#there is almost an hour and a half left
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Listening to a recording of a long lecture is spiritually painful to me. Having it as background noise while I draw only makes it slightly more tolerable
#besties! I am withering!!!#currently listening to a recording that is 2 hours and 40 minutes long#i wish time stopped existing#i'm going to listen to some shorter youtube videos on the lecture topic after this. those are so much more tolerable#i'm taking a break before I start listening to those videos tho because I am NOT going to be the mood for more education right after this#i am so tired of hearing about inflammation and internal bleeding and liver illnesses right now#and I'm not even done listening to this lecture#there is almost an hour and a half left#someone hire a dark web hitman to take me out
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click for better quality!
are you gonna start climbing, or what? / needletail
#my art#do not copy trace or steal#needletail#wc#waca#warrior cats#wc art#uhhhh I DO THIS EVERY TIME i forget what my normal tags are#if i said ive been working on this all day please dont take me literally . ive been working on it off and on all day i probably spent like#3ish hours total on this thing#LITERALLY RIGHT AS I STARTED THIS ONE OF THE TREES OUTSIDE. HALF OF IT BROKE AND FELL LMFAO everything + everyone is alright dwdw#i just needed to stare at it for a while . and there was also a butterfly i brought inside and fed hummingbird feed to with a cotton swab#this is a request from twidder :-] my account is private bc im weird about twitter but if mutuals can ask for my user they can ^_^#THIS IS A NEW COLORING METHOD if it looks weird pls tell me and i will go about it differently bc its still experimental#scratching my chin OH YEAH i repotted almost all of my plants yesterday i have like four more left to go#if this is out of character for her also please let me know i have not read avos . or anything beyond that x_x
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FINALLY!! At long last, I've gotten my hands on a Pumpkin Kitty, after a whole year of wanting and waiting.
Her name is Latte! (Short for Miss Pumpkin Spice Latte) You can also call her Miss Spice!
#I spent 10 minutes picking her out omfg#not even exaggerating. I was deciding between this one and one of the last 3 unstuffed PKs#altogether there was only 5 of them left in the store including the 2 stuffed displays#the other one I was looking at had a nearly perfect pumpkin eye patch but less pumpkins overall#and their face wasn't as nice plus the ears were a bit wonky for my taste.#tho it was really hard to tell which would be better while they were unstuffed and flat#in the end I chose Latte because right away she looked to have a sweet face. her ears were nice and she had better patch placement#including a couple full patches on her tail#tbh if I'd had the money I might have bought both because the decision was hard#the bear builder actually asked if I was alright while I concentrated on studying each of those damn cats#I apologized and explained wtf was up with me. she was very understanding#I've always had this quirk where sometimes it'll take forever for me to pick between plushies I really want#especially if they're both the same exact plush. because then I gitta focus harder on finding out which has the better personality#you get what I mean?#anyways this has been a thing for me even as a real little kid#I remember spending and hour-hour and a half almost every time when my dad took me to choose my monthly webkinz#“my monthly webkinz” god that makes me sound so privileged. it was the nicest/best thing my dad could afford to get me because we were poor#he wanted to spoil me as all good fathers do but that was the most he could afford and I was always so grateful and still am! but I digress#anyways I took way too long to pick which kitty would become my Latte#but I'm glad I had the opportunity to choose yet alone to actually see pumpkin kitty irl available for purchase#what do you guys think of her?#stuffed animals#plushies#plushblr#build a bear#BAB#pumpkin kitty
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eddie munson being his eloquent dungeonmaster self and then steve harrington pops his head through the door to see if the kids are still in there. eddie munson suddenly stuttering and "he grab he sword"
#steve harrington#steddie#eddie munson#tbh steve was too distracted bc it's negative degrees out and the shitheads left him waiting for almost half an hour#gareth immediately clocking the change in eddie and his head spinning to find steve
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I feel a bit like an asshole.
#One of my friends is gonna be in my state for her honeymoon cruise#And we've been friends for almost 7 years now#Never met in person before#And I'd be stoked to meet her but the last few years she's realized she has DID#So I'm not gonna be meeting HER but an alter of her that I'm not the biggest fan of#I don't hate this alter or whatever but I don't like her enough to drive 3 hours to go see her#And I have to pretend like I'm speaking to someone who is like. Occupying my friend's body?#I can't talk about any memories cause she'll be all like 'I didn't go through that with you. It was my other alter"#And it's like#Oh my gosh lmao#I've left her on read but I have to reply#I wouldn't have to make the drive for another 3 months and a half but I'm kinda turned off by the idea#Even if DID is bullshit#She doesn't think so#So I'm gonna have to play along#And I'm not sure about alla dat 😭
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I’m meant to be working but all I can think of is: Buck really said “I’m an ally” whilst on a whole date with another man if that’s not bisexual culture then I don’t know what is I love him your honor. My thoughts and prayers and condolences to everyone else whose productivity is suffering this Thursday.
