#He never got the chance to experience it

[k0fii]

Mutual Love and One-Sided Obsession

Love is mutual and that's the fundamental difference of MiziSua and IvanTill. That's what Ivan understood in his final moments - and that's why he said his feelings were shallow.

Prefacing this, not really an analysis but more of a personal connection and overview of the songs of alnst, with a quote from Richard Siken on love.

"If it was unrequited, it wasn't your first love, it was your first desire. You've got all your loves ahead of you. That sounds pretty great to me."

My Clematis; Love and the Significance of a Duet

My Clematis is a song that stands out amidst all other Alien Stage performances. Not only because it's a duet with the intentions of a tie, but also because Mizi and Sua are singing this song to and for each other. Instead of catering to the audience before them, they look to each other. In an act of defiance, they love each other. Sua sings to Mizi, as Mizi sings to Sua and this performance isn't for anyone else but them. It's beautiful, enchanting and Sua's death is made more painful by that love that's so clearly shown to the audience. Even as Sua is taken away from Mizi, nobody can deny the fact that they love each other. That the feeling between them was undeniably love.

Unknown (Till the End...); Idolization

In juxtaposition to My Clematis' heavy focus on the duet between Mizi and Sua, UTTE makes it a point to show how Till takes the spotlight all for himself one-sidedly, not even allowing his opponent to sing. In a way, this represents the extent of Till's idolization - only his feelings, the admiration for this idealized version of Mizi he has in his head are sang and borderline shouted out. The other singer is drowned out in Till's intense voice and declaration of love;

"Ain't nobody but you're the one that I'm feeling it's love"

However, Till fails to realize that the thing he wanted - Mizi's gaze to look back at him too - is rooted in reciprocity. It means allowing the other singer to get their voice out, it means allowing this preconceived notion he has of her in his head to be shattered by the reality of who Mizi truly is. UTTE is a representation of how Till's deluded image of Mizi overpowers the reality he currently lives in, it's a form of escape for someone who has always been shackled by chains.

It's a contradiction present in the song itself;

"I wanna know all about you (ya)"

For all Till sings that he wants to get to know Mizi, he never attempts to get closer to her and always, in his view of her, she's far away like an idol he can't reach. Like a god to a sinner that needs saving. It's the first desire of wanting to be saved, of wanting a saint to reach out their hand to you. And that first desire, as much as Till proclaims it to be love for its intensity, is known as something that's not love, something closer to obsession because of that very same intensity. Because that intensity prevents him from loving who Mizi truly is apart from who she represents in his head - again, it drowns it out.

Black Sorrow; Unrequitedness

Black Sorrow starts off with an admission; Ivan can't reach Till. He'll always follow him, even if he recognizes that all this will end in is tragedy. He constantly speaks of an absence - foreshadowing of Cure perhaps, but also of Till leaving him and turning back, of Till always choosing to not stay by his side, to chase for an unreachable idol. To the viewer, Black Sorrow is a song solely focused on Ivan but we can see in the video that Ivan allows his opponent to sing - a representation of his subservient nature but also perhaps of the fact he sees Till. He allows Till to sing out in deafening roars and sees him for what he is, and admires him for that. In contrast to UTTE's idealistic nature, Black Sorrow is very much rooted in reality. Till is pointedly not awake during this song - once again, he doesn't see Ivan but also he is not woken up to the reality that Ivan forces him to face. If not rooted in love because of the acknowledgement of unrequitedness, then what is Ivan's desire? It's to drown in his chosen black sea of sorrow.

Cure; Obsession and the Significance of a Duet

Ivan and Till both sing to someone who is not listening, they both sing to someone who is not looking at them in contrast to My Clematis.

"Dissolve me in your gaze

...

Please, leave me scars

Please, hurt me so that

Not a single drop of me remains

Let me drown in you"

Till wants to drown in the fantasy he's created for himself - going back to the sinner analogy, he wants everything of him that he views as wrong cleansed by Mizi's saintly presence. For once, Till lacks the same conviction he did before - he's pleading now, and asking as if praying to a dead god. Maybe it's because he thinks Mizi is gone, maybe it's because he thinks he's beyond saving.

