#they dont mean to suck but they just fucking do
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going to a party with billie and her getting jealous when someone starts flirting with you
billies rlly mean in this but I LOVE JEALOUS ROUGH BILLIE FR
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it was tense. you sat, hands sweaty from the nerves as your girlfriend sped down the street. her face flush, jaw clenched, teeth grinding. to say she was angry was an understatement; she was fucking livid. billies hand gripped the wheel tightly, indentations visible from the sheer force of her fingers. in certain light, you couldve sworn you could see steam coming out of her ears.
"bils i-", "dont", she replied harshly. her eyes remained fixed on the road but you could still feel the enraged looks she was sending you. "you know it wasnt anything like that", you began. billies eyes darted to you, urging you to be quiet as her jaw clenched harder but, you continued. "she was just being friendly, really". "stop fucking talking", her voice low and strained. "god, whatever", you mumbled under your breath turning away. you immediately felt the daggers she shot into the back of your head. "what was that?", she replied, her voice dry and raspy. you knew better than to push her in this state.
after an exaggerated scoff coming from her, it was silent for what felt like forever, tension heavy and dangerous. you heard frustrated sighs and mutters of words as her speed continued to increase before she finally spoke to you. "you really shouldn't have fucking done that", she said tilting her head towards you. "do what?, talk to people?", you mocked slightly irritated with her. billie squinted her eyes as she stared at you, visibly getting angrier. "fuck it", she whispered as she pulled into an empty dirt car park on the side of the road.
billies door flew open as she paced to your side. "out, now", she demanded. "im not gonna ask again, get. out". there was something so hot about how dominant your girlfriend got when she was jealous. how hot she looked when she was all riled up. getting in the back, you noticed how tense her muscles were, how her veins ran along her arms. she sat, manspreading running her hand along her thigh before gripping your wrist. "get ontop". your mind was racing but you listened, climbing on top of her at an almost embarrassing speed.
"such a good girl when you want to be", she groaned as her hands clung to your hips. her breathing was ragged as she scanned over your body, taking in the sight of you. "god, I told you not to wear this", she tugged at the thin straps of your dress, eyes clouded with jealousy and all the ways she was imagining fucking you. "had that bitch thinking she could flirt with you". her hand snaked up your body, wrapping around your neck as she pulled you into a hard, telling kiss. the way she fought against your tongue, you knew she was trying to remind you whos you were.
slowly, you began moving back and forth on her lap, feeling the rough fabric of her jeans rub against your clit perfectly. she didnt stop you, her hands helped work your hips on top of her. "this how she wanted you?", she moaned down your ear as you felt her smile cockily against your neck. your arms wrapped around her shoulders as she kissed and sucked on your throat, hands rocking you faster on her lap. "fuck bils", you whispered. her hand flew to your neck, gripping slightly too tight. "fucking say it properly, what's my name?". her eyes glistened with anger. "fuck, billie", you whined feeling your stomach twist at how aggressive she was being with you. you fucking loved it.
billie reached for your hand, placing it over the zip of her jeans and smirked when she saw you realise. "is that-", "yeah, and youre gonna take all if it, right?", she slurred. you watched as she undid her belt, unzipping the fly and taking out her cock. she had this devilish smile plastered on her face. "suck it", she mumbled, lacing her fingers in your hair. "fuckk", she groaned as she watched your head go up and down. the sight of you below her, pleasing her like this drove her mad. "dont you look so much better when youre using your mouth like this sweet girl?". "hm?, instead of flirting with other people?", her tone high as she borderline teased you.
billie bucked her hips up, forcing her strap further down your throat, causing you to gag and look up at her. the tears in your eyes only excited her. she pulled you back up, kissing you immediately and reached for her side of the door. getting out, she pushed you back, making you stay in the car before she positioned herself outside the door, facing you. "lay down", she said spreading your spit along her cock. her hands came hard around your thighs, pulling you closer to her. she pushed your legs apart, showing her exactly what she wanted.
