#this is making me insane i feel like im insane. how is this some sort of outlandish take to have
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reminder that this is the bare minimum and all disabled folk deserve this and so much more and you should expect this in a partner or good friend
find someone like my dad who for my disabled mom
constantly researched more and more about her disease
spoke up for her without her having to ask him to by making sure she gets the rest and care she needs or yelling at people or healthcare workers not listening to her
encouraged her to seek disability checks and let her quit her job because she couldn't work
helped her take care of herself and spoiled her
took her to the ER more than three times in a single day because she kept injuring herself due to a multitude of factors
doesn't get mad at her when he has to stop work regularly to go help her because shes fallen
it legit makes me so so sad that people ignore the needs of people they care about especially disabled people because in any relationship its taking care of both of your needs no matter if one has more or different ones and literally sometimes i hear from my friends about people not doing these things op said for them and i literally feel violent because its literally so selfish and evil imo and im so sorry that some people dont do this for you because its so important. i see it a lot because i irl know some people with chronic illnesses and its actually insane for me that people can not directly try to help people and listen to them like my good friend from high school was chronically ill and it was a terrible experience watching how people didnt give him the patience and understanding he needed
(im sorry im really passionate about this sort of thing and i hope you like this rb and it makes sense and op if you want to infodump about your chronic illness IM ALWAYS UP FOR IT)
people that adapt to your chronic illness,
people that give you a ride and pick you up places without making you feel guilty
people that go to the ER with you
people that make sure to walk slowly so you can keep up while using a mobility aid
people that are willing to try different things to help you
people that are willing to learn and listen to you when speaking about your chronic illness
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I need to hear about WLW Marbit plssss
OKAY IM AWAKE NOW.
So last night me and some mutuals were yapping up a storm because someone had mentioned how a highschool production had a female two-bit and how marbit went crazy and since we all know I'm literally insane over wlw marbit we started yapping.
I fear I wrote SO much but I hope yall enjoy this because it's just me yapping and probably doesn't make sense.
So I believe @girlishwhimsies had mentioned soft butch two-bit x fem marcia and I fear I have NOT stopped thinking about it. Like godddd imagine all the events that happened.
Like Marcia a girl who has dated a lot of guys just praying to feel some sort of feeling back first talking to two-bit who is by far the coolest fucking girl she's ever seen and realizing something was different about this girl. Marcia who had learned very quickly in life that things were very "black and white" and there are rules she has to follow to stay with her collective group. Despite knowing that she still give this girl her number in hopes of... something.
Then Bob dies and her focus turns to Cherry and her boyfriend who's she's always just convinced herself she's liked him even though he sort of treats her like shit.
Two-Bit who the jokester still in her group full of boys and just having a blast is so silly to me. She's still a amazing fighter who's just pretty much doing whatever she wants without a care in the world. Her constantly getting in trouble at school for wearing pants and shorts at school. Two who stayed behind in order to watch over Johnny and ponyboy is actually so important to me (I believe @brunetteairhead said this at some point ‼️).
Two-Bit who has always seemed so brave and strong literally falling all over the place because of some soc girl who is prettier than anyone she's ever seen at the drive-in. She like tripping over herself trying to impress marcia because she's never met a soc girl like her before. She's quick-witted and confident and that takes two by surprise. And getting Marcia’s number was the highlight of her night. While walking home doubt settling and making her decide to toss the number assuming it was fake makes me so sick.
Then Johnny and pony run away and everything goes down from there. She see Marcia once in the week their two youngest are gone and it's at the police station. Marcia doesn't see her but two spots her almost immediately. Marcia is just staring off into space and the bag underneath her eyes are dark. Two was leaving after being questioned so they never got to talk again.
Then later that week two gets jumped. Marcia standing there with her back turned hurt her for more than any kick or punch she got from the socs pinning her down. Long after her torment two wasn't sure what she was going to do, she could barely walk let alone all the way to the curtis residence and that's when she sees someone coming towards her. Marcia coming back and helping Two and two finds herself in Marcia's house holding her side because it hurts like a bitch but she can't believe she's in Marcias house. The two of them practically losing it because they both sense there's something there but both know they can't act on it because Marcia still has a boyfriend and two still worried about her friends. (Marcia breaks things off with trip after this because she doesn't want to be with someone who thinks its okay to hurt others .)
Them meeting eachother after a few months post book and both of them just kicking their feet n shit because they are SO down right bad. Two-bit yapping to soda about marcia knowing she likes her so bad and Marcia yapping to Cherry about how two isn't like any boy she's ever met and how she really wants their friendship to be good and Cherry hesitantly pointing out how she thinks Marcia might want more than that and marcia freaking out because she knows that it's wrong to want to see herself with this girl. A girl who seems so impossibly strong and a girl who just seemed to understand her better than anyone she's ever known. She knows it's wrong but she can't find it in herself to care. She denys her feelings for awhile because she doesn't want to ruin everything she's worked so hard to build.
