#there's so little time for and use in cultivating the bad things or running from anything good

[die-tenebris]

I often find that non-transfems reacting to exorsexism and transandrophobia done by or in the name of transfems do so with infinitely more patience than I ever could and you're no exception. Your patience is saintlike. I hope it's rewarded.

Y'know, I do wonder if it's an extension of some privilege we have. Like, I've got the time to simmer down from my initial reactive thoughts because that discussion wasn't really actively affecting me. It just happened across my dash and, moreover, I sought out the conversation happening in the notes.

It's not a dire situation for me, and I'm not being harassed, which makes it a whole lot easier to have a measured response. I don't think a lotta people have that luxury. Others do seem very highly charged in these discussions, but I imagine it's proportional to the amount of duress they're under.

Queer discourse honestly just breaks my heart. I dearly want everyone to feel loved and to stand in community with one another. We're all we have, and I need anybody I come across or engage with to feel that, even if it's a hard thing to remember and act on.

I definitely struggle to be at my best. I try to expand my capacity for patience and love publicly in an aspirational way. I'm not really like this in my head or even interpersonally, I don't think anybody always is. But I see others like the Green brothers or Khadija Mbowe using their platforms to do that kinda thing, and it reifies how important it is to assume everybody's trying their best.

Not many people genuinely want to put vileness into the world, and I know when I've acted out, I didn't mean it, I regret it. If someone met me with that amount of patience, I never would have been so harsh.

The best reward I could hope for is that everybody does what I do; you don't need to be a perfect wonderful person internally, it's probably impossible. But you've got to meet others with as much decency as you can afford to spare. We all need it these days.

I appreciate you a lot for this. Kind of an aside, but your tags were actually the first time I've seen the word 'exorsexism'. It's an important topic I care a lot about, and I'm glad to have the actual term now.

[sunderwight]

Liushen AU where SY transmigrates into SJ's older brother, and subsequently nopes them right out of the slavery backstory by using his general knowledge of the story and actually being an adult in a kid's body to just leave (basically) with SJ and YQ.

SY carts them both up to Cang Qiong for the next sect trials. It's actually not all that hard, the trickiest part is getting enough to eat and finding safe places to sleep between leaving the slavers and taking the trials (SY manages just barely, with considerable help from his new little brothers.) Nobody bothers to go after them because it's before Qiu Jianluo and this style of human traffickers mostly operate by virtue of their merchandise having nowhere else to go. Chasing down runaways is an expense not worth indulging, given that most of them either come straight back or die of exposure.

Anyway, they take the trials, and as expected YQY gets chosen to become a personal disciple for the sect leader, and SJ gets chosen by the Qing Jing Peak Lord, but also as (kind of) expected (by SY alone) nobody wants SY. He's older the Yue Qi, so too old, and unlike YQ and SJ his cultivation potential isn't striking enough to make any exceptions for him.

SY, however, can't leave it at that. He's spent more than five minutes with the street kid codependency gang, so he's gotten attached to both of them. And he knows what will happen if they're left to their own devices and The Plot proceeds accordingly. (Also, they keep threatening to not stay at the sect if SY doesn't stay too, for some reason.) So with a heavy heart and internal candle lit for himself, SY heads to Bai Zhan Peak. Which is the only peak that accepts disciples by way of them turning up and refusing to leave.

SY's not much of a fighter. He actually really hates the atmosphere on BZP, he's not bad at physical cultivation (his health's pretty good in this life, ironic considering how much worse his situation was) but the random ambushes and survival-of-the-fittest stuff is just not his brand. But that's okay, because it turns out that BZP actually DESPERATELY needs disciples on the actual peak who are interested in things other than fighting and cultivating their own strength. Stuff like, filling out requisition requests for An Ding every time things break, apologizing to An Ding every time things break again, organizing schedules, browbeating senior disciples into actually teaching, educating disciples on virtually any artistic or social skill, hosting lectures on how to beat vicious beasts without just overpowering them, and etc.

Okay so some of this stuff isn't and has never actually been on Bai Zhan's curriculum but Shen Yuan is going to make this place tolerable. And stop these children from needlessly getting acid burns or lyme disease or scurvy or whatever. He keeps internally chewing out Airplane for designing a sect system that means there are a lot of largely unsupervised 12-year-olds running around the wilderness on a mountain picking fights all the time. (When he actually meets Shang Qinghua and figures him out he switches to doing it in person, of course, in twice-monthly bitching sessions that look a lot like budding friendship.)

Of course one of the worst offenders is the Liu kid, who SY would suspect was actually raised by wolves if he didn't know for a fact that Liu Qingge has a younger sister, and also the kinds of nice clothing and letters from home that strongly imply not only does he have a family, but that the family is pretty well-off. Liu Qingge is at first deeply offended by SY being a BZP disciple. He rarely fights anyone, and uses tricks and evasion tactics whenever a fight can't be avoided. And he does other annoying stuff, like pestering him about meals and baths and lecturing him on identifying dangerous plants and the early signs of qi deviation. This is not what their peak is about! He should get with the program already! Just fight stuff until you're too tired to keep fighting stuff!

Also SY's younger brother, SJ, is pure evil (at least according to baby Liu Qingge) even though his other younger brother (?) is cool and nice.

Anyway, Liu Qingge stops complaining about SY after their first mission together, where Liu Qingge doesn't lose a fight but does get into a kind of pyrrhic victory situation where he's really badly hurt, and it's SY who helps him win (correctly identifying the monster and then pointing out its weakness) and takes care of him afterwards and gets him safely back to Cang Qiong. SY expresses surprise at LQG actually being polite to him, and LQG realizes that he's been a colossal ass if people think he wouldn't be grateful to someone who saved his life, so the usual Liushen dynamic proceeds from there. Liu Qingge starts bringing SY fans he leaves behind and hunts down animals that are supposed to be useful for bolstering weak cultivation, SY invites LQG to tea and keeps the critters as pets, etc etc.

SY doesn't get the Head Disciple position, because that's only acquired via beating the current peak lord in combat and lol no. Also he's not interested in stealing it from Liu Qingge, to whom it rightfully belongs (in his mind). But that's fine, because Liu Qingge takes the position when the next generation ascends and then he lets SY exclusively handle all the peak duties SY actually likes (mainly teaching). It's perfect -- Liu Qingge gets to focus on his War God antics and occasional administration/meetings without having to deal with students his has no patience for, but the disciples of BZP don't get neglected because SY is actually teaching and organizing classes and student care. BZP hasn't enjoyed a golden age like this since it was founded!

Things are pretty good overall, but Shen Yuan knows that it's only a matter of time before The Plot shows up, and so he can't rest completely easily.

Meanwhile, the will-they-or-won't-they bets on Liushen have been going strong for a while now. The thing is, most of their martial siblings are convinced that these two are already "together", and just being circumspect about it. Those who know SY well (like SJ, YQY, and SQH) know better but think that SY's romantic obtuseness is to blame, whereas those who know LQG well (LMY, WQW, and MQF) are pretty sure that it's actually LQG's obtuseness that's the problem. Of course it's actually both of them, so efforts to "fix" matters by getting through one of their thick skulls inevitably run afoul of the other's.

An additional complication is of course: SJ doesn't like LQG (mutual), and now that he's the leader of his own peak, he wants to poach SY to come and live there. Not only so he can have one of the 2 people he trusts actually close at hand, but also because SJ also hates actually teaching the atrocious little brats on his peak, and would like to have SY come and do it for him. YQY is still a total pushover for him too, and is also now the sect leader, so YQY agrees that SY can change peaks if SY and LQG both agree to it.

Liu Qingge, of course, is a no, but he's a variable "no". He's not going to hold Shen Yuan against his will or anything.

As for Shen Yuan, it's... complicated. He doesn't really like BZP, but it's gotten a lot better than it was at the start. These days he's actually pretty proud of his accomplishments, and it's more comfortable, but it's still a rough and rowdy place with fewer creature comforts, libraries, or other appealing points than QJP. Also, if he goes to Qing Jing to teach, he can personally ensure that SJ doesn't go around persecuting any of his students!

But... SJ never lived with the Qiu family in this AU, and even though SY's not totally clear on what the PIDW backstory for SJ was, he knows he's a better guy now than the scum villain in the book was. He has a reputation for making cutting remarks, not for being an abusive snake or a lecher. SY's honestly less worried about him doing anything bad at all, and there are other people on QJP who can teach. It might even be good for SJ to promote more people to fill out a social circle he can rely on! That guy needs more friends, seriously.

And QJP really doesn't need more layabout literary intellectual types who get into pointless arguments, which is all SY would be if he went there. Just yet another nerdy scholar for the rich kids with middling cultivation that the peak favors to ignore. At least on BZP he's filling a gap.

SY is clearly torn, and the fact that SY's considering it has LQG upset, and LQG doesn't handle being upset very well, so of course they have an argument about it. SY storms off to cool his head and LQG is like, this is it, he's gone to Qing Jing Peak, I've drive him off by being too aggressive and he's probably remembering all those times I told him he didn't belong here and oh no what have I done maybe if I build him a heated bath and get him books he will come back???

Turns out that SY just went to An Ding to vent at SQH while SQH was like "I think you would have fewer problems if you and Liu Qingge just got married and my disciples could call you Shigu to your face instead of behind your back" and SY threw melon seeds at him and sulked on his fainting couch (which is always cold for some reason...)

Thus begins the Liushen Divorce Arc where SY tries to be anywhere but BZP or QJP, Liu Qingge tries to figure out what thing he can punch to fix this not-punchable problem, SJ is like "I don't see what the big deal is they should break up Liu Qingge is awful and I want my brother to teach my classes for me" like the spoiled youngest sibling he's finally allowed to be, YQY is trying to moderate this Hades vs Demeter situation and is all "well maybe SY could spend half the year on QJP and half on BZP?", and Liu Mingyan is going "I know my brother if this doesn't work out he is going to die single and pining like an idiot" and so keeps conscripting other disciples to y'know, lock SY and LQG into storage closets together (ineffective: LQG can punch through walls) or at least get them in the same room (underestimating SY's willingness to yeet himself out of windows to avoid awkward social interactions.)

