#and now i gotta go to work for more video orientation

[moeblob]

Rice. From my plot that's literally just a game of chess. (he's a rook)

[mint-and-authoress]

Slime HRT - Progress Report II

<<| ⏯️ |>>

[The video opens with a familiar bedroom setup from previous recordings. In the top right corner a timestamp of ‘10 Weeks’ is shown.]

“Okay, ten weeks. We’re ten freaking weeks into this. I’m honestly really excited for this update actually because…”

[Elise stands back a few feet and rolls up her sleeves to reveal her arms. The skin has shifted from translucent to transparent, and the musculature is present underneath, a mix of bluish-gray and red.]

“Skin’s gone! …Well, not gone gone, but it’s totally cleared up! It’s all see-through now, and that means the muscle’s gonna go next. Which I’m a little nervous about.

“Yeah… that last bit at the end of the first video was my dad kinda outing me on his own because I didn��t have a chance to cover up. And that’s kinda led to this Transspecies Cold War that I’ve been forced to take part in for like… 3 weeks now? Luckily my mother is oblivious to all this so I’ve managed to skirt around that volcanic eruption. Dad hasn’t said a word to me, though, which is a bit weird, but I’m honestly fine with not talking to him. Freeing, in a sense.

“Anyway, important things first! In terms of my transition timeline, I’m actually a little ahead of schedule! Which, don’t get me wrong, it’s really exciting to experience this stuff and confirm it’s all really happening, but also kinda puts a bit of a wrench into my plans. Some gunk in the cogs, I don’t know. I’ve been trying to use more slime puns, but I’m not sure if it’s for me.”

[Elise stares off for a second before snapping back to reality.]

“...Right, the wrench. Problem. Whatever it was. Right, my job! I’m a bit worried about how long I’ll be able to keep working, seeing as though I’m gonna basically have muscular dystrophy advancing throughout my body at a rapid rate. I don’t do a ton of heavy lifting, at most I’d struggle with lifting mannequins but we barely do that. Mostly just hanging clothes and gettin stuff hung up.

“My skin, or my surface now, I guess, is a bit stickier now? From what I can tell, the surface is just a slime’s version of skin; all the goop you’d imagine just comes from underneath to gather sensory input. I guess that hasn’t happened yet because 1) I don’t have that goop yet–the goop that’ll come from all my muscles, I mean–and 2) I still have a human’s nervous system so I can still touch and understand that feeling.

“So far so good, though. No more skin, no more breakouts. Hopefully the muscles are just as cooperative.”

[The segment ends. The next segment fades in and Elise looks notably different. Her hair is gone and has been replaced with a shorter ‘haircut’ made entirely from slime. She wears a t-shirt and long pants. Elise’s surface is still clear but most of the muscle underneath is also gone, the little remaining still in small patches dotted across her body. Her face is also completely eroded away, all that remains is the skull, eyes, and the inner workings of her ears. The slime that makes up Elise’s body is now tinted green. The timestamp reads ‘5 Months.’]

“This is my entry at 5 months during transition. Holy Hell it has been a rough one. As you can see…”

[Elise slowly stands and orients the camera to face multiple parts of the bedroom, most of which has been compartmentalised and/or boxed up. She finally turns the camera to face her once more in the usual shot.]

“I am ready to get out. In fact, I’m actually headed out tomorrow morning to go live with my partner out west. Out in the wilderness, surrounded by nature. First things first, though. I gotta unpack these last months for y’all.”

[Elise starts to roll up her sleeves before seemingly forgetting that she is wearing a t-shirt, which she begins to fidget with.]

“Transition stuff first. Also sorry if I’m a bit spaced out, I’ve been a bit…well I guess I’ll just call myself out on it, I’ve been a bit airheaded recently. Doctors say it’s a side effect of the drugs, which of course it is. All in the name of science or something.

“I don’t want it to come across like I’m not happy; I’m fucking ecstatic and euphoric all the time. Life’s just been a lot lately.

“In terms of the muscular decomposition it actually kinda freaking hurts. Like when it started I just felt sore but over the course of a week somewhere around 14 weeks in I got barely any sleep. Turns out, acid dissolving you hurts pretty bad, actually. It got better when a majority of the muscle was gone but every now and again the body decides to get rid of more and unfortunately I can’t use any ibuprofen or painkillers because they inhibit some yeast growth and I just so happen to be made of the stuff nowadays.

“Also, on that note, no more caffeine, ever, apparently. Yeasts actually really don’t react well to caffeine so I’m really really glad I don’t drink coffee. No more Dr. Pepper hurts the soul, though. F in the chat for no more dr pepper.

“Also, hair. As in, no more hair, anywhere. I think they try to skirt around the fact that you will drop your hair as soon as the scalp becomes goop when they tell the trans girls about their transition. I think I would have screamed if I had the house to myself when I took that shower and my whole head felt very light. Luckily your body becomes very malleable when you take these drugs and after like four days of trying I figured out how to style my goop-hair. I’m usually covered from top to bottom in clothes to stay hidden, though, so I barely ever get the chance. And of course, since the hair is gone, my nails went around the same time. Been having to wear touchscreen gloves just to use my phone, and rubber gloves under those so I don’t seep through.

“Other changes… well, showering is pretty euphoric, honestly. Putting more water in the body kinda expands it in a way. Makes all the mass a bit sloshy but still workable if I don’t overdo it. Makes me all euphoric to have big ol tiddies whenever I want.

“I’m still able to eat normally, but I’ve started to actually digest with my slime. Lately my goal has been to taste without my tongue – which is also gone, mind you, just got lucky that I kept my tastebuds at least a little bit.”

[Elise stares off into the distance once again, seemingly lost in thought. After a moment she recollects herself and sits a bit taller.]

“Most of you have guessed by now that I’d get fired because of my transition, and yeah, that was last week. I warned my boss way in advance that I may slowly lose some physical function during transition but either she didn’t care to research my procedures or hated my guts anyway, either way I got canned for being unable to lift and perform my duties. It’s not so bad, lets me decompress and get ready to move.

“Yeah, I know, the move. Funny, you think I should have mentioned that first, or maybe a few months ago. Thing is, I had no idea I’d be moving out this early either. My transition is happening at an advanced rate for some reason and the doctors won’t be able to say before 6 months anyway so we’re all a bit in the dark about it.

“So last night I was invited to dinner with my parents. Not like an actual ‘going out to a restaurant’ dinner, no this was more like ‘Elise gets to cook and make her parents a nice meal and be forced to sit and talk about uncomfortable shit with them for at least an hour’ dinner. Lucky for them, I’m a bit of a pushover and I actually do like to cook so I made something nice.

“So, an hour and one stir fried chicken dish later, I’m sitting in the living room with my parents watching TV and absolutely trying to not shrink in on myself. That’s been an experience, let me tell you. I can just kinda ball up now if I want. Which I did not want to do considering I was still stealth from my mom.

“Of course, she has to ask how work is going and of course I had to unmask for just one insignificant second and reply that I was let go. There was a bit of a screaming match, and a ride to the hospital for my mother who legitimately had a heart attack from seeing her daughter’s skull and eyes suspended in a slightly green goop. Food colouring, by the way. Way cheaper than hair dye.

“Mom’s alright, she’s an addict so that’s what the doctors are focussed on now. Which unfortunately means that they have to deal with a whole bunch of bills and other lovely little things. Dad took me aside and made it abundantly clear that I was no longer welcome in their home. Hence, the boxes and suitcase that all hold the entirety of what I own.

“In better news, I’m gonna get an apartment with my love and we’ll be all okay by the end of the week. At some point I’m gonna also have to head into Hyper City again, check in with my doctors who all seem to have no idea why my transition is going so fucking fast all of a sudden. I mean, I was on schedule up until like that 7 weeks update and then everything went into like, I dunno, super puberty, and just shot way ahead.

“So, yeah…transition’s going great, just have to bear with all the other stuff that comes with it. I transitioned once, I can do it again. Stay strong, we’ll make it through together.”

[The scene fades to black as Elise reaches for the camera.]

}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{

We are so back. With the Biggest. Update. Ever.

Well, not Elise. She's actually going through it af

More slime time! This post's inspiration (imma keep doing this btw, I like giving shout outs to my humble base of 40 followers) comes from both @draconic-lesbian for constant and continuous love and species affirmation, and @reliablegal who somehow derived her own slime biology and affirmed most of what I found to be true :D

catch y'all later when Elise moves into a new place and totally nothing crazy happens~

[thrillered]

"You Know I Mountain Dew It For Ya" | Spencer Agnew x Reader | Pt. 7

Pt. 7: To destress

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Your week was stressful to say the least. This shootblock had you in almost double the amount of videos than usual. This meant you really only got to see Spencer professionally, your usual chill banter and leisurely hang outs put on the back burner to focus on more career oriented things. 

You’ve said it a million times before, you love your job, but man you couldn’t wait for this week to end. It wasn’t just you feeling the stress either, the whole company was stressed. There were multiple big things happening and it was crunch time. Vidcon was coming up, merch was releasing soon, and both pit and games were announcing new series. 

Everyone was a little frazzled but the payoff would be amazing. The company was making big strides and you couldn’t be mad at that. However, you hadn’t had a movie night or dinner or anything with anyone, let alone Spencer, and your mood was beginning to sour. Your sociable personality thrived off of being around those you love, and when the only time with them was at your job–no matter how fun and silly it may be– you didn’t feel your best. 

This wasn’t going unnoticed by Spencer either. It wasn’t until today that Spencer knew you needed a break, and bad. You had walked into the office later than usual, dark circles under your eyes that your makeup couldn’t quite hide and the biggest redbull Spencer has ever seen. 

You were by no means late but you didn’t get to the office when you wanted to. First your alarm didn’t go off then the elevator in your apartment was closed and to top it all off the traffic was exponentially worse today due to some construction on your usual route. To say you were over it was an understatement. 

You threw your bag down next to your desk, immediately opening your computer and getting to work, hoping that you could finish any digital tasks before your shoot and take a nap. It was your last shoot day of the week thankfully. You could see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it was shaped like your bed. 

“You really can’t say anything about my kickstarts now.” Spencer teased, brushing a stray piece of hair out of his eye. 

“Yeah well I got no sleep last night, my neighbors decided they had to get in an argument at 2 am.” You sighed, “Oh! And the construction at 6 am.” 

“Oof, that sounds rough.” Spencer sympathized, “Come over tonight, there's no construction or arguing neighbors by me.” 

Seeing your reluctance at anything distracting this week he continued, “I’ll make you dinner… I’ll order us dinner.” He added, seeing your grimace when he mentioned his cooking. “Come on, you need to relax and clearly your place isn’t providing that.” 

You thought for a moment. It did sound nice, Spencer lived in a nice area, admittedly much quieter than yours. “Okay, that sounds great actually.” 

Relieved at your agreement he gave your shoulder a squeeze, “Perfect, okay I gotta run. I’ll see you later then, good luck with today, you’re gonna kill it.” 

You sent him one last smile before he walked off, jogging to catch up with Emily. 

—

Spencer had told you to come over around 7. This gave you enough time to go home and nap before taking a shower. Feeling refreshed, you texted Spencer saying you were on your way. 

It didn’t take long for you to arrive at Spencer's apartment. You stopped at a convenience store on your way, picking up some snacks and drinks for the night. 

Knocking on his door you could hear the faint sound of music, muffled through the thick wood. After about a minute he opened the door. 

“Hey, Y/N” Spencer said, letting you walk in, his hand brushing the small of your back as he ushered you in. “Nice shirt.” He noted, seeing it was one of his.

You noticed his apartment was particularly clean, the usual few cups and empty bowls scattered around his kitchen were nowhere to be found, tucked away in their respective cabinets. You set your bag down on a barstool, pulling another one out to sit on. 

“Did you clean today?” You asked, peering around the room. “Is that a candle I smell? You hate candles.” 

Spencer blushed, fiddling with a strap of your bag to avoid eye contact. “Well, yeah. I don’t like candles but you do.” 

You smiled, wondering how you got so lucky to have such a thoughtful friend. 

“What?” He asked, feeling your gaze on the side of his face. 

“You are just the sweetest,” You gushed, standing up and throwing your arms around his shoulders, “Thank you Spence.” 

He settled his hands around your hips, pulling you in a little closer as he gently rubbed circles on your side. You could have stayed like this forever, and you would have if another knock on the door hadn’t interrupted you. 

“One sec.” Spencer said, untangling himself from you to get the door. He returned a few minutes later holding a large bag you recognized as being from your ramen place. “Let's eat.”

You settled on the couch, ramen bowls in hand as Spencer grabbed your drinks and turned on the tv, putting on a random episode of some show that was inevitably going to be ignored. 

—

The remnants of your dinner were on the coffee table, your legs swung over Spencers as you joked and laughed, Spencer telling a story from college. 

“Okay I have another idea,” He explained, getting up from the couch and walking to the kitchen. “It’s totally up to you but I did stop and get some things that might help you destress a little.” 

