#thats how im tryna be
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OUGGGGHHHHHHH I was doing some talking with Hirasol and a little with Ruby about...HYPOTHETICAL s/is...
I was thinking that she could potentially be a bounty hunter! I'm thinking she might have even met Nai before the events that kick off the series, I think that'd be kinda interesting bcs both Nai and Vash have been around for so long but I'll probably decide on that later when I've watched more of the series!
The point is its...possible that he would have attempted to utilize her bounty hunting skills to go get Vash for him, and I'm thinking things get VERY unprofessional very fast lol. My s/i is probably very world-weary, a little tough on the outside from surviving in the wastelands for so long, similar to Eurydice from Hadestown. Except instead of an Orpheus she gets like The Worst guy sjjfkg like
I was a little hesitant bcs Knives...has problems ajfjf normally I'm all for people shipping with villains, it's no big deal. But idk hating humans and wanting to wipe them from the fucking planet seems like it'd make the relationship a little awkward but I also think it'd be fun if I was just his One Human. They're all awful and should be purged except for this one she's mine! Not sure it's love, but tbh I think my s/i would go for it despite him being a walking red flag cause she's just so Tired. It beats sleeping outside and keeping your gun under your pillow thats for sure ._.
#jane journals#self insert talk#crush: 🔪#IF YOU SEE THIS NO YOU DONT!!!#IM JUST RAMBLING A LITTLE#and listen. nai has his whole god complex thing going on and she wouldnt EXACTLY be an equal#but if she plays her cards right you never know#i think he has the potential to be wholly devoted or at least possessive lol#and im sure at first he thinks of her as a sort of pet#and thats sorta true but in the sense that a cat who hates u is still a pet and u cant help but love it#it sorta doesnt MATTER if it loves you back bcs its bewitched u body and soul#thats how im tryna be#tbh i think that metaphor could go both ways even#I DUNNO IM NOT WELL ABOUT THIS#IM WAITING IT OUT
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Like Loumand-hate vexing aside, there actually is something truly insideous about reducing the complete absence of Jacob & Assad interviews and even questions pertaining to eachother this promo cycle to "they don't like Loumand". It not about Loustat vs. Loumand, or which actors are insane about eachother, It's the fact that this season hinges on the rise and fall of the relationship of queer black/brown men and AMC and interviewers alike sidelined that dynamic the entire time. You would not know from press that Assad is co-leading and the only time Jacob and Assad even talk about eachother is in reference to the ep 5 argument being their first scene together. Like, it would be willfully ignorant to ignore how Lestat is as present in this season because producers had no faith in the strength of the rest of the cast, and how Jacob and Assad are only ever paired up with their white co-workers who simply are not as essential to the season as they are to eachother.
In a show about toxic relationships and the way trauma lingers and effects one's ability to interact with another- There is so much to talk about between Louis and Armand. It is not only a diservice to a large chunk of the performances being given, but also to the story itself. I can sit here and wax about how these 77 years together are still worthy of discussion and careful consideration but the truth is- I wouldn't be writing this post if one or both of them were white. If Armand were still that redheaded russian boy we would have a wealth of promo and playing up the romance at the heart of their relationship all the way to the divorce hearings. But because our leading men are Black and South Asian, instead POC are asking you once again to please give a fuck about us even when a white person isn't around for you to latch on to.
#interview with the vampire#iwtv#loumand#louis de pointe du lac#the vampire armand#armand#iwtv meta#char.txt#whatever im the obsessed loumand blogger im okay with that but I cannot unsee the blatant racism#in how people are quick to dismiss their relationship when i knoooow i know i know these comments would disappear#if assad were replaced with a pretty little white boy#i see how yall kept tryna fan cast brandon frasiers son when hes not even AN ACTOR#thats a whole nother post. imagine im wearing a shirt that says ''ask me about assad zaman and fandom racism''
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you get ta college and realize that everybody here is just Some Guy™ and has been Some Guy™ for their whole lives. the veteran seniors are having breakdowns right next ta the freshmen in the library, our final essays for the semester are started and finished two days b4 its supposed ta b turned in and all our rough drafts look like somebody rubbed 3 braincells on a google doc and then puked on it
#spacie spoinks#you think that all the adults have it tagether and they dont is what im tryna say#i dont have it all figured out you dont have it all figured out#he she we they dont have it all figured out#hell some of my profs are talking about how they're on their last leg here#dont even get me started on the graduate students#you think that the people in schooling change depending on age? oh buddy we're all so fucked up.#its like highschool but more stressful but also more fun b/c im taking classes i like and studying what i like#so its worth it#anyways bye im writing an essay#thats due tomorrow#lol
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just whiteboard boys doing what whiteboard boys do....
