#this definitely doesn’t just apply to autistic people!

[guppygiggles]

Not less, just different!

[golden-rolling-hills]

More Autistic Pony and Darry Headcanons

these took me a few days but here y’all go

*scatters headcanons likes they’re birdseed and runs away*

Pony has literally no sense of danger, bro ran into a burning church for christ sake he doesn’t understand danger at all. this scares the fuck out of Darry and Soda

Pony is a chewer, he has a chewy necklace that he uses when he’s at home but at school he literally devours the ends of pens like om nom nom

Pony is much more prone to meltdowns than Darry and he can get pretty aggressive during them. his stims when he’s upset are very self-injurious but if Darry or Soda did something to cause him to meltdown he will hit them

Darry was the kind of kid to heavily mask all day at school and break down as soon as he got home

he’s very routine oriented and if his schedule and routine get messed up then he doesn’t know how to cope

his meltdowns look a lot different than Pony’s. Pony’s are much more stereotypical autistic meltdowns but Darry’s are more yelling at people and stomping around. he’ll usually go off to his room alone and let himself cry and stim but he doesn’t let other people see him like that unless he’s so upset that he can’t hold it in

Pony had the worse sensory issues out of the two of them, he hates tags and seams but he especially hates long sleeves, this is why he cuts the sleeves off of all his hand me downs

he actually likes that most of his clothes are hand me downs because that means they’re already soft and broken in

Darry is the most literal thinker in the world, he can’t understand metaphors or analogies or sarcasm like at all, Pony doesn’t struggle with this as much though and it makes Darry lowkey upset

Pony has a really hard time with routine and time management. he needs to be guided through getting ready for school everyday or else he would just show up late and still in his pajamas

Pony has absolutely zero filter. he says every single thought he has out loud. his social skills are so unbelievably non existent. he really struggles with making friends and the only real actual friend he’s ever had is Johnny

Darry has always masked his autism a lot and he was actually pretty popular in school. if he wasn’t so handsome and athletic then his awkwardness probably wouldn’t have been as well received but since he was then people found his quirks charming and endearing

Pony is very particular about food, he likes to eat the same exact things every day and he’d rather starve than try something new

Darry definitely has alexythmia, he has no clue how he’s feeling ever and emotions make no sense to him

Pony and Darry were diagnosed in the same year, pony was 2 and darry was 8. Pony’s pediatrician noticed signs in him early has referred him to a specialist to be diagnosed and after going through the diagnosis process with pony, the Curtis parents were like “wait, hold up a minute. this all sounds like it applies to Darry too.” so they had him assessed too.

after a meltdown, Pony just wants to be cuddled. he loves deep pressure so tight hugs and weighted blankets are his best friends. Soda is always his go to for a good bear hug, not just because he’s his brother but also because Soda is the master of hugs

Pony always has his headphones on, he’s usually listening to music but even when he’s not he doesn’t take them off

Soda is not the token neurotypical sibling though, he canonically had the most textbook case of ADHD that i’ve ever seen, argue with a wall

[ghostboycharm]

been pondering luffy's aroaceness. ⚠️warning⚠️ discussions of sex and sexuality. these are all OPINIONS !! based in canon.

he's uninterested in getting married, uninterested in romance, and isn't enamoured with pretty women. he understands the classifications of beautiful and ugly and can identify them — he just doesn't care about them.

he did react like the other guys to nami’s naked body, yes, but oda stated that he did that because usopp was there. he framed it as usopp’s presence influencing luffy to let out his “bad side” (sort of riling him up like a puppy?), implying that this is a part of his nature he just doesn’t express. i could, however, see him just acting that way for shits and giggles, because the others are doing it — maybe understanding the reason behind it, maybe not. regardless, what i found interesting was that he only acted like he was interested because his FRIEND acted that way — taking cues from others for the acceptable behaviour.

because this does contrast his usual behaviour. notice when he was on his own with boa hancock he was completely unaffected by a spell that should affect ANYONE if they have any sort of wickedness in their heart, including desire, when looking at her. nobody has ever been unaffected, regardless of age or gender. but he was. they chalk it up to his pure heart. in the moment he was scared of the spell, then confused as to why it didn't work. intriguingly, oda said “he’s interested, but he’s not entranced by her.”

in my mind, i take all of this to mean that he isn't repulsed by sex or romance, just generally not focused on it. i think he is somewhere on the aroace spectrum, and he is definitely autistic and i believe that affects how he behaves about stuff like this (e.g., taking cues from usopp).

interested, but not entranced. interested, but not in a “wicked” way. i think luffy would be curious about sex. after all, he’s a very physical person — he loves to eat, he tends to move his body a lot and entertain himself that way. i see no reason he would be opposed to trying sex. additionally, although he is selfless in many ways, he is greedy when it comes to food — he’s quite gluttonous — and people — if he wants someone on his side, they’ll BE on his side. this greediness would likely extend to other aspects of his physical and interpersonal life — he would probably enjoy sex. and if that were true, i see no reason he would not continue doing it. luffy approaches things in the simplest way possible. this would surely apply to sex too — if it feels good, he’ll do it.

so luffy would HAVE sex, sure. but does he experience sexual attraction? there is no real evidence of it. i personally don’t believe he would experience sexual attraction — at least not in a typical way. i think he would have sex simply because he wants to. however, he might feel inspired to want to by being very impressed by someone, or by simply being riled up from some big fight. the former could be sexual attraction — wanting somebody because they did something really cool and you’re into it. like a tugging urge to be all over them — not always in a sexual way, but sometimes it goes there with specific people. so i suppose he experiences a certain degree of sexual attraction, but it’s really more extreme respect and excitement, and definitely more of an instinctive emotional thing than any physical reaction. it’s really a very luffy way of feeling it. he just wants.

luffy has no filter, saying whatever is on his mind at all times, sometimes without realizing it. he is often too honest for his own good. he does not really understand or follow social norms, so i think he wouldn't be awkward or weird about attraction. i think he would just be curious about it, for example asking questions that ppl wouldn't typically ask. and his friends would be like “HOW CAN YOU ASK THAT WITH SUCH CALMNESS?” and he'd be like “eh?”

i think, therefore, that he would also be fairly casual about sex without needing a romantic relationship. he would simply ask directly, or be rather clingy and then ask. it’s not a weird thing to him, and he doesn’t get why people are so strange about it. he’s also quite comfortable with his own body, and doesn’t seem uncomfortable with others seeing it. HOWEVER, i don’t believe he would have sex with just anybody. he would need to be close to them and trust them. i believe he would likely have some sort of queerplatonic bond with whatever partner he chooses.

i think that because of his autism luffy would not really differentiate between platonic and romantic love. he simplifies. what he does know is that he has a strong connection to everyone in his crew, and that he would trust them with his life. but would he sleep with just any of them? nah, i don’t think so. i think he would just know who he’d want to have sex with. he’d just know.

[nightcolorz]

I think part of why communities autistic representation with Abed is so good isn’t just how it portrays the symptoms and experience accurately, but also how it conveys plot lines and story arcs about the different types of people and interpersonal conflict an autistic person would face. Community definitely isn’t the first show to have ableism as a conflict, but in my experience of watching stuff it’s the first show I’ve seen that has such a nuanced approach to so many different types of ableism and different realistic reactions and solutions (all while being a sitcom with a cast of morally corrupt characters and absurd fantastical scenarios).

Frankie Dart for example, who is introduced in season 6, is kind of that level headed business woman archetype, conveys that she has a lot of experience with disabled ppl in her personal life, and (as is later confirmed) a lot of affection for them bcus she has a sister with a high support needs disability. This draws her to Abed, being that he’s autistic, and the two begin and understanding and friendship. Frankie is very kind and unusually understanding and compassionate towards Abed and his needs, and communicates with him in a way that is refreshingly easy for him to understand. And at the same time, patterns of infantilizing and condescending behavior begin to occur in their dynamic, until eventually Frankie outright says that abed “doesn’t know any better”, conveying to him that she thinks he’s too disabled to be aware of what he wants and believes, or to make his own decisions without someone who knows what’s best for him to guide him. And the great thing is everyone who witnesses her say this is disgusted 😭🫶 she is berated bcus everyone who knows abed knows that he is a grown ass man who doesn’t need to be hand held or condescended to.

But what’s so interesting about this conflict with Frankie is that she does earnestly mean well, she’s not a one sided abliest villain, she’s a person who could really exist. What is conveyed is that Frankie infantilizes abed bcus she has an expectation of autism that does not apply to every autistic person. She assumes that bcus her sister has high support needs and needs help making decisions, that abed is the same way, bcus she thinks all autistic ppl r like her sister and acts accordingly. And then she learns that this is wrong, and abed is fully capable of functioning without her help. It’s great! There’s no moral speech about how autistic ppl aren’t babies or anything like that. Frankie means well, fucks up, and is forgiven when she changes her behavior.

I just love it bcus ableism and other forms of bigotry aren’t often portrayed with so much nuance. Ableism isn’t usually this big thing, most people r on some degree abliest, and a lot of the time people who have a lot of experience with disabled ppl and mean well (especially ppl with disabled family or siblings) end up having the most abliest biases, it just feels so real.

[w3r3theli0nshunt]

POV: Task 141 + König finds out that you’re autistic

Task 141 + könig x autistic!reader

Okay okay a little self indulgence here. But this is also to somehow spread a positivity regarding the spectrum and also encourage people who feels insecure about being neurodivergent. This applies to anyone, not a specific gender.

And for people who don’t really relate, it’s fine. It’s normal to be different and it’s okay to be different.