The two of them hanging out more and more until eventually they are hanging out at Marcias and two is allowing Marcia to paint her nails despite not necessarily caring too much about like having her nails being done etc but she can't find it in herself to say no to Marcia whenever she makes that face that looks like a puppy who just got kicked so she always agrees. Anyways the two of them are laughing and joking and Marcia like brushes a curl out of two-bit face and the both of them sort of freeze because they are so close together. Two-bit shockingly makes the first move and kisses Marcia (ofc with a bit of hesitation but Marcia meets her halfway) and the both of them just pull away both shocked that they just kissed.
Marcia in that moment does panic for a moment before realizing that she liked the kiss and that no kiss that she's ever shared with a boy ever felt like that. Part of her couldn't find it in her to care that this was "wrong." It felt right and she wanted more, she wanted to sit here and be happy with two.
Meanwhile two is panicking so bad because Marcia is just sitting there with this shocked expression and two-bit is frantically apologizing and trying so hard not to scream or cry she doesn't know herself bit then Marcia takes two-bits hands and tells her that it's alright and that she liked it which catches two completely off guard.
"Wait you did?"
"..yeah"
Anyways after that fact they just sort of just do not talk about it for the rest of the night because the both of them have no clue how to go about talking about what they are so they just wrap up their hangout and go about their week. Two-bit absolutely losing it the next day to soda and is practically screaming over how the kiss was and how she doesn't know what to do and marcia reluctantly yapping to cherry and cherry fully saying "I told you so" and marcia just going crazy because she wants to hold Two-bits hand and she wants to be able to kiss her again but not knowing if Two-Bit wants the same(she does) and they are just complete messes I fear.
ANYWAYS once they start dating they have sleep overs all the time. Two-bit will go to the curtis house and they immediately know she was at Marcias because her nails will be all nice and pretty and her hair will be all nicely braided and she is giving them the look of 'don't you dare talk about it'. Soda totally makes fun of her for it and they almost always end up fighting on the ground.
Anyways I have no clue if any of that makes sense but they've truly taken over my life I fear.
#the outsiders#the outsiders musical#the outsiders broadway#marcia the outsiders#marbit#two bit mathews#wlw marbit#GODDD i love them#i fear theyve taken over my mind its so bad#qpr server got me cooking so hard#qpr server this is ur fault ly tho#sodapop curtis#the outsiders headcanons#the outsiders fanfiction#ponyboy curtis#johnny cade
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save me old flipnote studio MVs.......
#im going thru old flipnotes i used to watch years ago and ouggghhg so many good ones#is twenty one pilots still popular.... do people still remember the TRNDSTTER and marble soda meme.........#its like im unlocking some sort of primal part of my brain and everything is coming back to me. one of my biggest inspirations as a kid#i still remember thinking the final transmission lyrics were the coolest thing and watching =TopHat= Bee and Melissa over and over#theres a very specific feeling of longing and nostalgia looking back and watching these again years later#especially when there isnt anything genshin or mcyt and instead its either fnaf undertale eddsworld or another obscure#interest... and not even fnaf sister location its like fnaf 3 and 2. its THAT old. and a lot of oc MVs especially pokemon ocs and furries..#god but they were so creative u know. i still find it amazing ppl took this little lightbox animation on the fucking NINTENDO DS and#cranked it all the way to 11.. like if u look at the transitions and movement its so fucking fluid its insane..!! HOW DO YOU MAKE THE#CHARACTERS SPIN??? AND CHANGING CAMERA ANGLES??? and keep in mind youre doing this all with a shitty stylus#on a THREE BY TWO INCH SCREEN. you only get two layers you can go up to 29FPS and you only have 999 slides to work with#and 24FPS eats up a lot of that. absolutely insane it literally boggles my mind every time i think about it. AND SOME ARE EVEN FULL COLOR#i forgot how popular EDM was back then too...they were really good for timing beats though so you get a lot of MVs with#strobe last and marble soda. porter robinsons goodbye to a world was also popular with undertale and oc MVs. also a lot of vocaloid#someone made a flipnote abt the warner bros fnaf movie being announced EIGHT FUCKING YEARS AGO. it even used the stay calm audio from#the office.... i wonder how theyre doing now... i love you shitty grainy MV audio.. but i have mixed feelings abt the flashing colors#ppl LOVED animating the sans vs frisk fight. aishite and primadonna were also big ones they were SICK AS FUCK#lots of these inspired my old oc designs.. a lot of my characters had side bangs with one eye covered. animal ears and simple eyes too#now i kinda wanna try my hand at the marble soda meme cause i loved it as a kid lol.. i wonder if i should compare my old and new art here#UGHHHH IM SO NORMAL ABOUT NOSTALGIA. IM SO NORMAL ABT MY SCHOOL BOOK DRAWINGS WITH SHIBA BROWS#yapping#nostalgia
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life could be so good if people could just be normal abt male and female relationships. how are we still acting like this in 2024
