for Jonah especially since Lestat was a lot for Louis. It seems like Lestat thought Louis could fall in love with Jonah and leave him and for Lestat leaving equates with somebody not loving him anymore what threatens Lestat is the idea Louis might not love him and that's ultimately what Lestat wants love he needs attention more than we ever see him need blood he's greedy for it. However, with Daniel he didn't even sleep with Louis so what threatens Armand isn't that Louis might not love him anymore it's that Louis finds Daniel more interesting than him because I think deep down that Armand knows that their love was short lived and the only reason why Louis was still with him was desperation and fascination because Armand knows things even though Louis isn't exactly always curious about vampires he taught Louis how to use fire he does know things that prove useful he clearly doesn't care all that much about the great laws if he let Daniel live this experience because it was never about the great laws it's about Lestat the first interview was a call out to Lestat from Louis and Armand knew that I'm not saying love isn't involved but I'm saying I believe in my opinion it was more about him not wanting Louis to leave because Armand believes he needs a master he needs somebody else to pretend like they have control over him sure yeah him calling Louis Maitre is just for fun he doesn't have to listen to Louis in fact he doesn't listen to Louis sure he keeps Daniel alive but also he turns Daniel eventually Armand is so interesting to me because Armand is a puppet master who wants to feel like a puppet because he never really realized he got cut loose from his strings that's why he potrays himself as helpless even his clothes are meant to make him seem smaller than he actually is he makes people do things for him indirectly TWICE he lets Lestat and Louis destroy his cult coven and then hides behind the words I could not prevent it. Both Lestat and Armand are afraid that Louis will leave them but for different reasons Lestat's afraid Louis will leave him because Louis doesn't love him and Armand literally fucking tortures Daniel aesthetictly just because he's afraid Louis finds him boring he has to be fascinating or else Louis will leave.

Another reason that really shows the differences between Love and fascination is what Louis says to both of them when he wants to hurt them, Louis tells Lestat that's why he's always going to be alone and why they won't work because Louis knows Lestat he knows the thing that will hurt Lestat more than anything else is threatening to take his love and affection away and leave him all alone because Lestat is also a part of the three musketeers of making bad decisions because he can't handle being alone, with Armand though Louis calls him boring because for Louis the worst possible thing to say to Armand isn't I won't love you anymore and I'll leave it's you're boring something that hurts Armand worse if Armand isn't fascinating or fun to Louis then what's the point? What's the point to be in a marriage of spite what's the point of living if Claudia is dead Lestat fucked off to God knows where after the trial and Louis's only companion has lost all the traits that make him want to stay but Louis would rather die than be alone and unloved. But for Loumand the words I love you are like a dagger in both instances when Louis says it (it's fucking 3:46 am if they say it more than twice I'll edit) it's mocked dreamstat laughs Louis laughs while saying it in San Frisco. Love is a weapon when Louis verbally says it after Paul's death. In fact Louis not saying he loves Lestat seems more romantic than him telling Armand he does. Because we as the viewers know he loves Lestat in the way he talks about him, the way he remembers Lestat's ramblings, the way he reacts to Lestat telling him about Magnus, because even though Louis memory has bias ultimately he remembers Lestat as this beautiful monster who he was in love with we're shown that he loves him. But with Armand and Louis we're told their in love but when is it shown with Loustat their was an intimacy in the shadows because they were in a openly homophobic town but with Loumand their relationship seems more like a performance they hold hands in public but in private they're divided when Louis was supposedly falling in love with Armand in Paris he says they aren't companions to Santiago and I think that's why Armand lied about saving Louis because that was the only major thing he could do that would make Louis want to stay, Lestat turned Claudia for Louis in his love Lestat brought the azalea for Louis because he loves him he shows Louis he loves him but what does Armand do? He threatens to kill Louis he won't turn Madeline for Louis sure he tells Louis he loves him but it's not shown not like how Lestat's love is. AND LESTAT DOES IT AGAIN he saves Louis again he proves that he loves Louis again when Armand can't or won't the only thing is the opportunity presented itself where Armand could take the credit for it he could please the coven and keep the guy at the same time because if Armand wouldn't have taken credit for that they wouldn't have stayed together he would have left. Would Louis have gotten back together with Lestat? Probably not but the point is the 77 years wouldn't have happened. Daniel calls it a seismic lie because it is that's what the relationship is based on that's the reason Louis stayed because he felt like he owed it to Armand and that's why he doesn't hesitate to leave Armands when he learns it.

I think that's what makes Loumand so interesting is that Louis doesn't want someone soft he wants the chaos back of Lestat once it's taken away he doesn't want a manipulative pillow who hides all his flaws and does everything he says he wants Lestat who screams back at him with the same passion that burns like a furnace Lestat who can't help but be so passionate about everything he does Lestat who does too much and that passion makes Lestat feel so human even when he's doing the most inhumane things whereas Armand acts as if he's above it all like he's some type of God but also portraying himself as weak and helpless in other situations that makes him so inhumane which could also be why Daniel ends up falling for him.

[k0fii]

Mutual Love and One-Sided Obsession

Love is mutual and that's the fundamental difference of MiziSua and IvanTill. That's what Ivan understood in his final moments - and that's why he said his feelings were shallow.

Prefacing this, not really an analysis but more of a personal connection and overview of the songs of alnst, with a quote from Richard Siken on love.

"If it was unrequited, it wasn't your first love, it was your first desire. You've got all your loves ahead of you. That sounds pretty great to me."

My Clematis; Love and the Significance of a Duet

My Clematis is a song that stands out amidst all other Alien Stage performances. Not only because it's a duet with the intentions of a tie, but also because Mizi and Sua are singing this song to and for each other. Instead of catering to the audience before them, they look to each other. In an act of defiance, they love each other. Sua sings to Mizi, as Mizi sings to Sua and this performance isn't for anyone else but them. It's beautiful, enchanting and Sua's death is made more painful by that love that's so clearly shown to the audience. Even as Sua is taken away from Mizi, nobody can deny the fact that they love each other. That the feeling between them was undeniably love.

Unknown (Till the End...); Idolization

In juxtaposition to My Clematis' heavy focus on the duet between Mizi and Sua, UTTE makes it a point to show how Till takes the spotlight all for himself one-sidedly, not even allowing his opponent to sing. In a way, this represents the extent of Till's idolization - only his feelings, the admiration for this idealized version of Mizi he has in his head are sang and borderline shouted out. The other singer is drowned out in Till's intense voice and declaration of love;

"Ain't nobody but you're the one that I'm feeling it's love"

However, Till fails to realize that the thing he wanted - Mizi's gaze to look back at him too - is rooted in reciprocity. It means allowing the other singer to get their voice out, it means allowing this preconceived notion he has of her in his head to be shattered by the reality of who Mizi truly is. UTTE is a representation of how Till's deluded image of Mizi overpowers the reality he currently lives in, it's a form of escape for someone who has always been shackled by chains.

It's a contradiction present in the song itself;

"I wanna know all about you (ya)"

For all Till sings that he wants to get to know Mizi, he never attempts to get closer to her and always, in his view of her, she's far away like an idol he can't reach. Like a god to a sinner that needs saving. It's the first desire of wanting to be saved, of wanting a saint to reach out their hand to you. And that first desire, as much as Till proclaims it to be love for its intensity, is known as something that's not love, something closer to obsession because of that very same intensity. Because that intensity prevents him from loving who Mizi truly is apart from who she represents in his head - again, it drowns it out.

Black Sorrow; Unrequitedness

Black Sorrow starts off with an admission; Ivan can't reach Till. He'll always follow him, even if he recognizes that all this will end in is tragedy. He constantly speaks of an absence - foreshadowing of Cure perhaps, but also of Till leaving him and turning back, of Till always choosing to not stay by his side, to chase for an unreachable idol. To the viewer, Black Sorrow is a song solely focused on Ivan but we can see in the video that Ivan allows his opponent to sing - a representation of his subservient nature but also perhaps of the fact he sees Till. He allows Till to sing out in deafening roars and sees him for what he is, and admires him for that. In contrast to UTTE's idealistic nature, Black Sorrow is very much rooted in reality. Till is pointedly not awake during this song - once again, he doesn't see Ivan but also he is not woken up to the reality that Ivan forces him to face. If not rooted in love because of the acknowledgement of unrequitedness, then what is Ivan's desire? It's to drown in his chosen black sea of sorrow.

Cure; Obsession and the Significance of a Duet

Ivan and Till both sing to someone who is not listening, they both sing to someone who is not looking at them in contrast to My Clematis.

"Dissolve me in your gaze

...

Please, leave me scars

Please, hurt me so that

Not a single drop of me remains

Let me drown in you"

Till wants to drown in the fantasy he's created for himself - going back to the sinner analogy, he wants everything of him that he views as wrong cleansed by Mizi's saintly presence. For once, Till lacks the same conviction he did before - he's pleading now, and asking as if praying to a dead god. Maybe it's because he thinks Mizi is gone, maybe it's because he thinks he's beyond saving.

"May they linger on your tongue

You can break me apart

...

I'll drown in you"

Ivan remains the same, steadfast in his determination and doubling down on his declarations in Black Sorrow. He doesn't ask - he knows his 'love' is unrequited, but that he will drown in it anyways.

"To this everlasting melody

Face to face we dance

With our story

Lost in forever's embrace"

Despite the lyrics stating that they stand face to face, they don't - one is always looking away. That's why, the story of what they are and what could've came to be is lost in the embrace of a time that's both not there and forever there. What they could've been is not what they are because of that everlasting melody, the obsession the two of them have that is distinctly not love because it's unrequited. Because they will always ask to be consumed in another's gaze instead of simply looking at each other and seeing. Because Till's first desire is to be saved and Ivan's first desire is to drown, the round would have always ended that way.

"Thank you for being the victim of my shallow emotions."