"fuck, youre so pretty", she groaned as she ran her finger along your pussy, feeling how soaked you were. "youre gonna learn who you belong to", she slurred before lining herself up with your throbbing pussy. "oh my god", you cried as you felt all of her inside you, filling you perfectly. she began thrusting into you hard, setting a foundation for how rough she was going to be. her fingers dug into your thighs as her pace increased, hitting every right spot. "shed never make you feel like this", she panted, her breathing hitching with every stroke.
you looked towards her, watching as she held her tshirt up with one hand, showing her defined stomach. each thrust revealing more and more of her toned muscles, her face red as she fucked into you. "too deep b-bils", your words broken as your reached for her, feeling as her hand grabbed yours, pinning it on your stomach. "take it, im gonna ruin you". her thrusts turned from deep and hard, to incredibly fast and determined.
as if she could feel it, grunts and low groans echoed out your girlfriend, feeling as you clenched around her cock. "who do you belong to?, say it", she whined, harmonising with your whimpers perfectly. she lowered herself slightly, letting the new angle pound against your g spot at an ungodly speed. "slow down im-", "who do you fucking belong to?", she cut you off, digging her nails deeper into you. "you, only you billie", you moaned as you felt the tension inside you begin to break.
"thats right, mine, mine, mine". she could feel how you tightening around her, telling her you were close. "be a good girl and cum on my cock". "MY cock", she repeated. your body began to shake, legs vibrating against her as you felt her words tingle down your body. "fuckk, bils", you whined as you came hard around her, your pussy pulsing on her cock. she slowed down, still keeping her strokes deep as she let your orgasm drip down her strap, watching as you came undone beneath her.
she pulled out, reaching for your body to pull you up towards her. as she kissed you, it was clear she was satisfied. "you did so good for me", she whispered between kisses. her arms wrapped around you, as you buried your head in her neck. one thing was obvious, you were completely hers.
#billie eilish#billie eilish gf#billie eilish x reader#billie eilish smut#dom!billie#fem reader#billie eilish fic#billie eilish x you#billie eilish fanfiction
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you can always tell when someone doesn't have maga men in their life and god it makes me angry.. "if you're nice and compassionate you can be the one woman that makes them realize women aren't mean!" my mom bent over backwards for my dad for 25 fucking years he has plenty of other women kissing his ass and it never changed anything. do you really think that before being radicalized they never knew a single kind woman? they were never friends with a nice girl? alt-right men's problem with women isn't just that they've experienced too many mean women and they need to be shown that women can be nice, it's that they think women are inferior and don't deserve rights and don't understand anything so you can do what you want with them. and it takes a lot more than being nice to show someone that you aren't inferior. this isn't a case of being nice even when it's hard for the sake of deradicalization, it's about spending every fucking interaction with someone trying to get them to see you as a human being with value and a functioning intellect while they just laugh and show you that's never going to happen.
i cannot stress this enough: random women are not just going out and Being Mean to men. ur average guy interacts with plenty of women throughout his life- close women amongst their friends and family, casual interactions etc. most people don't start out being shunned by women, they start out being treated as NORMAL. & when they show their disrespect in normal society, it isn't tolerated, but when they go to alt-right spaces (which they're pushed towards online) they're told they're allowed to be as horrible as they want with no consequences because they're entitled to everything. it isn't "women aren't welcoming and the alt-right is so friendly so i'll become alt-right," it's "women don't let me disrespect them and the alt-right tells me fuck them, do whatever you want, you're entitled to it all" and why would you choose the group where you have to be a normal accountable person when there's a group that will reward you for being a shithead who gives no fucks?
the alt-right can afford to be more friendly and welcoming because they can allow bigotry. this can't work the same way for progressive spaces because we can be as kind & welcoming as possible but at the end of the day we have lines where we have to say "this behavior/speech isn't allowed in this space," and for certain people, that just can't win against a space where you can be as nasty as you want. these posts always end with a disclaimer saying "of course being kind doesnt mean you need to tolerate their bigotries" but what they don't realize and what drives me crazy is that women not tolerating bigotry IS the "women are mean" that radicalized them in the first place. they perceive you pushing back on any bigotry or bullshit as you being a meanie and treating them like they're ontologically evil. the 'kindness' they need to be deradicalized is you letting them walk all over you.
