#ive done a lot but whats left is the stuff thats hard to pack

[despite-everything]

i really pared-down my record collection since i'm moving cross-country, but i'm so emotional about it. i'm moving to new york, so i need to be thoughtful about the small space i'll have, but it's fucking hard! that said, it should only be about $100 to ship the boxes as media mail, so thank god for that. but i culled more than 100 albums in the process...

[ludwighumboldt]

is it too much to ask just to disappear

[zmayadw]

Hello :) 

It’s time for the next part :)

Thanks again to all who read it so far!

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 3

I woke up with the sun already out, making my eyes adjust to the light again. I checked the clock above doors. 9.45. Huh, nice, I tought, the nurse didnt lie when she said the pain meds would make me sleep better. I felt more rested today, but still pretty sore. I managed to get up and go to bathroom. I looked myself in the mirror -I looked like hell. I hoped Jessy would come today with my stuff, I needed some fixing up urgently. As I was leaving the bathroom, my phone beeped with new message. My heart jumped with excitement,only to see it was Jessy. „Hey hey, sleeping beauty, im sorry, you will have to manage without my awesomness today, but dont worry, i'm sending the next best person to keep you company! ;D Call you later ,kisses!“ I smiled as I layed back to bed. That sweet nurse from before entered my room smiling. „Good morning, hun, hope you slept well“. „I sure did, thanks.“ I replied, while she settled the food tray with breakfast on the stand. She helped me make myself comfortable in bed, and putted the tray in front of me, when a voice came from the door. „Doris! My favorite nurs!“ It was Dan, and Doris chuckled as Dan came over to the bed. „Oh my, hun, if I knew who your friend was, I would have brought you something stronger then this tea“ I laughed, while Dan made a gesture with his hands, stabing at his heart. „Awww, c'mon Doris, dont be so cruel, you know you like me!“ Doris just waved her head as she went for the door. „If this schmuck starts to bother you too much, you just yell hun.“  I smiled at her „Thanks Doris, I might just do that.“  Dan looked at me. „Is that a 'thank you' I get for coming here?“ he siad, being dramatic as Dans always is. I grinned „Ofcourse not! But its entertaining to see you all squirmy.“ „Tsk,tsk, sure, pick on poor Dan.“ He grabed a chair and sat next to the bed. „You look like shit, Maya.“  „Gee, thanks Dan, thats really what I wanted to hear.“ I said, even tho I knew he was right, I did look awful. „Hey, dont get mad at me, I just say it as it is! Luckily, Dan is here to the rescue..again.“ he said handing me my backpack. „ Jessy went through your stuff, and filled your pack with what she tought you might need the most. She said to text her later if theres anything else you need so she can bring it.“ „Thanks Dan.“ I said taking the backpack from him. „And I mean thanks, not just for this.“ Dan looked at me, and I could read a bit of worry on his face. He quickly tried to hide it „Hey, no need to thank me, I told you once before, if theres a damsel in distress, im here to help.“ „Damsel“ I snorted. „Doubt that a damsel would act so stupid as I did.“ I felt that awfull feeling of guilt taking over me again. „Look Maya, i'm really not the one to judge you here. Yes, what you did was Incredibly stupid, and lets be honest, you almost got yourself killed. When Lily called me and told me everything, I was so pissed at both of you, well you mostly, but also kinda excited that someone actualy took the matter into its own hands.“ I looked at him with awe, I didnt quite expect it. He continued „And frankly, I kinda expected something like this from you sooner or later, well at least the part of you coming to Duskwood. As I was running to my car, calling Thomas and filing him in on everything,I got really angry at you for not turning to me for help. You know I would help you no matter what, I told you that hundred of times before.“  „Yes Dan, I know you would.“ I said, even more of that guilt creeping in. „But you didnt! Then I tought, maybe afterall you didnt trust me enough as you said.“ „I did trust you, I do trust you Dan, you have to know that.“ Now even tears started forming in my eyes. „I know, Maya, its just how I felt at the time. And when I got to the mine, Thomas was already there, with this cop who was close by and responded to the call since I told Lily to inform that inspector guy. He said we should wait for backup, but stuborn as I am, I just rushed in, Thomas yelling after me, but I just kept running. Good thing they went after me, because God only knows what would happen if they didnt.“ I couldnt keep the tears anymore, and I just burst out crying. Dan got up from his chair, sat next to me on the bed, hugging me. „ As I said im not here to judge you, or make you fell more guilty. Heck, I might have done the same thing, or something worse. Things wer starting to get us really nowhere, and something happening was kinda of a kickoff for me. And im not mad at you any more Maya, just to get that out in the opet.“ „Thanks Dan, I really appriciate it.“ I barely managed through my tears. „Yeah,yeah, im awesom, I know.“ He grined at me, as i looked him with eyes full of tears. He huged me a bit tighter, and I rested my head on his shoulder. „You got me really freaking scared there in that mine, Maya. When I saw you like that..“ he paused.  „I cant say how much im sorry about all, Dan. I did more harm then good, and I betrayed all of you guys again.“ „Well, at the end, you did find Hannah, so im sure Thomas wont have that much of a grudge.“ He grined at me, handing me a tissue, wich made me relax a bit. „Yes I did. And how are our little love birds doing?“ i asked wiping the tears, as Dan moved back to the chair. „Oh, theyr fine. Thomas is not letting Hannah alone for one milisecond, wich is a bit too wooshy mooshy if you ask me.“ He mad a face of gaging. „Oh, c'mon mister tough guy, that picture Jessy sent me of you two from last night was quite mooswhy wooshy in my eyes.“ I said teasingly. „If you ever say that to anyone about me, and I mean ANYONE, i swear Maya...“ I didnt let him finish, I just grined „Dont worry, your mooshy wooshy secret is safe with me.“ „Good, good. So when are they letting you go from this shit hole?“ „Oh, come on, its not that terrible here: food is not bad, room is nice and quiet, and I have a killer wiev, what's the hurry?“ „I promised you some whiskey.“ he grined „And Jessy wont let me drink, but when you get out she wont be abel to say no.“ „ You really ARE scared of Jessy.“ I said laughing. „She might be small, but the woman is a dynamite when serious!“ I laughed so hard, the tea I just sipped when out through my nose. „Thanks Dan, I needed this.“ „Dan to the rescue.“ He smiled and winked. „Sooo...“ he starte, and I got a feeling I knew what he gonna ask me. „Did the 'hackerboy' contaced you by now?“ „His name is Jake, could you please not call him that anymore.“ I said a bit too stern maybe. „All right, all right, no need to get all serious on me now. Did 'Jake' contacted you?“  I hesitated for a brief moment before answering „No, nothing yet. And to be honest, might be better like that. I myself am not too eager for that talk .“ „Heh, I can understand that. If I was that much pissed at you back then, I dont want to imagine how much 'hac..' , sorry, Jake is pissed at you right now.“  „Well, I guess I will find out soon enough..if he still wants to talk to me at all.“  Dan putted on his serious face, but with a little grin on it „Hey, if he talks bad to you, let me know, i'll show him off!“ „Ohh, im sure you would enjoy that..maybe even to much.“ I said, him grinning even more. „But thanks, Dan, again, for everything.“ „Yeah,yeah, dont you get all wooshy mooshy on me now also.“ he said, getting up. „Well, I gotta go. You get better soon, and call if you need anything.“  „Thanks, Dan, sure will.“ I replied, and waved him goodby. Doris came shortly after Dan left, and got me off the IV, suggesting I take a shower. I grabbed the pack Jessy sent me, and went through it. I took out some underweare, clean shirt and sweatpants, grabbed the shampoons, tooth brush and paste and headed for the bathroom. The shower did feel nice, but it took me ages to finish it, since I was still quite sore. A big bruise at my ribs was still making me short breathed at the times, and all the other cuts and bruises didnt help with easing the pain either. I had a  cut on the back of my head, wich was the reason my head still throbed a lot. I brushed my teeth, looked myself in the mirror, and already could notice some color coming back to my cheeks. I got back to bed and took my phone, might aswell check those messages and emails, its not like I'm have anything smarter to do. Most emails wer not important, I answered a few I needed, and switched to messages. Most of missed calls and messages wer from the night of the incident, so not much replaying needed here. Cleo sent a message saying shes happy im ok, and she will come to visit soon. Thomas also sent a message, thanking me for everything, emphasising tho that I was reckles and how all could have ended differently, but still no grudges from his side. He was just too happy Hannah was back with him. Ofcourse, they all wished me to get well soon, and they cant wait for when I get out so we can all meet properly.I replied to both, thanking them for good wishess. Staring at my chats screen, I opened my conversation with Jake. He was offline, ofcourse. I stared at the blinking pointer on the text space, but I didnt know what to write. My head was blank, I couldnt think of anything. After few minutes I exited the chat, settling the phone aside, and turning the tv on. Maybe some movie or something will get me relaxed a bit. I switched through channels, till I found something acceptable to watch. I ajusted myself on the pillow, and before I knew, dozed off.

[bakugoubabygirl]

           okay before I start she going to choose one. Don't worry if its not the one you wanted her to choose bc its going to be  a Roller coaster  of emotions and a lot of back and forth for awhile  BC I FUCKING LOVE BOTH  OF THESES BOYS. also  there will be smut soon and it wont be vanilla .  

