#I wanna meet them all so bad
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The way that Tom looks at them heals something in me that I didn’t know was so broken. Or something, idk.
#I’m convinced he’s the sweetest man alive#Like#look at his lil face#!!!!!!!!!??????#To clearly have so much love and joy and admiration and humour in one’s gaze-#tom mayo#shoot from the hip#also just the way that people describe him and what I’ve heard of peoples experiences meeting him#Makes me wanna sob /pos#anyway#I’ve had a really busy and difficult week (it’s probably been more than a week let’s be real) and idk#These guys make all that better#And Tom like he just 😭 you can see the genuine love and care radiating from him#Like obviously all of sfth are amazing and wonderful people too#But like#you know what I mean#anyway :)#Tom :)#In that last one Luke chose him to marry when they were all asked “snog marry kill” during a qna#His whole face lit up#Like 😭😭😭#friends who you can say you’d marry!?!!!!??#😭😭👍#I’m so normal#I wanna meet them all so bad#Sfth screenshots
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you guys dont understand how bad i want to go to tombstone redemption this summer. i NEED to meet rob wiethoff and roger clark. those men are hilarious. peter blomquist too
#i dont have the money to go to Arizona but imagine if I did#i wanna meet them all so bad#red dead redemption 2#red dead redemption#bubby talks
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gymnast kaito x sharpshooter shinichi meet-cute in the olympics au
#kaishin#i can already hear my brain going BUT SOCCER PLAYER SHINICHI RAAAAAAHHHHH#but shapshooter shinichi tho cmoooon CMOOONN#yall have seen the olympic athletes yall have seen the flavor#i saw yeji and yusuf and im like OKAY SHINICHI SHARPSHOOTER#also gymnast kaito this is canon in my brain idc#i would love to see kaito's floor routine like pleaaaaaseeee#also that one epke zonderland london 2012 high bar routine but make it kuroba fucking kaito RAAAAHHH#also also in my mind shinichi would only wear glasses and he'd affectionately call it 'conan'#idk a whole lot about the olympics and either sports so im not confident enough to make hcs#thats why im just yapping here LOL#might binge watch some olympics related videos and articles later idk#yell some hcs for this au at me I'd love to know!!!!!!#dc prattles#ALSO FUN IF KAITO GREW UP IN PARIS AND HE'S REPRESENTING FRANCE WHEWWWW#but it's also fun if kaishin are both team jp and theyret meeting for the first time yippeeee#akai would be shinichi's coach maybe 🤔#also i looked it ip and apparently karate was removed from the official olympic games FUCK but WE DONT CARE BECAUSE#OLYMPIC ATHLETE BESTIES SONOSHINRAN MY BELOVED I WILL FIGHT FOR YOU#anyway sonoko in gymnastics ran in karate and sharpshooter shinichi WOW WOW WAIT MY BRAIN HAVING A MASSIVE ROT RIGHT NOW#oh you just know sonoko does all those tiktoks with a shy but excited ran and completely forced to participate shinichi LMAO#kaishin meet through sonoko ofc 👀👀👀#sonoko and kaito are besties too and are familiar with each other for both being in the gymnastics scene#anyway kaito and shinichi meet and kiss and fall in love#ALSO SHINICHI THIRSTING OVER KAITO'S MUSCLES LMAOOOO#AND KAITO THIRSTING OVER A FULLY CLOTHED SHINICHI POISED FOR A SHOT LIKEEEE#oh they wanna makeout real bad i fear#ALSO KAITO IS THAT ONE ATHLETE WHO KEEPS STEALING THE CHOCOLATE MUFFINS IN THE OLYMPIC VILLAGE LMFAOOOO#the tiktoks of that guy was so funny lol i just know kaito would do the same#you know what maybe I should've just typed this on the post and not on the tags but it's too late now LMAO i want more of them tho omg 😳
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Rice. From my plot that's literally just a game of chess. (he's a rook)
#my characters#CHESS BABIES#they actually had a tag here and i adore it bc it was in caps lock for a while#no idea why it was in caps but whatever it was thems the rules#rice has a younger sister named turnip and shes a pawn and then his coworker rook is a guy named cakes#and cakes has a huuuuuuge crush on him and doesnt think to hide it so rice just kinda puts up with it and then somehow#they meet with one of the white knights and are like well he seems mostly harmless#and since they dont attack or try to kill him he decides hes actually in love with rice as well so cakes is like oh no#im going to lose my years long crush to some foreign guy#but the white knight is just vibing cause out of the entire white army he has the least stake in it bc he was born in the land of red#so he doesnt really care but since one of his parents was a white native he got recruited kinda#look it sounds so bad to have colored nations and them being white black and red#but its chess i swear and my dad had a REALLY FUCKING NICE wooden chess set when i was a kid#and it was AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL and each piece had red felt on the bottom to about scuffing the pretty wood board#anyway thats where the neutral land idea came from - all of his pieces had SOME red on them#and now i gotta go to work for more video orientation#guys theres been so many videos in the past two days#i have no energy for art#i have so many things i wanna draw but i havent managed to actually do anything yet#i need a fuckin schedule.....
