#I like to imagine Nightmare has had similar confusing interactions with at least one of them

[somegrumpynerd]

Cross has trouble getting to sleep alone in his room and goes looking for a distraction, but ends up finding a solution for both of them

[ichayalovesyou]

THE BIG VULCAN BIOLOGY POST (aka Vulcan is a Hell Planet)

DISCLAIMER: I am not a biologist, astrophysicist, neurologist, animal psychologist or literally anything that would qualify me to talk about this with 100% confidence. This is the result of dozens of headcanons and obsessive deep dive research. I don’t want this post to be three miles long, so after I address the planetary stuff I will oblige y’all with a Read More.

Adsfasdkfjhaslkdfh I’ve been working on this post for almost a month SO HERE WE GO!

First of all, Vulcan (aka T’Khasi) is a HELL PLANET, which is part of the reason they’re so badass, I say this for the following reasons:

No moon(s) (natural satellites)

Sodium (Salt) is so rare on the planet that Vulcan’s oceans are freshwater

It’s a “Super-Earth” (as in big chonkin’ planet of similar composition to earth in the “goldilocks region”)

Let’s do this.

“Vulcan has no moon Ms. Uhura.”

-Spock, The Man Trap

Tons of things change about our planet if there was no moon:

Much darker nights (no moonlight)

Much lower sea levels since there is no gravity from the moon to pull it upward.

Lower and weaker tides because the water is pulled by the sun instead of the moon, and it depends on how large the Vulcan solar system’s sun is for how big the waves are.

Stronger winds from faster planet rotation.

Depending on whether the axis of the planet would straighten or tilt further without the moon’s pull, combined with the faster rotation would lead to more severe seasons (strong tilt) or no seasons at all (no tilt)

The first factor may lead to Vulcan eyes being very catlike even if they aren’t nocturnal (I think they’re crepesucular but we’ll get into that later). Which given the likely nature of their blood and their herbivorous eating habits they probably aren’t. The sky would still be so dark that our human eyes couldn’t even see our hands in front of us, being blind when the sun goes down could be a death sentence. Alternatively, if they didn’t develop strong night vision that may be one of the reasons why they have such strong senses of hearing.

The stronger winds, faster rotation, and stronger (or nonexistent) seasons come from the lack of resistance and friction that stronger tides and the moon’s pull create on our planet. I suspect that Vulcan is larger, or at least denser than Earth, but I’ve been informed that according to the TMP novelization that it does rotate faster. I also think that Vulcan’s tilt is on the more extreme end to get the hostile extremes like storms and heat that we see on Vulcan.

If you look at this image of Vulcan, water covers way less of the planet’s surface than Earth. I don’t think this is necessarily because Vulcan has less water, but that it isn’t spread as far because of the lack of moon, and the fact that the oceans are freshwater, I’ll get into that shortly.

“My ancestors spawned from a different ocean than yours.”

-Spock, The Man Trap

In the Star Trek: The Original Series (third) pilot The Man Trap, there is a creature that kills its victims by draining their bodies completely of salt. Spock encounters the creature but does not die, implying his (and Vulcans overall) body contains little to no salt. His justification is that his species did not evolve from a salinized ocean.

What does it mean to have oceans with no salt?

This has to mean that sodium is a very rare mineral on Vulcan, as the reason our oceans are so salinized is due to erosion of minerals by rainfall, carried from river to ocean. Salt in the ocean is also generated by submarine volcanic activity, which means either that the volcanoes on Vulcan (which we definitely know exist) somehow don’t produce salt, or the vast majority of the submarine volcanoes have been inactive for millions if not billions of years. The active volcanoes on Vulcan must be very far inland and/or Vulcan has almost no rivers, which given how hot the planet is, wouldn’t actually be too much of a stretch of the imagination.

Which means every single lifeform on T’Khasi, including Vulcans, evolved biosystems that exist without (or with very little) salt content. Any salt that exists would likely be deep beneath the planet’s surface, and within volcanoes.

No saltwater has a ton of consequences:

Plants (like underwater algae) are rarer and may not photosynthesize the same way Earth plants do, meaning less oxygen and more carbon dioxide, which means more greenhouse effect, which means higher temperatures.

The lack of salt would also mean less diverse plant life (at least as humans know it) and given the lack of visible rivers and vast swaths of desert on Vulcan, we can safely say vegetation must be hardier and infrequent.

Lower sea levels as the oceans would have lower density due to lack of salt.

Little to no water convection, which salt is crucial for on Earth. Which means warm ocean water doesn’t move to cold regions and vice versa. Creating extremes, the equator being obscenely hot, and polar waters freezing at the poles more extensively.

Lack of convection means more frequent and stronger storms like hurricanes.

If you thought the lack of a moon made Vulcan inhospitable, compound it with the low sodium factor and you’ve got a planet of even more severe extremes than before. The heat, and the decrease of plant diversity definitely explain why the vast majority of Vulcan is rocky desert, even being near the water poses more extreme dangers than it would on earth due to the increased frequency of hurricanes.

“Mr. Spock is much stronger than an ordinary human being.”

-Kirk, This Side of Paradise

I am almost 100% sure that Vulcan is either bigger or denser than Earth. Which would explain why Vulcans are so much stronger than Humans and other species that exist on similar gravity worlds.

Effects of a high-gravity planet or “Super-Earth” include:

Everything is shorter or has very strong foundations, plants, animals, structures, and people.

More “Armageddon” class asteroids would hit the planet (like the one that killed the dinosaurs and created the Gulf of Mexico)

Larger liquid mantle under the planet’s surface, higher pressure under the surface as well.

Weaker magnetic field due to lack of convection in the planet’s core (not to be confused with the mantle interacting with the planet’s crust). Which means a weaker atmosphere, lower magnetism in surface metals, and increased vulnerability to solar flares.

More volcanically and seismically active due the the increase in the mantle’s size and generated heat, more earthquakes, and more volcanic eruptions.

Would have to have a smaller sun but be closer in orbit to it than earth.

Extremely deep oceans, potentially with water under so much pressure at the bottom that it becomes solid like ice. Luckily Vulcan is not an ocean world, because the pressure would block the planet’s core from interacting with the atmosphere, which would prevent life as we know it from happening.

There is plenty of evidence for this on so many levels. We never see any plant life similar to trees on Vulcan. Nor animals significantly larger than Vulcans, the ones that are bigger are much more muscular. Vulcan’s sky is more red than blue because of the lack of oxygen molecules for the light from the sun to filter as blue. I actually headcanon that Spock is unusually tall for a Vulcan because of his human heritage (Leonard Nimoy was around 6ft tall) , and may have had heart and muscle problems in his teens and early adulthood while on Vulcan.

Perhaps Vulcans are the result of many more extinction level events than we are, contributing to their hardiness. Perhaps they are, evolutionarily, not too much older than we are, and had more incentive to develop extraterrestrial technology than we have, so that they could repel Armageddon Class meteors and defend their planet against Solar Flares? Space travel being born out of self-preservation rather than curiosity. Which would absolutely account for their attitudes in the beginning of Star Trek: Enterprise.

It could be that Vulcans still maintain a semi-nomadic lifestyle even today because their planet is so incredibly volatile. Unsentimental and utilitarian in anything less than the most sacred of architecture long before they adopted the teachings of Surak. Their own survival more valuable than any structure that would inevitably be damaged or destroyed by their planet’s harsh environment.

In summary, Vulcan is a Nightmare Planet because:

So, so many much natural disasters, like, so many, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, tsunamis, hurricanes, twisters, just, so many more than Earth.

Water is relegated to specific locations in the world rather than spread across it due to lack of flow and lower sea levels.

Extreme temperature changes, intense heat, intense cold, hard to breathe, stronger gravity.

Due to the planet’s hostility, there is a smaller diversity of life than we have here on earth, which means fewer and hardier food sources that, like Vulcans, are very difficult to kill.

So… How do they handle it? What features have they developed to adapt and thrive in such an inhospitable place?

First thing is first, lets talk about

BLOOD

“My hemoglobin is based on copper, not iron.”

-Spock, Obsession

Funny thing is Spock, it’s not hemoglobin at all! It’s hemocyanin! In fact, there are earth animals that have it, among them Horseshoe Crabs, crustaceans, mollusks and spiders!

Hemocyanin is blue when it hasn’t been exposed to oxygen, and blue-green when it has, according to some sources on Vulcans their blood is orangey red when unexposed to air and that’s why they have pink lips and so on, but we can brush that off as chemical variation within their hemocyanin. Better yet, maybe it’s trendy for Vulcans to wear pink lipstick nowadays, ‘cause Surak knows how horny Humans and Vulcans are for each other XD! Anyway!

Hemocyanin does quite a few things that our blood can’t, it’s uniquely built for high pressure, low oxygen environments, as well as endure temperature extremes like cold (not unlike nights on their planet). Not only that, but it coagulates and clots WAY faster than our blood. Which means wounds seal themselves off from harmful bacteria and stop bleeding much faster than hemoglobin. Pair that with the Vulcan ability to enter a healing torpor, no wonder Spock keeps surviving environments and wounds that would definitely have killed a human.

Now, the animals I listed don’t have veins, which for us carry oxygen around via hemoglobin, so it’s possible that the same difference that causes Vulcan blood to be a coppery orange-red beneath the skin, is the same reason they have veins. Allowing them to look more like us and lack the exoskeletons and deep ocean delving that their earth blood cousins have.

“The ship’s temperature is increasingly uncomfortable for me. I’ve adjusted the environment in my quarters to 125 degrees.”

-(Elderly) Spock, The Deadly Years

Oh goodie, the Vulcan blood temperature discourse has arrived, the age old question, are Vulcans warm-blooded or cold-blooded? The answer to this question is

YES

I am firmly in the small (but hopefully growing) camp Vulcans Are Heterothermic. Among the earth animals we know to be heterothermic are bumblebees, several species of bats, the opah fish, and the arctic ground squirrel. Of all these animals, despite the opposite temperature intensity of Vulcan’s environment, I’m basing how Vulcans function on the last one, the arctic squirrel.

Which means they can deliberately control their body temperature in accordance to the needs of their survival. I imagine, just as arctic ground squirrels can drop their body below zero as needed (entering what is called a “daily torpor”) Vulcans can do the same. In turn, they could possibly skyrocket their bodies to temperatures that would be a lethal fever for humans. Which makes both McCoy’s “nonexistent Vulcan metabolism” comments in various episodes, as well as describing his blood as “ice water” make sense. As well as Spock being able to handle the heightened body temperature caused by Henoch in “Return to Tomorrow”. It also explains why Spock was in far better shape than Bones in the freezing temperatures of the planet from “All Our Yesterdays”.

However, like arctic squirrel newborns, they start out as ectothermic (cold-blooded) which lends itself to the Vulcan infants needing even more skin to skin to survive than humans theory by @acesexualspock. Being born cold blooded would prevent them from immediately dying the second they were exposed to the dangerous extremes of Vulcan’s heat. I also think they slowly lose the ability to control their metabolic rate as they grow older, slowing down dramatically as they age, which is why Spock gets increasingly colder as he ages rapidly in “The Deadly Years”.

“The brightness of the Vulcan sun has caused the development of an inner eyelid.”

-Spock, Operation: Annihilate

I wanna thank @tribbleland for inspiring this part in particular.

I want to offer a special congratulations to furries people who let their love for anthro-cats bleed into their love for Vulcans, turns out Vulcans are very catlike! Like our feline Terran friends, Vulcans have what is called a Nicitating Membrane. It’s functions that would serve Vulcans well in their desert home include spreading moisture across the eye, protect the eye from small water and small debris (like sand for example), as well as protecting the eye from ultraviolet radiation, which is more or less what Spock said in that episode. Other animals that have Nicitating Membranes aside from felines is actually the majority of the animal kingdom, and primates (like us) are the exception and not the rule. I also subscribe to the idea that Vulcans have other desert dweller features like thick hair and eyelashes, sealable nostrils, big feet, a crepuscular sleep cycle (avoiding extreme midnight and midday temperatures), and a tough as nails digestive system!

As an added bonus fact since this section is pretty short: It makes purrfect sense for Vulcans to purr! In cats purring is an emotional regulator when they are angry or scared (Vulcans are ALL about regulating their emotions) as well as purring when they are happy. It is also a mechanism for healing themselves, their kittens, and their owners, the frequency at which cats purr (25-140 Hz) cover the same frequencies that are therapeutic for bone growth and fracture healing, pain relief, swelling reduction, wound healing, muscle growth and repair, tendon repair, and mobility of joints. I’m over here getting emotional about the mental image of like, Spock or Tuvok or smth sitting next to a wounded crewmember and just like, purring with a completely straight face and that is soft and just a little funny and I am emotionally compromised.

“And are it’s natives predatory?” “Not generally, but there have been exceptions.”

-Spock to Trelaine, The Squire of Gothos

Surprise! This isn’t just going to be about Vulcan dietary needs, it’s gonna be about animal behaviors and self-domestication as well! I was trying to think of herbivores that are capable of eating meat, and then this idea hit me like a bomb going of in my head-

Vulcans are like Hippos!

I don’t mean I think they used to be hippo-like (visually anyway) somewhere along the evolutionary line. I mean that they were probably big, extremely aggressive, pack roaming herbivores that are able to eat carrion when food is scarce. Have you ever seen a video of a group of Hippos smashing an alligator to smithereens? They kill more humans than any solitary predator on the African continent! What about a murder of crows killing a cat that injured one of them, or a group of bison saving a calf from a lion?! Herbivores can be insanely aggressive while still being social, plant-eating animals.

With that in mind, let’s talk about self-domestication! This is something that we humans (and to an extent, cats too) did way back in our biology according to some studies, we bred out aggression and bred in cooperativeness and curiosity. Cats, while partially domesticated by us, started looking for mates that were more sociable so that their offspring could exist closer to humans (and their food) as well as to tolerate other cats. While I do think Vulcans self-domesticated to a degree, I do not think they were able to do so nearly to the same extent as humans or our deliberately domesticated companions. Vulcan is a harsh, violent, and unforgiving planet, even more so than Earth, if Vulcans were naturally as friendly and curious as we Humans are now, they would not have survived as a species.

I believe this is why their emotions are so primal and strong, and things like Pon Farr and their unusually high wariness of the new and unexpected still exist so strongly. How do they live together in such high numbers and develop a functional society? They developed other means of coping as a work-around the impracticality of decreasing aggression!

“Call it a deep understanding of the way things happen to Vulcans.”

-Spock, The Immunity Syndrome

So, how do you have a species as aggressive, unforgiving, and frighteningly strong as Vulcans keep from completely destroying itself (aside from Surak’s teachings)? You take the empathy that humans already have, turn it up to 11, and tack on every evolutionary possibility to increase it. We already know how the Earth comparisons for Vulcan empathy: the extreme vitality of touch for the survival and emotional stability, cats purring to heal each other and themselves (and regulate emotions), nonverbal communication, the ancestral instincts of an infant animal being able to walk days after its born. What if we had all of these traits in remarkable spades, Vulcans certainly seem to! (Be prepared, the science starts getting a little squidgy because there are no real world comparisons and neurology research is very jargon heavy)

Electricity is a fundamental part of the biology of nearly all living things, it allows synapses to fire, regulates our internal organs, and gives us our senses of touch and movement. Skin to skin is so incredibly vital to the survival of infants, and the emotional stability for adults, that needing any more touch could be impractical and counterintuitive. So what if we got more from less? What if our sense of touch, and the acuteness of being able to read the emotions of others from body language and touch manifested as a form of what looks like from an outsider’s perspective, telepathy!

Now what if the radius of the sensation of touch could be extended much farther, say being able to sense someone to the same intensity I described in the last paragraph, like, through a wall or from across a room? What if you could connect to other lifeforms with the same ability like a chain circuit that could connect a whole species together in one giant circuitboard? I just described what Vulcans call the kwar’ma’khon, the telepathic energy that connects all Vulcans to each other!

Imagine having this same intense telepathic connection to someone for an extended period of time, like a t’hy’la or Bond Mate. What if you had a relatively easy to master non-lethal attack against other members of your species, that comes to you easily due to your intrinsic understanding of nerves and touch, like the Vulcan Nerve Pinch. In turn, what if, through the intensity of this connection you could transfer everything you knew and saw and felt to another person in the event of your death. That way, if you survived the harshness of your world without dying violently or unexpectedly, you could deliberately pass on that knowledge and those instincts to your next of kin, like the Katra. (thanks @distractedducky @spacedancer1701 & @find-me-in-outer-space)

Now, that’s A LOT of empathy on top of A LOT of aggression, if you don’t have a work around for any of these, as a species you’d be rendered a complete emotional wreck pretty much 24/7 (or whatever the time cycles for Vulcan are). Which is where @ineffablebuddies theory that Vulcans can control, or at least mitigate their incredibly strong emotional reactions the same way they control their nervous system and metabolic rate. Which is how they are able to be touch telepathic, able to enter a torpor at will, and be heterothermic in the first place. The only reason Vulcans come off as unemotional to us is because we simply do not see and feel the way that they can. Unlike us, because of their ability to control their own internal chemistry, if they follow Surak’s teachings and/or Syrranite ideology, they can take that emotional regulation to the extreme.

(BIG EXHALE) Congratulations on getting through this insanely long post! I hope you enjoyed it, if you want sources on any of my non-tumblr post research just let me know in the notes. LLAP! 💚🖖🏻💚

[one-strugling-bean]

Random Thoughts on HTTYD RttE S6 (Ep8-13)

I finally reached the end :')

Ep8 - Byebyeee, little Viggofly

Also, taking into account the ep's title, I'm gonna call this betrayal the "numero uno"

"They.. have two heads?" The twins confuse the heck out of Hiccup

Also, I'm an idiot, I just noticed Barf&Belch colors are different on their necks and head - one head is more forest green-y while the other is more vomit green-y

Hiccup's sword from the 2nd movie!!! It's basically Viggo's! The blade is just a rod and it has the zippleback gas in its grip(?). Everytime they add a reference to the 2nd movie, it makes me so happy, and I probably haven't even caught them all

Hmm, I like that Biatch isn't pretending to be a goody-goody like last time. And although I don't really think he poisoned Toothless, it was a cunning move. Me likey

Is- is this mysterious buyer Drago?? Back in S5, I think, Stoick had a flashback of Drago and in it, he and Krogan appeared together

So Viggo does have some kind of soft spot, or just respect, for Skrills. Why is that not a surprise? They have similar aesthetics don't they?

And we have reached our second betrayal of the day - whoever the next betrayed person is, I really hope Hiccup's their betrayer, to continue the "betrayed becomes betrayer" cycle

That's a lot of betraying in one sentence

And the betrayals keep on happening - I guess this was inevitable, Johann and Krogan never felt like the definite villains of the show. Biatch has had that spot ever since he first appeared

I'm confused, did Viggo and Hiccup plan this whole double-crossing together or not?? How would Hiccup get a key otherwise

In a different universe, Hiccup and Viggo would've definitely been master and pupil, no one can convince me otherwise

A Mostrous Nightmare saved him? Do we need any more confirmation on why MN share the tile of bestest dragon species with the Gronkles?

Viggo held Hiccup's hand so softly?? What is this?? Is he finally letting his crush on Hiccup show even more?

For the record, I still don't believe he's dead, the Skrill probably saved him... But if he is, I didn't hate his ending. It was honorable at least

The fact that it was honorable and not too rushed is the reason why I'm not 100% convinced he's alive

Ep9 - About Snotlout's book, "A short story." "A work of fiction!" - pff, Astrid and Hiccup ganging up on Snotlout doesn't get old

Isn't it plausible that Johann just found another Deathsong? No? Oke

Of course she'd win that battle, dunno why Hiccup even tried

A monocle? That's some decication

Also, Astrid you're the one who gave him the idea, you can't just steal his pencil now

More small moments of Dragon/Rider interaction, between Meatlug and Fishlegs and Snotlout and Hookfang, and I am here for it

I don't understand the use for the Cavern Crasher yet, but good to see an old face. He still looks very much unsettling

It's a surprisingly simple plan I suppose, to use the Crasher to escape

Is the book good or not? It's difficult to understand whether there's irony in their statements or they genuinely liked the book

"What is wrong with you?!", and Tuff breaks into a crying mess - this one was so sudden, it made me laugh out loud

Ep10 - Damn, that move of Stoick with his helmet was super cool!!

Yeahhhhh, Hiccup is going to have to lead Berk temporarily

Cute Toothless trying to cheer Hiccup up with cup tricks - cuuuuute

So Tuff and Ruff imagine a dystopia, Fishlegs imagines a Utopia(kinda), and Snotlout imagines himself as a greek mithology hero? Sounds about right

Omg, the conversation between dream Spitelout and Snotlout makes such sad implications

Okayyy, Hiccup, let's not go that far. If you hadn't shot down Toothless that fateful night, Berkians would still be at war with dragons - the village and Stoick would not be safer, quite the contrary.

