#the -I’m making you alive-

[anagramtransitory]

“The nature poem embellishes. It takes the memory of this picture and turns it outward so that we are the only disruption in a world of hard data: orange mountain lit from within, godforsaken field and the machinery of human defeat. (…) When will she want to know where she came from? Three geese take refuge. There were supposed to be thousands of them. They were supposed to put on a show for us.” is just…

That information passed between two living things, no matter how clearly or perfectly done, will come into focus for the one on the receiving end unevenly, because WE are nature in a world of cold hard data, WE are the interruption (as a living “live feed”, actively changing things, and made up of changing things), that when you tell a child where they came from you can try to tell them cold static hard data about an static act or a static process, when really you’re telling them about a live feed of life, you’re telling them about the way reproduction interrupts the picture (with ever-present random mutation, evolution, and the human intentionalness of reproduction) more than replicates it.

The more I read this poem the more I know this poem “knows what it’s talking about”. This is an internally coherent piece of art if there ever was one.

The idea this poem seems to lead you to is that “death is the closest thing a living thing can get to keeping a promise”. That the clouds keep the sky imperfect, that the live-ness of data keeps memory and recorded data imperfect, that the act of dying after having reproduced keeps the story of creation and destruction of an individual imperfect and unwhole (as their genes and parenting and possessions and things/skills they knew live on). So that the most non-disruptive thing you could do is to become static (dead), and even that is a promise you can’t keep, a promise that you’ll die completely. But that it’s only thing you can be (almost completely) certain to do. That all else is likely a promise about a single outcome from a binary system (will or won’t happen) in a world of live feeds. That the dead once dead can’t be certain to keep promises, either, and neither can god, no matter what belief system you have, because all promises and prayers and questions and answers are “cold hard data” attempting to interact with and keep up with constantly shifting sands at a live pace. To lie still amidst toys that move, and pretend to be dead, and to be interrupted in lying still, by a thing you and another grew from “zero” into “a unique uncontrollable live feed of 1s-and-0s”, saying they’ll “make you alive”, rather than reminding you of some static liveliness/liveness to fall back into.

I love the idea that nothing about me or my life could ever be captured in amber and used to replace me or tell me my own definition back to me. I love the idea that freeze frames from moments in my life, especially the bad ones, can never capture an entire life- not ones taken and looked at while I’m still alive, not ones taken of my home left perfectly intact as I left it made into a museum and seen after I’m dead, not collections of my life’s work in any recorded form of any kind no matter how all-encompassing and complete the record, from my birth to death. Because all you’ve done is make a very long video or very long document, one that can be began again from the beginning and repeat exactly the same, whereas a perfect capture of me would allow for the reality that if I as a soul-and-body combination started my whole life over again as a baby, having gone back in time, where everything else was exactly same, it would have gone differently, because I am a natural thing, and natural things can’t make good on promises to repeat cold hard data back exactly the same. I like that idea because I feel threatened with being oversimplified, as I become like everybody else in my level of functionality. That if I lived my life over again I’d win a victory over non-functionality different ways every time. I like the idea that there’s no way for anything that I do or am to ever be a repeat of anyone or anything else, and that to repeat myself in word or action is to do so in a completely unique context every time I do it.

