#this is also the first time im actually going to try to keep up with the olympics
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
Ok, seeing the post about the playlist, you mentioned how Breakdown only gets his act together after finding out that Bee was carrying
So it got me thinking (and this has actually been in my mind since i first came across the au tbh), but how was it while Bee was like, carrying?? There's the fact that, at first, many of the bots probably don't like Breakdown too since, well, he was not the best bf let's be honest.
Idk, I'm just curious to how things were before Breakcheck came to see the world
(Im going out of town for a week and cant draw so im just answering this with a straight up fanfiction-esk paragraph Iām so sorry wish I could be artistic for you anon)
Long story short: the Autobots are very forgiving but they can also be petty motherfuckers.
I mean they welcomed Megatron among their ranks and treat him (for the most part) as an equal and sometimes even a friend. Of course, Megatron earned that trust after years and years of repentance.
I imagine Breakdown is going through a similar arc. Heās never really been THAT loyal to the Decepticon cause. He justā¦ kinda ended up there and didnāt care enough to do anything about it. He views Autobots as these goody, righteous people that he doesnāt feel like he belongs with. So reallyā¦ whatās left besides Decepticons (considering yourself a neutral at one point was pretty much a death wish. A faction was the only way to acquire any sort of Energon or medical attention. Something Optimus tried hard to avoid, but the reality was safety in numbers.) the only kinship Breakdown ever felt was with the Stunticonsā¦ and theyāve been scattered to who knows whereā¦ if theyāre even still alive.
Except he did have one friend. A friend heās somehow managed to keep despite being on opposite sides of the war. He tried to convince Bee to join the Decepticons a few times but it was never with genuine intent. Bee was too good for the Cons; Breakdown knew that. He asked to get a rile out of him more than anything. Of course Bee would retort with his own argument of why BD should defect. He was serious about itā¦ but Breakdown knew his place. Heād already done too muchā¦
Now the war is over. And the leader of his faction doesnāt even believe in the cause anymore. Now, Breakdownās never been a fan of Megatron anyways, but he sure as hell is pissed off when he abandons them to go be buddies with the Autobots. Maybe Breakdown is a little jealous (Of course, heād never admit it) That Megatron, possibly the cruelest and most unforgiving of them all, is allowed to be redeemed.
He feels betrayed. All the Decepticons do reallyā¦ He feels like he was led down a path that would only end in self destruction and at the last moment, the one who was paving the way jumped ship, leaving them all to suffer the consequences alone.
He never even wanted this.
But itās way too late now. He dug this grave and heās going to see to it that heās buried in it. But despite the betrayal, and most of the Decepticons now stabbing each other in the back, trying to claim whatever power they can while holding on to this flimsy cause they can barely call a functioning faction, he still has Beeā¦ who is maybe more than just a friend at this point but thatās a lot of feelings Breakdown isnāt ready to unpack.
And he still runs every time it feels a little too good to be true. Still proclaims his loyalty to the Decepticons because heās too stubborn to admit heās on a sinking ship. And he still keeps his distance because he refuses to take Bumblebee down with him when it finally goes under.
And maybe theyāve got a fling goingā¦ and maybe the autobots start to catch on. It doesnāt matter though, Breakdown doesnāt stick around long enough to see their sneers.
Untilā¦ he finds out Beeās carrying that isā¦ because damn he may not be the best bot in the galaxy but heās not a complete deadbeat.
And when it hits himā¦ that heās going to be a sireā¦ well maybeā¦ he startās sticking around to see the sneers. He hears the mumbles of disapproval. And boyyy does it make him so angry at first. How dare these holier-than-thou bots. They donāt know him or what heās had to do to survive. How many comrades heās lost thanks to them. They donāt know what Bee means to him. They donāt know just how much he loves Bumblebee. How he would lay down his spark for him in a klick.
Then Breakdown questionsā¦ Does Bee even know that?
From then onā¦ Breakdown realizes, preserving his ego isnāt worth this. He has a chance now. A real honest chance. To do betterā¦ to have the life he actually wantsā¦ with the one bot who hasnāt ever given up on him.
He wants it so bad.
So he puts up with the comments and the obvious distrust. Because heās willing to put in the work it takes to earn it. Heās going to prove how much he wants this. Heās going to prove how much he cares. Heās going to prove he is capable of doing betterā¦ and maybe along the way heāll learnā¦ heās deserving of better tooā¦
Breakdown is lucky Bumblebee has always been a little spoiled because it didnāt take too much convincing for the autobots to give him a shot. To attempt to accept him into their ranks.
