#the only reason i did in high school was because

[toothfa-1-ry]

YOU STILL LIKE IT THOUGH

GENRE: Fluff, crack fic ish?

PAIRING: Choi su-bong/thanos x preg!fem!reader

FEAT: Nam gyu as the supportive bestie (that he never rlly was)

A/N: this fic i based of a request from anon !! Tbh i changed ALOT of the request (haha- sorry 😞) because I felt like it was a little repetitive and idk i just can't write rlly emotional scenes with Thanos for some reason (??) ALSO I feel like there are parts where Thanos seems ooc? Idk.. i wrote this instead of studying in the span of 30 mins

"Whoo!" You hear Thanos shout on the top of his voice while he high fives nam gyu as they both jump up and down as if they were children in elementary school after winning a play ground game

You manage your groan, suppressing it while you stare at them from afar, of course that crazy fucker managed to pass through the first game.

You hated to admit it, but a part of you was relieved,

You always had a thing for psycho guys, and your ex boyfriend? The one with the brightly dyed hair who was now doing some weird dance seemed to proudly embody every part of that sentiment.

You carefully watch from afar, not wanting to catch his eyes, your hand unknowingly lay over your stomach while you move uncomfortably in the bunk bed

Fuck, your feeling dizzy all over again

You hear a thud against your bed post, you look up slowly, your eyes slightly squinting to see the purple haired boy with a usual frown on his face

"Hey" his eyebrows raise "are you okay"

"I thought I told you to get lost earlier"

Your mood swings weren't really helping either

"Geez woman" thanos tchs but sits beside you in your bed anyways "im just trying to help" grumbling under his breath but the cautious expression in his face saied otherwise

"I came here to brag about how amazing i usually am but seeing you like this is just killing the vibe yknow"

he makes a hand gesture in the air, leaning face closer in an attempt to make you smile which does not go wasted as the smile you tried to supress escaped your face

"Fuck off you loser" your still kneeling, your hands over your knees and your face hiding behind your knees but he hears the smile in your voice anyways.

He wouldn't want to admit it, but he was relieved

He always had a thing for girls with pretty voices and you? The girl right next to him had to have one of the prettiest voices he had ever heard. Ofcourse who would better know than a rapper like himself?

"I thought I told you to stick close to me, instead you leech to that crazy old man" thanos says as he points towards gi hun who sat far away in the opposite side

You immediately slap his hand, causing him to wince while retracing it back, rubbing it softly

"How many times will I tell you! You shouldn't point your hands at strangers especially to people who are older" you scold him rather loudly causing him to wince even more

"Agh" thanos ruffles his neon hair while complaining "why don't you shout louder so that everyone will hear and laugh at me?"

You resist the urge to roll your eyes upon his childish manners, he really didn't change

Thanos suddenly bangs the top of the bunk with a loud sound, taking you by shock

"Oi" his voice loud and almost threatening "nam gyu" calling out the man above the bed

Immediately your taken by shock once more when a man's head pops upside down, with black oily hair falling all over his face from above the bed

"Yes Thanos?" Nam gyu quickly inquired while sparing you a quick glance which didn't go unnoticed by the scowling man next to you

"Did you hear her telling me off?" He points at nam gyu before quickly adding "careful, there's only one correct answer"

Nam gyu pauses and thinks which seems to be the wrong thing to do as it just annoys Thanos

"Whats wrong with you, tell me quickly!"

"N-no! Not at all! Infact nobody heard anything!" Nam gyu quickly says, obviously lying but this seemed to please Thanos who now held a haughty face

Wow, this is was supposedly the father of your unborn child. Shame you and your taste in weird guys

Before Thanos could open his mouth to say something, a group of pink guards enter the room with large containers

Straight away you freeze up, shrinking behind the bed while your heart hammered, fear spread across your face

Noticing your expression on your face, instinctively Thanos covers you with his back, shielding you with his arms which covered your sides while his expression, though you could not see was filled with wariness

The pink guards open the large containers they were carrying as everyone watched quietly, scared as they were unsure of what to expect, you included

The pink guard with the white circle lifts up a piece of bread and milk "lunch time" announcing in the same robotic voice like all the other guards

A sigh of relief escapes your mouth as your shoulders relax, unlike you Thanos still shields you, covering your face with his back

You hit him with a thud on the back of his head

"What the hell man" thanos turns around, his eyes glaring at you

"Stop trying to act like a hero you shameless prick" you frown even though his actions did leave you with a warm feeling in your heart

"Your acting so protective after all the stunt you pulled before we broke up" you continue "seeing you act all so protective is just pissing me off even more"

Thanos throws his head back, groaning "give me a break woman. You know I was going through a hard time"

"Bullshit" your fold your arms, as if it was act to protect yourself, and the unborn baby in your stomach.

The poor thing was only 2 months old

The both of you hear nam gyu cough from above the bed, forgetting that he was there in the first place

Again Thanos bangs the top of the bunk, causing you to give him a look

"Stop doing that" you scold him

"doing what?" Thanos raises his eyebrow before banging the top of the bunk again while sticking his tongue at you

Nam gyu pops back down again, upside down, the sight would have been hilarious only if you weren't experiencing the pain in your stomach and the sight of the man sitting beside you

"Go get lunch for me and my girl" thanos tilts his head towards you while avoiding your eyecontact while you tell yourself not to think about the fact that he still referred to you as 'his girl'

"go fast what are you still doing here" thanks reprimanded nam gyu

Nam gyu awkwardly stood unsure of what to say "but it's just one bread and one milk per person"

"Then give her yours" thanos said simply "and go steal someone's lunch for me"

"Then what about for me?" Nam gyu asked dumbfounded which caused Thanos to pause and think for a while

"That's not my fucking problem man- now go" he pushes him away, leaving you with a heavy sigh

"I don't want to eat"

"Don't talk bullshit" thanos eyes you "you think i'm gonna let you starve? I never did, and i wont be starting now"

Again with the whole protective boyfriend act, fuck, why did it make your heart race a little?

"Your still such an asshole, you didnt change a bit" you huffed as you leaned behind, resting your back against the wall

"Well you changed" thanos says which quirks your curiosity

"How so?'

"I don't know" he shrugs "something is different. Something happened, i can't exactly ppint my fi ger at it though"

Your eyes dart away from his while your breathing started to fasten slightly

"Oh yea? How so?" You ask, your voice slightly higher than it was which Thanos picks up immediately

"Ohoho" he grins "did I get it right? Did you get something done?" He glances you up and down which leads you to hitting him

"Ow- i was just joking, you still take everything so seriously" he grumbled holding your hand from hitting him "I wish that part had changed'

Your other hand comes swinging which he again grabs softly

"jokingg" he says in a sing song voice before letting both your arms go leaving you with a scowl and him with a satisfied smirk in his face

"Asshole" you mutter which stretches his smirk even more

"You still like it though"

You almost swear you heard a hint of vulnerability in his tone, prompting you to glance at him quickly just to catch him already looking at you

"So? Aren't you gonna ask me what has changed?" You ask slowly, in your head trying to process whether your doing the right thing or not,

You first found out you were pregnant with your baby right after you and Thanos broke up.

The following days, whenever you went to pay him a visit, he was always missing, causing you to believe maybe it was better for him not to know. And then you suddenly meet him for the first time after your breakup during the squid games

The timing was almost comical

"Why?" Thanos continued still with an amused face "you still seem the same on the inside"

Your hand immediately goes to your stomach, slowly tracing along it from above the green track jacket which everyone wore

"Don't tell me your sick or something" thanos asks with his voice slightly raised as he notices your action "fuck are you?"

His eyes slightly widens as he frowns "hey" he snaps his finger upon your zoning out "are you sick?"

"Hm?" You ask confused

"What the fuck" he swears under his breath with a anxious expression on his face while his hand runs through his finger "is that why your here? To win some money for your treatment?"

"Su Bong its not like that-" All your attempts of correcting him seemed to be futile as he sweared loudly, getting out of the bed

"Shit shit shit!" He grabs his head while he paced around the floor, a sight you had seen a few times over the span of your relationship

"ofcourse that's why your here, you would only be here for a sensible reason"

"Oh, su bong" you attempt to appeal to him, reaching your hand out, pulling his closer towards you while he hands were still over his head, eyes lowered

"Fuck baby I'm so sorry" he breathed out "shit i never should have left, i thought" he paused "I thought I'd win some money and get you back, give you the life you really deserve but"

You watch his dazed expression while he rambled, you bit you underlip, hesitant of whether to tell him the truth still

"Fuck, i didn't even know that, i didn't even know you were sick-"

Before he could continue again you grab his face , forcing him to look at your face

"I'm not sick, that's not why im here"

Thanos breathed heavily, everything felt so real suddenly, he felt his cross necklace strapped around his neck, his fingers itching to pop a pill in his mouth to sooth his nerves

"I'm not sick" you shake your head as you lean your forehead against his "su-bong"

You can still feel his strained breaths and darting eyes

"I'm pregnant"

And it all stopped,

You held your breath, afraid of what would happen if you let go, your could heart your heartbeat from your ears, feel the realisation setting inside thanos,

You were scared. Scared of how he would react

He breaks away first, slowly and gently. Staring at you with no expression in his face,

"And it's yours" you rapidly feel the need to add, taken back by his silence which didn't not suit him "and i know having a kid was never in your plan, and i know things are over between us but-"

Your body is wrapped by his arms and his face nestles in your neck, pulling your deeper in his embrace

"Holy shit" thanos whispers in your ear, you can hear the giddiness radiating off his voice "im a dad"

"Yea you are" you laugh a little as you say "your a dad"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I never got the chance to"

Thanos furrows his eyebrows but doesn't press any more "will you let me be our baby's dad?" He ask

"You know I grew up without a dad, this kid doesn't deserve that" he pokes your stomach with a soft grin which looked slightly odd against his eccentric features "I wanna be in this kids life"

You nodd softly, hearing his words

"And yours too" thanos looks up to you, grinning while he winked at you "senorita"

"You corny bastard" you laugh shaking your head

"You still like it though"

You nodd your head, with tenderness in your eyes and voice

"I do"

₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊ extra scene pack !!

"Thanos!" Nam gyu came running with 3 pieces of sweet bread and 3 packets of milk "I got it! Do you know how much trouble i went to get all these-"

"Give it here " thanos grabbed all the bread and milk away "why did you take so long anyways"

Nam gyu held his hands as he pouted "I mean- i had to fight like 2 guys for bread and milk for us-"

Thanos brushed him off as he opened all the packets of bread and poked in the straw of all the milk packets

"Uhm thanos" nam gyu apprehensively called out "What are you doing?"

Thanos hands you all the bread and urges you to eat while he holds the packets of milk in his hand, ready to feed you

Thanos gestures towards you who was sitting in the bed, now wrapped in not only your jacket but his aswell "can't you see the lady is pregnant"

Nam gyu scratched his head "pregnant? With who?"

Thanos shakes his head, exaggerating his actions "dumb ass, she's pregnant with my baby ofcourse" he announced like it was the most obvious thing in the world

"Holy shit!" Nam gyu gaped his hand covering his mouth as he stares at you while you sheepishly smile at him

Thanos let out a small laugh which then slowly grew louder

"What? Why are you surprised? Ofcourse i succeeded in my first try- fuck" he kneels down in pain after being striked by you in the stomach

Nam gyu pulls a face in behalf of Thanos as he pats his back sympathetically while he whispers to you

"Don't worry. I know it probably wasnt his first try or anything- ow" nam gyu kneels on the ground after being hit in the stomach by thanos

₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊

"What... what are you guys doing?" You question as you approach Thanos and nam gyu who were huddled up in a corner, in a long rather quiet conversation which seemed like an unusual activity for both of them to part take in

Both in the 'discussion' and 'quiet' part

Thanos loops his arm around your with a proud smirk on his face while urging nam gyu to announce what they were discussing

Nam gyu nodds eagerly as gets up in his two feet quickly, standing straight and tall with a loud and confident voice "we have decided the perfect name for the baby !!"

You see thanos's broad smile and nam gyu's confident voice, uneasiness settling in your stomach for whatever name they picked out

"These is the name that Thanos and i have personally given a lot of thought for and chosen after much contemplation !!"

Thanos nodded his head with a content expression while he winked at you, assuring that you'll like it

"Ahem" nam gyu clears his throat "before I announce the name that we have chosen, i would like to give recognition to the name we almost chose aswell !!"

Thanos immediately began clapping his hand loudly "waaah, I never knew you could speak so well "

This comment made nam gyu's chest fill swell with pride as he puffs out his chest a little

"I shall now, announce the first runners up, the name that almost was given to the new born baby"

nam gyu pauses which prompts Thanos to make the sound of drum rolls

"Nebula" nam gyu announces as he and thanos clap loudly.

Seeing your still figure both men urge you to claps aswell

"Nebula?" You mutter under your breath "where have i heard that name before?"

"And now, the name that has been selected over numerous selection test and discussion, the name of the baby is" nam gyu points at your stomach

"Gamora"

Thanos whoops loudly, both nam gyu and him clapping their hands in the air while you stand off handedly as it hits you

"Your naming our child after the daughter of the purple alien monster from a superhero movie?!"