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As a show of good faith toward the remaining Decepticons at the beginning of a new, united Cybertron, newly appointed Senators Bumblebee and Soundwave allowed Shatter and Dropkick to enlist into Autobot City's Defense Team.
These two turned out to be... not the best choices.
The city may have fallen to Insurgent Decepticon occupation had it not been for young recruits Hot Rod and Arcee's accidental interception of Shatter's communication with the fugitive Starscream.
To replace the errant Defense Team members, Springer and Blurr were reassigned from Iacon to Autobot City in their stead.
#my art#tf reconstruction#transformers#bumblebee movie#tf shatter#tf dropkick#maccadam#transformers au#semi-introduction to my idea for antagonists in tf:r - specifically being movie villains slotted into my au#bc if the main crux of the main reconstruction story in autobot city is about hot rod and her rise to becoming rodimus prime#which comes from the First movie - why not loosely adapt other movies too??#ive got ideas for most of them already - kinda jumping back and forth between the modern day story and my pre-war ''downfall'' story#which gives my brain a break from thinking about one to think about another#anyway - i imagine the first ''episode'' of tf:r would be like. hot rod shows up in autobot city on her first day > meets the team#> gets assigned arcee as her partner > arcee hates it > they over hear shatter talking to someone they don't recognise because rod's nosey#> huh that's weird > they intercept it next time by accident > its a communication to starscream about the city's defenses#> they take it to ultra magnus but they break the pad on the way because they were arguing about it#> ''hot rod i know you're new here. and you're intrigued about the war and everything. but we shouldn't be suspicious of everyone wearing a#purple badge. give them a chance.'' > arcee drops it bc she doesn't wanna start trouble + ''magnus will handle it. he always does somehow.'#> rod does not drop it and makes blaster monitor shatter's messages for anything unusual > blaster indulges her bc he's endeared to her#> he does end up intercepting an encrypted message > rod immediately acts and chases after shatter and dropkick on an outside-city mission#> arcee goes after her to stop her from fucking up really bad > blaster unencrypts the message. it's a rendezvous point to start an invasio#> magnus kup blaster and perceptor all head out to help the two young'uns before they get in over their heads#> rod and arcee meet and fight starscream and barely make it out by the skin of the teeth thanks to the more experienced autobots arrival#> starscream shatter dropkick and whoever else is there are driven off#> day is saved - magnus commends rod's gut instincts but rod goes back to what magnus said about not trusting bots with purple badges#> she was right this time but its an exception not a rule and most other decepticons in the city want to live in peace#> magnus also commends that attitude and the team head back > starscream starts plotting his Next Big Plan#''post credits'' scene of magnus putting the request in for springer and blurr + robot dinosaur opening its eye in the dark👀👀#longwinded but ya thats like the Clearest idea for Specific Events so far other things are Stuff I Want To Happen
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aaaa @motherish in new york :D we had soooo much fun💕 she got me this dbz book?!? and i did another tattoo for her! check out the 6 months heal on baby goku heh🐉
we went to anime nyc i was mainly looking for jjk and csm merch, there was sooooo many good things! saw a surprising amount of vocaloid stuff too :0 legs hurt sooo much after walking the artist alley ^_T 💸💸💸
i found a place where you can order soysauce marinated crabs directly from korea 1 day shipping it was SOOOO GOOOODDD sushi and i TORE THAT SHIT UPP 🦀 we were toooo obsessed with it 😵💫
🧛🏻♀️ then we looked thru my vampire knight artbook & fanbook from 1928199 yrs ago when i was Obsessed w that series, the amount of lore / plot i remembered was crazeeee the art for vampire knight still looks sooooooo pretty 🫨✨
the trip was tooo short but sooo fun it was amazing to see sushi again aaa meeting online friends irl...........🥹💗💕💖🩷
#O AND WE WATCHED THE JJK 0 MOVIE TOGETHERRRR AA TOXIC YAOIIII#i was doing her tattoo and for like 3.5 hrs sushi was educating me on omegaverse lore#and we talked about toxic yaoi LOL#my roommate moved out so we cleaned everything up & sushi was staying in the spare room but my#roommates bathroom was sooo fcking scary n old the apt only renovated the bathroom in my room and the other one sucked so bad im sorry she#had to experience that LMFOAKWKEKAKKAA OOPS#but we srsly had sm fun it was amazing i cant stop thinking about the CRAB im an EXPERT at eating crab cuz there is a learning curve#anyhow..... 😭😭😭😭#and they had official gacha at the con i only let myself spent 40 on them and i only played the jjk hidden inventory one#i kept getting dupes of everyone BUT ON MY LAST PULL I GOT GETO AAAAA#he was the last one i neede for the full set hehe sorry idc abt the girl and her maid wkwkwkkaaozok#idk wat to do w all my charms aaaa they r sooo cute thooo >_<#i wanna meet more online friends.......#이 지랄같은 인생
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i saw this video and the brainrot overcame me and i wrote 2.4k words of secret agent!bucky and bond girl!gale except that actually he’s the son of a mob boss that works as a double agent
tags: smut / feelings / angst / injuries / tending of injuries
enjoy?