                                                        YOUR POV

          "Lets go before they find us" I whispered tugging on Bakugou arm.  He didn't say a word and followed me.  " Lets get some food at the stand" I gave him smile. Bakugou followed me he seem kind of moody though more moody then usual .           " Are you going to say yes?" Was he asking about tododroki. I didn't give much thought to that . I like him  a lot but if I was being honest with myself i had feelings for someone else.       " I dont know I like him a lot and i think it would be amazing. But i also think I have feelings for someone else. To be fair they haven't shown no sign of returning this feeling. Maybe I ought to say yes and forget about the other guy like that" I admitted.        " Who is this other guy" He asked. Why was he so damn interested and how can i tell him its him.         "Not telling" I felt my face getting red. Next thing I Knew I was getting pinned against a wall.           " Tell me" He growled. Why was this bothering him so much. If only he knew that telling him would ruin our friend ship . He would never look at me the way I look at him. because I was made to  be the villan.  Bakugou strive to be perfect at everything and I was not perfect.           " Bakugou Its you stupid" Then I broke free from his grasp . I didn't want t o know his reaction or have him mocked me. I hurried and disappear into the crowd.    Still haven't found any thing to eat my tummy started growl. When I heard my name being called out, The next thing I knew someone dragged me off  somewhere quite. I'm so sick of being pulled around today. It was my dad, Honestly I was relived that it  wasn't Bakugou .        " Hey  I know you and how your going to give it all but You need to make sure your head is clear. Ive been studying and your powers  feed off you emotions.  I want to make sure you have a clear head" he said worriedly .  OH god I'm screwed my head is far  from clear.         "  Yeah I'm not focusing on anything right now except for winning" I said and I fake smiled.          " that's Great I Know your going to make me proud. I may be rooting midoryia but Your my number one and I hope you win more." He smiled. Pulled me and for a hug.           " Thank you dad and don't worry Ill cut all there throats open" I laughed.      Then it was time to to go back to the arena.  Time  to face bakugou mental and physical . I think mentally would be harder to do.  Midnight call me and bakugou to fight first.  I try not to think about what had conspire between us earlier. I need to focus to keep my head cleared.              We both step into the ring. Bakugou goes to attack me and I dodge it just in time. Then I Blast one of my purple fire balls at him and he dodge to . This was really upsetting, and I  Take one of my shadow hands out and it wraps around his body. I started to think about how he never loses. He was perfect and every way and would make a fine super hero one day.   something you'll never be  the voice was back again.  

                                                 Bakugou  POV

She had her hand wrapped around me. I  had to escape and then I saw  Her starting to levitate off the ground. Her eyes flash purple there was a gasp from the crowd.  She slam hard into the ground  with the shadow hand. She was Going to kill me.        I jump up and fired another explosion at her this time using more force.  She shield it and then made a big shadowy fist at the ground causing it to erupt . I almost fell but then I caught my balance.  This time I used my full force now that I knew it wouldn't hurt her too bad.       The explosion was so big she couldn't shield it. She was on the ground and lay there for several of seconds.  I walked over her to see if I have won and if she was okay. She started to get back up again and she grabbed a whole of me again.      She grabbed me so tight with the shadow arm I couldn't breath.  My face started to turn purple I was pretty sure I was going to die.  The crowed was screaming to let me go But she wouldn't listen.   " Y/n Please let me go I cant breathe" I try to say but she didn't hear or listen. She wouldn't do this on purpose.  Something was seriously wrong . this was not her. " Y/n Please I love you" at that point I didn't fucking care if the whole crowed thought I was a simp . I love her and I need her to came back. Her eyes turn back to e/c when I said that.    " Bakugou" she gasps and then dropped me. I could barley move I'm pretty sure she won but she just stared at me. Her eyes started to tear up. " I give up" she yelled. Then ran out of the arena . They announced me winner and The nursing girl came to heal up my minor wounds.  I was livid that I won that way. She threw the fight.

                                                                   Y/N POV

     I Brought shame on my dad and my school. I brought shame on myself. The whole world watch it happen too. They watch me turn into a monster. I almost killed bakugou and He never going to want anything to do with me again. I sat outside the stadium on the ground.  I'm no hero I cant even go and face what I done.       I must of sat there for hours and hours. It was finally dark and everyone left. it started  to  pour down rain.   I decided to go back into the arena to pick up my bag and stuff.  It was dark except for a couple security lights. I found my bag when I heard a familiar voice.       " Tch where did you go?" Bakugou asked. Was he still talking to me.        " heard you won congratulation"  I gave him a smile. The air was so cold I could see my own breath. 

                                            BAKUGOU POV 

 " THATS NOT HOW I WANTED TO WIN" he yelled. " YOU GAVE UP THAT FIGHT WAS YOURS"        " I almost killed you .  I was created for one reason and one reason only. The whole now know so to. I let you guys down and I let my dad down. How can I be the princess of peace when I cant even find peace in my own head.  I'm done," I said  tears started to pour out my eyes.        " IF i was the bad guy you would of won. Your powerful and just because its hard your going to pack up then Your not who I thought you were " he scoffed.         " I almost kill you and maybe next time I will. I care about you too much for that to happen" I cried. I started to turn away.  He grabbed my wrist and pulled me agaisnt him.        " I know you wont. You stop because your good and you over came it. we just have to work on it. Please stay if not for yourself then the million you could save with that power.         " I dont know how I stopped myself. All I remeber is blacking out and then waking to see me almost killing youself." I explain.             " I said something to you and then you just snapped out of it" He said nervously .              " Oh well what did you say" I asked.  This could help me find the answer.      " I told you I Love you"  He blushed. This was a side of him I never seen before. I think im falling to. Todoroki was important to me but in the end bakugou been here.  I wasnt sure if I was ready to say it back. I grabbed his face and kiss him. He started kissing back first it was soft but then its starts to get more rough and passionate. He grabbed my ass and pulled me agaisnt him. despite the freezing rain , I felt warm.               He pulled away but remain eye contact with me as he pulled something out of his of his jacket. It was a small box and he handed it to me. " I wanted to give this to you when I ask you out after I won the festival correctly . That didn't go as I plan but I still want to win your heart. please accept this and be my girl. I never done this soft shit and I'm sorry if it not something I'm going to show everyday. Your worth taking my pride down a little I guess" His face was red.       I open it up and it was a sliver bracelet with his name on it and diamonds. It was beautiful and way too much. I had no idea what to say. " Yes Ill be yours" he pulled me into a tight  hug.      " lets go to my place you need to get out of the rain and getting late" he said gently. It almost scared me the way he was being so kind.                                                                      Bakugou POV         We arrived at my place. She look like she was about to past out. Today was a lot on all of us. I didn't really won the sports festival but at least I won the girl. I just got to keep that damn icy hot away from her. I wanted to rip the necklace off of her that he gave her. She mine now.        " Hey you stupid bitch your late" my mom bitch. No good job bakugou or nothing.         " Fuck you too hoe" I said back flipping her off. She was about to really yell, until she saw Y/n  come in after me.             " Hey Y/n nice to see you again. I saw you tonight you should of just kill him and not worry about it' she laugh. The fucking old hag meant as a joke. Y/n face turn white though.  I grabbed her hand and lead her up to my bedroom. She seem like she was still half in a daze.        " Lets get out of these wet clothes. You can wear anything of mine for now." I said awkwardly. I knew we were dating but I didn't know her boundaries . There so much I want to do with her. She needed sleep tonight though. we both did.   she started to strip off in my room.  Oh, she wasn't paying attention to anything really. I couldn't help but to watch in amazement though. She took  off her clothes and strip down till she was naked. I had to use all my self control to not do anything. then she put on one of my T-shirts that looked like a dress on her and then a pair of my boxers.  I strip down to nothing and but my boxers and laid on my bed.     " come here princess" I yawned. She crawled into bed and laid on top of me. She feel asleep instantly but then here phone started going off. I  Pick it up and looks at it.  Deku: hey are you alright. Me and your dad are really worried.    Damn deku fucking worrying about my girl. I didn't want to give her a dad the pro hero a reason to hate me though. Me: yeah I'm fine just staying at a friend house. I'm really sleepy so I'm going to go to bed.   Then there was other messages on the screen so I looked. Todo: hey  Y/n I'm so worried about you. When you see this please answer and I was wondering if we could meet up tomorrow to talk about today and I have something I wanna ask you. I hope your safe and sleeping well beautiful. Oh hell  no. She mine and he going to back the fuck off.  I took a pictures of her sleeping on my chest and I sent it. Me: she mine and she sleeping fine thank you. Back the fuck off  she mine now!!!!!! Todo: I see for now that may be it. I don't give up and I especially wont stop until she mine. You well slip and when you do ill be there for her. Your impulsive and abusive and don't deserve her. Me: You come any where near her your dead I blocked his number from her phone.  I wrapped my arms tight around her and I pass out.    The sun filled the room waking me up. She was still asleep. She was so beautiful and peaceful when she sleep.  Her phone started buzzing causing her to wake.   " Where my phone" she sat up straight looking for it. I handed it to her. The number didn't have a caller id. She scrunch her nose in confusion.     " Hello who is this " she answered.      " Todoroki, are you alright?" I heard him answered.  Great rich boy has more then one phone.     " Yes, what happen to your old phone number?"      " Long story, where are you at?"     " Bakugou house, why whats wrong?" she asked worriedly     " Ill be there In 20" he said and then hung up.  " Do you have anything else I can where by chance?" she asked   " I think you look fine in that Idiot" I snorted grabbing her wait.   " I cant go out like this" she said digging though the bag of mina and kiri clothes that they leave here.      " Your not going anywhere with him and no way in hell wearing that" She hold up a short pink dress of mina. Mina was shorter then Y/n so this dress was gonna not cover anything. She took off my shirt and put on the dress anyways not listening to me at all.    She grabbed my hair brush and tied it back out her face. she look stunning even though she didn't try and its for him.  " I fucking mean it your not going anywhere with him" I yelled.   " Chill out you have to trust me. He one of my friends and I'm yours so don't worry" she said try reassuring me. I almost lost her to him though. He going to try all Kinds of flirty shit. I cant be okay with this but I have too. She will leave if I'm too controlling.   " One hour then come back" I grumbled.  " I have to go home afterwards and talk to my dad" She sigh. She was right even though I wanted some time with her. The door bell ring and I hurried up to open it. IT was half and half baster.   " Leave your hands off of her and no flirty shit or I will Murder you" I screamed and then Y/n push me put of the way. I grabbed her and kiss her so fucking hard in front of him. She push me away and laughed.     " I'm sorry about him" she said. Walking out of the door with him. I kept trying to talk myself out of following them. I decided to invite shitty hair over to distract me.

IM open up to ideas and or request for my one shot books I'm doing. Thank you for read part 7 will be here Thursday at the latest

[adashelbysgirlfriend]

You're Adas Roommate and She Falls in Love with You Part 2 (Modern Au)

part one is here!

this woman makes me want to wet myself I'm no even kidding 

you guys have never argued like this before

or really ever

just like that Ada is back to eating alone

she's not coming back to the smell of baking 

its hard to explain to how much it hurts to hear you around the flat and know you're that but that you're both trying your hardest to avoid each other;

 you don't know what you've done wrong and you're upset that Ada doesn't seem to want to be mates with you anymore 

Ada just feels so guilty about the whole situation that she can't even bring herself to speak to you 

its a week and a but before Ada realises she has to do something 

she buys your favourite flowers and plans on getting home and cooking you a big meal as an apology, hoping that somewhere in this baking fiasco she will be able to think of some way of explaining why she said what she said

but when she gets back the flat its just a bit too quiet

she waits around for you to get back in and when it starts getting dark she starts to worry

when she goes to the bathroom she notices your toothbrush is gone

its just little things, but all the bits you'd have in the flat that you used every day 

it kinda dawns on her that you've gone and she just chucks all the food out and goes to cry on Polly shoulder

who wouldn't 

i bet she gives great hugs

“what should i do Pol? do i call her?”