He thought Optimus would be the worst of it. The one who practically raised the bot Breakdown knocked up. And for a while it is. Optimus lectures him every chance he gets. Any small hiccup, any little mistake. He doesnāt go easy on breakdown. Optimus at least pretends to be polite about it, or at least professional.He doesnāt yell, or make unnecessary insults. His words are always very honest (which makes them that much harder to hear) but Breakdown will take itā¦ heāll sit through it, no matter how hard he has to bite his tongue against saying something heāll regret. He knows how thin the ice is. But heāll do it for Bee.
The others are a little more brutalā¦ Elita especially soā¦ they are more sharp with their words (and sometimes their blasters) letting him know just what they think of him.
But noā¦ the worst of allā¦ is Megatron. Because Megatron is probably the only bot in the whole faction who looks at him and empathizes. Breakdown doesnāt want empathy. Especially not from the damn bot who betrayed him. Megatron doesnāt give lectures, he doesnāt verbally or physically abuse him when he steps out of line. He barely even raises his voice. And it pisses Breakdown off more than anything. Sometimes he slips up in front of Megatron just to push his boundaries, just to see if he can break this peaceful facade the ex-brutal-dictator seems to be taking. Heās witnessed the warlord beat bots into scrap for far lessā¦ and yetā¦ Megatron wonāt. Megatron seems to be attempting to guide Breakdown, to offer a new start to their relationship, and Primus Breakdown wants nothing to do with it. Heād rather be lectured and assigned extra training.
And it takes a long whileā¦ longer than Beeās carrying term, and a little while into Breakcheckās sparklinghood for the Autobots to really start to come around to him. Optimusā lectures seem to have a bit of fondness to them. And perhaps Breakdown listens a bit more earnestly and takes to heart some of the genuine advice the Prime gives him. And maybe the sparring with Elita has turned less from a one-sided fight and into an enjoyable workout. And MAYBEā¦ he doesnāt intentionally push Megatron as much, and has come to a realization of his own that his Megatronā¦ is nothing like the one who betrayed himā¦ and perhaps there is more in common between them than heād like to admit.
And when people look at him now, heās not just the Con Bumblebee has been sneaking around with. Heās a Sireā¦ and a devoted Conjuxā¦
And maybe this is what heās always wanted. And he can be deserving of it too.
#transformers#transformers bumblebee#tf earthspark#earthspark#breakbee#tfe breakdown#tfe bumblebee#transformers earthspark#breakdown#breakcheck#breakbee fanchild#WHY DID I WRITE A WHOLE ASS FANFICTION RN WHAT#I meant to just respond with like one paragraph what the hell#i am so sorry#to the 2 people who will read this whole thing LMAO#i have some thoughts about earthspark breakdownā¦#AS YOU MAY HAVE GUESSED#canon doesnt exist btw#the writers dont know him like I do#tfe megatron#tfe optimus prime#optimus prime#Megatron
91 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
An angel disguised in pink!
Aged up! No curse AU!Megumi Fushiguro x Jirai Kei! Reader
Summary : Megumi just turned 21, and has already received an invite from Gojo Satoru - to go drinking. It's Gojo, after all. He's seeing faces he vaguely remember from college, but fresh faces were uncommon, even in a Gojo party. You, dressed like an angel in pink, piqued his interest.
WARNINGS : people getting DRUNK, you can tell i've never been to a party and drank, mentions of addiction to host clubs, a smudge of angst maybe if you squint really hard, mostly fluff though
Word count : 1.4K (it's so short!!)
AUTHORS NOTE!!: Hello everyone... I started writing this like yesterday and wasn't aware today was his actual birthday..... ALSO this is my first time writing and i'm not 100% in my english..!! I'm not familiar with posting on tumblr as a whole, so with the layout and all that, i'm not quite familiar. Please give me some leeway with that kind of stuff. also, my laptop kind of broke while i was trying to post this, so im typing this from my touchscreen ipad. It's a little annoying, but oh well..
This was also LIGHTLY inspired by @lokissweater 's mlb megumi... i know its not anything close to their levels of writing, but i was kinda inspired to write megumi for my Landmine reader from her and how she writes Megumi.
I talked too much, i'll just let you read it already ^^"...
ļø¶ļø¶ļø¶ ā¹ ļø¶ļø¶ ąØā”ą§ ļø¶ļø¶ļø¶ ā¹ ļø¶ļø¶
The club Megumi found himself in wasnāt particularly big, but it buzzed with energy. The space was packed with familiar facesāclassmates, acquaintances, and a handful of people heād crossed paths with at one point or another. As soon as heād turned 21, Gojo had dragged him along to this club, boasting about it being owned by one of Getoās many āconnections.ā What Gojo failed to mention was that it was a private party. Not that it mattered much; Megumi realized he wasnāt exactly out of his element.