And that's not even thinking about the dragons themselves! The Red Death would still be around, for starters. And how many dragons would've been slaughtered and hunted, by both Berkians and trappers? Thinking a little closer to home, probably none of your teammates' dragons would've been alive by now - heck, Hookfang was meant to be killed by one of you! (whoever won dragon training)

I don't know how Dagur came into the picture, but if it weren't for you, yeah, Berk probably wouldn't be targeted by Viggo or Johann, but it's not like they wouldn't exist. They'd just be terrorizing someone else.

I'm guessing this is Hiccup questioning everything that happened during the shows. But like, nou boy. That's not the right way of thinking

AU Snotlout scares me honestly, but it felt even worse seeing Hiccup cowering around him - no matter what may happen, it's hard to see Hiccup bending over backwards for Snotlout of all people, dragon-killer or not

Glad to know Fishlegs and Hiccup are still nerds together at least

And to finish it off, Astrid basically recounts the first movie but with the RttE designs. She coooould have been more creative but okay, I get her point

My headcanon is that he gave Hookfang the biggest hug ever after he got the dragon alone

When Tuff is complaining about Hiccup still losing his leg, if you look at Snotlout you'll see him rethinking every single moment of his life there

Not too long ago I made a post about the Httyd3 gang meeting their pre-Httyd1 selves, but imagine: the current RttE riders meeting their counterparts from Astrid's story. Snotlout would be punched so many times, it would've been glorious

Oh, hey Heather.

And we're going back to Vanaheim? Sure, why not

Ep11 - "Are we ever really done, Astrid?" why do I always seem to hear some kind of venom or animosity whenever Ruff talks to Astrid? Is it just me?

Toothless also saying bye before leaving Stoick was sho cute

Yes, it makes so much sense for the twins to think Hiccup is a wizard, I can't explain it well, but just, yeah, I can see it

I wonder what torture methods the twins would use

Is Meatlug grieving? Fishlegs, hug the best girl

She's making them tombs?? That is so freaking sweet, I can't-

And now she's helping them stay alive?? Meatlug. Is. Best. Girl.

Oh nice, more lenses

Was Snotlout the one hit by the lightning bolt because he's the only one with an iron helmet? Maybe? No?

Also, isn't this like, the third time he's hit by one?

Yeah, it is ¦p

Aw, glad Hookfang is feeling better already, he deserved the break

Ohhhh, yeahh, I had already forgotten Gruffnut existed

Ep12&13 - We are soooo close to the end and I don't want it to be over :')

A Titan Wing Dramillion? Hm, i was not expecting it, that's for sure

I can't really take this Stoick thing seriously and I feel like it's making me lose the emocional investment a bit. Also, why is Spitelout here, ew. Don't touch Hiccup

Tuff being a good friend

They're leaving, ahhhhh, I'm sad

They were only in the Edge one year??

More healthy Hiccstrid and Astrid being Hiccup's rock, oh yea

Please tell me Spitelout is not coming along......

"Fine, I'll kick some butt" and just, casually steps down from his saddle to join the Thorstons

I dont think that's gonna end well btw

All this generic fighting is slightly boring for me, ngl

So so glad to know the Dramillion wasn't the King of Dragons, but it was kinda obvious now that I think about it

Like, it shouldn't be possible for the bad guys to have this many Singetails. Sure, they've been breeding them, but the eggs would still need time to hatch, and more time for the hatchlings to grow to their adult size! How can they have so many??

Remember when the riders had trouble knocking the flyers off the Singetails' backs? Yeah

"See what happens when we get real? Things get real."

Nice to see Wingnut and Minden again. Also, "That's my girl!" - why was that so sweet?

Every time Hiccup and Astrid kiss, I can only imagine the twins and Snotlout gagging in the background as Fishlegs half coos at the couple, half scolds the others

King is the same dragon species as the ones from Httyd2! Nice, he looks super cool

Why is Spitelout here?? Couldn't you have put Gustav in his place??

The King's egg looks like an exotic fruit

If that was Johhan's fate, I gotta say I'm surprised, because it was really easy in the end - just turn him into a sorry excuse of an angry popsicle

Can't say I'm happy that Krogan is the final boss tho, little Hoody there is not nearly as fun as the Grimborns or even Johann

Astrid being a great leader - you go girl, for the last time!!

While I am glad to see all the dragons we've gotten acquainted with through out the show, I have to say, it should not end well. I mean, it will, because it's the finale and all, but having that many different dragons all in the same space would lead to so much chaos and dragon fighting.

Berserker Island is gonna look so so wrecked when this is over

Uhm, was there where the whole Fishlegs/Ruffnut/Snotlout love triangle from Httyd2 started? Weird

That was a cute little SingetailxTitan Dramillion bonding, i liked it

What the fuck Krogan

Why was Hoody so easy to defeat, da heck

Ohhhh, Drago, heyyyyy

The Wingmaidens knew Valka??? And exotic-fruit-egg-baby is the King that dies in Httyd2?? Whaaaaaaa-

My head is reeling

Ew, love

SHATTERMASTER!!!!!! Where have you been???! I thought you had died like, 2 seasons ago!! My boy is holding the rings- what the heck where have they hid you??

Poor Snotlout, Tuff rejected him

Ahh, they are leaving the Edge for good.... This is making me so sad...

"Who wants to race back to Berk?" Your dragons are carrying your luggage and you want to race? Hiccup, I thought you were supposed to be the sensible one

And now it's over, and now I'm emocional

This was a crazy ride that's for sure

Nowwww, onto to Riders of Berk :p

Wow, RttE is done! I honestly wasn't expecting to reach it, but here I am

If you've read any of my posts on RttE, I genuinely congratulate you. I can't believe anyone would wanna read my opinions on anything, so I thank you a lot, it's been so much fun being able to share this stuff for once

I kinda wanna do this for RoB too, but dunno yet. Would anyone mind that? I feel like I've already been abusing this franchice's tag and fans on tumblr for long enough

But anywayy, hope you a nice day and don't get smoked by any dragons soon! Byebyeee :>

[miraculousares]

Because I doubt the writers are going to feed us the interaction immediately after The Thing™, here I am. GANG OF SECRETS SPOILERS. IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED S4 YET, DO NOT READ ON

Marinette clutched the sides of her head as if she might explode if she didn't hold everything together. "You're right, I have secrets and I lie all the time! I lie to my parents, to my friends. To everyone..." She felt her best friend sit beside her on the chair but she was so caught up in her feelings that she couldn't process it. "And the worst part about it is that I can't do anything about it!" She buried her face in her hands, fighting back another bought of sobs.

"We always have the choice, Marinette." Alya spoke softly and carefully putting her arms around the girl. In the back of her head, Marinette was sure that she could feel her shaking but at this point, she didn't care. She was overwhelmed. She was heartbroken. She was stressed. She was terrified.

"No." She looked up and met her friend's eyes and saw a look of sympathy. "At least not for me. I've got no other choice. It's all beyond us, Alya, and it's too heavy to carry." She wiped a tear from her face.

"If it's too heavy, then we'll be two to carry it," the girl whispered comfortingly. With this, Marinette let out a long breath. She knew what the right decision was to the discourse she'd been having in her own head all day. That didn't stop her fear from taking control, though.

"If I tell you, things between us will never be the same. It's going to destroy everything, change it all."

"Marinette, whatever you'll say, I'm your friend." Marinette could hear how desperately her friend wanted to know. But it wasn't out of curiosity or pushiness. It was to take the burden of her secret from her. To help her carry it.

"And me..." She searched her friend's eyes, gaining the confidence and reassurance she needed from the loving stare of her best friend. "I'm Ladybug." Time seemed to move in slow motion. For a moment, she wondered if Bunnix had done it, showing up to keep her from telling Alya. But instead, time resumed as the redhead's expression quickly changed from shock and confusion to one of understanding before pulling her into a tight hug. She paused for a moment before wrapping her own arms around her friend and let herself sob silently into her shoulder.

If she was being honest, Marinette had thought of a thousand different scenarios as to how Alya might react. The majority of them were filled with neverending questions from the Ladybug-Superfan. A select few ended with Alya storming out and never speaking to her. One even included her selling her out to Shadowmoth, though she shut that one down quickly. However, she hadn't let herself imagine Alya comforting her immediately. Marinette was grateful to her friend for that. She didn't ask her to prove it, ask her a million questions, or even speak. She just hugged her because she trusted her. Alya had complete faith in her.

After a few minutes of letting out the weeks' worth of sorrow and pressure out into her friend's flannel-clad shoulder, she eventually pulled away and searched Alya's eyes. She seemed to be processing the information, but sympathy and understanding still took over her face. Seeing that expression, all worries and stress washed away in a wave of overwhelming relief. It felt amazing to have finally told someone and she knew she had made the right choice. She let out another breath and a smile forced itself onto her face. It felt foreign on her face now, rarely having worn one since becoming the gaurdian, but it felt at home. She wiped her cheeks and laughed. Nothing was amusing, she was just so happy that it escaped her lips automatically.

"Okay, I'm okay. You can react now," she announced. Though Alya was doing an amazing job at just being understanding, she could tell that her best friend was bursting with questions. Alya seemed to scan over her one last time to check for any remaining need of comfort before letting her face turn to an expression of shock.

She sat silent for a moment as if trying to organize her thoughts before breathing out, "You've beta-read so much of my LadyNoir fanfiction..." Marinette couldn't help the loud laugh. She clapped her hand over her mouth but Alya just joined in the laughter. They sat there letting out all of their relief and joy and connection through that shared laugh until their stomachs hurt. Eventually, they were able to get their breath back and Alya seemed to be more collected in her processing.

"Okay, actually though, that's insane. Ladybug has been my best friend this whole time and I had no clue. And all the pressure you've been under this whole time. I mean hell, Marinette! Paris' safety- No. The world's safety has been sitting on your and Chat Noir's shoulders for two years and you're only 16! I can't even imagine it! I mean, I guess I can to an extent because, ya know, Rena Rogue. But that's more of a part-time gig and it's not like everyone's relying super heavily on me. And now I'm rambling. What I'm trying to say is that I'm glad you trusted me with this and I'm so sorry I haven't been able to support you the way you've been needing. But I'm here now." She inhaled, clearly having forgotten to breathe during her ramble, and pulled Marinette into one more hug. "Can I ask questions?" She asked after they pulled apart again.

Marinette smiled. "Of course, Als."

"Okay. God, where do I even start? Do you know who Chat Noir is?"

"No. It's too dangerous for us to know each other's identities. Shadowmoth needs both of our miraculous and if we knew each other's identities, that would make it that much easier for him to get them," Marinette explained. It felt amazing to finally be talking about this with someone. Of course, she always had Tikki and now the other kwamis, but she needed the support of another person. She needed the support of her best friend.

"So he doesn't know who you are either?" Marinette shook her head and Alya nodded. "How did you even get your miraculous? I mean it's not like there was a Ladybug to hand it to you like I got mine."

"The last guardian, Master Fu, gave them to us. I don't know what happened with Chat Noir but I imagine that it was similar to why he gave me mine. I saved him from getting hit by a car in a crosswalk and showed him kindness. He told me later that he could see the 'heroic qualities' in me." She used her fingers to make air quotes around the words.

"That's incredible!" She paused for a moment, eyebrows raised in thought. "Oh my god, so many things make so much sense now."

"RIGHT?!" Marinette exclaimed.

"That's why you're always late! And why you're always so tired! And why you just dash out of class in the middle of the day!"

"EXACTLY!" Marinette practically shouted, relieved to finally be understood.

"Oh,

man... Everything's clicking in place, wow." Marinette could almost see the equations floating in front of Alya's face.

"Wait, sorry if this is out of line but... Is LadyNoir canon?"

"WHAT! No! Not in a million years!"

"Then what is this?" Alya whipped out her phone and showed Marinette her home screen. It was the picture that had been haunting the girl since it was taken. She wished it would disappear but it was constantly resurfacing on the internet and on tabloid covers. The photo of her and Chat Noir kissing on the rooftop after battling Oblivio.

"I have no idea what that was," she admitted. "I have no memory of even defeating Oblivio, let alone kissing that mangy cat."

"I mean, I know you're going through a lot right now and have sworn off romance for the time being but... Could it ever happen?"

Marinette opened her mouth to respond but all that came out was a sigh. "No," was all she said.

"Why not?"

"I..." Tears formed in her eyes and Alya immediately pulled her into a hug.

"Oh my god, Marinette. I'm so sorry, I didn't-"

"No, no. I just... I haven't really let myself think about it since it happened. But, I guess I can finally talk about it, huh?"

"You can tell me anything, you know that."

And so, Marinette told Alya about what happened with Chat Blanc. She explained how their love destroyed the world. She explained how her own irresponsibility with her miraculous had destroyed the world. The whole event had honestly been very traumatic to Marinette and weighed heavily on her heart. Since that, she'd been even more closed off about her secret, especially to her partner. She hadn't let herself think about it if she could help it, but it still haunted her in her nightmares.

As she finished the story, Alya tightened her arms around her. "Marinette, I am so, so sorry that you had to go through that. You've been put through so much and you've been holding on to so much pressure and it's not fair. Mari, when I tell you this, I want you to believe me. You are the strongest person I know. You've gone through more than anyone should have to go through in a lifetime. Yet, you still manage to find a way to always be there for your friends and your family. You're out all night fighting for your life and for the world and then you come to school and you're there for everyone else. You are so, so strong. You're amazing and not just because you're Ladybug, but because you're Marinette."  Marinette couldn't hold back the tears that flowed down her cheeks as she hugged her best friend. Any regrets or doubts she worried she might have about telling Alya were gone. She knew she had made the right choice.

The girls spent the rest of the night talking about this, a mix of laughing and crying until they eventually fell asleep there on Marinette's couch, tired from the whirlwind of emotions. "Thank you, Alya, for being here for me," Marinette whispered as Alya's breathing steadied. Then, she closed her eyes and fell asleep herself. For the first time in weeks, her dreams were light and hopeful.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

For the “everyone who died is able to wake up” sdra2 au, could you do headcanons of the characters who died reuniting with their s/o who made it to the end? If all the dead characters is too much, you can choose who to do, but if you decide to do Shinji, since he has teenage children, maybe you could include them being there too?

I can do all of them! I think the Void members are the same age outside the simulation so I’ll just leave them at that.

Obvious major spoilers! This took forever to write whew

.........

Yuri

Realizing that you saw each other as high schoolers was quite strange. But now you remembered why Yuri became so attached to you the moment you met on the island.

Everyone who woke up was shook upon seeing how tall and muscular he actually was. But you were just happy to see your boyfriend alive and well.

You tell him everything that’s happened, and he’s understandably bitter about Hajime killing him (you had to distract him with a kiss so he didn’t actually punch him).

In time he decides to forgive the boxer...but only because you asked him to.

He feels guilty about letting Monocrow be used for the killing game. So to ensure his work didn’t hurt anyone else, he destroyed all the data and blueprints associated with the bird.

The simulation reminded you of how short he was back then--and you’d tease him about it often (much to his embarrassment).

Hajime

Wakes up disoriented and confused, until he realizes he’s alive and back in the real world. Though he’s got a bit of a headache.

Then he sees you and smiles. “Were you waiting long?”

“Almost too long, you dumbass.” You just hug him tightly, grateful that his brain wasn’t fried to mush like you feared.

He has genuine regrets about siding with Mikado and offers to let you punch him if you wanted to. But you only give him a kiss and reassure him that’s all in the past.

Despite everything, he manages to joke about being turned into a doll, claiming it could be good merchandise to sell in the future. Though for now you both just wanna go home and recuperate from what happened.

Yep, he’s still got his healthy habits so he’ll be sure to take care of himself (and you, of course, since your mental health is just as important as your physical health).

Kokoro

Has the most nonchalant reaction. 

She feels unusually cold, but quickly claims it’s just an “after-effect” of the death she experienced in the program.

If anyone else was her s/o, they would’ve been angry and confused at her neutral reaction. But you’ve known her long enough to know she’s like this all the time. 

So you just smile and welcome her back, telling her you survived--like her younger self anticipated.

With both versions of Mikado gone, she isn’t exactly sure where to go with her research from here. But you convinced her to take a long break from her work.

She thought you’d be angry or at least disappointed that she contributed to the simulation’s creation, but you aren’t.

You didn’t have the heart to hate her, even though before that you resented her for using her daughter for human experiments.

Emma

Surprisingly calm...at first. She just acts like she woke up from a nap, relieved “this bad dream” was finally over.

But then she sees her hands--realizing she’s whole again and not some disgusting mess of flesh trapped in limbo--as you hold them and smile softly at her. “Welcome back to the land of the living, darling.”

Everything hits her all at once, and before you knew it, she was hugging you tightly and sobbing into your chest as she apologized for everything she did. 

She was scared she’d never see you again, worrying if you’d survive to the end (imagine her relief when you did).

You spend a bit of time comforting her, rubbing her back and reassuring her she was finally free of Mikado’s influence.

You’re close to tears yourself--seeing her slaughtered by horror movie monsters was a grim execution you wouldn’t forget easily. 

And after coming home that’s one movie genre you both avoid for a while.

Setsuka

She wakes up feeling disappointed and some back/joint pain that she didn’t see through her mission till the end, but she’s happy to be back with you.

You practically throw yourself into her arms, relieved she was whole again and not just limbs scattered across a haunted house attraction.

If you decide to tell her about the circumstances regarding her death, she might be quite unnerved, at first, though she doesn’t resent Hibiki once you mention how she was basically a puppet during that time.

Her quick forgiveness would’ve been surprising, but you only expected that from her and just smile, giving her a kiss.

“You’re taking a few days off of work. I don’t care what Tsurugi says--you need it.”

“Alright, alright..fair enough...by the way, I’m still as cute as I was back then, right?” She chuckles.

Yep, that’s your sweetheart of a former billiards player alright.

Hibiki/Kanade

(I hc that Kanade’s serial killer backstory was all fabricated, and her obsession over Hibiki isn’t as extreme irl, but she still has some overprotectiveness).

When the twins wake up at the same time, they...honestly aren’t sure what to say to you--or each other for that matter.

Kanade was staring off into space, fully aware of the horrible things she said and did. Meanwhile Hibiki looked ready to yell at her as soon as she spoke. And you were just watching them nervously.

But then you’re surprised when the younger sister reaches over to hug you, starting to cry and apologize for everything. She could never see herself doing any of those things in real life...but she doesn’t expect any forgiveness right away.

To her shock, you forgave her--knowing that the Kanade in that simulation wasn’t your sweet and shy sweetheart. The real one you’ve known since forever was right here, feeling truly remorseful for things she never did.

It’s not long before Hibiki burst into tears too and oops now both of them are crying into your arms. 

But you didn’t care. What mattered was that the nightmare was finally over.

Shinji

Your teenage kids were brought to the location of the pods by the KF (as other living relatives of the kidnapped participants were), and they anxiously waited for you and Shinji to awaken.

The relief and joy you felt upon seeing their smiling, tearful faces was immensurable as they practically tackle-hugged you. But when they ask about their father, you decide they’re mature enough to know what happened--and so you explain that he made a sacrifice to protect everyone, including you.

They promise to wait for him, as they did for you...and man is that wait worth it when he awakens to see his beloved family.

It’s a very, very tearful reunion, but it was especially overwhelming for you, considering you still have the image of your husband’s burnt corpse fresh in your mind.

Shinji’s optimism never wavers, even after everything. He points out that the way you two have interacted in the simulation was similar to how you both met in real life during high school (minus the killings, of course).

You regrettably tell him what became of Yuki, but he just hopes the kid’s doing alright, wherever he may be.

Nikei

The moment he wakes up, he takes a few seconds to register three things: he’s alive, you’re alive, and his right hand is back. 

But before you can ask him how he’s feeling, a billion and one questions fly out of his mouth.

“Is it all over?? Is Mikado gone?!! What about Utsuro--??"

You do your best to calm him down and catch him up to speed, reassuring him Mikado is gone and won’t hurt him ever again.

Though now that he sees everyone alive and well--including Shinji and Void--he feels tense and awkward, wondering what the future holds now. But you take his right hand to divert his attention back to you.

He gets pretty choked up, realizing that he’s finally free and isn’t doomed forever and can actually go home with you. You just smile and hug him, repeating those reassurances.

Considering his breakdown in the trial where he got executed, you decide you’ll have a long chat about his insecurities when you two get home--with him being the interviewee.

Teruya

Rei and Tsurugi are with you when Teruya finally awakens. Though before he can even properly get out of the pod, you throw your arms around him and he doesn’t hesitate to embrace you back.

He’s already in tears himself, relieved when you tell him you survived.

