#this is all from a pretty old list
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#webtoon quotes#have a funny one now#I love yoo#the actual comic is a pretty serious drama with some dark things#but this quote made me laugh#and wound up on my favorite quotes list#shishido often plays the part of comic relief#in the more serious tone of everything#i should keep an eye out reading I Love Yoo for more cool quotes#this is all from a pretty old list#so old in fact#i couldnt do some of them#because they were from canvas iterations of since released webtoons#that didnt have that line anymore#*cough*#spellward bound#cough#others too tho#i could probably make that its own post#lost quotes from canvas
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i needed to express a sentiment in the creative stylings of @dunmeshiminimumwage
#eliot posts#dunme#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi#sorry to put toshiro in the roll of shitty job interviewer lmao#but he was the best fit for ''guy that wants me to read their mind''#laios being my internal monologue here#i was on my THIRD interview of the day i was Dying#tho since the prev two interviews i had were for similar positions and told me their salaries outright at least i could use that number#(though tbh my work persona is more of a kabru. my customer service voice is unparalleled)#(at my first job even my coworkers thought i was sooo cheerful til i got too comfy and casually made a joke abt wanting to asphyxiate on a#plastic shopping bag like a sea turtle. in front of my sweet elderly coworker. oops!)#(also this job was during quarantine and after weeks of working together i took my mask off in front of one coworker for the first time#and she called like half the department over from their registers to look at how pretty i was??? prettyboy powers unmatched ig)#(also my first interview today went SO well i charmed that interviewer so good despite my lack of qualifications)#(she even complimented my social skills and said i seemed like the type who could get along well and make good conversation with anyone!)#(which is important bc i was interviewing for an elder care position. also old people especially tend to think i am a Delightful Young Lad)#(unless i accidentally make a morbid joke around them ig lmaooo. or. well. some of them like those too. but not that one coworker lol)#(if only that skill transferred over to actually making friends irl. my autistic ass has so few close irl connections)#(i hope my exceedingly short list of character references does not prevent me from getting hired)#AND ALSO my first job asked the same wage question and i said twelve dollars#and they were like all our new employees start at 7.75#the union insists that we pay all new employees a whopping 50 cents above min wage. (we'd pay less if we could)#like dawg why did you ask that then??? if my answer did not matter at all???
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So, Sonic fandom: how we feeling about Dark Beginnings Episode 1?
#sonic the hedgehog#Sonic#sonic x shadow generations#shadow generations#Sonic x shadow generations dark beginnings#dark beginnings#shadow the hedgehog#to me the funniest part is that it’s currently listed as ‘for kids’#like I know pretty much all of Sonic’s animated uploads end up under ‘for kids’#but I don’t think the short of a young girl nearly passing out from a deadly disease#a robot wreaking havoc on a space station and attacking an old man#the implications of both execution by firing squad and the brutal murder of a young girl by government forces#yeah I don’t think that’s necessarily for the cocomelon audience
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some very very quick costume shorthands!
#&juliet#had the absolute luck of watching this live the other night and it was. truly amazing!!! aaah#rough character designs for the younger leads (excluding like the Grown adult duos..) because?? idk#this is how it always starts. once the character designs start getting simplified like this that's when it all begins#which is hmmm timing but i really can't shut up about this musical it was so so fun. absolute vibes and energy#made me laugh and cry and was such an Experience. i adore them all but may specifically made me sob at some parts dfjkldfh#lots of thoughts! but one of the favs is how they wrote it so the existing songs and actions fit so well.#like in a rhyming bit they had frankie accept a drink and then the song was like ''drink in hand'' and i was all !!!!!!