By the time Luo Binghe joins the sect (as a Qiong Ding disciple), the drama is in full swing and is the main topic of gossip across most of the peaks.

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

so I saw your requests are open. It seems that Astarion believes- at least in the beginning- that his purpose is to give pleasure. He does it to survive, he does it to gain Tavs trust and affection... what if Tav takes it upon herself to pleasure him. I HC Astarion is more dominant as he regains his autonomy, after centuries of having no say or control hiw would he react to Tav gently kissing him, asking him to let her make him feel good for a change. He's spent all this time giving, he deserves to receive for once. Expecting nothing in return.

Yaaas, let's go. I think I may have made this a lil fluffier than what you had in mind but hopefully it works! Playful/Sweet Tav! This is set before he admits his feelings but still in act 2 so he's like close!

TW: They bang and it's graphic under the cut with some mentions of his backstory, which is fucked up. But yeah, sexing is occurring. 18+ That's it. Pretty sweet outside of his backstory.

~

Astarion was aware the sex could be enjoyable, despite the centuries of the act being used against him. There had been glimmers of genuine pleasure through it all, mostly poisoned by the knowledge of what happened to all of his conquests when the job was finished after, but still. They were there.

Enough for Astarion to be somewhat prepared for the loveliness of being with you. When he had made the choice to seduce you, he had done it assuming that sex would be mediocre at best, and unpleasant at worst.

But no. Instead it just felt... wonderful. A word that Astarion was not used to associating with the deed. Though he supposed it made sense. He did like you after all, even outside of the protection he could get out of you. You were intelligent enough to make for good conversation; you were fun, mischievous even. Enough to match up with his own bitchy little quips. But you were also... sweet. Caring even, though it seemed you had a habit of giving that care to the least deserving mortals in the realm.

Not that that was a bad thing. He had been more than ready to use that kind nature against. It was so easy to worm his way into your heart. And the sex was good? Astarion's luck was almost certainly on the edge of running out, but he'd happily take advantage of the streak while he could.

You were just... so submissive. So ready for him to take the lead. Astarion had developed many personas in bed over the centuries, cultivating them for whatever situation he may need. But they were always tools, it had little or nothing to do with what he wanted. Just what he could use to lure them back to their deaths.

In all honesty, he had tried to do the exact same with you, and he would have too if he hadn't lost control on that first night. But then you had to bare your neck to him, the siren song of your blood screaming at him to bite. And then he just... lost control.

Was it the best sex of Astarion's life? Yes. Was he about to tell you that? No.

And it kept being good. Even on the nights he didn't drink from you, he liked it. Borderline loved it, if he was emotionally capable of associating that word with you. And he wanted to enjoy it while he could. He knew deep down that this was temporary, for more reasons than one. Soon enough he simply wouldn't need you anymore. After you defeated the demon for Raphael, Astarion would have some idea of Cazador's plans, and maybe enough to figure out a way to secure his freedom for good. And unless you planned on killing the man yourself, he... wouldn't have any reason to keep the facade going. Not to mention the obvious fact that you could wake up from your lust-induced stupor and break things off at any moment. Astarion wasn't looking forward to either outcome. But how else would this end? It's not like the two of you could set off into the sunset together, like some inane fairytale.

... right?

Astarion wasn't quite sure anymore. And he certainly wasn't going to figure it out any time soon. It was easier just to push the whole thing out of his mind. Especially now, when the two of you finally had a private room at the Last Light Inn, thank the gods. One more night of calm before they rushed into a temple full of horrors.

It was hard to hide his excitement as he pushed you onto the bed, his fangs already sharpening in anticipation. He wanted you to be marked head to toe by the end of the night, bites, bruises, anything and everything to remind you that you were his.

At least for tonight.

"Wait, wait!" You laughed as Astarion crawled over you, wasting no time in trying to claw your clothes off.

But the ask was enough to make him pause, a flash of worry running through his when he asked, "What's wrong? Did I- are you okay?"

You shook your head at him with a smile, your legs suddenly wrapping tightly around his waist "Nothing sweetheart, I'm fine. But..."

The next thing Astarion knew you were always flipping him over, so fast that he couldn't help but be impressed. He always underestimated just how strong you were. You grinned down at him as you sat atop his thighs, your hands rubbing over his chest through the thin fabric of his shirt, "But I think it's my turn to spoil you for a change."

Astarion furrowed his brow, sincerely confused for a moment. And maybe even a little self-conscious, "Why? I mean-do you not like how-"

"You're very good darling," You gently interrupted with a laugh, your hands already working to pull his shirt over his head, laughed as you sat atop his thighs, doing the work to unbutton his shirt, "Best I've ever had, sincerely. But don't you think that things have been a bit one-sided?"

He hadn't, not for a moment, but he sure as hells wasn't going to complain. Not when he had a gorgeous woman on top of him, one who was already doing the work of taking his cock out.

"Let me take care of you for once," You murmured as you started to stroke his length, pre-come already dribbling at the tip, "Anything you want is yours tonight. Just say the word."

Astarion blinked up at you, momentarily at a loss before regaining his usual confidence. Or at least some of it, "Taking your clothes off would be a fantastic start."

You laughed as you did just that, light and airy while you tore your shirt over your head. Astarion didn't waste any time in surging forward, latching his mouth around your nipple with a groan.

He wrapped his arms around your bare back, pulling you closer as you moaned.

"I'm supposed to be pleasing you," You panted as you slipped your skirt down your thighs, tossing it to the side as he suckled on your chest, "Remember?"

"Pleasing you pleases me," Astarion popped off with a chuckle, looking up at you with dark eyes, "Lovely thing that you are."

You softly smiled down at him before pressing a tender kiss to his lips. And then you were squirming away from him. Ducking out of his arms and lap.

He just hadn't expected you to sink to your knees in front of the bed. You rubbed at his thighs, so close to him that he could feel the heat of your breath against his length.

"Can I?" You asked coyly, the question sweet enough to make him shiver. He would never get tired of that, you always asking for permission for the smallest little things.

Astarion sat up with a smile and a nod, tangling his fingers in your hair as he said, "Of course my sweet, go right ahead."

And off you went. You wrapped your lips around the head, suckling on it like the little minx you were. You looked beautiful down there, your hair in disarray as you swallowed around his cock; more than happy to let him take the lead and force your head to take him fully down your throat.

You were drooling around him, staring up at him with your big wet eyes as you worked your tongue around him. It felt wonderful, amazing even. But it wasn't enough. As lovely as your throat was, it was only his second favorite place to store his cock.

"Get up here my love," Astarion ordered, his voice rough and his mind too preoccupied to notice his own slip. He tightened the hand in your hair, easing you off of his cock with a groan, "As wonderful as your mouth is, I want to be inside you."

You grinned up at him before gracefully standing, your breasts on full display, pretty enough to make Astarion's mouth water. You pushed him back first onto the bed before crawling over him again, the heat of your wet cunt so close to his sensitive cock. You gripped the base of it before rubbing the head over your folds, whimpering as you used him to circle your own clit.

It felt amazing, and it looked even better. But Astarion was nearly out of patience. He gripped your hips, his nails just on the edge of piercing your skin as he growled at you, "Are you trying to kill me darling?"

"Just the opposite," You breathily laughed as you finally started to sink down onto his cock, brokenly moaning all the while, "J-Just want to make you feel good."

You were so wet, tight and perfect around him. And the noises you were making, all of your little whimpers and whines. They would be haunting his dreams for years to come. But it still wasn't enough. Despite how lovely it was to have you bouncing in his lap, he couldn't help but thrust up inside of you, matching your movements in tandem.

You gasped as he really started to fuck into you, hard and deep enough to bring tears to your eyes. You were clutching at his chest, hard enough to make him bleed. Not that he cared. How could he when he had you like this? Desperate and needy as you pussy leaked slick onto him, so soaked that Astarion knew that you had to be close.

It had been a long instilled habit of Astarion to be sure his partner always reached their peak first. It was nearly ingrained in his DNA at this point, a pattern that he had no intention of breaking anytime soon.

But then you were leaning in to kiss him, something that shouldn't have caught him off guard, yet it did.

The press of your lips to his felt so soft, so sweet, nothing like the way he was savagely fucking into you. It was gentle, loving even. And before Astarion knew it he was coming, his end abrupt and explosive. It felt like fireworks bursting behind his eyes; he barely even had the wherewithal to move his hand to rub at your clit. But he managed, and soon enough you were crying out above him, your pussy clenching hard around his still leaking cock.

You were still kissing him in that same tender way, softly licking into his mouth as warmth overtook him. He felt... good. Too good even. Enough so where he barely knew what to do with himself.

You pulled away first, but you didn't go far. Thank the gods, Astarion wasn't... he didn't know if he could handle being apart from you at the moment. You rested your forehead against his, smiling down at him with a smitten look, one that made his heart clench.

"Did you like that?" You asked softly, wincing slightly as you pulled off of his cock, "Because I sure did."

I love you.

The thought came sudden and unbidden, screaming into the front of his mind without his consent. He didn't-he wasn't-why had that come into his head at all?

Astarion tried to stomp the wayward thought down as he gave you a strained smile.

"I loved it," He answered sincerely, the truth of his feelings far too close to the truth of his idiotic heart, "I-thank you darling. You really are amazing, aren't you?"

"Such a charmer," You sighed as you laid down next to him, reaching out to tangle your fingers together, "I really never stood a chance against you, did I?"

That was almost enough to make Astarion break out in hysterical laughter.

But instead he squeezed your hand, his eyes turned to the ceiling while a conflicted smile graced his face, "No. You never did."

He could only hope that continued to be true.