hold me like a knife (ao3)
It takes only three simple words, and the pain in Bucky’s wounds seem to vanish at once as he fighst a grin — his first smile for days.
”You look horrible.”
Gale speaks in his matter-of-fact and yet oddly tender tone as always, as if he was just observing facts that had no real implications for him; it’s the very same tone that caught Bucky’s interest in the first place before he ever even saw his face.
He loses the fight with the grin, though it’s quickly overcome with a grimace as he leans to the doorframe and accidentally touches on a fresh bruise. ”I missed you too, doll,” he manages to sound nonchalant, at least to his own ears, but the slight tightening of Gale’s expressions reveals he has been caught. A gentle but determined hand reaches for the collar of his jacket and pulls him into the hotel room, Bucky making sure to kick the door closed behind himself. The lock clicks just as soft fingers run down the less bruised side of his face before he’s guided down so the shorter man can press a careful kiss to his lips. His own hands land on his shoulders, running up and down his biceps and squeezing lightly. He’s like a child who has gotten his favorite plushie back after a vaction, he supposes, as he seeks the comfort of touch with the despair of a starving man.
The kiss starts light, careful, Gale clearly trying to determin how much Bucky is hurting — the lower lip is slightly swollen from where it split to a knife — but as Bucky presses himself closer and tries his luck with a tentative lick between his lips, Gale sighs before opening up to him. Bucky only realizes how tense he has been when his shoulders drop and he relaxes into Bucky’s embrace. The hitched breathes and sighs and wet sounds of their lips meeting fill the silence between them, and Bucky can feel life bleed back into him with each little silent ngh that Gale probably doesn’t even realize he’s making.
The slowness molded by the simple pleasure of the other’s body heat close starts to vanish into real passion, the touch of their mouths getting more demanding, but unfortunately a nib of Gale’s teeth on his tender lip makes him hiss in pain, immediately pulling Gale farther away. Bucky doesn’t let him go far, hands now secured around the small of his back, and Gale doesn’t fight him either. He’s blushed by their effort and his lips are slightly swollen now too as his eyes travel over Bucky’s face once more, no doubt noting each of his visble wounds and calculating how many he’s hiding underneath his suit. His eyes stop on the three hazardly done stitches on his left eyebrow, and Bucky knows he doesn’t need to tell him he’s put them there himself, just now on the plane.
He might tell him later, when they’re cooling down under a single blanket and Gale’s playing with his hair or fingers and he doesn’t have to look him in the face as he talks because he knows Gale will be latching on to each word, not missing a single unvoiced moment of pain and fear from his story that he’s not ready to admit even to himself.
Gale hums. He looks like he’s deep in thought, but Bucky can tell he’s still more alert than most people are when they really put their mind to it, just by the virtue of his upbringing. The thought physcally aches somewhere deep in his insides and Bucky realizes more than ever what a bad idea it was to come here like this, he’s clearly too in his feelings to be acting rationally, too raw from the gruelling assignment and worrying about Gale. His arms around the smaller man tighten without his permission but Gale doesn’t comment on it, still carefully mapping out his face with his gaze and fingertips.
”You should be at a hospital,” he finally says, whispers, really, the worry and relief he’s still at one piece battling each other over every syllable. Bucky swallows the lump from his throat and forces a grin. They don’t have long, they never do, and he’ll be damned if he made it all the way back just to crumble at his feet.
(Gale would let him, and pick him back up and put together no matter how many pieces he’d be in, and that’s why he won’t.)
”Nah,” Bucky says, satisfied with how truly carefree he does sound that time, ”I had to come see my baby first.” The endearement works wonders like always. Gale let’s out a silent breath and his eyes soften despite shaking his head slightly before reaching for another kiss. It’s softer, again, taking them back to the start, and that’s fine with Bucky, he’s too tired and tender for all these emotions right now. ”Well, you’re not gonna bleed all over my sheets,” Gale tells him as he pulls back again, ”c’mon, let’s get you cleaned up.”
