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thequietkid-moonie · 2 days ago

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Unrequited feelings for their best friend

[ HEADCANONS ] [ Monika, Sayori, Yuri, Natsuki ]

[ Doki Doki Literature Club ]

I originaly thought this prompt with the ddlc girls and im finally writing it!! im happy 😸

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did <3

Monika

Monika can be quite insecure and has problems to relate to others at first, and yet she is someone very reliable, she always tries her best and as she grows more comfortable is easier for her to just relax and open up. Monika isn't the type to fall in love imediatly but also doesn't need to take much time, her feelings can start to grow after a little while and they grow slowly as she gets to know you better, even admire you

It doesn't really take much time for Monika to relize her feelings, as they grow stronger she will slowly start noticing the small hints of her crush, like wanting to be with you more time and even be closer, or even getting a little blushy when it comes to you, or how she looks up at you more, just as it doesn't take much time for realice her feelings it doesn't take much time for her to accept those feelings

She doesn't want to force her feelings onto you nor come across as pushy so she will try to go slow with the signs of her love, slowly showing more and more affection, discreetly doing more and more actions in an attempt to win your heart

Despite being quite insecure at first once she is totally sure about her own feelings for you she tries to overcome her insecurities and shyness to be able to try and win your heart, and she does take advantage of being so close to you to do so, right now she is so glad about knowing so much about you thanks for being your best friend

Monika isn't naive, between being quite caring and wanting to know if she has a chance she tries to pay close attention to you, specially to your reaction to whenever she tries anything that could lead to show indirectly her feelings, and even when at first she really wanted to keep her hopes a little high and the small boost of confidence she had Monika is really perceptive, it won't really take her too long to realice that you aren't exactly interested on her in a romantic manner

After realicing her feelings aren't reciprocated Monika will take some time to make sure her suspicious were right before giving up, she is a little hearbroken but she can't exactly blame you, if you don't see her as more than a friend isn't your fault nor hers, despite feeling a little frustrated she doesn't take that frustration on anyone, is her to deal with

Actually she will close off a little from you and her friends from the club, she just don't want to bother them with her problems or you finding out about her feelings (in case it would ruin your friendship or make you feel bad for her or even guilt), despite trying to reasure everyone that she is fine its clearly that she isn't

When she finally manage to recover a little (specially with the help of her friends), and after grapping her mind around the fact that she had to move on from it she will finally to go back to being a cheerful friend, but still will be putting some distance between you two to be able to move on (at least until she manage to feel comfortable enough again)

Sayori

Sayori is really caring and loving, she is incredibly insecure but always hide it behing her smile, that also why she isn't exactly quick to fall in love, she need to first know and trust the other person before feeling more at easy and let her feelings grow, so falling in love with the best friend is something completely posible

Sayori doesn't realice her feelings right away, but since they just grows over time her realization also happens slowly. For her it was quite easy at first to simply say her desire to be close to you it was just because of how good friends you two are, she apreciate you a lot so of course she wants to be with you all the time!

But, the more time it pass the more difficult it begins to deny her own feelings, the more they grows the more nervous and shy Sayori feels at your side, she just can't not feel shy and be blushy around you (specially if you are touchy and affectionate)

But just as how much it took her realice her feelings it will take her a while to realice that those feelings aren't corresponded, she was insecure and there was a voice in the back of her mind that always tell her that you doesn't like her back because you deserve something better, and even when she was more willing to heard that voice it was her friends who cheer her up to at least give a try, saying things like you two look like a cute couple or that you are really kind towards her so of course she have a chance!

Sayori takes small steps in her way to your heart, being extra affectionate even when being blushy, writing for you and trying to give you small gifts! She tries her best to win your heart but since you just keep calling her your best friend and doesn't really have a reaction that could show that you like her back Sayori simply stops

The realization is saddening, and, at first, she just accept the fact that you don't like her the same way she does with you but is after put some thought on it that he start to panic, even if her feeling aren't reciprocated she doesn't want to lose he friendship with you, you mean too much for her. Sayori start to curse her feelings and be afraid that those feeling may just ruin your friendship, so she tries her best to hide those feelings, awkwardly and even a little paniced denying any posibility of having romantic feelings towards you

It would take a while and a lot of comfort from her friends for Sayori to finally calm down and stop being imediatly paniced at the minimum oportunity of you finding out her feelings, and she will cry over it in the process, she feels incredibly bad about it but she doesn't want to force you to love her, so she will try her best to move on and continue, even when the bitter feeling is always there

Yuri

Yuri is not good at relating to others because she can be seen as a weirdo, and even when she can feel a little lonely she doesn't mind it much, at least that way she can enjoy what she truly likes by herself, despite that it isn't too dificult to aproach her and now that you two have become best friends for her is easier to open up

