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Chapter 15 is live!

#supercorp #supergirl #fanfiction #fanfic #ao3 #macwrites

Will You Still?

“You fucking lied to me, Kara! For years, you looked me right in the eyes and betrayed me. You hurt me in ways no one ever has.” Lena screams, tears streaming down her face as the prominent vein on her forehead pulses in time with her shattered heart. “You’ve broken my heart into a million pieces. Worst of all, you and your little group of friends ruined any chance of me ever trusting another person again.” She pauses next to the pristine marble countertop in her kitchen, spinning the now mostly empty tumbler as she watches the last dregs of scotch dance at the bottom.

Stormy malachite eyes glare at the blonde Kryptonian standing across the island, the silence is claustrophobic and palpable. She scoffs as she picks up the glass and throws it at the woman she currently hates as much as she loves. Lena knows Kara’s reflexes are fast enough to catch the flying weapon before it impacts, she knows it won’t hurt the woman. Nothing happens. Kara just stands there letting it hit her in the face. The action briefly shocks her before she rolls her eyes and leans back against the counter behind her. A look of utter disgust and contempt on her face.

“Of course you just fucking stand there. For a superhero, you’re quite the spineless coward, Supergirl.” She spits the words at the woman with enough venom that it feels physical. Internally she smirks as she watches the blonde flinch when her words land. Just to twist the knife a little further, she leans forward, narrowing her eyes before saying, “You can leave the way you came in and don’t come back. I don’t want to see or hear from you again. Ever. You can disappear and I won’t fucking care. Fuck off, Kara.”

Kara’s head shoots up, her eyes filled with tears and remorse, her face draped in agony. There’s an anguish Lena has never seen before settling into the frame of the stoic woman. The despondent blonde opens and closes her mouth several times before her shoulders drop and she nods in reluctant acquiescence. “If that’s what you want, I’ll honor your wishes, Lena. I’m sorry for hurting you and for being a coward. You deserved so much better and I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting it.” She uses her super speed to quickly clean up the shattered glass and pauses at the balcony door, turning back for one final look at the one person who’s always been her home. “I hope you find the love you deserve, Lena.”

Without another word, she’s gone. Lena collapses onto the tile floor in her kitchen. Her sobs reverberate in the silence of her penthouse, punctuating how truly empty her world really is now. Her life is completely destroyed and her world turned upside down by four words spoken from her dying brother’s lips…‘Kara Danvers is Supergirl’.

Four words irrevocably changed her life forever.

“You should take a break. Go home and shower, get a few hours of sleep. Eat something. You know she’s not going anywhere.” The familiar voice breaks her out of the flashback. She has replayed the last words she spoke to Kara so many times now, replayed all the horrible and cruel things she can never take back. The regret she feels for everything is immeasurable and haunts her dreams whenever she does sleep. Her stomach churns and her guts twist as her eyes scan the unmoving blonde before settling on the concerned woman standing in the doorway.

Lena sighs. Her fingers massage the bridge of her nose and then the back of her shoulder before she responds. “I can’t, Alex. I don’t want her to be alone. She…I just…” Her voice cracks and she drops her head into her hands as she silently sobs. The guilt curdles in her stomach and what’s left of her heart swims up her throat. The horrible things she said can’t be the last things spoken between them. She won’t survive losing Kara regardless, but the fact Kara doesn’t know how she really feels or why their fallout broke her so badly? The fact the last thing she said to the alien was “fuck off” – the utter devastation on her best friend’s face afterward, there’s no coming back from that.

Alex pushes off the doorframe. She walks over to stand next to Lena’s chair and places what she hopes is a comforting hand on her shoulder. The dark haired genius has kept vigil beside the heroine’s comatose figure for ten days. Initially, Alex was unsure if she should contact Lena, but when Kara hadn’t woken up after three weeks and showed no signs of improvement, she knew she had to reach out. As much animosity as there is between them, she knows they both still care.

It’s been almost a year since their falling out, ten months almost to the day. Lex’s malicious identity reveal turned their whole world upside down. When Kara showed up at Alex’s apartment in hysterics after they spoke, she wasn’t sure what happened. After the hero calmed down a little, she told her Lena didn’t take things very well. It wasn’t shocking to Alex nor was it surprising when the youngest Luthor broke ties with everyone else in their group as well. Alex feels some responsibility for the state of things between her sister and the scientist. Especially since she also considered Lena a friend, but at the time, there was no getting through to the brilliant, yet stubborn woman.

