#the gathering arc

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

In honor of Huyang and it being too hot to do anything, I have the gathering arc on and

-It's easy to see that a lot of live-action Ahsoka's mannerisms we've seen are specifically the way she's always acted when she's projecting steady jedi authority but she's having fun here

-Even though she's good at the role with the kids, when shit hits the fan she's hilariously flustered at having to explain the plan in exact detail to scared children instead of fellow soldiers who know this all already

[bigfatbreak]

For the Viceroy AU, how does Tom figure out Gabriel was the one responsible?

[1am-s0-veryt1red]

"bkg should be higher than 15" bkg debuted at no. 4 and dropped to 15 because he can't stop yelling at people HAUSHDHS

[self-made-purgatories]

From the Half-Empty Loveseat and the Cuck Chair to the Miracle on the Biobed

Master Post for my Season-3-to-TMP Spirk Breakup Meta Analysis Series

People complain all the time about the odd, out-of-character writing in Season 3 of Star Trek TOS. They also complain that there is no canon explanation for the reason why Spock left Kirk and Starfleet to attempt kolinahr by the start of TMP. Why are these two things both so weird?

But, consider this: What if these two weird things are related? What if the odd actions are not out of character at all? What if Season 3's subtext leads directly to Spock's abandonment of the life he built in Starfleet, and more specifically, to his separation from Kirk by the start of TMP?

What if we're actually watching a painful behind-the-scenes Spirk breakup unfold in real time?

A few months ago, before I had ever seen TMP, I watched "Requiem for Methuselah" for the first time and the vibes were so weird that I started to dissect the subtext by writing my way through it. And the subtext kept getting deeper, episode by episode. And so I kept writing about it. And then I finally saw TMP, and I suddenly realized that, not only was I right, these things are all connected. Season 3 and TMP are not actually doubly weird; they are two related weirds that cancel each other out. And, even better, the pain and angst of Season 3 eventually leads to a happy ending in TMP!

To create this series, I wrote over 20,000 words on the subject in the space of a few weeks. (Thank you, hyperfixation.) Recently, a couple of the posts are making the rounds again. People keep reblogging segments of the series, so apparently there is an audience larger than my weirdass self and the void I am shouting into.

So, for your pleasure and convenience, I have reassembled the full series here in chronological order. Some of them are short, silly posts, and others are lumbering behemoth posts with tons of subtext to comb through and mull over. Enjoy the journey with me.

PART 1: END OF SEASON 3

1. The Half-Empty Loveseat and Other Tragedies Or, the Episode Where Kirk Broke Spock's Heart (and Mine) - S3 E19 Requiem for Methuselah

Spock has had a rough Season 3 so far. But this is the first time that Kirk's behavior is the direct cause. Kirk's blind cruelty causes irreparable damage to both Spock and their relationship.

2. they're still fighting, aren't they and one type of music - S3 E20 The Way to Eden

Vibes are off between Kirk and Spock. Spock finds reasons to be elsewhere and pointedly spends more time with a fun hippie guy than with Kirk.

3. From the Half-Empty Loveseat to the Cuck Chair - S3 E21 The Cloud Minders

Watching him sleep, watching him flirt, shouting in his face: Spock and Kirk try to act calm and professional, but tension bubbles under the surface.

4. why. WHY does it make me so fucking happy to watch this one man ogle this other man's ass like this - S3 E22 The Savage Curtain

Does this mean their fight is over??

5. To Hell and Back: The Seven Deadly Sins of Spock’s Inferno - S3 E23 All Our Yesterdays

In the tradition of ancient epic stories, Spock takes an allegorical journey to hell with McCoy as his guide, and his unusual behavior there – a descent into madness by way of all Seven Deadly Sins – gives us a peek into his ongoing internal struggle.

6. Running "Interference" - S3 E24 Turnabout Intruder

"He says, finally, resigned, 'I believe you.'" I'm pretty sure Spirk have broken up for good now. Their relationship is strained and it has affected their prior intimacy of knowing each other inside and out.

PART 2: THE MOTION PICTURE

7. The Betrayal of Irritation - TMP Part 1

Spock attempts kolinahr. But of course, it doesn't work. He is running away from life, away from love, away from Kirk, rather than running towards enlightenment. It was never going to work. 

When Spock returns to the Enterprise, he emanates a carefully constructed façade of aloof disdain. "I don't care," he seems to say. But if he didn't care, he wouldn't have come at all. And now that he is here, anything is possible.

8. "To Come Alongside and Lock On" - TMP Part 2

Two very small but very important details precede Spock and Kirk's reunion on the bridge of the Enterprise.

9. Feeling Trapped, Crisis of the Self, and the Hidden Meaning of Spock's Two Steepled Fingers - TMP Part 3

Spock's steepled fingers are a self-soothing gesture that first appears in "Plato's Stepchildren" and recurs in TMP during the kolinahr scene and a tense faceoff with V'Ger. What does this gesture tell us about Spock's inner struggle?

10. Yes, He is Here. But He is Still Gone: The Five Stages of Grief (and Seven Sorrows) of Heartbroken Kirk - TMP Part 4

Kirk openly experiences all five stages of grief in regards to Spock's cold return. Meanwhile, the bookend to Spock's experience of the Seven Deadly Sins in "All Our Yesterdays" is this: Kirk's experience of Seven Sorrows, seven metaphorical knives in the heart given to him in rapid succession by Spock's return.

11. sidebar: loyalty, obedience, friendship - TMP Part 5.5

In which I go a little nuts in the notes of someone else's post into greater detail about the three times Spock refuses Kirk's invitation to sit down.

