#i only realized i messed up how the windows work like 3/4 of the way into lineart soooo

[thecrowsart]

👁️🦎🎯

(crops under cut)

[syoish-aot]

"I Found You" - Reader/Eren reverse isekai - PART 3

word count: 1022, still rated T [updated June 27]

<- PART 2 | PART 4 ->

*********

“Eren’s acting weird today.” You tell Jean, an hour later and shortly after arriving at the restaurant. It was the soft opening of Niccolo’s bar, and he’d invited all of his friends to try out the menu and get day drunk.

To all of your friends, it seemed like the perfect way to spend a Saturday.

The bar was right in the middle of downtown, split into two levels with a more fancy dining area and a patio upstairs, and the casual bar in the lower level. Niccolo had been working for years to open it, and everyone was beyond excited that his dream had finally come true.

You wished you were more in the mood to celebrate. Unfortunately, all you could do was run your weird morning through your head as you thought about Eren.

About how he was being so… well--....

“He’s always weird.” Jean dismisses your comment with the casual wave of his hand as he takes another sip of his beer from where you’re both standing, leaning against the bar as you look out at the restaurant.

“I’m being serious.” You reply.

“So am I.” Jean shrugs.

When you don’t reply to the obvious ribbing from your friend (something that would normally get you caught up in at least five minutes of back-and-forth banter), he looks over at you. Jean clears his throat. “What happened?” He asks.

“I think he had another nightmare that really fucked him up he-” you sigh, “he totally forgot about today and the whole drive here he was just staring out the window, not saying a single thing. He’s been raving about the restaurant opening for months and now it’s like he completely forgot it was even happening. It’s just-... It’s reminding me of third year, I guess.”

“What do you mean?”

You begin fiddling with the sleeve of your dress. “Remember that morning he had just... disappeared.”

It was back when most of your friend group was still in university. Back then, Eren and Armin were sharing a dorm and one night Eren vanished. All day, no one knew where he was. He’d left his phone, keys, and wallet at home and hadn’t told anyone he was going somewhere. He’d missed class, practice, and the plans the two of you had made to meet up for lunch.

You were ready to put in a missing persons report when that evening he just-… came back.

Around 7pm, he walked back into his dorm acting completely normally. He said he needed some time away from everyone and think about something, but as he said it he had this look in his eyes. A look that… you weren’t sure what to make of.

The same look he’d had only a few hours ago; after he released you from where he’d pinned you to your bed.

“Yeah...” Jean agreed as he swirled his drink in his glass and stared down at it in deep concentration.

“It’s just reminding me of that.” You say. “All morning he was so stiff and awkward. He said it was just a bad dream messing with his head but he-... he didn’t know who I was, Jean. He knew who Armin was though. And you. Sasha, Connie, Reiner, Annie, Mikasa, Marco, Ymir- literally everyone but me and I-”

Then Jean starts choking on his drink.

“Jean!” You exclaim as you move the drink from his hold and place it on the bar, patting his back with your other hand.

“It’s-” he manages before another cough, “It’s nothing!” Jean coughs again. “b-bye” He status as he pushes away from the bar, still trying to clear his throat. “Armin-”

You’re left there, alone at the table with only Jean’s beer for company. Completely confused as you watch him push through your group of friends in search of Armin.

You’re somehow left even more confused than ever.

And as you glance across the restaurant, Eren is nowhere to be seen.

***

Armin looked different than he had before.

Sure, he still had the same blonde hair and wide blue eyes; but the way he was looking at Eren reminded him of the little boy in Shiganshina, wishfully rattling off facts about the outside world.

There was life to him, Eren realized in an instant.

There was life.

“Eren,” Armin laughed. “You really are spacey today.”

“Sorry…” Eren mumbled, unable to look away from his best friend as he recalled the last time he’d seen him: when they’d sat together in a pool of blood and Armin had held him tightly, crying about how they were both irredeemable monsters.

“What’s that look for?” Armin asked him with another laugh.