"May they linger on your tongue

You can break me apart

...

I'll drown in you"

Ivan remains the same, steadfast in his determination and doubling down on his declarations in Black Sorrow. He doesn't ask - he knows his 'love' is unrequited, but that he will drown in it anyways.

"To this everlasting melody

Face to face we dance

With our story

Lost in forever's embrace"

Despite the lyrics stating that they stand face to face, they don't - one is always looking away. That's why, the story of what they are and what could've came to be is lost in the embrace of a time that's both not there and forever there. What they could've been is not what they are because of that everlasting melody, the obsession the two of them have that is distinctly not love because it's unrequited. Because they will always ask to be consumed in another's gaze instead of simply looking at each other and seeing. Because Till's first desire is to be saved and Ivan's first desire is to drown, the round would have always ended that way.

"Thank you for being the victim of my shallow emotions."

Ivan thought he and Sua were similar at one point. He felt jealous when he realized that the fundamental difference between them was that Sua was loved, and he was not. I think that in his final moments, he recognized this jealousy for what it was - the incessant human need to be loved and to be wanted. And what does that love entail? He sees it in Mizi and Sua, it means loving and being loved in return. That's what love is, and with heartbreaking clarity, he understands that it's not what has driven him or Till this far. A one-sided obsession could never be love, because love is always mutual. To love is to be seen, to be known. Ivan was not the former, Till was not the latter.

He steels himself, he will drown in these shallow emotions, just as he always planned (even if the sacrifice was not). He knows this sacrifice seems hypocritical, but it couldn't be with such a simple yet clear difference.

Compared to the deep grief brought about by the deep and intense emotions of love and loss, the pain he will cause Till will only be as shallow as his own emotions. Because it only reached Ivan, only drowned him and it never seemed to reach Till.

[sonicvoid]

"Where have you been?" Unwell. Next question.

Severely unwell.

[llitchilitchi]

dumb little comic based off this

some extra thoughts under the cut

this started as a silly joke because I sincerely adore this meme and after reading the tags in the reblogs I couldn't help myself. but while drawing all the scales on their linothoraxes I started thinking about this more

now, as confident as Alexander was, everyone has doubts every once in a while, and he would probably be proud enough to cover the true deeper meaning of these insecurities under something silly (or poetic. he would probably quote Euripides for all we know.) 'would you still love me as a worm?' - would you still love me if I wasn't the great king? would you still love me if I wasn't your commander? would you still love me if I lost a battle? would you still love me if I lost the war? would you still love me if I lost my kingship now? would you still love me if I was crippled in battle, if I could no longer lead and fight? would you still love me if I was no longer the richest, most powerful man in the world? would you still love me if I was a soldier, if I was a servant, a slave? would you still love me if I was a worm?

it was one thing for them to be friends and lovers in youth, quite another once he proved himself undefeatable time and time again, after he took Egypt and Babylon and Persepolis. and with people he considered close betraying him, he'd grow.... anxious, I think. I don't want to say outright paranoid, but he likely worried that the people he cares for deeply no longer loved him, and only pretended to for his favour, which meant everything in his new empire. he likely had such thoughts more often the further he got in life. or maybe I'm just projecting, who knows. either way this was an interesting thing to consider.

[ahappydnp]

thinking about your reply about the house and it’s kinda killing me, as someone who also has strong mechanisms against any form of hedonism, that the universe conspired not only to have him date Phil but also that the more he indulges in the lightness it brings the better his career is actually doing

i mean this could be a whole psychosocial tangent about growing up in a constant state of fight or flight therefore associating the home environment with struggle and subconsciously rejecting ease out of self preservation. i think dan, like many people who had a rough time up until adulthood, struggle with making that switch of feeling comfortable with peace. especially post coming out/leaving the internet which was such a significant stressor for him paired with the existing safety of living with phil. and all of that is going to lead someone to think they need some sort of visceral suffering to produce something "worthy"

but exactly like you said! dan thrives when he indulges in his own lightness and lets himself just be. i completely get why it's hard to let go, but yeah when he lets himself be happy it just reflects in every aspect of his public life we can see. something something "might fuck around and stop giving a fuck and actually just enjoy life"