12. Bare Feet on Holy Ground: A Story Of Doubt and Acceptance. - TMP Part 5

McCoy is the voice of reason, but love transcends reason. When Kirk finally lets go and reaches the Acceptance stage of grief, a miracle occurs: The steepled fingers are gone. All that is left is Spock's hand in Kirk's.

And they live happily ever after.

[whoopseydaisy]

brb crying while imagining the back of Eursulon’s shield covered in the marks of his many loved ones and those he fights for by the end of all the books

[rainbowsuitcase]

Okay, I've read many fics that mention Tony's reduced lung capacity due to the arc reactor, but it has just occured to me - there has to be some bone fuckery going on too, right?

Like, I'm not an anatomy expert by any means, but I'm pretty sure this is where the ribcage is, or at the very least the sternum. Right? So how does that shit work?

[tlmtwelve]

Banner by @littletroggo

@galactic-gift-gathering : Gift for @lonewolflupe

Prompt: Domino Twins Reunion

(you can't tell by this angle but Echo is definitely crying)

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck, family & alcoholism

Collection of thoughts and speculation on Chil’s upbringing, his dynamic with his family and how alcoholism ties into it all. If you want the groundwork info on Chil’s background I recommend my masterpost on his family, here beyond a summary of the facts it’s really just me speculating from the crumbs we get of his parents and siblings, how it’s all affected him and in turn affected his own wife and kids etc etc.

There’s nothing more I’d like on mother’s day than to speculate about Chilchuck’s maladaptive attachment style. I’m fascinated by how distant everyone is and how much he’s been devoted to them all despite having been so absent. Intergenerational trauma get over here

Actually it’ll be easier if I make a rundown here too, it’s just stuff I reiterate from my masterpost tho.

Tiny table of contents: 1- rundown: family facts 2- rundown: alcoholism 3- dad 4- parenting 5- daughters 6- wife

^ Every time his dad gets mentioned. His mom never gets mentioned. His siblings I think are only ever mentioned in this extra, and then there are more ambiguous relatives cameos.

We know is hometown isn’t Kahka Brud, but we’re not sure wether he moved there upon getting his own house (presumably around when he got married at 13), or if it’s only after his wife when he rented out his place to relatives then rented the place in Kahka Brud.

If he rented it out to relatives, maybe that meant it was in his hometown? Especially if he and his siblings are "almost strangers" so presumably he doesn’t really keep in touch with his family. And I mean, he hasn’t seen his wife or daughter in 4 years so you can imagine how he’s like with his more distant family…

Additionally half-foots and Chil are very coded to be from an impoverished opressed working class people. So that’s the context.

I’ll say that I mentioned intergenerational trauma at the beginning, and I def think the distrust of elves is part of that, but here I want to focus on the interpersonal effects rather.

Copy pasting my masterpost thoughts overall: Chilchuck is hinted to have had a rather dysfunctional family himself (alcoholic father, distant siblings, etc). So he doesn’t really have the best model on how to raise someone and such. I imagine it was a sort of neglectful home situation, where the kids are encouraged to be independent. If they didn’t have to work or help around much, then a free range parenting sort of thing.

We do see how the family has full and warm feasts, where someone cleans his mouth with a rag, so it’s not like he didn’t have caring people or had a tragic childhood though! I don’t remember if it’s explicitely stated but he’s heavily implied to having grown up poor, as most half-foots, and I just think it’s the hardened hardworking family type of childhood where just like he does with others, they instilled somewhat harsh life lessons in him, which in turn encourages him to indulge in the simple pleasures of life like alcohol and sex, or at least women’s beauty and crass jokes. We do see he seems more optimistic when he’s younger in flashbacks, so a bunch of his harsh view on the world is still likely learned and earned rather than taught.

I still think he inherited many flawed views from how his father acted, like his attitude about excessive drinking not being a big deal, it being worth it. That work hard play hard, enjoy life die young mentality he has, shown mostly in the “alcohol” section of his Adventurer’s Bible profile, could very well be partly a result of the general poverty half-foot communities are that he grew in as well, like how he doesn’t hope for things to be as best as they could be and contends with good enough.  As far as I remember, his mother is never mentioned, but I doubt it implies she was out of the picture. She was probably a regular sort of mother that took care of the home and was still around when his father died, not unlike how Chil’s wife was implied to be a housewife. It looks like there’s a good age gap between one sibling to the next, that could be interesting to speculate about too. Mostly though I think it’s big family because it’s just sorta what happens when you regularly have sex and you don’t have contraception, being poor often makes family planning harder for various reasons and leads to more children.

Alcoholism context rundown:

Good Chilchuck analysis baseline here. Alcohol seems to be his main stress reliever/coping mechanism, especially for how emotionally constipated he is, and his job is being stressed about his party’s safety. Then he also mentions as a changeling that having his senses dulled feels relaxing to him, further confirming alcohol, as a drug that dulls senses, is something that he likes for the intoxication aspect and feels it’s relaxing. Alcohol also acts as a hunger suppressant, so it for sure has played a role in his dieting and unhealthy eating/diet habits, especially since he shows the instinct to drink to soothe hunger, all of that about how going hungry for 3 days used to feel manageable. Chil dieting info compiled here.

Chilchuck is at his most effortlessly cheerful when drunk or drinking. Compilation of every time he was drunk here.

And to be clear, a cheerful drunk is still a drunk. He literally will drink anytime he gets the opportunity to even if he’s aware overdrinking leads to health problems and death. Like canonically. He does NOT see how drinking should be a problem and does not seek to show restraint with it.

Dad of the dad

Marcille and Chilchuck having a talk on how losing a dad be like "You lost your dad young too…? I know how it is, it must have hit you hard…" "No not really tbh. Do you want lasagna or chicken for dinner?" <- either genuinely doesn’t feel much about his dad’s death or has 10 layers of repression, idk which is worse

I think Chil not making a big deal out of his dad’s death, not having worries in following into his footsteps that way in the least, is super interesting.

