#they have shared trauma they’re allowed to say things like that around each other

[anonymous-dee]

My Top 5 Scum Villain Ships

5.CumPlane

There’s just something so silly about them. I love the way they bicker and banter, and you can’t deny the obvious shitpost potential of them both coming from the real world.

I fucking love the memes where they’re speaking in brainrot to each other and all the other peak lords are like 🤨❓

4. MoShang

They make me so mad fr. I stand with SQH as a child of divorce so yk, I can’t be too upset with him. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THEIR ABANDONMENT TRAUMAS LOVE TO CLASH CONSTANTLY AND IT’S SO DJFJDJF 🍽️ I hate it so much *desperately filling my plate with fics and fan art and headcanons and—*

3. JiuYuan / ScumCum

Another ship w the sillies. One of my favorite dynamics with JiuYuan is Shen Yuan being like “ugh” but then realizing how broken Shen Jiu is and then going “sigh, I can fix him…” and then he DOES fix him and it’s sweet and cute and perfect.

And yk, I think it’s so important for Shen Jiu to experience kindness and gentle touch and actual love, and it’s like YEAH I love the drama of QiJiu and LiuJiu, but with QiJiu it doesn’t hit the same because in order for it to work in a /gen way, Yue Qingyuan has to have his redemption arc and regain Shen Jiu’s broken trust.

I still do ship LiuJiu ans QiJiu, but ScumCum is just more wholesome in my eyes.

With Shen Yuan, there was no original betrayal, he just comes out of the transmigration oven with warm hands and healing vibes. For the most part.

I like that they are both also similar in a hater way too. If you think about it, they’re both 100% capable of going on the BEST RANTS and being a hater and I just KNOW they have the BEST debriefs after seeing the others do questionable things in public. Yk, they give each other the 👀 “are u seeing this shit” look knowing fully well they are both gonna have a 2 hour mutual ted talk about the absolute audacity.

You also gotta love the dynamic of Tsundere (soft) and Tsundere (will kill a bitch). Because on one hand Shen Yuan has to have his gay awakening so he’s in denial for a hot minute. And then you have Shen Jiu who’s ALSO in denial—probably also in the closet bc he has to overcome his mental block of fearing/despising all men before he can become open to the idea of allowing one man.

#not all men #actually yes, all men #just not that one in particular #yeah him, the fucking twink in the back

And then you can easily end up with a dynamic where both of them realize their feelings and it turns into

SJ: god shen yuan is so fucking annoying (wasn’t allowed to kill someone)

NPC: yeah I hate that guy

SJ: what the FUCK did you just fucking say

I love them thanks.

2. BingLiuShen

**CREDIT BOTH OF THESE BEAUTIFUL ART PIECES TO SAIRUSB AND CHECK OUT THEIR PAGE THEIR ART IS AMAZING**

Slot number 2 goes to BingLiuShen. Everyone repeat after me: SHEN QINGQIU HAS TWO HANDS!

I think the most interesting part about any Poly ship is the multitude of dynamics; it’s more than just SQQ x LQG x LBH. It’s also BingQiu. It’s also LiuShen. It’s also…uh, BingLiu(?) for the life of me I cannot remember if that’s their ship name, BUT ANYWAY.

Each of these individual dynamics has its own individual charm that gets explored once you start overlapping them together. You have the base with some delicious seasoning if you will.

Not gonna lie, it was a 100% tag team effort between SairusB and Celardor that initially sold me on BingLiuShen.

I love Luo Binghe being a menace, Shen Qingqiu being ‘:3’, and Liu Qingge being shy and not used to romance at all. Not that any of them really are, but I love how many ways you can play around with this specific concept, which I will elaborate on more in the next part of the post.

(Anyone who knows me, you know who I’m putting in the number 1 slot)

Everyone please read Sharing is Caring / Love in Another Shape by Celardor on ao3 that fic literaly altered by brain chemistry and it’s so fucking good please believe me PLEASE

1. LiuShen

**CREDIT THIS BEAUTIFUL ARTWORK TO VELINXI, THE ARTIST FOR THE ENGLISH VERSION OF SVSSS**

My beloveds. My silly little guys. My pretty scrimblos. My mipys. Ft. the art that got me to See The Vision™️ for the first time.

Love that we get LiuShen art in the official artstyle btw, I will never shut up about it bc Velinxi’s art is so gorgeous and I cherish everything she draws so so so dearly.

LiuShen is so special to me. I’ve talked about it several times before on my blog but I just love their dynamic so much. Somehow despite both being tsunderes (well, idk if I count SQQ as a FULL tsundere, but still) they end up being so soft with one another it’s so fucking wholesome.

As much as I do enjoy BingQiu, I say as it did not make the top 5 list LMFAO I absolutely love how many ways there are to write LiuShen. Given that SQQ is ship silly putty already, it really does provide the opportunity for endless fun.

There are fics where both of them are self aware of how they feel, there are fics where neither of them are. There are fics where one of them realzies they like the other and have no shame about it. And BOTH are equally as entertaining. I love ‘:3 Liu shidi is pretty I wanna touch him’ fics just as much as I love ‘>:( I’m gonna bring Shen Yuan courting gifts and challenge him to a fight to express my devotion’ ones.

And then you have the fics where one of them is oblivious and accidentally ends up married to the other—I’ve seen it go both ways and it’s perfect every time I swear to god.

Props to Celardor AGAIN because I think they perfectly balance the tsundere and soft vibes between the two. The fic “Sharing is Caring” goes beyond just the silly wife plot it starts out as. It deadass goes from “teehee silly wife plot” to “let’s actually explore the dynamic and the world and the plot beyond just this silly adventure”

Celardor said “I think I see potential here” and both parts of the fic series amount to 254,349 words AND COUNTING BC PART 2 ISN’T DONE YET.

Okay this isn’t a fic review this is a SHIP review so setting Celardor’s fic hesitantly aside, it’s sort of hard for me to explain how much they make me happy but I just love the blushy x blushy dynamic so much LET THEM BE SHY AND SOFT TO EACH OTHER AAAAH

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

What is your favorite SVSSS ship?

[sinner-as-saint]

watch tower headcanons - part 1

a/n: I’m obsessed with them it’s becoming a problem 

Themes: SFW, mild angst, mild mentions of past traumas, found family trope

Bucky: 

He listens to Sleep Token a lot 

And weirdly likes to play classical music when he works out, it keeps him calm and motivated. But it pisses John off whenever they’re in the gym together so Bucky purposely increases the volume whenever John is around 

Bucky secretly finds Alexei’s marketing ideas hilarious, but he never laughs at them in front of him 

Him and Yelena have developed the skill of being able to have a full conversations with just looks and raised eyebrows 

Bucky and Ava teach each other combat moves all the time when they spar together 

He could fix John’s taco shield but he enjoys how ridiculous the latter looks carrying it around so he doesn’t say anything

He listens to Sam’s favourite songs when he misses him. The team knows this and they never tease him about it. Not even John 

Hates board games but will grumpily play on game nights 

Him and Bob share books sometimes because they’re both secretly nerds 

Lowkey likes the protein shakes John makes 

The team makes fun of him because he still reads actual newspapers 

He stays up and watches whatever show Bob and Yelena are currently watching just so he knows the ending, then he threatens to spoil it for them. For no reason. Just for fun, he’s an old man who likes to mess with the youth. 

Designated driver and jet pilot  

Knows that Yelena steals his hair products, lets her 

He’s no longer allowed to put his arm in the dishwasher because that’s disturbing

He still doesn’t know who the hell stuck a fridge magnet on his metal arm 

One time he walked into the living area and found John calmly teaching Bob about guns and how to use them, he walked away quietly and left them to it 

Bob: 

He’s still figuring out his ‘other’ side so he doesn’t accompany the team on missions yet, which means whenever they leave for a mission, he gives all of them awkward hugs 

Cleans up after John is done cooking, and likes it because cleaning is calming 

Big time reader 

Loves Carl Jung 

Insists on having team movie nights at least once a week 

Everyone knows about his tough childhood, so they all do little things they can to have him experience what he missed out on, hence the movie nights and game nights 

He’s into lego sets, loves building them. Sometimes John helps him 

Goes for walks in the city often, in disguise, and always buy elaborate flower arrangements for the dining table on his way back 

Not a great cook, but will help John here and there 

Orders cat and dog food for Yelena’s foster animals even when she forgets to add them to the grocery list

Still feels guilty when he sees John’s shield, and once asked Bucky if he could fix it. Bucky said he couldn’t 

Reads mainly self help books but Bucky’s been getting him into other genres lately 

Offers to clean Bucky’s arm if need be. Bucky agrees sometimes, on days when he’s too tired

He likes hanging out with the girls more. But Bucky isn’t too bad either. He likes how the silence is never tense or awkward around Bucky. 

John: 

Surprisingly a good cook, but always leaves a mess in the kitchen when he’s done (which Bob deals with) 

Watches football with Alexei and it gets loud 

Will make dad jokes whenever he can. 

Cheats on game nights, Ava almost punched him because of it once

Gymbro 

Goes down YouTube rabbit holes often 

Loves conspiracy theories and loves discussing them, but not with Ava because she will purposely say that the earth is flat just to piss him off. 

Secretly loves the flower arrangements Bob buys for the dining table, but never comments on them 

Loves it when the girls ask him to fix things around the tower. The dishwasher is leaking? He’s on it. 

He bakes when he’s stressed, and he’s a decent baker too 

He never calls Bob “Bobby” 

Will never even look at the newspapers Bucky buys because they never get his good side in pictures 

Hides his snacks from Alexei 

Takes the longest to get ready, always the last one to get on the jet. Why? His hair wasn’t cooperating, okay? 

A secret Bucky fan at heart

Hates when Ava calls him a fanboy 

Loves to know what redditors say about him 

He loves it when the girls include him in skincare nights 

Big fan of tiktok recipes, and he will make them if he has all the ingredients. He doesn’t care that he needs to use the blender in the middle of the night 

Alexei: 

The team tries to get him to eat healthier, but he simply cannot do it. God forbid a man loves his snacks 

Tried following Bucky’s workout routine once, gave up halfway but told everyone that he can lift more than Bucky 

Constantly emails brands to try and find sponsors, they never do. But they do send him stuff in the mail 

So he just constantly has PR packages waiting for him 

The team is sick of it because he just gets everything for free – even skincare (which Ava steals) 

Tells everyone he meets that he’s besties with The Winter Soldier 

Bucky knows this and plays along 

Managed to stick a ‘NEW AVENGER’ fridge magnet on Bucky’s arm once. Bucky went hours without seeing it. 

