#of the things you expect to have in common with your social teacher. this is not usually one of them.

[shadowsandstarlight]

Today I discovered that my social studies teacher listens to Welcome to Night Vale, and I am still in a bit of shock.

[rederiswrites]

I wrote this out for FB and then thought I might as well share it here as well. So if you have ADHD, are a late-diagnosed adult with ADHD, and most particular if you are a person with a uterus and/or have children, this one might be for you.

...

Last couple of days have been a little...weird. Let's start at the beginning. Buckle up and learn something.

As many of you already know, I have ADHD. It's a condition with a PR problem--a lot of people, often even medical professionals, have a very distorted idea of what it does, and a very limited one. For starters, it's not about parenting, or lead paint, or lack of discipline. It's genetic, *highly* heritable, starts in childhood and persists throughout life, and is a sufficiently severe disability that it comes with a decrease in life expectancy of up to 13 years. It is a visible difference that can be perceived in brain scans. These are all, at this point, well established and thoroughly attested in the scientific literature. ADHD affects up to 5% of the population and appears across cultures. It is very common.

It's not just about lack of attention--in fact, plenty of medical professionals think the name should be changed, as in fact the problem isn't the volume of attention but the way we struggle to direct it. We are motivated by interest, and struggle to properly weight future goals and consequences, specifically because they are in the future. If the robin outside the window is more immediately rewarding to our brain, we will watch that, and not the teacher. Our ability to properly weigh the consequences of that choice is negatively impacted by our own biochemistry.

We struggle with many of what are termed the "executive functions", the self management systems of the brain. Degree and presentation varies from person to person, but initiating tasks, completing tasks, staying ON task, restraining impulses, emotional regulation, and working memory are among the things impacted. My working memory is notoriously horrible. When they send you those activation codes on your phone? I often have to go back and read them out several times to enter a six digit number. I have to stop and remind myself what I'm doing between every step of my morning bathroom routine, or making tacos. Sometimes I take off my glasses to put on my contacts, reset, and reach for my pill bottles while I still can't see. My long-term memory is also affected, with my husband de facto serving as the memory-holder of the family.

Another common symptom I personally experience is "time blindness", which can mean both that you have no "internal clock" that has a clear idea of the passage of time, and that our ability to properly weight the importance of things in the future is impacted. So, for example, I can know intellectually what's coming, but it takes some really complex and exhausting antics to actually focus and work on those things if they're more than a week or sometimes even a couple days away.

Without externally imposed controls, many ADHD people flounder and fail to meet social markers of success. Estimates of how many ADHD people manage to complete college range from 5% to 15%. Again: 5% to 15%! I have failed twice myself. WITH externally imposed controls, ADHD people often have to work far harder to make their brains do what is required, and either fail and develop an image of themselves as failures (usually with plenty of external help), or keep fighting and suffer crippling burnout.

To that point, ADHD is HIGHLY comorbid with a whole range of knock-on conditions, some of which stem from the same brain patterns that give rise to the ADHD itself, and others from the trauma of living with a disability, but they include very high rates of depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, social isolation, and addiction. I have dealt with depression, anxiety, and fibromyalgia my entire adult life. I have never ended up in the trap of self-medication but let's be real, that's partly about having supports and a healthy social environment. It's not some accomplishment I praise myself for, nor is addiction a sin I shame anyone for.

And anxiety has a very different texture to it when what you're really anxious about is the next time you fail in some catastrophic way. Lock your keys in the car. Completely space on a doctor's appointment. Go to pay for groceries and find that your wallet is next to your computer at home. Because the anxiety is not irrational fear of some generalized bad thing. These things do and will happen, regularly. Sometimes it feels like the only fix is getting good at recovering. Because no matter how many times you manage not to blow it, there's always another chance.

So, the struggle to be a reliable person, to be a consistent parent, to be a dependable life partner, is continuous. And it is so so so hard and it sometimes feels like you're not actually making any progress at all. I have tried therapy. I have tried three (or four??) different non-stimulant medications that sometimes help people. One of them DID help. ALL of them had catastrophic side effects. There were times as I was trialing these medications when I needed to be minded because I wasn't capable of taking care of anything, not even myself. Without Jacob, I don't know where I'd be. Not here. Probably in poverty, which is where he found me.

I have tried probably most organizational tools you know of. I have tried imposing schedules, all of which turned to dust and ash when the next fibromyalgia flareup or the next major life disruption happened. I don't think a new schedule has ever lasted a month before.

I HAVE felt like I'm made progress lately. I learned things that really helped my fibromyalgia, which gave me the space to work on other things--just like getting the borders of a puzzle finished. Enough things were spiraling upwards, and I think I might be cementing some gains. I have felt optimistic.

But in the meantime, I asked my doctor if, now that no less than three cardiologists have insisted my heart is Perfectly Healthy, I could finally try stimulant medications. After decades of use, Adderall, Ritalin, and a couple related stimulant drugs are still the gold standard for ADHD treatment and improve outcomes substantially for many people. And stimulants are in serious international shortage. Have been for many months. The only one she thought she could get me was Adderall. And she didn't dare try anything but the standard 30mg because nonstandard dosages would be even less attainable.

So now I'm taking Adderall. One week on 30mg, which I stopped when it was clear my function was being seriously impaired rather than improved. Reassessed with the doctor, now trying 60mg, because that's two of the pills I've already managed to obtain. It is....too much. And in some ways it fixes problems I wasn't working on, while so far making my executive function, my initiation or even *contemplation* of tasks, virtually nonexistant. Which was, of course, the thing I was trying to fix.

So yeah. When you have the context, I figure you can understand the substance of my frustration yourself. If you have children, I don't think you need my help to imagine what it would be like to know that you are unpredictable, or to see that your children are used to to you undergoing events that make you act strangely and erratically. I think just knowing that often, new medications introduce themselves by giving me a migraine, and I know this is possible when I take that first pill, is fairly self-explanatory. And so I expect you can imagine what it would be like, with all of this as a backdrop, to experience worsening of your symptoms, probably because of age-related hormonal changes. To in desperation try something you'd previously been denied. And to learn that it probably won't help.

In a week, I will either give up on Adderall for now or find a way to make it work. I'll put together the pieces yet again--at this point, possibly my strongest personal skill--and continue that upward climb as far as I can get. I'm incredibly fortunate in that regardless, I will be fed and dry and warm and loved. But right now, I feel justified in some serious dismay.

[apas-95]

I’m an anarchocommunist that thinks a lot of other anarchists are stupid. For example, I don’t think that most people will just make insulin or do garbage collection/processing out of the kindness of their heart, and I also don’t think if it was genuinely done out of the kindness of their hearts that it’d work great. My idea is that for the “getting people to do the shitty jobs” question, the people that do those jobs should be compensated better in some way. Maybe a larger/nicer house, I’m not sure on the details. But other anarchists will say “all labor is equal”, and while I’d like to agree in the “work is hard” sense, I think things for the obvious common good, like teacher or garbage man or doctor deserve some sort of reward over other jobs. And for the efficiency of the labor, I think *specifically for labor* there needs to be some sort of organization, and we can use what’s worked before. We don’t need to have bathtub insulin if there’s a factory right there, and if there’s no connection from the insulin factory to doctors/pharmacists and truck drivers then it won’t work either. Really, my main problem with Marxism/Leninism or Stalinism or Maoism or any combination of those is that there are specific people with far too much power over others. I’m ok with light power in the way of “man you gotta drive the firetruck to the burning building even though you hate the dude that lives there”, but I’m not ok with the idea of a supreme leader or representatives in a political sense due to as I’ve amounts of power obviously corrupting people.

Really I’m sending this to you to get your criticism of my ideas- I think you’re pretty smart, and even if I disagree with you on some issues, I think I agree with you on others. I also want to say that not all anarchists are… like that.

So, years ago, before I started reading any Marxist theory, this is about where I was at politically. If you think about any of the practicalities, you come up to points where, very clearly, the maxim of 'no authority at all' conflicts with being able to do anything. If you're seriously considering how society could be better organised, if this is something you actually intend on bringing about, then you make some amount of concession to reality - as you did with the firetruck example!

Now, myself, I went on like this for a good while, coming up with methods of truly democratic organisation that wouldn't be susceptible to the types of totalitarianism I'd heard about, ending up very similar to your position. I was interested, however, in how these 'failed experiments' that I'd learned devolved into bureaucracy started out, and I started reading up on the history, and realised, with some discontent, that what I'd developed, once I'd made all the concessions for reality that would be necessary if this system were to be the actual one real human beings lives depended on, was essentially identical to the Soviet system.

From there, I read up on Marxist theory, still basically wary that this had all, at some point, been taken over by an evil dictator, but able to see that the earliest stages, at least, had been exactly what I was imagining, but put into practice. Reading the theory, reading how their experience experimenting with different forms of organisation, and the failures of some types, had led them to discover what did and didn't work, and adjust accordingly, made me suddenly appreciate why certain things were done certain ways. The harsh experiences of civil war had revealed certain dynamics and mechanics in the way society and production worked, which translates into political theories that bore out results I wouldn't have expected (and neither had the communists who had discovered them through practice!).

Eventually, with some chagrin and a significant deal of excitement, I realised that much of what I'd passively absorbed about socialism, many of the common-sense maxims that I'd been taught by capitalist society about the nature of power and so on, were very much artifacts of a decades-long war against these communists and the system they'd built, carried out by exactly the corporations and empires I had thought myself opposed to.

I won't critique any individual point of yours, but I will enjoin you to try out some Marxist theory - Dialectical and Historical Materialism, or Socialism, Utopian and Scientific, or Principles of Communism, or even the Communist Manifesto, and to read between the lines of whatever capitalist source you read on socialism, to notice every [citation needed] and wonder what actually happened such that someone felt the need to make something up.

[astrolovecosmos]

Chart Ruler in the Houses:

Your chart ruler is the planet associated with your rising sign. e.g. Libra rising means your chart ruler is Venus, Sagittarius Rising means your chart ruler is Jupiter. The chart ruler can be similar to the rising in that it represents an aspect of your self-expression. It can also act like a guide or marker to areas of life that greatly impact you and motivate you. See below the chart ruler in each house:

~1st House~

Individuality is not only important to you and your life, but questions surrounding individuality, developing it - these are a big part of your life lessons, struggles, wins, and fulfillments. How you develop as a person, your self-expression, independence, and how you stand out acts as motivation. Early life may have been unique, intense, or hazy depending on the planet, but frequently revisiting it or taking inspiration from it is common for this placement. Having your chart ruler in the 1st House may indicate someone who has high expectations for themselves and their life or even "destiny". It is common for these individuals to be on either side of the scale with pessimism vs. optimism in their approach and view of their own life. A fear of being rejected, ignored, and possibly used or controlled may exist here. When the chart ruler is in the 1st House these people will always ask themselves who they are and/or may have a huge drive to always prove themselves or define themselves. They may face many challenges involving depth, intensity, intimacy vs. shallowness and detachment. Self-love and acceptance are their strength, their crown.

~2nd House~

The 2nd House is a house of the physical world but also our relationship to the physical world which many times can be highly intangible. The most straightforward way to understand this is through ideas around value and resource. The 2nd House is what we value from our favorite piece of clothing to our loved ones to our own self-worth. This is also the house of security, quality, spending, resources, energy that is taken or received, it is physical manifestations or materialism which can extend to ideas of the spirit having a body (6th House may be body and health, but the 2nd also has connections to the body and physiology, especially the throat, neck, voice). When the chart ruler is in this house challenges, lessons, and guidance may seem very practical with lessons about work, money, and possessions. Other times it can be hard to recognize or follow with lessons about restraint, boundaries, or defense. The chart ruler pulls on individuals to practice self-care and stability. People here may feel like their stability, safety, and maybe sanity are frequently questioned or being threatened. They learn early on how important options, skills, tools, money, space, being resourceful is. These people for many reasons may also constantly seek comfort and contentment. They want the peace that comes with more passive attitudes towards living like attraction, patience, routine, and indulgence or relaxation. The 2nd House is also about potential and when the chart ruler sits here motivation can come from self-belief. Endurance and determination are their crown.

~3rd House~

Self-expression, learning, communicating, connecting - all of these things are brought front and center with the chart ruler in the 3rd house. Motivation can be from a curious mind or possibly a bored mind, being highly involved or removed from a community, or social status or pressures. Learning from others is very important for this placement, even those who are shyer may crave this. Many of their internal conflicts or conflicts throughout life may involve some sort of lone wolf. vs social butterfly themes. Their main motivation may come from, their self-expression and personality shaped by, or possibly one of their guiding lights in life may be their siblings, extended family, students, or possibly a teacher in some form. These individuals are likely observant, mentally quick, possibly talkative or social, and likely adaptable. Even if someone with this placement has a lot of fixed sign influences, life will pull them through many situations that will demand flexibility or an open mind. There is a focus on how these people are in their attitude towards others in their most immediate environment and inner circle outside of highly intimate or hierarchical roles like a spouse or parent. Think friends, coworkers, siblings, their network, their community. The planet will have a lot to say about this, Venus for example indicates a very easygoing, nice, possibly loving attitude. Mars may mean competitive, aggressive, or passionate interactions and relationships. The Sun or Pluto can indicate power struggles. Saturn indicates a lot of responsibility, reputation, maybe burdens form being part of a community. This attitude or approach to their community will be extremely important to them. Knowledge and adaptability or an openness to learn are their crown.