#also maybe it's local censorship? but there wasn't the kisses.. they replaced it w kissing hands and then holding hands#which is like a cute nod to the ''hand to hand holy palmers kiss' or smth but also maybe two guys doing that would not have made it past :/#oh my god i. the way rnj parallels the shakespeare duo... whdskjfhgh. may + not being a Girl kdjhgf. frankie and may. aaagh.#angelique being so so badass. i . the speech about Gender by anne and the Proposal by angelique both made the whole theatre cheer love that#also rotating stage lives in my mind rent free i ADORE the set holy moly.. also also the actors were so good. also the Projections.#also the music and costumes and special effects and aerial moments. and the ensemble. and the choreo#also the cast is so talented. and pretty. and the whole confidence part vs the vulnerability of some bits... whshjfgjkl. hhh#im just listing stuff now but it was so vibes. what an experience ever. it's also shot me directly into 14-years-old again so#spent the morning alone vibing to the soundtrack intensely... i just... sometimes things hold special places in your heart idk!!!#i don't know what to do with these designs though... like the show is such a lovely Spectacle but also idk where to branch out by myself no#there's so much to Absorb again and again. i get the feeling any true work from this i would do in a form of an animatic though.. oops#tldr? 1. &juliet very good just as itself 2. we have History 3. i got to see it live which always propels me into bonkers over musicals!#so so rough but i needed to get smth out and . whatever. an art blog is an art blog. back to hiatus now i think#<reminder to myself: this is essentially an artchive.. there's no quality control if you don't want it! have fun!! ily>
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Challenge level: Impossible (Patreon)
#Doodles#Spoiler alert: I was in fact not normal about it lol#You can tell those first two are old by comparison for how short my hair was at the time lol#From back in July! I guess I just hadn't been drawing myself much there for a bit huh#As for that last one I swear I Promise I drafted this in September it's not a reference I'm just actually genuinely Like This lol#I didn't choose this life etc. etc. lol#From the top!#Burst of inspiration wherever could that have come from hehe <3 What could've happened in July that made me want to draw I wonder hehehe#Bit funny considering I fell off posting - not like the inspiration stopped! And what I Did draw was Very lol#I still have some of it in an ever-present photoviewer because I like being able to look at it at any point <3#Still inspired! Still want to do more studies!! So pretty ♥♪♫#Sleepy thoughts - I had my Pkmn Diamond/SoulSilver field dex/guides for all of like two months and then they were packed up again#And this was Before the Pokemon burst! Sheesh sheesh#I love my field guide dexes they're so neat and well-made ahh#I have got a couple craft projects still back-burnered - those papercrafts to do with Pokemon are still on the list!#A little Pokedex-notebook is so fun.......And I have Pokemon stickers that I could put in it or on it......ah........#I do want to! I will at some point the energy will return to it eventually#Alright so the main course lol#Went fabric shopping for plushies because yes I Am determined to Make Thing! Another that's been a bit backburnered - but I will!!!#I do still really want to it's turned out pretty good for far :) But while I was shopping!!#We did the usual small talk thing with the store employee like ''Oh what are you buying this for'' that whole back-and-forth#So I explained that I was making plushies and needed the tear-away stabilizer to draw the embroidery outline on#In my head I was being very tempered because while /I/ know that I'm making a Max plushie not many people are familiar with him (wrongly so)#Lol#So we continued and he was like ''Oh cool I've made some patches with embroidery :)'' so I asked of what and he lead with CotL's crown#And then-#Look Zarla's work was Already on my mind with Max as my project I was in a Delicate Way already do you really expect me not to talk about it#The answer was no and he walked away with a Vargas recommendation in his pocket I hope he enjoyed it lol#And I got my fabric and started work on Max's face it's fine it all worked out in the end it's all good it's great lol#I Was encouraged to come back with my finished project so that's on my to-do once I get him in a presentable state haha
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Looking back on my childhood...some things become much funnier and also much sadder in hindsight.