Always the first to fall asleep during movie nights 

Steals everyone’s snacks from the pantry – even John’s fancy protein bars 

Cried when Yelena got him a card for Father’s Day, Yelena rolled her eyes at him as he sat there crying 

He often has nightmares about losing Yelena, but he never tells her this 

Will eat anything and everything John bakes 

Shares his PR packages with everyone – except the snacks, those he keeps for himself 

Hates driving or flying the jets and is happy to let Bucky do it 

Does PR unboxing videos and sends them to the team 

Some company sent him matching PJs for the whole team and he insisted they all wear them for their next movie night. Nobody except him and Bob did. 

Yelena: 

Keeps bringing animals from the shelter to the tower because they deserved to be saved and sent to better homes 

What’s that noise? It’s the cat she’s fostering. Why’s there dog poop at the entrance? Yup, you guessed it. 

Adds cat and dog food in the grocery list when no one’s watching 

Shares her makeup with Ava 

Has a big jewelry collection that no one is allowed to touch 

Wants more piercings, always 

She steals Bucky’s hair products 

Caught Bucky using her hair dryer once, never said anything about it. 

Loves watching White Lotus with Bob, they always argue over theories 

Falls asleep to the sound of rain playing on speakers in her room 

Likes the stand up comedy videos on YouTube that John sends her 

Dreams about Natasha often, but doesn’t tell anyone. Not even Alexei. They’re always nice dreams so they’re her precious secrets. 

Desperately wants to get a dog, but now’s not the right time 

Always saves desserts for Alexei 

Somehow she always knows what everyone needs, but refuses to admit that she cares deeply 

One time almost wanted to stab John for using the blender in the middle of the night 

Ava: 

Sneak attacks, but mainly for laughs 

Never does sneak attacks on Bob 

Messes with Alexei until he starts swearing in russian telling her to stop walking through walls 

Has skincare nights with Yelena 

One time Bob found her, Yelena, and John in the TV room with face masks on. He left without making a single comment 

She disagrees with John over everything. The sky is blue? Well, now it isn’t. 

Her and Yelena bond over how ridiculous it is to live with boys, ugh 

Knows how to fix things when they break, but still asks John to do it. More like orders him to. 

She’s the gentlest with Bob and never raises her voice at him 

Teases John about his bro crush on Bucky 

She cannot be around John and Alexei watching sports because they get too loud 

Needs her quiet, alone time and the team respects it and leaves her alone on days she doesn’t wanna be around anyone 

Likes the classical music Bucky plays 

Watches each and every PR unboxing video Alexei sends her, but pretends to find them annoying 

One time she agreed to help John ice the cupcakes he made, only because she had nothing else to do and was bored, okay? 

Draws horns and silly mustaches on John’s pictures in the newspapers Bucky buys

[colleybri]

A few thoughts on Bix’s arc so far in Andor season 2

(Spoilers up to Season 2 Ep 6)

Since her torture in Season 1 (and the attempted rape in S2 Ep 3) I knew that Bix would be carrying a lot of cumulative trauma in this season, but I was totally unprepared for how realistically this is being handled. The aspect that really shocked me is that the show unflinchingly shows the longer-term PTSD taking full effect many months later in the form of depression - and addiction.

Most obviously, Bix has terrible nightmares that reflect the different ways in which she is haunted. In the first arc nightmare, Gorst pulled the blanket off her as she lay alone in bed on Mina Rau - visually foreshadowing her vulnerability to the predatory Imperial Krole. It was implied then that the nightmares are worse when Cassian isn’t there, but in the first nightmare of the second arc he is literally right next to her and it makes no difference. He does say, on waking her from the sleep walking episode, that “It’s been a while” since she last had one, so the suggestion is that the nightmares are back because of their most recent mission. Bix struggling to process the death of this young soldier has clearly brought all her demons back in force, all symbolised by demonic Gorst. She has killed men herself by now, but says “I can’t stop seeing [the soldier’s] face”. According to the dialogue in the Gorst torture nightmare, an aspect that particularly haunts Bix is that the young man’s family will never know what happened to him. For a woman from such a tight-knit community as Ferrix this troubles her deeply. She is also, canonically, an orphan and presumably has had to mourn and process the death of each of her parents. Brasso is also a fresh bereavement. Family is important to her even though she has almost none left. …

She at least has Cassian, and their relationship - one that started as a childhood friendship over twenty years before and has had romantic interludes since - is probably the main thing sustaining her. “She’s the most Ferrixian woman there is and she can’t go home. But she and Cassian have made a home in each other” says Adria Arjona. The beautiful ‘hand dance’ scene in Ep 4 seems designed to re-centre her a little as he leaves her for the solo mission to Ghorman. A little shared moment of intimacy that takes them back and grounds them.

But it’s a realistically flawed relationship too. Trauma-bonding can lead to co-dependence but the other major contributing factor is the nature of their role as rebel operatives in the ‘insanity’ of the city. They can’t relax. They can’t shop without worrying about being recognised. In one really poignant little exchange Bix asks if they can go for a walk in the “big park” as she’s clearly yearning for some natural scenery. But Cassian says no, there are cameras.

This makes their safehouse, dingy and grey and overlooked by a never-ending rainy city, feel like a prison and the sense of smothering claustrophobia clearly haunts Bix while they’re here. She prefers activity, doing something, being on missions… it’s the sitting around waiting that allows the dark thoughts to come. Cassian and Luthen both acknowledge this too.

Socially, Bix is completely isolated. She has no friends; it’s not safe. There’s no sense of community here. Her world has shrunk to the ‘home’ she has with Cassian - their relationship is her home but she’s frustrated that she’s otherwise homeless. She hesitates to call the safe-house ‘home’…. “This place. Whatever it is.” She contemplates buying towels and decent plates, wants to clean the windows… if they are staying there longer term. She has an instinct to make a home but the place just doesn’t feel like one. She’s disturbed by the idea of other people using it while they’re not there. Since losing her home in Ferrix she has lived in a ‘Mobil-Haus’ on Mina Rau (even Krole pointed out that it didn’t look ‘permanent’) and now their base is this ‘safe house’ which might be safe but certainly isn’t somewhere she can feel is ‘permanent’ either.

She is also trying to be strong. She’s rightly resentful of Cassian’s desire to protect her. That in itself is complicated because he’s also a victim of trauma. Bix highlights this in that little flare-up argument in Ep 4 - “I’m not Maarva, I’m not your sister!!”. Cassian having what Tony Gilroy recently called ‘a problematic saviour complex’ derives from his very early guilt about not being there for his sister. He wants to save those he loves, he wants to go back for them - metaphorically or literally. But Bix tells him that ‘It’s not up to us, what we save or what we lose’. Cassian is really struggling with this concept at this point in his life when he’s torn between what Luthen sees as full commitment to the cause and his love for Bix. Bix herself wants an existence for herself outside of this perspective. She wants to fight. “If I’m giving up everything, I want to win. We have to.”

But the contributing factors to her state now are trapping her in a vicious circle of nightmares. She would be a danger to herself and others on a mission. The sleeping drug doesn’t seem to be working. She takes it regardless of whether Cassian is there or not. The depression is taking over; she’s trapped. Cassian asks her if she wants to talk about it but she doesn’t. He doesn’t want to push it. I think he absolutely knows that she is in a very bad way. He probably knows also, at least on some level, that she is self-medicating. There comes a point when an addict finds this extremely difficult to cover up - especially from someone who loves you and knows you extremely well. For these reasons he is not only hesitant to leave her to go to Ghorman at all but is also especially furious at Luthen.

Realistically, Bix isn’t observably in a bad way all time. She can still appear her old self sometimes, as glimpsed with the banter with the shop-keeper. Even after her worst episode, Bix eventually clears away the mess of takeaway cartons and cleans herself and the safehouse up a bit for Cassian’s return. She even buys flowers - an attempt to ‘make a home’ of the place. They express their love easily when he comes back; the gentle flirting about Varian Skye is particularly cute. But even there, in the suggestion that they might be into bedroom roleplay, there’s a sort of poignancy… it’s the kind of taste that might develop in a couple who are literally using different identities all the time as spies and who are also unable to bring any real people ‘home one time’.

The irony of all this is that it’s Luthen ‘not a friend to romantic relationships’ Rael who helps - ‘sending them on couples therapy to kill Gorst and blow stuff up’ as one meme put it. Bix gets the catharsis that she desperately needed. Realistically, it’s not going to be a cure-all and I think it’s a safe bet to say that any improvement in Bix is not going to be presented as something that happens overnight either. But I think there’s hope where there was none before. Her ongoing-therapy now? It’s just as Cassian told young mechanic Niya at the start of the season. “You’ll never feel right unless you’re doing what you can to stop them”. In having a new sense of purpose and working alongside the man she loves and trusts the most - a partner in both senses - there’s an indication that there is hope ahead for Bix.

Even if she dies after all this suffering … a ‘blaze of glory’ death feels a lot more likely and a lot more earned. Personally, I hope Bix lives. I feel a bit more confident in the writers finding a way to allow that. But either way, I’m sure her overall arc will be incredibly powerful.

[stardustdiiving]

i would LOVE to know your headcanons on how the archons interact with each other!! (if u want to share ofc)

I HAVE. SO MANY THOUGHTS on this topic and have attempted to organize them the best I can. Here’s like, the layout of how I decided to do this

The context I imagine these headcanons take place in

A little section for each archon and my individual thoughts on how they interact with everyone else

Enjoy the multiple thousand words under the cut

Context these headcanons take place in

So obviously, there’s a lot of different contexts I can imagine the Archons interacting in. Two of them could cameo in a light hearted event like we’ve seen happen with Zhongli & Venti, or…of course, something more serious and plot heavy, because I do feel it’s inevitable Genshin will give us some Avengers Assemble moment with the Seven late into the game JISNXIXJS. When it comes to headcanon stuff, though, when I think of Genshin character interactions I find it most intuitive to put the characters in a casual and lighthearted sort of setting because this is likely what’s needed for the characters’ charm to be on full display.

So for the sake of this post, I’m going to pretend that all the Archons have basically decided to restart the original 7’s tradition of meeting up with each other to hang out—in Liyue or otherwise. I like to imagine that these meetings start as a way for all of Archons to get to know each other, instead of something they all decide to start doing after they become friends because…I don’t know, Traveler or someone suddenly decided it would be great if they all finally met and had a dinner party together or something.