idk what the answer is to deradicalizing them and im sure relationships are part of it but you can be as kind as you want and all it will do is destroy you ime. i cant stand to see people (who have never even successfully deradicalized any man by being nice btw they always speak in hypotheticals and not from experience) double down on telling women to do things that will see no results and only hurt them, especially when any woman who has tried can tell you exactly how it went
#being as nasty as possible & shitting on everyone while giving no fucks makes you popular in certain spaces. that's tempting no matter what#to immature ppl. part of growing up is learning that you cant do that and real relationships need you to not do that#but that sucks. you could just ignore it and join the alt-right to be a manchild forever#if ur an asshole who wld u wanna hang out with: ur wife who says please dont be an asshole to me or ur bros who say she's a hysterical bitc#& u did nothing wrong?#if u had a maga dad/brother/uncle & u heard the way they talk about women its never abt being mean lol#it's abt how women are hysterical & sensitive & get upset at everything they do#im so sorry but a normal guy (i know & am friends with many) doesnt simply become an MRA because his girl friends made 1 men suck joke#if a guy truly has no fulfilling friendships with women or girls to the point where some feminist group 'being too mean' can radicalize him#bc he doesnt have any kind women in his life to prove that wrong. he already had issues.#you reach a certain point in your friendship with these guys where youve been SO kind and so supportive and welcoming and played therapist#for ages and then they turn around and say 'im voting trump cuz i like his personality better lol i dont care about rights and that bs'#even if you can deradicalize someone by being kind thats years of insane unreciprocated energy for ONE guy#who will end up being the person who never posts abt feminism except to say i became alt right because women were mean so be nice girls!#nobody tells anyone else to accept full blown bigots in their spaces either much less BEFRIEND them#bc nobody is expected to do this kind of service except women. <3#eat ass.
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Me explaining to my dad 3 times in the same conversation why my sister no longer speaks to him
#sorry for oversharing but ya bitch needs to fucking vent#in meme format#because life is a joke#and everybody sucks#they dont mean to suck but they just fucking do#anyway back to your irregularly scheduled shitposting
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one thing I really really appreciate abt riz gukgak as a character is that he is un-self-aware to the max. he inhabits his body so completely. the arc that would usually be run as "I'm different and unable to connect with my friends in this way that everyone seems to be able to do and so something's wrong with me and I don't like myself" when it comes to riz is actually like no! I have literally no problems or praises for myself personally. I don't stand outside of my own self and judge it. it's phrased as "other people will eventually find someone more important to them than you" rather than centering it on his self-perception. he doesn't know why he doesn't have the best social life on earth even though he's not afraid at all to talk to other people. every time he sees himself in someone else's actions or behaviour he gets startled by it. his latest epilogue is realizing seemingly for the first time that he's not just an agent of causes but an actual character. he's my hero and I want to be him when I grow up
#not art#fantasy high#this trait with him is kinda why I don't really ascribe any prominent trans narrative to him. even though hes very gender#I think I said once like bc he didn't just walk into the girls bathroom I don't think he finds himself on that axis in general#bc if he's any less attached to his gender he would 100% have done it lmao#and the great thing is the more he gets comfortable with his friends the less self aware he becomes#saying shit like ''chop his head off so he doesn't revive'' fully uncaring for the optics. I love him#its honestly great esp. with the Living While Goblin stuff going on too. no inner conflict with that dude#he's fully great! he's awesome he's all gucci. the world is just fucked and that's why shit sucks for him#(this makes me doing something model-minority-adjacent for bard!riz a bit harrowing shdjsh I dont wanna lose this)#(he's dictated by fear but it doesn't mean he reflects those fears back onto himself as a person lol. at least kid got better)
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People who really like shuake also seem to write themselves into a corner wrt Akechi and his relationship to Akiras team. Contrary to popular belief, the team, including Haru, does not hate Akechi. At worst, they tolerate him and deal with his attitude. Hes a good teammate and respectable fighter and the team recognizes that at the end of the day, he was a teenager who was manipulated and abused by a man who saw him as disposable. Just about every thief understands this intimately. They have the same mindset wrt adults who take advantage of the people beneath them. Under different circumstances they wouldve been friends. And if u approach it from that angle, it becomes less about Akechi being the sole person who ‘gets’ Akira, and more about the thieves being the only people in the world who ‘get’ Akechi.
