#It was mother’s day when I decided to gather my old discord message and work on posting this so. Not fixing that intro

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck, family & alcoholism

Collection of thoughts and speculation on Chil’s upbringing, his dynamic with his family and how alcoholism ties into it all. If you want the groundwork info on Chil’s background I recommend my masterpost on his family, here beyond a summary of the facts it’s really just me speculating from the crumbs we get of his parents and siblings, how it’s all affected him and in turn affected his own wife and kids etc etc.

There’s nothing more I’d like on mother’s day than to speculate about Chilchuck’s maladaptive attachment style. I’m fascinated by how distant everyone is and how much he’s been devoted to them all despite having been so absent. Intergenerational trauma get over here

Actually it’ll be easier if I make a rundown here too, it’s just stuff I reiterate from my masterpost tho.

Tiny table of contents: 1- rundown: family facts 2- rundown: alcoholism 3- dad 4- parenting 5- daughters 6- wife

^ Every time his dad gets mentioned. His mom never gets mentioned. His siblings I think are only ever mentioned in this extra, and then there are more ambiguous relatives cameos.

We know is hometown isn’t Kahka Brud, but we’re not sure wether he moved there upon getting his own house (presumably around when he got married at 13), or if it’s only after his wife when he rented out his place to relatives then rented the place in Kahka Brud.

If he rented it out to relatives, maybe that meant it was in his hometown? Especially if he and his siblings are "almost strangers" so presumably he doesn’t really keep in touch with his family. And I mean, he hasn’t seen his wife or daughter in 4 years so you can imagine how he’s like with his more distant family…

Additionally half-foots and Chil are very coded to be from an impoverished opressed working class people. So that’s the context.

I’ll say that I mentioned intergenerational trauma at the beginning, and I def think the distrust of elves is part of that, but here I want to focus on the interpersonal effects rather.

Copy pasting my masterpost thoughts overall: Chilchuck is hinted to have had a rather dysfunctional family himself (alcoholic father, distant siblings, etc). So he doesn’t really have the best model on how to raise someone and such. I imagine it was a sort of neglectful home situation, where the kids are encouraged to be independent. If they didn’t have to work or help around much, then a free range parenting sort of thing.

We do see how the family has full and warm feasts, where someone cleans his mouth with a rag, so it’s not like he didn’t have caring people or had a tragic childhood though! I don’t remember if it’s explicitely stated but he’s heavily implied to having grown up poor, as most half-foots, and I just think it’s the hardened hardworking family type of childhood where just like he does with others, they instilled somewhat harsh life lessons in him, which in turn encourages him to indulge in the simple pleasures of life like alcohol and sex, or at least women’s beauty and crass jokes. We do see he seems more optimistic when he’s younger in flashbacks, so a bunch of his harsh view on the world is still likely learned and earned rather than taught.

I still think he inherited many flawed views from how his father acted, like his attitude about excessive drinking not being a big deal, it being worth it. That work hard play hard, enjoy life die young mentality he has, shown mostly in the “alcohol” section of his Adventurer’s Bible profile, could very well be partly a result of the general poverty half-foot communities are that he grew in as well, like how he doesn’t hope for things to be as best as they could be and contends with good enough.  As far as I remember, his mother is never mentioned, but I doubt it implies she was out of the picture. She was probably a regular sort of mother that took care of the home and was still around when his father died, not unlike how Chil’s wife was implied to be a housewife. It looks like there’s a good age gap between one sibling to the next, that could be interesting to speculate about too. Mostly though I think it’s big family because it’s just sorta what happens when you regularly have sex and you don’t have contraception, being poor often makes family planning harder for various reasons and leads to more children.

Alcoholism context rundown:

Good Chilchuck analysis baseline here. Alcohol seems to be his main stress reliever/coping mechanism, especially for how emotionally constipated he is, and his job is being stressed about his party’s safety. Then he also mentions as a changeling that having his senses dulled feels relaxing to him, further confirming alcohol, as a drug that dulls senses, is something that he likes for the intoxication aspect and feels it’s relaxing. Alcohol also acts as a hunger suppressant, so it for sure has played a role in his dieting and unhealthy eating/diet habits, especially since he shows the instinct to drink to soothe hunger, all of that about how going hungry for 3 days used to feel manageable. Chil dieting info compiled here.

Chilchuck is at his most effortlessly cheerful when drunk or drinking. Compilation of every time he was drunk here.

And to be clear, a cheerful drunk is still a drunk. He literally will drink anytime he gets the opportunity to even if he’s aware overdrinking leads to health problems and death. Like canonically. He does NOT see how drinking should be a problem and does not seek to show restraint with it.

Dad of the dad

Marcille and Chilchuck having a talk on how losing a dad be like "You lost your dad young too…? I know how it is, it must have hit you hard…" "No not really tbh. Do you want lasagna or chicken for dinner?" <- either genuinely doesn’t feel much about his dad’s death or has 10 layers of repression, idk which is worse

I think Chil not making a big deal out of his dad’s death, not having worries in following into his footsteps that way in the least, is super interesting.

As a buddy @saccharineomens puts it: " I kinda imagine chilchuck and his dad didn't have a bad relationship, but in general chilchuck is so blase about drinking (he sees it as a delightful time, a wonderful thing! he wouldn't mind dying doing something he loved!) that he's not very upset about his dad's passing? like "yeah, he died, but i was already an adult, he was an adult, he made his choices, i make my choices, it's cool" " And I���ll nitpick that we don’t know how old he was when his dad died, I always assumed it was pretty early since Chil left home when he got married, and like I’ve gone into he doesn’t seem to be the keep in touch type. It’s on the table though, and he could have learned about it through letter if nothing else and that contributes to the "meh" reaction.

And that is very Chilchuck, the whole "we made our choices, it is how it is, he died doing something he loved", and you can totally believe that that’s the crux of it, but I do think the nonchalance hints at the family overall being distant and not only the siblings, that there’s dysfunctional shenanigans going on in there more than just… Healthy coping and having moved on.

I wonder when Chil first drank… And I wonder how he came to realize he liked alcohol a lot. His father probably gave him sips… Or he stole them

No because, with how disaffected he is about his father and siblings I could definitely see him having started to kind of numb himself/dissociate with the help of alcohol in that home environment that felt so… Either devoid of feelings or too messy to get attached. I can totally see his family being one that encourages dealing with feelings by bottling them up.

Because too… We saw him have a family/community feast of some sort presumably when he was a kid, in that chapter cover, so it’s not like there’s no warmth or sense of family at all, but then like… What went wrong? If as I theorize that girl with short black hair in that panel is his future wife, since she’s his childhood friend and all, what if his family/home life was always kind of cold and distant, even when gathered and cheery or despite those occasions? So then it’s like, at the family gatherings, she’s the most important person there to him, the one he actually connects to the most, the warmest presence he has…….. Someone he jokes around with that feels on the same speed as him, that doesn’t have the same connotations as everyone else present, a bit of a haven, someone different, a breath of fresh hair and a regained sense of childhood… Spitballing of course of course

I feel like they had a pretty big family and they were poor and such so there were always chores to be done etc, so their household might have operated like a mini busiess of sorts where everyone’s too busy, always has this and that to do and the mother asks them to go do tasks. I used to think it might be more of a neglect situation, where the kids are expected to provide for themselves and so cook their own meals and whatnot, both parents distant, but I don’t think so with the feast illustration. Chil at the beginning of canon used to see eating as a practical thing more than anything, you have to eat to live but don’t eat much or your weight will make your job more dangerous, might as well skip meals and have beer instead, etc etc. So the thought that he doesn’t know how to cook all that well despite this speculated background where he cooked for himself and keeps cooking minimalistic, since he does tell Senshi he taught him about cooking, is fair, but still… There could definitely be a situation where his older siblings were pushed into a parental role too, where they helped with the food and raising the younger siblings etc etc. As mentioned, the age gap between siblings may play into the dynamic as well. But on this front I have less ideas…

So yes my general take on Chil’s family is that everyone was too busy to emotionally connect as much as is normal, the parenting leaving things to be desired with alcoholism and emotional neglect.

Fathering

And I think that’s especially interesting considering he hasn’t been keeping in touch with his daughters either. It’s "they’re independent now" and that’s kinda it. His daughters haven’t sent him letters or visited him or tried to make him talk to their mom again. It does feel like with his own parents and siblings to me, where people are almost strangers, where relationships grow apart and everyone shrugs and goes ‘that’s how things are’. Is it that everyone including all his daughters gave up on trying to keep in touch, or is it that they all went "well divorced or not he’s absent, this is our normal tbh", and which is worse?

So yes, I think his relationship with his daughters is probably similar to his relationship with his parents, sort of hands off. Chil's dad was probably not a good dad but probably not quite a bad dad. A definitive He Was There, to quote another friend heh

Imo the thing with Chil is that he was pretty absent bc of work travels to dungeon dive, right. He’s working hard to provide for his family but in the process he’s not spending much time with them, slowly making a gap grow between him and them as they drift apart and change as people. He’s a career dad who never realized spending time with his family was more important and threw his pager into the ocean— But also here’s the thing!! You want to say being his family is more important, but money is arguably more important! They’re poor, they don’t have the privilege of free time as much. Sure he’s not there, but he is providing for them what they need to keep living and growing healthily. Similarly, you want to say Chil should stop doing harsh dieting for weight management, but, he has a point, maybe starving is still preferable than dying in traps. Of course the ideal would be to change jobs, but again, life is a struggle and that’s not always an option.

^ Truly the classic "if you don’t listen to me, your parent, a cryptid is gonna kidnap you!" international experience………

He is so so so the "What? My way of parenting is kinda bad? But my father raised me like that, and look how great I turned out!" <- emotionally dysfunctional…….. "Pshhh what do you mean having an alcoholic parent negatively affects you? My father was an alcoholic too and look at me"  🤡

All of it was behavior normalized to him. And listen, I’m saying this but not as like, shirking of his part in it. This isn’t a teen or young adult, he’s middle aged, he’s become the one giving and not receiving the generational trauma. He’s chosen to never think deeper on the topic.

And like, he himself is so indifferent to his father and what their relationship was like, of course he wouldn’t notice if a parenting choice wasn’t great for his daughters. He doesn’t have a relationship with his dad, he’s not (at least not consciously) traumatized by him, so from his perspective it’s mission success! He got raised decent enough 👍⭐️ Except he doesn’t realize that like, not particularly caring if he died is sign of a problem between them in itself… And this even as he remains somewhat of an important figure in his life, especially since that’s who he sees on the other side of the life river in the ghost chapter. It’s implicitly the biggest instance of loss through death Chilchuck has in his life I think.

But despite it all he obviously does love his family a lot, right. So I do believe that like, while he has imperfect standards when it comes to parenting he still tries to be better than his dad was, that even if it’s necessary that he has a lot of long work travels, he spends time with them. And there’s sort of this dissonance that he’s both "it doesn’t matter wether i’m here or not, they’ll live, they’re tough girls. Oh they didn’t like my scolding earlier? It’s just how kids are" dismissive and "I love them so much and I want them to have a good life. I want to do my best by them" devoted and so so caring. And like that’s why he works so damn hard, he does it for them, but also that’s why the girls grew up with an absentee father and aughhhh AUGHHHH the unsolvable dilemma of it all Chilchuck in Dunmeshi truly represents like, the harshness of reality & the world and how sometimes things will just suck no matter what, and then of course balancing that with Marcille in their shared arc where she tacks on "And despite that there is beauty everywhere even in the small and menial things, despite that your flawed relationships and dreams are still worth fighting for" ie giving reconciling with his wife a shot, etc.