Actually Yuri is quite quick to fall in love, it doesn't take much before she develops a crush on you but her feeling grow stronger slowly as you two become closer, and she is even quite obvious with that crush for how easy is for her to open up a little more and how she likes to be close to you whenever she has the chance

Even so, Yuri has some problems to realice her own feeling, she doesn't identify her crush for a long time and just take it as really appreciating your friendship, after all, it makes her really happy

But even when Yuri understand that she has a crush on you and despite accepting those feelings quite easily she doesn't really act on those feelings, Yuri is quite insecure and may think from the start that you won't like her back so she simply accept to keep this relasionship as a friendship, the problem is that as her feelings grow stronger she slowly wins the desire to actually have a relationship, wishing for you to reciprocate her feelings, wich leave her to be a little more shy and blushy whenever she is around you, it isn't until her friends motivate her that she tries to win your heart

There are high chances that she end up confesing her feeling to you before she even realice that you don't feel the same, and she will deeply apologize for doing so. But, if she doesn't confess before realicing that you see her just as a friend then she will just shut her feelings and don't talk about them ever again

Since Yuri already thought that you may don't like her back she doesn't have much troubles accepting the fact that this is just one sided love, and she even repeat herself that is fine, even if you don't love her in a romantic way you two can still friends and thats completely fine but it becomes quite obvious how affected she is, suddenly she is more quiet than usual and is visibly down, but even if you ask her she insist that she is fine

It will take her a while get over it and will need some help of her friends, but at the end, despite being quite sad by this she keeps your friendship close to her heart, after all you still are someone she admires and care for, someone she doesn't want to lose so she tries her best to don't let herself get carried away by her feelings and will just apreciate each moment she pass at your side

Natsuki

Natsuki has a hard time getting along with others, her agressive attitude and being at the defensive makes her hard to aproach, but since you two have become best friends it is a little easier for her to open up and stop being so agressive, showing a little more vulnerability

As well, for Natsuki to fall in love it will take a while, she need to be comfortable and trust you before even start developing feelings, so as you two grow closer her romantic feelings for you also grow, and those go unoticed for quite a while

Natsuki doesn't have a hard time realicing her feelings but she hates them, she doesn't like being so vulnerable with someone else and she thinks that falling in love with her best friend is the worst that could have happened to her! She considers you almost like family and her new feeling can mess up everything, it makes her awkward and nervous and she hates it, besides, she is in complete denial over her own feelings, she just doesn't want to accept those feelings

Natsuki may be overeacting a little (specially when someone point at the posibility of her loving you or you two being a couple, even if it was just a joke she gets imediatly at the defensive), at the end Natsuki is just too scared of end up getting hearbroken or even ruin your friendship, she values a lot you friendship and she is scare of losing it, but she won't be able to say it out loud to anyone

At the end, it is in her own process of denying her feeling that she finds out that you don't like her back, and it is quite shocking but Natsuki kinda expected, this just end up leading her too keep hidding her feelings, it makes her feel angry and frustrated and even lead her to me a little mean to you for a while but she just can't explain why she is acting this way

Despite trying to deny her feelings deep inside of her there was a small ray of hope that you may like her back, but since now she knows that its was a silly wish she feels like a fool, it will take her quite a long time to be able to get over it and she will be over the edge during that time, somehow she feel a little betrayed since she had showed vulnerability but she knows too well that there is no one to blame

She need time, but after she manage to calm down she will go back to you and shyly (and probably indirectly with cupcakes) apologize for her childish behaivor of before, returning to be like always without even thinking on explaining why she was acting the way she did (hopefuly neither you or her friend from the club will ask)

At the end Natsuki simple accept the fact that you won't see her more than a good friend and will just keep your friendship, despite everything she still appreciate you, but she will not handle well if you show interest on someone else, she will show her discomfrot and even disgust but she doesn't explain herself and just make up an excuse like how she doesn't like cheesy stuff

#doki doki literature club #doki doki literature club x reader #ddlc x reader #ddlc monika #monika #monika x reader #ddlc sayori #sayori #sayori x reader #ddlc yuri #yuri #yuri x reader #ddlc natsuki #natsuki #natsuki x reader #x reader #x gn reader #video game x reader

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daenysthedreamersblog · 2 days ago

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SECRET OF US - VIII

i told you things

i told you things that i never said to anybody else, i regret them but I'll pack it up and practice leaving you were all at once 'til the fade to black 'til the yellow glow turned a little sad you were in my hands, but you're good at leaving

masterlist // previous chapter // next chapter

summary: you head into the viper's den of your father's household with coriolanus snow

pairings: modern!coriolanus snow x reader

warnings: MDNI! swearing, drinking, smut, oral (f receiving), p in v sex, unprotected sex

notes: rip tiktok also sorry im a slow writer ya'll im a perfectionist to my core

The sun didn't fit. It should be dark, gloomy depressing outside to follow the tone for today, rain and storms hiding away any chance of joy...instead the sky was clear, a bright yellow ray beaming down into you face making you look away.