#“if my guy friend got into a relationship with a girl i'd automatically stop talking to him bcs there's a girlfriend in the equation now”#“it just makes sense because you dont want the girlfriend to be uncomfy!”#WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUTTTTTTTTTT. WHAT THE FUCK#if the gf is uncomfortable with him having friends that are girls the gf needs to chill out#yes i understand people can have insecurities and will probably always have them. but i dont think that should mean an automatic#response of removing urself from the friendship just bcs ur friend now has a gf. how in the world is that a logical response#if u are not attracted/interested in ur friend romantically and he is not interested in u there should be No Reason why u cant just#stay friends. right. right#this is making me insane i feel like im insane. how is this some sort of outlandish take to have#men and women can be friends isn't that crazy. isn't that fucking WILD#julian.txt#like brooofjejtbjsvrjevtnsvrnevjrvsntvehthehhrhe#I think its crazy. personally
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also its so dumb that one of the arguments ppl have against a sims 5 is that theyve already invested too much money into 4. like yes its fucking scummy that ea charges so much for dlc and its Ludicrous the amt sims 4 costs if you have all the dlc and its going to keep getting more and more expensive but . to be honest . why are you paying for sims packs. im sry
#ik not everyone can pirate i get it and its your money do what you want#but itis your choice to invest so much into like. a sinking ship DJRNFJFNG. idk....#i want 2 be optimistic and believe that somehow they WILL be able to fix every single issue with ts4#but i honestly believe thats require them to take an extended break from releasing new packs and shit#and i genuinely honestly dont think theyll do that. lol.#but like. i think itd be a good idea like. Cut down on new releases and focus on fixing the base game and then pack refreshes#bc itd be rly cool to have like. pack refreshes to make them more fleshed out#but also like. sigh. it rly does come down to the packs bc i judt genuinely find it kind of disgusting how little is in each pack#and how many of the packs could be consolidated#genuinely earnestly feel like growing together and parenthood shouldve been one pack. like. and honestly throw hsy in there...#hsy could do with a refresh Badd ik its fairly new but oh my god the school is so fucking buggy#and in general like. IDK. id rly love the packs to be refreshed and id love love love More fucking lots in the worlds oh my god. multiple#worlds have literally 4 lots. Thats fucking actually insane it makes me crazy#i get like. ooh bc you can travel between worlds the worlds can be smaller but i hate it 😭😭😭#i think its just bc i grew up playing 3 perhaps but like. i rly loved like. idk when i choose to play in a sims world i want to play in tha#world. i dont want to have to like. i live in moonwood mills (5 lots .) and thej i have to go to like. san myshunonif i want to go to a bar#or whatever. is there a bar in san myshuno idr#IDKIDK. i feel like Innnn my opinion there should be like. at least 1 of the basegame lot types for every world maybe with some exceptions#and there should be enough empty slots ppl can fill it out more if they want...#but also like. idk. i suppose it wouldnt affect me much bc i usually stay on my home lot as much as possible#bc of the loading screens#it wouldnt be so bad if like. idk. i understand why they didnt wanna do open world like ts3#well i dont its fucking actually stupid. but i get that ts4 wasnt supposed to be what it is and it wasnt built to be a longrunning game.#hence why ts5 should happen instead as a Strong Foundation BUT WHATEVER but like. yk. and ik im not the only person in the world and other#ppl want different but i feel like maybe you could have options .. idk. im not a programmer#but itd be cool to have some sort of way to toggle between like. open world semi open world and closed world#where itd be like. ts3 style where the exteriors of everything r there but the interiors r loaded in when u visit (if that is how ts3 works#i may be a bit off) nd closed would be ts4 style Loading screen to go . next door#am i misremembering or are there even loading screens between like. the new apartments with forrent.... there were for the city living ones#skull Fuckk i ran out of space
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yesterday i spent 45 minutes of my life watching a video essay criticising the use of cheap shock values and crossing of taboos for a video game and i went from "he has a point even if he's explaining it in a really inflammatory way" to "oh umm... i can see how he thinks that way even if i don't agree" to "oh this guy's just straight up using people on tumblr as material for an audience to get mad at like other outdated people on the internet. nvm he's just an asshole"