Ivan thought he and Sua were similar at one point. He felt jealous when he realized that the fundamental difference between them was that Sua was loved, and he was not. I think that in his final moments, he recognized this jealousy for what it was - the incessant human need to be loved and to be wanted. And what does that love entail? He sees it in Mizi and Sua, it means loving and being loved in return. That's what love is, and with heartbreaking clarity, he understands that it's not what has driven him or Till this far. A one-sided obsession could never be love, because love is always mutual. To love is to be seen, to be known. Ivan was not the former, Till was not the latter.

He steels himself, he will drown in these shallow emotions, just as he always planned (even if the sacrifice was not). He knows this sacrifice seems hypocritical, but it couldn't be with such a simple yet clear difference.

Compared to the deep grief brought about by the deep and intense emotions of love and loss, the pain he will cause Till will only be as shallow as his own emotions. Because it only reached Ivan, only drowned him and it never seemed to reach Till.

[mochiotomedumplings]

analysis on sunday celestia trailer bcs getting into it is comforting. also the video is just so good now that i’m actually watching it, so much on sunday as a character (and generally an amazing cinematic work of art).

he’s just falling the entire time 😭

if we had wings made me cry bcs of how sad-hopeful it is, of trying your best to be someone else’s hope and protect them like how you had been by someone else. robin could not look away from her audience and herself, back on that first stage and the promise shared with her brother. like how she had been protected and given hope, she too would protect and become the hope of others, sharing the song that once comforted and gave her peace in moments of need (crying again).

i couldn’t not see how much sunday was like a pillar of support for her, even only as that bright-eyed boy building her first stage and sharing a dream of delivering hope and joy to everyone (their songs). but also see how sunday had already seemed to want to stay in the back supporting her instead of singing along with her - this would further be referenced in his own video - also how both robin and sunday were living lives being constantly watched by others, robin was able to escape for just a bit but sunday was only falling further until the dream was broken. but why the difference ?

sunday’s celestia trailer started with him using the harmony to question himself, almost like he had to resort to such a thing to be honest/ see his true thoughts & feelings. he is all about always keeping himself proper and “stately” - composed, orderly - due to and on top of what he was doing his whole life, being in the spotlight and leading others. as the “older brother”, the protector, the one in charge, showing his true emotions, weakness, any indication that things were not going well or he could not be counted on was almost impossible - a dereliction of duty, or just what he must not do, if he were to protect what he must.

if he had already been so “iron-fisted” as a child, so hard on himself and being “in order”, not only was this about him being manipulated at a young age but just how Early it was that he got into the order. 2.7 implied that it was aideen park when he had first enforced “order”, but it was not actively known to him back then. he must have known joining the order was a betrayal to robin, to their promise of sharing the song of harmony - i believe this was reflected by his first “fall” in the video.

sunday fell a total of three times - i will call it past, present and future. in the past segment, it started with him recounting the original dream he had with robin - the contrast of the vulnerability in his voice compared to strictness of the question & his usual measured tone was beautiful. it felt like he was just about to cry but holding back - and this would happen again. i think it reflected his guilt over what he did to robin, betraying the dream they had.

tuning into the past, we saw him walk to robin singing with the children - but he was not quite there with them, standing at a distance in slight shade. even in “paradise” he was not even next to his sister, only a supporting figure (note how he wears the family head garbs while robin wears soft casual clothes, even in his most beautiful dream he was more a protector than the one singing and bringing joy to others) (he’s playing the harmonica but it feels different from the scene of the two of them on the piano - mirroring robin leaving him after that, at some point sunday has decided he wants to support her at the back rather than sing alongside her).

then the dream turns dark - from his voice “such a small wish” we could tell just how much he had wanted to make the promise with robin come true. now that it is dark, the “light” on stage is no longer a good thing. i think it refers to reality “the shadow that looms over the dream”, perhaps the “dark side of adulthood” he had mentioned in his lines. it can be said that he’s more of an overthinker and more sensitive than robin - so many references of him crying next to robin wiping the floor with those paparazzis - and thinking back to what he said about violence and arguments and finding peace in the dreamscape, the stellaron disaster they went through, that “shadow” must have been sunday’s anxiety and/ or actual problems they faced in their childhood (robin woke up from ena’s dream bcs it was “too blissful”). what sunday did not tell robin, possibly gopher wood making use of his fears and showing him all the shortcomings of the harmony, it was enough for him to have lost the dream/ betrayed the promise: it was originally about sharing the song of the harmony, but he lost hope in the harmony (fell from the dream world made from jigsaw pieces like xipe). that was his first fall (he must have felt so much guilt all this time, which culminated into him being a “disappointment” to robin in 2.7).

i think him relegating himself to a supporting role and turning to the order were both due to sunday’s innate sense of responsibilities & protectiveness and their childhood circumstances. perhaps he would have been “wonweek” had things been different, but it’s not just one thing that’s led to the current him.

almost forgot, a darker light shone over robin and the kids - in the dark state the “light” meant bad things - representing the dangers that did/ could happen to robin. this mirrored how sunday talked about robin as one of the reasons he chose ena’s dream - it was worrying over robin that influenced why he lost faith in the harmony.

he had fallen from harmony, but had the dream changed to him ? he said he “didn’t know” - this led us to the present segment, of what led him to manifest ena’s dream in penacony. “the people in the land of dreams live in a different kind of prison” this refers to the prison of self-value he talked about in the quest, survival of the fittest. he tried to help the child, only to be bound by thorns then fell.

the thorns had been really intriguing to puzzle out, as they were in many places and all over sunday as well. we first saw them in the past scene, right after he fell - the thorns in the dream seen through the cracks of the harmony. i believe they represented the kind of prison sunday was trying to overcome with ena’s dream - the constraints, the suffering that made people unable to pursue happiness in reality. they were in the harmony’s dream, showing that sunday lost faith bcs of how the harmony’s belief of “the strong protecting the weak” had failed, where it was more “the strong oppressing the weak” and the people suffered (the thorns) if they were weak.

it was once again reflected in the present segment - sunday being shackled in chains/ thorns as penacony enemies crowded over him (strong over the weak - it seemed there’s more than one instances of sunday alluding to himself as weak/ helpless - like the previous scene when he was seen falling and “unable to protect those he loves”. it must have fuelled his desire for control and safety even more) (perhaps that’s also what he meant by “overcoming the thorns” - overcoming his past weakness of overindulging in the dream).

the enemies then pushed him into his second fall, this time falling into ena’s hands (eyes of the order). it also signified that he agreed with the plan because of the corruption he saw on penacony - manipulation or otherwise, ena’s dream had been fuelled by a desire to “save” the ppl - with absolute order, he would be able to “break” those chains and ensure happiness for all, liberating people from the prison of self-value and they would truly be happy. the thorns were about the suffering in a reality of “survival of the fittest”, the helplessness of everyone living in it.

oh all these falls… it’s just like the caged bird that fell all those times. “falling was originally just another name for flying” the parallel kinda uncanny, i guess while it could mean he considered a large part of his past as failures, that the last fall towards reality (towards tomorrow, towards the stars as mentioned in one dream jigsaw) was depicted in such a bright, positive and freeing animation next to all those flying birds meant that despite his broken wings, he was “flying” - no longer trapped in the past of a fallen bird, he too would fly/ fall like everyone will wake up to another day in the real world (the bird may fall, may not be able to fly, may not have a “future” - but still it belongs to the sky, falling or flying, it will always come back to the sky, like ppl will eventually wake up to tomorrow).

(the parallel with that passage at the end of aven’s story and not having a morrow… such foils)

the stage has many symbolism to him, but the curtain he was looking at while being questioned was the one that was covering the stellaron - it was when he opened it that we came to the future segment. when ena’s dream was enacted - we see so much of his true feelings from his voice, so unlike his usual composed self - he had been so certain of the dream coming true. the sheer hope and joy as he spoke of it, but here we have another instance of him sounding like he was about to cry but holding back. there’s a callback to the piano scene with the twins as children, but they faded away to a lone piano with no more song. then the septimus choir, and back to the empty piano again - i think just like that first scene, it showed how sad he was over the promise with robin.

the certainty with which he spoke of the paradise of the choir, the joy he seemed to exude talking about their dream coming true - was a brilliant contrast to the crack in his voice, that lonesome piano, the obvious contrast to their original dream. it showed that he was conflicted over the betrayal - he knew deep down it was no longer the same, and it hurt to not be able to keep their promise, but ena’s dream, that brief paradise had been so beautiful, had brought him so much joy that it was just like that beautiful dream we saw at the start, the one time he had sounded happy (i think the dream had given him so much reprieve from his life, imagine if he had been constantly worrying and also the stress of his job and the suffering of the people that he could not help but want to save… ena’s dream must have felt like a fix-it moment, as though the paradise they seeked had actually come).

then the breakdown of the dream. why is everyone so silent ? the voice was so harsh, so self-berating - the moment people started wanting to leave the dream, he fell into pieces (just like his boss fight, after robin started singing), once again showing how much he cared about and was affected by the happiness of the people “they aren’t laughing anymore”. then the choir members slowly turned into crows and flew away, a great cinematic moment as sunday realized the truth. this scene showed the ppl leaving the dream, the singers turning into sunday’s own crows flying away so he’s the only one left (the ppl didn’t want his paradise anymore, only he wanted to keep dreaming). it culminated into sunday being wrapped up in those very thorns he had wanted to be free from, under ena’s gaze, the irony that he was the only one left and so thoroughly gripped by such insiduous thorns and he called it the “sweet dream”. the conductor who thought he would stay awake and guide ppl to true happiness in the dream, had been the one stuck in the dream all along. the bleak color of that scene was really tragic, that all this time he was still helpless, still chained up after all. and he’s all alone.

