#therapy skills

[passionfruitmango]

Today I kind of want to hole up and not be perceived but I am practicing opposite action by being present and heard

[surrealist-dreamer]

[phoenixsavant]

Top Skills Thursday: Cultural Competence

Did you know that learning cultural competence can also be accomplished through therapy? Cultural competence is the ability to understand cultures you weren’t raised in. It allows you to interact with people from varying cultures with empathy, understanding, and acceptance. Sound like a skill you don’t really need if you live somewhere that everyone has the same experiences you have? Well, don’t…

[jesusinstilettos]

I’m about to save you thousands of dollars in therapy by teaching you what I learned paying thousands of dollars for therapy:

It may sound woo woo but it’s an important skill capitalism and hyper individualism have robbed us of as human beings.

Learn to process your emotions. It will improve your mental health and quality of life. Emotions serve a biological purpose, they aren’t just things that happen for no reason.

1. Pause and notice you’re having a big feeling or reaching for a distraction to maybe avoid a feeling. Notice what triggered the feeling or need for a distraction without judgement. Just note that it’s there. Don’t label it as good or bad.

2. Find it in your body. Where do you feel it? Your chest? Your head? Your stomach? Does it feel like a weight everywhere? Does it feel like you’re vibrating? Does it feel like you’re numb all over?

3. Name the feeling. Look up an emotion chart if you need to. Find the feeling that resonates the most with what you’re feeling. Is it disappointment? Heartbreak? Anxiety? Anger? Humiliation?

4. Validate the feeling. Sometimes feelings misfire or are disproportionately big, but they’re still valid. You don’t have to justify what you’re feeling, it’s just valid. Tell yourself “yeah it makes sense that you feel that right now.” Or something as simple as “I hear you.” For example: If I get really big feelings of humiliation when I lose at a game of chess, the feeling may not be necessary, but it is valid and makes sense if I grew up with parents who berated me every time I did something wrong. So I could say “Yeah I understand why we are feeling that way given how we were treated growing up. That’s valid.”

5. Do something with your body that’s not a mental distraction from the feeling. Something where you can still think. Go on a walk. Do something with your hands like art or crochet or baking. Journal. Clean a room. Figure out what works best for you.

6. Repeat, it takes practice but is a skill you can learn :)

[robertseanleonardthinker]

something my therapist told me that personally has been rather helpful is that coping skills are not to make us feel better. they are to create space between u and ur feelings. they r to help u cope and do what u need to do. they are not meant to resolve ur negative feelings. if they do, that's a bonus. but if they don't, that's ok. learning that honestly helped so much. i'm such a perfectionist that i can't even cope if it's not gonna be perfect and this like took a weight off my shoulders. if i use a coping skill and don't feel better, that's ok. i am simply trying to distance myself from my emotion. i felt like i wasn't coping correctly before i learned this. like maybe i was doing something wrong or there was just something wrong with me.

[olena]

Relevant article:

How to Listen When Someone Is Venting

Disclaimer: It’s probably not a good idea to read this before you eat.

I still remember how it felt when, as a medical student, I drained my first abscess in a patient. We called the procedure “I & D” which stands for “Incision and Drainage” (I told you not to read this just before you eat).

When you do an I & D, you locate what is the most protruding and bulging part of the abscess, wipe it off with alcohol, than pierce it with a scalpel. At that point the pus comes out first, followed by any blood. After this procedure, you may put the person on an antibiotic. Over time, the wound heals from the inside out. If you don’t drain the abscess first, and just start with the antibiotics, the undrained pus may prevent the wound from healing.

Today as a practicing business psychiatrist and CEO advisor, I’ve noticed that when you’re faced with an upset [person] ... Your instinctual and intuitive reaction may be to try to calm them down, urge them to cool off, suggest it’s not worth getting so upset about. And sometimes that may work. But in cases where they’re really upset, you may need to drain their emotional abscess just as you would have to do with a physical abscess. In those situations, asking them to calm down before they’ve vented will be about as useful as skipping straight to antibiotics before cleaning their wound.