When you expand your thoughts to include the thieves as members of his Team and not roadblocks that get in the way of your ideal shipping dynamic, you allow urself to give Akechi and Akira more depth and nuance to their own relationship.
Akira and Akechi are wildcards; both of them struggle with the face they choose to display to the world. Its the first time Akira interacts with someone who is, at a literal, technical level, his ‘equal’. But Akechi is one of many firsts for Akira yeah? Every thief has their bond with Akira thats completely unique and personal. Akechi will never be the person who witnesses Akiras Awakening, hes never the person who watches Akira have his restless nights alone in the attic, and hes never the person who realizes in real time that the teenager hes housing is just Some Kid, not the delinquent hes been warned about. Hes not Ann or Yusuke, or any of the thieves; he doesnt have the time or experience that they have with Akira, and I think its interesting to explore that part of their relationship, shippy or not.
Akechi is someone who is incredibly lonely and self depreciating despite his cockiness and attitude. He has no positive bonds to speak of save for his connection with Sae. To have him see a team that works together and cares for each other, how do you think he would feel? Out of place? Inferior in some way? Angry about how hes been alone for so long in this single minded quest for revenge? Wouldnt that be a point of struggle between the two of them? I think what makes shuake good for me is knowing that Akechi needs alot of time to heal, and the thieves would want to help with that process. They do it bc they care, bc Akira cares, and bc they trust Akiras opinion (and he trusts theirs in return); if Akira feels like Akechi is someone who can be trusted Now after everything thats happened, then the thieves would do their best to help. And how would Akechi feel about that? Angry about the show of pity? That even now, he has no real say in what happens to him? Or begrudgingly grateful that they are cordial with him? Because they do care, he KNOWS they care, they care TOO MUCH actually; but the one thing he values over brawn and wits is honesty- fighting for what you believe in without having to use soft words to justify it.
#chattin#also like. as an aside#my hcs regarding these two is like. they could not date. theyd kill each other lmao#and like TOTALLY by all means i am obsessed w unhealthy dynamics for shipping#let ur boys be toxic. let them be messy and loud and violent. its like crack to me#but just like fandom as a whole; fanon interpretations are prevalent and LOUD#and so trying to interact with it is like pulling teeth#personally. i think too many of them think of Akechi as like. the Rude one of the bunch#when i like to think of Akira as rude and full of himself when its deserved#and man. being able to outwit Akechi makes it Fully deserved#and i like to think Akira would remind him of this when he tries to intimidate or degrade his team#like. i have a short wip i never finished (basic sketches)#of Akira pulling him aside and grilling him#‘youre here because I Want you here. youre here bc i Allow you to be here’#‘if youre going to stoop low and play petty i can do the same. if theres anyone on my team whos a fucking idiot; its you.’#‘dont make me reconsider having you on the team.’#and akechis like okay great does ur dick feel big trying to pull rank on me?#but really hes fuming. hes MAD. like feral dog mad. bc akira is RIGHT. like he is most times as akechi starts to see.#he has enough of a mind to recognize that hes lashing out bc of his own shortcomings; even if he refuses to admit it out loud#its beyond infuriating. its degrading. its a little 😶.#never had to deal w anyone that rivaled his own brawn and wits. and now theres a TEAM of them#just humbling him time and time again. it sucks. he stays bc he cant help himself 😭#he needs to see more…#also#shuake#for blacklisting
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Not me genuinely in a dilemma of whether or not I should block someone just for one absolutely ASS take even though it literally won't make a difference from their POV