Most of the crowd blurred together as people he vaguely recognized, but there were a few exceptions. Two were Shokoās friends, chatting animatedly by the bar. The third was a girlāyouāwhom Megumi didnāt recognize at all. The strobe lights bathed the room in eye-numbing neon green, but even through the haze, the soft pink of your blouse stood out.
You caught his gaze from across the room, and when your eyes met, you offered a small, awkward smile accompanied by a polite nod. Megumiās eyes widened in surprise, his cheeks warming with the faintest blushāthankfully hidden by the poor lighting. Still, he managed a curt nod in return, stiff and reserved as ever.
Nobara, watching the interaction from her spot by the bar, smirked to herself. Sheād invited you along partly because she knew you enjoyed the club scene, but mostly because an idea had begun forming in her head. Youā¦ and Megumiā¦ Yeah, that had potential.
While most of the party (including a very drunk Gojo and Shoko) had taken over the dance floor, Megumi stayed firmly planted at the edge of the chaos, arms crossed. He sighed, his gaze flicking between the reckless dancing and his untouched canned beer.
Adults.
Gojo, currently in a drunken dance battle with Itadori, was reason enough for Megumi to swear off drinking tonight. Witnessing the sheer level of intoxication his mentor had achieved was enough to keep him sober.
Lost in thought, Megumi didnāt notice you approach until he felt the chill of a bottled green tea press against his arm. He startled slightly, turning to find you standing beside him, a tentative smile on your face.
āFigured you might want this. You didnāt touch your beer all night,ā you said, holding out the tea.
For a moment, he just blinked at you, caught off guard. Then, taking the bottle, he muttered a quiet, āThanks. Uhā¦ā
āOh, right. Um, Iām Y/N.ā You dug into your pink MCM bag before pulling out a similar bottle of green tea for yourself.
āSoā¦ youāre not a fan of alcohol?ā you asked, idly adjusting the lace on your skirt.
Megumi shrugged, taking a sip of the tea. āNot when Gojoās around. Someoneās gotta stay sober enough to drag him home.ā
āFair enough. He does seemā¦ like a lot.ā You cast a concerned glance at the āhonored oneā himself, doing the Worm on the floor.
āThatās putting it mildly,ā Megumi said, the corners of his lips lifting subconsciously. For the first time, he felt like he was actually enjoying himself that night.
A comfortable pause settled as you both observed the other guests.
āYouāreā¦ friends with Nobara, right?ā Megumi turned his attention to Nobara, who was on the dance floor with a cocktail in hand, her face flushed red from the alcohol sheād ingested, and a feather boa draped across her shoulders like something out of a ā90s movie.
āYeah. She dragged me along tonight. Said itād be fun. And I just figured Iād come over and say hi since you looked kind ofā¦ out of place.ā You laughed softly, his plain shirt and baggy jeans a stark contrast to the vibrant, flashy outfits in the room.
āIs it that obvious?ā he asked with a small sigh, running a hand through his hair he hadnāt cared to style.
āA little. Youāre the only one here who looks like theyād rather be anywhere else.ā
āIām just not big on crowds. Or neon lights. Or drunk people.ā
Another moment of silence passed as you nodded in understanding, observing the dance floor growing even more chaotic.
āYou seem like youāre enjoying this,ā Megumi said, cocking his head toward the unfolding disasters (Geto spilling his drink onto a very pissed-off Nanami).
āI, uh, Iām used to the nightlife. I used to frequent a lot of bars and nightclubs.ā
Megumi raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. āUsed to? You donāt anymore?ā
You hesitated for a moment, swirling the green tea bottle in your hands. āNot as much, no. Iā¦ got addicted at one point, I guess. I was filling a void in myself. But I realized it wasnāt healthy.ā
Megumiās expression softened, his usual guarded demeanor giving way to curiosity. āAddicted?ā
You hesitated before nodding. āYeah. Not just clubsāhost clubs, mostly. Iād go out all the time, spending way too much money just to be around people whoād tell me what I wanted to hear. For a while, I thought it was fun, butā¦ I guess I was filling a void. They hook you in, you know? They leave you alone, and when you start getting desperate, you spend more.ā
He frowned slightly, tilting his head. āHost clubs?ā
You glanced at him, gauging his reaction, and let out a small laugh. āYeah, I know. Itās not the mostā¦ admirable thing. But when youāre feeling empty, itās easy to get addicted to the attention. They make you feel special, even if itās just an act.ā
Megumi took a moment to process your words, his gaze steady but without judgment. āWhat made you stop?ā
You smiled faintly, your expression a mix of self-awareness and vulnerability. āI realized it wasnāt real. I was paying for affection, not earning it. And honestly? It wasnāt making me happyāit was just a distraction. So I quit and started focusing on myself. Itās not easy, butā¦ Iām trying.ā
He nodded, his eyes thoughtful. āThatā¦ takes a lot of self-awareness. Most people wouldnāt even admit they were doing it to fill a void.ā
You looked at him, surprised by the sincerity in his tone. āThanks. Iām not sure if itās self-awareness or just running out of money.ā
That earned a soft chuckle from Megumi, and for the first time that night, the tension between you eased.