~4th House~

This individual's motivation and personality may be heavily based around family somehow. They are prone to holding onto old feelings and grudges and this may be a major drive for them. The 4th House can represent our homelife, our private life, private selves, ancestry, cycles or patterns, intuition, and nurturing. Having a happy, safe, or stable home is a need for everyone but here their home life may impact their most basic self-expression constantly. A hurt or disturbed home life may be worn on their sleeve somehow. The 4th House can represent our parents both in a literal or metaphorical sense. I wouldn't be surprised if those with their chart ruler in this house find that they seek a parent type of relationship with others frequently OR has to parent themselves or others somehow. There may be a great drive to carry on a family's legacy or to start a new found family with this placement. Questions and insecurities may frequently revolve around one's place in their family, starting a family, or leaving one. This person may be good at hiding intentions, may be highly private or guarded, receptive, perceptive, and sensitive. Where they feel most at home can be determined by planet and sign but the chart ruler in the 4th indicates that there is a huge need to always "return" home or feel at home in the self, with others, and in a place. Getting in touch with one's past or heritage may be important to them throughout life. An understanding of the pasts' impact on the present and future is a major theme and lesson. Understanding and caring are strengths of theirs to cultivate. But...Loyalty, love, and trust of family is their crown.

~5th House~

A general love for life may be a major motivation for this placement. The 5th House is the house of recreation, love affairs, romance, drama, creativity, creation, pleasure, celebration, hobbies, self-expression, vibrancy. Expressing the self through what one creates whether that is art, a reputation, food, crafts, ideas, debatably children are all important to this house. The chart ruler in the 5th House may have a huge desire to leave a legacy or impression through what they make and share. There might also be a drive to indulge, experience, and love. This house has a positive reputation but the chart ruler here depending on sign, planet, aspect may indicate a struggle to enjoy life or express one's creativity. There may be a need to shine, fight, rebel, create a new path. A desire for adventure, admiration, romance, and leisure can exist in a way that is desperate or hard to satisfy. The 5th House has been interpreted as a place of self-discovery, carefreeness, play, or self-creation and in this sense, there is a huge push to be confident in oneself and to let your energy or vitality burn. The 5th House has also been interpreted as a place to look at how you learn and celebrate others and through them also learn about and celebrate the self. This can take a lot of giving and risk. Because of these aspects bravery and generosity is this chart ruler's crown.

~6th House~

This is the house of the everyday - habits, work, physical health, cleanliness, collaboration or teamwork, routine, service, help, support, practicality, skills, work ethic, pets, efficiency, uses. On paper this house can sound dull but similarly to the 2nd House the relationship of the tangible to the intangible can make interpretations or manifestations of this house sometimes hard to recognize. Work and health are two very common motivators for this placement. Other common motivators may be a desire to be useful, to heal others, to fix something, or possibly to be part of a team or cause. Depending on the influences involved a chart ruler in this house may spell out a person who craves recognition or reward for their status, good deeds, or accomplishments. There is nothing inherently wrong with this but it may cause a lack of fulfillment for the individuals. The chart ruler in the 6th House may work themselves to death or be distracted from people or things that truly feed their soul and help their mental health because they can get distracted with "the right way" to do things, with daily tasks they need to check off, or a sense of heavy duty. In this way modesty may be needed not to humble but to cut through the b.s. of more shallow pursuits and relationships. Some with this placement may need to be brought down to earth sometimes, just not in the way they or most may expect. Some may fear leaving their routine and habits, easily getting stuck in ruts. This will take courage to break routines or unhealthy habits, but it will also take self-discipline and even gratitude. Being thankful for the past and the present may help them to overcome fears of regret, failure, losing, or even imperfection. Boundaries, self-worth, discipline, physical and mental health, and self-sacrifice are all subjects that can make or break this placement's expression. Those with this placement likely want to be part of something that is bigger than them. Something that gives the everyday purposes or light. They can find this in the simple things and in everyday happenings. Because of that humility and gratitude are this chart ruler's crown.

~7th House~

The house that is all about relationships, you can expect that having your chart ruler here means plenty of action, karma, lessons, struggles, highs and lows to one's friendships, romances, rivalries, and enemies. This may have been a person who learned early on how important it is to get along with others or possibly to stand out from others. The chart ruler in the 7th does not automatically make one easygoing and cooperative. Mars or Aries in this house may drive someone to be competitive, overly independent, or antagonistic with others, finding this to bring them the most excitement or even peace in their life. Questions about relationships and who they are to others may always be part of their life. The 7th House is about projection and how you present yourself to others and how others reinforce your self. Those with their chart ruler in the 7th may find that they have deep insecurities about being loved and accepted. The chart ruler here may indicate someone who struggles a lot with boundaries, people pleasing, and balancing the needs of themselves vs. the needs of others. Even with a hotter or more self-focused influence like the Sun or fire element can find themselves easily losing themselves in others or forgetting to take care of themselves. Equality, respect, and honesty are pillars they need to build in their relationships. Some with this placement may need to unwrap their ego from their relationships and loved ones, others may need to overcome a fear of loneliness. They feel fulfilled when in a happy relationship. Things like self-love and healthy boundaries will be important for this placement but I would say their biggest virtues, what they will find strength from is with both unity and independence. 👑

~8th House~

How does the house of secrets, the taboo, intimacy, sharing, death, rebirth, inheritance, loans, and the metaphysical and occult motivate one and their life? This darker house can have abstract or intangible influences on one's self-expression. First those with their chart ruler in the 8th likely have a strong connection to their intuition, emotional side, depths, religious or spiritual beliefs, or psyche. They may have learned at a young age the importance of listening and of staying away from or investigating the dark, scary places of themselves and others. They learned about monsters under the bed or in the closet early on. One of the physical ways this house manifests is through physical intimacy. The 8th House rules over all forms of intimacy, physical or not. Those with their ruler in this house will likely have a life greatly impacted by this somehow. Maybe they are in tune with their body and libido, others may struggle to tame it or get in touch with it. Maybe they easily become attached and close with others, or maybe they are extremely guarded and detached. Chart ruler in the 8th commonly indicates someone who is more secretive or private. What they share or don't share with others may be a huge focus. Rewards and punishment for being overly open or overly closed may be a common challenge. A fear of looking weak, wrong, or bad can exist. Speaking of fear, this house rules over it. I could see someone with their chart ruler here struggle with nightmares in their life. This may be someone who struggles with timidness, or even acting cowardly. Others may be addicted to adrenaline, finding it an escape or confidence boost. Some assign psychology to this house and with this can be a huge desire to know and master the self. With the ruler here their self-awareness game may be strong. This is also the house of transformation and joint, inner, or (will)power. These people may very likely have vibrant, passionate, intense inner selves or personal lives that are very much hidden or a mystery to others. Abuse, trauma, and life-changing events are not exclusive to the 8th House but this placement may find immense insight, wisdom, and empowerment from them. Just like the cliche of the phoenix, they get stronger after turmoil, rising from the ashes. Vulnerability and compassion are their crown.

~9th House~

This is the house of travel and higher education but also philosophy, beliefs, meaning. Having your chart ruler here indicates high energy, enthusiasm or a zealous nature, curiosity, and optimism. A passion for learning and exploration, an open mind and heart, or a desire to be part of something higher and greater than them are common motivators. They may frequently find themselves asking philosophical questions throughout life or big pictured questions. Some simply like to think and wonder while others get too stuck on "what ifs" in their life. This placement is likely passionate about their beliefs and opinions. Even if their beliefs aren't rooted in religion or the spiritual, they may be opinionated and forceful about them. Being highly open and changeable about your beliefs may be a theme too. This could be a person who is very open-minded to different religions and cultures and wants to try them all in some capacity. Either way belief is central to their life and character. The 9th House can be associated with worldly matters, foreign affairs, how culture and ethics differ, form, and are practiced. Being a globetrotter may be a common manifestation or being highly active in politics or foreign relations. This house is also about rituals, publishing, hopes, the future, storytelling. Those with their ruler in this house may find they have a complex relationship with truth vs. lies or illusions. The duality between hope and despair may exist in their conflicts and challenges. There can be a thirst for knowledge, especially specialized, privileged, forbidden, or secret knowledge. These people may live in their own cages or horizons based on their beliefs. Their worldview may mean everything to them. Belief either in themselves or something else and curiosity are their crown.

~10th House~

Status, reputation, or reward, especially the material kind are the most likely motivators for someone with their chart ruler in the 10th. The 10th house is about career, reputation, ambition, public life, authority, parental influence, discipline, recognition, purpose. There may be a huge need for a great sense of purpose. Responsibility and reputation are hot topics for those with their chart ruler here. These may be two things that haunt or bring joy to them throughout life. A fear of failure, embarrassment, or a lack of control can be a huge challenge for this placement. Seeking approval from or rebelling from an authority figure may be a huge drive for some. Their self-expression is focused and monitored, criticized and restrained so it fits within their society or family. Matters of support and providing are important for those with this placement. Both receiving it and giving it may be challenging or rewarding. Those with this placement may be passionate about campaigning for or providing for those who lack help much like they may have lacked when younger. These people typically strive to be helpful, depended on, the leader or decision maker, the problem solver. Even those that are more independent, unconventional, and rebellious may find themselves leading a rag-tag team of outcasts. Control issues and obsession with career or work can be challenges. Many with this placement find purpose and identity through their career. Some are driven by places of fear and insecurity around control. But it is commitment and honor that makes up this placement's crown. Through these virtues/traits they can find strength and energy.

~11th House~

The 11th House is the house of social awareness, collective action and consciousness. How one fits in with society or a group is very important here. Individuality has a place in this house but the story is more about how one fits in or stands out with their individuality than just defining that individuality. The 11th House is also about friendship, acceptance, alienation, awareness, trends, the higher mind, intellect and intuition, wishes/aspirations. This tends to be a hopeful and extroverted house in terms of its general influence. Having your chart ruler here means you may find meaning and direction by being part of organizations or groups. There may also be a struggle to find people you belong with. Motivation tends to come from social expectations/pressures, societal norms, rebellion, isolation, idealism, or fear of missing out. Friends and peers may be very important to those who's ruler sits in this house. From an early age this individual learned the importance and need for acceptance by one's peers or may have found refuge, learning, and understanding in them. Expanding their mind and knowledge through others may be a drive for them. Having a charismatic and confident self-expression may be important for some, or finding those who celebrate or are attracted to their unique sense of self-expression. Those with this placement may sympathize with or find purpose through humanitarian pursuits. There can be a part of them that wants to do good on a large scale - to help humanity, the world, society. Motivation and a guide for the self may come from seeing the big picture and caring for groups or humanity. But depending on the sign, planet, and aspects having your ruler in this house may also cause one to be highly selfish and focused on how a group can benefit them. There may be a desire to control or dominate a group of people or organization. Conformity and nonconformity can also be pulled to one of the extremes with this individual. Getting carried away with group fear, hope, promises, deception, and division can also happen with these people. They can understand the pros and cons, the depths of tribalism. It is important for them to learn quickly a healthy separation between the self and the group. But ultimately tolerance of others and cooperation are this chart ruler's crown.

~12th House~

The House of the subconscious and hidden or secrets can be tricky to explain. When the chart ruler is in the 12th House one's motivation can be elusive or at times, they may feel that they lack motivation or that they struggle to express and define the self. Being introverted or shy is common with this placement. Getting to know oneself is a lifelong path for many with this placement. There can be a desire to be found, to discover from the self and from others something meaningful, a desire to be connected spiritually, for intense intimacy, or possibly a feeling of wholeness. They themselves may struggle to pinpoint their desires, needs, and motivations, but once discovered they can be highly empowered. This is also the house of isolation, loss of power, loss of ego or identity, and loss in general. This person may confront many uncomfortable questions, truths, or experiences surrounding loss. This house shares similar themes with the 4th and 8th Houses - family karma and secrets, depth, psychology or psyche, spirituality, magic, intuition. A yearning to understand the self can be present for those with this placement. There may also be a drive to understand themselves and others through spiritual lenses. A drive to heal and help may exist here as well. This house covers many intense and bleaker subjects, but it is associated with surrender, forgiveness, reconnection, rebirth, reparation, hidden strengths or potential, and the good and bad of spirituality, oneness, and karma. People with this placement may be natural healers, counselors, or teachers. Fearing or embracing loneliness and separation may be a common manifestation. Through the dynamic between creation and destruction that this house has, they can find great insight and power from their pain. Empathy and listening to one's soul or intuition are what makes up their crown.