#I have blocked so many people just by seeing ONE absolutely frigid take of theirs- i am fucking petty alr-the catharsis is insane#me before: oh i dont like this :( <-UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT#me now: oh i dont like this actually- blocked#curate my own internet space and yada yada yaknow#even though i probably will never come across them again on my dash even if I didn't block them#i just like pressing buttons I think atp#anyways. If it sucks- hit da bricks!!!#its not even like a personal issue- Im sure they're lovely people but also BLOCKED /j /lh#im just being a dick- dw <3#on the other hand- ou folks can block me any time if you don't like my stuff#i mean it was entirely your choice in the first place so im not like- allowing you to do it or giving you permission or smth!#just letting you know that sometimes- Im the shit that sucks and you gotta hit the bricks from#block me if I have an ass take- i dont care- you do you bestiepop#my post#sput chatters
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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they just met why is kara always going on about how lena needs to give her more and more? maybe that should be the end, they had a nice time , we got nice smut and they parted ways. i get why kara doesn't see them working but idg what lena is seeing in kara long term beyond her being 'normal' i guess that's enough with her life, even when kara was told that those pictures were from before they even met she still judged her and made all about how lena hurt her feelings, lena will have tabloids saying shit about her always and kara is right that they won't work long term, they don't work even now when they should be in the honeymoon period
Yall I'm writing this on my phone, my thumbs dont have that kind of stamina.
Also, as for what Lena sees in Kara... tbh I'm relying pre-exisiting chemistry that y'all know is there, even if I'm not the best at showing it here. I might embellish when I move it to ao3, but I might not.
But also part of things is that Kara doesn't really have room to shine, because Lena sucks all the air from the room. And with based looooooosely on the anne hathaway movie that sees them reuniting in like five years, I had to have them split in a relatively timely manner.
And also tbh, in case the "writing this in my phone notes" didn't convey this strongly enough-- I am pantsing this thing to the maxxxxxx. Not a single outline or bullet point in sight. Total stream of consciousness. As a rule, one can expect my tumblr stuff to be considered a stream of consciousness more than anything else. Do NOT expect it to be polished or free of plot holes.
Also also... it's a free story with our fave peeps? Didn't think it needed to be much deeper on this here tumblr dot com...
#lol sorry#this is ramble central#like.... you dont have to like it....#but i dont have to hear that you dont?#unless i majorly fuck up in terms of representation or a microaggression or whatever#i want to know about that#but if its just a general 'this isnt good enough for my tastes' thing#you cannot imagine how demoralizing this would have been if I had been in less a good head space#and then a bunch of people who *do* like it would miss out on the ending/more content#im sure you didnt mean this in a mean way#but if i were more depressed than i currently am#i wouldnt be able to see the lack of ill intent#i would just see “your story sucks and doesnt work what are you doing”#so maybe give it a second thought before hitting send yeah?
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Immediately forgets everything that happened in June. Uh. I threw a tea party! Finished a knit hat! Did one (1) queer corvid piece! Started playing baldurs gate! Read some good books! SAW SOME SANDHILL CRANES!!!! Found new enrichment in the form of a new walking route! A busy busy month! Didn't read as much as I intended, but I did get to check off five more books on my Reading Books I Own chart so I call that a win.
The Adventures of Amina Al-Sirafi by Shannon Chakranorty ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐- WHAT A FUN BOOK! "Adventure" is the perfect word for this. Yes, it's a trilogy with only one book out, but this also works so well on its own, as individual books SHOULD! It's its own little thing. Wrapped up neat and tidy with little threads to pick up in the future. I had so much fun and the audiobook was a DELIGHT, I want to read it again immediately.
The Novice by Taran Matharu ⭐- This has been sitting on my shelf since its release. It moved homes with me. It will not be doing so again. Bland, generic, poorly written. Proof just because you were an internet success, doesn't mean you don't need an editor. Also proof that publishing is about Luck and Connections. I know goodreads ratings mean Nothing, but come on. Why is this one so high. Did people really enjoy it that much? HOW??