[mythalism]

When playing veilguard I though I sort of liked it while playing, maybe a 6/10. But the longer it's been the more I actively dislike it? I don't even really know why exactly but there was barely anything memorable. It's just fodder to me. No replay value at all. I've put over 300 hours in it trying to make the game different but even without the da keep it's just so limiting. Nothing matters. Looking back on it I'd have to adjust my score to a 3/10. Doesn't help that I find Rook the most insufferable protag I ever had the displeasure of playing as. What a shallow unfunny child. I don't I'll ever play a new bioware game again.

agreed instead of marinating in my brain like a juicy, complexly flavored steak (or tofu) that truly ripens and deepens with time, it has rotted and soured the longer it sits. the artbook showing us what could have been didnt help

[wackywatchdotcom]

what intrigues me is how kinger and queenie are written by people who clearly dont know a lot about entomology

[hauntingmiser]

Finally the last survival goobers

And two pretty cool skins

Also warning for disturbing imagery for chances lore I put up because it's just yeye

[kismetconstellations]

☆.☆.☆

[hauntingblue]

making a collection

making another collection with a threatening aura

[astrolotte]

Genuinely intrigued by the potential of Peri and Irep's dynamic but only in a platonic way so I end up not vibing with the fandom's portrayal of it 😔😔😔

(No but listen LISTEN they were kinda-almost-friends when we last saw them in FOP, yeah? Now they're enemies, with both actively fighting each other, and Irep going so far as to try and kill Peri's parents. What happened? When? What influenced it? Did they ever become friends, or did it nosedive the moment the cameras turned off? What about Sammy? How do Irep's parents factor into this? Could it ever be fixed? There's just so much we haven't seen, and romance just feels like too easy a solution to me. Let their friendship be easy to break, fragile. Let them have to work to keep the connection. Fairies and Anti-Fairies are literally made to be opposites, so what happens when two genuinely and truly become friends?)

((and yeah I guess a lot of this could factor into a romantic angle but ALAS the fandom seems to be leaning heavily into the funny toxic yaoi angle 😔 I don't mind it! By all means, please have your very harmless fun! But it ain't my jam :P Perhaps I'll have to write a oneshot myself...))

(((see tags for more rambles i guess. whoops a bitch spoke too much in there as he always does)))

[shannonsketches]

something something foils moving in opposite directions Goku's always happy to seek and fight stronger opponents because he spent most of his life being the strongest guy in the room and Vegeta wants to be the strongest/is always exhausted to find stronger opponents because he spent most of his life having to navigate his survival around the whims of the strongest guy in the universe room and so Goku has a foundation of safety and stability and so spends his time craving challenge and adventure and Vegeta has a foundation of challenge and adventure and spends his time craving safety and stability and the overlaid section of their venn diagram is that the only way they know how acquire and maintain those things is through battle

[bbygrlmarkscout]

I've watched the reintegration scene SEVEN TIMES now and I still get full body chills from it..

The slight change in his voice when he says "you mean what quarter?" is INSANE!!! Ever so slightly more child-like and higher in pitch than all his previous answers ... Fucking 😭 And then the editing.. how was his posing so precise despite the costume changes ?? The precision angles and exact same expressions. The scene and episode ending with the phrase "who are you?" The same phrase that starts the show?? (And again when Mark first meets Reghabi)

SHOCK. AWE. WONDER.

[frenchy-and-the-sea]

Have YOU been following my inconsistent and largely incoherent ramblings about my Curse of Strahd game? Ever wondered who exactly I'm talking about when I refer to "the fighter" or "the rogue" in our party? No? TOO BAD. This is my blog and I do what I want, up to and including writing up a little who's who on the party in question.

Under a cut, of course, because I'm not a monster.