His hand is resting on your thigh, you watch his finger tap along the meat of you leg. You think of a time when you glared daggers at a boy's head as he sat in front of you in some class. You follow his arm up until your looking at said boy's head watching the road. What force led you here to this moment in time? You knew what force back then, what stern hand had guided you, the voice incessantly in your head sounded too much like your father's.

You sighed staring back out into the road ahead, "Do you remember back then?" He makes a noise to question you. "School, when we first met."

He shuffles his hand around the steering wheel eyes focused on the distant road. "Um I guess, why?"

"No reason." You chew on the side of your finger and wonder how different your lives could have been if you hadn't given into your father's anger, a senseless competition. Would a hand be resting on your thigh still? "Do you think we would have been friends?"

He finally glanced over at you, "If you hadn't been such a raging bi-!" You whack his arm, "I'm kidding! Probably, who knows...and anyways its over now no use dwelling on it."

You watch his knuckle tighten slowly on the wheel and you feel like he's not telling the truth about something, but you don't push. He's right, the past was the past. "You were so cute in school I hated hating you."

"Figured." He smirked over at you. "And what about now?"

You cross your arms, "No comment."

"Spoken like a true politician." He chuckled. "Got to keep the cards close huh?"

"It's where they belong." You glance out the window.

His hand lands back on your thigh, "Maybe they belong to the wind." You wanted to, for him, for yourself, but trusting him was too hard despite trying. You had tried for years with Coriolanus Snow, years of blood, sweat and tears to ruin each other. That creeping fear that he was out to get you didn't go away within one sweet kiss.

You chew on your finger until the skin bleeds.

Your parents had lived close to the academy where you had went to high school, still owned the home where they frequently stayed. They also owned property away from the city, where the traffic was light and the stars were visible.

The house was right off the beach, overlooking the water with plenty of space to accommodate you and your friends, but you had no intention of actually staying there, trapping yourself in with your parents.

Instead, you followed Coriolanus into the elevator of the hotel you were choosing for lodging. "Do they know you're in yet?"

"No." You shook your head toying with the handle of your suitcase. "Few more hours of peace right?" You glance up at him, "Did you come up here with..."

The Plinths.

He nodded, "Yeah." You knew they owned property across town, had went to a party with Arachne and Clem there when you were younger. You figured he hadn't come back since Sejanus had died.

"Isn't it crazy we've been so involved in each other lives, yet we don't seem to really know each other." The elevator dings and you lead the way out and down the hall.

The students you had went to high school with you had been going to school with since you were a child. Your families grew up together, you had the same circle, and hung around the same people. Yet, he sometimes felt like a stranger to you. "Probably because we never really knew anything, just the surface layer."

You slide the key into the door and push it open rolling your suitcase off to the side and flopping down across the king bed. "Aren't you just a giant onion Coriolanus Snow?"

"An onion." He laughs the bed dipping as he crawled next to you.

"Let me peel you." You drew circles into his wrist as he stared down at you. Gosh he was beautiful, you had shied away from that, denied that but now you can't stop admiring it.

He smiles, "Tell me something real."

You let him brush hair away from your face, "You have such pretty eyes."

"What a cop out." He rolled those pretty eyes, "Too easy."

"Doesn't make it any less true."

He leans down and kisses the side of your mouth, "True." You waited for him to speak his truth, "I'm worried about tonight." You pulled back confusion written on every feature. Coriolanus sighed, "He-Your father...he-well you know what he's like."

You sat up, "I don't understand."

"I just...he's not going to like that you and I are..." You sucked in a breath. Say it, define this, make it real. "Not trying to kill each other." Disappointment settled in your stomach. "I have a feeling he's going to try and change that."

You furrow your brows, "Why?"

He ran a hand over his face, "He wants whats best for you, and that doesn't include anyone but him."

"He doesn't get to decide that." You climbed on top of him cupping his face. "I'm done letting him control me."

His hands slid around your waist, "I know."

You kiss him words being too raw to tell him you thought he was the best thing you had right now. He swings you around until your back hits the bed, until he’s hovering over you, kissing down your neck, collarbones pulling your shirt over your head to continue trailing his mouth down the center of your breast.