#911#911 spoilers#bucktommy#evan buckley#tommy kinard#I really have stock to put out#I’m standing in front of it in my empty store typing this post#and I don’t normally make posts#but here I am#because the screaming in my head needs to be shared#I have five and a half hours left of my shift then another three until the episode#this is almost as bad as last week#personal
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This is far from my best work, but it's 1:30am, and I needed to get this down before I slept or lost my mind. So here, take a snippet of Rook seeing Zara again for the first time in 3 years.
Trying, and failing, to keep his voice from shaking, [Rook] said “Hello, Captain.” Mouth still open in surprise, [Zara] replied “Well, hello yourself.” The reality of what she was seeing seemed to hit her as she rounded the desk. “Rook, is that really you?” He nodded. “It’s me.” Zara ran towards him, stopping just short of touching him, and said “What did she do to you?” Rook’s heart stuttered and he had to brush his fingers together to confirm Sigmar’s ring was still in place. Could she possibly see through its illusion? But then he remembered what Lanny had said. She knew where you were. His throat clenched and he choked out “Two years.” A wave of grief swept across Zara’s face as she said “I’m so, so sorry.” Rook shook his head vigorously. “It’s not your fault.” Zara ignored him. “It is my fault. I failed you. As your captain, it’s my responsibility to keep you safe, and I failed you.” Rook wanted to say something, to reassure her, but she pushed on. “She sent me letters, told me all the terrible things she was doing to you. I… I let you down.” Those words hit Rook with the force of a dozen cannonballs. Lanny had said that Zara knew Wolf had him, but knowing that Zara had been aware of what Wolf was doing to him… somehow that was more painful than any wound Wolf had ever inflicted. He barely managed to force his next words out around the lump in his throat. “Where were you?” And why didn’t you come? “She said she’d kill you if I came to get you. Or if I hired anyone to get you. You’re standing here because I stopped sailing.”
(honorary one-time tag for @space-writes bc I remember you enjoyed my other bits about Rook and Zara.)
#morrigan.text#my writing#dnd writing#oc: Rook#oc: Zara#btw when I say that what she said was more painful than any wound wolf inflicted I'm not just talking about her not saving him.#it also just hurts him to know that she was hurting too.#she left him with that woman for two years (to save his life yes. but she left him there all the same) and yet half of his thoughts are#''I'm sorry I hurt you.''#ROOK. MY BELOVED BABY BOY. PLEASE.#STOP APOLOGIZING.#also if anyone needs a cheering up after this please know that their conversation got interrupted by a giant snake showing up and zara#immediately asking Rook ''WHAT DID YOU DO???'' bc she knows her boy.#and he's like ''idk I just woke up like an hour ago'' and then he suddenly remembers that he swore like 3 times (town rules say no to that)#and he just goes ''SHIT'' and Zara fucking clamps her hand over his mouth and says ''take that back!''#and through her hand he says ''how the fuck am I supposed to take that back?'' and she just clamps his mouth harder.#oh. and the time he swore earlier was bc he stepped outside and got spit on by a bull and he was like ''is this normal??''#and someone said ''I've never seen that happen but these animals are part of [big snake almost-god]'s menagerie'' and hands Rook a paper#with all the town rules (there are many). And he goes ''what the fuck?'' and then he gets to the rule that reads ''no swearing'' and he goe#''SHIT!'' and then he realizes what he says and goes ''AAAHHHH.'' and I was cackling.#I was doing this on purpose btw. I knew that this would make the snake mad at me and I did it anyway bc I am a chaos gremlin.#however I did NOT know I would get Rook's only friend from before the party killed by doing this. RIP Jay. I loved you so much.#but yeah. my boy swears like a sailor bc he is one. and it did in fact get people killed. But it was funny to me.#ALSO when she met the party the first thing she said was ''thank you for saving my boy'' and I almost sobbed.#like yeah. he is her boy.#I'm going to explode just thinking about it.#okay if you read all these tags I love you forever and please feel free to yell at my idiot boy in the comments/tags/wherever.#maybe if enough of us join in he'll actually listen. (no he won't)#OH RIGHT. And the party is finally staring to realize how much of a capital L Liar this man is.#because they can literally see him catching himself about to say ''I'm fine'' every time they ask how he's doing
