#the self loathing dirtbag ive become. what happened to u girl
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i was clearing out my notes app (because finally getting a new phone yay!) and this entry from 2022 is so heartbreaking
#2 years and 1 even worse situationship later im still too much i still want too much need too much have there are claw marks#jn everything that ive been forced to let go of lol#saving this for later so hopefully idk 2 more years later someday ill be just enough for somebody#there's a whole list of reasons titled ' why we shouldn't get back together' my heart breaks for younger me#i mean i know i was still quite old at 19 but it was first ever heartbreak for me and i was so dilgent in getting over it#i kinda think that was the healthiest grieving ive done for a person not like perfect because i still fuckef up#and failed my exams and fell 6 months behind but still i let myself FEEL#all these recent ones are just one layered on top of another i see something that reminds me of someone and i break down lol#i begged and begged for a new phone but wow this phone has soo many memories it's been with me#from july 2020. lmao lasted longer than pretty much all my relationships#baby me made such a compelling argument logical fact based about why we shouldn't get back together#i used to be so earnest and obsessed with making myself better maybe it was self centered but it was better than#the self loathing dirtbag ive become. what happened to u girl#save
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