#when i was in school for a brief window before my parents decided to homeschool us#there were two girls about two years older than me who i retrospectively realize were trying quite hard to bully me#(and did in fact bully many other girls...so badly in fact that there was a lawsuit and several children were pulled from the school)#the one girl was the ringleader and would rile up the other girls in her class and her special pet henchman would help her#they used to say really awful things about and to me#i have one very vivid memory of the three of us playing all alone at a park and we were fighting over what was essentially a kiddie-zipline#we were all three taking turns but the ringleader and her pet henchman wanted it to themselves#so they started telling me to go away and play by myself#i knew they weren't allowed to tell me to go away and i didn't want to go away#so i just kept taking my turn#when they tried to jostle me away i jostled back (and i was a very sturdy five year old)#when that didn't work they tried to tell me that they didn't like me#and i told them very frankly that that was okay because i didn't like them either#then they tried to tell me that NO ONE liked me#and i listed off three other girls who did like me#so they told me those other little girls had told them that they were just pretending to like me#and i told them that no i was pretty sure netty and angie and kayla wouldn't say that--#(the most hilarious things was that these girls had never met kayla to begin with--a fact i was quick to point out)#--and that they were just saying that so they could hog the playground to themselves#it went on and on like that until all three of us had to go home#and i was completely unfazed by the whole thing#i only realized when i was MUCH MUCH older how vicious they were trying to be#but i was used to fighting with my siblings and that's how you warded off that kind of attack#you had to be matter-of-fact and a little brazen and never let anyone jostle you off the playground!#(not being afraid to tattle-tale was another asset XD)
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#havent really been active on tumblr the last few days but now i came back to post another vent and fuck off again lol hiiiiii#i havent cried in way too long. ngl sobbing hysterically in your bed does hit different lol#anyway. what a great time to remind myself of every single bad thing anyone has ever said about my body and my face <3#anyway i finished the sobbing till i cant breathe session and now my one eye hurts like there's sth stuck in it but there's nothing#but while i was digging in it trying to find sth under my eyelid that could explain the pain i really really looked at it#my friend once said my eyes are the colour of a swamp and by god she was right.#and like damn. i was never insecure about my eyes but maybe i should add that to the list.#but like whatever. like obv im not gonna start being actually insecure about mu stupid eyes but it did hit me that there is really#not a single thing about my body that i can with all confidence say is nice/pretty/whatever. not a single thing that i genuinely like.#like at best case it's 'not as bad as it could be'. like i have nothing lol. cant even honestly say something as silly as 'i like my eyes'#cause no. they look like a swamp.#idk im just so tired of trying my best all the time and still looking like a rotting leaking bag of garbage.#i try to remind myself that i dress funny and do fun make up and that is what people will notice about me but the truth is#everyone will still always see that under all that bs im just plain ugly and just generally unattractive#and ill never be able to distract anyone from that not really#like ik people who like me dont care about that but thats the thing.#im just tired of being one of the people that will always be liked/loved/whatever 'despite' sth.#like there is nothing of value in me that is NATURAL. its all fucking fake.#anyway. wish i were dead same old same old.
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The way women experience horror is so much more interesting than men
#I am so serious about this#I am listening to a horror podcast with 3 guys and 1 girl and first of all she gets way less talking time than the others#She's excluded from convos more often than not#And THEN they discussed their fave Slashers#FAVE = subjective#And all the guys had the same three in their to three because they're 'influential'#(so Halloween/TCM/Scream/Nightmare Movies)#And she was like: these fave lists are pretty old -> was shut down IMMEDIATELY#Then she presented her list and got absolutely zero feedback#I am a. Mad about how she's treated#But also b. SHE HAD BLACK CHRISTMAS IN HER TOP 3 YOU FUCKING UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS WHINING ABOUT INFLUENTIAL HORROR MOVIES#BLACK CHRISTMAS DIDN'T EVEN MAKE YOUR TOP TEN#Next time you talk about movies I sure as hell hope you ALWAYS mention journey to the moon because it's 'influential'#Anyway thinly veiled attempt to shut down people (women) with differing opinions#(I swear to god I am in a discord with these people and the host of this pod is so awful)#(I said I expected Evil Dead Rise to be more bloody and he went on a whole rant about kids these days expecting the new Terrifier)#Absolutely full of himself asshole who thinks his opinion is the only valid one#Filmbros are so disgusting#Hatched from the Brain#(Btw I expected the movie to be bloodier BASED ON THE TRAILER)#The trailer promised me things that did not happen (eg. The Eye scene)
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Today I discovered that my social studies teacher listens to Welcome to Night Vale, and I am still in a bit of shock.
#of the things you expect to have in common with your social teacher. this is not usually one of them.#it’s not as though he’s like. a young new teacher either. if he was I wouldn’t be surprised at all.#no I’m pretty sure he’s in his fifties.#very stereotypical history teacher (/pos). likes to use gen z slang sometimes specifically because it sounds ridiculous coming from him.#I don’t know what I expected but him being a night vale fan was not on the list#we had to make fictional propaganda posters and I did one on the faceless old woman vs hiram mcdaniels mayoral race#included a little explanation because I figured he would have no idea what the hell was going on otherwise#but no he comes up and mentions that he likes the poster and he’s listened to the podcast#asks if I’ve read alice isn’t dead and says it’s really good and he’d recommend it#y’know. typical chat with your middle-aged social studies teacher.
