#thinking about boundaries
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okay this line in particular hurts bc. actually, as of her last campaign, she fucking does. she's got temporary possession of a wish coin. but it wasn't really hers, and it's very likely that she no longer has it, for one reason or another.
but. her mother is a pit fiend. and there is something interesting about pit fiends, specifically this --
amity does not want to make a deal with her mother. not now. not ever ever ever.
however. she's... the closest she's ever been to truly considering it.
#she's thinking about terms#thinking about boundaries#thinking about phrasing#one wish. traded for... not her soul. but her mother is unlikely to ask for that anyway#no; her mother has some grander design for her that she...... does not know and prefers to not think about#surely any deal of any kind would be playing into her mother's hand#but this isn't fair. karlach deserved better.#one wish a year. so amity could bargain perhaps.... a year of service. a year and a day to be traditional.#the amount of terrible things she could be made to do in a year is astronomical#but.... if she does have a larger plan in mind....... this could be her mother's chance to.... draw amity in#offer amity a deal that's not so bad#make her feel like she can trust her mother to be reasonable#amity knows this. and yet. and yet. and YET.#amity tag#bg3 spoilers#bg3 blogging
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Kink isn’t shameful because of the weird sex stuff. That part’s rad. It’s shameful because it is technically improv.
#15k edit: this is not about consent this is about not being able to think of good dialogue mid-scene#obviously you establish and stick to boundaries
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there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)
i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.
i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.
and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.
HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.
now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.
my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.
i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.
by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!
keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"
similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."
the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"
if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.
the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.
godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.
the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.
#this is objectively bad advice#don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this#but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries#.... it IS fun#i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him.#bc i used to get SO fucking upset#i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it#and now i just LITERALLY do not engage#instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation#i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection#they like the rush they get from arguing#but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me#so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru#NORMAL CONVERSATION#he doesn't get it yet#i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?''#'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''
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If you are a fan of anybody's work, whether it be art, writing, music, translating, editing, videos, etc- it is incredibly important that you share that you enjoy their work.
It could be a comment, a tag, an anonymous ask saying thank you or something about their most recent piece you enjoy, anything. Creation is more often than not a social thing, and a little note or comment really goes a long way. People are sharing a little piece of themself every day, here on the internet!
So if you don't mind a little challenge, on the next piece of art* you see that you find personally impactful, leave a little tag or comment saying something about how much it means to you.
*this includes writing, music, edits, jokes, anything that has undergone the act of being created by a person
#text#rambles#something I need to get better at but I try. It gets easier the more you do it I promise#important asterisk about respecting boundaries. its a given but still putting this here#this isnt for me btw. im just noticing how far positive feedback or interaction goes#but the amount of people i have seen grow and bloom just because someone said that they liked their work. its a lot#even the motivation I feel at someone recognizing a joke I made in an art piece and riffing off it! it is genuinely so motivating#just thinking about how there is a person behind every piece of artwork. edit. post. video. etc. (not ai)#and sometimes its important to remember that. and to let them know that you see them
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"Lia Thomas is not banned from swimming. Lia Thomas is banned from a category Lia Thomas doesn't qualify for. I'm banned from swimming in the under 12's, because I'm not under 12. You know, we have heavyweight boxers that are banned from the bantamweight category. We have numerous categories in the Paralympics to create fair opportunity across society. That is the whole point of categories. Nobody is banned [from competing], you're just banned from a category you don't qualify for." - Sharron Davies
#lia thomas#women's sports#i think about this all the time like#you aren't allowed to join certain branches of the military if youre COLORBLIND but no men in women's is the unacceptable boundary?#radfem#feminism
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yknow what. I wanna say: CSA and COCSA survivors are all incredible, but I also wanna give a shout out to ppl who were exposed to sexual stuff or had any kind of sexual experience as a kid that they either aren't comfortable labelling as or don't consider abuse, but they know it still fucking sucked and shouldnt have happened. Even if that changes later in life and you identify as a victim/surivor, it can be messy to have to imagine those labels applying to the ppl in ur life and that can take time.
The most important thing is to prioritize your recovery + health, and to support other victims + survivors.