and there’s a few snapshots of him being mired in the darkness - there’s crow feathers and hands grabbing at him, reminiscent of that image of him before the fight in 2.7 that was referring to his past titles and responsibilities in penacony - could be referring to how he himself isn’t “happy” so how can he give a song of happiness to ppl, it isn’t a true paradise. and omelas reference to how he’s the only one awake and suffering in reality. and symbolically, perhaps how he’s been the “traitor” and weighed down by what he went through over the years, suffering of the people and thorns of the order.

then the bird broke out of the cage between the harmony and the order, and the last actor left the stage, the show was over. sunday - the crow - turning almost all white again, and the conductor turning (back) into “sunday” again (the show of the past had ended, and he too had woken from the dream) (into the light, he’s finally in the light proper) (you can tell he’s more free and expressive from his wings before and after).

there’s a hole above the stage with thorns seen beyond it, i believe this was made by the bird breaking out of the enclosure that sunday was in i was cracking, he walked out from the dark like backstage or something during the why does life slumber part - the thorns look like they’re beyond the gap but they are part of the dream, stopping him from leaving.

he broke away from the thorns of the order and realized the truth of what he had done (that the order, what he did was the same as the constraints on the weak in reality), seeing the dream for what it really was (a deserted stage beyond the cage of the harmony and order in his inner mind, a dream in a dream… reminds me of omelas again, how he’s the only one trapped by the thorns to make everyone happy, and everyone left him behind).

the moment of wakening, the final question in the reminiscence and dream, why does life slumber ? then he fell from the stage into the sky of flying birds, “flying”. then he fell into a liquid world of sort, mirroring the liquid we had to be in to enter the dream. like he was falling into another world (he’s been in the dream for so long, remember how he kept working in the dreamscape) and it’s him really waking up to the real world, just like everyone else, opening his eyes to tomorrow. that even though the real world is full of unknowns and out of his control, and he can no longer “fly” - it’s a beautiful sky and he’s free, falling towards the stars.

and he’ll surely overcome the thorns - of his past, of the suffering of the world where there will always be a paradise to build. go reach the stars king 😭😭✨

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

I Thought It Was Obvious: Taking a Closer Look at Tech's Character Development and Journey

I had been debating with myself since the middle of season 3 whether to outline the development of each of the main characters - and then a random online comment gave me the motivation I needed to do it for Tech 😂 (no but seriously, I thought Tech's development was obvious!) What I had originally planned as being a brief summary rapidly ballooned into a roughly 6500-word essay, so... apologies in advance 😬 I do include pictures here because, well, it's Tech! 😍

Before we begin, a few points about how character development can take place within a story, and the difference between character development versus character arcs.

Sometimes, character development occurs as a character discovers something new or different about themselves – a hidden talent, a new priority, etc. – or follows a certain trajectory to develop toward or away from traits that have been established. This is the most easily recognized type of development and typically directly informs the character’s arc. (Examples: Omega’s compassion is established early on, and we see this continue deepening and developing to where it becomes one of her defining personality traits, strong enough to impact even Crosshair’s trajectory. We also see Omega’s initial uncertainty and naivete fade away into independence and confidence as the show progresses.) Other times, character development is less about the character themselves changing (or not), and more about our (as the audience) understanding of the character changing as new information comes to light or we see the character in various circumstances. This information doesn’t actually change the character’s traits or actions up to that point, but rather adjusts OUR perception of the character. (Example: discovering that Crosshair’s chip had been removed before the season 1 finale. Crosshair is still Crosshair, his actions and traits are exactly the same as they have been presented, but our perception of those actions/traits is altered as we grapple with the knowledge that Crosshair is choosing the Empire of his own accord and we come to realize that some of his previous actions were not influenced by the chip. Another example: Tech himself explains how he processes change and emotions in “The Crossing.” There is no real difference in how he processes these things now compared to before, but our perception of Tech may shift as this element of his personality is granted additional clarity.)

Also note that character development can be distinct from a character arc. There are many well-developed, fleshed-out characters with rich backstories and intricate motivations and desires who don’t have a defined journey within a certain story, usually because they are secondary characters - Phee, Mayday, and even Rex are just a few examples in this particular show taken in isolation from other stories (and yes I’m being super specific here so it's clear why I’m including Rex on this list!). Despite what seems to be popular belief, however, every one of the titular/main characters – including Tech – has both development and an arc (and it’s not a flat arc, either).

So, with all that being said, let's get down to it!

This analysis is split up into three parts. Part 1 covers Tech’s baseline characteristics and personality that are established early on in the show and are reinforced (developed) throughout the story as he consistently leans into those baseline traits. Part 2 dives into how some of Tech’s baseline traits and the beliefs/perceptions that inform those traits subtly shift over the course of the show. Part 3 offers a discussion of how the interplay between some of Tech’s traits remaining stable while others change over time informs his character arc.

Part 1: Characteristics, personality, skills, and relationships that are reinforced and strengthened over the course of the show.

Part 1a. I find it fascinating how thoroughly our initial introductions to Clone Force 99 – an introduction I consider to be comprised of both the Bad Batch story in The Clone Wars and the premiere of Bad Batch – establishes the baseline personalities of each of our main characters. In this section, I first provide examples from the two introductory stories that establish a certain trait, and then provide select examples from the remainder of the show that reiterate these traits as part of Tech’s characterization. (Note: this is not an exhaustive list of examples.)

He has an “exceptional mind,” though he is not infallible.

INTRO: He is the technology/decryption guy, of course. He also fluently pronounces other languages and therefore can act as a translator. He makes split-second calculations to aid Crosshair with identifying targets. While Hunter gently pokes fun at the sheer breadth of what he calls Tech’s “useless information,” Tech does have the information and uses it to the team’s advantage - including knowing the basics of the Poletecs on Skako Minor and (as mentioned above) even being able to fluently pronounce their language. His fascination with recording everything indicates his curiosity and love for learning. He reprograms a battle droid and uses it to the squad’s advantage – and the battle simulation isn’t the first time he has done so. And he almost immediately recognizes several key differences between the operations of the Republic versus the newly-formed Empire.

OTHER: He figures out how to forge chain codes even when the Empire itself has just barely rolled them out. He knows how to scramble a ship’s signature (which is implied even in Rebels to not be common knowledge). He builds a brain scanner from scratch, which is shown to work accurately once Rex shows up and Tech finally has the comparative data needed to finish the scanner. He is the first to infer that Ryloth is under military occupation despite not being a Separatist planet. He researches the irlings after he finally knows what they are (no thanks to Cid) and comes up with a plan to handle them. Not only is he fascinated by the Zillo beast, he also pieces together that the Empire is seeking to control all cloning operations and that the Zillo can be weaponized in the hands of the right scientist. Note that he is not infallible – for example, he can sometimes get thrown off with his plans when he doesn’t have accurate data (such as when he attempts to use clone codes in the installation on Daro), and Crosshair frequently outmaneuvers him since Crosshair knows the squad’s playbook – but his success rate is such that he is not overstating things when he says “I am seldom wrong.”  

He is what some might call “socially awkward,” others might identify as “autistic.”

(I am not autistic myself nor am I a psychologist, so “socially awkward” is the term that came to my mind when first describing Tech after watching his introduction in The Clone Wars.  After reading others’ reasons as to why they see Tech as an autistic-coded character, I am very much inclined to agree with this description as well.)

INTRO: Upon being introduced to new regs, Tech opens with an unsolicited info dump, then spends the majority of the time looking at his data pad. He tries to stop Crosshair and Wrecker from getting into a physical fight with the regs, but is not nearly as successful as Hunter is. He seems slightly uncomfortable when Rex puts a hand on his shoulder. He is brutally honest about his opinions as he outright tells Rex and even Echo that there was some doubt over Echo’s loyalties, and he clearly is bothered by what appears to be most regs’ attitude toward his squad (especially as seen on Kamino), yet he also doesn’t initiate any conflict with the regs. Even with his own squad, with whom he is the most comfortable, he doesn't always pick up on social cues that sometimes inform the flow of conversations - he occasionally leaves out details (“I thought it was obvious”) or perhaps unnecessarily zeroes in on a given topic.

OTHER: Given that we primarily see Tech interact with his own siblings, his behavior around others who are not of his squad stands out. When first introduced to Phee, his pattern remains similar to what it was with the regs on Anaxes: when not startled into prattling on about tangential topics, he stays engrossed in his data pad. Even as his relationship with Phee deepens, there are some circumstances - such as goodbyes - where Tech seems at a total loss as to what to say and do (“Do you require a briefing?”). With Romar, Tech maintains professional detachment until Romar broaches a topic that piques Tech's curiosity. With his own squad, his communication style sometimes leads to exasperation from his brothers (read: Hunter on comms). He also takes Omega at her word when she says she wants to be left alone while they are stuck in the cave, and has to be prodded by Wrecker and Hunter that, actually, he needs to go talk to her. 

He is pragmatic in terms of considering the squad's needs first, and approaches relationships, major events, and decisions from a logical/rational standpoint, taking in different sides and looking at the bigger picture (which makes sense considering how frequently he engages in risk assessment/cost-benefit analysis).

INTRO: While he may not agree with the Empire, he does take into account the official line that Palpatine’s actions were a “defensive measure” as a result of the reported Jedi assassination attempt. When he takes an interest in something/someone, he studies/analyzes them - including Omega (ex: scanning her genetic profile while they are waiting for Echo to recover after the mess hall fight).

OTHER: Not only is he the first to point out the fact that they are deserters after fleeing Kamino (and citing this as a reason to trust Cut), he is also the first to point out that the squad will need to fend for themselves and acquire their own supplies after defecting. When it’s a question over whether to take on a “side quest,” Tech brings up the squad’s physical/material needs for consideration. After Crosshair turns on the squad, Tech doubles down on learning more about the inhibitor chips in order to prove his theories. He disapproves of slavery but also shows equal relief that they will be getting paid for freeing “Muchi.” He describes the war like reciting a textbook definition: “A primary mission objective comprised of battles on various fronts.” He takes the stance on Serreno that, even without the war chest, they “are no worse off than [they] were before.” He explains to Omega that while he does “feel” change, he “cares” about it by contextualizing it as a “fundamental part of life.” He keeps the squad’s safety as his top priority and suggests a “diplomatic approach” to cutting ties with Cid given what she knows about them. He points out to Saw the strategic disadvantages of blowing up Tarkin’s base simply for the sake of, well, sticking it to the Empire.