All that said I think the very strict "you’re gonna grow up to have a stable job by god, young miss" attitude, those strong work ethics he highly values and focuses on and no doubt tried to instill in is own kids, is something he somewhat inherited from his own upbringing and parents.

In my masterpost bit on his parenting, I said I don’t think he’d do any kind of corporeal punishment, but. I do wonder about spanking aftee all. It can be so so easy to rationalize it… Sigh

Daughter pov

Again, my general interpretations for the daughters are written in my masterpost. I think Patti knows her father the least and is the one least worried about jobs and stability and least settled down as a result. Flertom is the more social one who I imagine tended to be the one worried about her parents’ couple and their emotions the most. And Meijack… Ohh Meijack.

When your father tried his best to provide for you but he worked all the time and even when he was home he was either tired or stressed and he’s always liked to get drunk to relax and cheer up. When you know he values work ethics and respectability so you grew up to be capable and quiet. And when he says you’re like him you’re sort of puzzled, does he really know you so little, or does he know himself so little? But you like the feeling of your father ruffling your hair so you accept it and still you stand next to your mother just as quiet and just as stoic during family gatherings. He leaves again and again and when your mother leaves him nothing changes, really. You wonder if it’s more telling that you know him better than he seems to himself or that you don’t know him as much as you wish you did, or that you don’t think about him all that much these days. Out of sight out of mind

Thinking of those posts about how kids never forget and during the "draw your family!" things at school, some of the kids draw their working parents seperate from the rest of them...

Absent father and when he’s at home you get the crumbs of him that you get and you’re grateful for it and that’s that <333

She doesn’t know how much he loves them bc he hasn’t showed them in a long time </3

The horror of drunk Chil in my fics is often about what in this state he can’t do rather than what he could do, how someone who’s as proud of his skills and work ethics as he is has truly changed, not comprehending how he could become so sloppy or how he could allow himself to get like this, marred the values he preaches above all else. It’s in the way that he fumbles with doorknobs, that he could never lockpick a door if you were to lock it, and it both being your salvation and bringing you extreme distress at the thought of it all. His footsteps usually featherlight now sound heavy as stone, like a troll’s.

You know the thing that gets me so bad with alcoholism angst is when people describe the drunk person as a stranger. Often making a metaphor that they’re monsters, have some monster they shapeshift into uncontrollably once in a while, as a way to split the unreconciliable halves of the person sober and drunk in your vision of them……. It gets me soooo bad Little Puckpatti growing up on tales of trolls kidnapping disobedient kids and replacing them with doubles so no one even knows they’re gone… Coming face to face with a drunk Chilchuck that roams the halls of the house with heavy steps in the night, because she wanted to go drink a glass of water, too thirsty to sleep………..

And this is where I reveal that I wrote a fic about just that!! Trolls that thump and tiptoe through the night Mei @ Chil, You made me of stone and still every day you wear me down and chip away at me bit by bit

In the end notes I describe my takes and interpretations: With Mei I tried to give the sense of a kid who sacrifices some parts of childhood to feel closer to her parent, like not playing games to spend more time with him no matter how empty, or wanting to be worthy in his eyes. With Fler, since she was the one in canon to take in their mother and write Chil a letter explaining the situation, I feel like she’s always been the one most involved and aware of the problems in their family. The one most there to emotionally support or to understand what the vibes in a room meant. Puckpatti I think knows her father the least, since with time I think Chilchuck was more and more away from work and more and more cynical like the flashbacks of younger him dungeon diving. I think because of her not minding unstable odd jobs that she’s the most passive, that she’s the most go with the flow. I do also love when Mei is the one most aware of her parents’ flaws and most critical as the eldest, but not in this fic. Meijack grows up to never touch a drop of alcohol, what people joke is the one difference between her and her father. Flertom drinks, too much sometimes, but she considers drinking should be a social activity rather than a habit. Puckpatti only drinks on special occasions when she has the chance.

They already don’t have that much time together because of his work, I wonder how big of a percentage the amount of memories the daughters have of him are when he’s not himself truly… How they kinda reconcile it all. It’s their normal. 

And the thing that’s gutting too, is that Chil always looks so so much more open, relaxed, cheerful and happier when drunk than he usually is. He doesn't know how to get his defenses down without alcohol

"you're all that's good"

Because we do see how he truly used to not be so closed off and bitter. But distrust and fearing for betrayals from both coworkers and then his wife aka the person who’s supposed to be closest to him (he doesn’t even have close family besides his daughters. Does he even have close friends) turned him into what he is now. He was so cheerful!! Happy and trusting and optimistic.

He leaves and she left

God there’s the whole ‘wife leaving him’ trauma too is the thing… It had to have fucked him up so bad like no wonder he got paranoid and decided not to open up to ANYONE like. He never saw it coming is the scariest thing. He didn’t expect her to just up and leave. He didn’t see the warning signs. He won’t know if it’s coming this time either.

….. But then also, why he didn’t reach out to her (besides hurt) was because it was a petty silence treatment, like "oh she left without saying a word? Fine well I won’t reach out to her either" <- man who is so not fine and collected about it. It’s been FOUR YEARSSSSSSS I wonder if he always was like… "This week she’s gonna send a letter. … Ok fine, this month she’s gonna crack. … Within the year she’ll come crawling back." and it’s a bit why it was allowed to go on for this long unchecked like… Why he still considers her his wife even though functionally she’s more of an ex by that point after 4 years.

I can never stop thinking about him and his wife they’re fucking crazyyy. Him not reaching out to her started as a silent treatment from frustration. She never reached out to him either, she just up and left, didn’t even leave or send one last letter she’s just gone and has left this all behind, the house and everything in it. It’s been 4 years but he still considers her his wife and considers themselves only "estranged", "due to circumstances we haven’t seen each other in years". His face in the panel he said this is interesting too, trying to be casual but defensive and exasperated, already dreading the judgement and questions. He moved out of his house to rent a place in Kahka Brud instead. How much of him not reaching out was avoidance… Guilt, frustration, sadness, confusion, just procrastinating and dread and fear of a rejection more concrete, or something else… Maybe realizing he doesn’t miss her as much as he should, not enough to chase after her or try to get her back, just resigning himself to it… Is he a bad husband, is he a bad person? Should they reconcile?

Not seeing it coming… It’s half trust, that this person who’s so dear to you could never just up and leave and hurt you like that, half entitlement, thinking that she would never think of leaving, and third it’s blinding himself to the warning signs, not wanting to believe or acknowledge them. Because like, there WERE some, he said she "suddenly fell into a bad mood on the way back [from the outing]" and I don’t think he’s too dumb to be aware that something was off, he literally just dismissed it and then went surprised pikachu face when it turned out things were indeed off.

Part of it is definitely, how do you even react if your wife walks out on you without warning. If it happened to me I think that I wouldn’t reach out for a while either, wait for them to reach out to me first, give them space. As I put it in one of my marchil wips, "I respect your right to be rid of me too much to try and shackle you to me if you want to leave". Inaction is easier than admitting he’s scared to check and find out that the worst case scenario is true. It’s been years and he still hasn’t worked it out why she left. Do you think that’s on purpose. That he doesnt want to know for sure. It’s so so so scary to try and do anything about it

He said he didn’t reach out right away when she left because he was petty and wanted to give her the silence treatment back. Ok but is it that he blames her for their marriage falling apart or does he blame himself and he’s just misdirecting the conflicted feelings? Did he not reach out because a part of him was too scared to know why she left or if she would refuse to come back? Did he just think that she’d come back on her own, and things would get fixed while still staying unsaid and unconfronted like they always have, the first month, then the next and the next, until it was a year in and it sunk in that oh, maybe she wasn’t coming back?

He seems genuine here when he says that he was angry about it and gave her the silent treatment, but it is an habit of his to lie to make himself look worse instead of showing vulnerability, so who knows.

He is so so scared of being affected by relationships. Same thing with his compulsive habit to disguise his worry for anger. It’s why he doesn’t want people to have expectations of him, "I’m a coward I’m selfish", because then they can’t be disappointed, they can’t be surprised if he bites, they can’t leave when you lose what they’ve been staying for.

He has avoidant tendencies too. Every time there’s an interpersonal issue he just accepts it’s out of his control immediately. He’s passive when it comes to relationship problems, just like with coworkers, relationships are a ticking time bomb to him, and he just wants to be left out of it and come out unscathed. It comes back to his pessimism. He doesn’t think that like, things could be better. According to him life is tough and cruel, you accept your lot in life and make the best out of it and that’s it. If people are scummy you don’t whine about how unfair it is, you close yourself off and work to not be taken advantage of again and adapt. So then with his wife, when Marcille is like "Have you tried… Talking?" it’s such a crazy idea that it might work at all, that he could have the power to fix things… And that’s why it’s such a big deal when he goes "Alright I’ll try… I don’t know if it’ll go as well as in the stories, but I’ll try". That CRUMB of allowing himself to be hopeful is so huge

Honestly for the longest time I misread this bit, I thought she left in the night like how Marcille framed it, but no she left after he left for work. She left after he left again.

The way it’s told, it really sounds like Chilchuck just came home from work, stayed probably a couple of days in which they went to that outing together, then left for work again right away/soon after and it’s like. Was that outing the most special thing you guys did together. You came home from like a month of work, you had one outing where she ended up having a bad time, y’all didn’t talk about it further and then you left for another couple of weeks. Are you kidding me

Your married life is waiting for your husband to come home, spending mediocre time together, being shut down when you voice discontentment, and things being left unaddressed before he leaves again.

She left when he was gone for work, but did she leave the day of, or did she flip flop on it and took a while before working up the strength to leave? Was she waiting to see if he’d say anything before leaving and when he didn’t that was the last straw?

Chilchuck trying to prove a point that half-foots can make it out there, trying to rely more on himself because that’s the only person he can trust. His wife feeling like he's leaving her behind (because he does. over and over and over and over.) This guy just keeps throwing himself into work because he thinks it's what's best for everyone. Hey sir neglecting emotional needs can be kinda detrimental to everyone involved, I think you might wanna know that ^ quotes courtesy of @soappox

And to come back to alcoholism for a bit, alcoholism is alcoholism, and someone asked why I thought that a Chilchuck with depression would drink and cope through alcohol, since drinking seems to be something cheerful to him. It does puzzle me a bit but it’s worth going over, so… I don’t think him using drinking as a coping mechanism is far fetched at all. Cheerful drunks that are alcoholic still can absolutely use alcohol in ways like that. If something makes you happier, or even just more numb which translates to you feeling more free etc etc, then I definitely think it tracks that he’d keep drinking. Like personally I do think he’d drink a lot after his wife left him, and in rough patches like that. Depression -> not wanting to have to think, the days are blurring together and you either don’t want to be conscious or you want to feel something etc etc -> drinking for the alcohol. Alcoholics tend to be, well, dependent on alcohol. If something bad happens etc they’re usually more likely to go harder on it rather than stop. We can debate on when and why Chilchuck first started to drink but it’s straight up his favorite food now and it’s deeply ingrained in his life, in his favorite outings and activities and priorities and moods and meals. A CHEERFUL DRUNK IS STILL A DRUNK!!! They drink to get happy not drink because they are happy, though obviously the two can have overlap.