[clockwork-hearted]

This was the first queer movie I watched in high school. I remember finally having good, strong WiFi and exploring YouTube one night. Was using my refurbished MacBook that I begged my dad to get me so I can have something to use for school.

I don’t remember how exactly I came across this movie (honestly was probably going through some YouTube rabbit hole of “movies where guys make out” or the classic “two men kissing” search), but it was the full length movie. And it was free.

I was so excited to watch it and see what kind of guy on guy action I would get to see. But being forced to stay in the closet growing up, I couldn’t just outright watch this movie while my parents were home.

So I bookmarked it. Made sure I even saved the link somewhere. And had to wait until my parents weren’t home.

Thankfully, I ended up realizing that I was a teen that was allowed to stay up late on the weekends. So I stayed up, waited until both my parents were in their rooms, fast asleep, and then I went into my room, closed the door (couldn’t lock it though. Locking bedroom doors was an offense that would cause a scene every time for absolutely no reason), plugged my headphones in, and snuggled up and watched it.

I remember sitting upright to start it then getting tired and deciding to lay down. Ended up laying the laptop on its side just so I could keep watching haha

And I remember going through the rollercoaster of emotions seeing these two characters having a connection but being so twisted up about it. Regardless of everything they went through, I still wanted that. I still wanted someone I could kiss passionately. Someone I could go to bed with and wake up next to in our own little world. Someone I could go to the beach with and spend all day with. Someone who wanted to push me for my abilities (don’t have any but it played into my fantasies lol) and strive to be the best I could be at them.

And then reaching the end of the movie and being so happy with it. I remember crying. Crying so much that I thought I wasn’t going to be able to stop. I remember shoving my face in my pillows to try and muffle my crying.

Oh, I learned to cry silently so very quick in my home. How I learned what it meant to be even more suppressed than I already was. How I had to learn to hold back all the choking sounds my throat would utter and just let the tears flow. Silently blowing my nose into tissues so I wouldn’t wake my parents and cause a scene.

“Why are you crying? What’s happening? What did you watch? What’s going on? Etc. etc. etc.” - yeah, like I was going to come clean about my emotions and be able to talk these things out. Pht. How I wished and how I dreamed that I could. Would’ve made growing up easier. But I didn’t have those kinds of parents.

So the first night I watched this movie, it meant a lot in such little time. Movies like this really saved me as a teen.

I started doing a deep dive into any and all other queer movies I could find online for free (but that’s a story for a different time).

Tbh, I had forgotten about this gem of a movie. Made me feel a little guilty for forgetting, mostly because it really helped me continue pretending, and knowing that one day I would find someone to experience beautiful moments with. It allowed me to realize that queer media (that wasn’t porn) was out there, that I didn’t have to feel alone, and that it was only a few key strokes and google searches away.

For anyone who read through this whole thing (I know I blabbed, but I really needed to get this off my chest and my mind), thank you.

And I also hope that even though the world can feel so against you, even in spaces that are supposed to be safe, that there are people out there that know and understand you and can relate to how you feel.

I know it’s always easier said than done, but hang in there. And if it all gets to be too suffocating, please remember there are resources out there to help. But please, please, please, don’t get snuffed out. Let yourself burn as bright as you can. Because at the end of the day, you will always find Shelter- whether it’s with family members, friends, teachers, chosen/adoptive families, online communities, etc. you will find it. And you will be safe. And you will be loved.

I wish you all the very best. May this movie and many others bring you as much joy as it did to me. <3

Shelter (2007) dir. Jonah Markowitz

[noxitsnox]

asking hyun-ju to do your make-up — headcanons

hyun-ju x gn!reader (implied fem!reader)

summary: you have a high school reunion to attend, but you don't feel like going out tonight. so ask your girlfriend to help you get ready.

tags: just pure fluff, hyun-ju is very sweet, kinda shitty writing ngl

a/n: i like make-up and i like hyun-ju so... why not?

usually you'd love to go out. you spend more time outside than at home.

most of the time hyun-ju comes with you wherever you go and you love taking her on this random dates, but if she's busy and she can't go with you you're not one who backs out. being able to spend time with yourself is important, after all.

but tonight you really didn't want to go to that school reunion. you could think of hundreds of reasons why you should stay home, on top of the list: staying home and spend the night with hyun-ju.

but she insisted you go, saying it would be nice to meet old friends.

"come on, you won't die during a two hours dinner" she giggled, her fingers playing with your hair. the two of you were cuddling on the couch, trying to delay as much as possible the time when you were supposed to be getting ready, because getting ready meant leaving. "i might die actually." she laughed again. "you have to go in an hour and you're not even dressed yet, you'll be late." you looked at hyun-ju and smiled, a bright idea in your mind. "do my make-up then."

and she did.

you did not expect it, you thought she'd just laugh it off. and here you are, sitting between her legs as she gently applies foundation to your face.

i think she'd be pretty good at make-up because she spent a lot practicing on herself.

she's working in silence, her fingers firm on your chin to move your face if needed.

the only words you hear from her during this time are the soft commands like "close your eyes", "look up" etc. etc.

you can't help but stare at her as she works on your lips. she's so beautiful when she's concentrated.

you try to kiss her right after, but she won't let you cause it'll ruin the make up :(

you will have to limit yourself to butterfly kiss until you come from the dinner.

she hugs you tight before you leave and you promise to be home soon <3

[v00do-d0ll]

This is my personal Batman Timeline that my friend Q helped me come up with. I mainly did this so I could figure out a way that Bruce is 35 by the time he gets Damien because for some reason just like Tim is forever 17, Bruce is forever 35 to me..

- Bruce graduates high school early ~ (age 16)

- Bruce goes to med school early ~ (age 17/18)

- Bruce Drops out and leaves Gotham to train ~ (age 18)

- Bruce comes back to Gotham and he becomes Batman ~ (age 20)

- Bruce adopts Dick ~ (Age 21, Dick is 9/10)

- Dick moves out at 18 ~ (Bruce is 28)

- Bruce gets raped by Talia ~ (Age 28) [it’s rape, idc]

- Bruce adopts Jason ~ (Age 28, Jason‘s 13)

- Jason dies at 15 ~ (Age 30)

- Bruce acquires Tim ~ (Age 30 [same year] Tim is 11/12)

- Bruce adopts Tim ~ (Age 32)

- Red hood shows up ~ (Age 34)

- Jason reveals himself ~ (Age 35, Jason’s age jumped, so he’s 19)

- Bruce finds out about Damien ~ (Age 35, Damien is 7)

I don’t really know why, but I like Bruce being a young dad with a horde of children.

And before you asked me why I didn’t do the rest of the kids and only the original four… because like I said, this whole thing was me trying to figure out how Bruce would be 35 once he gets Damien. I didn’t care about the rest.

[i-want-men-i-cant-have]

.. ❝ When You Were Alone,

I Was There Too ❞ ..

HOW THE VAGASTROM BOYS WOULD ACT IF THEY WERE YANDERES. ft. alan mido, leo kurosagi, & sho haizono

wc : 1.2k

warnings : sfw, gender neutral reader

request : Helloo! I saw that your requests are open and when i saw that you wrote for Frostheim i could not resist (not when there's barely any content for tdb that i could get my grubby hands on, let alone yandere). Anyway! I was thinking how would yan! Vagastrom act around with the reader? Take your time and hopefully this isn't uncomfortable :3 

ALAN is the most reasonable, violence-wise. sure, he has an ogre-like quality, but whoever said he wanted to hurt you? and, of course, whoever said he couldn’t hurt the people around you?

he might be one of the few yanderes who understand that you like your friends, and that makes you happy. if you’re happy, he’s happy—simple as that. however, if he starts doubting those “friendly” touches on your arm or the overly obnoxious laughter, he can just as easily take that privilege away.

even with all his ideas, the way he cares for you is oddly innocent. it’s sort of like those kids who take revenge in dodgeball or tag after their crush gets out—except it extends outside of the game…

mostly, it’s just roughing people up so they don’t talk bad about you. in reality, those girls in your class were just pointing out the sauce on your shirt that vaguely looked like something funny.

still, there’s no stopping him, so don’t waste your breath trying to explain your side of the story. he knows what he heard and saw. you don’t need to step in with excuses; you’re too kind for that.

he always has your “happiness” in mind, no matter what he does. this is all for your sake.

he’d definitely have a photo of you in his wallet or, when he goes on missions. maybe even a tiny locket with your picture inside. he’d get teased relentlessly for it, but he’d never stop wearing it.

maybe i’m stretching, but i see him as the type to have a secret shrine to you hidden in his room. it wouldn’t be anything big or extravagant, just something mellow—a lock of your hair here, a framed candid photo there, and a few candles sprinkled in. it gives him motivation, knowing that you’ll be there (in his heart) when he gets hurt because you’ll be there to (poorly) patch him up.

he’d be holding back drool if you bandaged his hands after a mission. you’d just assume his hands were twitching from exhaustion—or some medical term you’re not familiar with—when in reality, he’s trying not to pounce on you and show everyone who you belong to. we have to respect his self-control.

LEO the freak he is. we all saw what this man did with the takeru case—god knows what he’s capable of if he puts his mind to it.

he’s more of a traditional yandere than the other two: stalking, jealousy, manipulation—the works. and he wouldn’t even make it seem like a big deal. somehow, he’d make you so paranoid that you’d turn on everyone else except him, all while acting like it’s just another average afternoon.

he’d have the mindset of a love-sick high school girl crushing on a guy in the hallway who just broke up with her friend—so technically, she can’t like him.

he’d be burning holes into the back of your head, keeping a journal full of manifestations where you run to him and confess your love.

he curses every single person who talks to you or befriends you. he’s the only one worthy of you. why can’t you see that? (probably because he acts like you’re the devil incarnate.)

he’d blackmail some scary-faced sweetheart into chasing you home every day, not in a b-list horror game way, with losing stamina and blood-curdling screams, but in a psychological way. you’d feel someone watching your every move, sensing the breath down your neck as you walked home.

your stalker probably just thinks you’re available—or so leo tells you. “if this little stalker of yours knew you had a boyfriend, they’d back off. especially some scary man from vagastorm.”

alan? aww, that’s so precious leo could just die and take you with him! post it for the world to see!

clearly, he’s talking about the person who has dirt on every single per—no he’s not talking about tohma.

and you can’t forget they need to be attractive. good looking yet mysterious, aloof… are you schizophrenic? what janitor are you talking about?

him. the person is him.

if you have such low expectations for others, maybe you should leave yourself in his care. after all, he’s there for you: to protect you, to listen, to scare off anyone—all for you.

if only you realized he’s the one you should truly be afraid of. a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

soon, you start closing yourself off from your friends, all thanks to leo. but it’s really your fault, isn’t it? he keeps telling you not to trust them. “there’s no one stalking you,” they’d say. “you’re weird for making that up—for what? attention?” they’d accuse. so why bother trusting them when they wouldn’t believe you in the first place?

next thing you know, your friends are avoiding you. and all you have left is leo.

if only you realized they weren’t avoiding you—they were avoiding him. or maybe it was those marks on the back of your neck that you hadn’t noticed yet.

SHO would be the most reasonable of the three. it’s not like he wants to kidnap you and make you taste-test all his dishes while using his thumb to wipe stray sauce off your lips. oh, yeah, no. definitely not… he just doesn’t want to break the bond you already share. besides, it’d be a pain to explain why the honor roll student is locked in his room surrounded by twenty stacks of sandwiches.

there are other ways to get his point across. for example, he might “accidentally” brush against someone looking at you too much—with his motorcycle. who cares if bonnie has to be revoked for a month or two? the point will be made, and it’ll spread across campus.

sho respects both you and the art of cooking too much to consider drugging you. at least at first. but after a few months (weeks at most), he’s finally cracking, giving you the worst case of food poisoning in darkwick’s history (which, in reality, is just a slight tummy ache and a fever).

he’ll take care of you, curse the cafeteria attendant, and insist it wasn’t his cooking. don’t be rude—it’s obviously the school lunches! you know how stingy schools can be.

he’d use your illness as a chance to get closer to you: making soup, hand-feeding you, placing a cold towel on your neck, and rubbing your back as you throw up a third of your body weight. he might even clean your room (and pocket a few things, but who’s counting?).

can’t you see it? he has it all—he’s caring, can take care of you, and even cleans! come and get it while it’s hot, or before he’s off the market!

not strictly yandere, but i can see sho scaring you on a motorcycle ride. he wouldn’t actually scare you, but rev the engine, and go slightly over the speed limit, just enough to have you clinging to him for dear life. he’d memorize your scent and, the second he gets back, he’s inhaling the spot your body touched on his jacket.

[two-entire-bits]

Baritone Darry you are always in my thoughts

[milkoomi]

⋆˚࿔ a new canvas means a new you 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

a mini series on the art of becoming a better you

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3

chapter four — THE ART OF SELF RESPECT

when you live a life where you don’t respect yourself, your boundaries, your health, your mind, your emotions; just anything about you, you’ll end up living a life where you’re walked all over, where people take advantage of you, where you’ll find no successes or achievements— you live a life feeling lost and feeling empty, feeling like your mission in life is to be meaningless. we’re taught to respect others, but we’re never taught to respect ourselves. we, as individuals, need to have the highest level of respect for one person. that person being us.