“That’s good..I’m..I-I’m glad you made it out.”

“I would’ve liked to make it out with you, too, idiot.” You huff, remembering how he refused the antidote you tried giving him for the poison. 

He told you why he needed to die so you could escape with everyone. And it hurt him a lot to do that, but you forgive him..though only if he promises to never make a stupid sacrifice like that again.

You decide to leave out how you almost got executed by an incorrect vote. For a while you thought you could never avenge your boyfriend, but with Mikado finally gone..you were now satisfied.

He’ll need a few days off of work after what he’s been through. You already chewed out Tsurugi for calling Teruya a “diversion”, so he begrudgingly allows it.

[kaypeace21]

DID theory part 3: St novels/comics/spotify list analyses

*read part 2  of DID theory-first! You’ll be lost otherwise, seriously XD. First, I’ll say -I find the ST comics/ books as canon as the st movie inspirations . I don’t consider the books/comics ‘literal canon’ (cause they contradict the show ( like Max and billy meeting a year before s2  in runaway max - but meeting as little kids in s3,  or El’s age being wrong in suspicious minds, in the d&D comic Will’s friends instead of him /Jonathan building castle byers, etc) . 

So I think we shouldn’t take it  literally - but more like the st movie lists - filled with foreshadowing/symbolism and other eastereggs (That the Duffers may have told them to add). So here’s some more (possible) alter / DID hints...

‘Suspicious minds’ novel

- Brenner  equates k*lling rabbits to h*rting kids. And he’ll hurt (kid) Kali (the bunny in the analogy) if Terry tries running away from him . I wonder if Lonnie used a similar threat against jonathan? Jon could be giving only a partial truth to why he cried for a week (about the bunny story)?

-Kali “hops” like a bunny then talks about tigers obsessively (linking her to rabbits/tigers similar to the other alters/Will/Lonnie). Terry also imagines tigers and kali says to Alice they can all be tigers together.

- one of the only male psychic experiments (who can see the future) is gay

- Terry is into lord of the rings, like Will. Has her and her boyfriend dress as sam & frodo (m/m ship). Terry calls her and her friends “the fellowship”.

-when Terry/Alice were injected with d**gs -they hallucinated rainbows.yikes.

- Alice (like Lonnie) is a car mechanic. She can see the future like Will the wise and says “monsters of course my mind has them as long as they stayed in there, everything would be alright? Wouldn’t it?” (in her visions she saw the demogorgan).

 (completed) graphic ST novels (by Jody Hozer) so far  (+ other st comics).

*Jody Hozer writes all the graphic novels (every novel is 4 chapters each) - the will byers comic, number 6 comic , into the fire comic, and at the moment she’s writing the d&d series and the summer camp series (which isn’t done yet). Then there’s the occasional 1 chapter st comics not written by her.

- Number 6 has (the ability to foresee the future like Will the wise/Alice) and has an ab*sive dad. 

When having a nightmare of the demogorgan ...she says as she wakes up “screw you dad” (another hint the demogrgan -aka in d&d means ‘deep father’ ...is Lonnie).

- when number 6 and others run they say they’re’ “rabbiting”(which yes technically makes sense but I found such an uncommon phrase odd.)

- The (summer camp and d&d graphic novels aren’t completed yet) but they establish d&d creatures are based off  real life people the boys don’t like in real life. Or that d&d is used as an outlet to explain true events from their pasts -but they just give the true stories a d&d fantasy slant.

- Which brings me to the halloween oneshot(not by Hozer),taking place before s1. Will tells a scary story told to him by Jonathan, and originally told to him by Lonnie. Says the boys have to keep it a secret cause it was something he was never supposed to tell to anyone. Mike says he has to finish the story he started. It’s about a “ch*lld-eater” monster first attacking a boy near the quarry (like where Will was found) and  attacking kids in a library (where Will was also found in s1).When the child sees the sheriff she bangs on the library door begging for help-he ignores her , walks away, and tells the other cops to never speak of what they saw as she screams for help. Because the previous sheriff was in kahoots with the monster. It def had some ... uh questionable imagery too 0_0

The vine in the mouth is also like the one in Will’s mouth (when Joyce found him in the library).And of course Dustin asks whether or not something like that could be covered up.

- In the “bully  comic” (about troy) also not by Jody. We focus on Troy and his ab*sive dad (who encourages him to fight/ditch his best friend). The dad has a drinking problem (gets fired), calls Troy a “mess” , pushes him, and constantly encourages Troy to be vi*lent/macho. He pretty much tries sabotaging the relationship Troy has with his friend (which I could see Lonnie doing in the future with byler).The dad/troy is framed similarly to when Billy gives Max a ride home-  after both ab*sers give bad advice saying not to hang out with their friend (after witnessing them fight in the school parking lot). Dad also laughs about almost k*lling a squirrel (a trait we see troy mimic)- and we see El feel guilty about k*lling a squirrel in s2. At the end of the comic- Troy (like Will) after making up with his bff james- moves leaving his best friend behind.

-  (into the fire) Twins: (one was normal with no powers living in the real world and the twin with fire powers is trapped in a dark sunless “cold” world styled like a psych facility/medieval fantasy) . pics in link.She hated her reflection cause it reminded her of being betrayed by her normal non powered twin who left her behind in the ‘cold’ place. She’d call herself a ‘hunter’ who would defend herself and attack others to never be hurt again. Her powers being unleashed were described like opening “a door.” And she loves her twin deep down and just wants friends . And fire twin goes to the “other side” to reunite with her reflection and find happiness in the real world. *also there’s sunflower/bunny symbols which she lights on fire-which can relate back to Will/Terry/Lonnie etc. The twins = Will & Will the wise (mf)

Mirrors also connect to Will and Will the wise via the canon spotify playlists too.

Will playlist (song: mirror in the bathroom)-Mirror in the bathroom Please talk free.The door is locked -Just you and me.Mirror in the bathroom recompense for all my crimes of self defense.Cures you whisper make no sense!Drift gently into Mental illness.

Demogorgan playlist ( from perspective of Will the wise aka the mf) (song: are you dead yet? )-”polluted soul through a mirror I behold.Throw a punch, shards bleed on the floor. tearing me apart. but I don't care anymore.Should I regret or ask myself are you dead yet?Wake up, don't cry. Regenerate to deny the truth. The fiction you live in blindfolds your eyes. Disclosure, self loathing, this time you've gone too far.Or could it be, my nemesis, that you are me?

(*st ‘into the fire’ comic. the fire powered twin’s thoughts echo the song)

*I think this foreshadows the later plot points of mf (will the wise ) and Will interacting via mirrors. The fire-wielding twin and the non powered twin had a lot of mirror imagery. Including the fire powered twin (Who denies reality/and imagines herself in a fantasy world) punching her reflection because it reminds her of her non-powered twin. Here’s some cover art from the novels showing how much they emphasize mirrors.

*And in s4 movies Black swan - “the black and white swan twins (two halves of the same person-Nina)” had creepy mirror imagery. In long kiss goodnight the women with DID talks to her “ (supposed)dark 1/2″  via a mirror (in a dream).  in ‘the visit’ the teen girl who’s dad abandoned her when young-  refuses to look in the mirror (and it’s never explained why she hates her reflection). So yes I think we’ll see this in s4 or 5. We already see the mf take on the appearance of Billy when talking to him.

- Will in “zombie boy” comic is afraid he’s a monster.

also lets appreciate the lil byler moment of Mike and Will being the only zombies and mike comforting him. honestly , though, the characters were pretty out of character for most of this 1 ch comic (until the end) tbh.

- in the “d&d comic” mf is  (possibly) described as a “protector” (aka like how i said the mf is probably a perpetrator alter- which are misguided protectors).

*update now that it’s finished... hinting Will created everything subconsciously.

‘Runaway Max’ novel (before s3)

(I didn’t get time to read this book unlike ‘suspicious minds’ -so can’t show screen shots of everything others talked about. May read it eventually)

-Max compares Billy  to ‘her monster’ and a ‘shadow’ that will attack anyone that comes close (mf parallel).

- Dart k*lled a cat,  El’s papa tried to force her to k*ll a cat. And Billy when seeing a d*ad cat lights it on fire for a “viking funeral”. A connection to WW (who has fire powers) and El & dart.

-Max and Billy both are into cars and bond over fixing them (similar to Lonnie’s interest in fixing up cars). And since Lonnie tried to brag to Jonathan about fixing a car up and Will is into tech it wouldn’t be a stretch that Lonnie and Will were into fixing cars together (like Max/billy who would hang out at a autoshop in Cali) .  Similar to Will ,max says hanging with Billy wasn’t always so bad- which made things more confusing to her.

- Max compares Billy being beat up by Neil: to ‘punching a pocket of a baseball glove’. This is interesting since this book was pre-s3 which was when they established the connection of billy and his dad to baseball (similar to s1 saying  Lonnie taught Will baseball).

-Billy’s friend is a nice ‘music snob’ . He tries distracting Max with music while Billy is burning the cat. Which reminds me of Jonathan trying to distract Will from their parents fighting in the next room-with music

- Max’s bio dad is a criminal who takes her to shady bars, and Max fears he’d ‘get bored of her’. Max also ran away from her mom to her dad’s 2x.Which reminds me of Jonathan thinking Will ran to Lonnie’s in s1.

-Max mentions how Billy misses his friends after moving out of Cali. And he starts acting even worse-after the move. Which will probably be the case for Will (at least a bit) when moving to California.

-Billy tells Max Neil isn’t his ‘real dad’ either because Neil can’t be a father to anyone.

-Billy also tells Max who (at the time ) is 12 years old not to act “easy” and breaks her best friend’s (Nate’s) arm over  someone joking he was Max’s boyfriend and also cause Nate tried to get in between Billy bullying Max. Eventually all her Cali friends ditch her cause they’re afraid of Billy.And Ugh- why could I see Lonnie doing something like this in the future with Will/his new friends. 

- Creepily Max says Billy doesn’t fool around with her like other girls not because of her age or being family. But cause she wasn’t ‘attractive’. This whole excerpt gave me the heeby jeebies,on so many levels, honestly.  Almost like he’s jealous- and controlling her cause he doesn’t want Max to have any love interests. Maybe i’m just missing the context? But ugh... excerpt:

Will byers secret Files

-Hopper gets scared by a pumpkin-scarecrow. And in Will’s canon journal when talking about the mindflayer and his nightmares draws the same scare-crow , Hopper saw. There’s also a lot of s4-5 foreshadowing in the book... but that’s a post for another day.

Darkness on the edge of town (Hopper novel)

*didn’t get time to read this (except the preview)

 I think it’s more foreshadowing for future seasons though- cult/supposed ritual k*llings, people being wrongly blamed for those crimes-like the hellfire club , most likely.  (similar to the guy number 3 in the number 6 comic)  saint john in the novel also has the same brain control powers as 3- similar to the mf. .” When a blackout plunges the boroughs into chaos, Hopper must escape the the mobs in the streets to make sure his family is safe and stop Saint John from fulfilling his prophecy.” I already talked about here- how the next few seasons would start having more religious symbolism/a future apocalypse (based on what we’ve seen in the show/s4 movies). Although, i think there’s quite a few differences between (the novel’s) saint john and Will the wise. Hopper is also a star wars nerd like the boys (alter hint)

Canon spotify songs (posted after s2/before s3) hinting at DID/ alter /lonnie stuff-

Will  and Will the wise (aka the mf) being an alter

*Used Will and the demogorgan playlist (which i think has perspectives of Will the wise aka the mf, demogorgan, and Lonnie).

Besides the mirror songs previously mentioned...

Will (cold inside)-Doctor the problem's in my chest.My heart feels cold as ice but it's anybody's guess?Doctor can you help me cause I don't feel right?Better make it fast before I change my mind. Doctor can you help me cause I don't feel right?Better make it fast before I change my mindWell it's cold, cold, cold, cold inside. Darker in the day than the dead of night Cold, cold, cold, cold inside...Counselor give me some advice Tell me how hard will I fall if I live a double life?

El (ghost)-your ghost, the ghost of you.It keeps me awake.My friends had you figured out.Yeah they saw what's inside of you. You tried hiding another you.But your evil was coming through... living in the shade Your cold heart makes my spirit shake.

El (monster Lead me home)-I don't know what, what I was afraid of, I was afraid oooof...Monster take me somewhere...We walk in shadow.Monster lead me home.Where there is no place to hide.Stranger on the other side We walk in shadow.Monster lead me home.

 The’ innerworld’/  other hints Max, El, Hopper, and Billy are alters of Will’s

Max (Logical song)-I know it sounds absurd. Please tell me who I am, who I am, who I am, who I am?

EL(Buzzcut season)-I remember when your head caught flame It kissed your scalp and caressed your brain ...nothing's wrong when nothing's true. I live in a hologram with you Where all the things that we do for fun . Play along (make-believe it's hyper real) But I live in a hologram with you.

Billy (broken bones)-Broken bones.Stay alone. If I see only what I believe -reality's bound by what I conceive

Max (Why can’t i touch it)-Well, it seems so real.I can see it.And it seems so real-I can feel it.And it seems so real-I can taste it.And it seems so real-I can hear it.So why can't I touch it?

Hopper (breakers)-Just to keep me from losing my mind .It's so easy to drown in the dream.Oh, and everything is not what it seems This life is but a dream.Shatter illusions that hold your spirit down ...From the inside, so it seems.Oh, I'm telling you it's all a dream It's all a dream It's all a dream It's all a dream It's all a It's all a dream.”

Max (comfortably numb)-When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of my eye.I turned to look but it was gone.I cannot put my finger on it now.The child is grown.The dream is gone.I have become comfortably numb.

Max (Kids aren’t alright)-Still it's hard Hard to see Fragile lives, shattered dreams...What the hell is going on? The cruelest dream, reality.

El(team)-Livin' in ruins of a palace within my dreams. And you know we're on each other's team

Hopper (denial twist) ( just change ‘she’ to ‘he’)-Just because she makes you feel wrong she don't mean to be mean or hurt you on purpose, boy!Take a tip and do yourself a little service...by playing a different role Ya, by playing a different role, oh.The boat ya you know she's rockin' it.And the truth well ya know there's no stoppin' it.So what, somebody left you in a rut and wants to be the one who's in control.But the feeling that you're under can really make you wonder.How the hell she can be so cold?So now you're mad, denying the truth.And it's getting in the wisdom in the back of your tooth

El (the story)-You see the smile that's on my mouth.It's hiding the words that don't come out.And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed.They don't know my head is a mess.No they don't know who I really am.And they don't know what I've been through

El (hero) ( pretty much alludes to El being a construct of Will’s mind similar to his juju zombies in the d&d story he wrote )-Who knows what you'll find when you look inside (billy’s mind)?Haunted beach (billy flashback), roll the dice.The zombies in the corner aren't amused (d&d ref).Play the part of the blushing bride...Out of view, cloaked by night...My spirit dims, but I feel the force"No longer in my hands,"  (loses powers) .I say to you .I could've been a hero, I could've been a zero.Could've been all these thingsI could've been nothing, I could've had something.Could've been all these things.And if I am unable, tell him that I'll try but underneath the table will spin the wheel and hope for gold. Oh, and where it stops, nobody knows.

Max (it’s real)-I don't know who's behind the wheel.Sometimes I feel like I don't know The deal.But when I tell you how I feel-Believe me when I say It's real.I skated on a frozen Sea.It's real as far as I Can see?

Max (Halloween)-Because your role is planned for you there's nothing you can do.

El (White rabbit... alice and wonderland/lonnie ref)-And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you're going to fall...When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead.

demogrogan(Dimensions of horror)-Gaze upon the ancient face you dread (lonnie)... Passing through the doors, into Dimensions Of Horror. Haunting visions from the past, rise once more.Realms of darkness, terror, death and gore.Scream in fear, your sanity is lost

demogorgan (SCHORCHED)-Terrorizing madness. Vivid dreams. internal. Hallucinating the unknown. Abstract entities prey.Through superhuman abilities.Fragments of memory erased.

demogrogan (Calling from a dream)-the shadow king...seven spirits (7 ref) Swarming around his head.Close your eyes.Listen to my call. Our bond will bring us together again.I will wait for you. For our hearts still beat as one.Listen to my calling from a dream. (integration?)

 Maybe a coincidence or a hint at Will having both male &female alters?Billy (dude looks like a lady)- What a funky lady...Oh, he was a lady.Dude looks like a lady. Hopper (turn the page)-All the same old cliches,"Is that a woman or a man?" Max ( rebel rebel) (this was on her her pre s3 spotify list + post s3 “wrapped list”)- you got your mother in a whirl, doesn’t know if you’re a boy or girl? 

 SHIT DAD/ AB*SIVE FAMILY

*trigger w*rning ahead for dark themes like s**ual ab*se

demogorgan (my children)My children I never loved them.Why feel that way when their existence is my business?My children...feral vessals of my selfinterest...So don't lean on me man 'Cause I ain't got nothing to give.Don't lean on me man 'Cause I ain't got nothing to give.My children they're right behind you My children they're gonna beat you.My children if you let them Oh, oh, my children.

demogorgan (black dahlia-window):  I’m not quoting the lyrics you can just look it up.  it’s messed up.Based on the 1st person pov of Gilles de Rais -k**ler and p*d*rest who also kidnapped a cleric.

Will (creature comfort)-Some boys hate themselves.Spend their lives resenting their fathers... hate their bodies .Stand in the mirror (another mirror ref) and wait for the feedback.Some boys get too much, too much love, too much touch.

Jonathan’s Playlist- We’re happy family: “Eating refried beans (poverty). Gulpin’ down Thorazines (pills for a mood disorder). We ain’t got no friends (s2 ref). Our troubles never end. Daddy likes men. Daddy’s telling LIES.”

Jonathan’s playlist-Enter sandman: “Don’t forget my son. Sleep with one eye open. Gripping your pillow tight, Exit light, Enter night. Take my hand, we’re off to never-never land. Something’s wrong, shut the light, heavy thoughts tonight. Dreams of LIARS and of things that will bite, yeah. Hush little baby don’t say a word, and never mind that noise you heard. It’s just the beasts under your bed, in your closet in your head.”

Jonathan (The killing moon-guy sings this)-So soon you'll take me up in your arms. Too late to beg you or cancel it. Against your will!He will wait until you give yourself to him...In starlit nights I saw you.So cruelly you kissed me... unwillingly mine.

jonathan (haunted)-You and I both know that the house is haunted And you and I both know that the ghost is me. You used to catch me in your bed-sheets just a-rattling your chains.Well back then , it didn't seem so strange...In the midnight hour..I was busy trying to charm that snake. When the sun came up we had no place to hide...You and I both know that the house is haunted  yeah you and I both know that the ghost is YOU! You used to walk around screaming, all slamming all 'dem doors Well I'm all grown up now and I don't scare easy no more But you and I both know.

Hopper (Confession)-Now I'm on the low Confession, to a virgin ghost Admission, force you know.

hopper (Tomorrow ) Yeah, and back when s*x and amph*tamines were the staples of our childhood physique.

Max (Last caress)-I got something to say.I k**led your baby today.And it doesn't matter much to me.As long as it's de*d.Well I got something to say.I r*ped your mother today.And it doesn't matter much to me.As long as she spread. (Lonnie pov? Neil?messed up song to be on Max’s list)

hopper House of the rising sun- And my father was a gamblin' man Way down in New Orleans... And the only time he's satisfied Is when he's on a drunk

Max Poor relations-An attitude, no patience, he's paper thin.Talking over everything you have to say...Don't correct the things he said, what's the use?Can't handle violence.Can't handle violence.Learning to love the abuse you can't live without.Your familiar oppression, your daily injustice...That loser man that belongs to you, he's ruling you.

el (sweet dreams are made of this)- Some of them want to use you ...Some of them want to ab*se you.Sweet dreams are made of this...Hold your head up.Keep your head up, movin' on.

Max (Alternative ulster)-They say they're a part of you.And that's not true, you know.They say they've got control of you.And that's a lie, you know.They say you will never Be free, free, free

max In bloom-”Sometimes at night I let it get to me.And last night it had me down and feeling NUMB...And thinking back upon those days Way way back when I was young.I was such a little shit.Cos I was always on the run.Well you know just what they say-Just like father then like son.Don't delude me with your sympathy.Cos I can do this on my own.And this will be the last time-That I break down and wanna crawl to bed. “(since Billy has a playlist I found this song choice being on hers instead of his interesting- in fact almost all of Max’s songs are from the 1st person perspective of a boy unlike the other gals.)

Max (comfortably numb)-The child is grown.The dream is gone.I have become comfortably NUMB.

hopper (numb)-Honey, here I go again Down that crooked road of sin.My momma locked me out again And hung me high to rust under the rain I am NUMB( 8x)....Little bluebird at my window Sing a pretty song for me Don't you know that you can fly, fly, fly away Don't you know that you can leave I am numb.

other psych songs

Hopper (life of sin)-Every morning when I rise I look in the mirror (another mirror ref) and despise the sight of everything and all that I've become. The level of my medicating some might find intimidating But that's alright cause' it don't bother me none.