Everything changed after their falling out, or as Alex often refers to it, their breakup. She’s known for a long time that Kara has feelings for the CEO, whether she admits it or not, it’s obvious to the agent. And, she suspects Lena feels the same way about her sister, but both are too chicken shit to do anything about it. Now she isn’t sure if either of them will ever get the chance and she’s sure it’s also on the young Luthor’s mind. Kara’s been unconscious with no improvements for a month now. At this point, they’ve tried everything she can think of to bring the alien back.

Alex clears her throat and squeezes Lena’s shoulder. “Come on, Lena. Take a break. You’ve been here for almost two weeks without leaving. Go home and shower, sleep. Please eat something.” Brown eyes scan the gaunt, pale features of her former friend. She looks even worse now than when she first showed up and that’s saying a lot. When Lena made her appearance at the DEO nearly two weeks ago, she was noticeably thinner with black circles under her eyes. Now, she looks ill. “I know you haven’t been sleeping or eating well. She’ll be pissed if she finds out you aren’t taking care of yourself.”

They both release a pitiful chuckle that sounds more like an emotional whimper than any semblance of laughter. Another wrenching sob fights its way out of Lena's chest before she can stop it. Her entire body quakes with the sheer force of it. Raw emotion propels her forward until her chest and head rest against the rail of the bed containing the embodiment of her heart.

“I c-can’t…l-ose h-her, A-Alex.” She sobs between barely comprehensible words. “Sh-she d-doesn’t…I n-need to f-fix it. P-please. K-Kara. P-please don’t leave me.” Breathless sobs turn into deep, retching wails of unexpressed grief that has built up over the past year.

“Hey. Shhh. She still loves you, Lena. She never stopped.” Alex says as she wraps her arms around her sobbing friend (ex-friend?). Stubborn tears sting the redhead’s eyes as she thinks about how much Kara still spoke about the CEO. “My sister never stopped talking about you and she still kept an eye on you to make sure you were safe, Lena.”

Her words seem to make things worse for the dark haired genius. Lena’s body wracks harder with heart-wrenching sobs and she practically collapses into Alex’s arms. The redhead just holds the smaller woman and rocks them both gently, unsure what else to do.

Although they were once pretty decent friends, she hasn’t seen or spoken to Lena in the ten months since her falling out with Kara and the rest of the superfriends. Sure, they’ve run into one another occasionally since they still frequent some of the same places, but Lena usually just glares and doesn’t acknowledge her. She’s a government agent and the patented Luthor glare even scares her a little.

The sobs finally subside, but Lena doesn’t make any move to extract herself from Alex’s embrace. The redhead continues to gently run small circles on Lena’s back, still unsure what to say. She wants to provide comfort and help the younger woman in any way she can, but knowing what to say in situations like this isn’t her forte. It’s Lena who finally breaks the silence.

“I’m so-sorry, Alex.” Lena stammers, barely audible. “I, um, d-didn’t…” She clears her throat in a desperate attempt to get rid of the lump that seems to be living there. “I apologize for my outburst. You have enough going on without me emotionally dumping on you.”

Alex barely restrains herself from rolling her eyes, but can’t keep the defeated sigh from escaping her lungs. “Lena, please don’t apologize. We’re friends, or at least we used to be. Either way, I care about you.” She runs her hand down her face exhaustedly. “Look, I know we have some shit to sort because of the identity reveal, but you’re one of us. Part of our little eclectic family. Don’t apologize for feeling, Lena. It’s what makes us human.”

Lena steps away from Alex and turns to look at the still unmoving blonde. “It’s funny, Kara is an alien yet she’s the most human of us all. I think she taught me more about being human in the years of our friendship than anything or anyone ever has.” She sniffles, wiping her face as her eyes trace the still features of the hero in front of her.

With a soft smile and light chuckle, Alex responds, “Yeah, she’s an alien, but has always had more humanity than anyone I know. Goddess knows, she’s saved my humanity more times than I can count.” A few tears escape her eyes before she pats Lena on the back and steps away.