#yuu rambles#it was about the coffin of andey and leyley btw - i agreed w him on the first half of the video about how it felt rather noncommittal to it#concepts and themes but i recognise its not really *trying* to be serious which means its not a reasonable#framework to judge the intention and execution of its work - an apple pie does use butter in it but just bc it does#doesnt mean you get to compare it to steak; a dish that also uses butter. this is intuitively easy to understand for me#but nonetheless it was like 3 am i had stuff to do so i just put it on my background to listen#he makes a diss at “people on tumblr” early on that i just raised my eyebrow at but shrugged it off bc its such an old joke#its lost its zinger; and im p sure its just confirmation bias from going into the tags of the thing you dont like lol if you use tumblr#normally you wouldn't come across things you dont like bc you'd have blocked them. But Anyways#then at the end he got sooo self righteous about how people on tumblr are insane and weird and showed screencaps about how twisted everyone#who likes the game are. there were some screenshots of people's post that were like “incest is bad and shouldn't be explored in media.#paragraph break‚ me who is an incest survivor and finds it helpful for working through my trauma: lol”#those types of post. but then lmfao he started going out of pocket and just mentioned the lists of other people he doesnt like which are#a screenie of a video essay about how kink is important at pride#and then some other stuff i dont remember anymore w the tumblr screenies#it was very mockingly written and said and at the end of it i felt sad i couldnt#block people on youtube lmao. like its not i dont want this guy to comment on my videos. i dont want to see his channel involuntarily#recommended to me ever again. just resorted to the most base sort of trolling behaviour he accused and judge other game devs for in his#video essay. good fucking god. the psychological projection is unreal#i dont have any strong feelings towards the game at the end of it even though i thought i would be like Eugh at first#but my bleh for any cheap gimmicks is overshadowed by my disdain for this guy's reliance on self righteous rhetoric#i discovered another new channel i really like tho after that vid!! bc i had to watch smth else to cleanse my palate lmao#they're jacob geller and freddydude! ive only seen one vid from freddydude about his essay on#detention‚ the horror game set in taiwan during the era of white terror under new cn leadership after ww2#im personally quite jumpy so his humour and the way he edits his videos to make it silly even though its Scary#made me like it a lot!! im going through jacob geller's other vids but ive watched three specific types of terror#and the one about pinocchio which made me go :00 wow his scripts are super good!#again everything at your own discretion esp w the whole james somerton shit‚ but i enjoyed what I've seen so far#i just wanted to end this in a somewhat positive note JSHDKSJDJD the ramblings Continue...#theres a pedantic error in one of ky tags but im gonna update it when im on comp bc mobile sucks smh my head
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#going insane bc i have about... 3 ideas. circling my head rn but all i can do is panic about homework#anyway isn't it so nice to find a new playlist or album to put on repeat? im having that moment rn#and i just say that bc i keep trying to figure out how to add more to that trolls au#some sort of like... retiredish idol bakugo and upcoming star you getting involved somehow#like i want to say you're dating beforehand / he's kinda your mentor and you inspire him to make more music or rejoin deku#but i dont feel like that's exactly it.....#i also like agent you with bakugo trying to put out something solo#and it turns out ur the one meant to sing his new songs#like I DONT KNOW#anyway#just know im thinking about yall and my asks and my ideas <3#love u good night mwah#wish me luck on my work#might be a tight next two weeks#but who knows... i love procrastinating#caitie blabs
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if i have to see one more h@rumi x hanzo x ku@i polycule based in mk1's universe one more time im going to blow this fine establishment to smithereens
#i feel like that lil grey kitty screaming#idc!!! EVERR. THE fact kuai was even written in to marry harumi cuz HE is scorpion this time ?? in this timeline??#ITS LIKE SOOOO BAD#I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THAT MAN NEAR HERE OOOOO HANZO IS ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE#that is HANZOS WIFE HIS BELOVED GIRL. they in every timeline were IN LOVE. ALWAYS.#either he would die#or she would. BUT THEY ALWAYS FELL IN LOVE#JUST CUZ KU@I LI@NG IS SCORP THIS TIME DOESNT MEAN he gets rights to HER THATS NOW HOW IT WORKS OOOOOOOOOOOOO#OOOOO NR WHEN I GET YOU oh im literally so INSANE WHEN I GO INTO THE HANZO TAG#rocky can never win#listen.. an au polycule of them in original timeline w some sort of au of h@rumi living? sure whatever that is actually plausible#BUT ME SEEING. MK1 KU@I WITH HARUMI ACTUALLY MAKES ME CURAZYYY IT MAKES ME CURAZYYYY#the very narrative of hanzo and h@rumi being a tragic love IS SOOO IMPORTANT#IN WHAT WORLD IS KU@I MARRYING HER OOOOOOO#h@nzo bby boy im sorry i will get u ur WIFE BACK I SWEAR IT
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i have a new theory for aru sekai fans & by new i mean someone else might have caught on already but i havent seen it said SO. the rute furutewoa melody is in kyuuyaku, touhikou, & now kannagi (maybe elsewhere bc i havent been looking for this motif before i only realized it today really & i havent had time to go thru all the songs again yet) & we have kyuu (past), something in touhikou im too tired to remember currently but i remember calling something similar a while ago when someone asked if there was a timeline to this, and now kannagi that uses the older language so im willing to bet this motif is a way of saying the events in the song happened in the "past". whether thats actually Long Ago or just to say its not the current situation or just happened before the songs without it i cant say for sure but i think it makes sense given what we have now.