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ok I'm NOT much of a DC reader but your dukeblogging has convinced me. but do you have a reading list (DC has more crises than I do. it's intimidating) by any chance
YEAHAHSJS
Ok so like Im not a REAL dc blogger so I don’t really have my own reading list; I basically focus heavily on black characters across the board and then dive into wherever they’re from but I usually use other reading lists to do it and go at my own (slow ass) pace. For DC i started fandom only and then moved on to actually reading comics which is why my opinions are so strong there bc I KNOW WHAT YALL ARE LIKE!
Sorry but now for Duke specifically I KNOW there’s a specifc blogger who’s list I followed down to the T but I cannot remember their url rn so here’s a list/chart that has like. Listings for him specifically
That’s mostly to follow timeline but for me I think to get his character down u could do all star Batman, Batman and the signal, the outsiders, WAR and then branch out from there (but also saying this as someone who’s read most of it so like maybe I’m biased and missing or forgetting smth). I’m sorry if this isn’t helpful but as SOON as I find that reading list I’m posting it bc I swear I literally went down that list one by one.
Edit: the tags are part of the answer but I ran out of room so post tags;
- tbh when it comes down to it I personally try to absorb character by character and then put them all together at the end; it’s what I’m currently doing with green arrow (I know it’s been months y’all don’t call paw patrol I’m STUPID) and my plan for moving forward but also fully acknowledging this sucks as a way to interact with other established fans however. Other established fans have proven to be racist and misunderstand characterization and character interaction on a fundamental level SOMETIMES (BC y’all get mad) bc they’re so focused on their faves so in conclusion If I don’t find the specific lists I used I’d get them from stan blogs and then be careful cause u know everyone’s using their faves BEST comics so just remember this is what THEY think is the best or most accurate Interpretation and u don’t have to agree (RR the road home and YJ98 sorry to be shitting on them again. Not even them but how ppl read them. Diff story tho)
-but also despite me obviously shitting on certain characters runs or interpretations I think the best thing you could do is give everyone a fair chance. Blank slate in ur mind if ur JUST starting and see where u go from there but also remember to check ur biases and think about WHY certain things get included or retconned or explained away bc that’s where a lot of ppl falter in thinking their fave is just misunderstood or smth.
FOUND THE LIST sorry this has been in and out for the drafts while searching so in conclusion FR;
I hope this helped but I think I sound insane just please read these <3
#Oh I assumed u meant Duke reading list specifically#if more general Im a older era kinda man so shit like YJ….yj98. sorry yeah#i shit on it but I’m ALLOWed#NTT PLEASE READ NTT ALL OF IT LIL OUTFATED IN CERTAIN ASPECTS BUT PLEAAAAASE#sorry im so scattered on like timeline shit bc I literally just read integrate in my psyche and move on#like watching a show or smth i don’t remember episode names but I can tell you how it made me feel 💔#Yall Im the worst to ask for anything specific for ask my mutuals my memory is SHIT#im just gonna tell u how I got into it fr#i went to like specific character fans and literally asked for their personal reading lists for that specific character#and then i read through em (slow as hell mind you) and formed MY opinion from there#pros with this is if ur character driven and wanna flesh each person out fully before u interact with their dynamics as a whole this is 👍🏾#and u get small personal relationships that aren’t really spoken about when it’s the whole fam there (1)8#(which is actually pretty rare like do not be fooled u don’t get the whole bat family storming in usually)#shit like tim and cass pre Jason revival fucking shit up with Helena#or steph and tim being the most toxic 13 yr olds you’ll ever find etc.#cons if ur memory’s like mine it’s GOING to fuck up timeline for u#like finding out bludhaven was being bombed and dick was having the WORST time of his life while Jason’s doing his red hood shit? changed m#‘where was bruce while tim was being tied up and almost assaulted?!’ he was dead! kind of!!#also genuinely get happy batfam outta ur head they have their moments there IS love there but going in with the view of a normal family#dynamic is gonna be worse overall. if u want happy family times honestly even more recent heinous shit like Gotham war has them more#familial than most other things even if it’s just to fuck it up. I’m never gonna Rec WFA but if ur gonna read it read smth with Duke and#Damián before that please.#ALSOOOOO as a prev fandom only remove everything from tim and Damian specifically from ur mind these bitches are lying#tim is fun and interesting when u approach him newly. finding everytime he drinks a cup of coffee is gonna drive u insane#YEAH THATS WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY don’t let what u already ‘know’ impact how u read#timeline wise dynamics wise etc. walk in with a fresh pair of eyes bc imo that’s how u get to fully appreciate characters like Duke#SMTH U DO NEED TO KEEP IN MIND IS THE BIGOTRY! there will be in world explanations for why x is not misogyny and racism. we as readers#need to be able to dissect that and discuss it genuinely. like so much of tims first meeting with Damian or all of Stephanie in Gotham war#or even killing off Orpheus has in world things that make ‘sense’ but like we do with Catalina Flores#we use our critical thinking. actually smth i ALWAYS can talk about is the racism like that’s where my memory serves me ALWAYS