 Max (Moon over marin)- “Dive in my scalding wooden tub (connects to mf/el)...There, wasn't that a nice visit?Don't forget, a psychiatrist is on duty twenty-four hours a day in the blue room...Drink plenty of water when you take these.Now you can relax.” ( I wonder if stranger writers saying to “drink plenty of water” is secretly a line said by a psych person in s4?)

Max (Feeling ok)-My doctor says that I should take it -At least I won't have to keep faking.I know, someday I'll find it-Where I, I least expect it.Today I know I feel ok.

Max ( Going gets tough)-.No home since the fire.Me and the ash can't settle down...So I sink another round-Placebo for pain.And there's no one for to blame . I refuse to accept-That my work is all in vain...Still always remembering .When the going gets tough .That the labor of our love-Will reward us soon enough.

 Max (Comfortably numb)-Hello? (Hello? Hello? Hello?)Is there anybody in there?Just nod if you can hear me.Is there anyone home?Come on now-I hear you're feeling down.Well I can ease your pain .Get you on your feet again.Relax // Now I've got that feeling once again.I can't explain . you would not understand.This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb.I have become comfortably numb //Okay (okay, okay, okay)Just a little pinprick.There'll be no more, ah .But you may feel a little sick.Can you stand up?I do believe it's working, good.That'll keep you going through the show.Come on it's time to go// Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.

Explanations of Why the mf  (WIll the wise)behaves the way he does

demogorgan (ww) (Cowards starved)- friends think of me as a priest.I had to show them that the weakest hands Can still make impressive fires. (aka MF = will the wise)

demogorgan (ww) (Unmerciful):I will be reborn...Tranquil demeanor.Now devoured.Surfacing malice...I can't reconcile the torment others bring unto me.I will not take any reproach.Turning the other cheek.Relentless hatred consumes.Control released.Absolved of all compassion.I am free .Look into my hate filled eyes and tell me What do you see?Surging aura of my rage Paralyzing you in fear.

Demogorgan (ww) (bodies-Beaten why for (why for)?Can't take much more.(Here we go, here we go, here we go).One, nothing wrong with me,Two, nothing wrong with me.Three, nothing wrong with me.Four, nothing wrong with me.One, something's got to give.Two, something's got to give.Three, something's got to give now...You're all by yourself but you're not alone...Driven by hate consumed by fear.

demogrgan (ww)-Orbs used as transmitters carry electromagnetic beams from above (affecting magnetic fields in the show).Silence, manipulated, tortured ...How immune is your system of suffering?Its in the blood of suffering (familial ref).Its in the blood.

 Demogrgan (Monster)-I shoot the lights out..Whoa, just another lonely night...None of who you get it, ain't nobody cold as this.A zombie (will ref) with no conscience .Everybody knows I'm a motherfucking monster. Everybody wanna know what my Achilles' heel is? Love I don't get enough of it.

[fuzziemutt]

Do You Understand?

Chapter 1/9 - Link to MasterList in reblog

Summary: Connor knows he isn’t the most.. knowledgeable... about emotions but that didn’t mean he didn’t understand them ever. If they weren’t going to take him seriously then he wasn’t even going to try interacting with them anymore. What could possibly go wrong?

Tw: I’m placing all possible tws here that could apply to the story. Possible ableism (this is not explicit but what Connor goes through can be similar to it), dissociation, very emotionally harmful coping mechanisms. Self worth problems. Trauma responses that go unnoticed. Please let me know if I need to add any more.

This started as a vent fic that extended outward into comfort, it gets worse before it gets better.

Notes: This is my first multi chaptered fic, I’ve never done this before. I did write the whole story in entirety prior and scheduled the other chapters to slowly release. The original vent was honestly quite different than what ended up being written, and I don’t know how it turned into this huge thing.

Also: There are no ships in this, this is all platonic. The only relationship status is that Hank is Connor’s dad even if they don’t quite acknowledge it.

Also also: This is Connor Pov. We mainly focusing on his thought processes throughout and they aren’t particularly healthy. (Connor also has ADHD)

---

Connor knew he had trouble expressing and understanding his emotions. It wasn't a secret. He'd often find people looking at him with confusion, and sometimes wariness, with his lack of response to many things. He was a prototype. Sure he had one of the most advanced social relations software to date, but Cyberlife cut corners with the amount of articulation his face could produce, his current model wasn't meant to live long and to be disposable after all.

It doesn't help that he also just didn't know how to express what he was feeling in the limited ways he could. He "lived" most of his trial runs and current time in severe denial out of fear of deactivation so he'd rather ignore them than process them. It wasn't healthy but it was safe. Familiar.

That didn't mean he couldn't feel. He felt lots of things like guilt, hatred, fear, the occasional spark of joy. Too many things sometimes, in fact, that led him to having a nasty habit of adamantly ignoring it all, manually storing it away for later to keep his composer and stay in fully functioning order. Sure this led to people often ignoring his own desires and doing things that severely hurt him with no mention from him. But he was fine. He chose this after all. 

However, even with all the quarantining and ignoring, he couldn't help the anger that bubbled under his skin and in his throat right now. 

"Hank, I understand that you're angry but-" 

"You think you understand? You don't understand a shit, Connor! How could you?! I get you're your own person and everything now, but I never see you express anything beyond mild displeasure!" Hank yelled back. Connor was glad they were at Hank's house at least to provide some sense of privacy but saying he felt unhappiness at being yelled at was an understatement. 

Connor went to open his mouth in defense but Hank cut him off, "Of course you don't understand! How could you ever understand any emotions! You keep acting like a-" he suddenly went quiet, but Connor knew. 

"Like a what, Lieutenant?" He asked, making sure to keep his LED a yellow slow turn, but he couldn't help how sharp his voice came out, how his eyes hardened to a fine point. 

They stared at each other for several tense seconds before Hank seemed to deflate a bit and looked ashamed. 

"Like a machine," he spat out, still tense and upset but his fury gone. 

Connor simply nodded, quarantining what he could to not lash out and stood up silently. 

"I will be taking Sumo out for a walk to allow for us to take a breather before we both do something we regret. I will return," he said, shoulders tense and voice strict. His movements felt stiff as he tried to hold himself back from continuing this fight, grabbing the leash and patting his side to call over the old dog. 

"You can't just run away-" Hank tried, stepping closer as if to grab Connor's arm to stop him. But Connor's ice cold glare, almost threatening posture and clenched fists seemed to stop him. They kept forgetting that Connor wasn't just meant for integration but also intimidation, he once was a deviant (killer) hunter after all, and he can be intimidating when he so pleased. Hank seemed to suddenly remember the rumors of Gavin getting his ass handed to him by Connor in under a minute flat by how he backed away uncertain.

Connor left and came back a bit over half an hour later. Hank would apologize and Connor would accept it, even if that anger still simmered deep inside, and they'd go back to joking and discussing work matters like nothing happened. Friends sometimes fight after all. It was fine.

Despite how much Connor hated those accusations of him being incapable of understanding, they. Kept. Happening. 

Not just with Hank but others as well. The people who he thought were his friends, the Jericrew, even Nines the RK900, kept pulling the same shit. Connor knew they all experienced deviancy differently than him, Nines also had the gift of a face with full articulation that he couldn't help but envy, but it irked him every time. 

"Let's switch topics for Connor..."

"Oh I should have talked about this with someone else..."

"It was rude of me to assume you understand-" 

"Oh.. Sorry I know you don't understand-"

"You know he doesn't understand-"

"He won't understand-"

"He can't understand-" 

Each time he heard that word, understand, Connor felt that broiling anger rise just a bit more. Each time they never even asked how he felt before the assumption, he felt his trust disintegrate bit by bit. He was a master of masking his emotions to get the emotional responses he wanted, but even he had a limit when anytime he saw his friends he felt nothing but hateful bitterness below his false pleasantries. He even stopped willfully hanging out with all of them, even Hank, as it grew harder to fight down the urge to scream and yell and make them understand. 

It all came to a head during a meeting with the Jericho leaders, Nines tagged along as well as he said how much he missed seeing him outside of work. They were discussing how to handle the androids that still had severely negative responses to humans after all this time since the revolution. He was in the middle of talking about a solution of creating areas in New Jericho that would absolutely not allow humans and could run independently when North rounded on him.

"I'm sorry," in a very much not sorry tone, "but how am I supposed to take your option any bit seriously when you don't understand any of these androids' struggles mister 'my best friend is a human'."

"North-" Markus warned. The others even tensed up staring at Connor.

"No seriously. He could never understand their struggles," North plowed forward with no hesitation. 

Connor felt something snap inside of him. He felt his LED burn bright red, his back straighten, fists clenched, and his features shift into that bitter anger that he tried his best to keep under wraps. He could see how everyone grew more than just tense but wary even; he even saw a flash of fear in North's eyes. 

They insisted he was nothing more than a machine who didn't understand. That he'll forever be Cyberlife's pet (killer) deviant hunter. So he'll show them the hunter that was conditioned, threatened, who thrived on his own anger and fear through every grueling training session. The side that he kept pushed down as much as he could. 

He couldn't help the bitter laugh that came out of him, "understand... You know what? I'm starting to think I fucking hate that word." 

He knew he was scaring them with how North backed away quickly and the others started coming forward as if to protect her from him. His anger worsened at that but a small part of him felt a bit of twisted satisfaction at how they're finally treating him seriously. He could even imagine Amanda whispering praises for being the threat they wanted from the back of his CPU. 

"Has it never occurred to you that I might have problems with humans as well?" His hands expressed where his face couldn't, trying to contain the energy thrumming in his body, "has it never occurred to you what I might have gone through hm? 

“Oh wait. You never asked. You only accused. Have you ever thought about how my serial number has a 54 at the end of it? Did it ever occur to you that I have to exist with the memory of 53 deactivations constantly and the fear that I might be the 54th for merely breathing wrong? Who do you think did that? Who do you think reminded me day in and out that I was nothing but an expendable machine made to kill, to never ask questions because it meant deactivation or my internals torn out while I was awake. Humans. Humans did that but no, just because I trusted Hank not to do the same, I don't understand?" 

He knew he was slowly growing erratic and unstable with how aggressively his hands moved and the way everyone backed away from him. The way he loomed over them with his presence didn't help their nerves he was sure. Or how he slowly stalked towards them as if a predator was cornering its prey. But he couldn't help it, the thrumming pulse in his core needed to come out and by hell was it coming out now. 

"Not only that, but I apparently don't understand emotions too! I may be a deviant but emotions? They're off the table!" He couldn't help the second bitter laugh, a tinge hysterical, "no no. None of you took the time to ask me how I was handling these emotions and instead just assumed I didn't feel them! Because I'm ‘just a machine’. This guilt, fear, and self hatred I feel every waking moment? Lies because I'm just a machine. Even this anger I'm expressing right now? These are lies too aren't they? The nightmares I get of my countless deactivations and the numerous deaths that stain my hands? All just my programs malfunctioning because I'm just. A. Machine." 

"We didn't... Connor we didn't know-" Nines started, his sadness and fear clear as day on his face like how they wanted Connor's to be. The others were solemnly nodding along too as if this would appease him. 

"Because you never. Asked. Because none of you ever truly fucking cared!" Connor roared in response, slamming a fist down on the metal table next to him. All their eyes snapped and starred at the large dent he knew he left behind but he didn't care. He let himself breathe heavily, taking a second to find himself and his self restraint again. 

And just like that, he locked up those pesky emotions like everyone expected him to. He knew the people before him didn't actually desire him to show any negative emotions just like them, they proved it just now with how they're looking at him. He took one final deep breath, fixed his tie and let his face slip back into its emotionless mask except the cold, closed off glare didn't leave. He even felt that that was going to be a permanent feature now after today and couldn't help the internal chuckle at the irony how he finally was showing the emotions they desperately wanted him to show.

No one said anything as he moved towards the door. There was still tension in the air, fear, anger and confusion swirled in various manners of their eyes. Nines seemed split on treating him like a threat and reaching out to him, maybe even to pity him. Markus also looked like he wanted to say something, but he just looked away in the end. North had fearful eyes but a look that seemed to say 'I was right we couldn't trust him'. Josh held Simon behind him, and he looked almost sad if his distrust didn't say otherwise. Simon refused to take his eyes off the clear fist shaped dent in the table, still as a statue. Connor vaguely wondered if they'd replace that table because of him just like how they so easily replaced him with Nines when given the chance.

No one made a move to stop him from leaving. He couldn't tell if it was out of fear of him showing those (killer) hunter colors again by snapping an arm or if they're realizing just how badly they fucked up. He couldn't tell which choice he wanted more either. He hoped it was the latter.

"You're all hypocrites. To me, you're all no better than them," was the last thing he hissed out before slamming the door closed behind him. He heard the way the frame and wall around the door shook and cracked from the force but again, he didn't care. He wasn't going to play nice anymore if this was how they felt like treating him. He was programmed to be amiable, calm but he was also programmed to be obedient and he knew how that went. A bit of anxiety existed of how much damage he did and how easily he almost lost control back there, but he just ignored it again as he rushed down the hall to leave. 

No one followed him.

[meta-squash]

Brick Club 2.5.7 “The Enigma Continued”

Valjean has come back into himself, returned all his convict-instincts to their knapsack. But Cosette is still in that place of fear he caused her in order to keep her quiet. I feel so terrible for her here because they built up such a beautiful knot of trust and love between the two of them and Valjean kind of betrayed it. Still, she’s forgiving enough and young enough that she doesn’t realize it wasn’t real, and therefore his assurance is enough to comfort her.

Valjean’s behavior is like some weird form of code-switching. Depending on the circumstance he can jump from convict to regular (but slightly odd) citizen to someone of bourgeoisie standing, and do it well enough to totally or almost totally function and blend in.

“the shed was open on all sides” I’m confused. Was it just like an awning sort of thing? Or does he mean there were windows but no panes? Or just that all the walls were falling down?

Valjean finding all the doors locked and windows barred reminds me of his entrance into Digne. Only this time even the place of religion is closed to him. This feels so ominous. And it’s only about to get creepier.

“However, looking more carefully, he thought he saw something stretched out on the pavement, which appeared to be covered with a shroud and resembled a human form. It was lying face down, with arms outstretched in a cross, in the stillness of death. One would have said, because of a sort of serpent trailing along the pavement, that this sinister figure had a rope around its neck.”

And here is where I wish I had more religious/christian knowledge, but I don’t. I’m sure there is more symbolism here than I’m picking up. The only biblical hanging I know of is Judas.

However, instead what’s coming to my head is Enjolras. I’m sure I’m at least mildly wrong, but I’ve always imagined Enjolras dying in a similar position or posture (though standing) as a lot of depictions of the deposition of Christ. Enjolras is definitely a Christ-figure and the human vessel for the divinity of revolution, etc etc. And here is the nun, prostrate on the floor in the dark, in the position of the cross. Enjolras’ death is the opposite of this prostration in all but purpose. Both are literal actions, but Enjolras’ is public, external, direct action; the nun’s actions are internal, spiritual, and enclosed. Both this prostrate nun and Enjolras’ death are a sacrifice and an atonement for the whole of humanity at large. Only, Enjolras’ actions are for freedom and faith and Love in the living world, on earth, while the nun’s actions are for the same in the afterlife.

(By the way, the convent’s location is fake but as far as I can tell it looks like it’s maybe a little over half a mile from Place de Greve? I’m not sure if the proximity is close enough to be important.)

“...never had he seen anything more chilling and more terrible than that enigmatic figure fulfilling some strange mystery in that gloomy place, and glimpsed that way in the night. It was terrifying to suppose that perhaps it was dead, and still more terrifying to think that it might be alive.”

Oh hey it’s Sister Simplice. These nuns in the convent, like Simplice, are women who are not women, and who are neither dead nor alive. Schrodinger’s Nuns? They live life in utter seclusion, completely given over to god, but that means that they do not live a life of their own, that they live life completely in anticipation of heaven. Hugo goes deeper into the problem of the women in convents, but this is such a good summary of it. It’s terrifying and terrible to think of these nuns as “dead,” as living a life in anticipation of the afterlife and in contemplation of much more internal things. But it’s almost scarier to think of them as living creatures, who are aware that they are trapped in this sort of living but nurturing tomb, who cannot see the outside world or talk to each other the way regular people would. They have sacrificed their lives for their afterlives and for their spiritual lives.

But there’s such a massive difference between Myriel’s spirituality and the spirituality of the convent. The spirituality of the country is a huge contrast to that of the cloister. About a hundred pages from now Valjean compares the prison and the convent and finds the essential difference in the fact that “rescue” is possible in the convent through sacrifice as atonement for others. (And boy do I have Feelings about Valjean conflating his negation of physical comfort/emotional satisfaction with love and sacrifice rather than trauma.) Still, the fact that there are a full three pages dedicated to those comparisons is a lot. Myriel’s spirituality is so much more free, so much more actively giving. I feel like Myriel’s works better for Valjean because the convent would still be too much like the trauma of prison. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of the chapters here.

Valjean has a moment of nightmare-like horror. I don’t blame him in the least.

I think this is a sort of panic attack, although nearly the opposite to the one he had in the field after Petite Gervais. That panic attack was the inner debate between prison and salvation, between hardening his heart to death and opening it to divinity. This is bewilderment that it seems like the sanctuary he had escaped into was a trick, a trap. This is panic over what Myriel could have been. Valjean could have been taken in by Myriel for the night only to be handed over to the gendarmes after he stole the silver. It didn’t happen that way, but it could have, and Hugo makes it clear that Myriel’s actions were exceptional and that most other religious figureheads would have turned Valjean in. This is a manifestation of that fear. What if the angelic song is more of a siren song? What if this is a will-o-the-wisp, and the prostrate figure is a warning of his fate?

Valjean’s positive formative experience with religion is singular. It is purely, only Myriel. Most other experiences or interactions are mundane or mildly negative. Before Myriel they were only negative. This is the sudden onset of something that could be really, truly negative again, that could actually affect how he looks at the world through religion since Myriel changed him so drastically. At least right now, in the middle of the night, scared and alone and having just escaped capture, none of this looks welcoming. It looks terrifying and tomb-like and strange.

[newproletarians]

new proletarians

Alright, so I’m feeling a few things. I’m angry and confused at the world and my place in it, and I don’t want to lose sight of my heart. The reason that’s even on the table is that I feel—in a very real, day-to-day sense—the urge to just let it callous over with grey boogers, or whatever callouses over the hearts of Squidwards everywhere. Regular old life can do that to a devastating degree, but so can the usual suspects—things like real trauma and tragedy. I’d like to say I’ve experienced a little of both at this point in my young life, but I’m still fighting the calcification of my heart. Let’s hope that in just throwing my brain at the proverbial wall, some things stick that are worth sticking. Maybe my clarity can also be yours, reader. Maybe we can snuggle up with ourselves tonight, content that we know what the fuck is going on in the world, and smugly abstain from that which our friends could never imagine abstaining from, and which we’ve known we’ve needed to abstain from for decades. Whatever. It’s wordy. It’s a fucking blog, future me. They’re supposed to contain words. Also, maybe, if I’m writing a blog where the over 50% of the audience is myself, writing it is supposed to feel at least a little similar to masturbating.

Where to begin? Well, let’s start with this: I am a college-educated youth who attended what’s commonly referred to as the best public university in the world. I received a rolled up piece of paper symbolizing a degree on a stage with other students and professors a year and a half ago. So it’s recent. And right off the bat, in my young adulthood, I have a chip on my shoulder, having that big qualifier of “public.” I went to the world’s fanciest college... for the proletariat. What does that mean? For me, this brings to mind a lot of issues having to do with the distribution of wealth in the United States, in addition to what the hell is going on economically here and in the world—but that’s something to get into later. The more pressing issue is what the hell the role of a college-educated young person is today. DFW pretty succinctly laid out an idea of what that could be in his famous address. His point was basically that college (specifically, a liberal arts education) gives you the critical thinking skills necessary to be able to get through life under capitalism (or whatever you want to call the current regime) without going crazy. I think we can do better than that. Also, fuck it, I’m giving myself permission to be temporarily pissed off, because fuck that, dude. I know that rage isn’t always an indicator of fruitful conversation, but I gotta let some steam out somewhere. I’m sure that it’ll only lead to me being better down the line. God—I am pissed. About how we’re deciding to go about talking through issues we’re having as a society (on Twitter, but also in comments sections and in NY Times articles). I have so much anger, I’m just now realizing, and I need to process it without stupidly burning myself out on it. It’s a subject for later, and not what we’re talking about right now. Right now, we’re talking about the role of the college-educated youth today. I think we’re getting somewhere, too. I don’t think the role of the college-educated youth in today’s scenario is to correct their friends and families, nor is it to Tweet about how embarrassing, vulgar, or otherwise horrible stupid people are—however embarrassing, vulgar, or otherwise horrible they may be. The role, to me, has to do with learning this stuff. Learning about systems of power, systems of abuse (many of which hum merrily along in universities—looking at you, Searl. [My anger, you guide me, but you also lead me astray]).Staying ON POINT. The way it has to do with these things is that today’s C.E.Y. needs to notice them, understand them, then DO something about them. There are, for instance, things that we learn about privilege and prejudice in university that we may be tempted to hurl at our elders back home as insults. Our jobs, as young students, are to be sexy, fashionable, charismatic stewards of the new age. Instead of yelling at our parents about being racist, we should, say, intervene in a subtle way that guides rather than punishes. That preserves trust and connection in relationships while simultaneously doing our best to right centuries-old wrongs. But this is about so much more than that. Our role is about how we conduct ourselves as the nations intelligentsia. But that’s a question. I’m not answering it here, try as I might. I still don’t know how I feel about it. It stretches into all corners of life, this role. For instance, into several things in my life I’m mad about.