āWhat about you?ā you asked, shifting the focus. āYou donāt seem like the type toā¦ well, pay for attention.ā
He leaned against the wall, thinking. āNot really my thing. I guess Iāve always been more focused on the people I already care about.ā
You nodded, impressed by his grounded perspective. āMust be nice. Knowing youāre enough without needing to hear it from someone else.ā
He glanced at you, his expression softening. āI think everyone needs to hear it sometimes. Justā¦ not in that way.ā
A quiet moment passed between you, the chaotic energy of the club fading into the background.
Finally, you broke the silence with a teasing smile. āSo, if clubs arenāt your thing, what is? What would you do for fun?ā
āHonestly?ā Megumi said, his lips quirking in a rare smile. āProbably stay home with a book or go to a quiet park. Somewhere peaceful.ā
You grinned, leaning closer. āA book and a park? Youāre a walking clichĆ©.ā
He rolled his eyes but didnāt seem annoyed. āAnd youāre not, Miss āHost Clubs for the Guysā?ā
āTouchĆ©,ā you said, laughing softly. āBut hey, if you ever get curious, I can recommend a few places.ā
āPass,ā he said, shaking his head, but the amusement in his voice made it clear he wasnāt dismissing you.
āYour loss,ā you teased, taking another sip of your tea. āBut seriously, thanks for not judging me. Most people wouldnāt be soā¦ understanding.ā
He looked at you, his expression earnest. āEveryoneās got their reasons.ā
Your chest tightened slightly at his words, and you found yourself smiling in a way you hadnāt in a long time. āYouāre a lot deeper than I expected, Megumi.ā
āDonāt get used to it,ā he said, but there was warmth in his tone.
And just like that, the club felt a little less overwhelming, and the two of you felt a little more connected. Fein by Travis Scott played in the background of the packed bar at 1:23 a.m. Gojo and Geto slumped over each other groggily as the alcohol took its toll. Itadori darted around, still inexplicably full of energy, while Nobara stood barefoot, heels in hand, complaining to Maki.Ā
Somehow, amidst the chaos, this moment felt peaceful.
ļø¶ļø¶ļø¶ ā¹ ļø¶ļø¶ ąØā”ą§ ļø¶ļø¶ļø¶ ā¹ ļø¶ļø¶
(I hope everyone liked this... I probably will write a continuation or maybe make it a series when i have the time to.)
#megumi x reader#megumi fushiguro#JJK#jujutsu kaisen#jirai kei#jirai kei reader#megumi x jirai#no curse au#fanfic#jjk x you#megumi fushiguro x reader#megumi#fluff#first fic#aaaaaaaaaaah happy birthday megumi#posting this at 11PM in my timezone so technically its still his birthday
21 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
all for the game social media au ā summer olympics edition (pt. 2): iāve literally been watching olympics football from 3pm til 11pm today so i think thats reason enough for me to post another part even tho the olympics officially start friday SHDJDHD
#dont ask me how this works and why football is before the ceremony on friday idek#this is also the first time im actually going to try to keep up with the olympics#anywaysss#all for the game social media au#this is a bit all over the place#but im really excited for upcoming parts#kevin day#jean moreau#jeremy knox#jerejean#shawn anderson#nicky hemmick#laila dermott#shane reed#derrick allen#renee walker#matt boyd#dan wilds#cat alvarez#catalina alvarez#lucas johnson
503 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
242 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
This is going to sound mean but I mean this in the most sincere and compassionate way I possibly can:
If you see a comment on the internet that is transphobic towards your group and your first assumption is that the person who wrote it is a different kind of transgender and not cis, especially if that comment is completely removed from all context or anonymous, no avatar or username or anything, take that as a sign to log off for a few days or pick up a new hobby.