He walked back into the living room, his hands behind his back. “I got your favorite wine but! I also got some edibles. I think either would be great.” 

“I have to drive home Spence, I can’t” You frowned, wishing you could stay and have fun with Spencer. 

“Just stay the night, easy.” Spencer responded, like it was the simplest thing in the world. 

“I don’t have any clothes”

“You aren’t filming tomorrow, you can wear something of mine,” He countered, “Plus I probably have something of yours around here with how much you’re over.” 

You contemplated it for a minute before you thought fuck it, you deserve to unwind tonight. “Okay, I’ll stay, hand over those edibles.” 

Spencer laughed before opening the package and handing it to you to pick your poison. You grabbed two gummies and popped them in your mouth before handing the package back to Spencer, eyeing him as he grabbed one for himself. 

“Now the night’s getting started.” you laughed, excited to feel the high and giggle with your best friend. 

—

“You remember when you buzzed your hair?” You asked, Spencer’s head laying on your lap. 

“I do.” 

“You ever gonna do that again?” 

“Not sure.” 

“You shouldn’t” You replied, giggling a little as you twirled one of his curls around your finger. “I like your curls, I think they’re really cute.” 

He laughed a little, adjusting his glasses to look up at you. 

“I like your beard too, it’s at a good length, I like the scruff.” You scratched his cheek before patting it lovingly. 

He noticed you were much more touchy tonight. Of course, part of this was the effects of the edible floating around your mind, and he loved it. You were his favorite person and wanted nothing more than to spend everyday like this. 

Alex’s words came to mind as he thought about you. “One sided my ass, she’s totally into you, has been forever”. Maybe it was the edible talking but he decided he had to know.

“You’re my best friend, and nothing can change that.” He began, sitting up and scooting next to you. 

“Awe Spency,” You cooed, grabbing his hand in your own, “You’re my best friend too.” 

“But I’m not sure that’s really what I want.” He looked down at your interlocked fingers.

“What do you mean?” You asked, looking up at him through your eyelashes. 

“I just can’t keep doing this.” Spencer said, removing his hand from yours and adjusting his position to look at you more directly. 

“What?”

[hypersomniagame]

HYPERSOMNIA JANUARY DEV LOG : "LOG 1, WOOHOO!"

Hi! For all of you who follow HYPERSOMNIA, or are just stopping by, let me introduce you to this post to really set the tone.

For 2024, I am going to try to release a dev log about HYPERSOMNIA once a month, may come earlier, may come a little late, but I'm doing this to help give insight on to how the game is going, and to give me motivation to work on the game.

First things first, big news!

HYPERSOMNIA IS NOW AVAILABLE TO WISHLIST ON STEAM! (LINK)

After a while of back and forwarding with Valve, I've finally got a Steam page to call my own, and MAN is it bizarre seeing my weird little RPG in my Steam library. Like, that's my logo, and my key art, and screenshots of MY game, that's so weird. It doesn't feel real. BUT IT IS!

And, I would really really really really really appreciate it if you would consider wishlisting the game on Steam. It helps with the algorithm, and my happiness because I like seeing numbers go up, it feels good.

I even drew this as a announcement/commemoration for the page going live.

(P.S; if you couldn't tell, I really like Half-Life, it's one of my favorite game series.)

Secondly...

A new trailer is in the works! We were accepted for this year's MOTHER Direct (4th time baby, whoo!)

The trailer has been coming along well, I hope to show more battle oriented clips that I've missed the last few years, like special moves.

Can you believe I've never actually gotten to adding those in the game? I mean, they come set-up in default RPG Maker projects but I've never gotten around to revamping them until now, year 4 of engine work. Isn't that strange?

I also hope to improve on editing in the trailers. Whenever I finish a trailer I come back a few months later to notice minor points where I was kinda sloppy.

I'm not much of a video editor, (I only learned so I could edit trailers on my own) but I'd like to keep them at a good presentable quality. You gotta have standards with that kinda stuff, it's important!

OK, TIME FOR THE ACTUAL GAME STUFF. HERE WE GO.

Abilities are now implemented! And work! Wahoo!

In HYPERSOMNIA, players are able to switch abilities between party members. I find this a really interesting mechanic for how simple it seems, you get to choose who plays what role in your party. I think this is HUGE, and opens up a lot of unique scenarios for the game's encounters. I've had this planned for years, as far back as 2021 if I can recall, so it's super cool seeing it in game.

Mapping is being worked on!

I've also been working on mapping out more areas of the game! The forest part you hopefully saw in the last trailer is almost completely mapped. I've been working on the second part to it and am hoping to finish it sometime soon.

Mapping forests really suck. THOUGH, almost all the maps for the first chapter of the game are done! That's just another step closer to the demo. (Which, FYI, will be on Steam and Itch! ^^)

I've also been working on re-spriting older scenes!

This one's been really fun to do, I've been going back and redoing older stuff from the 2022 trailer, like this train! It's weird seeing it side by side, because you can definitely see where it's come from but at the same time, it looks so different.

(Also side note, these sprites are CRUSTY! EWWW!)

Lastly, Script and Music updates!

The script for HYPERSOMNIA's first act has been completed! with just 37 pages of just cutscene dialog alone! We're also currently working on wrapping up NPC dialog! Not much else to say.

And music is being worked on!

Music has been making some progress! I like to lay out demo's for areas I'm mapping out to help make both the music and scene come together. (Also, to help break up the eerie silence when playtesting...)

Speaking of music, FIREBALL, the games main battle theme, was recently delisted on our YouTube channel.

We did this because we decided we wanted to resample FIREBALL, and found that it's best to not have the song uploaded until a complete, final version is made. At least for the demo, it could possibly change before the final game but that's a bit too far in the future for me to think about fully.

Hey! Thanks for reading the whole dev log! Unless you just skipped to the end, you should probably go back up and read it. there's a steam page now. and some cool ross art at the top. you're missing out!

I hope this was like, readable to you all. I'm new to this whole dev log thing, so if you read it all the way through, let me know! It'd be cool!

I'd like to use this portion to pretty much just advertise Unique Indie RPG's.

Have you ever seen that strange purple square at the beginning of the 2nd and 3rd HYPERSOMNIA trailers?

Yeah, that! That's UNIQUE INDIE RPG's, which is a Discord community for you guessed it, Unique Indie RPG videogames developed by people like me! Or you! Or whoever! Who cares!

I help run it with some of my friends, and we all share cool stuff about our videogames! There's a ton of other SUPER cool RPG Maker games there like Astral Guard [LINK], or SOMEWHEN [LINK], or even MOMOinc [LINK]!

And of course, HYPERSOMNIA. It's a really laid back community, we're all super chill. Come swing by! We'd love to have ya, and SHOW US YOUR GAME!

[LINK TO DISCORD SERVER]

TWITTER

YOUTUBE

STEAM

UNIQUE INDIE RPG'S [SHOW US YOUR GAME!]

[PREV] [ABOUT HYPERSOMNIA] [NEXT]

[kyuusberry]

assign you're moots to an idol & a trope for valentines 🤭? and explain why 🤭?

key to your heart | moots - imagine

pairing: moots x idols

genre/theme: fluff, many different tropes lol

warnings: kissing, cursing

notes: all of my stories, oneshots, drabbles, ect are all fiction (fake/made up) except for the idols!! my stories do not depict how these idols actually act or their sexual orientation (straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, aromantic, ect). the only time you'll ever read semi-true things is if it's my headcanons then i do use some facts from kprofiles and sometimes youtube videos but that's it.

a/n: before we start, i'm going to sincerely apologize because i've never done this before, so this will be a struggle.. the only time you'll ever see me write male idols as well because i gotta create a variety for this type of stuff!! also, i only have 3 moots atm, so that's sad lmao

credits (tropes): @delusionisaplace , @urfriendlywriter

cis men, homophobes, racists, 20+, smut accounts dni

female idols:

kai (@rosiehrs): i feel like ningning (aespa) tbhh! your personalities match a lot! and i think a stay with me tonight trope where ningning would be playing with your hair while watching a movie and after the movie, you say that you have to leave, but she doesn't want you to leave!! she would say something along the lines of "don't leave me alone.. please?" she'd be attached to your hip, wanting to shower you in hugs and kisses all of the time!! just wants to show her affection :((

ash (@aeriniee): giselle (aespa) with a grumpy x sunshine trope!! gigi is totally the type of person to not show her affection cause she's too shy!! just randomly hugs you and hides her face in your neck!! or whenver you hug her, she either stiffly hugs you back or just stands there like an npc, all flustered. she looks and seems so mean all of the time, but she's such a softie on the inside, spoiling you with gifts and stuff.. chose this because i think you're honestly like this trope sm!! so nice and loving :( these r just sounding like headcanons at this point LMAO

yin (@yinyinwon/@so-lychee): wonyoung!! (iz*one & ive) and maybe like a fake dating trope??? cause wony wants to get back at her ex or smth lmaoo!! she'd end up falling in love though! i feel like it would be something along the lines of her asking you (more like bribing you) in the bathroom because she wants to get back at her ex for leaving her, trying to convince them to take her back, telling you stuff like, "they're looking. kiss me. now." until she falls in love with you, completely forgetting about her ex and telling you stuff like, "forget them, i'm yours now." gdhkaldskxndbv i want this for myself aw chose this 'cause i lowkey think you'd fit with wony!! ur posts are so pretty and your personality is very beautiful lol

male idols:

kai (@rosiehrs): hyunjin (skz) for sure!! with an academic rivalry or something! he'd be so cocky whenever he gets better grades than you by like 1 point or something!! bothers you 24/7. always appears when you're doing something other than working/doing schoolwork like taking a break or texting your parents!! everyone thinks he has a crush on you and he always denies it!! i chose this trope and idol cause i think you're very nice and smart!! picked hyunjin 'cause he fits this lol (in my imagination)

ash (@aeriniee): soobin (txt) with one-sided love probs?? like he really likes you and he tries not to make it obvious?? but everyone thinks he's obvious!! loves giving you gifts and affection (hugs, holding hands, ect) such a sweet baby tbhhh!! says stuff like, "your smile is pretty." while smiling so sweetly gkdlksjb based this off of your post asking if u should come out as lesbian cause you haven't liked a boy since the 8th grade LMAO, but soobin cause ur both very funny and caring!! leader material as well.

yin (@yinyinwon/@so-lychee): jungwon (enhypen) ofccc! (it was because of ur user..) a chaotic duo, i feel like! nothing romantic, just pure friendship! you two would do everything together, some crazy shit too.. people would honestly think you two were drunk!! would be something along the lines of, "bitch, what the hell are you doing!" "i'm walking!-" then one of you runs into a pole or whatever.. chose this because you two are the sweetest people everrr! so adorable <33

a/n: hope you enjoyeddd!! this made my head hurt a lot lmao, so much thinking and trying to match idols.. mooties, i hope these didn't make you uncomfortable lmaooo!!! love you guys and happy valentines <33 i'll take you guys all on a virtual date sometime /j

[kirby-the-gorb]

reply roundup!

man apparently these are still hard even when I'm not Literally Dying anymore :v

the sad sale went great, thank you for all the support everyone <3 I bought shelves and makeup and paper star papers and stickers and a new blanket, plus it's helping cover my allowance until my wife starts getting paid. I am already thinking I might do another sale in november just for fun lol

my wife has started orientation at her program and she's having a great time, our partner and I are gonna go down to visit her in a couple weeks :) I also finished rearranging all my furniture now that her furniture isn't here and it only made me terribly ill once!