Additionally…just for full indulgence here, I want to imagine that in this situation the Archons are allowed to bring friends to these meetings—especially notable immortals from their immediate social circles who would probably be allowed to see Venti and Zhongli walking around as their real identities and such. This is honestly how I kinda imagine original 7 meetings went too—if they’re gathering in Liyue it doesn’t feel beyond me to imagine maybe some Jueyun Karst adepti are allowed to hang out every so often. I want the setup here to feel casual, therefore I’m allowing like Ei to bring her wife Yae Miko with her because Miko wanted to see Ganyu + also Ei isn’t very social and is relying on Miko to buffer for her SJSICJCDN

Venti

friendly & used to interacting with other archons—presence probably really helps set the vibe. this is great bc like 1/3 of the group has social anxiety

Zhongli — #oldmanyaoiwins

Ei — he’s like “oh it’s Makoto's more introverted sister who seems scary but toootally has a soft spot haha :)". Based off what we know about Makoto I feel he probably got along a bit better with her, but I think he’s fine being civil/friendly with Ei…she’s just probably not the archon he gets along with the most yk

Nahida — you know Venti would love Nahida. What makes this even better is its canon: he says in his voice line for her he “gets along very well with the dendro archon”. This is incredibly endearing to think about and I’m desperate to see them interact bc it would be so cute. But im also kind of haunted by the implications of venti being friends with Rukkhadevata. I feel the idea of just completely forgetting a friend would Venti in particular pretty sad…I like the idea he gets a vague, unnerving sense of Deja vu when he’s around Nahida sometimes but is like hm. Don’t like that. (Though i wouldn’t put it past Venti to be suspiciously knowledgeable about Irminsul things)

Furina —has a very cute voiceline about wanting her invited to windsblume. I feel Venti would have a very specific kind of empathy for Furina’s relationship w/ facade & performance and make an effort to be very nice to her

Mavuika — Wants to go drinking with her. That's great Venti I'm glad you found another Archon who loves alcohol and war trauma repression. (I think they’d get along just fine in casual settings!)

Zhongli

similar to Venti, he's chill & used to interacting w/ other archons. Wouldn't feel unsure of his place there whatsoever. Knows exactly what’s up

Venti — #oldmanyaoiwins

Ei — I dont think he minds Ei, & would be cordial with her in his usual Zhongli way, but there's probably not much chemistry here. Eyebrow raise at some of her life choices

Nahida — would enjoy talking to Nahida because they both love philosophically pondering things. there's a charm to this when you compare Zhongli's extensive lived experience as the eldest Archon with Nahida's eagerness to experience the world as the youngest Archon being notable elements of their characters. (old post I made about this here)

Furina — Canonically goes out of his way to make his respect for her known in voice lines + few interactions in 2024 Lantern Rite, which is very charming. I imagine Zhongli would especially respect Furina’s resolve & commitment to save Fontaine as the God of Contracts, you know? Old Man Rex Lapis wants you to know he thinks you're cool & that you should practice self confidence

Mavuika —??? There would be something so funny about this. Zhongli's civility born out of old man autism & Mavuika's civility born out of her being overly emotionally stable would give their hypothetical interactions such an unintentionally funny awkwardness in my mind. They'd vibe

Ei

Overwhelmingly I imagine Ei would feel Really Awkward about interacting w/ other gods. I think she'd learn to have a good time but would struggle to form really close bonds with any of them individually, at least at first. I’ve always imagined she maybe shadowed Makoto whenever she attended Archon meetups in the past, so in the back of her mind trying to socialize as the Archon feels awkward and more like “Makoto’s thing”. She’s trying her best

Venti — canonically doesnt like him which is so funny to me, & also makes complete sense because i think Venti’s whimsy would just baffle and confuse her. Yae Miko, however, canonically does get along with Venti, which gives me this fantastic mental image of Ei being very sad her wife says she can't blow Barbados up with lightning for being overstimulating to be around because she finds him funny and says it would "totally kill the vibe” of the archon meetup. I really enjoy this coexisting with my earlier note that Makoto probably also got along with Venti. Someone help her

Zhongli — again there’s probably not much going on here but I like to imagine she just thinks Zhongli is kind of weird & needing to exist in physical proximity to him and Venti bantering with each other is a deeply harrowing experience for her

Nahida — I Really love that her voiceline abt Nahida is "aw :) she seems like a very gentle god. I like how she's capable of psychological warfare but chooses not to" it's really funny. I enjoy the idea she finds Nahida easier to talk to than some of the other archons and likes sharing desserts with her. Just generally thinks Nahida is 2 apples tall and very polite/pleasant to be around

Furina — Has a very sweet voiceline where she really empathizes with furina over the 500 years she spent fighting the Shogun. I like to imagine Ei is able to pick up on Furina's nervousness at being around other Archons & kinda tries to connect with her/be welcoming to her, even though that isn’t something that Ei’s very used to doing. Which would be kind of sweet

Mavuika — Similarly to Zhongli there would be something unintentionally funny with this. Ei I feel would be torn between resonating with Mavuika’s experience handling the burden of a War and kind of fascinated by Mavuika’s ability to be charismatic in a leadership position. She’s like I have no idea how you’re doing that but that is okay 💜 are you interested in having 20 friendly spars in a row I think it would be fun :) (honestly? Mavuika is probably the individual Archon Ei would have the easiest time getting along with)

Nahida

strongly believe she’d have social anxiety about meeting the other gods for the first time. Her voicelines about the Seven kinda suggest she’d be worried about fitting in & getting a bad grade in Archon Socializing. She probably warms up fast once she gets to know everyone, especially when she realizes everyone already really likes her and is looking forward to meeting her (which I don’t think she’d expect…cute)

Venti — Has a voiceline wondering if she should ask the other archons to play hopscotch w/ her in an attempt to get to know them. I think if she did this alot of them would ne like “uhh…” & Nahida would get so nervous she’s totally killing the vibe until suddenly Venti mows everyone else down to grab her shoulders and go well BUER MY BFF OF COURSE I'LL PLAY HOPSCOTCH WITH YOU!!!!! and she'd be like :D !!!!! and latch onto Venti immediately. As I said in Venti’s section there is no debating that Nahida and Venti would get along they would both be ecstatic to have someone matching them in Whimsy

Zhongli — To Nahida Zhongli is probably just like this funny old man who will happily infodump to her about the wide range of things he's knowledgeable about for 6 hours straight anytime she asks. Like she knows he's Rex Lapis. She’s just very glad Rex Lapis is autism grandpa 9000 as a person

Ei — I think Nahida would get along fine with Ei but i also think it would be extremely funny if Ei's like, tendency for emotional unawareness just stresses Nahida out conceptually. I want a situation where Nahida understands Ei as a person and doesn’t dislike her per se but she’s cursed with getting exactly why Wanderer and Ei’s relationship is Like That. In my mind this is paired with Ei being very friendly and nice to Nahida specifically because i think it would make Wanderer feel like this

Furina — She’d love Furina tbh. Both of them are smart/sensitive/have spent alot of their lives anxious about meeting the expectations of their people and I think it would be cute to see them hang out :) Nahida probably just finds Furina's presence fun and enjoys hanging out with her

Mavuika — Nahida would think Mavuika is cool & nice and be happy to have her visit Sumeru but also probably feel kind of compelled to study her under a petri dish for her quirky millennial wine aunt demeanor

Furina

So I imagine the other archons view Furina as like, "fellow member of the Seven whos also a human" but not "another archon"—I think Furina would find it stressful to ne treated as an Archon after everything so everyone else would probably like, happily welcome her as part of the group but treat her as a human w/ that in mind. I think this would help Furina be a lot more comfortable interacting w them, but I think she'd also just be frazzled to be considered "one of them" and very nervous/intimidated by everyone & what they think of her at first. I can see her being worried they'd be offended by the "faking being a god" thing too. This would stop once she realizes all of them feel entirely positively and respectful of her but I think even that would be a bit overwhelming at first. I think she’d warm up eventually but just inherently has a lot of baggage with the idea of being “one of the Seven” that would probably inevitably come up in a situation like this…like, I imagine pre-MoTG Furina was probably terrified of the idea of interacting with an actual Archon in fear of them seeing through her act

Venti — I think she'd almost be like…overwhelmed (positively) by Venti, who would probably be being very friendly/welcoming of her as a fellow archon. Once she processes he's entirely sincere in his friendliness & theyre able to connect over their talents in performance arts I think they got along great though! This is assuming a situation she gets to know Venti’s identity…more plausibly I imagine she gets the vibe something about this very nice mondstadt bard she just met is Off (like she kinda sensed something odd about Zhongli) but not be fully let in on the secret.

Zhongli — "THAT'S Rex Lapis? Oh o__o ;; explains why Neuvilette was trying so hard to find him…aha…”

Ei — I’m so sorry but I think it would be really funny if Furina was just a little scared of Ei. Like as I said in Ei’s section I imagine Ei trying to be nice to Furina & connect with her while being just completely oblivious to the fact Furina is kinda worried Ei will strike her down with divine lightning. JJDNDJJDNDJDJDHD. She doesn’t dislike Ei or anything Ei just strikes me as someone easy to find intimidating even when she’s not trying to be

Nahida — I think if Nahida reached out to connect with her over their shared experiences of being rejected/alienated by their people for being too humanly vulnerable it would genuinely mean a lot to Furina & they'd hit it off. I think she’d generally like Nahida but also..I will not lie. I think it would be funny if Furina was also kind of conceptually freaked out by Nahida. Like I think in practice it’s mostly fine but Nahida is probably a little too uncomfortably good at reading Furina so Furina is like okay as someone with deep rooted intimacy issues I am a little stressed out by the conditionally omnipotent mind-reading baby present in this establishment

Mavuika — I think she'd find Mavuika's presence grounding to be around but maybe struggle a bit to start conversation with her, at least at first. I imagine Furina would feel a sense of anxious camaraderie with Mavuika as another human archon but at the same time I feel like if they met pre-MoTG it would've been a bit of a mindfuck for Furina to encounter another human archon, especially one who just seems to have a lot more genuine self-assurance about it than her

Mavuika

Mavuika interacting with the other archons amuses me because I think she's just like disproportionately normal and well adjusted compared to everyone else. I think she engages the others pretty confidently and casually. If you wanted to do something fun with this I think it would be interesting if she gets this weird sense she almost fits in a little too well with the other archons, despite being human. Almost like an inverse of how I think Furina would always feel a bit weird about being considered one of the Seven, even by the other archons

Venti — Would probably rock with Venti's whimsy and enjoy drinking with him. Just thinks he's a solid (if not sort of strange) guy but I think Venti's potiental to mess with Mavuika outmatches Mavuika's capacity to mess with Venti…which would result in her being the target of hijinks. I think she needs this though