There are some sexual themes here, but mostly wholesome fluff MDNI!!!!!!!!!!! - and sum angst as well

❤︎︎So here’s a lil authors note: You can still be loved and appreciated with or without the diagnosis🫶

★He’s definitely got ADHD or is at least on the spectrum, so he doesn’t judge you at all

★He’s a yapper and can’t help it, so when you tell him to stop talking so you can peacefully gather your own thoughts, he stops with a few whines along

★He’s a very touchy type and he loves touching you, and sometimes he forgets to keep distance when you tell him to stop

“Soap! Not today, please. I’ve been stressed”

“Dinnae worry, luv. I’ll try, but I cannae promise”

★He’ll be a little difficult to process your diagnosis, getting used to new habits, having to break old ones but he doesn’t really complain

★He gets really confused and stressed out not knowing what to do when you get (if) you meltdowns

★When you’re on dates, he makes sure to take you to a place that is less crowded so you don’t get stressed out

★When you feel mentally tired from socialising, he tries his best to keep distance and remain quiet so you can recover peacefully

★(If) sometimes you enjoy feeling pressure on you, it’s your way of stimming, he’ll happily lay above your body and fall asleep

★Gets really happy when you finally give him a peck or a kiss, or even a hug

★Sometimes he lets you squeeze his bicep or thigh as a way to stim, sometimes he even lets you try and braid his short Mohawk

★If you don’t like the consistency or taste of food, he’ll get you your ‘safe meal’ that he knows you like

★Sometimes you’re awfully quiet and distant, he takes it as if you’re mad at him and he tends to get worried

“I’m not mad at you if that’s what you think”

“Still cannae help it, I just dannae want ye ta leave me fer being touchy”

★He’ll steal kisses from you, making them quick so you can’t react

★He’ll miss the frequent sex like he used to have with his exes, but he’ll still love you as much.

★Not really familiar with the diagnosis, but he sure as hell do his research

★He’ll almost act like a dad would with his child, telling you to stop stimming with your hair or picking with your skin and place a fidget toy in your hand instead

★He admires your creativity, always flattered when you show off your drawing/sketches with a proud look on your face and enthusiastically explain it

★He can’t stop looking at you with such admiration when you cuddle with a pillow/squish-mallow while being focused on the tv

★He makes you write a list to him of foods you like and how you like them, just so he knows :)

★He’s a fast learner with you and knows how you work

★When you (if) get meltdowns, he knows exactly what to do. Either give you space or tightly putting pressure on your body to help calm you down

★He knows when you don’t want cuddling or sex, so he’ll back off. Just happy that you’re his

★When the places you go to are crowded, he’ll instantly take you to a calmer place

★You two usually have dates at home, but Price is good at making stuff romantic

★He’ll tell his friends about you a lot, telling them to not be too pushy or touchy

★He knows you don’t enjoy meeting new people so he’ll make sure to spare you from doing so as often as he can, but sometimes you have to and at those times he tells the people about you in first hand

“Your friends are nice, but I didn’t expect them to keep distance. Didn’t you tell me that they could be very nosy and pushy sometimes?”

“Well, this man right here turns out to be completely in love with you. And that also means that his friends are gonna have to accept my darling”

★He’s totally accepting of you and he’ll still love you just as much as before the truth came out

★Gaz is a very accepting and patient man, his feelings still stay as strong

★He also does a lot of research to try and understand you more, but also prefers when you tell him yourself as people are different and work differently

★He gets his friends to set up a romantic place that is private so that you can remain calm and relaxed not having a bunch of strangers stressing you out

★He totally understands if you don’t feel like being touched and he’ll back away until you feel like it again

★His soothing voice and compassion always manages to calm you down when (if again) you get a meltdown

“It’s alright, love. I’m here and it’s gonna be alright. Some days are bad, some are not”

“I-I love you so fucking much, man”

★He knows you love animals so he’ll always takes you to zoos, admiring you from afar as you gaze with such enthusiasm at the animals and your hands shaking by excitement and your small jumps

★When you distance yourself and talk less, he’ll always sit you down to talk because he’s worried that you’re mad at him, you’ll assure him that you just need some space and silence to recover from socialising all day, he’ll feel at ease afterwards and refuses to let you apologise for it

“I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like being intimate today”

“Don’t apologise, dear. Take your time, my arms will always be ready for you”

★He’ll happily stand behind and watch while you’re being ✨creative ✨ and he won’t stop complimenting

★Is always gentle with you, with both tone of voice and his affection, takes it slowly as he gives you time to pull away

★Doesn’t mind rewatching movies/series with you

★He’s aware of the diagnosis, knows a lot about it since he may also be on the spectrum as well

★He’ll also be very accepting, more so because he understand as well

★He’s not a very touchy and kissing, so he doesn’t have any problem with keeping a distance and giving you space

★When you have a meltdown, he just stares at you feeling immense guilt for something he didn’t do and his heart aching seeing you upset and stressed

★He doesn’t like going outside in public spaces a lot, so you usually have a date at home where he heats up your favorite meal in the microwave and pours a glass of your favorite soda

★If he spots you stimming in a way that could damage you, he stares at you with his brown eyes and say “quit it, love” before he lets you squeeze his thicc pectoral instead ;) it’s your own fault if he groans and his huge bulge poking at you

★Feels uneasy when you’re silent and distancing yourself, but he always finds a way to lurk around you, almost tip toeing around after you

★When you tell him that you want space, he gives you, but he’ll still linger around you, merely because he wants to make sure that you’re alright and also because of his own selfish reasons

★Quietly admires you when you show of your art to him, having to grab his chest later to make sure that his heart stays in there

★When you’re asleep and haven’t touched him for the whole day, he’ll indulge in his desire, so he wraps his arms gently around you and hug you for a while and then he’ll let go (after like an hour or so)

★He doesn’t really care for sex, but if you want to initiate, he’ll be a fool to decline

★He loves you way too much to just break up because of you

“How can you still wanna be with me? Don’t you want a partner who can be perfectly affectionate towards you?”

“Y/n, don’t even fuckin’ think that way. I’ll always choose you, with or without the diagnosis. And you know why? Because I fuckin’ love you”

★You say you love animals, he’ll buy you your favorite animal (as a pet, a pet friendly one……I hope)

★He has a huge understanding, mostly about the social stuff as he has the same difficulty

★His whole browser is full of ‘how does autistic people work?’ and ‘how to convince an autistic person to cuddle with me?’

“König, I don’t feel like cuddling today”

“But, liebling, how else will I show my love for you?”

★When you want space, he tries to convince you that he doesn’t wanna let go of you and that he’ll be sad if he won’t be able to see you

★Will literally get an anxiety attack being in crowded spaces, while you have to remain calm and try and drag the both of you away

★Whenever you stim, he’ll tell you to touch/squeeze him instead (sort of using it to his advantage to be touched by you)

★Will wrap his arms around and pull you tight against him in the middle of the night, instantly after you’ve falling asleep and play dumb the next morning when you ask him how you’re in his arms

★You two enthusiastically exchanges hobbies and interests

★If you’re sound sensitive, he’ll cover your ears, if you’re sensitive to specific consistencies, he’ll make mental notes to your preferences, if you’re sensitive to light, he’ll always pack a pair of sunglasses with him to give, if you feel the labels on the inside of your clothes poking your skin uncomfortably, he’ll cut them off.

★He steal kisses from you when you’re distracted or asleep

★When you’re quiet, he’ll stare at you to see every detail of your face and if it changes in the slightest, just to make sure that you’re alright

★Sometimes when you’re neutral (not feeling anything specific) he’ll assume that you’re mad at him and he’ll get extremely anxious

“Liebling, what can I do so you won’t be mad at me?! Please, i can change!”

“König, I’m not mad at you. Why would you assume that when you haven’t done anything?”

꧁✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰꧂

[obsolescent]

Leon S. Kennedy Headcanons

Author’s Note: As you know, I write Leon in a certain way. Here’s headcanons that I have for him...I think about him a bit too much, I fear. My desire for Leon to be a country boy is the product of living in the south and also some projecting, lol. Some of these delve pretty deep and some of these are niche. If you want to share any headcanons that you have, please do. I love creating lore for characters that we know little about! Thank you to @roseglazedlens for reading over most of these for me! I’ll also be doing a NSFW version as well, the alphabet prompt.

Content warnings: Mature rating, no gendered language used for reader, nothing sexual but general discussion of Leon and his life so that involves alcohol, depression, suicidal thoughts, trauma.

NSFW Alphabet

Leon is more or less introverted from how he behaves in the games and movies, I was thinking probably INFJ-T for his personality type.

He’s bisexual. He likes whoever he can be comfortable and feel safe around, though with his hinted attractions, he prefers dark haired people.

There’s been speculation that Raccoon City is based around Springfield, Missouri, based on a few factors, so I tried to think of where he could be from. I was choosing based on my desire to have him connected to the south in some way while also not being too far from Springfield. We don’t know how far he traveled or how long it took him to get there during the events of RE2, unfortunately.

I thought of specifically around where Kentucky, Illinois, Missouri, and Tennessee meet. It would also be a convenient area for his family’s mentioned crime involvement.

Also why he doesn’t have much of an accent due to being near four different states. He is of Italian descent which is one of the canon things we know. KY, MO, and TN have a higher percentage of Italian Americans in the south from what I’ve researched. 

If I had to choose a specific city, it would be Paducah, Kentucky. Definitely more of a small town kind of guy. It’s also around 5 hours from Springfield.

I don’t believe he went into the foster care system, though it’s not stated. But I like to think the police officer who saved him adopted him.

Also I feel like he’s autistic in some way, generally based on how he acts and carries himself in the games. (He’s just like me fr)

His favorite brand of cars is Jeep.