[mxtxfanatic]

Ouyang Zizhen the Unexpected Duckling

One of the most unlikeliest things to happen in Wei Wuxian's life is not just him taking on a mentorship role in the lives of the cultivation world's children, but that some of those children would be the direct named heirs of the leaders of the story's mob. The existence of Ouyang Zizhen amongst the ducklings thus serves as a pleasant surprise and representative of the hope that the next generation need not follow in the sins of their elders. From the very beginning, Ouyang Zizhen is willing to follow "Mo Xuanyu" as the guide out of Yi City, going so far as to participate wholeheartedly in his lessons:

“Done?” Wei Wuxian said after they had gotten through all the juniors. “Then everyone, tell me what details you saw. Let’s combine our observations.” ... “The girl is probably only fifteen or sixteen,” another youth said. “Her face is shaped like a watermelon seed. She has delicate and attractive features, pretty and lively. Her long hair is held up by a wooden hairpin with a small fox face whittled into it at one end. She’s petite and has a slim figure. Even though she’s unkempt, she’s not filthy or horrid. If you cleaned her up a bit, she’s certain to turn out cute and beautiful.” Hearing this proclamation, Wei Wuxian concluded that the speaker had boundless future prospects and praised him energetically. “Not bad, not bad. Your observations are detailed and distinctive. You’re bound to become one of those passionate types in the future.”

—Chapt. 36: Flora IV, fanyiyi

However, this attitude does not change once the true identity of "Mo Xuanyu" is revealed to be the "evil" Yiling Patriarch, Wei Wuxian. Instead, Ouyang Zizhen remains one of the first—second only to Lan Sizhui—to faithfully follow and offer his support to Wei Wuxian in the second siege, even against his father's wishes:

JingYi on the left and SiZhui on the right, Wei WuXian wrapped his arms around both of the children, “Alright, let’s hurry out of here.” ... Lan SiZhui spoke, “The deity- binding ropes have been loosened already. If worst comes to worst, we can fight our way out together. If you do not go, what if after we leave the corpses flood inside? With the shape of the cave, would it not be a sure catch?” Quickly afterward, one of the boys spoke up, “SiZhui- xiong, wait for me!” He followed, and left as well. This boy was the little ‘seed of sentiment’ who burnt paper money and cried emotionally over A-Qing, back in Yi City. The others called him ZiZhen. He seemed to be the single child of the BalingOuYang Sect’s clan.

...

At this point, a small voice suddenly spoke up, “Dad, I feel that maybe he really didn’t do it. Last time, in Yi City, he was the one who saved us. This time, he seem to be here to save us as well...” He followed the voice. The person who spoke was OuYang ZiZhen. However, the father immediately scolded the son, “Children shouldn’t talk so carelessly! Do you know what situation we’re in? Do you know who that is?!”

—Chapt. 68: Tenderness, exr

Wei WuXian said to them, “When the second group of fierce corpses rushes in, I will lure them towards the Pool of Blood, and HanGuang-Jun will be in charge of slaying them. With this target here,” He patted himself, “They won’t bother you. Don’t be tempted by battle, just run.” For once, Lan SiZhui’s raised his voice, “No! We can’t do that. There’s no way!” Sect Leader OuYang had given up trying to hold his son still. OuYang ZiZhen, “Senior-Wei, we will slay the corpses too! I can slay a hundred more!”

—Chapt. 81: Core Part 3, boat-full-of-lotus-pods

And he maintains this support and defense of Wei Wuxian even after the cultivators survive the second siege and begin to gather at Lotus Pier, this time against the clan leaders:

A sect leader spoke warily, “Wei WuXian, what are you doing on the other boat?” His tone was full of suspicion. The implication that Wei WuXian was up to no good again was obvious, and some people found it hard to stomach. OuYang ZiZhen spoke up, “Sect Leader Yao, why are you speaking with such a tone? If Senior-Wei really had intended to do something, then we probably wouldn’t be sitting on this boat in peace.” Hearing this, many senior cultivators felt rather embarrassed. Though the words were the truth, no one had expected it to be said to their faces. Lan SiZhui hurried, “ZiZhen is right!” And many other youths also agreed. Jiang Cheng tilted his head slightly, “Sect Leader OuYang.” Having suddenly being called out, Sect Leader OuYang’s right eyelid and heart both jumped. Jiang Cheng continued coldly, “If I recall correctly, the one who spoke was your son, yes? What a clever mouth.” Sect Leader OuYang hurried, “ZiZhen! Come back here! Come to dad!” OuYang ZiZhen was confused, “Dad, wasn’t it you who told me to be on this boat instead so that I won’t annoy all of you?” Sect Leader OuYang wiped the sweat off of his forehead, “Enough! Haven’t you had enough spotlights for one day? Come back here!” The OuYang Sect was located in Baling and was geographically close to Yunmeng. In terms of power and influence, they could hardly even compare with the Jiang Sect, and Sect Leader OuYang would rather not have Jiang Cheng hold a grudge over them simply because his son had spoken out for Wei WuXian.

—Chapt. 84: Core Part 6, boat-full-of-lotus-pods

An unexpected ducking, for sure, but a shining model for how the other juniors of the nameless mob can be moved away from the influence of their corrupt elders.

[greeniegaes]

I’ve been thinking about omegaverse WangXian AU and I’m so not normal about it

Basically, WWX was always known as a beta by people around him, constantly hiding his scent and on such heavy suppressors he’d practically never have a heat. When the Wens take all of the young cultivators/clan heirs or whatever he no longer has access to that kind of stuff and it’s only so long before the medication’s effect goes away.

In the big carnivorous turtle cave he can feel his omega-ness slowly come back so he’s desperate to get out away from all the young alphas and betas he’s surrounded by. Things go as cannon and only him and LWJ are left in the cave and LWJ??? Well he’s not doing too well, neither of them are with their fevers, being stuck in a cave alone and pheromones- oh yea LWJ is in rut too lol

So they do their do in the cave, escaping out and then WWX runs off after making the other man swear he’s not gonna tell anyone that WWX is an omega.

During the attack on Lotus Pier WQ pulls WWX aside asking if he knows about the kit in his womb. WWX, freaking out about it swears her to secrecy. He’s been… kinda aware about it over the month or two that’s past, but just used his high level of cultivation to just keep it in a dormant state.

When he gives JC his core such a thing isn’t an option. He doesn’t want his child to live during a time of war so he promises himself to end the war against the Wens before his birth.

He levels up his demotic cultivation at way faster of a pace, easily out numbering any bad Wen troops, cutting off the supply lines, anything to get an advantage. His tactics are often called brutal, disgusting but most of the Sunshot doesn’t care because whoever is doing it is on their side.

Keeps following cannon but now LWJ has just a totally weird feeling in his gut all the time. He swears he can feel WWX’s emotions, the stress, the fear, the agony all of it. When he finally lays eyes on who he knows is WWX as the man takes down WC and he can’t help but feel relief. Relief that after nine months (WWX froze his pregnancy for like two months so he’s about eight and half along) he’s finally able to see the man he’s fallen in love with, that he spent a rut with while the man was in heat.

WWX doesn’t acknowledge him.

He doesn’t even really acknowledge JC, his little shidi who’s so excited to see him again. WWX remains quiet, a large cloak wrapped over his whole body

Instead of properly interacting with his friends he instead asks when their plan to attack the nightless city is (he has less then two months, and by god he wants peace of mind that his child won’t be born in a war). He lets them take him to the war camp, discussing with the leaders like LXC and NMJ to move the battle forward, saying that he can balance out the sides.

They agree and that’s that.

At the final battle WWX holds up the tiger sigil, controlling more undead then he ever has. He watches as the rest of the tyrannical Wens get torn apart, their army in ruins before NMJ takes their leader’s head. Some of them still fight, and in a blaze of glory WWX destroys the tiger sigil, creating a bright light that takes out more of the Wen’s army, any of the roaming undead and himself.

LWJ feels his blood go cold. He can’t feel WWX suddenly. He canthecanthecant.

Where did his omega go?

Back in Yiling WWX falls to the ground, any last remains of his power, spiritual or demonic finally shredded into pieces. WQ helps him recuperate, Wen Yuan at his bed side as he looks up.

It’s then and there WWX smiles as he promises himself a normal life, patting A-Yuan’s head and scenting him like he’s his own kit.

Two years later.

LWJ feels lost, constantly wandering around for something, any sign of WWX. He’s looking at hair ribbons in a market outside of Yiling, a beautiful red ribbon with lotuses embroidered in it. He jolts as he feels a hold on his leg, looking down curiously.

“Baba?” The little kid asks, no more then two years old. A six year old huffs as he goes over, bowing his head in apology to LWJ.

“Sorry Mister, my brother gets confused.” Wei Yuan huffs, pulling his younger brother away. LWJ sucks a breath in as he looks at the young toddler, tan skin, enchanting yellow eyes, perfectly straight hair except with the tips granted a slight curl.

There’s no denying this is a Lan child, just from looks alone, but the scent surrounding both of the children? That’s something LWJ had smelt once, trapped in the cave in the throes of passion with his mate.

Wei Wuxian. Wei Ying is alive.

A young looking man pulls the children away before LWJ can say anything. The man picks up the two year old and gently holds him in his arms, the six year old grabbing onto the man’s leg, still glaring at the alpha.

“Sorry about that, sir.” A soft voice rumbles with a chuckle, freezing as he looks up at LWJ for the first time.

[charlie-thewitch]

Chapter II

First

"What are you talking about." Shen Jiu hisses. He does not have the time nor the willingness to entertain this clearly delusional man more than he already has. Honestly, he probably shouldn't have freed his mouth if this is what's coming out of it.

"Gege, I know it's been like 20 years or something, but you couldn't have forgoten about me, could you? This breaks Didi's poor heart." Says the other, batting his eyelashes like a little mistress asking daddy for a new dress and it's making him sick. Fuck this. Fuck all of this.

"You don't even know my name and this one doesn't have any siblings, so shut up. I'll fucking leave you here if you say another stupid thing." Shen Jiu walks to the corpse of the fat man with a grimace. He would prefer to not do this but the prospect of ruining a noble's day by liberating "the merchandise" is too sweet to pass after all.

Taking the sleeve with just two fingers, Shen Jiu brings it up enough to search inside, dropping on the ground the knickknacks the man inexplicably had inside. Well, the money he keeps. Shizun is too cheap with her disciples and inns are disgusting while brothels are expensive. He'll need a good night's sleep after this and his prey will be funding it.