Your fingers work his belt open to allow him the space to push his pants down his legs and onto the floor. He's kissing down your stomach, kissing your hips as he inches off your underwear and pants laying you naked before him. He kisses your inner thigh, kisses the heat pulsating from your between your legs, and then he plants the gentle kiss to your clit as your back arches in anticipatory pleasure. He worships you, he glides his tongue along your clit, swirling and teasing the bud as your claws dig into his scalp. He presses down hard, moving his mouth in delicate motions that draws sweat to your hairline as two finger push inside of you. Your back arches even further, your hips tilting upward as his mouth wraps around your clit, stars peppering your vision. "Coryo," You moan for him feeling his smile deep within your cunt. His tongue slides over your clit one last time, fingers curling deep inside of you the pleasure incinerating you before you orgasm. You turn your face as you whine out into the air feeling him lap up every ounce of you until your withering under his mouth.

He's off the next second flipping you onto your stomach and hoisting you up onto all fours. You have one moment to grip the sheets before he pushes his cock inside of you. You groan from your throat as he grabs onto your hips to slam in and out of you and all you can do is arch for him to slide him deeper, slide him to that spot you like all too well. "So good," he pants out. "So good to me." You flatten your chest to the bed, bitting onto your knuckle as your body bends even further for him.

"Mhm," Is all you can whimper out as he thrust hard and fast into every inch of you. Your body is clenching down around him, the pressure building up too fast already. He was right, it was so good, how could it be this good between you two. You had been with other people, he no doubt had as well, but this...this was a different plane of existance. "You feel so good." You tell him the same.

He lets out a breathy laugh, his strokes slow and deep. "Do I?" He reaches around your body fingers pressing into your clit, drawing circles into it. "Tell me baby girl, tell me how good it feels." You do. You're a blubbering whining mess for him, mewling for more as you scream into those stupid hotel sheets. "Cum on my cock then, show me how good it feels." You do that too twisting your fingers into the bed as your body clamps down around him. He grips onto you hips again moving at a rabid pace to chase his own pleasure, spilling inside of you with your name on his lips.

You lay like that for a while, bent over, him inside of you until it didn't seem reasonable anymore. He reluctantly pulled out, you reluctantly let him, and then he's pulling your sweating bodies together across messy sheets. You need to shower, you need to get ready, prepare for this disastrous event.

But you close you eyes, and revel in the warmth of his skin a little longer.

You smooth down the black dress, fidgeting with the jewelry littering your fingers. "Hey." His warm hand slides into yours. "We don't have to go." He comes in close tucking hair behind your ear as he trails a finger down your cheek. "We can go back, spend the whole night in that hotel room." You sucked in a breath cheeks heating despite the slight chill in the air. He smirked, "Spend it having you spread open beneath me."

You leaned into his hand, "As nice as that sounds..." You tugged his hand down from your face your fingers tangled in an intricate web of connection. "I have to face him."

The door opens and you find yourself dropping his hand taking the slight sidestep away from him. You catch it, he catches it, but you avoid looking at him. "Mother." You rush into her arms the only comfort you had ever found growing up.

"My darling girl." She kisses your cheeks and peers at Coriolanus Snow. "Mr. Snow, what a surprise." She holds out her hand allowing him to press a respectable kiss to it before ushering everyone inside to avoid awkward conversations.

You stand there in the foyer awkwardly anyways. "You have a lovely home." He tells your mother.

She waves his flattery away, "She's not in her prime, only had the dust shook off for this pointless party." She eyed you tenderly, "Come by our building when we all get back to the city, now that is a lovely home."

"I'm sure he has better things to do that admire your paint choices." You fought to not roll your eyes as worlds incessantly collided in front of you. Coriolanus had always been overly cordial with the elite set of parents your fellow students had, smoozing them at various events...even yours.

He smiled down at you, "I'm a avid paint admirer." He runs a hand down the sleeve of your coat. "Let me hang this up for you."

Your mother motions down the hall, "Coat check is right through there." You shrug out of your coat and watch him disappear with it, "I thought we hated him?" She whispers in your ear.

"We do-we did...I did." You glance at her. "I don't hate him anymore, at least I don't think I do."

She studied your face, "No you don't hmm." You had your father's eyes, cold, hard eyes chased away by all the warmth in your mother's who's softness always enveloped you, a softness you searched endless inside of yourself. She gave you life, she knew your soul even if you didn't. "I meant what I said, have him come by when you get back."

"No." You scoffed.

Her eyes narrowed, "You're as difficult as your father, your own worst enemy." You hear his footsteps returning, "Why don't you give him a tour?" She runs a hand down your arm before walking away.

He smirked down at you, "Absolutely not," You pointed at him.

His hands grabbed onto your waist pulling you in, "Show me you room kitten."

"You're as bad as her." You groaned shoving past him and up the stairs. You walk him into the house showing him various offices and rooms and bathrooms. He's not interested in it, he knows you're stalling as you approach the last door. "This is my room." You grimace as you open the door letting him walk inside.