He’s definitely the type of Jeep owner to wave at every Jeep he passes by while driving.

We know he likes Ducati too, he drives a XDiavel in Vendetta and DI.

He can do minor repairs, on both cars and motorcycles. A bit of a mechanic in his spare time when he’s home from missions, helping some of the others when they have car troubles.

His love language is definitely acts of service.

Even platonically, if he overhears a friend having a bad day, he’ll stop and ask if they need help with their work, or get them their favorite snack.

Romantically, he’ll bring you flowers, drive by your pharmacy to check if you have anything that needs to be picked up, tidies up the house, cooks for you, prepares you lunch for work, gives you massages if you’ve had a tough day.

He’s not the best at cooking, but learns quickly, so if you give him tips on how to improve, he’ll apply them to the next time he makes something.

Pretty sure blue is his favorite color, we see him wearing it a lot.

There’s speculation on what he smells like, I think even some perfumes made for him? But personally, I don’t think he would wear typical masculine scents, something more alone the lines of citrus/clean/fresh. One I think he would wear is Nautica Blue by Nautica. It smells so good.

He has some religious background. With how Leon behaves/carries himself, it leads me to believe his family were a part of the Church of Christ, which would correlate with the location I chose.

Leon, to this day, follows the church’s principles: “In essentials, unity; in opinions, liberty; in all things, love.” It’s something he repeats often in his head.

He sings, having taken it up at church. After the incident with his family, he continued, as it reminded him of attending, and of his mother, how she would sing him to sleep. He likes to pop into random churches during times of service.

Not straying too far in, just near the exit to join in with singing and reminisce on his own memories.

With singing, he's a baritone.

His favorite song is We Shall Be Free by Garth Brooks.

He’s all over with his music taste, from alternative to country, divorced dad rock, pop, to gospel hymns. If it has a catchy tune, he’ll like it, not too picky with music.

To get into the sad bits, we know he liked to drink to cope, a functional alcoholic.

He would have trouble sleeping through the night, drinking helped.

Sees a therapist and isn’t the most truthful during meetings. Afraid to open up about everything that’s happened to him.

In RE6, you can see a document where Leon confesses he’s thought about suicide, as far back as RE2, so he’s struggled with depression.

Doesn’t do well with large crowds or gatherings. Stays on the outskirts of any event unless he has to go deeper into the throng for the sake of a mission.

Firm believer of his corny one liners:

*Gets bill* “What’s the damage?”

“You’re barking up the wrong tree.”

*Starts raining* “We needed this.”

Also looks out the window/stands on the porch when there’s a storm coming.

He keeps a memory box. It holds items he’s kept from each of his missions. It’s small things, like a key, a piece of paper, photos, a keychain. He looks in it every once in a while, so he doesn’t forget about what he’s done, who he’s helped, and those who didn’t make it.

Not the best with technology, basic knowledge of what he needs to do and how to get to things, but doesn’t use it much outside of work.

He has to ask you for help sometimes, thankful you’re more knowledgeable on the topic.

Will always tell you goodbye when he leaves for missions, no matter what method he has to use.

Face-to-face, video chat, or even going to your work. He just wants to see you one more time before departing, in case it could be the last time. Though it’s unsaid between you two, it’s in the air, tinging it with sadness and trepidation.

When he comes back, though, he immediately notifies you and wants to see you as soon as possible. He holds you a little tighter than he usually does for the first few days after returning from a mission.

[karmathehalflander]

Why both Eddie and Venom are autistic and how the movies are actually a metaphor for neurodivergence

Includes some of my personal headcanons and concepts that I’ve been thinking about and need to share.

BE WARNED!!! This post is a bit long (and also a cringy, rambling, nonsensical mess) full thing under cut.

Some quick notes before we begin: when I have one of their names at the beginning of a section it means anything in that section only applies to one of them. (Idk, I couldn’t figure out how to organize this, you’ll see what I mean)

I don’t know much comic lore, all of this is based off of the movies. Though the movies are a different universe so I don’t think it will matter too much.

Also I use He/They/It pronouns for Venom.

In the end, Im just one guy with a hyper fixation please take everything I say with a grain of salt and feel free to add on or correct me about stuff. Especially if I say anything stereotypical or offensive about nurodivergance/autism a lot of this is based on some personal experience and I absolutely make mistakes and generalizations.

Alright enough of my yapping let’s get to it.

Overall big picture stuff

Applies to Both of them

the whole concept of them being “losers” together is kind of autistic coded. Autistic people are often viewed as incompetent or childish or useless. And I like to think they are connecting over that shared experience.

Noise sensitivity!!! Both of them have noise sensitivity! I probably don’t need to elaborate that much but that one scene in their apartment was some of the best overstimulation representation I’ve ever seen overstimulation guitar scene

Venom

Venom comes across as unfeeling because they don’t emote in a “normal” way.

They’re very blunt and literal.

Venom sometimes has a slightly higher-pitched voice when excited or angry. Which I’m going to attribute to him masking. He wants to appear tougher and scarier. This is important to its species and Venom, who is already perceived as weak by their peers, intentionally deepens his voice a bit to blend in. (This is definitely a headcanon but I love this concept so I don’t care that the real reason is that the voice modifier they use does silly things)

This is also why I think it’s so concerned about Eddie and him “looking bad” Looking weak was dangerous and they trained themself to hide “weakness”

It’s always “How does Venom affect people” and never “What does Venom need and how do other people’s actions affect them”

Venom prefers to express its thoughts and feelings through mental connection with its host and then have that person relay the information to whomever they are “speaking” to. Nonverbal communication!

Venom not understanding humans (social interaction, conventions, etc.) is kind of autistic coded.

Eddie

Edie kind of disregards a lot of social conventions. Still hangs out with his ex-fiancé AND her boyfriend. He also doesn’t seem to mind talking to Venom out loud.

Eddies is just kind of anxious in general.

Eddie struggles to find full time employment.

On that vein, he also struggles to maintain relationships.

Eddie's sense of justice. Eddie has a strong sense of justice and morals that often don’t align with generally accepted values and he follows this view of justice and morality to an absurd degree and it often gets him in trouble. Aka, the entire plot of the first movie is because Eddie has autism.

He wears the same clothes all the time.

Specific moments that I think about

Venom

Venom chewing on the tire swing (they both have oral stims btw)

Sand between his toes. Idk I just thought it was cute and chose to believe they like the sensation.

Say it with me. Tater tots are a safe food!!!

Venom rocks back and forth a lot.

This is a stretch but when Venom is like “look at all these weirdos, my kind of people” it’s a metaphor for him being queer but I’d argue it also kind of fits with neurodivergence. Neurodivergent people often connect with “weirdos” (other neurodivergent people)

Likes organization “Pile of bodies, pile of heads”

Eddie

I’ve been told Eddie chews on his necklace at the beginning of the movie but I can’t find the clip and can’t do a rewatch right now so take that with a grain of salt… (I chose to believe this happened though. Also his bracelets are stim heaven)

When he says “Oh, I have a parasite” to Mrs. Chen he had no clue what to say here. He just said the first thing that came to mind and panicked instead of explaining.

Also the way he says things funny. Ex: “✨It’s a treeeee✨” supa, supa, fhasstt” “Heee…. has. one. up. hi’s. Ass toooooo” “ET. Phone home. Aliens? 😃” I chose to believe they are vocal stims (I also attempted to find a compilation but I couldn’t find any. Maybe I’ll make one sometime)

Eddie also makes sound effects a lot.

Eddie writes notes on pen and paper instead of digitally.

He apologizes an excessive amount. Like he says “I’m sorry” to people actively trying to kill him. Which is so real.

“I just bit that guys head off” “I, uhhh, yea I’ve been there it’s not fun” 😕

Eddie also rocks back and forth. Which can be seen in this scene

Quick segment into why I think Venom was rejected by other Klyntar (it’s because he has autism)

Venom doesn’t adapt as quickly or as efficiently as other Klyntar. It doesn’t handle change well.

All of the normal Klyntar weaknesses are turned up to 1000 with them. Instead of just certain frequencies, the range that hurts him is larger and is also affected by loud noises. As shown by: “Venom” car alarm scene

instead of just fire, heat also bothers it. Also doesn’t adapt to light well. (Just a headcanon)

Can’t create weapons out of their body like other Klyntar. struggles with “simple” skills.

Much more emotional than other Klyntar and develop attachments (also purely a headcanon)

Just overall didn’t fit well into their society.

Just headcanons

Venom and Eddie are so compatible because their brains work the same way.

“I wish I could just mentally project my thoughts and feelings directly into your brain. Oh wait, we can do that!”

Venom also has temperature sensitivities. He gets hot.

Venom likes to stim to low key music, mainly jazz and lo-fi. Does the one song on repeat for three hours to wring all the happy chemicals out of it like a dish rag thing.

Venom also absolutely loves cheesy pop music (unrelated to anything here but I’m right and I needed to include it)

Venom functions as a weighted blanket for Eddie when he’s anxious. Maybe even hides under his shirt and stuff and becomes an extra weight.

Eddie stims with his jewelry.

Venom likes to sit in the freezer. Sometimes they visit Mrs. Chen's walk in just to chill (lol)

Purely my opinion but I think Venom also has some light sensitivity for a bit because it’s not used to being in such a bright environment. He gets used to it eventually but every once in awhile he finds the city lights overstimulating.

They are both very tactile. Touching things. Love a good texture.

Venom is super particular about food for someone who eats out the garbage but certain textures and flavors drive them crazy.

Venom hates vegetables. (Except for celery because it likes the crunchy and stringyness of it)

How all of this makes for a great metaphor!