I am really enjoying everyone singing along on [live and learm], I love enthusiasm <3

on [stars] @korattata said: HEY THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING ALL DAY!!!!! i just started learning last night! its a nice break at work to stop looking at the computer screen. they all still look a bit wonky and i think one of the sheets of paper is too thick but i'm just using paper i got from the supply closet and cut with the paper cutter lol

aw that's so cool! the ones that are like actually packaged for making paper stars are usually a bit thinner than printer paper, like other origami paper, but that also means they tear a lot more easily in the first step if you're not careful, so it's always a tradeoff. what a fun coincidence :>

on [hallway] @thesilentpotato said: the first thing i thought of was the "da dee la da dee la da" krabby patty zoom in scene from spongebob

lol I hadn't thought of that until you said it but you're so right (she is referencing [this scene] from the krusty krab training video for anyone unfamiliar)

(side note thank you to folks who put pronouns in easily findable places so I can refer to you correctly even if I don't know you <3 )

on [birthday] @joekingv1 said: *asks baby what gifts they received and if they would like to read/watch Komi Can't Communicate*

I never really got into komi because one of the side characters really squicks me out, but I have a friend that really loves it, so maybe they've watched it with her! I think they probably got to go somewhere fun for their birthday like a theme park or a zoo, and get a souvenir plush while they were there -u-

on [sheep] @ceylonsilvergirl [added] a different line for kirby, which I still think about regularly lol

on [pills] @minty-spice said: op i hope your health improves and your empire of pills eventually shrinks

thank you <3 honestly I'd be happy with just the first one, I don't mind all the pills so much as long as they're actually helping.

on [crackers] @amatsuki said: made a bunch of cold noodles today with cucumber carrot chicken & sesame peanut soy sauce. the only actual cooking i had to do was boil water and steam chicken

oh hell yeah cold noodles are a fantastic example of a basic food to go feral over. now I want noodles too.........

on [thinking] @adrawrable said: hope you're cozy op

not right now as I type this because it is Computer Work Time, but in general I am So Cozy these days, I have a whole queen bed to myself so it's full of big stuffed animals and fluffy blankets :) (tbh even once my wife moves back here we may just all have individual beds we all seem very comfy this way lol)

on [slam] @jeaniechibi said: we'll be right back ➡️ shshgdtsudtdidh why is every bit of art with a blurr effect so damn funny 🤣

it truly is, I love a thoughtfully applied motion blur (or perspective blur can be funny too) (altho tbh I don't use the perspective blur tool for those I just use separate layers and gaussian blur) (for anyone unfamiliar this is a reference to the eric andre show meme)

on [beehive] @galacticnova3 said: me @ wasp nests minus the frowning, little fellas doing their little fella activities. sometimes they squabble. the thinking man’s reality tv drama

true, true, gotta love little fella activities. personally I feel better observing from a safe distance, but we had a lot of wasps around my childhood home and I didn't really know how to get friendlier than not actively making them mad lol

anonymous asked: That profile is amazing

for some reason I don't feel like I understand, but thank you!

on [sale] @milkymoon-ramblings said: gahh why do so many people have so many cool probducts, the queers are tempting me with their cool swag. however I need to save money for my own cool swag (digital art)

I just love the phrase "the queers are tempting me with their cool swag", so relatable lol (also no worries to anyone who couldn't or didn't want to buy anything, it's not like I needed it to pay bills I just wanted treats :v )

on [solstice] @jaune-chat said: Definitely, the sun can fuck right off. I break into a rash if I get too much sun, and I can't walk outside without full body coverage to some degree or be itching for WEEKS! In order of preference, is fall, winter, spring, summer.

oof yeah my mom gets a bad rash from sun exposure too! I'm fortunate to not have that specific symptom, but dang it seems so inconvenient, especially if you're also sensitive to heat so being covered up puts you at additional risk. personally I rate winter a little higher than fall but otherwise yeah total agreement lol

on [rollerskates] @nexus-nebulae said: @ prev tags i used to daydream constantly about being able to roller skate everywhere because i would constantly think 'rolling would be way easier than dragging my feet everywhere rn' and it took me two months of constantly thinking about that before i realised OH i need a ROLLATOR that would help (<- i am not smart) i haven't actually tried roller skating bc i don't own skates but i have used a skateboard briefly and that also feels better than walking. i wonder.... if the roller skating rink nearby would allow me to use a rollator in the rink with skates on........ probably not lmao

honestly it takes so much to actually realize like "oh a mobility aid might help with this" which is like, a bad thing, but we're just gonna focus on the funny part for now happy disability pride month :v and tbh I think maybe they might let you do it??? cuz like at ice skating rinks they usually have those little penguins or just straight up plastic lawn chairs for people to support themselves on, so I don't think it would be that crazy to go out on the rollarink with a rollator? but also that's just me and I do not run the place or get paid minimum wage to keep people from breaking the place sooo lol

[asordinaryppl]

A3! Main Story: Part 4 - Act 14: DREAM CATCHER - Episode 13: Because We're With Our Friends

Ibuki: << The hamburg steak, pancakes and fries are for over here. Thank youuu. >>

Ibuki: Woah~ I’m seriously grateful you’re getting me dinner just ‘cause I fought off that pickpocket.

Izumi: (They’re wolfing the food down at an amazingly fast pace…)

Ibuki: << Oh, I’d like another 5 servings of fries. >>

Ibuki: You guys want any?

Kumon: Oh, sure~

Misumi: I’ll eat the triangle fries~!

Ibuki: << Make that 7. >>

Izumi: 5 of those are for themself…

Yuki:  They ordered the same amount a while ago and ate it all.

Kazunari: You really do eat well, Ibukichi~

Muku: “Really”?

Kumon: Ibukichi’s known for their big appetite. They also upload food challenge videos, and they all blow up.

Ibuki: Potatoes are seriously so good! Potatoes FTW!

Tenma: So, what are you doing in the US?

Ibuki: I came to see my Nee-chan who’s studying here. I learned English while at it, too.

Muku: So that’s why you can speak English so well.

Ibuki: If you wanna be world-famous, you gotta have a global reach, and knowing English is a must!

Yuki: Heeh… You thought this through.

Ibuki: Duh! Can’t go around wasting even a second of my life.

Ibuki: You only live once, and you’re the protag of your own life. That’s why I focus on making myself shine most.

Ibuki: I gotta go all out if I wanna make my dreams come true.

Kumon: How nice~ I’d be able to enjoy musicals even more if I knew English.

Kazunari: Have you seen any musicals or plays while staying here, Ibukichi?

Ibuki: Liike I saaiid, I’ve got no interest in acting.

Ibuki: Time is money nowadays, and you want me to pay real money just to sit there? No thanks.

Ibuki: You can 2x a movie or a drama, but you can’t do that with live theater~

Izumi: (I see, so that’s how the youth nowadays thinks.)

Tenma: Then how come you know MANKAI Company?

Ibuki: I know someone who’s obsessed with you.

Ibuki: I watched a performance that was being streamed for free a while back cause he rec'd it like crazy, but all the actors were unknown hags.

Ibuki: And I’m not really into historical stuff. 

Yuki: Could’ve been the performance with first gen.

Izumi: I guess those performances were a bit more adult oriented.

Muku: But there are all sorts of plays, so you might eventually find something to your liking.

Kumon:  You might also change your mind completely if you watch it in the theater instead of streaming it!

Ibuki: Hm~ Then, let’s turn the question around, what’s so good about theater?

Muku: Eh?

Kumon: When you ask it like that, it’s hard to sum it up in a few words…

Ibuki: When you work independently, you get to decide what to do and when you want to do it, and you can change your mind on the fly.

Ibuki: But you’ve got a script when acting, so you can’t change anything up, right? Ain’t that boring?

Ibuki: And having to get along with the others in the company sounds like a real hassle.

Tenma: It’s exactly because you’re not alone that you can create things you wouldn’t be able to create by yourself.

Kumon: Right, right! It’s like it takes you to places you’d never imagine!

Kazunari: It's super hype when you get into it~! I think that's a feeling you can't experience when you're by yourself.

Yuki: When I look back to when I was the only one who wore my self-designed outfits, I think my world was much smaller than it is now.

Misumi: Acting with everyone is the most fun!

Muku: Anything we can’t overcome by ourselves, we can overcome together, and then we can move on to the next challenges.

Tenma: Most importantly, I love the plays I put on together with these guys.

Kazunari: TenTen…!

Misumi: Me too~!

Kumon: I feel that way too!

Ibuki: Huuuh…?

Tenma: You’ll probably get what I mean when you make friends like this, too.

Ibuki: …

previous episode | masterpost | next episode

[eebie]

Sorry if this is kind of a strange question, I'm sure my wording is weird as it's hard to explain this in words, but would you be open sometime to maybe demonstrating/explaining/(not sure what word honestly) how you go about your doodles? There's this quality that's particularly noticeable in your sketches and less polished work where your grasp of things like movement and main forms and stuff becomes obvious- basically, you're pretty good at comprehending the bigger picture- and as someone who struggles with getting caught up in details to the point where it impedes my ability to draw, I'm curious to see if I can get into your brain a little bit.

sure!! it's very easy to get caught up in all the deets when it comes to drawing, n i totally relate. Sometimes as im drawing, i notice myself slowly drifting into more detail oriented stuff before i even get the main 'picture' of what im tryna draw down, and when i catch myself i have to be like LEAVE IT like i'm a dog trying 2 eat something i shouldnt off of the ground N haul myself back on track. it's very much something you have to unlearn, rushing to get the final thing you're picturing in your mind down on paper ASAP.

there's a metaphor I like to use with the tendency of bein stuck on the details: Imagine someone's carving a statue. Usually it starts off with em carving out a rough shape of one large stone, and only then moving onto the details once everything is sorted. Pretty straightfoward, right? Now, imagine they're trying to carve the same statue, but instead of doing that on one large, coherent piece of stone, working in stages, they immediately go to carve every detail out onto individual pieces which will then be stuck together (like a puzzle) to form the statue at the end. The results will be hella janky, and it will take MUCH more time to achieve something satisfactory, because there was no rough guideline that came before going into detail. you're essentially working backwards.

so i really try to focus on getting that gesture down before Anything else. gotta know where everything goes before you think about detail, and it can feel really awkward at first, it was for me, but it is an incredible help. Look at some of the gesture sketch examples that you can find on google, or even better watch videos of people doing it! For my figure sketching, i start with a single line that represents the spine, (S and C shapes are super important! Use them!) and then two rough shapes to represent the hips and shoulders. then it all branches out from there. You start with the trunk of the tree, then the branches, and then the leaves.

And it doesn't hurt to brush up on your general anatomy as well, cos it does help with knowing where things go. I really recommend watching Sycra, I learned almost everything about drawing anatomy from him ( https://www.youtube.com/user/sycra ) His story's pretty inspiring too, as he started art Very late and still became an incredible artist Hell yeah.

ik its better to actually See this stuff so here's a rough sketch to show my process :

[astarab1aze]

🩵 [ Loux and Maeve <3 ]

muse relationship headcanon game

who curses more?

lol loux. every other word out of his mouth is 'fuck' or shit'. he's got maeve beat on this one 100%, he's so vulgar. how she can deal with it is beyond me

who is more patient?

i'm going to say maeve. loux has a lot of patience, but she has even more if she can tolerate him. he's such an ass (who does horrible, horrible things), gets into trouble, mouths off and sounds like an idiot half the time- and yet. gotta be maeve.

who does the driving?

iirc maeve doesn't drive? it's all public transportation and walking, things like that, and loux is the exact same except he's also got his mirror. so between the two of them, no one's doing any driving, but how about maybe they take turns paying for public fair--

who is louder? who is quieter?

definitely loux, as the louder one. but i do imagine maeve getting giddy and excited about all the things and loux being on the quieter side on some occasions, since he sometimes plays an observer when on outings or dates just to get a feel for whether she's enjoying herself. hmmm. i'm gonna say 50/50 actually. all contextual.

who is more physically affectionate?

loux 100%. i don't know that i need to elaborate on this point, cos you already know he's a bit of a menace. he loves to touch, feel, kiss, and...well, hold hands, grope, dance, etcetc so he's probably always going to be touching maeve in some way. very handsy, and not always in a horny way.

who is more likely to tease the other?

maeve pulls one over on him all the time, i bet you. she's got a playful, mischievous streak in her. not to the same degree as loux, but it's there. and she gets him back for all his tricks

who is better with time management?

i'm going to say loux but only because he got lucky and has magic at his disposal. his days are always packed with all the things he's gotta do for 'work' right, but he always always makes time, schedules properly, the whole nine, and can make it work because of his little mirror and magic.

who wins the arm wrestling matches?

i'm gonna say 50/50 here. he wins some, she wins some, they both lose sometimes. loux's not a strength-oriented guy, shines best when it comes to magic and sleight of hand. arcane trickster type.

who controls the music in the car ride?

they walk everywhere or take ye olde pocket mirror, and i imagine they talk basically the whole time. at home? different story. but there's no car to play music in.

who covers dinner when they order in?

loux and he'll hear nothing about it.

who is more outgoing? who is more shy?

i think they're both pretty outgoing? or at the very least, maybe not very outwardly shy. shy in ways, but that's only a little part of it. they're both friendly and talkitive? final answer: they're both outgoing, social. maybe bashful? at times. but not retreat into the safety of my hovel shy. having a hard time articulating what i mean sksksk

who has the more outlandish fashion sense?

loux, 10000%, and i've got his wardrobe right here--

who starts the tickle fights? who ends them?

i feel like both of them would start them, but maybe loux would end them. as he does. with sloppy gross kisses like a puppy, which he kind of his now that i think about it...

who has the darker/more "edgy" sense of humor?

loux by an entire 30 miles. he's a total edgelord 99% of the time, just thinking about it makes me want to throttle him. nuke him from orbit. he's gotta tone himself down a bit cos edgy humor is OUT--

who is more competitive when it comes to games?

they're both at least somewhat competitive, so i can totally see them going ham, no holds barred, in carnival games, interactive street...events in salem's crossing or belle's hollow, at least until one of them wins the whole thing. they get to take home double prizes sometimes, i bet. in terms of video games, loux will just end up breaking the controller, not out of frustration but like. because he's genuinely that bad with technology.

who has the bigger appetite? the bigger sweet tooth?

i have no doubts they can both put away a lot of food, but loux's gonna have to take the cake here i think. he's a walking garbage disposal and will put just about anything in his mouth. relatively low appetite, but when he eats, he eats. a lot. burns through a lot of calories existing, just sitting there. sweets? i thiiiink...loux, still. the guy can put away 60 cupcakes in one sitting and will.

who is more likely to get in a confrontation in public?

loux. oh loux 100000%. if it isn't sorciers, it's some asshat who disrespected him or maeve in some way, and he is not afraid to speak his mind in any way, shape, or form. he can talk the talk and walk the walk, and there may be an occasion or two in which he proves that. he won't apologize either, it's an honor/principle thing for him.

who hosts the parties/hangouts? who organizes them?

i think they take turns setting things up but in the beginning, it's definitely loux, trying like hell to spend as much time with her as he can, and they sort of bounce ideas off of each other. like when they went out for coffee and then their trip to salem's crossing after. mhmm. it's like a game of pong and the ball they bounce between each other is date ideas sjdfksd

who is better at cooking? do they ever cook for each other?

they can both cook, but i'm going to say loux because of how nuts he is about it. homie's like, gordon ramsey the second he sets foot in a kitchen. a complete perfectionist, maybe not about methodology but certainly about the final product, so i imagine him doing a lot of cooking. but also enjoying when maeve does the same for him. 50/50 on who cooks and when, but it's definitely a both situation.

who is more likely to engage in dangerous and/or illegal behavior?