ᥫ᭡. where to start

decenter men

i was talking about this the other night with my best friend, but way too many people (women, men, trans women/men, literally anyone) center their lives around men. the patriarchy has stolen so many people’s individuality, stripping them of finding their own personality, their own interests, opinions, hobbies, etc. and that is one of the main reasons people don’t have any self respect. decenter men.

a man should not, and never define who you are as a person. a man should never make you feel like you are undeserving of your own successes. a man should never make you feel any less than what you truly are! men should never be a source of validation for you as a person. it doesn’t matter if you’re a man yourself (cis or trans), it doesn’t matter if you’re a woman (cis or trans), and it doesn’t matter if you’re nonbinary/gender-nonconforming; you should never ever— and i mean ever— center your ideals, thoughts, opinions, hobbies, interests, and your entire self and life around a man.

too many people are so focused on men and what men think about them. and let me just give you some food for thought: when have you ever done something solely for yourself without the back thought of a man’s approval? i’ll admit, back in high school i spent all four years thinking about men and seeking validation from a man. from my freshman year all up until my senior year i was in back to back relationships because i couldn’t even fathom the thought of being without a man. and you know what that did for me? it made me miserable, it made me more insecure, and it made me put myself into situations that the person who i am now would be insanely repulsed by because what the fuck was i thinking? majority of my teenage years were spent centering my life around men, and i was miserable.

now, at my current age at this point in my life, i am so unbelievably lucky to be engaged to the man of my dreams, but! i remember when my partner and i first started dating, my therapist asked about 5-6 months into my relationship, “do you feel like you depend on him for your happiness?” and it made me think, “oh my god, what if i am? what if all the anxieties i have about my relationship are because i rely too much on him for my own happiness?” while my relationship with him is the healthiest, happiest, and most healing relationship i’ve ever been in, i had to learn to be okay with being by myself; with being in the company of my own, without him, because i can’t depend on him for company or happiness or peace— i have to depend on myself for those things, and he’s just my wonderful partner that i get to enjoy and experience life with. he’s not my entire life. he’s only a part of it.

you have to learn to be happy and to find peace with being by yourself. your whole life can’t be surrounding the idea of a man.

here are a couple posts that i’ve found to be really helpful with how to decenter men:

“decentering men and recentering yourself” by @honeytonedhottie

“how to decenter men” by @femmefatalevibe

stop seeking validation from others

not only do people seek validation from men, they seek validation from literally anyone. parents, teachers, bosses, friends, classmates, colleagues; people are looking from validation from all the wrong sources. you, yourself, should be the only person you seek validation from. you should be setting your own standard from yourself.

again, looking for validation from any outside source only makes you lose yourself more and more in the process. you forget all about what you want and need from yourself because you’re so focused on what other people need and want from you. validate yourself, affirm yourself, just be there for yourself. you don’t need anyone or anything else telling you that you’re doing something right. you’ll know what’s right for you because you should know yourself better than anyone else!

set boundaries

chapter three was all about learning how to say no and how to set boundaries, so i highly recommend going back to that chapter and reviewing it since i go more in-depth on that topic!

setting boundaries for yourself is one of the best things to do to regain your self respect. knowing what exactly you want from yourself and from others and setting that line will not only protect your happiness and peace, but it will also show an immense amount of respect that you have for yourself to others who may think that they don’t have to respect you.

ᥫ᭡. self respect as a whole

respecting yourself means respecting your peace, your privacy, your thoughts, your opinions, your emotions; you as a person. it protects you from things and people that could potentially harm you, whether it’s physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

protect your peace. protect your happiness. protect your mind and your body. when you disrespect yourself by partaking in an overuse of harmful substances, having unprotected sex with someone you don’t even have a genuine connection to, or accepting behaviors from someone who’s constantly hurting you or betraying your trust you become a doormat for people to walk all over you in life.

i have known too many people, myself included, who disrespected themselves and faced one too many hardships in life. it makes us miserable and that misery turns into so many mental health issues that can sometimes cause too much harm that it makes it 100 times more difficult to recover.

self respect doesn’t have to be hard. you can always start small by just taking care of yourself! this has been a recurring theme in this series, but here i am to say it again: prioritize yourself! respect that you have needs and wants and do things for yourself that make you feel good and that benefit you. self care is vital, and respecting the fact that your own health needs to be in check is a wonderful first step towards gaining more self respect.

you have to show up for yourself, you have to immerse yourself in activities/hobbies/media that’s actually good for you— not what you think is good for you, you have to be kind to yourself, and you have to love yourself, babes. seriously, self respect can be a really simple thing at the end of the day and it can come so easily to you if you just let it be. don’t make your life harder by disrespecting yourself.

ᥫ᭡. final notes

we’re nearing the end of this mini series! chapter five will be the final chapter! i’m so thankful that this series has been shown so much love so far and i hope that it’s been able to help you guys as much as it helped me! i know i’ve been writing all of these, but something about creating content like this really motivates me to keep moving forward with my own self improvement journey.

i hope you guys always know i’m with you every step of the way in this journey. you never have to walk it alone, trust me! i know i always talk about being there for yourself, but other people (who are genuinely worth it, of course) can be there for you too! we’ve all got the same goal: to better ourselves. it’s going to be a difficult and long journey, but we’ll make it together!

with lots of love, juno 🌷

[axxa-the-allikatt]

Soooooo I finally got some free time 😃✊ here’s your order of bllk characters with their short s/o with a side of some suggestive interactions 🤌. I’m making it a short series since I probably can’t finish so many characters in one sitting, so tell me if there is anyone specific you’re looking for. I’m gonna start off with my favourites, humour me.

***

1. Size doesn’t matter. I mean your height- your height doesn’t matter.

-Isagi definitely, but also anyone else who might fit this category like Bachira, Kunigami and maybe Niko + Any character from other shows that you think might fit, ignoring the mention of the bllk program <3

The first time you encountered him, the two of you were around only 11 years of age. You had been walking by the park, back home after school, when a ball had come flying at your face, knocking you squarely in the jaw. You had two broken teeth because of this, and the boy who had kicked the ball, our little sweetheart, had insisted on taking you to his home, bawling his eyes out all the way for no good reason, while you intermittently spat what blood was spilling from your gums, freaked out by the little crybaby.

Once all that confusion and worry had passed by, your parents had been given his address so that they could come pick you up.

And that was how you’d snatched a place in his life. That and the fact that once you had managed to get your hands on his address, you would randomly drop by his house on your way home, uninvited, scare the living daylight’s out of him, gratefully accept what titbits his mother would humorously provide you with, give his father a salute on your way out and never bring up the visit again.

Over the next three years, the two of you had gained a reputation as a pair, and it was a well known fact that wherever one of you were, the other was bound to be close by. So much so that your school teachers often questioned one of you when the other was absent to class.

You had grown fond of the silly boy you had met by chance and had often made him extremely flustered with your quite direct flirting conquests, while he hid behind his hands like maiden.

This was quite hilarious to due to the fact that over the years you had remained a short, skinny kid, where as the other boy had out grown you and was now both taller and more muscular due to his football training.

Your friendship came to an abrupt pause as you were to move across the world for your father’s job, with only a week’s notice to make the most of your time with the other boy.

In a moment of childish desperation, the boy had confessed to you asked you out on a date which earned him a good thwack on the head. For what joy was he asking when you were moving half way across the world in a few days and were going to return god knows when. But you had agreed nonetheless, admitting that you liked him too and that you wanted to make the most of your time with him. Ah. Young love.

Four years passed as you lived your life abroad, finishing high school, making new friends, having fun, not growing any taller, but most importantly, you had kept yourself up to date on the events happening in blue lock. Since when did your silly boy get so… egotistical? It was concerningly endearing.

Finally, you received news that you would be moving back to Japan, back into your old house, by yourself, to pursue your studies in psychology and you desperately hoped that he hadn’t moved in that time. The Blue lock program had ended a year ago, and he might have been selected for a team somewhere across the world.

Your fears dissolved into confusion then disbelief as you were met with the sight of the same boy waiting for you at the airport, with a stupid grin on his face, which was doing nothing to hide how obviously he was trying not to cry like the way you used to tease him about.

The second he laid his eyes on you he broke into a sprint, crashing into you as you tumbled over the luggage, putting your arms around him and spinning him around, bursting into laughter as his feet dragged around behind him. He had annoyingly gotten taller.

The two of you had somehow managed to get to his car before you gently pushed him against the door, crashing your lips onto his as he slid down against the door, lowering himself to your height.

Like I said, height doesn’t matter in your relationship. He’s more than eager to kneel to you. You’re the boyfriend.

***

Next up- the boys who think that since they’re taller, they’re the man in the relationship. They get put in their place 🪭. I’ll post it by next week. Probably.

[lolitastories]

Ours

Rafe Cameron

Description: This will be a short story on how two people who love each other find their way back to one another. They have a child together and have to focus on giving her the best version of themselves.

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

No matter the reason why Rafe and I weren’t officially together could ever make me deny him seeing his daughter. Rafe and I were two young to know what life would bring us after we met 4 years ago. At 19 I needed a change after graduating high school, so I moved to the outer banks. My friends came over to visit and when our pre campfire on the beach was rudely interrupted by a drunk girl, Rafe was there to watch as his friend Topper stopped the girl from starting a fight with one of my friends. My friend was more confident than me and invited them to stay and enjoy the sunset, since then Rafe and I spent most of our free days together. 3 years later I found out we were pregnant. Now I won’t admit I was scared because I wasn’t. Yet per my mother, my actions would tell you otherwise. When I found out I couldn’t block Rafe out of my life for even a day before he started sending constant messages and calling. I definitely couldn't ignore when he would personally go out of his way to come and find me. I was running out of places to hide so I had decided to move back home for a bit. I couldn’t stay too long because it would make my family suspicious, so thankfully being in my first trimester gave me the advantage to knock that reason out of the way. But soon I had to go back and face the decision I had made. The time back home had given me 3 weeks to think how and when I was going to tell Rafe about our future child. Since I was young, I knew I always wanted to be a mother, not this young but truthfully, I was jumping on clouds. The one thing I wanted to make sure before getting pregnant was choosing the right father for my children. He needed to be kind, loving, protective, but most of all understanding. Rafe was all of that and more. Not only did he have all those traits he also made me feel comfortable around him. He was the first man in my life that took care of the little girl who was scared to show herself. He brought out the pain and made it disappear. So, as I walked over to his property in Tanny hill I was determined to settle with whatever he chose to do with the information, that was until I saw him and another girl in his kitchen sharing a drink. I shouldn’t have gone into conclusion, but I was pregnant, and all my emotions were everywhere. I trusted him and when he found out I was back on the island he came to find me. He told me who she was and how he loved me. If it was me alone, I would jump on his arms and take him back, but it wasn’t. I needed to think of the little creature growing inside of me now, so after telling him I was pregnant I also told him I needed time to think about us. I wasn’t testing him, but this little person has become my world, and I needed to prepare to give them my all before welcoming it to the real world.

“We don’t like it here.” I hear the low and grumpy tone coming from behind me. As I turn, I let out a chuckle seeing Rafe and our daughter sharing the same expression. He had her hooked up to his chest as we were making our way to yet another antique store.

“I can understand it from her, but you need to stop acting like a baby.” I shut the tailgate of his trunk and started walking. I heard another groan but soon enough his heavy footsteps were getting closer and closer until he was walking alongside me.

“Promise me you won’t be like your mommy?” I roll my eyes and shake my head. I knew where this sentence was going. “Well,” I could feel his eyes on me, but I continued to walk towards the entrance of the store. “Maybe the good parts but when it comes to shopping, I hope you will drain my bank account at decent stores.” I grab the door hand and pull it open. Rafe walks in giving me a teasing look. I don’t respond knowing it would only lead to a longer conversation down a hole I don’t like. I walk over to grab a cart and walk over to where Rafe is waiting for me. “Every time you come into an antique store you buy nothing. Why do you always bring a cart?”

“Habit.” I shrug as I begin to look around. My mother, siblings and I would enjoy a Saturday in thrift stores and antique shops. We would later get food and rush home with a smile on our faces, it didn’t matter if we were carrying 12 bags or nothing, we were happy.

“Habits do die hard.” He says in a lower tone. I straightened up looking over to him as he played with our daughter's hands. I walk closer, placing my hands over his.

“And I am very proud of you Rafe,” As I looked into his eyes, I felt words choking to get out, but I held them down.

“What a beautiful baby.” Our heads turn looking over to a mid-thirties lady? as she smiled towards us. “Oh, look at her tiny shoes!” She squealed coming over to touch her small shoes. “I remembered my kid's feet being this small, almost making me want another little one.” We laugh alongside her. “Are you two planning to have more?” That question made my smile fade really quick. I looked over to Rafe who had a similar expression. “Either way you two are still young. Enjoy her this little and as much as possible because time goes by fast. You spend your time on things other than family and when you decide to give it priority it's too late.” Her words were like a knife stabbing me right in the heart.

“How many kids do you have?” I could hear their conversation faintly. My fingers began to tighten along the cart's handle. My body began to heat up while my head was spinning.