“You’re… You’re here.” Is all Eren can manage to say. 

“Oh no.” Armin sighs. “Did you already get to the champagne? It’s barely even two in the afternoo-”

“Where’s Mikasa?” Eren suddenly asks. He hadn’t seen her yet.

He had seen plenty of other people he knew, which made him do a double take as he entered the restaurant and everyone greeted him like nothing was wrong.

Like hadn’t recently killed 80% of humanity and led to the deaths of plenty of the people in the large restaurant.

Like he was meant to just be here and some-... some party or something.

Honestly Eren wasn’t sure what the event was; but that wasn’t important, what was important was finding Mikasa. 

“Eren are you feeling alright?” Armin asks, pulling Eren out of his thoughts.

“Where are we, Armin?” He asks bluntly.

“Um… fourth and center street?”

“No. I mean-...” Eren looks away from the restaurant and back at Armin. He has to know what’s going on, right? “We said we’d-... you and I promised. We promised we’d meet in hell. Is that where we are? Are we... Armin, are we in hell?”

Armin’s eyes widened as the playful twinkle of life that had been in them before completely vanished. “Eren you-”

“Armin!” Suddenly Jean was at their sides, he grabbed Armin by the shoulders and shook him. “It’s Eren he’s- he’s-”

Armin finished the sentence for him as both of their eyes fell to their friend:

“Eren’s awake.”

[galaxycunt]

I Can’t Keep Crying pt 4

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3

Smut/fluff/Angst

Also would like to note I read a fic that inspired my own dancing scene so give that one a read too!! Almost to the end folks!

You had been out to sea for three weeks now, Buggy still giving you the hot and cold treatment. On the good days, he’d invite you to play for him, scheming for a way to make you stay. The bad days come when you refuse him. He still kept you around, watching you work.

The sun was getting hotter, your mind frying from looking at him too long. You were a hot mess, his toned and sweaty body giving you ideas.

You climbed up the crow’s nest just to get away from him. Closing your eyes as you fantasized. Frowning, realizing you only wanted to think about Buggy. Your mind drifted to other lovers, and shit had it been a long time. Then it hit you.

The last time you were on land, before this recent resupply, you ditched buggy for some guy.

Was he really that pissed off about it?

You should’ve known better, you figured Buggy was getting off with someone else anyway. The way he teased you, it pissed you off enough to blow him off at the last second.

Shit, that was 3 months into your fling. A long time to harbor any feelings.

”Hey! Buggy wants you! Tent got ripped!”

You climbed down to the deck, heart weighing your shoulders down. You thought you heard a rumor about someone else joining his bed, you hated yourself for being so stupid. It was all too late now.

Buggy opened the door shirtless, the windows letting in a soft breeze. He was all smiles today, the locket swinging against his chest.

”Heya sunshine, got a list of things from the last show. Are you good with wheels? Of course you are, the unicycles been squeaky.”

”Hello to you too, Buggy.”

He smiled again, his eyes lingering over your body. Swallowing, his eyes shot back up to yours.

“I have something else for you.”

He handed you a package with brown paper wrapping, tearing it open revealed a songbook.

You smiled widely, “holy shit! Thank you, I…why?”

”What?”

”Why are you giving this to me?”

He blushed, “I’m tired of your songs. Wanna hear something new.”

You shot him a look, it hurt that he couldn’t just be nice to be nice. Buggy always knew how to really hurt your feelings. You decide to hurt yourself more.

”What’s in the locket?”

His hand covered his chest, “nothing.”

”Heard you got a new nightly visitor, is that why I haven’t played for you in awhile?”

”Who told you that?”

”Goes around.”

”Well it’s a lie.”

You chuckle, not believing a word.

He grabbed your chin to look him in the eye, “there hasn’t been anyone else.”

The force of the grab along with the flex in his arms did something to you. You want to kiss him, against your better judgment.

“You don’t strike me as the type to stick with one person.”

He frowned and whispered, “is that what you really think of me?”