just like we have the nami no ne no motif that signals which characters still have their "self" if its in the song or lost it if its not.
i have to do some more digging of course but with what i know right now this makes the most sense to me
#aru sekai series#u know those old people who say they do crosswords to keep their brain sharp. thats what this series feels like to me.#incredibly complex puzzle to put together in which i need to be constantly learning new things & concepts#anyway for some reason i feel like theres a link to ashura that im not touching on too but idk for sure yet#there is. something about ashura that drives me insane bc it FEELS familiar there IS. SOME sort of motif or theme or SOMETHING there#i KNOW it but i can never place WHAT it makes me rabid.#tell me your secrets puppet girl#also btw kannagi i think also ties into touhikou. given the art & that line thats like prayer will come to sustain us or whatever it is#its 2am ive had a long day i dont remember the exact thing rn. usually i check before posting but please excuse me just this once#i wish i could make friends with the jpn magu fans who also go wild over the lore but idk how to find them. its always like one off comments#sorry i didnt really go wild over yamete kudasai. it just felt rather straight forward & didnt give any big reveals that i know of#so i just kind of went ah neat & looped it for a while#but kannagi. kannagi's got the puzzle aspect back & a WHOLE BUNCH of links to other songs. & thats without knowing the lyrics#but also u know kyuuyaku's my fave so having this be closely related is a big 👀👀👀 for me#i saw someone try to say kannagis the ka in the amakakeru arc of songs (if that is a real arc. it Is a fan theory idk how accurate tho)#but that wouldnt be right bc we already have kanon for the ka.#if there are arcs like that i think itd be in with whatever ashura's in. even tho ashura is a 5 kanji song and kannagis only 1
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watching the internet burn down in real-time feels kind of insane to my chronically online mind. i spent my formative years on this site. it influenced me a lot for better or worse and i'm glad i was able to grow and experience more than this but it also sucks that the internet just really isn't the same separate world of escapism and media it used to be it's just another place for us to be sold things now and another thing to distract us and take up our time.
#not saying that being like an insane tumblr kid in 2012 and staying up all night in the summer was necessarily a much better use of my time#but also it kind of was because i was just goofing off with my friends and it was fun and shit and i feel like how everything is set up now#is just hostile to that kind of experience on basically every social media site#like does anyone remember when they used to just goof off on facebook with their friends and shit?#does anyone remember when stuff was fun#twitter and tumblr and lots of others sites have nurtured at least some ability to do that#for a long time but now everything needs to get in the way of that somehow bc marketing and advertising and profit motives wtvr#there are lots of other factors involved in this and it's really just capitalism's textbook deal of commodifying everything#and making it so that people don't have any sort of access to a “commons” anymore#the internet seemed to emulate that for a brief space in time#on a much larger and more interconnected scale#but idk#this got away from me shh#im high
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I officially completely unplugged myself as much as I can 🙃🙃🙃 I’m way too reliant on my phone and waiting for people to talk to me is super unhealthy and has made me very anxious. I literally turned off ever single possible notification and will purposefully not be responding to messages because I just need time a space to figure out how to navigate myself without validation from others.
#plz no sexyleon#life update basically#I’ll still be using tumblr and stuff and I’ll probably reply to things on here#but I likely wont be responding to direct messages#I just???? I’m too clingy and needy and I feel reliant on the people I talk to for any sort of social interaction to be happy#I gotta figure it out because my mental health is in the shit and I can’t be reliant on others for stability#and I didn’t even really notice that’s what was happening until all my friends were busy on the same day and I really just needed someone#anywyas sorry this is complicated I just needed to vent in the void#also for my mutuals who I talk to all the time this is why I’m afk and I’m sorry I love you very much I just have to figure it out#why am I insane and hoping people try to reach out to me anyways??? just to say they are here if I need anything?? like I do to them????#idk this is why I gotta stop#im the loneliest bitch in the world but I really can’t be anymore I gotta be alone in this bitch but not lonely#or I need to make friends with my loneliness and we can tackle the world together#otherwise im not going to survive#my anxiety is out of the roof and I constantly feel like I’m having heart palpitations#I literally think I’m going to die sometimes#I used to say I’d prefer the anxiety over the depression because I know how to navigate anxiety#well guess what my anxiety evolved like some sort of mega Pokémon and now it’s kicking my ass and I don’t have any idea how to defeat it#sorry for venting
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the thing about gamedev that they dont want you to know is that you have to actually dev your game @.@ crazy ! ! !