“Well, it was nice to talk to you two, but I have to find my two devils running around here somewhere.” I was functioning enough to give her a smile before she walked away.

“You, okay?” Rafe moves closer looking over my face. I nod slowly before shaking the uneasiness away and smiling up at him again.

“Yeah. We need to hurry if we want to catch the other stores before they close.” Rafe groans, throwing his head back.

“Oh, we wouldn’t want that now, would we?” I raised my hand to playfully shove him but then I remembered he was holding our daughter. “Did you see that?” he exaggerated as he turned to look down. “Mommy was trying to hurt daddy.” I roll my eyes and turn around to continue walking. My heart was melting when I heard our baby giggling at his fake studded words. “See, she agrees with me.”

“She does because she is such a daddy’s girl.” I turn my head to see Rafe smiling proudly as our baby looks up to him in admiration. “Just wait until she starts dating,” I bite my lips holding back a laugh to how fast his smile fell. “She will put you second,” I teasingly whispers.

“No, she would not! I will make sure of it because she won’t date until I am dead” I come to a halt and turn around to face him.

“I am %110 percent sure she would choose him and fight against you to keep the boy around.”

“Nothing backs up your statement.” He keeps his head high.

“She is a girl.” I simply state. “She will be smart but at the end of the day she is a girl. And as a girl myself I know it will happen because I happened to me,” He looks down with confusion on his face.

“What?” He questioned.

“I argued with my father because of a boy, till this day he still doesn’t like him. but I would do it again.” I don’t regret getting into an argument because of him. I choose the right choice to protect the boy's name, because he keeps on defying everything my father said he was going to do and be. “But don’t worry too much, you two will be okay.”

“Are you and your dad, okay?” I shake my head. I haven’t even told them I had a child. I know my father loved me but until I had Rafe, and I figured out, he would never accept it. I also am not in a hurry because it's my life and I am very happy.

“We will be.” I let out a sigh seeing how even our daughter was keeping quiet. “Let go because I am already hungry.” I smile, turning around to focus back on the shelves. I picked up a small book that read Collection Shakespeare: Hamlet. Before I opened it the book was taken from my hand. Rafe’s face comes to sit right beside my ear. His hot breath fanned down my neck and I could feel his smile radiate against my skin.

“Well until that happens, I can be your daddy,” He slowly whispers. His warm breath moves closer, and I couldn’t help but close my eyes when he places a kiss on the crook of my neck. It had been so long since I felt his lips on such a little intimate spot. When I regained my conscious back, he had already parted. I turned around to him, opening the small yellow book. “I will start by reading my two girls a book” I opened my mouth to speak but he held up his fingers to shush me. I watch our daughter enticed by his voice as he reads Hamlet. His eyes following along the words and looking over to me, when he sees a smile placed on my lips he continues his interpretation of the book. I lean against the cart and watch as he continues to be and grow into the father I prayed for my children.

[respectthepetty]

Choose Violence: Pick One - GMMTV Edition

This started because of a "we hear you, and we don't judge" post because I was thinking about a pair who has *the* show that everyone loves, but I wouldn't pick that show as the show that highlights them best as a pair. So I'm going to sit in my truth for the GMMTV branded pairs and pick which show I think highlighted them best as a branded pair.

However, in order for the couples to be in this list, the pairs must have acted as at least THREE different couples as of the end of 2024, so for example, JimmySea is out because they only have Vice Versa and Last Twilight. The implied relationship in Perfect 10 Liners doesn't count since Jimmy didn't appear. So by these standards, even Singto x Krist are OUT! Most of the "newbies" like Winny x Satang are out too, but not all of them!

Off x Gun

Senior Secret Love, Theory of Love, Not Me, Cooking Crush, The Trainee

These are the boys who started the list because I should pick Not Me, but I'm going to be honest with the crowd - COOKING CRUSH! It's been their best show. Fight me!

Tay x New

Dark Blue Kiss, Cherry Magic, Peaceful Property

Technically, they shouldn't be on this list because they didn't play a couple in Peaceful Property since it wasn't a BL, but this is my list and there is no way Polca wasn't going to be included, so it's canon to me, and therefore PEACEFUL PROPERTY is their best show! I wrote what I wrote!

Earth x Mix

A Tale of Thousand Stars, Cupid's Last Wish, Moonlight Chicken

It's way too soon to know how Ossan's Love will turn out, but even if it's great, I know my choice because it will always my choice - CUPID'S LAST WISH! They played comedy, drama, and romance. It gave them dimensions. It gave them the range.

Pond x Phuwin

Fish Upon the Sky, Never Let Me Go, We Are

Oh, this is soooo har---NEVER LET ME GO!

Force x Book

Enchanté, A Boss and a Babe, Only Friends, Only Boo, Perfect 10 Liners

I know I should pick A Boss and a Babe, and before 2024, I would have easily picked that show, but now I know that Force and Book have the range, yet have been handed some of the weakest plots that horribly typecast them, so my pick is the only one that did them true justice - PEACEFUL PROPERTY with a steel chair!

First x Khaotung

The Eclipse, Moonlight Chicken, Only Friends, The Heart Killers

They will always turn out the best performance, but I have to go with the reason we even got them in the first place - THE ECLIPSE. Easy.

Milk x Love

Bad Buddy, Vice Versa, 23.5

BAD BUDDY, duh.

Gemini x Fourth

My School President, Moonlight Chicken, My Love Mix-Up

Were they a couple in Bad Buddy? Doesn't matter because there is only one show here that proved to me that even if I hate their upcoming Ticket to Heaven, they will win all the awards for it because they can act and had me by the throat in MOONLIGHT CHICKEN. Good for them!

Junior x Mark

Midnight Museum, Cherry Magic, Perfect 10 Liners

I really think they are going to serve in Perfect 10 Liners, but just like Force and Book stealing my heart in one episode in Peaceful Property, Junior and Mark did the same in MIDNIGHT MUSEUM, and I still hope they are together in a parallel universe.

Boun x Prem

Until We Meet Again/Between Us, Even Sun, Cutie Pie

It'd be obvious to go with Win x Team since they played them twice, but fuck it, we ball, so it's CUTIE PIE for the established couple!

View x June

10 Year Ticket, Dangerous Romance, 23.5., High School Frenemy

I have to squint for some of these, but this is my list, so since I'm not getting them again, I'll do what I want! I'm giving it to the show I only watched fan-made videos of their parts - HIGH SCHOOL FRENEMY since I think they did best with hating AND pining.

Aou x Boom

Midnight Museum, Vice Versa, Hidden Agenda, We Are, Perfect 10 Liners

This is the hardest one because they have played a couple so many times and it all started with Enchanté where they weren't even a couple (right?), but even the tiny knowledge that Dome took over Boom's body in Midnight Museum had me in my feels! I'm confident that Memoir of Rati is going to be their best outing so far, but I still wouldn't be able to pick just one. DRAW because I think every version of a couple they have played is fantastic. Period.

Joong x Dunk

Star in My Mind, Hidden Agenda, The Heart Killers

I'm a Jaidee fan first, and a human second, so I love everything they have done, but gun to head, it'd be THE HEART KILLERS.

And it's only because the show leans into why I think they are a great pair in the first place since this is how they behaved in Safe House.

Basically, I think they are playing themselves.

A really loud kid pestering a quiet kid into leaving the house.

Choose Violence Bonus Round:

Ohm x Singto in He's Coming to Me is the best pairing either has had, and the competition isn't even close.

Thor x Fluke should have been a branded pair after The Warp Effect and could've easily pulled Wandee Goodday off (glad we got Great x Inn though).

And for Marc x Poon to be thrown together at the last minute, they are running circles around these established couples.

I wrote what I wrote. Fight me in a Texas Chicken parking lot, and come prepared because the streets raised me, and I'm Catholic, so I ain't afraid to go hard 'cause God will forgive me!

[paigesbasketball]

Echos of the Fallen

Chapter 1: A ghost in plain sight Shadow the hedgehog x reader Warnings: cursing/slowburn

Failure. Ghosts. Revenge.

If you had asked me to describe my life, those three words would sum it all up. Three words that captured the entire meaning of my existence. I wasn’t alone; I had a trusty team. Sure, I didn’t tell them everything, but I didn’t need to. They trusted me, and I trusted them enough. They were the closest thing I had to family, even if my real family had disappeared. My life took a turn for the worse once they were killed. I was put into foster care, bouncing from home to home… No mobian wanted a sad, broken girl who watched her parents get killed. The last thing my mother told me was to run. I was frozen as I watched a G.U.N. agent take her life.

When I aged out of the system, an old lady took me in and taught me to fight. She said she was too old to have kids, but she was fine with having me. I was quiet, did what I was told, and in return, she taught me how to defend myself. She would always say, “I will never leave a child in a world where they don’t know how to defend themselves.” Years with her taught me a lot. And when she died, I knew much more. She claimed that nobody should know who I really was if I wanted a fresh start. So that’s what I did. I went to a black site and bought a fake name and identity. As far as anyone knew, the old girl was dead—she died in a car crash. My "end" was my beginning. That’s when I found the closest people to my heart today… or what was left of it.

Scar: She's a high-level fighter, not better than me, who was kicked out of the agency for "playing too rough." I loved her from the start. Unless she trusted you, she played by no rules. I saved her from being homeless, so I guess that earned me her trust. Zero: A top-tier hacker who used his talents for the wrong reasons—greed. I don’t blame him; he was in a bad place, and he thought it was his last resort. Too bad the state doesn’t take fraud lightly. He did time, but got out on good behavior after helping the FBI. Once he was out of jail, I took him in. He started seeing me like a mother, and I made a promise to protect him. He was only 17. Viper: She was our supplier. I didn’t know much about her, but she had been jailed, and she knew everyone, though nobody knew her. She helped me out of a tough spot, and I’ve never had a reason to doubt her since. She was like that cool party girl who always knew what to do. Nova: She was our chemist. The weird part was she never went to school. I grew up with her in foster care, and when she expressed how much she loved chemistry, we clicked instantly. But she never went to school... She learned everything on the dark web. Part of me wishes she went to real school to make something of her life, but I knew she didn’t want to be normal. She hated normal. Her mother threw her into foster care because she was "weird." She didn’t like typical girl things, and her mother couldn’t stand it. Good thing we loved her for it.

September 28th, 5:00 PM

“Guys, come on, we’ve got 30 minutes,” I say, irritated. We have a mission to kidnap a G.U.N. agent for information—Carson Palo. A mid-tier lieutenant working for one of the higher-ups at G.U.N. The timing couldn’t be better—during the annual fall ball. G.U.N. hosts this event once a year, desperately trying to gain more money for their corrupt ways.

“Yo, Zero, we on the list?” I ask the finger-typing boy on his computer. He dramatically rolls his eyes.

“An art like this takes time, ladies,” he says with sass.

I roll my eyes. “You know what else doesn’t take long? Getting arrested,” I reply, matching his sass.

“Viper, how are we with G.U.N.?” I ask, turning to the cool-headed supplier.

“Looking good, Capt,” she says immediately.

At the Event

Scar and I make our way further into the event, both using fake names thanks to Zero. We spot our target, but not before I catch the eye of Shadow the Hedgehog. He stares at me, as though he’s never seen me before, and starts questioning the nearest person about my appearance.

I speak into my earpiece. “Girl, I think it’s time to wrap it up. A red-and-black hedgehog won’t stop staring at me. I think he’s getting suspicious,” I say, trying to get out of his line of sight.

Scar responds immediately. “Did you ever think maybe he finds you attractive? Or is growing old with multiple Chaos your thing?” she teases.

I roll my eyes. “First of all, Chaos are adorable, and second, I am not interested in anyone at the moment,” I say, scatter-brained, trying to move out of his view.

“Yeah, um... you trying to run from him isn’t working like you think it is. Just trust me, he’s hot on your tail, and looking hot, dare I say—”

I cut her off, “Get to the damn point.”

“Stop responding and listen. He’ll hear you. Keep walking until I say so.”

I follow her instructions, trying my best to avoid Shadow’s gaze. After a few seconds, Scar continues. “Okay, he’s seriously not giving up. I need you to distract him for, like... hmm... five minutes. Trying to seduce our target is hard, but I think I almost have it. The area you’re in is good. Turn around in three seconds.”

“Get me his name,” I whisper quietly.

I stop, take a deep breath, and turn around to be met with a handsome hedgehog staring back at me. Scar wasn’t lying.

Okay, five minutes. Four minutes, fifty-nine seconds…

“Hi, how may I help you?” I say to the grim hedgehog.

“Who are you? This venue is for G.U.N. agents only, and I haven’t seen you… ever,” he says, staring deeply at me, waiting for me to crack. Sadly for him, he wasn’t going to get that satisfaction.

“Well, I think the reason you haven’t seen me is because I’m new to the office,” I say smoothly.

“Wrong,” Zero’s voice cuts through the earpiece. “You don’t even work at G.U.N. Your persona is Danny’s wife.”

Shit.

“Hmph,” he mutters, looking at my name tag, which conveniently rests near my chest.

Fuck. I’m making Scar buy me an apple pie for this later... Two minutes remaining.