The Barovia Tour Group

Elowyn "Wyn" Bannon

Played by yours truly. From a noble family out of Neverwinter, whose recently acquired nobility stems not from blood, but from the fact that they helped open a bunch of mines on a minor lord's land and made him a ton of money. Wyn abdicated this responsibility thanks to some unpleasantness with her brother (of the "died and came back wrong thanks to her" variety) and ended up in Barovia as a nice little nightcap to her terrible awful no-good very bad luck. A tiefling cleric of the grave domain, she is currently functioning as the team's plan-maker and guiding hand, which she absolutely should not be. Well-spoken, practical, and extremely grim even in comparison to Barovian sensibilities, except when her very ridiculous sense of humor is tickled by the party wizard. Which is often. Has a soft spot for him, and for the party fighter.

Francis "Frank" Nigel Fourter

If you catch the very stupid joke of his name, you win a prize. A farmhand gone wannabe swordsman, Frankie began his losing streak to the hands of fate when he joined up with what he thought was an adventuring party and what ended up being a roving group of bandits. This revelation came to him as they were actively robbing Wyn, and while he helped her escape and swore an oath to protect her for the rest of the trip to Waterdeep, they were left with nothing but a waterskin and a handful of gold between them. They joined up with the fateful caravan that dragged the entire party into Barovia shortly after, and I'm sorry to say that poor Frankie's luck hasn't improved much since. Earnest, good-hearted, and loyal maybe to a fault, Frankie's obsession with stories of wandering do-gooders and with his battered copy of "Van Richten's Picture Guide to Monster Hunting" has figured largely into his protective nature. The party fighter, with lofty aspirations of paladinship. Might be the only one with a positive integer as their strength modifier. Himbo extraordinaire, as described by his player. Got traumatized in the Vallakovich house and all he got was this lousy t-shirt.

Orxim Brynhildr

Another Neverwinter native, Orxim is an artisan goldsmith whose proficiency with tinkering has earned him a space as the party artificer. He fumbled his way into Barovia with the rest of us because he was traveling to Waterdeep with his old guildmaster's mark, having recently inherited it upon said guildmaster's death. Which doesn't sound QUITE like how a master's title should work, but no one in the party knows enough about artisans guilds to question it. (Except maybe Wyn, but she has somehow managed to never be in the room when this comes up.) Courtly, studious, and maybe a little too keen on that book we got from Strahd's library. Very afraid of spiders. Acts like he learned noble etiquette out of a book, or from a bad TV show. Helped his master make the distinctive golden leg of a certain NPC before said master's untimely end. The second of our three human party members.

Tobias the Magnificent/Wizard of the Stars/Whatever other silly bullshit he's come up with recently

A wandering conman and self-made divination wizard, Tobias spent most of his time pre-Barovia swindling people out of their cash by plying them with his "fortune-telling" prowess. Flippant, self-confident, and particularly keen on uncovering hidden knowledge, Tobias has all of the makings of a bastard except that he can't seem to stop being so goddamn nice all the time. His penchant for absurd, straight-faced humor in the face of despair makes him one of the few fonts of levity in Barovia, and a central star around which the party often operates. Clever and incredibly book-smart, but with absolutely no charisma score to speak of. Obsessed with all things magic. Uses spellcasting to show off almost constantly, in a way that would be annoying if he wasn't so ridiculously theater kid about it. Got so freaked out by an encounter with an entity that wanted to make a deal with him for knowledge that he's been asking Wyn about finding god for a cleric multiclass. Gives startlingly good hugs.

Conner Silverblade

The party rogue. Hasn't deigned to share much about himself save that he lived for no small amount of time in a sewer. Keen on nothing so much as stealing anything he can get his hands on, even against advisement. Maybe especially against advisement. Had a run-in recently with some delicate cargo that made all of our lives difficult. The only other non-human in the party besides Wyn. He's HERE, I guess???

[joleneghoul]

Im sorry i get like its a continuation of the previous game so as the PLAYER you may have sympathy for Solas and want to save him but from the MAIN CHARACTER standpoint of datv why would Rook of all characters feel any need to do so by the end? Like unless u romanced him in inquisition, it's not like the inquisitor puts up a huge argument for him.