:I LOL loux.

who is more likely to notice when something is wrong with the other?

it depends, but i think they'd both be able to spot something amiss with each other relatively quickly. loux isn't as quick to solve anything that isn't physical, but he does try. i maintain that maeve is probably better at dealing with it all than he is.

who does the talking in public settings (i.e. to the waiter at a restaurant)?

50/50 on this one. i think it depends on the context. if they're in salem's crossing, or any of the nightfolk locations, then until she's sort of used to them, loux'll probably do most of the talking, for a few reasons. not to limit her or anything, but as a precautionary measure. everywhere else? i don't think it matters. they both talk and for themselves when ordering food, checking out, whatever.

who is more likely to extend a helping hand & provide emotional support?

gonna say maeve on this one. loux has his ways and yes, sometimes he does help other people with emotional things, but he's no good with his words, so it's much easier for him to physically fix a problem. maeve, on the other hand, is more sensitive to the emotional needs of others, more attuned to that in general. i think loux would be there for her 100%, but i think maeve would know best how to identify and navigate it. and be better at it.

who is the bigger prankster? do they get the last laugh or do they suffer for it?

maeve pulls one over on him all the time, i bet you. she's got a playful, mischievous streak in her. not to the same degree as loux, but it's there. and she gets him back for all his tricks. it's gotta be something of a vicious cycle between the two of them, but lots of good fun too. they get some laughs out of it, no suffering omg. unless suffering can be taken to mean something else, in which case yes maybe lots of that to everyone's chagrin--

[shadowonwater]

Pokemon Scarlet playthrough part the 9th: I avoid getting crushed by giant boulders, fighting a make-up artist, doing some cave exploring, and then fighting a really sweet wrestler.

Masterlist of my playthrough

Okay so I got a bit mixed up when I said "flying gym leader" next. It was actually flying titan next and then a gym leader whoops.

Gotta say the mountain area where you fight the giant bird? Beautiful. I love climbing up the windmills and gliding from place to place. A very good area for gliding.

I clearly saw the giant Bombirdier in the distance and I was like, yup, that's the titan. So I had to dodge some giant boulders on my way up, not the easiest thing. Gotta say, hiding behind big rocks like that reminded me of this one bit from PR: Shadows of Almia. Similar situation and all, but this time much shorter.

The bird... was very easy. I am overleved and am using an electric type against it. One hit KO.

Happy as always to help Arven's sick dog, I hope the last herb makes it all better. And now... I CAN FINALLY SWIM! Now I can get to the last titan out in the water, first I'm going to fight the Psychic Gym Leader, tho.

Arven thinks that there some sort of mental block stopping Kori from going to battle mode. Something traumatizing. Considering Kori's body language, I'd say he's correct. I'm very suspicious of his mom right now....

I haven't explored the area as thoroughly as I'd like but it's easy to get lost on where you've been and where you haven't when you include all the jumping onto high areas.

So I headed towards the city where the Psychic gym is and went into the cool cave, it seems like a really big cavernous cave. Climbed to the top and into the town. I'm happy to say I'm on level again, considering the wild Pokemon.

I caught a phony Sinistea, might try to get the real deal some other time, but this is fine for now. Also caught a Klefkey and a Banette. The Banette battle was kinda funny because it pretty much sabotaged itself.

See I was using my Clodsire, who has Yawn. I use Yawn to help me catch Pokemon by making them fall asleep. Turns out the Banette had the Insomnia ability which would have stopped this from working if it hadn't used a move that made it copy my ability. So then I had Poison Point instead, which is useless against my Clodsire because it's poison and also because he only has special attacking moves.

So the town itself is real pretty looking what with all the tiles and water fixtures. But the way it looks and the music gives real Orientalism vibes. And I'm just a little uncomfy with that considering the history of Orientalism. idk, maybe I'm overthinking it.

When I talked to an NPC and they mentioned Pokemon artwork on the observatory that looks like old video game sprite art, I got really excited. I was like "is it old Pokemon sprite work?!" and it was! It was sprites from gen 1! I really adore this reference to the older games, it's a really nice addition. Anyway I'll be visiting the gym and seeing what my test is right after this, toot-a-loo.

Uhh... I didn't really like the gym test I think it was kind of tedious, the music was nice though. Also one of my teacher's was there. Y'know something I always find myself wondering is why the other challenges are using the same typing as the gym. I get game mechanics wise, they are suppose to act as the gym trainers you fight in other gyms but in this case they are supposed to be challengers. Wouldn't they have more variety of Pokemon? Or they could have Pokemon that are strong against that gym's type.

Anyway the gym test was pretty much a quick time event, altho I had much more time than I needed, and I just like it went on for too long.

The gym leader herself, meh. I don't really care about make-up. I liked how she had those flapping wings on her outfit tho, they were cool. And I feel like her team fit her theme well with all of them being very pretty Pokemon.

It was nice to battle a gym where I was on level again. She even took out 2 of my Pokemon. I mostly used my grass cat against her, because dark type. I didn't get a single one hit KO, so good on her. I switched to my Rock Salt golem because it has a Steel move to try try to use against Gardavor. But it had Energy Ball and I only got one hit in.

At the end her flower lady became Psychic but it still has its Fairy moves of course and took out grass cat with a Moon Blast. Finished it off with my Giraffe.

Afterwards I decided to do a bunch more exploring. I checked out the detour to that Psychic Town, and it was super cool, very scenic. I explored some other caves around the area. And climbed around the waterfall.

I ended up finding two more stakes. But I've realized something. Up until now I haven't given much though about why the stakes are different colors, yellow and purple. But I think I figured it out. The creepy gate was purple, so I bet only the purple stakes were tied to it. So I bet there's a different Yellow Gate, and the yellow stakes affect that one. So yeah I'm going to keep exploring for a while longer.

Nothing much to report about my exploring. I used Kori's newfound swimming ability to visit some random islands. I was surprised when I found people on a couple of there. I was like "What the hell are you doing way out here?"

So what I decided was Fighting Star Raid first, then going after the Dragon titan after that. Trying to figure out how to get to the next Star Raid was a bit tricky because the area was kinda hard to get to and out of the way. I wonder what made her choose a place so secluded.

Anyway this bamboo forest looking area is really pretty though. Nice music too. I had a hard time getting through because I'm back on level and the many Fighting Types around here keep trying to pick fights with me.

I was surprised to find the boss of this group, Eri, trying to guard the gate herself. Mad respect. Doing the raid itself was interesting because I pretty much just had to go in a straight line, a much less open area this is.

I will say I might have actually been slightly underleveled but I did fine. I had a Normal/Psychic, a Fighting/Flying, and an Electric/Flying with me. So I had a lot of type advantage with me. The fight with Eri herself gave me some trouble.

First I used Kilowattrel against her Toxicroak. Air Slash brought it into red and it's Poison Jab brought me into then low orange (also poisoned). So I used a Full Restrore. It used Poison Jab again but didn't poison me that time so I used Air Slash again and took it out.

I won't do a whole play-by-play but her Annilape gave me some trouble. The car was hard to fight too. In the end I was victorious but half of my team was fainted.

So anyway Eri is really sweet, I like her a lot. It's glaringly clear indeed that Penny/Cass/Big Boss are all the same person. When I ask Cass about her "Gang" she never directly answers me but talks about the motivation's of Team Star, thus, implying that that is the gang.

Penny clearly seems to look down at her past actions as the Big Boss. I'm very interested in hearing more. I want to hear her motives behind everything.

After all that I explored the area a bit. When I saw that huge wall of stone I was like "what the fuck is that" but now I've realized that that is the boundary between this region and another. After all Spain/Portugal isn't an island. I'm just more used to that sort of thing being blocked by a forest. But I guess a forest isn't going stop Koraidon, now is it?

I also found another stake but this was a new color, blue! Are there three doors then? I've never found Blue stakes before.

Another weird thing, I think, are these... crystals? idk what rock they are but there are these big black rocks around and I'm like, "What's the deal with these?"

Anyway I'll leave this post off here, I'll be going after the dragon titan next and then I'll start heading off into the mountains. to face the last stuff that's left. Unless I decide partway through to take some more school classes. Been meaning to take some more.

[elizaneals]

Check this out 👀Live performance reviews! 💪🏽❤️Standout performances from #BriggsFarmBluesFestival #LutherDickinson and #Detroit #bluesrock⭐️ Eliza Neals 🤩 thank you #Rockandbluesmuse and #NoDepression #Magazines for the mentions ! NO DEPRESSION "Now in its 27th year, the Briggs Farm Blues Festival is held on a 440-acre farm and presents, as its name implies, blues-oriented music on two stages. The #MainStage features the better known, farther-reaching acts, which this year included #TheNorthMississippiAllstars, #DuaneBetts & Palmetto Motel, and #UncleLucius. The #BackPorchstage features those playing the blues in a more traditional manner, such as Delta-born #LonnieShields, who made his 19th appearance at the fest. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💪🏽 Some of the buzzed-about highlights: When Allstars’ guitar wizard Luther Dickinson switched to bass, permitting bandmate Chris Chew to shine on #BobDylan’s “Gotta Serve Somebody” and #BBKing’s “Why I Sing the Blues;” and #Detroit’s #ElizaNeals’ cover of #EttaJames’ “I’d Rather Go Blind” and #JohnLeeHooker’s “Boom Boom Boom.” It was quite a fest, and Jim Gavenus was there with his camera." https://www.nodepression.com/through-the-lens-woodyfest-and-briggs-farm-blues-festival/ Photo by #JimGavenus _________________________ ROCK & BLUES MUSE "Friday’s Main Stage began with a rousing set from Detroit-based Eliza Neals and her six-piece band that drew a sizable crowd to the front of the stage. Neals worked her way through recent material such as “United We Stand,” Color Crimes,” and “10,000 Feet Below” with a cover of Etta James’ “I’d Rather Go Blind,” the requisite cover of Detroit her, John Lee Hooker’s “Boom Boom Boom” and oft covered “Can’t Find My Way Home” from Blind Faith.” https://www.rockandbluesmuse.com/2024/07/16/review-27th-annual-briggs-farm-blues-festival/ Photo by Tina Pastor Check out some video Here; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L22PgjR8mOA

[bl6ckr0s3]

Finding My Happy Place

I have been in such a deep mental depression that I couldn’t get myself to vent on here. I haven’t picked up the phone to called to speak to a counselor the way I said I would, but something is holding me back from going that route for some reason even though it may be more effective in dealing with my stress & anxiety. One of the bids that I put in at work actually gave me a break in getting out of tour 1. I got a tour 3 bid at the 010/020 area. Apparently, that bid assignment involves going to clear the mailboxes and the mail from the lobby and processing them through the big purple machine in the corner of the building across from one of the dock doors. It’s a 3pm-11:30pm shift. This will definitely be a big break for me going back to my regular shift. I hope that this job will be a lot better, and it will surely be a relief having to be stuck on Robot 3.

I hated my job so much to the point where I called out every week and I gotten an II last week. An interview investigation is basically sort of a write up. My main reason for missing work is because my body is not liking the shift and it has messed up my sleeping schedule. It would be nice not to have to drag my feet going into the workplace late at 11pm anymore. They wonder why so many people called off work at night? They need to use their common sense. 

During the safety meeting last night, my supervisor talked about a fight happened during one of the orientations. How did that happened? I have no idea. Maybe the company needs to use their brain and stopped lowering their standards in the way they hire people. I remember having to take a test and a drug test in order to be hired. Now they are not doing either. This is a federal job and they are supposed to. 

