#healing is a process

[ruminate88]

I will NEVER be the same woman I was when I first met my exes….. they’ve changed me in ways I’m still finding out and they’ll probably never know just how greatly they impacted me both positively and negatively but I am trying to accept the negative and focus more on the positive but it’s a journey I’m on day by day. I can only hope to continue healing and pray my exes heal themselves too ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 They are worthy of love and they are loved. I don’t know what all it takes for them to ever feel that. 🥺 I am trying to believe it for my own self too.

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

— Haruki Murakami

[jesusinstilettos]

I’m about to save you thousands of dollars in therapy by teaching you what I learned paying thousands of dollars for therapy:

It may sound woo woo but it’s an important skill capitalism and hyper individualism have robbed us of as human beings.

Learn to process your emotions. It will improve your mental health and quality of life. Emotions serve a biological purpose, they aren’t just things that happen for no reason.

1. Pause and notice you’re having a big feeling or reaching for a distraction to maybe avoid a feeling. Notice what triggered the feeling or need for a distraction without judgement. Just note that it’s there. Don’t label it as good or bad.

2. Find it in your body. Where do you feel it? Your chest? Your head? Your stomach? Does it feel like a weight everywhere? Does it feel like you’re vibrating? Does it feel like you’re numb all over?

3. Name the feeling. Look up an emotion chart if you need to. Find the feeling that resonates the most with what you’re feeling. Is it disappointment? Heartbreak? Anxiety? Anger? Humiliation?

4. Validate the feeling. Sometimes feelings misfire or are disproportionately big, but they’re still valid. You don’t have to justify what you’re feeling, it’s just valid. Tell yourself “yeah it makes sense that you feel that right now.” Or something as simple as “I hear you.” For example: If I get really big feelings of humiliation when I lose at a game of chess, the feeling may not be necessary, but it is valid and makes sense if I grew up with parents who berated me every time I did something wrong. So I could say “Yeah I understand why we are feeling that way given how we were treated growing up. That’s valid.”

5. Do something with your body that’s not a mental distraction from the feeling. Something where you can still think. Go on a walk. Do something with your hands like art or crochet or baking. Journal. Clean a room. Figure out what works best for you.

6. Repeat, it takes practice but is a skill you can learn :)

[positivelypresent]

Don’t lose hope. 🐢

[feralchaton]

[ancientpersacom]

Plurality isn’t always scary

Made with childhood pictures taken when we were co conscious.

Even if the world will never be normal about plurality, that doesn’t mean you can’t learn to work with it and achieve functionality. Even though I don’t think we’ll ever be fully functional, we’re at a point where most days are calm and everyone gets along. Sure, I can’t remember three whole years of my life. Sure, I can’t control who switches and when. But we communicate well enough to trust each other no matter what happens.

No, plurality isn’t always easy. But I’d not trade the system for the world.

Happiness with your system is possible.

[messiahzzz]

this informational piece is directed to the gale fandom specifically:

grooming is a tactic where someone methodically builds a trusting relationship with a child or young adult, their family, and community to manipulate, coerce, or force the child or young adult to engage in sexual activities.

1. Choosing a victim - The predator often chooses a child who is obviously vulnerable. Children who are withdrawn, low on confidence, emotionally deprived and with less parental supervision are particularly at risk.

2. Building access & trust - Sexual abuse often begins with friendship. The abuser can also take on other roles such as a romantic partner, a mentor, a caregiver or an authority figure. The abuser spends time in getting to know the victim's likes, dislikes and habits and pretending to share common interests. The perpetrator establishes trust with the child by making them feel special, sometimes through gifts or excessive compliments and attention. This is especially dangerous for vulnerable children who do not experience attention in their daily lives. In the trust development stage, offenders aim to develop a trusting friendship or relationship with their victim. This can involve several tactics, including:

a) praising the child for their maturity and intelligence;

b) encouraging the child to disclose personal information;

c) syncing their language with that of the child;

d) highlighting mutuality (i.e., similar interests, attitudes and behaviors between the offender and child); and finally,

e) portraying themselves as being trustworthy and nice.