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found my old ipod... tell me why I forgot about the absolute BANGER that is Back To Earth (feat. Fall Out Boy)
#damien.txt#THE BRIGHTEST THINGS FADE THE FASTEST!!#brb putting this on my current playlists omg#why do we collectively as foblr never talk abt this song omg#anyways scrolling thru this ipod is WILLLDDDD#i had it from like. 2014-2019. long ass time. was using ipods wayyy longer than anyone else lmao#there are some. real interesting selections on here dkdgwjhdk#nothing that's weird just a lot of things that are like omg.... i forgot abt that...#it has all of the old brobecks albums like happiest nuclear winter & understanding the brobecks which like#tbh i dont even really know how to access now! i definitely dont still have the files from when#i originally put them on this ipod. but wow. banger songs#also have all of the original waterparks albums/eps lmao crazy#it also has all of my ripped from youtube panic 'singles' lmaooo like mercenary & c'mon & the live version of karma police#absolutely went hard to that cover of karma police and honestly?? still do#this is such a time capsule lol it has all of 21p's discography too which like. lol. sometimes i forget i was like that#has a lot of ripped from youtube english covers of vocaloid songs too lmaooooo real of past me#looking at this... pretty sure all the panic albums on here are t0rrented too lmaooo real of me. before i even knew#why i think this is bc under vices & virtues it has oh glory & stall me & turn off the lights just. in the track listing#this is so fun wow i love. music is so good you guys#I HAVE THE LIVE VERSION OF BANG BANG BY GREENDAY WHERE THEY SAY#'No Trump No KKK No Facist USA' THATS SO FUCKING REAL OF ME SKGDKSHDJDB#and of green day. ofc.#this is so much of a trip down memory lane#bruises and bitemarks by good with grenades..... omg.........#anyways ill stop listing things in the tags but. omg. this is so fun.#bout to go put so many of these songs i forgot abt back into my playlists djhdkshdjd
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anyway it occurs to me that I am apparently watching an entire movie series (cinematic universe??) so clearly I should review them all and create my definitive ranking. Of Scooby Doo movies, to be clear. Do you think that will get me many likes on the internet. That's great cool content for the hip kids these days right.
#... Cyber Chase is probably first .... Very hashtag my childhood though#So bias?#I just watched 2 from the 2010s that were surprisingly good though#I feel like they will be pretty high up the list which is a surprise because I didn't expect much#Like this is my mental breakdown entertainment to be clear#I am having a Time right now and I just can't handle anything more complex than animated movies for 7 year olds#Actually you know they are mostly rated C8 for children above the age of 8 you know#Oh I could stick the other content in there like Scooby Apocalypse too#Which is a comic series I read all of#And was .... interesting#Distressing? Too dire? Sad?
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Pizza delivery drivers of Reddit, what are some of the craziest reasons people have ended up on the “no delivery list”?
gameryamen
I worked for a pizza place that was near a very large software company. Deliveries to the neighborhoods or offices where all the tech workers lived was usually pretty awesome because they'd tip rather well. But there was one apartment that started to become a concern for us drivers. The man ordering was always polite, always paid, always tipped $4, and he would have been a perfect customer. He'd order breadsticks and a salad twice a week, and sometimes he'd include a bottle of root beer. Except when he opened his door, you could see an alarming amount of our breadsticks boxes stacked everywhere inside. Not like a few on the counter and a couple by the trash, stacks and stacks of them. Even worse, it was only our boxes in there. He wasn't just ordering from us often, we were the only place he was getting food outside of work. Now, I've worked in some of those tech offices myself, I know that there's enough decent food options just hanging out in the break rooms that this guy was probably not malnourished, but the way his living space was a shrine of greasy cardboard was a clear sign that this guy didn't have a healthy relationship with our food. Our manager was a really cool dude though, and he heard the drivers joking about the boxes and asked a couple of us "Is this like a messy guy or a guy who needs help?" We agreed it was probably the latter. So on his day off, the manager went to the guys apartment with an envelope that had gift cards for several other restaurants that delivered in that area and chatted with him. Manager found out that the guy was an immigrant on a Visa who was struggling to find American food he liked, and too socially awkward to ask anyone. So he talked with him through a few menus and helped him with some recommendations. Then he helped the guy load all the old boxes into his truck to take to the dump, in exchange for a promise not to order from us more than once a week. For a little while, the manager had a note on the calendar showing the last time the guy had ordered, and a couple times he had to hold his ground and refuse the guy's order. But after that chat, I never saw the stacks of boxes again, and the guy would boast about the different meals he'd had.