Feeling like an alien in the world is probably the most relatable thing for a lot of nurodivergent people. Like there’s a manual for being human you don’t have. And just the concept of a literal alien showing up and struggling to navigate in a world not made for it is so relatable!

The way they both immediately connect to each other because they have the same weird brain stuff and weren’t accepted by their respective societies is so adorable and wholesome.

“We’re not so different, you and I” This line lives rent-free in my mind at all times. It’s my favorite quote. I think it perfectly encapsulates their relationship and why it’s special. They have autism and are bonding because the other is the first person who truly understands them! (Cries, screams, throws up)

In conclusion

They are in love and have autism. And they cling to each other because they are the first people to truly understand each other. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

Also I listened to UFO by Smith and Thell on loop while writing this. It’s very autistic symbrock coded so give it a listen if you’re a fan of inde-pop.

[pteraphylax]

I personally don’t hc Gale as autistic, because to me he comes across very neurotypical? I think a lot of people hc him as autistic just because he’s an academic type who exposits a lot. But for me and my brand of autism, he doesn’t resonate like that. He reminds me of my husband who is neurotypical.

I can see why a lot of people hc that though, and a lot of the reasons people ‘hate Gale’ end up being things that autistic people get bullied and punished for in real life.

I don’t hc Gale as autistic, but I take it personally when I see people hating on him for what could be considered ‘autistic-coded traits’.

You know who I DO hc as autistic?

Lae’zel.

Black and white thinking (whether she’s stanning Vlaakith or Orpheus, it’s with the same all-in fervour)

Blunt and abrasive mannerisms. She doesn’t follow societal conventions. She’s aware of them and thinks they’re a waste of time. She doesn’t react or express her feelings in conventional ways. She is often insulting and brutally honest because she always tells the truth as default.

She takes people at face value and is always earnest. For example when Gale compliments her fighting style, she immediately offers to teach him with 100% sincerity. It often catches people off guard. She doesn’t realise when people are asking rhetorical questions vs. actually wanting to know or do something (same, Queen).

Special interests. The way she talks about her insane training regime, maintains her gear, her learning and memorisation of the Gith slates. It’s very intense.

She gets her mind set on doing something a certain way (go straight to the crèche) and finds it hard to understand why the others want to sidetrack from that.

LOVES rules. She has those protocols memorised and it’s very difficult for her to imagine a reality that is not dictated by them. Even comparing her to other Gith at the creche, Lae’zel is so much more rigid. If she turns from Vlaakith she is equally rigid about her new destiny with Orpheus/ fighting Vlaakith.

Toes are out in her starting armour. For my autism shoes are the devil so I am applying this to her too lol.

Sometimes her complaints about Faerun/ the material plane come across as being overstimulated in a sensory way. At least they do to me.

Other sensory stuff: she has as much bare skin as possible in her default outfits. For my autism, tight and covering clothes are also the devil, so I’m projecting this on her as well.

You could also definitely interpret her idling with her weapons/ using the grindstone as stimming. If that’s the case this is NOT my flavour of autism. Lae’zel stimming on her grindstone makes my ears bleed and makes me want to scream. Sometimes other people’s stims are your sensory hell.

She is ride or die for the party. At first it’s a mutual goal based thing, but as she gains respect for the other party members a switch flips and she’s All In. This sort of black and white approach to relationships feels very neurodivergent to me.

I LOVE LAE’ZEL.

[seeker-of-stories19]

Autistic Jaime Reyes Headcannons

(Warning for descriptions of autistic meltdown)

- Bonding with Khaji makes his sensory issues so much worse at first but eventually they work it out and Khaji learns that enhancing his senses doesn’t actually keep him safer because he gets so overwhelmed he pays less attention to his surroundings and not more

- Jaime realizes that Khaji can manipulate his sensory experience, they can’t completely stop him from having a meltdown (or more accurately they won’t because cutting off sensory information completely leaves him vulnerable) but they start tuning out background noises when they feel it’s safe

- It won’t stop him from having meltdowns completely but it makes it so he can usually hold it together until he gets home or somewhere safe

- Takes a lot of stress off of him about how people perceive him as an autistic Latino male and the danger that comes with that

- There’s definitely a few instances where Jaime does get negative attention and it is a fight to keep Khaji from transforming him because that’s not going to make some racist ableist asshole feel less threatened by him

- Misses being in Gotham where he could stim way more and people didn’t care, everyone was so desensitized to craziness that anything short of an imminent threat to there lives was unremarkable

- He could flap his hands, mumble, bounce etc. without anyone even glancing up

- Sometimes he forgets how different Palmera is and does something that brings a lot of attention to them which always makes Milagro tease him intensely, only to turn on anyone else who so much as looks at him wrong

- Everyone thinks Jaime is the only autistic one in the family but whenever anyone says it he just stares at Rudy pointedly

- He’s so obviously autistic but completely clueless

- Secretly though Jaime is grateful because he thinks his dad knew how to help him as a kid because he grew up with Rudy

- Got diagnosed in seventh or eight grade when he had a really good teacher who stuck out the whole public school process with his family because everyone else dismissed them

- It probably saved his life in high school to know he wasn’t losing his mind even though it legitimately felt like it

- Does decent in professional interactions and with adults but cannot for the life of him make friends, the only people he knows at school are through Milagro or kids he knew growing up

- Isn’t very interested in kids his age anyway because he doesn’t relate to them and even when he likes someone he’s not good at pursuing a friendship

- Doesn’t have much of a social life but gets perfect grades and has a job to save money for college

- Is definitely really lonely but struggles to sustain relationships even though he wants friends

- Milagro, Rudy, and his dad are his best and only friends which makes losing him even harder because he’s so close to his family

- College is a real game changer for him though, he’s still awkward but he can find a lot more people who want to talk about his interests and generally more people who are accepting or even just used to weirdness because again, Gotham

- He has more casual friends and goes out from time to time which makes his family really happy but a part of him is always a little lonely

- Being bonded to Khaji is absolutely remarkable because for the first time someone understands him without him even needing to explain things

- And Jenny is also an anomaly, she’s the first one outside of his family who he really bonds with deeply, at least outside of symbiotic relationships with alien tech

- She’s neurodivergent as well and they balance each other out really well, Jenny helps Jaime get out more because she’s very social but naturally communicates in a way that makes sense to him and helps include him in social situations

- Khaji will sometimes use the suit as sort of a weighted vest to apply firm pressure to his body, there are times it’s too overstimulating during a meltdown but sometimes it really helps him

- The first time he has a meltdown after fully bonding with Khaji is after getting back to Jenny’s dads house with his family, Khaji can feel something is really wrong with him and is freaking out a bit about not being able to put a name to it when Jaime collapses in the shower crying, rocking, and pulling his hair

- Khaji absolutely looses their shit but when they try and control Jaime and make him stop it only increases his distress and after he gets so panicked and overwhelmed he throws up Khaji stops trying to interfere even when he slams the heels of his hands into his head

- When he finally cries himself out he stays curled up at the bottom of the shower until Rudy comes to bring him clothes

- He seems to understand what happened and gets Jaime dried off and into cleanish clothes, tucking him into bed

- Jaime’s thoughts are so jumbled even Khaji can’t make sense of them and he passes out pretty quick and sleeps twelve hours only to not get out of bed the next day, scrolling through Instagram and barely communicating with Khaji for two days while his family brings him meals and he barely moves

- But the time he’s feeling more normal Khaji is losing their shit and he ends up having to explain the technicalities of autism which goes better than any other time he’s had to explain it because Khaji could feel everything already and just didn’t have the technical understanding to support him

- It’s still rough to find a balance between them of handling Jaime’s challenges, sometimes Khaji accidentally makes it worse by interfering too much but they learn how to manage things together

- When he’s overstimulated and he needs complete silence he flies to space until he’s grounded enough to come home

- He wasn’t a runner as a kid but his parents would turn around and he’d be in a tree or on a roof

- Would literally climb anything in his sight, even at University he snuck into the roof with a weighted blanket, headphones, and comics whenever he needed a moment

- He’s a major nerd, a lot of his special interests are anime and video games, and of course justice and law

- Even being aware of the injustice in the world and having faced it his whole life as a disabled immigrant he still believes in people and he can get really down when he can’t help everyone both through his job and being a superhero

- He never had a lot of vocal stims as a kid but since bonding with Khaji he’s constantly making clicking and humming noises

- It drives Milagro crazy but Rudy thinks it’s cool

- It takes a year or two before he goes back to school and when he does he stays in Palmera city this time to be close to his family and be able to watch the city

- He graduates with honors and his family is actually able to come this time

- Was incredibly obsessive about his schoolwork and is no better with his actual job once he finds one

- He won’t except a job from Jenny at Kord Industries but he regularly helps her out with looking over legal stuff and sometimes gets in way too deep

- He can’t ever leave anything unfinished and it drives Khaji crazy

- Khaji spends more time combatting Jaime’s interoception issues than protecting him from supervillains, they’re constantly reminding to eat, drink, sleep, and go to the bathroom

- His eyes will flicker yellow as he starts getting overwhelmed and turn gold before having a meltdown which helps his family try and get him somewhere safe where he can calm down

- Although it’ll sometimes happen for other reasons too which can confuse people

- Gets so overstimulated after sex, he will literally just curl up in bed for hours and sleep or watch YouTube

- Jenny and Khaji take good care of him, making sure he’s staying hydrated and keeping the sensory environment as controlled as possible so he can rest

- At first he’s nervous about how Jenny will feel but it becomes a running joke that they have to clear their afternoon after having sex

- Jaimes family are always trying to find ways to help him move through life easier but it doesn’t stop his mom from freaking out when she realizes Jaime goes on the roof less because he’s flying to space instead