He is (unintentionally) hilarious with a great sense of dry, blunt, situational humor.

I’m just going to let some of his own words speak for themselves here:

INTRO: “Hopefully not mental, clearly we would never pass that.” “Careful, Wrecker, your programming is kicking in.”

OTHER: “Found her,” he says nonchalantly to Echo, pointing to Omega running across an off-limits dock while in possession of forged chain codes. “It’s not affecting life support. We’re fine.” “That’s not her ugly side?” “Yes, your dangerous and uncontrolled maneuvering is as confusing to them as it is to us.” “It is an unscheduled study break.” “If I am incorrect, we will instantly be sucked out and perish. I am seldom wrong.” “You sound surprised.” “With a few repairs, it will be a slightly operational heap of junk.” “I will note the date and time to commemorate such a momentous occasion.” “The collision alarms haven’t gone off once,” Omega says, to which Tech replies, “Because it shorted out during your last lesson.” “Now that is not what it is called, but I rather like it. I suggest you proceed before I come to my senses.”  

He has physical/warrior skills at least equal to a standard trained Fett clone (and often superior).

Given that Tech easily keeps up with his brothers and matches almost all of their skills (with, perhaps, the exception of Wrecker’s) during every single mission, I’m just pointing out the highlights.

INTRO: He carries Echo up through a ventilation shaft without breaking a sweat. When he’s not holding a data pad with one hand, he’s wielding double blasters.

OTHER: He shows off his piloting skills with the Marauder on Ryloth and Daro, and the transferability of his skills when hijacking and piloting both the speeder and the escape pod in the Coruscant shipyard in “Truth and Consequences.” He shows his stamina and physical strength when fighting off troops on Serreno despite his broken femur (as a physical therapist I cannot overstate how incredible of a feat this is – especially since this wasn’t some hairline fracture, his femur was crushed. Disclaimer: do NOT try this at home; if your femur is broken, please seek immediate medical attention!). He also easily takes over from Wrecker in carrying the ipsium case on Ipsidon. 

He is a calculated risk-taker – a skill he puts to use primarily for the sake of his squad.  

INTRO STORY: Our earliest version of “I thought it was obvious” comes when Tech is asked how the team is supposed to get on the keeradaks, and Tech replies matter-of-factly: “How else? We jump.”

OTHER: He takes the risks of first collapsing the deck to escape Crosshair’s ambush on Bracca, and then blowing up the ion engine for the squad to escape incineration. He wants his (and the squad’s) skills to be utilized to their full potential, but he also wants to know what he’s getting into (as evidenced by his requesting more information from Cid before the events on Safa Toma Speedway, and his frequent comments that Cid rarely gives them complete intel). He enters a riot race – and wins – in order to extricate the squad from being at the mercy of Millegi. On Ipsidon, his primary concern is less about having the ipsium simply to fulfill the mission for Cid and more about making sure they don’t all blow up. And on Eriadu, as always, he does what is required to keep the squad safe, including not hesitating to go out on the rail line to reboot the power, and this before sacrificing himself to give the others the chance to escape.

He is confident in his abilities and remains calm under pressure.

INTRO: “I do have a brilliant idea!” Tech immediately says when Crosshair and Wrecker are dangling off a support beam and they are all surrounded by droids. He smiles a bit as he references his own “exceptional mind.”

OTHER: When asked if he can forge chain codes, Tech replies, “I only learned of them moments ago, but yes.” “Of course I can do it,” he says about scrambling the Marauder’s signature. “I can do both,” he says, cool as a cucumber in the middle of a riot race, in reference to analyzing the track schematics while focusing on not getting injured. Tech himself recognizes this trait, referencing his own “ability to think clearly in stressful situations,” but he isn’t arrogant or condescending in saying so – he’s just right.

He has a moral compass and follows it. And even considering his pragmatism that focuses on the squad, it doesn't take much to nudge him toward choosing “the greater good” that will help others over the course of action that will more likely provide resources for the squad alone.

INTRO: He quickly identifies major differences between the Republic and the new Empire. The “systematic termination of the Jedi” bothers him enough that he shows no hesitation in joining Hunter and the others as they break away from the Empire. He also shows no hesitation in following Hunter’s lead by leaving the insurgents on Onderon alone and then returning for Omega – indeed, he even questions Crosshair for having a problem with it.

OTHER: Tech mentions the squad split from the Empire because of a “fundamental difference in ideology,” and these “fundamental differences” continue to be emphasized as Tech (along with most of his brothers) clearly disapprove of the Empire’s actions on Raxus and Ryloth, Kamino and Kashyyyk, the Empire’s treatment of clones in general, and the tactic that Tech spells out as being similar to Mokko’s operation on Ipsidon – “using power and means as leverage over [their] workers.” One example that illustrates his willingness to be nudged into “the greater good:” when Trace reveals why she and Rafa wanted the tactical droid’s intel, we linger on Tech’s reaction to this information, which to me indicates that Tech is likely the one who convinces Hunter to give the data rod with the droid’s intel to the Martez sisters. And, while Tech always speaks to material practicality when Hunter needs to decide between missions, when the decision is made to do more to help, Tech goes all in.

Above all, Tech loves his family, is loyal to them, and, in his own way, prioritizes them above all else.

This leads us into Part 1b: TECH’S EARLY RELATIONSHIPS

In this section I’ll be summarizing Tech’s relationships with his brothers. Other relationships, including that which he builds with Omega, will be covered in Part 2.

It should come as no surprise that Tech loves his family dearly, and – like any of his brothers – he was willing to lay down his life for the squad from the moment we first met him. He works seamlessly with his squad in The Clone Wars, he instantly jumps in to back up his team during the mess hall fight in “Aftermath,” and just a few examples of the ways he looks out for his family are already outlined above. Let’s take a look at the differences in his relationships with each of his brothers:

Hunter: Clone Force 99 may be deviant and have no qualms about disobeying orders; but when it comes to having Hunter as a leader, Tech is a devoted follower. Given that Tech certainly has a mind and standards of his own, the fact that Tech so loyally follows Hunter’s lead is as much a testament to Hunter’s strong and thoughtful leadership and moral code as it is to Tech’s character. Tech openly shares his opinions, knowledge, and plans with Hunter; but whatever Hunter decides, Tech will follow through. We see this when Tech looks to Hunter for verification before jumping to hyperspace from Bracca and before acting on Senator Singh’s suggestion on Raxus, and when Tech hesitates but still follows Hunter’s order to leave him behind on Daro. Of note, even though the entire squad decides they want to go after the war chest on Serreno, they (and Tech) wait until Hunter gives in before proceeding. And, exasperated though Hunter may sometimes get with Tech, Hunter deeply trusts and relies on his brother, and frequently adopts his intel and plans.

Echo: Tech and Echo strike me as besties who frequently annoy each other (let’s face it, Echo is the one who’s annoyed most of the time). Tech was more than willing to help save Echo’s life (indeed, he ensured it by being the one who safely disconnected Echo from the experimental equipment and carried him through the ventilation shaft), but when it came to Echo participating in combat Tech still had doubts about Echo’s loyalty; however, once Echo had proven himself to be a loyal brother in battle, Tech was open and welcoming of the idea of Echo joining the squad (lest there be any doubt: Tech smiles at Echo after the invitation to join Clone Force 99 is extended. Enough said). When it comes to advising Hunter, Tech and Echo tend to serve as foils: Tech offers the more practical, squad-first side, while Echo pushes for the do more/do better, “greater good” side. The two of them frequently work closely together as their skill sets complement each other; and, while Echo bluntly calls out Tech as much as any of the other members of the squad when a plan goes awry, Echo clearly trusts Tech’s plans and skills. In turn, Tech shares his own viewpoints with Echo and doesn't hesitate to call his brother out either (such as when Echo keeps complaining about helping Senator Singh); and it becomes clear early on that Tech misses Echo after his departure when it's revealed that Tech knows Echo's comm is disabled. 

Wrecker: If we were to select two brothers with seemingly opposite personalities, Tech and Wrecker would be the most obvious choice. To put it in overly simple terms, Tech is the brain of the group, while Wrecker is the heart; and with any other characters this could be a recipe for relationship disaster. However, both brothers love each other enough and are both low-drama enough that the teasing and even straight-up disagreements never escalate to full blown arguments or grudges. Tech may suggest that Wrecker learn the hand signals and reiterate that he himself HAS memorized them, thank you very much; but he’ll quickly follow up with explaining the plan in terms he knows Wrecker will immediately recognize. Wrecker may tease Tech for not knowing the odds of escaping slavers and zone out when Tech attempts to explain himself; but when Tech tells Wrecker to fight a rancor to assert dominance, Wrecker is on it with no questions asked, and when Tech volunteers for a death race, Wrecker will be openly worried about him. The worst we see of them bickering with each other is when Tech is clearly affected by Echo’s departure but trying not to show it and therefore takes his irritation out on Wrecker, and even that friction quickly blows over, as Tech soon accepts some responsibility and Wrecker doesn’t hold a grudge.

