#the body of a mere mortal!

[saltonthebreeze]

This flesh. It's ... limiting

3,000 calories per day and for what? To do literally nothing? To maintain 6' 1" 145 lbs while sitting?

Fuck this flesh!

... I should probably talk to a doctor about this.

[worstloki]

// Fortesa Latifi, The Truth About Grief //

[moeblob]

Rey, who is in my very biased opinion, one of the funniest "girls" I have because she's just a guy, truly. Like Rey is just short for Reynold because he was recruited by a a goddess to help the hero she selected and the hero is conveniently Reynold's younger brother. So he agrees to help under the condition that the goddess gives him a female body for the other world. She's like "really odd flex but whatever" and gives him a female form and he's like "you know. I can't really blame anyone but myself for not specifying 'please don't turn me into a Lisa Frank personification'."

[akkivee]

hitoya’s the kind of drunk that does stupid shit when he hits his threshold, like feeling upstaged by jakurai playing piano so he plays drums with tableware lmao but he also has no recollection of getting that faded, like that one time he apparently woke up in a ditch and covered in mud after a night out but deadass didn’t remember how he got there so by all means, he and jakurai are the exact same drunk, it’s just that jakurai has a shit threshold so he gets drunk faster than hitoya but if hitoya were to ever get shitfaced first and jakurai somehow drank something shortly after hitoya hit that point i’m pretty sure whatever city they’re drinking will simply cease to exist due to their combined forces of—

[angelstrawbabie420]

fucking whatever though yknow. i have to make this life as livable as possible but idk what that even means.

[saturnisscreaming]

No mere mortals can look up on my visage without experiencing insanity

[theramblingvoid]

Now that I'm very busy with classes I once again get to discover the joys of putting lettuce and some sort of dressingsauce in a pita. the delectability. The Cronch.

[tripably]

My toxic trait is thinking food safety guidelines and producer-suggested consumption limits don't apply to my Superior Ingestion System

You'll never guess the results of eating a whole packet of candy that said would have laxative effects if eaten en masse

[ozzgin]

Content: gender neutral reader, monster smut, NSFW!

I’m harping on that arranged marriage trope again, but imagine being kidnapped as a spouse for a monstrous demon lord who has a thing for humans. You’re not the first attempt, but the household servants have truly lost count on how many humans crossed their threshold. Some ran away, some were eaten alive: none of the poor, frail mortals could handle the grotesque creature and his equally terrifying temper.

They guide you to the sleeping chambers with a pitiful gaze. They expect to pick up your scattered body tomorrow morning and scrub the dried blood off the floors.

What no one took into consideration was that you’re a shameless monster fucker. One glance at the beastly husband, and you fumble to remove your clothes with trembling hands. This is going to be good, you tell yourself, face flushed in obvious arousal. His unholy majesty certainly didn’t expect you’d hop straight on his dick, no questions asked. Not that he’s complaining much; on the contrary, it takes mere seconds for him to become completely feral.

The next day, you peacefully sip on your tea, pretending not to notice the baffled stares of the servants. If that wasn’t shocking enough, their master walks in with a genuine smile on his face.

Who would’ve thought, all he needed was a good fuck.

[More Monsters] | [Part 2]

[hellofeanor]

BROKE: elves never actually need to eat or sleep because they are perfect beings uwu

WOKE: elves can get by without eating or sleeping for extended periods because they are superior in body to mere mortals

BESPOKE: elves can survive without eating or sleeping for far longer than mortals, but it makes them incredibly stupid, and a good number of events in the Silmarillion can be attributed to somebody with a Fin-name being overtired and hangry