Polly sits and listens to all her scenarios of how to win you back, knowing that she will tell Ada just to give you your space  

and obviously thats not the solution she wants to hear but for once in Polly’s  life a Shelby is actually gonna take her advice and not just do the complete opposite

with every passing day Ada gets less and less hopeful you'll come back

she was waiting on the text to tell her to just pack the rest of your stuff and leave it in the street for you 

and tbh as much as it would hurt she’d do it for you if thats what you wanted because she would do anything for you 

on day four though you were back 

she's having breakfast and you just kinda pop through the door like 

“hi, how y'all doin”

she's got no clue what to say to you at all

she hadn't rehearsed this scenario in her head 

you shuffle over and give her a hug and she's like 

wtf is happening 

but then obviously she hugs back 

“I'm sorry for whatever i did Ada i really am”

“you didn't do anything wrong it was all me”

girly happy tears hug 

Ada is so happy to see you again 

like she literally can't breath she's so happy 

its been only like 5 days but still

and she never wants this hug to end

EVER!

she's just soaking in the feeling of your warm arms around her and the smell of your hair

the feeling of your face pressed into the side of her neck 

having a movie night together to make up for all the time you guys missed eachother

5 days in lesbian time is like 2 years 

you watch all the twilights. all of them. 

bringing you quilts into the living room and cuddling on the sofa together

ada still feels a bit guilty about just how much her heart races when you guys cuddle but she's too happy you're back to think about that

playing with Adas hair like friends do until she falls asleep 

its the best nights sleep Ada has had since you left 

you start to notice Ada is acting a bit different? not bad just different 

a lil weird 

pulling polly aside and asking her if she had noticed anything

Polly putting on the best acting experience of her life and pretending she hadn't because the woman knows how to keep a secret 

everything goes back to how it was before for a while but Ada doesn't really know how much longer she can keep this facade up for 

she doesn't have to worry for long though 

all the ladies are out for Esmes hen do

this hen do is just a massive piss up to be honest, the whole family love going a little too far 

you all end up on the dance floor and Ada bumps into Freddie

who she hasn't seen in years 

you're at the table and can see them dancing together so you ask the girls who he is 

lizzie filling you in on their history together 

distant history but still history 

seeing how close he is to Ada makes you feel sick

is that his HaND On hEr AsS

meanwhile Ada is just enjoying a dance with an old mate, when all of a sudden you come out of nowhere with a grumpy face and grab her hand, pulling her out the club

polly watching this unfold like 

everyone else is confused, especially Linda

woman doesn't believe god made lesbians 

Lizzie, who has been theorising this outcome for months with her husband, is texting Tommy as we speak 

“what was that all abo-”

Ada is pushed against the back door and KISSED 

all that anger and jealousy makes for a horny reader (and writer I'm just saying)

Ada has literally no clue whats going on she just knows she's being kissed by her BABYGIRL OH HONEY 

👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌

ada kissing back 

its passionate my dudes

lots of tongue and hands in hair

its all getting a bit too steamy when Ada pulls back, suddenly realising that this isn't some fantasy but actual reality 

“I've wanted to do that for so long”

“you've wanted to do that for so long? Ive wanted to do that for so long!”

going back to your flat

not to have sex of course although

but to talk 

falling asleep in each others arms again, but this time Ada doesn't have to feel guilty about being the only one who feels more from this than just friendship 

to be honest i could keep writing this forever, I'm planning on a smutty part 3 so if thats something you want let me know 

[theravencawsatmidnight]

Sold. Pt 5

Summary. Reader is bought by Dabi and he is not what she expected.

You fell asleep in Dabis arms after the fighting. Leaving him awake to be angry at himself . He lit a cigarette puffing with a grunt . Dammit. He thought he got rid of the damn add the night before bringing you home . Maybe youll feel better at the League. Atleast he hoped you would. He placed his cigarette in the ash tray and was about to fall asleep when his phone went off.

“God dammit.” He felt around the bed throwing a pillow to find his phone.

‘so you got to her before me?’

Dabi turned his phone off dropping it on the bed . He rolled over with you in his arms squeezing tight

••

In the morning you woke up to Dabi poking your forehead. You squinted at him and rubbed your right eye groaning lightly. You saw Dabi smiling at you, moving the hair from your face lightly . Okay you admit it.. it was nice waking up to Dabi... even if he smelled like cigarettes . His smile had some kind of hold on you , you loved it . Even if he was a villain , he treated you better than anyone ever did.

“When are we leaving.. are you sure i can.. go.”

“Yes puppy, and when you get that cute butt up we are -oof.” You crawled ontop of him squeezing tight.

Dabi ran his fingers down your back talking low. “Aww.. is my puppy still upset?”

“Maybe.”

Dabi sat up with you on his lap cupping your cheek. “No need to be upset. I promise”

You leaned into his warm palm staring into his blue eyes. His smirk pissed you off to no end. So sure of himself. So confident in everything he did. Before you had been baught by him you always heard the news talking about him, his quirk, how mysterious he was and how dangerous he could be. Dabi cooed at you rubbing the edge of his nose against yours breaking you out of your trance.

“What cha thinkin bout?”

“Nothing.”

“Mmmmhm. “

“Can we just go.”

“I told you puppy. Once you get that cute butt up.”

You wiggled out of his grip getting up giving him your back, arms folded. Dabi smiled laying his head on your butt sighing. “Mmm. Maybe 20 more minutes.” He poked at it. You rolled your eyes groaning , a smile on your face.

••

You had to hold onto Dabis arm on the walk to the hideout so no passing villains would grab you and take you away from him. Every step made you anxious about the League. Would they like you? What did they see you as ?

Dabi stopped at the door of the hideout to wrap his arms around your waist and kiss your neck. You tilted your head for him feeling a smile creep up against your neck .

His kisses were tingly, sending a nice warmth from your neck down to your chest. His fingers traveled up to the hem of your pants dipping under lightly. Dabi nibbled at your ear while lightly scratching just above your panties . “Oh puppy...”. He scratched lower hitting you panties making you gasp and wiggle out of his grasp hitting the door.

“ aww... puppy.”

You shot him a look feelimg around for the doorknob twisting it and going in. Dabi rolled his eyes following you walking infront of you to open the second door. It was not what you expected.

Kurogiri looked up from behind the couch, he seemed to be watching Shigaraki play on his switch. Toga looked up squealing. She jumped over the bar going straight to you pulling you in. Dabi rolled his eyes closing the doors. “Hey hey im here. “ he said slowly, making his way to his Leader.

“Did you get my text?” Shigaraki asked not looking up from his switch.

The talking fadded from your ears as Toga dragged you to her room sitting on the floor with you. You glanced all around her room seeing lots of knives and blood viles, a bed with a pretty blanket a dresser and a mirror.

“Hi!! Im toga!!”

“Uh.. pup-y/n. My name is y/n . Your hair is really pretty.”

Toga got red in the face hugging you tightly. “Eee thank you so is yours!! Wanna do each others hair?!?”

You leaned into her chuckling . “ sure, ive never had a girls day before.”

Toga pulled you up bringing you to her bedand grabbing some hair stuff wiggling behind you. For a villain she was not so bad. A very happy girl she seemed. She asked what it was like to live with Dabi and if he was nice to you. You shrugged while Toga braided your hair .

“Yeah. Id say so. He got me girly body wash so ..”

“Aww!!! He was so excited to bring you home!”

“He..? He was?” You looked back.

“Yep!! I think hes lonely. Me now!” She wiggled to your front sitting on your lap.

You undid her hair buns and began to work on her hair. Dabi was... lonely?

••

“Did you get my text?”

“No my phones off.” Dabi said sitting down with a groan and pulling a pack of smokes from his pocket.

“Well can you read it?” Shigaraki asked looking up.

Dabi lit a cigarett with his thumb . “Cant you tell me? Im here.”

“I dont feel like it”

Dabi rolled his eyes biting into his smoke to reach into his back pocket fetching his phone.

“Dabi?”

“Yes Giri?” The phone flashed on

“How have you been since you took that girl in”

“Better. “He glanced down reading the text. “Its just information on a job mop head.”

“Dont lose it.” Shogaraki spat out looking back down at his switch.

Dabi rolled his eyes seeing a +1 on the mail screen. He tapped it and bit down hard on the cigarett.

‘Lets talk. Maybe i can buy her from you. Ill be at the usual place.’

Dabi got up shoving his phone in his pocket. “Ill be back. Keep an eye on my puppy for me.”

“Do i have to take her for walks?” Shigaraki mocked

“Nope. Thats my job. “ he left without saying goodbye to you, a angry look on his face.

••

Dabi did not want to see this guy. He was bad news, but no one knew that side of him. Everyone saw him as a Hero. He hid it well. But Dabi knew, he knew of the things he had done. He was actually the one who showed Dabi the add on you. After hearing what he wanted to do to you, unspeakable things. He had to get to you first. He had seen what this Hero had done to helpless girls, where he kept them. He couldint let that happen again.

Dabi slipped into a old run down building , no furture, just chains hooked to the walls in rows of three. The walls were cracked and stained with blood giving off a unsettling mood. He made his way down the hallway following the feathers to see a lazy boy arm chair and big red wings facing a window. He could hear crying but it was quickly silenced with a feather. A groan came from the body getting up out of the chair. He turned to face Dabi , spreading his wings.

“Hey Dabi, glad you could make it. Excuse the .. mess” he gestured to the girl on the floor.

Dabi stepped back trying not to look. “What do you want Hawks.”

“Oh im sure you know.. lets talk business”

@bat-eclecticwolfbouquet-love some shiggy bb.

A/n. Holy crud i finally updated this

*

[pbandjesse]

Today was a very productive day! But I am also very tired now. But that is okay. I am just trying to be positive about stuff. Even if that can be hard. 