#STILL TRYNA FIGURE OUT HOW TO DRAW THESE BOZOS!!!!!!!#I DID DO A TRAVIS but i scrapped it and decided id have to learn how to draw locs first#so he'll be next prob <3333#what does the 2 on dantes shirt stand for???????? you can probably guess /lh#BUT YEAAAAAAAH THIS WAS FUN!!! AND WAY EASIER THAN USUAL#im not like 100% happy w this but for lil whiteboard doodles i think i got wht i wanted to out of this#gar looks enough like himself#ik dante has blue eyes in canon. i did not forget i simply ignored it#OK LOTS OF LOVE MWAH BYEEEEEEE#aphmau#beverly says stuff#aphmau mystreet#mystreet#aphverse#aphblr#dante mystreet#laurance mystreet#garroth mystreet#zane mystreet#wanna do travis and the girls soon#i rlly rlly struggle with the girls even tho thats more what im used to for some reaosn#WE'll SEE#bev draws#whiteboard
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always remember to take white ppls opinion on ur gender with 10000 grains of salt. they Do Not Know, even if they're tryna be nice
#nnstuff#rambling#when i was tryna find a gender label as a teen i wanted one coined by a black person#tho i didnt know why. i just didnt relate to a lotta the other gender labels. thats how i ennded up with maverique#but i do know why now!! i know why after reading other black trans peoples wriitngs!!#also: maverique is just infinitely better than most gender labels#a lot of them were weird. they didnt work in sentences the way that maverique does#you can say im a man/woman/maverique. you cant say i'm an aporagender#the issue i had with so many of them was that they ended with Gender and like. thats not how i wanna use a word for my gender#i wanna have 1 word that means the thing like man/woman. so maverique is pretty good. also its sounds best#and the flag colors are good i like them#what was my point? whatever
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👁️🦎🎯
(crops under cut)
#natsume yuujinchou#matoba seiji#natori shuuichi#horrible exorcists#sorry i couldnt think of a caption i literally sat here for like 2 minutes lol#usually i use a quote from the scene or a lyric from a song but in this scene they're just Looking#anyway FUCK architecture#really though this is csp's perspective ruler's fault. i shoulda just done this by hand#but i made it work. since it wasnt super super complicated lol#ummm i feel like natori looks like a baby ceo but that is what he was wearing at least in the anime version of this scene#and midorikawa's kind of vague about clothes so i made it easy on myself#but why are you rolling up to the exorcist meeting in a navy blazer and tan chinos?#his uniform color is tan so ig the pants could be from that but the blazer......#tryna represent the natori clan in front of the other exorcists ig idk#meanwhile matobas just in his gakuran lol#hes not the clan head yet so he can just be there as a kid#he even gets told off by takuma and called seiji-kun.....could you imagine like.#it's weird for him to not be matoba#anyway. um i completely kind of fudged the architecture because its hard to tell where exactly in the building this scene is and#i had a specific composition in mind#i only realized i messed up how the windows work like 3/4 of the way into lineart soooo#but thats the kind of thing only i would notice probably#btw i was originally drawing a different scene of them but i was faced with the reality of foliage.#and i remembered this romeo and juliet ass scene existed so#i chose architecture LOL#okay last thing. i feel like natoris haircut is too polished and nice but fr wtf is his canon hair#im doing my best LOL.........but boy#OKAY im done
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tf2 shitposting again
#tf2 scout#tf2 spy#team fortress 2#tf2#tf2 fanart#tryna figure out how to draw him properly#i still havent drawn engie yet? idk why#procrastination is the name of the game#i came up with this before i found out that apparently the majority of the tf2 fandom are NOT spy fans#or#at least thats what ive seen#i mean like as in being attracted to him#i mean. idk#judging from the polls#i am definitely a spy fan#hes an arrogant selfish old man#but hes kind at heart#and thats all that matters to me#im still no. 1 sniperspy fan btw#working on. a fic as we speak#i WILL push forward#feeling extremely self conscious abt my art i did this in 10 minutes sorry its bad
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paranoia about posting is so odd. "they're gonna know." know what?? i'm mentally ill? why is that bad. also its pretty freaking obvious. this is tumblr.com after all.