Chil represses sooo much. His solution to interpersonal conflict and feelings is just don’t think about it and dull your feelings & senses to everything ✨ I love him. I need to kill him with hammers Like the other day I was thinking about an AU where he might have ran away from his neglectful home or something, but then I remembered he deals with everything including his family by dulling his feelings and senses to things 🫠 He wouldn’t leave

I’d say he doesn’t look troubled by loss through death, moreso loss through mistakes. His nightmare is his daughters dying yes, but moreso them being killed, there’s an axe in the wall etc, it’s about having failed to protect them.

If he can’t fuck something up or if he’s already fucked it up there’s this pacifying sense that he can’t have the rug pulled from under him, because that’s what having connections is, having a wife isn’t an insurance it’s a rug waiting to be pulled. And his brand is sort of Flawed Mr Mistakes Man so he’s kinda been having to cope lol. I do think he throws himself into workaholism, because it’s sort of the only way to live he knows, making yourself capable and useful and spending his days working like that, less time to think, too tired to think. Senses dulled, senses that are usually too sharp, cutting with clarity that he prefers ignoring and avoiding. Work is something he doesn’t have to feel through, something that gives him pride and self-esteem, something through all the danger and life or death risk feels safer, emotionally. No one taught him how to deal with things another way, it’s always been suck it up and work.

Conclusion

Stop smoking we love you and we don’t want you to die

No drinking will not externalize your feelings no it won’t vent them out well please Chilchuck ple-ea-ease…….

</3 They should invent an alcoholism that doesn’t make you dysfunctional and hard to be around

^ Drunk, by The Living Tombstone

I’ve been thinking about enneagrams and Chil is 6w7 highkey. Becomes 3 when stressed, a little 8 but it’s more that he wants security so much that he becomes paranoid rather than having the core of an 8 y’know. I haven’t dug into it for quotes yet but this paper goes hard if you’re curious.

Dropping my relevant Spotify playlists here bc why not: Chilchuck & his wife, marchil angst

[edorazzi]

It’s the post everyone’s been waiting for! 

It’s taken a little while for me to get around to this, but it’s worth it for being able to make a full reaction post. This is really long so I’ll put it under a cut, but check it out for my complete scene-by-scene reaction of Miraculous’ “Felix” episode! (´∀｀)♡

Okay, I’ve been putting this off for days now so it’s time to finally get to it. I’m comfy and undisturbed and have my supplies ready to go.

I know next to nothing about what I’m going into. I’ve seen a little bit here and there because some people haven’t tagged their content properly, but I haven’t watched either of the trailers. I haven’t even looked directly at the images of Felix which have been going around. I’ve tried to stay as blind as possible, so as a result I’m pretty excited but also very anxious. I’ve taken two beta blockers today and I’m considering taking a third.

I usually liveblog episodes on our Ladybug PV Discord server (message me for an invite!) but this time I’m making a proper post out of it. I’ll be typing up my reactions as I go then cleaning everything up a little bit afterwards. I think it’s the first time I’ve done something like this on my blog so here goes!

- “Script: Thomas Astruc” NO. HE REALLY COULDN’T JUST STEP AWAY FROM THIS EPISODE GRACEFULLY, COULD HE. HE HAD TO GET HIS HANDS DIRTY. I’m not going to say “fuck this man” but, you know, identical sentiments. I’m opening my chocolate bar.

- God, Emilie looks more like ET every time I see her. Such an awkward model.

- Oh but wait, Sébastien Thibaudeau was on the script? That does actually give me some hope! Next to Zag himself he’s the only writer on this mess of a show I trust. HE FIXED WAYHEM, CAN HE DO FELIX A SOLID TOO? PLEASE. PLEASE SÉBASTIEN OL BUDDY OL PAL OL FRIENDA MINE

- Does Gabe have anything else to say to his wife other than monologuing his Miraculous plan over and over? They say people in comas can still hear things but Emilie’s probably double unconscious from how boring her husband is.

- DON’T LIKE THAT KNIFE SOUND EFFECT FROM THOSE RINGS. Am I supposed to find it sweet that Gabe’s taking such good care of their wedding bands or is he about to use them for evil? Also where’s Felix.

- ADRIEN SWEETHEART. I maintain that it’s weird to have a statue of your wife/mother/self in your own garden but it kills me that he’s just sitting there in front of it like a lost kitten.

- “Of course, someone will get you right away.” IS THAT FELIX. WAS SHE ON THE PHONE TO FELIX. WHERE’S MY SON, NATHALIE HAVE YOU SEEN MY SON

- That wide-eyed look Adrien turns up towards the window is killing me even more. I’M SO SAD. I see he also hasn’t noticed he’s sitting in the middle of a giant butterfly circle, unless he’s so used to it being Gabe’s logo that he’s just not paying it any mind. When was this all built? Has Gabe always used a butterfly motif even before he got his Miraculous and it was just a great coincidence, or did he commission this whole garden area after Emilie went missing? I guess you could pass it off as eccentricity but in the real world that would be a HUGE red flag that Gabe murdered her. I dunno man.

- DON’T WAVE AT HIM LIKE THAT, NATHALIE. YOU RATTED HIM OUT IN 5 SECONDS IN THAT THEORETICAL FUTURE WHERE YOU DISCOVERED HE WAS CHAT NOIR. YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT THIS BOY. >:V

- “It’s been one year.” HAS IT? Hasn’t Adrien been at school for at least a year now? Didn’t his mom vanish two years prior to that?! Maybe she’s talking about how long Gabe has been fighting Ladybug and Chat Noir but knowing this show’s messy timeline it could be anything. WHERE’S FELIX.

- That’s the song from Chat Blanc! Was that something his mom taught him? OH NO, I’M EVEN SADDER NOW. This is what I mean about Sébastien’s writing, we’d never get this kind of focus on Adrien from Garbage Man Astruc. This kind of character exploration does wonders for ML whenever it’s brought up so I hope this is consistent.

- SHIT, GABRIEL’S OUT OF THE HOUSE. SOMETHING’S WRONG. THOSE EXPENSIVE LEATHER SHOES HAVEN’T TOUCHED ACTUAL GROUND IN YEARS. ADRIEN GET OUT OF THERE.

- I do like that Adrien doesn’t get up when his dad comes to stand right next to him like that. It’s just informal enough. He’s waiting for Gabe to make the first move this time and that’s nice development considering how stiff and cold their relationship was in S1.

- OOOOH GABE THAT’S AN AWKWARD CROUCH. Any lower down and his back is going to go. He’ll be stuck there. I do LOVE that he’s trying though, I don’t even know what he’s going to say to Adrien but this is already SO good.

- “There’s something important I have to talk to you about.” Finally time for The Talk, huh.

- GABE PLEASE. ADRIEN’S WAY TOO CHIRPY TO HAVE ACTUALLY CAUGHT ON TO WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY. HE THINKS YOU’RE TRYING TO SAY YOU LOVE HIM OR SOMETHING ELSE RIDICULOUS

- “I’ve noticed how close you and Nathalie have become!” CLOSE ENOUGH. Still in the ballpark of Adrien thinking his dad has real human feelings! 

- “HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY THINK SUCH A THING??” I GENUINELY LAUGHED OUT LOUD AT HOW ANGRY GABE WAS ABOUT THAT. I’m not sure what to think of the “Nathalie replacing Emilie when Emilie’s technically still alive” plot either but GABE’S DECIDED FOR ME. Also good job yelling in your son’s face when you were JUST having a moment, good luck getting back up off your knees in order to storm away, old man.

- Oh alright, he did get up, but it was with a strange angry bow-legged prance. I think he still had trouble.

- I love the way Adrien just kinda wide-eye-blinks at him, like Gabe’s emotional outburst is going totally over his head. He’s been dealing with akuma FAR too long to be bothered by this.

- Guests, plural? I’m guessing Felix is one of them but is he with someone else? That makes sense given he’s (as far as I’ve gathered) the same age as Adrien so he wouldn’t be running around far from home unchaperoned, but OHHH this is so interesting.

- So they ARE claiming it’s been one year since Emilie vanished! This just doesn’t work as a Season 3 episode, especially with Nathalie and Gabe’s romantic development being as far along as it is. Emilie’s been gone for at LEAST three years by this point! Read your show bible once in a while you horrible garbage man!!! Also ADRIEN SWEETHEART THAT’S A LITTLE PREMATURE. You can say “went away forever” when you’re three years into her disappearance, the anniversary of one year really isn’t long enough to claim she’s never coming back!

- OH NO, IT’S THE GIRLS. I’m already bored. Unless Luka is here I really just do not care what they’re all up to. I haven’t missed Marinette at ALL in the first two-and-a-half minutes and I don’t want to see her now. WHERE’S FELIX.

- I’m sorry, how are Lila, Chloé AND Kagami all on a video call together without any blood being drawn? Also for god’s sake PLEASE leave Adrien alone, you want to ask first if he’d LIKE some company or if he’d prefer a quiet personal day to think about his mom? OF COURSE NOT MARINETTE, YOU WOULDN’T WOULD YOU. 

- Okay, a video message is definitely a better idea than trying to break into his house AGAIN. At least then he can watch it whenever he feels up to it. The first good, safe, noninvasive idea Mari’s had for SEVERAL episodes when it comes to Adrien.

- I’M REALLY TORN WHEN IT COMES TO THE ENGLISH DUB. On one hand I hate how little screentime Nino has when he’s not just being Alya’s fashion accessory, but on the other hand I’m so glad they switched scenes the moment Nino started his video because I CANNOT handle his dub voice. Nino just deserves better in general really.

- HE WAS CRYING. MY BOY WAS CRYING AGAIN. I’M NOT COOL WITH THIS. IT’S NOT ABOVE YOUR PAYGRADE TO GIVE HIM A HUG, NATHALIE.

- ALRIGHT HI ELSA. IS THIS HIS AUNT? THAT’S SPOOKY. 

- Her name is Amelie? So their parents had twins and named them Amelie and Emilie, and they turned out the same right down to the over-the-shoulder Dead Anime Mom hairstyles? That’s lazy parenting down to a tee, can’t mix your twins up if you never have to learn the difference between them in the first place! But that’s INTERESTING that Felix is (I assume, still haven’t seen him yet) from Emilie’s side of the family, I’ve always had the impression he was a petit Gabriel.

- OHHH THAT’S MY BOY! I CAN SEE MY BOY IN THE DOORWAY!!! OH MY GOD GIVE HIM TO ME. GIVE ME FELIX. GIVE ME MY SON.

- ADRIEN IMMEDIATELY JUMPING ON HIM IN A HUG IS ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. WHILE FELIX’S HAND IS STILL OUTSTRETCHED FOR A HANDSHAKE. I know this episode is going to go downhill because there’s no way it won’t, but this one single moment is EVERYTHING I WANTED. I should just close the tab now and leave it at this, I really should.

- “Do you remember when they used to have so much fun pretending to be each other? Once they had you and Emilie fooled for a whole weekend!” WHERE HAS THIS BEEN FOR MY ENTIRE ORDEAL GETTING THROUGH THIS SERIES. I don’t even care if this Felix is a stone cold bitch, it’s enough to know he and Adrien were besties when they were kids and Adrien still wanted to hug him the second he walked through the door. AMAZING.