He flips on the light glancing around at your bedroom as if he never been in one before. It was different than you room in the city, the one you chose, you decorated and lived in. This one was a view into your adolescents, the version he never got to see behind closed doors. He peers at your bare desk, littered with random pictures of Arachne and Clemensia. He slowly gazes at the walls covered in various awards and degrees, the small book shelf with childish fiction books hidden beside literature your father planted. Then his fingers are trailing along the white floral detailing on your powder blue bedspread.

"Roses," He traces the stem off of one.

"I guess." You were picking at your nails waiting for the snap of judgement.

He finally meets your eyes, "It's cute." You don't respond as he starts digging through your bedside table. "Your mother seemed okay with me being here."

"She knows how to bite her tongue." You step inward, "Been hiding her opinions for years now."

He sighs sitting on your cushioned perfectly made bed, "And what are her true opinions of me then kitten?"

You come around the bed, fingers trailing along the white wooden bedpost until you're in front of him. "I'm sure nothing appropriate." You smirk down at him as hands ghost the back of your thighs until his palms are pressed into your backside.

"What are your opinions?"

You straddle him, his hard cock digging into you. "Nothing appropriate."

His mouth hovers along yours, "Tell me something real."

I need you. "I need you inside of me."

He kisses you hard as you grind your body down onto his. It's fast and heated and you're fighting with his pants as he hikes up you dress to dig his fingers into your soaked cunt. "So needy for me." He smiles along your mouth, nipping your bottom lip before sprawling you out on your old bed.

"Always," You don't let him go far. You keep your arms around his neck allowing him to spread you open, to push inside of you slowly, inch by inch, letting him envelope you inside out. When he's filled you completley you let your legs wrap around him gently, letting him rock his hips against yours. You felt every inch of his body, every inch of his soul consuming you with every long slow stoke of his cock. He kisses you again, tongues melding together as your bodies had done, until every part of you seems attached to his.

Your hands trail down his back, feeling every muscle rippling under his dress shirt as he thrust into you. You're never sated, never full enough of him and you think you may never be and the idea terrifies you. So you tuck your face into his neck and kiss him, kiss his pulse and hold onto him before he slips through your fingertips, before you let him.

In the end you know it would be your fault, it had always been your fault.

You feel heat filling your veins, his fire engulfing you in it's blue flame raging against your amber glow. "My girl," He groans against your face, the words branding on your skin. "My pretty girl." In some other version of this you would ask him if he means it, if he could ever want you that way, and maybe he would, but not here, not now. You relish in the delusion of simplicity of being his.

You tilt your hips, you take him deeper, you close your eyes and feel every shock of pleasure shooting across your body. You clamp down around him, like you always would, and orgasm tangled up in everything that was him. His hips stutter as he cums soon after open mouth breathing against your hair. You feel the tightness in your throat, the realization of the serene bubble you made hidden under sexual desire. There was so much more, so much, and you could never look it in the face.

He kisses your forehead, and you wonder if he feels it too.

He stares down at you gentle fingers brush hair out of your face, "I may have smudged your makeup a little."

You chuckle at the break in tension, "That's alright."

"You're still beautiful." Your cheeks burn, "You've always been beautiful."

"Even back then?" You wince when he pulls out, as he helps you sit up to collect yourself.

He nods as he adjust his pants. "Then, now." He smirks up at you, "You've aged like an expensive wine."

"Your favorite flavor I assume?" You pull your dress down into place.

He watches you, "You are exquisitely delicious kitten."

You smile to yourself as you use the small vanity to fix yourself back up, cover up marks and smudges, straighten out your dress. “I see why now.” He says and you look at him through the mirror as he stares out of your bedroom window. “Why you like to go there..” The docks in the city.

You walk over to him taking in the same view he was; the dark water lapping on a cold beach. The lone boats still sitting along the nearly empty dock of people waiting for spring to break through finally. “It’s nice to always imagine the escape, picture a different life, romanticize the little things.” You sighed, “I spent a lot of time in here; needed to pass the time, wondered if I could float away too.”

“So philosophic.” He smirks.

You gaze up at him, “Just a depressed teenager actually.”

He chuckles, “No wonder you grew teeth and claws.” You turn to face him as he creeps closer to you, slowly like he might spook you, and he could because he was right. You always thought you were born with fangs, poison laced in your gums from who you were always meant to be, but really it had been a defensive measure. Now it seemed to difficult to put them away after so long, all the raw, jagged parts of you and he still chose to come closer. Your heart flips in relief, in some sort of confirmation, that he could see you, but it's falling just as quick with fear, with a need hide from his scrutinizing gaze. You've spent years honing this craft, tucking the monster quietly inside, trying to make it small enough to fit into a life that wasn't yours. He cups your face anyways forcing you to burn underneath its intensity.

Your brows crease, "Coriolanus." He kisses you, softly, like you were made of precious glass, melted and woven to fit within his palm. It's too much, too much emotion is pouring into your chest that you need to pull away. As if you could let it all come to the surface, as if you could believe the walls you had spent years building could be let go.