Crosshair: we actually don’t get to see much of Tech and Crosshair directly interacting (cue me screaming into the void 😭💔), but the little we do see, along with snippets of information dropped throughout the show, paint a decent picture – mostly of Tech’s views of Crosshair. We see them fight seamlessly as a team in The Clone Wars, with Tech providing direction and targets for Crosshair and (one of my top favorite moments) casually tilting his head for Crosshair to steady the rifle on his shoulder. Months before Tech’s famous line that outright states how well he understands his brother, we see that Tech is the first to suspect something is actually off with Crosshair – long before the others really take note of Crosshair’s odd behavior, Tech is already closely eyeing Crosshair in the barracks – and that it might be due to the “programming;” he is the first to posit the idea the Crosshair’s behavior is due to the inhibitor chip; he respects Crosshair enough as a brother that he also respects Crosshair’s decision to stay with the Empire (even if Tech doesn’t agree with it); and he tells Phee about his absentee brother in a way that, while Crosshair’s “sparkling personality” is apparent, equally obvious is the fact that Tech considers Crosshair a friend/comrade (especially telling, considering that this conversation must have taken place before Tech discovered Crosshair had turned on the Empire). And, while we never get an on-screen depiction of Crosshair’s reaction to Tech’s death nor do we get much closure on this point (cue me screaming into the void again 😭💔😭💔), Crosshair’s infamous line in the finale reads to me as Crosshair desperately missing his brother and feeling his absence, if not also feeling some measure of (undeserved) guilt over Tech’s death. So, Tech and Crosshair worked well together within the group, Tech strove to understand Crosshair’s nature and how it informed his decisions, and Tech loved his brother enough to push for a rescue mission when it became a real possibility that Crosshair might actually accept the squad’s help.  

Part 2: Character perspectives and beliefs that shift over the course of the show.

As shown above, the show primarily leans in on and deepens traits and relationships Tech already has developed; and given that Tech is already the openminded, big-picture, practical, curious and always-learning genius of the squad, it might seem at first glance that the show slacks on letting him develop in the “new traits/hobbies/goals” department. But Tech gets development here as well, primarily through new relationships and situations that provide him with key paradigm shifts. 

First and foremost, development occurs for Tech in the form of a growing relationship with a brand-new member of the team: Omega.

Omega endears herself to Tech as soon as she indicates that she wants to be associated with the group. However, Tech – like the rest of the squad – has to adapt and account for the presence of an untrained child on the team. Nowhere is this clearer than on Saleucami, when Tech’s seemingly seamless plan has clearly NOT factored in “child behavior" (and he still has a bit of a learning curve with children in general as, some time later on Ryloth, he states that Hera’s situation may not be dire as “children often overreact.”) However, Tech does adapt relatively quickly, and soon it is apparent he has adopted the “supportive but not overbearing older brother” role. He aligns more with Echo in recognizing Omega’s skills and putting them to good use while also expanding upon them. He rarely, if ever, voices any opposition to Omega being present on missions; and while he is rather less hyperfocused on Omega’s whereabouts than Hunter or even Echo are (how many times does Echo have to ask Tech “Where’s Omega?”), he still does everything he can to protect her – not least by ensuring she has all the knowledge she needs to excel as a cunning strategist and warrior. All the members of the squad train Omega in different areas, but Tech is Omega’s primary tutor and mentor of general and sundry topics, strict about keeping her focused on her studies but also recognizing when circumstances warrant “unscheduled study breaks” and readily allowing Omega to participate in the action, as well as acknowledging and implementing Omega’s ideas and suggestions during missions.

This new relationship opens the door to a key development for Tech. Omega's "We're more than [soldiers], we're a family" line seems to be the moment that shifts Tech toward considering his roles outside of the soldier paradigm. These clones had been raised as soldiers; it was all they ever knew, it was their very identity. They called each other "brothers," so to them, “squad” must equal “family” - the terms would be synonymous. And even as Tech was the first to state the obvious fact that they were deserters after “Aftermath,” he and the rest of the team continued acting as soldiers and functioning as a military unit – again, this being what they understood as “brothers” and “family.” Omega is the first to make a clear distinction between being a soldier (as part of a squad) and being a member of a family; and while Tech is initially thrown for a loop, I think this statement is what opens his eyes to the possibility that he and his brothers are and can remain a family, have roles and responsibilities, and apply their skills in ways other than being soldiers. And we see this shift come into play later as Tech reveals that he, like Hunter, wants to stay on Pabu to help the people rebuild: Tech, who had earlier indicated that he wanted his skills put to good use, is considering ways he can use his talents in roles outside of being a soldier operating in battles and conflicts. 

Romar plays a small but distinct role in shifting Tech’s perspective on history, culture, and the impact of the war on the citizens of the galaxy. Recall that Tech had described the war to Omega as if reciting an encyclopedia entry, devoid of any thoughts on how the missions and battles may have had a personal/emotional impact, and initially views Romar’s data core as a “Separatist archive.” Romar, however, brings a much more personal approach to the effect of the war: he doesn't seem to care for politics either way, both the Separatist and the Republic (now Imperial) cause has exploited and destroyed Serreno, and he has no interest in treasure but rather in legacy, in the preservation of his culture and history, which existed before the war and - if Romar has anything to say about it - will exist after. And Tech is clearly touched by this perspective: he is thoughtful as he admits that he had never considered Serrenian culture outside of and apart from the Separatist/Republic debate, and the task of preserving even a slice of Serrenian history seems to become personal for him as he resolutely states, “Oh, I can handle that,” in reference to repairing the data core. Tech, who - like all the clones - has a war to thank for his very existence, and who has literally only ever known life within the framework of his role and working relationship with a military - either as a soldier or a deserter or a mercenary - sees the possibilities of life and tradition extending far beyond the narrow confines of war and conflict, thanks to Romar’s influence. 

And then there's Phee, who unwittingly takes the lesson Tech had learned from Romar - history and culture doesn't have to be defined within the Separatist/Republic dichotomy - and expands it by teaching Tech to not brush off discarded and unknown items as “junk,” but rather to look at things with a different perspective and thereby find hidden treasures. Phee’s examination of “junk” materials yields the discovery of a compass that leads Tech and the squad to ancient wonders and new knowledge - and of course Tech’s “interest is certainly piqued.” She continues to gently shift Tech’s perspective by eventually revealing that her actual motivation as a “pirate” truly does lend credence to her being a self-described “liberator of ancient wonders,” and by prodding Tech into putting down the datapad long enough to enjoy a sunset. She goes the furthest in offering Tech and his family a life far separated from being soldiers by introducing them to a community, people who accept them without ultimately demanding that they remain soldiers, a place that welcomes people of all backgrounds and values their history. And, of course, she is the first to open up the possibility for Tech of developing a deep friendship with the distinct potential for romance.

And so, while Tech remains our logical, rational, socially awkward, self-confident, calm, curious, risk-taking warrior, these traits expand to include Tech assimilating and acting on new perspectives, ideas, and possibilities outside the rigid framework of a military identity. 

Part 3: How Tech’s baseline personality and subsequent paradigm shifts inform his character arc.

There are diverse themes running through the show, but one theme stands out as a common thread that not only links Clone Force 99 to all the other clones and their plight, but also serves as the driving force behind the character arcs for most of the titular characters. Each character’s journey (Omega being the one exception) in this story revolves around each of them answering these questions: 

“We were born and bred to be soldiers of the Republic. It is our entire identity, culture, and purpose. So what do we do when the Republic is no more, the war we were born for is over, and we face the possibility of being decommissioned? What are we if we are not soldiers?”

Crosshair’s arc is the most obvious as he goes from clinging so tightly to his identity as a soldier that he is willing to walk away from his family and throw in with the Empire, to eventually giving up the soldier life and retiring with his family on Pabu. Hunter’s and Echo’s arcs almost act as foils to Crosshair’s, but from different approaches: Echo deliberately chooses to stay in the fight and continues soldiering, but for a bigger cause he believes in and is one that aligns more closely with the ideals of the other members of his squad; whereas Hunter finds himself feeling that he needs to remain a soldier to protect his family from the Empire and has a difficult time letting go of that role even as other options open up to him, until the missions tragically lead to the loss of one of his brothers… and then he remains fighting as a soldier only long enough to recover what he can of his family and peripherally help Echo as needed.

Tech’s and Wrecker’s arcs are more subtle than those of their brothers, since these two are very much the “followers” in the group and seem content to continue following Hunter’s lead (especially since they agree with Hunter’s morals) and keep the squad intact as much as possible. But arcs they do have as their development leads to them individually answering the driving question of the show. Tech’s arc, of course, is tragically cut short before all the pieces can come to full fruition, but his trajectory has still taken him to where he is not exactly the same person he was when we first met him, even as his core personality has remained the same.

The squad splits apart in the first episode of the show as each one answers the question of what they will do when the Republic is no more. Tech won’t stay with the Empire since he recognizes early on that it very clearly isn’t the Republic and he doesn’t agree with the direction the Imperial ideology appears to be heading, and with this in mind he unquestioningly backs up Hunter.

Tech, Hunter, Wrecker, and Echo just as quickly find themselves adapting to new responsibilities as the protectors and caregivers of an adolescent clone who, unlike every other clone they have encountered, has not received military training (and doesn’t even know what dirt is). They can no longer “just” be an efficient elite military unit, knowing and trusting each other’s strengths and weaknesses so well that all they have to do is communicate a plan number before charging in with confidence; now, at the same time that they are grappling with Crosshair's departure, they have to learn the extent of Omega’s capabilities and take on the task of teaching and training her to be a part of the team, not only because she wants this, but because it is necessary for her very survival. As noted in previous sections, Tech – along with the others – adjusts relatively quickly and his relationship with Omega blossoms as he embraces his teaching role.

But, while one part of the driving theme - “What do we do when the Republic is no more, the war we were born for is over, and we face the possibility of being decommissioned” - is answered rather quickly, Tech’s answer to the rest of the question – “What are we if we are not soldiers” – is a slow burn. Why? Because being soldiers is so deeply ingrained into their identities that the squad quite literally knows nothing else, and therefore they continue acting and defining themselves relative to the “soldier” framework for months, even years: when they are not soldiers for a cause, they are soldiers who left a cause (deserters), or soldiers for hire (mercenaries). Even the teaching/mentoring role centers on training Omega to be a soldier.

