#they have been so very patient

[whump-tr0pes]

Honor Bound 6 - 23

This is a series. Start here, continued from here.

This is a sequel to Honor Bound, Honor Bound 2, Honor Bound 3, Honor Bound 4, Honor Bound 5, and the prequel Vera.

Masterlist

AO3

Contents: past attempted murder, past implied noncon, conversation about improving as a person, mis-naming, past hallucinations, Sam being very low on patience

~

“T-twice,” Edrissa murmured, her voice thin as a string. “I’ve tried to kill him… twice.”

Sam swiped tears from their eyes, their giggles finally dying down. “Twice,” they managed, their stomach sore from laughing. “You’ve tried to kill Gavin twice, and he hasn’t laid a hand on you, and you still think people can’t change.” They chuckled, unable to stop themself.

Edrissa shot them a dirty look. “You don’t—”

Sam held up a hand to stop her. “If you tried to kill me twice, Edrissa, I’d have a problem with you. Why didn’t…? Does anyone else know about the other time?”

Edrissa’s eyes searched Sam’s for a long moment before she answered, “No.”

Sam sighed and pulled their hand through their hair. “When?”

A long silence drew out between them. Edrissa scooped up another bite of pie and avoided Sam’s gaze.

Sam chewed their lip. “Edrissa,” they said quietly, trying to duck into her eyeline. “Is it that people don’t change? Or you don’t?”

Edrissa’s eyes snapped up to meet Sam’s, fire momentarily flaring behind the ice. “O-of course I’ve changed,” she snarled, stumbling over the words. “Sir changed me.”

“But nothing else can change you?” Sam challenged. Their shoulders stooped with sudden, bone-deep exhaustion. The door beckoned to them again. “You can’t change for the better? Our relationship didn’t change you?”

Sam watched as the fire died in Edrissa’s eyes. “That’s not fair,” she murmured. Tears glittered on her lashes.

“None of this is,” Sam retorted. The words came out softer than they meant them, though.

Edrissa drew in a deep breath, held it, let it out. She leaned her elbows on the table and buried her face in her hands. The silence drew out so long between them that Sam thought she probably wasn’t going to speak again.

Finally, she said, “No telling Isaac.”

“I won’t,” Sam said gently. “You know I won’t.”

Edrissa heaved a sigh, but didn’t lift her head. “In June,” she said. “Back in June. That was… the first one.”

Sam’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”

Edrissa’s golden hair flew around her as her head snapped up. “Of course, I’m serious, Sam,” she said through her teeth.

“So,” Sam said. They nodded as they thought. “For… what, for two months, Gavin lived with you, after you tried to kill him? Even though you tried to kill him? And he never told… anyone?”

“I don’t think so,” Edrissa whimpered. Her hands curled into fists on the table. “I never… I mean, Isaac never… came after me for it, so…”

“Shit,” Sam breathed. They couldn’t help the huff of laughter that came next, and avoided Edrissa’s glare. “So… how did you do it?”

Edrissa cringed and stared at the table. “I…” She screwed her eyes shut and shook her head. “I, um… well, I waited until everyone in the house was either gone or, um, asleep.”

Sam’s eyes widened. This probably happened while I was asleep in that house, and I had absolutely no idea. Gavin never let on at all.

Edrissa cleared her throat. “I stole a knife from the kitchen and I, um, lured him to the barn.”

“H-how did you lure him to the barn?” Sam asked, a pit growing in their stomach.

“I…” Edrissa’s cheeks flared with a blush of what Sam hoped was shame. “I said I needed help getting something down off a high shelf.”

Relief crashed through Sam, guilt right on its heels. Relief that the lure had been something so innocent, and guilt for considering, even for a moment, that it could have been anything else.

Edrissa continued. “S-so then I… well, I made sure he had his back to me, then I took him down with the moves that Vera showed me. That’s why I learned them. So that I could… could kill him, when I was ready.” Edrissa lifted her chin, but couldn’t seem to meet Sam’s gaze. “I h-held a knife to his throat.”

Sam’s own throat tightened. “But you couldn’t do it?”

“I tried to,” Edrissa said, the words tight with tears. “I really did. I broke the skin. I told him to stop me, or I was going to kill him. But he just kept saying that’s not who he was anymore, and that his name is… is Gavin Uriah, now.”

“It is Gavin Uriah,” Sam said defensively.

Edrissa waved the comment away. “I know, I know. But… I kept trying to make him stop me. Hurt me. I kept telling him that I was going to do it, I kept on… trying to make myself do it. But I… I couldn’t.”

“And neither would he.”

Edrissa slowly closed her mouth and raised her eyes to look at Sam. Her gaze was softer than they had seen it since they’d walked in.

“Yeah,” she said quietly.