Translation State by Ann Leckie ⭐⭐⭐⭐- Okay. Look. This was not my favorite Leckie novel. In fact it very well could by me least favorite Leckie novel. HOWEVER. Even then, it was still fun and enjoyable. I wish it ended differently, but I still loved all the characters and how they interact. I do want to reread this as well, because I remember enjoying Ancillary Justice more the second time around and I wonder if the same will happen here.
What Moves The Dead by T Kingfisher ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ - A reread! To get ready for What Feasts At Night! Even knowing all the secrets, it's still a perfectly bite sized creepy read. My favorite thing about Kingfishers writing is how even with the darkest subjects she still manages to add humor. And it never seems out of place! It's a great breather for the reader but doesn't detract from the tension. Do not recommend reading this while walking through a field of bunnies.
What Feasts At Night by T Kingfisher ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - I gave What Moves The Dead four stars at my initial read through, so I wonder if this will ALSO change to five stars upon rereading. I had to read the first few chapters twice for them to stick, and ended up switching to the audiobook which was very well done. I really didn't expect another book about Alex Easton, but I'm hooked now to be honest. I mean, stop putting this soldier in Situations, but also. I want to know what other Situations ka gets into. Angus and Miss Potter are adorable.
The library has a few summer reading games with prizes so my reading in the upcoming months will be influenced by those. Someone said there might even be a local bookstore gift package in the mix and I Want That. I do still want to do the Bone Season updated read, if for no other reason than to get rid of those books so I don't have to pack and move them. Other than that, no reading plans. I've read nearly every book that's on the shelf in my bedroom, which, wow, so it's getting harder to choose what to read. I guess that's a good thing! Leaves more room to reread old favorites.
#bookbird babbles#reading wrap up#monthly wrap up#june wrap up#books#booklr#i dont want to get rid of the bone season books bc theyre the og hardbacks with the GOOD covers#but honestly. i like the anniversary editions so much better#those white covers though......oof lmao#but like. if the book is Bad then who cares lmao#i could probably sell them tbh#i know theyre in high demand in the fandom#or were five years ago#i think the fandom has kind of given up bc it takes so long for each book to come out#and i mean. authors dont owe us anything and all that but.#girl.#ten years since book one released and youre not even halfway through your seven book series#....maybe you are#four books are out?#STILL YOU GET MY POINT#grrm behavior and that is NOT a compliment#anyway. it was an okay month#neighbors suck my health sucks the weather sucks#but the tea party fucked we killed that one#oh also i gave myself a terrible haircut the other night#chop chop!!!!!#my moms like why dont you just go to a professional and i said because im not paying 30$ for them to cut off two inches LMAO#stylists work hard but im broke thanks#ill suffer an uneven haircut for a while if it means i can do other things like buy a silly little boba#id like to dye it soon too and now that all the old blond is gone i should be safe lol
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A arcanist’s work. Exhibited in the 1990s for 24 years. Completed in Summer, on September 13. The exhibition was first held in Manila, Philippines, and after 10 years the exhibit later traveled to Spain, before going all over the world.