As a buddy @saccharineomens puts it: " I kinda imagine chilchuck and his dad didn't have a bad relationship, but in general chilchuck is so blase about drinking (he sees it as a delightful time, a wonderful thing! he wouldn't mind dying doing something he loved!) that he's not very upset about his dad's passing? like "yeah, he died, but i was already an adult, he was an adult, he made his choices, i make my choices, it's cool" " And I’ll nitpick that we don’t know how old he was when his dad died, I always assumed it was pretty early since Chil left home when he got married, and like I’ve gone into he doesn’t seem to be the keep in touch type. It’s on the table though, and he could have learned about it through letter if nothing else and that contributes to the "meh" reaction.

And that is very Chilchuck, the whole "we made our choices, it is how it is, he died doing something he loved", and you can totally believe that that’s the crux of it, but I do think the nonchalance hints at the family overall being distant and not only the siblings, that there’s dysfunctional shenanigans going on in there more than just… Healthy coping and having moved on.

I wonder when Chil first drank… And I wonder how he came to realize he liked alcohol a lot. His father probably gave him sips… Or he stole them

No because, with how disaffected he is about his father and siblings I could definitely see him having started to kind of numb himself/dissociate with the help of alcohol in that home environment that felt so… Either devoid of feelings or too messy to get attached. I can totally see his family being one that encourages dealing with feelings by bottling them up.

Because too… We saw him have a family/community feast of some sort presumably when he was a kid, in that chapter cover, so it’s not like there’s no warmth or sense of family at all, but then like… What went wrong? If as I theorize that girl with short black hair in that panel is his future wife, since she’s his childhood friend and all, what if his family/home life was always kind of cold and distant, even when gathered and cheery or despite those occasions? So then it’s like, at the family gatherings, she’s the most important person there to him, the one he actually connects to the most, the warmest presence he has…….. Someone he jokes around with that feels on the same speed as him, that doesn’t have the same connotations as everyone else present, a bit of a haven, someone different, a breath of fresh hair and a regained sense of childhood… Spitballing of course of course

I feel like they had a pretty big family and they were poor and such so there were always chores to be done etc, so their household might have operated like a mini busiess of sorts where everyone’s too busy, always has this and that to do and the mother asks them to go do tasks. I used to think it might be more of a neglect situation, where the kids are expected to provide for themselves and so cook their own meals and whatnot, both parents distant, but I don’t think so with the feast illustration. Chil at the beginning of canon used to see eating as a practical thing more than anything, you have to eat to live but don’t eat much or your weight will make your job more dangerous, might as well skip meals and have beer instead, etc etc. So the thought that he doesn’t know how to cook all that well despite this speculated background where he cooked for himself and keeps cooking minimalistic, since he does tell Senshi he taught him about cooking, is fair, but still… There could definitely be a situation where his older siblings were pushed into a parental role too, where they helped with the food and raising the younger siblings etc etc. As mentioned, the age gap between siblings may play into the dynamic as well. But on this front I have less ideas…

So yes my general take on Chil’s family is that everyone was too busy to emotionally connect as much as is normal, the parenting leaving things to be desired with alcoholism and emotional neglect.

Fathering

And I think that’s especially interesting considering he hasn’t been keeping in touch with his daughters either. It’s "they’re independent now" and that’s kinda it. His daughters haven’t sent him letters or visited him or tried to make him talk to their mom again. It does feel like with his own parents and siblings to me, where people are almost strangers, where relationships grow apart and everyone shrugs and goes ‘that’s how things are’. Is it that everyone including all his daughters gave up on trying to keep in touch, or is it that they all went "well divorced or not he’s absent, this is our normal tbh", and which is worse?

So yes, I think his relationship with his daughters is probably similar to his relationship with his parents, sort of hands off. Chil's dad was probably not a good dad but probably not quite a bad dad. A definitive He Was There, to quote another friend heh

Imo the thing with Chil is that he was pretty absent bc of work travels to dungeon dive, right. He’s working hard to provide for his family but in the process he’s not spending much time with them, slowly making a gap grow between him and them as they drift apart and change as people. He’s a career dad who never realized spending time with his family was more important and threw his pager into the ocean— But also here’s the thing!! You want to say being his family is more important, but money is arguably more important! They’re poor, they don’t have the privilege of free time as much. Sure he’s not there, but he is providing for them what they need to keep living and growing healthily. Similarly, you want to say Chil should stop doing harsh dieting for weight management, but, he has a point, maybe starving is still preferable than dying in traps. Of course the ideal would be to change jobs, but again, life is a struggle and that’s not always an option.

^ Truly the classic "if you don’t listen to me, your parent, a cryptid is gonna kidnap you!" international experience………

He is so so so the "What? My way of parenting is kinda bad? But my father raised me like that, and look how great I turned out!" <- emotionally dysfunctional…….. "Pshhh what do you mean having an alcoholic parent negatively affects you? My father was an alcoholic too and look at me"  🤡

All of it was behavior normalized to him. And listen, I’m saying this but not as like, shirking of his part in it. This isn’t a teen or young adult, he’s middle aged, he’s become the one giving and not receiving the generational trauma. He’s chosen to never think deeper on the topic.

And like, he himself is so indifferent to his father and what their relationship was like, of course he wouldn’t notice if a parenting choice wasn’t great for his daughters. He doesn’t have a relationship with his dad, he’s not (at least not consciously) traumatized by him, so from his perspective it’s mission success! He got raised decent enough 👍⭐️ Except he doesn’t realize that like, not particularly caring if he died is sign of a problem between them in itself… And this even as he remains somewhat of an important figure in his life, especially since that’s who he sees on the other side of the life river in the ghost chapter. It’s implicitly the biggest instance of loss through death Chilchuck has in his life I think.