what the fuck dude, this is so sweet.
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wait acrylic colors are awesome actually i might try painting something again once i buy new ones
#(most of the ones i have right now are crusty#dried#and not good quality#and also 2+ years old left untouched)#kittzuxp#paint#acrylics#i might paint gamzee of smth#the reason i got into painting in the first place is bc i needed to paint the hs horns#i made#(and have actually finished :D!!)#and instead of buying new ones i tested my luck and digged them up#from my big material pile™️ and opened them to see if the colors i needed had dried#surprisingly#they hadnt#ill post a pic of those too ;)#now all thats left is to draw polka dots on the sweatpants i bought#(buy purple fabric paint bc i forgot to yesterday)#and paint the t shirt i got at the theift store :D#[and also figure out if i want to make the horns detachable from the headband or not so i can see if i want to just hot glue them on or not]#and#buy a wig and a horn or two maybe#but i have to wait till likee april for that when it will be carnavali/apokries season and they’ll be selling that stuff#hmm i should make a list#sorry for rambling in the tags about a pretty unrelated topic lol xp
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i once accidentally dated someone for a few months. its very difficult to explain how this happened, but the gist is that i thought we were hanging out, and she thought we were on dates, and it was just a very painfully highschool thing.
she was a little bit confused that i hadnt tried to pull any moves, at all, even a little. like, didnt even try holding hands because, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating.
so, halloween rolled around, and she thought, you know, why wait for destiny, when you can grab it? so she hit me with a clue by four.
babylon, she said. babylon. my mom's gonna be out of town on halloween, and im gonna have the house to myself, and it's going to be kind of lonely. would you like to come to my house and watch scary movies with me?
you know, kind of a netflix and chill thing. except, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating. also autism. so i took it at face value and said: oh! yeah! thatd be fun! and she thought she got her point across, but she didnt and it was a mess.
skip forward to halloween: my family has a block party every year, right? and at that point i was too old to really trick or treat, but we still wore costumes for our role in the block party, which in my case, was handing out cotton candy. so i took the first shift, and my costume was this homemade abomination minion thing. i had full yellow body paint, and goggles, and a bald cap, and overalls. the kids who saw it were like, uh, hm. overly realistic minion. and adults were like, oh, some kind of hills have eyes hillbilly with jaundice. very scary.
(it was not my best costume.)
my little brother swapped me out for second shift, and i was getting ready to change out to head to her house when i was like: no, she'll get a real kick out of this. this is one of the worst things i have ever worn. so i kept it on and just brought a change of clothes thinking i could shower real quick and change at her place after she saw my nightmare getup.
so i left after that, got there, knocked on her door, and she said come on in. so i went in, and there was this very long hall with an abrupt right turn into her living room where the tv was, and i went down the hall, and i made the turn, and my field of view went from beige drywal to her, on the couch, naked. naked in the paint me like one of your french girls pose. super naked.
i panicked. this was my first time seeing a real person like, full on sex naked,which is a totally different beast from other kinds of naked. you see one kind of naked and you think yeah, im ready for all the kinds of naked, but you arent. i wasnt at least. i really wasn't.
so my brain crashed to BIOS. she also crashed to BIOS, but for different reasons. of all the ways this could have turned me, having me show up in yellow body paint and overalls was pretty pretty low down the list.
so we sat there a while, and you know, she wasn't getting any less naked, which really wasn't helping me get my brain sorted out. it really wasnt much of a surprise when she got her bearings first and started asking questions.