#spitblaze says things#im tired and the amount of bait going around presented as sincere is neigh on unbearable#like yes obviously there are trans people who are shitheads about other kinds of trans people but PLEASE think for a moment#about the odds of this actually being an Evil Nonbinary Person Who Wants All Binaries Dead vs some bored chud trying to sow discord#why do you assume it was a transmasc who wrote that cropped comment saying that they don't want to give up using a transfem-specific slur#(and no it's not the B one)#why do u assume a transfem wrote that comment about transmasc being a 'cultural void who only produce twee ukelele songs abt bugs'#why are you assuming that the people who hate you are other trans people? why do you assume the worst of your own community?#please dont let online discourse determine how you view other members of your community.#someone not sharing your gender identity does not automatically preclude them thinking of yours as abusive or predatory#and them not sharing yours does not mean they will be abusive or predatory to you either#someone SHARING your gender identity doesnt mean they wont be abusive or predatory#the odds someone with your identity will 'get you' are a lot better and to that end hell yeah make more friends like yourself#if you're doing it because you think it will 'keep you safe' though. uh.#well if they start telling you that you cant trust ppl who dont share their identity its time to start checking the BITE model#but thats neither here nor there.#stop reading the first three sentences of other ppls posts about their own oppression and then getting mad for not including your group#and putting words in their mouth about it also. thats a problem as old as time but yknow. dont be a tar pit
35 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
every day im reminded that though my parents may have wanted a dog they clearly did not want to take care of a dog
#and i KNEW this which was why i insisted on not getting dogs though they keep trying to gaslight me#into thinking that i agreed on the dogs. i didnt and i wish id railed against it harder#because ill be honest i knew i didnt want to take care of a dog i wasnt in the headspace#but i also knew that if they got the dog that the actual caring duties would be foisted off to me#and the things that They would have to do ie go to the vet nd pay the bills etc theyd complain about and avoid#and thats one thjng. but oh my fucking god. my dad specifically#its like hes trying to get these dogs to die. we have several plants in the backyard#bad for dogs. i point them out. i have pointed them out Several times.#theyre his plants the gardens his thats none of my things. he just goes oh they wont get into them#THEYRE DOGS. but he doesnt want to move his fucking plants#one of the dogs is on medicine but has a habit of not eating his food in the morning#which means if u leave his medicine in hjs bowl the other dog might eat it#one solution is to give him the tablet straight. because hes good about eating it#he doesnt want to because 'thats gross'. Are you five fucking years old#the dog doesnt like the texture of dry food so another solution is to wet it#dad wont do that either because 'hes too spoiled' and 'it takes time' ONE MINUTE?????????#like i have to assume this is some kind of ploy to make me do it instead when i dont wake up that early#because if its not then hes truly just incompetent or doesnt care about the dogs#which brings me back to WHY DID YOU GET THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.#im sick of having to worry about them when he just does shit like this its wasting my time and its wasting money#but ohhhh we dont want to give the dogs away theyre part of the family š„ŗ#CLEARLY. because apparently u wanted kids but didnt want to take care of them either!!#im pissed off!!! im tired!!!!!!!!#i need to know im not going batshit here for being pissed off!!!!!#the dogs are getting back to back problems and at least some of it would have been mitigated by oh.#i dont know. the bare minimum?????#at least if the plants had been taken care of i wouldnt have to wonder if theyd just gotten into them#or if its an actual problem like a mass or bite. but no now i dont know#and at this rate were going to waste money going to the vet every fucking week
26 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
I fucking hate the tetris effect so much. Like oooh lemme play this funnie little card game rogue-like, ooh it's so fun it's gonna be the only game I play for weeks now, oooh what do you mean I'm fucking duplicating multi-card holographic sevens in my dreams
#simon says#yeah this is about balatro#i think it sorta taught me that I do in fact really enjoy roguelikes and i am pretty decent at them#at least I think I am#i only have 3 more card decks to unlock and the black deck is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE#i am not going to 100% this game because I hate the black deck so fucking much#that -1 hand is gonna be the death of me and has been the death of me#it's like I either fumble my first round and have to start over because I keep forgetting I have 1 less hand#or I get a nice groove but lose around round 5 because the boss bind was too tough#anyways I only really watch 1 youtuber play it so I have no clue if im actually pretty decent at the game or if im like#okay or something#idk all I know is that I am going to do my damnedest to beat that black deck#also I wanna try to unlock all of the collection because it's very annoying that challenge mode doesn't count#and I wanna do challenge mode but it is just annoying that it doesn't count anything towards the collection#but yeah im REALLY vibing with this game and every time I play it while high it makes me wanna stream again#anyways I have it on switch (because I could use the nintendo coins to get it at a discount) but I looked at the achievements on steam#i wish cross platform saves existed because if I had it on steam I would have all but like 4 achievements lmaooo#anyways im just autistic and really like card games and roguelikes so this is like the perfect game#plus big number go up
31 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
21 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
on some level I understand that welcome to hell is probably a little harder to sell than hazbin given the *gestures vaguely* entire main plotline of w2h THAT SAID im going to be mad about it forever. because one of them is actually funny and has good character design and compelling dynamics and a good plot and its not the one about the freaking hotel.