But despite it all he obviously does love his family a lot, right. So I do believe that like, while he has imperfect standards when it comes to parenting he still tries to be better than his dad was, that even if it’s necessary that he has a lot of long work travels, he spends time with them. And there’s sort of this dissonance that he’s both "it doesn’t matter wether i’m here or not, they’ll live, they’re tough girls. Oh they didn’t like my scolding earlier? It’s just how kids are" dismissive and "I love them so much and I want them to have a good life. I want to do my best by them" devoted and so so caring. And like that’s why he works so damn hard, he does it for them, but also that’s why the girls grew up with an absentee father and aughhhh AUGHHHH the unsolvable dilemma of it all Chilchuck in Dunmeshi truly represents like, the harshness of reality & the world and how sometimes things will just suck no matter what, and then of course balancing that with Marcille in their shared arc where she tacks on "And despite that there is beauty everywhere even in the small and menial things, despite that your flawed relationships and dreams are still worth fighting for" ie giving reconciling with his wife a shot, etc.

All that said I think the very strict "you’re gonna grow up to have a stable job by god, young miss" attitude, those strong work ethics he highly values and focuses on and no doubt tried to instill in is own kids, is something he somewhat inherited from his own upbringing and parents.

In my masterpost bit on his parenting, I said I don’t think he’d do any kind of corporeal punishment, but. I do wonder about spanking aftee all. It can be so so easy to rationalize it… Sigh

Daughter pov

Again, my general interpretations for the daughters are written in my masterpost. I think Patti knows her father the least and is the one least worried about jobs and stability and least settled down as a result. Flertom is the more social one who I imagine tended to be the one worried about her parents’ couple and their emotions the most. And Meijack… Ohh Meijack.

When your father tried his best to provide for you but he worked all the time and even when he was home he was either tired or stressed and he’s always liked to get drunk to relax and cheer up. When you know he values work ethics and respectability so you grew up to be capable and quiet. And when he says you’re like him you’re sort of puzzled, does he really know you so little, or does he know himself so little? But you like the feeling of your father ruffling your hair so you accept it and still you stand next to your mother just as quiet and just as stoic during family gatherings. He leaves again and again and when your mother leaves him nothing changes, really. You wonder if it’s more telling that you know him better than he seems to himself or that you don’t know him as much as you wish you did, or that you don’t think about him all that much these days. Out of sight out of mind

Thinking of those posts about how kids never forget and during the "draw your family!" things at school, some of the kids draw their working parents seperate from the rest of them...

Absent father and when he’s at home you get the crumbs of him that you get and you’re grateful for it and that’s that <333

She doesn’t know how much he loves them bc he hasn’t showed them in a long time </3

The horror of drunk Chil in my fics is often about what in this state he can’t do rather than what he could do, how someone who’s as proud of his skills and work ethics as he is has truly changed, not comprehending how he could become so sloppy or how he could allow himself to get like this, marred the values he preaches above all else. It’s in the way that he fumbles with doorknobs, that he could never lockpick a door if you were to lock it, and it both being your salvation and bringing you extreme distress at the thought of it all. His footsteps usually featherlight now sound heavy as stone, like a troll’s.

You know the thing that gets me so bad with alcoholism angst is when people describe the drunk person as a stranger. Often making a metaphor that they’re monsters, have some monster they shapeshift into uncontrollably once in a while, as a way to split the unreconciliable halves of the person sober and drunk in your vision of them……. It gets me soooo bad Little Puckpatti growing up on tales of trolls kidnapping disobedient kids and replacing them with doubles so no one even knows they’re gone… Coming face to face with a drunk Chilchuck that roams the halls of the house with heavy steps in the night, because she wanted to go drink a glass of water, too thirsty to sleep………..

And this is where I reveal that I wrote a fic about just that!! Trolls that thump and tiptoe through the night Mei @ Chil, You made me of stone and still every day you wear me down and chip away at me bit by bit

In the end notes I describe my takes and interpretations: With Mei I tried to give the sense of a kid who sacrifices some parts of childhood to feel closer to her parent, like not playing games to spend more time with him no matter how empty, or wanting to be worthy in his eyes. With Fler, since she was the one in canon to take in their mother and write Chil a letter explaining the situation, I feel like she’s always been the one most involved and aware of the problems in their family. The one most there to emotionally support or to understand what the vibes in a room meant. Puckpatti I think knows her father the least, since with time I think Chilchuck was more and more away from work and more and more cynical like the flashbacks of younger him dungeon diving. I think because of her not minding unstable odd jobs that she’s the most passive, that she’s the most go with the flow. I do also love when Mei is the one most aware of her parents’ flaws and most critical as the eldest, but not in this fic. Meijack grows up to never touch a drop of alcohol, what people joke is the one difference between her and her father. Flertom drinks, too much sometimes, but she considers drinking should be a social activity rather than a habit. Puckpatti only drinks on special occasions when she has the chance.

They already don’t have that much time together because of his work, I wonder how big of a percentage the amount of memories the daughters have of him are when he’s not himself truly… How they kinda reconcile it all. It’s their normal. 

And the thing that’s gutting too, is that Chil always looks so so much more open, relaxed, cheerful and happier when drunk than he usually is. He doesn't know how to get his defenses down without alcohol

"you're all that's good"

Because we do see how he truly used to not be so closed off and bitter. But distrust and fearing for betrayals from both coworkers and then his wife aka the person who’s supposed to be closest to him (he doesn’t even have close family besides his daughters. Does he even have close friends) turned him into what he is now. He was so cheerful!! Happy and trusting and optimistic.