Josh has finally gotten hired with Graceland, his dream job that he can actually retire with if his dreams never came true. His mom even told him it wasn’t a good idea to be doing that, so now I gotta go through the trouble of waiting to be transferred to Memphis, one of the worst places to be around because it’s considered the #2 highest crime rate area. I heard stories of shootings and things that have happened there. Why couldn’t Elvis have his Graceland in Nashville instead of Memphis? Memphis is basically like South Central throughout the whole town, maybe except for part of downtown. Even downtown itself looks all runned down. I’m worried about something happening there more than I was worried when I was in Los Angeles considering I grew up and lived around the area most of my life. 

I ended up missing my court hearing when they said it would cost $72 to be at the hearing telephonically, what a bunch of bullshit. I would’ve expected them to charge somewhere between $20-$50 but not close to $100. I was sitting here wondering if I will actually get to see my son because his father is a controlling asshole douchebag. When I messaged Wilma and she completely ignored me, now I see how she’s playing that game. After all that being nice to her face, allowing her to meet my family, I should’ve known maybe she was just being fake. So I decided that from now on, I’m not really gonna put any trust in her even if she does take good care of my son. Sometimes I wonder if she enjoys taking my son away from me beside his father? If something happens between those 2, I’m gonna ignore her and not give a fuck. If she only wants to talk to me everytime Ricky hurts me, she’s got bigger issues. I sort of hope he fucking hurts her and I hope they are still arguing and are miserable everyday. I will just sit here and say, I wouldn’t know what else to tell you. I told her everything she needed to know about how he is and his past and she made a choice to still stay with him for my son. It’s on her. I will keep her message open and unblocked, but I won’t really socialize with her anymore unless I truly have to. I have to remember that she’s sided with my enemy. This Saturday is suppose to be the first video chat I have with my son since I left California. His father actually messaged me to make plans for the video chat. He will plan on leaving his laptop near his crib so I can at least watch him. I’m not sure whether Lim will be able to understand that I am going to try to communicate with him over video chat. I have to start messing with the Zoom and see how I am able to open up a chat thing through it. If I have problems with it, I can always try Skype or something. There’s plenty of free video apps to use. 

[moemoemammon]

okkkkkkay so personally I’ve never picked the choices of ‘I wanna go home’ in game, so I guess I mustn’t be that curious right? lol but like I am curious to know how they react to MC being family oriented, being super close to her parents and siblings (i have two and I’m the middle one) and just constantly and out of nowhere being homesick

Homesick MC!

(Feat. GN!MC and the Demon Bros)

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ��� ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Lucifer

As a family man himself, Lucifer can understand where you're coming from. After all, you were plucked out of your world without warning, and forced to stay in the Devildom for an entire year.

At first he didn't care much about your emotional struggle, so it wasn't until you two were close that he actually started paying attention. And it was pretty obvious too, with the way you always talked about your family.

He hopes now that you're closer to him and his brothers, they can make up for what you're missing out on. Still, he does his best to comfort you in that 'Lucifer' sort of way.

Did you really think he’d stand by and let you walk around looking so pitiful? There's a teeny tiny heart somewhere in cold chasm of a chest of his.

"It must be difficult for you to be away from your family. But I hope you can rest easy knowing that we all see you as a part of our family, MC. It may not be the same as being with your real family, but we care about you all the same."

Mammon

Yeah... Mammon gets it. Even though his brothers get on his damned nerves, he loves them to pieces! He needs his space, but he wouldn't wanna be away from home for an entire year.

Especially not if he had to live in a house full of people he didn't know. He can seriously sympathize!

He might not be a master when it comes to comforting you, but you know you can count on him, right? He'll drown you in so much attention, you won't even have time to think about your family back home!

But still... he's got a looming sense of dread. If you're that homesick, you'll surely want to stay home after this, right? Who's to say you'll ever come back to visit him..? Maybe he outta find a way to go with you or something...

"I know you wanna see your family n' all, but don't you go forgettin' about me! And make sure ya come to visit, or I'll go up to get ya myself! I'll miss ya, so...ya know.."

Levi

Sorry. Can't relate.

Just kidding. Levi might be a shut in that prefers his personal space, but it's not like he hates his family or anything! He likes their company in small doses.

But it doesn't look like you have that luxury, since you can't even get a crumb of family time. Would a video chat even work from the Devildom??

Well.... for what it's worth, you can always just come to his room whenever you're feeling lonely. You can't really go anywhere right now, but it should be easier if you just stick with him, right?

"Do you wanna play Sims? ...I-I'm not trying to replace your family or anything! I mean, we could make them if you want, or-... I just want to help take your mind off of things. A year should be a breeze if you don't think about it, right?"

Satan

He's been surrounded by family since the day he was born, so being away from them for an entire year would be... interesting.

Satan considers himself widely independent so he doesn't think he NEEDS his brothers, and there are days when he wishes they'd all just vanish, and sometimes he comes incredibly close to making that a reality-

But for a human like you, who thrives on social interaction (according to his nerd research) you probably don't feel the same way.

Especially with the way you've been sulking around, longingly talking about your family like it'd magically poof them into the Devildom. He might not be able to relate, but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel bad for you.

"I've heard that retelling stories of your loved ones can help you cope with them not being around. I'd love to hear about them, if you don't mind telling me? Maybe I could write it all down for you to keep as well. Consider it a 'thank you' for putting up with all of us for a year."

Asmo

Aren't you happy that you have time alone? Asmo couldn't imagine ALWAYS being around his brothers. Maybe Satan and sometimes Beel? But he's fine in solitude!

He prefers the company of strangers roe often than not, but that doesn't mean he hates family or anything. Still, a year away isn't THAT long, is it? Maybe for a human??

But if you're really so torn up about it, you can always come to him for some TLC! Asmo's arms are open wide for you any time of the day. And if that won't do it, he'll gladly hear you out.

If there's anyone who'll listen to your woes, it's the Avatar of Lust. He's good for gossip, and the king of self care. Your mental health is just as important to him as anything else!

"I'm more than happy to give you all the love you need! How about this, I'll spoil you until you aren't lonely anymore, okay? Why don't we have a movie night, just the two of us?"

Beel

Beel understands how you can be lonely. It must've been pretty scary, suddenly showing up in the Devildom like that. At first he didn't care about your struggle, but now...

And he remembers how he felt when Belphie was gone. It's sort of the other way around for you, but he can still relate to your sadness.

He hopes you don't mind food therapy, because Beel's compiled a list of your favorite foods, and he's determined to cheer you up by making your favorite meals everyday.

And then he asks you for your favorite meals from home, and enlists the help of his brothers to bring that taste of home to your dinner plate.

"You can always stay with me and Belphie when you get lonely. I don't know if we'll be anything like your family back at home, but... We can still keep you company, too."

Belphie

Belphie may act like a brat that doesn't like to be bothered by his brothers, but if there's anyone that needs to spend time with them, it's him.

Yeah, after the whole attic thing, he's been especially close to his family. And we all know how he gets with Beel, so being completely isolated in a strange place for an entire year wouldn't do him any good.

And he might be a bastard toward you, but he's not heartless. He doesn't like seeing you mope around all the time. Nosy MC that sticks their nose into everything is his favorite, so cheer up already.

Nap therapy doesn't seem that effective since you tend to dream about your family too, so he's gotta try a different approach. He has to use his... *gag* his heart... 🤢

"What would your family think if they saw that face you were making? When you really miss them, you know you can come to me, right? Why don't you tell me about them? I'll try not to fall asleep."

[thefanficmonster]

My Kind

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warning: Swearing

Genre: Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having been chosen by the gang to be a guest streamer on today’s stream of Among Us, it’s safe to say Y/N’s super excited but also a bit nervous. The whole of her anxiety gets lifted off her when she meets someone with the exact same vibe as hers - yeah you guessed it.

Requested by @monizzle96 Hi dear! Thank you so much for your wonderful request! I’m so terribly sorry it’s taken me so long to write and post it but here it finally is! I hope you come across it and read it and if so I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

This has to be the fiftieth time I’ve checked my setup in the past twenty four hours. But no, I’m definitely not nervous, what are you talking about. Pshhh. Nah, being nervous isn’t in my brand. Plus, what do I have to make me nervous - a group of famous streamers inviting me onto their stream to play Among Us with them because they enjoyed my own streams? Ok yeah, that’s a pretty good reason. Not gonna lie, I almost chucked my phone out of excitement when I received that DM from Toast, telling me they’d picked me to be their guest streamer for today’s date. My stomach was doing somersaults for a good forty-eight hours following that text and then the anxiety slowly started setting in fueled by the expectations they probably have of me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not inexperienced in the streaming field, I’ve been a streamer longer than some of the members of Toast’s streamer gang actually. But I never managed to garner that big of a following which I’m honestly quite ok with. I have a modest - ok, maybe larger than modest - following consisting of incredibly loyal fans which I will never stop being grateful for. They are all so respectable of me, my privacy and my boundaries. They know the main rules: no shit-talking in the chat or in any of my comment sections, no bashing other YouTubers in my comments/chat, and most definitely not asking for a face reveal. Fun fact: I didn’t even set up that last rule, they all just collectively know not to ask for it. 

I’ve been keeping my brand pretty low-key to avoid garnering some unwanted attention - some of which I’ve already experienced on certain social media platforms following the full body pictures I posted on there - face not visible of course. I tend to also have my webcam on, facing towards my hands working away on the keyboard sometimes when I stream. I don’t know why people obsess over faceless content creators’ hands, but I appreciate the enthusiasm - it also drives me to do a manicure every now and then which ain’t so bad, self-care and all that you know.

Now, back to the subject of my ridiculous nervousness.

You see, it has layers.

I’m nervous of ‘preforming’ underwhelmingly and I’m nervous of what my own fans will think of the person I will become during this stream. They know me as a super chill and laid-back person, which I am by the way, but they might think I’m putting on a show if I exhibit any nervous gestures/vocabulary. I highly doubt they would, but the possibility is not letting my mind rest. And now that it’s about ten minutes till the stream starts, I’m getting doing my best to calm my nerves.

They are all just people. You know they are super chill too. Just be yourself, that’s why they invited you, because you are yourself on all your streams. They liked you for your personality, humor, maybe even your gaming skills. So chill the hell out and be yourself, damn it!

Easier thought than put into action that’s for sure.

I start my stream five minutes early just so I can vibe with my viewers for a little while before I have to meet the gang. My fans always have a way of injecting me with confidence, they remind me of where I was when I started and how far I’ve come. How much I achieved when I thought I’d be nothing and no one, someone the algorithm would simply overlook. But then they entered my life and I entered theirs and it all became much better than I ever thought it would get to be. I rarely tell myself ‘good job’ for the milestones I’ve reached or the hard work I’ve put into my content, but that’s probably cause I orient myself based on that quote from the movie Whiplash: ‘There are no two words in the English language more harmful than good job’ - simply put, I’m never satisfied with what I do and I always strive to do better. My fans, however, make sure I don’t go overboard with it - always serving as a reminder that I’ve done plenty for myself and others. And that’s what makes an amazing fandom, one I consider family.

Whoa, when did those five minutes fly by?!

Ah shit, here we go. Deep breaths, Y/N you got this.

“Hello!“ I say as I enter the Discord call, subconsciously biting my lower lip, grateful the camera isn’t capturing it. However, I make a mental note to keep my hands steady cause that’s the one part of me people can actually see and the last thing I want is for them to see how much my fingers are trembling.

“Oh hi, Y/N!“ Toast is the first one to greet me, “Welcome to the stream! Thank you so much for accepting our invitation.“

“Thank you for having me and inviting me, Toast. This is a huge deal for me. You guys are basically YouTube legends, this is unreal to me.“ I reply, cringing immediately afterwards because of my fangirl rambling. Great way to make first impressions, Y/N. Bravo.

To be fair, they already have an impression of you. Quit stressing.

Aright, you’ve got a point, me.

“Oh please, we owe all that to our fans. We’re really nothing special. All streamers are almost completely alike, we all owe where we are to the people who helped us make it there - our fans. We’re no legends.“ Toast says, bringing a small smile to my face as well as a light pink blush to my cheeks, “And from what I’ve seen, you yourself have quite the following. And your fans seem to adore you.“

“And I absolutely adore them.“ I chuckle, “They mean the world to me. They are the reason I’m here today.”

“Then we have to give them a special thank you, don’t you think?“ The teasing, familiar giggle, widens my smile - it’s Rae, “Nice to meet you, Y/N! I’m Rae, and, no cap, I’m quite a fan of your content. No joke, I binged your entire series of Resident Evil 7 as soon as I found your channel when Toast said he’d invite you.“

This rattles me a bit. I can hardly believe it - am I really receiving a compliment from an A-list name in the streaming world? My fans must be hella proud of me right now. A quick glance at my chat confirms that they indeed are. That in and of itself fills me with joy and newfound confidence.

“Oh Gosh, thank you so much Rae! That means the world to me. You’re all so sweet.“ I reply, lifting my ice cold hands to cool down my burning cheeks, my lips spread into a grin, my stomach filled with butterflies.