- Khaji becomes Jaimes biggest confidant because they’re the only one who can truly understand what’s happening in his head

[shakertwelve]

the obvious defense of this point would be that Victoria is simply supposed to be Wrong About It, which I would love, except that the narrative very carefully bends to make sure that Victoria is Always Right, and ESPECIALLY Always Right about Cape Science

[ context: the quote we're talking about: “I guess it doesn’t make sense as a thing powers would do.  Powers tend to steer clear of the suicidal, the helpless, the invalid, or people who are limited.” ]

my best guess as to what wildbow meant, if he put any thought into this at all? this is ward's version of the scene in worm that goes out of its way to make clear that labyrinth is not autistic and had a "normal" mind before her trigger (and the similar clarification about bitch). wildbow didn't want to write about developmental disabilities, probably because he thought he didn't know enough about the subject not to mess up and get in trouble for writing something offensive, so his solution was to just state that no one in parahumans is meant as "representation" of that demographic and avoid the issue altogether. this at least makes some kind of sense, if you are wildbow.

the obvious issue here is that this quote doesn't just single out developmental disabilities, but is phrased broadly enough to apply to almost any kind of illness or disorder. worm presents superpowers as explicitly tied to a traumatic event and as a metaphor for the effects of trauma, and experiencing other forms of illness and distress make someone much more likely to process an event as a trauma, so logically, mentally ill and disabled people should be overrepresented in the parahuman population (feeling "helpless" or distressed enough to be suicidal are common elements to many parahuman triggers), and the ways capes tend to act in the text of both books consistently reflect this. the only other explanation i can think of is that we're using an extremely restrictive definition of mental disorders (i.e. we're being the guy who thinks adhd isn't a real neurotype, so imp and kid win don't count, and low-empathy is just code for being a bad person, so cradle doesn't count, and so on...), and even that doesn't explain why we're claiming physically disabled people also can't get powers, when wildbow has written about it happening plenty of times (thank you @john-cherry-the-6th for bringing up this wog about triggers in suicidal people that includes the trigger event of a coma patient). also, we've seen that powers can cure illnesses as part of the trigger (see: vikare, famously the first hero ever, whose powers manifesting cured his cancer) if they really need to (they don't even do it all the time if the host isn't dying and can still fight with the power, like genesis), so why would they care if a prospective host is disabled? but whatever--let's disregard all evidence to the contrary and assume that all capes were 100% Mentally Normal (a very objective standard) before their triggers, so their erratic behavior after triggering must be purely the influence of their superpowers.

of course, now we have to go back to the first part of the quote. victoria claims that she doesn't think it's likely that finale's powers would affect her mental development after she manifested them, because powers want their hosts to be able and ready for action. so that can't be why capes like labyrinth and bitch exist, either; powers avoid choosing "limited" people as hosts and they also don't want to make their hosts limited, therefore all parahumans must be healthy because shards want healthy hosts. except there's absolutely no way any scientific study of parahumans in this world would come to this conclusion! scores of therapists run themselves ragged dealing with the various complexes of just the heroic capes, and capes on the "villainous" side are understood to be, on average, even more unstable! victoria has been working with jessica yamada, who definitely knows this, for ages! what the fuck is she talking about!

CONCLUSION: ??? wildbow got confused while writing about his own setting's alien brain parasites and started describing yeerks instead

[iwillstabyou]

Ok I want to say something about episode 10 and Stede’s ‘selfishness’ (and why Stede left - spoiler alert: it’s trauma). I put selfishness in quotes because I completely understand how and why he is interpreted that way, but I don’t think that selfish is quite the right way to describe it in this instance: I’m not saying that Stede isn’t selfish at all, I just don’t think it’s an accurate explanation of his actions in the moment.

Stede has been taught by years and years of bad experience that he is the problem. He doesn’t fit in with the other pirates, which is expected because of the class divide/his privilege. But he also doesn’t fit in at all with his own class either. As a kid, he was relentlessly bullied for being different. All we ever hear from his father is criticism. He never fits in with his family(pre-running away): in the dinner table scene, his only comment is immediately met with an awkward silence before they move on, completely ignoring him (this scene hit hard because I’ve had people react that way to me way too often and it fucking hurts). Stede also says in ep 5 “I was never really good at these things,” when talking about the party - the typical way of interaction for his class, and it is VERY clear throughout that episode that he is not ‘one of them’ by the way he is treated by them. There is not a single time in his old life where he is accepted for who he is.

Now let me tell you from experience, years and years of being lonely and unwanted, never fitting in, no matter how hard you try, does not do good things to your mental state. I feel like this especially applies to autistic people (and I definitely read Stede as autistic btw), as often it’s not even like we can change anything and magically be liked. You learn that YOU are the problem, it’s always YOUR fault. This, my friends, leads to a shit ton of crippling self hate.

So really, it’s no wonder that what Chauncey says really gets to him. His view of himself is so skewed by his past trauma that he cannot see himself as anything other than the monster Chauncey makes him out to be. Stede absolutely loves Ed. He cares about him so much, and wants Ed to be happy, so he does what he thinks is right - he leaves. He thinks so terribly of himself that he is convinced that his mere existence is ruining Ed’s life. Therefore, he thinks that the only way to ensure Ed’s happiness is if he is not there. (It’s heartbreaking to be honest. This poor man needs a hug so bad)

Stede leaves because he genuinely believes that Ed is better off without him. This was not a selfish decision: Stede isn’t putting himself above Ed, it’s actually the other way around. We know that Stede doesn’t want to return to his old life. He was utterly miserable all the time and he was so lonely. The only time that he is truly accepted by others without judgement is once he’s met Ed. Why would he want to give that up, especially after a lifetime of bullying? He doesn’t. But because he cares so much about Ed’s happiness, he does what he is convinced is the best thing - he leaves. The issue isn’t that he doesn’t care about Ed’s needs, it’s that he cares, but he’s so traumatised that he is wrong about what those needs are.

[destinygoldenstar]

Just A Couple Of Fun Headcanons Of TD Characters (Harold)

- Harold is a middle child of three children, with an older brother and a younger sister. 

- When Harold was born, he had about ten surgeries in the span of a month. There was that many complications to his birth.

- This mostly happened because of his father, who was a heavy smoker. (Explain his messed up vocal cords) (And NO, no one else in this family does that. If I ever headcanon that any character smokes, I am high)

- Harold is autistic. (I know a LOT of people headcanon that for a lot of TD characters, mostly so they can project themselves onto them. But for me, that’s not the case. For the first gen, the autism headcanon just applies to three people. Harold is one of them.)

- Harold doesn’t know much about his father besides that fact, and that he resembles a lot of his father’s genetics. He wouldn’t ask too many questions about him. Needless to say, his parents divorced when he was around two years old. No the dad doesn’t visit.

- Harold was heavily hospitalized at the start of his life. He said it himself, he contracted nearly three hundred diseases, so the hospital was basically his home. It took about a year for him to learn to walk. 

- Harold was the only member of his family with these issues. His siblings are relatively healthy, and whatever illnesses that caught were minor. Harold, from experience, would try to play the doctor role, even if they don’t ask for it.

- Most of the doctors thought that Harold wouldn’t live a long life. Someday his many illnesses would catch up to him.

- Harold, in his time in the hospital, read a lot of comics. Specifically, about superheroes and ninjas. He’s a massive fan about every TV show involving ninjas. You could say they’re his special interest. These stories definitely pushed him through his sick life.

- Harold taught himself how to read. And math. And a lot of science facts. And historical facts. And you get it.

- Harold was very curious about the world and all it’s glory. It’s mostly because it took a long time for him to actually get out there. Down to the smallest atoms of content there. It made him want to know everything.

- Harold watches Game Theory. He rips off the concept a lot.

- Harold is an anime fan. Say hello to the weeb of the TD cast.

- Harold does LEGOS. He has a lot of the Ninjago sets. He’ll also make hour long analysis videos on Ninjago lore and explain it’s many plot holes. (Not sorry. But I grew up with Ninjago so you know. I do love that show.)

- Harold is a KPop fan. (The unfollow button is right there)

- Harold taught himself first aid. With multiple allergies, and the fact that he gets hurt a lot, he’s always prepared for the worst.

- Harold didn’t start school until he was eight. That was when he became healthy enough to get some form of education. Almost instantly, he was bullied by a few jerks, due to being ‘old’ and only in preschool. However, he instantly proved himself as a very smart kid, with all his random facts helping him.

- Harold skipped several grades, and got to the level of is age group in only the span of two years. He’s a straight A student all the way. He’s in honors on everything, even. 

- Except for PE. He can’t do that without getting some sort of asthma attack. One time a strict coach pushed that and Harold almost choked to death. That coach got fired immediately.

- Harold has an aggressively low BMI. He has a hard time gaining weight because he has a fast metabolism. There’s a limit to what he can eat anyway. 

- Despite never having a dad, Harold loves his mom. She’s very supportive of him and puts in the effort to understand her kid. (From the past headcanon posts I’ve made with TD characters having bad parents, hopefully this is a breath of fresh air.)

- Harold has a decent relationship with his sister. She doesn’t find much value in him, but he takes the time to braid her hair, and she listens to him geeking out about his favorite media. Though she doesn’t care.

- If there’s any member of his family Harold has a complicated relationship with, it’s his brother. Actually, that’s an understatement. These two hate each other. This guy was basically the Duncan before Total Drama, but way less brotherly by the end. That’s irony right there. It’s mostly due to jealousy of Harold’s hospitality getting him more attention than the oldest of the kids, and the fact that Harold’s habits are disgusting, his voice is grating, and he never shuts up. Most of their interactions is just Harold’s brother bullying him to no end. Pranks. Fighting. Galore. He would even invite several of his friends over just to make Harold miserable. It’s a hobby now. The mom grounds the bully multiple times, but no one listens. Duncan’s kind of a blessing compared to this guy.