[sh1-n0bu]

thinking abt monsterfuckers but instead of the reader being the monsterfucker, it’s the CHARACTERS

mmm characters who are considered tall, big and intimidating in human standards. big buff arms, thick thighs and strong calloused hands that can crush a grown man’s skull in. but compared to you? their lover? they’re nothing but a tiny creature. an incomplete being, a small little toy for you to pick up or poke around for your own amusement. their large and heavy weapon is nothing but a stick in your hand, a mere small wand you wave around with a bellowing amused laugh

hand holding? they’re just thinking of how you can forcibly keep their legs open during intimate times. an innocent peck or you licking off something on your lip? they’re staring, drooling, closing their legs shut as they wonder how deep that forked tongue can be showed down their throat. how you could practically rearrange their guts with that thick tongue

don’t even get them started on the way they unashamedly stare at your crotch or chest or strong thighs when you do simple stretches. they have a hole and a goal, they’ll forcefully make your cock fit inside their warm walls. anatomically impossible be damned, they want your babies, they want you to use them like they’re nothing but an onehole to you, a stress toy you can blow off steam on. mouth? jaws open and looking up at you prettily. prefer their tight walls? already prepped, a whole bottle of lube ready and bending over for you in any position, place you want. want to use their thighs? legs closed, raised high, ready to drool as they see your heavy, inhuman cock disappear and appear through the flesh of their thighs. you have clawed fingers? it doesn’t matter, they’re already squirming in their seat as they see your claws gets clipped a bit on the front, dulling the sharpness. for them

it doesn’t matter how many times you two have sex, every goddamn time they’ll be squirming, thrashing around, sobbing and getting drunk on the feeling of your cockhead pushing past their walls. just the head in and they’re already feeling like they’re gonna cum. you slowly ease them down into your thickness, their hole tightening around you so much to the point you nearly think that the blood circulation will stop. you would ask if they wanna stop, want you to pull out or have a break. they’ll vehemently shake their head no, asking you to keep going, fuck them dumb, use their body and fill every one of their holes until they’re overflowing with your cum

sweet little thing, so small compared to your monstrous form, already shrieking and squirting when you bottom out inside their soft warmth. they’ll try to weakly bounce themselves on your cock, trying to get some friction but all they can manage is meager grinds. you would chuckle, lean back and watch them make themselves stupid with just a few movements when you two haven’t even properly started yet. such an eager mortal

watch them get dumb, getting all the logics fucked out of their head as pretty eyes roll back, pupils so wide you can’t see their original eye color. mouth always open, punched out breathy “aanhh… ah ah angh mmgh! s-so bigg… f-fucckiinngh my guts♡︎♡︎!!” come out, already lost as they clench around you again. cute little mortal lover of yours, getting their holes stretched by their inhuman lover. circle your finger or claw over the bump in their belly and they’ll squeal, kicking their legs as they lean back against your chest

if they get too loud, don’t worry, you have large fingers and long tongue for a reason. kiss their lips gently as a silent form of warning before showing your tongue down their throat. place the tip of your finger pad right against their adam’s apple and feel as their esophagus widen just a bit with your tongue inside them. lick the insides of their mouth, exploring the wet cavern and feeling their tongue flatten against yours as a muscle memory. only to pull out and shove a finger into the first knuckle, making them choke due to the change in thickness. just a single finger to the first knuckle and they can’t handle it

if they bite down on your finger or tongue or even your cock, you can bite back too. just gently add some pressure onto your fangs that rest just over the back of their neck. they’ll thrash around like they don’t want it but their bucks into your awaiting jaws says otherwise. they’re just waiting for the day you would finally mark them, make them your mate so they can tell other monsters of your race to fuck off

but your human lover becomes hundred times worse when your heat cycle hits. it’s over for both them and you. you’re not getting out of the house and they can’t even feel their own body but they will always drunkenly blabber for you to “c-cummmgh!! cum insiidee♥︎♥︎k-knock meengh up♡︎knock me up!! make me yo-oongh your your mate...♡︎♥︎♥︎!!” while they stare at you with drunk eyes and drooling lips. since they asked so nicely, surely you can fulfill their wish this year and knock them up right? and mark them as yours while at it too

in conclusion; pls send help i’m horni and want to be a monster

characters: jing yuan, blade, dan feng, dan heng il, himeko, gepard, wriothesley, neuvillette, zhongli, baizhu, capitano, pantalone, dottore, childe, pierro, sampo, gallagher, ayato, alhaitham, kaeya, diluc, calcharo, jiyan, geshu lin, yuanwu, yhan, scar, aalto, diavolo, beelzebub, lucifer, mephistopheles, thirteen, raiden ei, black swan, kafka, yae miko, clorinde, navia, baizhi, rover, taoqi, changli, yelan, xianyun, welt yang + anyone you like

[hellyeahscarleteen]

F*c&!ng First Aid: A Quick Guide to Common Sex Injuries

New from our founder, Heather Corinna, a guide for those sexual times that wind up more “ow” than “oooh.”