It was nice to be back in our apartment and back in our bed. But I didnt sleep all that great. I had a prettyhard time actually. I fell asleep pretty quick once I stopped scrolling on my phone. But it wasnt the best sleep Ive ever had. I woke up with my first alarm and wasnt thrilled. So I slept another hour and felt better when I got up. 

My lips are still very chapped. But I took a shower and felt better after that. I washed my hair again and it felt a lot better this second time around. I also just loved my outfit. It is the first day of fall! And I was really happy to be in my sweater. I felt really cute. 

James made biscuits for breakfast. I also had an apple with peanut butter. Checked in on our island. It was a nice morning. But we had things to do!

I had to get some stuff done for work. Fingerprinting and a physical. I had to have a form with me so it was decided we would go over to James's parents' to drop off their canopy and use their printer after we went over to make me a dentist appointment! And grad some groceries from the fancy grocery store. 

When we got to the car there was a mess all over the seat. Because we apparently forgot to lock the car and someone rifled through it. But all we have in the car is a charger and snacks so they didnt take anything. Just made a mess. Could have been worse. Was mostly silly. We cleaned up and left. 

The dentist was really nice and actually could have seen me today but I had the work things to do so I have an appointment for next monday. Which gives me a deadline for getting home from the beach so is probably for the best. 

We went over to the grocery store and I got a bunch of different drinks. That store is to expensive but I do love the products. I lost James for a few minutes but he found me again. And then when we were checking out they found our eggs were broken so he ran away to get us new ones and accidently took our bags in his panic. Silly boy. Me and the cashier had a laugh about that. But we were done quick enough. It was off to his parents house now. 

It was nice to see them. We used their printer and told them about the camping trip. But we werent there to long. It was off to the next thing. 

Which was just home for now. James needed to eat lunch and I wanted to lay down and be quiet for an hour. I really needed to actually sleep but I didnt. And then it was 130 and time to go. 

I drove out to towson to go to the Y's offices. I had forms to fill out. I felt very dumb because I didnt bring a secon form of ID. But they were nice about it. And some other puhtok people came and it was nice to see them for a few minutes. 

I got my fingerprints taken. The lady told me she liked my wavy hair and laughed when I said it was bouncier than normal because I washed it this morning. And then it was off to the Patient First to get a physical.

Which was easy but took way longer than I expected.  There were forms and eye tests and hearing tests. But mostly questions. The worst part was being weighed because I have put back on what I lost at the beginning of the year, plus 5 pounds. So I am really hoping that I can get my shit together and get back into taking care of myself and getting back to my healthy 145lb weight that I was when I was figure skating. Thats all I want. So it was a little upsetting but I am trying to just let it motivate me, not discourage me. 

Once I was done there I went to the goodwill down the street. It was an alright goodwill. I got an excellent fuzzy sweatshirt though. 

I didnt want to go home yet though. Instead I went back to the 2nd avenue from last week. They didnt have the jacket that I regretted not picking up last week. But I got some other good things. Mor enamel bowls. A fuzzy robe. A REI packable down jacket. A fleece for James (maybe to share with me??). And two black square tufted pillows that I love. 

I was ready to go home. I was hungry. But I didnt want to buy anything else. I had some pretzels I had in the car and the kombucha I brought with me. And took the long way home. 

I avoided the highways. It was a nice drive. I enjoyed a podcast and the parts of the area I hadnt seen before that reminded me of other places. But I was very glad to be home. 

I did the dishes. I cleaned the apartment. I worked on packing for the beach. I texted with Jess. I had dinner. I hung out. It has been a pretty nice night. Sweetp is very clingy and its making my allergies hurt. But its alright. I am going to go take a zyrtec and hope for the best. I hope tomorrow is lovely for you and for me!! Goodnight!!

[the--blackdahlia]

Natural Born Killers Chapter 8 (Sam x Dean)

Title: Natural Born Killers Chapter 9

Summary:  It started as an accident. That’s what it was. But things escalated from there and now the law wants Dean Winchester, one way or another.

Warnings: Language

AN:  So, after I wrote this chapter, I realized that same-sex marriage was not legal in California until later. So, let's just pretend this is an AU where it's a little more accepted/legal in the early 2000's.

Present

“Your file says you graduated from St. Joseph high school.” Victor said, looking at Sam.

“That’s right.” Sam said.

“Was this before or after your dad died?” Victor asked.

“Why does it matter?” Sam asked. “I graduated. That’s all that matters, right?”

“I’m just very impressed to be honest.” Victor told him. “I mean, you have to have had at least a hundred schools under your belt. You stayed at St. Joseph for about two years it seems. And then you graduated salutatorian and got a full ride scholarship to Stanford. That’s pretty good for a prime candidate for foster care.” Sam just rolled his eyes. “Tell me about Stanford Sam. What led up to it. All of it.”

****

2001

It was a few days after Dean’s birthday when the envelope showed up. Sam had applied at Stanford, as well as Notre Dame, UCLA, and some various Michigan and Indiana colleges. The trail of letters had slowly been trailing in. But this one was different. And when Sam opened it, he knew his life was going to change.

“Dean?” Sam said into the phone. Dean was at work. He was working a little later throughout the week so he could have his weekends with Sam. It didn’t always work out that way, but since he had proven himself to be such a good mechanic, his boss tried to work things out for him.

“Sammy? What is it? What’s wrong?” Dean asked.

“I have something big to tell you.” Sam said. “I don’t know if I should tell you now though…” Dean’s heart was beating hard. What was wrong with his Sammy? “De?”

“Are you okay?” Dean asked, his voice a little unsure. Sam was smiling, not that Dean could see.

“De, how do you feel about California?” Sam asked.

“What?” Dean asked, confused.

“Well, I got a full ride scholarship to Stanford, so…” Sam said. Dean was silent at the other end of the line. Then Sam heard him yelling and could make out words of excitement.

“Oh my god Sammy! That’s the best news I’ve heard all day!” Dean told him. “When I get home, we’ll celebrate! Fuck, I’m so proud of you!”

****

“I have to live on campus.” Sam groaned as he tossed all his information on the coffee table and dramatically threw himself on the couch. Dean looked up from the movie he was watching.

“Says who?” Dean asked.

“Says Stanford.” Sam said. “The only way I don’t have to is if I have proof I’m living with my parents, there are accommodations that I need that they can’t provide, or I have proof that I’m married or in a domestic partnership.” Sam looked up at Dean. “So I guess I’ll be living in a dorm for at least the first year.”

“Give me some time.” Dean said. “I’ll make sure you can stay with me baby boy.”

****

The big day came not too long after Sam turned 18. He was one of the youngest in his class it seemed, but he was so excited. He had made friends with a bunch of people over the two years he was there, and even walked with Kaelyn, a girl that was in his photography club with him. He had worked his ass off over the past two years, taking as many AP classes and activities as he could to beef him up to colleges. Him and Dean hadn’t been hunting a lot, but he wanted to make sure they never had to rely on hustling pool or anything like that ever again.

Sam gave a beautiful speech and man, Dean was so ready to jump up and applaud every word that came out of his mouth. Dean hadn’t graduated high school, so he didn’t really see the joy in sitting in a gym for hours while kids talked about following their dreams and such. But seeing Sam in that dark blue gown, standing up at the podium to give hi speech, filled Dean’s heart with so much love.

And then he got his diploma and Dean was on his feet, cheering his blushing little brother.

“So where are you off to after this?” Kaelyn asked Sam as they all stood around, hugging each other.

“We’re moving out to Palo Alto so I can attend Stanford in the fall.” Sam said shyly. He didn’t like boasting about himself. Only a few of his friends knew about the full ride.

“That’s right Mr. Smart Stuff.” Kaelyn laughed and hugged him. “Well, I’ll send you my address when I settle in my dorm at the U of M.” She smiled at Sam, like she wanted to ask him something, but Dean came up and put a hand on Sam’s shoulder and Kaelyn blushed. She had a major crush on Dean.

“Well, I’ll send a postcard to your home address when I get settled up in Palo Alto so you have the address.” Sam said. “I’ll miss you Kaelyn.”

“I’ll miss you too Sam. And Dean.” She said, her face turning a bit redder. Sam and Dean made their way towards Baby. Sam had gotten pictures with his friends and they all promised to send him a copy when they were printed. Dean had a disposable camera he had gotten at CVS and the roll was filled with nothing but Sam at his graduation.

“I thought we could order Chinese and stay in for the rest of the night.” Dean told Sam. “The house we picked out over spring break is ready for us to move in. Dan and Tiffany are sad to see us go. They said we’re the best renters they’ve had in awhile.”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Sam said, staring out the window. Dean frowned a little. He knew Sam had been stressing about the housing situation for awhile. If he could prove that he needed to live off campus, the money from his scholarship that would be put towards room and board would be given to help offset a rent or mortgage. Because Palo Alto was expensive. But they had found a cute little place not too far from campus. It was the cousin of Dean’s boss’ place, and he wanted to sell to head east.

When they got home, Dean placed an order at the Chinese place and went to their bedroom to watch Sam change out of the dress clothes he had worn under his gown and slid into some sweats and a t-shirt. Dean wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed on his neck.

“I’ve got a surprise for you.” Dean murmured against him. “Go sit down and I’ll bring it out.”

“Mmmm, okay.” Sam said, moving away from Dean and settling himself on the couch in the living room. Dean took a couple minutes but came out with an envelope. Sam looked up at Dean. He had been getting cards and such in the mail from people like Bobby and Jim who wanted to congratulate him for all his hard work. Sam just thought it was one of those.

“You didn’t have to get me a card.” Sam said, taking the envelope from Dean.

“Just open it Sammy.” Dean said. “I called in a lot of favors for this.” Sam raised an eyebrow but opened the envelope and took out the paper from inside.

State of California Department of Public Health

License and Certificate of Marriage.

Samuel W. Campbell and Dean M. Winchester.

“D-Dean.” Sam looked up at him.

“Now you don’t have to live in the dorm baby boy.” Dean said. Sam laid the paper by him and wrapped his arms around Dean, hugging him. “We have an official record in California, and I got someone to change your records at school to reflect it.” Dean’s heart warmed at the smile that spread on Sam’s face. “There’s something that goes with that.”