Zhongli — I want to say she'd be like "fuck yeah grandpa explain those rock facts in excruciating detail" about Zhongli but I think her saying this to Zhongli's face directly is a bit outside the bounds of Mavuika's flavor of quirkiness. I do feel it's the correct sentiment but she'd probably be a bit more eloquent about it. I feel she'd enjoy his sense of humor and the way he messes with people

Ei — I think they vibe over shared backgrounds in war/combat and Mavuika would have a fun time sparring with her but Ei leaves a very “huh! Interesting" kind impression on Mavuika. Their main common bond is both of them are kind of awkward to socialize with because they're too used to being entirely focused on The War

Nahida — This would be cute. Mavuika is probably just like "awwww haha little guy" and would likely enjoy hoisting Nahida up on her shoulders so she can feel tall. “Cool smart kid who’s nice to talk to” kind of situation. Tbh of this depends on the specifics of how Mavuika interacts with children because while I think she’d obviously be diplomatic and respectful of Nahida as a fellow Archon (tm) i feel you could do something interesting with how Mavuika being human and having very human bonds may impact how she views “peers” even in like an Archon setting, especially as someone who had younger siblings…hmmm

Furina — Would also be cute, I think Mavuika would be pretty thrilled there's another human Archon in the vicinity and intuitively really empathize with Furina. Probably prioritizes approaching Furina because she just really wants to see if they hit it off

I think that’s most of it…there’s like a perpetual archons sitcom happening in my mind. Im less interested in them being this like tightknit established friend group and more this funny opportunity for a lot of different genshin social circles to interact. The fact they’d all have varying levels of chemistry with each other but have an incentive to like, get along/be cordial is really amusing to me

[fyonahmacnally]

Little Girl Inside

It’s been months since Lex and Nxyly were defeated, since Lillian died. Months since the loss of the only family Lena’s known for a majority of her life. At first, she felt completely lost. Where she thought she would feel a sense of freedom, a sense of relief, she instead feels utterly lost. In fact, Lena feels more lost than she did on her first day at Luthor Manor as a tiny four year old.

She’s not lonely anymore. Not in any sense of the word, not really. She spends her days splitting time between the newly formed Lena Luthor Foundation and The Tower. As a fully integrated member of the team, she works alongside the rest of her friends to keep the city safe. Most of her evenings are spent at the apartment she now shares with Kara. 

It happens organically. Neither woman wants to live alone, they talked extensively about it. The problem is, neither really trust anyone to share their space. Well, outside of each other, anyway. That’s how they end up living in Kara’s loft. The idea of finding a bigger two bedroom space gets kicked around for a while. When neither of them bring it up again, the subject gets dropped and they fall into a routine. 

The fact there is only one bed and they’re sharing it isn’t strange. Best friends do that, right? It’s not an issue. The fact Lena hasn’t mentioned it to her therapist doesn’t mean anything. She just hasn’t gotten to it. Yet. 

It’s fine.

That’s the other new thing. Lena Luthor is seeing a therapist. 

When Kelly recommends she go to therapy, she scoffs. She’s a Luthor, after all. Luthors don’t go to therapy. However, after a little time passes, she begins to question her reactions to things. Is she scoffing at therapy because that’s actually how she feels about it or because that’s how the Luthors taught her to feel? This line of thinking bleeds over into every aspect of her life making her question her beliefs and reactions to everything. Needless to say, it’s very eye opening. 

This revelation sends her on a journey of discovery and self-care. She starts eating regularly, figuring out what she likes and doesn’t like in all aspects of her life. It’s like rediscovering the world around her. Unfortunately, along with the good comes the bad. Finally seeing how truly horrible she was treated by her supposed family and the damage it caused is a whiplash of trauma. Talking about things helps her in ways she never imagined. It’s the deep seated wounds to her psyche, all of the things she lost or missed out on that are harder to reconcile. 

The past few weeks have been full of introspection and realization. She’s starting to understand more and more, the little girl inside her hasn’t healed. That little girl wasn’t allowed to exist so she never got to grow and learn. At first it was a hard pill to swallow for the last Luthor, now she is trying to figure out what to do about it. Can she do anything? Is it too late?

These questions consume her thoughts most evenings and she knows Kara has noticed. It’s a random Tuesday when the hero finally asks.

Kara can tell there is something weighing on Lena’s mind. They’ve just finished a late dinner, both having worked later than usual. Plates, flatware, and glasses still strewn on the coffee table and one of their guilty pleasure shows streaming in the background. The blonde doesn’t want to pry, but she knows Lena has a propensity to compartmentalize and stifle her emotions so she tries to gently push her friend to open up.

Kara sighs internally. Calling the woman next to her friend, even in her head, doesn’t feel right. Lena is her friend, the best even, but it’s always been more. It has been for a long time. She knows it and she’s pretty sure her sister knows, too. Now though, it’s getting harder and harder to keep it at bay. They’re living together. Sleeping in the same bed. Not just that, they are always wrapped around each other in bed. She’s never had a friend like that. Not in all of her Earth years. So yeah, it’s getting harder to keep her feelings tamped down. 

But, that’s for another day, right now she needs to focus on her best friend. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Kara slides closer to the woman and softly pats the jogger clad thigh now pressed against her own. “You barely ate your dinner and it was your favorite. Plus, you’ve been essentially staring through the TV all evening. Are you okay?”

The gentle voice jars Lena from her thoughts, her viridian eyes settle on her best friend’s concerned sapphire ones. She shifts her eyes away and runs her fingers through her ebony locks before releasing a defeated sigh. “I just…I don’t know how to explain it. When I started therapy, it was on the premise of processing my grief. It has turned into so much more.” Another sigh escapes her lips as she turns toward the blonde. “Going to therapy, actually talking about the things I experienced in that house growing up, it’s making me realize how traumatic my childhood really was.”

A humorless laugh floats into the space between them, Lena shakes her head and drops her chin in disbelief at admitting that out loud. “The Luthors didn’t show or allow emotion. I entered the manor as a scared, grieving four year old.” She can feel her lip quiver and tears sting her already tired eyes. This time, instead of holding them back, she lets them fall freely. “In a lot of ways, Kara, I am still that scared, grieving little girl and I’m not sure what to do about it. Or if I can do anything about it.”

Kara’s heart breaks. She’s always known Lena didn’t live a happy childhood, that her best friend was starved for the love and support Kara herself had in droves. Lena was never allowed to feel or express normal human emotions. The stoic woman was never given the space to explore childhood and experience the joys of true freedom before adulthood settled in. She was always suppressed under the thumb of the Luthor moniker, forced to endure the strict regime of elite classes and standards that would make grown men falter. It’s something Kara wishes she could fix. 

Warm, strong arms wrap around her shoulders. Lena leans into her best friend’s chest and breathes in the familiar scent that has come to mean safety and shelter. Her Kara. Always Kara. The blonde smiles and pulls the smaller woman closer, placing a soft kiss to her forehead and pressing her cheek against silky, raven locks.

“I’m so proud of you, Lena.” She runs her left hand up and down the exposed skin of Lena’s arm, the sleeve of her faded Star Wars t-shirt leaving most of the pale skin on display. A soft hum escapes the woman’s pouty lips, eliciting a smile from Kara. “You have avoided a lot of self-care because Lionel and Lillian made you believe it was a weakness. You steered clear of therapy because Lex made you believe it was for people who were of lesser intelligence. Deep down, you’ve always known it wasn’t true, but you knew if any of them found out, they would use it against you in every way possible.”

“You’re so strong, Lena. Even in the face of such adversity, you are a kind-hearted, beautiful soul.” Another soft squeeze of reassurance. “You’ve always been the best Luthor. You always will be.” 

They sit in the comfortable, but heavy silence for a few moments. Neither of them make a move to pull away from the other. Kara breaks the silence, finding this is a perfect time to ask some questions she’s been curious about for years and move the conversation in a new direction. She also has an ulterior motive. The blonde wants her best friend to experience all the things she was starved of as a kid. She just needs to know some of those things Lena missed out on and this might be the chance she’s been looking for.

“Over the years, you’ve mentioned never watching movies or playing board games like most of us did. Are there other things you were deprived of as a child?” Kara lightly squeezes her closer before continuing to caress the pale skin of the arm now wrapped around her waist. “Toys you wish you had or places you wish you could have gone? What are some things Lena Luthor wanted as a child and teen?”

A soft chuckle passes across Lena’s lips, the warm breath ghosting against Kara’s neck and causing a shiver the blonde hopes goes unnoticed. The CEO hums. “You’ve helped with the movies and board games. I am sure there are more of both I still need to experience, but you’ve checked off most of them.” Her mind drifts back to the first months at Luthor Manor, recalling how many times she asked to play outside or go to the playground only to be scoffed at or reprimanded. Thoughts of the stuffed bear her mother gave her the Christmas before she died and how Lillian took it from her two days after she arrived. 

Kara patiently waits for an answer, fully aware of how often Lena can get lost trying to navigate the treacherous memories of her childhood. She knows how full of landmines those moments can be for her best friend. So, she pulls the woman closer to place a soft kiss on the crown of her head. Her patience pays off when Lena continues.

“I never got to play on the playground, being outside was frowned upon. Dirt was for heathens and unbecoming of a Luthor.” She rolls her eyes. “I think I stopped asking to go outside to play when I was six. It could have been sooner. I had to grow up so quickly. Shedding tears would elicit the wrath of Lillian. Lionel was never really around so I learned early on I needed to hide things from Lillian.” Lena clears her throat, not wanting to dwell too long on that train of thought. 

“There was this teddy bear I had, it was the only thing I brought with me to Luthor Manor. Her name was Miss Pizzley. I got her for Christmas from my mother.” She smiles thinking about Miss Pizzley and how much she loved that bear. “It was the last thing I got from my mother and Lillian took it from me. I wish I still had her.” She lets out a long sigh, nuzzling further into Kara’s neck. 

“Outside of the teddy bear, there weren’t many things I asked for. I knew better.” She chuckles, leaning back to look up at her best friend.

“I asked for three things from the time I arrived at Luthor Manor until they sent me off to boarding school.” She shook her head, briefly closing her eyes in recollection of the memory before gazing back at her hero. “For Christmas when I was five, I asked for a Princess Leia figurine and a Furby. The only two things I asked for and I got neither. Instead, I got piano lessons and a chess set.” She rolls her eyes as she remembers that Christmas.

Kara watches her carefully, tilting her head in awe of this amazing woman. Still so incredibly kind and caring, even after the abuse and neglect she suffered. “Wow. I can’t imagine. My holidays with the Danvers were so different. Oh, you said three things. What was the third thing?” She pulls the CEO back into her arms and they settle against the backrest of the couch. 