And Tech doesn’t seem to mind sticking to a soldier-like role, even early on in season 2 when he begins to see the possibilities of life outside of being a soldier. This is understandable: the squad is stuck with Cid, who has absolutely no qualms about openly blackmailing them. Besides, Tech’s top priority is and always will be his family, and if continuing to act as a soldier is what keeps them alive and together, then Tech won’t even question it. But when a real opportunity comes to settle down with his squad – his family – into a purpose and place away from the soldier/mercenary life, Tech is one of the first to openly say that he wants to take it. He has been given a different perspective on what “family” can mean, and he quickly sees not only the opportunity for his sister to have friends “her own age and who don’t share her genetic profile,” but also the positive effect this has on her (“I have not heard her laugh like that in some time”). He recognizes that his intelligence and skills can be of value to a community that needs help rebuilding and recovering. He is clearly interested in spending more time with Phee (if anyone doubts this, I invite you to keep track of the number of times Tech smiles specifically at Phee in “Pabu”). After months/years of answering “What are we if we are not soldiers” with a matter-of-fact “The question is moot, because we are soldiers,” Tech now expresses interest in pursuing other roles and purposes on a long-term basis: “I am a soldier, AND I can be more.”

True to form, however, and emphasizing yet again that his family’s safety is Tech’s top priority, when it turns out Crosshair’s chosen path has landed him on the wrong side of the Empire, Tech will push for embarking on another mission for the sake of saving his brother. Tech may otherwise be content staying on Pabu and becoming something more than (or even in addition to) a soldier; but when his family’s wellbeing is on the line, Tech will fight.

And so, while Tech’s character arc is cut short before he can enjoy a life of retirement and newfound purpose with his family and friends on Pabu, the fact remains that Tech did indeed have a character arc in that he had answered the main questions of the show, he had made a choice and was well on his way to following through on that decision. The only consideration that pushed him back into the fight was the chance to bring Crosshair home.

I have said before that I don't consider Tech’s sacrifice as a defining part of his character arc, since this seems to imply that self-sacrifice was a trait Tech had ever struggled with and/or needed to develop. This implication, of course, is patently incorrect: Tech has demonstrated time and again that he will put himself at immense risk – including risk of death – to save his squad (indeed, the same could be said for every one of the Bad Batch members). What I will say here in reference to Tech’s sacrifice on Eriadu is that he died* to fulfill what he had already proven to be his first priority: save his family.

He died*, NOT because he couldn’t stop being a soldier – he had already decided he could be more than just a soldier, that was part of his arc – but because he was and always would be a brother.

*I put the asterisk by the word “died” because I will never stop holding out hope that someone of influence at Lucasfilm will take pity on us poor “please for the love of everything good in this world let Tech live!” souls and allow Tech to be brought back.

^(Also I'm including two more images because I can and because it's Tech 😍)

In summary: Tech’s character development primarily consists of the show re-emphasizing and bolstering his core character traits and relationships, while also subtly expanding his perspective of life outside of war and identity beyond being a soldier. To that end, Tech’s character arc involved him not only splitting from the Empire and becoming a devoted brother and teacher to Omega, but also ultimately deciding to pursue interests, roles, and relationships in addition to his soldier identity.

[loudmound]

hi. welcome to my mary shepherd-sunderland post.

what will follow is who i think she is as a character, what she means to the narrative of sh2, and why people should think and talk about her more bcs me and the 4 other mary fans are dying out here.

DISCLAIMER BEFORE WE BEGIN: a lot of this post will be enmeshed with interpretation and headcanon that draws from me analyzing the text of sh2. this is My Post about mary. stormy mary post. please understand this.

the foundation of mary's character is an exceptionally strong one, and for someone like me, i enjoy making inferences about her person before the illness, during the illness, and near the end. the personality she has in sh2 is flexible enough to allow what i imagine her to have been like in my mind's eye.

i do not want this post to be read as the Definitive Canonical Interpretation of mary. i am just doing my best to inform my analysis of mary with the text as well as building from that set foundation given to us as the audience.

with that out of the way, please enjoy.

PART ONE: MARY AS A CONCEPT

what exists of mary is filtered through the lens of memory before the cumulative letter in the respective endings we receive it. throughout sh2, her status and state of being is re-contextualized as her husband moves closer and closer to the truth of the matter. she is an individual wrapped in idealistic fantasy that is slowly and surely stripped away the longer the game goes along, and the more we actualize her as the person she once was.

this element of conceptualization and fantasy is a through-line in sh2's narrative. mary is everywhere james looks in his version of the town. she's in the rot and rust on the walls, she's in the monsters he fights and runs from, she's in the places he goes, her face and voice is maria's, and she even has some of her memories and personality traits. it is truly understated how much mary just... IS in sh2, in spite of her not being physically present.

there's also this dichotomy i've been thinking about in the inability for mary and james to exist outside of one another, thematically speaking. for fundamentally being two different people, they are inextricably tied to one another in a really unfortunate and tragic way. james grafts himself to mary's memory before her sickness and slowly begins to resent the woman she's become out of anything but her own volition, and mary grafts herself to james because... she has to.

she's sick, she's dying, she's largely bedridden and in constant pain. she cannot rely on herself anymore; she has to rely on the people around her to take care of her, and when she inevitably goes home to live out whatever time she has left... it's james she has to rely on. and while i think james finds immense comfort and pleasure in living in the past they had while refuting the present, mary is thoroughly imbedded in the present and resents the past by means of something that she can no longer have. neither of them can, but i've always interpreted mary to be a very pragmatic and proactive individual.

she discusses in her letter how pathetic and ugly she feels, how she waits in her cocoon of pain and loneliness that's been grafted onto her unwillingly while she waits for james to visit her, and it's clear to me that she is the kind of individual that puts so much emphasis on being a useful and beautiful woman. that is what gives her worth as a human being within the society in which she lives (late 80s usa in my opinion). canonically, she is a housewife, and while that certainly coheres, i'm of the belief that she was a woman who worked outside the home as well, but also someone who did not do enough unpacking to really get away from gendered roles expected of her.

i really do believe that she feels she failed james spectacularly as a partner, but also as a wife; therein, as a person in his life. both of them dealt with their own baggage regarding gendered expectations, but mary in particular's is incredibly potent and crushing if you actualize her as someone who, in turn, wanted to be the perfect wife to james. kind, patient, nurturing, submissive, etc.

of course, as we all know, the perfect wife/woman/whatever you want it to be, is an unattainable concept, because how can anybody human like mary exist within such ridiculous, reductive parameters?

PART TWO: MARY AS A PERSON

so, in that case, who was mary, then? who was she, if not this idealized vision of a wife long lost?

as i've alluded to before, i envision her as a very pragmatic and proactive person; in the video tape of her, she seems very playful and outgoing, but also contemplative, appreciative, and straightforward. i've always seen her as a very different person from james in regards to how she navigates through life.

she's comparatively much more outward and readily emotional, but seems to retain a level of quiet interiority that meshes very well with james' very inward attitude. a very typical "bubbly wife and stoic husband" sort of situation on the surface, but i've always thought that mary greatly appreciated having james as an emotional anchor of sorts; somebody who can soothe the more keyed-up aspects of her personality, given how quiet and easygoing he is.

given how she mentions how angry she was all the time at the advent of learning of her incumbent death, i view her as somebody who really does not like being out of control of her own life. she has an idea of how she wants things to be and she wants them done the way she has already since chosen. (do not interrupt her routines. she will get very irritated.) she's very particular, and i think she's had to learn how not to just take the reigns from somebody else if she perceives them to be going about something "incorrectly" because this particular flaw has led to some arguments/falling-outs with loved ones in the past.

in that particular vein, holy fuck is this woman a fixer. she needs to fix everything she possibly can. the sink's busted? don't worry, she's had a lifetime of fixing shitty plumbing in her childhood home because nobody else bothered. need a couple more bucks for gas? don't worry, she always keeps a few extra dollars on her because she knows what it's like to be a few short and not have anyone else to turn to that you can trust.

you've been deeply traumatized and scarred by your adverse childhood experiences and it's left you with maladaptive and dysfunctional coping mechanisms? don't worry, she'll be there for you, in sickness and in health.

to me, mary's the kind of person that likes seeing the fruits of her labor, too. she takes great pride in being as self-sufficient at she has been, and does very much enjoy sharing that with others as much as she can. genuinely, i think she's very giving and compassionate, but jesus, when it came to james when he was struggling (before she got sick), it certainly got a bit dire. using your wife for free emotional labor is one thing, but when that wife welcomes it for a while because she has a pervasive desire to fix everything, including you? yeah.

also, of course, mary felt a pertinent obligation to doing such, being The Wife and all, but she's also a human person and got exhausted dealing with the amount of baggage her husband had, and their relationship got pretty rocky because of james' unwillingness to seek professional help (stemming from trauma with the laughable us-healthcare system) and mary's unwillingness to recant over and over again what she has in her toolbox.

which is where silent hill comes in. a belated honeymoon of sorts, mary and james take a trip to take their mind off the doom-inspiring monotony that is domestic life, and it's great!

until it isn't.