“What?” Sam asked. Dean grabbed a box he had set on the coffee table and opened it to show two black bands. Two black wedding bands.

“Gotta make it official right?” Dean asked, taking one of the bands and sliding it on Sam’s finger. Sam did the same for Dean. Dean took Sam’s hand and kissed the finger where the ring was. “Mine.” He whispered.

“Yours.” Sam said happily.

****

Two days later, they Impala was packed down with all their boxes and such. They had sold off most of their furniture, and rented a small trailer that could hitch to Baby for the things that wouldn’t fit in the car. They had not stayed in a motel since they rented the house, but they were going to stay in one on the way to their new home. Dean wasn’t entirely sure where they were going to stop off at yet. They had left early in the morning and stopped to get breakfast. But Sam was tired and napped on and off on the way. They finally stopped late in the night for a motel. Dean hadn’t had to pull all nighters to drive for a long time and he was a little out of practice. So he got them a motel room with a king bed for him and the other Mr. Winchester.

“It’s pretty much our honeymoon baby boy.” Dean joked as he kissed Sam gently. Sam just rolled his eyes and let Dean kiss him.

The next morning, he was like a ball of energy. They were so close, he could taste it. He would have about a month or so to get used to the house before he had to attend orientation and then classes. He had plans to do some gardening; herbs and other plants that they could use for protection as well as cooking. He had done a little with their next door neighbor in Michigan, since it was sometimes too hard for her to get done to pull the weeds. It was a great relaxer sometimes. Dean worked on cars; Sam liked to take pictures and work on gardening with Mrs. Tandy.

“We’re almost there.” Dean said as they passed through Sacramento. Dean couldn’t stop stealing glances at Sam. He looked so happy, so relaxed and Dean was so in love. Before they knew it, they were pulling onto Emerson Street in the Midtown neighborhood.

“I can’t believe we scored a house here.” Sam said in almost a dreamlike state. Their home in Michigan was very nice, but it wasn’t theirs. They were just renting it. Of course, their landlords didn’t mind if they painted or anything like that, but Sam wanted someplace that was theirs.

“Remember, it needs a little love.” Dean said, finding the right address and pulling into the driveway. They had visited the house and it’s previous occupants on Sam’s spring break a few months prior. The house had been empty for about a month now. Dean had worked extra hours and done a few kills to get the money to pay for the house, meaning that the extra scholarship money could be applied to fixing it up.

“It’s ours.” Sam said, a huge smile on his face. “It’s all ours.”

****

Two Months Later

“Dean, I’ve gotta get to the orientation.” Sam said.

“Want me to drop you off on my way to work?” Dean asked, buttoning up his work shirt.

“Might be a good idea. I heard parking is a bitch.” Sam said. “And I haven’t gotten the bus schedule down yet.” Dean smiled and kissed Sam.

“And you’re the nerd.” Dean laughed. “Come on. Let’s get you to your orientation.” Sam smiled. He knew how to drive, but he had just never bothered to get a car. Dean drove them everywhere and Sam was happy with that. Occasionally, he would drive out for things, but it was rare.

Dean dropped Sam off at the student center and gave him a quick kiss.

“If you need me to pick you up, call me baby boy.” Dean said. “Love you Sammy.”

“Love you De.” Sam smiled and waved to Dean before heading inside. They were all gathered into an auditorium and went over all the things that Stanford had to offer, financial things, etc. Finally, they broke for lunch. Sam sat a table by the window, looking out over the campus.

“Hey, mind if I sit here?” A kid asked holding a tray of food.

“Sure.” Sam said, looking up at him.

“I saw you at orientation. What dorm are you in?” The kid asked.

“Oh, I don’t have one. I live at Midtown with my husband.” Sam explained.

“Dude, lucky.” The kid laughed. He stuck out his hand for Sam to shake. “Name’s Brady. I’ll be at Florence Moore...I think.” Sam laughed and shook his hand.

“I’m Sam.” Sam said, smiling at him. “Pre law.”

“Business.” Brady said. “I’m gonna be a CEO someday. But I think I’ll need a lawyer like you to help me out.”

Conversation flowed freely between the two of them, and they stuck together for the rest of the orientation. They had a few of the same basic core classes, and they even got them at the same times.

If Dean ever had to be jealous of anyone, it was Brady.

Forever Tags: @anathewierdo @we-ride-with-the-tide @dekahg @marvel-af @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogaruke @xxwarhawk @strab0 @sandlee44

Supernatural Tags: @bandobsession98 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @fangirlsencyclopaediaofweirdness @ilovetardis @missihart23 @supernaturalwincestsblog @flamencodiva @sams-serialkiller-fetish @theas-bedtime-stories

Natural Born Killers Tags: @mysteriousharmony @webcraft4eveh @mereka18 @writinginthesecrettrees

[maternalcube]

i did an art summary so now im doing a fic summary. i was tagged by @jamthedingus also!! ive never done one of these before!! lets go!!!

Rest (13106)

Keith & Lance's Island Adventure (20631)

Atlantis (10014 words)

The Way to a Man’s Heart (6858 words)

nobody's business (2096 words)

leave, and take (557 words)

dead girl walking (1661 words)

the course of fate (1039 words)

who ya gonna call (465 words)

come here often? (806 words)

til kingdom come (1950 words)

stars in the sky (pt 2) (5404 words)

a song of falling (630 words)

Eyes to the Sky (3683 words)

Feet on the Ground (4050 words)

Divergence (6669 words)

homecoming (1426 words)

Window of Opportunity (11144 words)

along that wilderness of glass (3801 words)

string theory (2327 words)

Katt Week (1062 words)

The Pining-Plant (3860 words)

at the end of many worlds (21684 words)

you're my home (19646 words)

Believe Me (3177 words)

Starchild (3568 words)

Summer Heat (2285 words)

third time's the charm (5349 words)

Blackbird (59546 words)

The Sixth Planet (9444 words)

all the infinite realities (1197 words)

Total Fics: 31! (plus one i posted anonymously lmao) Total Words: 229999! (except parts of string theory and the sixth planet were actually posted last year... but still, what a number)

more under the cut!

Ship/character breakdown: i didnt filter out my prompt collection or abandoned wips here so /shrug Ship breakdown:

klance - 6 sheith - 5 shance - 5 katt - 4 heith - 3 pallura - 2 and one each of plance, kallura, allurance, shatt, shkatt, kidge, kidgance, and shunk. and keiths parents lol. let it never be said i am not a multishipper.

and i know gen isnt a ship but it tied with klance at 6 (plus whatevers in the prompt collection) which was a surprise

Character breakdown: man if theres a way to get ao3 to show me ALL the stats, i dont know it. but.

keith - 25 (shocker) shiro - 23 lance - 21 pidge - 17 hunk - 16 allura - 12 matt - 12 and then coran and sam are at 4, and zarkon ats 3 and presumably many others are at 3 or less

Characters that had the main focus: well ~9 were from keiths pov, and ~5 each from shiro and lances povs. i think i also had ~5 from multiple points of view. its safe to say that keith has my heart tho lol

Specifics:

Best/worst title? Best title: i still like “at the end of many worlds.” i weirdly still like “Blackbird” too even if it has nothing to do with anything... Worst title: “Rest.” :/ also like all of the abandoned wips bc i didnt care. and “Keith & Lance's Island Adventure.″ some of my zine fic titles were also... bad. im bad at titles.

Best/worst first line?

Best: Keith & Lance's Island Adventure. ok the title is bad but this line? this really sets the tone for whole fic. you know what youre getting yourself into here.

When Pidge invited Keith to a fully-funded graduation party aboard the Holt family boat (“the smaller one, anyway,” she’d said), this is not exactly what he'd pictured: three of them standing on a wobbly dock, packed bags at their feet, sky cloudy and gray, while the Holt siblings stand on a little ledge off the back of the boat and deny entry.

Worst: ive got two for this lol

at the end of many worlds: even i have to read this a couple times to figure out what i was trying to say. at least you know youre in for pain...

Keith’s mother shows up to interrupt movie night often enough that, this time, Keith almost doesn’t realize anything’s wrong. Almost, because she’s silhouetted by the movie, but she’s clutching her arm and panting for breath, and in the thin edge of light around her he sees a wet and vibrant red.

Divergence: because all your friends being dead is EXACTLY like losing at dodgeball. yeah, theres a reason i abandoned this one.

Hunk always hated playing dodgeball. Not because he was bad at it--though he was--but because he always ended up the last one standing, and therefore the only target for the entire other team. It was due to a tendency to hang unnoticed in the back, he knew, but that didn't change the sickening, empty feeling of looking around and realizing there's no one left but him, and there's no way he can win. Only wait for the inevitable.

This, Hunk decides, is a lot like that, only, like, a billion times worse.

Best/worst last line?

Best: The Pining-Plant. there are a few others that were cute too but this one is also good out of context so

And then the pod swishes open and he's scrambling to catch Pidge as she stumbles out. She clings to his arms to steady herself and his heart swells.

"Falling for me again, huh?" he asks, and she groans loudly.

"Let me go, I'm getting back in the pod," she says, and he laughs. He doesn't let go, and neither does she.

Worst: if im bad at titles, im worse at endings. most are bad. i suspect the ending to “Rest” is terrible but i cant bring myself to even open that shit again so: Believe Me. if weather were a recurring theme in this fic, itd be fine, but as is its just... a weird note to end the fic on lmao

Hunk rocks back on his heels. "We aren't counting this as our official first date, right?"

"I dunno," Keith says, and now he smiles at the rain instead of frowning. It shows no sign of easing up, but whatever—they're soaked anyway. "This seems pretty good to me."

“...All right.” If nothing else, it’ll make a good story. And, Hunk had to admit—he’s pretty happy with how it’s turned out, rain and all.

But next time, he's double-checking the forecast, just in case.

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

more than i expected! considering ive been in grad school all year!! i wrote about the same amount wordcount-wise in 2017 which i spent only half in school so. idk how i managed it.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

the anonymous fic was a surprise but im not gonna talk about that lol. otherwise... nah, its all been my usual stuff.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

blackbird, probably. i like working on that one. summer heat was also fun, id sort of forgotten about it bc it was a zine fic but coming back to it, i really liked it. likewise with third time’s the charm. and i like t6p a lot even if i kinda hate drawing for it :’)

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

depends on your metric. window of opportunity has the most kudos, keith and lance’s island adventure has the most hits, and t6p has the most comments and subscriptions. 