For instance, I kind of hate my closest loved ones. Oops. That’s where I’m at. Am I supposed to ignore these feelings? They’re there, they’ve been there, and if I know anything about our brains, it’s that feelings shouldn’t be ignored. That’s what dumb ass patriarchs think. The funniest/saddest part of that is that they, said dumb asses, tell themselves that suppressing their feelings is the manly thing to do. It’s honestly just the cowardly thing to do. Men are so afraid of confronting their feelings that they would rather go their entire life wearing a life three sizes too small than mention a thing about it. Anyway. They’re conditioned to feel this way by their surroundings. This—this is a great point that I would love to be a major takeaway here. The thing about being educated is that you’re aware of systems, that systems need to be changed. Fault the people who can change the systems, if anyone, but really, even they are just products of the system. The good thing is that, as a powerless mass of atomized society, we have been created by these systems knowing SOME things that are wrong with it. Now we, the crumbs of dust living in and created by the gargantuan grandfather clock of life, have the sentience necessary to band together and make switch out some gears. Picture a big hand of made of dust, fixing the clock. That’s us. That’s what the role of college educated students is today. But that’s not so much the point of this paragraph, so much is the fact that I kind of hate my closest loved ones—which feels so good to say. My best friends, for instance, are really rough individuals. One is an obvious, obnoxiously insecure, compulsive liar. He’s not super tall and weighs almost 300 pounds. It’s not nice to say this stuff, but the purpose of life isn’t to be nice about everybody all the time in your own head, or on your own anonymous blog. He alienates everyone I bring him around with his bizarre persona. His insecurity is so deep that I shit you not, almost a majority of the interactions I’ve had with him would very reasonably get a “come on,” response from anyone. He has to create little talking points to make his life feel acceptable. He’s one of those people who constantly refers conversations back to their insecurities, and how they feel so secure about them, for this reason and that reason. It’s like, Christ, man. Come on. I feel a lot more ways about this, but I’m a little scared he’ll see this some day. I’m worried he’s going to die young, because he is extremely overweight. His doctor said he’s a few months away from a heart attack/stroke unless he takes immediate action, which it seemed like he was taking initially, but it doesn’t really seem like it anymore. I don’t know. The whole situation feels extremely choked by our inability to just communicate with our fucking words. And yes, I am sounding angry, I’m not actually this angry, but consider these the bubbles from a can of soda that’s been shaken. What will be left is the only-slightly-bubbled soda. That’ll come soon. For now, there are bubbles. New paragraph.

The point that I was trying and failing to get to in the previous paragraph is that I don’t like this guy. He has a lot of great qualities, and he’s certainly not a bad person to have in one’s life—as in, he’ll never cheat on his spouse, and he’ll always go the extra mile for his friends in a certain sense. But I don’t. I wish I could just talk to him about this weird, bizarre, fucking deal breaking shit, but I just can’t. Our communication is choked. I don’t think it’s his fault, though. I think it’s to do with overlapping systems of culture that make it difficult. Maybe. Maybe that’s not the point here, and the real point is just that I feel stuck in that situation. Moving on.

(TW: sexual assault)

Another friend is a fucking bona fide sexual assaulter. He practically got #metoo’d, on a personal level. His gf broke up with him because he sexually assaulted the female half of their best-friend-couple. He fingered her while sharing a bed with her and his gf, for some confusing reason. We talked about it and he gave me this wordy, bizarre, incongruent tale of what happened. It involved a LOT of details and qualifiers. When I talked to the dude half of the couple, the guy who was (and still is) with the woman who got assaulted, he said that my friend just straight up did a ton of nonconsensual shit. He also said that when his gf told other people, more people came forward saying this guy had been creepy to other women in their friend circle. This friend absolutely has a history of gaslighting and successfully avoiding trouble by forcing his way. I need to talk to him, but again, fucking choked. I have no ability to have any kind of “real talk” with him. We do not have a venue, and the prospect of confrontation is absolutely debilitating to the average WASP-y dude. Which brings us to our next situation.

I have a great friend I met in undergrad. She is very well-liked, and while I definitely don’t agree with everything she thinks, I really value her friendship. Her boyfriend is a fucking nightmare. Not really, honestly. There are actual nightmare boyfriends. This boyfriend is more of a waking nightmare. The kind of nightmare that becomes worse because it’s so hard to call out. It just keeps going. I’ve kept CLOSE track, and every SINGLE time I’ve hung out with them as a couple, this guy crosses the line. He says condescending, mean, weird, bizarre, shit that... there’s just no better way to say it than he crosses a line that normal people don’t cross. I haven’t counted, but we’ve probably hung out close to 30 times. Every time it happens, every time I give him another chance. I got a little counseling about this situation from a friend’s mom, just in casual conversation, and her advice was to figure out what in me upset me about this guy. At that point, I realized that what Eric Andre said is true: advice is stupid. Also, that I am not going to run my life based on what this person, who I previously looked up to in a god-like way when it came to relationships, says. I am going to figure it out on my own, because it seems like everybody’s solution to relationship issues is to never talk about them, or to have some kind of inner-peace solution that makes getting abused not suck so bad (looking at you, DFW). Ugh. Okay. Moving on, again. Because yep, there’s so, so much more. Again, asking questions here, not answering them.

Also, if you’re reading this and thinking “damn, bro, your life is boring,” that’s my point. This is just normal life. These are just normal people. This is the water we’re swimming in. It’s fucking tense, man. Living in the United States is tense.

I’m running out of steam at this point, but God damn it. My brothers are dick holes. And we’re great friends. They are guys who don’t ever cause a fuss, avoid confrontation at all costs, and are nothing but rewarded for it. Sometimes I think I have something to learn from them in that regard. But is that really the life we want to live? Just don’t communicate your issues? It’s just frustrating. They act superior to others, but are categorically unable to have an honest, undiplomatic conversation. They act superior to others, and are treated as superior. It feels a little like talking to robots, talking to them, decoding what they’re saying to ascertain how they may actually be feeling in a given moment. I have no idea how they feel about me. Or anything. I don’t even think they know or care. I think they just get by, and they’re rewarded for it.

Alright, moving right along. My dad. Damn do I want to not talk to that guy. I can’t talk about anything real with him. It’s like playing ping pong where the other person can only hit the ball if it goes where his paddle already is, and his paddle’s made out of glass. 

This is a sample of some real life issues I am dealing with, spoken as honestly as possible, as is evidenced by the rampant spelling and grammatical errors. College works into this as the thing that has given me recourse for dealing with this stuff. As a college educated youth, I can approach life in an informed, good way. This is life. Etc.

What am I walking away with? Well, I now know for sure that I have a lot of shit to work through. MAYBE more than one Tumblr post. Also, I guess I am proving that people still Tumbl in 2021. I am starting to really understand what the questions I have are. I think part of my issue stems from some feeling of being “out of the loop,” or having some natural, in-set outrage about not understand what’s going on, which was founded by years of being the same height as the people around me’s knees, being the youngest person in my family. Everyone around me were skyscraper people with adult conversations happening way up there. It’s a little imposter syndrome, I think, too. It comes from being the youngest, I think, too. Mixed with a natural sensitivity that I’ve noticed people like me have. 

My goal is to get better at living my life. That involves understanding how I want to live, it involves understanding what my values really are, thinking through them a little, and more. I think it’s really worth it. In the meantime, I am not a work in progress. I am a fucking careful, cool, bright, talented guy who is not perfect, but is working on it. And I am going to postpone making any big decisions about my personal life until I get some clarity.

I thought I’d get more to the subject of the new proletarians, which is something I was thinking about today when listening to Harmontown and asking myself questions about what college is for if it just makes us unemployable, debt-ridden, twitter douchers. Anyway. We’ll get to it again sometime.

This was nice. Let’s do this again sometime.

[westeros-rp]

asteri of lys.

Near the end of the Prince’s life, Asteri of Lys vowed that she would oversee his passing into the next world. Guided by her faith, the foreigner vigilantly kept watch over the dying man, listening intently to his labored breaths as she muttered prayers late into the night and into the early morning hours. Asteri sat at his bedside, completely still, as servants frequently passed through with eyes fixated on the former Red Grace. Despite the bond she had developed with Nymeria in the short time she resided in Dorne, others were hesitant to fall behind the Princess on the matter. Inhabitants of Westeros, in their own strange values and traditions, maintained distrust of magic, foreign gods, and foreign whores. Despite some discouragement from the Prince’s council, Asteri defied their discomfort by seeking residence at his bedside.

“You,” the Prince wheezed, suddenly overcome by a violent coughing spell. The air around him was putrid, the sickly sweet stench of death lingered in his immediate vicinity. The air around him was hot, moist. His paled fingers were gripped around her wrist; they were frigid, his fingertips black from lack of circulation in his blood. The former priestess found herself on her feet instantly, startled. She instinctively whipped her hand back, only the Prince would not let go.    

“My Prince, please, don’t say another word, let me fe—”

Asteri, shocked out of her typically serene disposition, could not find it within her to call out for someone. Prince Elric’s eyes were wide, dulled to an almost greyish yellow hue, and glazed over with disease—locked on hers. Asteri remained fearfully still. Through his clenched jaw emerged a hoarse sob as he fell back onto the bed. He pulled her close. “Such eyes you have, my child,” he cried tearfully, and began to wail loudly. The servants rushed into the chamber, Asteri finally finding an opportunity to break free of him. She thought the man delusional, mindful that his time was drawing near. The god of death was awaiting him at the threshold.

“I-I’ll fetch Lady Nymeria,” she told a servant, trembling. She stumbled into the hall in a daze, pale as if she had looked into the eyes of the god of death himself. However, she composed herself and sauntered down the halls to Nymeria’s bed chambers.          

The Prince would lose his life that very day. And for weeks, Asteri resided at Nymeria’s beck and call despite her rather brief mourning period.

It was a peculiar time to say the very least. In the passing days and weeks, Asteri was plagued with the images of the night of Prince Elric’s passing. She would contemplate his final moments in her own time, quite frequently in fact. She grew quieter than usual, devoting much of her idle hours to her practice. There was a part of the young foreigner that grew quite detached; the privileged life Nymeria had so generously offered her soon became mundane, despite the small joys that seeped into the monotony of the days.

That is, until the day both she and Nymeria’s company were requested by The Queen in Blackmont. She saw the two alone. The Queen tucked a sealed note into The Princess’s hand, “I will leave you both with this. It arrived a few weeks ago in King’s Landing. I had my own letter which instructed me to not open yours. Again, my condolences, dear niece.”  

The silence offered nothing to the passing minutes, until they were left alone in each other’s presence. Asteri sorted through her own emotions to find the right words to speak to Nymeria. Never had Asteri anticipated having audience with The Queen of Westeros... and, never in her greatest nightmares could she even fathom what followed.

She searched Nymeria’s face as she read the letter aloud, confusion overtaking her expression.  

“Asteria Sand, bastard daughter of Prince Elric Martell,” she uttered aloud, her mind toyed with the strange name, now hers. “My name is Asteria Sand.” There was grim laughter in her voice, all on account of disbelief.  “Asteria Sand...” Nym repeated. Nymeria felt numb and hollow. Memories of her beloved father were tinged a little differently now. He had never said anything. He had barely even seemed shocked when Nym had brought Asteri into their home and had her stay. Nym began, “I’m not quite sure how I feel. Father never—he loved my mother....and we are around the same age....I think I may faint.” Asteri echoed similar sentiments, fighting the tremors through her body at this realization.  “But this letter says that Sand is your name. This is Father’s writing and his symbol authenticated the letter. He just never told us....after all this time.”

Asteri had never known a father’s love; and such a circumstance brought her a sense of relief, though she was knowledgeable of what it meant for Nymeria, what it meant for her place in Dorne. She was a bastard, no doubt, though she still retained a place in Dornish court. The very idea of such a responsibility loomed over her head. She stared at the ground in contemplation. “No,” her voice riddled with dismay. “This name does not belong to me, it never belonged to me. It is not mine to claim.”

“We can go back to Sunspear and figure things out....look through his journals...” replied Nymeria.

Asteri hesitated before speaking, sighing deeply. “Forgive me, Princess Nymeria, for what I am about to do.” Tears began to pool in her eyes, her voice shaken through clenched teeth. “I thank you for taking in a stranger, a whore from a foreign country... for giving her a home and an opportunity to serve at your side.” Asteri couldn’t bare look at her sister, her eyes downcast. “I do not belong in a court, nor Sunspear—nor Dorne. I am, and will always be Asteri of Lys.”

“Asteri... you’re not leaving. Of course you belong in Dorne. Even before all of this—or rather along with all of this. You’re Asteria Sand—”

“A name which does not separate me from any other Dornish bastard—” She swiftly tore the letter from Nymeria’s hand. The Red Grace ripped the parchment in two, then again—and again. “—wait, what are you doing Asteri, that’s the last thing my father possibly wrote—”

“What of a document when his blood courses through your veins, through our veins? You are the rightful heir to Sunspear; this piece of parchment serves you no purpose.” Her voice was raised, as she stepped toward her.

“Eventually my memory will fade, Asteri. I’d like to keep everything of him I could. He is my, our father. This is everything.”

“How sad for you,” Asteri began, her voice somber, “that your memory must be defined by things. Will you erect a palace for everything The Prince has touched, then?” Asteri instantly regretted what she had said, however she bit her tongue. She wouldn’t take it back, conscious it would be the final push she needed to sever the ties which bound them.  

“How—” Nymeria shoved her, her voice filled with rage. “We took you into our home. We made sure you were entirely comfortable. That you would not have to spread your legs like the whore you’ve been. All I’ve ever asked of you is to keep one sheet of parchment and you insult me? Me?” There was a pause, and suddenly, Asteri’s head whipped sideways from the force of Nymeria’s palm as it struck her face. A hot sting lingered and dulled. There was a moment of silence. “Forget it. Do what you will.” Asteri remained frozen, her eyes locked on the ground with brows furrowed as tears streamed down her face. She grazed her burning cheek with her fingertips, then stood straight, and strode past her.

“Until we meet again, my dear sister,” Asteri murmured as she passed.

At sunrise, she departed Blackmont on foot, with only the clothing on her back and a pouch full of coin.

weeks later, king’s landing.

The streets were astir in King’s Landing from the moment she set foot onto the Street of Silk.

Asteri, for the life of her, could not call to mind the occasion. However, the bustling cavalries with their noble banners flown overhead signaled the coming of new clientele. In her time at King’s Landing, Asteri found her place, a brothel known as Chataya’s which upheld quite the reputation discreetly catering to highborn ladies and lads from all reaches of the seven kingdoms; with a carefully curated selection of foreign beauties and their exotic talents. Why, the Madame hadn’t even looked twice before extending an invitation to join their collective. The wages were promising, though the gentleman and lady-callers were of a particular demographic Asteri possessed little interest in.

The Red Grace followed the sea of the city’s inhabitants toward the Red Keep, armed with curiosity of the events at hand—a grand tournament of the great houses was among the day’s topics. Still, she remained on guard, as the emblem of Sunspear danced in the distance—and only gods knew what Nymeria would be planning in retaliation for her destroying the last confession of Prince Elric. She imagined the outcomes could be grim. However, Asteri had no interest in such interactions, far removed from the frustrations she experienced last she saw the Princess of Dorne.

Clad in a barely-there gown, she settled within standing room among the commoners and drunkards near the jousting pit. “How much for you, two-bit Sally?”, a drunk called out, his breath and sweat wreaking of stale alcohol, piss and shit. “Not for sale, bugger off,” replied Asteri with venom in her tone. “C’mon, fancy a copper?”

“Fuck off and let me work,” she replied listlessly, jabbing the man in the ribs with her elbow as she made her way toward the front of the crowd.    

[gemsofgreece]

Anon said: I love your blog but I will unfollow you as requested  because I am one of those people you mentioned, my grandfather was killed by the protocol used to cure the coronavirus he didn’t have, the doctors knew and told us he didn’t have it but they had to cure him for it anyway because of government rules

First of all, my condolences for your loss. I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family. 

I originally answered to you after having misread - and I thought you said the doctors told you he did have it although he didn’t. So I answered thinking he was misdiagnosed and then I deleted my answer which is why I reply like this now. 

Nevertheless, the points I made there weren’t very different. I thought it was a case of doctor incompetence / test unreliability but it turns out it was to a criminal level. I think your family could press charges against that hospital / doctors? Also, I am curious where you’re from. Different countries might follow different protocols according to how much coronavirus has affected each of them. 

I don’t think you’re from Greece, right? The biggest scandal in Greece associated with the virus was the death of an otherwise healthy 37 year old when he got infected because the protocol states that patients should be admitted to hospitals only if they have very serious symptoms. So nobody took him seriously fast enough because he was young and healthy and what could possibly happen to him but coronavirus killed the man all the same. So, as you see, it is the opposite experience to the one your family had. And both resulted in death. Both patients were victims of the coronavirus. The young man was an immediate victim as well as a victim of doctors not knowing how to deal with the situation and your grandfather was a victim of the chaos of confusion the virus has created in the medical community. I do not condemn the confusion itself as it is expected in this novel situation but I do condemn the circumstances at which the doctors you had chose to follow the protocol. 

Now, I will try to reason a little as to why that protocol is the way it is. First of all, I make the assumption that you live in a country with many cases or many casualties. Was your grandfather admitted to the hospital to have some surgical procedure? This could only remotely make sense if the hospital had so many COVID-19 cases that the statistics were for your grandpa to get infected in there rather than not. We have to stress that what they gave your grandpa was not the “cure”. There is not such a thing as a COVID-19 cure, otherwise everything would be okay. What they gave him is an experimental blend of drugs that might or might not have some positive effects on people infected by coronavirus. This experimental blend can also slightly vary from country to country or hospital to hospital. These drugs are not designed for coronavirus and if they help at all, it’s because of a similar structure of the virus with what they are actually fighting and blah blah blah. What I mean is that they help somewhat and incidentally. They sort of prevent the virus to multiply or spread in multiple systems inside the body but they do not destroy it. If your grandfather had to have a surgery or stay for a prolonged time in the hospital, they probably calculated that it was statistically extremely likely that he would get the virus as well, and then because of his age and (IDK) probably already fragile health (?) he would most definitely die, so they chose to give him the “treatment” as a preventive measure against contracting the virus. Now, the drugs used in this treatment are no laughing matter / some of them are heavy, they come with a lot of side effects and they need medical attention near you when you take them. If your grandpa was already in bad health it was very possible that those drugs would do more bad than good and it was a grave, criminal miscalculation from the doctors’ part. 

On the other hand, if you are from Greece or a country with few recorded cases / casualties and your grandpa was otherwise very healthy and robust or seriously ill but without covid cases around him and they still did that, I do not know what to say because there is simply no reasoning to make. Perhaps there are legal procedures you should follow against that hospital. 

These drugs have helped many patients with medium or severe symptoms to get through it. These drugs had no effect whatsoever on other patients, who either survived or died from the virus regardless. And these drugs also caused severe side effects to a few and your grandfather must have been sadly one of these. Unless of course there are more miscalculations on the doctors’ part that they are not fully revealing to you, things that could also be irrelevant to the COVID treatment. And all those different outcomes are explained simply by the fact that coronavirus is not what these drugs were originally designed to fight. 