[astuteology]

please please please make more solar return observations🙏🙏🙏

You ask... i deliver~😋

👾Solar return observations👾

🦧

Stellium in the 12th house- could either mean one of the following things: getting frequently sick, being hospitalised, mental health disorders, accidents or being weak, low energy levels.😴 (I have 6 planets of mine this year and i just came back from the hospital after getting treated for food poisoning 😷)

Sun, Mercury, nodes or chiron in the 12th- you may hear alot of not-so-good news about people close to you or your parents, your friends or your parents friends'. Like someone died suddenly, someone getting diagnosed with cancer, a robbery, etc. 🤒😔

Venus in the 12th- it doesn't necessarily mean that you'll have a heartbreak, although it completely depends on you, what stage of life are you in. Usually it manifests as having dreams about your celebrity crushes or real life crushes, your past lovers, or your fear about love. You could be running away from someone or something in your dreams. 🪱💭

Moon and mars conjunction in the 3rd- fights🤬 expect alot of fights with people around you. People will purposely or not, get on your nerves and it'll be hard for you to sit quietly. Anxious, restlessness, aggression, irritation, annoyed are the common feelings that come with this. 🤯🤖

Lilith in the 7th- your friends may try to take your partner away from you, kinda like snatching them from you. Maybe you'll discover that your friends or siblings had a crush on your partner for a long time🙄. If you're single, people would want to be with you. You may attract negative, jealous, manipulative people who wants to use you only. 😑

Mercury or north/south node in the 12th- you are likely to have paranormal experiences or hear voices. You could also be able to tell if a person is about to die just by touching their hands or anything. Depends on your spiritual level though. 👻🙀

Venus in the 6th indicates open enemies😄 and venus in the 12th indicates hidden😶‍🌫️. Open enemies are likely to harm you physically and hidden enemies, emotionally.

Moon in the 12th- could indicate that no matter how angry you were with someone or something or a situation, or if you were holding grudges against people, youre more likely to calm down and just accept. You'll be exhausted, you wouldn't gaf about what happened. 😪

Mercury in the 11th- lets say you changed schools/universities/jobs, people would approach you because you look so peculiar and unique to them. They surely wanna be your friends. This could also mean that you get selected in jobs/universities that are related to law, teacher, professions related to technology, social media, or crime investigation.😵‍💫

Jupiter in the 2nd- money incoming~~ youre likely to feel more grounded and contained. Your selft esteem, self confidence skyrockets. Feeling more happy than usual. Helping random people. You may also get alot of flowers. 😚

Now add saturn in the 2nd house with that, you'll have trouble saving/spending money. Getting anxious. Not trusting your judgement. Indecisive. Sleepless nights, insomnia. No appetite🥴. BUT... its not gonna last long, saturn is here to keep you humbled and stay detached to the material things or the things that you want but don't need.🥸

Wherever saturn is placed in your sr, make sure you don't hurt anyone or else saturn's gonna smack your ass in front of the people🙃. Let's say it's in your 5th, and you messed up pretty badly or hurted someone the previous year, saturn's gonna humiliate you in front of kids, your close friends or places related to the 5th house. May even embarrass you😇. Let's say you lied or deceived someone who loved you, and you have saturn in the 7th.............. you'll know then how it feels to get cheated on.😗

Vertex in the 5th- going to alot of parties, marriages, baby shower, birthdays, events, concerts, etc.🧜‍♀️🧚🏻‍♀️

Vertex in the 6th- getting sick. Stomach infection, intestinal infection, ear/eye infection. Strange but you could also wear glasses or lenses for the first time this year. 🤓🤧

Moon in the 10th- either you will let people know what had happened to you the previous year/recently or people will know from your face and body language that something went down the hill. It may also be a time where you would rethink everything that has happened to you and try to make sense of it.😔

Pisces/ gemini venus- could indicate two people are after you, they could be two best friends. Or people who change sides. 👀👎

Saturn+ moon, moon+ mars, mars+nodes, Saturn+mars, moon+ nodes in the 2nd- any of these conjunctions or 3 of these planets in the 2nd, please please please try to control your mind!!! Try deep breathing when you feel scared. These placements can make someone feel unnecessary fears, feeling anxious for no reason, getting scared easily, overthinking not curiosity. Wanting to cry alot (cry if it makes you feel light because you have to let your emotions out in ANY WAY!!!!). Your mental health will get very badly messed up. You wouldn't want to be left alone. Scared of darkness. Hallucinations. 🧠

Nodes square venus, venus square chiron, venus square uranus- breakup 💔

Saturn/lilith square ascendant- defamation��

Venus conjunct uranus- sudden relationship 🐕

Moon square venus- breaking up because it wasn't fulfilling or finding out your partner cheated on you.🦂

Scorpio rising- people want to touch you or see you naked. They may also keep their pedophile tendencies hidden. 🕸🪰

Venus/Jupiter/neptune in the 11th- you may fall for one of your friends or your friend may fall for you. Could also be friend of a friend. 🌛🌜

Mars in the 10th- people may not approve of your new relationship, new job, new hairstyle, etc. Kinda sparks jealousy in them. 🌋

Moon+lilith conjunction in the 2nd- you may notice that people go silent when you start to speak. They hear very intently😌👂. Square could mean misinterpreted words or people purposely twisting your words to make you appear as the bad guy.😠💢��

🌙

That's it for now! Ill be back soon to answer your questions and engage with you. As of now I'll be recovering! Thanks for reading! :)

[eamour]

unfavourable concepts.

i've been meaning to address this for some time now. with social media becoming a platform with such a large number of people talking about different concepts in love, work, health and so on, there are concepts which i think need to be discussed, especially as they affect so many of us.

before we start, celest1albeing on twitter inspired me to write this post! make sure to check out their thread on there as well.

disclaimer.

these are concepts that don’t serve me personally. i don’t expect you to stop believing these concepts or make them apply to you and the world if you have no problems with them. if you can resonate and identify with these, that’s perfectly fine.

concepts of love.

information · these are all only examples which i seem to encounter frequently and which seem to be common.

young men cannot commit · men only treat pretty women with respect · all male friends of women just wanna hit · if he wanted to he would · they categorise you into sweet, sexy and pretty · he doesn’t love you if he does this · men always cheat and lie · they all only want one thing · they only like ass or tits · all men are the same · you can't change his type · you aren't his dream girl · men love quiet women · if a man doesn’t pay he isn't the one

you are just an option · once you are married your partner will become less romantic · after 3 months their true colours will show (honeymoon phase) · true love doesn’t exist · after the talking stage you either get into a situationship or go no contact · getting into a relationship is hard ·

women can’t be friends with men · women are complicated · they only want your money and wouldn’t want to date men who earn little · there is always another woman · they always look for someone better · you have to work on your divine feminine energy · you need to get out of your masculine energy · a woman needs to know her place

concepts of work.

money doesn’t grow on trees · it’s hard to get money · you have to work hard in order to afford your lifestyle · only if you do the work you can get a promotion · you could never be a ceo · you need to be privileged and born into richness for this position · this generation is lazy · no one wants to work · they are all going to end up jobless and poor · nowadays we are only evolving backwards

concepts of school.

you need to learn in order to get good grades · you cannot be smart without putting in the effort · teachers always have their favourite students · it's almost impossible to get good grades by teachers who can't stand you

concepts of health.

pasta makes you gain weight · you need to eat xyz and you cannot eat zyx · junk food is unhealthy · you need to workout in order to be fit · you can only lose weight by eating less · good skin requires an expensive skin care routine · t's hard to treat acne · you cannot get rid of scars on your face

self sabotage.

all in all, it all comes down to one thing: but is this what you want to believe in? do these beliefs serve you in any way? can you continue believing in them without worsening life for yourself? see, i am not the one shoving these concepts down your throat and expecting you to tweet "men ain’t shit". it’s all up to you if you want to claim these concepts as your truth or not. but if you keep believing in any undesirable concept that you KNOW does not help you in any way, you are only self sabotaging yourself IF you know that you can change these beliefs of yours.

evaluation.

the reason why i made this post is to emphasise that you can CHOOSE to believe in these concepts or not. you aren't tied to them. you don't depend on them. and you don't need to follow these concepts either.

i know we live in a society where even if you don’t initially believe that men suck or that you will get cheated on one way or another, we are still influenced by the experiences of others and may end up experiencing these things regardless. but you don’t have to!!! just because jessica had a man promise her the world and left her with nothing it doesn’t mean that it’s gonna happen to you as well. you are NOT her, you aren’t — and you don’t have to be — ANY of these people telling you about how awful people are, how sickening it is to date in this decade, etc. you don’t have to believe ANY of these things, in fact, you can change these concepts and the people around you.

in conclusion, you are your own person with your own individual beliefs. however, you have the CHOICE. no one's forcing you to believe any of these concepts, nor do they hold a universal truth to them. they come from the same awareness that can state the exact opposite.

with love, ella.

[xjulixred45x]

If you don't mind me can I request male reader who like Akaza from Demon slayer with the Hazbin Hotel.

Bonus: respect woman.

Hello! Normally i would Say no bc My Requests are Closed but you're lucky that i'm in a good mood to write and also i am a fan of this Man✨ 😭

Thanks for the Request ❤️

(to the other Readers, don't take this as something usual, the Requests are still Closed, i'm just in the mood to write THIS for now)

Akaza! Reader in Hazbin Hotel

Genre: headcanons

Reader: male

Warnings: Reader is a fighter, violence(?), hell, slight change in Akaza story so its not a Copy-paste and make "more sense",idk, I MAKE THIS IN A RUSH OF ✨INSPIRATION✨SO ITS NOT PROFFHEAD!!

You were born and raised in the Edo era, in Japan. and it was a nightmare.

You lived in poverty all your life, practically alone with your sick father who could barely take care of himself, but he always tried to take care of you above all else.

You spent a lot of your life trying to take care of him back, but it was difficult because of money, you couldn't afford it. so you did the only thing you could think of: steal medicine.

Obviously many times this didn't turn out well, and they ended up catching you and taking you to be beaten and tattooed like a criminal, but it was the kind of life you led until your father died.

That was when you hit rock bottom, but you met certain people who helped you move forward. a martial arts master and his sick daughter (who reminded you a lot of your father).

And it was the time when you lived better, you took care of your teacher's daughter and you learned from him, you had a good life.

you and his daughter even fell in love!

everything had fallen into place in your life...

until conflicts broke out again.

You don't remember much about your last days of life, it was a cycle of going, killing whoever got in your way, returning with whatever you wanted from your group, and whatever followed...

You just wanted to go home.

but you died before that.

and just as you expected, after everything you had done wrong in your life, you ended up in hell.

It wasn't exactly like the hell you had imagined growing up, but it was definitely difficult to adjust, knowing that you were dead, in this hole of misery, far from them...

but you didn't waste your time. You discovered quite quickly that several of your physical abilities had stayed with you, so you took advantage of them and became a quite formidable demon.

You wouldn't say you were an Overlord, but you were definitely an anomaly to Hell's QUO status, a demon who had become powerful without the need for owning souls.

something very strange.

so many Overlords, feeling threatened, tried to go after you, only to never be seen again...

As for the Hotel issue, I think that Akaza! reader would be skeptical, I don't think he would have a problem offering himself as a test subject for the hotel because 1- there is Alastor, someone very strong, and 2- he has a small hope that the hotel will work and maybe, just maybe he can redeem himself and go. to heaven with his love and his teacher, what he loves most. although he wouldn't say the last thing out loud.

Speaking of relationships, Alastor and him can actually get along in a very ambiguous way, Alastor is not happy with someone who is so strong without even having souls of their own, so he is cautious, but not in a threatening way.

Although there is something these two have in common, THEY RESPECT WOMEN.

Alastor can definitely introduce him to Akaza! read several of his female friends to be more "social" and get possible blackmail material.

Alastor secretly knows of the possible motives behind why Akaza! Reader would like the hotel to work, he thinks he is naive, but he doesn't make fun, Alastor partly understands why he feels that way. leaves him alone in that sense.

...but it bothers him in every other way! using it as an armrest, innocuous phrases, crushing it with things out of nowhere, etc. He always has something up his sleeve to piss him off.

but they can ally if women get involved ;)

Charlie is so so so so so happy to have Akaza! reader as another participant alongside Angel and Sir Pentious! She constantly thanks him for his collaboration and tells him how much it means to her.

Lots of encouragement during the trust exercises! she realizes that Akaza! Reader is not very talkative, and although she does not force him to change, she "subtly" encourages him to be more open with the exercises.

Although that does not mean that she admits the fights, she tries to encourage Akaza! reader to find another way to get out his anger and energy in less destructive ways.

I think she would be the only one who knows through Akaza! reader why he wants the hotel to work, and she is SO MOVED by him because Reader wants to redeem himself and that gives him a lot of motivation to do more exercises.

Even if is sometimes a double-edged sword because she feels pressured not only by wanting to help her friends, but also by Akaza's cute motive! reader.

Akaza! reader is very protective of Charlie even if she is the princess of hell, he is like a bodyguard! or a very loyal pitbull. Charlie finds it endearing (but please don't rip that demon's head off please---)

Vaggie is scared of Akaza at first! reader for his aggressive nature.