He sighs through his nostrils as he opens his eyes to stare down at you disappointment in his gaze, "You dropped my hand."

You played dumb, "What?"

"You dropped my hand."

You scoff, "What did you expect me to do, to say? 'Hey mom here's this guy I'm fucking?' Doesn't really roll off the tongue."

He rolled his eyes, "She knows who I am."

"That's not the point."

He narrowed in on you, "Then what is the point?"

"You tell me!" You snap like the viper buried deep down inside of you, the wild snake your father had forced you to be, the creature within your soul Coriolanus had always seen. You're breathing heavy watching him study every expression hidden under false anger.

"You always go on the offensive when you're avoiding questions." He reminds you after he had spent years observing you to dissect your soul. He takes a slow step forward, his middle finger twisting around your own, "I get it, truly more than you know. I just wish you knew. Is it so hard to trust me?"

"Yes." You breath.

His eyebrows furrow, "Why?"

"I spent my whole life mistrusting you, how do you unlearn a behavior." You feel your fingers tugging away from him. "Do you even trust me?"

He's pulling your hand back to him, to hold against his heart; steady and strong beneath his sternum. "More than I should." And he was right to, you were never able to offer him any security back in regards to whatever this was. You had always had to strike deeper, more lethally. ”Change, you change, that's how you unlearn things...I changed."

"Not much."

He playfully glares, "Just enough."

Maybe you had misjudged him, maybe you had always misjudged him. “What do you want?” It wasn’t accusatory, but the honest question.

“What do you want?” There is was, the stalemate, the cold war of neither of you wanting to admit the ever consuming truth. No, he would never admit defeat first. He wanted to pummel you beneath his iron fist first, or did he? You weren't sure you knew anything anymore. You knew you wanted to hear the words from his mouth, words you know you may never hear at all, pathetic words you're sure were just your own.

I care about you. I want you. I'm falling in love with you.

"Come on." You struggle to step away fully so your hand comes up to interlock with his. "We're already late.”

So, no you may never hear them because even you weren’t willing to reveal the soft parts of yourself, so why should he? Everyone had always controlled you, used you, and even when you tried to make your own choices it was thwarted by your father. It was difficult to relent that feeling, that fear; it was difficult to push the fangs back up into your gums and give in to those things you truly wanted.

You let him walk slightly behind you as you head back into the party, as you head right for the open bar needing to dull the feelings swarming your head. But now that your here, downing a glass of champagne where everyone can see your father's heir, the anxiety sets in. Your skin was crawling, you felt everyone staring at you as you drained a flute quickly grabbing another one. This was stupid, this was your dumb idea and you wanted to peel off your own fingernails to claw your way out of this pit of snakes.

"There she is." Your father's voice sends oily sludge down your spine as he speaks your name, demanding you to turn and look at him. You do. He's the same as ever, more gray hair popping up on his head than last time, his clean shaven face, dark soulless eyes peering into the depths of yours. He's quick to take your hand, pull you in close pretending to kiss your cheek. "What is Coriolanus Snow doing at my party?"

"I invited him." You're firm.

"Stupid girl." You quickly search the party finding him speaking with your father's business partners...networking. You should have felt unease at the sight, but you had stopped competing with him long ago and who cares if he networked for his own career. "Highbottom." Your father turned to the man next to him, "My daughter had told me her email was hacked a few months back, she never got your message for her to apply."

His fingers dug into your shoulder forcing you to respond, to grovel. "I'm so sorry Mr. Highbottom, I know how amazing of an opportunity that internship would be at your company. I would love to still apply if you are open to more candidates."

He didn't care, he had always been going to give you the position due to your father. "Technology is a fickle thing hmm...Come by my office when you get back to the city, we'll set something up for you."

You shake his hand. "Thank you sir."

"Good job." Your father had whispered once Highbottom had disappeared from view. "Now get that fucking leech out of here."

You glared; you’re glad he’s upset, you’re glad he didn’t plan for this. It didn’t make his disappointment easier to withstand, "It's not like that anymore."

Your father ordered a glass of brown liquor sneering into the cup. "Oh really. Tell me how many kisses did it take for you to forget who he is.” You don’t answer only take another long, slow drink. “Not much I suppose since he’s here no doubt whispering into everyone’s ear about how he’s the better option than you.” He watched you set the empty glass down before you looked at him. “The funny thing is…he is.”

It hurts. It had always hurt, you don't let on. “Then let him be better.” You narrow your eyes, “I’ll go where I’m wanted not where you’re wanted.”

Your father sighed, “Then go nowhere I guess.” He shakes his head, “Who would want you? A love sick withering woman who would rather wander aimlessly then stake her claim at what is so rightfully hers.” Your eyes quiver, “You’ve brought yourself so low, and for what? That bottom feeder?”