"We didn't actually had names." With the keys in hand, Shen Jiu walks to the largest cage he can see and passes them to the frightened woman inside. Only when she understands what to do and gets to work opening all the cages on sight does he turn around to the nuisance still tied up and sitting on the dirty ground. "What?"

"When we lived with mother; we didn't have names. That man-" He said it with so much venom that Shen Jiu could -for a single moment- believe they were siblings after all. "-never let her name us. He was planning on selling us from before we were even born so she 'shouldn't get attached'. She fought him, naturally, but Mother only could do so much... He took you first, I was too sick to be sold just yet."

Shen Jiu is marginally grateful the other slaves ran as soon as they were freed from the cages because he doesn't need reports of what he'll do to this bastard to reach Shizun. A murder outside of the permitted by the mission will look so bad on his already muddy reputation. "Good story, you should write a book." He deadpans.

"It's the truth!" The guy pouts, as if that helps his case at all and doesn't just make him look crazier. "Gege could easily prove we are related with a talisman, couldn't you? I know fancy cultivators have that type of tools just lying around!"

"You want me to believe you remember bullcrap from when 'we' were, what, 4 years old?" Shen Jiu said mockingly.

"Gege isn't even denying he was a slave like me" A curious head tilt and Shen Jiu suddenly feels like he's missing something, again. He hates that feeling. "He knows deep down that this Didi is saying something important." That knowing look is pissing him off, but he can't deny felling the littlest bit curious. The guy stole his face, that's undeniable. And a sibling relationship could very well explain it.

But is he ready for the implications? Is he ready to have a family, a fucked up one he is sure, but, family?

Qi-ge Yue Qi used to call them brothers, but that didn't stop him at the moment of betraying him for a better life. Is this guy actually interested in Shen Jiu or is this his ploy to be freed? He already saw Shen Jiu give the keys to the others, surely there's no need for him to still be talking to Shen Jiu at all?

Shen Jiu could always just make the test and drop this guy on the streets if it came out negative and... And if it's positive that'll mean there's someone in this world who is his.

There's no way to change one's blood. He knows that very well. His blood may very well be running in this guys veins. An undeniable bond to someone, something unbreakable. This could mean he has a brother, maybe even a mother that... Loved him.

A mother. One that loved this wretched creature. Proof that he didn't came out wrong, twisted.

Is Shen Jiu being too naive? The simple promise of a past loved one has him doubting the most basic instinct of caring for no one but himself. Hope is an ugly thing he thought dead and buried years ago under charred wood and ash.

Shen Jiu returned his gaze to the young man, serious and grave. He can't believe he is doing something so stupid but one thing is true in all street children: If you can take something, do it. And never give anything back. "You will follow me and not say a single word to anyone. Understood? I will have to ask someone back at the sect for a blood testing tool." This guy wants to be his brother? Fine. Let him cope with his horrible personality. Shen Jiu is never diminishing himself for the comfort of others. Never again.

A sly smile is his answer, and he can't quite help the feeling he just got played. "This Didi will do as Gege says..."

Prev - Next

Beta by: @sillygoofyqueer

[gentil-minou]

Thinking about how having a golden core means all your senses are at 150% so when Wei Wuxian gives his away he discovers his vision is really bad and everything beyond a meter from him is just a blurry mess.

And he barely has time to adjust, squinting trying to find the inn he was supposed to meet Jiang Cheng at and finding his proprioception is somehow awful now too and he keeps bumping into things and then he runs into Wen Chao completely by accident

And he's thrown into the burial mounds where it's dark and the resentment sits like fog, so even perfect vision wouldn't have helped him. Along with creating demonic cultivation, he also learns how to get around without perfect vision enough so that when he does come back it's impossible for anyone to tell his vision is so bad now

He struggles to get used to not being able to see everything they way he's used to. He can't help but miss looking at every star in the nightsky and watching birds and animals roaming and just sitting at Lotus Pier counting boats and watching the lotus flowers bloom like he used to.

He's still good at shooting arrows at a stationary target but he'll never be able to catch a moving target again. No more shooting kites with the younger disciples ever again.

Thankfully his cultivation gives him almost a sixth sense so he's fine on the battlefield, but it's off it during all the strategy meetings and later on the banquets where everyone blurs the same that really makes it hard. He used to be able to make friends with everyone and now he can barely tell them apart from far away.

He grows to appreciate the Lan white mourning robes because even if he can't make out anyone's face he can still see Lan Zhan, even if he can't find a good reason to stand close to him and he misses all the little facial expression he makes.

When he's resurrected Mo Xuanyu’s core is strong enough for his eyesight to be good again and Wei Wuxian takes in the world the way he never thought he'd be able to again.

He learns to keep an eye out for people who are squinting and look lost, and he makes sure to help them whenever he can.

Sometimes he finds himself staring into the distance, just to marvel that he can.

[subskz]

do you have any tips on writing? i wanna start my own blog and start writing, but im not sure where to start and how to make it sound good.

ofc! i do wanna preface by saying i’m by no means an expert, and when it comes to writing (or any form of creative expression) a lot of it is very subjective, so there’s not really any set standard for your writing to be considered “good” outside of basic writing/grammar rules! that being said, here are some things i do!

first just a few basic rules:

1.) start a new paragraph each time someone different is speaking

e.g. “What’s that?” she asked, tilting her head in the direction of the other room.

He squinted, taking a moment to listen carefully before another dull thud echoed through the door. “Not sure,” he replied. “Let’s check it out.”

2.) when seperating dialogue, don’t capitalize dialogue tags, treat the text in quotations and outside of quotations as if they’re the same sentence. this is one i didn’t learn until quite recently actually…😭

e.g. “Oh my God,” she muttered. “Why are you so difficult?”

The exception to this would be if the dialogue is seperated by a different sentence!

e.g. “Oh my God.” She was clearly fed up, running a hand down her face with a huff. “Why are you so difficult?”

3.) when a character is quoting something within their dialogue, don’t use quotation marks (“”), use apostrophes (‘’)

e.g. “He told me “do what you want”, so I will.” (this is wrong)

“He told me ‘do what you want’, so I will.” (this is right!)

as for writing tips, these are just some things that i personally do when i write! they’re not necessarily the right way to go abt it, so only follow the advice you want! i also talked a bit abt motivation here

include actions w dialogue! this can keep things from getting monotonous (like a constant back and forth of “he said” “she said” with little in between) and can also emphasize what the characters are saying! for example, instead of writing “he replied dismissively” you could say “he replied, giving a dismissive wave of his hand” or instead of “she said in exasperation” you could say “she rolled her eyes as she spoke” just little things like that to enhance the dialogue. ofc, keeping it simple is necessary sometimes so don’t overdo this!

that brings me to another point, adverbs aren’t bad (i use them a lot!) but sometimes what ur trying to say could be better expressed with just one word. it can get a bit repetitive if things are always described like “said awkwardly” “laughed loudly” “touched softly” etc. you might be able to find a word that gets the point across better. for example, “said irritably” could be “huffed”, “walked casually” could be “sauntered”, “smiled brightly” could be “beamed” and so on. but there are plenty of cases where adverbs are super useful so definitely don’t avoid them altogether!! i just try to make sure i dont use a bunch in a row

simple dialogue tags like “said” “asked” “replied” are your friend!! don’t avoid using them just bc they might seem generic hehe esp if you’re substituting them w verbs that are less appropriate simply for the sake of not using “said”

sometimes, you’re better off not including dialogue at all! like the whole premise of “show, don’t tell”, spelling out every last thing for the reader can sometimes work against you. body language and cultivating an atmosphere is key here! if it’s an awkward situation, you could bring up someone averting their eyes, shifting from side to side, playing with their fingers etc. if it’s a serious situation, you could mention their tensed shoulders/facial expression, their jaw clenching, them pulling away when someone tries to touch them etc. that in itself tells a story! but once again, it’s just abt using methods like these at the right times. sometimes, exposition is necessary

if ur writing abt skz, or any muse really, i think including mentions of their features/habits makes it more fun to read! it can help immerse the reader if u bring up traits that capture the character’s essence, or speech patterns that capture their voice. it’s all fictional ofc and just based off our perception of them, but i like to write skz in a way that’s at least somewhat believable in accordance w their personalities! even little things like the way jisung talks through breathy giggles, binnie’s nose scrunches, how minho looks up when he’s thinking, or how jeongin ends his sentences with a cute nod sometimes. and ofc there’s physical details as well like binnie’s chin scar, chan’s dimples, hannie’s cheek mole etc

this one is probably obvious but paragraph breaks are very important!! both to prevent overwhelming the reader with a huge block of words, and for organizing events/building tension! a paragraph never strictly has to be multiple sentences, you can have a single isolated line of text if you want. timing paragraph breaks can be very effective for creating the right vibe! if something intense is happening, putting a break right after a serious action or putting a single line of dialogue on its own can make them stand out and really add to the drama of it all hehe

don’t worry too much abt using the same word multiple times!! it might feel a lil annoying when you have to repeat a word several times in a paragraph but sometimes that’s the only option there is. if you try to replace it w 10 different synonyms instead of just referring to a book as a book, then it might end up sounding even goofier haha…so try not to stress when you feel like you’re overusing a word!

if you want your writing to be more immersive, take all senses into account!! describe more than just the character’s actions—describe sights, smells, sounds, touch, how the characters are feeling, etc!

arguably the biggest piece of advice i could give!! having varied sentence structure/length is one of the most challenging parts of writing in my opinion but so so important. when smth sounds off in your writing, it could very often be bc of the way a sentence is structured, or bc several sentences back to back are similar in length/format, which makes it flow awkwardly. i think making sure ur sentences range from long, detailed ones w several clauses, commas, semicolons, em dashes etc. to short, direct ones keeps the writing engaging! sometimes combining 2 short sentences can make the flow sound better, and sometimes breaking down a long one does the same! it also makes it a lot more effective when you have a sudden short sentence amidst several longer ones, bc there’s a clear shift in tone! generally just try to avoid having an entire paragraph of sentences that go “she did this and then this. then she did this and then this. then she did this and said that.” the variety will work wonders for how it all connects together!

ofc there are some situations where you might be going for a certain feeling or tone w your writing, in which case it can actually be a useful tactic to have repetitive sentence length/structure. maybe you want a scene to feel overwhelming w several long, complex sentences or you want to really drive in an idea by using blunt, disjointed ones. it’s all abt what you hope to achieve w your writing and your personal preference!

i hope this helps!! once again this isn’t the be all end all, so please only follow what you see fit! if you have any other questions let me know, i’m wishing you the best of luck! ^_^

[magdolslut]

Evil, But Lame

(Why I dislike Leighton more than Bailey or Whitney)

DOL Character Analysis/Comparison (sort of)

Disclaimer:

This post contains Degrees of Lewdity (DOL) content and spoilers, as such sexual themes and violence. No minors allowed.