It’s remarkably easy to hurt ourselves in the pursuit of feeling good. From genital abrasions to broken skin to pulled muscles to infections to allergic reactions, even fractures or breaks, exploring our bodies and their capacities sexually can sometimes mean finding out⁠ what’s past a bodies’ limits. We can think there was enough lube, but who among us (cough) hasn’t found out at least once that there wasn’t? We can forget that when it feels to us like we couldn’t possibly get enough of something, our body parts may have an entirely different and considerably threshold (um). Heck, you can hurt yourself just getting a date a glass of water (says my once-broken toe, bitterly).

For whatever reason (probably a combination of ableism⁠, totally inhumane sexual⁠ ideals and maybe some leftover stuff from our DNA way back when we lived a wilder existence), if and when people get hurt during sex⁠, they often feel ashamed or embarrassed, like they have ruined something. Getting hurt in our bodies is as acceptable an experience as feeling good in them. It’s not “weak” to get hurt, and it doesn’t mean anyone failed at anything, it just means we’re living in the body of a mere mortal, not a sexual superhero. So, if some kind of sex injury happens to you or a partner⁠, don’t get hung up in negative feelings about it. Instead, turn your attention to yourself or whoever got hurt. Not only might you or they need physical care, caring for ourselves and each other in attentive, tender ways is only likely to enhance our sexual experiences and the ways we connect to ourselves or one another through them. This kind of care, much like general sexual aftercare, can be something that is a highlight of a sexual experience, even when something painful or bummerful happened which that care is centered around.

This simple guide covers the most common sexual injuries for people in the age group we serve, what needs to be done when and after they have happened, and how you can best prevent them. Read F*c&!ng First Aid: A Quick Guide to Common Sex Injuries over at Scarleteen.

[chickensoupleg]

I had an idea based off of this (It has nothing to do with said idea the context is the Sims 4)

So Neil gets married to his first wife, all is well, she gets pregnant. What he doesn't know is she's some deity of some form or another and was either in a selkie skin situation where she can't return home because Neil has something of hers or knew that she can't legally just run away with child without Neil getting the law involved and put herself in danger. How a mortal man would put a being too powerful for him to even dare lay a hand on (He does anyways) in danger who knows, but whatever it is, she's not budging for a good couple of years.

Anyways, so at some point she does actually leave, abandoning her son to the dogs despite the possibility that she could have tried to bring him too, but simply could not. It could be a time thing, where her point of freedom was short and grabbing Billy without alerting Neil was too risky, a mortality thing where Billy being part of Neil's blood too made him impossible to bring where she was going, or just simply she did not want to.

Regardless, now Billy's stuck with Neil, time passes, joy of joy they end up in Hawkins.

Billy remembers his mom, definitely. Probably idolised her as many children do, especially when said parent tried protecting you from your other parent and gave you happy memories. Very likely he had no idea that his mom wasn't just a mortal woman.

Very likely – before the Mindflayer got its grubby slimy little tentacles in Billy – it didn't know either. Why would it. So, after it DOES get its nasty little whippersnappers into Billy it just... goes horrendously wrong.

Turns out adding the Upside Down to Godly Blood is a horrible combination and should not be done under any circumstance.

It becomes a horrible rendition of slowly distorting Billy's body so badly he might as well just been Mindflayer 2.0 but with exactly one (1) soul suffering in agonizing pain and misery.

It doesn't stop his mind from going between completing the Duty forced upon him and trying to figure out why everything in his bones hurt.

Pros:

-Nobody gets melted, hooray!

-The original Mindflayer + Henry now have to fight this Holy Blood with the mind control, and turns out a small child is much easier to control than WHATEVER THIS IS.

-The pain of summer being legal and a thing is likely not as severe but still very uncomfortable because someone on this brain council likes it cold.

Cons:

-Billy does not get his memory of him as a kid on the beach with his seven foot wave shown to him by a girl he doesn't really know but was about to feed to a massive monster in the mall and therefore remembers what feeling safe was like.