◆ Medium: Hunger ◆ Afflatus: Banquet of Concrete [Mineral] Everlasting True Love ◆ Fragrance note: Fruity - Raspberry, Apple, Coconut. Meat, copper. ◆ Size: 175cm / 5’7’’
new six stars character yall <3 here's Venison's insight II illustration and their role garment menu (i built that template from SCRATCH bro, i'll drop the psd later) they're my lil mercenary, local cannibal guy, former manus member <3
here's their fullbody sprite under the cut, i got too lazy to actually render it lmfao
#reverse: 1999#reverse 1999#re1999#re1999 oc#reverse 1999 oc#digital art#purinsu art#venison beloved venison#i dont have their doc ready yet so teehee i suck at filling my own templates#yes theyre yandere or whatever. theyre extremely obsessive in general#does familial yandere exist? instead of like. ooo you gotta be my bf its ooo you gotta be my family#anyway. manus adopts a stray that vertin overlooked. it goes badly for everyone#thats their target wall in their insight II illust btw <3 mf is forming parasocial relationships with every person theyre sent to kill#love justifies the cannibalism and all#their arcanum is also bone and cartilage related! <3#which fits soooooo good with the manus and arcana's aesthetics#they just have. to get to the bone. clear access to it. to properly use their arcanum. which means they get to EAT/RIP THE FLESH CLEAN FIRS#do you see my vision do you see where im going with this. the game deserves truly deranged guys#i saw the fucking manus garment for diggers. guys. we need to talk bout it
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Everyone posts about how Stardew Valley is a cozy LGBT+ inclusive game but NO ONE mentions the lack of a platonic option for the bachelors/bachelorettes. Which would be good for aspec people and also just more pleasant for many casual players I believe but that's not even the point. I just want to become best friends with everyone and not only does that require me dating everyone at once and feeling like a sleazebag because of it (ik the bad cutscene can be avoided but I know in my heart they'd be hurt if they knew) BUT it also means the women flirt with me!!!!! Constantly!!!!!!! It makes me sick to my stomach. Truly ruining the characters I liked
#this post is not that serious or meant to be an Analysis or a Discourse Post or a Hot Take or whatever#i just think the dating thing needs to be handled differently#i should be able to Not Date characters and still get 10 hearts with them#also ive never made it far enough in stardew valley to marry someone and this is the first time i could even date someone#and ive heard that the flirtatious comments dont stop once you're married which is. really awkward for me#i mean i could probably handle the guys flirting with me while im married but id hope being married would be an off switch for it#its just awkward to have ppl im not actually dating and only gave a bouquet to so i can be their friend be called my bf/gf when. they're Not#i seriously need to find some kind of mod to fix this once i finish getting all the girls up to ten hearts#i will deal with the stomach churning grossness of the flirting for a while so i can see everything#but then I'm DONE!!! I'm DONE!!!! I just want my friends back!!!!#maru and abigail and haley !!! my buds!!!#NOT emily shes scary and NOT leah because we just didn't click and DEFINITELY not penny because i fucking hate her#penny sucks. penny dni#but yeah the flirting feels gross because im gay and repulsed by women romantically/sexually#and even though i did open myself up to this by playing the game. because i dont want it it feels like its being forced on me#which makes it feel even WORSE than normal#and its like. not only do i feel like I'm stringing along these characters#but i feel like my friendship with my favourites is ruined :(
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sorry but no one can convince me that t is giving buck head. he'd be like. 😐🫤 evan, your dick is too big, can't i just give you a handy instead? and buck being the little people pleaser that he is would just be like. 😟😔 yeah...yeah okay that's fine...
#strong believer of the buck is not sexually satisfied with t#like once the novelty of being with a guy for the first time wore off#hes just not getting much of their relationship anymore#obviously he like being with a guy and discovering all the new acts and feelings and positions they can do#like okay t said hes just trying to keep up with buck in that deleted scene right#but idk man i fully believe thats buck figuring out he loves giving bjs and being like can i suck you dick hey hey can i suck your dick rn#or getting fucked (im a taylor pegged him truther but shhh) and hes just eager to do these things a lot because hes never done them before#i really dont think that that means t is matching his energy (because when has he ever)#like okay sorry im subjecting yall to this#but i imagine buck basically writhing on the bed like a cat in heat and t is just like uhhhh 🧍♂️ i can fuck you ig#(shhhh ik t is a gay man but yall be so serious the daddy kink is like the freakiest thing he could ever do and that aint even freaky)#these tags are all over the place#basically#t would try to give buck head like once and be like sorry evan i cant but hey ill do x instead#eddie on the other hand would try to give buck head and buck would be like hey...hey dont hurt yourself most people end up not being able to#and eddie would proceed to happily choke himself on bucks dick#anti tommy kinard#yeahh
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on some level I understand that welcome to hell is probably a little harder to sell than hazbin given the *gestures vaguely* entire main plotline of w2h THAT SAID im going to be mad about it forever. because one of them is actually funny and has good character design and compelling dynamics and a good plot and its not the one about the freaking hotel.