#bobtalk#slowlyyy making progress on customizing my vn thru the depression funk lol...#i much much prefer working with things that i only kind of understand because i think struggling is fun but also it takes a lot of time tha#t way....#im at a level where i Can code right. i Can code. but im not very good at it. im a jack of all trades master of none kind of guy#(that is to say that i am pretty good at coding to a certain level but i dont have much experience at larger scales.)#and its fun. its thrilling.#its like how i never learned long division so i would always have to do 9000 workarounds to get to answers without calculator.#its like life or death fighting. delectable.#of course if i fail too horribly it just makes me want to blow everything up but theres a delicious middle ground of competency.#you know how it is.#so uh. yeah. im figuring out ren/py screens. LOL#i think if someone who really knows what theyre doing looked at my project theyd want to murder me but thats half the fun <3#not like i have to worry about performance issues on my. uh. visual n0vel.#at any rate its so much better than visualnovelmaker i have so much beef with that program its actually unreal#anyway i kind of sort of have a vision. and its maybe not quite coherent bc im not a very coherent person. but thats okay i think. <3#sorry for talking i feel slightly insane and i needed to let some of that out before Total Brain Annihilation#heart emoji. uh. bye
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was brave and talked to my doctor abt my period bs + she said it might be endometriosis without me even having to bring it up... 💀
#shes prescribed me naproxen & tranexamic acid for now bc theyre basically the only 2 painkiller options i havent tried yet#but shes said she'll text me some resources on endometriosis and asked me to book an appt in january to update her#and then she can either issue a repeat script or we can go down the route of trying to diagnose a condition#which would likely take a long time so id probably have to try hormonal meds again in the meantime but she was rly understanding abt#the fact id had negative experiences w them before so was apprehensive abt it. so nice to have a dr who actually cares instead of trying#to fob me off w over the counter meds which is what happened last time lol#she was like wow im surprised they told you to take codeine for cramps thats not smth id recommend due to the side effects 💀#like damn. well ive been doing it for the last few years and yeah its not great#augh.... its ok tho i feel better now im actively doing smth abt it and looking for a diagnosis is an option thats available#bc ik how rare it is for gps to take patients seriously. the average diagnosis time for endometriosis is 12 years in wales 💀💀#my mums had such a struggle with gynaecology in her part of the country too shes been waiting for an operation for almost a year#and they booked her in for it and everything and then when she showed up the doctor was like im so so sorry i dont have access to a clinic#and i wanted to cancel your appt bc obvs i cant carry out the surgery without a clinic but the practice refused to let me cancel it#she showed my mum emails shed sent to management begging them to let her cancel patients she wasnt able to treat bc its such a waste of#everyones time and resources and rly shitty to do but they told her to 'watch herself and think about meeting her targets' 💀#bc cancellations look bad on their records so they were forcing her to hold appts without treatment anyway lmfao#insane country how is the nhs still functioning.#anyway thats todays medical report ik how eagerly u guys have been waiting on my pussy update#didnt ask abt antidepressants bc didnt have time and anyway im handling it better now its just taken a while to adjust to the shorter days#and the cramp stuff is way more pressing bc i get them for a week or two before my period AND when i ovulate now#so im probably spending equal amts of time in pain than not in pain every month now 👍#actually makes me feel fucking insane when i start thinking about it. its fine tho. okay im gonna piss and then go out again to sort out#everything ive gotta do today and then i can just chill this afternoon#how is it only 10am.....#.diaries
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i wrote another rambly dennis analysis and deleted it <3 y'all don't need that
#ada speaks#this happens every time im on my period like fucking clockwork there's something wrong with me#dennis' essence is contained in the ovaries#it was some shit about how he's not actually the cis male power fantasy so many idiot dudebros think he is#and that he's like. ok listen. this will sound insane and probably piss Someone off but.#dennis is like. the worst and most repressed aspects of a female power fantasy#which. the way glenn treats him is.#basically that#yes his character is inextricably linked to misogyny and male privilege but#it's almost like its coming from a perspective that lacks that and he's somewhat of a hypothetical and very opposite exploration#does this make sense#anyway i dont think i can explain this 👍 but i think he's somewhat of a guilty pleasure to write because of this#all sunny characters are sort of meant to be the Worst parts of humanity that you want to Exorcize as glenn puts it#but dennis feels so.#i don't know.#guy who fears loss of power & fights for it not bc he's aiming for the top but bc he is so afraid of being at the bottom ever again#partiarchy and all. you know.#his privilege (primarily in terms of wealth but also his gender) has been just as much of a curse as it has become a weapon#his parents' neglect & their wealth allowing them to throw money at maids lead to him being taken advantage of by an older woman at school#the view of the abuse and it being recontextualized and forced into a positive that shaped the rest of his life because men can't be raped#but i can't explain the. Thing behind this that feels so#pardon the binary#womancoded.#he's like a love interest in a pulpy romance novel written#and i think its partially because he tries to emulate that and its why he is somewhat successful with women#but i don't think it's because he's catering to them i think he's just. oddly a character that comes across like Women Writing Men#i will Not be commenting on what this says about glenn--#cw csa mention#i cant believe i deleted a post and then wrote a rant in the tags about the deleted post this is my curse#the other one was worded better too 👍