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my favorite memory of living in a dorm was when one of my roommates won fish in a matsuri game and the two of us walked like 20 minutes to a store to buy a tank and supplies for them, and then had to sneak them upstairs past the front desk bc it was definitely not allowed
#we had 4 little goldfish in our dorm until she moved out#theyre still alive almost 2 yrs later :') i made sure to say goodbye to them before i left the country#she didnt know u had to let them adjust to the water so we slowly filled the tank up with fucking cups from the tiny bathroom sink#& then spent like half an hour figuring out the filter (instructions were in fact in japanese)#t
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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Literally nothing makes me more mad than the Spotify audiobook hours
#why even bother to give us hours if it’s only gonna be 15#especially if most of the books they offer in premium are over that??#and their buying extra hours scheme is such rubbish#you’re telling me I can pay a pound an hour for like 12 extra hours??? absolutely not get in the bin#I’m literally an hour and a half from the end of my book and have to wait 2 weeks until I can finish it#tbf this time I just listened to two short books back to back and didn’t check how many hours I had left but still#it’s a stupid system#like I’d almost rather they didn’t bother to give us audiobooks tbh
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I am so glad emergency vets are a thing
#tw for dog injury and mention of blood#Obi my dad's cattle dog cut himself super bad on some scrap metal in the neighbor's yard#Obi just barreled through it without any hesitation#i think my dad is going to ask the neighbor to clean it up bc it's right next to our yard#but anyway Obi was in bad shape#he was bleeding more than ive ever seen anyone bleed#he hit a vain in his back leg and i had to hold pressure the whole way to the vet#which was about a half hour (which was the closest one)#Obi is okay now#he's still at the Vet under observation#they had to sedate him so they could sew him up but I'm pretty sure he's going to be fine#he'll just have to take it super easy for the next few weeks :(#but god there was so much blood guys#i was covered in it by the time we got to the vet#i had my hand wrapped around his leg pinching the artery as tight as i could#which poor Obi did not enjoy#mind u i used to rick climb so my grip strength is above average#he also had a bad cut on his front leg and my mom was holding that#i didnt even have shoes on we rushed out the door so quickly#at the vet i left a bigger blood trail than obi did bc it was on my socks and clothes#my hands were coated in blood too :(#we grabbed a towel but i wasn't able to get it on the wound bc i was basically using my hands as a shitty tourniquet#my husband got left at home and he ended up cleaning all of the blood off the floor and he's surprised he was able to without feeling faint#my youngest brother was with him and he did almost pass out#my dad is in rough shape he just wants Obi to be okay#my dad said “i dont care how much it costs please save my dog”#which like same but also we're not exactly well off x_x or even okay financially#so it's gonna be a hard few months as we work to pay it off#so anyway how was ur Saturday night? x_x
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almost had a teeny weeny little breakdown BECAUSE i have to take two busses to work and both of them were late 😐😐 and lmao i'm not even worried about being late it's just that now there's so many more people on the bus I HAVE ANXIETYY LET ME OUT
#it's a monday alright#sigh#also woke up almost two hours before my alarm and didn't fall back asleep#😐#the work burnout is definitely settling in now#three and a half weeks left yay#mayor of loserville
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Weird intense sertraline dreams are super real side effect.