You could only shrug, Buggy letting his arm drop to his side. He doesn’t look at you, shooing you away to do your work in private.

It’s late at night when you finish, and you crawl up that crow’s nest again. The night air is a hundred times cooler than it is in your stuffy room. Your mind wanders, unable to sleep. You think about Buggy and the way his hand clutched your face.

You briefly look below you, empty. You were completely alone. Settling in, you wiggle out of you shorts.

You think about his hands, rough and strong. Dipping your fingers inside you and wished it was his.

On more than one occasion, he teased you with a threat of his dick staying inside you while he went off to work. He only made good on that promise once, the memory serving you well right now.

You thrusted against your fingers, thinking about that day. Circling and pressing on your clit the way his tongue used to, the filthy things he’d whisper in your ear as you begged for him to fuck you.

You lifted up your shirt, pinching your nipples the way he used to. You were so close to cumming, whispering his name into the sky. Your fingers kept working, trying to climax again, you figured if you came enough tonight you wouldn’t have to think about Buggy anymore.

As you twisted your shorts lower, you heard something roll away. Frozen, you gathered the courage to look below you. Still empty. In the dark you groped for what could possibly be in your pocket. It felt soft and a little velvety.

”Hope you enjoyed the show, you fucking asshole,” you yelled into the single ear in your hand.

With a huff you dropped it onto the deck below, careful to not let it land in the ocean. You thought of your next move, either stay or try to hide in your room. Regardless, Buggy was going to be a pain in your ass.

“Fuck it.”

You climbed down, looking for the ear on the deck. It must’ve already made its way to its owner, and you decided to follow it. As you made your way through the dark corridors of the ship, you wrote your script on confronting him. You were never good at relationships, no one ever proved you wrong. The script was always the same.

You knock on the door, waiting impatiently for him. Like a boy in trouble, Buggy’s eyes were glued to the floor.

”I didn’t think you were gonna do that.”

”How long have you been fucking spying on me?”

He scratched his nose nervously, “heard you were up there all day, got worried.”

Now it was time for your script, “Buggy, stop with this bullshit okay? We both know you don’t care about me all that much.”

”Why do you say that?”

You gestured around you, “I’m not made for love, okay I get it. Embarrass me a few times, now it’s done. All of it.”

In the light, his eyes glistened. Carefully he stepped toward you, your resolve threatening to break. Buggy tugged at your shirt’s hem, afraid to hold your hand. You had never seen him like this, your world crumbled around you.

“You are. I…know you are.”

You moved closer to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. He squeezed your waist, pulling you tight against him. Neither dared to move, you listened to his heart thump rapidly against you.

”I’m no good, but I want to be. I just knew,” he huffed, “I knew that you’d fall for someone better.”

”You hurt me too much,” you whispered.

”I’m sorry. I’m not good at this stuff.”

He rubbed your back, resting his chin on your head. You didn’t know what to say, afraid to be vulnerable. So you let him hold you, the only sounds being the waves crashing against the ship, and your own hearts.

”I shouldn’t have slept with those people, I just thought…you didn’t want me. Couldn’t blame you for that, you know.”

”I want…I want love, Buggy. I don’t like what you do.”

He nodded, “I know. I…only been in love once. I was young, and maybe he loved me back. I dunno…he left me, betrayed what I thought I knew about him.”

You lifted your head to look him in the eyes, a pain threatening to break him down.

”I haven’t learned how to love since. It’s not fair to you, is it?”

You shrug, and he squeezed you tighter.

”Don’t just roll over for me, you’re better than that.”

“Maybe I want you anyway, I can see the man you really are.”

He choked on a sob, “you’ll find someone better.”

”Buggy, look at me.”

He did, regret written on his face. Your fingertips ghosted over his cheek, inching closer and closer to his lips. He met you there, the taste of salt landed on your tongue. You rubbed his eyes gently with your thumbs, he kissed you again. A shy smile on his face, matching your own.

“I missed you.”

”I missed you too.”