- “I WON’T BE FOOLED A SECOND TIME.” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, GABE. THEY WERE PROBABLY TODDLERS. ARE YOU JUST SO USED TO GETTING YOUR ASS HANDED TO YOU BY CHILDREN THAT YOU’RE SUSPICIOUS OF EVERY SINGLE ONE NOW

- Aww, Felix is American (dubbed, anyway). I was really hoping he’d be British with all the references to London over the last season. He does have a nice voice though! I can tell he shares Adrien’s actor but he’s got the softness I’d have expected from his character. There’s kind of an interesting look about his face though, I wish they’d tweaked it a bit to give him a sharper look but I guess he IS like 14, he can afford to still have a bit of baby-cheeked roundness. I’m going to find the positives in every part of this because I will NOT give Garbage Man Astruc the satisfaction of being disappointed like I know he wants me to be. It’s been a fucking war from the moment I saw his name in the writing credits and my best weapon is being pleased about everything in this episode.

- Okay, he looks a little better in the following closeup where his eyes are slightly narrowed. I think it’s the slightly-below-the-chin angle which doesn’t really work for his character model with his soft cheeks and high collar. FELIX IS A BABY.

- WHY WILL NOBODY SHAKE HIS HAND. Adrien hugged him instead and Gabe is ignoring him completely, Felix is clearly so perplexed and I love it. He’s fourteen! He’s fourteen and doing his best with social graces but NOBODY WILL HELP HIM.

- “Felix, you know your uncle’s never been the physical sort!” HE KICKED HIS OWN SON RIGHT ACROSS PARIS IN THE LAST EPISODE BUT SURE, IF YOU SAY SO.

- “Oh, how sweet! You’re still wearing your wedding band!” YEAH? IT’S BEEN LIKE A YEAR?? Again this would make more sense if it had been around three years like we KNOW Emilie’s been gone for, but picking someone out for still wearing their ring after 12 months?! And why isn’t Amelie more emotional about this anyway, isn’t it her sister who’s missing? I wouldn’t be poking fun at MY sister’s husband for keeping his ring if SHE went missing. No wonder Felix seems like he turned out weird.

- I CAN’T MAKE OUT THE NAME OF HER BRANCH OF THE FAMILY AND IT’S KILLING ME. SOMEONE LET ME KNOW WHAT THAT WAS. Graham de Vanily? I can’t place the words. I mean I’m going to keep calling Felix “Agreste” no matter what but I’d like to know what canon is trying to get at.

- “It’s been a long journey from London” I KNEW IT, I FFFFFFFFFUCKING KNEW IT. SO THEY ARE BRITISH?! BUT THEY HAVE AMERICAN ACCENTS?! I mean I guess they’re French first and foremost, but what the fuck is with the American accents if you’re making a POINT about them being from London?! I can’t wait for the French audio to be released, I really want to know what Felix sounds like there. Regardless AAAH MY SON IS FROM MY CITY, I’M SO PLEASED.

- “TakeFelixtoyourbedroom.” EASY GABE THEY JUST MET, ALSO THEY’RE COUSINS

- Poor Felix looks so depressed being saddled with Adrien. Sweetie it’s okay, think positive! You could be stuck with Marinette and THAT would be a true nightmare.

- Now why does Felix keep glancing at Gabe? Is there something going on there? Is he suspicious about what happened to his aunt? I can’t imagine he knows anything about the Miraculous so what’s the deal here?

- UuuuuUUUUGH we’re back with the rest of the gang. I’M NOT INTERESTED, SHOW ME MORE FELIX.

- “Help me Tikki! What would you tell a Kwami friend who’s lost their mom?!” You’re talking to a 5000-year-old demigoddess, Mari, I don’t think she’s gonna relate.

- MARI YOU CAN’T CONFESS TO ADRIEN. NOT AFTER CHAT BLANC. GABE WILL LOSE ALL HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT TO WRECK THE LOVE SQUARE AND ALSO THE MOON’S GOING TO EXPLODE. WHY ISN’T BUNNIX HERE TO SLAP THE TABLET OUT OF YOUR HANDS

- Should Tikki really be encouraging this?! I have no idea where in the timeline this is supposed to be. Maybe this is at a stage where she doesn’t know Adrien is Plagg’s chosen so there’s no reason to steer Marinette away from bonding with him. Or maybe every episode just plays by its own rules and there’s really no such thing as continuity in this series. I want to see Felix again.

- YANKING AT AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE ON THE OUTER EDGE OF A BOAT ISN’T GOING TO END WELL. DON’T. I do love how :D Alya is about it though, if nothing else I love what a supportive friend she is.

- Oh, the tablet didn’t go into the water! I’m genuinely surprised by that. Though I imagine Felix is going to fuck things up in some way so he’ll probably be the one to destroy the video somehow. We all know the relationship development isn’t allowed to move forward so SOMETHING’S going to happen to it.

- Thank god we’re back to the mansion. I’m surprised and pleased that (for now at least) we’re only getting the girls in small doses and the plot is mainly focused around the Agrestes. Gorizilla is my favourite episode to date and it did a similar thing with allowing Marinette to be a side character for once along an Adrien-centric plotline, so hopefully this episode will be similar. I’m liking its odds so far but who knows what Horrible Garbage Man Astruc has up his sleeve.

- “I’m really sorry I didn’t come to your dad’s funeral.” I’M SORRY WHAT? PARDON ME? THAT’S AN ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM I DIDN’T EXPECT. As a side note I love Felix being killer at basketball for some reason, he doesn’t look like the athletic type at ALL but he still made that net over his shoulder without even LOOKING. Goddamn. Can everyone please appreciate how cool my son is!!!

- “My father thought it would be too hard on me, considering everything that’s happened this year.” So Felix lost his dad VERY RECENTLY. OUCH. DON’T LIKE THAT. Or I DO like that because it’s already giving his character some extra depth when we’re still only just getting to know him, but on an emotional level I don’t like that. 

- “He’s very... protective of me.” CHAT BLANC REALLY WAS A HOT MESS OF AN EPISODE WASN’T IT. 

- Now Felix is giving Adrien a hug?! I didn’t see that one coming. My canon Felix would mean it but I don’t quite trust this new Felix yet, he’s probably up to something.

- WHAT A JARRING PIANO TRANSITION. Also why?! What does he have to gain from swiping Adrien’s phone? He’s probably got a terrible roaming plan on his own mobile, that’s always my problem when I go to France. If you truly loved your cousin you’d let him browse Reddit on your phone, Adrien. This is worse than not coming to his dad’s funeral.

- PLAGG KNOWS SOMETHING’S UP. He ought to, in another life he and Felix are STILL dealing with each other.

- Okay I take back what I said about Felix’s voice. Bryce Whatshisface isn’t doing a very good job separating the tones. I can buy that Adrien and Felix sound very similar but their delivery should be completely different! I really do want to watch this in French, I get the feeling it’ll sound much better.

- AH YES, HERE WE GO. I’m getting the feeling this is Garbage Man’s part of the episode. Squished cheese aside, I do like the implication Felix does (or did) card magic and karate. I’m thinking of that Mickey Mouse episode where he vanishes Donald’s car keys with a hand trick except it’s Felix vanishing Marinette’s phone when she’s about to text Adrien or something. I’ve got to draw that.

- “Mind if I take a shower?” WHY, FELIX. I mean I’d probably want to shower too after the London-Paris commute (and I’m sure he’s only going in there to wreak havoc, put food colouring in Adrien’s shampoo bottles or something) but what a weird time to ask!

- I mean Plagg has a point about difficult home situations not justifying bad behaviour (and I feel like that’s not what’s going on, with how he was glaring at Gabe I think he’s behaving like this for some other reason), but Felix’s dad LITERALLY DIED. Like they had a funeral and everything. Emilie is just “missing”. They’re SIMILAR but that’s still a false equivalence because Adrien’s got hope to hold on to and Felix doesn’t.

- So we’re not going to talk about how Felix got into Adrien’s passcode-protected phone? I guess he could have done the fogging-up-the-screen trick from Oblivio. Standing around in a steamy bathroom in three layers of clothing is a great way to sweat yourself out and ruin your hair though, way to get even more gross than a five-hour commute between countries.

- “Of course that idiot has a crush on a superhero!” EASY THERE, MR HOWLING-ON-A-ROOFTOP-BECAUSE-HE-SAW-THE-GIRL-HE-LIKED. WE’VE ALL SEEN THE PV.

- I’ve just noticed Felix has a ring too! I don’t know how I missed that before this scene! That’s NICE. He’s still not allowed to have it on his middle finger (LET HIM SWEAR) but that’s a nod back to Chat Noir which I really appreciate!

- ROSE HAS BEEN ON THE HELIUM. SOMETHING’S NOT RIGHT THERE.

- FELIX KNOWS CHLOÉ! THAT’S NICE, THAT’S GOOD. I LIKE THAT. That’s also a really nice little video from her, I love the few small moments we’ve had that affirm she and Adrien really ARE friends, whether she wants to date him or not. 

- OOOH HE DELETED THE VIDEOS. I’m curious about him borrowing Adrien’s clothes too, are they going to dress the same? You’d think Adrien wouldn’t give someone an exact copy of the outfit he’s currently wearing but I genuinely don’t know if he owns anything different. I hope they don’t just use two Adrien models for the rest of the episode, please let me see Felix properly :/

- WHY. HONESTLY, WHY. CAN I PLEASE GET AN EXPLANATION FOR WHY FELIX IS DOING THIS.

- OOOH MARI YOU’RE NOT GONNA LIKE THIS. I can imagine Felix is going to say something nasty and that’ll set the girls off and bring about the akuma of the week. I’m mildly entertained but I’m still not engaged with this idea without any proper explanation. We’d better get something by the end of the episode which justifies what’s made Felix do this, because “he’s just evil lol” would be a reeeeally low move from Garbage Man Astruc. 

- MARI SWEETIE. YOU’VE GOTTA LEARN TO CHECK A ROOM IS EMPTY BEFORE YOU RUN INSIDE AND START FREAKING OUT VERY LOUDLY. LUKA’S HEARD ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. 

- Luka is such a nice character. Why does he get to be so high quality when Felix has been turned into a cheese-smashing phone-stealing gremlin? I mean I KNOW why, but I’d like to think the showwriters are better than this. They’re not, but I’d like to think they are.

- WHAT A VIDEO MESSAGE. I love how Luka’s just sitting there grimacing while Mari speeds off into battle, he doesn’t know what she’s about to do but he knows better than to try stopping her.

- Back with Gabe and Nathalie. Is this what was being foreshadowed when Gabe claimed he wouldn’t be fooled by the boys’ identity switch twice? Is he GOING to be fooled again or will he be the one person who can tell immediately that this isn’t his son? 

- “FELIX.” WOW, HE REALLY WASN’T FOOLED TWICE. RESPECT. He may have trouble getting up off the ground if he sits down too low but he can at least identify his child in a difficult situation like this, props to Gabe this week.

- “All this disappointment might just help us get rid of our unwanted guests!” SHUT YOUR MOUTH, FELIX IS A DELIGHT. The only unwanted guest here is Astruc on the writing team.