PART THREE: TERMINAL ILLNESS

so, the nature of mary's illness has never been clearly stated canonically, but we know that it gave her a persistent cough, rendered her bedbound, made her hair fall out, and made lumps grow all over her skin. i'm of the belief that she had hansen's disease, but cancer is also incredibly plausible too.

hansen's disease is one of those things that can lie dormant for years, and it can sometimes take a decade for symptoms to surface, so i don't think it was really a matter of mary catching anything from silent hill, per se. (i do think toluca lake has just the most godawful brain-eating bacteria in it but that's aside the point.) it's definitely a curable disease, but perhaps the strain mary had was a particularly severe variant. point being, however, is that this thing ruined her inside and out.

in the beginning stages, (year 1 or so) i do think she was pretty touchy, emotionally speaking. she tries to keep up appearances as much as she can and is able to, but it's clear that something has shifted for the worst. she's much more somber in the moments of quiet. her contemplative nature turns to brooding. she smiles, still, but her smiles are undoubtedly laced with a wry, bitter sadness.

she's now toiling with thoughts of dying as a way out, too. it'd be easier if they'd just kill me, she laments at one point. simultaneously at the crux of wanting freedom from one's pain in death but terrified of said death as being eternal, too.

it's something you can't ever undo.

now... i'd say a pretty controversial aspect of mary's character during this period of time is whether or not she was abusive towards james during her illness. cases have been made, it's a fairly ambiguous situation as presented in-game, but i think mary's anger that she expressed was quiet, overall. she tried to keep it quiet, at least, and when she did lash out, it was almost always in part due to her newfound level of self-loathing. when she's yelling at james in that hallway, she's yelling at herself more than she is at him.

she's no longer a person, to herself and to others around her that treat her like a dying animal than the woman that she is; the woman that she used to be. i'd be livid if i were her, too!

she also mentions in her letter that she "struck out at everyone she loved most." i have very strong reason to believe that she loved laura, and that unfortunately, she too was caught in the crossfire of mary's mood swings/outbursts. i also think that the guilt mary expresses when we're listening to the hallway conversation is genuine; i don't think her outburst and subsequent apology was a manipulation tactic to make james feel bad.

i think she's genuinely suffering. she doesn't know what to do with these compounding negative feelings. she has nowhere to put them. james comes in at a bad time and becomes the target. after the damage has been done, she realizes this and crumbles immediately. she's hurt james. she needs to do damage control however she can.

of course, none of this is to say that women can't ever be abusive/abusers and we can have conversations about the nuances of that all day, but... it's disquieting to me to see a consistent reading of a terminally ill female character's torment and anger be read as "abusive" to further exonerate the male character's deed of murdering her. like, i think we should consider that for a bit. i think we can hold that mary's behavior was not the best, but james' wasn't, either.

mary waited for him, but he never comes. he stays away, festering in his own grief, mourning her before she's even passed. i see james' aversion to seeing her in large part as a trauma response due to past abuse while growing up; when she shouts at him like that, it drags all of those ugly feelings and memories up.

it's a relationship i see as something that was mutually declining. it was something that was left to die. much like mary was, in a lot of ways.

mary was terrified that james hated her. that she disgusted him with her appearance, that he pitied her for being ill and effectively useless to him. that was something plaintively out of her control, being in the hospital. james could've ripped the bandage off and braved seeing her. he could've talked to her. he could've rekindled what was deteriorating. but he didn't.

again, mary's proactive nature of yearning for james, wanting to see him, wanting to talk to him and talk about them and what to do when the time comes. she wants to figure this out as best she can.

but james doesn't, and he still never comes.

mary poured everything left in her that she could muster in that letter. she profusely apologized for everything, for things that weren't even her fault to begin with. she told james that she loved him in that letter, because she couldn't say it to him to his face any longer. she didn't know if she would have any time left to do such.

but she does. and however long later, he kills her.

mary isn't a perfect victim, nobody that's a victim in sh2 is supposed to be. but she is still an individual that deserves compassion nonetheless, and i think the game does its due diligence in getting that across.

PART FOUR: MARIA

i think have to at least touch upon maria a bit if you're writing a post about mary. i think that's just the way it is.

maria, as we know, is a manifestation created by silent hill as a means to confront/interrogate/"punish" james by emulating mary but with very... choice character design changes.

she's clad in leopard print and a cropped red blouse. she's a dancer at heaven's night. she has bleach blonde hair with the roots peeking in. her face is all done up. she still extroverted, but far more provocative and alluring. she's a fantasy; something unattainable.

but she could be yours in whatever way you want her to be!

maria is utterly fascinating as an interrogation of james' character, but also as a reflection of mary, too. in born from a wish, she expresses her fear of pain and death, of being alone in town with no one else around, while also toiling with suicidal ideation. (sound familiar?) she seeks out companionship in whatever form it takes, and jumps on it when she does find it in ernest.

how much of mary is maria has always been up for debate and forever will be, but i think a lot of mary lives within her. the obvious, being the memories that she has of laura and the video tape left in the lakeview hotel, her hot and cold behavior with james, but also in the existential misery she feels in born from a wish. that desire to die to escape the pain of feeling alone, but also wanting to be with somebody else more than anything, and how death would undoubtedly take that away.

i also think her dyed hair isn't even hers; mary had that haircut and dye job when she first met james at that house party all those years ago.

i think maria's standing as a sentient individual is true, but in the sense that she is the combination of both mary and james' baggage made sentient. she never truly existed for herself, as her own person. she'll always have a little bit of someone else in her, someone she doesn't even really know, and that's... utterly tragic.

i think she realized this too when she points that gun to her head. but she chose james anyways out of that same desire for companionship. maybe she could be his new mary. maybe she could be better than mary. it's truly all so fuck.

PART FIVE: CONCLUSION

mary is the reason why sh2 happens for james. full stop. you cannot have sh2 without mary. there is a foundation laid for you to examine and explore. she is as infinitely fascinating as james is, if not more so. join me.

this post is sprawling and probably a bit confused at times because i wrote it on a whim, but i HOPE that i was able to get across the larger ideas of why i love mary as a character and who she could've been before her illness and death. i didn't touch upon everything i possibly could (mary and laura's relationship deserves its own post, i think), but this post is already long enough. i'll edit it in the future, undoubtedly.

thank you so much for reading all the way. listen to her final letter and cry with me.

[lesbianphan]

The Myth of Sisyphus and PHILosophy (lol) - a brief essay on two nerds playing a game that might not be that deep but hey who's gonna stop me from pushing this boulder up the hill of writing this?

Disclaimer: it's finally my turn to use my useless degree that included a lot of literary analysis for something extremely important to society: analyzing Dan and Phil content!!! yay!!! This is about to be incredibly nerdy and waffly, but like what else are you doing with your time anyway on phannie tumblr?? (pls read it, I just reread Camus for this for the first time in years okay I'm dedicated to my craft)

"The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy." Albert Camus

As a part of Camus' essays on absurdist philosophy, The Myth of Sisyphus deals with the pointlessness of existence, through retelling the story of the greek myth about the titular character who, as a punishment for defying Death, was condemned to spend eternity pushing a boulder up a hill just to watch it fall back down. That may sound bleak, such is the futile nature of getting up every day and doing tasks, after all.

However, that's not really what the essay conveys. As the quotation provided in the beginning shows, Camus' takeaway about the myth of Sisyphus isn't about how easy it would be to take the option of not engaging at all with the repetitive tasks that make life what it is, or even focusing on how disappointing this pointlessness is. It's about how the journey of getting up everyday and motivating yourself to hit the peak of the hill is all there is to life, really. The absurd conclusion is, ultimately, that pushing the boulder up the hill everyday is what true revolt against the senselessness of the universe is. If there is no reason, we make the reason by climbing up with our rock everyday.

We choose to be happy every day and appreciate our rock, our hill, our existence as a whole. We choose to believe Sisyphus is happy, and, as disappointing at it may sound at first, it's worth it to live your existence, as long as you decide to appreciate your present more than your future (the destination, that elusive peak of the hill).

In Dan's words, you decide to have "just one good night" together every night on tour, you appreciate the journey of climbing out of that mental health hole again. You climb up that hill again and again, because it's worth it, and there are things - bigger than yourself or your personal boulder or even your destination, - that are worth fighting for every day. You embrace the void, and have the courage to exist today, not tomorrow atop the hill.

As Camus' Myth of Sisyphus was, admitedly, one of the inspirations behind We're All Doomed (and it shows!), it makes it even more intriguing to inquire about how much of their reactions to that particular game about Sisyphus informs their perspectives on the world and their personal philosophies.

As a disclaimer, I must add: I don't claim to know Dan and Phil personally, and I only have acess to the parts of them they decide to share, the performing side of them. So, quite obviously, I can be fully off the mark on this one. Still I think it's interesting to dive into, if not for accuracy, at least for better understanding of the personas they portray online, and how their worldviews bleed into it.

The first big point a lot of people brought to the table is the shift in Dan's philosophy ever since writing and performing We're All Doomed and (most likely) a lot of therapy and work on himself over the years. Gone are the days of existential crises being treated as a joke, or mental health in general being discussed without care for what the audience may take from it. During the video, it's quite apparent that he tries very hard to mantain that voice of reason (sometimes breaking it out of frustration, which is fair!), to somehow guide us into an understanding of what this philosophy means to him personally and to his self-proclaimed magum opus WAD.

This is relevant, of course, insofar as this becomes the thesis of the video, silly gameplay and jokes aside. So I couldn't not mention it here, as it's extremely noticeable and commendable of him to now have a different kind of perspective towards the topic of mental health, in this more mature era of their content. You can tell it's relevant to him to try to get the point of the myth across, in a way that tells his audience, as much as it tells himself, that giving up isn't a choice. You must keep pushing that boulder and you must believe that Sisyphus is happy, and so will you be during that journey up the hill. Even when it falls down again and you meet frustration, you pick yourself back up and keep trying to enjoy the present once again.

Secondly, regarding Dan's behavior during the gameplay, it's notable that he gets extremely frustrated when the boulder falls down (who wouldn't?). However, he always tries to catch it and put it back in the path upwards, instead of throwing his hands and giving up like Phil seems to do. This shows, very loosely, how he handles frustration in his own life: trying to fix things and get them right on path again. It's sometimes the most difficult choice to make, but it's extremely corageous to just keep trying in face of extreme frustration. We've seen it all over gaming videos, but also on his own personal projects getting shut down, and Dan still insisting on carrying on creating things that are personal to him, even in face of rejection.