Bucky lets his mind fade into a pleasant hum in the background as Gale unburdens him from his suit layers, biting his lip unhappily as he uncovers the bruising and cuts all over his torso but not saying anything. Bucky’s merely an observer as he’s pushed into the shower, the water pleasant rythm on his tired body. He leans to the cold wall and closes his eyes, unsure how long he just stays there taking it in before the door opens and closes with silent clicks and a smaller body presses against him. He keeps his eyes closed when Gale washes his hair, humming in content, following the gentle guidance of sure hands he trusts with the essances of his soul. He opens his eyes when Gale’s hands make a long stop on his cheeks again after rinsing the shampoo of. He finds his doll eyes looking at him, thoughtful and scared and thankful and suddenly Bucky feels chocked up again so he takes his face between his hands and presses his lips to the blonde’s forehead and tastes the clean water there.
After quickly washing his own hair under Bucky’s interested eyes Gale drags them out. For himself he pulls on a bathrobe before taking using one of the towels for Bucky’s curls and then the other for delicately tracing down his torso between all the marks of violence. Bucky stays silent even when he starts to disinfect the cuts, giving away his exhauston completely, but the silence is soft like a protective cushion between them and the world.
Once he’s happy Gale takes him by the hand and pulls him after himself. Bucky’s back hits the mattress and he suddenly feels all the tiredness at once at the soft embrace of the clean sheets, and then immediately after wide awake again as Gale’s thighs settle on both sides of his lap, hands automatically coming to rest lazily on his hips as Gale leans over him on all fours to press airy pecks all over his abused face — his temples, cheekbones, eyelides, side of his nose, the sharpest edge of his jawline — as if trying to force a protective spell, or a blessing, upon his skin.
”Sweetheart,” Bucky murmurs dreamily as the other keeps going down from his face, pressing his face into his neck and collarbones and inhaling him like an addict looking for his fix. Gale hums in answer absentmindedly and kisses his way further down. He kisses each of the bruises softly, nibbing at the parts of his skin that are not injured, letting the skin go up and down with his teeth, never biting hard enough to actually hurt but leaving his little signatures everywhere on his abs, navel, hip-joints.
Bucky’s hands have found reign in his hair at some point, long fingers twisted in wet strands and pulling just a little when Gale breathes against the base of cock, pressing his lips there and giving the sensitive skin between his dick and balls like it was something sacred. Bucky hisses in want as Gale guides both of his knees over Gale’s shoulders when he gives more admiring kisses to his manhood, asking to be pressed down to the bed with Bucky, to be let to be lost in their pleasure for just a moment.
Gale goes down on him like he wants to regain him, almost like he wants to hurt him too to replace memories of everyone else hurting him. Bucky groans as his throat clicks when he gags on him, and then moans immediately after, doing it again and again. It’s lewd and dirty and perfect. John can do nothing else but take it and whisper soft praise, ”So good for me darling”, ”Just like that”.
Gale pulls back to breathe properly, and Bucky drags him sitting up by his hair, making Gale whine with a wide smile on his face. ”Show-off,” Bucky accuses him quietly, with a fond little smile, their dicks rubbing together as Gale sits on his lap again. The blondie laughs into the kiss as Bucky turns them around, backing Gale up until the top of his hair is touching the metal frame of the bed.
They stare at each other there for a moment, Bucky taking his time now to look at him, pressing the image to his mind for moments when the warmth of the younger is just a distant memory. Gale bites his lip again, but this time with a happy grin, as Bucky bullies his thighs apart with his own and then presses down on him until his calves are trapped between them. ”Are you sure?” Bucky scoffs, shaking his head. ”Sweetheart. The day when I respond to that ’you know what, I’m good actually’ I want you to end my life with a tool of your choice.” Gale makes a disapproving clicking sound with his tongue but reaches to play with Bucky’s curls again with his left hand, softness in his eyes that makes him look younger. Pain swirls through John at the sight. ”I’m really okay just having you close-” Bucky shuts him up by licking at his lips. ”Shh. Let me, baby.” Gale falls silent, looking up at him with stars in his eyes, and it scares Bucky he knows how much he trusts him. ”Please, let me,” he whispers against his lips again. Gale nods.
John takes one hand to each of his own and presses them gently to the headboard. A soflty whispered ”stay” and then ”good boy” as Gale wraps his slender fingers around the metal there makes the blonde’s breath hitch. John keeps his hands there for a bit before running them down his arms, lips locked in a passionate kiss, the little noises Gale makes into it driving him wild. His own cock is aching and Gale’s drying saliva is cooling and making him extra sensitive, but he still takes his time prepping Gale carefully, taking care of him like he took care of him earlier in the bathroom.
He pulls his three fingers out when Gale’s sounds get loud and keening despite his best efforts of muffling them — there’s no need to be quiet here, but old habits die hard. He lubes himself up and sits up straighter on his knees between Gale’s legs. Gale is breathing hard, chest heaving between them, his hands still around the metal. John leans down to kiss him to not tell him how much he loves him and then pushes into him as Gale’s moans fill his lungs.