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

AT THE END OF MANY WORLDS. oh man i killed myself over that fic. it was important to me. but i think the mcd scared everyone off :’)

Story that could have been better?

i realize “all of them” is kind of a cop out answer but like

Sexiest story?

i have written nothing sexy, ever, in my whole life

Saddest story?

i mean, ateomw. considering all the death. blackbird def has its moments too.

Most fun?

i feel like i answered this in the favorite story q lmao. you’re my home also gets a shoutout, that thing was,, super self-indulgent lmao. and id be lying if i said i didnt have fun with parts of ateomw, even if its mostly sad.

Story with single sweetest moment?

man i write a lot of fluff but so much of you’re my home is just tooth-rotting. heres part of the proposal scene lmao

"Lance!" Keith yelps, barely rescuing the ring from falling into the sand with them. Lance pushes himself up on his arms, silhouetted by the sun and glowing with it.

"Really?" he asks breathlessly.

"Yeah," Keith says, and maybe he should've prepared something to say, that's a thing people do, right? Hell, he's winging it. "I know we can't stay here on Earth forever, 'cause we're paladins, and there's still stuff out there we gotta do. And I know you probably want to stay because this is your home—but you're my home, and if we gotta go, at least you'll have me, good or bad." He grins crookedly. "Or rocket science. Whatever happens, I'll be there."

Hardest story to write?

well t6p gets a shoutout, but its not the writing thats the hard part for that. uhhh ive struggled with parts of blackbird. i remember k&l’s island adventure giving me a LOT of trouble, i think i posted late lol

Easiest/most fun story to write?

anything short uhhh for all the infinite realities, i kind of just sat down the other day (actually i was in bed but) and was like “im gonna write this” and then in the morning i just sat down and wrote it in one go. i dunno if id call it fun, but it was easy. t6p is super fun to write but, as mentioned, drawing it sucks.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

no... my perceptions probably have shifted but not due to anything i wrote in particular. i did talk myself into liking allurance with a prompt fill, though, but im not sure that was 2018...

Most overdue story?

all the infinite realities lmao. at the end of many worlds needed that happy ending. and another shoutout to t6p, because thats been going on over a year and im still nowhere.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

does posting my abandoned wips count? ive still got some of those hanging around... blackbird was a bit of a risk bc my last longfic was written while i was unemployed and out of school, so like i had the time for it, and now i kinda dont. still chugging tho. ateomw b/c of all the death but it turns out i really like writing whump woops. and writing any sort of kissing always feels like a risk bc i suck at it but im getting better lol... i hope...

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

write more! finish things! do more sheith! i really want to work on this sheith longfic i came up with the other day... but i want to get blackbird over with first.

Tagging: eh! do it if you want to!

[wiccanscauldron]

My job sucks and i have to quit

Sorry for the rant but i feel like i have to say this and i know my bosses wont listen.

I work at a dog daycare/ hotel. In theory its the best job ever and at first it was. However, as time went on I realized its a nightmare

Ill use different names to protect their identities but well call my supervisor lizzy. And the two girls who got promoted to shift leads rebecca and candice.

Lizzy is the lowest on the platform of managers. She’s considered a manager but doesnt make big decisions for the business like the managers do. Shes called a manager but shes just a supervisor.

Rebecca use to be nice when i was in training and candice always appeared to be timid/ laid back.

The owner recently gave people promotions and raises or bonuses and once rebecca and candice got their promotions they changed. Rebecca is now snarky and questions me 24/7. Candice is now bossy and always points out shit for me to do (even though we have the same job, hers just now includes a possibility of longer hours and a more flexible schedule).

Last Wednesday i went inside to do some cleaning (we always have a cleaning list) and Rebecca questioned why i wanted to clean. I told her its a part of my job and since there were 3 other people in the yard, it shouldnt be a problem for me to go clean something (it was an extremely slow day, dogs were all sunbathing and sleeping). Not 10 minutes later candice comes in telling me i have to go back outside because its too crazy out there and they need my help. So i go back out. Within a minute of being out there Rebecca says “im going to take my ten minute break.” When she comes back i go for a “bathroom break.” I check the cleaning list and the bitch did everything. THEY TOOK ME OUT OF DOING MY JOB SO THEY COULD GET TO IT FIRST.

A couple weeks ago i was on a closing shift with lizzy and i was going through the unwritten cleaning list we had to do before we leave. we had an hour left and it was actually getting cold because i was outside spraying the yard with enzyme (stuff that takes the pee smell away and replaces it with peppermint) and i went inside and put my work jacket on and started folding laundry that had just finished. The door bell rang and the last daycare dog was picked up. So i locked up and went back to folding laundry. Lizzy comes in and says “you know you have to clean rooms before we leave right? You cant leave rooms dirty over night. What are you doing?” I explained to her that i wanted all daycare dogs to go home before cleaning or id have to clean each room individually but i was doing laundry and wanted to finish them before moving on to cleaning. She then made it seem like i was packing up and leaving and abandoning my duties and cleaned the 3 rooms herself angrily. For the next week Rebecca and candice made me go inside and clean every single room that had been slightly dirty. Im sure lizzy told them and they took it as a way to pick on me.

At my job people talk a lot about their dogs and you can bring yours in if you want. My dog passed away last year and i haven’t gotten a new dog since but i still talk about her at work when the opportunity presents itself... or i try. Lizzy and candice bring their dogs in almost always. Rebecca only brings her dogs when they need a bath. They will talk to eachother about their dogs and the adventures they go on, their quirky personalities and funny stories. They always move away from me while talking and if theres a third person they always block me from the conversation by standing in front of me. When i start talking about my old dog they talk over me and pretend i don’t exist. Most recently they talked about going on hikes. Rebecca talked about taking her dogs on a concrete path hike on a very hot day and her dogs getting severely injured. I was shocked that she would do that. Thats not only extremely irresponsible but also mean. She talked about how stupid she felt afterwards and everyone comforted her saying “its not your fault, you didnt know” which could be true but when i start talking about taking my dog on a long walk next to the beach and railroad tracks and her chasing the birds they disperse immediately and ignore me completely. That day i left the yard without saying a word and made myself look busy inside until it was time to go home.

My last straw was today. We had a puppy bowl as a fun activity tying into the superbowl. Which really just means they put tape on the yard making it look like a foot ball field, gave bandannas on dogs and let them play with football toys. Rebecca, candice and lizzy used it as an excuse to not do any work saying the puppy bowl took a lot of their attention away from their duties and got away with it. Which left me to do all the cleaning for my closing shift. I started cleaning at 4 and didnt get fully done until 9:10. My shift was supposed to end at 9. I didnt stop for a break or even water. Sounds like an exaggeration but its not. I finished the cleaning list within an hour. One thing on the cleaning list took a lot of time after the hour but i included it as part of my other duties. Before we leave we have to let the dogs go to the bathroom one last time and i was gonna use that time to clean dirty rooms (there were 15 because Rebecca, lizzy and candice didnt do anything, normally there are only 3-5) i had to clean the glass on all the doors (each room has a glass door) refill the dogs waters, clean up any mess, feed some of the dogs that arrived late for boarding, dishes (which was doubled since no one did anything today) and laundry. All of that on top of front desk asking me to get daycare dogs to give to their parents (there were about 30 dogs at the end of the day). At the end I realized i was doing everyone’s work and chances are id still get criticized for not doing a good enough job. I started getting heavy chest pains accompanied extreme feelings of dread and depression. Im the only person at my job who does their job and gives a shit about the dogs. 90% of the time i clean up after the dogs. If there is a cleaning list, im on top of it. If a dog is injured im the only one who takes care of them, im the only one who cleans off their eye boogers and makes sure the shy ones get any attention. When they start picking fights i dont yell at them and pin them down. I get them to play with someone else instead of fighting (and ive been told im too nice in the yard). I give more of a shit than anyone, im picked on repeatedly and im ignored. Only one person has noticed my hard work and when that person told others they began to ignore him too. I have done nothing to make anyone dislike me and yet i am the outcast. Is it because im the youngest there? (im 21 btw) i think it is because they fired The youngest most recently and everyone picked on her too. (She was 20) i dont think i can tell management because they ignore anything they dont want to hear and they cherish Rebecca, candice and lizzy more than anything.

So now im looking for a new job because a part time minimum wage job should not have to make you feel like youd rather die or give you horrible chest pains.

[thegeminisage]

tumblr locked me out again so here we go: yeah i mean shes underage? and hes like a full on adult who is also a legit cop, i think people wouldnt be weird about it if they didnt cast like 25 yr olds to play 16 yr olds you know? but yeah lydia parrish is always platonic no smooching involved but also i want the banshee and the hellhound to commiserate about death TOGETHERthey’re wasting time with this lacrosse game again! so much wasted time!! i don’t care about these characters!

why is scott mccall not the focus OF HIS OWN SERIES. I LOVE WHEN PARRISH IS LIKE “I AM A DEPUTY” as if that means anything in beacon hills its hilarious a small joy. that makes sense, about the counselor. maybe instead of reading it like they’re shoving it in our faces its more that her character is going into this too eagerly/blind because she is inexperienced. i can get behind that. this moment with scott and malia and argent is lovely.

i wish scott and argent’s relationship didn’t have to come at the price of allisons death but ill take it i guess. that whole sequence was so badly done? the grenade so quick and the blast zone made no sense? NOOO PARRISH GOT LOCKED UP! nooo my son. where is lydia!! WHERE IS SHE!! why is this the “anyone other than the main cast” show now???? also lydia not registering for classes is an easy fix.. like she’s presumably already accepted her admittance bc thats how college works and

and she can always defer a semester. also if argent changes his allison password i will WEEP yeah i see what you’re saying with her and brett, honestly i just wish they hadn’t introduced another new character in this season? there are plenty of villains already to pull from without having to establish someone new and pull time away from the pack. GIVE ME THE CHARACTERS I ALREADY LOVE. I AHVENT STAMPED A BULLET SINCE ALLSION DIED GOODBYE FRIEND, IVE LEFT MY BODY GOODBYE.

i guess I’m just bored with this episode? idk it feels strange and forced and not in any way what i wanted, i miss the pack :/ lydia going back to eichen house is awful and she’s so strong and i love her so much and i wish this show treated her kinder. why is she constantly put through hell!! i hate this so much. i hated that whole arc and i hate her having to relive it now. LYDIA SAVING PARRISH A+ lydia owning her banshee powers is EVERYTHING. god scott is the MAIN CHARACTER AND HE HAS BEEN