“Oh please, we have some real savages around here.“ A male voice, seemingly Charlie’s scoffs, “Don’t overlook us please.“

“Wait, we do?“ A deep voice, one I immediately know the owner of speaks up, “Who? How come I don’t know about that?“

I can’t help bust snort, “Nice to meet you, Corpse. Sarcasm central, I see.”

He laughs, “Just returning it to where it’s due. Nice to meet you too, Y/N. Sick Outlast series, by the way.“

Ok, wait, I have two A-list streamers complimenting my content. Ok, I’m bound to crack open a few beers to celebrate later cause OH MY GOD.

“Thanks! I’m a horror junkie so I’d be lying if I said I haven’t binge watched all your story-times. Personal favorites are the deep web ones, they fascinate me.“

“Oh, you’re one of my kind even more than I expected, huh?“ He replies, the tone of his voice changing, raising a bit due to what I can only describe as excitement and enthusiasm. “I’ve had people tell me it’s twisted, but I really like seeing the lengths to which the fucked up human mind can go to. Like, the shit I’ve read is insane! Some stories I didn’t narrate cause I would’ve probably had my video taken down, it was that messed up.“

My eyes widen, sharing the same excitement at the thought of digging deeper into this phenomenon, “Careful, Corpse, you’re walking a dangerous line of tempting me to deep-dive on Reddit in search of those exact stories.”

“No need.“ Corpse says, his tone now taking up a bit of a cocky note, “I still got them all saved, I can send them to you no problem.“

“Please do! I seriously gotta read them now. If I can’t sleep afterwards, I’m blaming you, Corpse. Just FYI.“ I say, giggling slightly, finding myself all but completely comfortable now. I wonder where all that anxiety went? 

“Blame fully taken. Given that I’m not much of a sleeper, I’ll keep you company whenever you think there’s a killer hiding in your closet or fear a red room pop-up will appear on your computer screen.“ He replies, chuckling.

“Um, that’s oddly specific.“ Charlie comments, “Been there yourself, buddy?”

“Perhaps.“ Corpse wheezes, getting a laugh out of me too, “I will neither confirm nor deny.“

“You know what, I’ll just private message you my number so if you see it call you at some ungodly hour, you don’t freak the fuck out. Sounds good?“ I ask, already prepping to type it out and send it to him. 

“Perfect. Wait...“ he pauses for a second, sounding puzzled for a second, “You don’t have mine.“

“Oh, do I not?“ I reply with a sinister tone - thought to answer the question, I of course don’t have his number.

“Oh, do you?“ He sasses me right back. “If so then you don’t need me to send it to you. Cool.“

Ah, shit

“Wait, no! I-I need to confirm it’s the correct one!“

Damn, never did I think I’d be complimented by some of the most important streamers on this platform, but to get a number of theirs too? That’s a whole another level that will take me time to process. But I’ll do that another time, right now, I have to kick these people’s butts in Among Us and later I have some deep web stories to read.

Turns out, all it takes to get comfortable in a new surrounding is someone of your kind. And Corpse is definitely one of my kind.

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[amjustagirl]

CHAPTER 1 - TAKING FLIGHT

Fic Summary:

The sky Oikawa Tooru’s heart seeks is a world away from the earth yours is buried in. You are a fool to trust him with your heart anyway.

Where Oikawa Tooru does not make it to Argentina straightaway.

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3

Icarus, Icarus, I must be blind not to see you long to touch the sun.

Updates every Monday

Pairing: Oikawa Tooru x you, Oikawa Tooru x fem! reader

Genre / Wordcount : Angst (5.6k words)

Warnings: One non-explicit bedroom scene

Masterlist link here!

Join my tag list here!

“Home sweet home ”, Tooru declares grandly, throwing his hands out with the air of a conqueror bursting with pride at the sight of his domain. 

Never mind the fact that the apartment looks like it’s been hit by a tsunami of cardboard boxes and scattered bits of furniture. Or the fact that you’re covered in sweat and grime from lifting boxes and shifting furniture and you’d very much like to lie down and not get up for the next week or two, but you can’t because of the never ending list of things to be done - unpacking your belongings, filling in your enrolment paperwork, attending medical school orientation to attend. 

But his words wash away the tide of anxiety lapping at the edges of your mind. 

Tooru wept and gnashed his teeth when his parents refused to let him chase his dreams to Argentina, and not a single professional team in Japan even looked his way. Don’t be ridiculous, his parents told him with wagging fingers, especially when Chuo University sent a full scholarship his way. 

“It is the top school for volleyball” you pointed out, as he spent yet another hour lying flat on his back, eyes swollen from spent tears. “You could go there and grab everyone’s attention by being their starting setter for the next four years.”

He does not respond. You wonder if he’s waiting for the paint on the ceiling to crack. 

“Plus” you add slyly. “I’ll be at Chuo with you.” 

This catches his attention. “What d’you mean”, he mumbles, throat still sandy with salt. 

“I got into medical school there”, you tell him  ,  the smile on your face growing when he finally hurls himself bodily at you, both of you toppling off the bed and onto the floor. 

“You’ll be there with me?” he whispers in disbelief. 

You laugh wetly into the crook of his neck. “Every step of the way”, you declare, slipping your hand into his. 

You’ve both transplanted yourselves from your childhood home in Sendai to a tiny apartment in Tokyo, a veritable hole in paper thin walls. Your hearth is a pair of rusty iron hobs, and your bed is a cheap mattress on the floor, but sunshine spills in from the windows like liquid gold and Oikawa Tooru’s hand is warm in yours. 

You wonder what you’ve done in your past life for the gods to smile down on you, to bless you with a boy you love in a place you can both call  home .

You’re not usually this sentimental, but just this once, you tug him down towards you, stealing a kiss from him. “I like the sound of that”, you murmur against his lips. “Our home, Tooru”. 

He chuckles, wrapping his arms around you. “Do you love me?” he asks, with a smile that cages your beating heart in his calloused hands. 

You are young. You are eighteen. You know nothing of the world. You know nothing of life. 

So you reply - “More than life itself”. 

He kisses you with languid ease, stealing the very breath from your chest. You tell yourself you have four years to work up the courage to ask if he loves you as much in return. 

“Medical supplies are expensive, so stop coming here to ask for cold presses that you don’t need”, you tell Oikawa Tooru, Captain of the Volleyball Club and currently a veritable pain in your ass for constantly hounding you during your shifts at the school’s sickbay. 

You resist the urge to sigh when he throws himself onto the cot, groaning dramatically - “How mean! You and Iwa-chan are the same - brutes, all of you! What’s a guy gotta do to get some tender love and care, especially when he’s injured?”

You cast a doubtful eye at the bandage over his right knee. “Iwaizumi said you recovered, but I guess if you’re really still injured…”

Oikawa grins, sensing victory in sight. “So you’ll give me a cold press and let me rest here during class?” 

You drop said cold press onto his knee none too gently. “Sure - though..” your voice trails off, you tap your chin thoughtfully. “That would mean you’re not cleared for practice. I’ll send a note to your coach.”

Gotcha. 

It’s your turn to grin when alarm dawns on Oikawa’s face, his eyebrows pinching together as he waves his hands at you, pleading you not to mention a word to his coach - pretty please with a cherry on top, he forgot to do his homework cos he was staying up late to watch volleyball videos last night and needs a place to hide, and you’re the kindest, bestest, person on earth if you let it slide this time, his knee is fine, just fine - 

You glare at him, unimpressed. 

He pouts, with the largest puppy dog eyes he can muster. Even you are not immune to his charms. 

“Fine”, you say flatly. “Just once.” 

He thanks you, promising never to darken the doors of the sickbay again without cause. 

Of course, he breaks his promise the very next day when he sidles in just before practice, dropping a milk carton and a bun on your table.

“An offering to the maiden of this shrine” he answers teasingly in response to the question in your furrowed brow, trying his best to exude arrogance and saunter off, though his efforts are defeated by the pink tint to the apples of his cheek. 

Oikawa Tooru, huh. You wonder. 

You and Tooru are drawn into the ebb and flow of university life. You wake up with him by your side each morning, kiss him on the cheek before you both head your separate ways. In a fit of fancy, you imagine that your front door is the portal to different worlds - a little like the enchanted door in Howl’s Moving Castle, a movie Tooru used to make you watch with him on repeat. When you step through it, you find yourself in the humdrum world of medical school - anatomy classes, stuffy professors, scalpels and knives. Whereas when Tooru steps through it - like the titular wizard, he bursts like a fiery comet into a wholly separate, magical world of whistles and drills and volleyball practices. 

Your worlds never collide in the day, even though from time to time, you sneak into the gym to watch him practice, unbeknownst to him. Typically, you only see him at night. Dinners are prepared together, shoulders jostling over the kitchen counter to cook rice and produce sourced from the supermarket’s discount bin, before you both huddle over homework. More often than not though, Tooru prefers to spend all his time crouched over his laptop, earbuds on, watching endless streams of volleyball matches. 

“Aren’t you ever tired of volleyball?” you ask when you see him analyse yet another video - Argentina versus Japan this time. 

You already know the answer before your question leaves your tongue but you ask it anyway, amused when he squawks in indignation and knocks over your cup of tea in his hurry to exclaim -  Sick of volleyball? Him, Oikawa Tooru? Never! 

Of course, you knew that. Chuo University is the top collegiate team for volleyball, so the coaches demand nothing but the best from their players. You watch by the sidelines as Tooru grinds his body into dust at volleyball practice, coming home every night with sore tendons and aching bones. Balancing a full business course load on top of that would stretch anyone to their breaking point. 

Anyone normal that is, because Tooru revels in his hectic schedule. 

You attend his first match and you’re blown away by how much he’s grown from being transplanted from barren soil into rich earth. The unerring confidence he’s already shown in his high school days blossoms into an elegant ease. His athleticism grows by leaps and bounds, his game sense sharpens, his sets learn true grace.  

He claws his way to a starting position with bloodied fingernails, in blatant disregard of anything that might stand in his way. He builds his own wings, starts to take flight, the light in his eyes shining brighter and brighter the closer he flies towards the sun. 

He is no longer the simple school boy you fell in love with from Sendai. 

“Will you go out with me if I win our next match?” he asks suddenly, lifting his gaze from the video he’s watching from his usual corner in the sickbay. 

“Do I look like a prize for some school boy’s grudge match?” You snipe back, head bent over your homework. 

“It was worth a try”, he hrumphs. 

You hide a smile. 

“I would go out with you even if you lose”, you tell him, though you do not lift your eyes from paper and pen. 

A laugh bubbles from his chest - surprised, delighted, triumphant. 

“I better make sure I win then. So you don’t change your mind.” 

He did not win that game, losing spectacularly in the finals in his second year against his fated rival - Ushijima from Shiratorizawa, a specter that still looms unti over every match he plays in up to today. 

True to your word, you sat on his doorstep, waiting for him to return home red eyed, throat raw. You let him drop his aching head into your lap, and like a maiden comforting a weary warrior, you pressed a kiss to his forehead as a balm to his wounds. Then you dragged him by the hand to your favourite ramen stall, ordering two bowls of tonkatsu ramen, with char siu, bamboo shoots, spring onions and gyoza on the side. An inauspicious first date, but you consider yourself lucky nonetheless for having him beside you. 

Things are different now. You are blind not to see him long to touch the sun. 

No one is surprised when Chuo University wins nationals. The only surprise to the media (but certainly not to you or anyone from Miyagi for that matter), is that Chuo University brings home the trophy with Oikawa Tooru as it’s starting setter. 

The boy king finally reaches the national stage. 

Even then, he is always, always grasping for  more .

“You were amazing!” you gush, as he finally breaks through the triumphant huddle of his teammates to swing you into his arms and greet you with his customary kiss. “I’m so proud of you!” 

His eyes glitter as he laughs, giddy with delight, face flushed with pride. “It’s just college, princess. Wait til I go pro”. 

Like Ushijima, you think, though that name remains unsaid. 

Wax feathers had already started to sprout from the knobs of his spine back in high school, budding beneath your fingertips like a cancerous tumour. Back then it was easy to be wilfully blind to them, but now it's become too obvious to be ignored. Oikawa Tooru’s ambition lies spread eagled, naked beneath the blinding lights of the sports hall. He has only just tasted his first real victory, crossed the first hurdle separating him from his dreams of greatness. 

“I’m waiting for that day then”, you respond teasingly.

You only realise later that you lied. He's left the confines of your arms in his quest for the skies.

You laughed when Tooru first broached the idea of sneaking out at night to gaze at stars in the sky. ‘What nonsense’, you’d said. What are the chances of seeing stars amidst the light pollution from a city, even a relatively minor one like Sendai? 

“You’re being a meanie, just like Iwa-chan”, he pouted. He kept whining until you gave in. 

Tooru picks you up from your home past midnight, chuckling when you label his rusty bicycle ‘a contraption from hell’ and ask him archly whether he truly expects you to entrust your wellbeing to the tiny rack meant to function as the pillion’s seat. 