Lena hums against the soft tan skin of Kara’s neck, a warmth and security that has quickly become her favorite place. Cuddled on the couch with the woman she’s been unequivocally and irrefutably in love with for years. At this moment, there is nowhere else she’d rather be. 

“The third thing came much later. It was the last Christmas I spent at Luthor Manor before they shipped me off to boarding school. I asked for an iPod. I wanted a way to listen to music in the dorm without disturbing others. Instead, I was allowed to enroll in fencing classes at my new school.” She rolls her eyes, thinking of the smug look on Lillian’s face that Christmas when Lena unwrapped the “gift” she was handed. The look is forever etched into her mind. The box contained her updated schedule for Mount St. Helena. Instead of the robotics class she had chosen and enrolled in, fencing sat in its place. 

“Meanwhile, Lex was being showered with gifts. The first edition of the Motorola Razr cell phone, a brand new Rolex, and a top of the line Porsche 911.” Lena scoffs. The disparity between the two of them had never been as evident as it was that Christmas. “As much as I hated the idea of going to boarding school, at least I knew I wouldn’t have to deal with seeing Lillian and worrying about Lionel’s drunken tirades. At that point, I still adored and idolized Lex. Plus, he was still a decent big brother. In fact, he gifted me the iPod I asked for when he dropped me off at the boarding school. Our parents couldn’t be bothered with taking me so he did.”  

Silence engulfs them. Kara is mulling over the information she learned and Lena is immersed in a swirl of painful recollections. Strong arms are still wrapped around the youngest Luthor. Neither of them speak for several minutes, both lost in the haunting memories of a little girl lost. 

They don’t talk much after that. Kara’s mind is devising a plan to give Lena the things she missed out on as a kid. It’s something she’s given a lot of thought to since the woman first opened up to her. Lena is still swimming in the memories of the Luthors ghosts and a past she’s still trying to reconcile. It isn’t until a few months later that the subject comes up again.

Read the rest here!

[impossiblycolorfulpanda]

The way Bryke treats Zutara shippers in general is just slightly disgusting. Making fun of them whenever the opportunity arises and using the ship as the butt of jokes too many times like… that’s a solid 70% of your fanbse you’re making fun of. They’re the reason you’re even on the map. Shut up Bryke. I don’t know about 70% of the fanbase, but even if it were only a small portion it’s still just…rude and unprofessional to mock your fans? I think about this a lot because I was 16 when the show ended and I know a lot of other Zutara shippers were also teenage girls, and Mike and Bryan were adults. Two grown men making fun of teenage girls who liked the show and the characters they had created. I don’t care how “obnoxious” some of the fans might have been to them - and I’m sure there were fans who were also out of line - but Mike and Bryan were the adults and they chose to act like children, and mean, spiteful children at that.

Ya telling me, and you know what else? They are a big reason why Zutara is so popular in the first place. Bryke are the primary showrunners, what they say goes, they are in charge of approving/allowing what scene goes in the series.

They didn't have to make Zuko say "I'll save you from the pirates" right before trying to uncharacteristically bargain with Katara with an uncharacteristically clam demeaner while unintentionally proposing to her, since the necklace reveals to be a betrothal necklace.

They didn't have to let Zuko and Katara be locked in a cave together with crystals that almost look similar to the crystals from the cave of two lovers. They could've been locked in two jail cells far away from each other.

Speaking of which, Oma and Shu didn't have to be colored red and and blue respectively in one of the flashback scenes (the red one even looked like Ozai) and have their respective nations be at war against each other. You could tell they really, really wanted that story to parallel to Kataang but did a piss poor job of it. For one, Aang and Katara's nations never fought each other, not like how the Fire Nation and Water Tribes were going at it.

Zuko didn't have to be vulnerable with Katara in that cave and briefly explain his banishment and still act calm around her. She didn't have to offer to heal her scar with the only spirit water she had. Jet's ghost be like. "Are you kidding me?! Thanks a lot!" Katara didn't have to be the very first person to touch his scar before bringing the water out and Zuko didn't have to let her touch it and neither of them had to stand their for 5 seconds as the music amps up.

Katara understandably threatened to waste Zuko if he looks even slightly suspicious, and yet she pays no mind with Zuko bringing both Aang and Sokka to life threatening side-quests beyond Katara's supervision, both of which end with Aang getting over his pyrophobia and Katara and Sokka being reunited with their father and Sokka reunited with his girlfriend. Bryke let all of this happen.

Zuko didn't have to be the one to give Katara the means to find emotional closure and finally overcome her trauma. Katara didn't have to open up to him about the much more grisly details about her mother's death and have Zuko compliment her mother's bravery, all before Katara finally decides to forgive Zuko.

They didn't have to have June tease about Katara and Zuko dating multiple times. They didn't have to allow Zuko and Katara share the "parental figure for the gaang" mantle. They didn't have to spend the last scene Aang and Katara have before making out with them having another heated argument while Zuko and Katara spent their time working together to usurp Zuko's way to the throne.

They also didn't have show parallels/symbolism, after parallels/symbolism, after parallels/symbolism.

It's Bryke's fault that Zutara caught so many people's attention and they have the nerve to mock and ridicule them for disagreeing with their personal self-insert fantasy that does not matter to the narrative. The whole thing with basing Kataang off of a little boy having it down bad for an older big-sister-like figure who doesn't feel the same way doesn't help Bryke's case at all either.

[insomniac4000]

Chained Together Part 13

Twenty minutes had gone by and there was not a sniff of anyone coming close to the room they were hiding in. It was a room behind another room, the door was actually disguised as a bookcase, it seemed like a great place to hide at that moment but now both George and Florence were majorly regretting their decisions.

She was still sniffing, sitting on the floor George had an arm around her shoulders and her head was resting on his shoulder, every minute to so she would sniffle and in response George’s hand would gently rub her shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled after sniffing a little again.

“I’ve never lost anyone of importance like that so don’t know how it feels, I’d never tell you how you should feel,” George mumbled in response.

“Sometimes I’m fine you know. Some years it just hits me really hard. Why them? Why not me?” Florence’s voice was at a mere whisper, George frowned at the last comment he couldn’t believe this woman who was usually so sure of herself was questioning her very existence.

“I know this doesn’t change anything but you’ve made such a life for yourself, it would have been such a shame if you didn’t make it either. Were you hurt?”

“Broken leg, cracked ribs. Doctors told me I was lucky,” she scoffed before carrying on “Imagine that. Telling a fourteen year old who has just lost their whole family that they’re lucky.”

“Yeah that.. that’s not the best thing to say. How did you cope with it all?”

“I didn’t. I went into care, grandparents were too old to look after me properly. I fell into myself. There is this huge net that many people at sixteen fall through when they are care leavers, I was so lucky that my grandparents gave me some money so social services found me a flat, Esme lived there as well as two other people. She was eighteen and it was the first time away from home for her so her and I hit it off right away. We moved in together just as two and that was that. If it wasn’t for her I would have been completely alone.”

“Are you close to your grandparents now?”

“Not really. We exchange a couple of phone calls a year usually around birthday’s and Christmas, it’s all very awkward. Most if not all of my relationships after the crash are awkward. I don’t know if it’s because I have abandonment issues. I’ve only ever had one relationship and it was a complete disaster; I ended up becoming so obsessive. Every time I’ve tried to date someone it’s one extreme or the other. I either get obsessive or go the complete opposite and don’t allow myself to get too close,” Florence sighed and looked up at George, she had no idea why she was telling George of all people all of this, maybe because he was just there.

“I’m not good at dating either, no trauma I’m just shit at it,” George laughed a little awkwardly, Florence smiled a little in response.

“I honestly wouldn’t have you down as a dating disaster.”

“Oh it’s all bravado I assure you.”

The pair fell into a comfortable silence after that, more like an understanding, they had both shared something with each other it was a nice truce between the pair.

“Thank you for calming me down,” Florence said after a few moments of silence.

“No problem. Two good things have come out of it; we might win the game and I got the chance to prove to you that I’m not a total dick.” George looked at Florence and gave a smile, it was soft, genuine.

“I treat everyone with a little bit of caution in the beginning, maybe I could have been nicer.”

No. No I’ve not been fair at all, I want you to know I’m not just saying this because I eel sorry for you, What happened to you was awful and no one deserved that, but that aside I have been a massive arse and I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Florence whispered although both of them knew it wasn’t, not by a long shot. Silence surrounded them again. It was at least two minutes until Florence spoke again.

“Someone has find us soon surely,”

“I know it’s against the spirit of the game but if no one comes near soon we might have to shout,” George replied. Florence sighed and got out her phone, typically there was no signal. Sure it was an old house and they were right at the back in a corner in a room many people may not knew existed but in this day and age not having signal was criminal, especially on a shoot. George checked his phone, it was flickering a little between one bar and nothing. He had also received a message from Arthur, the group chat from the shoot also had a few notifications but George looked at Arthur’s message first. Both of them knew it was either the truth so they could claim victory or it was a ruse. Either way they both knew that they needed to tell someone in order to get free.

“What do you say?”

“I think he’s bluffing and it’s a trap but, if you want to get out of here we can take the bait. Especially as it now might be the only bit of usable footage we have of us,” Florence mused, George nodded knowing she was also right. Florence understood content, he learnt that very quickly the first time they had met on that freezing cold pitch.

“True. I say we mess with him a little bit though,” Geoge flashed a smile.

“It’s in your nature isn’t it? To be a bit devious,” Florence said but there was no animosity behind her words at all.

“Maybe a little. Get in.” George asked as he lifted his phone up. The pair took a selfie, Florence smiling in the effortless way she did, she was so used to painting it on. George was also in a signature pose; eyebrows up, tongue out.

Wait you two are hiding together, are you both still alive? Was Arthur’s quick response.

Barely. We’re actually locked in but able to be civil was his response.

There was no response for a couple of minutes, Florence and George assumed it was because Arthur was discussing it with whoever he was with, then the reply came.

What do you mean you’re locked in?

We’re hiding behind a secret door but can’t get out again, either it’s locked or it only opens from the outside.

There wasn’t another response, Florence and George assumed that the chase was now on. They had no idea who was and wasn’t found, it had been about forty minutes since George had come into there, Florence wasn’t sure how long she had been in there before he came in.

“Before they find us, can we just do a truce?” George asked innocently, sticking his little finger out. Florence smiled but rolled her eyes a little bit.

“You’re just a big kid sometimes aren’t you?” She asked, he thought for a moment before nodding. She smiled but linked her pinkie with his.

“Thank you,” she whispered, George smiled and nodded, as they heard voices coming closer.

Soon enough six faces came barrelling in; Harry, Arthur, Simon, Danny, Ethan and JJ.