IN 3 SCENES. I’m so mad about this. why isn’t he the focus of this show i hate jeff davis. ALSO GERARD IS BACK!!! GERARD IS BACK! which as much as i hate him hopefully he’ll finally face consequences

ANON WHY IS TUMBLR ALWAYS LOCKING YOU OUT WTF thats so dumb

re: lydia and parrish absolutely like i like their relationship and since both actors are in their twenties when you like. look at it on the screen it doesn’t seem weird until you remember hey, actually, lydia is really for real in high school and he really for real is 24! like that would be worrying IRL you know? it’s the same weird dissonance i get w/ sterek - i like their scenes together a LOT they’re really funny and i enjoy their banter and relationship but i can’t see derek sleeping w/ a minor especially after what happened with kate? like on the screen it doesn’t feel AS WEIRD bc the actors are similar ages! so i see why people want to be like that about it and just kind of wave away the age thing - but in real life that would matter a BIG amount - like you would just be v aware of how much younger someone is than you if they’re still in school - i have friends younger than me who are in hs and friends younger than me who aren’t in hs and i always forget when it comes to the friends who aren’t in school but never for the ones that are. so like…none of these adults would be banging 16-17yos in my eyes i just cant see it! i just can’t! that said i really really like parrish he’s like…so cute and good and he tries hard. like he’s just a good clean boy (“i’m a deputy” honey please) and i appreciate that.

also i know like i dont mind a little side character stuff but i dont care about liam as much as they want me to - liam’s at his most interesting when he’s paired with scott, and they didn’t interact at all this episode, so :/ out of the new characters i like mason the most cause queer solidarity + very smart, and he got a cute moment earlier tho so that was nice :’)

i also really enjoyed the stuff with scott and argent and malia, i’m glad scott and malia are interacting on an organic level like…if this romance has gotta happen pls let it not be as awkward as melissa/argent, yk? honestly as sad as i am that scott and argent only started getting along after allison’s death it’s like…quickly become one of my favorite relationships which has me #shook like i never expected to enjoy that so much but i do. there’s something very neat about him asking scott to glow his eyes for him and just like…this guy used to be a werewolf hunter and now he’s comfortably working with/protecting werewolves, i could go on yk but it’s nice

RE: the pack i know literally like i’m just gonna bide my time and Wait for the shots of them all together like i feel like they’re coming, we’re still in the setup stage, but i know from the trailers eventually they’re gonna punch us in the face with nostalgia…like i dont have to trust JD on that because i saw the footage myself, yk? frankly i think this was like a bit too disjointed and someone should have gone in with lydia but like - one of the things i’m looking forward to this season is that sort of bravery that she showed us - she had to go in and do that thing she was terrified of but she did it and she kicked ASS at it, yk? and i want to see that from all of them - as much as i love them i don’t mind them suffering a little if we get to see the best of them, what they’re really made of - like obviously there’s the element of “do you trust JD to pull this off? wouldn’t trust him as far as i could throw him no” but like the POTENTIAL nugget of it is really good i think. by all means let kate come back to terrorize derek if he gets to have an eichen moment, let scott and malia and argent and all of them be afraid for a little while if they get to come out on top like this, yk? i’m Ready for it

[rustpuppy]

all the asks because im bored and queer

i assume u mean the trans asks:

1. How did you choose your name?

I have a lot of baby name books and I looked through them and found a couple possibilities... and then I tried out one and didn’t end up liking it, so I tried another and it’s sticked! Although I go by a nickname that my dad started calling me, but it’s kinda based off of the name I chose, and I like it so *shrugs*

2. What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)

Either being grouped up with ‘the girls’ during some sort of activity, or my bOOBS cuz they’re hard to hide

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

mm probably more social.. like that icky feeling when someone calls me ‘miss’ or even ‘mr’ (it has happened)

4. What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?

yikes......im not the best at self care, i usually try to laugh it off or i wallow in it

5. What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

mm early high school or late middle school, i started having a lot of dreams where I was a different gender/had different genitals/etc and played a bit with the thought that i was a boy but it never felt right so i dropped it for a few years...

6. When did you realize you were transgender?

almost 3 years ago, i found the term ‘agender’ and everything suddenly made sense.......i cried a lot

7. What is your favorite part of being transgender?

i feel like i understand myself and my gender better than most people because ive done so much research and self reflection on it

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?

im genderless, i don’t feel like any gender, gender is here *points to the left*..and im over here *points to the right*

9. How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

:/ I came out to my mom in the car and it sucked. she freaked out and did not understand for a while, but she’s mostly come around now.. my dad took it a little better. my friends were great about it.

10. What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?

i have no experience w either

11. What are your experiences with binding or tucking?

I’ve binded a few times and I like how it looks but I don’t like the pressure on my chest (im really sensitive to that kind of stuff)

12. Do you pass?

uhhh its kinda hard to ‘pass’ as agender in our society. most people assume im a girl, but ive had a few assume i was a boy..

13. What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

i really want top surgery, hopefully soon. 

14. How long have you been out?

i guess.. almost 3 years,, to my parents/friends at least

15. What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

i used girl until i found agender (i also consider myself nonbinary and trans, as an agender person)

16. Have you ever experienced transphobia?

🙃

17. What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

i use the women’s bathroom since thats what most people assume i am and ive been using it my whole life so its not as scary

18. How does your family feel about your trans identity?

mm.. I think they’re still confused, and would probably rather I be a girl, but they don’t make a fuss about it anymore.. 

19. Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

(i had to look this up) No, i mean i don’t think it’s... really even an option for me

20. What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

that it’s not just girl or boy, you don’t need to fit into either of those boxes

21. Why do you use the pronouns you use?

i use they/them because they’re not ‘gendered’ and people use they/them all the time, even if they don’t realize it

22. Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?

I don’t actually know.. maybe

23. What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

ha... being subjected to violent transphobia

24. What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?

ive changed my name (not legally yet), changed pronouns, changed my hair, stopped shaving, and tried to just do what feels ‘right’ i guess

25. What do you wish cis people understood?

oh god... anything.....an y th i ng

26. What impact has being trans affected your life?

shit man,, idk its who i am idk what life would be like otherwise

27. What do you do to validate yourself?

there are some good posts/blogs on here that help

28. How do you feel about trans representation in media?

not so great tbh

29. Who is your favorite trans celebrity?

...laverne cox probably

30. Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

???

31. How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

i guess i talk about it on tumblr and some other sites,, and friends ive had/have are trans

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

mm not that differently besides hopefully having had top surgery by then

33. What trans issue are you most passionate about?

u cant ask me to pick one i mean ideally id like trans people to stop being murdered so maybe thats #1 but theres a lot of issues im passionate about

34. What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?

theres no time restraint for figuring yourself/your gender(s) out

35. How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?

being... autistic might have had an affect on my gender but i dont really know for sure... thinking about it all kinda makes my head spin

36. What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?

my expression is just whats comfortable... i try not to let any expectations influence it too much

37. Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?

a mix... sometimes a little more one or the other but it never changes how i feel about my gender

38. What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

im aroace, its a big fucking relief to have found out/realized. im happy being aroace.

39. Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

my ideal partner is a dog

40. How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

i manage waiting for top surgery... by gritting my teeth and trying not to think about it too much

41. What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?

i talk about it a lot on here but ive gotten info from all sorts of places..

42. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

yeah

43. Are you involved in any trans-related activism?

i try to do some but my life is a mess rn

[virginia-werewoolf]

Hello to all!!! It’s been a crazy few months and I haven’t had the time to really go on Tumblr much less post about everything going on in my life but i am going to today!!

I’m currently finishing up my senior year of high school and lemme tell u - it’s been wild!!! But so fun. This last Relay for Life was probably my favorite one yet & I wish I could just have one more. When I went my freshman & sophomore year I was still so, so shy and only talked to people I already knew. This year, though, I talked to the new speech & debate kids and they were some of the sweetest people I have met in high school!! I always get so nostalgic for speech and debate when I am around the newer kids in the club. I can’t lie - being in that club was the only time throughout my whole high school experience that I felt as though I was a part of something good. I quit because it did stress me out a bit and I wanted to join photography my sophomore year and just always kind of found an excuse not to go back after that (even though I always knew I should’ve). Prom was nice - we ate at the Venetian and danced our lil hearts out at Panis Hall. I felt moderately pretty. I got into an argument with my best friend, Vincent, that night - he’s been a real dick lately & I couldn’t put up w it anymore that night in the Red Rock parking lot!!! I have been holding a few grudges against him since then but this weekend I have gotten some time to think it over for the first time & I think I’ve made my peace with him!! After prom was the Disney trip - which has been a WILD ride for a few months now. There was a lot of fishy business going on w the stuco advisor but finally - LITERALLY 10 MINUTES BEFORE THE BUS LEFT - I got a seat on the bus!!!! I wasn’t ready at all because I didn’t want to pack a bunch & get excited just to end up having to go to math that day - but I had such a good time in my bummy school clothes & 2 best friends!!! Even if I didn’t get to take pictures and we didn’t get to finish exploring California adventure because we were all grumpy and tired. The bus ride with Vincent was so fun and I didn’t really think about all the things I was upset at him for. On the 24th, then, we had grad walk AND senior awards!! I did the travel grad walk with Ni-Ni and we got to go to our elementary and middle schools + pat diskin in our caps and gowns with all the current students lining the halls cheering us on!! It was so pure. The elementary schoolers were so so so cute n proud of us & it was the first time it rly set in that this is happening!!! Plus I saw my 4th grade teacher and she remembered me BY NAME. I foreal cried on the way back to the bus bc of it. Awards night was nice too - I sat next to a kid I hadn’t talked to since middle school but it wasn’t awkward and we made jokes to each other all night!! It was kinda cute. Like it really felt like we were all in this together. I luvvvved cheering on my friends & just other kids in my classes who I may not talk to much but it still feels like we’re on the same boat supporting each other!! I got my Ronald Mcdonald award that night + my hispanic educator award (two scholarships totaling $1500!!!!) I also have to go to a HUGE district wide ceremony & read part of the speech that won me the hispanic educator award the day after graduation!! Yikes but I’m excited. I think that’s basically all the senior events left except maybe the senior bbq??? But that’s not a big deal. I’m not sure if there’s a senior sunset and I know I posted about being upset that I didn’t go to senior sunrise but on the bus ride home from Disney, I woke up for a split second and saw the sunrise over the California desert with my best friend sleepin next to me, his arm latched onto mine & maybe that’s enough.