“Come on. I’m taking you to dinner and then to your apartment for some sleep and a shower.” The redhead says before grabbing the CEO’s coat and purse. “No arguments, Luthor. I’m hungry and could use the company. Let’s go.”

Knowing any protest is futile, she relents. Leaning over the rail on the bed, she places a soft kiss on Kara’s cheek. “Please come back to me, Darling. I can’t lose you, not like this. The past ten months have been the worst of my life. Please, Kara. I won’t survive.”

The women pause at the door, eyes fixed on the eerily still superhero. Both of them take a deep breath before making their way down the hallway and into the parking garage. As much as Lena wants to be in that room with Kara, she knows Alex is right. She needs to eat and rest. A little sleep and a change of clothes then maybe she can get to work with Alex and figure out why Supergirl won’t wake up.

After the two women eat dinner, they talk through the things the DEO has already tried, going over what went wrong and other theories about what to do next. They end up spending almost two hours talking, it’s strictly about Kara and how to fix things. Lena has no desire to dive into the emotions and betrayal of what happened nearly a year ago. There will be time for that later, if she decides she wants to fix things.

It isn’t something she has given a lot of thought to before Alex called about Kara. Being thrust into this situation and into close proximity to one of the very people who lied to her for years wasn’t on her bingo card, but here she is. Lena’s life has never been easy or ordinary so she’s not sure why she expects anything different now. Life on hard mode is apparently the Luthor way. For smart folks, the Luthors sure make some really stupid choices.

Her thoughts are halted when something touches her. Apparently Alex reached across the table while she was lost in her head. The touch to her forearm jolts her back to the present and the conversation she is supposed to be party to. Evidently she missed something the agent said. “I’m sorry, Alex. What did you say?”

”I said I think we might need to revisit some of the things we’ve already tried. Now that you’re around, you may see something we missed. You have a better mind for this type of thing.” The redhead sighs, her now empty plate pushed to the side. “I’m really scared, Lena. You know I won’t give up until we get Kara back, but I’m genuinely scared. It’s never taken this long to wake her up from something. It’s killing me that we can’t figure this out.”

The look of utter devastation and terror on Alex’s face hits Lena hard. She’s never seen the stoic woman look so beaten down and childlike. It’s unnerving and makes her own fears start creeping up her spine again. “I’m scared too, Alex. I’ve been sick, physically ill since you called me. The last words I said to your sister were so cruel. Knowing how badly I hurt her with what I said, it’s killing me. She has to wake up, we have to get her back. She can’t leave, not like this. Especially not with what I said to her, Alex. She can’t.”

They both stare at the table between them. Each lost in their own thoughts on how to get the hero to wake up from the coma. She’s been like this for a little over a month now. The fact Alex is so scared increases her own worry tenfold. Alex Danvers has always been the last one to lose hope when it comes to her sister. Seeing her fear, this is new territory and Lena isn’t sure what to do or how to navigate it.

The silence drags on for a while, neither of them seeming to notice or want to break it. It isn’t until the server stops by their table to ask if they need anything else that either of them realize they were lost in their own heads again. The server politely looks at them awaiting an answer before Lena finally speaks.

“Oh, no thanks. We’re good. I believe we are ready for the check.” The CEO kindly smiles at the young man before he nods and walks away. “I definitely need sleep, I feel like I have spent more time inside my own head during dinner than in our actual conversation. Sorry about that.” They both laugh and shrug.

“No reason to apologize about it. Honestly, I’ve been doing the same. We’ve both been burning the candle at both ends. I think a little time away from the DEO is warranted.” Alex gives her a half-smile and a half-shrug. “My heart and soul need some time with Kelly, too. It feels like I’ve been neglecting her. She understands, she always does, but I think I need it.”

Lena nods, her mind drifting into memories of being at her apartment with Kara before shaking herself out of it and back to Alex. “For sure, spend some time with Kelly. We can regroup in a few days.”

The server reappears with their check, Lena signing the receipt before they both grab their things and go their separate ways. Alex heads home to Kelly and Lena back to her penthouse alone. Such as her life has been without Kara. Empty and alone.

Read the rest here. The first 6 chapters are up, the remaining chapters will be posted as I finish editing. Hope you enjoy!

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