Your lips couldn’t stop finding each other, you felt like you were floating. Buggy led you to his bed, your bed really.

“Is this okay?” he said.

You nodded, tugging at his bandana. Running your fingers through his hair, he hummed in delight. The words you wanted to say danced on your lips, a small anxious side of you wondered if this good feeling was going to last.

He seemed to sense it, his own nervousness filling the air. Slowly he unbuttoned your shirt, peppering your skin with kisses.

”What were you thinking about, up there?”

You laugh, “every crazy thing we done before.”

He smiled, “I guess it’s okay to tell you I jerk it to the time we fucked in that bar restroom.”

”Like recently?”

”Oh babe, all the fucking time.”

That seemed to ease you, biting his collarbone, your eyes still on that locket.

Would it be weird to bring it up again now?

”You should go around shirtless more often,” you teased.

”Only if you do,” he kissed you again, “now let me fuck you. Please.”

You giggled as his hands roamed down your body, a satisfied smile as he felt your wetness. You missed his rough fingers thrusting inside you, only to slip out to give your clit attention. You bit his earlobe, a groan let out that you missed hearing.

“God damn,” he said as he sunk into you.

His fingers still circled your clit as he thrusted into you, “you missed this fat cock, didn’t you?”

You nodded breathlessly, you certainly missed his dirty mouth. Buggy rode on that ego, making you squirm beneath him. You claimed his lips with a searing kiss, feeling intoxicated on him and how he made you cum.

He lifted your legs up to hit deeper, the moan you let out louder than either of you expected, edging him closer.

You couldn’t hear what he whispered as he came. Before you could ask, he buried his face into the crook of your neck, kissing you. Emotion overcame you, and you cry silently. He noticed it anyway.

”Hey, please don’t be sad. I…don’t want to ruin this,” he pleaded.

You eyed that locket again, fingers inching towards it. He let you open it, you recognize the photo. It was the day you snuck off to an island to spend alone time together. You thought you looked bad, and he teased you about it. He said he thought you were cute anyway.

”You didn’t want it, so you know.”

”Needs you in there too, so we can both wear it.”

He smiles and kisses you, “I’m not tired, are you?”

You shook your head, letting him lead you out of bed. Buggy gently placed your hand on his shoulder, his own placed on your hip.

”Excuse my bad singing,” he says.

He hummed a quiet song, swaying you both gently. It was a love song, and you realized you never had anyone do this with you before. You pressed your bodies closer together, and you cry again.

”Hey, hey. It’s okay,” he whispers.

Buggy kisses your tears away, the song long forgotten as you dance together, the moon shining down on you. It was almost too perfect, too unbelievable.

”I didn’t mean it, when I did it first.”

He frowns, “I shouldn’t have done anything either. Let’s just move past it okay?”

You nod, “sorry.”

”It’s okay, I just believe in clean slates. Blame those missionaries that corner you at every port.”

You laugh, “you’re such a clown.”

He wiggled his eyebrows, kissing you again. You don’t want him to stop, letting him take you to bed again.

He’s between your legs for the second time tonight, and you’re determined to keep him there.

[axelnyx]

Desolation Part 4

part 3

Can also be read here on ao3.

Soap still couldn’t sleep. Don’t get him wrong, he has managed to sleep on and off for a few hours, but it’s not enough. Its been two days since his team left, he was exhausted and yet he couldn’t fucking sleep. His ribs ached with each breath he took, keeping the possibility of sleep just out of Soap’s reach. Occasionally, Soap had to force down a cough. Trying desperately to avoid another fit. Most of the time he failed, and each cough would intensify the pain to the point his side felt like it was burning. He hated it. It frustrated him to no end. Sure, Soap could probably go get some pain meds from medical, but that required getting up. Not only that, but the medical staff would certainly ask questions. Questions that Soap did not have the energy to lie about. He was tired of lying to people. What's funny is that, when he was younger, he hated how much people lied to him, especially the people he thought cared about him. So, in turn, he had promised himself that he wouldn’t lie to the people he cared about. Yet, he had done it. He lied to Price, and to Gaz, and if Ghost would have confronted him then Soap would have lied to him as well.