3. Filling a need with gifts & favors - Giving the victim small gifts and favours is a strategy used by perpetrators to make the child feel indebted. Trust is further built by sharing intimate life details, going on special outings and giving the child access to things they normally wouldn’t get. Once the offender has identified a child’s needs, they will try to be the “hero” to the child who gives them what they desire. Examples include gifts, extra attention, or affection. This causes the child to see them as highly important and even idolized. They won’t want to upset them in risk of not getting the void in their life fulfilled.

4. Isolating - The groomer actively tries to isolate the child from people who may be watchful or helpful. This kind of isolation creates deeper connection & dependency. The offender also exhibits exemplary behaviour before parents of the victim & manipulates them into trusting the relationship. They will use this trust to create situations in which they are alone with the child. Time spent alone also reinforces the “special connection” the child feels they have with the offender. This “special connection” is further reinforced when the offender convinces the child that they love and appreciate them more than anyone else.

5. Initiating sexual contact - With the power over the child victim established through emotional connection coercion or one of the other tactics, the perpetrator may eventually initiate physical contact with the victim. It may begin with touching that is not overtly sexual (though a predator may find it sexually gratifying) and that may appear to be casual (arm around the shoulder, pat on the knee, etc.). Gradually, the perpetrator may introduce more sexualized touching. By breaking down inhibitions and desensitizing the child, the perpetrator can begin overtly touching the child. At this stage, the offender will exploit a child’s natural curiosity through physical touch and excitement. They will begin to teach the child sexual preferences and manipulate what the child responds to. The child begins to see themselves as a sexual being prematurely and the relationship with the offender now takes on a sexual term.

6. Post-abuse maintenance - The goal of the final stage is to ensure the child remains trapped in the cycle of abuse and loyal to the abuser, by either reinforcing and maintaining trust in order to prevent disclosure, or by explicitly threatening or blackmailing the child or their loved ones. This can also be reinforced and maintained by, for instance, giving the child affection, praise or encouragement for one’s actions.

[whirlwindofstuff]

[theidlespoon]

you think you're over it and then out of the blue you're curled up on your bathroom floor listing five things you can see four things you can touch three things you can hear.

[safe-haven-safe-place]

[vizthedatum]

DBT realization: radical acceptance isn’t toxic positivity. It can mean accepting exactly how bad it feels, how upset you are, how sad you are, how you fucked up, how everything else is fucked… AND making room for all the things that aren’t so fucked up.

Those latter moments can be appreciated just as much as the unsavory ones… but you need to be able to feel all of it.

[starryvomit]

it’s okay to be angry at the injustice of somebody hurting you.

[ruminate88]

When you’ve been the family caretaker soooo long, you don’t know how to “be your own person”. So long your identity was in others. Not everyone understands how lost you are. How easily you hide yourself in one-sided relationships with toxic people because you don’t have to find yourself. You just focus on the other person.

I found myself marrying a really nice guy which is GREAT accept idk who I am and for the first time, I don’t wanna be “him.” I don’t wanna be like him… I wanna be my own. I know what hobbies I have…. That’s not a “true identity” though.

[isabellehemlock]

Something that I don't think is talked about enough when it comes to processing trauma: sometimes, healing is grieving.

Grieving for a person lost. Or, for a childhood you never got to have. For the familiarity - regardless how unhealthy - because it's the only thing you know. Or, for the people who outgrew you, for one's you outgrew along the way.

Healing is a process that isn't necessarily peaceful.

Sometimes it's grieving for what could have been, what should have been, and releasing the pain in whatever healthy coping skills you're able to build for yourself.

[positivelypresent]

Feel it to heal it!

[feralchaton]

[softtopxpressions]

I’m really starting to step into my style…and it’s so nice finally being the me I’ve always seen and never could attain 💖