BUT YEAH. IM FUCKING GRADUATING. My checkout card is signed !! My 7th grade english teacher who i am super close to has her flight booked !!! Can u believe it!!

Work-wise, I was having a really hard time for a while. I was desperately looking for another job & was about to transfer because the theatre made me want to kill myself!!! My exs friends and my managers were talking so so so much shit abt me. They said some of the worst things they couldve possibly said about me - and were so condescending at a time where i was extremely insecure because i was hung up over a boy that treated me like shit & had just lost so many friends. I couldnt even imagine staying until summer - but the universe helped me out and made it so that 2 of my most condescending managers transferred & i stopped getting scheduled so much with my exs friends and things just got… better. I stopped crying everyday - or any day - at work and actually turned down an interview because i figured id just wait until july to look for another job (thats how long im required to stay at my current to qualify for a 10k dollar scholarship i think i have a good shot at getting!!). I dont feel trapped and dread going to work anymore anymore and its so so so relieving. For a second there, it really had such a strong hold on my life and im so glad thats over. It was not healthy at ALL

Driving wise - ive been driving a lil bit a few days a week now and im really enjoying it !! It is not as scary as i thought itd be. I still have a lot to learn but i think im doin pretty good + i have 3k saved up for a car & im so excited !!!

This summer is also gna be super fun - im gna throw so many parties bc all of my bffs are leavin im august for college + spend a week explorin LA w my sister which im so excited abt !!! Im super broke atm bc i had to borrow a bunch of money from my mom for grade nite & am trying to pay it back asap but hopefully any grad money will be enough to cover it so i can buy books n cute knick knacks freely while im on vacay!! Especially since my body decided to hit a second fuckin puberty this winter & none of my summer clothes fit me anymore :( ive been dressing so bummy lately bc of it but ive been too busy to care. I gotta get clothes b4 going to LA tho!!! Other than that though i really just want this summer to be abt me. I feel like even tho i KNOW i need time to myself, i always try to get the most out of literally ANY possible relationship in my life :( its such a bad thing but i hate passing up opportunities like that bc what if, u know? To love and be loved in return is what I always thought i wanted most in this world!!! But i think i just need to consider where situations like this are really going before i compromise the time i set aside to work on myself for it. SO unless i can really see something going somewhere, this summer is goin to be about reading, writing, filming, and taking care of myself !!! I want to eat better (vegetarian & vegan whenever possible!!) and exercise and take care of my skin and just get shit done in general (maybe learn to knit finally???) Im even gonna start a bullet journal!!! I think it will help keep me feelin like myself as well as stay productive & organized in college + its just such a cute hobby Not to mention my sister is ENGAGED?????? My BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!! I will save the sappy stuff for later posts/my maid of honor speech but she really deserves this more than anyone. It hurts to see her movin out after 18 years of sleepin 10 feet away from her - if it were any earlier than this i wouldnt have been able to handle it - but im excited to be independent & im sure we’ll be sendin each other funny memes and visiting each other 24/7!! She is my best friend after all, and im just so happy to see her happy that i cant even be that sad abt losing our early morning laughs and late night talks - at least not yet!! Maybe it just hasnt set in yet

[cricketwrangler]

i hate complaining about my job because ive never worked a truly awful job and i like target a lot better than anything else ive done. better pay, the shift sorta kinda works with my sleep schedule, little customer interaction atm and just tasks to complete as opposed to standing around waiting for people to come, or dealing with an onslaught.

but like. their training system sucks so bad. like it was just the first two weeks were training but when they only gave 2 shifts a week its like. ok. and only the first day or two i was trained by specific people, so even after that i felt bad asking people stuff i didn’t know. but like because of that i STILL have to ask people stuff a lot because its either that, spend forever trying to figure it out on my own, or doing it wrong, which means someone else will have more work later. its the only truly stressful part of the job because i feel so stupid and annoying constantly, even though other employees have been mostly chill about it. 

but today was my first day actually unloading the truck. and it wouldnt have been bad at all but it was packed full and my team lead was like “a truck this size you need to get done by 6 30, finish a panel every 15 minutes, but pace yourself so you dont get tired early”. which like, thats how long it would usually take the more experienced people to get a truck like that done, and the whole fucking time he kept coming back and making me feel bad for not being as done as he decided i should be. Like its not like he was even around to know why it took me long, whether i was slow, taking too many breaks, or whether shit happened. Because there was some stuff i had to ask the only other guy on the line who had unloaded before and theres no way i could have known without being told. and there was a spill that the team lead noticed at the beginning but didnt do anythign about so i could barely walk without slipping and had no traction to pull out the things on wheels.

and literally the entire time i was working as hard as i could, i maybe could have made myself a bit faster for short bursts but as it was i was close to passing out or throwing up a lot of times because he made it clear i had no time for even a breath, and had to feel bad when i took a second to chug water. like he kept acting like it was me just deciding to not go fast enough and pacing myself badly, but if i said that i was going as fast as i could then im afraid theyd decide i wasnt physically capable. and since i was technically hired as one of the people to replace the unloader, for all i know they could fire me.

and he wasnt like yelling at me but he was like. cheerfully condescending. we finished at 6 45 and he left me feeling like everyone hated me because i kept them on the line longer than necessary by being too slow. like i know thats just me being over sensitive and dramatic but the main thing im struggling at with this job is feeling like im constantly annoying and inconvenient to everyone around me. and i hate being told im not doing whats expected of me when im actually trying my hardest. cause that effort goes completely unnoticed, plus its just proof that im below average even at best. 

[mypagemyshit]

..... i can hear my heart breaking into pieces

and i was suppose to blog on my previous blog on blogspot, but then i know i am not going to blog like i used to before. so here’s the sequel from my previous post i posted earlier today which happened a few nights ago.

so, what happened today (or its been a few days or weeks or oh well, a month or so) was me doing the paperworks that ive been rectifying for the last few days.

i dont mind the pressure from the office. cause ive been with the same people for 2 years now (as per mentioned on my previous post). so i had few sleepless nights doing all my paperworks and what not. so today was the grand finale (well, i thought it was, but i was wrong AGAIN). i thought i could rest and not think about it. But... i just dont know why but “Amin” is acting like a LITTLE BITCH. Not sure if i am the one who is having my period or him.

it started this morning when i entered the office, and i greeted goodmorning. not getting any good morning in return i got “Please finish the paperworks by today, cause u need to send it later”.  So i sat down and told her, i was on it. ive done all my work, and i am left with only the printings.

To my surprise, when i was looking around, i saw a bundle of paperworks on my boss’s table and asked my colleague what those are. He told me “its the first batch of the paperwork we sent that needs a little tweak”. Speechless..... 

I have 22 forms with 5 pages each with me, and another 29?? you gotta be kidding me! but thank God, my 2 colleagues decided to help me out. Clock’s ticking, Mouse Clicking and keyboards clacking, and i just realized i missed breakfast! clock strikes 12 and i am still with my work. Told myself, “Ruby, you’ve been doing this for about a month and you’ve been hard on yourself” so i decided to take a little break.

 4 15 pm, my work is done (yeay!). i was so happy and i thought, “Yes! i can surely sleep early tonight!” so i packed my stuffs so that i can go to the other office to send all my work.

i went downstairs and my car was being a bitch too! the remote doesnt work! so i had to unlock it manually and my alarm triggered! and i was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!! so skip that, i cruise to the other office and finally reached destination (and it was raining, i wish i could stay in bed the whole day!! haha). As i reached the office my alarm triggered again cause, my remote STILL Doesnt work. 

so i ask for help from Amin. and thank god, i unable my “read receipt” on my whatsapp. I WAS “BLUE TICKED” by him! called my other half and he didnt picked up. i was about to go apeshit and wanting to cut all the wirings in the car. but i calmed my self and decided to just leave the car (after i finally got the remote to work temporarily just to shut it up!). so i left my car unlocked and decided to go in. so i was warmly greeted by “Ateh” at the front desk and i asked for amin. so she showed me in and i am finally in his office. 

i was greeted with a sour face with a sigh, and i was like, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! (well, didnt say it out loud but yeah u get my point). earlier he has a debate in the whatsapp group regarding the site survey. but c’mon! thats between you and my boss. not me, or us!

He took both bundles and started to count. one bundle has 29 forms and the other was 22. the PO list was with the 29 forms that came with it. after a minute, he asked me “in the PO list, u claimed 29 forms. why is there only 22?” and i was like, “uh, the this one is the 29 forms *points at the one bundle next to him” and he was like, “ no, this one is the recent one that you sent”. 

i could hear my heartbeat beats slowly and loud through my ears and my blood boils. “let me check, *took the 2nd bundle and the 1st bundle and showed him*, can you see that these forms are the old ones and these are the new ones?” i tried to speak calmly but my sassy side succeeded to conquer me. i rolled my eyes but he didnt saw it. 

and finally he speaks “okay, we’ll call you once the PO for these is out” and i was like “arent you going to check? like one form or something? atleast im still here if theres another error or such”. so he took 2 forms, and checked it. there’s like 3 boxes, “MR”, “MRS” & “Others”. i forgot to tick those, and he took his pen and with an attitude he ticked and looked at me like its all my fault. i said sorry, he sighed and told me he will check the rest later.

so, without hesitate i said okay, and left. he said thanks. and i was like, “OKAY”. i went to the car and then Aziz called and asked me to go to the stadium to meet Joey where he will just cut the wiring from the alarm (which he didnt dare to do so after he was all the wirings are all fucked up HAHA).

so when i was on my way to the stadium. amin texted again and attached few pics. stating the errors that was made on the forms. and i was like, WHY NOW? WHY NOT WHEN I WAS THERE? then he said things which offended me a little. well not really a little, but offended me BIG TIME. i am not going to say what he said to me but.. yeah. i cried. i told him i was sorry. i admit it was my mistake. i overlooked and there was a lot to look through.

i had sleepless nights. i worked my ass off just to finish my work. im tired. for fucksake i am fucking tired! 

it feels like, you’re not being appreciated.