- This is why Harold isn’t crying when being bullied. It’s a casualty. So the harshest reaction would be “Aw s**t, here we go again...”

- Harold learned how to defend himself after awhile. Half of the stuff he got in trouble for. This is not the first time he’s cheated someone, as he has plenty of experience. 

- One time when his brother fell in love with a girl in high school, Harold sent that girl several uncomfortable posts about him to make her reject him. The brother found out and locked Harold in the car for days. The mom was out of the house then and he was in charge, so Harold was left in there.

- When the mom came back and found this out, she offered him a day out of school to spend time with her so he could chill, eat all his favorite stuff, and watch whatever show he wanted. And the brother? He was thrown in night school for his stunt.

- Harold wrote a poem titled: ‘Why does my brother hate me?’ It’s badly made, as you’d expect, but the end of that poem says that there was a ninja invasion at the mall, and the MC abandoned their brother to feed him to the invaders... so yeah, when he showed this to show and tell in school, the teacher said that it was... something.

- And that brother is his worst bully, but there’s several others too. School isn’t too kind of him. Some classmates use plenty of verbal insults or take advantage of his nature. They steal his work without consent, and get away with it. They put tacks on his seat, and get away with it. It’s only when Harold stands up for himself that the teachers do anything, and that’s punish Harold.

- Harold doesn’t have a lot of friends. Those that do are more so only friends with him because they’re in the same fandoms.

- Harold puts his hair up in a samurai bun. 

- Harold loves cosplaying as his favorite characters. He has a ton of costumes he hates throwing out, more so than actual clothes.

- Harold adores his shoes. He wears them around the house all the time and never takes them off. Not even in bed or in the shower. Sometimes he forgets he’s even wearing them.

- Harold spends his entire summer in summer camps. From the very first summer he got out of the hospital. He wanted to see the entire world and know everything about everything. Obviously, the summer camps teach him a lot of his many mad skills.

- Except beatboxing. He learned that from his brother, who beatboxes in the showers poorly.

- Since his father isn’t around, Harold likes to imagine his father is Steve. They’re not blood related or anything, but he likes to imagine that his dad came back for him to be his mentor. (Steve isn’t his actual father though)

- All the camps he’s been too were listed in the show. I don’t think I need to explain what he can do. He’s got the masters badges for every single subject there is in those camps.

- Harold’s dream is to become a ninja superhero. He wants to wield ninja stars as his prime weapon, and save several citizens from the villains of the world. He would be so skilled and strong, successful, and honorable, and everybody would love him and see him as a savior.

- Everyone laughs at this dream when he says it. To them, he’s just a dweeb.

- He wants to die of honor. Hopefully after living a long life. His biggest fear is perishing with no story for people to remember him by. He doesn’t want to just be ‘sick boy equals automatic sympathy’.

- He auditioned for Total Drama to try and fulfill that dream and make a name for himself.

- I guess you could say he’s not throwing away his shot? (Eh? Eh? I’m terrible)

- Chris and Chef were NOT originally gonna cast him. They thought it was a whole lot of nothing from him. However, one of their other choices, upon further research, was blind. Chris, being the offensive guy he is, decided that was gonna drive him nuts, so he went with Harold as a replacement. (From my Owen headcanon post and this, I think you get the message that these producers are incredibly petty and disrespectful)

- Leshawna was his first crush ever. He had no idea how to deal with it. Being an anime fan does not help matters.

- He wanted to keep his letters a secret from everyone because he knew they would torment him for it. After all, what good is he for a goddess like her? 

- After the clothes bullying, Harold stored his clothes in a cave to make sure that never happened again.

- DJ and Geoff eventually apologized to Harold about the bullying, though it took longer for Geoff to do so. Harold and DJ on the other hand are on good terms. 

- Duncan of course, never apologized for his behavior. As we saw on the show, it got to Harold’s skin and resulted in him rigging off Courtney.

- Harold McGrady is a horndog. The fanservice is everything to him.

- Harold went into hiding from Courtney almost instantly. Canonically, he never came out in the open because of how bad and worse Courtney’s threats were. If he wanted to eat, he had to wait extremely late at night and eat from the garbage since food wouldn’t be left out at that time. And even then, Courtney was taking all nighters just to find and kill Harold. She’s THAT crazy.

- This is also how he met the remaining Drama Brothers (The others are Gophers after all)

- It was around the time Trent was eliminated. Harold was hiding under the bed of Cody’s guest room. Cody ended up catching him there, which caused a bit of freaking out. Cody agreed to keep him hidden from Courtney and even offered to bring some barbeque back for them both. During that, Cody ran into Trent arriving at the resort, and eventually Justin, and the three of them came back to Harold. They got to know each other quite a bit from there, and even discovering each other’s music talent.

- Courtney never apologized about beating him up, or felt bad about Leshawna’s boot. She claimed Harold deserved it.

- Harold was bawling when Leshawna arrived at the resort, about how he couldn’t protect her... it ended up being awkward.

- Harold, technically canon, planned a whole future with Leshawna when they’re in their thirties. He became in denial when Leshawna turned him down, and he drowned away his sorrow in grape soda.

- Harold loves grape soda. It’s his favorite thing to drink. 

- I just want to make one thing clear: Harold’s flirts come across as fetish because he doesn’t know how to deal with a crush. I said it in my Noah defense post that TD does not have its characters blatantly say they care about others, or how they feel. Unless it’s a confessional, the writers kinda leave you with what’s shown on the show and leaves you to connect the dots to coherent characterization. So here’s my predicament on this specifically:

- I do NOT fault anyone for saying Harold fetishizes Leshawna. They’re... right. It’s also one reason why Leshawna does not hook up with him. Though it’s kinda part of Harold’s character development in Action where he sees how... morally complicated Leshawna is and what exactly he loves about her in the first place. And the snail? Letting that go is kinda him letting go of the guarantee that they’d get together, and fully respecting her choice to not want to be around him. So in my perspective, he does improve that fetishizing rubbish. Heck, even in Baby (the worst World Tour song next to Chinese Lesson, sorry not sorry) he does kind of address this. (Geez that was torture to listen to on loop)

- With that said, Action Harold is my favorite TD character ever. If the season ONLY had Harold on screen, the season is a 10/10 masterpiece. My opinion tho. Please do not take this point seriously.

- Harold sees Heather as a friend first, and a crush second. 

- When Action rolled around, Harold wanted to win the season. With NO cheating. He was ready to prove himself.

- When Leshawna bad mouthed them, Heather consoled Harold, who was the most upset about it. She told him he shouldn’t worry about her and just look out for number one. She and Harold became friends around the time Heather was eliminated from that season.

- Harold will always regret the day he voted Leshawna off the show. It haunts him in his sleep. 

- Harold and Beth are NOT friends. Harold heavily called out Beth for sexually harassing him, for NO good reason mind you. (Do not ask me to do a Beth headcanon post. I do not like her character at all)

- Aside from these, canon Harold is just that good that I have minimal things I feel I need to headcanon. Except for the end. I WISH I could say Harold won the season, even if it was an alt ending. But this is one thing I CAN’T headcanon because it contradicts canon. So, for what we got, I’m gonna try my best...

- Harold was very upset with himself that he lost the show. Over a SPIDER of all things. (Canon be stupid) I mean, Harold was THIS CLOSE, THIS CLOSE to proving his bullies wrong and achieving fame and glory, what he came on the show for. He was THIS CLOSE to proving everyone that they were wrong about him and that he could do great things... but he failed. Now all those people end up being right. His bullies, Duncan, his brother, they were all right about him. Fame was completely out of his reach.

- He was in denial about the idea he wouldn’t have the story he wanted to tell about his life. He wanted fame. He wanted glory. He wanted everyone to know who Harold McGrady was.

- The Drama Brothers was Trent’s idea, but Harold immediately begged to join in. 

- Harold was considered the least popular Drama Brother.

- That’s why he disbanded from the group. He thought a solo album would get him his fame and make people see him. His friends, as you might expect, were disgusted by his ego.

- So yeah, he kinda pushed away the people who cared about him. All for a title that no one cared for. It even caused Leshawna to distance herself from him, as much as she didn’t want to.

- Needless to say, the failure to make any relevance really got to Harold, and he took certain extents to cope.

- Next no nobody remembers this from Celebrity Manhunt, and it’s kind of confusing as it only appears one scene then is forgotten about, but it is technically canon. Harold let himself go. You know he did when I said previously he had a hard time gaining weight. Basically, he gained weight on purpose as he thought his fragile health was the issue as to why no one cared about him. So he started binging. That only made him look pregnant and did next to no favors otherwise. He made excuses, as shown in that quick scene, but Duncan will tell you that he clearly had a problem. (Again, he had a hard time gaining weight so it took very little effort for him to lose it in time for the reunion)

- The weight gaining started AFTER Harold disbanded from the Drama Brothers. Yes, the scene and the disbanding shown in Celebrity Manhunt are played the other way around, but there’s zero evidence of the weight issue during the disbanding montage, and there’s no real indication that any of the clips in that special were in the order of which they happened. So in my headcanon, it was out of order on what happened.

- And yes Duncan was there. These two did forgive each other after Action and agreed in their relationship being ‘rivals’. They’ve actually been there for each other quite a few times during the year gap. Harold sees Duncan as a brother This is one instance where Duncan had to smack sense into Harold, sometimes physically. Ironic since Duncan essentially stole the win Harold wanted. 

- Harold sees Duncan as more of a brother than his own brother.