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ouagh at some point i should try to post some of the multiple thousands of pictures I've taken every time i go to an aquarium huh
#toy txt post#i went thru my phone and sorted almost everything in my camera roll at some point#need to do more sorting again and also sort into narrower categories to make it easier to tag shit and then#ill be able to like. navigate my insane amount of photos on here one day#also the multiple thousands is not. an exaggeration#i seem ti take At Least 1000 everytime. i go to an aquarium#less so at the one i volunteer at sometimes just cos. its smaller and i try not to be on my phone while volunteering#ouaaaagh#i guess i should try to look into more. schooling/edu fucking cation#cos volunteering there. doesnt suck#like its a little physically demanding just cos the water is Very Extremely Cold and its like 2hrs drive away from me#but like. like i Hate interacting w ppl i dont think i could do customer service or retail BUT i love#a captive audience to infodump about sea life to#i just need a college professor that is very extremely patient w me and treats me like the fragile little baby that i am/j#i guess i need to once again seek out Fucking Therapy to wrangle with my Homework Issues#all those posts explaining how to study that were too triggering to look at ages ago. guess i need to find them lol#god. it really does feel like such a silly stupid issue i have here. like if someone else told me they had issue w this id be like#no yeah of course that sounds horrible im so sorry etc#but alas i am not so forgiving w myself like#oh yeah im apparently traumatized ig by uhhhh Being Assigned Homework. like. normal amount. it was fine and all#like i passed shit. it was extremely difficult and i barely made it in some classes but i did Get Thru It and i had like accommodations to#turn in shit late and everything but uhhhhhhh#yea#theres slightly more to it than that ig but! like. basically. that is basically.#im a huge baby who couldnt do their fucking homework and now if i see Study Tips ill start crying#which is super inconvenient cos like hey bitch you know what might help with the homework?#taking my brain out of my skull and shaking it#anyway. im way offtopic here#the point is that i have so fucking many pictures of fish#and also pictures of birds from the beach i have soooo fucking many. i should post more Photos
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✩ ˛˚ . GOJO SATORU — sometimes your boyfriend’s want for you just seems to be insatiable.
ஜ ˖ ࣪࿐ྂ warnings! f!reader, mating press, breeding, biting, he loses control of his technique a teeny tiny bit at the end, im going absolutely insane. ♡ ˖ ࣪࿐ྂ note! hiii this is a lil mix of my gojo thoughts over the past few months, my sanity is slipping as u can tell <3
the way gojo satoru was in bed was exactly how he was in real life, absolutely merciless when he wanted to be, you realise with the dizzy haze in your mind and the pillow he’s shoved under your hips. there’s a pleasurable burn in your thighs where he’s got them folded into you, your ankles dangling by his ears as his hips press into your ass and the way he looks over you is needy, and a little wild.
but he only really got like this on on a few occasions, like after a gruelling mission, a boring mountain of paperwork or maybe you’d been teasing him. sometimes he’s just consumed by the idea of you carrying his kids— he’s so incredibly insatiable.
“you feel me right here, sweet thing, hm?” the snowy haired man above you hisses with a languid roll of his hips, deliberately pressing into the sweet spots inside of you that he always seems to be able to find so easily. but you can barely breathe, nevermind answer with how full you feel — your warm walls twitching around his heavy shaft before he’s giving you a few more thrusts.
“don’t hold out on me, it feels good, right?” gojo goads, chuckles when the next particularly deep kiss of his cock along your insides has your lips parting to moan, eyes squeezing shut as you wriggle underneath him.
“‘ts too deep, satoru! fuck—“ you manage, voice breaking under the weight of your own arousal but shit— he loves you like this. pliant and pretty and all his. you’re basically begging for him to give you his soul, to pour it into your body and your bones until you’re twitching— his stamina was limitless after all, an endless pool of energy.
“oh? but i’m sure you can take more..” gojo’s words are a low drawl as he curls over your folded figure, making your muscles scream for some sort of relief but he still manages to give you more. he begins a pace that’s so deep, so animalistic that you feel like you could black out with the way the pleasure rips through you, making your body clap against his as his balls smack loudly against your ass and suddenly he’s even deeper.
“see, i knew it.” it’s smug despite the the trembling undercurrent to his tone, breaking under the weight of his own arousal as his voice takes an octave higher. but you’re doing so well for him, your eyes are rolled back— lips parted and you’re basically begging for him to go harder when he leans into press his lips against yours, pushing his name between your lips as your hands grab at him for any sort of relief.