She is afraid that he will end up directing that destructive energy towards them if he is very angry, so she is very cautious at first.

but eventually she can relax more and more with him as she realizes that (at least with women) he's not going to explode on anyone who doesn't deserve it. and that in fact he is a good man.

sparring together! Vaggie feels kind of bad that he doesn't have a gun, but is surprised at how tough he is.

If she finds out his reason behind going to the hotel, she supports him a lot in his journey of redemption, more than before, she empathizes with him.

They both have similar motives.

Vaggie really appreciates when Akaza! reader defends the female staff against Angel's out-of-place comments. she may even allow him to hit him.

You two are the main people in charge of protecting the hotel.

Let's be honest, Angel dust at first was just "flirting"/sexually harassing Akaza! reader until he beat him up and never did it again.

He thought he was simply bitter about life until he remembered that on one occasion he told him that "he was taken" and he didn't take it so personally.

After the duet with Husk, he went directly to apologize to him and they were on bad terms.

Angel occasionally likes to prank him like everyone else in the hotel, but he's considerably less annoying with Akaza! reader because he knows what he is capable of.

When he eventually finds out why he is "taken" and why someone like him is in the hotel, he can't help but empathize with him a lot (from his sister in heaven), and tries to be his "Husk" at his lowest moment. .

Even if technically Akaza!reader is stronger than him in every way, he takes care of him in his own way, watching his drink, not being robbed, etc.

Angel is definitely not used to so much respect when it comes to his gender identity, which is why he respects Akaza a lot! reader.

They generally start off on the wrong foot but manage to be friends.

Husk likes Akaza! reader, simply because it gets on Alastor's nerves and because he knows that he won't kick the ass of someone who doesn't deserve it. He knows everyone is safe with him.

He definitely knows about his reason for being in the hotel and pities him, respects his privacy a lot after that and doesn't let him talk drunk.

Husk may get to have his "loser baby" moment with Akaza! reader but in a platonic way, helping him when it is especially difficult to stay away from violence.

They can even have a father-son relationship, Husk is very similar to Akaza's teacher! reader in many ways EMOTIONALLY SPEAKING so Akaza! reader feels comfortable with him.

she definitely tells him things about her past as Overlord to entertain him.

Sir Pentious at first was TERRIFIED of Akaza!reader, his reputation was as a tough guy who went after evil people and Pentious (having his poor self-image) thought he would kill him as soon as he saw him.

but fortunately it was not like that!

but he was definitely avoiding it for DAYS before he heard from the others that Akaza!reader wasn't that bad and was actually quite nice. to give him a chance.

and Pentious did just that. and he was VERY surprised.

Akaza! reader has had to dismantle several of Sir Pentious's evil machines using his enormous strength, and although Pentious was heartbroken to see his machines destroyed, he was also VERY surprised by Akaza!reader's capabilities, even giving me more things to do. break and test their strength (imagine this pair getting to know the Rage Rooms).

Pentious Minnions occasionally go to Akaza! reader when P. is not there, which is fun to see because Akaza!reader would try to get away from the Minions that come after him like ducks.

Akaza! reader clearly notices Pentious's crush on Cherri, and encourages him to do something now that he has time.

(Can you imagine Akaza! reader's Koyuki becoming friends with Pentious in heaven? It would be Epico).

Mononeuronal pair.

Niffty is strange.

but I can definitely see Akaza! reader protecting it constantly. so Niffty likes him. But I wouldn't really say they are friends.

In general, everyone has some kind of respect for Akaza! reader. They hope you can reach your goal.

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

Again, this DOES NOT MEAN that orders are open again! I'm just taking a break and deciding what things to write and what not to. thanks for the request ✨❤️

[jjungkookislife]

Quarterly Fic Recs 2024: #2

Hello! It's that time again (I feel like this past quarter flew by! I enjoyed these fics these past few months, and I hope you'll enjoy them too! Please consider reblogging fics you enjoyed to share them with others! I love finding new fics to read! :)

Seokjin

the leather loafers @jimlingss

summary: Yes. You went to the ball. Yes. You ran into the prince. Yes. The shoe fits. BUT-! You aren't that Cinderella bitch. THEY'VE GOT THE WRONG PERSON!

into the rush @minisugakoobies

summary: When your best friend Taehyung tells you he has the perfect thing to help you get over a broken heart, you’re surprised to learn he means dodgeball, the beloved game of sociopathic gym teachers everywhere. But even more surprising is the way you find comfort in the game, and so much more, as you fall into the rush with the help of another teammate - his brother, Seokjin.

Yoongi

tiger layer @kth1

summary: You are here to serve your king. In any way he pleases.

minis: july 1874 @hobidreams

summary: time goes on, and so does your love stretch and grow alongside it.

sunder @sailoryooons

summary: Sunder (sun·​der) transitive verb : to break apart or in two : to separate by or as if by violence or by intervening time or space

Hoseok

in good hands @/minisugakoobies

summary: Once again, another partner has left you feeling unsatisfied. Maybe it’s time to call in an expert. Don’t worry, Hoseok knows exactly what you need.

Namjoon

none :(

Jimin

delicate @/gimmethatagustd

summary: After months of not talking to each other, Taehyung thinks he can charm his way into your life again. Thankfully, Jimin is there to help you work through your feelings.

Taehyung

only here to sin @/gimmethatagustd

summary: When your genius of a boyfriend returns to Harvard for his sophomore year of college, you never would have expected to have his worst enemy keeping you entertained in his absence.

Jungkook

valentine vixen @bunnyhugs77

stripper reader! x rich! jungkook

supercharged @btsmosphere

summary: It starts with a blow to the chest that changes your life. When your city’s most celebrated hero pays a visit, it turns out the noble Bolt has no trouble tossing lives aside. Lives that won’t be missed. Lives like yours. Seven mysterious and powerful men give you another chance – one that starts to feel more like a curse the moment you meet golden boy Jungkook. The boy who wants you as far from his brothers as he can get you. Is it you he hates, or the blue lightning that now runs through your veins? And could it be his golden light that illuminates your heart when darkness threatens?

fan identity [SMAU] @tteokggukk

summary: in which you and jungkook are both famous internet celebrities that have never interacted, but share a common secret. you both have fan accounts for each other where you actively show support and express your opinions. one day, you were both nominated for the same award, social media influencer of the year. lowkey rooting for the other, you both express your opinions on your secret fan accounts as certain interactions begin to arise from a famous fan account dedicated to your “opponent” nominee.

closer @sweetestofchaos

summary: being close to you is still not close enough

OT7/Multiple Members

dirty, dirty boy @gimmethatagustd

summary: For Taehyung, the only revenge sweeter than fucking Namjoon’s girlfriend behind his back is fucking Namjoon from the back.

s

Namjoon

bf snapchats @secretsecretbunny

Jungkook

supercharged @btsmosphere

summary: It starts with a blow to the chest that changes your life. When your city’s most celebrated hero pays a visit, it turns out the noble Bolt has no trouble tossing lives aside. Lives that won’t be missed. Lives like yours. Seven mysterious and powerful men give you another chance – one that starts to feel more like a curse the moment you meet golden boy Jungkook. The boy who wants you as far from his brothers as he can get you. Is it you he hates, or the blue lightning that now runs through your veins? And could it be his golden light that illuminates your heart when darkness threatens?

Seokjin

day six [corruption kink] @euphoricfilter

gf gives him a blowjob @sugarlywhispers

slithered from Eden @aphrodijin

summary: in which your new lover is probably a fairy or a vampire, you’re not sure. all you know is that he’s too beautiful to be human, to be even real at all.

i hate u, i love u @jeonbunnie

summary: If loving Jin is wrong, you don’t wanna be right.

this is us @btsgotjams27

alternate timeline

Yoongi

yours to keep @ugh-yoongi

established relationship au

twelve @sailoryooons

summary: When the red string of fate appears around your ankle, you have twelve days to find your fated partner or die. That’s how the spell works - that’s how fate has always run Her business. There is one, very inconvenient witch who keeps getting in your way, though, and you might just kill each other before your mark does.

pull it harder @multicitrus

summary: Yoongi has a slight hair-pulling kink.

every little thing @7ndipity

summary: When you overhear Yoongi talking about how clingy you’ve been lately, you decide to take a step back from your friendship to give him space. But your sudden absence goes far from unnoticed by him.

silk touch @jjkwifestyle

summary: where yoongi's touch drives you mad.

wishes and kisses @95rkives

summary: sneaking into his studio with burnt homemade cupcakes to celebrate his birthday.

boyfriend yoongi @perfectlyoongi

always, us @katnisspeetaprim

Hoseok

scary good @7ndipity

summary: A spooky movie and needy Hobi? You couldn’t imagine a better way to spend Halloween.

hoseok drabble @dirtybtssnaps

fuck around and...? @kooksbunnnn

summary: Being neglected can bring out the brat inside you, little do you know that he loves to be the brat tamer.

retribution @kpopfanfictrash

Namjoon

the morning after @7ndipity

summary: Namjoon’s reaction to you waking up sore after a night together.

needy @likeastarstar

he's a munch @kooktrash

established relationship

doom boy @soft4gguk

Jimin

prompt drabble @jl-micasea-fics

gf gives him a blowjob @sugarlywhispers

I'm here sweetheart @folkookie97

summary: Jimin comforts his wife during her crying spell.

i promise i'll say yes @taetaespeaches

Taehyung

the one with the hall pass @eoieopda

summary: you and your boyfriend have everything important in common — especially your taste in men.

taehyung drabble @euphorajeon

ride with me @theharrowing

summary: While on location for Taehyung’s driving vlog, he shuts the camera off to make a confession.

it's definitely you @pt2change

baby @minisugakoobies

summary: It’s just another Saturday night out, drinking with your favorite people, trying to pretend that you’re not completely in love with your best friend.

fireworks ^

summary: Taehyung knows exactly why he doesn’t remember last year’s fireworks.

Jungkook

paradise @minisugakoobies

summary: That sexy man on stage - the one currently giving your friend the lap dance of her LIFE - is your super shy neighbor, Jeon Jungkook?!

naked @btsgotjams27

summary: You’re selfish when it comes to him. He wants more, but you won’t let him.

late night calls @bangtaninborderland

summary: you get a call from Jungkook at 7am, struck with worry you pick up only to find your adorably tired boyfriend.

OT7/Multiple Members

carnival of terror ch. 4 @theharrowing

summary: The carnival is in town, and it is unlike anything you have ever experienced. Will you make it out alive?

the one with the hall pass pt. 2 @eoieopda

summary: you and your boyfriend have everything important in common — especially your taste in men.

[heiayen]

gently wipe the sorrow off my life, i dream scaramouche x gn!reader

summary: "you didn’t know what happened, why it happened and that was breaking your heart, cutting it open, leaving burning pain in your chest, where once flowers of love bloomed." you're surprised and completely heartbroken when your lover, kunikuzushi, suddenly disappears without a trace. you think it's the end of the world, with your heart open and bleeding but soon you discover, that there is still happiness waiting for you.

tags: based on the prompt "there’ll be happiness after you but there was happiness because of you", scara's real name used, modern au (from highschool to college), scara basically pulls an irminsul but why? blame dottore angst/bittersweet, [name] is very much going through it </3 title name taken from the honkai star rail song "if i can stop one heart from breaking". not proofread

notes: hi. i come back with angst! written for @thexianzhoujade's personal memoires event and truthfully i kinda hate this fic HAJAHS but this is fine i am not fine blah blah blah yippee. i forgot how to write scara so sorry if this fic is kinda ooc but yeahhh have fun enjoy !! <3 as if anyone is going to enjoy angst LMAO

“Come on, it’s just one photo and besides, we barely have pictures of us…”

“...just one, fine. Get in here.”

A part of you wished you had taken more pictures with him. Pictures from dates in the blooming parks, from hangouts with your friends after school, from spending time together at his place, something to fill up the empty photo album you found hidden in your room. You filled only a few pages, with a few pictures of you and Kunikuzushi, of you taken by your friends, of your family during holidays, pictures of you and your friends, his friends, a picture of him you took when he didn’t see– the one you considered putting in your wallet, laughing how you’d look like a spouse missing their husband. 

(You counted exactly six photos of him in your album, compared to the twenty or so with others. Barely a quarter, not even a half, barely a page and a half of the album.)

You moved your fingers over one of them, the one you took after graduation– laughing with your friends, posing at the camera, tightly holding his hand, and tugging him closer, and wondered.

Did it have to end like this? If you only knew what was happening, would you somehow fix it in time?

Things were… nice, before. Being with him was nice, even if his personality sometimes made you tug at your hair in annoyance. But you found a common language and spoke in it till the very end, sharing your joy and sadness, annoyance and anger, silent tears and gentle fluttering in your chests. 

When you first met Kunikuzushi in school, you had your opinions about him– he wasn’t the nicest, wasn’t talking with many other students, and seemingly valued his time alone more than with someone. You understood it, some people simply weren’t the social butterflies but it became a problem when, by some unlucky charm (at least, you thought it was unlucky then), you ended up together to work on a project. You didn’t know him and your teacher decided to pair you by herself, saying how she wanted her students to interact more with each other. It seemed like a terrible idea at first.