“Stop being a princess, it isn’t as if I can magick a seatbelt from thin air” he teases. 

“Howl could”, you point out. 

“Well, I could strap you on with my bicycle chain if you prefer”, he answers blithely. “Get on, stop complaining”. 

He pedals all the way uphill to the deserted park near school, whining all the way about the strain the extra weight (you) puts on his knees (lies, all of them). You’re torn between pointing out that he chose to drag you out in the middle of the night and kicking him off the bike and commandeering yourself home instead. You choose instead to slap the back of his head. 

“Ow!” he squeals. “Brute!” 

“Hmph”. You fold your arms in satisfaction. 

When he finally finds a spot perfect enough to commence his stargazing adventure, he stops the back, spreads a picnic mat and hands you a flask of hot tea. 

“I don’t see any stars”, you say, after fifteen minutes of sitting, stiff and cold in the dark. 

“Don’t be impatient! The clouds will clear up soon”, he says, squinting hopefully. 

The sky remains overcast. 

You sigh, the breath expelled from your nose forming your own personal cloud. You are accustomed to Tooru’s quirks, his all consuming passion for volleyball, his love for all things outer space. You decide to indulge him a little, just once. 

“Why don’t you pretend we can see the stars and tell me your favourite thing about each one?” 

He brightens up visibly. 

“You won’t be bored if I did that?”

You prod his nose, but your eyes are fond. “Have you ever bored me?”

His chest swells. “I suppose not”, he crows, and proceeds to trace the constellations with elegant fingers, spinning stories and conjuring random facts about celestial beings you cannot see. You find yourself enthralled, not by his words, but by the lilt in his voice and depth in his eyes. 

“Why d’you love the stars so much?” you ask.

“Did you not just hear anything I’ve just said?” his voice teeters dangerously close to a whine. 

You click your tongue against your teeth. “I mean – trivia and myths aside. Why are you so fascinated by what are essentially flaming balls of gas and light.”

“The shallow answer is cos they’re pretty.” He says, laughing airily, before turning his gaze to you, the stark intensity in his eyes causing goosebumps to prickle the back of your neck. “But if my lady here is searching for a deeper answer, well. Aren’t stars the ultimate embodiment of the dreams of all humankind? Even as we strive and fail towards our petty goals, the stars are always there to remind us to look up and reach for the sky”

You flick his forehead. “Pretty words, for a pretty boy”. 

“Hey!” He scowls indignantly before he perks up. “Wait - did you see that? There’s a star!” 

The sky clears just enough for a pale light to peer through a gauzy cloud. You do see it, and it is indeed beautiful, but your attention has already been captured by the boy beside you. And Tooru being Tooru, naturally notices. 

“Why’re you staring at me instead of the sky?” 

Perhaps you’re drunk on the magic of midnight skies, perhaps you want to uncover the mystery of his smile yourself. Perhaps that explains why your eyes soften and why your words fall short of a whisper. 

“Because you are my sun, my moon and all my stars”, you say. “I like you better than anything in the sky.”

His mouth slackens and for a moment, his eyes are tender before his laugh breaks your flight of whimsy, and you bury your face in your hands, hot with embarrassment. 

“Forget I ever said that”, you plead. 

“Never!” he cries. “I’m going to remind you how cheesy you can be for the rest of your life!”

You end up having to kiss him to shut him up. 

In his second year, Sakusa Kiyoomi joins his team. Tooru finally meets someone who meets his impossibly high standards to fill Iwaizumi’s place as his ace. 

He’s literally bouncing on balls of his feet when he comes home after the first practice. 

“He’s so prickly and unfriendly but his receiving his top notch, and his game sense is fantastic, and best of all the spin he gives to each spike makes me drool - especially when I see the look on the other side’s faces when they try receiving his ball for the first time - ha ha! ”, he talks at you at breakneck speed as you both prepare dinner, side by side at the cramped kitchen counter. 

“Mmhm”, you reply, head thinking of the multiple lectures you attended today, the homework and readings you must do tonight to stay abreast. 

“-it’s his wrists, they’re so flexible it nearly made me puke when I first saw him stretch them”, he continues for the rest of the night, heedless of your wavering attention. 

You meet Sakusa at one of the few team parties you actually attend. You nearly stumble over him when you try to hide in your usual corner with a plate of food in your hand, watching as Tooru flutters around like the social butterfly he is. His nose and mouth are hidden behind a face mask, but even you can tell he’s uncomfortable to be around so many people, so you tug at his jacket sleeve gently to lead him away from the crowd to a seat at the top of the stairs. 

You don’t expect him to speak much to you, if at all, but to your surprise, he initiates the conversation. 

“He doesn’t take good care of himself”, Sakusa mutters. You nearly miss his words over the pulsing beat of the music. 

“Who doesn’t?” you ask - though you already know who he’s referring to. 

“It’s unhealthy, the way you push yourself”, you tell Tooru, hands on hips, standing at the door to Aoba Johsai’s sports hall. You hardly intrude here onto Tooru’s sacred space, choosing instead to stay in the library to study until he’s done with practice and you can both walk home together. But practice has long ended, and your patience has run short - not to mention Iwaizumi popped his head into the library to shoot you a worried expression, dark eyebrows pinched into a pained frown. 

You are aware of Tooru’s predilection for working himself to the bone. Or to the shredded remnants of the tendon of his knee, to be more accurate. So you tap your feet, looking pointedly at said injury. 

“I’m fine”, he tries to dismiss you without even looking your way. 

You refuse to let him. 

“You’re not fine”, you tell him coolly, taking another step towards the inner sanctum, the volleyball courts. White lines, painted into brown wood. A single ball, six per side, each jostling for their pride and god.   

“Tooru -” 

“I need to practice so I can win”, he snarls, handsome face mangled by an angry scowl. “Don’t be like one of those whiny girlfriends, you know I can’t stand that.” 

You are not so easily hurt by the barbs in his words. “You can’t win if you’re injured”, you attempt to appeal to his reason. “You know and I know and your coach knows that that knee of yours is going to cause you problems if you don’t rest it properly. So you better listen to me, because so help me - I can tell you that you’re not going to be able to come for practice if you keep pushing yourself tonight”. 

His anger simmers into a sulk. “You’re not a doctor”, he replies, a petulant whine at the tail end of his words. 

“Not yet”, you respond, and at that, he laughs, surprised that your arrogance matches his own. 

Your attention snaps back to the present when Sakusa calls your name. “Sorry”, you breathe. “Couldn’t quite hear you - who were you referring to again?”  

“Oikawa”, Sakusa says, confirming your suspicions. “Practises even though I know his knee hurts sometimes”. 

You thank him for telling you before carefully diverting the conversation to something a little more innocuous, buying yourself time to turn this new information over in your mind. 

You hear him hiss as you open the front door- “Iwa-chan, don’t be stupid, I can’t tell her yet!” 

It’s not an uncommon sight to come home at night to find Tooru cradling his phone to his ear whilst juggling a book in his other hand. It is the only time slot that he and Iwaizumi have to catch up. 

Still, it is uncommon for him to bolt into the toilet the minute he catches sight of you. 

“Is everything alright?” you ask him over dinner. 

“Peachy”, he replies between spoonfuls of rice. “Never been better”. 

He promptly changes the topic after that. 

“Not staying home for dinner?” you ask, arms wrapped around yourself as he lets the chilly air into your apartment, sitting by the open door lacing his training shoes up. 

“Wanna work in some more practice tonight”, he murmurs, gaze still locked on his shoes. “Serves and all that. Don’t wait for me, yeah?” 

“Right. Just...promise me you’ll take care of yourself, Tooru”, you answer, unable to keep the disappointment from leaking into your voice. 

He stands up, turns to face you with a cheery smile. “Of course I will. Anyway, don’t pout, princess”, he sing songs gaily. “We’ll spend some time together after the season is over, I promise.”

“Alright”, you say, unconvinced, reluctantly tipping your chin up to let him kiss your cheek goodbye. 

“Tooru?” 

You feel the mattress dip. “Go back to sleep, princess”, he whispers, pulling the sheets back up to your chin. 

“Where are you going?” You mumble, squinting your eyes at the clock by the side of the bed. “It’s four in the morning. The earliest you wake up for practice is five.”

“I just wanted to practice my serves a little more.” You hear him rustle in the bathroom. Sakusa’s words echo in your ears, and you sit up, bleary eyed. 

“Tooru?” 

“Mm?”

“Are you taking care of your knee? And getting enough sleep?”

He stiffens. “Of course”, he replies with the tight, plastic smile he only ever gives you when he’s trying to lie. “Why’re you asking me this? Who put ideas in your pretty little head?”

For the first time in your relationship with Tooru, you take care not to accidentally tread on the faultlines of his heart.

“I worry about you”, you say, gripping your sheets as he frowns. “I don’t think you’re sleeping enough - judging from the bags under your eyes, and you shouldn’t be over practising because your knee could very act up - “

“Look - I don’t have time to deal with this” he interjects with a snap. “Just leave me alone and go back to sleep.” 

“I’m only saying this because I love you, Tooru.” You automatically tack on - “More than life itself.” 

He pinches the bridge of his nose, breathing out a sigh. “I love you too ok? Stop worrying your pretty head about my health and my knee - we agreed you only get to nag me when you’re a full fledged doctor, remember?”, he adds, with a cheeky smile that does not reach his hooded eyes. 

You let him walk out of the house without another word, cotton sheets crumpling in your clenched fists. 

You don’t get to talk about it that night because he chatters at you about Sakusa’s tantrum during practice because someone hid his towel, and you can barely get a word in before he slips off to shower and sleep. 

He starts to disappear for days at a time, even after the season ends with him not only taking home his second trophy at Nationals, but crowned the best setter in the collegiate volleyball league. 

He tells you that there are overnight practice matches and camps. That he’s staying over at his teammates’ flats. You believe him at first. There is, after all, no reason for him to lie. 

Still, it is a little funny he refuses to allow you to do his laundry from those trips. You brush away your friends’ concerns that he’s cheating on you -  Tooru wouldn’t do that, you assure them with a wide smile that hurts your cheeks. 

Tooru would never lie to you. 

Then you bump into Sakusa Kiyoomi on campus when Tooru is away again. 

It’s night time. Shadows bleed into concrete roads. You’re on your way back home from hiding up in the library all day, reluctant to return to a home without Tooru when you bump into the reticent spiker. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be away at practice camp?” you ask innocently, worried that an injury might keep him from playing, though from a quick scan he seems to be fine. 

“Practice camp?” He echoes blankly, his face an open book of confusion. 

“Tooru mentioned that he’d be away from some practice camp for a few days...” 

Your words trail off. Your heart flutters, refuses to accept the truth staring you in the face. 

Sakusa frowns. His answer is brutal, direct. “There’s no training camp - hasn’t been in a while”. 

“Oh”, you murmur. 

Realization needles its way into the space beside your beating heart, drills its way into the marrows of your bones. 

“Are you ok?” You faintly hear Sakusa say. It’s your turn to lie. 

Tooru comes home the next day, a quarter past two. You’re sitting on the threadbare couch cross legged, a textbook balanced on your lap. 

“Where have you been?” 

“Practice camp. Didn’t I tell you that?” 

You scoff. The page held between your fingers starts to crumple. Your composure frays. 

“Really?” Your voice starts to veer into hysterics, straight across the highway into your emotional stratosphere. “Sakusa Kiyoomi told me that there’s no such practice camp, Oikawa. How about you try again with the truth this time.”

He reels back. You can see him trying to formulate yet another lie. 

“Princess”, he begins pleadingly, but your temper runs hot and you short circuit at the sound of your nickname from his lips.  

You stalk towards him, grabbing the bag in his hand. Like a woman possessed, you wrench the zip open, holding the bag open above your head, emptying its contents out. Dirty clothes, a deflated volleyball, toiletries spill onto the floor. You comb through each and every item in search of a telltale sign - a lipstick mark, a woman’s floral scent, something, anything for you to confirm his infidelity. 

What you find, however, is not what you expect. 

A red jersey, lying limp in your hands. A contrast to the university’s colours of navy and white.  

You flip it around. 

The words EJP Raijin are emblazoned across the jersey in stark white. 

You look up at him. He stares back. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?’ 

He has the decency to look away. 

“Tooru”, you repeat, voice trembling. “Why didn’t you tell me?!” 

“I was afraid of what it meant. For us”, he answers, dropping to his knees in front of you. “You know I’ve always wanted to go pro - and when the Div 1 teams started holding try-outs, I had to go. I tried out for them all except the Adlers, and EJP decided to give me a shot, which was like a dream come true… But I didn’t know if you would be happy if I did take it up.”

“Take what up?” you echo. Your mind is not keeping up with this turn of events. 

“Move to Hiroshima to join the team.” He answers warily, ready to flee at the first sign of danger. “You know I’d have to, right?” 

You look at him with fresh eyes, this boy you profess to love more than life itself. Wings spread from his shoulder blades, moulded by madness and greed from fire and wax. The reflection of the sun gleams in his eyes. He has left you permanently for the skies. 