“almost there, right?” gojo groans against you with the next quiver of your walls; the next particularly heavy thrust makes your thighs tremble and he’s so deep it almost hurts, making something spark and burn along your inside as he fucks you into the mattress like a wild animal.
you whimper, barely— it’s a desperately pathetic little sound, wound up tight and it makes him pull away to look at you, crystalline eyes cloudy with lust before his lips are stretching into a smirk.
“oh, more?” gojo’s head cocks to the side and you know you’re done for when his pace picks up, every heavy thrust is driven by the muscles in his body and your pussy squelches loudly with every wet connection of his hips.
“oh, i’ll give you more, baby. so greedy f’ me, hm?” despite his teasing, he’s babbling— sweat beading along his skin as the snowy peaks of his hair frame his flushed features and fuck, the pretty sight above you only makes you feel even better. you’re so high off his desperation, every muscle in your body screams under his but the nerves in your body cry even louder with how good you feel— with how much your body craves him.
“‘ts so tight, you milkin’ me, sweet girl? how many you want, huh? give you as many as you need. wanna see you swollen f’ me, you want that, mhm?” gojo’s barely coherent but his words only make you squeeze around him tighter— a silent little invitation as every thrust has you crying more, more, more! satoru, want your cum—please! punched out little gasps and cries as he digs the orgasm out of you.
“oh, you’ll look so pretty f’ me—f-fuck!” his huge body is looming over yours, pressing you into the mattress and the pillows beneath you. your thighs are flush against his abdomen and chest, and your lungs feel like they quake on every exhale as your lips part to moan. he presses himself into you— face nuzzling into the crook of your neck as he grazes his teeth along the skin there, headboard screeching loudly in time with every smack of his hips.
“‘toru, please please please—‘m g’nna,” you tremble as you shake beneath gojo, thighs tensing tight against his body and he knows he’s got you exactly where he wants you as he smirks against your skin. your orgasm hits you so suddenly, so hard and good that your toes curl where they hang over his shoulders, your body stiffening beneath him and the first milking compression of your pussy makes his pace stutter, hugs him so tight he can’t help but bite so hard into the sensitive skin of your neck he draws blood.
“should see h-how pretty you look like this. tell me ‘ts all mine, y’ gonna make me a daddy, yeah? g’nna fill you up so good. oh, this pussy’s made f’ me, ain’t it?”
his body trembles as he pulls back slightly to watch your cream pool around the base of his cock, your slick smeared along his skin and your walls still throb with every unforgiving push of his hips. your orgasm feels like it stretches on forever as you gasp out broken yeah, yours, love you so much ‘toru, waves rolling through your body with the heat you feel pour and sting along your nerves. it only takes a few more clapping thrusts and your choked confessions before hes kissing you, just as he likes as his lips curl into you.
gojo cums hard, thick and heavy inside of you when he feels your tongue push against his, swallowing both of your groans into the kiss as he pushes his load into your puffy cunt. you’re both so lost in bliss, so unaware of the electricity across your boyfriends skin and the uncomfortable pressure that seems to suddenly weigh down on your intertwined bodies.
the bedroom light flickers but you don’t notice, he’s slurring curses against your lips as he almost pins your thighs to your chest completely, the air between you seems tighter— atoms trembling in the finate space. but he’s continuing to fuck into your sensitive pussy with tiny little thrusts you don’t notice the creek of your furniture as it twitches out of place— like it’s being pulled towards you both. the small flickers of purple fizzle out when you’re both spent and he’s collapsing on top of you with a low, breathy chuckle, making you whine with the cramp you feel in your body.
“‘toru! you’re heavy.” you grumble, voice worn and scratchy but it doesn’t move gojo as he cuddles deeper into you, leaving sweet little kisses along your skin with obnoxious kissy noises— a stark contrast to how filthy he was being a second ago.
you’re both breathing deep as you give up trying to escape from underneath him, opting to press your fingers through his damp hair instead before he finally moves. he pulls back, enough for his cock to push his cum out of your pussy as he does, squelching and dripping into the mattress beneath you both as you jolt slightly. “careful, ‘ts messy, ‘toru.”
gojo whistles lowly before he looks at you again, one of your legs still haphazardly thrown over his shoulder before he’s placing a sweet kiss to your ankle, then following it up with a painfully languid, experimental thrust as his crystalline eyes focus on the mess he’s made of you.
“come on, sweet girl. you’re not nearly full enough f’ me yet.”
© 2023 GAROUJO. please do not copy any of my layouts or writing and translate or repost onto any other sites.
#݁ . ࿓ : sealed#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x you#gojo x reader#gojo smut#gojo x you#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru smut#gojo satoru x you
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