Please don't take the listed explanations below as 'excuses' for criminal behaviour. I am not defending or condoning the actions done by these fictional characters.

Also, the sprites are just the result of me fucking around Character Viewer + bad edits.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everything and everybody sucks in DOLville (or my other favourite nickname - Rapechestershire), but in my books, Leighton deserves a special mention. 

This dastardly disgusting failure of an educator cultivated within me a personal vendetta and now I always make it a point to antagonise them and make them the butt-monkey in all my playthroughs. The reasons are as follows:

They love to power-trip and lord it over students and teachers alike.

Their demeanour is so slimy. Compared to two other ‘villains’, he’s all gross but no substance (at this rate, their personality can be used as mediocre lube). 

Bailey (the main villain) is impassive and mostly fearless, and Whitney (the school bully) is sometimes so over-the-top that it comes across as theatrical (which makes sense - they’re putting on a show for their gang and the nearby audience) that I don’t take them seriously (most of the time).

I currently have minimal info on Leighton’s backstory, but I have yet to see a ‘sympathetic’ reason for their actions and behaviour.

Leighton's victim count is high and he has been blackmailing/molesting students for decades, and it’s not a stretch to say that he’s probably a big reason why so many adults (Spoiler: D) in town are also traumatized or fucked up.

He revels in the current power structure and town dynamics, while Bailey (implicitly) and Whitney (explicitly) acknowledges how fucked up everything is.

Also, here’s a comparison (again, I only included Bailey and Whitney as these are the two ‘antagonistic’ characters I have the most interactions with):

Vs. Bailey

Bailey’s motivation is primarily money. They will blackmail you (among other things) for profit, whereas Leighton will blackmail you to satisfy his lust and ego.

I can respect Bailey's character (not his actions 😭) -  they’re callous and ruthless, but they’re also strong and reliable. Personality-wise, I like that they’re impassive, calculating, and dangerous, fitting for the overarching villain. Bailey generally won’t regard you lustfully, unless you go out of the way to do so (cough Troublemaker cough). While steep, their payments do have a cap. Also, I personally believe they dislike orphans who play it safe to gain money because they themselves got their hands really dirty to make money (like the PC, potentially).

Defeating Bailey is also incredibly difficult...because they're impossibly fit and tenacious.

Leighton is petty (they will retaliate if you blackmail him), weak-willed, complacent, (his computer is easier to break into and he easily gets distracted by his own lust), and a serial molester (with a high victim count and long track record - it’s not a stretch to say that he’s probably a big reason why so many adults in town are also fucked up).

Defeating Leighton is way easier and he’ll throw a lame insult at you afterwards.

In terms of administration, I dare say Bailey’s better at running the Orphanage than Leighton running the School.

Spoiler: IIRC, Bailey was also an Orphan, he made the Orphanage better since the last caretaker, and he also has debt. I believe the money they collect from the orphans goes into that debt.

Vs. Whitney:

There’s little revealed about Whitney’s actual motivations but their demanding and bullying behaviour is most likely because of their personal circumstances, the need to gain status, and maintain the approval of their gang. In the most sympathetic light, they’re a neglected teenager who thinks being bigger and badder is the best way to protect themselves in a shitty town. Private moments (esp as an LI and w/o his gang’s influence) show they can be rather responsible and capable of showing concern for the PC.

By contrast, Leighton is an adult authority figure who perpetuates systematic abuse and currently shows no sign of remorse as this helps to keep themselves in power. With their backstory unrevealed, they’re just a pervert who likes preying on the young and vulnerable. They either view you as “Oh, you’re still here?” or “I’m gonna have my fun with youuu”🤮

As shown in some Whitney scenes, Leighton still has some sort of control over Whitney (they give Whitney lighter punishments in exchange for keeping other students in control, and even Whitney won’t refuse a summon from the Headteacher) and most likely has the means to harshly punish Whitney if they’re not useful to them anymore.

You can make Whitney pay for their crimes or retaliate against them, but Leighton, as a major figure in town, can easily get off scot-free (in most cases).

While Whitney will pimp you out (which I hate, they're my primary LI ffs, I really hope this improves in future updates), you can escape some encounters (if you have high Athletics or they have Low Dom) and he mostly does so for the money (they even split the profit with you in one encounter lol). Leighton will force you to have noncon sex (with other students or a freaking dog) as a punishment.

Tbh, both are bad: Whitney can also force you into noncon but they can be fought off easily and they often do so in the spur-of-the moment if you defy them (please don't interpret this as excusing this unhinged behaviour), but Leighton plans their attack, coerces multiple students, and records it for blackmail, which I think is more damaging to multiple parties and harder to navigate (game-wise).

Honestly, Whitney, if left unchecked and goes the criminal route, can probably end up similarly like Leighton (abusing power), but I imagine they’d be more dangerous and calculating as an adult (more similar to Bailey, but cockier).

And if you guys are interested, here’s what I’ve done as revenge so far 😈:

Overpowered him (as a Tiny MC) during his spanking detentions with an audience

Humiliated him and made them cum (Feat: Leighton’s Nightmare)

Eloped with someone else during the aftermath of their card game victory 

Pegged them and took their butt v-card (in their own words: “Yes! Make me your strap-on bitch!”)

In progress: Sending him to the Pillory during the Police Infiltration quest

In conclusion: Leighton is a slime ball, currently has no sympathetic reasons for their behaviour, and is an old pervert with an ego. I also like picking on them but I have to say, my initial vehemence for them has now softened into petty annoyance (possibly even grudgingly fond).

If you read up to here, bless you. Gotta go make cream buns now.

~ Magda's Maker

[moononmyfloor]

Dashing Youth Ep 11-16 Commentary

Ep 1-10, Ep 17-21, Ep 22-25, Ep 26-32, Ep 33-35, Ep 36-40

Ep 11

More flirting

We meet Xiao Se's nasty Emperor dad in his youth, played by the lovely Fan Jinwei, whose Prince Chong I loved in BoY. Not sure if I'm prepared to hate him this time. He looks good tho!

We also meet Wu Xin' mom, who looks like a fractured wistful early-morning dream which is about to float away and dissappear with the slightest breath, never to be found again.

And Luo Qingyang, (not to be confused with everyone's favorite girl crush Mianmian from The Untamed), the angry repressed big finale martial artist from BoY

Ep 12

I love the super powerful but easily spooked wooden sword wielding Mt. Wangcheng disciple, kid you *really* don't need to try study under Master Li, just because he's "the" shifu doesn't mean he's better. He will teach you nothing and isn't batting an eye at his exam candidates dying right under his eyes. Srsly, Mt. Wangcheng, the Lei family and Changfeng's Medicine Shifu's Valley seem to be the only places suitable to bring up well-adjusted, grounded kids in this universe.

Dual cultivating right in front of future wife's salad

Damn his gaze is somehow piercing but indifferent at the same time

(He's gonna explode and die in the future isn't he) Also see, this is what I mean. Most of the shifus in this universe are no good at teaching and guidance. These kids in their youthful vigor and angst are extremely volatile and you all just let them run rampant. They are easily suspectible to being used by bad forces and eventually create massive tragedies for themselves and everyone else.

Well I suppose Dongjun's first shifu was a great guy but 1. He didn't have enough time 2. Even if he did he was dying and sustaining himself in a contained bubble and what he could teach Dongjun about the world was quite limited.

Ahaha I have the exact same pouch! It's a cheap Aliexpress delivery pouch I got a ring sent in

Ep 13

Omg she's TOO CUTE! This young lady and Baba from JoL2 are the prettiet babies I've seen this year!

Local playboy realises his boyfriend from alt universe is happily married and has chosen to live a stress free life, the new boyfriend has ditched him for his future child's mom, his old boyfriend is away in a Detox Vacation and realises his carefree childhood has come to its end 😔

Dongjun:

Also I'm actually kinda surprised to find myself shipping this tragic pair of Dingzhi/Wenjun, and shipping HARD at that. I don't know what I expected but by the the time of BoY, all that remains about their relationship is a sordid gossip but they actually turn out to be two broken lil kids🥺 They don't even have like, a hot and hormonal romance but a one built on sweet childhood promises of protecting his little meimei and caring for her Yun gege. Poor babies😭

Ep 14

Liu Yue thinks he hides it well behind his hat but dude is practically bursting at seams for having gotten a disciple, and he's basically teaching Yue Yao how to flex well and never embarrass herself, which in addition would embarrass himself lol. He also seems to be kinda lonely and bored despite his quirky lil maid and broody bf. It's like he was born to be a social butterfly but with his current social status he cannot.

Inaccurately accurate MTL 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

(Also this is so funny to me with the context that I've read the "lifting the hijab" mtl line in lots of Chinese fics where the couple gets married and that red veil lifting thing happens on the marrige bed lol.)

Dingzhi's master seems to be just as traumatised by life as Dingzhi is. Huang Yi lasohi is actually so good in roles like this. Also can we have an applause for the first genderqueer character in the show woohoo

And then the two shifus have a date about their duel, lol

Ep 15

Baili Dongjun gotta be the naivest ML I've encountered in a while, and by naive I mean beyond the levels of your average innocent, inexperienced teen full of sunlight and getting jaded overtime such as Fang Duobing, Wu Xie, Zhang Chulan etc.

Dongjun has grown up so sheltered and full of positivity, he doesn't seem to register the gravity of things even when they are right in front of his face almost to the point of stupidity.