Guilt ate away at Soap. He trusted his team, more than he probably should, and he liked to believe that his team trusted him as well. And yet, he fucking lied. Right to their faces. What’s worse is that Gaz knew he was lying. Gaz knew but didn’t press him about it. He didn’t demand answers or get angry with Soap. Soap wishes he had.

If Soap was being honest, staying on base was almost as bad as staying in an empty hotel. He thought staying would keep his anxiety to a minimum. He was wrong. Sure, his surroundings were familiar, but it mattered little when it was pitch black. The only light source being the glaring red of his alarm clock. He thought the constant movement of fellow soldiers would ward off any scenarios his mind attempted to conjure up. It didn’t. In fact, every time someone walked past his door Soap would tense and hold his breath. Waiting for the person to come through the door. Waiting for them to make a move, only for them to continue past his room.It wasn’t like this when his team was one base. Knowing they were close by always eased his nerves. But now, they are all gone and Soap hates it.

So yes, Soap wishes Gaz had pushed him for the truth. Though, Soap knows why he didn’t. If Gaz had, then Gaz would have to deal with the broken mess that Soap was. Gaz probably would have gotten Ghost, who in turn would have gotten Price and then Soap would have been everybody’s problem. They didn’t need Soap’s problems on top of their own. They need to rest, and to heal, and they couldn’t do that if they had to worry about Soap.

Soap laid on his bed, curled up on his uninjured side until sunlight began to filter in through his window. He knew he should get up, he had work to do and it wasn’t like he would magically fall asleep, but the thought of moving made him cringe. Soap debated with himself on whether it was worth it or not to move from his bed. In the end, his phone decided for him. Its shrill ringtone echoed throughout the room and Soap grimaced at the noise. He lifted his head and looked at his nightstand, only to huff in frustration when he realized he had left it on his dresser that was tucked in a corner across the room.

Soap inhaled sharply and braced his injured ribs as he sat up from the bed. He slowly stood up and made his way towards the dresser, glaring at his phone as it continued to ring. He mentally cursed whatever deity, if any, was watching over him as he read the caller ID. He released a sigh and picked up his, answering it as he brought it up to his ear. “Hey auld man,” he greeted with faux cheerfulness, earning a slight chuckle from the man. “Hey lad,” Price responded, “I was just calling to check up on everything. I haven’t heard from you since we left.”

“Everythin’ has been all good here,” Soap responded, “Nothin’ interestin’ has happened. It’s honestly been a bit borin’.” “I figured as much, but that’s not what I meant. What I meant was: How have you been? Everything alright?” Price asked, a bit of worry seeping into his voice.

The question through Soap off guard. Why was Price suddenly asking this? There was no way he knew about Soap’s injuries. “Aye, I’m doin’ alrigh’. Why do ye ask?” Soap responded. There was a moment of silence before Price spoke. “Gaz mentioned something about you not seeming right the last time the two of you talked. Said he was a bit worried about you.” Soap wanted to kill Gaz at that moment. Nevermind that he viewed the man as practically his brother or that they have spilt blood for each other. Soap was going to kill him or at least knock him around a bit. “Did he now?” Soap asked, a bit of his frustration seeping into his voice. “Well you know how Gaz is,” he continued, “Man’s a bit of a worry wart.” Price sighed on the other side of the phone. “I’m a bit worried too, son.” Price said.

Soap’s heart clenched at the title. “I’m fine,” he said. “You don’t sound fine, Soap.” Price replied, quiet but firmly, “You sound exhausted and I can tell your breathing sounds off even through the phone.” Soap knew he sounded exhausted, hell he was exhausted. But, as he took stock of himself, he realized Price was right. His breathing did sound off. Each exhale produced a small wheezing sound from his lungs. Soap would be lying if he said he wasn’t a bit worried about it.