- This ego persisted in World Tour. Obviously. He wanted to be the leader of Team Victory and lead them to, well, victory. Obviously, he failed. It was a bit of a harsh moment for him, as it was very clearly his fault. As we saw, Alejandro influenced him that the right thing to do for the people he cared about was to preserve honor and just... disappear. That’s exactly what he did in his Harold way.

- Also obviously, no one bought any emotional investment in his ‘redemption’. But it was enough for him.

- Harold continued working with the Drama Brothers after the show, and they’ve carried a modest place in their generation.

- Harold got Cody and Justin into K/Pop.

- Harold and Cody do Ninjago marathons. (In case you’re wondering, Harold’s favorite ninja is Jay)

- Harold and Leshawna did hook up after the show. They decided to work things out. 

- Harold often loves impressing his girl. He’ll pretend to have every mad skill in the book to show off to her. Even when he fails them, she laughs and supports him.

- Harold and Leshawna go to cosplay conventions together. Their favorite one was Star Trek.

- Harold got into an algebra college. He easily got an honors scholarship.

- What did he do with that scholarship? He became a middle school math teacher... and he hates his job. (This was NOT his ideal career choice)

- His students really see Harold as a pushover.

- Harold tried to get a more impressive career everywhere, auditioning for music bands, movies, even the military, but they all said he was not what they were looking for.

- This did get Harold some internet fame though from his multiple attempts at auditioning. He kind of became a social media guy and a YouTuber. He’s an analytic if you’re wondering.

- The opinion that got Harold the most backlash online? He hates Harry Potter.

- Harold made some pretty bad money choices in his time, it’s why he’s still living in a cheap apartment in the city, and even then he still barely scratches rent.

- Justin retired from the Drama Brothers to move to Hollywood North. And Trent is taking care of his family. Cody keeps the name afloat, but he doesn’t see Harold too often because he’s bitter from Harold spending more time with his career than helping him with his unhappy marriage. 

- Harold and Leshawna ended up breaking up. Why? Her family did not approve of Harold, especially when they learned about his medical conditions, making it so that he couldn’t give Leshawna any kids. Yes, this family wanted Leshawna to have kids, even if neither of them wanted that. Leshawna herself did want marriage, but the idea scared Harold, as he thought he couldn’t provide for her with his career and life. That reason only proved he cared more about his shot at fame than her. He broke her heart.

- Harold and Heather are still in touch, and occasionally help each other out. Even if Harold still hates Alejandro, her boyfriend. In fact, a year or two after the breakup, it was Heather who encouraged Harold to try and get Leshawna back. She saw he was willing to at least apologize to her and ask for a second chance. So they did meet again, and were happy to see each other again...

- But Leshawna was engaged to a celebrity. Jose Burromuerto, as ironic and uncomfortable and disgusting as it is. (Yes, Heather hates Leshawna as an in law, not because of their rocky dynamic, but because of their partners.)

- It was not a happy marriage, her family forced her into it, but she went along with it anyway. Harold knew this, especially when she opened up to him about it, but he felt powerless to stop it. He couldn’t even protect anyone.

- Cody came back into Harold’s life when he learned that Harold was going through a bit of medical issues. The guy shut down. They both got to apologize for being selfish towards the other. Cody was able to use his wealth to get Harold some doctors and therapists, and he would always visit to help him out. Harold, in return, supported Cody through the marriage, and though it took a few years, he was able to convince Cody to get a divorce. 

- Cody also became a co-editor in Harold’s videos. And an occasional guest in them. But even Cody draws the line with Harold’s hatred of Harry Potter.

- Even Harold’s mother took time to still visit him and help him as much as she needs. She heard him out and supported him. She encouraged him that she was proud of him and what he could do. It’s not what he wanted, but he’s got a great life ahead of him. Se truly sees that.

- Leshawna had a daughter with Jose. Harold did not attend the baby shower. He was still bitter about the marriage. She understood, and didn’t bug him about it. Though she missed him.

- Harold and Cody took a vacation to California to see Justin. They were happy to see each other again and bring back a band of friends. Justin even let them be around his paparazzi's, and tell them these were his friends. 

- Trent came back to the band. Though Justin was out from where he lived, the remaining three Brothers did some music videos on Harold’s channel. Even though Trent’s not a fan of the genre, he let them do a bit of K/Pop. 

- Harold actually became pretty happy with his teacher career. Not because he liked it, and his students are kind of jerks, but because he has a life outside of that, and he can be remembered outside of that. 

- Leshawna and Jose got a divorce. Leshawna made her own choice outside of what the expectations around her wanted. Jose acknowledged that she and their daughter would be happier with a different husband/father. She and Heather still consider each other in laws, just for the sake of another reason to argue over nothing. Leshawna kept her daughter.

- She came back to Harold in open arms, though they took things slow yet again, they got back together and Harold occasionally babysat her kid. It took years of Leshawna asking and asking and asking and asking, they got married. 

- They have a modest life, the money mostly from Leshawna. She occasionally does bug Harold about the YouTuber life being unpaid, but she doesn’t make him quit. Harold’s a stepfather to his wife’s daughter, and he puts in as much effort as he can to be a good dad to her. 

- Harold’s channel is called: “H-Bomb The Ninja”

(Out of ALL the TD characters I could’ve done, some even with more to work with, I chose Harold to do next. Harold was actually the first character I made headcanons for and most of these are just going off of my notes I made a bit ago. How was it I didn’t do him first again? Yeah, Harold is one of my favorite characters in TD. I love him. So he gets favorite character syndrome. I keep saying Heather is the better character and I like Noah’s potential and dialogue far more, but hey, Harold might actually be my favorite deep down and I’m in denial.)

[roosterbox]

Fic Rec Friday 12/22/23

Title: The Holiday Lights Battle

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom

Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Emma Frost/Sebastian Shaw

Characters: Charles Xavier, Erik Lehnsherr, Sebastian Shaw, Emma Frost, Raven Darkholme

Additional Tags: Christmas, Holidays, Fluff, Schmoop, Crack

Summary: Some people take their Christmas lights a little too seriously. Erik is one of those people.

So is his new neighbour, Sebastian Shaw.

———

And now, for a good old-fashioned Christmas fic. One I’ve loved for… twelve years now, my goodness.

This fic is hilarious. That’s as simply as I can put it, lol. It’s pure crack, but it’s crack done well. Just on the right side of ridiculous yet still realistic, in the sense that there could conceivably be two guys in real life like Erik and Sebastian who are obsessively competitive over holiday lights. Speaking of which, the characters are so great in this. Recognizable as themselves, but with a comedic bent that doesn’t render them too OOC. The use of dialogue from the movie doesn’t hurt either. (“Sex was never an-“ lmao Erik why the fuck you lyin’?)

The stakes in this story almost couldn’t be lower, and that’s a good thing! It means that, while there’s little sprinkles of drama and angst, it all still serves the comedy. So you can have a scene where Charles cries over Erik being an asshole to Emma, and it’s still hilarious. Also, the COOKIES. Those Cell-Division-but-Actually-Snowmen cookies have haunted my memories for over a decade. Haunted as in as soon as I think of the phrase “munching on mitosis,” I cackle like a loon. And of course, everything works out in the end. As it should.

Please enjoy this little gem of a fic, and have a safe and happy Holiday this year, from my family to yours!

———

Next Week: How about another Christmas fic? This one isn’t as funny though. Heartwarming? Oh most definitely! Features include our favorite foul-mouthed Romanian and his beautiful autistic boyfriend, though they aren’t together at the start. They certainly are by the end. That’s right, it’s gonna be a very Spacedogs Christmas next week!

Until we meet again ❤️

[autismcats]

what is the real hidden message of frozen 2′s “show yourself”?

so i got the inspiration earlier to finally rewatch that frozen 2 “show yourself” music video on youtube, and i had some thoughts in the middle of doing so.

as a disclaimer, i just want to say that i’m absolutely queer myself. this is not to discredit others’ interpretations of the song, and this is just my own take regarding my life experiences. i’m not claiming to speak for everyone in this post. in fact, i do still believe queerness has a lot to do with the subtext inside of the lyrics.

but anyway, i remember when the movie was in theaters at the end of 2019 and there were plenty of articles written about how “show yourself” has a hidden meaning about accepting the idea of being queer. there are lots of people my age who were new to identifying as lesbian, gay, bi, and/or trans at the time and i thought it made a lot of sense, especially because the headcanon and theory that elsa is a closeted lesbian was so popular at the time. it paved the way to shipping elsa + honeymaren (elsamaren) and made it easy to read frozen 2′s ending with them dating.

and that’s definitely notable ─ i’m not disagreeing!

but something always felt off about how i related to the lyrics personally and i was never sure why.

until i stumbled upon it again today.

in my opinion, i think the song is better heard with autism (or otherwise neurodivergency) in mind. it tells my story of finding the missing piece much better than it does of my realizing that i’m bi + trans, as well as my coming out.

again, i don’t think the LGBTQ+ reading is wrong! honestly i believe it comes down to a mix of both that and the autistic reading. but i see the latter outweighing the former here.

to me, i looked up these lyrics on google and my mind went straight to getting a diagnosis, an answer as to why my social life has always been so wrong:

i've never felt so certain all my life i've been torn but i'm here for a reason could it be the reason i was born? i have always been so different normal rules did not apply is this the day? are you the way i finally find out why?

everyone has something different to say about what part of their identity has impacted their experiences the most growing up. for me, it’s being neurodivergent. my sexuality, probably like most people (but of course not for many others), didn’t show up until my teenage years; same with my internal gender and outer presentation. my autism, however, has been present and influenced who i am for my whole life. i felt elsa’s longing and determination to find answers to her lifelong questions about not just who, but how & why she is in her musical journey throughout the ice caves.

i feel like we can all say confidently that who we are, regarding being queer, is something we can answer with the factual statement that we are queer and that’s just that, unless of course we get into the old debate regarding if it exists as nature vs. nurture. regardless, it’s always innate to some degree, and doesn’t inherently determine our personalities, behaviors, or understandings. autism & ADHD both do; it’s literally what defines autism as we know it.

that’s my argument. as i said, i’m not looking to “prove” anything or present my subjective opinion as objective fact. my take isn’t that the neurodivergent interpretation is more important or valid than the queer interpretation, just that i prefer the second option over the first.

either way, elsa is, without a doubt, an autistic sapphic! this is (part of) what makes her a valuable, relatable character to a lot of young people and we should always celebrate that. ♡

[badbatchenthusiast]

how to do well at school

(work smarter not harder)

i’m trying to compile a list of what’s been working for me academically especially with all the fun side effects of being autistic in the education system (and the variable motivation/executive functioning that comes with it). queuing this forever so i remember to apply these, but if they help you feel free to let me know how it goes!!