#COCSA ment#CSA ment#This is like. V personal and venting (maybe over sharing)#It's. I'm going to be honest recent discussion really brought this back into my brain aaughhh. Not in a bad way necessarily#Just. I know I've had experiences that I think others might label this way and I struggle to really understand that#Beyond the gut feeling of ''it doesnt count'' there's the understand that I might be denying it bc of shame or even just. The fact I have#An internal definition of it that excludes myself. And that I don't want to imagine the other ppl as 'abusive' and I don't think they had#The intent to hurt me. And the fact in one situation I know none of us understood boundaries or consent bc we didn't#Actually talk with adults about what like. Sex and sexuality meant so all out fucking context was porn. And just idk#I have specific experiences but those Memorable Incidents were just part of a larger pattern of me learning Abt sex young#And then failing to get proper sex ed for years. And the internet. And the Fucking Internet#(fanfic is like. Anti sex ed. 70% just the fucking worst shit to internalize 30% ''hey this is actually Okay'')#Sex Ed... Like in school... Needs a fucking HEAVY overhaul but it's still better than nothing usually
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so ik it’s not cannon accurate but,,,
i need a fic of tim just crashing out.
like he gets so sick of like damian and jason talking about how weak he is and shit like that that he’s like “yall realize lady shiva was my one of my FIRST teachers, and i was the first robin she trained. i had to train under b AFTER he already lost a robin. you DONT think he was 10x harder on me than any of you guys???? there’s a reason my training videos are mainly redacted without bruce’s or my permission. i got ra’s al ghul BEGGING ME to join his league or have my children. i get gifts from him WEEKLY. do you KNOW how many of his little ninja i fight per DAY??? nahh im sick of this shit let’s take it to the mats” and just demolishing both of them at the same time.
i just think it’d be very funny. i just like fics of people who pretend to be weaker than they are(or they just never really have a reason to go full tilt so they just don’t) get sick of holding back and just losing it :D
#batfam#tim drake#red robin#jason todd#red hood#damian wayne#robin#unhinged tim drake#batfamily shitposts#i just need fics of tim losing his shit and crashing out#just because they are funny#and i sometimes feel like people would forget that just because he’s smart does not mean he doesn’t have hands#like bro all robins are certified villains only being held back by b’s rules#they all have insane hands and are all very smart#don’t get distracted by whichever one they choose to put at the forefront of their personality so you forget about the other#but basically yeah i just want it bc it’d make me giggle#also yes ik bruce never physically abused tim during training but i love the angst fics that use that so i added it anyways#i. don’t think it was like intentional on bryce’s part tho just that he was struggling so hard with his grief#he just never noticed how hard he was pushing tim until he pushed wayyyy too far#and yeah he and tim eventually resolved their issues and had a BIG talk about training boundaries#but only after he started getting a bit better and got it through his head that tim was just a kid and not a moving punching bag#i like to think it was only after like titans tower or some other time where he was very close to losing tim tho#bc as much as i want bruce to just be a good dad all the time he had struggles actually verbalizing his feelings#and apologizing for his mistakes
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the best thing maggie stiefvater ever did was NOT having ronan dream a magical device that would "fix" adam's hearing. the best thing maggie ever did was adam knowing that he did not need or want to be "fixed". the best thing maggie ever did was ronan knowing that adam did not want or need to be fixed and accepting it without a second thought.
#been thinking about this lately#ronan dreams adam so many fix-it objects but never tries to fix anything that adam doesn't want 'fixed'#or that don't need to be 'fixed'#because both ronan and maggie know that that would be a boundary that couldn't be uncrossed for adam or for any disabled person#anyway#adam parrish#ronan lynch#the raven cycle#the dreamer trilogy#trc#tdt#pynch
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Cross has trouble getting to sleep alone in his room and goes looking for a distraction, but ends up finding a solution for both of them
#UTDR#UTMV#Cross Sans#Killer Sans#Kross ship#(Kinda. It's up to interpretation)#Long post#I'm so sorry I didn't mean for it to be THIS much#I started this like a week ago -A-#Lies down and lets out a long howl it's finisheeeeeed#I could have just drawn them spooning and written the rest but noooo I love to do things the hard way#Anyway I think they should be bed buddies#The company helps Cross relax enough to sleep and the touch helps knock Killer out#Cross has to be big spoon because otherwise Killer's soul gets squished and it's too uncomfortable to sleep#Also I realised Cross and Nightmare are the only two in the castle who didn't have knock knock jokes in their backstory#I like to imagine Nightmare has had similar confusing interactions with at least one of them#Cross probably spends the rest of the day panicked that he overstepped a boundary or the others will make fun of him#Not realising that Dust and Horror have fallen asleep together many times#Or that Killer hasn't slept properly in weeks and he's in heaven#I'm NOT drawing a follow up so just imagine Killer coming to Cross's room the next night and finding every excuse to stay#Because he wants it to happen again but he has no idea how to ask (and also Cross seems kinda awkward about it)#Absolutely terrified that I spent my whole week off working on this and it might be not that great so I hope at least one person likes this
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sound on to hear the dangerous attack snorbino!