And yet a lot of people don’t know how to listen to someone venting. Usually, people take one of two attitudes. Option 1 is to jump in and give advice — but this is not the same as listening, and the person doing the venting may respond with “Just listen to me! Don’t tell me what to do.” Option 2 (usually attempted after Option 1) is to swing to the other extreme, and sit there silently. But this doesn’t actively help the person doing the venting to drain their negative emotions. Consequently, it is about as rewarding as venting to your dog.

Read on.

guy accidentally cures his own road rage by making fun of the person who caused his road rage

[chronically-idiotic]

No is not always a rejection. No sometimes reflects the depth of someone's devotion to a relationship- a way of saying, "I love us too much to acquiesce in the name of appeasement."

Healthy relationships are infused with

BOTH heartfelt yeses and loving nos (I checked. Those are the proper plurals for yes and no. English is weird!).

Here's an example: If I ask something of you, and you say YES with your mouth while the rest of your body silently screams NO, guess what's going to happen? Resentment is going to build. As resentment builds, your wide open heart, the one I so cherish, will begin to close in self-protection. You'll pull away from me, shut down, retreat. Resentment erodes authentic connection.

In order to love me fully, you must be able to say no to me... without guilt and without fear of retaliation.

* Your work is to speak your no with love and clarity.

* My work is to handle whatever your no stirs in me.

In the face of your loving-healthy-boundary-no, I might feel the rise of a thousand old stories:

* "I screwed up."

* "I'm bad."

* "I'm alone."

* "'I'm helpless."

* "'I'm too needy."

* "People alwavs leave me in the end."

I might feel the sting of tender feelings:

* sadness

* shame

* fear

My brave work is to sit with my stories and my feelings. The more I can SIT with my stuff, the less likely I am to ACT on my stuff... punishing you, withdrawing from you, begging you, etc. My commitment to practicing Relational Self-Awareness in this way will open the door to an understanding that your boundary may very well be an expression of love.

This is MY work to do. You can be an ally to me- you can remind me of vour love for me, your belief in me, your pride in our relationship. But I will also have to do my work to resist the urge to turn your no into a statement about my worth. (I am not saying this is easy. I am inviting reflection and pointing us toward possibilities.)

Dr. Alexandra Solomon,

Instagram : dr.alexandra.solomon

(https://instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji might be an unstoppable force, but Xie Lian has 800+ years of practice of being an immovable object.

(poll results here for context)

[littlegeecko]

Making sense of it.

[kacievvbbbb]

I think Haikyuu makes an effort to be a great example of all the different ways innate talent can manifest, and all the ways it can go unrecognized or under appreciated when we stick to the ridged rules of what it means to be “gifted”

Take Kageyama and Oikawa. Both insanely gifted and innately talented people. But Kageyama’s genius is obvious it’s grounded in an exceptional skill in physics and mathematics anybody with a basic interest in volleyball can tell his sets are basically perfect, he is lauded as a genius because he is one!

And then there’s Oikawa whose innate genius is a little harder to see especially if you’re not paying attention, because he does it so well that you don’t even think to notice it. it’s not very technical or flashy so it’s been overshadowed by the more trained flashier aspects of his playing. But Oikawa’s genius is that he knows people. He knows how to finely tune a set, adjusting the most minute details to fit the spiker like a glove and he does it all in a split second like he doesn’t even need to think about it he just knows. That is actually insane. Hell it’s even pointed out by Iwaizumi, nobody is better than Oikawa at knowing his players and knowing how to set to his players.

But the world they (and by extension we) live in, is so used to seeing genius in only a constrained specific light that Oikawa’s innate talent is woefully underrepresented so much so that it leads to him ( and by extension most of the fandom) believing that he has no innate talent, that he’s not a genius. Oikawa somehow believes that he is less that kageyama because kageyama was “born to do this” but if you think about it so was he!

Even despite his self aggrandizing and petty selfishness Oikawa innately, more than anyone else in the whole show, understands what we all tend to forget (across many sports), Volleyball is a team sport.