The sound of Coriolanus saying you father’s name snaps you out of it. “Mind if I borrow your daughter?”

He gives you a tight lipped smile. “We’re not done with this conversation.” Your father finished his drink and walked away without even acknowledging Coriolanus.

You stared up at him your insides steeling up. “Come dance.” He pulls you by the hand towards the middle of the room, you can’t even hear the sound of the slow music playing over the sound of blood rushing in your ears. You can’t even hear him ask his questions until he says your name multiple times. You look up at him, "How did it go?"

You laughed sarcastically into the air. "I am a coward. It's like the minute I'm around him I'm just a little girl again scared to disappoint her father."

"What does he want anyways?" He asked his hand sliding down the length of your spine, like his touch was the only thing holding you together.

"Money, power, glory." You watch the back of his head leaving the room. "He wants his empire, he wants me right there beside him so even when he's forced to step down he'll always be my shadow, he'll always be in control." Your eyes meet Coriolanus’s once more, "I think most of all, he wants me to want it."

"And you don't."

"And I don't." Then you’re looking at his chest, feeling the warmth of his palm within your own, and once again wonder how you found yourself here; finding comfort with him, finding security with him. "I don't know what I want, who I am...I just know I don't want to be controlled."

"When did you realize that?" He asked simply.

It wasn't simple, and you sighed. "Arachne had just come out." The air feels tight as you recount. "Her parents weren't happy, and she had come over with Clem for comfort, for reassurance. My father..." You swallow hard. "My father wanted me to convince her to lie, to pretend to be someone she wasn't, to take it back., and I almost did it. I almost agreed to do it."

You look up at his gaze; he wasn't judging you like you had judged yourself. He had always seen the worst parts of you and never looked away. "What made you decide not to?"

"I got back to my room, and I saw her laughing with Clem and I realized I never wanted my friend to not smile like that." You blink remembering the brightness in her eyes, "If she had to be pretend to be someone she wasn't...she never would have been able to be happy. I couldn't do that to her." His hand soothes the small of your back, "If I was more like him, if I wanted to be like him, I would have been completely okay with ruining her life."

He stilled. "You aren't like him."

Couples are spinning around you, laughter rings out in distant areas of the room, you feel your mother watching you somehow, or maybe that was something only mother’s could make their child feel. “I always felt too much, too keenly; hatred and worry and��love.” His blue eyes twinkle in the golden chandelier light. “Hatred is easier to admit than love.” Too much, too much, you’re revealing too much… "It's easy, but his…disappointment, his disgrace, it’s too much to bear. I have no more room for it, and it disgust me how much I allow him to bend me.”

His hand strokes your cheek forcing you to tilt your face up for him, “The wind kitten.” He repeats, “The only way to make room is to let some of it go. You can’t change him, you cant let him change you.” Another brush of his thumb, “I see you…I’ve always seen you. I know who you are, who you harbor, the bad and…the good.” He's kissing you then, cupping your face up to his as you hold onto his wrist savoring the taste of him. ”Let’s get out of here."

“Okay.”

Soon enough your rushing back though the party trying to find coats and purses to leave in a mad dash. Your father couldn't be too mad, you had come, made amends with his friend, would maybe try for that job...probably not. "I can't find my phone.” You cursed your dress, you wished you gave it to him instead but your searching ever nook for that stupid device, and then you remember. “My room, I-I must have left it up there earlier.”

Your room is dark once more as you push the door open seeing the screen light up on a slightly rumpled comforter. You scoop it up into your hands before turning and coming face to face with your father. “Did you really think you could leave without finishing our conversation?”

“Yes, I’m leaving.” You held your chin high trying to draw from Coriolanus’s strength.

His eyes narrowed, ”Before you go..." You’re mid trying to open your phone to text Coriolanus when you look up at him. "Did he ever mention his father to you?"

"What? No? Why would he?" Crassus Snow had died many years ago, before you had even went to school with his son. He had worked with your father for some time but nothing noteworthy.

Your father shrugged. "Interesting."

You cross your arms. "Spit it out already."

"Crassus Snow and I were friends." He said the air growing heavy, thick with the weight of his words; they hung in the space between you, suffocating, pressing against your chest. "I was making huge success, he wasn't, invested into the wrong places and he was jealous, hungry for more, for what I had." Your hand covered your mouth as your father stood up straighter. "He was never able to recoup what he lost. He died knowing his fortune was in ashes, his only saving grace would have been his son, so I couldn't have that. No, he would not haunt me any longer."

So he had sent you to destroy that last living memory of an old friend, an old enemy. You remember the lecture, the hatred your father had instilled in your for that boy.

Your father smirked, "And I knew he would have left his son the same task."

"He's not like his father." You shook your head, you never knew the man, but if he was anything like your father...