I find the ideas accurate and useful. I especially find useful the idea that I can never promise my own life away or rope myself into an unbreakable pattern of behavior, because at best a repeated action is an idea I’m repeating to myself more than an action done exactly the same. And ideas you repeat to yourself have to be ones (if you want to do them well) that you know by heart, that are flexible in their application, that feel natural to have, and that you are still willing to act on in the real world. And something I know about myself is I can’t trick myself into having ideas or trick myself into acting out “ideas of actions” that I don’t believe in. The moment the idea of an action ceases to be right, the moment an idea seems to be wrong, it very quickly is changed or lost. Maybe some people can keep going to church or going through the motions of things, but I for 1 put my whole being into everything I do, and I put my whole being into the ideas I have, and all the things I do out in the world is me acting on those. Everything. I truly believe it’s all ideas, placebo, the mind, the self, the soul, and not facts or cause and effect, that run nature. At the very least, nature is run by very high level and unpredictable math, like a symphony of everything at once composed by its players simultaneous and parallel to each other, every smallest fraction of a second at a time, rather than by the math of pre-composed music. So that, in nature, nothing at all will play a promise out, and will tend to do the opposite, to go off on tangents of possibility like branches. So that therefore, if there is any repetition in a natural thing, especially a human mind like mine, it has to be because there’s something resembling an “idea chosen”, and if that stops, it’s an idea discarded in favor of attending to a present which demands a different (not necessarily better or worse) “idea”. The closer to possibly being able to have ideas an animal gets, in any sense of the word, the more likely I think it will be true that you’ll see more repetition than you would in rawer purer forms of pure nature at work without animal/mental intervention, because there will be ideas repeated first in a mind and then adapted onto shifting sands of reality second, rather than enacted first and labeled with ideas (by its own mind or by more external and objective other minds) only afterwards.

What I’m saying is I really find it helpful to be reminded by this poem of the way that if I start behaving differently and better, it’s only because I’ve mastered, and like, and deem appropriate, an idea that I’ve taken from others and adapted for myself. Just like most writing systems were examples of peoples learning that writing can be done and learning of the idea, and then making their own, rather than inventing it themselves, and the way you’d never know it, because even from the start they were so different as to seem independently thought up as idea+incarnation combined- like that, I can also take ideas (in the form of activities and abilities) and make them a part of a live feed of my life (insodoing making it unique from all other incarnations of that idea, the same way I uniquely act out commonly held ideas because they’re commonly held and yet do them in an un-copy-able way because they’re incarnations of a common idea had/understood/known by heart in a unique way) and that that live feed of my life will be a LIVE feed of ideas a mind believes in. I don’t want anyone to ever think they can tell me why I do things, or why I do things the way that I do them. I’m very scared of that. An idea is a copyable technology. But there is no technology natural things can copy perfectly off of other natural things, even if they’re identical, because one Mona Lisa will be a painting of an idea Leonardo Da Vinci had of the Mona Lisa. And the other will be an exact copy of the way that idea turned out- in other words, it’ll be an idea of a painting already painted, an idea already finalized, a still from a live video taken of a static image, and therefore won’t be able to be the same thing even if it is physically the same “thing.” Two identical things can be the same thing, but if there’s two different ideas for them, like “one” and “two”, or “mine” and “yours”, or “damaged/lost version” and “undamaged/surviving version”, which they inevitably will, they won’t be the same thing even while paradoxically being the same thing, at once. I like the idea that no sane person would look at a known and named historical inventor of a writing system who took an idea of a possibility and invented from whole cloth a way to record language and thought in a way that works logically well with the shared language and shared ideas of the region, and is easy enough to learn and remember and then teach to others from one’s memory alone- that no sane person would look at that inventor and their completely-locally-unprecedented-singular/unique invention, and say, that person owes it all to the culture they got the idea from. No sane person WOULD do that, because people can recognize that a person telling another about the existence of fire, and not how to make it, and having that recipient person somehow completely figure out what must be done to create a thing they’ve only heard about, by doing friction/hot-feeling-making types of things in new levels of intensity (smashing and not rubbing) with new types of materials (some rare and hard to find, some hard to invent like metal ore out of rock or cloth from barely-tamed barely-domesticated animal coats) in new combinations, until they get a hot so hot that allegedly some new magical thing will begin to exist, and then from those magical sparks or tiny flames, the ability to turn those almost every time into flame, and then, in a controlled and planned-for way, to be turned into a larger and sustained fire that doesn’t burn the grasslands or woods around you, and that doesn’t burn out because you figured out (in a way that back then wouldn’t have been obvious, no matter how obvious it seems now) what fire can exist on and can’t exist on- that having that recipient of gossip/unlikely tale figure fire out from an idea alone, is akin to figuring out fire completely alone, and is NOT an example of copying other people. However, I know that sane people would and will look at any life I lead where I appear to function/be functional and go “she’s copying other people because she’s a copier of people.”