I dont even feel like the regret memories add to his defense much from Rooks perspective, esp with some backgrounds.

Like theres multiple times characters are like "rook trust us he isnt actually bad" but never addresses what he did to Rook? Narriatively why would Rook give a fuck what other ppl are saying when they lived first hand his worst? U cant even have conversations with ur team abt what happened really from Rooks perspective. Weird.

Oh well just something to expand on in my head ig.

[lotsofsq]

like the WORST floral you can even IMAGINE the kind you see on sports shorts and work out tanks

[ID copied in alt text: a drawing of mr benedict in a very loud floral suit. he is wearing a black vest under and a pocket chain, the tie is a little bow. he is clean shaven and looks very pleased with himself. he says “do you like my new suit?” there is an arrow pointing to the suit that reads “the most atrocious floral print ever”]

[silvermeww]

12. An unpopular character you like? (and why more people should like them)

asdfghjk THANKS FOR THE ASK I'M GIVING YOU SO MUCH <33 RN

Ooh, hmm, this'll be fun. there are so many examples in pokeani and honestly some are a little eh, but then I remembered how almost every comment I see about 'worse' characters seem to include Max and I just don't get it?? How can anyone hate him??

(fun fact, when I was first watching him - in dub mind you - I also really didn't like him much. but I was coming off from the end of the OG, which was pretty sad considering who we lost, and tbh especially in 4kids early seasons dub EVERYONE was pretty unlikeable. I think I hated almost everyone back in the early gens at some point lol; I can be real vindicative but I think watching the whole thing taught me to take my time before judging stuff :v)

But yeah!! I really don't get the hate. Oh, so he said that Ash sucked for getting 8th place in the Silver Conference - can we all remember that a) legit kid and b) he's seeing this guy lose to an evolved starter from his own region of the SAME type as Ash's. It's like watching a Venasaur lose to Meganium if you're from Kanto; you'll be feeling pretty patriotic and stuff too ngl, especially if you don't have any battle experience yet.

But he acts so smart - Yes, and?? I don't see anyone talk about how Gary was coming up in the first season spouting random facts only to lose in the prelims and get a lower place than Ash. Again, I wish that people remember that Max is the kid of a Gym Leader, who reads and watches Leagues to make up for not being able to watc the Gym Battles taking place under the same roof, who dreams of becoming as strong if not stronger than his father. He's going to have high expectations. He's going to think that knowledge is everything. He's going to show off as much as he can, to make up for the fact that he's the only one in the group who isn't a Trainer. And I love how he learns that you have to actually interact with Pokemon to learn what it's all about, that you can't replace experience, that you can still experience things now even if you are too young to start. There isn't a limit to going out and interacting with the world. He doesn't have to wait. He's allowed to make mistakes and own up and not know stuff and grow, now and in the future. In a way, he's learning the same things as May, and I think that's wonderful.

And while I wish that he could've gotten a Pokemon while on the journey (one that he could keep à la XY with Bonnie), I'm fine with what he had in Advanced. He got to see Gym Battles. He got to travel two (2) regions. He got to see different aspects of being a Trainer, as a Coordinator and as a Breeder/Doctor. He got the recognition of his father in the end and was able to get into the Gym business. He got to play and learn with so many Pokemon and just act his age for once, instead of having to grow up to make up the percieved difference (wrongly percieved, might I add). Dang it, he brefriended two Mythical Pokemon (Jirachi and that other Deoxys). I dunno, he's doing pretty well for himself. Sure he's snappish and remarks on a bunch of stuff, but AG is full of that (ugh Ash was on another level, especially in Hoenn) (we don't talk about flat Brock) and S1 Kanto was way worse.

Anyways everyone go out and appreciate this goober. He did not bond with this Ralts for nothing and I swear I did not cry in this ep just for everyone to hate him. His character growth was awesome and if we ever get a Chronicles 2.0 I need to see his journey (the kids that go with Ash legit get such powerful Pokemon I fear for the competition lol).