#literally hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby like nothing vivziepop ever writes will be as good as your first demonic possession#everyone who knows me irl is going to look away now because I need to be really mean about hazbin for a second#and I feel bad doing that because I know my wonderful friends like it. but its my god given right to be a hater on my Tumblr blog.#LIKE ive seen some of hazbin and helluva. theyre mid theyre so mid.#the plots are not compelling the characters have no intriguing chemistry#theyre throwing so much at you both character and storyline wise and its impossible to keep track of anything. theres no time to care about#anyone or any of their stories!!!#and they both rely so much on swear words/sex jokes for their writing and like. its just too much it stops being funny.#anyone who knows me knows I love a good swear or a good sex joke but dude theyre just so constant that they dont work#and it also cheapens the parts that actually try to get serious you know? the tonal whiplash just makes it hard to take anything seriously#like I honestly think if they took hazbin a little more seriously it could actually be good. like I get the oooo swears for adults aspect#but truly if they just bothered to write a good plot instead of forcing a million fuck jokes into it then it could work. but they didn't.#sad!!!!#okay im nice now. when my beautiful friends bring up hazbin I will bite my tongue and not even say anything a little mean#even though its bad and sucks. I will focus on the parts of it that could have worked. so that I can engage with their interests kindly#because all their other interests rule so hard. its just hazbin that I can't stand.
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me when i cant be someones favorite person all the time forever for no fucking reason: ah i see. hm. okay. i should go abandon everyone and everything and then kill myself
#like jesus man why cant i just be happy for people#its not even like they dont like me or anything i know they do obviously but my goddamn brain just goes#hey. hey. hey. hey. theyre abandoning you. they absolutely fucking hate you. you mean nothing to this person anymore now that they have-#other people they care about. which means you are being a burden and have to go die sobbing in a hole now sorry.#literally why#it fucking sucks so bad#i just want to be glad that my loved ones can rely on people who arent just me but noooooo i guess i have to have a breakdown over this#god#i hate myself so much dude#I seriously cant take this actually#i just want to be better#why cant i be better#and now i cant even enjoy one of my favorite bands playing anymore because im a selfish fucking prick#why does anyone even like me honestly#and this is over something thats literally so unimportant it means nothing i should not fucking care i dont want to care#tw sui ideation#im not actually considering it btw but god jesus i suck#and im attention seeking#i mean seriously i shouldnt post abt this#fucking stupid#i wish i wasnt like this#scribbles says shit#tw vent#kinda#er yeah i guess so#this is weird#only like the 4th real vent post ive ever made on here lol
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How 2 do well in school, which is starting soon, no glue no borax
#i think im smart. maybe. cuz my finals last uear were aparently AWESOME for some fucking reason#i was failing allll my classes tho#except like. gym. but the rest were legit all Fs#idk how i passed.....#im just godly#but fr ive gyat no motivation to do anything ever and honestly id rather kms than be there BUT i have a gf now and also the convergence ->#-> reboot hasnt come out so i cant die yet#ive lost most motivation for my hobbies at this point and now i gotta go back to that freakshow#SIGH#the ppl there are MEAN and some of the things they tey to teach us with suck ASS#PLEASE. IM SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD AT ENGLISH. IT USED TO BE MY BEST SUBJECT#😭😭😭😭😭#the thing we have to do stuff on tho SUCKS bc i can barely ever finish it in class cuz theres not enough time and i dont have the motivation#to do it at home so eventually i just stopped bothering with it#like i just stopped#honestly halfway through last year i just gave tf up in general 😭💀and they literally pulled me away and were like “r u ok....”#i dont remember where i was going with this#im eepy everything hurrts i dont wanna go back#i wanna be silly i wanna make straight As and Bs like when i was an little kid i want to make the ppl that care about me happy but.augh#vent post#I GUESS#mother get me tested + medicated challeng e level IMPOSSIBLE😭😭😭😭😭#ganvg im starting to think i may have smth besides the adhd.... hmmm.......
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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