He provides a stark contrast against his friends, Sikong Changfeng who's been the sweetest but also most down-to-earth kid to begin with and Ye Dingzhi who's been dealing with the weight of the whole world since childhood.

That part where Dongjun saw the arrest warrant for Dingzhi who also turned out to be his long lost bff, was told by his elders that they'll take care of the matter and will bring Dingzhi to him, Dongjun was just like "Ok cool! That's settled then! I'm gonna just chill and have a drink with my new girlfriend then!" was almost funny but sad because,

Kid, you are going to be in a WORLD of hurt VERY soon. You trust strangers way too much!

I mean in BoY you see how severely Dongjun has crashed to the point of wanting to create a broth of oblivion..... I can totally see how that happened.

Also that poster is a severe injustice to Dingzhi's GORGEOUS face lmao

Ep 16

I mostly have opinions about Master Li in this ep, which I compiled in a seperate post linked above

Also my bb Changfeng is back! And straight away he also joined the baby making game, and Dongjun has no choice but to be a good wingman to his bros at this point lmao

Changfeng chose the most comparatively normal and mundane romance arc too. She's the top courtesan for sure but still, for many young gentry she wouldn't have been anymore worth than a fling, but Changfeng just went ahead and offered her the most genuine, authentic companionship ever without a second of hesitation. And walked out head held high, with ZERO idea about how suave and sexy it made him and I'm like:

5/5 Stars No Drama

[xerofresh]

🔥 SILVERSTREAKSHIPPING WEEK 🍙

🍙 DAY 3: ALTERNATE UNIVERSE 🔥

Yeah, vampire x vampire hunter au lets go.

Lore time! Larry was turned into a vampire when he was young and found out how to integrate with society easily, even getting a job at the league. But one day (I’m not sure how yet) he accidentally spreads a vampiric epidemic and turns Paldea into a high-alert modern-victorian hellhole. The league finds out he's a vampire because of this, so he runs away and secludes himself to not hurt anyone else, but the damage has already been done. The league closes off the league building because it's contaminated, Larry sees this and just moves back in and turns it into a combo league building and Victorian castle. For years they have had to fight off vampire spawn and they need reinforcements, so Kabu volunteers and moves to Paldea to help. Then a few missions later he stumbles across Larry chilling somewhere by Medali not hunting or anything. Again, I don't know exactly what happens after that but there are a lot of very gay feelings between them and they are both confused as to why.

Alright now that's over, I modified vampires a little bit so stick with me.

Vampires are not limited to humans for blood! They can drink the blood of any warm-blooded creature, mainly mammals, like a Chupacabra. They can also eat berries because fruitbats (humans still taste the best though)

There are vampire spawns and then true vampires. True vampires are what Larry is, typical Hollywood vampires. Vampire spawns are more like animals, they don't have much cognitive thought other than animalistic desires and following their leader, Larry. They're kind of like dogs in the sense that they can be trained to do tasks and stuff. Dogs with rabies.

Vampires are killed/repelled by the typical things, sunlight, garlic, wooden stakes, and decapitation. Some things I've changed are one, vampires can only be damaged in combat by the stakes or silver weapons; two, crosses and holy water do nothing, it's just an outdated legend. Most people don't know this because when they do use it, they're just startled and/or confused so they're vulnerable, people: three, vampires can only be burned by the magical fire from Pokèmon, no man or nature-made fires can hurt vampires; four, I will not be implementing the rule that vampires can only attack you if you invite them into your house, but I will implement the scattering of seeds or grain to distract vampires. Some stories say if you scatter seeds, vampires are compelled to count them. This only applies to Larry though since vampire spawns don't have the cognitive ability to count, and it is just the autistic Larry thing to do; and five, only vampire spawns are affected by sunlight. I only really did this so there's a sense of suspense even though the league knows who the vampire is. The general public doesn't know because the league is bad at communicating.

All vampires can turn into bats (or bat Pokèmon idk) Larry can stay in his bat form for much longer.

When a true vampire settles somewhere, vampire spawns are drawn to the location and it serves as a home base. Some vampires are lone wolves (or bats in this case) but most serve under Larry.

Alright, now for some other character tidbits!

Larry is a bit lazier in this au. After he finishes redecorating he doesn't need to do anything because if he wanted food he could just get one of his servants to fetch someone. If Larry does have the rare urge to hunt somewhere, it’s mainly by Medali for the nostalgia and good options, or Cortando since it’s the closest (other than Mesagoza but he has standards he's not killing kids)

Larry cultivates a berry orchard in front of his castle when he doesn't want blood that day. It’s also kind of a maze to get through and only Larry and any spawns that help in the orchard know the paths to get through.

Larry is still a foodie and knows exactly which berries and what blood types work together.

Larry has named every single one of his servants. He has them all written down just in case he forgets.

Kabu is a very skilled vampire hunter, stories of vampires started in Europe after all. With his athleticism and powerful fire Pokèmon he is well-known by hunters worldwide. Any fire type trainer is a danger to vampires with their Pokèmon, but a fire type vampire hunter is a whole new ball game.

Kabu’s a bit more serious and jaded, but he still has that fiery passion that he's known for, it doesn't really show while he's hunting because it’s not really his favorite thing to do you know? It more shows when he's training and battling with his Pokèmon like canon Kabu.

So yeah uh cool gay vampire stuff! We love to see it.

[golvio]

It’s like…both Hylia and Rauru run into the Robot Problem, where they create/cultivate servants who end up achieving sentience (the Robots in SkSw and the Constructs in TotK) or were already sentient to begin with but were supposed to fit into this grand design to restore the order they’d created (the Sheikah, their respective Links and Zeldas). And it gets a little uncomfortable because both characters are so focused on imposing their respective ideas of order that they…don’t quite see their charges as people?

Hylia at least had the excuse that she was a primordial goddess of Light and Time and therefore had no frame of reference to emotionally connect with the mortals she was charged to protect. Her actions were ruthlessly pragmatic, but it made sense for a god totally alienated from humanity to think like that.

Meanwhile, Rauru has this sort of…naïve carelessness? He descended to earth, took the people living there as his subjects, and even fell in love with and married a mortal woman, but he never seemed to understand that his actions could have unintended and far-reaching effects on the people around him.

When confronted with how the Constructs continued to obey their orders instead of leaving to do other things, he couldn’t really muster up more than a sheepish, “Oops, my bad.” Granted, he was a ghost invisible to everyone but Link at the time, but, still, he never considered including a contingency plan in their programming to preserve themselves and do other things with their lives in the event of his own death.

And then there was him and Sonia positioning themselves as Zelda’s surrogate parents after she lost her original parents in traumatic circumstances related to the Sealing War’s aftereffects. Zelda, having to step up as Sonia’s replacement as his advisor and sole confidant to make sure he kept a level head after the queen died. Not stopping Mineru when she started talking about draconification because he was convinced it’d never come to that. Zelda effectively being primed to accept sacrificing herself a second time to preserve the order Rauru created whether he wanted that or not. And then him taking Link’s arm and replacing it without his permission while he was unconscious, because the Ultrahand is such a useful tool, why wouldn’t he be fine with a little limb graft?

Then there was the whole thing with Ganondorf. Just this catastrophic underestimation of human agency, intelligence, and capacity for cruelty. Zelda herself warned him about Ganon being more dangerous than he seemed, but Rauru waved her off (inadvertently recreating yet another Calamity-related trauma of Zelda’s). Ganondorf might be causing trouble, but in the end he was just like those other funny little mortals Rauru watched over. How could he possibly be able to understand something as divine and complicated as a Secret Stone? Only Sonia could do that, but Sonia was Special because she was so smart and wonderful and he loved her very much, so that didn’t count! Furthermore, how could he possibly come up with a plan that could blindside him and the queen? That would be silly!

(Also, note how he didn’t give any non-Sonia mortals stones until after Ganon proved any one of those funny little guys could master using one without any instruction from Rauru, lmao)

And then the circumstances of Rauru’s own death, and the consequences that had for everyone around him well after he’d faded to myth. Rauru assumed the “consequences” Ganondorf threatened him with were limited to giving up his own life, when what actually happened was that the people of Hyrule were left to deal with Ganon punishing them for Rauru’s hubris, poisoning the land again and again in rage at his imprisonment, while the people themselves had to figure out on their own how to beat back each wave of his bilious rage with no record or understanding of its source. Zelda being left with no guidance for how to return home, forced to make a drastic decision. Mineru, still alive, but unable to intervene was she was just a soul without a body.

Like…I don’t think he’s evil, much less malicious, but the way the story panned out reminded me a lot of the way Rose Quartz kept accidentally hurting the people who loved her because it didn’t come naturally to her to think of other people as equals, or to consider how her actions made them feel. She loved Pearl, but she didn’t acknowledge Pearl’s baggage from their former relationship as master and servant because she’d assumed they’d moved past that simply by never speaking of it anymore. She loved Greg, but she initially didn’t treat him like a real person. She tried as hard as she could to relate to others and understand them, but in the end she committed one last tragic act of thoughtlessness. She thought would be creating this special, wonderful person free of her flaws who would make the world so much better solely by existing and being himself (at least in part, I think, because she hated herself and thought everyone would be happier without her burdening them with her guilt and her selfish desire to run from her past)…only to leave everyone grappling with the emotional fallout of her no longer existing, including her son, who was stuck dealing with the legacy she’d left behind even though that was never her intention.

She didn’t actively try to sabotage her son’s life from beyond the grave. She didn’t think that the things she’d done would catch up to him, that her old family and enemies would treat him like an interchangeable replacement for her, or that her friends would treat him in strange ways out of grief at losing her. It just…never occurred to her.

But the thing is, I’m not sure if Rauru was intentionally written that way. If he was, the narrative wasn’t really interested in dwelling on the consequences of that, instead treating him and Sonia more like figureheads of this lost, idyllic past that the present must grieve and then strive to follow the example of, even if the present was suffering due to paying the debts of their ancestors’ carelessness.

[allycat75]

Just a reminder of why I am here, lest you think I actually believe a certain Dumb Fuck from Boston is actually reading this blog.