(You rolled your eyes, giving a look to your friend. You really didn’t entertain this idea– to do a big project with someone other than your friend? You dealt with enough shitty groupmates leaving you on read or delivered in your life, and that was for small projects! What if you got someone as shitty as them? You shuddered at the thought alone.)

But, oh, how wrong you were. You didn’t expect to befriend that guy, and yet a few months in, Kunikuzushi became your best friend, and a year later– your lover. 

You remembered that love confession like yesterday; a little awkward, he jumbled over his words and you said something stupid in return, laughing awkwardly at yourself and almost getting up from that bench and marching back home. It was late, the bench in the park illuminated by the streetlight. A part of you was sure he planned for the confession to look different, yet whatever his ideal plan was, you wouldn’t exchange what you got for it. 

He walked you back home, you remembered, holding your hand.

To say you were happy was an understatement. Something bloomed in your chest with every day spent together with him, the little affections between you warming your heart and cheeks, and every morning seemed… a little brighter. It wasn’t wake up, get dressed, go to school, spend majority of your day studying, sleep, anymore.

Wake up, reply to Kunikuzushi’s late night message he sent. Get dressed and don’t forget about that chain necklace with a pendant he gave you for your birthday (you were matching, of course you were matching). Go to school and spend the day with your friends, with Kunikuzushi, with his friends (although you weren’t sure if that ginger guy was really his friend, but…). Spend the rest of your day studying, texting, and sometimes hanging out if you had free time (which turned into weekly hangouts with all your friends and… sometimes, more than once a week, just you and Kunikuzushi). Text him goodnight and smile at his, although short, reply back. Sleep. 

You hoped it would stay like this… for longer. For as long as possible, just living in this bliss, being happy and not alone, with people you loved and who loved you back, some even more than others.

(Selfishly, you wanted that to last forever. Forever the high school student with no worries other than passing exams and doing your homework on time. Forever with your friends, spending weekends with them, having fun and not caring about anything else. Was it selfish to want to be happy forever?)

Kunikuzushi was here with you for all your problems, even if, truthfully, he wasn’t the best at solving them, and neither he was good at words. But he was still here, offering you support and letting you talk about what annoyed you, what made you sad and sometimes, he still would try to comfort you, loudly agreeing with your complaints, (lovingly) threatening to beat someone up if they were an asshole to you, telling you to not worry. It wasn’t the end yet. 

His presence alone helped you manage through harder days– it was better to be with someone after all, rather than spend your days wallowing in sadness alone, with only the walls willing to listen. 

(You offered him help, too. Quietly sitting and listening to his rants about his mother, squeezing his hand and tugging him closer to you– or simply being next to him, when touch was something unwanted.)

When graduation came, in bittersweet tears you promised your friends (and Kunikuzushi, of course) to still be in touch with them, and never leave them alone just because you weren’t students from the same class anymore. That didn’t change anything, no.

The summer vacation you spent mostly with your friends, hanging out and enjoying the warm, summer weather. So many trips, so many walks with Kunikuzushi and dates– oh, that picnic you two went on one day… it started raining at one point (the weather reports lied to you, it seemed) and you only had a blanket to cover yourself from the rain. How funny it was, how much you wished you could get the chance to do it again, with him–

You sighed, closing the album. Sometime before the summer’s end, right before the start of college, you noticed… changes in Kunikuzushi’s behavior. He still was your lover, caring about you in his own ways, he still was the man you loved, but something seemed to always bug him. Something seemed to sit on his shoulders, heavy. You always asked him if he was okay because yes, yes, you noticed his worse mood, noticed all the little things he tried to hide and you were worried, really worried, and–

And yet, you never got a proper answer. Always to not worry, that nothing was wrong, and you were tired of that, maybe if you, at least this once, pressed him for answers, during that summer night you called a date–

Maybe you would know why he suddenly disappeared without a trace.

The many messages you sent, the many unanswered calls– you asked your friends around, his friends, and were greeted with radio silence in answer. You didn’t know what happened, why it happened and that was breaking your heart, cutting it open, leaving burning pain in your chest, where once flowers of love bloomed.

(These flowers would never truly burn, you feared. Some would still leave, polluting your heart and making it harder to breathe.)

What was once beautiful turned into a burden, far too heavy to carry alone. There was so much stress on your plate– because what if something happened to him? What if someone did something to him, what if there was something you could do to change it? Why were you so distracted throughout the day? Why was it hard to get up in the morning, why the only thing you wanted to do was to wait at your phone, with hopes of seeing at least a single message from him? Where went your motivation to study, to do well in college as you promised yourself?

Where was he? What happened? Could you change it?

Were you at fault?

(No, of course you weren’t. You did everything in your power, but it just wasn’t enough. None of this was your fault.)

Were you alone in it?

…no, you weren’t. It felt like you were, especially at first; with new people around you, your friends offering you support but ultimately being busy, you felt alone. Terribly so, loneliness gnawing at your soul all the time, leaving the icy cold feeling in its wake. 

But life forced you to get up from that pit, whether you wanted that or not. You couldn’t fail your major, not when you worked so hard to get into it in the first place. And neither you wanted to completely cut off your friends, so you started replying to their texts more. You’ve met new people, too, and made new friendships.

Things were getting back on track after, you thought that they wouldn’t. You pulled yourself up with your own strength, with your friends cheering for you from the distance, their cheers putting a smile on your face. 

(Younger you thought that if you ever were to break up with Kunikuzushi, the world would simply… end. You ignored that thought creeping into your mind, waved it away, pushed it deep at the bottom of your mind. It wouldn’t happen.)

Now, as you looked at the pictures, you still felt a sharp pang in your chest. You missed him, yes, and you still thought about the days you spent together with him, but they no longer brought you back into that darkness you once experienced.

They were a bittersweet memory now. Ones, you would cherish till the end, gently putting them on the shelf with new, happy memories. 

You hummed to yourself in thought, tapping at the cover of the album with your nail. Maybe instead of pondering how you should take more photos of the past, maybe you should take more of the future? Fill the album up with new photos of yourself, your friends, random things that you found pretty and worth remembering. 

Your phone threw you out of the thinking, the loud noise of the ringtone filling up the room. Right, you were supposed to meet up with your friends in an hour and here you were, going through your old stuff and procrastinating the shower. 

You put the album away and picked up your phone. A smile tugged at your lips hearing the overjoyed voice of your friend, telling you how excited they are to meet with you again (your last hangout was two weeks ago!) and that they already left.

You looked back at the album.

With today, you’d start filling it up with new memories of your happiness.

[spanishskulduggery]

In Spanish mannerisms, is it common to use the usted conjugation for your peer group? Then as you become well acquainted,you eventually transition to the tú form? Trying to gauge social norms with proper grammar. It's easy to offend when learning a language.

It is no longer common to use it that way, no

Bear with me because I'm going to have to explain how things were, and how things are now to make it make complete sense

For the purposes of general modern Spanish, usted is considered polite and formal, and tú considered more common among your peers and people younger than you. You don't usually have to use usted with someone your same age or in your peer group (like a stranger at university)

Sometimes people use usted with their bosses and superiors, regardless of their apparent age... but there are times when someone will say something to the effect of "use tú with me"

It's not a big social faux pas if you address someone about your age or younger with tú. It could be a bit rude to do it to a client/customer/judge/doctor depending on where you are, but it used to be a bigger mistake than it now is

A lot of countries have relaxed the social norms after moving away from a more aristocratic/feudal society... where usted is now a social courtesy for someone in a respected position, but not because they're "better" than you if that makes sense

-

In older Spanish it was more common to use usted with strangers as a courtesy. The roots of the formality/informality are related to title and acquaintanceship; where usted was more commonly used to address someone unknown to the speaker, and its etymology is related to saying "your lordship/ladyship" like saying "sir" or "madam" when speaking to someone

It was common to use this form of address in polite conversation to afford someone the respect that their title afforded them, or in cases of unknowns, it was to treat people with respect so as not to accidentally slight someone's reputation

The tú form was then more commonly used with people who were related to you [a sign of intimacy or kinship], and in older feudal settings, more commonly used with servants and people who were lower than your station

-

These rules have relaxed considerably since most Spanish-speaking countries either have different rules, or they're not so distinctly feudal in nature

In practice, usted is more commonly used for someone older than you; even with strangers, it's more common to use tú with someone who is your age or younger. And it is considered preferable to use usted when speaking with customers and clients

HOWEVER - this will largely depend on the country in question

As an example, I was taught [in the US] that you should talk to doctors and teachers with usted. However, I've been told by Spaniards for example that they use tú with their teachers, and their teachers use tú with them

Argentina is completely unique in that they use vos for everything and that tú and usted are less commonly used now

Some countries in Latin America prefer to use usted even with children or people they know

And many countries have some kind of use of vos which is in some places more informal than tú and vos is used among friends/relations

Chile, for example will use vos among peers and it's considered more common among the younger generation. But I've been told that vos is considered impolite, practically rude, when used with the older generation - sort of like if you called your grandmother "dude"

-

You will find a lot of variation in countries - everyone will understand usted and tú and they're understanding of you being a foreigner and not exactly fitting in with the country's particular social norms regarding formality

Still in a place like Argentina I would expect them to call me vos even if I'm using tú because I never learned the vos conjugation; if I were living/working in Argentina I would go out of my way to learn the vos to fit in better

[nanomooselet]

Little but Fierce II

Sorry, sorry, I changed my mind - first up I'll explain Milly's absence, and why that's important. (Thus no pictures, sorry. Also this is extremely long.)

Stampede definitely skews toward an older demographic than the ‘98 anime; shounen this is not, not even a little. I remember the director (I think?) saying Cowboy Bebop was an influence, and I do see it. Structurally they're both very musically-driven, and each episode explores a variation on the theme until the climax. But there's some thematic similarities too, sort of, mostly around the way the Bebop crew related to each other. It's a found family, yes. But found inevitably first means having lost. And there's a few ways to lose a family, but the one in this post might be the most common.

Stampede talks about fighting to grow up - moving from the security of childhood to the freedom of adulthood, and what inevitably gets left behind.

Under good circumstances, childhood is certain and safe. You're provided everything you need and your caregivers will protect you. You're not held responsible for anything, since you're still learning the shape of the world, and not expected to perform, achieve, or provide. It's the job of your caregivers to do those for you while you acquire practical and social skills, support your body's healthy development, and form a stable sense of self and an identity of your own. Under ideal circumstances, you'll get the opportunity to make plenty of mistakes but face no permanent consequences, just an explanation of how you went wrong you can learn from - since mistakes are how you learn. This is how you build your confidence and in general become better at the whole "human being" business, which believe me does actually take practice and is not inherent. Not everyone figures it out, either.

On the other hand, you also don't really have choices or power, and your reality is confined, any edges rounded. Without consequences there also isn't change. Your identity isn't your own. You are a child of your parents or the ward of your caregivers - you belong to them, in a sense are part of them, because you're their responsibility. Many experiences are gated from you until you mature. In general the world is a simple place and your feelings feel very big, but lack complexity. You're sad, happy, or angry from head to toe, but only one at a time and not over much. It feels important, but that's because kids can't have perspective. It's always the most important thing to them because they haven't experienced anything more important yet.

Adulthood is less safe but more free - you have to fulfil your own desires and defend yourself. Social connections are yours to try to form. You will likely have to work to provide for yourself, and perhaps others - it's no longer anyone's job to do that for you. You are accountable, you are responsible, your actions have consequences that rebound not only on you but upon others, good or bad. Outcomes are also more uncertain, and mistakes can be proportionately harder to recover from.

But you have autonomy - selfhood, identity are yours to claim. Choices are your own to make. There are downsides but also advantages, opportunities for greater happiness but also inevitable pain, and in general more subtle, complex emotions and situations. It can be very hard. But it can also be very beautiful.

Inevitably, humans being mammals and having such utterly helpless infants, there'll be at one point in your life you play the role of child to a caregiver. Odds are fairly good you'll also be caregiver to a child at least once (or something like one). Think how many of us have pets. Or even an older sibling to a younger. Teacher to a student. Such relationships always shape us, whichever role you occupy. There's a common archetype in folklore of the "mother of death", because whoever you were before becoming a parent has to die, at least a little, to make room for the vast responsibility of parenthood - think of giving up a career to raise a family, for example. And creating a life means inevitably you have invoked a death. All that lives, in time, will die.

Got all that?

So Stampede and arguably Trigun as a whole is about what happens when you fuck with it.

Good circumstances, yeah, you aren't going to find those. Let's see how hard people try anyway. Let's see what happens when care of a child is suddenly assumed by someone unprepared - or when a child is forced to assume a caregiving role. Or when a child never receives a childhood before being unmade, destroyed, but still surviving to claim the freedom of adulthood. What do they become?

(Am I talking about Wolfwood? Legato? You tell me.)

Are the Plants here to take care of us or ours to take care of? Can we only take from them or is there some way to give back? Can it be mutual? Or must we pick a side?

We don't have Milly yet because Milly resolves the argument. She's someone who sees no reason to pick a side. She's a very caring, protective person who also has no problem with being taken care of - she's happy to defer to Meryl, whom she has great respect for. And Meryl has respect for her too. It's a very good working relationship! Which, uh, unfortunately doesn't leave a lot of room for exploration of the main conflict, and might have been why they faded out a bit in the later volumes.