He leaves and she left

God there’s the whole ‘wife leaving him’ trauma too is the thing… It had to have fucked him up so bad like no wonder he got paranoid and decided not to open up to ANYONE like. He never saw it coming is the scariest thing. He didn’t expect her to just up and leave. He didn’t see the warning signs. He won’t know if it’s coming this time either.

….. But then also, why he didn’t reach out to her (besides hurt) was because it was a petty silence treatment, like "oh she left without saying a word? Fine well I won’t reach out to her either" <- man who is so not fine and collected about it. It’s been FOUR YEARSSSSSSS I wonder if he always was like… "This week she’s gonna send a letter. … Ok fine, this month she’s gonna crack. … Within the year she’ll come crawling back." and it’s a bit why it was allowed to go on for this long unchecked like… Why he still considers her his wife even though functionally she’s more of an ex by that point after 4 years.

I can never stop thinking about him and his wife they’re fucking crazyyy. Him not reaching out to her started as a silent treatment from frustration. She never reached out to him either, she just up and left, didn’t even leave or send one last letter she’s just gone and has left this all behind, the house and everything in it. It’s been 4 years but he still considers her his wife and considers themselves only "estranged", "due to circumstances we haven’t seen each other in years". His face in the panel he said this is interesting too, trying to be casual but defensive and exasperated, already dreading the judgement and questions. He moved out of his house to rent a place in Kahka Brud instead. How much of him not reaching out was avoidance… Guilt, frustration, sadness, confusion, just procrastinating and dread and fear of a rejection more concrete, or something else… Maybe realizing he doesn’t miss her as much as he should, not enough to chase after her or try to get her back, just resigning himself to it… Is he a bad husband, is he a bad person? Should they reconcile?

Not seeing it coming… It’s half trust, that this person who’s so dear to you could never just up and leave and hurt you like that, half entitlement, thinking that she would never think of leaving, and third it’s blinding himself to the warning signs, not wanting to believe or acknowledge them. Because like, there WERE some, he said she "suddenly fell into a bad mood on the way back [from the outing]" and I don’t think he’s too dumb to be aware that something was off, he literally just dismissed it and then went surprised pikachu face when it turned out things were indeed off.

Part of it is definitely, how do you even react if your wife walks out on you without warning. If it happened to me I think that I wouldn’t reach out for a while either, wait for them to reach out to me first, give them space. As I put it in one of my marchil wips, "I respect your right to be rid of me too much to try and shackle you to me if you want to leave". Inaction is easier than admitting he’s scared to check and find out that the worst case scenario is true. It’s been years and he still hasn’t worked it out why she left. Do you think that’s on purpose. That he doesnt want to know for sure. It’s so so so scary to try and do anything about it

He said he didn’t reach out right away when she left because he was petty and wanted to give her the silence treatment back. Ok but is it that he blames her for their marriage falling apart or does he blame himself and he’s just misdirecting the conflicted feelings? Did he not reach out because a part of him was too scared to know why she left or if she would refuse to come back? Did he just think that she’d come back on her own, and things would get fixed while still staying unsaid and unconfronted like they always have, the first month, then the next and the next, until it was a year in and it sunk in that oh, maybe she wasn’t coming back?

He seems genuine here when he says that he was angry about it and gave her the silent treatment, but it is an habit of his to lie to make himself look worse instead of showing vulnerability, so who knows.

He is so so scared of being affected by relationships. Same thing with his compulsive habit to disguise his worry for anger. It’s why he doesn’t want people to have expectations of him, "I’m a coward I’m selfish", because then they can’t be disappointed, they can’t be surprised if he bites, they can’t leave when you lose what they’ve been staying for.

He has avoidant tendencies too. Every time there’s an interpersonal issue he just accepts it’s out of his control immediately. He’s passive when it comes to relationship problems, just like with coworkers, relationships are a ticking time bomb to him, and he just wants to be left out of it and come out unscathed. It comes back to his pessimism. He doesn’t think that like, things could be better. According to him life is tough and cruel, you accept your lot in life and make the best out of it and that’s it. If people are scummy you don’t whine about how unfair it is, you close yourself off and work to not be taken advantage of again and adapt. So then with his wife, when Marcille is like "Have you tried… Talking?" it’s such a crazy idea that it might work at all, that he could have the power to fix things… And that’s why it’s such a big deal when he goes "Alright I’ll try… I don’t know if it’ll go as well as in the stories, but I’ll try". That CRUMB of allowing himself to be hopeful is so huge

Honestly for the longest time I misread this bit, I thought she left in the night like how Marcille framed it, but no she left after he left for work. She left after he left again.

The way it’s told, it really sounds like Chilchuck just came home from work, stayed probably a couple of days in which they went to that outing together, then left for work again right away/soon after and it’s like. Was that outing the most special thing you guys did together. You came home from like a month of work, you had one outing where she ended up having a bad time, y’all didn’t talk about it further and then you left for another couple of weeks. Are you kidding me

Your married life is waiting for your husband to come home, spending mediocre time together, being shut down when you voice discontentment, and things being left unaddressed before he leaves again.

She left when he was gone for work, but did she leave the day of, or did she flip flop on it and took a while before working up the strength to leave? Was she waiting to see if he’d say anything before leaving and when he didn’t that was the last straw?