“Don’t close the door!” Both George and Florence shouted as JJ walked in last. Florence rushed over and just in the nick of time caught it with her foot before it slammed shut.

“Surprised you’re in one piece,” Arthur whispered to Florence, she sent him a smile.

“We have an understanding now,” she whispered back, looking at George who was laughing at something Harry had said. This time she really hoped it would last.

[fxoye2]

how do you think Jim and Spock comfort each other when they have bad away missions or nightmares or something?

OH BOY, how much time do you have? Because I could (and WILL) ramble about this for HOURS. Let me just stretch my hands here, shake off the existential dread for a second (haha), and GET INTO IT. Buckle up.

So, let’s start with the obvious: Kirk and Spock are two emotionally constipated, galaxy-saving, disaster men who (underneath all their badassery) just want to be LOVED and UNDERSTOOD. Jim is all bravado and charm on the surface, but like… the dude has so much emotional baggage, he could be the human embodiment of a black hole. Spock, meanwhile, is Vulcan, but not fully, and he’s spent his entire life grappling with the clash of human emotion vs Vulcan logic. Basically, these two NEED each other to survive bad missions, nightmares, and… well, life in general.

Picture this: after a particularly hellish away mission, maybe one where things got way too close for comfort (because what is Starfleet without a good brush with death every week?), they’ll stumble back into their quarters, all disheveled, bloodied, and too damn tired to pretend that everything’s fine. Maybe Kirk tries to crack a joke—his usual defense mechanism—but Spock, having none of it, just looks at him with those intense Vulcan eyes and silently slips into the room, waiting for Jim to follow.

Now, I like to imagine Jim is the kind of guy who’ll throw himself on the bed and, in a rare moment of vulnerability, he’ll just… stare at the ceiling. Probably doesn’t say much. Maybe something understated like, “We almost didn’t make it.” Spock, being Spock, doesn’t offer meaningless words like “We’ll always survive” because he knows that sometimes, the odds aren’t in their favor. Instead, he’s all about grounding actions. He sits by Jim’s side, their hands might touch accidentally (or so Jim thinks), and that’s when Spock starts to… feel.

ENTER: The Vulcan Mind Meld! This is where it gets INTENSE, my friend. Spock’s ability to share his thoughts and emotions with Kirk through a mind meld is EVERYTHING. He might initiate a very gentle one, barely touching Kirk’s mind, just to offer that silent comfort. Not forceful (because Spock respects boundaries, especially Jim’s), but enough to let Kirk feel his presence, his calm. It’s like saying “I’m here” without words. Mind Melds are their ultimate communication tool. When words fail, Spock can literally show Jim how much he cares by giving him a window into his mind. SO INTENSE.

Nightmares? Oh, NIGHTMARES. Jim has them constantly (thanks, unresolved trauma). Spock’s Vulcan discipline allows him to sense those disturbances even from across the ship, and you can bet he shows up at Kirk’s quarters at the exact right time. Sometimes Kirk tries to play it off, but Spock’s not fooled. He’ll sit next to Jim and just stay there, a solid presence, ready to slip into a Mind Link if needed—a low-level connection that just helps soothe Kirk, easing him back into sleep. Or sometimes Spock will just watch over him until morning (let me CRY real quick), offering the silent assurance that Jim isn’t alone.

But—and this is my favorite headcanon—sometimes Spock has nightmares. Yes, the stoic Vulcan. Maybe they’re about losing control, letting his human side take over (Pon Farr PTSD, anyone? I mean, seriously, the guy’s been through a LOT). When Spock’s walls start to crack, Kirk is the one who stays. He’s probably not as good with quiet comfort as Spock is, but he’ll throw his arms around Spock, holding him through the storm, whispering dumb things like “It’s okay, Spock. I’m here. Not going anywhere.” And that’s when you realize… Jim Kirk is Spock’s safe space too.

I also like to think they’ve developed a sort of psychic shorthand over time. Like, they don’t even need to fully meld anymore—sometimes all it takes is a hand on Spock’s shoulder, or Kirk’s fingers brushing Spock’s. A brief, fleeting touch that says, “I get it. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

AND THEN, OF COURSE, we have the T’hy’la Bond (insert cosmic sigh). This is their deepest connection—where their souls, emotions, and memories intertwine. If they’ve reached this point (and let’s be honest, THEY HAVE), then there are no more walls between them. If Spock has a nightmare or a bad mission, Kirk doesn’t even need to be in the same room—he’ll feel it, and vice versa. They’re basically like walking, talking lifelines for each other. The ultimate comfort in knowing that someone else truly understands you, down to your bones. That’s the beauty of their bond.

God, I’m tearing up just writing this.

Okay, I should stop before I start wailing about how their souls literally help heal each other. But honestly, that’s what I think: they comfort each other with silent presence, psychic connection, and the knowledge that—no matter how bad things get—there’s always someone who understands and loves them completely. Their bond is UNBREAKABLE, and it’s what keeps them sane through the nightmares, the away missions, and the endless galactic battles. GAHHHHH, I love them SO much.

Are you still with me?! How’s YOUR heart, because mine’s a MESS!

[littlesistersti]

Rant or Trauma Dump: Overblot Leona is Relatable as a Student in American Public School

Will keep this short as possible

Abstract: Leona's trauma = shared trauma but (American) 12th grader student edition. I share my experience. Am I allowed to say it's my trauma when it's just resentment?

Work count: 585

Leona expressed strong resentment at the idea of birth > skill so why r bother trying? Nobody cares. I understood it from a story writing standpoint at first then this came to me and I felt things.

Not sure how common this is around the globe but I went to an American public school for high school/secondary school education (why do I sound like a foreign exchange student haha) and every week of/before homecoming or winter break or some major event, there’s spirit week in which each grade level compete with themed outfits, lunch time activity\games, and assembly games. Win enough points to beat the other grade.

Off topic but my school’s Assembled Student Body have zero creativity for lip sync and themes because why do they keep doing Marvel and Disney? I might as well think we’re sponsored by Disney because we could’ve had HTTYD or Wonder Woman for crying out loud. Also there was a spirit day for “hype beast” in which you wear the high end stuff like Supreme. Well, I was bullied in elementary school for being NOT high income so I held resentment for those things.

Freshman year (9th grade), I did my best but we came in last place. Seniors won. Sophomore year, I felt bad for the freshmen who tried harder than us last year and they lost. Their side was decked out in white, it looked like Big Bear. Seniors won. Junior year, I figured it out it was pointless. Seniors won. Then came our turn. I noticed it. My fellow seniors would not bother trying because they knew they’d win anyway or would cheat the system like raising their hands for points even though they’re not wearing anything spirit (sometimes they be counting shoes). I hated it. I hated it more when the senior favoritism happens before your eyes.

Every winter assembly, there should be a sled race where one player is in a cardboard box and another pulls. Seniors never pull because their box has a giant hole so they can stand up and run to the finish line like a Grinch. I never saw that my senior year. Every assembly ever, there’s supposed to be a clapping game similar to Simon Says. The freshman are always duped on the first “clap” and the seniors don’t even play the game, it’s an applause! A standing ovation even! Even the seniors get to win the lip sync battle every time. Makes me wonder if they could stand in the corner then still win first place. In elective and math (above Algebra 1) classes, you would find mixed grade levels so not sure how much the point-counters scrutinize. They are not nit picky with seniors. If you raise your hand, we don’t check. Below seniors? They check. Yet, I think the cronyism is the main problem.

Seniors don’t need any skill set. They just need to be that class and bam, easy win. Any other class could try as they might and never win. I hated it more when people say, “let them win, they’re graduating.” Might as well give them all passing grades, senior year is the easiest anyways. No worries about senioritis. All the teachers love you because you’re mature baby-adults and about to leave. Hate the freshmen because they’re the hooligans. Let’s bully the freshmen.

Conclusion: Leona is relatable in the birth order > skill set resentment and not trying hard if nobody cares, because of the high school seniors favouritism I witnessed during spirit week.

[old-acc-lesbianswithguns]

Parallels as evidence for bumbleby being doomed by the narrative

Prefacing this with I LOVE BUMBLEBY and Im not saying I don’t ship them or they’re not in love, but I also love tragedies. Don’t like don’t read don’t comment.

First I want to talk about semblances. There was an obvious link drawn between Adam and Yang because they have the same semblance, only Adam doesn’t take damage from Moonslice and Yang does from Burn.

My line of thinking is that semblances represent a character’s fatal flaw. It’s the thing they need the most to make that flaw easier to deal with. Blake runs away from her problems, which she linked to her semblance in volume 2, so her semblance makes evasive fighting and quick escapes easy. Yang’s semblance is essentially taking damage over and over until it builds up inside her and she explodes in a fiery rage, and her semblance allows her to express that. Adam’s is the same thing, except he uses his sword to avoid taking damage, ie he uses his emotional reactivity as a weapon for malice and abuse while Yang uses it as an unhealthy self destructive habit.

Regardless, Yang and Adam share the same fatal flaw. That’s where the parallel is drawn between them, their shortcomings. When the emotional intensity gets too high for Blake, her instinct is to run, a habit I think she likely picked up from Adam. Blake’s runaway habits parallel with Yang’s worst trauma too - Raven. They’re both the dark brooding characters of their team represented by black who tend to run from their yellow-represented bubbly Xiao Long partners. Blake promised she wouldn’t go anywhere, but years of trauma isn’t going to undo with a death scene and a promise. It’s still in her semblance and her instinct to run away, and it’s in Yang’s to take that very, very personally.

I think this especially because Blake’s semblance (as far as I’m aware) is just the same as the start of the show, indicating no improvement of her fatal flaw. Meanwhile Ruby is a prime example of how semblances grow with the individual. As she slowed down, became tactical and responsible, she gained the ability to bring people with her when she zips around and to manipulate her body mass to pass around awkward obstacles. And while Yang’s semblance didn’t change, she changed how she used it and adapted it for a more controlled and level-headed fighting style.

Hypothetically they could work through their parallels to each other’s insecurities, but they’re in the middle of the entire world falling apart. They have to figure out how to defeat an immortal being. Their relationship so far has been hit after hit of hardships and shared trauma. While I’d love to see them get a happy ending, this is a huge thing to recover from while they’re still in crisis, and they would make the perfect tragedy. That, and I’m a sucker for interpersonal character problems paralleling with the external conflict - an immortal enemy/an inevitably tragic breakup.