The purpose of switching Milly with Roberto was to create that conflict. There are a lot of mothers in Stampede but not many places for dads. And one thing I very much have come to appreciate is that both were afforded equal flaws, redemption and sympathy. There's no bumbling useless fathers, or blandly nice mothers (even Rem, who comes the closest, had terrible regrets, and I get the feeling we haven't seen the last of her. Really, around this point in the story in the older tellings a lot of people still thought she was Vash's dead girlfriend, so let's not hasten to judge). Rosa is a hard woman and she turns on Vash, but she has her reasons and Knives punishes her far too cruelly. Brad's kind of an asshole, but it's because he cares so deeply and doesn't know how to talk about it.

Roberto is jaded, but he takes his responsibility seriously and he's a good teacher to Meryl. He isn't just a vehicle for exposition.

Nor does he treat her badly in any way. Meryl feels perfectly safe snatching away his booze and talking back to him. They become fond of and comfortable around each other so quickly because they both decent and clever people, fundamentally similar. It's built on mutual respect, trust and communication.

Compare to how Knives interacts with Vash, how long the pauses are in their reunion in the diner. Knives is trying to be gentle, but Vash is so terrified he can't finish a sentence, can hardly speak at all, his voice is shaking so badly. Knives sneers when Vash doesn't instantly react with affection. Which is… insane considering this is exactly how it was the last time they met: Knives gruesomely murders someone, smearing the walls and floor with blood, and then expects Vash to be grateful or impressed. Their relationship is one in the process of slowly but violently shattering.

Meryl is very young in Stampede. She's got some significant character flaws. But it's hard for her not to do better than that.

Part I

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Part VI

Part VII

Part VIII

Part IX

[noobnerdspace]

There are three ingredients which you can manipulate individually or in combination to create humorous storytelling - Character, Situation & Language. These elements remain the same irrespective of medium (stand-up, skit, screenplay, comic, article, etc.) or genre (slapstick, satire, dark humor, etc.)

Character

Characters are entities in your story with emotions and agency. You create humor out of a character when you overplay or underplay their characteristics to make them archetypes. You can exaggerate their external or internal characteristics for humorous effect.

External characteristics - First thing you notice when looking at a character from a distance - appearance & costume

Internal characteristics - Personality & Beliefs of a character

Some examples from popular culture are,

A bad boss - Miranda Priestly, The Devil Wears Prada

External characteristics - signature white hair, impeccably tailored designer outfits, flawless makeup

Internal characteristics - dismissive and condescending, disregard for work boundaries, perfectionism

A Know-it-all - Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory

External characteristics - graphic t-shirts featuring superhero logos, paired with long-sleeve undershirts, childlike hairstyle

Internal characteristics - precise speech, lacking ability to get social cues, Inability to Empathize

A lovable loser - Joey Tribbiani, FRIENDS

External characteristics - athletic build, dark hair, and boyish good looks, comfortable clothing like jeans, T-shirts, and leather jackets.

Internal characteristics - innocence, childlike wonder, limited in intelligence, optimistic despite limited success in acting career

An archetype by themselves might be humorous but not always necessarily. So we do one more tweak - give characters flaw that we look down upon.

“Comedy as we have said, an imitation of characters of lower type, not, however in the full sense of word bad, the ludicrous being merely a subdivision of the ugly. It consists in some defect (or ugliness) which is not painful or destructive” - Aristotle, Poetics

Aristotle, who considered ‘Poetry’ (read ‘stories’) itself as imitation of real life, argues comedy is imitation of characters of ‘lower type’. Though the ‘lower type’ sounds crude, it provides an important perspective - the characters have flaws which are ‘looked down upon’.

To summarize, we can make humorous characters by making them archetypes with belittling flaws.

Situation

"Laughter is an affect resulting from the sudden transformation of a heightened expectation into nothing" - Immanuel Kant, Critique of Judgment

We subconsciously assess situations all the time and expect things to go a certain way. Events in our daily life are clichés, and as we grow in experience, most common outcomes of situations are reinforced in our minds.

For creating humor, we subvert these expectations with uncommon yet possible outcomes. In the Russian roulette scene in 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang' (warning! - depiction of violence, also spoiler alert!), humor is achieved by subversion of the trope where Russian roulette is used to intimidate a character or build tension. The gun going off at the first pull of the trigger was unexpected, creating dark humor.

An indirect way of subverting expected outcome is by exaggerating the outcome to a ridiculous level. Key & Peele’s ‘Continental Breakfast’ shows a man overly excited and charmed by the mundane aspects of a standard continental breakfast, treating it like an upscale, European dining experience.

Don’t forget the archetype from previous section. Let their actions have unexpected outcomes to create humor. A 'Know it all' makes a silly mistake, 'The Bad Boss' unintentionally makes life easier for their employees, 'Teacher's Pet' breaks rules, etc. are potentially humorous because the outcome is different from what is expected.

Language

Language is simultaneously, an ingredient and packaging for humor. Rhetoric devices and wordplay can be used to create pure language-based humor, while it take forms of dialogue or (and) narration in stories. There are a ton of these to choose from, some being more versatile than others. One that we’ll discuss in detail is analogies, due to its generative potential. Some other common devices are:

Double entendre - "I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down."

Puns - "I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough."

Hyperbole - "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse."

Irony - Saying "What a beautiful day" during a storm. (Note: 'A fire station burning down' is a situational Irony)

Understatement - "It's just a scratch," referring to a serious wound

Rhetorical Question - "Isn't it a bit too much?"

Read your first step-by-step guide for creating humor on noobnerd.substack.com

[razorblade180]

Ignited 5: Hidden Attack

Ch 4 <-

With no major distractions and vigor to spare, Yujin continued running through the Forever Fall, occasionally coming across pits with future peers trapped inside. She knew better than to completely tank her time but that didn’t stop her from snapping tree limbs and tossing it one at an angle.

“Climb it and then pay the favor forward!” She yelled as she ran. There was a high chance the others would follow the example. Maybe not for righteous reasons, but for the fact that they were all being recorded. No way they would pass if they were caught being too incompetent to escape a deep hole and ignoring others.

Jael kept watching the performance but in all honesty, it wasn’t much. Yujin hardly came across anything worthy of displaying real combat skills. Nevertheless, she watched. Several other contestants had made their way back to the beginning, including the boy in the fox mask. She was only familiar with the boy under it from last year’s departure. Why he was wearing a mask, she didn’t know. Wasn’t keen on asking why either. That was until he approached her to watch as well.

“Sup.” Tenzen said casually. “We really haven’t been properly introduced. My family knows your family and all that jazz. I’m Tenzen. Currently being called-”

“TZ.” Her gaze shifted to him slightly. “What’s with the mask?”

“Oh this old thing? Hehe, I’m a street performer that’s decently sized online.”

Jael vaguely remembers hearing that alias before. Her mind hasn’t been on many other hobbies or interests for awhile now. “That doesn’t make much sense. A group of people called your name earlier, so the mask isn’t hiding much.”

“Oh you misunderstand. People know me for my mask. Not my face. I came here pretty conspicuously but with all the eyes Yujin and her family drew, I went ahead and took some of the heat off.”

“Hmm.” Jael went back to focusing on the screens. “Lucky for her she has so many in her corner.”

Her tone was rather dry and lacking any enthusiasm. Even so, Tenzin got a weird vibe. He only really knew what Yujin told him about Jael. The girl definitely didn’t get out. Lack of communication was to be expected? “Looking for someone in particular? A friend maybe?”

“They already made it through after you. Watching your competition pays off.”

Okay, maybe her social skills were fine? He just wasn’t expecting her to be the super serious type. “That’s true. If you ask me though, nothing is more important than keeping yourself loose until the final moments. All rigid things snap under tension.”

“Or become compacted. Then they become the pressure others bear. But yes…your words have merit.”

“Yeah…” he trailed off, walking away to leave the girl to her own devices. “See ya around.”

“Probably.” Jael barely gave him the time of day. Although, he was pretty keen on the uptick. She made no effort to hide who exactly she was looking at on the monitor. It was a real shame she couldn’t see his face though.

Lilith watched the entire interaction from afar with Canary. She looked at her future teacher to see a level of scrutiny in her gaze. “Something the matter?”

“That girl rubs me the wrong way. It’s common for some people to be calm during examination, but unbothered? I can understand boredom; I definitely was. This though…”

“Maybe it’s your natural biases? Worried she has a grudge against half your family tree?”

“Pfft, depends on the half.” She crossed her arms. “Are you really telling me you don’t feel anything? I’ve been told you have quite the intuition.”

“It’s nothing worth bragging about.” Canary wasn’t wrong to feel tension though. From the looks of it, their esteemed guests were all operating on a different level of tension. “I’m not privy to the ins and outs of every single detail, but there’s definitely something in the air that’s dying to rear its face.”

“So you agree? Regardless, we can handle it. That I’m certain of.”

“Should we though?” Lilith raised a brow. She put her hands behind her back and cocked her head to the side.

“What does that mean?”

“I’ve noticed that despite this being your first time in a while being on this side of Remnant, you would rather speak to me more than the family you have several feet away. And when you do, it’s rather…peckish.”

“Umm, y-you’re point?” Canary wasn’t expecting Lilith to become suddenly off putting.

“You clearly have your own tension you could probably confront now, but like most clever people, you want to do it unimpeded. Correct?”

“I’m also working right now. This is sorta on the job training.”

“And this Jael girl is taking a test. I’m sure whenever she chooses to act, it’ll be on her terms. We could become hurdles much like this course, but there’s only a way around.”

“No offense, but it sounds like you’re content with watching.”

Lilith gave a full grin. “Isn’t that the job? Don’t forget, I’m still a student at the end of the day. Drama among peers is interesting; but don’t worry. Count on me to make sure nothing gets to the point of being irreversible.”

Her words didn’t exactly inspire confidence, but Canary couldn’t say she wasn’t interested. To think so many people around her had something more than meets the eye.

“I’d believe her words if I were you.” Glynda said, maintaining her gaze on the students and the paper she grades them on. “Lilith has an annoying way of being correct more often than not.”

The girl couldn’t help but giggle to herself as she placed her hands on her hips. “Why does it have to be an annoyance exactly?”

Canary could see why her cousin had a soft spot for Lilith. The girl had an odd but attractive personality about her. “Birds of a feather.” She mumbled, turning back towards the screens.

xxxxx

“Alley oop!” Yujin cried out, flinging a straggling beowulf into an incredibly thick wall. She had seen the obstacle back at the other wall, but now that she was up close she could tell an incredible punch would be pretty mediocre against it. Not to mention it was smoother than the last one.

“C’mon. We have a brain for a reason.” She looked both ways to see it stretch out forever. If there was an end, which there had to be, it would eat up too much time to get around it.

A few people she helped had immediately started to climb or even warp short distances up. It would’ve been nice if her kindness was returned in this moment, but Yujin knew it really is a matter of circumstance if anyone could help her. The more she thought out about the singular reality made her ponder if this test was also meant to give a pretty brutal insight of their shortcoming. “I’m in deep water now.” She groaned.

Years of not designing firearms into her weapon suddenly felt like a dumb idea. Tenzen probably rocket jumped! Oh well. No use crying over spilt milk. She had to think of something soon. That’s when a different problem arrived….

“HEEEELLLP!” Cried a girl that was no older than her. She came running out of the thicket and would’ve hit the wall if Yujin didn’t grab her.

“Wow wow wow! Why are you shaking!? The girl’s eyes were shaking with fear and her clothes were covered in mud.

“I- I can feel it! It keeps stalking me! Always getting closer! Eating the grimm!”

Yujin couldn’t believe her ears. A chill went down her back. “Eating?”

The girl nodded furiously. “We need everyone to leave! I’m not cut out for this! I’m only alive because I can feel it!” She tried getting out of Yujin’s grip but she wasn’t going anywhere. “Let go! It’s still stalking!”

“Slow down! What type of grimm!?”

“I don’t know! But it’s huge! The vibrations, I feel them! It’s my semblance!” The girl felt like she could die on the spot, eyes flooding with tears. “It’s getting closer!”

A semblance that involved vibrations. Yujin has been vigilant and she doubted the faculty would leave a grimm in the area too dangerous for a novice to kill. That only left one terrifying thought; Yujin looked down at the dirt. A second later, the minerals trembled more than the frightened girl.

“Shit.” Yujin tossed the girl sky high in the direction of the wall and onlooking participants. She was glad she acted when she did, because now the ground at her feet was gone; shattered to pieces as a massive Death Stalker came lunging out.

xxxxxx

“YUJIN!!” Yang yelled as she watched the screen in immediate horror.

Raven immediately grabbed her hilt but a golden portal opened with Lilith already dashing through it before Raven could draw the blade.