I slap him and raise my voice to draw attention. “YOU PERVERT STARING AT MY BREASTS! WAIT UNTIL I TELL MY HUSBAND ABOUT THIS!” I yell, playing the damsel in distress.

A few men rush to my aid and confront Shadow without even questioning who I am. Idiots... Men always want to be heroes without thinking.

One of the many reasons I prefer Batman over Superman. I wink at Shadow playfully as I make my escape out the back entrance. But a woman stops me.

“Ms., are you okay? Do you need to talk to someone?” she says, concerned.

I quickly form tears in my eyes. “N-no, I just need to be alone right now... T-thank you though. I just feel so violated.”

I rush out the door. It's been five minutes.

“Scar, I just put on a fucking performance. You better be done,” I say with venom.

“Yeah, I’m done. Calm your tits,” she says, letting out a snicker.

As I walk toward the van, I ask, “What’s so funny?”

Zero intercepts. “I don’t know what was worse—watching that ‘performance’ or watching an unscripted telenovela.”

He and Scar burst into laughter as I get into the van.

“Just erase me from the camera footage and shut up,” I say, taking out my earpiece.

“Is he out?” I ask Scar, curious.

“Like a light, thanks to this stuff Nova gave us.”

“Alright, time to do my favorite part. Interrogate.”

Back at G.U.N. (Shadow’s POV)

“Wow, Shadow, when I told you to flirt with a girl, I didn’t mean to violate them,” Sonic says, and Shadow shakes his head, brooding.

“I wasn’t looking at her breasts. I was reading her name tag because something was off about her. Yes, I admit, I initially followed her because I thought she was attractive, but I would never treat a woman like that,” he says, spitting with venom.

Sonic adds, “Ah, I believe you, buddy, but who was she? I’ve never seen her.”

Shadow rolls his eyes while sipping his drink.

“She said she was Danny’s wife.”

Sonic looks at him, confused. “What?”

“I didn’t further pursue after that,” Shadow says.

Sonic’s voice takes on suspicion. “Well, I don’t think Danny would care, considering he doesn’t have a wife.”

I nearly spit out my drink.

“WHAT!? Then who the hell was she, and how did she get past security?” I ask, confused.

“Well, wanna find out, buddy?” Sonic says with a grin. “An adventure with my buddy Shadow the Hedgehog sounds fun.” I scoff at the blue blurs enthusiasm.

All I cared about was one thing: Who the hell was that girl?

[searchingwardrobes]

Scarborough Fair 9/?

Yes, it's true. You aren't dreaming. I am finally updating this long-neglected fic! Not only that, but I will be finishing it. As a matter of fact, you will have an update every day this week. If anyone still cares, that is, lol. I know the fandom isn't what it once was. However, I suddenly got inspired again to finish this. So whether or not anyone reads it, it's getting the resolution it deserves. Why did I neglect it for so long? Writer's block. I just haven't written hardly a thing in at least a year, probably longer. So when I laid awake, unable to sleep because I was finishing this fic in my head, I was ecstatic. That's why I'm finishing it whether anyone reads it or not. Of course, if you are still reading it, may I politely suggest commenting? It definitely feeds the muse!

Rest assured, there will be an update tomorrow. I don't have much going on tomorrow, and I actually planned more in this chapter originally. So be looking out for that!

Much thanks to the two biggest fans of this fic, Krystal @kmomof4 and Marta @snowbellewells - re-reading your reblogs of this fic helped kick me back into high gear!

And as an extra treat, here is a picture of Emma's wedding dress in this chapter:

Summary: Seventeen-year-old Emma Swan has had a charmed life, despite being a foster child. She has a wonderful family who loves her, and the best friends in the world. The only thing that mars her idyllic existence is her birth mother: a homeless woman who mutters nonsensical rhymes and claims to be Snow White. One fateful night, however, Emma’s world is shattered. Perhaps her mother’s rhymes aren’t nonsense after all.

Rated: M for date rape, dubious consent, teen pregnancy, and sexy times (the good kind!)

Words: Over 1k in this chapter

Chapter One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight

Also on Ao3

Tagging:  (let me know if you wish to be removed or added):  @snowbellewells @teamhook @kmomof4 @jrob64 @xhookswenchx-reads-blog @thisonesatellite @welllpthisishappening @spartanguard @ohmakemeahercules @tiganasummertree @sparlecorn93 @sals86 @pirateprincessofpizza @xarandomdreamx @zaharadessert @huntressandlioness1 @jamif @undercaffinatednightmare @onceratheart18 @sparlecorn93 @sals86 @pirateprincessofpizza @xarandomdreamx @zaharadessert @huntressay

Liam and Ingrid, unsurprisingly, had concerns when they came home to Emma and Killian announcing their engagement. Anna, unsurprisingly, was bouncing up and down with joy. 

“Are you sure you’re proposing for the right reasons?” Was their main question for Killian.

“Well, the main reason is I love her,” he told them with conviction, “but it’s also the timing. She needs me. I know deep in my bones I was always meant to be her husband, so if she needs me now, why wait?”

“Are you sure you aren’t just accepting out of fear? Because it’s safe?” Was their main question for Emma.

Emma’s answer was delivered with just as much conviction. “It isn’t just that I feel safe with Killian; I love him. Shouldn’t love feel safe, anyway? And I feel the same way he does. If we waited five more years, or ten, or twenty, nothing would change. We’re meant to be together.”

Liam and Ingrid couldn’t pretend to be surprised. Both of them had noticed a soulmate type of connection between Emma and Killian for a long time. They also couldn’t deny the logic of the decision when it came to Emma’s security and the baby’s. There was only one other concern.

“What about school?”

“I can finish high school married just as well as I can single,” Emma told them with a shrug, and Killian vowed he wouldn’t get in the way of her education. 

“But Boston College, Killian?”

He squared his shoulders and looked his brother dead in the eyes. “I won’t be returning. I’ve already told my boss he can count on me full time with the construction company. He’s promoting me to a foreman position, so I can easily support Emma. When the baby’s a little older, I can enroll at Red Oak and get my degree there.” 

Liam wanted to argue, but there really wasn’t anything wrong with Killian’s plan. Lots of people worked a year or two, or longer, before getting a degree. He wanted to say that Boston College was a lot more prestigious than Red Oak, but he knew full well it was a pretty weak argument. Killian would save a lot of money by transferring to Red Oak, not to mention gaining job experience. He let out a long breath and shared a meaningful look with his wife. 

“Well okay, then,” she said, her signature grin filling her face, “let’s plan a wedding!”

*******************************************************

A date was set for mid-August, giving Emma two weeks between the wedding and the first day of her senior year. Unfortunately, Elsa wouldn’t be back from her study abroad program in time for the ceremony. It also gave them only three weeks to throw a wedding together. Thankfully, neither Emma nor Killian were big on grand ceremonies. 

The first item on Ingrid’s checklist was the venue. The bride and groom solved that easily: their own living room. Anna and Ingrid - and Elsa via Zoom - tried to protest that it was too small, but Emma just shrugged them off. 

“We can just pull out all the furniture and line up folding chairs. It’s not like we’re inviting that many people.”

Ingrid was concerned that the second item, the dress, would be impossible. Fate, however, seemed to be in their favor. Emma found a vintage dress that suited her personality perfectly at a thrift store downtown. She hadn’t even been dress shopping that day. Ingrid had taken her for ice cream after one of her prenatal appointments, and they had decided to stroll around the square with their ice cream cones. They were simply walking along the sidewalk, licking scoops of chocolate ice cream, and suddenly, there it was, displayed in a window. 

Emma wasn’t even sure it was meant to be a wedding dress, but it didn’t really matter. It was a cream colored, empire-wasted, sleeveless dress with one tier on the bottom of the long skirt. The fabric had a delicate floral pattern in light gold that shimmered when Emma moved. The top was a halter, which flattered Emma’s fuller bust due to her pregnancy. The empire waist also masked her growing baby bump and provided plenty of room in case she gained more in the next few weeks. When she tried it on, Ingrid started to cry. 

An employee stopped to admire Emma. “We just got that in yesterday,” she told her. “A woman told us it was her mother’s prom dress in 1976.”

Emma’s mouth fell open as she locked eyes with Ingrid. Her foster mother pressed her hands to her mouth and let out a happy squeak. 

“It’s fate, Emma,” she told her, and the two embraced. 

They left the store with the dress lovingly wrapped in its original box, having paid a whopping thirty-five dollars and seventy-five cents. 

 Every single item on Ingrid’s list was checked off with simple solutions by the bride and groom:

Killian’s tux? Well, if Emma was wearing a 70s prom dress from a thrift shop, Killian would find a thrift store suit, too.

The food? A potluck lunch would do just fine. 

The cake? The ones at the grocery store would do. As George Banks said in Father of the Bride, a cake is just flour, eggs, and sugar, right? Or something. 

The only thing Killian was concerned about was a place to live. Sure, he knew his brother and Ingrid would never kick them out, and there was at least a modicum of privacy in his attic suite. Still, it would be a little awkward, for one. More than that, however, was Killian’s pride. If he was really providing for Emma and the baby, he should be able to put a roof over their heads. 

His pride wouldn’t even allow him to go to his own brother with his concerns. Yet, Liam somehow knew anyway. Which was why he greeted Killian at the door one evening, a week and a half before the wedding, with a huge grin on his face and a slip of paper in his hand with an address on it. 

After hearing what Liam had to say, Killian raced eagerly up the stairs to Emma’s room with the good news. He came to a sudden stop in Emma’s open doorway, the smile falling from his face. She was sitting atop her bed, hugging a pillow, hastily wiping tears from her cheeks. Her mother’s journal rested atop the quilt beside her. 

“Hey,” Killian said softly as he entered the room, “what’s wrong?”

Emma slid over to make space for him on the bed, still trying to wipe the traces of tears from her cheeks. Killian picked up her mother’s journal as he made himself comfortable against the throw pillows along the headboard. Emma lifted his arm, put it around her shoulders, and tucked herself against him. 

“Is it the curse?”

She shook her head. “It’s my mom,” she told him softly.

He waited, rubbing her arm gently, and pressing his lips to the top of her head. Emma let out a shaky sigh before continuing.

“I wish I knew where she was. I’m getting married, and she doesn’t even know.”

Killian nodded but said nothing. Emma lifted her head just enough to look up at him. 

“Is it crazy that I wish she could be there?”

“Of course not. She’s your mother.”

“My insane, homeless, unpredictable mother who threw glass bottles at my head.”

Killian chuckled lightly. “True,” he tapped the green, cloth-covered notebook resting on the bedspread, “but I think reading her journal has given you a glimpse of the woman she was before. I think it’s made you realize, maybe for the first time, what you’ve lost.”

“That makes sense. I think I’m also worried that we haven’t heard from her in so long.”

Killian didn’t know what to say to ease her worries, so he cupped her face in his hand, tipped her chin up, and covered her lips with his. The kiss started gentle, intended simply to comfort, but then she responded so fervently and eagerly, that he lost himself. He shifted so she was beneath him, which caused a mewling sound to pass her lips that drove him wild. Emma slid her hand beneath his t-shirt, sending shivers up his spine as her fingers caressed his lower back. His hand grasped her waist, and his thumb slipped beneath the hem of her shirt. At the simple contact, Emma arched into him, and he began to trail kisses along her jawline. With one hand still on his back, her other hand threaded through his hair. She gasped when his lips trailed to the sensitive skin behind her ear, and something about the sound snapped him out of his haze of desire.

Killian pulled away abruptly and sat up, putting some distance between them. Emma still lay there on the bed, her face flushed, her hair splayed out on the pillows beneath her, a look of confusion marring her brow. 

“I’m sorry, Emma,” he said thickly, fixing his own mussed hair with shaking hands. 

“What for?” Emma asked indignantly, sitting up beside him. “We’re engaged.”

He turned to her and took her face gently in both hands. “I know. I love you, Emma, and I plan to cherish you. You deserve that. After everything you’ve been through, I’m not going to take you like this, hurried and frantic, thinking in the back of our minds that someone could interrupt us at any moment.”

Emma glanced sheepishly at the still open door and giggled. “Then close the door next time.”

He laughed with her and pulled her to him, holding her gently. He ran his fingers through her slightly tangled hair. 

“I want to make love to you. Slowly. Thoroughly.”

Emma shivered in his arms. “Are you trying to torture me on purpose?”

He laughed again. “I feel a bit tortured, myself, truth be told. But we only have a week and a half. Then we’ll have the time and the privacy we deserve.”

“Time maybe. But privacy?”

Killian pulled the forgotten slip of paper from his pocket. “Yes, privacy.”

Emma snatched it from his hand, looking at it curiously as she settled in the middle of the bed with her legs crossed. “An address?”

“Our address,” he told her, grinning broadly.

“For real?” Emma’s eyes widened.

“For real.”

Emma squealed and threw her arms around his neck. He laughed as she peppered kisses all over his face. 

“How?” she finally asked. 

“There’s a professor of archaeology taking a sabbatical to do a dig in Greece. He told Liam he was looking for someone to take care of his house while he’s gone. So it’s ours. For free.”

“For free?”