-Max still gets trauma regarding said brother, just in a different ice cream flavour.

-He doesn't understand what is going on and he's never gonna get his answers because it's too late for him.

[shomixremix]

YOUR DRAGON LOVER ♡︎

i NEED more dragon! zhongli and dragon! neuvillette content, so i decided to make some. hope you lovelies enjoy <3

tags: Zhongli, Neuvillette, dragon! zhongli, dragon! neuvillette, human! female! reader, fluff, cuddling, smut, monster fucking, overstimulation, breeding

-> your life turns upside down once you find out the man you're in love with is a dragon. however, this only betters your relationship in many different aspects, the bedroom being one of them.

reqs open ♡︎ | minors DNI!

-> zhongli

being a mere mortal and dating the rex lapis, morax himself, had it's perks. for example, you had seen for the first time in your life what a dragon looks like up close.

everyone knew the god, skillfully masked as the businessman zhongli, had a dragon form. yet you didn't fully believe that he could transform back and forth between his mythical and human form, no, that was silly! you were too shy, perhaps even to embarrassed, to ask him in the first few months of you two dating wether this was true.

there were signs that the legends were true, of course. the way you would catch him slightly growl at unpleasant strangers in public, the sound coming out unhuman, animalistic even. his teeth were unusually sharp, too. whenever the two of you would find yourself kissing the night away, you'd slide your tounge against his larger fangs, always wondering why they were so pointy.

one day, after about 2 months of your relationship, you had decided to surprise him and make him some dinner before he returns home. you made your way over to his place, sliding the spare key he gave you into the lock and heading inside. to your surprise, someone was there - deep, loud snores were coming from the master bedroom.

"zhongli? love, are you in there?"

your grip tightened on the woolen basket in which you carried your ingredients for the dinner you planned. the snores were very loud and deep, and something about them told you it wasn't your boyfriend making them. the door of his bedroom was slightly open, making you take a little peek.

you're eyes shot up wide open as you saw the creature lounging on morax's bed, stepping back in shock. a mortified look spread on your face as your heart beat loudly against your chest like it wanted to escape. the creature was lizard-like, a dragon perhaps, with a long brownish body and golden scales. in shock, you yelped, which stirred the creature awake.

"z-zhongli..?" you ask, unsure if it was actually the man you love.

"hello, my dearest" he yawned, stretching large paws as he sat up. "what are you doing here?"

completely ignoring his question, you step closer, reaching out your hand to him almost as if you were checking what was before you was real.

"it is me, my love. i did not mean to startle you with my dragon form, you simply caught me off guard"

your hand makes contact with his nuzzle, petting him gently. even though this monstrous creature was certainly frightening, the eyes were like big pools of honey, sweet and warm and inviting.

it was him, you knew in your heart.

♡︎

two years have past and you have gotten more than used to your dragon lover. you didn't just get used to zhongli's dragon form - you loved it. he was so glorious and dignified, proud and gorgeous, yet fuzzy and cute, like a little puppy. anyone else would probably be mortified to be cuddling with a dragon adeptus as powerful as him, but zhongli wasn't a powerful adeptus to you; he was simply your boyfriend.

"awww... do you feel good, Li?" you ask as you pet his head, massaging around his two, golden horns. he awards your actions with a vibrating purr emerging deep from his chest. you were laid on your bed together, enjoying a simple afternoon of cuddles and pets. his much larger, although scaled down, dragon body laid behind you, his underbelly making a perfect headrest for your head.

the adeptus continued purring as you petted him some more, leaving a few kisses along his snout. to think that he looked this scary and mighty but behaved like a kitchen cat...

"i feel as if i'm floating, my dear. you truly know how to care for an old dragon like me.." he sighed, pushing his head in your lap. your plushy, half-exposed thighs made much better of a pillow than any silk one he ever tried, he remarked.

suddenly, you felt a soft sensation on the top of your head. you raise your gaze and realize his fluffy tail tried returning the favor and petting you back. you smile at the feeling, dragging your fingertips from the top of his head down his spine, following the growth of his golden scales. he shivered under your touches, visibly enjoying himself.

