#but oh my godddddddddd oh my god. you could write psychology textbooks about this guy
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can I say something is this a safe space. it's kind of fascinating that ford is meant to read as a deeply repressed character and a capital s Scientist no less but he leads this other half of his life entirely dedicated to the occult. in the 70's-80's. like the historical connotations of the occult and what they represented in the united states at least seems kind of interesting in this context. for no reason in particular I find the dual aspects of "extremely dedicated to presenting as a logical, steadfast researcher trying to earn respect and social acceptance to the point of hinging all of his self worth on this vision for the future working out" and "deeply tied to the paranormal and "unsavory black magic" and everything Weird/freakish but feels like he needs to hide this aspect of himself from even the people closest to him" Very interesting. hiding six-fingered hands compulsively behind his back even if it's the emblem he puts on his journals. "what are you attracted to?" and "maybe you're simply attracted to things that hurt you" from two different points in the book. sweet dreams (are made of this) on the record player. hey does anyone know what that tarot card with a snake on it is meant to represent
#lab notes#utterly incomprehensible post sorry guys#and it drives me insaneeeee because people just don't talk about this aspect of him as a character. which like okay yeah makes sense#one half of the fandom would use it as shipping fuel and the other half probably don't want to think about it#but oh my godddddddddd oh my god. you could write psychology textbooks about this guy#to make it more obvious I think ford is not Just repressed about being gay and I think people go about it wrong#he is on some much weirder shit than internalized homophobia#and representing it through his falling in with occult studies/practices is fascinating to me#his 'the only way I can get what I want is if I sacrifice All my boundaries and autonomy' moment. real self-haters understand#[they start dragging me off stage] and do you ever think about how bill was literally a cult leader if we take the billville pages as canon
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