It doesn’t matter if you’re the single most best techical player out on the court; there are 7 other people out there as well and like it or not they’re playing too. Who then can say that knowing how to make 7 other people move as if extensions of your self with an ease taken for granted, isn’t a sign of genius?

[phoenix-positivity]

Here are some links to worksheets about anger (you can download the pdfs for free and print them):

The cycle of anger

The anger iceberg

This worksheet discusses when your anger might have become more of a problem rather than a healthy emotion.

A small introduction to anger management

The 'anger thermometer' to identify your own gradations of anger

Anger warning signs

Anger stop signs (intended for children but I like this too)

Worksheet to identify triggers

A summary of anger management skills

Coping skills to deal with anger

The 'urge surfing' technique

Improving the moment when in distress worksheet

Distress Tolerance Skills (self-soothe with senses / distractions)

Distracting from distressing emotions worksheet

Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills (communicating needs, fostering positive interactions and self respect)

Communicating needs worksheet

Emotional Regulation Skills (opposite action, fact-checking, paying attention to bodily needs, guiding focus back to positivity)

Brief explanation of some relaxation techniques to use when angry

Questions to ask yourself about anger (good journalling prompts)

The 'fair fighting rules' aka how to engage healthily in arguments

Template for keeping an 'anger diary'

Template for keeping a 'coping skills log'

[phoenixsavant]

Top Skills Thursday: Check In With Yourself

I’m sure most of us have had a day, or a few days, where you get to the end of being insanely busy and suddenly realize, “I’m exhausted!” Well, that can happen on a repeat cycle, right along with stress levels increasing, anxiety climbing, depression creeping up, and self-care tanking into nothing more than an afterthought. The solution is to set a time to check in with yourself. It’s good to…

[sea-owl]

Lucy, one of the most well-adjusted of the friend group: When I am rich

*Points at Simon and Gareth*: You're getting therapy

*Points at Kate and Michael*: You're getting therapy

*Points at Sophie and Penelope*: You're getting therapy

*Points at Phillip*: You're getting DOUBLE therapy

Lucy: Everyone is healing!

[psychotic-tbh]

Huh, I don’t think I ever posted about the color-related coping mechanism I use

Basically I give myself three options for colors, one bright (orange, red, etc.), one easily found in nature (green, brown, etc.), and one neutral (white, black, grey). It’s okay if you need someone to help you choose!

Once I pick a color I look around wherever I am in that moment and try to list off things of the color I chose

You don’t have to count unless you want to, and it works almost anywhere!

If it doesn’t work the first time, that’s okay! You can do it a few more times (assuming it proves helpful for you. Everyone is different so it’s possible it won’t work for all)

I find it most helpful for anxiety, dissociation, and hallucinations

I also found this on my own, and outside of therapy

Sorry for the wall of text, I hope you’re all well!

[bambooswordwielder]

Dying in pain because I was re-reading the SVSSS extras and I came upon this (note this is part 1 due to tumblr allowing only 10 images per post – will release part 2 when I am physically ready to read SVSSS extras again)

One of the saddest things about Shen Jiu's backstory is the fact he doesn't immediately assume Yue Qingyuan abandoned him. It would've been sad enough if he just accepted that Yue Qingyuan would leave him at the first opportunity that arises, but instead Shen Jiu has faith in him. Faith that Yue Qingyuan would never abandon him. He thinks of different reasons why Yue Qingyuan hadn't yet returned. 'Maybe he's injured, maybe he's been trapped, or maybe he's dead even!'

Shen Jiu even resigns himself to finding Yue Qingyuan's 'dead' body and burying him himself, regardless of the fact that he might be getting into more danger. It's only after Shen Jiu had long since escaped the Qiu Household and was under the control of the Wu Yanzi, the demonic Cultivator who taught him, and they meet Yue Qingyuan at the Immortal Alliance Conference did Shen Jiu realise that Yue Qingyuan 'abandoned' him.

We see this in the dialogue that leads up to Shen Jiu accepting that Yue Qingyuan is 'Qi-Ge's' new name.