Chilchuck trying to prove a point that half-foots can make it out there, trying to rely more on himself because that’s the only person he can trust. His wife feeling like he's leaving her behind (because he does. over and over and over and over.) This guy just keeps throwing himself into work because he thinks it's what's best for everyone. Hey sir neglecting emotional needs can be kinda detrimental to everyone involved, I think you might wanna know that ^ quotes courtesy of @soappox

And to come back to alcoholism for a bit, alcoholism is alcoholism, and someone asked why I thought that a Chilchuck with depression would drink and cope through alcohol, since drinking seems to be something cheerful to him. It does puzzle me a bit but it’s worth going over, so… I don’t think him using drinking as a coping mechanism is far fetched at all. Cheerful drunks that are alcoholic still can absolutely use alcohol in ways like that. If something makes you happier, or even just more numb which translates to you feeling more free etc etc, then I definitely think it tracks that he’d keep drinking. Like personally I do think he’d drink a lot after his wife left him, and in rough patches like that. Depression -> not wanting to have to think, the days are blurring together and you either don’t want to be conscious or you want to feel something etc etc -> drinking for the alcohol. Alcoholics tend to be, well, dependent on alcohol. If something bad happens etc they’re usually more likely to go harder on it rather than stop. We can debate on when and why Chilchuck first started to drink but it’s straight up his favorite food now and it’s deeply ingrained in his life, in his favorite outings and activities and priorities and moods and meals. A CHEERFUL DRUNK IS STILL A DRUNK!!! They drink to get happy not drink because they are happy, though obviously the two can have overlap.

Chil represses sooo much. His solution to interpersonal conflict and feelings is just don’t think about it and dull your feelings & senses to everything ✨ I love him. I need to kill him with hammers Like the other day I was thinking about an AU where he might have ran away from his neglectful home or something, but then I remembered he deals with everything including his family by dulling his feelings and senses to things 🫠 He wouldn’t leave

I’d say he doesn’t look troubled by loss through death, moreso loss through mistakes. His nightmare is his daughters dying yes, but moreso them being killed, there’s an axe in the wall etc, it’s about having failed to protect them.

If he can’t fuck something up or if he’s already fucked it up there’s this pacifying sense that he can’t have the rug pulled from under him, because that’s what having connections is, having a wife isn’t an insurance it’s a rug waiting to be pulled. And his brand is sort of Flawed Mr Mistakes Man so he’s kinda been having to cope lol. I do think he throws himself into workaholism, because it’s sort of the only way to live he knows, making yourself capable and useful and spending his days working like that, less time to think, too tired to think. Senses dulled, senses that are usually too sharp, cutting with clarity that he prefers ignoring and avoiding. Work is something he doesn’t have to feel through, something that gives him pride and self-esteem, something through all the danger and life or death risk feels safer, emotionally. No one taught him how to deal with things another way, it’s always been suck it up and work.

Conclusion

Stop smoking we love you and we don’t want you to die

No drinking will not externalize your feelings no it won’t vent them out well please Chilchuck ple-ea-ease…….

</3 They should invent an alcoholism that doesn’t make you dysfunctional and hard to be around

^ Drunk, by The Living Tombstone

I’ve been thinking about enneagrams and Chil is 6w7 highkey. Becomes 3 when stressed, a little 8 but it’s more that he wants security so much that he becomes paranoid rather than having the core of an 8 y’know. I haven’t dug into it for quotes yet but this paper goes hard if you’re curious.

Dropping my relevant Spotify playlists here bc why not: Chilchuck & his wife, marchil angst

[samdyke]

oh so we’re allowed to call despair gay romantic again or is misha gonna have to apologize on twitter for saying this

[darthkote]

How do the Clones respond to receiving a gift? (Pt. 1)

Rex: he is quick to accept the gift, even if he isn't sure exactly what it is or why he's receiving it. He understands natborns sometimes get the urge to give each other things as a form of bonding, and he's been given several flowers and letters from Ahsoka to know the actions he should take: offer thanks and find something to appreciate about the item, even if it won't realistically serve him. A flower? Rex will usually find something nice to say about the shape of its petals or the hue beginning to fade. A handmade drawing or letter? He likes to study the strokes left by the graphite or ink used in its inception.

Cody: Literally has no reference for how to react. He stares at whatever item is being held out to him with curiosity and confusion. You'll have to practically place it in his palm and say, "I wanted you to have this because I saw it and thought of you." He doesn't know what that means, especially when he looks down to see a small jar of yellow paint or another item that isn't issued by the GAR. Once it is made explicit that it's a gift, nothing more or less, he starts to think about the intentions behind it. He likes being thought of, and he'd like to try and return the generosity.

Echo: He can hardly hide the excitement at the gesture! He's all smiles even before he knows what it is he's being given; it's the act itself that makes the gift have value to him. If he's close enough to the person, he'll instantly offer a big hug until he can find something to gift to them. If not, he'll settle for lots and lots of eye contact as a way of trying to communicate how much he loves it.

Wolffe: spends a lot of time studying the item he's been given. A new attachment for his blaster gets held and turned around over and over again until it finally clicks that it's something he can use and isn't expected to return. If it's something less oriented towards his soldiering, such as a fuzzy blanket or a wool sweater, he lays it out on his bed and stares at it for quite literally hours. The closest thing he has to these items are flattened pillows and his blacks, so it's unprecedented and he can't quite figure out what to do with it. Eventually, he'll fall into his bunk and wrap the item around him, relaxing his body and purring like a loth cat until sleep claims him. (He doesn't consider getting the person something in exchange unless someone specifically explains that that's sort of part of the tradition.)

Hevy: treasures it no matter what it is. An acorn one of his brothers had brought back on account of it's never-before-seen shape? He keeps it in the small pouch on his utility belt. A crude drawing done of him by Cutup or Droidbait? He hangs it proudly on the wall of his bunk, and it's the last thing he sees each night before his eyes fall closed. It's the same when the gift has come from someone who isn't a brother; he makes sure to tell them he loves it and them, if appropriate, and he keeps it as close to his person as possible at all times.