Killian shrugged. “Well, there are also some maintenance things on the house I’m agreeing to do for him free of charge, but basically.”

Emma gazed in shock and happiness at the paper in her hands. “It’s too good to be true.”

“It’s fate.”

Emma’s eyes shone with happy tears as she looked back up at him. “It really is.”

Killian was ready to throw caution to the wind and press Emma back down into the pillows when Ingrid appeared in the doorway. He was worried what she would say, seeing him on Emma’s bed, but Ingrid seemed too ecstatic to notice. 

“We’ve found her!” she told them. 

“Who?” Emma asked. 

“Your mom!”

[autisticfaun420]

More on HSN autism and poop I guess

My most popular post by far is my one about my struggle with fecal smearing not sure why. I guess I’ll give you guys a follow up cause I want to talk more about incontinence and how it has affected my life. Sorry new to tumblr and I don’t remember what tags to use so OCD people can filter so I hope this intro is enough of a trigger warning.

I’m gonna be blunt about it, what’s worse then smearing though is just being in public stuck in a shitty diaper really for a couple reasons. I can’t stop myself from having bowel accidents in public, and when I’m having them too I *look* like I’m having one, I can’t stop my legs from squatting like a little kid and there’s often an accompanying sound to go with it. I wish I could say this in a nicer way but I basically go from the tolerable quirky R word to the ew so disgusting R word real fast. People go from smiling at me at least to going to openly degrading me and making comments like I’m not in the room. People get bothered real fast, I can’t blame them it smells bad but it doesn’t change the fact on how I feel inside once I became old enough to realize this was going on. It’s hard for my parents and caregivers to find a place in public to change me and it’s often impossible. The restaurants I eat at, the places so visit, are all dependent on me having a single room bathroom because a proper adult changing station is a pipe dream.

God forbid I have a diaper blowout (where poop goes up the back and out the diaper), then whatever small amount empathy people have goes quickly out the window. I used to like taking the bus with my dad, I can’t do it anymore. I had one blowout on the bus and people acted like their life was in danger “ew ew ew oh my god the r word shit everywhere ew” from someone not even close to where I was sitting, people telling my dad how my mom should of handled her pregnancy, I learned what an abortion was that day. People become blunt when they are mildly inconvenienced with a bad smell and they think it gives them a right to dehumanize someone. I know it’s disgusting but maybe there’s something wrong with me but I don’t think the reaction warrants it. Not when I’ve been at people’s houses and the dog shits everywhere and people go aww he’s just a little guy to the dog. I wish I got that kind of reaction as an autistic child, infantilization is at least better then telling me I should have never been born.

I wanted to write more but sorry I’m crying now. I guess I’ll end it on a positive note. I mentioned in a previous post how one of my high school friends, who grew up with little brothers and cousins, had no problems changing me so we could hang out. I’m not saying that’s an accommodation I expect anyone at all to make for me who’s not a parent or a caregiver getting paid for it, but the fact that he never acted grossed out when cleaning me healed something in me. I would be so embarrassed shitting myself in front of my “cool” neurotypical friends, I would be tearing up and I opened up about it and how embarrassing it is and he basically told me fuck the haters and it’s not something I can control. I didn’t ask for it. A part of me believed I was doing on purpose and carried guilt and guilt leads to meltdowns and smearing incidents. “What do you mean all the cool kids poop their pants” he would say sometimes to make me laugh. During our hangout sessions I would whisper to him “cool pants” or text him that so he could discreetly take me to the bathroom. He’d do it wether he was drunk, stoned, or sober. And like I said in the other post, he was the only reason I was able to have the freedom to hang out without a caretaker or parent in high school and we could all smoke weed together without my parents knowing. I think they did know what I was doing and just let me have my teenage fun, I think my parents thought the weed chilled me out too, which is true, so they let me do it but my cannabis use is a topic for another day.

[luvo27]

just so we're clear: the reason i used so many words to describe the steph &/ cass relationship in the fic that does not exist is because the theme of that nonexistent fic is about the wonderfully complex nature of aspec relationships and how language serves and also fails to accurately describe them and the way that the world can try to impose a type of relationship in an attempt to either understand or make more palatable what is not something that can be easily understood, and so boiling it down to steph/cass or queerplatonic steph/cass or steph&cass would go against what i'm trying to do, even if the fic in question literally does not even exist. so why am i still talking about this nonexistent fic?

this is an excuse to talk about my feelings regarding aromantic and asexual representation on ao3. (note that i say on ao3, and not in fandom in general because this is me talking about my specific personal experiences, which mostly take place through ao3)

BIG DISCLAIMER THAT I WENT BACK AND ADDED IN BECUASE THIS WENT OFF THE RAILS: this is based on PERSONAL EXPERIENCE and FILLED WITH MY BIASES and was written IN A HAZE. (that being said this is something i've thought a lot about over months if not years.)

that tiny disclaimer aside, it goes without saying that fandom as a whole is primarily motivated by shipping, and so fanfiction on ao3 is primarily focused on shipping as well. shout out to this one time i was in high school and reading fic and someone asked (with good intentions) what ship i was reading for, and when i answered none, they asked (again, with good intentions,) what the point of doing that was. this, as you might imagine, made me feel weird to say the least! anyways, go on ao3 and the majority of fandoms will have an m/m pairing in the top most written. go into a small number of fandoms, and an f/m or f/f ship will hold the top spot. (femslash in fandom is a completely different topic) how many fandoms have platonic relationships at the top?

anyways i got curious so working off the knowledge that i have i did some quick looks at a handful of different fandom tags. fandoms which had platonic relationships at the most popular that i expected: dream smp and teenage mutant ninja turtles (all media types). honestly i was a little surprised to see that platonic relationships were at the top for both batman (all media types) and batman (comics), and I was expecting umbrella academy to have a platonic relationship at the top, but it was actually Dave/Klaus! in dr who and related fandoms, there aren't any platonic tags that break the top 10. and ohoho, here's where we get into it: dimension 20's top written relationship was fig/ayda, followed by riz/fabian in second place.

luvo, why did you say here's where we get into it? well, i just talked about the way that fandom focuses on shipping over platonic relationships, but i'm here to talk about aro/ace characters! in ao3's advanced search, if you look for fics with 'asexual' in any category, there are as of 1/7/2025 a total of 67,515 works. looking up 'aromantic' in any category whittles it down to 26,845 works. out of the over 14 million works posted on ao3? (number pulled from wikipedia) these are small numbers, but IT GETS BETTER. if you click on the AROMANTIC TAG, the top written relationship in the AROMANTIC TAG is a SLASH SHIP. (Alastor/Vox, Hazbin Hotel at 533 works.) sort fics under the aromantic tag by kudos, and the first fic under the gen category instead of m/m or multi is the 6th work down, and overall, gen works account for 6,950 out of 18,413 works under the aromantic tag.

my point being, only a small number of fics written with platonic relationships add to aro/ace rep in fic, and following that, when aro/ace characters ARE represented, it seems to be...how do i put this...typically with a shipping lens?

let's take a step back. I want to ask the question of how many canonically aromantic and/or characters exist. just. exist. wikipedia has a decently respectable list of asexual characters in fiction, as well as a much shorter list of aromantic characters in fiction. quick disclaimer that some medias are not represented such as podcasts (jon magnus archives?) or ttrpg shows (riz gukgak?)

what i will point your attention to is: how many of these characters are made explicitly aromantic or asexual within the text of their media? answer: not a lot of them. the majority of these characters have their sexualities confirmed in behind the scenes type things, such as Victor's (Arcane) voice actor saying he's asexual in an interview, Lilith (Owl House) confirmed asexual? or aromantic? over a charity livestream and twitter, Max (Miraculous Ladybug) confirmed asexual in a tweet, etc etc. kudos to Todd and Yolanda (Bojack Horseman) for being confirmed asexual in the media they're portrayed in! these all taken from the asexual characters page, the trend follows in the page about aromantic characters: namely, that if characters are aro/ace, typically explicit confirmation of these identities takes place outside of the media they're portrayed in.

why is that important? because without an explicit confirmation, it makes it a lot easier for denial of these identities to occur. yes, maybe it was the intention of the creators, but look. once a story leaves the author's hands, it belongs to the audience and intentions often have little to no bearing. additionally, if you're reading this then you probably understand that people will also deny coding characters as being gay or bisexual without an explicit onscreen kiss or declaration or some such. and why is this important?

putting the pieces together: characters can be confirmed as allo lgbtq+ through physical acts portrayed explicitly in their stories. characters who are aro/ace, well. more often than not, they can't. they're relegated to being coded as such, and confirmation, no matter how strong the coding, can often be easily ignored or possibly never even heard of.

do not get me wrong, I GET IT. Characters exist in settings where they don't have the word aromantic, or maybe it wouldn't be in character for them to say it as such. I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY. one of my most popular fics i've posted is about Riz Gukgak and his struggle with internalized aphobia. the words aromantic or asexual do not appear ONCE in the fic. In the sequel, A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CHARACTER has to say the words, and RIZ NEVER ACTUALLY CONFIRMS HIS IDENTITY. I UNDERSTAND THE STRUGGLE.

let's continue down the riz gukgak train. here are the facts: a sizable number of fans of dimension 20's fantasy high would say that riz gukgak is heavily aro/ace coded, with scenes such as:

making up a fake partner ("Clearly you haven't been kissed yet." ... "Actually, I'm dating somebody in the Baronies." Fantasy High Sophomore Year, Sophomore Start, 1:26:55)

being told that he is afraid of his friends leaving him for romantic relationships, (“The years will go by, and everyone will find someone that matters more to them than you do.” - Fantasy High Sophomore Year: Fearful Symmetry, 46:24)

telling his dad that he doesn't want to have sex ("yeah, I don't know... it just isn't happening yet? Like, not even just the act is not happening yet, like me wanting to do it." "It's not happening?" "It's not happening yet. And my friends are all like, [whispered] super horny." - Fantasy High Sophomore year, My Green Heaven, taken from a conversation around the 33 minute arc)

additionally, in an adventuring party episode of a spinoff series, the seven, Brennan Lee Mulligan says that Riz is asexual. ("...in a scene, Murph's character lies about having a partner, like a romantic partner, because Riz is ace, is asexual." - Adventuring party, season six episode eleven at 31:22 )

with all the love to my friends over in the d20 fic server for hunting these quotes down for me. truly my life is made all the better by the d20 fic community in a way that i will never know how to describe

here are some more facts! late march of 2024, with the release of the episode Baron's Game, I was lurking around the fhjy tag on tumblr. given the nature of the internet, there was discourse about riz and his identity, or his lack thereof. apologies to my d20 friends reading this who i love a lot, my rendition of a summary of said discourse follows below:

"if he's only coded to be aro/ace, that doesn't make him actually so. Brennan Lee Mulligan isn't the person who plays Riz, and him saying that he's ace is in behind the scenes content for a different show. Additionally, he only says that Riz is asexual, not aromantic. And even if Riz is aroace, aroace people can still be in romantic and sexual relationships, or a queerplatonic one!"

"why does it seem like everyone is ignoring the fact that riz is aroace? Kristen Applebee's sexuality (lesbian) would never be erased to ship her with a guy, so why are so many people doing it to Riz? Writing Riz in queerplatonic relationships is inaccurate because he's shown to be uninterested in relationships resembling anything like romantic ones, it seems like people are only interested in writing queerplatonic relationships as an excuse to write aromantic characters in the ship dynamic they want to," etc, etc. you get the gist.

let's get something straight about my stance on what people can and can't do with fictional characters: you can do literally whatever you want forever. ship riz in a romantic and sexual relationship. don't. whatever. i do not care. i do not care. he's not real. he's a fake character. he is a character. he exists for the audience to do literally whatever they want with him forever. i'll argue for someone's right to ship this character in whatever way they want. if they go down i go down with them-

ahem. sorry. my overall stance on fan creation crept into this thing that's supposed to be about how aro/ace characters are represented in fandom. whoops.

no, but let's talk about that. so, my personal interpretation of riz gukgak is that he's aroace and both romantically and sexually repulsed. i'm fairly confident in saying that my interpretation is supported by canon. some of my friends interpret riz and fabian seacaster's relationship as a queerplatonic one and they write fic about it, and i've read some it it, and i enjoyed it a lot!! and their interpretation is also supported by canon!! some people will interpret riz as simply being a late bloomer! or demi! or whatever! and guess what!!!! this will also have basis in canon!!!! gasp. shock. it's almost like stories exist for a wide variety of people to interpret them however they want to and i'm back to my philosophy on how we interpret stories in general stay on task luvo this is already too long.

so. recap. there aren't a lot of aro/ace characters who exist. often, their sexualities are reliant on coding due to the nature of the identity, and confirmation if it exists is often found behind the scenes instead of in the media. relatively, there isn't a lot of aro/ace fic on ao3. within that aro/ace fic, there's often relationships tagged with the typically romantic and/or sexual slash.

let's talk about aro/ace characters written in relationships of the romantic, sexual, and queerplatonic variety. mostly the queerplatonic variety. look, the thing is that sometimes it's easier to write a good story explicitly about being aro/ace if it's also a story about finding a queerplatonic relationship. sometimes it's easier to write a good story about being aro/ace if it's a story about finding a romantic and/or sexual relationship. writing the story comes down to the same reason so many aro/ace people struggle to find their identities in the first place: how do you find something that isn't there? sometimes, you do that by focusing on what is there.