However, even in this case, the ultimate culprit was the virus. The virus is the immediate cause of many deaths but also the cause of this chaos and confusion in the medical community that does not know how to react. The government protocol exists because there is evidence it has helped some infected people compared to the absolute nothingness of no treatment at all. It’s a choice of despair. It is bad but it is not a plan to purge the population. There was no ill intention against your grandfather but a bunch of bad or simply confused or desperate doctors following a generalized protocol that didn’t take into account the parameters of your grandfather’s case. Needless to say, I downright object to the application of a generalized protocol that doesn’t examine needs unique to each patient but I think this responsibility falls on the doctor’s judgement mostly and I am sure it is not a mass murder / control attempt by whichever government.  I’m so very sorry, I understand that right now little does it matter to you what the intent was as long as the mistake was heartwrenching and irreversible.

But please understand that the point I am trying to make comes from a place of worry and need for this nightmare to end for all of us. In my opinion, this can happen only if we all take seriously what is going on or at least respect the boundaries of those who do. I am not talking about consuming heavy drugs without reason / evidence of course. If we did that, we might as well just follow Trump’s advices, drink bleach and just die all together. No no no. Besides, I said in a previous reply “do not rely on the medical community for the time being”. The only thing we need to rely on  for now is our ability to protect ourselves and our loved ones and this can only happen when you remove yourself a little from unnecessary social interactions or protecting your face in necessary ones. Does anyone think I am having a good time when I do that? Of course not. Who would. But we should understand that only like this we will eventually find our way out of this dystopia, at least until a medicine or a vaccine is designed. It is not the time for Orwell fantasies. 

Again, my sincere condolences. What happened to your grandpa was terrible and should probably be further investigated. I can only bearly imagine your pain and frustration. Feel free to unfollow or not. Do what makes you feel best. 

[nellie-elizabeth]

Arrow: Present Tense (8x04)

I felt more emotion from William, Mia, and Connor in this episode's opening scene, than I ever have from any of them in the past. Let's dive in.

Cons:

Timeline stuff is always going to make things confusing and weird, but it gets even worse when you add in the logistics of stuff outside of the show's control. Because of the actress's decision to depart, Felicity can't be in this episode. But the longer that Oliver spends on his own earth in his own time, the weirder and stupider it becomes that he wouldn't be able to check in with Felicity and baby Mia. Last season we had this whole story where Felicity raised Mia in isolation, separated from Oliver because Oliver was already dead, or at least so inaccessible that it came to the same thing. Then, here, we see Oliver about to call Felicity on the phone, and he only decides not to because William says that time travel is confusing and they shouldn't bring her into it until they know more. That... is stupid. That is a lame excuse.

Also, Curtis coming back is always a treat, but he felt pretty useless here given that William can be a stand-in for any and all computer wizardry that might be required. I like that these two gay men get to be bad-asses and spend some on-screen time with each other, but I'm a little annoyed that William's sexual orientation gets trotted out occasionally but that we never really see him with a romance arc. Give this guy a boyfriend, stat!

Pros:

So, like I said, I felt so much more emotion and connection to all the future characters now that they are back here interacting with these people we've known for seasons on end. There were too many powerful moments to count. William running into Oliver's arms. Oliver's voice as he says "Mia?" and the look on his face when Mia storms away from him. Connor calling Diggle "Dad" over and over again, while Diggle remains wary. Rene rushing to be with Zoe after hearing what's going to happen to her in the future. Dinah's pep talks. Laurel's advice to Mia. William coming out to Oliver. Oliver learning that his kids didn't get to grow up together. All of this stuff added emotional stakes to the story in a way that has been seriously missing all along.

I like the dynamic between Rene and Diggle here. How does one react when confronted with a good friend and teammate whose son is one day apparently going to murder your daughter? But with Dinah out there as a cheerleader, encouraging everyone to fight for change, it looks like their relationship is going to weather the storm, for the time being. Same with Connor and Diggle. Imagine looking at a younger version of your father, and seeing no recognition or affection in his eyes. Mia and William are having a weird experience, but at least their dad remembers being their dad, and is eager to be around them. For Connor, his father is right there, but doesn't even remember adopting him. Diggle is of course much more concerned for the fate of J.J., and Connor is the one who has to come clean about what Diggle's older son has become. The drama and tension there is just so delicious.

Another great thing about the kiddos journeying back in time is that it takes care of some of the crappy implications of last season. I was so annoyed at the thought that all of the hard work of our heroes was coming to naught. We saw the future of Star City, and it was horrible. So all of the pain and sacrifice and hard work wasn't going to pay off. But now we have concrete stakes: Zoe is going to die. We have larger scale stakes: Star City is going to become a horrible and corrupt nightmare zone. And now we have a lot of highly motivated people looking to change that. It grounds Oliver's quest to "save the universe" into something more minute, something that we can really feel on an emotional level.

William's coming out scene was actually quite lovely, even though I do wish they would give him a romance arc. It was sweet that Oliver sat there and let him say it, and gently replied that he and Felicity knew, and were waiting for William to be comfortable telling them. You know, I watch a lot of TV. Way, way too much TV. Hence the name of this blog. But I have seen very few scenes of kids coming out to their parents. Men coming out to their fathers. Especially when it goes well, when the queer kid is met with nothing but love and support, and then it's not that big a deal and everyone just moves forward with their lives. So that scene was actually quite lovely to see.

Mia and Oliver have a bit of a bumpy start, but everyone's emotions make so much sense, and you can really feel how badly Oliver wants to connect with Mia, and how hurt Mia feels about growing up without him. The clinching moment is actually with Laurel, as she remarks to Mia that revenge isn't always what's right, and this convinces Mia not to go through with her plan to murder the bad guy. Mia is then able to talk with her dad about survivor's guilt, and what it means to lose people. I want to see this father/daughter bond grow over the remaining six episodes of the show.

I'm feeling so much better about things now that we have a concrete direction. All of our characters are in one place, more or less, and they all have a similar goal of preventing a horrible future for their beloved city and their loved ones. We still have the Monitor, trying to make Laurel betray Oliver, and this whole Crisis crossover finale looming, but I'm feeling like the season has a direction now, and I can't wait to follow it through to the end!

8/10

[m-602]

Fiendish Dread

((I promised a story today. It’s definitely a bit late for it, but I finished it anyways.))

((I wanted to flesh M out a little bit, specifically Prime M. Therefore, this story establishes the threat his home faces, as well as what kind of strength M possess in his prime.))

((If you want a bit of backstory on Prime M and Mors Finem, please read The Guardian for context.))

((Warning! Contains violence and mentions of death!))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Mourning Forest, M

It’s only been three weeks since M had returned to his home. Things, oddly enough, have gotten rather lively, especially for a literal ghost town such as Mors Finem.

The hardest part of it all was rebuilding, really. You’d think a town of the dead wouldn’t have need for such a thing - while true, the Residents insisted on doing so. If they were to continue existing despite their deaths, they might as well feel like they’re alive.

In reality, they just wanted their homes back. Which is a fine enough reason anyway.

Everyone manages to find something to do. Since food is no longer an issue, most shops that have been reopened to sell mostly miscellaneous things: flowers, sports equipment, anything that’s mainly for appreciation or entertainment. Otherwise, the Residents mingle with each other quite often. You’d be hard pressed not to find a group of child spirits playing together as their parents share stories with each other.

It’s quite peaceful. It’s almost like nothing ever happened to these people. And M has made it his mission to keep them safe. From what exactly is a mystery to even him. 

He can occasionally be seen interacting with the Residents - it’d be rude of him not to talk to his own people! Most of the time, though, he resided in the Mourning Forest (the Residents chose the name - he personally finds it a little odd, even if it’s slightly fitting) patrolling near the town’s perimeter. Something… peculiar has him on edge, and he’s not quite sure what.

Recent events have him even more confused. For all that he’s searched, he’s found nothing. Nothing but the quiet, save for the bustling spirit town. It’s left him questioning what exactly he was so worried about.

He’s honestly willing to chalk it up to anxiety. It hasn’t even been a month since he found the lingering town… Since he found his friends and loved ones waiting for him. Perhaps the thought of losing them again decided to place subtle seeds of worry in his mind. He had watched them all perish all those years ago after all. It’d make sense that he’d want to prevent such a thing from repeating.

* Heh. Guess I’m a natural “worry wort”. Everything’s probably fine by now.

With that thought, his mind wanders to his travels. He hasn’t been to too many worlds. He immediately thinks of those “monster” and “timepiece” worlds he loved so much. He hasn’t seen those people in quite some time. With how much he’s changed, he doubts that they’ll immediately recognize them. If anyone would, it would likely be someone from the “monster” world - after all, he made his tail coat there! Though originally a costume, it was actually quite comfy.

The point was, if everything was okay here, he could journey again. He knew the Residents wouldn’t mind - so long as they were safe, he could do whatever he wished to do. And considering that they’ve been fine for so long (even though they were in hiding), nothing of concern should be prevalent here.

He decided to relax for once, taking a more leisurely stroll through the forest. This place… it was where he died. Where his new “life” had started. Being back here still felt so odd to him, even after a few weeks.

He took in the warm forest air, relishing in the occasional gust of wind. Although any part of the forest close to the town was devastated, the forest at large was intact and full of life. It was a rather stark contrast, seeing the remaining dead plants so close to fertile and blooming soil.

A contrast M relished in, enjoying it as a natural decor to the town within.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mors Finem, Kat

What a lovely day out! The partially cloudy sky was so vibrant and pretty! Everyone in town seemed to be in high spirits, Kat included.

She was greeting some recent wanderers. While her big brother was in charge of keeping them safe, she decided to be the welcoming committee! It was easy to tell when more spirits were on the way - being spirits themselves, everyone could feel it.

None of them minded it, either. Space was really a none-issue.

“Welcome… At home…”

Her broken speech delivered the message adequately as the newcomers happily relished in their new home. She’s honestly glad the limited communication her current state imposes aren’t that much of a hindrance. She doesn’t even want to imagine what kind of nightmare that would be like.

She takes a moment to wander the town, greeting everyone she sees. Out of everyone, she was definitely the most cheerful and optimistic, especially after her big brother returned! She honestly didn’t understand why everyone was so down when they first woke up. They all had a second chance at life, in a way at least.

Just when she was about to visit mom, she saw something move in the forest. She was about to rush towards M to tell him what she saw… but she didn’t. Instead of finding her brother, she pursued whatever she saw.

* This is my big chance! I want to be just like you, big bro. I’ll prove that I can do it!

With that childish though in mind, she pressed on into the Mourning Forest.

…

The dead parts of the forest always unnerved her. She didn’t know if it was because of how creepy the dead trees looked or if it was due to what killed them in the first place. The catastrophe that killed them all…

She shook her head, trying not to think about it.

Her earlier bravado was quickly being sapped by the gloomy environment. Fear began to slowly make its way up her spectral spine, threatening to take her whole and drag her out of the woods. She attempted to shake it off, trying to maintain a brave facade. She could do it. She could be brave, just like her brother!

Just when she was on the verge of convincing herself that she, indeed, could do this, she heard movement from her left. She faced the source of the noise: a pair of withering bushes. She inched closer and closer, repeating an ‘I’m brave’ mantra in her head.

When she was right in front of them, one of the “bushes” opened their… eye? The other “bush” opened their eye. Both then began to… fly?! It was made apparent that these weren’t bushes at all! Now in the air, it was apparent that these were some kind of weird monsters!

Even with broken speech…

… her screams were as clear as day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Mourning Forest, M

The scream was audible throughout the entire forest. He knew who scream belonged to. He knew what that kind of scream meant.

Instantly, small blue flames seemed to fill the entire forest. The trees themselves seemed to figuratively shudder and bend to his will. His anger could be felt everywhere.

Someone was threatening his little sister. That someone is about to be torn apart.

He rushed forward as fast as possible, his blue eyes burning with murderous wrath. Blue fireballs seemed to follow him as he ran to the more… dead parts of the forest.

Another scream rang out. M almost seemed to run faster, desperate to get there before something terrible happened to Kat.

There was something in the forest. His worries were valid after all. And it just had to choose his sister as a victim.

* Not about to happen. She already died. She already suffered! I’m not letting her soul be destroyed, either!

What was really a few minutes of running felt like hours to the panicking lich. He heard what sounded like inhuman screeching to his left. There he saw his sister being chased by… flying eyeballs?!

Not missing a beat, he flings a spectral scythe between Kat and her pursuers. M seems to vanish for an instant before reappearing before the glowing weapon. Behind him, his sister speaks up.

“Bro…!”

He turned to her. She was unharmed, but looked on the verge of tears.

“Just… wanted…”

He interrupted her, well aware of what she was going to say. His voice held a paranormal echo, adding on to a dead serious, yet gentle, tone.

“Don’t worry about it. Just go. I’ve got this.”

Nodding, she instantly booked it for the town, her bravado instantly replaced with scared tears.

M looks on at the creatures, eyeing them with a terrifying glare. Beneath his eyes, you can see a part of his face separate into a mouth. A jagged, sharp mouth that looks similar to a sinister jack-o-lantern. A mouth that creates a terrifying smile.

The flames brighten around him.

* Time to rip and tear.

One of the monsters closes both its wings and eye, still floating in midair. Suddenly, it opens both, firing a strange wave of energy at M.

Instantly, a barrier manifests around him. He then brings his scythe up before charging at the offending monster. He leaps up to it, managing to get some height above it, before swinging his scythe down with tremendous force, bring him down with it. A fiery shock-wave fills the area, and with a screech, the monster falls to the ground, felled in a single blow. It proceeds to… fade away? As it does, a blackened wisp seems to fly out of it!

* A soul?! And such a dark one, too! The only way a soul can get like that…

* … is if great hate and envy consume it.

Are these strange creatures some strange form of vengeful spirits? It didn’t matter at the moment, since they were going to be torn apart anyway.

The other monster rushed towards him, baring its sharp teeth.

It… didn’t get far. A strange, dark barrier surrounded the barrier, lined with strange ethereal chains. A crushing force seemed to overtake the monster before it burst, the blackened wisp escaping it instantly.

His spirit cages are normally used to destroy malevolent spirits who can’t be reasoned with. But these seemed to be spirits angry at their death. He couldn’t blame them for that, even if he was currently furious with them. Simply destroying the bodies seemed to be effective enough.

With both threats seemingly taken care of, M relaxed, resting his scythe next to him. He began to ponder what kind of souls would be so racked with envy that they’d become such fiendish creatures.

Fiendish…

* Fiends… A fitting name for this kind of creature.

His thoughts were interrupted by more screaming. Wasting no time, he rushed to the town, already guessing what the issue was.

…

He reached the town, instantly seeing the threat. While most of the Residents managed to flee, three spirits were surrounded by monsters. A chimera-like monster seemed to be holding one by the neck.

M launched a blue fireball at the monster, causing it to lose its grip on the Resident. The other two monsters, which looked like strange, wingless dragons. The spirits managed to get away before things got messy.

One of the dragons launched a stream of fire breathe at M. He spun his scythe in front of him, blocking the attack before launching the weapon at the offending creature. It ripped straight through, releasing a wisp as it gave out a dying roar.

The other dragon went to charge him. Recalling the scythe, he spun around the dragon before bringing the scythe down on its back. It ripped through the scales, killing it instantly.

M then turned to the chimera. It looked a lot tougher than the other monsters, and was ready to go out with a fight. The lich’s still present smile widened, happy to oblige.

The chimera rushed him, bringing both claws down on him. In an instant, a barrier surrounded him, allowing him to get a clean swing across the chimera’s chest.

With a roar from the main head, a bull’s head, it stumbled back. One of its heads, a lion’s head, growled as fire seemed to engulf its left hand. M managed to avoid the coming fireball, looking up to see another head, a bird head, breathe in deep. Knowing what was coming, M seemed to vanish, instantly reappearing above the beast’s snake like tail. He landed on the tail, effectively pinning the beast in place as he throws his scythe forward. It levitates in place, spinning like a buzzsaw as it tears through the monster. In a flash, the body vanishes into the blackened wisp.

For a while, silence rang out across the town. The flames died down, the danger no longer present. After a while, ghastly cheers rang out, grateful for M’s defense against the Fiends.

M’s mouth finally closed, no longer needing to look terrifying. As if that was needed to at all.

Kat rushed toward him, hugging him tightly. She seemed relieved at the threat finally passing. Apprehension, however, was clear in her tense form.

“Kat, what you did was incredibly risky… I know you wanted to be brave, but you need to be careful, okay?”

He didn’t even sound mad. His voice had lost the paranormal echo before, a more relaxed, soothing tone replacing it. His sister nodded.

“I’m sorry I didn’t catch this threat before. I knew there was something out there, but had no idea where exactly they were hiding.”

He paused. It seems something just came to mind. He speaks up again, loud enough for everyone to hear.

“I don’t mean to scare you all. But judging by the nature of these creatures, these Fiends, there are likely to be more hiding in the forest.”

The cheering faces immediately shifted to worried expressions.

“Don’t worry. I’ll ensure those things stay far away from here. And if they should attack again…”

His eyes glow ominously. The echo seems to return.

“I’ll be ready.”

Guess journeying will have to wait… after all…

His job is to dispel such fiendish dread.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

((If you never played Final Fantasy X, or any Final Fantasy game for that matter, you’ll have no idea what those creatures were, let alone how Fiends normally work. If that’s the case, I apologize. I tried my best to accommodate for that.))

((Basically, think of Fiends as rebellious spirits. They hate that they had to die while others get to live, so they come back as horrible creatures that prey on others. In this case, these spirits hate how the Residents get to remain as spirits, so they lash out at them.))

((Feel free to share this story if you want! If you have any more questions, or want to request a story, feel free to ask me!))

((I have some more story ideas planned ahead! ^w^))

[juleswolverton-hyde]

Between the pages | 02

Genre: fluff, angst, romance, smut, Werewolf AU, Bookshop AU

Pairing: alpha!Namjoon x human!Reader

Warning: Mention of blood & rape.

Summary: Sometimes we find by sheer luck what we lost between the pages. The retrieval, however, is not always as fortunate.

Previous part / Masterlist / Next part

The calming aroma of golden pancakes mixed with the tang of bright orange juice and sweetness of freshly cut fruit can even be smelled under the shower regardless of the kitchen being relatively removed from the bathroom. Judging by the scent combination, it is mostly strawberries from the farm just out of town, which always brings back memories of the missing cousin of whom there is still no news up until this very day.

Withal, it is another particular perfume that tries to hide in the background and has only been noticed after having become fully aware of reality once more which makes washing off the returning nightmare, every sliver of it carried off with a drop sliding over tanned skin to the drain, that much harder. Especially since the aftermath seems worse than it has been since a long time, due to a reason that cannot be fathomed yet keeps pressing on a mute part of memory without coming through.

Something happened, but it is not clear what or Instinct is simply confused as it always is after having spent terrible hours in the dark in a semi-aware manner, needing to be cleared up like the rest of the body and mind.

Henceforth, although the essences of dawn normally nullify the hold of the dreadful dream and the abhorrent payoff, around this time of the month it does all but that. Quite to the contrary, thanks to the intruder, it forms an unconscious reminder of the animal within.

The family curse.

Nevertheless, if eyes remain closed and fingers just occupy themselves with washing silver strands and styling them in the hopes of staying put, the day can be started as any other. Begin a new twenty-four hours as a human, as a simple bookseller who lives with his restaurant-owning brother whose girlfriend stays over for at least a week straight once a month for not completely normal reasons. Tess resides with us during that period - customarily pushed to find the solution on the Monday of the third week - to solve Seokjin’s continuous problem with the apparently necessary noise.

To be honest, the same issue is caused by the affected creature inside mostly two to three days after, the tempting natural perfume of a mate already belonging to the real alpha of the Kim brothers not particularly helping whatsoever. In fact, if the rut has not started, it is almost suffocating because it also cruelly reminds of the voluntarily taken on loneliness in favour of being an ordinary individual.

Devoid of the risk of hurting a loved one in a primal craze.

Without Y/N.

Ironically, it so happens to be today that Seokjin is loudly taken out of the game if the zesty yet not overly pungent summery smell drifting in from beneath the bathroom door and leading through the living room to the general hallway is any indication. Henceforth, before the earthly brown wolf can drop any hint of wanting to rush out of the kitchen to open the door and completely abandon the focus on cooking breakfast, a fire hazard nothing to be worried about because continuing the bloodline has priority, bare feet already tread over the mulga floor to the cool clay tiles leading to the front door.

While ignoring the heavy musk to the best ability allows without gagging, slender digits of a grey wolf wearing a disguise decorated with casual jeans and a plain white T-shirt mould around the bronze knob to grant entrance to the mate of the dedicated alpha. Likely it is for the better it is me answering the doorbell because the cook already seemed very eager to turn on his heel to take on the task instead.

Anything for a somewhat tranquil start of the day.

Just one meal without any otherworldly hustle.

‘Please do something about Jin.’ Light eyes stare up into pure chocolate ones in amused surprise, the finger still reached out for the doorbell lowering while a smug smirk forms. ‘By the way, good morning.’