"oh, sorry" you mumble, immediately removing your hand from his back, thinking you had done something wrong. even though you were already used to his dragon form, you still hadn't learned by heart where you could touch and where you could not.

he grumbled low as soon as your hands were off his scaly skin, his tail wrapping around your hand and returning it to his spine.

"don't stop" he growled, as if he was desperate for more of your pets, "i have been alive for eons, beloved, and nothing in those few eons has ever felt as good as what you're doing to me. i am a god, my dear, and your touches are my heaven"

♡︎ (NSFW ahead)

one of the best parts of zhongli was his dragon form, you thought. how protecting and caring he was, how soft and affectionate he was, and most importantly, how good he fucked you.

it took a long time for you to get over your embarrassment and ask him to make love while he's in his dragon form. since he's an adeptus, the dragon form was more familiar and comfortable for him than the human form (no matter how good he looked in the human form). besides, the talk around town was that rex lapis' body was anatomically different than a human male one.

as you were now under him, you finally understood what they meant by "different".

"ahh! li! LI! oohhh, archons, please!" you cried in overstimulation as his two cocks filled your holes, each significantly larger than anything of a normal male.

"there aren't any archons here except me, beloved. they can't help you nor grant your wishes, only i can. so why don't you beg your archon, my dear?" the smirk on his snout was almost sadistic as he growled these words in your ear, each followed by a hard thrust. he was big even in his human form, but this was just impossible - he wasn't even halfway in, and you were pretty sure you could feel him in your lungs!

"ahhh! oh, zhongli! z-zhongli! AH! please! rex lapis, ohhh, please! MORAX! MORAX, I NEED YOU!" you cry and writhe under him as he fucks you. it feels so good that you can't help but move around and shake, almost as if the pleasure was too much for you to bare.

"such a good follower... my most devoted follower is asking for me and as your archon, i'll happily answer your call..."

he nipped at your soft body, leaving little bite marks as he went along.

"what is it that you want, my dear?" he asks, splitting you in half with his dicks as you come for the nth time tonight.

"need you... all of you... please, zhongli... ohhhhh, please.."

being consumated by an adeptus was an honor. and being bred by an archon? well, that was just unimaginable. yet here you were, under the geo archon, begging to give him heirs.

"i shall give you what you need, then..." he sighs as he buries his head against your bosom, resting as he suddenly stills and buries his cocks as deep as they could possibly go. he started coming, breeding you until there wasn't a drop of sweet release left in him.

when you finally caught your breath, zhongli curled his long body around your smaller one, soothing you to slumber with his fluffy tail.

you knew at that moment that he'd have to be in his dragon form more often when the two of you are being intimate.

-> neuvillette

finding out your boyfriend of many years was the great hydro dragon came as a surprise. when he told you the secret he's kept for years, you sat in silence, wondering how to process all of this. you felt confused, decieved, and most of all, scared. even though this was still neuvi, your neuvi, he was also the great hydro dragon, a powerful, significant beast.

"i don't want anything to change because of my other form", rasped neuvillette, his poolwater eyes begging for reassurance, "....i hope you know i love you just the same, my love. and i cincerely hope you can forgive me for my lies over the past few years"

you stayed quiet, wondering what you should say. this was definitely not how you imagined this tea in his living room would go.

"can i... see it?"

he blinked once or twice, processing your question silently.

"your dragon form, i mean." you offer him a reassuring smile, as he shakes his head in disbelief.

"if you wish. i don't want to frighten you, mon cherie."

he changes into his dragon form, leaving you breathless. the final result of the whole thing was much less scary than the transformation - watching the man you love grow scales and wings was a stomach-turning experience. finally, the handsome man before you was gone, and a very large dragon appeared.

you stayed quiet, reaching your hands to hold his large nuzzle. he leaned into your touches, closing his eyes as your hands made contact with him.

"hello" you whispered, as if greeting a new person in your life, as if it wasn't someone you loved for the past four years.

"hello, dragon sovereign"

his ears twitched at those words, his spine tingling at the feeling. oh, so he liked being called that.

"hello, mon cherie" he grumbled in return, nuzzling his head against your torso.