He can’t keep kissing him for long, the sudden need to take him hard overwhelming and immediate. There’s spit connecting their heart-shaped lips as Bucky presses his hands on the mattress on both sides of Gale’s head and puts his back into it, his pain, his frustration, and Gale throws his head to the side and smiles, and Bucky’s heart aches again so he fucks him harder, drinking in the happy sighs with his eyes and ears alike.
He notices that Gale’s arms are shaking with the effort of keeping them against the frame so he slows down for a moment, reaching for his hands again and carefully pulling them towards the core of them, waiting for Gale to have them wrapped around his neck before he drives into him slower but deeper. Gale’s gasping for breath with each thrust, his eyes closed and face focused on pleasure, and Bucky would like nothing more than to drag this out until the morning but he knows he needs to rest, and he’d rather fall asleep with Gale wrapped around him than see him leave at dawn to return for the shadows assigned to him.
Gale opens his eyes and they stare at each other, Bucky momentarily posessed by the hazy blue that looks up at him in melancholy, in need, in hope, in love. Bucky is immediately resigned, he wants to tear up his chest and stop feeling or stop the time and stay like this forever. He will give Gale anything he needs, anytime he can.
”In me,” Gale pleads him, and Bucky presses his lips to his forcefully now, overcome by the image of Gale pulling on his clothes and going back to his betrothed with Bucky still dripping from him. He whines aloud at the thought and gives it to him harder, better, louder, and Gale murmurs praise and gratitude into his open mouth before throwing his head back and coming between them. Bucky follows him there and then the room is silent again, both of them breathing hard, the sweat cooling between them. Gale has hidden his face to Bucky’s hair, away from the world, his arms hugging tightly around his neck, wanting to morph into this moment and only breathe the cheap hotel shampoo for the rest of his days. Bucky mouths at his neck, yearning to mark the pure skin that’s not his to claim, at least if he cares about keeping his Gale alive.
Bucky turns them carefully to their sides, slipping away from him. Gale feels suddenly cold and pushes himself closer so he can stay away from the room and the world beyond it for a moment more. Bucky makes a soothing cooing sound for he can’t say to him anything to make it better, and hugs him thight when he feels the first sob force it’s way out of his lover. He’ll hold him close for as long as he can, caress the perfect valleys of his back, and pray they both live to have this fleeting moment again.
#genuinly no idea where this came from and i don’t even know if i like it i’m so bad with angst (and smut)#buck x bucky#clegan#mota#masters of the air#gale cleven#john egan#gale’s dad sold him to marry the next in line of anlther gang to settle his debts#and he made a deal with the fbi to help to bring them all down but that means he’s stuck in the double life for now#and everytime clegan meets it’s playing with both of their lives but esp gale because if his man finds out???#kinda wanna write a super dark continuation like that where bucky would save him at the last minute#writing#agent/mob au#buck#bucky
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https://www.tumblr.com/rist-ix/749015401700229120 not you reblogging this when you ship bloom with the man who murdered her family 😭
Bloom's into ppl who slay! Hope this helps :3
#alright snark and ship wars aside i get where you’re coming from tho#if you're genuinely interested in my thought process here i would love to elaborate#which is exactly what I’ll do!#first of all! the post you linked is about headcanons#which my brain kinda wants to put into a whole different category than ships — fandom ships in particular! — but i can leave that aside#because there IS an argument to be made that relationships are an extension of characterization and personality traits#if you wanna go that route i would wanna explain that Bloom's and/or Valtor's interest in the other is in fact based on canon#(even though I don’t really think ships need to be established in the source material. make shit up that’s what fandom is for#1) the Andros episode speaks for itself. Valtor specifically tells the Trix to back off because HE wants to be the one to fight bloom#2) the episode before that he asks questions about her (and only her; even though he has more powerful enemies to worry about)#demonstrating curiosity about and interest in her#3) that same episode (or the one before; can’t remember) is their infamous first meeting#where time LITERALLY slows down as the pass each other on the stairs#they get IMPACT FRAMES#the whole color palette changes!!!#idk about u but I eat that shit up. love the drama of it all no one does it like them#I’m gonna skip all the instances where Valtor is spying on Bloom through his little scrying spell because oh god who has the time#let’s go straight to Bloom#if I had a week I would not be able to collect all the moments where she growls his name in pure fury and single-minded determination#she gets a little bit obsessed with him over the course of the season and I personally think that’s very sexy of her#Bloom is known for her tunnel vision when it comes to her past and origins and Valtor's existence fits PERFECTLY into that#it ties in neatly with her overarching story of the past 2 seasons#literally PERFECT foils#which always makes for the juiciest stories#4) she singles him out for a duel in the museum episode#5) she can literally feel his presence#6) the mere mention of his name sends her into her weird faux enchantix#of course there’s no romance in canon but there’s TENSION AND CHEMISTRY which is all u really need for a ship#all their animosity and bad blood is what makes it so INTERESTING to wonder how they COULD work. it’s the spice that makes for good fanfic!