#literally hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby like nothing vivziepop ever writes will be as good as your first demonic possession#everyone who knows me irl is going to look away now because I need to be really mean about hazbin for a second#and I feel bad doing that because I know my wonderful friends like it. but its my god given right to be a hater on my Tumblr blog.#LIKE ive seen some of hazbin and helluva. theyre mid theyre so mid.#the plots are not compelling the characters have no intriguing chemistry#theyre throwing so much at you both character and storyline wise and its impossible to keep track of anything. theres no time to care about#anyone or any of their stories!!!#and they both rely so much on swear words/sex jokes for their writing and like. its just too much it stops being funny.#anyone who knows me knows I love a good swear or a good sex joke but dude theyre just so constant that they dont work#and it also cheapens the parts that actually try to get serious you know? the tonal whiplash just makes it hard to take anything seriously#like I honestly think if they took hazbin a little more seriously it could actually be good. like I get the oooo swears for adults aspect#but truly if they just bothered to write a good plot instead of forcing a million fuck jokes into it then it could work. but they didn't.#sad!!!!#okay im nice now. when my beautiful friends bring up hazbin I will bite my tongue and not even say anything a little mean#even though its bad and sucks. I will focus on the parts of it that could have worked. so that I can engage with their interests kindly#because all their other interests rule so hard. its just hazbin that I can't stand.
13 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
Ok so these designs are cute as hell, the Internet is just mean
I have too many thoughts about a game I still need to watch
#goodbye volcano high#i dont have the money to buy it but god i need to watch a playthrough when i have time it's so interesting to me#like; the theme of 'yeah we're going die but that doesn't mean we can enjoy what time we have left' sounds amazing to me love that#its so funny i was actually watching a review of it that was basically 'this game sucks and here's why'#and then it just started listing off shit like- 'the characters designs are pastel they're nonbinary you die no matter what'#and then my neurons just went off and went 'šļøšļø oh! sounds amazing i want to see more'#fuck yeah pastel nonbinary dinosaurs lets go#well i think its just fang thats nonbinary and then two other trans characters#i saw a cutscene! and it was about the experiences of being an apart of a family as sec-gen immigrant and trans-#and i thought that was cool as hell dont recall ever seeing that in any of thr arts ive seen before (but there's lots of art out there!)#heard it got some glitches tho (havent looked in depth of what those glitches are) hopefully it got patched out#also im so fucking pissed i saw the gator game before i saw this š®āšØ (context; apparently made by people who made a fangame where they#the mc of this game a datable side character and they only have a happy ending if they detransition? which fucking yikesš¬)#i saw people say 'oh but they did it empathetically' like how the fuck is taking a canon nb character and making them only happy through#detransitioning empathetic that sounds super fucking shitty and gross#i think a character that detransitions can be done and would be interesting to see- but this just reeks of people being transphobic for real#oh also purple dino has a slug or worm or something apparently! seems cute! just a lil thing#apparently its a rhythm game; listened to some of the songs and it sounded good! sadly i suck at rhythm games#but apparently failing doesn't affect the story? kinda wish it would but honestly better for me lol-#pink one and fang end up dating i believe- from what i saw pink is like- soft spoken artist? dunno if accurate but she's cute#all the characters are cute just look at them!!! awesome#also they have to just continue school like normal before they die and honestly thats so real#also saw people dislike the fact you dont see the characters actual die or the meteor#which is ??? dunno i just think some things are better left implied than shown-#anyways man i keep trying to find neat stuff about the game and all i see is people bitchin about it or praising the shit fan on instead š#man if i had two nickles for a time i grew to become obsessed with a media only for loads of people to hate id have two nickles#first nickle is kat elliot she's such a cool character Internet wasn't ready for her#also yes i saw obsessed i can just tell this is something ill go bonkers for#i mean god look how much text is in my tags for this already! and i still need to see the game in it's fullness!#im sure there's other cool shit
11 notes
Ā·
View notes
Note
Hey, anon who asked bout the "how things were before Breakcheck was born"
First of all: I read the tags, don't ever apologise for info dumping, I love the dump and will eat it all. I am thoroughly enjoying this au and would love to read/see more of it
Secondly: It's quite alright for not doing art, as much as I do enjoy your art very much and love to see how you draw these characters, I also very much enjoy reading about it
Thridly: You are so right, the writers dont know shit and you get it alot mlre, and i LOVE how you are writing the issues between the 'Cons and 'Bots. Like there is sooo much they just, didn't explain. Megs being the one to become good and the other cons are left to be the bad guys??? PUH-LEASE
And even if they were to no longer be the bad guys, there is SO MUCH to their relationship that is skimmed over, like, c'mon
Anyhow, eating up your au OP. Breakcheck is best boy and I love seeing this goober and his story on my feed, writen or drawn out
Do not give me permission to yap bc i will not stop and you will regret it I promise /lh
IM SO FERAL??!>{Ā£|! OUGHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT SO MUCJ BC IM GOING INSANE THINKING ABOUT IT
Alsoā¦ Iām going to give possibly a hot take and itās that Earthspark genuinely pisses me off sometimes. Because how dare they introduce such an interesting concept of a post-war setting with a redeemed Megatron and complex Decepticon/Autobot relationships and expect me to care about the Terrans.