(side note I can and will expand on: speaking of parallels, Ruby and Adam have romantic and positive parallels, Blake and Weiss have a crazy amount of parallels setting them up for a bigger rivalry than we’ve gotten so far, and the STRQ parallels I mentioned earlier can be extended to Summer and Qrow in favour of freezerburn)

I doubt CRWBY will ever break them up, especially in favour of freezerburn or ladybug, basically because they’ve had to fight so hard to get Blake and Yang on screen it would be such a shame to get another lesbian tragedy in the absence of those alternate ships. In theories and fanfics we trust.

[yugioh-rare-pair-poll]

Round 1: Poll 9

Propaganda under the cut

Pairing 1: Twistedshipping (Shadi/Maximillon Pegasus | Pegasus J. Crawford)

Propaganda: Shadi is a grief stricken spirit with no one to talk to and Pegasus is a lonely rich boy with time & money but no one to share it with. They've both suffered heavy loss and mad terrible decisions as a result. They've hurt people and are both people who are hurting. But they wear it differently; no one can see Shadi unless he allows it but Pegasus is a public figure. He must be seen, though no one can get close without his permission. The roles they play are so important to the people who the roles serve and yet they're always at a distance from the comfort of the people. All that to say, they should get to hug and be happy. Also the fan art is just beautiful. | Pegasus lamented how his heart was like the empty canvas he toted around half the world longing to fill, then immediately painted a portrait of Shadi and hung it up next to the portrait of his deceased wife. Pegasus clearly idolized Shadi for giving him the Millennium Eye, even though Shadi showed little regard for him, probably thinking of Pegasus as just another necessary step in moving fate along. I think it’s immensely interesting to explore how they both might grow around each other, and how they might recontextualize their shared past after spending more time together. Pegasus would start to see Shadi with something other than blinding adoration, and Shadi would recognize and appreciate Pegasus as a person and not a pawn. The ship has plenty of angst, but room for hurt/comfort and character exploration. And they both at some point, in Yugioh R and Dark Side of Dimensions, adopted a bunch of orphans and took on the role of a father figure; so there’s more fluffy AU potential, too.

Pairing 2: Conquestshipping (Mai Valentine| Mai Kaijiu/Valon )

Propaganda: Valon really seemed to care for Mai, at least according to child me that just never saw the spark of Polar shipping but immediately latched on to Conquest shipping after seeing Valon and Mai interact. Plus they have shared trauma; huzzah for trauma bonding! I just think Mai had more chemistry with Valon than with Joey. | I love that this ship is doomed and bad from the start. He’s the rebound and they both know it, and they’re stuck trying to move past that and never quite managing it. And at the same time Valon is totally devoted to Mai in a way that’s both sweet and pointless. Strong tragedy, strong sad ship.

Now, let’s keep things civil. This is a silly poll where we can share why we love our overlooked ships. There’s no need to be nasty to prove your point. Bashers will be banished to the Shadow Realm.

[alpineshift]

Oooh

eye trauma fic

?!? Please tell me more. Is this angsty because I’m totally here for that! And if it’s not then I’m still totally hete for it, always love your writing. 🩵

Plus: status on the Reporter AU? 😬

Gonna start signing off with this now 🧀

the eye fic 👁👄👁 it is kind of angsty! in yet another magical realism (I'm very predictable), underworld-ish setting, both Jack and Nico are on the run and they're both missing an eye. so I will say, if you're not into that kind of thing/find it icky, give this one a pass! but other than that...I don't want to reveal too much, just bc it's hard to describe without giving too much away LOL

and reporter au!! I'm sweating. I wrote a little more. but not a lot 🥲 I will happily share the little addition I have tho!! for my cheese pal!! 😊🧀

eye trauma fic

"Let go of him," the smaller man snarls from the floor, in spite of the guard's beefy arm mashing his face into the grimy stone ground. He writhes like a man possessed until the guard lifts him and slams him hard again, and the wind is knocked out of him. He wheezes for breaths while his companion sits stiffly and awkwardly on his knees, arms wrenched behind him in a tight hold.

The captain swaggers forward and rips his hood off in relish. For a delicate moment, everyone in the tavern seems to inhale and hold their breaths, waiting for something terrible to happen next.

But nothing does. The men stare down at the figure on his knees. The man on his knees stares right back.

"Captain?" one of the guards asks, uncertainly. The Wanted poster hangs limply in his hand. The sketch on it shows a young man, with close-cropped hair and a straight nose, dark eyes looking up in a striking gaze.

The man on his knees has long, scraggly hair, and a full beard. His nose looks a little more crooked. But more importantly, his left eye is covered by a thick leather patch, and the eye on the right looking up at the guards is a sharp, stunning lake-blue.

reporter au

“It’s nice talking to you, Jack,” Nico says, and he reaches out and catches Jack by the elbow. Jack’s brain immediately whites out. “During games, after them, and outside of them. You’re a genuinely interesting guy, so don’t talk about yourself like that, alright? I wouldn’t be here if you pissed me off.”

“Oh,” Jack says, a little faintly. “That’s. That’s nice. You’re smooth as shit, Nico.”

Nico flashes an amused smile at him. “Well, I do talk a lot for a living,” he says. His gaze darts over Jack’s form, and then he suddenly puts the car in park and just. Gets out of his car. Walks all the way around. And carefully eases Jack’s passenger door open.

He offers his hand and Jack takes it, blankly, allowing Nico to help him out of the car.

“Can you get upstairs okay?” Nico asks. They’re standing pretty close to each other. Jack can feel the warmth radiating off Nico’s front, even through their jackets.

“Yeah,” he croaks.

+ (also) +

Fuck it, Jack thinks, and throws all sense of reservations right out the window. Under the hot, perfect pressure of the shower spray, he takes himself in hand and lets his brain careen into everything he’s suppressed for the night.

Seeing the flush on Nico’s face as he laughs at the team’s jokes. The way his hair falls around his face, soft and sleek. The flutter of his lashes, the attractive curve of his mouth, the flutter of his lashes.

The feeling of his palm, hot and sturdy, pressed against Jack’s lower back. The scent of his cologne, deep and unobtrusive. The feeling of his breath against Jack’s ear when he asked him if he wanted to go. And the final nail in the coffin, the absolute K.O.—getting out of his car and helping Jack out of his seat. Who the fuck does all that.

Jack thunks his head against the tile, speeds up the strokes on his cock, and groans softly into the spray of the water.

[vacantgodling]

1 and 9 for Amon and Hya pls im so sorry the brainrot IS terminal

you & me in the hospital like 😩🤝

1. What’s their love languages?

so i did answer this already BUT to delve further into love languages: they have to learn how to speak each other’s languages a bit, yknow what i mean?

amon has to learn how to read hya. how to say what he wants to hear but also to not back down from showing his True Self to him because hya hates liars and hates hypocrites more than anything. he only starts opening up to amon when amon starts being painfully truthful with him — at least in terms of his desires and who he is as a person, and honestly this is daunting for amon. he’s never had anyone demand so much of him (and if u remember that one scene i showed u when we first became friends wink wink, that’s what he meant when he was saying “i’ve never let anyone know me like this” tm) and yet give so little in return. but, he slowly begins to realize that hya isn’t giving him a little; he’s giving him everything he has. YES he’s bad tempered, yes he doesn’t communicate like a normal fucking person but hya is also giving amon so much of him that it’s dizzying. amon almost can’t handle how much of himself hya gives him and it makes him wonder if he’s giving enough. so he keeps becoming more and more fixated, more and more enamored, more and more unable to detangle himself from hya because he’s never had anyone SEE him and GIVE to him like hya has it’s nuts.

but then at the same time, for hya, learning to love amon is an exercise of trust and trust is The Most Terrifying Thing in the world to this man. he doesn’t trust ANYONE outside of himself, and life certainly has not given him a reason to. but even still, he finds himself believing in amon, listening to him, caring for him no matter how much he tries to minimize their relationship or amon’s affect on him. he lets amon touch him! kiss him! see him while he sleeps!! like even hya can’t deny that he’s allowed amon into the most vulnerable parts of himself (that shriveled thing he calls a heart) and amon made a home there and it’s Terrifying to him.

essentially their love language is also overcoming their internal fears and i’m obsessed with them for it

9. Baths or showers together? Do they like elaborate ones with bubbles and flower petals?

so hya has a whole thing where he’s got trauma around showers so you will never ever see him in one. so baths are the automatic go to. i haven’t actually thought about the two of them sharing a bath (sacrilege ik) but it’s definitely married couple era if it were to happen. amon would be so annoyingly pressed about it and hya would keep trying to tell him to Focus but amon’s just giddy like a kid and would absolutely want ALL the stops. bubbles, petals, champagne LOL. hya’s all “i knew you were easy to please but this is almost comical” and amon’s like “of course i’m easy to please i’m with you.” but they are both so DISGUSTINGLY fond.

idk man it’s just the way that hya starts being more affectionate for me UGGHHHH i need to write like 800 chapters of them being the cutest sappiest married couple they’re GROSSSS i love them 😭😭😭

[multiplicity-positivity]

Just a question: if a system integrates and eventually fuses, will the fused single person remember the trauma? And is it normal to not want integration to happen?

I’m the protector and main trauma-holder (a few alters have varying memories of the trauma, and a few don’t have any memory at all) and for some reason I just feel like if we integrate and that wall of amnesia goes away, I guess it’d just feel like I remembered and took the pain of the trauma all for nothing. And I don’t want the other alters (especially the younger ones) to have to deal with something I’ve can deal with myself. It’s pretty selfish of me and I’m worried I’m going to hold the system back for healing. Idk

yes. and also... yes.

a big part of integration is lowering those dissociative barriers and allowing all alters to have access to different memories, even traumatic ones. it comes with the territory of learning, healing, and processing trauma together.