1.) Print out notes.

To be fair, this only really works if you have access to a reliable printer, but I imagine a sizeable percentage of people do. For me it was definitely worth investing in one. This is enormously helpful for several reasons:

no need to make notes in class - it’s all there, in front of you, like subtitles to the lesson. makes it so much easier to follow the class and if you miss a day because you’re ill/not coping/have zoned out for 30 mins, you’re not missing valuable content you’re going to need to read up on later

annotating pre-printed notes with little details the teacher is saying adds valuable context and information, and allows you to write in analogies/mnemonics/key evidence/links to other parts of the course in a really different style to the main notes so it doesn’t get confusing to read (annotating hand-written notes can get messy)

having a physically printed copy makes it feel more real, and therefore less likely to disappear in your mind, than just electronic notes. handling actual paper is also less tiring than sitting with a laptop/tablet in a lesson and typing (especially for me)

having that day/week’s notes pre-printed over the weekend makes you feel much more organised and is hours less work than doing pre-learning by handwriting notes

if you type up the notes yourself into a table on word with key word/subtitle/question on one side and definition/answer/explanation on the other, you’re transforming the textbook information into new information, which is very valuable revision and will help with keeping it in your mind; it’s like flashcards, but in note form, and helps chunk content into more manageable pieces

i struggle with processing speed. listening to information *and* comprehending it *and* taking notes at the same time is too much, especially when people talk much faster than i can write. having it all pre-written means i can focus on just understanding and consolidating, and by the time we’re set homework i don’t have note-completion and content-learning to do on top of it

it helps with understanding of the course, in terms of what you need to cover in which topics and what’s coming up next

the best thing about this is it allows for a lot of flexibility in terms of how much time/effort you put into it. on days where i have the energy to sit and learn, i’ll make detailed notes on an upcoming topic with bulletpoints from the textbook and added links to our wider reading, or google context to anything i don’t get. on days where it’s not happening, i’ll copy paste from a reliable revision source/scan a page of the book and be done.

2.) Copy out answers before attempting questions yourself.

definitely one of the least motivating things when doing questions is not knowing how to start, or how to get the answer. a quick way to fix that and get more confidence is to copy out/annotate pre-written example answers or solutions from the textbook or mark scheme. this gives you a sort of blueprint to follow, and makes your time less wasteful if you’re often going straight into questions only to get half of them wrong.

youtube videos with example problems are also really great for this. pause the video before the solution starts and try to work through as far as you can, and when you get stuck unpause and finish copying out the working. doing this before starting homework gets you a higher grade on them and means you’re not wasting time getting things wrong, learning it incorrectly, and only finding out when you get it back.

for essay-based subjects, asking for exemplary answers to annotate is also very helpful. note down use of structure, sentence starts used, anything that you find is good about it and helps it meet the criteria. then, try and write a response to a different question in the same or similar style. get that marked, get feedback, try again.

3.) Practice questions are worth more than anything.

don’t waste time making hundreds of versions of your notes or exclusively rereading flashcards/the textbook. this might be helpful for content learning early on, but long-term retention and exam technique only come with practice. it’s annoying, sure, but works like a charm. so:

test yourself regularly - identify gaps in your knowledge and work to patch them, then test yourself again

get a feel for what kind of questions are usually asked in exams and write your own, then answer them - this, with time, will make exams predictable, or at the very least make you better at understanding what questions want from you

if your teacher lets you have extra practice questions marked, use them as an incredibly helpful source of feedback for improvement so there’s not such a steep learning curve with the first few assignments. if they don’t, use assignments intelligently to see what gets you marks and what doesn’t, then use the feedback on that to revise your technique and improve. if you do badly and don’t learn from it, this is a waste.

for the most part, teachers are on your side and want you to learn. if you’re stuck and don’t know how to answer questions/get correct answers, chances are there’s someone you can go to.

4.) Interesting information is your friend.

draw diagrams. make mindmaps. add pictures to your notes. colour code by topic. highlight things. annotate little fun facts. anything to prevent notes from becoming walls of off-grey text that you can’t be bothered to read. this also has the added benefit of being more interesting to do. so if you have a process to learn, make a flow chart with funky shapes. if it’s context you’re adding, make a timeline or spider diagram. type in memorable little comments or jokes that will help you understand things. copy out graphs and models and doodle important people’s faces. this sticks.

and if you’re feeling really outlandish, make some memes! even if they’re really bad. but for information you absolutely need to know and simply have to memorise, a bad rhyme or punchline will make it much easier to keep in your head, especially when it’s associated with something you enjoy and already think about a lot. finding creative ways to transform information helps the learning process tremendously, even if you just end up writing fanfiction of your favourite characters learning it too.

5.) Have a routine.

set out clear and consistent times to do work, where it’s hard to get distracted. any time spend working (if you’re working smart) stacks up, so that 20 minute train ride where you’d otherwise be scrolling? do some reading. organise your notes. do a problem or two.

consistency is key with learning. our brains aren’t made for storing irrelevant information, so keep everything relevant. to be fair, sometimes this does require an interest in learning not everyone has, but if you can engage with your subject critically and start thinking about it in your day-to-day life, getting into the habit of noticing things and going “oh, this key thinker would’ve hated this magazine” or “woah, i know the equation for the motion of this pen i just chucked” i think makes a real difference between doing well and excelling.

using spaces where you won’t be tempted to other things is also useful. if you have responsibilities when you get home, spend an hour at the library. meet your friends after 5, until then you’ve got homework. keep mealtimes, sleep and work schedules consistent and it’ll be harder for you to forget or have other things come in your way. this doesn’t need to be hours and hours, either; an hour a day that you can sit and reread your notes when you have a spare moment, bullet point an answer to an exam question to test yourself, annotate information you missed, do some wider reading, watch a youtube video on a topic you didn’t get — this all stacks up, and quickly. working smart is using the time you have as usefully as possible, and that starts with finding time you’re currently not doing much with.

[moroser]

About your human au - I just want to say Lilith was confirmed to be just aroace, not on the spectrum, and repulsed by romance and sex. I’m trying not to word this badly but you saying she would have one night stands is…not good or like accurate to who she is. Also it’s weird there seems to be so much importance on Hunter being her biological son, it kinda comes off as if him being adopted isn’t good enough. As an aroace person myself, knowing you’re also aroace, I just wanted to point these concerns out. I hope it doesn’t come off as rude or anything, and I’m not saying you meant for these things to come across badly either, just asking you to consider this.

i wasn't aware it was confirmed she was repulsed by sex (romance yes, but i just recall her being confirmed ace.) but, even so,

i honestly don't know how to take this ask because as an ace person who is repulsed by sex (physically almost all the time, but in stories and movies and whatever, not always), it took me a LONG time and many shitty situations to get there and realize this was the case for me and realistically there are ace people who also take a similar journey to reach that point in understanding themselves. i am almost 32 and i spent a lot of time thinking i could get over not enjoying sex and understanding that i didn't HAVE to have it, sometimes putting myself in uncomfortable situations for it to try and 'fix' myself. i am STILL struggling with the mentality that it's okay to be repulsed by sex.

i'd applied that to her for this au, because it's an outlet for me. saying she has one night stands was NOT meant to be taken like she'd been going out and having a bunch of sex all the time like at all. i perhaps could have worded it better to explain this, i apologize for that. but to be honest, it was very difficult to share and explain this au for This Reason. it's embarrassing for me to even talk about because i don't even like admitting how much i've tried to not be ace. like idk how else to explain this but i have had breakdowns to my friends about the concern of this and feeling guilty, when ultimately i probably shouldn't have to. people have different journeys into figuring out their sexual (or non sexual) identities.

as far as the biological son thing, it has absolutely nothing to do with him being adopted not being good enough, at all. i am a bit offended that this is assumed of me because i would never think or say something like that. this was just a situation i had created for this au. i didn't do it because i didn't want him to be adopted, i just wanted the situation where he wasn't and how it would go. it didn't feel realistic to me that she'd adopt a baby or she'd just choose to have one, so i wanted to explore a different route.

like i have thought a lot about this, i didn't just throw this shit together without considering a lot of things and this type of ask was why i was fearful to even share it. i don't think there is much i could say that will help you in particular feel better about this, but i have most definitely thought about it all and considered things. i don't like feeling bad for using a character that i really love and respect, as an outlet (as someone who is aroace who does want a child) that isn't harming anything. you do not have to agree with me, but i don't think you should be telling me that i'm doing something wrong and making me feel bad just because my aroace journey is different than yours. i really, really care about this and lilith. like in an autistic and very strong way.