Sam’s mouth twisted in a half smile. “Maybe that’s what healing looks like,” they said carefully. “Two idiots who’ve been hurt by the syndicates refusing to kill each other in a barn.” They sucked in a breath and bit their lip, waiting for her response.

For a single, delicate moment, neither moved or breathed.

Then, Edrissa let out a broken laugh and pressed the back of her hand to her mouth. “Okay,” she snorted. “I’ll give you that one. I was sort of being an idiot.”

Sam let out a breath of relief. “I think we’re all entitled to those moments every now and then. This is a crazy world.”

Edrissa cackled. “Everyone is entitled to exactly one attempt on Gavin Stormbeck’s life.”

Sam let out a huff. “Gavin Uriah, Edrissa, come on…”

She sobered quickly. “I know. I’m sorry.” The corner of her mouth pulled into a smile. “Besides, I’m over my quota.”

“That’s okay, so are Isaac and Vera,” Sam said gently. “They’re both at two as well, I think. Although, I don’t know if Vera was intending to kill Gavin when she blew up his compound. So, I don’t know if that one counts.”

Edrissa snickered and took another bite of the pie. Sam scooped up their own bite, contemplating it silently. They set their fork down and wet their lips.

“What made you stop this time?” they said, voice low.

Edrissa’s smile fell as she swallowed hard. Her gaze fell. She tucked her hands into her lap and stared at the table in front of her. “I… don’t know,” she said stiffy.

Sam peered at her, trying to catch her gaze with theirs. Her eyes stayed fixed on the rough woodgrain in front of her as if her own survival lay in keeping them there.

“Edrissa?” Sam murmured, ducking lower, trying to catch her gaze. She lowered her eyes into her lap, letting her hair fall in curtains on either side of her face. Sam tapped their fingertips on the table and leaned back. They blew out a slow breath. “Are we done talking?”

Edrissa’s head shot up. There were tears glistening in her eyes and a shameful flush coloring her cheeks and neck. She pressed her lips together and leaned back in her own chair, mirroring Sam’s posture. Her arms folded stiffly across her chest.

More than the hurt at her closed-off expression and the loneliness at the distance between them, Sam hated the resentment that prickled through them like feeling coming back into a limb. It ate at their insides and their throbbing heart and they were just so damned tired of it. They pushed their chair back and nodded.

“Okay,” they murmured. “Thanks for the pie, Edrissa. I’ll see you around.”

Edrissa’s pale arm shot across the table as if to hold them there. “Wait,” she breathed.

Sam waited. For a breath.

Then, Edrissa said, “I… I d-didn’t stop.”

Sam blinked. “Um… what?”

The tears in Edrissa’s eyes spilled over and she dashed them away. “I didn’t stop,” she whispered, leaning forward as if horrified that anyone else might hear her confession.

“But… Gavin’s—”

“Alive because Isaac stopped me,” Edrissa breathed, and pressed her face into her hands.

Sam stared at her, mouth open. “So… you were… about to—”

“Yes.” The word was a sob. Sam glanced around the store, but they didn’t see anyone inside, not even Meredith. “I was going to do it. I had his wrists tied, I had him in the bathtub, I had the knife to his throat, and… and I was going to do it. I did it, he was bleeding. But then Vera… Vera called Gavin’s name outside the door and I, I knew I was caught.”

The air Sam breathed felt icy in their chest, their blood cold in their veins. “But…” They forced themself to take a deep breath. “But… Edrissa… if you knew you were caught… you could have just done it anyway. Why didn’t you?”

She shook her head helplessly. “I don’t know.”

“You thought Isaac was going to kill you. I saw your face, you were… terrified, Edrissa.”

She raised her eyes to theirs. Her lashes were stuck together, her cheeks red and blotchy. They saw, for perhaps the first time, how truly exhausted she looked. They wondered if they had ever seen her truly well-rested or happy – or if that would have ever been possible for her, living under the same roof as Isaac and Gavin. They leaned forward and carefully took her hand in theirs. She watched them with wide eyes, as if ready to bolt if they moved too quickly.

Sam stroked the back of her hand with their thumb as they said, “Edrissa, if you thought Isaac was going to kill you anyway… what stopped you from going through with it?” They searched her eyes with their own, silently begging her for the truth. Begging her to tell them something that would let them know Gavin wasn’t still in danger.

Do I need to tell Isaac about this?

Will Isaac let her survive this?

They knew without having to think about it that he wouldn’t – but they also knew they would at least give her enough warning to run from his fury.

They were about to release her hand, get up, and walk away when she parted her lips. Quietly, so quietly they almost couldn’t hear her, she said, “H-he protected me.”

Sam blanched. “Who? Did what?”

“G-Gavin,” Edrissa said, shaking. “Gavin did. Protected me. When…” She shuddered and forced her eyes shut, wrapping her arms around her chest. “When Isaac was about to break the door down, Gavin, he, um… he called out and… told him not to. Again and again. Even though he was…” She shrugged jerkily. “He was… struggling. He was seeing things, I think.”