“What about me?” Your breath stuck in your throat even as you refuse to relinquish the last hold you have on him.  

“If you love me”, he begins, reaching out to cup your cheeks and it’s your turn to reel back because you know he’s about to throw back your own words in your face. 

If you love me more than life itself - won’t you do this for me?  

But you are no longer eighteen. You are twenty one, on the cusp of adulthood. You know a little more about life than you did at eighteen.  

You know that your life is here - in Tokyo, among dusty books and lectures and tutorials on anatomy and diseases and germs, and you cannot upend your life and uproot yourself to Hiroshima just to follow someone else’s dreams. You love Tooru, but you do not share his dreams of glory and gold medals, of fleeting victory, of Olympian greatness. 

“I can’t”, you say, with a firmness that surprises even yourself. 

Again, he does not meet your eyes. 

“Then what shall we do?” He asks, lips pressed into a straight line. 

For a brief and terrible moment, you are tempted to throw your dignity to the wind, to fall on your knees and ask him to stay in Tokyo with you. But you can no longer turn a blind eye to what’s been staring you in the face for the entire length of your relationship, so you bite the insides of your cheek and grit your teeth. 

“We will do what we must”, you tell him, your head held high. 

You do not know what hurts more. The lack of pause in his acceptance to your suggestion that you break up, or the painfully obvious relief in his eyes. 

He goes to sleep in your shared bed, oblivious to your pain. You do not join him, choosing instead to spend hours seeking privacy in your toilet, knees aching from the cold floor. 

You are clinical, even in your anguish.  

Wring the liquid grief from your lungs, lay it on the floor to dry. Filter the water from your windpipe, the salt from your eyes. Your organs are scattered on the floor, battered, broken, torn. Save for your heart - you will need to retrieve it, whatever’s left of it at least. You last recall seeing it beneath Tooru’s feet, dashed to pieces as he spreads his wings and takes flight. 

You will put yourself back together with steady hands tomorrow, fill the cavity in your chest with the remnants of your organs, secure them in place with stitches and staples. Given time, you think your prognosis is good. 

You are young. You will heal. 

But now, you are allowed an hour or two to grieve at the very least. To mourn the loss of a relationship you still hold dear, a relationship that you only realise has an expiry date in the short span of a night. 

You are a fool for not realising it sooner. 

Perhaps he cares for you, but you must now confront the fact that you’ve been wilfully blind to. He could never give you his heart when he’s already given his heart up to someone else - to volleyball, a far more demanding mistress. 

You cannot compete with her. You should not have tried. 

Tooru files the paperwork to drop out of university. You find another flat, this time for one. 

In the weeks before he leaves, you watch him flit about the flat, buzzing with excitement like an overgrown child. His wings nearly suffocate you with its ever increasing breadth and length, but you do not begrudge his happiness. You still love him desperately. You still want what’s best for him.  

You write him meal plans, scribble reminders on the proper care for his knee. You help him label his boxes, arrange for them to be sent to Hiroshima via post. You do not tell him how tempted you are to slip yourself whole into one of them. But you start to build a cage for the remnants of your heart, turning a deaf ear even as it pounds against the bars of your ribs. 

The time finally comes for him to get on a train bound for Hiroshima. The time finally comes for you to leave the flat. 

“Princess”, he says softly, catching your elbow as you stand on the threshold, pulling you flush against his broad chest. You do not trust yourself to speak as he gently tilts your face up to his.

“Thank you”, he breathes against your lips. There is a lingering taste of regret in his kiss.

“For what?” you manage to ask. 

 His eyes pool with affection, swirl with sadness. 

“For everything.” He takes your hands in his, presses a final kiss to your forehead. Your traitorous heart screeches at you to beg him to say. You smother it beneath reinforced walls of steel and bone. 

Icarus, Icarus. This is goodbye. 

You make him leave before you, watching as he turns his back on you. Then you steal a minute to potter through each room in the little flat that was your home. The bedroom, barely large enough for two. The bathroom, with a propensity for leaking, the shower where Tooru insists on serenading the neighbours, much to their discontent. The kitchen, full of memories of shared dinners, and quiet conversations. 

You bid farewell to two full years of happiness, press your forehead against the front door to whisper goodbye to your home. 

The lock clicks. You close the door. 

[awake-dearheart]

it took me a couple days but here’s a rundown of things sebastian said during the zoom call with his trainer don saladino and the march challenge group. he was on for an hour and three minutes total. keep in mind this challenge was fitness oriented so most of the questions revolve around that. this will also be LONG.

first of all he had trouble unmuting himself which was hilarious

he had a carboard cutout of the falcon with him which made everyone laugh

he loved being able to support ronald mcdonald house and he was sad they couldn’t go this year. sweet baby

when he was asked what he struggles with in his fitness he immediately said body dysmorphia. like no hesitation. he said he felt like he could stand to be less hard on himself.

he prefers cardio over other kinds of workouts.

he mentioned a role he’s getting ready for that’s “a lot different” but he laughed it off and said he couldn’t talk about it. i’m thinking it might have been tommy lee?

he tries to workout even just a little before he goes to set even when his schedule is crazy.

when he started training he had NO idea what he was doing. it took him a while to get into a routine and figure it out. he credited don with working a lot with him and finding a routine that works for him.

he feels better when he can do something physical every day. he said it really helps him mentally because the two go hand in hand for him.

someone said they were learning romanian and asked him for phrases to learn in romanian he said (in romanian) “oh my GOD why would you do that?” he also said he thinks people learning romanian because of him is “one of the sweetest things.”

he was asked how he balances training to look good vs training to feel good and he said if he’s training to look good he’s never 100% satisfied. training to feel good and setting short term goals has been better for him. 

don praised him for working hard to pivot his focus on the overall vs the day to day. seb said it was a lot harder when he started than it is now.

someone asked him if the workouts or the nutrition was harder and he immediately started talking about pizza and how much he loves a good cheat meal. the chat blew up talking about his cheat day video for men’s health. 

seb asked don his favorite cheat meal and they went on a tangent about burgers and fries and vodka that had us cracking up. seb said he went through a period where he was eating some kind of chocolate every day.

someone asked if he found it mentally difficult to go from one body type to another for roles and he said absolutely. he said if he has a shirtless scene to do then a month before he cuts out ALL sugar. fruits, carbs, everything and he turns into a very irritable person for about two weeks.

he was asked how the pandemic has changed his training and he said of course it has. him and don worked together to create a program for him to do from home with dumbbells and they had to get inventive. he’s been running a lot too.

someone asked the strangest item he’s used for weights and he said he’d go to the grocery store by himself without uber or anything. he tried to do one big shopping trip to last him for a week and half and he’d be laden with bags and it took him an hour and a half to walk home.

he told a story about using a towel and a bar in his house and he said “you probably know it because some “super fans” love to leak my address. so kind. lovely people.” the chat became v enraged.

he’s never had to get in shape on super short notice. marvel usually gives him about a 2 month heads up before he has to shoot things.

someone asked if he was a dog person. he said he loves dogs and he’d love to have one but he travels too much to give one the right kind of attention. he said if he could have a dog he’d have a bulldog or a husky.

he was asked his favorite nyc cheat meal and his first answer was “seeing all of you there” and we all cracked up. his real answer was a pizza place called rubirosa. he specifically likes their white pizza. (who wants to go to new york and get pizza with me?)

who would win in an iso squat challenge? him or don? (iso squats are when you drop into a squat and you hold it. it’s been the most hated exercise throughout the challenge). his face was HORRIFIED when he remembered what they are and he said don would definitely win. “don you have thighs of glory” the group is contemplating making shirts.

he played some sports in school but he wasn’t a super athletic kid. he struggled in school a bit because he had an accent and people were picking on him. it took a long time for his confidence to build.

celebrate victories where you can. he talked about when he posted that shirtless picture from the gym as an example. he said it’s more for motivation and pride in his achievements than about showing off.

he mentioned the documentary “the weight of gold” as something he watched recently. he said it’s a good example of people who are gold medal olympians struggling with the same things as everyone else when it comes to fitness. he comes back several times to not being too hard on yourself. 

he hasn’t lifted any weights in about a month and a half but he’s been running. he’s surprised at the amount of muscle he still has because he thought he’d lose a lot of it.

taking breaks when you’re working on fitness is so important. he says taking a week off sometimes is ok if that’s what you need.

they have talked about pizza at least 5 times at this point (32 minutes in) and it’s HILAROUS honestly.

he hates leg day. he knows how important it is because you need strong legs but he prefers doing arms and chest. “the squats can be so annoying UGH.”

someone asked him his advice for people who are starting an acting career and he laughed and said “quit all social media.” he walked it back and said you have to find a way to quiet the noise. 

this mfer went to theatre camp when he was 15 and he did MUSICALS. we tired to get him to sing. it didn’t work.

“you gotta do you. you cannot lose you as you’re going. and you cannot care what people think.”

he talked about imposter syndrome in terms of getting reviews and stuff. he said when he gets bad reviews it hurts but sometimes when he gets good reviews he can think “oh my god they made a mistake” or “oh my god i have to deliver like this every time.” he said if you’re starting out ask yourself why you want to do this and make sure this is what you want to do day in a day out. make sure when you face rejection and obstacles you have the energy to push you to get back up and say “fuck you i’m doing me.”

recommended the book “the subtle art of not giving a fuck” as something he loves.

“there’s creativity in everything. you don’t have to be a pianist or an actor or a writer. there’s creativity in all functions. as people we’re all creative.”

he went back to instagram for a minute and said to use it for the right things and follow the things that you like or are inspired by. he loves that social media can be used to reach people but you have to filter through the negative stuff.

someone asked the meanest thing don’t ever said during training and he said don’s never been mean but he’s always been inspiring and motivating for him. cute lil bromance moment.

he was asked if it’s harder to get into shape physically for the winter soldier or mentally. he said now it’s more of a head thing than it was in the beginning. the physically part was challenging for him in the beginning because he wanted to feel strong to build his confidence. he felt he couldn’t be bucky without being strong. 

civil war was his real hair but when they started filming it wasn’t long enough so he had extensions. by the end of the shoot it was long enough to cut the extensions out. 

the line between overtraining and not being motivated to train enough is hard for him sometimes. things tend to come all at once or not at all and it can be a struggle. 

he meditates and does some kind of physical activity every day at the start of his day. it makes him able to do the things he needs to do for the rest of the day better.

he thanked everyone for their support of tfaws and “making us look pretty good.” he’s very grateful for the turnout.

don says falcon weird. that’s not important but i wanted to mention it.

running is his go to thing. he feels like it’s a good meditative thing for him.  his go to pandemic workout was 100 pull ups, 100 push ups, 100 sit ups, 100 squats and alternating with running. we all panicked and were like “100 PULL UPS AT ONCE??” and he was like no no no no no no no no space that shit out during the day.

he loves breakfast but he doesn’t eat it at breakfast time. he joked he was going to eat breakfast after the call (which ended at 7PM). he likes anything with eggs and avocado. 

there are still directors he wants to work with that he can’t get to see him for parts. he did three audition tapes, two in person auditions, and a screen test to get bucky.

he just recently learned what “thirst pics” are (he figured out from the chat it’s thirst traps). when someone told him that picture from the gym was a thirst trap he was like “oh great well that sounds terrible.” men’s health didn’t call him until after that pic. he had reached out to them before that but that was the thing that made them call.

“make fun of yourself. you have to not take yourself too seriously.”

they both talked about how being able to do things like this is a privilege. there are always days when seb or don or anyone walks into a gym and doesn’t want to be there.

this is the part that made me emotional as FUCK. he’s had days where he’s gone to set and been like “what the fuck am i doing?” he says every time that happens he thinks “this is the time they’re gonna realize i can’t do this. this is when they’re all gonna know i’ve never been good at this.” he said in those moments you can’t just say “no no no i’m the best.” he said sometimes affirmations work and they can be as simple as “i’m gonna try to have a good day today” and it doesn’t have to be “i have to be the best version of myself.” it can just be “i wanna have a good day today” but on the days when you don’t feel good about things and don’t know what you’re doing he said you have to go there and say “ok i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing. fuck everything.” be in the thing that’s happening to you and give yourself permission to be down for a minute. find a compromise with yourself. if you can’t run the same three miles you’ve run all week and you just don’t want to, maybe you go for a walk instead. (his example not mine i DO NOT run). when he’s been in those moments of defeat accepting it had lead him to things he didn’t plan for and he finds those moments to be gifts in a way. accepting it and saying “today is that day” your body and your mind can start moving into finding other little things to do.

he came back to pizza one more time. i love him.

he recognizes how lucky he is to have the life he has. he says it’s important to pay attention to give a fuck about things and to give a fuck about things that will help other people. 

watching him talk the whole time he seemed so happy and relaxed. he seems like such a light hearted and fun person and he laughed SO much

that’s the end y’all. thanks for sticking around and reading all my hastily typed notes