“I’m fine,” Soap repeated. “You’re not. I know you’re not. Talk to me, son.” Price pleaded. By now Soap was getting pissed. Gaz had no right telling Price anything about their conversation and Price had no right to question him about it. It was none of their concern and if Soap wanted them to know he would have told them. “Ye dinnae know shit, Price,” Soap bit out, “Why the hell do ye care anyway?” “I’m your Captain. It’s my job to care.” Price responded with a level voice.

And that was it, wasn’t it. It was his job to care. He had no choice in the matter. It was the only reason he put up with Soap. It was the only reason Price was checking on him now. He didn’t actually care about Soap. He never did. He was just doing his job and that’s all it ever was. All it ever will be. Soap’s nothing but a tool and it’s Price’s job to make sure he doesn’t break. Otherwise, Soap’s useless.

“Whatever you say, Captain,” Soap spat. “Don’t be like that, son,” Price said softly. “I have to go. I have things to do.” Soap replied harshly, cutting off Price’s sounds of protest as he ended the call. Soap stared at his phone for a few moments. His rage increased as the call played through his head over and over. Who the hell does Price think he is? He had no right to act like he actually cared. He sure as hell had no right to call him “son”. Soap huffed out a breath and hastily scrolled through his contacts. When he found the right one, he clenched his jaw and tapped the call button, raising the phone to his ear once again.

It rang twice before he heard the tell tale sound of it being picked up. “Soap.” Gaz said with a slightly dejected tone, as if he was already expecting what was to come. “Wha’ te hell is the matter wit’ ye?” Soap hissed through clenched teeth. Gaz sighed. “I was worried about you, mate.” he said. “So ye went ta Price instead of jus’ talkin’ ta me?” Soap asked, running a hand through his mohawk in frustration. “I thought maybe you would tell him what was bothering you. You sure as shit didn’t want to tell me the last time we talked.” Gaz replied, beginning to sound irritated himself. “Because it’s none of ye business. If I wanted ye ta know then I would o’ told ye. Am I not allowed to have a personal life now? Is that it? Ye all are allowed to have yer secrets and yer faults but the moment I do it’s unacceptable. What kind o’ bullshit is tha’?”

Soap knew he was ranting, he also knew that Gaz didn’t deserve to hear it. He knew Gaz was probably just worried, but Soap was tired, and hurting, and he just wanted to be left the hell alone. He didn’t want to answer any more questions, or to explain himself to anyone. He didn’t need to explain shit to anyone.

“Soap, please. I know something is wrong, mate. Just talk to us.” Gaz pleaded. “Steamin’ Jesus. Ye an’ Price jus’ know everything, don’t ye?” Soap said sarcastically. “It’s not like that,” Gaz replied, starting to sound a bit desperate. “Like hell it isn’t. Ye both can’t get off meh back for five fuckin’ seconds.” Soap replied coldly. Gaz let out a sigh that only served to further agitate Soap. “Soap listen,” Gaz started. “No,” Soap cut him off, “I’m done listening and I’m done talking. Do us both a favor an’ dinnae try to contact me ‘til ye all get back from leave.” Soap hung up the phone before Gaz could respond.

He looked at the top of his screen, seeing he had some new messages. He clicked on the notification and scoffed when he saw who they were from. Price had sent him a few messages asking him to call him back so they could talk or to at least find someone else to talk to. He also had the nerve to tell Soap to get checked out by medical. Soap scoffed again and exited out of Price’s messages. Upon further inspection, he realized that he also had a message from Ghost. He clicked on the message and made his way back to his bed, sitting on the edge of the mattress. Ghost never was one for conversation, so it came as no surprise to Soap as he read the two worded message. ‘Call me.’ it read. Soap was tempted to. In truth, he missed talking to the lieutenant. He hadn’t gotten the chance to before the man was put on leave. But Soap was still exhausted, and hurting, and it felt harder to breath. The light, raspy wheeze he noticed earlier seemed to be a bit louder now and his chest felt more constricted.