In case it wasn't obvious, addressing specific posts to a particular person is but a literary device (such that it is on Tumblr). This blog is a way for me to scream into a void and if you don't like what I have to say, please respectfully leave and try to refrain from misrepresenting me on other blogs. I may not be your cup of tea, but I will not be minimized.

What I am screaming into the void about:

Mr. Dumb Fuck roped us all into this by trying to convince us he is stunningly happy in a relationship when it is obvious to almost anyone he is not (and if he is, he has to be the most toxic boyfriend/hubby ever). He even tried to help his cause by doing a bad job on purpose, but that act to save himself came crashing down on those who called out the Emperor who had no clothes, hard. Because when we pointed out the many obvious inconsistencies, we were branded as crazy, stupid and jealous. Then there is the gaslighting with changing timelines, photoshopped pictures, ghost sightings/weddings, poorly acted jump scares and general mindfuckery. He can't now un-invite us to the party because he doesn't like what we are saying. We will defend ourselves from lies and manipulation and not accept the negative labels thrust upon us. Too often, women are dismissed for being irrational and this stunt highlights the incredibly antiquated and misogynist trope.

The little wifey is an awful person and by tying himself to her like this he tacitly provides his approval to her racism, antisemitism, fatshaming, arrogance, immaturity, clout-chasing and entitlement, forever. That hypocrisy cannot go unnoticed considering his former stance on these subjects and his role as the face of the insipid ASP. I am a member of a few of the groups the wifey and her crew target so no one gets to tell me I am taking this too seriously or I am being too sensitive. As Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona discussed during a recent talk on an unimportant, ego stroking website, passiveness normalizes destructive behaviors and beliefs toward marginalized communities, at a time when we in those communities feel unseen or unprotected.

The fact that he looks absolutely miserable, with no light in his eyes, and discusses his life as if it is not his own is more than a little unnerving. This is in no way to shame him, but rather out of a genuine concern for his wellbeing. If I were to encounter someone on the street acting like he did as described in the near career ending GQ article, I would be compelled to call someone to assist this man in distress. And I don't buy the excuse of "he's just tired" or "he is working hard".  He is running from who he has become and doesn't know where to go.  These posts are a way for me to work out frustration of not being able to help someone who is in clear need of it.  And yeah, maybe it is none of my business, but just as if I ran into the GQ version of him on the street, I couldn't just stand by and do nothing. 

This circus also shows how his behavior parallels the issues of the world at large and how we accept things we shouldn't. We have kept quiet about unchecked privlege, intent vs. impact, performative activism, being child-like vs. childish, ageism, greed and corruption, mental illness and wellness, self awareness, the power and weaponry of sexuality, toxic masculinity and misogyny, generational wealth, integrity, alternative facts and emotional truths, misinformation and disinformation, imbalance of power, value placed on hard work, attributes of healthy relationships, preciousness of time, and the effects we have on our fellow mortals, all of which has got us to now, on the brink of societal destruction. And we see this epitomized in the microcosm of this shitshow. I use this blog and the unlikely, fucked up muse that inspired it to think about how we all cultivate our points of view and perhaps pressure test what they really mean to us and how we express them in our daily lives. Others who find my blog may feel lost and alone, as we all do at times, in need of some comfort or inspiration. While the quotes, infographics and articles may be very pointed, they are there for everyone to enjoy and interpret. The Song of the Day, however, is purely about me and what I woke up singing or feeling. Nothing to do with BDF, but still for everyone to appreciate.

So that's about it. I hope you have more clarity about what I am trying to accomplish and again, if you wish to be negative, you can see yourself out. Thank you! 👋

[eruhamster]

this comes up as one of the top results for the hua cheng google search so every time i have to google hua cheng for art reference purposes i see this thing n i have never clicked it to see the whole thing but just enough of what's read there is enough to torment me

like it's so. like. LIKE. NO

to start, he's not necessarily unlucky, he makes everyone around him unlucky; it's stated by the state preceptor as 'brings misfortune to everyone save himself.' the solitary star in chinese fortune telling is called that because you may end up living a solitary life either by choice or through outside forces, and spells misfortune for family members. it particularly brings misfortune to your parents, which is why his mom is dead. but his star reading is so fucked that he likely brings misfortune to his spouse too, which is why the moment he meets xie lian, everything goes wrong for xianle and by extension xie lian (and you can say 'ah well it's simply all jun wu's fault - but jun wu only noticed him because xie lian was unlucky enough to catch his sights after fighting that ghost for days.)

but in chinese fortune telling, luck is only partially about the circumstances of your birth, it's also about your mindset and the environment you are in. this is a running theme in tgcf; luck and fate isn't all just set in stone. you make your own luck.

hua cheng has something to look forward to and devote himself to and also runs away from his family after he and xie lian meet, so he isn't quite so toxic as time goes on. but he still exists in solitude every time he pops up in the backstory, even when he's unnamed. and he dies before 19. and he still gets essentially annihilated as a ghost.

his luck only changes when xie lian shackles his own luck with the intention that that luck get redirected to others around him (ie the opposite of hua cheng's solitary star, that brings misfortune to everyone around him). he wasn't lucky until THAT point. it's at THAT point where even when all accounts he should be annihilated, he isn't. it's that point where he can create e'ming and become a god and then see nothing but success. because there's no one that's ever closer to xie lian than hua cheng. the luck floods right to him. xie lian said once if two people are fighting over one cup of water, he'd just give them his own; he follows through with that with the shackle, and hua cheng's cup of luck overflows as a result.

guy sees nothing but double 6's when he rolls dice, insanely lucky. the only time he rolls and sees anything less - snake eyes - is when it's fated that xie lian's shackle breaks. and when that happens, when xie lian's shackle breaks, he essentially immediately almost ends up getting annihilated just because he used up too much energy. everyone thinks this is so sudden; it's sudden because the guy's luck ran out because it wasn't his to begin with.

but again. chinese fortune telling is only one part fate. and by then hua cheng is not that abused, poor little boy. he is a god, feared by all, with immense fortune, with a giant city at his beck and call, and with a person that loves him crying and begging him not to leave him. and he's spent 800 years cultivating his devotion for xie lian, and truly believing he makes his own luck. his own work and the help xie lian had given him made him lucky enough that he isn't held back by a bad fortune.

i'm not even saying anything that isn't said by the books themselves but i'm still on it. every time i see that damn preview of that page. it makes no sense. if his star sign was "reversed" by meeting xie lian then why did he spend the rest of his life alone, still getting his ass beat by everyone around him, before then just dying unceremoniously on a battlefield before reaching age 19???

edit: also sidenote it's a marriage thing. to drink from the same cup is a reference to a chinese wedding tradition where the bride and groom drink from the same cup to symbolize their lives are intertwined. that's the reason why luck is spoken about as a cup to be shared in the story. it's subtext that xie lian and hua cheng are fated spouses, since one of the words for it, hejin, "to drink from the same cup," also means "marriage"

[sannyo-appreciation-posts]

What Exactly Is Sannyo Smoking?

Well of course it sucks Mamizou, don't you remember what she said it's made of?

Now, an herb you can smoke that can grow on a mountain. The first, most obvious, initial guess would be marijuana. It's a weed after all, it can grow basically anywhere. Plus, let us be honest, it would be a little funny.

marijuana can definitely grow on mountains, it even grows on mountains in Central Asia

Plus, it is apparently spreading over northern Japan right now as a weed. They used to grow it for hemp material, not to smoke, it would probably not do much, but that wouldn't stop Sannyo if she wanted to give it a shot.

(Except I'm deliberately teasing)

There is a very, very obvious reason why it's not marijuana.

Marijuana has no nicotine, even though you can smoke it, it's not by any stretch of the imagination "tobacco"

Even if we imagine a world where this is the only thing Sannyo ever smoked, Mamizou smoked it with her and just said it was bad tobacco, not to mention Mamizou has recently been to the outside world and would probably know weed in seconds. (Which, although hypothetical, would have made for a hilarious Mamizou thought bubble)

We are looking for "tobacco" after all, we need nicotine, not just anything you can smoke, but it's a weed and a popular joke, so I obviously had to tease.

I could go through every variant of wild Nicotiana, tobacco was even imported to Japan by Portuguese sailors in 1542, and it's cultivation was legalized in 1625. The Hakurei barrier was formed in 1885, that's actually plenty of time for actual wild tobacco to spread.

But it might not work either.

While we might find some enthusiastic and previously cultivated tobacco growing as a weed that spread up to the mountains, it's not going to be unique enough. It'll be growing all over the place by the time it gets up a mountain. And the village would be smoking that exact same thing.

But most importantly, it's no fun.

Truth be told, there is a genus of Nicotiana that would work well in mountains, furthermore, Portugal actually had some at the time as an import from the Americas. But thats no fun, so I'll just return to this later when I inevitably run out of exotic options.

After all, if its tobacco made from "herbs" it would boarder on cheating to just use nicotiana, regardless of the form it ends up in.

Thankfully, there are other herbs and weeds beyond nicotiana that actually have nicotine, it really would be worthwhile check one of those.

And I've got a fun one. A whole family in fact.

Just above the Genus: "Nicotiana" is the Tribe: "Nicotianeae" and above that we find the family Solanaceae.

The Solanaceae, also known as the potato or deadly nightshade family

Nicotine is a naturally produced alkaloid in the nightshade family of plants

It contains everything from eggplants and other vegetables to the infamous Deadly Nightshade. (Atropa belladonna)

And of course, like I said, further down the family, it even has nicotiana itself. All of them contain nicotine to some greater or lesser extent. (Yes, hilariously even eggplants, a little bit)

Solanaceae consists of about 98 genera and some 2,700 species. They grow naturally in more parts of the world than wild Nicotiana.

But we are just going to be looking through the nightshade variations, maybe some fruit, but no potatoes today. And these are coveniently famous for their narcotic effects.

And some varieties, such as the Datura stramonium (occasionally called the Devil's Trumpet) had its leaves smoked in pipes and cigarettes, so much they were traded by the East India Company in the 18th century. And since it was popular for traditional medicine, some people might have even planted it.