let's keep going down this train. there aren't a lot of aro/ace characters. there are a hundred million different unique and complicated ways to have a romantic, sexual, queerplatonic, or straight up platonic relationship. Every single story written about aro/ace characters in relationships of any kind will resonate with someone, whether that's the person who wrote it, or someone who will read it. people write fic about characters in queerplatonic relationships that are exactly like what would generally be considered a conventional romantic relationship, and the only difference is that the characters refer to it as a queerplatonic relationship. thinking ungenerously, maybe this fic was written by an allo writer who just wanted to write a ship. The thing about fanfiction and its growing popularity, is that i would put money on the fact that this has happened, and at least one aspec reader stumbled upon it and their mind was blown and they felt seen.

the first fic i ever wrote with an aroace character tag was 1.8k words, posted over a year ago, and quite honestly i don't think it's very good. i wrote a second fic with the same character tagged as aroace again almost half a year ago, and again, not one of my personal favorites. but I got comments on those fics where someone felt seen, and were happy that they got to see this character be aroace, and were happy to see that this character got a happy ending, if a nontraditional one.

and remember when i brought up the slash fic under the aromantic tag? if you look under the tag Queerplatonic relationships, at the time i'm writing this there are 14,400 works. 5,941 of those are gen, the rest fall into m/m, f/f, m/f, multi, and other. the thing is, there isn't a signifier for queerplatonic relationships. a lot of the time to indicate one, authors on ao3 will use &, /, or a combination, or whatever. the fact of the matter is that the words romantic, platonic, and queerplatonic are doing so much work to carry such a wide variety of how a relationship is expressed, and even if there was a symbol to indicate queerplatonic relationships, (which there are in some places. the comic fan fiction author archive uses ~ to indicate qprs,) there are a hundred thousand different ways for qprs to look like.

um so. i started writing this like maybe 2 or 3 or more hours ago and i don't even know if i have or have ever had a point and this is extremely rambly and not organized in the slightest, but if i do have a point, it's something like:

there aren't a lot of aromantic characters. there aren't a lot of asexual characters. there aren't a lot of aro/ace coded characters. there definitely aren't enough to encompass the incomprehensible number of ways that people can experience or express their identities, and there are never going to be. the human experience is too wonderfully diverse for that, and it's too difficult to distill into the pitifully small vocabulary we have. my point might be to touch grass. by which i mean, don't like don't read, and remember that people are just that: people, with lives and worlds and perspectives of their own, and some of them you will never be able to understand, and sometimes you're not meant to understand them, and they are deserving of love regardless.

[silver-hwaberry]

ONE: i can see you...

Warnings: bullying, implied eating disorder and mentions of controlled eating but no details

Word count: 4.6k

⭑2016⭑

Yeonghwa let out a heavy sigh as she plopped into her usual seat at the back of the classroom. The School of Performing Arts Seoul was both a blessing and a curse for Yeonghwa, being the youngest member of the popular 5 member K-pop girl group Moonlight. Not only was she the maknae of the group, she was also the main dancer and lead rapper but also a vocalist too, and had been dubbed ‘Koreans sweetheart’ by the media too.

As she gazes around the room, she could feel the weight of the judgemental stares and hushed whispers following her every move. Despite her fame, high school was still a daily struggle for Yeonghwa. Even though she had debuted two years earlier and found success, she was still only 17 years old and had to attend high school in Korea. Her hectic schedule often kept her from attending class on a regular basis and made it difficult for her to keep up with her studies compared to her peers. She was also the only member of her group who was still in school.

The pressure of being a popular idol while also trying to maintain her education was overwhelming. However, it was a requirement set by her parents when they allowed her to move from Yeosu-si to Seoul at the age of 13 to become a trainee. "Don't forget about your education," they told her, and she was determined to make them proud by excelling in both areas.

As she pulls out her textbooks, she feels the weight of dozens of eyes on her.

"Did you see her performance last night?"

“What was she even wearing? It was hideous!”

“Her ass is way too big to be wearing that skirt last night! It would have looked much better on Jinni instead.”

“No way, Haneul would have rocked that outfit! Don’t know why they give it to her!”

“Probably because she would have had a tantrum at someone else being centre of attention. Little Miss Attention Seeking once again!”

"They need to kick her out of the band, Areum is a much better dancer and she can actually rap too.”

The murmurs swirl around her, a constant reminder that she didn't belong here. Her phone buzzes, and she discreetly checks it under her desk. It was a message from Haneul, their leader:

"Meeting with the manager after school. New variety show opportunity for you."

Yeonghwa's stomach clenches. Another commitment to juggle. Another reason she'll fall behind in class. But she knew better than to complain. This was the life she'd chosen, the dream she'd fought so hard for. She'd make it work somehow. She always did.

Yeonghwa puts her phone away and keeps her head down, trying to focus on the lesson ahead. Just as the teacher was about to begin, the classroom door slides open suddenly causing everyone to look over.

"Sorry I'm late!" A tall boy with a kind smile rushes in, bowing apologetically to the teacher.

"You must be the new student transferring into my class," the teacher responds.

"That's me!" The boy grins, clearly excited to be joining the class.

The teacher awkwardly turns to address the class, struggling to remember the boy's name. "This young man will now be joining our class. Let's all make sure to give him a warm welcome."

"He's so good-looking!" Yeonghwa hears from the girl sitting in front of her.

“You can sit over there, beside Aria!” the teacher points at the empty seat beside her

Yeonghwa feels her chest tighten as some quiet laughs are heard around the room. She hated people calling her by her stage name. As he makes his way to his seat, his eyes meet Yeonghwas. Instead of the usual judgement or disdain she was used to, she saw warmth.

The boy slides into the empty desk beside her. "Hi," he whispers, offering a friendly grin. "You're Yeonghwa, right?"

Yeonghwa nods cautiously, waiting for the other shoe to drop. But his smile only widens. "Cool! It is nice to meet you! I’m Yunho!"

She blinks, caught off guard by Yunho's friendly demeanour. She opens her mouth to respond, but the teacher's sharp voice cuts through the air.

"Yunho, Aria, is there something you'd like to share with the class?"

"No, sir," Yunho replies smoothly. "Just introducing myself to Yeonghwa."

The teacher narrows his eyes. "Well, do it on your own time. Now, if everyone can get their textbooks out we will begin with..."

“Oh I don’t have a book for this class yet.” Yunho whisper quietly.

Yeonghwa slowly slides her textbook towards the centre of their shared desks, allowing Yunho to read from it as he thanks her. As the lesson continues, Yeonghwa can't help but glance over at Yunho every now and then. She is both curious about him and apprehensive, wondering if he will make a snide comment or try to take a covert photo of her like everyone else does.

In the middle of class, a wadded up paper lands on her desk. She carefully unfolds it, fully anticipating yet another mean joke directed at her. It had become commonplace for notes to be tossed onto her desk, teasing and mocking her. However, when she opened this one, she was surprised to find a drawing of their teacher with exaggeratedly large ears and the caption: "Do you think he could pick up satellite signals with those? Or is it just me?"

Yeonghwa tries to suppress a giggle as the teacher gives her a stern glance. Yunho shoots her a sly wink, and she feels a flutter in her heart. As the class progresses, Yeonghwa finds herself surprisingly interested and engaged. Having Yunho by her side seems to protect her from the usual judgemental whispers and glares of her classmates.

While the teacher has his back turned, Yunho leans in closer to Yeonghwa. "Do you think his ears are more like a satellite dish or an elephant's?" he whispers.

Yeonghwa stifles a laughter and responds, "Definitely a satellite. I bet he can pick up signals from other planets."

Yunho feigns seriousness as his eyes widen. "That would explain a lot." before laughing lightly.

Just then, the teacher spun around, eyeing them suspiciously. Yeonghwa quickly pretends to be engrossed in her textbook, while Yunho adopts an expression of angelic innocence that was so over-the-top it nearly made her snort.

As soon as the coast was clear, Yunho scribbles another note and slides it her way. This time, it was a rough sketch of the teacher with antennae sprouting from his ears, captioned: "Houston, we have a problem."

Yeonghwa couldn't help it - a giggle escapes before she could clamp her hand over her mouth. The teacher's head snaps up, his gaze zeroing in on her like a heat-seeking missile.

"Aria, is there something amusing about the Pythagorean theorem?"

Yunho jumps in before she could stammer out a response. "Actually, sir, I was just asking Yeonghwa if she could explain it to me later. Math isn't my strong suit."

The teacher's eyebrows shot up. "Well, that's... commendable. But please save your study plans for after class."

As he turns back to the board, Yeonghwa shot Yunho a grateful look. He winks back, then mouths, "Nice save, right?"

She rolls her eyes, but couldn't quite hide her smile. For the first time in ages, she actually felt like a normal high school student. It was... nice.

As the lunch bell rang, the two girls sitting in front of him immediately turned to face him. Their curious gazes were met with a polite smile from Yunho.

"So Yunho, how are you finding SOPA?" one of them asked, leaning in with a smile.

"It's only my first day, but I'm enjoying it so far," he responded confidently. Beside him, Yeonghwa hurriedly gathered her belongings, her head bent low.

“Some students are more skilled than others,” the other girl remarks. Yunho picks up on her tone and notices the glance she directs towards Yeonghwa. “We can show you who they are.”

Yunho's eyes shift towards Yeonghwa, noticing her tense posture and how she has pulled her long hair to cover her face as she looks down. She seems to have retreated within herself, just as she was when he first joined her this morning. Gone is the playful and open demeanour she had displayed with him moments ago. He couldn't help but notice the looks their classmates had been giving her during their lessons as well and it dawned on him that this was a regular occurrence for her.

Yunho responds firmly, "Thank you for the offer, but I think I can manage on my own. Actually, I've already made up my mind about 2 of them." His eyes narrow slightly as he looks at them

The two girls exchange glances, visibly surprised by Yunho's response.

"Oh really?" the first girl asks with a sugary smile, though her eyes betray her true feelings. "And what have you decided?"

"That they're exactly the type of people I avoid," Yunho says cheerfully as he gathers his books. "You know the kind - they think they're better than everyone else because they talk behind people's backs. Jealousy really is an ugly thing."

Yeonghwa's head snaps up, her eyes wide. A few students nearby, who were clearly listening in, suddenly find something else to focus on.

"Excuse me?" the second girl splutters, her cheeks turning red. "You can't just say that! We don't even know you!"

"And thank god for that," Yunho retorts, getting to his feet. He turns to Yeonghwa. "Come on, let's get out of here."

The two girls storm off in a huff as Yeonghwa stares at Yunho, trying to process what just happened as all the students begin filtering out the classroom, Yunho and Yeonghwa gather their things and are the last to leave.

“Are you alright?” Yunho asks, his tone filled with concern as he worries that he may have crossed a line.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she says, grateful but also feeling guilty.

“I did it because I can’t stand people who act like they’re better than others when they really aren’t,” he replies with sincerity. “And because I really did not like the way they were speaking to you and looking at you.” he adds feeling a slight blush creep on his cheeks

“Thank you for standing up for me,” Yeonghwa says shyly. “And for not calling me Aria either.”

"Well, Aria is just your stage name, right? Here at school, I figured it was better to use your real name, Yeonghwa."

Yeonghwa nods gratefully, glad that he understands the difference. “Yes, I prefer Yeonghwa, especially in this setting. But most people keep calling me Aria and it drives me crazy!” Which Yeonghwa knew was exactly their intentions when they call her it.

Yunho nods in understanding and leans in, speaking quietly. "Can I ask a question? Does the teacher always look like he's sucking on a lemon, or is that just for my benefit?"

Yeonghwa lets out a loud laugh and tries to hide her amusement behind her hand. "No, that's just his normal expression. I don't think he knows how to smile."

Yunho grins and adds, "I'll remember to include that in my 'SOPA Survival Guide.' Right after 'Avoid the cafeteria food at all costs.'"

"That's not even the worst part," Yeonghwa groans. "Trust me, bring your own lunch if you don't want to glow in the dark."

“Well, that works out perfectly because I have no intention of having lunch here anyway,” he chuckles.

“Why’s that?” Yeonghwa asks with curiosity

"My friend attends a nearby school and I prefer to join him for lunch." he explains as they descend the stairs. "He's a slow eater and feels self-conscious about it, so I like to keep him company."

"Oh," Yeonghwa smiles, "That's really kind of you."

“And what about yourself? What do you usually do for lunch?” he asks.

Yeonghwa shifts her gaze towards the floor. "Um.. I actually don't eat lunch at the moment."

Yunho stops in his tracks and turns to face Yeonghwa. "Why?" he asks, furrowing his brow.

“Comeback is in 3 weeks so.. you know, need to make sure everything fits and looks good.” she replies with a small shrug.

Yunho's expression changes to one of disbelief as he processes her words. "Let me get this straight. You're starving yourself just to fit into some ridiculous outfit?"

Yeonghwa fidgets with the strap of her bag. "It's not like that. It's just... you know, part of the job."