- “Felix... I told you that you couldn’t fool me twice.” Way to blow your identity in five seconds Gabe. I guess he hasn’t sent out the akuma yet so this might just be a personal monologue, but he starts addressing his victims directly so often at this stage that I’m really not sure what they can or can’t hear. SHIT’S RISKY.

- OH OKAY, SO HE’S SENDING THIS TRIPLE AKUMA AFTER FELIX? AND/OR ADRIEN, DEPENDING ON HOW HARD IT IS TO TELL THEM APART? I guess that’s what he means by getting rid of their guests, if the house is attacked by a monster (or monsters?) they aren’t going to want to stick around, but I REALLY HOPE YOU’RE TAKING ADRIEN’S WELLBEING INTO ACCOUNT HERE GABE OL BUDDY :/

- “TIKKI, SPOTS ON! MNUURGH” ME TOO MARINETTE. I’M REALLY ONLY 12 MINUTES INTO THIS.

- I’m gonna be honest, I’m not really interested in the girls. I was hoping for a real triple akuma (like Oblivio was apparently Alya and Nino together) but they’re all just villains we’ve seen before. There’s stuff I could comment on here but I just want to see more of Felix, that’s what I’m here for.

- “Nathalie, get Adrien to a safe place far from his cousin!” YOU’RE REALLY JUST GONNA SACRIFICE FELIX LIKE THIS. I guess that makes sense, I WAS complaining during Chat Blanc that Adrien is Gabriel’s weak point, so all things considered I’m not surprised that he’ll protect Adrien but just flat-out wants Felix dead. Fair enough.

- WOW. I THOUGHT ADRIEN WAS GOING TO BE HEROIC AND DEFEND FELIX BUT HE WANTS HIM DEAD TOO. Or was that a double bluff to make the akuma think he MUST be Felix so he can lead them away and keep his cousin safe? He’s just run off with a wild cackle so I’m thinking it’s the latter. HE’S A GOOD BOY AND A TRUE HERO.

- I also find it kind of funny how Nathalie will jump in harm’s way to defend him when there have been INNUMERABLE other episodes of Gabe just setting an akuma directly on Adrien for the hell of it. Maybe because there isn’t really any ‘harm’ here to start with; the three girls’ powers are probably the least violent of all the akuma we’ve seen so far.

- AM I REALLY ABOUT TO SEE FELIX DRESSED AS ADRIEN DOING KARATE. I HOPE HE’S GOOD AT IT.

- OH MY GOD HE IS GOOD AT IT. That’s cool! I was expecting him to totally flop considering how badly his imposter trick went down a few minutes ago, but it’s nice to see he’s as capable at fighting as he is at basketball. When do I get to see his magic card tricks?

- YEAH I FEEL THE SAME PLAGG. WHAT’S EVEN HAPPENING. Not that I think Adrien shouldn’t save Felix, I just want to know WHY Felix felt like he had to do this in the first place! I feel like “can I PLEASE get a waffle” except instead of watching the employees fight I’m watching this episode careening away with no pauses to explain what’s going on.

- FELIX C’MON. STOP CAUSING PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE. I can tell Garbage Man Astruc still has the reins here because causing even MORE trouble even AFTER Adrien saved his ass is a completely illogical course of action. PUT SÉBASTIEN BACK IN THE WRITERS CHAIR.

- “WHICH PART OF THE WORD ‘NO’ DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?!” Oh perfect, great, can’t let this episode end without accusing Felix of not respecting consent! That’s a hot button issue and if Garbage Man Astruc can get him on that bandwagon then fans HAVE to hate this character! Great move! Fucking pillock!

- WOW CHAT THAT’S MEAN. I guess accusing Felix of having no friends is justified in the context of the episode but yikes :(

- Was that a flash of humiliation from Felix there? God will one of the writers PLEASE save this character, PLEASE don’t let this episode end without someone getting him out of the Garbage Man’s big meaty claws.

- Excuse me WHAT? Felix is talking directly to Papillon?! So he knows about all the Miraculous stuff?! Oh NO, is this about getting his dad back? I don’t know whether the One Wish is common knowledge (I don’t think it is?) but maybe Felix put the pieces together on his own back home, so all his behaviour here has been trying to incite an akuma that he can take advantage of to appeal to Papillon?! Or he could just be a bitch all on his own, which is probably what the Garbage Man would prefer, but this makes a lot of sense all of a sudden.

- BRO HE NEARLY DIED. BRO. BROOO.

- “I hope you’ve learned your lesson!” YOU’RE NOT EVEN GONNA ASK ABOUT THE PAPILLON THING? YOU CAN’T JUST TREAT THIS AS A REGULAR DISTURBANCE, FELIX KNOWS SHIT ABOUT THE MIRACULOUS YOU GUYS--

- FELIX’S MOM IS REALLY GOING TO BLAME HIS DEAD DAD FOR THIS? HARD YIKES. NO WONDER FELIX IS WEIRD.

- I’m expecting this isn’t over, because Felix still clearly wants something specific that he didn’t get, but I’ll take this cute hug for what it is. He didn’t have an evil expression behind Adrien’s back this time either and the music is all soft and nice, plus he FINALLY got a handshake from Gabe, but I absolutely do NOT imagine this episode will end without getting an extra shot in at the PV fans somehow. We’re not getting off this easy.

- Why doesn’t Gabriel want Adrien to go after Felix? Is he scared he’ll try to run off, or ask them to stay longer when he really wants to get rid of them?

- AHAHA FELIX STOLE GABE’S RING. WHAT A BRAT. Was that the “jewelry” he mentioned wanting in return for helping Papillon? I figured it was a Miraculous thing but maybe not.

- OHHH, look how much Felix loves his mom! This is such a sweet scene. I particularly like the idea that Amelie was trying to get the rings back to give one to Felix because the way she was speaking to Gabe made it sound like she wanted them Just Because. But you can’t mention some wild story connected to the rings and then not explain it! I want to know what that is, I want to know why Felix is so fascinated with it!!!

- ALSO, FELIX GETTING A BIG KISS RIGHT ON THE FOREHEAD. EXCELLENT. I’ll fucking BET this is another scene Sébastien sneaked in because it’s such an emotional quality shift from the whole clone mess. Like what the fuck even WAS that.

- Yep, Felix is still evil! WHY THOUGH. WHAT’S GOING ON. CAN I PLEASE GET A WAFFLE

- I was expecting a worse ending, but “Felix can’t ever come back to Paris because Gabriel will kill him with his bare hands if he does” is decent enough. If there’s no further confirmation (and NO, anything Garbage Man Astruc tweets later on does NOT fucking count so don’t try me) I’m going to take it that he WAS actually sorry for what he did to Adrien. That’s better than nothing.

.

.

WELL THAT WAS AN EPISODE. That actually wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be - it could have been a lot better but it could have been a lot worse too. The beginning and end were nice enough even if the middle part was Garbage Man Astruc’s usual atrocious mess of self-service, though I do particularly despise the hamfisted consent issue shoved in there just to generate extra reasons to hate the character. WE GET IT, YOU DON’T LIKE FELIX. OFF YOU FUCK. 

I’ve slept on this next paragraph to give myself time to formulate some concrete thoughts about the plot, so... Well, it was a mess, that’s for sure. They spent way too much time establishing how oH sO eViL Felix was and not nearly enough time actually explaining his character. 

Why is he acting out like this? What has he got against Adrien in particular? Is he really sore about Adrien not supporting him at his dad’s funeral or is that just what Adrien thinks is his problem? What was his relationship with his dad before he died? Was his troublemaking all about trying to provoke an akuma and ask Papillon to help him get his family rings back (which he was clearly trying to steal from the moment he walked through the door, only Gabe wouldn’t shake his hand the first time), or was that just a side effect of causing shit for no reason? Did he mean his apology to Adrien at the end? WHAT was the deal with the rings and the story attached to them? There’s a whole interesting story buried in here which just got completely overlooked by the emphasis on how terrible he was and that’s really disappointing. 

I did like his damaged-but-still-good relationship with Adrien though, there’s still hope there and maybe Felix (if he ever shows up again, which I only hope he does if it’s NOT another excuse for Garbage Man Astruc to shit on the PV fandom again, for the love of FUCK don’t give this guy multiple opportunities) will start coming around and making the effort to be a better cousin since Adrien’s given him a second chance. I don’t know. What I liked just as much was Marinette actually barely being in this episode at all, for the first time since Gorizilla she’s ALLOWED to be the supporting character again and that’s GREAT.

I don’t really know what else to say. I’m exhausted. Adrien’s a darling and I think I prefer my Twin AU, though canon Felix being a delightful little gremlin who causes problems-on-purpose is something I can work with in the future too. 

Thanks for coming on this... interesting journey with me! I posted a set of tweets last night which I’ll leave here to finish up:

[juliehader]

( maya hawke, female, she/her ) have you heard about JULIE HADER? of course you have. they’re the 21 year old SOCIAL MEDIA RUNNER. i don’t know what their last job was, all i know is that they’re originally from LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA. carol in hr said that they’re kinda DETACHED and SECRETIVE but jessica in marketing insists that they are QUICK-WITTED and RELAXED.  at the end of the day, this company would fall apart without them. i just hope their head doesn’t get too big with all the hype surrounding them. According to the latest Vibez quiz, their personality most closely resembles POCAHONTAS ( jem, she/her, 27, pst )

Hey everyone, back at it with my SECOND whole ass character. I’ll probably just stick to her and Max (Ross Lynch) for awhile, so give me all the plots!

Basic Information:

Name: Julie Marie Hader. Gender/Pronouns: She/Her Sexual/Romantic Orientation: Pansexual/Panromantic Age: 21 Birthdate: March 29, 1999 Occupation: Social Media Runner

Background:

TW: Physical/Mental Abuse to an adult and child, Drugs (Marijuana)

Growing up, Julie had what would be described as turbulent childhood. Her Mother Helen and her Father Daniel were High School sweethearts who got married too young. They found out they were pregnant when they were High School Seniors, and Helen - being from an old school type of family, wanted to settle down immediately. The idea of raising a baby on your own is daunting, and Helen had never truly been on her own before. Her relationship with Daniel was not a mature one from the start; they were teenagers and mind games were ever present since the moment they met at age 16.

He was Helen’s first love, and she wanted to believe she had it all with a husband and newborn daughter. Daniel got odd jobs and Helen stayed home to raise Julie. They struggled, because it’s hard to find a steady job when you have no experience and you have a baby at home. This led to more arguments between Daniel and Helen, and Daniel had always been on the quick to anger side - but as the years went on Daniel became increasingly more verbally (and at times physically) abusive towards Helen. As Julie became older, he would extend the verbal abuse to her too. Helen was dependent on him, and she couldn’t go stay with her parents. But it all came to a head when he lashed out at Julie physically. Helen decided then that it was finally enough, and in the middle of the night she gathered her and Julie’s things, and they left.

Daniel found them a couple of times, until they were able to file a restraining order. Julie hasn’t seen him since she was 18, when he tried to reach out to her on social media when she graduated High School. She blocked him, but there’s a part of her deep down who wanted to message back. As much as she says she hates him, that was still her Dad, and a part of her wishes things could be different although she knows that’s not how the world works. 