I still like the Terrans, i think they are so silly goofy, and I like the idea of new characters to explore. But THE BACKGROUND PLOT IS SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING TO ME. The human alliance that turned out to be anti-cybertron??? Mandroid literally killing bots and experimenting on them?? grimlock getting mind controlled and having ptsd??? The rest of the Decepticons fighting for power and seething in rage of their leaderās betrayal??? Megatron trying to navigate his new life while being repentful of his past actions while also not crumbling under the guilt of his mistakes??? The fact that they are stranded on an alien planet and canāt go home?????? STARCREAMāS ABUSE GETTING RECOGNIZED????
they keep introducing these really interesting plots and then abandoning them for the sake of the Terrans getting more screentime.
I think these things would be easier to juggle if there werenāt so many of them tbh. I would rather just have Twitch and Thrash be these new Cybertronians that can guide the viewer through these complex plots because like us, they werenāt around for the war. They have a fresh untainted perspective on life.
(Dont get me wrong, I love Hashtag, JB, and Nightshade, but sometimes it feels like there isnāt enough screentime to flesh them all out and they end up getting characterized to one singular trait) (if all of them are around, I would rather them have their own focus show without the background plots of Optimus, Megatron, Bumblebee, ect.)
Also they are REALLY trying to hit the family theme over our heads. They keep saying āfamily this family thatā but deadass they talk about being a healthy family more than they actually act like it. Show me how much they love each other instead of putting it in every other line of dialogue.
Ok that is all, I didnāt mean to go on such a rant LMAO. I still like Earthspark, just sometimes it feels like they are trying to be two different shows and they are stuffing more into the plot than they have time to flesh out. (Breakdown, Starscream, and pretty much all the Decepticons deserved better)
#earthspark#transformers#tf earthspark#transformers earthspark#Im going to give them a happy ending since the writers wont
22 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
3 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
alright anorexia is boring, letās get yolked
#yeah so i gained 20lbs and started hitting the gym pretty hard two months ago#struggling with weight restoration/relapse urges worse than ever BUT iām also feeling good about my progress and enjoying myself immensely#honestly didnāt realize how bad i missed lifting#and now that i have time off work i can actually focus on getting my nutrition right (i.e. actually consuming enough protein for once)#pegasus speaks#my face#my ancient ipod camera is shit quality but my abs are starting to show for the first time in like ā¦ 1.5 years lol#and im pleased with my anterior/lateral delts! although my pecs need some serious work. wtf#i train chest 2-3x/week and i can still see bones fml#ed ment tw#weight tw#ask to tag#i feel like iām kind of relearning all my limits. like in terms of physical/mental energy and stuff. idk#doing a lot of research and figuring it out as i go. trying to avoid falling into systemic fatigue etc#iām already exhausted all the time but my doctor told me i should keep active so. i am#as much as i love the gym i do have to compensate in other areas of my life#if i want to push myself this hard then thatās my choice. but like. i need to give up on doing other things. give and take. spoon theory#etc etc etc
7 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there
#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru#but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days#and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay!#and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing#i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail#i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time#not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me#im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me#anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early#i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great#and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most#expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth#but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans#but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated#about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like#u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends#w yall. things happen#abby talks#and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw#a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes#OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it#was years ago but also like christ!