Phil, however, seemed to give up out of frustration extremely easily, so much so that Dan kept pointing it out how he'd let go of the controls and let it happen. It might not mean much, but since he himself claims he gives up on things that are too difficult, it might just be an aspect of his personality to literally let go in face of things he perceives as impossible to achieve.

It is also notable that when he made a mistake, no matter how competitive they usually are on the surface, Phil decided to ask Dan for help, or try to tag out entirely and hand it over. This may not only be related to frustration, but also to knowing how to ask for help, and also a belief that Dan is "the strongest one out of both of us" and he will be there always to help (quite adorable). Dan's tenacity in front of difficult situations is a great complement to Phil's anxious eagerness to hand over the controls when things get overwhelming.

It's interesting to point out how their personal worldview influenced their gameplay as well. Dan was focused, sharp, driven to get to the top of the mountain by keeping in complete control of the boulder at all times. He held on tight to the challenges and kept going, and he wasn't afraid to run back and catch himself enough to try again. Phil's style showed something very interesting about him that is notable in gaming videos in particular: Phil's propensity for making little goals and celebrating the little things in the path to a goal.

Getting through one obstacle that was once difficult is enough to make Phil seem content with his progress. He celebrates every little step of the journey and, in that way, it's easier for him to appreciate it naturally. He's focused on the little tasks more than the big picture, and that makes the experience more enjoyable. His goals shift, of course, as they progress through the level, and the difficulty ramps up. Even so, he's still more likely to point out that's the farthest they've gotten and, hey look at this ramp, let's get through this ramp and then we've won, because that's my goal right now, and that's enough to make me happy in the present.

This counterbalances Dan's more bleak outlook wonderfully as well. While Dan is focused on making it to the top of the hill, and gets extremely discouraged seeing there's a lot more ahead they'll never get to experience, Phil's view is that they got through that one challenge and, surely, next time they'll get through one more, and so on and so forth. Focusing on smaller things is, ultimately, a good way of finding happiness in the process of pushing up that boulder.

Moreover, Phil's brief comment about how you could "make up little stories in your head" is also extremely telling of the kind of person he is. As Camus' philosophy claims: the only way to live with an absurd world is by living through it and learning what it means to be happy in a world that doesn't make sense. In Phil's mind, a bearable way to get through the harrowing experience of every day existence is making up stories, which matches up with his creative mind. Art and creation are indeed things that can make life worth living, and it seems that even subconsciously, that's the path he'd choose against the pointlessness of repetition. The joy of creation is, certainly, and extremely human and beautiful way to find meaning in life.

The most interesting point I'd like to raise, though, is how they got through that game together: as much as Dan accused Phil of distracting him, it was interesting to see that he didn't notice that's entirely the point. The boulder falling down is nothing compared to the stories we share, the conversations we make. What is important is the journey you take, and hearing about your best friend's weird school inter-sports anecdotes, even if you have to start over because you got distracted.

And that's entirely the point I'd like to leave this of with: pushing up that boulder is only worth it if you learn to live, if you learn to love, if you learn to enjoy the present moment, instead of focusing on that ever elusive destination. Therefore, what makes not only the video interesting, but also the game bearable at all, is their interaction with each other. Much like in life as partners, Dan and Phil would, obviously, climb that hill together. They would find the joy in the little moments together, laugh, yell, get frustrated, pick each other back up again in moments of frustration, and keep going up that hill together.

The only way to live is if one imagines Sisyphus happy. The only way to exist is if you decide that, no matter what, you'll create your own meaning. The only way is to find joy in the now instead of later. The only way to make those grueling day to day tasks happy and fun, is by choosing hapiness. Dan and Phil have, in every sense, decided to keep climbing up that hill of existence together. It may be slow and clumsy and loud at times, but it's their own experience. Ultimately, the only way to experience that gaming content is by imagining Dan and Phil are happy to make it for us, and that we can all share a little bit of our hill in moments of laughter and community. That's what makes life worth it in the end.

A/N: this may be the weirdest thing I've ever done, pls accept me for who I am, thank!

[deeplyshalllow]

Just curious since you do a good job of analysing film fiyeraba but do you think Jonathan Bailey is bringing any of his experience as a gay man in regards to his portrayal of Fiyero. Like yes we do get him flirting with everyone in shiz in the musical film but do you think he might be doing more then that and drawing from his own experiences and using that in regards to how Fiyero’s relates to Elphaba granted we don’t know how the film universe views queer people or relationships but it does at least seem somewhat like it’s not that common or wildly accepted from an in universe perspective not necessarily prejudiced against. Granted this might be because universal is not aiming to portray this and wants to appeal to as wide a audience as possible and keeping toned down for that reason but it could be a interesting perspective to explore in analysis and fanfic in regards to how different areas of Oz view queer people. Like maybe Elphaba (and maybe glinda) realise liking the same gender or both is thing because of Fiyero and he assures them that it’s normal

I feel like I may not be the best person to answer this (other people please contribute!) but I wonder if Jonathan brings some of his experience masking his sexuality to the role?

We know Fiyero feels like he has to hide a part of himself when he presents himself to other people in public, that he has to perform and act a certain way, and I can imagine Jonathan might have felt the same way when he was not publicly out.

Saying that, I love love love, pansexual Fiyero, it's such a great addition to his character and Jonathan looked like he was having such a good time portraying him as so!

[alittlebitofloveliness]

Stevepop social media au is actually such a cool idea, I crave to hear more of your thoughts on it

Hi anon! This is for you, @battleslippers and @raindrvq who all wanted more stevepop social media au. I will warn you, I got a little carried away.

Stevepop Social Media Au:

-The TikTok thing wasn’t supposed to be a success, Soda honestly just started it for fun but he gains a following pretty quick. Part of its his pretty face and part of it’s his demeanour- he is magnetic after all

-Most of his videos are either him doing stupid internet challenges and failing miserably or kind of just rambling into the camera like its some sort of video diary

-The first video that went sort of viral was just him trying and failing to twerk. The footage itself is kind of shaky because whoever is filming is laughing so hard.

-Despite how much he loves internet challenges he refuses to try any that involve a lot of waste. To him the idea of wasting a bunch of food or anything really is absurd

-The gang ends up in a lot of his videos, either just in glimpses when he’s walking around filming himself, or in the background when he’s trying challenges or whatever. Like, TikTok is fun for him but everyone else just kind of leaves him to it, so sometimes Ponyboy, Johnny, and Dal will be in the background playing poker or video games, or Darry will come home from work, or you’ll see Two-bit smoking a cigarette and his audience is so intrigued by them because it makes Soda seem so human.

-A lot of his content involves him pranking Darry simply because of how confused Darry gets before he figures out what’s going on

-In the background of almost every video you can hear someone laughing at him or sometimes heckling. It distracts Soda every time and his face visibly lights up when he turns away from the camera and argues back

-His comment section speculates so hard about who the voice is. Some people think its Two-bit or Dallas until someone else points out that they’re visible in the background of some videos and the voice is still present when they're not talking, and thus clearly not coming from either of them. The speculation gets to the point that his whole comment section is just people wondering about who the voice belongs to

-Soda eventually adresses it with one offhand sentence: “oh that’s just Stevie, he doesn’t like TikTok” 

-The comments section goes wild. Now they have a name to go with the offscreen voice, but they still don’t have a face. 

-It kind of gets to the point where his following is more invested in analysing every instance of hearing Steve and trying to catch a glimpse of him than they are in Soda’s actual content

-Of course, the close analysis leads to people noticing just how…flirty some of Steve and Soda’s banter is and the fanbase is suddenly split. Some people think Soda can’t possibly be gay and the others are highly convinced Soda and Steve are a couple and Soda’s just trying to keep their relationship on the down low

-Of course, the many many nicknames and the way Soda’s eyes light up whenever he looks off camera really don’t help speculation

-…There’s also the video where Ponyboy and Johnny came in when he was filming by himself and Ponyboy started rubbing his eyes and going “holy shit, is that…Soda without Steve? Are my eyes deceiving me?” “Shut up Pony, don’t joke about that, clearly he’s grieving the loss of his other half- since death is the only thing that could separate those codependent idiots for more than five minutes.” “SHUT UP you two I’m trying to film a video” “of what, you sucking ass at dancing?” “GO AWAY!”

-…and then there’s the video where Soda’s doing some sort of workout routine and ends up shirtless and Steve’s voice gets about an octave deeper even when he teases Soda seemingly like normal

-The comments section LOSES it at that one.

-Ponyboy and Johnny make their own TikTok account and they use it solely to make fun of Soda’s (and by extension Steve). Actual dialogue from one of their videos has Pony in a shitty blond wig going “internet people stop saying me and my buddy Steve are together. It’s super normal to make out with your guy best friend, we’re just guys being dudes”. Another has Johnny (wearing a name tag with Steve written on it) watching Ponyboy do jumping jacks and saying “if you’re not ogling your best friend while he works out, what are you doing? Pretending you’re not turned on? Get real”

-Ponyboy and Johnny’s channel is only live for a week before its mysteriously deleted. They’re also both sporting a few bruises when they’re spotted in the background of Soda’s latest video

-Unfortunately, Pony and Johnny’s account caused the speculation to get even worse. No matter what Soda posts, the comments section is just speculation about him and Steve.

-Surprisingly, it’s Steve who gets fed up one day when Soda is doing a TikTok live and getting visibly annoyed at all the comments and speculation. He steps into frame, kisses Soda soundly on the mouth and turns to the camera. “Hey. I’m Steve. I hate TikTok, I’m Soda’s best friend, and as of last week, his boyfriend. Now respectfully, shut the fuck up talking about me.”

-The comment section loses it’s shit but eventually goes back to simply commenting on Soda’s content once it becomes clear Steve isn’t going to make another appearance and Soda isn’t going to talk about it.

-The end :)