"Isn't he? Just as cruel and manipulative and power hungry with an ambition like a knife." He laughed at you, "Do you truly think he cares for you? Come on darling I know I raised you to be smarter than that."

Your heart froze up, "Maybe he changed after the accident, maybe he realized theres more important things in life."

Another cruel laugh, "He realized he's nothing without The Plinths and he's lucky they never pressed charges for him getting their son killed."

"He-He..." You're spinning out words hitting you like bullets.

Your father struck his final blow, "He's using you." A cold whisper. "You don't think I've been watching him all night, networking, scheming his way into places meant for you. He's using you like he used that Plinth boy and you are falling into the same little trap that will get you cast out or worse..." Two hands ran down your arms, a father's comfort. "You're faltering, you're letting opportunity pass you by, giving up power for a silly boy who could never love you."

"That's not true." Your nails dig deep into your palms.

"Is that all it took for you to give up? A sweet kiss, the moon on a string?" He tsked at you like a child. "I would pity you if I wasn't so disappointed, but then again you are just a woman.”

Anger flared within you steel locking around every wall. “Woman? Is that meant to be an insult?”

“Of course it is.” He scoffs. “If you were a man he wouldn’t have been able to weasel his way close to you. He knew all the tricks to emotionally manipulate you.” He laughed at you, “He’s probably down there right now sealing a deal meant for you because you let him pass you by, you let him make you weak.” You want him to stop, to shut up, to leave you alone, so you slip into the only version of you he adored.

You smirk, fangs slipping down the lie burning hotter than the poison dripping out. “You don’t think I know that. You don’t think I can see through his little tricks.” You tilted your head to the side hair spilling onto your shoulder. “Oh father, you should know me better, you raised me.”

“Oh?” He raised an eyebrow urging you to continue.

“I’ve been planning it for months, the moment I knew we were going to be scene partners.” You gaze at your nails as if destroying a life was boring. “It’s my final move, my checkmate to say. I’ve gotten him right where I want him and he believes he can see some version of good inside me to soften up.” Your smile feels evil, vile. “You wanted me to hate him, but I hate him so much more on my own. I can’t wait to send him out with nothing, to destroy him one last time, to be rid of him forever.”

Your father actually smiles at you, “I’m impressed. He does seem rather smitten with you.”

“He's a leech as you've always said father.” You hold your head with putrid pride. “And he’s hooked on tight.”

The floorboard creaks your bedroom door opening wider as your infected heart plummets to your stomach, the ground feels like it had fallen out from beneath you.

“Coriolanus.” His blue eyes are dark with anger, with pain, with-with… “Coriolanus.” You go to chase after him but your father’s grip wraps tight around your arm.

Your father's mouth curved into a wicked smile,”If only all of that were true hmm?”

“You knew.” You’re hyperventilating, heaving heavy breaths. “You knew-He…” You think to your phone open on your bed. “You texted him to come up here…you knew he would be standing there…you egged me on to say all of that, to hurt him.”

His grip squeezes on your bicep. “I know what’s best for you, and Coriolanus Snow is not that.” You try to move but he's latched on tight, "You think I would let that boy, with his father's blood, take anything that was mine?"

“You’re wrong.” You seethe getting in close knowing everything you felt for him was the opposite of hatred. “He’s better than both of us.” You wrangle out of his grasp, and then you’re running after Coriolanus Snow. “Corio!” You watch him throw his coat on, storming out of the front door. “Coriolanus!” You’re sprinting down the steps. “Snow!” He stills on the same porch you had arrived together on, in the same place you had dropped his hand. “I-I didn’t mean what I said.”

He doesn’t even turn to look at you. “He raised you as vicious as him, power hungry and armed to the teeth.” The same words he had said to you on that concrete sidewalk. "Don't waste your breath, you'll just embarrass yourself."

“Please.” You feel tears brimming in your eyes, ‘Please just…look at me.” He won’t and you go to reach for him, but you hand falls back to your side. “You asked me what I wanted earlier.” You swallow back fear. You were tired of lying, pretending to be strong, pretending to not care when all you cared about was him. Screw the past, screw the feud and your father, you wanted Coriolanus Snow, you wanted to love him. “I want you.”

You can’t see his face, but you know he’s glaring. “I don’t care.” You can't see straight, your vision is spotty. “I don’t care about you. I never did.” Your knee buckles, “You were just something to pass the time, to see if I could use you all the same.”

You reach out finally but his coat slides past your fingertips as he walks away from you, as he disappears into the night.

You don't go back inside. Instead you drown yourself in a bottle of champagne on a frozen beach, watching boats sit stagnant when you’re stupid enough to text him.

Please Coriolanus…talk to me.

The text never gets delivered.

It hits you then.

He blocked you. He left you.

He left.

big yikes

next chapter coming soon

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