"babylon," she said. "babylon. what are you wearing?"
and i was like, kind of rebooted, but i was nowhere near full functionality, so symbolic language wasnt loaded in yet. i had nothing running but my trusty autism.exe, so i said
"overalls"
and she looked at me like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked at her like she was the first naked person i had seen in real life who got naked specifically for me, and my upper level cognitive process went: "listen man, we are not going to get our shit together as long as 80% of your brain power is devoted to not blinking. you gotta get out of here."
and if id communicated that, maybe things would have been less of a mess, but instead i just kind of turned around and walked back to my car. i figured i could drive a few loops around the block, get my brain in order, and figure out what the hell we were gonna do.
the only thing i had said to her since arriving was, again, overalls.
first loop around, i was like: oh god fucking damnit. oh shit. oh shit. shes gonna get like, an eating disorder from this. oh no.
second loop around i was like: oh NOOOOO oh WHAT THE FUCK oh SWEET JESUS PLEASE. i dont wanna go back man. i just wanna bury this and forget about it. please. please. let this bitter cup pass from my lips.
and after my third loop, i went and i knocked on her door again.
she answered it this time, and i counted my lucky stars that she'd changed into some pajamas. she was all teary eyed which was the saddest thing ever, and we sat down in her kitchen and talked. it was pretty bad - i figured out we'd been dating, and she figured out that trying to jump from home plate to 3rd base is considered ballsy in baseball, least of all dating. no real winners there. and i can remember after all that, we sat there a bit a bit longer, just steadying ourselves, and i was like "well, im actually really glad we figured that out. guess i'll see you at school tomorow' and she said "WAIT. wait."
"lets watch shrek 2."
so we did and it was horrible. we did not look at each other. we did not say a word. we just sat in stony silence, while shrek 2 played in the background, and when it was done we shook hands. i think we might have been able to salvage that as a friendship if it hadnt been for shrek. as it was she turned white as a sheet and ran away every time she even got a glimpse of me at school, and that summer she moved to a new state to live with her dad. all her friends said she moved just so she wouldn't have to go to school with me anymore, and i dont actually think they were lying.
every time i hear relationship counselors talk about how important communication is, and i'm tempted to roll my eyes, i look back and go, alright. alright. theres probably some poor bastard, somewhere in the world, who doesnt even know that hes married.
and god help him when he figures it out.
other bad dating story here.
#funny stories#dating#dating fiascos#minions#the minion incident#anecdotes#fuck shrek#and fuck shrek 2#like its the best in the shrek series but that movie is basically my trigger now
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18+ Minors dni. Buckys innocent neighbor who bakes him cookies and muffins just cause. The girl next door who has the coziest apartment he's ever been in. Shelves filled with books along with plenty of comfy blankets decorating the couches. Bucky has his own place right across but home is with her (even if she doesn't know it yet).
She's the type of girl he's going to take his time with, asking her out on a date, just coffee and a walk in the park. Nothing more than a kiss on her cheek at the end of the night. Another date. Dinner. Another kiss to her other cheek. He wouldn't dare rush anything, especially not someone as soft and sweet as her.
He feels like such a dirty little pervert when he thinks about her afterwards when he's alone in bed, all the blood in his body rushing south, and fuck he's so hard. He tries to ignore it, he didn't want to do something so debauched by thinking of her like that, he even tries to think about his grocery list, laundry, he'd probably wash his arm later, it would probably be fine in the dishwasher-
Nothing worked.
He groans, shuffling and kicking his sweats off, hissing when his hand goes down to tug at his aching cock, relief flooding his veins at the sensation. He lets his mind wander to how adorable she'd be, the way he'd take her apart in the most gentle way. Lay her against the pillows while he holds those soft thighs apart, giving her the most feather light suckles on that perfect clit, basking in all the sounds she'd make. He strokes himself faster thinking about the way he'd get her ready to take all of him. How he'd make it so good for her-shit he was going to blow-maybe if he was lucky, one day she'd let him put his cock in her mou-
"Fuck!!" Bucky threw his head back, spurts of cum shooting from his sensitive head, his post orgasm haze leaving him feeling like a filthy old man. She were here making him baked treats and he was jerking his dick off like a sick fuck.
Then the night finally comes. Bucky is ready to cuddle and nothing else but he's thrown off because never in his wildest fantasies did he expect this.
She is the girl who sends him reeling the first time he takes her clothes off one by one revealing dark ink on her back and hips. He has to suppress a growl, his eyes growing wide at the scantily clad lace that covers her body.