Her and her Mom struggled to make it work, but from ages 10-14, it was just them. Julie and Helen became closer than ever, and Julie became increasingly protective of her Mom - especially whenever she brought home a new boyfriend. Helen would make crafts and sell them on the side to sustain them while also working a main job to keep them afloat, and Julie would always help her with it. It started as home made soaps, but then delved into home made jewelry. Julie doesn’t admit it, but she still holds on to those memories of just sitting around helping her Mom when it was just the two of them.

When Julie was 14, Helen met a man named George, and the two clicked right away. Julie did not like this bitch at first, because it was the first serious serious relationship her Mom had since her Dad. And Helen is the type to not like to be alone, so her suspicions were high. So naturally, she did not like it when they announced they were getting married and Helen was quitting her job in the process. She rebelled against it - typical emo teenager, but underneath it all, she just didn’t want anyone to get in the way of her and her Mom again or to hurt them somehow. Eventually, she learned that George was... a pretty decent guy. It took years, but she actually kind of sort of loves him, in her own way. She’s still always looking for signs of things to possibly go wrong, but she’s happy her Mom is happy. 

She has a step-brother, Miles, who is about six years older than her, and a half-brother Joshua (the birth child of Helen and George), who is now about five years old. She actually bonded with them before she did George, and can’t really see her life without them around. Don’t tell them that tho.

Julie still has difficulty letting people in and trusting them fully, because she feels like she has to be cautious. Because of this, she tends to keep people at arms length, until she feels like she can trust them. That’s not always an easy feat, though. 

Some mini-facts:

Julie is highly independent and has turned down money from George (her step-dad) to help her out. Although she does trust him in her own way, she never wants to be in the position of having to rely on somebody else.

She currently lives in a small lil apartment and needs roommates (connection ideas!) because housing costs are expensive damn. 

She was originally an entertainment intern, having thought she wanted to pursue that field, but she fell into the position of social media runner instead. It’s a way better fit for her, considering she doesn’t entirely know if she wants to keep pursuing a career in the entertainment field.

Julie actually has an interest in computers and coding in general that started when she was in High School, and has been secretly saving up money to go to college for it. She has an app she’s been working on for a couple of years that she hasn’t told anyone out, because she feels like its not good enough yet. 

She has TWO side hustles. Julie lowkey also has her own Etsy store making homemade jewelry (organic so it that bougie hippie shit), something she used to help her Mom with when it was just them. She also happens to sell weed, and is pretty good at networking to do that. She’s been doing that since she was 18, so a lot of people probably know her for it tbh lmao. 

She’s super chill, and people can probably trust her to keep a secret because she doesn’t really care to blab peoples dirty laundry. 

She’s probably friends or friendly with a lot of people because she tends to joke around a lot, but there’s probably few she’s genuinely close to. She believes in vibes pretty strongly.

She loves trash TV and if she had to pick a dream right now, it’d be to be the host for the next biggest reality dating show. Make it happen for Love is Blind Season 2, Vibez.

Possible Connections:

I have actually made a list of wanted connections here for Max, but they are just basic ideas and most could work for her too. I am open up to any ideas/plots/all the connections! If there’s something you’re dying to do, feel free to hop into my DMs. My discord can be found at Spammy Santino #9317.

[irrcvocable]

                    hi  ,  everyone  !  i’m  j  ,  i’m  twenty  years  old  and  i  use  she/her  pronouns  .  i’m  EXTREMELY  hype  for  this  group  ,  since  i’m  a  thg  stan  and  it’s  what  first  drew  me  to  rp  way  too  long  ago  ,  back  in  the  fanfiction  dot  net  days  .   anyways  !  i’m  happy  to  introduce  my  newest  muse  ,  can’t  wait  for  her  to  d*e  in  the  arena  !  if  you’d  like  to  plot  ,  leave  a  like  for  me  to  im  you  on  tumblr  ,  or  react  to  my  plotting  call  on  discord  for  me  to  message  you  there  .   

[  𝖈𝖍𝖑𝖔𝖊  𝖇𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖊𝖙  ,  𝖈𝖎𝖘  𝖋𝖊𝖒𝖆𝖑𝖊  ,  𝖘𝖍𝖊/𝖍𝖊𝖗  .  ]   –––––   introducing  juniper  dalton  ,  TRIBUTE  of  the  74th  hunger  games  ,  representing  district  ten  .  my  sources  say  that  they  are  twenty  two  years  old,  &  that  they’re  pretty  handy  with  a  sickle  &  resourcefulness  .  wonder  if  that  will  do  any  good  in  the  arena  ?  anyways,  caesar  says  you  can’t  miss  them  ,  because  they  remind  everyone  of  flowers  choked  by  thorns  ,  bloodshot  eyes  widened  in  fear  and  grim  realization  ,  lungs  burning  as  instinct  urges  you  to  keep  running  ,  a  cracked  mirror  ,  lost  innocence  as  lamb  becomes  bloodhound  . 

𝚒 . 𝚋𝚒𝚘𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚙𝚑𝚢

tw :  death  ,  mass  shooting  ,  symptoms  of  anxiety  &  ptsd  .

                   𝖉𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖈𝖙  𝖙𝖊𝖓  𝖎𝖘  𝖍𝖔𝖒𝖊  𝖙𝖔  endless  fields  ,  grass  stretches  out  until  it  reaches  a  shining  horizon  as  the  sun  sets  on  another  day  of  work  .  tired  faces  ,  lined  with  exhaustion  ,  wrap  rope  around  the  neck  of  a  cow  and  lead  it  into  a  barn  –––  rough  hands  pack  meat  to  be  shipped  off  to  the  waiting  ,  bloody  lips  of  those  who  swallow  the  product  of  their  labor  greedily  and  extend  an  open  palm  to  take  more  from  the  sweaty  ,  calloused  hands  that  give  up  flesh  to  satiate  their  hunger  ,  those  who  offer  their  children  for  their  entertainment  .  DISTRICT  TEN  ,  where  a  man  with  scarred  hands  fell  for  a  woman’s  soft  features  and  her  way  with  the  animals  whose  life  she  valued  ,  even  when  they  would  be  inevitably  led  to  slaughter  .  they  fell  in  love  quickly  ,  they  married  ,  they  formed  a  family  of  their  own  and  trained  their  children  in  their  father’s  trade  .  juniper  was  introduced  to  a  sickle  to  slice  through  grasslands  ,  her  face  cradled  by  gentle  hands  as  they  tilted  her  chin  upwards  to  stare  into  a  cow’s  wide  ,  innocent  eyes  and  appreciate  the  life  they  carried  .

                  𝖋𝖆𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗  𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖉  𝖍𝖎𝖘  𝖉𝖆𝖚𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖊𝖗  𝖆  curved  blade  ,  taught  her  how  to  slice  through  the  forage  that  would  then  be  used  to  fatten  their  animals  to  the  capitol’s  liking  .  she  is  the  eldest  ,  her  younger  siblings  have  it  easier  .  by  age  six  she  has  already  nicked  her  fingers  on  her  father’s  sickle  ,  by  age  ten  she  is  introduced  to  it  herself  when  her  mother’s  back  is  turned  (  father  wants  to  prevent  another  incident  ,  knows  his  daughter’s  curiosity  has  not  yet  learned  to  be  limited  to  what  won’t  get  her  blood  spilled  )  .  by  age  twelve  she  is  lacing  up  worn  ,  hand  ––  me  ––  down  leather  boots  by  her  father’s  side  as  they  head  out  into  a  field  as  the  sun’s  first  rays  paint  the  grass  in  a  soft  golden  hue  ,  a  miniature  version  of  the  blade  clasped  between  impoverished  fingers  that  have  to  work  if  they  don’t  want  to  starve  or  risk  the  capitol’s  disapproval  in  the  form  of  a  BULLET  through  a  skull  .

                 𝖒𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖍𝖊𝖗 𝖋𝖗𝖔𝖒 𝖈𝖗𝖚𝖊𝖑𝖙𝖞  just  as  she  did  with  the  other  two  dalton  siblings  ,  calla  and  tate  .  she  led  them  to  stables  ,  calloused  hand  leading  miniature  digits  towards  an  animal’s  smooth  coat  .  she  taught  them  that  they  were  beautiful  ,  that  their  life  had  worth  .  while  the  younger  siblings  were  recruited  to  aid  her  in  feeding  the  gentle  creatures  their  mother  spoke  so  highly  of  ,  juniper  was  introduced  to  harshness  early  on  as  her  father  instructed  her  to  keep  her  head  down  and  think  of  her  mother’s  voice  whenever  a  peacekeeper  delivered  cruel  punishment  upon  workers  who  failed  to  live  up  to  STANDARDS  .  mother  covered  their  eyes  every  year  ,  as  blood  was  spilled  in  the  name  of  those  whose  teeth  so  greedily  sunk  into  slaughtered  meat  .  they  wanted  blood  to  flow  in  rivers  ,  they  revelled  in  DEATH  .  mother  sheltered  them  for  the  longest  time  ,  as  long  as  she  could  ,  until  their  exposure  to  the  world’s  cruel  reality  became  inevitable  .

                𝖔𝖓𝖊  𝖎𝖓𝖈𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖓𝖙  𝖆𝖙  𝖙𝖍𝖊  𝖋𝖊𝖊𝖉𝖑𝖔𝖙  ,  one  round  of  BULLETS  to  suffocate  any  hopes  of  instigation  .  peacekeepers  did  not  hesitate  before  they  shot  ,  they  saw  no  humans  but  rather  the  capitol’s  cattle  .  an  altercation  with  one  of  the  peacekeepers  when  they  beat  an  old  man  who  collapsed  from  exhaustion  ,  shouts  of  outrage  ,  silenced  at  the  barrel  of  a  gun  .  a  soft  woman  who  only  ever  wanted  to  protect  ,  too  kind  for  this  world  ,  too  soft  to  be  worthy  of  such  cruelty  ,  among  the  thirteen  fallen  .  mother  gone  ,  father  devastated  ,  children  left  to  bury  her  among  the  wildflowers  ,  cry  into  their  worn   mattress  during  the  night  ,  and  go  out  into  the  fields  the  following  day  for  another  day  of  meager  work  .  death  had  come  QUICK  and  WITHOUT  ANY  WARNING  ,  and  it  left  fourteen  year  old  juniper  terrified  .  it  could  come  again  ,  giving  her  brother  or  sister  a  fever  that  they  would   never  recover  from  .  it  could  come  again  ,  with  her  father’s  flesh  accidentally  sliced  by  a  friend’s  sickle  ,  left  to  bleed  out  in  the  fields  .  it  could  come  again  ,  with  peacekeepers  deciding  her  hard  work  was  not  hard  enough  ,  that  she  was  not  harvesting  enough  food  for  the  livestock  ,  that  the  only  appropriate  punishment  was  death  .  it  could  come  again  at  any  moment  ,  without  warning  ,  and  it  could  take  anyone  away  .