#i have so so many drafts bc of this. ill let them out someday#I'm mostly worried about posting something delusional and sounding odd#but i think constantly trying to assess if a thought is delusional or not is exhausting#i just want to be able to say things on my silly blog without worrying#what im tryna say is I'm aware I might be saying absolute nonsense but i want to be able to talk freely anyways#so yeah idk.#also ill be fine its just the stress i think. this too shall pass yadda yadda. i just dont feel like logging out of tumblr until it does.#if its here to stay thats ok too ill learn how to cope.#I think stressing over whether I'm currently sane or not is a waste of time I cant change it either way so might as well roll with it.#even if i'm scared#ok yeah thats all. i want to draft this but i feel like that defeats the whole purpose lol#rambling#paranoia
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i was told once that sometimes i have trouble fittin in with other fancontent makers because im seen as a “threat” (whatever that means) but trust me when i say i am not here to compete with yall. Zero interest in fact. i dont think fandom is meant to be a game of who can be the ‘best’ fan and im here to just yknow. contribute to a community :]
If it seems like Im loud and sometimes pushy about people seein my stuff its because im passionate about and proud of a with what ive made and i want to share with the other people who are also enjoyers of that thing!!
#delete later prob#i get like the. Ok we’re all tryna get work and stuff but theres a point where its like. why does there need to be a one person who#is *the* griian artist. or *the* artist for insert ship here#the only thing im competetive about is like streamin stuff/bein a mcyt but thats like unrelated#not to sound like an old man but#like i remember when fandom was all about like ‘we all like this thing and as long as we can be civil about it/not do harmful shit with it’#and not ok everyone is my competition and i need to be the best of the fans the favorite of the cc or i will die#idk it just. it just bothers me because#i feel like its hard to make friends in fandom nowadays when its all about#how many notes you get how popular you are#because then the automatic assumption is ‘oh you’re just tryna use me for views’ WHEN NO I JUST LIKE THE SAME OLD MAN YAOI YOU DO#salt tag#but yeah just. havin thoughts rn#ramblings from the heartsgone#lafakiwi talks
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RWD S4E9 SPOILERS
we really do be getting some incredibly fun new lightning flavours from VR-LA these past few episodes huh. anyway black necrotic lightning <3
#rolling with difficulty#vr-la rwd#vr la rwd#you might need to like. turn up the brightness on your device for this one im so sorry#i had my ipad brightness up pretty high and didnt realise how dark everything was#LOVE projects like this thats like#'how did you draw that' 'really specific custom procreate brush'#i love fiddling with custom brushes IDK#anyway no idea what a witch bolt is but the noise austin made when describing the necrotic lightning is *sending* me#for the past few weeks ive been stuck in the headspace of like 'well i kinda wanna draw (thing) but i've also got The ProjectTM'#'so i should probably just.. spend my time on that...'#but this scene was just like. yeah i gotta. i HAVE to draw this#'spooky VR-LA' is basically my summon at this point LMAO#lol my idiot ass was tryna airdrop this and the kyana goop shitpost from my ipad to my computer and#somehow accidentally also sent the qr code for my last online purchase bank payment (?????????)#art I made
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I'm torn cause on one hand Ultimates has like...MOMENTS where it wants to be good, but the character assassination of literally everyone is so bad, especially Magneto. Like truly he is the worst possible version of himself in those comics, and not even in a fun way. He tells the twins to their faces pretty much that he resents them because they remind him of the time he fell into a moment of weakness with a human (their mother), and he's weirdly misogynistic to Pietro about having a 'feminine mutation'. I tried so hard to read it, just to see, but it's just so bad all around.