#for people who don't know well about dog body language: we are just playing!#i encouraged him to growl when we play because i think it's important that he is allowed to communicate in every way he knows#so if he ever needs to communicate an actual boundary he feels safe growling at people rather than going straight for snapping#he also just thinks it's really funny#in the context of play it's such a none aggression that frequently still kissy his nose and he is unbothered#i'm thinking about teaching him a growl command because he likes learning funny tricks#leon#smooth collie
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I hope you guys know that your thirst posts make me bluescreen every time, lol. Those of you who know me IRL know my ears go red at the drop of a hat.
I still don't quite know what to do with compliments, but I'm hoping trans folks who follow me see them and realize that transness is not an obstacle to being desired (physically, romantically, platonically, or otherwise).
In a weird, sweet way, you folks are proving my mother wrong, who once "advised" me to get used to a life alone when I started T.
So, yeah. Carry on, lol.
#trans stuff#most of you are good about boundaries and keeping the thirst family-friendly ha ha#it's ironic because I know I can be a bit of a peacock sometimes#but then someone compliments me and I'm like#oh no you must be thinking of someone else
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Not too close.
#I was thinking about how touch and go their relationship would be at the beginning#(and probably to an extent after too)#they'd be so patient and understanding of each other's boundaries hesitations and triggers#but so frustrated with themselves#That's what I was trying to get across anyway#The pose turned out a bit more artsy and metaphor-y then I intended#But that's not a bad thing#annie cresta#finnick odair#finnick x annie#odesta#odesta fanart#the hunger games#catching fire#mockingjay#thg series#digital art#hunger games fanart#artists on tumblr#clip studio paint#fanart#digital artist#jolly art#fun fact: I accidentally sent this to my brother instead of myself lmao oops
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something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.
not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.
you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.
but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.
you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.
but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.
you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.
you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?
you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.
you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!
you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"
#this is very obviously about my battle with#ptsd#but i think it's also like a pretty apt metaphor for a lot of things like setting boundaries or going to therapy or choosing recovery#i was thinking about the 'comes back wrong' trope and i was like. oh no i have feelings about this bc i have mental illness#and once i stopped masking - i was WRONG. i was different#here's the good news: i am now INNUNDATED with love. fucking swimming in it. excelling at it. the people who stayed#learned my new self. my new different body and how i am different but i am trying. they have held me so tightly#and my life no longer feels quiet. it is not based in my suffering. it feels like i have been growing a tree in my chest#and now it is flowering.#it is so lovely to be surrounded by people who have said - oh! you cut off so many branches i was worried you weren't the same. but now...#... this is just a new you. and i love you. and i love that you're different and happy.#(but yeah also im nb so i was absolutely influenced by Trans things)
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I remember back when I used to be the chill cool girl who didn’t take offense to anything and wasn’t hurt by anything and was nonchalant about everything and wasn’t bothered and didn’t care and was so chill and cool…….. thank god I healed
#Like that’s what that poll reminded me of#There’s nothing wrong w being upset or taking issue w something it’s literally just about gauging if#It’s justifiable to express it and how to express it#That’s also how u maintain boundaries and also ppl’s respect literally#Once upon a time I thought being cool w everything was the answer and I was so WRONGGG#And while taking offense shows you care it doesn’t show your attention will be on them indefinitely#Like the actual stakes lie in you pivoting your attention elsewhere if someone isn’t being so great to u#But I really did once upon a time think it was in being nonchalant#Plus that stuff always blows up eventually it’s never sustainable to act chronically unbothered#Unless ur actually too busy to care but that still technically means ur not dealing w something#(<- how I deal w most things unforch)#One major perk of being a pre med stem major is that most of the time ur too busy to actually process anything in full#Which is a blessing and a curse ………. But it has saved me many times
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translation of seungkwan’s caption from wonujeononu on twitter
#i have so much to say but this is obviously talking a lot about the overwork they’re going through right now#and it seems like he’s also thinking about situations like the riize member#i hope he can rest if he needs to hybe needs to burn#and fans need to learn boundaries#seungkwan#boo seungkwan#svt
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Yor has always been sensitive to touch. She’s not a big fan of hand holding or random hugs, she really enjoyed her personal space. The only people who could regularly break that barrier are Anya, Yuri and Bond. But recently, Twilight has noticed a change in her. She grabs his hand more often, not in a panic just casual. She wipes his face or ruffles his hair. When they sit next to each other she would sometimes put her hand on his thigh while reaching for the remote.
It was all small touches. Harmless and meaningless in the grand scheme of things. But Twilight couldn’t help but wonder what had changed the she went form locking her hands behind back to swinging them casually, unaffected by the occasional brushes.
#spy x family#sxf#loid forger#twilight#yor forger#idk this is supposed to be about those small signs that you’re getting closer with someone#those changes in behavior and shifts in boundaries you don’t even notice but everyone else does#idk I think it’s the most romantic part of the relationship#a moment of blissful ignorance to your own emotions and just focusing enjoying one another’s company
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