               𝖎𝖙 𝖜𝖆𝖙𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖉 , 𝖛𝖎𝖌𝖎𝖑𝖆𝖓𝖙 , 𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖑 𝖘𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖐𝖎𝖓𝖌  .  she’s  twenty  two  ,  wearing  a  faded  dress  that  once  belonged  to  her  mother  –––  it’s  floral  ,  and  though  her  mother’s  scent  has  long  since  left  it  ,  the  memory  remains  .  calla  ,  at  eighteen  ,  wears  a  white  ribbon  in  her  braids  as  she  takes  her  place  among  her  peers  for  her  first  year  as  an  eligible  tribute  .  usually  anxious  ,  juniper  is  panicking  .  her  breath  ,  like  every  year  ,  comes  in  short  gasps  as  an  ache  in  her  chest  makes  her  feel  like  she’s  going  to  die  ,  like  her  heart’s  going  to  stop  beating  at  any  moment  ,  like  she  might  plummet  to  the  ground  right  here  .  a  friend  holds  her  hand  like  every  year  ,  whispers  soft  words  in  an  effort  to  soothe  her  ––––  their  parent  died  when  juniper’s  mother  did  ,  and  she  wonders  how  they  have  moved  on  with  their  life  and  how  they  don’t  panic  every  time  a  peacekeeper  crosses  their  sight  in  their  signature  white  .  death  has  been  following  her  like  a  shadow  ,  it  reaches  her  now  as  her  name  is  called  and  juniper  feels  so  much  FEAR  that  it  consumes  her  completely  .  her  friend’s  hand  falls  limp  at  her  side  ,  she  hears  her  father  sobbing  in  the  distance  through  the  ringing  in  her  ears  as  her  stunned  silence  is  suddenly  broken  when  a  harsh  hand  wraps  around  her  arm  ,  a  peacekeeper  intent  on  pulling  her  out  to  the  crowd  and  leading  the  lamb  to  slaughter  .  she  sees  the  white  ,  she  sees  the  gun  on  their  side  –––  fight  or  flight  ,  every  instinct  cries  ,  as  juniper  stares  into  the  eyes  of  someone  and  forgets  every  lesson  her  mother  ever  taught  her  .  this  life  is  worth  nothing  ,  this  man  is  part  of  a  breed  of  murderers  .  his  hand  wraps  around  her  arm  ,  harshly  pulls  her  out  of  the  crowd  and  into  the  clear  path  towards  the  stage  ,  within  a  fraction  of  a  second  juniper’s  choked  out  a  cry  that  carries  both  fear  and  wrath  as  she  dares  to  utter  a  ‘  DON’T  TOUCH  ME  ’  before  sending  a  fist  into  a  peacekeeper’s  face  .  ears  ring  ,  her  legs  shake  as  they  carry  her  up  the  steps  ,  she  takes  the  stage  and  knows  that  she  will  not  let  death  claim  her  without  a  fight  .

𝚒𝚒 . 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚜

full  name  .  juniper  rhea  dalton  .

nicknames  .  june  /  juno  . 

age  .  twenty  ––  two  .

gender  .  cis  female  ,  she/her  pronouns  .

home  .  district  ten  .

orientation  .  panromantic  pansexual  .

appearance  .  thin  ,  toned  frame  stands  at  5′6  ,  defined  bone  structure  .  wavy  brown  hair  is  dry  ,  especially  at  the  ends  (  around  the  beginning  of  her  ribs  ,  will  likely  be  trimmed  by  stylists  )  .  arms  are  notably  toned  ,  as  they  are  where  her  strength  is  gathered  .  malnourishment  from  years  of  impoverished  living  show  in  the  fact  that  her  musculature  is  not  as  defined  as  it  should  be  ,  in  sunken  eyes  ,  in  an  angular  frame  .

strengths .  extremely  proficient  in  wielding  a  sickle  .  resourceful  ,  from  knowledge  of  what  plants  aren’t  poisonous  from  her  own  experience  in  farming  and  feeding  animals  ,  to  a  quick  mind  .  physical  strength  from  labour  .   willingness  to  do  whatever  it  takes  to  survive  .

weaknesses .  crippling  fear  of  death  that  can  make  her  behave  irrationally  out  of  desperation  .  lack  of  any  formal  weapons  training  .  extremely  frail  mental  state  ,  bound  to  snap  at  any  moment  because  of  the  looming  threat  of  mortality  .  underfed  from  living  in  an  impoverished  district  all  her  life  .  currently  living  through  her  own  personal  hell  .

𝚒𝚒𝚒. 𝚎𝚡𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚜

pinterest  board  .  spotify  playlist  (  under  co.  )  . 

[artificialqueens]

Study Break (Branjie) -Peridot

A/N: I don’t really know where this came from, and it’s a little late seeing exam season is over for most people, but here’s a fluffy teen Branjie au that is partially based off of a friend of mine. Sorry if it seems a little rushed. Let me know what you think of this lil story (either here or on my side blog @peridot-aq). Hope you enjoy!

It was about 3am when Brooke realised that her back was hurting.

It was no surprise to her. After all, she’d been sitting in close to the exact same position since about 11 the previous morning- bent over the small desk in her bedroom, trying to cram years worth of information into her brain all at once. And she had been bent over for a similar amount of time the day before. And the day before that. And the day before that.

What was more surprising was that she was only noticing the pain now. She supposed she’d been too distracted by Henry the Eighth and all six of his wives to notice.

She stood up and stretched out her arms, trying to ease the discomfort slightly when she heard her phone buzz. It took her by surprise, and she jumped slightly at the sudden noise of the vibrations against the wooden desk. She tapped on her phone and read the short message that illuminated the screen.

V: mandatory text to make sure you’re not still studying

Brooke smiled to herself. Vanessa knew her too well. It wasn’t the first time she’d caught her revising into the depths of the night. She decided not to reply -favouring ignoring the text to facing Vanessa’s inevitable disappointment- but another persistent message came through a few seconds after.

V: I can see you’ve read it, bitch Shit. In her sleep-deprived state, that hadn’t occurred to Brooke. She quietly chuckled as she pattered out a quick reply.

B: …oops?

V: BROOKE LYNN HYTES I SWEAR TO GOD V: call me Brooke pushed in her office chair and flopped onto her bed, finally giving in and abandoning her hours of work. She felt guilty in doing so, as if she was betraying her own ambitions in favour of a phone call with a friend. But, God knows that Brooke needed that phone call to set her straight.

She quickly scrolled through her contacts, finding Vanessa’s name towards the bottom of the list accompanied by several purple heart emojis that Vanessa had added when she’d put her number into the phone. She tapped ‘call’, the sound of Vanessa’s loud voice filling Brooke’s ears after just one ring.

“Bitch, why the hell are you awake!”

Brooke’s phone wasn’t on speaker, but the sheer volume of Vanessa shouting down the phone was enough to fill the silence of her bedroom.

“Keep it down a little, my parents are asleep.”

“You should be too, bitch! I’ve told you before to give yourself a break, you’re gonna burn yourself out if you keep doing this.”

Although Brooke knew that Vanessa was right (and she was already feeling the effects of weeks of revision taking a toll on her body), she still made a weak attempt to defend her decision. “I’m just really stressed out about history, I don’t know anything and my parents will kill me if I don’t get an A.”

“You know that’s not true. They love you, they’ll be proud of you no matter what, you know that. And there’s no way in hell you don’t know anything. You haven’t left your damn house in like two weeks!”

“Hey, I went grocery shopping yesterday!”

Vanessa cursed on the other side of they phone, making Brooke smile. “That doesn’t count.”

“Uh, it a hundred percent does. I was out of the house and I got a two for one deal on strawberry laces, thank you very much.”

Vanessa’s laughter crackled from Brooke’s phone, echoing in the silence of her dark bedroom. Her laugh was wild and addictive, making Brooke chuckle quietly to herself alongside her.

“You better have saved some for me.”

“Sorry V, they’re all gone.”

“Thought you got two for one?”

“I ate both of them earlier,” Brooke announced almost proudly. “I can’t believe you would doubt my ability to eat two full packets in a day. That really hurts my feelings, you know.”

“I hate you,” she joked, Brooke able to clearly picture the eye roll that most likely accompanied Vanessa’s words. “Tell you what, though- I’ll buy you another packet if you come on a picnic with me tomorrow.”

Brooke sighed. “I can’t do tomorrow, I have to study.”

“No you don’t, bitch. You’ve been studying 24/7, you probably have the whole textbook memorised.”

“But it’s my last exam and it’s in less than a week and if I put in the hard work now then maybe down the road I’ll be-“

“Fuck hard work. You deserve a break. And it’s only a picnic, it’s not like I’m getting you wasted.”

Brooke paused for a moment, feeling a dull pang of guilt in her stomach as she let herself be convinced by Vanessa. “Fine. But I’m only coming out for a couple hours, no longer.”

“Yay! Be at mine for like 12, “ Vanessa gushed, her happiness very apparent from just a subtle change in her vocal timbre.”I knew you’d come around to it.”

“Hey, I’m only coming for the strawberry laces.”

Vanessa couldn’t manage to suppress her laughter on the other end of the line, a warm buzz in Brooke’s ear. “Whatever, bitch. Now get some damn sleep.”

Brooke wished she could say that she slept well that night.

The next morning Brooke’s tired eyes fluttered open at 10am, her head weighing her down like a paperweight as she tried to sit up against the headboard. She rubbed her eyes, blinking as her eyes adjusted to the light streaming through her curtains. Her head was cloudy. It still swirled with waves of fatigue that still remained after a poor night’s sleep, full of stress and worry and seemingly endless hours of staring at the ceiling. She was so fucking tired. Even if she had gone to sleep at a reasonable hour, her fears of failure would have been enough to disturb her rest. Each heavy blink willed her to give in to her exhaustion and let her head fall back onto the pillow, each yawn pulling her back into unconsciousness for just a moment. But, checking the time on her phone, she managed to convince herself to get up. She had plans, after all. The first plans she’d had in weeks.

She swung her feet onto the cold wooden floor and stretched her arms far above her head, feeling dizziness wash over her for a second or two before the blood rushed back to her brain. As she stretched she once again became acutely aware of the discomfort in her back. She’d have to get someone to check that out.

Her feeling of tiredness followed her as she took a shower, the warm water that broke over her head only lulling her back into relaxation. It followed her as she got dressed, as she tied up her still wet hair into a ponytail, and as she swiped concealer over her the purple circles under each of her eyes, her body feeling worn out and weary the whole morning.

As she started to make her way out of her bedroom her eye caught her desk, littered with pink and green flash cards and textbooks and crumpled paper. The neon highlighters that were scattered on its wooden surface seemed aggressively bright in her sleep-deprived state. An impulse told her to sit down, grab a pen and start her cycle of work over again, but thoughts of Vanessa pulled her out of the trance, convincing her it was a bad idea. So, she waltzed through her bedroom door, any hope of productivity abandoned, for a few hours at least.

She gathered her keys, sunglasses and a few coins into a small bag and quickly grabbed a punnet of strawberries and a jar of Nutella from the fridge- a poor excuse for a picnic contribution but the best she could do so last minute- and tossed them into an old plastic bag. She scribbled out a note on a scrap piece of paper telling her parents where she’d gone, and with only a small amount of guilt, left the house.

Brooke knocked on Vanessa’s door, now feeling not only groggy but also hungry, realising she’d skipped breakfast. Her solution was clear, however, when Vanessa arrived at the door with a very large basket bundled up in her arms, tin foil wrapped packages practically spilling out from underneath the lid. She greeted Brooke with a warm smile and yelled out a goodbye to her mother inside the house before stumbling down the front step, the large basket in danger of toppling her over.

Vanessa set the basket on the ground and threw her arms around Brooke, her excitement discordant with Brooke’s fatigue. Brooke leaned into the embrace, resting her cheek against Vanessa’s dark hair as she squeezed her waist and nuzzled into the taller girl’s shoulder.