‘I felt the mating mark heat up around five in the morning but figured it wouldn’t be a problem until at least seven. But, just in case, I also set a monthly reminder because getting up early in the morning remains an art I’ll never master.’ The enjoyment of the previously made comment fades from a round face as the lingering negativity not washed away by warm drops unfortunately not filled with oblivion is noticed. Of course, it does not pass under the radar since the she-wolf immediately knows it when something bothers a person or peer, mainly due to working in the medicinal branch related to animals and thus also having to interact with their owners. Not that it is hard to miss in general if one is to go by the melancholy air about a posture that tries to hide the nightmare.

Briefly, eyes show a pop of honey gold, the severe mood bringing out the motherly omega. ‘You had that dream again, didn’t you?’

A nod, confirming the answer without speaking. Although genuine concern clearly comes through in speech, there is nothing that can be done to make the mind stop replaying the corrupted memory.

Nothing ever will be able to do so until sight has been graced with Y/N, alive and well, away from the community hidden within society.

A strange pity comes through in the vet assistant’s attitude, quite unlike the sort normally shown at the mention of what punishment Imagination conjured up during the dusky hours. Somehow that unrecognizable emotion strengthens the sense of something bigger having happened but missing out on the event and being blind to the impact.

Nonetheless, before a word can be spoken about the lingering suspicion - the sole other person available for talking to about personal beast-related problems is the absent psychiatrist who is a barista in his spare time in the bookstore - Seokjin rounds the corner, clearly elated at the sight of the small figure in the entryway.

‘Tess! Talk about timing. We were just about to eat.’ Wiping digits stained with the  traces of the preparation of the meal which is now unmistakably beckoning - bitter coffee mixed with the comforting scent of eggs and pancakes alongside that from the seasonal fruits - from the cherrywood dining table, a vapor of musk almost directly nullifies the fresher albeit regardlessly sickeningly nectarous scent emitted by a mate craving their alpha upon coming closer.

Ruby colours for a split second normally identical eyes, indicating actually having an appetite for a whole other type of sustenance yet wanting to keep up airs of normalcy for a defect pack member. Though it is well-meant, it does nothing in the way of feeling any more human than when going straight to the point and leaving the waiting meal for what it is.

Again irises change to a shade of crimson out of warning when briefly locking gazes, the instinct to protect especially against the attempted claim - or so it might feel like despite the lack of desire to actually do so - of another on the beloved moving the transformation instead of something personal. Judgment or conflict is never in place when real nature shows itself because, either intentionally or not, during this period of fertile madness Jin is not the overly caring sibling who makes cringingly bad jokes.

He is the very personification of the curse, the powerful and proud alpha.

The accomplished one, worthy of the old pure blood flowing through the veins.

Albeit a portrayal tainted by the endeavour to control it in favour of the brother who cannot cope with what becomes the other so incredibly well. The outcast who has never gained any sort of mastery over the second savage persona even after five years of hard training, discipline and medicines to repress primal urges once a month and put the overall bloodthirsty demon to as deep a slumber as possible.

All to no avail.

Still a failure after all.

A disgrace to the ancient Kim pack.

A low growl unintentionally escaping when putting an arm around shoulders reaching the height of the middle of the broad chest, the chef at home leads Tess to the dining room. Making sure all the while to steer her just outside the reach of another child of the moon, as the poets would say.

But there is nothing poetic about this story.

In spite of the underlying sentiment of rivalry in the current behaviour, there is no competition in vying for attention since a mark formed by pale pink ragged flesh, the wound has never truly healed, on the shoulder blade is the foundation for an unbreakable bond. Furthermore, the sole thing which has ever been wanted from the sibling’s partner is a listening ear and advice shaped by the greater knowledge about humanity, which has been cultivated by daily contact on a personal level with those unlike us. The latter, in particular, offers the comfort Seokjin at times cannot give due to not really having a sense of what it is like hating the image reflected in the mirror, resulting in mostly sitting on a nearby surface and fulfil the role of an absent deaf man.

Fortunately, the small girl does understand, though acceptance of the condition came soon after being mated by the same wolf who caused the radical shift in persona. It was a reckless decision, made on no other grounds than finally having the individual who has been held dear all this time as a part of the pack as an equal in terms of nature, regardless of thus adding credibility to the rumours about the illegal activities that have supposedly kept the bloodline alive.

Perhaps part of the accusations are true since not every relative, still walking the earth or concealed beneath its surface in eternal rest, has had to endure the curse from the moment of birth. Nevertheless, all of them have forgotten at a certain point what living is like by simply going day by day without any supernatural powers or being similar to any other little piece of existence strolling the pavement.

What it is like to be normal.

This type of ignorance was the reason for moving in with the brown-haired chef alongside the man’s recognition the current environment was everything but healthy, pushing the choice a bit under the mirage of unconsciously doing so to keep up appearances for parents unapproving of any wolf unlike them. Certainly of dishonouring mongrels running amok, though they have not found out up until this very day the youngest son is one.

Breakfast passes in silence devoid of the comfortable atmosphere normally hanging in the air, even during the week wherein getting proper rest is pretty much impossible for each affected party because of various reasons. Eyes try to remain focused on the stack of golden pancakes dribbled over with honey which softens the bitter taste of the daily espresso, but thoughts keep drifting off to the images repeating themselves through the night and the nagging feeling of overlooking something significant. The latter especially applies this morning thanks to Tess’s weird expression earlier regardless of the fact it might not be related to the suspicion whatsoever.

‘Namjoon, are you- Babe, please, not yet.’ In place of opting for eating, the alpha across the table has begun softly nibbling on the mating mark on the side of a pale neck while purring, clearly wanting to retreat to the bedroom as fast as possible. However, the beloved obviously has another idea as a laborious push puts distance between a heated body aching with sensual craving and the one reacting to it but trying to hold off to make sure the third wheel is not dismissed without further notice. ‘Are you alright?’

Appetite entirely subsides as the gleaming polished metal fork is put down beside the half-filled plate, only one pancake having been touched at all. With an air of casualty to mask the growing sense of concern, the inquiry is answered. ‘Why wouldn’t I be? It’s not like this is the first time it happened. Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.’

‘He hasn’t told you, has he?’ The eyes of the smaller brown she-wolf soften before becoming fierce when turning to Jin, the stern sentiment flowing over in speech. ‘You said you’d talk to him.’

‘I forgot, dear.’ A shaking exhale betrays the inner fight for control, wanting to surrender to Primality already yet aware that the apparently important subject at hand needs to be discussed. ‘I didn’t want to trouble him and you know he can’t help it.’

‘Told me what? What’s going on?’ As has been the case from the moment of moving in with the older sibling, certain details have remained hidden out of the belief it would only benefit the care for a monster desperately and comically trying to play pretend at being human. Notwithstanding, the concealment has never continued over a longer period of time since aroused suspicions pushed the urge to gain answers despite their potential ugliness.

And it does so again right now, wanting to hear the true tale, aching to know about the damage.

Because, judging by the knot forming in the gut, the beast within has reigned supreme again in spite of the efforts to tame it.

I took the pills. But why can I remember a different taste of blood so vividly then? It was delicious. Human. I haven’t... I’m not a monster. The medication should have done its job and Jin would never take me to a place where people would be when I’m... not myself. I must be wrong. I have to be. But it was so so good.

‘Are you going to do it or shall I?’ The intonation of the vet assistant suggests a severe approach to the pressing topic is about to be taken and, apparently, by her since no reply comes from the barely sensible alpha. An almost inaudible resigning sigh escapes lips before softening the gaze turning towards the discombobulated and gradually getting more gravely agonized demonic bookseller. ‘Joon, do you remember where you were on the last full moon, two weeks ago?’

‘Why do you ask? I was in the woods, far away from the town.’ Nothing was different from the normal procedure on rough amnesiac nights, going to the remote forest in the distant valley about an hour and a half to two hours drive away from home after having made the necessary preparations.

Thus far there has been no obvious trigger for the discomfort making the body shift nervously from side to side on the chair, the ministrations ever so scarcely noticeable though the sharp animalistic senses belonging to the present company clearly pick up on the unrest. However, neither of the couple seems to have eased as well as the talk carries on. In fact, it can be said each party is only growing more restless in the face of reaching an outcome that cannot be evaded.

With a new question, though, it is nevertheless tried. ‘Did you take your medicines?’

At the discovery of the futility of the long hours of supervision and training, a final resort to medicinal treatment was taken after extensive research on effects and risks with Hoseok and Jin. The former dove deep into the archives and is the sole person with knowledge about how to make the non-lethal pills, which have been helpful in the attempts of becoming more like the man who is aspired to be like since they suppress the rutting symptoms to a bearable and manageable degree. Though still having to retreat from society for a hurtful long irregular week, the pain of being unmated alongside the haphazard transformations would have been grander were it not for the repressing concoction of wolfsbane and silver, just enough to keep the beast within sedated.

Such an untamable creature had not been dealt with since the last similarly powerful children of the moon had been eradicated by the end of the 17th century, all of them ticking time-bombs about to explode and betray the well-concealed kin and peers to the public. Henceforth, albeit bittersweet, multiple alphas, betas and omegas who were present during the executions were relieved that the secret remained in spite of not directly showing it in the direct light of the demise of faces both known and foreign.

Later on, as science developed and the belief in werewolves transformed into a mental disease called “lycanthropy”, renegade wolves were sent to asylums like Lambeth by family members in hopes of the doctors being able to help at least a bit in the transformation of an inherently savage nature. However, as with every form of progress, details were missing in the earliest versions of research, thus causing failures from which others might learn. Hence is why treatment regularly failed, ending in death either by an overdose on the mixture of poison taken today in a lesser amount as an anaesthetic or the syringe.

That was the fate for those who were given a chance at endeavouring, or were, rather, forced to change but still had help. Yet there were also the madhouses specifically designed for execution where most of the Oldbloods, ancient werewolf families like the Kims, sent their uncontrollable relatives for they were the true dangers to the civilization that were dealt with more cruelly in the past.

Far beyond redemption.

Like me.

Fortunately, with the extreme rareness of the condition nowadays and the mental institutions gradually closing, a sole one is left active to extract death punishment on order of The High Council, the organisation consisting of the heads of every Oldblood family and its branches which discusses issues like ongoing affairs and crimes against the race. Otherwise, they have become another fragment of the past obscured by human history while some remember the truth behind the story and fear the last living remnant.

A nod assures the reply to the pharmaceutical question, fairly certain if not entirely of having done nothing to stray from normal protocol. ‘Yes.’

But the short comment is taken with a grain of salt, motherly doubt coming through in the tone of the reaction. Although the alpha’s girlfriend means well - always taking care of not only the beloved boyfriend but also his brother in whom a sort of peer was found at the first meeting - the careful approach serves the irritation building up at being kept in the dark about something clearly gone wrong. ‘Are you sure?’

I did silence the voice of the wolf. But, the prey was delicious, the flesh was so tender despite the muscle. No, I took the pills. The hunt was certainly worth the trouble. No, there was nothing but sheep’s blood in the end.

But if that is the reality of the issue, then remembering should not end at the empty abyss forming part of the memory gap. ‘I think I did.’ Quick glances are shared between the omega and the mate on the adjacent seat, who manages to - albeit temporarily yet impressively - repress every primal desire to pick up on the mental war being waged across the table in the eyes of a haunted soul which has finally found the key to the reason for the nagging feeling of ignorance. Guilt mixes with fear and self-loathing into a dangerous concoction that mostly follows the image of having killed Y/N, unable to stop the creature from devouring her.

The sole grace which is sometimes granted is that the woman who was to become the wife of a bookseller is not raped before the crimson flows richly.

But this time around there is no redemption.

Only pure agony.

Gaze averts from the amiable company to the cherrywood surface of the table, trembling fists filled with inward hatred underneath. This should not be happening, been left behind long ago. This cannot end with death in a clinical environment if the building and reasoned assumption proves truthful. ‘What have I done?’

I should be better than this, be more in control of myself. This isn’t me, some murderous beast. I’ve never wanted to be like this. But... I am... and it has cost me my wife and now even myself. Why can’t I remember?

Seokjin proves to be the one to take the lead in breaking the news, pausing every so often to remain calm and composed, for as far as that is possible when the rut is tainting each aspect of common sense. ‘One of my employees, Jungkook, is hospitalized. He was camping with his girlfriend in the woods and was attacked by a rabid animal.’

Pause, taking a moment to clutch an arm around the stinging pain in the nether regions, the body sick of having to wait to procreate and wanting to start a family right this instance.

Continue, regret distorting a steady voice.

‘I went by during visiting hours last week for further investigation, ask a few questions, but he was barely conscious. Pumped full with morphine, fortunately, because a quick look under the sheets told me enough about the wound on his hip. Not a pretty sight and the pain can only be fathomed. However, he kept anxiously mumbling about a monster black as night with red eyes. I tried to make sense of it without thinking of you, Joon, I really did.’

Pause, trying to suppress a familiar potion of anger and inward hatred that has been drunk many times before by a bookseller.

Continue, a sliver of panic seeping in.

‘Later, as I was about to return home, I came across Hoseok in the hallway, worried just as much as I was. He, too, asked me the same questions we asked you because he said the woods where Jungkook was found were the place where we go on full moons.’ A hush befalls the room as the information is pieced together and sinks in. ‘I know I fucked up big time and for that, I am tremendously sorry. Jungkook just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, but you also know what this means. It is merely a matter of time before they find out and can use this against you, against our family. I know I am guilty of the crime of turning as well, but the rabidness inside will deliver you to the end of the line. I don’t want to lose my baby brother.’

‘Serves me right because I should be punished for the mistake, not our family. This is not worth losing ground over.’ For with the loss of honour, comes the loss of power. And that is not a burden to be placed upon the people who unintentionally failed in raising a second heir.

‘Namjoon...’

I’m sorry I failed you, Y/N. I know I should be apologetic to Jin, but it’s you who has kept me going all this time, let me anticipate a reunion. I’m sorry, baby. For everything. For never having been nor have the potential to be the right man if human at all. For being me.

None of us says it, but right across from amber and ruby eyes sits a disgrace unfit to ever lead the pack nor rule the territory in its name.

A lunatic that not even an asylum can save.

A dead man whose hands should have tied the noose already a long time ago.

The beast incarnate.

[centaurianthropology]

The Magnus Archives Season 3 Q&A – What We Learned!

So this isn’t my usual analysis, but I did decide to collate a little bullet-point list of all the things we’ve learned from the Season 3 Q&A for those of you who can’t/don’t want to listen for whatever reason, but still want the delicious information that we got.  I’ll also be including my own thoughts about some of the points, so there will be some tasty meta.  This will just be a bit more of an informational post than most are.

·         The metaplot is known through season 5 (which will be the final season), and is hashed out in more detail at the beginning of each season.  The individual spooky stories are not necessarily known prior to the week before writing.  There is usually a general idea, but no specific details until far closer to the deadline.

·         Martin’s crush on Jon was known from the beginning of the series.  No specifics were given about when and how it came about on Martin’s end.  I imagine we’ll probably get more into this as we go forward (I lean toward it developing while he was living in the Archives, as his attitude toward Jon definitely shifted from “I have to prove myself to my boss who doesn’t believe in me” to getting very emotional when he thought he left Jon and Tim to die in the tunnels). But it was known that the crush would or already had happened from the inception of Martin’s character.

·         Tim’s background was known 2 seasons prior to now (so end of season 1).  It only came about at that point because, prior to that, Tim was going to be the one to be replaced by the Not-Them at the end of season 1 rather than Sasha.  There had to be a last-minute change because Lottie (the woman who played Sasha) had a scheduling conflict that meant she couldn’t commit to the continued large-scale time commitment.  So Sasha got replaced, Tim got a backstory, and the rest is history.  Very interesting to think that the descent into bitterness and potentially even the ties to the circus were originally meant to be Sasha’s. Is that why she was so interested in the calliope in season 1 perhaps?  Having the only main female character also be the first to die was also one of the big reasons why they added a lot of major recurring female characters from then on.

·         Basira and Daisy becoming as significant as they were was a combination of the characters being interesting and the actors being fun to working with.  They also very much fulfilled certain necessary narrative roles.

·         They knew Melanie was going to become an assistant from shortly after Lydia’s recording of her initial episode.  I’m guessing this is partly to do with Lydia being already available, but I also have to imagine it was due to the instant, nasty rapport she had with Jon.  She was certainly the character from season 1 who I most wanted back when I initially heard her.

·         Jonny’s original pitch for the show was the 13 fears, though the Slaughter and the Hunt were initially the same, but as he worked through them he realized that the root fear was very different.  It became especially apparent due to the fact that extremely different (and likely very poorly cooperating) sorts of people were driven to each of those powers.  This is interesting, because it implies that Melanie and Daisy, though we have not seen them interact, would not get on at all. They’re driven by instincts that are too close but too different.  

·         Poor, poor Jonny is haunted by Elias’ surge in popularity during season 3, particularly the large contingent of fans who found him suddenly and definitely attractive.  He blames Ben Meredith for all his woes: “It was only after [episode] 92 when he started to be properly, overtly villainous, and everyone just decided how sexy he was!  When we were planning things out, there was no way for us to foresee how sexy Elias was going to be.  Something I blame entirely on Ben.”  And Alex cackled in the background.

·         Melanie’s clap-marker as her statement beginning was actually improvisation on Lydia’s part (and works wonderfully with her background in video production).  By and large, though, there was little improvisation from the actors. There was a lot of lean-in to certain qualities that actors brought out if they were particularly good at it.

·         Jonny’s favorite power to write is the Flesh because it’s super weird and lets him dig into really odd writing.  His least favorite is the Dark because it’s so easy to fall into tropes and clichés, and he doesn’t actually share that particular fear.  He also finds writing the Desolation particularly challenging, as it treads the closest to his biggest distaste in horror: linking spooky fictional stuff with real-life trauma.  The very nature of the Desolation lends itself to trauma-porn, so when writing it he has to be especially careful not to do that.  Alex’s least favorite from a production standpoint is the Spiral because it’s always a nightmare editing it, but the Vast is his favorite, because he adds high amplitude low frequency noise to induce an on-edge feeling in the listener.

·         Alex really enjoys killing all the characters you love.  Sasha’s replacement might have been his favorite moment in the show, because it was subtle enough a lot of people didn’t catch it.  He also seemed positively gleeful when joking about how very dead Tim is.  Of all the changes in personality from character to actor, Alex is always the one who gives me the most whiplash.  Which, I suppose, is a testament to his acting abilities.

·         Perhaps Jonny’s greatest regret is naming the main character after himself and not thinking that would become … complicated.  Apparently, in the earliest drafts he was just the host of the anthology series, and not a character in his own right, which is why he originally just went with his own name.  Then he didn’t think to change it as they made Jonanthan Sims his own character with only vague similarities to Jonny (he was basically all the bits of Jonny that would make a good horror protagonist, exaggerated for effect, right up until about episode 20, at which point the character began to develop along his own lines and moved farther and farther from Jonny), who would like to believe that his own personal decisions were less “overtly horrific” than his fictional counterpart.  Alex described Jonny vs Jon as “I’d like to think that you’re less of a hot garbage-fire of a person”.  They both agreed that Jon (the character) was the absolute king of terrible decisions, and that it was hysterical to listen to Jonny’s parents eviscerate Jon’s incredibly awful decisions.  I love Jonathan Sims, Head Asshole of the Magnus Institute, but I will agree with their assessment of his character.

·         A similar regret was naming the assistants after Jonny’s then-roommates.  Not only did it cause confusion (as all 3 have now also been in the show at some point), but he brutally killed off his fiancé’s namesake first.  Oops?

·         It sounds at least probable we’ll get the last bit of the Daedalus space station story in season 4.  On that note, I found it interesting that all recurring story themes, etc, are mentioned to recur in season 4.  There was absolutely no mention of season 5 at all.  Which makes me leery.

·         US distribution and ratings for podcasts are … interesting.  Jonny could add in all the violence, explicit gore, and even sex he wanted.  The only thing (literally the only thing) that gets a podcast marked *explicit* is swearing.  Which meant that the podcast, in order to not be marked as explicit, had to scale back the language and nothing else.  Every time a character swears, it has to be well-thought-out, and Jonny has to sell Alex on why it’s important.  On the up-side, the lack of swearing was apparently what convinced Sue Sims to be a part of the cast, so I think getting Gertrude is well worth adherence to a laughably odd rule for US ratings.  Also, on that same note, Alex’s imitation of Jonny’s mother nearly made me snort tea up my nose.  So thanks for that, Alex.