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back on my bullshit (meeting men im in love with). Ben Schwartz is so kind and tall :-) I didn’t totally freeze like when I met the Jonas brothers but the selfies we took are blurry so 😔
(at least I have these bc I told sam to record the whole thing heheheh)
#also the show was great#I had to slap sam many times bc she was choking from laughter#ben schwartz#bro how did i forget my personal tag for ben#ben schwartz my beloved#me#also forgot me tag#editing tags after the fact to recount the entire experience#so we waited outside for about 10 minutes and I had no expectation of how long it usually takes for him to come out and take pictures#he comes out without a mask which is surprising to me and says ‘you guys wanna take some pictures?’#we all just kinda form a non sensical blob (there’s maybe like 10 ppl total) around him#Brandon Katie and Eugene hang back towards the stage door unsure if anyone wants to chat with them#I’m gushing over how tall and handsome Ben is to my sister who is ready to record our interaction once he gets to me#as I listen to him chatting with the other fans I can’t help but smile and say to my sibling ‘he’s so sweet’ every minute#he meets someone who has a cool sketchbook of the skits from the show that he wants to take a picture of#but they need to write their handle so he says he’ll talk with some others and get back to them#so he does and then later I see the girl ready to talk to him again off to the side#so I tell her ‘you can go ahead and finish talking to him”’ and she’s like ‘are you sure?’ and I’m like duh!#finally it’s my turn and he looks at me and says ‘hi I’m Ben’#yes Benjamin Joseph Schwartz I know#he sees me holding my phone and immediately sides steps to get into selfie mode as I ask him if he’ll sign my Jean Ralphio figure#he steps back to Be in front of me ‘yes of course!’#what insane media training he has#he says ‘I’ve seen this! this is the first one I’ve ever signed’#upon seeing the figure he says ‘it’s beautiful’ lol#he’s concerned that the sharpie I brought will not show up and I mention that it was probably a bad one to bring because it’s pastel#he signs and holds it up (as you can see in the first photo) to make sure it’s visible#he hands it back to me and I thank him and he says ‘do you want to take a picture?’#and I say ‘I would love to!’ and then I hold the Jean Ralphio figure and he looks to my sibling assuming she’s taking the picture#she’s like ‘no I’m just here for moral support!’
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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It's been rolling around in my brain the last few days for some reason, but I still hate the family backstory reveals for Sophie and Eliot. I've seen some of the meta for it, but quite frankly, it still makes no sense. If it had been something actually thought of and intentional in the original, I think it could have been so fascinating. I mean, Sophie's willing abandonment of Astrid to contrast with Nate's loss of Sam or Eliot's adoption in contrast with Hardison's and Parker's? Could have been excellent! But they came out of nowhere in Redemption and don't work with these characters.
Sophie was still actively using the fucking alias that she met Astrid under! She met with someone from her past on the show! Like. Quite frankly, that one is unequivocally bullshit that they made up and threw in and pretended could fit with the established canon. (And I'm sorry, but the idea of Sophie abandoning Astrid and never telling Nate about her just... So much of Nate's trauma was rooted in the loss of Sam, and I think that introducing this element after he's gone and unable to respond to it taints Sophie and Nate's relationship in a way bc I'm not exactly sure how Nate would've responded to learning about this but I think that it's something he'd have needed to know. I don't know how to fully express my thoughts on that but yeah.)
As for Eliot, I don't like the adoption aspect literally at all. The way that he would interact with his family and the memory of his family would be different, and I think that it's flat out ridiculous to think that he'd have never mentioned it to the team in the original show, especially when dealing with the kid cases. (I also dislike the biracial adoption as its own element because if Eliot was actually raised by Black parents in the... idk what 80s/90s? That just. doesn't feel congruent with how they write Eliot interacting with PoC, not necessarily in a bad way, but babe, he's written like a white southern man raised in a specific kind of culture that does not jell with that. It also makes Eliot look... really bad that he was apparently raised with the knowledge of how fucked up the military was and his parents' history and made the choices that he did.) Like the show may not have explicitly stated it but the implication of that relationship was vastly fucking different throughout the original show.
Just. These were not backstories that were congruent with their depiction and characters in the original show, and they're also just moves that I don't particularly like or find interesting directions for those characters. There's also something to be said about how it was apparently unacceptable for a woman to not have kids or someone not reconciling with their biological family when that was something that the original show handled a lot better. Out of all the directions to take Sophie and Eliot's stories, that's just not really one that I think was a good idea.