"you're beautiful" you whisper in his ear as you pet him gently. "your scales are so pretty, like the ocean... you're one gorgeous dragon, neuvi. there is no reason to hide this side of you."

he smiled warmly, enjoying your warm words and touches.

"why did you hide this from me...?" you ask quietly, scratching his underchin lovingly.

"i was afraid of how you will take it. not many would be okay with having any kind of relations with a dragon", he murmured into your embrace, "let alone romantic ones."

"i don't mind" you humm as you pet him.

"you're not scary at all, love"

♡︎

"how am i not heavy?!" you ask through a chuckle, spread on top of your dragon lover's back as he lounged in his bedroom.

"you weight like a feather, my love. what are you even doing up there, hm?"

you laugh as you play with his mane, twirling it around your fingers and smoothing it out.

"petting my favorite dragon"

"are you implying you know multiple dragons, mon cherie?" he chuckled as well, swaying his body a little and trying to shake your smaller body from his back. finally he shook you off him, your frame losing balance and rolling from your spot on his back. you fell right next to him, and he instantly repositioned his body to hold you.

neuvillette had so much work, always, that all he wanted to do in his free time was lounge and sleep. that's why he repositioned you slightly so you could lay on his arm, covering your body with one of his wings.

"mmm, neuvi..."

it was so sweet and funny to you how he held you. you had read in books and stories that said dragons were hoarders - teriorial animals who'd cherish their treasures and hold them tightly in their nest. which was exactly how neuvillette held you in your bed.

he may have been sleepy - but you weren't; and quite frankly, you were bored. you decided to turn a little more to him, kissing at his chest and underbelly while soothing his wings with your palms.

"how am i supposed to take a nap with you caressing me the way you are, my love?"

"c'mere, neuvi..." you softly murmur, manouvering yourself to sit up, and moving his head to your lap. "there, love, rest there."

and he did, falling asleep peacefully as he was petted in your lap, getting many kisses and praises in your safe arms.

♡︎ (NSFW ahead)

the best part about finally knowing this side of your lover finally happened once he got comfortable showing his dragon form to you. even though you initial reaction was that he's scary, you had second thoughts...

"neuvi, love, i know how uncomfy being in your human form all the time is... you don't have to for me, you know? i don't mind your true form..."

you said as neuvillette laid you down on the soft pillows in his bedroom, shirtlessly towering over you and ready to make love to you like there's no tomorrow.

"no, little one, you don't even know what you're asking for. i'll be too much for you to handle in my dragon form, darling, and i could never put my selfish needs and wishes before your safety"

your hand reaches for his face, gently caressing his cheek with your thumb. you blush at the thought of him taking you in his dragon form - was it wrong for you to think that was kinda hot? many would be disgusted by the idea of being consumated by a beast, yet you loved it; he was your beast, after all.

"please, hydro dragon sovereign...", you whisper as you touch him, "be a little selfish, love. you deserve it. and don't worry about me, i can take it!"

his whole body shudders at the way you said his name, his self control holding on by a thread.

"i love your confidence, mon cherie, you are so adorable. yet, i'm afraid you can't handle all i'm able to give. my whole body is much bigger when i'm a dragon, you know that very well, and i wouldn't be able to fit you.."

your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him so close your noses were touching. he could feel your warm breath on his lips when you whispered:

"i'll make you fit.."

and his self control went flying.

so here you were, hours later, getting fucked into the matress by a large dragon. you lost count on how many times you came, your head hazy from all the pleasure. neuvillette held you in place in a mating press, fucking you like his sole purpose was to breed you. yet, he hasn't come yet, even after hours of your lovemaking.

"mmmphrr... neuvii~ ohhh.. ple- ahhh.."

your moans were uncoherent, your words slurred. at this point, you didn't even know your own name - you only knew his. your boyfriend smirked at the way you whined under him, nuzzling his snout against your neck.

"shhh... you asked for this, little one. now you will take all i'm giving you, hm? you will be good for me?"

"mhmmmm!!" you whine as he fucks you, your vision blurry from all the pleasure. your hands reach for his back, and you start caressing the area around his wings, massaging his back.