"Like what you see, Sergeant?" she practically purrs in his ear while he lets his han ghost over her bare skin, his chest heaving when his eyes fall to her perfect breasts, hints of silver peeking from under her lingerie, there was no way-
"Can I?" He asks breathlessly, his hand reaching behind to unclasp the bra, those pretty pierced nipples begging to be sucked.
Bucky who turns into a fucking menace, his entire world flipping upside down when she grinds down on his crotch not hiding exactly what she needs from him. He doesn't even have the ability to hide how feral he is, letting all his inhibitions slip.
-
"My little bunny's a slut, fuck, c'mere" He grabs you and tosses you over his shoulder, hauling you over to his bedroom like an untamed beast, tossing you onto his bed with no remorse. You're in nothing but your panties which he rips right off, your thighs squeezing together at the way he stalks over to you, his hungry eyes raking up and down your body without an ounce of shame. He tugs his sweats down to reveal his leaky cock, stroking it at the edge of his bed after tossing his shirt off.
"See this baby? Been fuckin' stroking and touching myself like a fuckin' teenager because of you-" He throws off his pants before climbing onto the bed and kneeling between your thighs, spreading them apart with his knees, "-and you've been here lookin' like God damn sin under those cute little sweaters"
He flicks his cockhead against your clit, humming at the clear beads of his arousal that drip onto your cunt.
"Fuck James, need more, pl-"
"Nuh uh, what was that you called me earlier, sweets?" He lets out a dark chuckle, the veins in his cock throbbing as he tightly holds the base, waiting to hear it again.
"Sergeant" you whine with mischief in your eyes and Bucky is a goner. He'll taste you later and most definitely feed you his cock another day but right now he wants to be nowhere else other than your pussy. He wants to watch you take every bit of him, rolling over to lay on his back while you straddle him, his length slotted against your cunt. He holds it up for you with a cocky look on his face, moaning when his tip breeches your tight pussy, your walls gripping his swollen, pink head.
"That's just the tip baby, c'mon, sit on it, wanna put all of my dick in you, that's it, good girl-shittt"
"Oh fuccckk,s'big" You moan feeling the stretch as you sink all the way down, panting and staying still while you adjust to his size.
"That's it bunny, that's it, ride me, ride your Sergeant" He grabs you by the hips, guiding you to grind down on him, making you feel his entire cock in your stomach. "You're a slut for big dick aren't you baby, acting all cute and shy when all you really wanted was the winter soldier's cock"
Bucky wasn't even sure where all the filth spewing from his mouth was even coming from but he couldn't stop.
"S'that it bunny? Say it baby, tell me how much you wanted my fat cock in you"
"Wanted it! F-cuk Sergeant, wanted your cock s-o-so bad!!"
"Fuck yes!!" His feet plant to meet your bounces, his hips thrusting up, slamming his entire length into you. "M'close, fuck bunny, gonna cum already, I can't hold it-
He doesn't have time to be embarrassed. You feel to good. He rubs your clit needing you to cum all over him so he can let go.
"Please, cum all over Sergeants cock baby, give it to me, be a good girl n'cum, c'mon, cum on my dick, yes, oh fuck yes I can feel it-milk it, shit touch my balls-"
You nearly collapse as your orgasm starts to wash over you, his sponge head hitting the most sensitive parts against your walls while he toys with your clit. His voice is muffled as you start to feel waves of pleasure consume you but you head just enough to reach behind, rubbing his heavy, so full of cum ba-
"FUUUCCCCKKK" He grabs you and wraps his arms around your body while he relentlessly thrusts up, biting down on your shoulder while he lets out the sluttiest, loudest moan with 0 remorse. It feels too good and he's sure the neighbors can hear but honestly, everyone should know how amazing it feels.
-
"I got you pretty baby" Bucky coos as you nuzzle into the crook of his neck, a shiver running through you while you float in bliss. Bucky pulls the covers up, deciding to cuddle up with you for a bit before running a shower, his previous demeanor replaced with the far less debauched version of him.
Anyway, just an idea. Also, it's past my bedtime.
#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fluff#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x f!reader#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes fan fiction#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky fan fiction#bucky fan fic#bucky fanfic#james buchanan barnes#james bucky buchanan barnes#james bucky barnes#bucky barnes smut au#bucky barnes smut#bucky smut#marvel smut#marvel fic#marvel fanfic#marvel fanfiction#avengers fluff#avengers smut#bucky barnes x freader#bucky barnes x fluff#bucky barnes x f reafer#bucky x f reader
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