[loveerran]

The Power of a Good Friend

In November of 1960, 6-year old Ruby Bridges was escorted by US federal marshalls into William Frantz Elementary School in New Orleans - 6 years after the US Supreme Court's Brown v Board of Education overturned its own previous "separate but equal" ruling from Plessy v Fergusson.

The state had tried closing schools rather than integrate them, the legislature had passed dozens of laws to keep schools segregated (in defiance of the courts), and school boards had implemented egregious barriers to integration, including 'intelligence' and other testing for prospective black students. White parents withdrew their children from school in protest. Ruby was eventually the only student in her class. Crowds of adults outside the school screamed death threats and hurled racial slurs.

In the midst of all this turmoil, Ruby's white teacher, Barbara Henry, became her friend and ally. Ruby would later say "Despite all the hate that was going on outside, inside that room it was filled with love". While other teachers resigned their jobs in protest over integration, Ms. Henry committed herself to supporting Ruby. "I would not have gotten through that if it had not been for my teacher," Ruby later recalled. "She filled my day with things to do. She made school fun. I enjoyed learning. Even though the crowd was outside yelling, she would go and close the window, and she'd say 'We're going to have music today,' just to drown out everything." Initially, Ruby had lunch alone in the classroom, while Ms. Henry ate with other teachers, but Ruby stopped eating. She hid her sandwiches in a storage cabinet until mice and roaches started showing interest. Ruby later said Ms. Brown "was just sorry there were so many days when I hadn't eaten. After that, she usually ate with me so I wouldn't be lonely".

Ruby recently wrote a book, titled Ruby Bridges: A Talk with My Teacher, described as a love letter to teachers who hold the power to change lives. The value and impact of even one true friend on someone's life is impossible to measure.

Ruby went on to graduate from a desegregated high school, marry, have four children, and start the Ruby Bridges foundation to promote "the values of tolerance, respect, and appreciation of all differences". I love the story of her meeting President Barack Obama in the White House when Norman Rockwell's painting The Problem We All Live With, was placed on display. When President Obama came into the room, he gave her a hug and whispered "I cannot begin to tell you what an honor it is to welcome you into this White House under this administration... I think it's fair to say that if it hadn't been for you guys, I might not be here and we wouldn't be looking at this together."

When asked what advice she would give to herself as a child today, Ruby replied "It would be the same advice that the federal marshalls gave me. They said, 'Ruby, walk straight ahead and don't look back.' That's what they told me at 6 years old, and I've tried really, really hard to do that. I think that would be my advice to all of us who were on this path and want to see a better world for our children."

[tealmisthams]

Banner by @littletroggo

@galactic-gift-gathering: Gift for @lonewolflupe

Hope you like it! 💙

--

Prompt: Domino Twins Reunion

Genre: Mild angst, sibling fluff

It's also here on AO3.

--

All That Matters

Never before in his life had Echo been nervous to see Fives. His twin’s presence had always fostered security and comfort, but now Echo’s heart was beating anxiously as he awaited Fives' arrival at the medbay.

They hadn’t seen each other in a year and Fives had spent that time believing Echo was dead. Echo knew how reasonable his brother was, but he couldn’t imagine the pain Fives had experienced in the wake of the Citadel. As much as he hoped Fives had made his peace with his twin's death, Echo also hoped he hadn’t. Echo hated to think of his twin hurting, but at the same time he couldn’t contain the anxiety that told him Fives might not need him anymore.

But Echo also knew Fives well enough to know the guilt he would have endured; irrational remorse for an event that had been out of his control. What if all of that overwhelmed him, once he saw that Echo had been subjected to? Echo had been tortured and marred beyond recognition. What if Fives blamed himself? If he even recognized Echo at all.

Would Fives even still see him the same way? Would they be able to regain the bond they’d had? Or had that been lost at the Citadel?

The sound of the medbay door swishing open interrupted Echo’s spiral of thoughts.

Fives stood in the doorway. His ARC armor was the same as Echo remembered, but now duller and battered from use. Fives’ face was mostly the same; the same goatee, Aurebesh five tattoo, and standard haircut with a couple curls loose over his forehead. But his face was as worn as his armor. Dark circles lay beneath his eyes, and the bones of his jaw and cheeks looked sharper, as if he’d lost weight.

Fives stood frozen for a moment; likely taking in Echo’s new appearance, as Echo was taking in Fives’. Then suddenly he rushed forward.

Echo was sitting up on his hospital bed and made to stand to greet his twin, but he was still adjusting to his prosthetic legs and couldn’t stand in time. Fives barreled into him, nearly knocking him backwards onto the bunk. Fives hugged Echo tightly and Echo quickly returned the embrace, resting his forehead on the familiar perch of Fives’ shoulder.

“I’m so glad you’re alive. I missed you so much,” Fives said shakily against Echo’s shoulder.

“I missed you too.” Echo’s own voice was quivering now. “I’m so sorry I left you alone.”

“You, di’kut,” Fives chuckled. “Are you seriously apologizing for getting blown up?”

“Maybe?”

“Well, don’t.” Fives lightly smacked the back of Echo’s head. Then suddenly his voice dropped to a whisper. “Just promise you won’t leave me again.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

Echo sighed contentedly as they continued to hold each other. So much had changed since they last saw each other, but not everything. Fives was still his best friend and that was all that mattered.

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

Jaune: So ... Who're the rest of your team?

Dawne: Aw~ You really that excited to meet the rest of the Squad?

Jaune: I figure they can't be as bad as you.

Dawne: ... Well screw you to.

