#al talks

[fruitydiaz]

yeah “i can teach you” is kind and gentle and warm and comforting. it’s also hot. right

[alwri-tes]

tip: You can write about the same character as many times as you want. Who's going to stop you? God?

[mascochism]

Anorexic lesbian call that ribbed for her pleasure

[altho-arto]

Not friends. Not roommates. But a Secret third thing (Dance Of Deduction)... Im gonna keel over

[alviesaur]

Ugh everytime I try writing a couple I hit a snag because 1. I'm aroace 2. I've never been in a relationship and 3. Any overtly sexual actions/thoughts seem weird to me, so I end up writing them as just really close friends and then I am like

Oh wait. They are supposed to be attracted to eachother.

[fidgetninja]

Med Log: Atomoxetine 6 months in

Medication: Atomoxetine, 40mg

Long-time-no-talk! Last time I posted I was back on atomoxetine. I've found it beneficial in some ways but it's become difficult in others (the same ways that led me to come off it two years ago).

Atomoxetine by itself seems to dampen and blunt my emotions over time. It didn't matter to me when first on them because I was so desperate to get my life back in order. I'm grateful I went on it this year, I'm doing a lot better, but I'm experiencing the following:

nausea - it's nearly constant no matter what I eat (heartburn specifically I've managed to mitigate with yoghurt / big meals before taking my dose)

emotional blunting - my partner and some close friends have commented I've lost my exuberance; I'm less enthusiastic about things, I'm less interested in people, and the weirdest thing I've noticed... I don't feel anything any more when listening to music; it just feels like noise and is mildly irritating

non-existent sex drive - I have zero interest any more, including I can't 'feel' my attraction to people any more. Some would welcome this or not mind this, but this really bothers me

This is so frustrating to me; atomoxetine does help me with being more organised, calmer, less stressed... but it feels like at the cost of blunting the good about me as well as the bad. It almost feels like turning the volume down on all of me, not just the parts of my ADHD that cause me issues.

Two years ago I hated this so came off it entirely, and then was discharged due to not being on medication (hence the fight to get back on meds). This time though, I'm trying stimulants again, which I will cover in my next post.

[pianistwriter80]

had a dream that bucky was struggling to tell sam that he was in love with him and everyone around bucky was like “bro just tell him”. Bucky hid in someone’s boat instead hsbsjsbsbsh

[itafushii]

the itafushi brainrot is back full force... embracing the hyperfixation like a returned lover, once long lost at sea.....

[the-little-ugly-fuckling]

has anyone read the sequels to ancillary justice? does seivarden ever come back as a main character because i’m over halfway through ancillary sword and she’s barely there and it’s killing me

[canidcourier]

The rebrand of twitter to X is so cringe to me that as soon as the update reached me I deleted the app. It looked like dodgy malware on my phone.

[fruitydiaz]

the fact that so many people continue to back trump every year makes me nauseous. it doesn’t matter if he loses because too many fucking people have clearly become comfortable with and supportive of right wing extremism thanks to him. what do you mean you support fascism. what do you mean.

[alwri-tes]

Still in shock that I'm officially the author of two published books now

[mascochism]

And so we beat off, boys against the cumrent, borne backshots ceaslessly into the ass.

[altho-arto]

A little late, but here's some of my works from 2023 ! (only cheated a little for months where i did stuff but forgot to publish it, consider it a sneak peak haha) Happy to see my style continue to evolve in a direction im generally happy with, while also occasionally going out of my comfort zone to try out a bit of painting and push my colors a little bit !

Can't wait to be even more obnoxious about my interests (related : bonus AA/DGS only summary under the cut) and post some weirder fanarts over the next year, despite wanting the concept of cringe dead and buried i have trouble applying that to myself so we'll see <3 happy 2024!

i made some fun AAvsPL crossover stuff this year, and while the DGS brainrot that consumed my whole brain this year was slowly going away i have new friends who are discovering dgs1 rn and bringing me back the spark for it... my multishipper heart is happy i could participate in more events this year, but id love to publish more ryulock than before cause the ratio of sketches i make VS stuff i finish and post for them is insane!!! also need to do my ot3 propaganda maybe so i can get even more niche than i was before !! (clown emoji)

anyways. also got more yuri in the plans but i dont want to make promises i cant keep. but ginamari i am not forgetting you <3

bonus for the people who read all that : see the Herlock in the June slot ? he was not drawn like an emoji on purpose. that lineart was actually made in 2021 when i was playing through dgs1, and finding how to do his face was my personal nightmare (tbh except ryuu none of the dgs characters came "easy" to me). it took time but as you can see now i found a way ! so dont give up if you dont know how to draw your blorbo in your style, it can rly be a struggle but eventually you'll get there!! just gotta be patient with yourself !! (also looking how other artists draw him can help. thank you random ryulock doujin which had rly cool herlock eyes)

[fidgetninja]

Hello! It's been about 5 and a half years since I last posted here! I'm honestly surprised I still have followers.

Obviously a lot has happened in those 5.5 years. I remembered about this blog recently because I've recently restarted meds (atomoxetine aka Strattera) after being off it for over 2 and a half years.

Ngl, it's been a real struggle. I can go into the details in another post, but essentially I trialled going off meds 2.5 years ago and was never informed by the specialist that if I ever wanted to go back on them, I'd have to go through the whole referral process again, including being on the waiting list.

In 2015/16 when I was first referred and then diagnosed, that was 9 months. In 2022, it was anywhere from 2-5 years! And even then, that's an estimate based off crowdsourcing, as no clinic gives an estimated wait time any more.

So I put myself on the waitlist again, at the time thinking I could manage for a few years. Turns out, I couldn't. My life has fallen apart in a lot of ways and I've had a very difficult time. I've gone through life events that anyone would find a challenge, but having an untreated condition like ADHD has exacerbated it immensely. Furthermore, I moved house 1.5 years into the waitlist, meaning I was discharged and told I had to start again in my local area. The new clinic refused to honour my wait time.

Which leads me to the last month. I made the difficult decision to go private, gathering up savings and meticulously planning finances. I'm glad I made that decision. It was a 2.5 week wait for an appointment, and then I got meds to my door 2 days later. I'm now 8 days into atomoxetine.

I'm sure a lot of you have heard about how the NHS/healthcare in the UK is going through a crisis (or you may have experienced it yourself). It has badly hit long-term care of chronic conditions, as well as healthcare that was already underrepresented and/or stigmatised.

I've been very angry at my country for a long time, and I've felt increasing despair. However the last couple of weeks I've began to feel some hope. It's gonna be tough as I try to put my life back together, but I finally have the fuel I need to make the hard work I put in reap rewards.

I don't exactly know what I'll post here, but I like the idea of posting about my experiences semi-regularly again. It seemed to help people, and hell, it helped me to go back and read my old med logs to remember what exactly to expect going back on atomoxetine.

I hope you're all doing well. The world is a scarier place than it was 5.5 years ago, but I hope you're all still managing to fight and find joy in it, even small things.

Take care everyone!

[the-little-ugly-fuckling]

i wish Abigail Pent and Magnus the Fifth were my parents,,, i would kill for a fucking support system