Stacie Cassarino, “The Living at Dead Creek” [ID in ALT]

[lotus-pear]

i love you royal trio (minus akechi)

[calmlb]

i love this detail— even with his gloves on he’s still got his hands in his pockets 😭 some things never change 🥲

[abitofboth]

you’ll change your name or change your mind, and leave this fucked up place behind, but I’ll know, I’ll know…

[revanhaed]

no space? no problem 🫧🛁

[fruitydiaz]

at first i was like why didn’t they make the sex flashback with shannon clearly a flashback like the others in the episode and then i realized that it wasn’t a flashback eddie’s just actively rewriting his relationship with shannon while eating lunch with his girlfriend and plotting to cheat on her with the random woman he met at a boutique that slightly resembles his dead wife who did in fact ask him for a divorce before she died but eddie’s not gonna remember that detail rn is he

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 321

You know Content Warning? Lethal Company but youtube videoing? 

Danny does that- just well, with the Zone. It’s not like it can be mapped out, what with people moving their Lairs and more lairs and islands constantly manifesting. And well, there’s so many things out here, and it’s not like he can be an astronaut.

So, he decided to make exploration logs for the Zone instead, alongside his friends and a doppelganger or two holding equipment. It’s great, and people can donate whenever he live streams so he’s getting income too. 

He just erm, maybe should have double checked it was uploaded to just his dimension…

[snaplight-anxiety]

couple who are both “promise to never put me before the world” types but one is “promise you will choose not to save me” and the other is “promise you’ll kill me”

[ch-go-crazy-yall]

Coloring, to de-stress

[mattodore]

i can't get enough of them

[i-may-be-an-emu]

The way that Tom looks at them heals something in me that I didn’t know was so broken. Or something, idk.

[eggbuggy]

Hey Mychael, since you won’t say which one’s your fav I’m drawing you with a bunch of them

Name of species under cut :3

[starrylevi]

Levi who has an untitled album in his phone and it’s all pictures of you. Most are candids in which you’re caught off guard. He’s talented at taking pictures without you noticing. There’s a picture of you sleeping, another of you snuggled up against his chest, one of you belly laughing, and more. However, his favorites are the ones that are the most ordinary, the ones that you personally don’t think are all that special. In these pictures you’re doing the most mundane things like laundry, washing the dishes, watching television, engaging in your favorite hobby, etc. He thinks you look beautiful in all of them. He doesn’t believe there needs to be a reason for him to take these pictures. You simply existing is reason enough for him.

[pinkapple-kombucha]

Imagine plotting your crazy husband’s death with your sister in a way where you make sure there’s a 50/50 chance he survives. You end up feeling so guilty and sad you hallucinate that he’s there to the point other people around you notice. Your sister finds a cult group that match her freak. You then fall for the cult’s sexy and crazy leader who dated your husband. You make the executive decision to break up with your dream husband. You think all is well but then your sister’s diary where she documents everything and we mean everything gets stolen by your boyfriend’s cult followers. Your boyfriend then lies to you, your sister and her girlfriend and has the three of you ambushed by his cult because guess what? They found your husband and he’s not too happy at what you and your sister did. But the cult, your boyfriend and your husband do not realize that you’re a lot crazier than you’ve let on.

[sinfully02slow]

Out of my element here but

Appreciation post for those orv fans that dissect the story, analyze scenes, share their theories and perspectives here on Tumblr

It’s really cool to see how orv looks from your guys’s perspectives and realizing what some scenes meant

Heck, I believed Kdj’s narrative during the webnovel until the fandom woke me up and handed me depression word soup :)

Personally I can’t really put into words what I think and feel- being able to come across posts where it’s put into words just makes my day

Seeing the orv fandom share endless commentaries of the story, their reactions, alternate universe takes, theories and fanart- it all makes it feel like orv never really ended

But yeah, thank you

(Sorry if the post looked long, I didn’t like how the sentences touched, it looked too squished)

[rystiel]

he wanted to grow old with jack 😐😐😐😐 even if jack couldn’t grow old with him 😐😐😐😐😐😐