???: DAWNE! WHERE ARE YOU?

Dawne: *Whistling* Zhe! This way!

A clearly strong, cut young man approaches the Half-Brothers. He has braided, platinum Blonde hair with Blue streaks, and is wearing a dark-blue jacket covered in patches and logos that has clearly had the sleeves ripped off, alongside scuffed jeans with rope as a belt. He has sandals on.

Zhe: HEYHEYHEY! *grabbing jaune's hand* It's nice to meet yah! I'm Caiji Zhe, but you can call me Zhe for short! You must be Jaune! Dawne's said a LOT about you, and to be honest I think he said a lot of it in a derogatory sense, but I think it was just him being jealous! You look like a good guy, and you're the leader of your team by what I've heard! And if you're even half the fighter Dawne is I'm gonna be shaking in my boots- er, well, sandals!

Dawne: Hey Zhe, I gotta take a leak. keep my brother company, 'kay?

Zhe: You got it Break-Of! Just don't fall in! HAH! That's a joke, you know! Oh, by the way Jaune, Break-Of is a nickname I gave him! Like the Break-of-Dawn? you get it! Yeah you get it.

~~~~~

???: OH MY GODS! PYRRHA? PYRRHA NIKOS?

Pyrrha: *turning to the voice* Is that who I think it is?!?

A girl with BLAZING pink hair splashed with lime green and cyan streaks, dressed in a patina colored chestplate covered in stickers, with a pastel pink undershirt. Her tassets and faulds are plated, and colored green. Her leggings are also pink, and her boots are lime green with more random patches and streaks of color. She has a silver crown on her head. Her nails are painted in a variety of colors.

Pyrrha: Cadmine? Cadmine Ittóras! Wow, you look ... different, and I wouldn't expect anything less from you!

Cadmine: *hugging Pyrrha* Hey girlfriend! You are are lookin' Damn Fine~ Haven't changed much at all, just got prettier, huh Gurl?

Pyrrha: *hugging the girl back* Haha! I suppose not! Those, that would be all of the brands that sponsor me, Heh ...

Cadmine: Well let's, like, not think about them! How've you been! How's your team Treating you! Are you eating well- I know you love your Cannolis~

Pyrrha: *Smiling brighter than she has in years* Yep! I've had more greasy, sodium rich foods in the last few months than the rest of my life. I still watch what I'm eating but I give myself more leniency.

Cadmine: Fucking phenominal Pyr-Pyr~ Like, two years ago I couldn't imagine "Invincible" Pyrrha Nikos eating a fat-ass burger! Hell, maybe you'll, like, work up the grit to say "no" to one of the damn leeches feasting on your winnings!

[thebad-lydrawn-sanses]

[gather-ye-fucking-rosebuds]

“Hey, Todd,” Stick mumbled as Todd approached the chess table in the common room. When they first started their book club, they would sit outside and just talk, but they had discovered that it was more fun to be doing something at the same time. Sometimes they’d pass a soccer ball, sometimes they’d ride bikes, but it was raining, so they decided to play chess.

“Hey,” Todd said, smiling as he put his bag down and plopped into the chair. “How was your day?”

“Good,” Stick said plainly. He had the first move, so he went with a pawn. “Flowers are finally starting to bloom.”

“I know!” Todd said excitedly, mirroring Stick’s move. “It won’t be so dreary anymore.”

“I was thinking about how the seasons never change in the book,” Stick said, moving another pawn. Todd let out a small laugh. Stick always jumped right into it. “And how that makes it harder for both the reader and the boys to fully comprehend the passage of time.”

“Yeah, I noticed that,” Todd agreed, moving out his bishop. “It feels like not too much time has passed in the way the story is being told, but it talks about their hair being a lot longer, so I think there was a time jump at some point in the story that was just never outright acknowledged.”

Todd waited for either Stick’s move or for him to say something. After a moment of neither, he glanced up from the board to see Stick glaring at him. “You like long hair?” Stick asked.

Todd’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “What?”

“I bet you think the killing is great, too,” Stick continued, his voice bitter.

Todd stomach dropped, but he didn’t let his expression waver. “Well, I think it’s trying to symbolize—”

Stick interrupted him by pulling out a book and slamming it on the table. The pieces all clattered around and out of place, but the only piece that fell over was Todd’s king. Horror flooded his veins as the reality of the situation sank in.

Stick had found his diary.

And Stick had read his diary.

Stick knew Neil had killed his father.

[the-fanfiction-addict]

"Noooo don't tank the show. It was just a single minor side caracter"

Save it. You guys would literally declare war if Rand so much as stubbed his little toe and expect us to fly past the absolute atrocity of what they did to our bias?I think not. Hypocrites.

The only thing people asked for was for Judkins not to use Siuan's character as fodder for Moiraine's character development and let her be her own person outside of her connection to Moiraine and he did just that. In the worst way possible.

And yes Sophie was leaving the show. But that is not the move you use on a character you love and respect. Much less if you want to give them a clean exit out of your show. Or satisfy your already small fanbase.

And then the actual nerve to act proud as if that was a masterful writing move and say that "She'll be back heh.😏"(And he actually seriously expects us back for these little crumbs he throws at us)

Lollll Are you fr???We're familiar with your game by now! Remember Lexa?At this point Brother, just cann it.The trust has been pulverized.Maybe you should have thought harder and longer about that before doing what you did.

Listen.

As much as anyone loves Rosamund Pike, as much as I admire the lovely WOT team overall...The anger is justified.Why should we give that fucking Judas the time of day? Personally I genuinely don't think I can move on from this.This whole thing has just soured the WOT experience for me.

Rafe Judkins.Do better.

I've honestly seen better writing in fanfiction. 🙄