Lilith came sliding out with her auburn bow and drew the golden string back, ready to fire at the beast; her eyes widened in shock to see that while Yujin was in the right pincer, she wasn’t exactly in danger. “Wow…”

Yujin held both sides of the crackling claw open with pure strength. Lilac eyes glared into the many golden eyes of the monster as it tried clipping her with the left claw. Yujin was fortunately still quicker than it, hoisting herself out of its hold and jumping over the second attack. It’s tail flicked rapidly, prompting her to cross both her arms before taking a stab. However, as it struck, a blinding gleam of light flashed by them, severing the stinger. Yujin landed safely and turned her head left as she heard a tree thud. Standing on a branch was Jael sheathing her sword.

The young swordsman looked at the girl with indifference. “Shouldn’t you move now?”

“Uh right!” Yujin grabbed the huge stinger and jumped back. The Death Stalker tried to charge at her but immediately howled in agony as a barrage of arrows blinded several eyes.

It raised both claws to dig down again, yet found no dirt as it struck a glyph. Canary came diving out of the portal with Harbinger crashing down, cutting off a pincer before changing to scythe mode and raking through several legs. The beast only screamed louder until it was silenced, choked by a stinger that was beamed right into its mouth. Canary looked back to see Yujin still in a spear chucking stance. “Nice throw.”

The girl's eyes went back to blue as she took a breath and shrugged. “Yeah? Well y’know?”

Lilith saw the Grimm begin to fade so she turned her gaze to her future peers who looked from the wall, spotting the worried girl who was thrown. Looks like she was physically safe. “I trust all of you are physically well? Please continue and take this moment to understand where you are trying to get accepted into. With all that said…I apologize for this disruption.”

It was the first time today that Lilith actually sounded somber. It wasn’t her fault a Grimm this dangerous was hiding underground. Still, Canary doubts that fact would make her feel better. Instead she put attention on Jael. “Hey? While I appreciate a quick call to actions and am grateful you aided my family, I have to ask you to refrain from doing anything reckless. As talented as you might be, you’re not even a student.”

“Yet.” Jael added confidently. “The portal was opened right next to me. It only made sense to move in.”

Yujin smiled cheerfully. “Can’t argue with that. Not that I needed the save, but I appreciated it all the same! Thank you!”

“It’s nothing worth mentioning.”

Jael jumped down from the tree and made her way back to the portal. Yujin really didn’t think much of it. Jacquelyn did say that Jael needs her focus. Although with skills like hers, Yujin couldn’t imagine why. She didn’t even see the blade, only Jael putting it away. Definitely Adam’s kid.

“Soooo…” Yujin batted her eyes at the two people in charge. “Do I get to walk through the portal? I handled this situation pretty well after all.”

“Tah!” Canary scoffed, “So now you want special treatment. From what I heard, you didn’t even have to take this test since you got a recommendation letter! Sorry squirt, handle the wall!”

“Hehe… worth a shot. No big deal though. I have my ways.”

Canary and Lilith were planning to head back but watched curiously as Yujin made her way towards the wall with a fist raised to the sky!

“Lil? What’s the likelihood she’s about to break her hand on that wall?”

“You tell me. She’s your cousin. Also, Lil?” We’re onto nicknames already?”

Yujin took a deep breath before swinging downward. Not at the wall, but the ground right next to it and under her feet. The single blow was enough to rattle the ground, reducing the spot into rubble and making a crater. Yujin looked straight ahead and sure enough, it was nothing but more dirt ready to be obliterated.

More sounds of tremendous force shook the rock at Lilith’s and Canary’s feet. The former couldn’t help but laugh.

“Hahaha! Well that’s one way to do it! Points for creativity.” Lilith starts walking to the portal.

Canary followed her with a smile on her face. “You make it sound like she needs those points.”

They both returned to the starting area and Canary looked at her family to see that calm expressions returned to them. “I am amazed that no one else ran through the portal with the way you screamed.”

Yang’s face went completely red. “Well…you two missed the part where she caught the claw. After that I may have realized I may have shouted a little too loudly…” She kicked a rock.

Jaune was perfectly calm the entire time. “I knew she could handle it. I’ve caught her in the rain fighting bears before.”

“You mean…the Ursa’s on Patch?” Ruby asked, only to see her father, Jaune, and aunt sigh heavily.

“No.” They said in unison while Tenzen tried to keep it together. He may have a few ridiculous videos to share later.

Not long after, The girl of the hour came walking through the proper portal. Her gloves were covered in soil and she smelled like nature, but she was here.

“Wait…” she blinked twice, realizing where she was. “That was the last obstacle!? It just loops back here!?”

Glynda handed her a green slip of paper. “Congratulations on passing. You will move on to the final portion.”

“I would hope so after what happened! It feels like involuntary extra credit!”

“Welcome to Beacon.” Glynda smirked and walked away. Lilith gave a silent nod to Yujin that basically said, “yeah pretty much.”

With the stragglers arriving and the second portion coming to a close, Glynda gathered in front of the screens as the second group was soaring into view “Alright everyone, well done to those who have made it this far. You will be flown to the next and final destination where you will have a proper chance to recover, eat, and prepare for the next challenge.”

“Is that another lie?” Marcus asked, his voice drained of energy.

“A well deserved question, but an unnecessary one. I’m not in the mindset of deceptive word play, unlike certain people.” She looked at the two culprits. They didn’t even look guilty.

Yujin leaned closer to Tenzen. “I don’t think it was that deceptive.”

“Oh, yeah you missed the funny part. Apparently the people who chose to prepare in town didn’t fail. They’re on their way now.” He pointed to the distant airship.

The girl fell silent, blinking twice as she realized she hasn’t the foggiest clue about how they are being graded if the second group is about to run a used obstacle course. “Elite schools are insane.” Yujin raised her hand. “Headmaster?”

“Yes? Is something the matter?”

“I trust your words, but can we have a show of good faith? What is our final challenge exactly?”

Glynda raised a brow. “ It’s the same as it is every year. For confirmation of that, look no further to the alumni.”

The aspiring heroes turned to the adults. Ruby and Jaune casually took a step away from everyone. “Don’t look at us. We got in on special terms.”

“Tah! Special terms you say.” Glynda scoffed, specifically at Jaune. “Ms. Rose did indeed stop a crime. What was yours, Mr. Arc?” Her eyes narrowed, knowing exactly what he did.

Fortunately Nora was there to pull everyone’s attention. She raised her arm up and chanted, “Hahaha! Aptitude Sparring!”

Those like Yujin, Tenzen, and even Jael were actually aware of this, but it was clear many others found themselves caught off guard. Though the confirmation was reassuring to Yujin. In the grand scheme of events, this exam checked knowledge, practical environmental skills, and combat.

Glynda continued explaining to the crowd. “In this line of work, battles never stop at Grimm unfortunately. It only makes sense to see how you all go against people. I recommend you all take this seriously. You may find this challenge to be the hardest one yet. That is all.”

This is it. At last, this is it! A golden opportunity to face Yujin. Jael could barely contain her enthusiasm, which became increasingly evident with the way her hand gripped the hilt of her blade. Jacquelyn noticed this and couldn’t stand idly by.

“Jael…remember why you’re here.”

“I know exactly why I’m here.” She said immediately. “I would’ve come last year if I didn’t know why I personally chose to wait, and you know that too.”

“There’s a dozen reasons why last year’s plans fell through. A vendetta wasn’t one of them for me. If it was then I wouldn’t have trained you.”

“What’s with the virtuous act all of a sudden?” Jael faced her mother and looked her right in the eyes. “Why are you acting like you aren’t upset, or like you have no clue what my motivations are? I’ve made no effort to truly hide them; unlike my name.” The venom in her voice leaked through in those final words. “I’ve been nothing but patient and obedient. Are you saying it’s been for nothing?”

“I’m saying don’t let it be for nothing! You don’t even know if you’re facing her so stop getting worked up and don’t do something you’ll come to regret. I have no right to tell you to hold in your rage, but understand I will always fundamentally disagree with you if you choose to direct that anger harmfully. Don’t waste your future by being your father’s past.”

Jael’s eyes widened, her heart murmuring from the accusation. “I thought you would have more faith in your daughter. This isn’t anything like he’s done. I thought you of all people would understand remotely just what type of anger I have. However, unlike you, I won’t erase a bloodline.”

Jael walks off without looking back.”I’ll settle with the death of a dream.”

A quiet tension remained in the air. Jacquelyn didn’t even find the opportunity to bring the girl’s blade. She had unsheathed it for the sake of dealing with the grimm but something about it felt…unnatural. Almost as if she was rushing to put it away. The entire thing left Jacquelyn feeling more uneasy. For a moment, the carefully crafted mask Jacquelyn displayed began to slip as her eyes flickered. She took a deep breath, concealing the internal storm. Although now she wondered if the mask was of any use? It clearly wasn’t fooling her youngest. As for the oldest…

Jacquelyn let the air in her lungs escape mournfully. “Stay strong…”

xxxxxxx

It was a silent prayer but a prayer nonetheless that was meant for the girl who quietly sat in a hidden hospital room with her tear stained face resting on the bed; her soft eyes keeping their gaze on the man so still that you could mistake him for a corpse. Her stomach remained empty all day, and her strength only appeared to hold the man’s thin, frail fingers.

Her voice was dry and quiet, the same as it was countless years ago; back in that dark, dark place. “Dad, please…” once again, tears greeted her face and her vibrant white tiger ears fell. “Please…wake up.”

[gamesindustrynormal]

It's national coming out day today, back when I was still closeted I spent a good amount of time thinking about what coming out would be like. As I started my transition I started writing down the things I wanted to say – telling my story, in a way – but as I slowly came out to groups of people I realized that telling my story wasn't something I needed to do. The messages I posted at work and on social media ended up being short and factual. The impact it would have on my acquaintances would be minor at best, after all, and I figured the ones that wanted to know more could ask.

This being said, reading the accounts of other trans people has been helpful to me, and I do think every story is unique in some way. So I'm writing it here.

Compared to most of my trans friends, I grew up in a climate that was very egalitarian. The expectations of boys and girls were very similar – we were all expected to learn how to cook and clean, to sew and do woodwork, to have athletic as well as artistic pursuits. I definitely tended to favor activities that had a majority of girls doing them, but boys and girls being friends was not seen as a problem and I never got any pushback. I realized wanting to partake in the "wrong" things that were still gendered made me different, but suppressing those things didn't have a great impact on me. Like, I understood that I wasn't supposed to wear dresses, but honestly most women rarely did that anyway.

Feminism was a big talking point back then, and the dominant idea was that gender differences should be minimized or erased in pursuit of stamping out inequality. And that's the mindset I had grown into when I first heard about transgender people.

It is important to note that the media climate at the time had no sympathy for explicit gender nonconformity. Men pretending to be women was always absurd and played for either comedy or horror, sometimes both. Blanchard had published the autogynephilia drivel, and the common view was that people who wanted to change their sex were crazy, perverts or predators. I mean, some people still believe that but as a teenager I literally had no other impression. When we went over the concept in biology class there was a picture of a man with a beard putting on a wig, my teacher scoffed and proclaimed it to be weird and never touched the subject again. In response to the hostility, the trans community had adopted a narrative of being born in the wrong body, that they were the gender they said they were on a fundamental level and that it would be impossible for them to live as their assigned gender.

It seemed like a way to resolve my feelings and find community so I read everything I could come across from and about trans people. But ultimately it wasn't satisfactory – most of the time, I hadn't been prevented from doing what I wanted, girly or not. I had my friends, my intellectual and creative pursuits, I was doing fine – not despairing under the weight of dysphoria. There were still things I was missing, sure, and I always knew that given the option to be seen and treated like a woman I would have taken it without hesitation. I didn't feel like I could realistically pass though, which meant if I tried I would just be seen as a freak. And there were certainly trans women who didn't pass – if they chose to transition and I was scared to, clearly I did not have the fundamental female essence that the trans women were talking about.

Honestly, perversions and hangups seemed to explain it more easily, like we were supposed to pursue an equal society so struggling with the trappings of manhood was something everyone did, right? thinking about changing your gender felt almost regressive – you were both shirking responsibility and giving it a weight that it shouldn't have.

I talked to a few mental health professionals over the years, they mostly just asked me if I was trans and I said no, which was not super helpful. Finally my current therapist asked me to deconstruct my feelings, stop thinking about it as an all-or-nothing affair and really consider what femininity meant to me, how I could have more of it and how that would feel. Looking at the different parts of transition individually is what finally helped me move forward – I changed my pronouns to they/them, people started saying that and it was a relief I didn't even know I needed. I started accessorizing more, felt better about how I looked and got positive responses for it.

My therapist suggested makeup and I said I was uncomfortable looking at my face in the mirror – they then asked if I had thought about hormone replacement and what it would do for me. Thinking about what the effects would be and how they would individually impact my well-being made it a much easier decision to make than seeing it only as part of a sex change. It took a month or two on hormones before the mood changes kicked in and I started feeling at peace with myself – the rest of it got much easier to figure out after that.