But that type is not native to Japan, so it's got the same problem as the nicotiana. Not to mention, even though its an invasive weed, and can survive a little below the freezing point, in its current state, it probably doesn't like mountains. It probably wouldn't last a full winter on one.

This might be definite enough to just say it can be some hypothetical, wild, non specific variation of nightshade with the right combination of alkaloids and nicotine and presumably, relatively non deadly in the form Sannyo uses it.

Or maybe it is just better adapted to mountains form of imported of the Datura stramonium I just mentioned. I doubt even if it spread like a weed, that anyone but Sannyo would bother to figure out you can smoke that type of plant as tobacco.

But we are mostly just having fun at this point.

I doubt we could possibly think Zun cared up to this point, and definitely not beyond this point, we are just doing a fun overanalysis after all. Zun almost always seems to go for extinct species anyway, so it wouldn't be fun to follow that train of thought regardless..

[But if we just want a probable canonical answer Zun thought up. He might have just meant some non specific extinct variation of nightshade, since if there is at least one native version then that's enough to claim there could have once been others,

Besides, it's even possible zun just imagined she could possibly even mix her favorite flowers somehow, which while she probably could not, it would definitely be cute. ]

But we are going to take this further anyway to see if we can find something real and possible that currently exists today.

The simplest thing to think of native to Japan is just Japanese belladonna (Zun's proof of concept for an imaginary extinct nightshade if he really wanted a hypothetical one)

Scopolia japonica, also called Japanese belladonna. It's about as dangerous as the name implies. If eaten by mistake it can cause hallucinations. And while it no doubt contains at least some nicotine, it also contains the alkaloids Scopolamine

And more hilariously Hyoscyamine, known for helping the colon or bladder...

yes, you can use this extract to help you poop or pee if you want too.

Which is even funnier than the marijuana joke i made earlier.

And the only other species in the Scopolia genus is pretty similar and in Korea.

So we'll want to find something different.

But we are trapped. We only have imports left.

And the Datura genus we'd likely want is stuck in the Americas so we can only really consider a variety that came from those possible 18th century imports of Datura stramonium.

They are pretty perfect, tbh, spread widely to the Old World early where it has also become naturalized, and since it was already a weed that could endure dry climate and fairly cold environments. It could probably spread up a mountain.

They are our best bet for something you can smoke for recreation, with nicotine, outside the nicotiana genus that only Sannyo would use. If smoked people used its properties for recreation but you can also use it for anesthesia. Inject it's primary ingredient Atropine and you can use it for all sorts of weird stuff. (Though I pretty much resigned myself to having Atropine in the plant the moment I decided to run up and down the nightshade family).

Though in truth, she's probably just smoking wild tobacco that has lost a lot of flavor while struggling to adapt the mountain. So I'll move on to the most likely answer.

Portugal's more early tobacco is Nicotiana rustica, also called Aztec tobacco.

It is pretty tough and would probably adapt to a mountain pretty well.

I'd like to think it's the Datura stramonium since it's cooler and weird though.

In overview:

The simplest, best answer is just wild imported Aztec tobacco (Nicotiana rustica) from Portugal. Which had trade with Japan open up extremely early. Its honestly perfect for this

Followed by the more provocative option of Devil's Trumpet (Datura stramonium) imported later in the 18th century.

and the funny option. The only one actually native to Japan

Japanese belladonna (Scopolia japonica)

But it's almost definitely just that Aztec tobacco. (Nicotiana rustica)

We could just imagine she mixes flowers or herbs into it to validate her "herbs" comment if we want (which again, would be cute)

[suneeater]

making it up to you + bokuto

✉︎request: Konnichiwa! I just stumbled on your blog and slightly stalked it too ^^ I would like to request a few dating headcanons for Bokuto Kotarou and possibly how he would make it up to you after a fight? Thank you mwahh <3 (@satoruswifeyyy)

✎a/n: our very first request omg!!! this made us all so happy to see ilysm <3 im so glad you enjoy our content! we def don't mind stalking our blog lol. also i got like super carried away and this is basically a full on drabble. oops!

✰warnings: cursing, fighting, hurt/comfort

Fighting with Bokuto never happens; the two of you argue, but you don’t fight. Neither of you have it in you to be cruel to the other, and it’s hard to find a reason with Bokuto that you’d really even be mad at him to the point of fighting. On the rare occasion that you are mad at him, it’s easy to sort things out before they even have the chance to escalate

But things had been different recently, and it’s left the both of you stressed and overwhelmed. With his career suddenly skyrocketing, and you facing your own struggles with work, it’s been hard for the two of you to spend any quality time together

You start communicating less and less, focusing purely on making it through the day. It doesn’t help that the limelight has been on him recently, and he’s started to garner all sorts of public attention and cultivate a growing fanbase. You’d love to lie and say you’re happy for him, but the truth is that it leaves you feeling insecure. Now that he’s really becoming someone, will he still need you? 

It’s like he doesn’t even notice that you’re feeling the effects of it all, but you’re not sure if it’s right to blame him. He’s been so absorbed in practices and games and training, learning how to balance it all on top of now having a public reputation to moderate and maintain. He’s always been so good about checking in on you, but everythings changing all at once and it’s like you’ve been cast to the very back of his mind

All the stress and insecurity explodes one night. It begins with a simple conversation, but the bitter undertones of feeling abandoned light a spark that’s never been present in your previous arguments, and with every remark it grows until you’re in a full on fight with each other

Before you know it you’re in a screaming match, “How could you just ignore me? Are you seriously so busy you can’t even answer my phone calls? You’re not like this, why have you changed?”

“Jesus, I thought you’d be supporting me. You know how fucking hard I’ve worked; this is just part of it, why don’t you understand that?”

You go back and forth for what feels like hours, going in circles and repeating yourselves just a little louder each time as if whoever can yell the loudest will be able to get it through the other’s skull

The final straw is when Bokuto has had enough; he’s been exerting himself all day long and simply doesn’t have the energy to continue a fight you picked with him as soon as he walked through the door. There’s a look in his eyes you don’t recognize. “Whether I even met you or not, I’d still be here today. I don’t need you for this”.

Stunned, you freeze. Your next remark dies on your tongue and you feel your heart sink into your stomach. Without another word, you retreat upstairs to the bedroom. 

When he sees the way your face contorts in response to his words is when he knows he messed up. Bad. All of the anger in him is suddenly gone at the realization that he’s hurt you; not just because of what he said, either. Letting it sink in, you had every reason to be upset with him, and he can’t believe he was too dense to even think about how you may be right. God, he’s the worst

He wants to run up after you, but all he can do is sink down to the couch and think about everything he said to you. He can’t get the phrase out of his head. I don’t need you? 

What a lie

You shut the door as softly as you can, occupying yourself with a bedtime routine to keep yourself from crying. Your cheeks aching from the way you bite them when tears prickle the corners of your eyes, you settle into bed when there’s a knock at the door

But you pay it no response, feigning ignorance. You can’t stop thinking about what he said. Your worst fear was just confirmed; he doesn’t need you. Now that he’s on the rise, he doesn’t need you. Not anymore

He comes in anyways, creeping into the bed beside you. You keep your back to him, careful not to move. You know he can tell that you aren’t asleep, but you ignore him anyway. It hurts too much to even be perceived by him

On top of the covers, he stares daggers into the back of your head, pleading with you. “Baby- baby please. I’m so sorry”

The seconds feel like hours. He can’t stop letting it ring in his ears and it’s so shrill, it hurts. What’s going through your mind? Do you hate him now? Are you going to leave him- oh god, it probably sounded like he was breaking up with you. He wants to reach out and touch you so bad, and it’s taking everything in him to restrain himself as to not further disturb you

But when he sees the way your pillow dampens and can finally hear sniffles over his own pounding heart, he breaks. Snatching you into his arms, you see tears pool in his own eyes

“I don’t know why I said that - I don’t know why I said that. I don’t know, I didn’t mean it, god I’m just so stressed. Of fucking course I need you, y/n… I need you like I need air, I don’t know why I said that”. 

Unable to avoid eye contact with him, you can’t hold back anymore. Sobbing, you struggle to choke out your words. “Am I… am I not enough for you anymore?”

Oh my god, is that what he made you think? He’s almost too stunned to respond, his hold on you tightening. He has to momentarily hide his face away in the crook of your neck, ashamed to cry after what he did to you. “Oh god, babe, yes you are. You’re always enough - more than enough. Nothing will change that…”

Wiping his eyes clear, he moves one hand to cup your face, directing your vision to his. “I never meant for any of this; not to leave you so lonely… God, I didn’t mean any of that. You’re what got me through this, please… Even if I were to get here without you I wouldn’t be the same, y/n… I’d be miserable without you”. 

Sighing, avert your gaze from his again. It’s overwhelming. “Kotaro… I didn’t mean to pick a fight. I’ve just been so lonely, you know? And you won’t pick up the phone, and I’ve been so stressed too; except it didn’t feel like you were there for me”.

“I know, I know… I’m so sorry. It was all unintentional… You’re always on the forefront of my mind, I’m just… not thinking. It’s a big change…” He can’t help but sniffle. “Can you ever forgive me?”

Letting his words sink into your eases your tensed muscles, and you fall deeper into his embrace. Truth is, you wanted to forgive him the minute he knocked on the door. You felt in your gut that he’d be taking it all back; after all, this fight was so unlike him. But that’s what made it so scary, too. 

“I think I already have. But hey-” you playfully punch him in the arm. “Don’t ever say some stupid shit like that again, yeah?”

He smiles, but it’s much softer than his typically toothy grin, bittersweet and genuine. You spend the rest of the night trying to make it up to each other, with him rubbing gentle circles on your tear stained cheeks, hoping to ease the raw sensation you’d imposed by wiping so many tears away. It doesn’t take long for you to fall asleep beside him, Bokuto murmuring in your ear a million apologies he hopes will creep into your subconscious. It’s only in the morning that he can make himself pull away from you for just a second, but the moment he does he’s pulling at his phone and calling in sick. Sure, his job is important, but he’s lovesick and can’t do a damn thing about it