Before this scene, all the dialogue had listed Yue Qingyuan as 'Qi-Ge' or as 'Yue Qi'. (Qi-Ge when they were on the streets and Yue Qi also when they were on the steets and in the examples shown below)

The scene from earlier where Shen jiu accepts that his 'Yue Qi' is gone makes this all the more heartbreaking.

He asks Yue Qingyuan why he never returned. Simple and straightforward — the most straightforward, dare I say understanding, that Shen Jiu has been to anyone at this point. He simply asks him why he didn't come back, why he went missing for so long, why he's now dressed up as if he were a noble young master and the current Qiong Ding Head Disciple. He's willing to wait for an answer, willing to hear and try and understand. Would he have understood and accepted any excuses, no one truly knows, but Shen Jiu was willing to at least try.

When Yue Qingyuan opens his mouth and only a empty apology in the form of 'I let you down...' comes out, not even a reason or an excuse, Shen Jiu realises something.

He is talking to Yue Qingyuan.

He no longer considers Yue Qingyuan his Qi-Ge. To him, Yue Qingyuan is just like the other spoiled young masters that used to belittle him on the streets, the same stuck up fool born with a golden spoon in his mouth that was born too lucky to understand his pains.

After this scene and after Shen Jiu joins Cang Qiong, I can't find any scene where Yue Qingyuan is referred to as Yue Qi by Shen Jiu ever again.

Shen Jiu realises that he would have preferred Yue Qi, his Qi-Ge, was dead.

Shen Jiu genuinely cared and trusted Yue Qingyuan (or Yue Qi to be more accurate). In the scene where the other street kids where being attacked by Qiu Jianluo, Shen Jiu is laughing and states that they deserved it, clearly taking joy in their misfortune, but the moment Yue Qi gets involved, Shen Jiu becomes concerned.

He chases after Yue Qi, chases after him as the other goes to save another boy who Shen Jiu only moments ago had been laughing at for 'getting what he deserved'. This was also the very same boy who Shen Jiu had been fighting with for his begging spot.

Shen Jiu clearly does not show any level of care for the other street kids, yet he shows an exception foe Yue Qi. He willingly chases Yue Qi when the boy goes to save a boy Shen Jiu hates. He willingly waits for Yue Qi to return despite being tortured for so long with no hope in sight. He willingly gives Yue Qi the opportunity to give him an excuse for why he never came back and seemingly abandoned him so he could join the 'elites' on Cang Qiong and become its future Sect Leader.

People say that Yue Qingyuan shows favouritism to Shen Jiu, but I dare say that Shen Jiu shows an equal amount of favouritism to Yue Qi.

If anyone else dared to do something similar to Shen Jiu, Shen Jiu absolutely would've murdered them at first sight. Yet Shen Jiu has allowed Yue Qi all of this.

Shen Jiu doesn't accept any of Yue Qingyuan's attempts at an empty apology, because he's tired of getting hurt. Hurt from giving Yue Qi chances and giving him time, and recieving nothing but empty guilt filled apologies.

Apologies that feel more like lies to help sooth some guilt that Yue Qingyuan has for his past than actual remorse for betraying Shen Jiu. Yue Qingyuan believes that his actual reason would only be insulting to Shen Jiu, but if he had just broken for a mere moment and told Shen Jiu even a glimpse of the truth, then I guarantee you that Shen Jiu's intelligence would lead to him figuring everything out in one hour most.

However, Yue Qingyuan does not break his formal mask of distance politeness, does not cry and tell Shen Jiu he was quite literally unable to leave and save him, does not tell him about how Yue Qingyuan thought the other had died.

Shen Jiu simply wishes the corpse of his dead friend would stop apologising for something he never explains and would simply leave him alone.

Yet, Yue Qingyuan (Yue Qi) is a wound that will never stop bleeding.

He wants Yue Qingyuan to leave him behind again — this time he demands it of Yue Qingyuan.

However, Yue Qingyuan promised himself he would never abandon Shen jiu again.

The Two Soulmates Who Fate Itself Separated.