Sam’s eyebrows shot up.

Edrissa chewed her lip. “He kept calling me, um, th-the mayor. And telling me things that his parents did to him when he was, um, a kid.”

“Oh, no,” Sam breathed. Suspicion crept into their mind. “You didn’t… give him anything…?”

“No,” Edrissa said distractedly. “No. But then he… right before Isaac came in, Gavin said…” She blinked more tears out of her eyes, and they ran down her cheeks. “‘Get behind me.’”

Sam sucked in a breath through their teeth. “So he definitely knew that Isaac might—”

“Of course, he knew,” Edrissa whimpered. “It’s why he didn’t say anything the first time, either. He promised he wouldn’t. And he… didn’t. He never told. Or I wouldn’t be alive right now.”

Sam met Edrissa’s gaze and pressed their mouth into a line. No, probably not.

“He begged me.” Edrissa dissolved into messy sobs. “H-he begged me. Over and over. To let him live. So he could see his… his family again. You and, and the rest.”

Each heartbeat was an ache, and Sam felt sick with it. Their eyes smarted and their throat grew tight.

Edrissa pressed her hand to her lips and spoke in muffled whimpers. “I c-couldn’t… do it after that. I thought I was ready, but… I couldn’t. Not after hearing him… sound like that. Not after hearing what happened to him. Not after… what he said to Isaac. Before, in the barn, it was a truce. But two days ago? He… s-saved my life. And I could have killed him anyway.” Her voice faded away into nothing, leaving only stunned silence between them.

Sam felt their pulse in their ears. Their right fingers ached. Slowly, they drew in a deep inhale, and slowly, they let it out. Again, in. Again, out. They hoped Edrissa would follow suit. She sniffled and wiped her nose on a napkin.

“Sounds like we’re all having kind of a hard week,” Sam said carefully.

Edrissa let out a weak laugh and nodded. “Yeah,” she grumbled.

Even more carefully, Sam said, “Also sounds like you probably won’t be trying to murder Gavin again…?”

Edrissa shook her head. “No,” she said. “I think I’m done with that.”

Sam leaned back in their seat, not willing to push the topic any further. They nodded once and glanced around the store. Meredith seemed to have somehow chased all her customers away, both current and potential, while they were having this conversation. The place was completely empty and had been for some time. Sam’s lips quirked as they looked at Edrissa again.

“So… what else here is good?” they said.

“I’ve tried their tea, and it’s okay,” Edrissa said, wiping her nose again. “I think I’ll have to hook Meredith up with my connections in Burmingham so we can at least increase the variety.” She sighed.

“Your connections,” Sam said with a breathy, nearly-silent laugh. Relief fluttered in their chest – the air was escaping too quickly with each breath out and they couldn’t pull in enough air with each breath in. Edrissa offered an unsure smile.

“I have those,” she said as she jutted out her chin. “I’m just like the rest of you.”

Sam bit their lip and returned her gaze. Her smile widened and her cheeks flushed as they did, and they couldn’t look away fast enough. In that momentary glance, they could see the hope blossoming in her eyes, the fondness that had once made Sam’s heart swell to bursting with longing. Now, it only made their stomach sour to realize her feelings were still there, despite everything that had happened.

Despite everything she had done.

Their throat worked. They scooped up another bite of pie. “Fair enough,” they said, and ate the bite quickly.

Continued here

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[hinamie]

corvidae

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I know those eyes.

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[eggwishing]

lots of things from today

[moeblob]

A lil guy !

[chipper-smol]

<.<

>.>

*dragons your blorbos*

[ganondoodle]

(zelda comic rough draft)

im still unable to draw anything ... except for really slowly getting the chapter 2 rough draft further for some reason, another screenshot from page 59

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

melted blob of unidentifiable goo

[spiderin-space]

Update Update Update U

[deoidesign]

something that makes me sad is when people tell me the healthy communication in my writing is "unrealistic."

like guys this is how me and my partner talk with eachother... I'm writing from personal experience...

[bruciemilf]

I can’t really get into the parentification of Dick or “dadwing”, mostly because a big portion of people assign him the “healthy, perfect parent” trait as a dunk on Bruce. But they also want the “elder sister” angst at the same time, which just doesn’t mix.

Saying that Dick is the less dysfunctional option for his siblings is laughable because HE’S inherently a flawed human being with a flawed set of coping mechanisms.

I don’t see him knocking on the therapist’s office instead of putting on the mask. Do you?

If you want the big sister, get ready for the cruelty that comes with her. And we’ve personally seen just how good Dick is at hurting feelings.