"fuck, little one.." he curses as he stills, pushing your legs to your chest and thrusting in you as deep as he'd go. he started coming with a long groan, fucking you through his high with shallow little thrusts, untill your womb was completely filled with his release. you felt full, hazy and warm, and he felt incredible, eyes filled with lust and adoration watching how your stomach bulged with his seed.

one day, he's gonna get your body swollen with more than just sweet release and give you a baby. a beautiful, half-dragon baby.

[neckromantics]

We don't talk enough about how absolutely devastating and romantic and hot the idea is that Astarion would know the scent of your blood anywhere.

How quickly he would notice when you've even the slightest of nics? When, no matter how focused on anything else he might be at the time, he always comes to check it out?

You'll be peeling a piece of apple with your pocket knife when it slips in your grip. The sharp edge of the blade slices a shallow cut into the meat of your thumb, and you inhale sharply through your nose even though it barely hurts at all. Instinct has you sucking your injured digit into your mouth with a soft curse– the sweet juice of the fruit you were snacking on quickly overpowered by the metallic twang of blood.

You nearly jump out of your skin when he appears over you not a moment later. He makes some offhand comment about how careless you are. Takes hold of your injured hand and tuts like he intends to tease, but he isn't fooling anyone.

He stands so close, jaw ticking as he clenches his teeth, a tension in his shoulders that tells you he's doing everything in his power to keep composure. Your blood calls to him like a moth to a flame, and as funny as you find it in the moment, you don't have the heart to tease him for it. It's actually kind of endearing.

He'd only get quicker in noticing as time passes.

Especially after you've been traveling together for a few years, and he's come to know your scent better than his own. Which only makes sense considering how often he's got his nose pressed to some part of you. (He thinks you smell good.)

At this point, when you get injured in battle, he often catches the fragrance before you've even processed that you've been hit.

He'd suck in a sharp breath through his teeth– a hiss so loud that it catches your attention just enough for you to spare him a glance as you fight.

It's all you need to see just how blown his pupils are from where you're standing, mostly because his gaze is laser locked onto you to second you search for him. His movements turn faster. Deadlier, as he scans the field before you. Determined. Hungry. Angry. He's searching for the sorry wretch that dared to get the best of you– that dared spill even a drop of his beloved's precious blood upon the soil.

You've already taken them down, of course. Poor sap might have gotten a good dig in at your shoulder, but ultimately didn't stand a chance once he properly pissed you off.

Astarion's eyes go heavy.

Half-lidded in that special way of his and only darkening further as he appraises you. You can practically feel it as he follows the line of your throat, zeroes in on your pulse point for a moment, before settling to watch the warm crimson that's beginning to soak into the sleeve of your tunic.

You see a bit of concern in those eyes, but then he sees your smile and– A flash of hot, honeyed desire catches you by surprise.

You suddenly can't tell if it's just the blood loss making you woozy or if he's about to make you swoon like a maiden from an old romance novel. You try (and fail) to keep a straight face when he sinks his dagger into his final opponent's neck without so much as a glance their way.

There's a splash of red against pale white skin, and a lifeless body dropping to the grass by his feet. Your heart stutters in your chest, and he all but moans in response to the sound of it. A mere four paces and he's on you– hands and teeth and tongue exploring every inch of your exposed skin, ripping open parts of your armor to gain better access, like you're not stood in a field of gore and ruin and freshly spilled blood.

You cling to him like a lifeline.

Before he drags you away to camp– to a warm tent and a soft bedroll where he can have his way with you for as long as you and your mortal body will allow him– he has you down a potion of healing or two.

And it's a good thing one of you has a Lesser Restoration spell handy somehow, cause you're most definitely gonna need it.

[junkfoodcinemas]

Darkness falls across the land, the midnight hour is close at hand. Creatures crawl in search of blood, to terrorize y'alls neighborhood. And whosoever shall be found… Without the soul for getting down, Must stand and face the hounds of Hell… And rot inside a corpse’s shell. The foulest stench is in the air, the funk of 40,000 years. And grizzly ghouls from every tomb... are closing in to seal your doom. And, though, you fight to stay alive, your body starts to shiver, For no mere mortal can resist the evil of… THE THRILLER. - Vincent Price

Credit to and edited by Mark & Chris Wournell (2008)