#i'm not sure if i worded this v well tbh which concerns me#bc like. like i said i dont like the adoption plot anyways but part of my problem with that storyline IS that billy is black#bc i don't think that the way eliot is written makes sense if he was raised by a black couple during that decade#bc the way that he would have engaged with his family and community and the world around him would've been different#especially bc he was raised in the fucking south in the 80s#bc i dont think eliot was ever racist in the original show but i dont think that he really knew#how it was different for poc in certain ways that dont make sense if he was raised by a black couple#like the previous implications of his childhood and specifically his father were v much in the stereotypical v pro military be a man cultur#that culture is also v rooted in toxic masculinity and whiteness#God i hope that makes sense bc i feel like that sounds v bad#but i'd love more black characters on the show and i think that for pretty much any other mc that'd have been fine#it's specifically eliot with the space that he occupies that i feel like it's a problem with his backstory#which also is why i dont like that he's adopted at all bc that's an influential part in how you first view your place and family and all th#that i dont think makes sense with eliot's character. like literally nothing about that reveal really feels like it makes sense with eliot#and to move over to sophie for a second i feel like bringing up the abandoned stepdaughter would have been pretty damn important#when sophie was struggling with the idea of who she really was beneath the aliases and the grift#and especially when she's in a relationship with nate who WAS a father like#and that she used the charlotte alias to meet with someone from her past but there wasnt anything about the fallout#which still makes no fricking sense either way#also insert something about sophie being an older woman without kids#(i know there's the ot3 but they're not actually in a position as her kids bc theyre still equals in a sense)#and needing to actually go no no she was a mom! and then bailed and did all this and blah blah but she's always been a mom in her heart <3#and adding in this relationship as if an older woman cant be satisfied or complete without kids#and i know that ppl might bring up parker but like lbr parker is positioned in a v different space narratively than sophie#ofc parker doesn't have kids she's positioned in a space as the Odd one the kinda broken one#her defying the expectations narratively doesnt necessarily work the same bc of her place#idk i kinda hope these dont end up in the main tags bc idk how ppl will respond nor how well i actually got across my points#but i do wanna tag them for my blog so#leverage#sophie devereaux
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ohhh glitchfell???
Glitchfell!!! It's funny you mention that specifically, because originally it had just been to separate Dos specifically, but I've actually been developing it on its own on the back burner...
Dos is still sort of the star of the show, since, well, he’s the reason it's glitchfell. Dos is [REDACTED]. However, his creator made a fatal flaw when trying to fix a previous mistake and it completely fucked Dos' code. At first, it was just minor glitching and stat instability. But as he got older, and the attempts to fix the mistake only continued making it worse (sort of), by the time he was a young teen, the glitching was causing problems in the Main Code, so when a particularly bad episode hit, he unintentionally collapsed the timeline and threw himself to a "neighboring" au.
...or so he thought (and how I'd initially written it lol).
But I've been working with, at least an alternate "timeline", where the au didn't actually collapse when Dos was thrown. Rather, it became corrupted. It wasn't too bad at first, more like Glitchedswap, where there were new tics here and there, but things could continue on as normal.
Unfortunately though, a tree cannot grow from a severely damaged trunk. At least not well. The damage was done, and as time went on, the corruptions only continuously worsened. There's a good likelihood it would have collapsed on its own by the time Dos met Void, there's just no way an au like that could sustain itself after a point, but it's incredibly interesting to think about how far it could've fallen before that point, and if it's possible anyone from it could've been saved before then...
Or if anyone would've put them out of their misery before it got so bad.
#I wanna make fucked up designs for all of them so bad </3#it's like. really sad too bc no one really understands what's going on. at first they don't even realize. and then they just start getting#confused. sans of course picks up on it immediately (especially because he can't find papyrus) but eventually him and Alphys are trying#desperately to figure out what's happening and stop it. but it was already too bad by that point </3#id love to explore scenarios like Dos finding out it's still around way later down be line only to return and see everything completely#*shattered*. broken beyond the point of reason. and knowing it was his fault. would've been better if it *had* collapsed#or finding out about it after the fact and realizing Void had known and kept it from him#maybe Void had found it after meeting Dos and checking. but finding it in such a horrible state...all he *could do to help them would be...#and Dos finding that out? that Void never told him he found it? that he *manually* collapsed it after he did?#MAN. that'd be so fucked up#Dos would be able to come around eventually but he'd be SO furious and hurt#and that's 100% the kind of thing Void would do lmao#maybe not even initially tbth. the whole thing with Dos stretches out over *several* years. there's a chance Void honestly just forgot by#the next time he re-met Dos#ough...#uselessundertalefacts#ty for the ask sorry for hijacking it with Void#well. only in the tags. still tho#🌟❕💗#clear sky sunset#sun spots#gf dos#glitchfell#glitchfell papyrus
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One thing about canto VI is like. I see so many people predicting it'll be about Fighting Evil Wife or Breaking Codependent Toxic Relationship and I just kinda think that would suck? If the major theme isn't grief AND love and the way both are seen as like Kinda Weird/inappropriate in the setting of the city. Then I'll be very sad.