I started transitioning fairly late. I will probably live longer under my current name than my deadname, but it is by no means a given. And for sure part of me wishes I had started earlier. Early enough not to worry about hair loss. Early enough not to have to surgically revert some parts of puberty, and live with other parts. Maybe most important, early enough to work on my identity and flaws at an age where it is more accepted to do so. But at the same time, I can't say I have not taken advantage of some of the privilege afforded me – would I have been as successful an engineer? Would people have placed the same faith in me? Would I have been able to push through impostor syndrome if I wasn't surrounded by peers who looked just like me? I would like to think passion would have carried me, but statistics imply I would have given up. I don't know the person I would have been had I transitioned earlier – she doesn't have my experiences and I don't have hers. For this reason I could never spend too long obsessing over what-ifs.

As a closing note, in script-writing they talk about “the lie the character believes”. I fundamentally had three;

“I can never pass in a way that I am happy with” - having seen what hormones, makeup, fashion and surgery can do this is just not true for most people. The surprising bit is how the mental changes can make it feel unnecessary.

“If I can't pass, there is no point in doing anything” - Pre-transition it's easy to look at clocky trans women and think they have given up, that this is the best some can do and doubt yourself. But it's hard to realize that once you start getting what you want, you get happier and being happy means you maybe don't need as much as you thought you would.

“I can live out my life without transitioning” - This one is tricky, maybe I could have. I don't know that I would have been able to handle the stress of the current games-industry meltdown without being comfortable in my own skin, but there is probably a version of me that survived without. To quote Nimona though, “If I didn't, I'd die. Not die – die, I just sure wouldn't be living”

Happy national coming out day!

[femmesandhoney]

Speaking of academics, genuinely Speaking, why are there less women in STEM in the west ?.

They don't need to be encouraged. There's nothing preventing them from pursuing these subjects especially in uni when you get to decide your major. I didn't feel any discouragement going into engineering. So I'm just curious here

You are not correct in the assumption that there is "nothing" preventing women from pursuing STEM degrees nor that women do not need encouragement to enter these fields. The article did an efficient job laying it out, but if you're not in the mood it's quite simple: American culture is misogynistic and it is systemically so. Everyone from your parents, your peers, your teachers, your community leaders, the things you see in media and read about, will implicitly and explicitly negate the idea of women going into STEM fields. It's gotten marginally better as our culture has recognized that, hey, maybe we should encourage and show little girls that they can be scientists and mathematicians too, but it's very difficult when so many people and institutions have these implicit biases in place. We're doing better, but it's not a surprise that many girls can not even picture a career in the STEM field, many do not think that's even an option, it's never crossed their minds even if they have an interest in the topic. We do not socialize our girls into these fields as strongly as we should be if we want to see any form of difference. By middle and high school, most women do not envision careers in STEM fields for many reasons, including teacher and parent biases that have pushed them away from STEM subjects, peers being unpleasant, and general insecurity girls begin to develop around science and math around this time.

Of course then comes the fact that these fields and majors are openly hostile towards women. A woman in my poli sci class spoke about how she feels very uncomfortable speaking out in her natural res classes because of the type of men and dominance of men in her major/classes. She said she felt a huge difference and weight off her shoulders coming into our female dominated class to discuss women in politics and be able to freely discuss the misogyny she has experienced by men in her classes and her field in general. This is a very common expectation women hold: the men in the STEM field are often misogynistic assholes. And women do not feel comfortable in their environments. This often will push women away from picking these majors or continuing them.

Not even the mention what comes post-graduation, the article discusses the slog of discrimination women both expect and frustratingly deal with when trying to make a name for themselves in the STEM field where they are 1) paid less than men with the same qualifications and 2) are not seen as qualified in general on the sheer basis of being a women. Implicit (and explicit, depending on the person and environment) biases are very strong in our cultural attitudes and beliefs about women and STEM. And women are not stupid, most do not wish to fight against that uphill battle when they see success elsewhere. I admire the women who are very passionate about their STEM career and fight tooth and nail against misogyny to continue with it, because it is very difficult being in an environment that is dominated by men who are hostile, sexist, and do not see you as deserving of your place in the field no matter what you do. I have a friend who graduated last year in chemical engineering. She had been passionate as hell about her career in chemical engineering since high school, and she was a very smart and charming women. She knew since high school that she was going to have to prove herself time and time again to the men around her both in college and post. She was a bit excited about it actually because she was very confident in her intelligence and rightfully so. She excelled in her degree of course, but she definitely had her challenges dealing with many men and certain professors. I'm very proud of her for sticking through the bullshit she dealt with at times, and I also would have understood if she had gotten burnt out from it all and changed majors. I'm glad you yourself anon felt no discouragement from engineering and had positive people around you in your life, but many women do not and have had very negative experiences that inform their decisions around STEM. I hope this answer and the article could help lightly explain it better, because not every women in America has had such positive experiences.

[brynnterpretations]

Hi!! I’d love to request a ship for The Boys if you’re not sick of those!

my name is willa. i think it’s a little less common in the usa and people have trouble spelling it sometimes, so if someone gets it right the first try i will immediately love them lol.

im a bisexual girl with a preference for guys. i have curly blonde hair with blue streaks, blue eyes, pale skin + freckles, and i’m about 5’4. i’ve always wished i was taller but i would kinda love having a partner taller than me lol. i have two ear piercings and a nose stud, and i’m hoping to get more piercings soon like lip piercings or a septum ring. i’m also thinking of getting some tattoos, though nothing huge. i have an apple body type and am a little insecure so i would never date someone who would make me feel bad about myself.

^^also for someone i would not date! i don’t like people who yell a lot or people with severe anger issues. i totally do get having trouble with emotions but i don’t want to be around/be with someone who would take that out on me.

i love clingy people or people who love to talk, i’m a good listener. once you get to know me im very energetic and i love people who match my energy! i try to keep a positive outlook on everything. i have a lot of “nerdy” interests and i will not judge other people’s, so even if i have no idea what someone is talking about i will absolutely listen. my main love language is probably physical touch.

the career i’m currently pursuing is an elementary school teacher. and if that doesn’t work, i’d like to be a social media manager. two pretty different jobs lol.

my long term goals are to travel more, live by the ocean, and own some horses.

i love fashion!! i’m in the process of building a better wardrobe and i love dresses, skirts, bows, anything sanrio, and i wear a lot of pink or black lol.

my main hobbies are reading, swimming, baking, singing, walking. i love anyone with similar interests as me.

i also love people who will go out with me! i like fairs, theme parks, seasonal events especially, but beaches and shopping are also a yes. im very adhd so i’m not that big on museums but i would go if it’s important to my partner/friend. my favorite holiday is halloween.

i hope this was okay and not too much or too little!!! have a lovely day or night < 3

Thank you so much for the request! You have a beautiful name and seem like such a sweetheart.

I ship you with...

Hughie Campbell ♡

Boyfriend

GIF Source: @nellcrain ★ (link)

You and Hughie meet at a Halloween festival in the fall. Your placement is having you help organize events for the youngins, while Hughie is just a festive guy. Who can blame him? He loves himself some pumpkin pie.

However, doing so in NYC is pretty hard, especially because one of the kids you've been trying to keep in the petting zoo while his parents check out the candles decides to hop the small fence and, after disappearing from your line of sight, plop straight into Hughie.

Hughie likes kids, but he is not good with them — he tends to freeze up and worry about the "right thing to say", the "right way to play", etc. — so he would be slightly frightened, mostly frazzled, and would just be focused on getting the kid back to where she came from.

And, after some well-meaning interrogation, he would return her to your station, where he would meet you.

Just at first glance, he finds you extremely cute, especially with how you're not judgmental about how very visibly flustered he was, and exchanges in very sweet (but awkward) small talk with you before going off under the excuse of "getting cider".

He finds you very, very cute in both personality and appearance, so after pacing around the festival three times, he works up the courage to ask you out once bystanders (and children) are away with a signature Hughie ramble: "hey, so, I don't mean to make you feel weird at work or anything—so it's fine if not—but would I be able to get your number?"

And, once you say yes, expect a lot of sweetness. He would make up for not being able to get too much conversation in at the fair by texting you (as well as sending you cute good morning, and good night texts) and would take you to Long Beach for a bite to eat and sightseeing.

Expect the full gentleman package; Hughie picks you up, takes you home, and pays for everything.

As he continues taking you on dates (most notably Miniso on 42nd Street, a book café, and a scary movie marathon, which did end in you having to cuddle him because he got too freaked out), you two start really, really falling for each other.

Hughie definitely stresses and labors over the "right time" to officialize your relationship (and, as evident in the kid stuff, the "right way" to do anything) so he would wait 2 – 3 months before making it official (using the consensus from Reddit). When he would, he'd say he was dropping things off at your apartment, and show up with something you forgot, a bouquet, and a high-end arrangement of your favorite candy.

While the dude's a massive rambler, he would be well-worded and to-the-point when he confesses his feelings to you and says he wants to be your boyfriend, because he takes you extremely seriously and does not want to mess things up.

Once you make things official, y'all become the #1 cutest couple.

Also, since you're into people taller than you, Hughie's your guy. Dude is 6 feet and four inches of anxiety and rambles, and you only go up to his upper arm.

And, since you like rambles: bro will ramble to you about literally anything, whether it's computer software equipment or the anti-war movements during the Vietnam War period.

It's returned, though. Whenever you want to talk about your interests, Hughie listens enthusiastically and always makes notes in your head of date or gift ideas based on them.

For this reason, you two have a PowerPoint night every weekend.

He's not a huge PDA person since he gets flustered easily, but he will always hold your hand in the street, kiss you, and put his arm around you while sitting down.

In private, though? Hughie clings to you like a monkey. He loves to big-spoon you and always stays in bed with you as long as he possibly can. Also, a plus when it's cold in either of your apartments/homes: he is an absolute furnace.

Also really likes your body (I looked up real images of apple body types and think they're super cute as well, but this ain't about me) and always compliments, even if/before you tell him you're insecure about it.

Plus, he loves, loves, loves your fashion style, and particularly loves getting photos of your outfit of the day (he'd ask for them politely, of course).

If you have a Pinterest or anywhere else you log fashion inspiration, he would stalk it and get gifts for you based on it.

So... bad news: Hughie is terrified of horses, because they're big, they're powerful, and they get this look in their eyes when he goes near them.

But, good news: our dude will never be a dream-crusher and would love to pal around on a ranch with you, so he starts getting over his fear of them for you, taking you to ranches where you two can volunteer and interact with horses.

He would avoid telling you his work because of his want to protect you. You are, no joke, the purest person he's ever met, and while he knows you're a strong individual, he doesn't want you to have more things added to your plate.

However, when he realizes that not telling you is only putting you in more danger and is damaging to your relationship, he'd tell you and introduce you to them.

And that brings us to...

The Boys

Acquaintances

GIF Source: @screwsupes ★ (link)

You don't get much interaction with the boys because of Hughie wanting to keep you out of harm's way, but you do make your bonds with them, and they you.

M.M. is 100% your closest acquaintance in the group. He loves to read, and he loves kids, so you two bond very quickly, even though he's one of the more quiet members of the coup.

After Hughie and the rest had to run to another location, you had to awkwardly sit with M.M., which turned into a long, pleasant conversation, and it turned out you two had some of the same favorite books.

Do you have Goodreads? M.M. has Goodreads. Friend him on Goodreads.

I also imagine he has a lot of clout on there, so if you make one or don't have many followers, he would 100% boost it and get you 1K more.

If Hughie gives a heads-up you're coming by, he always perks up and will order in something for you depending on the time, like coffee or Insomnia Cookies.

Butcher thinks you're a sweetheart, but definitely was put off by your fashion taste at first — when he first met you and wasn't expecting any visitors, bro point-blank said "what's this lollipop-lookin' cunt doing in here?", which... yeah.

He doesn't think it's bad, he's just used to Hawaiian shirts and shirtdresses.

He wouldn't talk to you very much, just because he's not really focused on making friends as of late, but Butcher would always welcome you when you come in, and, if he happens to see you afterward, give you the bro-nod. It looks as funny as it sounds.

Annie adores you. She and Hughie amicably split before you came in, but she's not a jealous person, and, too, wants Hughie to be happy: something he always iswhen he's with you.

She would be wary of hanging out with you in case that made things "weird", instead complimenting tattoos of yours she likes and making sure you're always comfortable when you visit the coup.

Kimiko loves your fashion style. She tends to wear dark, plain clothes not for aesthetic reasons, but for a need to "hide", and she loves how yours is colorful and out-there in a good way.

Also wants to dress like you, even if she only does it in the comfort of her room, so she'd ask for advice on different clothes, trinkets, and ask how you have the confidence to do it (which sounds bad, but trust me, for her, it's not — she's tried living her life invisible, and admires people who don't do the same).

She'd teach you some basic sign language, too! She really likes talking to you, and wants to more.

Lastly, Frenchie: he thinks you're so cool. Bro thinks you are so freaking cool. He digs the tattoos, fashion style, everything, and takes book recommendations from you once he figures out you read, since he tends to stick to very specific genres (poetry à la Neruda for the most part).

And, once he figures out you bake, he shares recipes for you.

Also, uh... made you some weed brownies once, so do what you want with that.

All in all, for someone who's only acquaintances with the boys, they all think you're great. You've got some very, very good people by your side, Willa.