#zoloft#sertraline#i just took a nap from like 9pm-ish to 11pm#i had a dream with a whole bunch of youtubers in it and i have no clue why#i think i made up like half of them just from names i've heard while others were people i either still watch or just used to watch#and there were LEVELS to this dream that i didn't even fully realize until like 30 minutes after waking up#like one youtuber was being called by another name yet they still had drama with another who was there#and it took me remembering the dream to realize that that drama was somewhat real but the different name made me not notice at first#it was WEIRD. also at one point i was living in like a campus or something but there were different climates like every 20 feet#like snow but also multiple pools and a weird like rollercoaster but you walk/slide in it... this is vaguely still coming back to me#also a weird sauna i was in then someone helped me out of it#and LITERALLY as if i was playing the sims i felt my consciousness almost like press buttons to change the POV#and the 'camera' left my eyes and moved to the outside of the sauna so i watched the person carry my sleeping body out#and i'm just NOW remembering that part and being like... what... i mean i literally intentionally changed the camera controls of my dream#guys i am hennaing my hair i was supposed to rinse it out at like 10:30ish but slept through that so i've had it in for an extra hour#which is fine. i like the more intense color. but i've been slowly remembering bits and pieces of this dream#for the last 45 minutes and it's so weird i need to somewhat document it#because it was like 4 different plotlines and the youtuber one was only one of them and the campus thing was another#oh my god i just remembered clark baxtresser from starkid was in the campus part and he was singing and i was like chasing him#through the rollercoaster (or maybe just sliding behind him?) and singing along and i think i dreamt that part due to VHS Christmas Carol#that JUST came back to me. that was such a weird aspect. i think i thought it was weird even in the moment.#i haven't remembered most of the weird sertraline dreams so i'm glad i put down bits of this one
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“hello, it’s maintenance” NOOOOO
#GET OUT OF MY FUCKING FLAT ITS NOT EVEN 10AM#‘two flats have been randomly selected and it’s yours and-‘ FR?? IN THE WHOLE FUCKING BUILDING??? DIE THERES LIKE A HUNDRED FLATS HERE#I need to start trading them for something#yes u can come into my flat unprompted at early hours of the morning#but in exchange u need to tell me the exact shade of paint used on the walls so I don’t get fined for the marks I’ve left fucking EVERYWHERE#that’s fair imo. cough up#god I had awful cramps last night like almost as bad as what I used to get with my period#but i also feel like I hallucinated it like I was half asleep so who even knows#I woke up sweating bc my electric blanket was on full blast which I remember doing to help the cramps so ig it was real?#but also why tf was I having periodesque cramps to begin with#we’re past that girl someone tell my uterus she’s doing too much#hella goes to uni
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I keep thinking about how writing 3k words every day for me might actually be feasible
Write 1k after each meal
1k three times a day
I chew through words so fast so I only need about 30 minutes to write 1k?
It's not hard.... I could easily do it!!!
And that's without my meds--I was told my meds are safe to take but I did feel a racing heart issue so I want to switch to a lower dose or a more mild medicine tbh.
Still!
I'm trying to plan this out. Ehe.
#Me trying to write 3k a day so Twins AU can be done faster#Star and I project that Twins AU will be about 350k words by its end#and the prologue is 50k#so I have 300k left to write essentially#if I write 3k a day Twins AU should be done in about 100 days#Aka 3 months and ten days#which!!! Is really not bad at all actually!!!#For such a huge project#if I could finish the rough draft in 3 1/2 months I would be over the moon#I'm going to throw myself the BIGGEST party upon finishing this just you wait#I feel very motivated and inspired rn because I know 3k sounds like a lot!!#and granted it is#but because I am an exceptionally fast typist and thinker#it really does take me like a half an hour to get to about 1k words#and with long breaks in between each 1k stint I could easily do that 3 times aday#this doesn't seem like an impossible goal--in fact I almost reached it yesterday#So I have Hope#It's worth a shot at least!#The worst that can happen is I can't keep it consistent#then adjustments need to happen#but still
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also thinking abt the one post that's like 'how come when people talk abt time blindness they're only ever late? hurr durr why don't time blind people show up EARLY??' i hate it. i AM the sort of time blind adhd person who shows up early
#libra.txt#like yeah some of it's the anxiety#but i WILL be ready for stuff way in advance#if you've ever scheduled a voice chat with me please know that i start getting my computer ready at least twenty minutes early#like if you say 'yeah let's call at 6! :-)' at five i'll tell everyone in the house that i have a voice call please don't bother me#and have my mic ready by 5.30 and then just Wait.#unless something has come up and/or i am Inconvenienced#i'm the time blind person that assumes everything takes way longer than it actually does#(except cooking. i'm really bad at estimating cooking times)#it takes 20-30 minutes to get to most of my appts. most of my appts tell me to arrive 10-20 minutes before my actual appt time#if left to my own volition i would arrive to almost all of my appts half an hour in advance#(which works out well for my surgical oncologist bc for whatever reason he always seems to be running ahead of schedule)#(i'll have an appt for 10.30 and get there at 9.55 [check-in downstairs takes FOREVER] and he'll call me back at 10.05)#unfortunately the rad onc is the opposite. it doesn't matter what time i show up. an hour early. half hour early.#ten minutes before the scheduled time. she is only ever late.#i have waited half an hour in the waiting room and then an hour IN the appt room before seeing her. i know she's very busy but. um. please#anyway. yeah a lot of us with adhd run late (my irl friends are almost always late)#but some of us DO show up early to things#i have shown up to appts two hours early on accident#i can be ready to go in ten minutes flat#(which gets frustrating bc my parents will tell me to get up early and then i sit around for half an hour waiting for them to get ready.#that's a half hour i could have been asleep)#perhaps this makes me sound selfish and lazy. alas. i have chronic insomnia and chronic fatigue. i love to sleep.#would love to wake up well rested one day#libra's oversharing again#< should probably be a main tag at this point
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