#bell.txt#not putting it in the tag i dont wanna spam but yes limbus posting yes girls will be thinking about mortal regret#LIKE. LIKE. remember the discourse on twt about how like it was bad writing that yi sang didnt mourn dongbaek etc#and like that was the thing right. thsts not a thing you do in the city. that was part of why roland (who takes lots after wh's themes)#was so exceptional. that is the whole thing about the sickness of the city#to say it in comedia literary criticism terms: sins are split between wrongly-directed love and excess of love with sloth (lack of love)#being an outlier. i think heatho and generally og wh is about excess of love and not wrongly-directed love. it is the thing that lasts#all the way to the other side. it is the shared coffin and meeting again in the next life#i think itd be AWFULLY disappointing to get some boring boring 'they make each other worse' take. being APART due to societal pressures#makes them worse and horribly lonely. death makes them worse baby. so in my mind thats it#we get to see cathy die or still be unreachable in some way and then in very roland style we get furioso mode#and then the ending is about recognizing the love that has in fact been there all along and carrying it with u. and hoping to reunite some#where some other time. NO more slander of that awful girl. YES to the comfort of the memories.#me typing over my foscolo notes like i can surely post about heathcliff really fast and not write a novel in the tags (unaware)#i have more thoughts about this in regards to ruina with xiao and some stuff from leviathan but in the meantime. listen to my ramblings boy#ALSO. considering that implication. he feels for her what queequeg feels for ishy. ARGHH. RIPPING MY HAIR OFF#ok actually its been enough hours to not spam ppl I'll tag it now for blog org. i should maybe have a tag for posting specifically#limbus company
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was looking through old posts and i'm surprised to see that i seemingly didn't have any commentary on anything in 3 in chapter 7, 8 or 9, the posts related to 3's story go from "my first reaction when i saw yopple-bot was 'i love you. but also you are definitely the boss for this chapter-'" to "i have been in hell all day. hell being bada-bing tower." funny to me cuz those chapters are like, the best ones sdfkljsdfjfsdkjlfsdjkl-
#puppy rambles#yo-kai watch#yw3#i love dukesville. yo-kai watch wild west. though also everyone in bbq talks like they're in the wild west-#i don't blame myself for not having any commentary on hazeltine mansion tbh. it sucks ass. i mean it's kind of fun but like#god is it annoying. i think using the mechanic of switching between nate and hailey for puzzles is a cool idea but. bad execution#very bad execution. it is so annoying#especially the section where you're in the basement and have to use the drill a bunch#... why are there prison cells in the basement anyways??????? i just realized how fucking weird that is-#i'm mostly just annoyed by the dining room puzzle tbh. i KNOW the fucking answers but verygoodsir is an ASSHOLE for some reason#and won't let me choose the FUCKING CORRECT DOORS#3's so fucking amazing tbh. i really wanna replay it soon. don't wanna have to delete a save file though#wish 3 had three save files like 1 and 2. i get why though i mean it's the biggest 3ds game klsfdjfskjfsdjksdf-#i wanna like. actually use my originyan for once. i might just end up using nyases ii instead tho fsdkljjdsfjskd-#i love every chapter in 3 after nate and hailey meet tbh. the bestie moments are so good#though also i don't think it was an amazing idea tbh. it means there's six main characters after that point#sometimes one character will go several cutscenes without talking at all. it's usually buck#he doesn't have any dialogue during any of the key quests in new yo-kai city. which is pretty amusing admittedly#i think the writers just forgot about him or something fslkdjdfslkjfsdljkdf-#i think my favorite thing related to that is like. during the stuff in bada-bing tower komasan and komajiro are there too#but they don't have any dialogue. which makes it seem kind of pointless#i get why they're there plot-wise but like. at that point you should either have them leave before you go to bada-bing tower#(esp since they don't end up in the ufo with everyone else. idr if there's a reason for that there probably isn't-)#(i think i slightly blocked out everything in bada-bing tower cuz it is so grueling)#or just. give them dialogue???#i love 3 and all but it definitely has some problems-#which is why i'm so excited to rewrite it <3 for both of those reasons. i can fix things. and also it's the best game#just. full-stop. not just the best yo-kai watch. i just think it's the best game ever#that title changes based on my current biggest hyperfixation though sfldfsjdkslfdjkfdj-#i think i'd say my overall top 5 is like. yo-kai watch 3. deltarune. ummmm. fantasy life is up there
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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