·         Jonny believes that what he writes is ‘escapist horror’.  It’s a way of indulging in fear and spookiness in a controlled, safe way, when it won’t suddenly turn deeply unpleasant and traumatic.  He believes that his audience needs to trust that they can enjoy the horror without worrying that it will unexpectedly cross lines. He separates that from literary horror, which often does dig into very traumatic issues through the mechanisms of horror in very thoughtful ways.  All horror, in his opinion, needs to be respectful when it tackles very traumatic subjects.  The reason that Jonny personally doesn’t write literary horror is that he has no personal experience with those sorts of traumas, and would not feel qualified to dig into them in a genuine and thoughtful way.  He therefore sticks to escapist horror that his audience knows they can enjoy without worrying about it suddenly veering from spooks to trauma.

·         The sound of the Anglerfish is a baby crying, slowed down 100x.  Nikola had record scratches layered under her voice very subtly.

·         Jonny’s favorite thing to record in season 3 was his [MUFFLED FEELINGS], and he revealed that he managed to sound like he had a gag in his mouth by trying to stuff as much of his fist into his mouth as possible before trying to deliver lines. Which produced a really amazing amount of saliva, apparently.  They also had a lot of fun trying to record one of the larger group scenes in which most of the participants shouted at one another, because they used up most of the oxygen in the studio and all got very dizzy.  Alex really enjoyed recording his scenes in episode 100, because it was one of the few times he got to improvise, and he and the actress spent the entire episode trying to make one another laugh.  

·         Also, all statements in episode 100 are confirmed to have been supernatural events, simply told badly.  The actors got a paragraph telling them what really happened, as well as some bullet points detailing how they might get side-tracked or otherwise be terrible statement givers.  The rest was slowly improvised, with frequent checks for canon-compliance.  And, yes, episode 100 was absolutely a funny way of answering the question: “Does the magic power also make them really eloquent storytellers?”  “YES. YES, IT DOES.”

·         Alex misses his old analogue mixer.  There was about 2 minutes of eulogizing.  

·         Tim is 100% dead.  They also specify that they will never resurrect characters or bring them back from the dead (which makes Jon’s current situation particularly worrisome, as he’s not quite dead, but he’s inches from it).  Dead characters may still make appearances via tape (Gertrude’s been dead the whole time, and it hasn’t stopped her from showing up plenty) or speak from beyond the grave (thanks Gerry), but if a character dies, they will not come back to life.  This also means that Michael will not be coming back as the Distortion.  The distortion is now Helen, and the story of the Distortion is about what and who she is.  Michael may return as audio, of course, but not in the form of the Distortion.  Likewise, Gertrude and Leitner in the season finale were not ghosts; they were mostly Nikola, with a little bit of Unknowing reality-bending-weird thrown in.

·         Georgie will be returning, but she will be an occasionally recurring character rather than a regular.  

·         The Usher Foundation is the American sister foundation to the Magnus Institute, which is similar to it but different.  It’s a way to broaden the world and give a nice hook for fanfiction/RPG settings/etc. The same can be said of the other institutions like the Chinese research institution.  It’s a way to expand the world and to give a sense of scope without a locked-down story.  There’s just too much story to fit into two more seasons as is.

·         There is a nexus of timeline discrepancies that is 100% part of the plot, but the rest of timeline issues are probably just mistakes.  Mary Kaey’s dates are almost definitely oversights in writing, but Jonny doesn’t discount that he might do something with the discrepancy to make it an interesting plot point in the future.

·         Gerry’s father is not confirmed to be Eric, the research assistant of Gertrude’s who took the statement in ‘Upon a Stair’, as Jonny refused to answer the question.  He did, however, state that whoever asked had been listening very closely.

·         Any character who believes they understand how the powers work is absolutely wrong. This does include Gerry’s interpretation of Robert Smirke’s cosmology, though Jonny did state that what Gerry said is about as close as we’re likely to get to the truth of the cosmology (no exposition dump is a lie, but it’s only a decent approximation).  However, the powers are going to defy any attempt to nail them down or perfectly sum them up.  Plenty of things will not line up with the way Gerry described them, because the powers work on nightmare logic, not normal logic.

·         The tapes are NOT neutral.  They are not simply objects to record.  There is more to them than that, but we don’t know what.

·         Jonny is a massive history nerd.  He got very into Wolfgang von Kempelin, and his imitation of von Kempelen’s speaking machine was hysterical.  His favorite episode to write was ‘Tale of a Field Hospital’ for similar history nerd reasons.

·         The first trailer for the series (with the chanting) was meant as a mood piece, but has absolutely nothing to do with the meta plot.  It was recorded before half of the meta plot was even established.

·         The Magnus Institute, beyond the Archival staff and Elias, is just a legitimate supernatural academic research institution.  The library does exactly what it says it does (house and catalogue valuable texts on the supernatural).  Artifact Storage really does just store and experiment on supernatural artifacts.  Research is mostly students working on dissertations and theses.  They are even confirmed to run on an academic fiscal year (thanks to whatever fiscal nerd asked that particular question!)

·         All the supernatural things encountered in the show are tied to the powers, but Jonny does not categorically deny that other supernatural stuff exists in the TMA universe. It very simply won’t be addressed in the show, as introducing other supernatural stuff beyond the powers wouldn’t work this late in the story.  The powers play with folklore, but they do not necessarily generate folklore themselves.

·         For purposes of the story, every power only has one ritual we need to be concerned about.

·         BIG ANSWER: no power has completed a ritual to date.  The rituals are now confirmed to so radically change the fabric of reality that there is no one on the planet who wouldn’t notice a successful ritual or be effected by it in a massive way.  We are not living in a world in which the Beholding has already succeeded, or any other power.  Jonny would not answer whether or not it was possible to reverse or somehow mitigate a successful ritual.  And that makes me very suspicious that the season finale of season 4 will be the successful completion of the Watcher’s Crown, and season 5 may be trying to reverse or mitigate it in some way.

·         Leitner is likely to return (one would imagine in one of Gertrude’s tapes).

·         Jonny and Alex have made the deliberate decision not to overly describe any of the major characters beyond their plot-relevant descriptors (Tim is described as attractive, but we will not get any details of that attractiveness).  Jonny doesn’t even have confirmed ages for most of the characters. He thinks Jon is his age (almost 30).  Martin is either a bit older or a bit younger than Jon.  Tim, Sasha, and Melanie are ‘young adults’, which Jonny defines as somewhere between 25 and early thirties.  Elias is middle-aged.  Gertrude and Leitner are old.  Trevor is “old as balls”.

·         Jon is 100% on the asexual spectrum, but may not use that term to describe himself.  He would instead avoid the question, and avoid thinking about it too deeply in general.  He would be very uncomfortable describing his own sexuality. Also, Jonny made it very clear that the way Jon grapples with his inhumanity is neither a parallel to nor a comment on his asexuality.  He approaches them very differently.  He didn’t specify this, but so far as I can tell, he avoids even thinking about his sexuality, but he actively agonizes over his increasing inhumanity.  I wonder if we might end up getting a bit more of how Jon thinks about his own asexuality if he and Martin ever get their shit together enough to discuss things.

·         The statements are 90% Intangible Horror colonizing Jon’s brain, and 10% Jon is a massive drama queen secretly.  They also agreed that, if he did amateur theatre as a younger man, he would have been insufferable.

·         Tim, prior to his revenge kick, was into lots of socialization, adventure vacations (rock climbing, kayaking, scuba, etc), and may have also been a bit of a console gamer.  “Lots of socializing; adventure holidays; dead.”

·         There are no specifics at this point on the characters’ families that haven’t been addressed that Jonny was comfortable discussing, as he wanted to hold those details in reserve for later relevance.  He doesn’t want to be beholden to random answers he might throw out right now.  He would say (potentially joking) that Martin has a spider (or a series of spiders) that live in his closet over the past year, and he calls it/them George.

·         The Admiral is a composite of all the cats in Jonny’s life, which all seem to have odd rank-names (Sir Pouncealot, Ambassador Cat, the Colonel).  The Admiral is a reflection of all Jonny’s favorite things about cats.

·         We are not going to be meeting any other plot-integral characters we haven’t already heard of.  There will be new voices, but they will be names we recognize.  There will be no new archival assistants.  They’ve played that card.

·         The characters with horror-writer last names (Martin, Tim, Sasha, Georgie, and Melanie) all have paranormal research backgrounds.  This is why that convention was used for them specifically.  Given that they were not certain of the direction they were going to take Basira and Daisy when they were first written, their last names did not follow this.

·         Jon cannot compel dogs.  Probably.

·         Why an owl is the crest of the Magnus Institute (officially): “Owls are weird.  They are considered very wise, but actually one of the stupidest animals in the world.  They have a very strong field of vision.  And, some species of owl, if you look in their ear you can see the side of their eyeball.”  

·         To serve ANY of the entity is to bring fear and suffering to others.  That is what your existence is twisted into.  

·         Alex is most frightened by the Vast.  Jonny is most frightened by the Corruption, but worries his lack of tidiness might tempt its attention.

·         My favorite question and answer: if they could fight any writer in hand-to-hand combat, who would it be?  They both agreed on HP Lovecraft, because “I could almost definitely take him, and it would be so satisfying.”  They both agreed that neither of them would feel bad for punching Lovecraft, which, even as someone who does a yearly reading of a lot of his works … yeah.  I’d agree.  He had amazing creativity and really laid out my favorite horror sub-genre (debatably Robert Chambers invented it, but Lovecraft properly expanded it into a genre), but there are few authors as in need of a proper walloping as HP Lovecraft. They agreed that others—for Jonny, DH Lawrence, for Alex, James Joyce—were also in need of some fighting, but had serious doubts whether or not they could beat them in hand-to-hand combat (“We’re not exactly prime physical specimens”).  Maybe just kicking them in the shins.  Jonny admitted to an embarrassing love of a lot of literary ‘classics’ people like to shit on, like “Ulysses” and “Moby Dick”.

And that was that!  This is the entirety of the MASSIVE Patreon Q&A.  Apparently the one that went up tonight on the website is a very pared-down version of this Q&A (website version is 43 minutes; Patreon version is 1 hour 48 minutes). Not sure which of these answers didn’t make the cut, but here you go!  All the delicious meta and answers you could want, fresh from the Patreon!

[incorrectdanganronpaquotes]

“Ultimates Play” (a.k.a. Let’s Player AU)

Hey, Mod Snake here! So I realize that I’ve been sort of lax on my part in the 2K celebration. This has been mostly to the fact that I’ve been working on my senior thesis, and it’s been absolute hell trying to motivate myself to do anything with that nightmare hanging over my head. But now the thesis is officially over and I can finally get around to posting something I’ve been meaning to post for a while: an AU concept called “Ultimates Play!” The idea of this AU is similar to the Talent Development Plan ‘verse, except that the DR1, SDR2, and NDRV3 characters share a gaming channel on YouTube called ‘Ultimates Play’. Over the years since it started, the channel has evolved into sort of a Rooster Teeth-style project, with dozens of different series done by many different hosts. There’s a lot to unpack here, so let’s just jump right in! 

General Concepts:

As you can imagine, Chiaki was the one to set up the channel; in fact, the channel was originally called “Chiaki’s Gaming Corner”, and the channel URL still reflects this. Hajime quickly became involved in the editing process, since Chiaki would frequently fall asleep before uploading the videos. Chiaki then gradually began introducing her fellow classmates, who had become interested in the games during Class 77’s meet-up times (everyone involved refuses to call them “classes”), as hosts of their own series; before long, this spread to other classes entirely. And thus, Ultimates Play was born.

Junko in this AU is still technically in despair, but the passion for video games she developed after spending some time with Chiaki helps keep her Ultimate Analyst abilities occupied, preventing her from becoming bored enough to lash out at the world. She is still extremely competitive and aggressive, particularly towards Mukuro, but in general it is typically safe to be in the same building as her.

This AU uses the “Class 79” canon for the V3 kids, similar to the Ultimate Talent Development Plan, since the Tragedy doesn’t happen in this AU.

As the channel started to get big, the group decides they need a headquarters in which to stay; they end up building it a few blocks away from Hope’s Peak. Very few of them live in the building full-time, but the building is equipped with dozens of beds anyway just in case they all happen to crash there overnight at the same time. There are also multiple TVs, so that different students can record series at the same time.

The channel is one of the top 10 most subscribed channels on YouTube, due in part to the variety of content. Of the series, Chiaki’s and Ibuki’s typically have the most views, while Celeste’s and Hajime’s have the least views.

Even though Komaru isn’t technically an Ultimate, Makoto and Toko both begged Chiaki until she was allowed to join the channel.

Individual Series:

Makoto and Kyoko have “Detective Training,” in which they play mystery games together; typically these consist of point-and-click adventure games, although sometimes they’ll do other genres if there is a sufficient mystery element. Kyoko almost always figures out the entire mystery from the start, so she basically spends the whole time trying not to spoil the twists and puzzles for Makoto. Shuichi occasionally guest stars, but he’s too self-conscious around Kyoko to make regular appearances.

Sakaya and Kaede share a series where they play rhythm games like DDR, as well as general music-themed games like Rockband; they alternate off randomly between which one is the host, never appearing in the same episode.

Toko’s primary series is “Toko’s Shovelware Spectacular”, in which she plays the worst of the worst games on the iPhone and Android app stores. Komaru makes an appearance every time there’s a multiplayer game, or whenever Toko is so genuinely shocked by a game’s shittiness that she needs a second person to confirm she’s not imagining things.

Neither Togami nor the Ultimate Imposter have a consistent theme for their series (although they tend towards real-time strategy games); however, there is something of a running joke between them. Every time Togami uploads a video on a game, Twogami will then upload a video on the same game, starting off from the same place Togami left off and claiming to be the next installment. Togami is consistently infuriated by this, but he can’t figure out how to stop it. There’s a running debate in the comments about whether the ‘second Togami’ is actually a distinct entity or just Togami playing an elaborate practical joke; this, for Togami, is the worst part of the whole thing.

Ishimaru has a series called “Upholders of Justice”, in which he plays crime-themed games (GTA, Saint’s Row, etc.) while breaking as few laws as the game will allow him to. If you’ve ever seen the Saints Row the Third episode of Monster Factory, it’s sort of like that.

Hifumi and Kazuichi have a shared series called “Love Quest 3000”, in which they play dating sims together; this is ostensibly for the purpose of figuring out how to get better at real romance, but they have yet to achieve any success in this field.

Celeste has a recurring series on gambling games, such as video poker and virtual slot machines. To her eternal fury, they are by far the least-viewed videos on the entire channel; this may be because she always wins, or because her commentary consists almost entirely of A) ‘advice’ on how to win at gambling (which boils down to “be lucky and don’t panic”), and B) reiterations of how successful she is.

While Junko doesn’t actually have a standalone series, there is a playlist named “With Junko” on the channel. This is because, rather than star in her own series, Junko will occasionally crash episodes of other series and serve as a guest commentator for the episode, typically without the approval or knowledge of the players in question. HOWEVER, Junko does co-star in a regular series called “Rose and Thorns”, in which she and Mukuro play co-op games like Portal 2 and New Super Mario Bros. You can probably imagine how well their interactions go.

Hajime did an Undertale LP.

In her continuing effort to be the most meta human being in the universe, Ibuki has only a single ongoing series: “Ibuki Plays Danganronpa”. At no point in the series does she comment on the fact that her fellow Ultimates- and indeed herself- appear in the games; the closest she comes is her DR2 LP, in which she off-handedly remarks on the similarities between herself and Ibuki in the game. There is only one exception: every time game-Ibuki’s corpse is on-screen in Chapter 3, real-Ibuki goes absolutely silent until the scene changes or she turns away. None of the other Ultimates can figure out where the hell she got these games, and she refuses to provide a straight answer.

Hiyoko and Mikan, of all people, have a shared series entitled “Super Bestest Friends Play!”; it consists pretty much entirely of Hiyoko forcing Mikan to play the weird Flash games you find on various “gaming” websites (i.e. bootleg Frozen games and the like). Hiyoko uploaded the first episode without permission from the others, and promptly found herself being threatened with stabbing by Maki, who is always on watch to make sure things don’t get too upsetting for Mikan; every once in a while you’ll hear a soft click in the background of the episodes, at which point Hiyoko will immediately and urgently apologize to Mikan and suggest a tamer game. Also, every once in a while the situation gets shaken up a bit: on at least a couple of occasions Mikan very visibly starts getting aroused by the games in question, which freaks Hiyoko out more than anything else the other Ultimates have ever seen (this is the main reason they allow the series to persist).

Gundham and Sonia have an ongoing series in which they play horror games together. Gundham constantly pretends not to be freaked out by the jumpscares, even though he is. Sonia constantly pretends to be freaked out by the atmosphere, even though she’s not. They are exactly as adorable together as you can imagine.

Gundham also has a recurring Pokémon series, covering at least one game from every Generation. He makes a dedicated effort to capture one of every Pokémon, and at the end of each playthrough he hacks in any that he can’t obtain legitimately that Gen. His videos are each at least an hour long because he can’t make himself stop playing with his Pokémon. He also cites Pokémon-Amie as the single greatest innovation in the history of the franchise.

As more and more shows started appearing on the channel, Chiaki started putting out less and less content- which suits her just fine, since it gives her more chances to play games with herself and her friends, without having to worry about making entertaining commentary. Her only ongoing series at the time of the AU is a gaming news show, where she reports on announcements about games she’s interested in, as well as discussions about what she’d like out of future games. Hajime is a recurring guest star on the series.

Komaru has a series where she plays whatever games she happens to like at the time; most of these are Nintendo games, and almost all of them are on the casual end of the spectrum. Toko regularly drops in without warning.

Mitarai has an ongoing visual novel review series, which frequently devolves into tips about drawing and commentary on anime he likes or dislikes.

Himiko has a series of RPG playthroughs, many of them unfinished. The only playthroughs she will consistently finish are Final Fantasy games, since they’re Tenko’s favorites. She also did exactly three episodes of a Kingdom Hearts LP before abandoning it, citing the story being too confusing.

Maki has a recurring series in which she plays first-person shooters in order to test their accuracy. To the hastily-suppressed delight of Kokichi (and the well-disguised amusement of everyone else in the building), Maki usually turns out to be absolutely terrible at these games, being so used to real combat situations that she can’t adapt to the artistic license of most FPS’s.

Kokichi Oma has only one series, which is entitled “Kokichi Plays Minecraft”. The series is well over a hundred episodes long, and not a single damn second of that is from Minecraft. Instead, every episode is taken from a different game, with no apparent pattern; each episode has Kokichi acting as if he’s been playing this game for several episodes, as well as alluding to various incidents that happened previously in the game (which, of course, the audience doesn’t get to see).

Tsumugi’s series is literally just makeup tutorials for cosplayers. She doesn’t seem to realize that it’s otherwise pretty much exclusively a gaming channel, and no one else has bothered to tell her.

There are plenty of other series not listed here, including some that pop up without warning and only air one or two episodes before ending. In general, every character from the games has at least one recurring series, each with wildly different schedules. 

One series in particular doesn’t have a single consistent host; it’s called “Ultimate Date Night”, and the commentary role shifts between various couples within the group- Akane and Nekomaru, Himiko and Tenko, Sonia and Gundham, Kokichi and Shuichi- as they play various cooperative and competitive games together. There is also a spin-off series called “Double Date”, in which two such couples square off in team-based competitive games.

Other Headcanons:

At one point, Hifumi and Kazuichi definitely played Doki Doki Literature Club, and spent the second half of the series alternately screaming and crying. They were not ready.

For one April Fools’ Day, everyone on the channel traded series for the day; Makoto and Kyoko hosted “Love Quest 3000”, Celeste and Ishimaru hosted “Super Bestest Friends Play!”, Hiyoko and Mikan hosted the horror game series, Maki hosted “Detective Training” (with special guests Kaito and Maki), and so on. The only exception to this was Kokichi; the thumbnail for his video showed Mukuro as the host, but Kokichi introduces himself as usual at the start of the video and does his usual thing. Also, Junko cameoed on multiple series that day.

Makoto and Kyoko definitely played through Ghost Trick together, and Makoto cried multiple times throughout the game, particularly near the ending.

The only time anyone in the group has ever seen Junko legitimately cry is that one time when Mukuro beat her at Mario Kart 8. Mukuro has never let her forget that day.

Maki was banned from “Double Date” after her first and only appearance ended with extensive property damage and Fuyuhiko (who was on the other team with Peko) being rushed to the hospital with multiple broken bones.

Games Komaru has played include Super Mario Galaxy (finished, though not 100%), The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (unfinished), Thomas Was Alone, and Miitopia.

Chisa regularly visits the Ultimates Play headquarters, bringing snacks and encouragement. Everyone is happy to see her, even Togami and Kokichi.

Himiko was the first non-Class 77 member of the channel; no one is quite sure how she ended up joining, least of all Himiko.

Let us know if you like this idea, and if you have other headcanons regarding this AU! Maybe you’ll get featured in a follow-up post or something; who knows? Anyway, hope you enjoyed whatever this was! 

- Mod Snake