(lil disclaimer - fusion and integration mean different things, though integration is necessary before fusion can occur. integration involves breaking down dissociative barriers so that the system can all be aware of each other and share their memories. fusion involves multiple alters coming together permanently to form a single entity.)

many systems feel nervous and apprehensive about integration, and are downright terrified at the thought of fusion. as far as we understand, this is a pretty natural response to someone learning their trauma history may be more extensive than they once thought. it’s natural to push back against that, to want to deny or ignore trauma, and to feel like one or two alters have to exclusively handle trauma memories in order to protect the system.

and honestly, without access to meaningful treatment, we feel like this is one of the best ways for a system to continue functioning without letting their trauma destabilize and overwhelm them. no system should be forced to integrate before they’re ready. and keeping these trauma memories separate may be one of the only ways for a system to effectively manage their dissociative symptoms.

you say that you think if your system were to integrate, it would leave you feeling like remembering and taking the pain of your trauma was for nothing. we understand why you may feel this way, but we’d like to respectfully disagree.

at the time of your trauma, you formed as a means of protecting your system. your whole life of knowing and holding onto traumatic memories was protecting your system from events that they were not ready or able to know about. as a trauma holder, you have fulfilled a vital and necessary role for your system - holding onto traumatic experiences so that the rest of your system wouldn’t have to deal with them.

healing will not negate any of this. but eventually, through time, patience, and treatment, you may reach a point where you holding those memories isn’t protecting your system anymore. as y’all learn more about each other and strive for recovery, it may become more and more important for the rest of the system to learn about your trauma so they can understand how it affects them.

because even if all your traumatic memories belong to a few specific alters… that trauma still affects everyone in the system. even if they don’t know the specifics or have no memories of it, the trauma responses remain and the wounds left by trauma remain. and they will always remain until the system has had a chance to heal.

it is not selfish for you to want to protect your alters from dealing with those memories! we’re sure they are incredibly painful - no one should ever have to go through what you and your system went through. it’s good that you want to protect your system!

at the same time, it’s important to recognize that there may come a time when the best way to protect your system is to share your memories with them. not immediately, and not before you’re ready! but toying around the concept of openness is a great first step.

it is incredibly difficult (if not impossible) to process and heal from trauma without alerting the rest of your system to what that trauma even is. we certainly know in our system we could never hope to heal without clueing in alters about what happened to us. this is not something you should have to face and grapple with alone. you may feel like hiding these memories from your system is a way to protect them (and for now, that may be true!!) but as y’all start to heal we hope that will not always be the case.

sorry this turned out so long. we really really feel for you and have alters in our own system who are dealing with an incredibly similar situation (one of which is cofronting right now!). but this is what we think after having lots of discussions about trauma, dissociation, and our system with our therapist.

we wish your system the very best of luck with everything! we’re rooting for y’all and hope you’re able to heal, recover, and grow closer together as a result :)

🐢 kip, 🦇 kandi, and 🌸 margo

[deputy-buck]

Good Coffee and Good Mornings

Maybe it’s their shared childhood trauma, or their rigorous training provided by good ‘ol Uncle Sam, but neither Gutterson boy can sleep past 06:30. It’s not like their jobs allow for them to get too slack on their sleep schedules anyway, Tim being in the Marshal Service, Cade being in the Fish and Wildlife Protection Service, both up and out the door before the sun most days.

Habits die hard or don’t die at all in what’s left of this family.

They find each other in the kitchen at 06:12.

Cade, with a cup of coffee in his hand and dressed for work, is waiting patiently for his biennial ‘Big Brother Duties’. He doesn’t move an inch when Tim walks silently through the threshold in boxers and a pre-caffeine scowl, but he does track all of Tim’s movements with his eyes. Early August’s morning sunshine is just starting to peek through the blinds above the sink, tinting the light countertops and dark hardwoods so many shades of orange that it feels like they’re bathing in it. He only gets to have this familiarity for two weeks every other year, he’s going to soak it up.

The younger man only has two things in mind: Good coffee and a forehead kiss. In that order.

"I should be back before nineteen hundred." Cade breaks the morning peace, taking another mouthful of coffee while he watches his little brother grab a cup from the top shelf, having to arch up on his tippy-toes to reach the off-white handle of a coffee cup. It wasn’t intentional, but what’s normal height to Cade is a little high for Tim, eight inches between them and all. 

"Mm." Tim grunts, voice sleep rough. He's already grabbing the coffee pot before his heels even reconnect with the ground, pouring steaming liquid to the brim and taking a sip all with his eyes half closed.

God, this shit's good, Tim thinks to himself.

"I got work tomorrow, too." Cade leads on with an extra hint-hint nudge-nudge to his tone, southern drawl thick and taunting. He's fighting back a smile at Tim's unobservance, happy Tim isn't immediately on high alert in his house.

Cade worked hard from day one of Tim’s life to make his little brother feel unconditionally safe in his presence, it wasn’t easy given where they grew up, but damn it if Cade didn’t do everything he could to make himself Tim’s personal safe haven. And now Tim feels safe here, Cade could never ask for anything more. Cade only hopes that Tim feels like this place is his home as well.

"Mm-hmm." It’s more so a hum this time, throat soothed with high-quality caffeine. Tim can tell his big brother is still in the ‘wow, I can buy nice things without feeling guilty about wasting it because of surprise deployments.’ phase of Vet-Life eight years later. Good for him.

"You just want me to tell you 'bye' right now so I'll have to say it again in an hour, huh?" The older man accuses, smile finally splitting his features in two. He wishes he could have this every morning, the easy flow between them, a quiet yet full morning. He’s tired of an empty house. No, he’s tired of not having Tim around anymore; the six dogs, ferret, and red-tailed Boa fill the house plenty. Not to mention the goddamn horse outside. 

"Mm, not bye, just good mornin’." Tim corrects easily, eyes now fully shut, enjoying the familiar ease of summer mornings in Shelby, Texas. 

"You're still mentally like, eleven, ain't you?” Cade throws his arm around Tim’s shoulders, putting most of his weight down for a moment just to be an ass. “Same height at least."

"I enjoy routine and tradition, sue me." Tim says, pointedly not responding to the age-old jab verbally. Instead, he leans his shoulder into Cade’s side, digging the sharp bone into sensitive nerves layered over the taller man’s ribs. He only lets up when Cade squirms and takes the weight off his shoulders. Cade lets his hand rest on the countertop behind Tim’s back, his forearm pressed to blanket-warm skin.

This feels right. Why did this ever have to fade away? The plastic dog door flaps open as Tracker makes her way through it excitedly having heard Tim, i.e. her favorite human. Tim is suddenly being pressed harder into the body he was only leaning on, big, spotted paws on his side pushing him closer while Cade cranes his neck down to reach Tim’s forehead. 

“Good mornin’, Bubba.” Cade murmurs with his lips pressed between the shorter man’s eyebrows. When the hand previously resting on the lacquered wood comes down to pet his prized hunting dog, his fingers land on a set of spindly digits already blindly scratching through short fur. “You need to pluck your unibrow.” 

“Fuck you, man. I come here to get away from whiny old men, not deal with a different one.” Tim outright whines, eyes finally opening to glare at Cade in that stupidly petulant way he’s capable of even at forty. 

[granulesofsand]

Hi! Hope it's ok to ask this. First some background. We have DID. I don't know our trauma. Recently I told our therapist something I suspect may have caused our trauma. Based on patterns I've noticed and how we react to things. Being very careful not to make any assumptions, beyond what is needed to keep us safe.

But I was so scared. I don't know if I was more scared she would invalidate us, or that she *would* validate it because actually that is frightening too and a lot to process

It felt like a relief to say it. She reacted the best she could, though I thought there would be more shock. But now I feel so much. I want to cry and to scream and to panic. But I can't it's all locked inside and I seem too dissociated to feel any of it properly

Do you have any advice for how to process and express those feelings? Or how to handle them in a healthy way? (and also the inevitable "I shouldn't have shared that, I'm bad, I fucked up, oh fuck oh fuck" which I can also feel is coming)

If this was a normal week I would just take the dissociation but we can't do that this time. Would trying to help another alter to switch maybe help? Or is that an unhealthy way to get through the week? Nothing is written down so maybe I can take the memories back inside with me until they are safe to deal with :) (unlikely, but hey I can hope!)

Hello. We also struggle with expressing emotion, especially when it comes to crying or screaming. I saw a short video a few days ago on TikTok, a survivor raised in a high control group. They talked about having to learn each separately, then merge the skills to get the heavy sobbing that aids in processing.

I agree that outward displays help brains work through the associated emotions, and that it’s less of a struggle to practice crying and vocalizing one at a time.

We actually started trauma therapy by writing down whatever we remember as we’re out in the body, and most of our trauma memories were added after flashbacks. We gave ourselves the words, helped each other through language barriers and poor vocabulary. We started speaking the neutral memories, then some lighter trauma.

We talk to our therapist whenever one of us needs to move boundaries around, let them know whether we need facial or verbal expression of attunement or neither. They’re good with helping us connect memories unless someone asks them not to (though ‘asking’ can look like dissociation or self-soothing, because they know what to look for).

Some of us can cry. We seek them out, always looking for someone to prove our training wrong. Co-fronting with one who can cry shows us that the tears don’t burn, and our support people aren’t bothered by them, and we won’t be punished for it.

Most of us are still at the stage of running away from front when they start to cry, or tossing away the emotions that make them us want to cry. Both of those are dissociation, and we allow both so long as no insider has the job of taking the big emotions on themselves.

For us, the repeating phrases are usually insiders who hide in the mist of our fronting area. We can communicate with them when we can hear them, but we have to demonstrate that their watchers won’t tell on them to our perps. We do this by talking to them out loud, which is making noise that wasn’t allowed growing up.

The lead-up to talking out loud is the same we’re using to scream. We started when we were sick, trying to mouth words to express pain. Then we added in whispering, growing in volume. Once we could do a raspy voiced speech, we tried out keening sounds and whimpering. Our lowest level of vocalizing is either whispered speech or quiet noises, depending on the insider.

We also taught one another with the vocalizing, and we have a select few who can shout or howl or screech. Some angry ones learned how to be loud before the rest, and most of us are at the level of vocalizing. The only groups we don’t expect to learn are the Deaf or non-speaking folks, because we don’t consider disability to need fixing if we can accommodate it, and we make sure they have the choice either way.

For other healthy outlets, consider exercise that raises your heartrate. It can trick your brain into acting regulated after, because it assumes the survival mode chemicals came from that. Punching bags and strength workouts can be good for angry insiders who might otherwise enjoy violence, and it can make the fearful ones more confident in your self-defense ability.

We find some chores to be help us calm down, one way or another. Some folks find laundry cathartic. Personally, I like chopping wood. We sew, and some of us like to rip woven fabrics for later use.

If you can’t do physical labor, there’s also innerworld activities. We have someone who enjoys summoning mugs and shattering them on the ground if you have tactile or auditory imagination, safe spaces if you have visual, good old drawn or sculpted models if you don’t have vivid internal sensation.

Sometimes we just curl up with a warm mug and a hot water bottle, or take a cold shower. Both of those can regulate your nervous system with temperature, though you should probably void shout whether anyone would be opposed to those (neglect and torture can both include these as traumas). If it’s showers specifically that aren’t working, ice packs and stone tiles can be good too.

We prefer making dissociation work for us than making it stop, so we do utilize switching pretty heavily. Eventually, the one switching away will have to confront their problems to heal them, but systemwide problems have systemwide solutions. You can use switches as much as you like, and we’ve seen systems heal by integrating (not necessarily fusing) different members and by healing members individually.

I don’t have a firm solution, as we’re still working on one that suits us, but we have made progress. I hope one of those makes your situation better, too.