“Hey, sis. You ready?” Vanessa asked, breaking the hug to attempt to lift the huge basket once again.

“Yup,” Brooke replied with a nod. “You need a hand with that?”

“Please.”

Brooke bent down and hauled it up and onto her shoulder, straining slightly under its sheer weight but insisting to Vanessa that it wasn’t a problem. “You went a little overboard with the food,V. We’re never gonna eat all that.”

“What can I say, my mamma’s Latina, she likes to cook,” Vanessa giggled as the two started to walk down the street.

They strolled together for a few minutes until they reached a small park nearby Vanessa’s neighbourhood. Red-painted fences surrounded the area, complete with flower beds and cobbled paths and grass that seemed too green and too striking to be real. Vanessa picked a spot underneath a large tree, branches and blossoms and hundreds of green leaves providing a little shade from the bright July sunshine. She dug into the basket which Brooke had quickly discarded onto the ground and produced a blue tartan blanket, attempting several times to spread it out onto the grass without it folding underneath itself. Brooke laughed, enjoying the visual of the small girl wrestling with the fabric. When Vanessa finally succeeded (after a few profanities and a little help from Brooke), the two climbed onto the blanket, Vanessa leaning against the tree and Brooke sitting cross-legged opposite her.

“Oh, almost forgot,” Vanessa mumbled. Brooke watched her reach into her back pocket before tossing a red packet her way, hitting her square in the face and making Vanessa chuckle.

The strawberry laces.

“I’m a woman of my word.”

Brooke laughed to herself as she was reminded of their deal. “Thanks, bitch.”

The sweets were quickly forgotten, however, as the two dove into the basket Vanessa’s mother had prepared. Brooke’s Nutella and strawberries were abandoned in the bottom of her bag, easily replaced by homemade burritos and croissants with jam and sandwiches. She ate as much as she could, savouring each rich taste on her tongue, until she was sure she couldn’t eat anymore. Despite the two having barely made a dent in Vanessa’s stash, they were both satisfied, Brooke becoming even more tired as a result.

They talked a little more, basking under the heat of the sun, their conversation turning back to school and exams.

“I’m really happy you’re taking a break, bitch.”

“I guess I am too. I like spending time with you.”

Vanessa flashed her a grin, her nose scrunching up at the compliment. “Good. You deserve some time to yourself, you’ve been stressing yourself out.”

“Yeah, I have. It’s been hell. Bending over my desk has started to hurt my back, too.” Brooke laughed at her statement, but Vanessa seemed less than pleased.

“Hold up, bitch. You’re telling me you’ve been studying enough to make your back hurt?”

Brooke bit her lip, holding back a laugh at seeing Vanessa get worked up. “Yeah, but it’s not a big deal.”

“Yes it is, Miss Brooke Lynn! Exams are bad enough for your mental health, I can’t have your physical health getting fucked up too.”

Brooke couldn’t help but giggle a little, failing to see the importance of Vanessa’s point. “I’m fine, V, really.”

“Oh no you’re not. That’s it. C’mere. I’m giving you a back massage.”

Brooke’s small giggle grew into a full belly laugh, finding the idea of Vanessa karate chopping into her back a very comedic prospect. Regardless, Vanessa pulled Brooke’s wrist until she had manoeuvred her to lean back against her, her own back still resting on the tree trunk.

Vanessa’s first movements were tentative and gentle grips onto Brooke’s shoulders, making her shift and wriggle, unable to suppress her fits of giggles. Vanessa became increasingly frustrated at her for not taking it seriously, which only made Brooke want to wind her up more. She was cute when she agitated.

“Brooke Lynn Hytes I swear….. quit squirming, bitch, this is supposed to be relaxing!”

She smirked to herself. “I am relaxed. You seem to be pretty worked up, though.”

“Shut up already.”

“You can’t make me,” Brooke teased.

In one quick motion Vanessa pushed Brooke up slightly and leaned over her, her face hovering centimetres above Brooke’s. Without warning she pressed a kiss into her lips. Brooke’s heart jumped in surprise, all of her senses going into overdrive. It was unexpected, addictive, exciting, and made Brooke want to hold her close like she’d never thought about before. She was suddenly aware of the beauty of her the girl in front of her- dark eyes and golden skin, the softness of her cheek and her hair against her skin, and the perfect cherry lips that were connected to her own. She relaxed into the kiss, closing her eyes and deepening it for just a second before Vanessa pulled away, the heart-stopping moment ending two seconds after it had started.

That shut her up, alright.

She found a smile creeping onto her face, mirrored by Vanessa’s own grin. Her mind was buzzing, unable to form a coherent sentence but willing her to speak, to say something. “Vanessa… you should’ve, I… I didn’t know-“

“Shush, not now baby. We can talk about it later. Now I just want you to relax, okay?” Vanessa spoke softly in her ear, bringing Brooke down from the electric moment with a hand on her hair.

Brooke found her tired body leaning back against Vanessa almost subconsciously, this time appreciating the comfort and safety of Vanessa’s arms around her as she resumed her rubbing on her back. Any thoughts of exams or stress were forgotten. Instead, her thoughts were consumed by Vanessa. She focused on everything around her, trying to take in as much as she could and commit the experience to memory.

The smell of grass and fresh air and Vanessa’s perfume.

The sound of the wind and the leaves and Vanessa’s words in her ear.

The feeling of the sun on her skin and Vanessa’s right hand on her shoulder and her left stroking her hair.

The cherry taste of Vanessa’s lips still lingering on hers.

And before she knew it, her heavy eyelids fluttered closed and she slipped into a dream, finally giving in to the tiredness that had been with her all day. Vanessa held her close and planted a small kiss on the top of Brooke’s head.

“Sleep well, Brooke.”

[wolfgangism]

hello!! im kavi, he/they, 19, and im in the est timezone. i’m usually in class or in the lab during the day but i’ll be here in the night and i’m always accessible on discord! this is my kiddo, wolf. if you wanna plot just smash that like button and i’ll IM you here ( but i prefer discord ( so if you wanna shoot me a message instead, my username is greedling#3129 )) . ok lets get into this but before i start rambling: TRANS RIGHTS !!

APPLICATION

∽∕  [ JEON JEONGGUK, AGENDER, THEY/THEM ] hey! you must be that [ TWENTY-TWO ] year old player people were talking about! they kept saying your name is [ WOLFGANG JAEGAL ], but that you go by [ WOLF ], and that you’re a [ INTRIM ] and from [ LOS ANGELES ]. oh! and also that you’ve been working as a [ HORROR WRITER ] while you’re in here. I really hope it’s true, ‘cus i’ve also heard that you’re [ IMAGINATIVE ] & [ COURAGEOUS ], but i’m not going to lie that some say you’re [ UNORGANIZED ] & [ IRRESPONSIBLE ]. wait a second…now that I think about it, you kind of remind me of [ BLINKING NEON LIGHTS, FRUSTRATED TYPING, AND HEARTBEATS QUICKENING AT A JUMP SCARE ], which is pretty cool! see you around then!  ∕∽

TRIGGER WARNINGS: DISCUSSION OF TRANSITIONING, MENTIONS OF CHEATING, DRUG USE

STATISTICS

► basics;

birth name (f, l): daeun jaegal legal name (f, l): wolfgang jaegal age: 22 birthday: may 16 gender: agender (afab) sexual orientation: pan occupation: horror author main realm: they don’t really have a main one, they go everywhere. ► background;

place of birth: canada current residence: los angeles, california education: bachelor’s in creative writing ► physical;

faceclaim: jeon jeongguk eye color: dark brown-black  hair color & style: dark brown, that long-ish haire that jjk has rn.. yea height: 5′9 weight: 153 lb tattoos, birthmarks, scars, etc: scars on chest where they had top surgery. in game: everything is the same except they have ‘typical’ cismale anatomy. they are interested in modifications but haven’t really found anything that interests them yet.

► personality;

positive traits: imaginative, courageous, adventurous, persuasive,  negative traits: reckless, unorganized, irresponsible, stubborn alignment: chaotic good more: wolf is not one to feel regretful. they live in the moment and stand by every statement and action they make. act first, think later. willing to try anything once. will never back down from a challenge. pits themself against their own mortality. facade of being fearless. high spirited mischief maker. 

► misc;

hobbies: gaming, watching/reading horror movies favorite book: if asked directly, they would say their own first published novel, but really it’s carmilla by joseph sheridan le fanu favorite music genre: wolf is the type of person to listen to game and movie soundtracks pets: can barely take care of themself, you think they’re going to have a pet?

BIOGRAPHY

wolf was born daeun jaegal. their biological mother wasn’t prepared for children, not when she had college to finish and when her boyfriend (& wolf’s biological father) was flaky at best. she gave wolf up to her older cousin who couldn’t have biological children of her own. she took wolf in with welcoming arms and raised them as her own child. wolf grew up calling her mom and her husband dad. their biological mother visited often, and eventually told them the story.

when wolf reached the age of five, they began to feel very uncomfortable with themself. when they told this to their mom, she took it seriously and they began to discuss what was going on. around this time, she started referring to them with they/them pronouns and noticed that they were a lot happier in general.

for financial reasons, wolf was unable to go under puberty blockers. instead, when they reached 12, they went with their parents to get their first name legally changed. due to their recent fascination with classical music and wolves.... they decided on the name wolfgang. their mom only agreed to it because they would be able to shorten it to wolf (which they do. the only place their full name appears is on the cover of their books. theyre sort of embarrassed by it but much too lazy to actually go and get it changed again or to even come up with another name).

at 16, their parents surprised them with testosterone. they actually cried. 

at 18, their first boyfriend (who was filthy rich) surprised them with the money that wolf needed to get top surgery. they cried equally as much this time, if not more. 

while all this was happening, at fifteen, wolf actually began on the first draft of their first book. it was really really rough but it was a start. they had an interest in horror since they were a kid. before they started the draft, writing had been one of their only outlets in life. they’d tried singing and music but unfortunately, they were tone deaf and couldnt hold a note for their life. poetry and songwriting wasnt their calling either. what they excelled at, however, was scaring his classmates to death with their short stories.

their first book was published when they were nineteen. it got very popular very quickly and is currently being produced into a movie.

their second book was published just last year right before graduating college and was just as popular as the first. they actually had little to no inspiration for this one. they took lsd a few times at parties, which helped them come up with some ideas. they havent told anyone and they intend it to stay that way.

right after that, they ended the relationship with their boyfriend since highschool (the same one who got them top surgery). their relationship for the past few years had been on/off at best due to wolf suspecting him of cheating, which he was doing. the break up was messy and ended with wolfgang crying for the third time in their life. 

they were thrown into a pretty bad depression, and tried writing again but it was fruitless. nothing they were writing was clicking and people had high expectations that they were afraid they couldnt meet. this also influenced their dysphoria. drug use and drinking increased, and mixing with testosterone was not good at all. they ended up in the hospital after a particularly bad night.

they refused any and all treatment.

wolf decided to use utopia as an escape from life and a way to enjoy themself without worrying about real life. they are also using it to gather inspiration for a new book because they are nothing without their writing. their mom is taking care of their real body.

that’s really all i have. i can’t think of anything else but im surely missing something that i’ll add at a later point. i’ll upload a connections page later. if you made it this far then congrats! heres a gif of them thinking very hard.