[cels-not-so-secret-love-affair]

snow (the marauders & co)

a/n: it’s december so i can finally post this!! the gang get to enjoy just a tiny bit of happiness together one pretty little snowy morning x

‘Rise and shine, fuckers!’, is not what Remus had expected to act as his alarm clock this morning, but here he is. A blur of blue pyjamas and blonde hair had barrelled into the boy’s dormitory alongside the wake up call, and once the vague haze of sleep has dissolved, Remus is able to recognise it as being-

‘Marlene!’, Sirius shrieks, clutching at his covers in an unsuccessful attempt at protecting his modesty. ‘What the hell!’

‘Bleeding Christ, Sirius, would you close your fucking curtains?’

Hurried, the drapes surrounding the bed opposite Remus’ slam shut, accompanied by a string of elaborate swear words.

‘I wouldn’t be in this situation if you hadn’t hurtled in unannounced!’, yell the curtains. ‘Honestly, why you girls are allowed into our rooms when we’re not allowed into yours is beyond me - it’s a total lack of respect for our privacy!’

‘Well I wouldn’t have come to wake you up if I’d known you slept in the nude, now would I!’ Marlene looks vaguely traumatised as she peeks out cautiously from behind her hands. ‘Lesbian’s worst nightmare,’ she mutters under her breath.

Yawning, Remus props himself up onto his elbows and shakes his hair out of his eyes.

‘What time is it?’

‘Six o’clock,’ Marlene replies promptly. With a grimace, he drags himself up into a sitting position, and tries valiantly to ignore the sharp twinge of pain that comes with it.

‘Why?’ is just about all he can muster up in response.

Marlene suddenly brightens up, a broad grin creeping onto her face.

‘Remus,’ she says, breathlessly, ‘it’s snowing.’

‘You’re joking,’ the curtains accuse.

‘I’m not, promise! Here, I’ll open the window.’

She marches across the room to undo the latch and Sirius sticks his head out to bear witness. It is, indeed, snowing - a great flurry of little fuzzy flakes, whirling and dancing, stark against the rich black of the morning sky. It’s beautiful, and wild, and, well, magic. It reminds Remus a little of his childhood, of Christmases with Hope. When he looks back from the window, Sirius’ expression mirrors Marlene’s, eyes alight.

‘Moony, my boy! Fetch a jacket, for we are about to have the greatest snowball fight in the history of Hogwarts! Oh, and wake Pete up, the old lump. He’ll be devastated if he misses this.’

Thus ensues a scramble to get ready to go out, with Marlene tapping her foot impatiently whilst Remus roots through the mess surrounding Sirius’ bed to find something suitable to clothe him in (‘You’re still the most unorganised person I’ve ever met, Padfoot’) and attempts to lug Peter out of bed (‘No, no, don’t go back to sleep… Peter? Peter!’). They meet James on the way out, who greets them with a cheery ‘morning lads!’, and the rest of the girls, who wonder what took them so long. Marlene goes to recount the story of Sirius’ sleepwear - or rather lack-thereof - but is quickly silenced by the subject of her saga, who tackles her to the floor in an atrociously ungentlemanly fashion. Once that debacle is sorted out, chiefly with a chiding from Lily, they all traipse out of the common room. It’s a relatively short journey on a usual day, but is this time made longer by an assortment of suppressed giggles, excited whispers and shoves to be quiet, won’t you?

When they finally make it out however, everyone is silent. What they saw out of the window earlier was just a fraction of the magic, Remus realises. The snow really is gorgeous. Remus looks up at it, watches it as it falls from the heavens, and thinks he could get lost in it. The warm golden glow from the castle they’ve left behind is reflected back to them by the smooth, thick sheets of brilliant white that have already settled on the grass, and it’s making things seem dreamy, like it’s all a pleasant memory he’s already reminiscing upon. Beside him, Lily has wrapped her arms around James’ waist and is gazing at the gentle swirling of the snow just like Remus is, simultaneously in love and in awe. Mary’s got flakes of it in her hair and in her eyelashes, looking like an angel, and Peter’s face is flushed with excitement and the cold, his warm breath visible in the icy air. Marlene looks like how he imagines her to have looked as a kid, all wide eyes and messy wisps of hair falling across her cheek. And Sirius is beside him, holding his hand, seeming perhaps the freest he ever has been, second only to when he’s flying. For just a moment, time is standing still for them. It’s like they’ll never have to do any growing up again.

Then, Sirius breaks the silence.

‘Boys versus girls, then?’

‘Oh, you’re on, Black!’ shouts Mary, and all hell breaks loose.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

A fierce duel commences!

[finncakes]

yeehaw, thursday again!

[napping-sapphic]

hehe~~ i am soooooo sleepy and tired right now :3 i’m all cuddled up in all my blankets🥰 so warm and comfy hehe…..oh and also my past is haunting me😐

[scopophobia-polaris]

My farmer arc