"That's bullshit," Yunho says firmly, his voice low but full of conviction. "No job description should require you to harm your own body."

Yeonghwa raises her head, surprised by his bluntness. "You don't get it. In this industry-"

"In this industry, they see you as a commodity instead of a person," Yunho interrupts. He runs a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. "I understand the pressure and expectations. But starving yourself? That's fucked up."

Yeonghwa bites her lip, unsure of how to respond. Part of her wants to defend herself, but another part is relieved that someone is acknowledging the truth. "I do eat, just not as much as most people. And it is only for comeback season, after that I go back to eating normally!"

Yunho rolls his eyes. "That's not healthy! As a trainee, I know my company makes sure we are well-fed and taken care of. Yours should be doing the same for you too!”

Yeonghwa is surprised. "You're a trainee?"

Yunho nods, his expression softening. "Yes, at KQ," he confirms. "Okay, new plan. You're coming to lunch with me and my friend."

"What? No, I couldn't possibly-" Yeonghwa starts to protest.

"Yes, you can," he insists firmly. "I won't make you eat if you don't want to. But just come hang out with us for a bit and get away from this place. And I think you'll really like my friend Mingi too!"

“Yunho, I am not allowed to leave the building until my manager picks me up.” she anxiously bites her lower lip, “Or go anywhere without him either.”

Yunho's eyebrows raise in surprise. "Seriously? Are you Rapunzel or something? This is a school, not a prison."

Yeonghwa sighs. "More like a gilded cage."

"Well, consider me your dashing rescuer," Yunho grins, then immediately winces. "Shit, that sounded way less cheesy in my head."

"My knight in shining armour," Yeonghwa deadpans, though there's a small smile on her face.

Yunho leans in and looks around secretively. "Okay, here's the plan. We create a diversion. Smoke bombs might work, or maybe we could train a monkey—"

"A monkey?" Yeonghwa laughs and shakes her head. "As tempting as your primate-powered jailbreak sounds, I really can't risk it. My company would flip their shit if they found out, not to mention Haneul would probably have an a stroke!"

"Yeah, my leader would probably do the same. Hongjoong's head always looks like it's about to pop off, and there aren't many of us training," Yunho chuckles.

“How many is there so far?” she asks with curiosity

“Only four - Hongjoong, Mingi, San, and myself. San joined us fairly recently.” Yunho answers. “There is someone we are trying to poach from another company as well that others are wanting. Hongjoong wants him badly so hopefully we will have a new person soon too.”

“Mingi? The friend you’re meeting for lunch?” Yeonghwa clarifies.

"That's him! We met years ago at a dance academy, and then we both ended up auditioning for the same company without even knowing it. It was fate," he laughs before frowning and tapping his chin thoughtfully. "Okay, new plan 2.0. We'll bring lunch to you. I'll text Mingi and-"

"No!" Yeonghwa's eyes widen in panic. "You can't do that. If anyone sees..."

"Don't worry," Yunho reassures her, holding up his hands. "We'll be stealthy. Like ninjas. Or really clumsy spies."

Yeonghwa hesitates, her lips caught between a smile and worry. "I don't know..."

"Come on," Yunho nudged her playfully. "Live a little. What's the worst that could happen?"

"You want me to give you a list of all the worst things that could happen with that plan?" Yeonghwa arches an eyebrow.

"Point taken," Yunho concedes. "But consider this: free food."

“I honestly can’t anyway because of last nights performance I wasn’t able to finish my homework for our next class so I am on my way to the library.” she says, “But go have lunch with your friend and we can maybe have a ninja picnic another day.”

Yunho sighs dramatically causing Yeonghwa to giggle lightly. "Well, if you change your mind about our super-secret ninja lunch, just give me the signal."

"The signal?" Yeonghwa raises an eyebrow.

"You know, like..." Yunho proceeds to do an elaborate series of hand gestures that look more like a drunk person swatting at invisible flies than any sort of coherent communication.

Yeonghwa bursts out laughing. "What the hell was that supposed to be?"

"Ninja sign language, obviously," Yunho replies with a perfectly straight face. "Don't tell me they didn't teach you that in idol school."

Yeonghwa lets out a scoffing laugh. "I must have skipped that class," she remarks. "I was most likely occupied with perfecting my polite smile and wave, trying not to look like I'm having a fit."

"Ah, crucial life skills," Yunho nods sagely. "Well, I'd better go before I'm late. Can't have my friend thinking I've been abducted by the SOPA aliens."

As he turns to leave, Yeonghwa is hit with a pang of emotion. Is it regret? Longing? She pushes the feeling aside. "Hey, Yunho?"

Yunho stops and turns back with a dramatic flair. "Yes, Yeonghwa the Magnificent?"

She can't help but giggle at his silliness. "You're such a goofball!"

"It's part of my charm," Yunho grins. "But seriously, what's on your mind?"

Yeonghwa hesitates, fidgeting with the strap of her bag. "I just wanted to say thank you. You’ve treated me like a normal person instead of some alien life form or a walking photo op."

"I can see you,” Yunho's face softens into a genuine smile. “…for you! No one else.” Yeonghwa feels her stomach flip lightly at his words, “Beside, I’m pretty sure you’re way too short to be an alien!” and a cheeky grin emerges

"Excuse me?" Yeonghwa gasps in mock offence. "I'll have you know I'm perfectly average height."

"For a hobbit, maybe," Yunho teases.

"Oh, that's rich coming from you, Godzilla," Yeonghwa retorts, surprising herself with how easy this banter feels.

Yunho clutches his chest dramatically. "Ouch! Wounded by the tiny terror!"

"Keep it up and I'll aim lower next time," Yeonghwa threatens, but there's no heat in it.

"Noted," Yunho chuckles. “I’ll see you back in class after lunch and I’ll bring you a little something too!” With a final wave, he disappears down the hallway, leaving Yeonghwa with an unfamiliar feeling of warmth in her chest. She shook her head, trying to clear it. She had homework to do, after all. No time for... whatever this was.

But as she made her way to the library, she couldn't help wonder what it might be like to have a friend like Yunho. Someone who saw her as Kim Yeonghwa, not Aria from Moonlight. Someone who made her laugh instead of want to disappear.

She sighs, pushing the thought away. It was a nice fantasy, but that's all it was. Fantasy. Reality was school, homework, diets, gruelling rehearsals, performing and the constant pressure to be perfect 24/7. That was her world, and no amount of ninja sign language was going to change that.

Right?

But… for the first time in months, Yeonghwa felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, she had found a friend in this sea of isolation.

⭑2020⭑

Yeonghwa quickly scans the audience and her fellow idols sitting beside her. The award show is in full swing now, with some awards already handed out and performances from various bands. Moonlight is scheduled to perform second to last, so she and her four bandmates - Jinni, Areum, Misty, and their leader Haneul - have some time to enjoy the show before preparing for their performance. She notices numerous fans filming with their phones focused on her and her fellow idols. Making sure to acknowledge as many as she can, Yeonghwa waves at the cameras, particularly those with her name or the group's name on banners.

She turns her head to the right and locks eyes with someone. Her gaze immediately drops, avoiding those all-too-familiar big brown eyes that have been making her heart flutter since she first saw them four years ago - Yunho.

She knew he would be here with his band Ateez; it was announced weeks ago when the lineup was revealed. But she never expected to end up sitting next to him with only Hongjoong and Haneul between them.

It had been 4 years since that day in the school hallway, when they shared ninja sign language and laughter that brightened her world. But so much had changed since then. They both graduated, Yunho debuted with Ateez, and their careers took them in different directions. What followed that first day was a beautiful friendship that blossomed into something deeper - but now, Yeonghwa is to blame for the fact that there is nothing left between them.

Nearly 2 years has passed since the last time she saw him face to face, the last time she ever spoke to him and it was bad. She said hurtful things, trying to push him away and protect him as he prepared for his debut. Though they never officially labelled themselves as a couple, their feelings for each other were undeniable. Walking away from him was one of the most difficult choices Yeonghwa ever made, but deep down she knew it was for the best for both of them

She can't resist stealing another glance at him. He's focused on the stage now, but when Seonghwa leans over and whispers something in his ear, he bursts out laughing. He looks even more handsome than before, with his boyish features now fully matured into those of a man. Yeonghwa liked how their stylist had picked each of their outfits, but Yunhos was perfect for him. They all looked so much more grown up since the last time she saw them all face to face.

A tap on her shoulder startles her from her thoughts. It's Misty, her best friend in the group. "Your staring is going to be trending on SNS if you don’t stop," she whispers with a smirk.

Yeonghwa feels her face heat up. "I wasn't staring."

Misty rolls her eyes. "Just like you weren't staring at MAMA, or KBS Song Festival, or-"

"I get it," Yeonghwa hisses, sinking lower in her seat. “It is just weird being THIS close to him. At least at the other award shows he was sat at the opposite side, far away from me!”

Misty was well aware of the past between Yunho and Yeonghwa; after all, it was Misty who had Yeonghwa had confided in her about it all at the time. She could only imagine how difficult this must have been for Yeonghwa.

Misty's expression softens. "Have you ever thought about talking to him? Clearing the air? I think if he knew the real reason you did what you did, he would understand."

Yeonghwa shakes her head firmly. "No, that's out of the question. It's been two years, Misty. He's probably moved on by now. And after what I said to him, I'm sure he hates me. As he should."

"You don't know that," Misty argues gently. "Maybe he-"

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, ATEEZ!"

The announcement cuts through their conversation, and Yeonghwa's head snaps up. She watches, heart pounding, as Yunho and his group take the stage. Their performance is electric, full of the passion and energy that has made them one of the hottest new groups in K-pop. But Yeonghwa can't take her eyes off Yunho.

In high school, she had always been impressed by his innate dancing skills. He had taught her so much about it back then, but now he moves with a newfound confidence and fluidity that leaves her speechless. His voice, deeper and more mature than it was in their school days, sends tingles down her spine. For a fleeting moment, their gazes lock across the bustling venue, and Yeonghwa is completely captivated, unable to catch her breath.

The performance ends, and ATEEZ heads back to their seats. Yeonghwa avoids looking at Yunho as he walks by, but she can sense his presence like a magnetic force. Memories of their time together flood her mind - the laughter, the secret moments, the way he made her feel alive and real beyond her stage persona - it all rushes back with intense clarity, as if it just happened yesterday.

She remembers the last day she ever spoke to him, the way his face crumpled when she told him she didn't love him. It was the biggest lie she'd ever told, but she convinced herself it was for the best. They had just graduated from SOPA by weeks, Moonlight were about to embark on another world tour, one that would take her away from Korea for 4 months, he was deep into preparations for his debut which included a trip to LA to do in depth training in dance and vocals, and she couldn't bear the thought of holding him back or being a scandal that could ruin his career before it even began.

So she walked away, ignoring the shattering of her own heart with each step. She threw herself into her work, into being the perfect idol, the perfect Aria. But late at night, when the stage lights dimmed and the screams of the fans faded, she allowed herself to remember. To miss him.

Now, standing face to face with him again, it's like a wound she thought had healed has been torn open once more. His voice echoes in her mind from that fateful day, loud and clear over the blaring music in the arena.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

"Yeonghwa, please. I love you!"

"I don't love you. So just leave me alone." With those words, Yeonghwa turns and walks out of Yunho's dorm room, startled when she sees Mingi's cold stare from the hallway. He had overheard their conversation.

“When did you become such a cold heartless bitch?” he asks

Yeonghwa takes a deep breath, his words cutting her deep but she knows she deserves him for the hurt she’s just inflicted on his best friend.

“Maybe it is who I’ve always been.” she says, she knows she needs to keep up the cold facade with Mingi too to make sure none of them come to her again

“I warned him not to trust an idol when he told me about you. Told him they were mostly selfish and out for themselves but he insisted you were different,” Mingi says, walking closer to her. “Then I met you and thought the same. You seemed genuine - funny, kind, and genuinely cared for him. Well, it turns out you were just a gifted manipulator. You fooled all of us.”

Yeonghwa remains silent, her heart heavy with guilty and regret. Mingi’s words sting, but she knows she can’t defend herself right now. She needs to let him believe the words he is saying about her.

"It's probably best if you leave now," Hongjoong's harsh voice comes from behind Mingi as the sound of Yunho's sobs grows louder.

Yeonghwa grabs her bag and walks out their dorm. Her heart shattering into a million pieces with every step.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

Yeonghwa glances over at him, and catches him laughing with his other members. She starts to look away, but then their eyes meet and she sees the warmth and familiarity that was once there years ago. Everything seems to blur out around the both of them, they may as well be the only two people in this large arena as they look at one another.

But then reality hits her - they are not alone. Yeonghwa snaps out of her daze, remembering that they are surrounded by thousands of fans and cameras that could capture this moment. As she looks away, Yunho gives her a subtle nod and slight smile, causing her heart to race with emotion.

Yunho tries to suppress a wide smile as she looks away shyly from him, the same way she always did when he made her flustered. Even after all this time, the words that had been said, the heartbreak he endured in the aftermath - he can still see her.

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 1

have i literally ever drawn her on here?? i dont actually think so...

in high school i was doodling her all the time i thought her design was sooo fun