10 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
This is technically a Diana's age poll but I framed it partially around Julia's rescue because that's the event I need to contextualize and whether or not Diana is a thing yet is p important for my purposes. I would keep the PĆ©rez run and postcrisis continuity in mind when answering this bc that's when this is relevant but I'd keep in mind that even though Diana is very young there (like early 20s) we don't know I don't think if she ages differently as a child (esp as a themysciran AND being made from clay) and in some versions she is older than she looks and was made earlier
Edit: I accidentally logic-ed this out in the tags lol š¤¦āāļøbut feel free to still vote however you want. Going to publish this anyway bc I think I made some good points later in my tags
#blah#the 45 years is a guesstimation of julias age w her being in her late 40s#bc she has a middle school aged daughter which would make you lean a bit younger but shes also highly respected prof at harvard (is she the#dept head? i think so. and has a career that would suggest older. and shes also drawn middle aged so š¤·āāļø#i would say late 40s early 50s for her honestly. but i moved it down a lil bit bc of vanessas age#wait shit i may have contradicted logic here bc wasnt the diana trevor stuff supposed to have happened before dianas birth. and that was#wwii. which would be btwn 42 and 45 years. BC PĆREZ!TREVOR IS OLD I FORGOT THAT#okay so actually there still could be a question of what happened first the timeline would just be much shorter#but then wouldnt julias family be boating during wwii? that makes no sense#im definitely thinkimg too hard about this probably. logically it would make the most sense if diana was like 20smth in reality. but thats#its own basket of worms honestly. like what do you mean hippolyta only had like 20 yrs w her daughter out of a lifespan of thousands of#years. what do you MEAN she became champion and ambassador so young like#like also thats the point though. she had to wear a mask in the challenge for a reason. her inexperience with men is what makes her the kind#of ambassador they need. and her youth and relation to hippolyta and role as the baby of the amazons is one of the things that makes her#ambassadorship SO important is bc she fulfills that role in an ancient sense. where it would be a sign of great trust and respect to send#someone close to the crown as an envoy bc it shows you mean business and arent going to reneg on whatever the deal is. bc if you do they#shoot the messenger#god anyways i very much answered my own question here in the tags like 100%. esp in regards to the pĆ©rez canon bc he very much laid this out#and i was trying to weasel my way out of it. only that didnt work and the decisions he made he made for a reason and they have huge#narrative importance. damn. okay then#i always write the shittiest posts and the best tags and then have to keep the post to keep the tags#i rlly need to make these tags posts ugh. anyways keeping this up bc of my tags abt diana and ambassadorship#also sidenote I LOVE HIPPOLYTA#just though id mention that. i love how much shes motivated by love and i also love when she makes fucked up decisions bc of that and has to#live with them. woman of all time FOR REALS#god this is making me want to reread historia again lol bc its the one ww comic i own. also its fire. and hippolyta gets to make shitty#decisions motivated by emotion and live w the consequences. and the comic is actually good unlike when that happened in the messner-loebs#run. which was the other instance of that ive read rlly. 10000% sure there are others but i havent fully gotten there yet.#i mean ive read other comics where she makes painful decisions thats like her whole deal but there are different vibes to those than the two#i mentioned. like the exile thing in ww year 1 or rlly anytime she has to send diana away
5 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
anyone want to pull an edna pontellier with me
#we realize that we're alive individual people with agency and sensations we can pursue but are trapped by societal expectations (originally#Heavily gendered but this was also like 150 years ago) but we cannot give up our newfound selves for the sake of our children like we're#supposed to so we strip naked on a beah like a newborn animal bare before god for the first time and swim out and drown#spoilers for 'the awakening' i guess sorry#to put this is modern terms does anyone want to pull a brian david gilbert 'and now i am going to throw myself into the sea' with me but we#don't come jogging soggily up the beach towards the camera at the end we just actually drown#sorry to once again be sad on main i just. i cannot keep having the same breakdown every 3 months! every quarter i have to re-realize 'oh i#probably don't actually want to die i just cannot in any circumstances keep living like this' and then i keep living like this#i am so tired. i am so fucking tired of effort not meaning anything bc i try and try and try and i still can't turn anything in#finals posting#anyway edna and adĆØle should've kissed who's with me. adĆØle comes over and watches edna's kids while she's out gallivanting and recognizing#her personhood like a good little wife but she also is the first person to welcome edna im and like connect personally with her? edna is a#lesbian but she died before she realized that was an option. hot take.#whatever i hope everyone has a fun and safe st. paddy's#a post
4 notes
Ā·
View notes