'feminine mutation' has got to be the most INSANE thing i done read HEEEELEPJVLEKJEAKLVJ
see my problem is i want to see. HOW. bad it gets tho.........
#snap chats#BUT NO LET IT BE KNOWN IM AWARE OF THE HORRORS OF THE ULTIMATEVERSE LIKE ITS IMPOSSIBLE NOT TOV ELKJALVJ#theres a good reason why the verse was pretty much vaporized#unfortunately. any vocaloid fans in the chat i have a reference to make--#you know that fuckin song uhhhhh hold on Evil Food Eater Conchita#where her whole thing is she wants to eat The Nastiest Shit In The World yeah thats me. i wanna see how bad it can get 😭😭😭#im tryna brave the trenches to see if theres ANY gold........ even if it kills me
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quick random poll because this has been bugging me since frontiers came out
cutscene in question -> X
#if you have stuff to say please tell me i wanna hear thoughts on this#not to sway the poll but its felt like such a weird cutscene to me and not right for their characters#but i dont know if i have any reasoning for it#something about how maybe knux is too trusting ? but he really hasnt been lately#tryna work it out in my head. different situations sonics been in and how hes handled them#he kinda just rolled with merlina. then again she wasnt directly working against him at the start. same with shahra#maybe im getting a mix of idws sonic in it and thats whats rubbing the wrong way#its got a similar feel to the whole 'i can fix them' attitude he has toward enemies and rivals in those comics that just isnt my favorite#dont want to get into idw arguments but it does bother me#rraaaaaa ive gotta stop trying to analyze sonics character its gonna drive me crazy#rambles#sth#sonic frontiers spoilers#anyway this is just genuine curiosity and asking for clarification if anyone does think its in-character and why#i like hearing thoughts on this stuff#can you tell its midnight for me
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"we come back to my house, sun comes up, people in my canal—theres like 3 guys driving at 6am to go you know do the sunrise fishing excursion"
"—and it just like driving out of my like canal, i was like this is incredible! it was the most sereal feeling ill ever feel in my life"
"i could use a canal to drive out of like what is going on? you said that twice now! most people drive out of their street, out of their driveways—" "just a subtle flex" "he lives on a canal!" "hes like, lives in a canal this guy!" "im tryna paint the picture for you guys!
alternatively the canal cut or maffhew lives in ft lauderdale and it is absolutely impossible to not mention the canal infrastructure of the area during storytime and he gets chirped for it
#mr maffhew and his canal#i love him bringing up his canal#“im tryna paint the picture for you guys!” okay mr whiner mcwhinerson#i get invited over a lot to my friends family events and his folks moved to ft lauderdale so i understand the whole canal debacle#he'll just casually go so you wanna take the kiyak out on the canal? or maybe the boat? and im like the what#the canal. at the back of my parents place.#and im like you can just. go out on that. you dont get in trouble by like authorities.#(man whos experience with canals is dead bodies found in them and like boogieman tales of gators in those things)#(so much so i refuse to take the shortcut thats right beside it because of the said gators for like 16 years. no gators are there btw.)#and also the canals i live near arent used recreationally so you really cant just. go in em. willy nilly.#so ft lauderdale to me is like a place that shouldnt exist but does somehow#the canal infrastructure of ft lauderdale is fascinating go look at a map of it even if you arent near the ocean there is. canal.#how does canal? where does it feed from? idk canal!
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ralph breaks the internet wouldve been peak if it didnt have a bunch of pointless product placement and better writing
#i like when media make like lil virtual worlds based around the internet and or computer stuff in general like thats what im kinda tryna do#i enjoyed some of those aspects in the movie . it also had a couple fun characters and designs#its just sad how OOC they made ralph 😭 why was he so clingy brah#atleast deltarune took the whole Internet/computer based world thing and made it silly
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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so funny like. realising u do the thing in ur art that you have wanted to do. does this make sense.
like i saw good texture and i was like yum! and now i absorbed that and i have texture in my art. you are what u eat 🙏
#sorry i am 2am incomprehensible#my issue with my art rn is that#i have Depth in this One Thing#but i dont know how to do anything else#and thats an issue FOR ME because im tryna get somewhrre#with all yhis#yeah anyways#sleepytime thoughts
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