Soap took a deep breath, attempting to get more air in his lungs, and immediately regretted it as he was thrown into another coughing fit. His ribs screamed in protest as he struggled to pull in air. Soap doubled over and hung his head between his shoulders, gripping his comforter to stop himself from falling over. Just as his vision was starting to become blurred around the edges, the coughing finally subsided. It left Soap winded and gasping for breath. It took several more minutes for Soap to get his breathing relatively back to normal. Well, as normal as it was before he started coughing.

Soap sighed and looked back down at the message Ghost had sent him. He debated with himself for only a moment before sending back a one word reply.

‘Later.’

[alwaysspeakshermind]

What does Katniss mean when she says: “A kind Peeta Mellark is far more dangerous to me than an unkind one”?

Chapter 4 of The Hunger Games novel.

Thank you

@curiousnonny

Well.

I kind of hate that I didn't need you to specify that this came from Chapter 4 of THG. Like I really, really hate that I already knew that, lol. (Yes Mom, you may be right...maybe I do know these books better than I should!)

Anyways, thanks for the ask, and here goes!

When you're in pretty much any competition, it's much, much easier to destroy your competitor if you don't care about them. If you dislike them, it's even easier; you might even take some pleasure in shoving your victory down their throat. While the Games are a much higher-stakes competition that essentially requires you sell your soul to come out on top, that same principle applies if you are a practical, rational person who is a survivor at heart...and Katniss is. For her, cruelty and neglect and rudeness have basically zero effect. But kindness is a problem, because it's not something to be expected in an environment like the Games, and the reaction she has to it is one she is already trying to guard against...like she says in one of my favorite book quotes ever, "Kind people have a way of working their way inside me and rooting there."

(I get it, Katniss. I really do. It's the WORST 😭)

The thing about the Games is that they're cruel on the basest level. In order to "win," you have to force yourself to stop thinking of 23 other kids you've never met (assuming you don't know your district partner) as human beings, and start thinking of them in terms of predator/prey. And for Katniss, that's the struggle...like she says when telling Gale goodbye before the train, "The awful thing is that if I can forget they're people, it will be no different at all [than killing animals]." While she doesn't want to have to kill people to survive, she knows herself well enough to know that she'll try with everything in her to get back home, and to do that, she has to play by the Capitol rules and not think of her opponents as people. Peeta is a problem for her, because not only is he not horrible, but he's nice and she feels as though she owes him. If she believes he's got something up his sleeve, or is being holier-than-thou, or even just resents her for getting a better score, she has a better chance of convincing herself that she could kill him if it came down to it. But the more she gets to know about him, the more she realizes how genuinely kind he is, and since him being kind lowers her chances of making it back home to her sister, she tries to limit how much they talk, not think about him any more than she has to, or even just make herself mad at him.

But what is that thing Gale says about him in CF, when they're all training? "It'd be better if he were easier to hate."

And what does Katniss reply? "Tell me about it...If I could've just hated him in the arena, we all wouldn't be in this mess now. He'd be dead, and I'd be a happy little victor all by myself."

Peeta's just too darn kind and too darn likeable for Katniss to effectively shut him out for any lengthy period of time, so that's why her usual methods involve either complete avoidance or the literal locking of doors between them. And because she figures all that out pretty quickly and knows his kindness is going to cause her to make some not-totally-smart moves, it both worries and frustrates her and she reacts in typical Katniss fashion...she throws those perfectly good cookies out of the train window and, you know...inadvertently makes it worse for herself thanks to the dandelion <3

[melon-official]

HI. for ramen water (if. u don't want to do all of these. understandable. i'm most curious about the bold ones)

[Tier 0] 6, 8, 29

[Tier 2] 8, 26

[Tier 3] 10, 11

[Tier 4] 2, 13, 23, 28

[Tier 5] 13, 16, 28

of course im going to do all of these what do u think i am? sane?

6. Living situation; where do they live? How did they end up there?

ramen water shares an apartment near the square with seven roommates. they all found each other through turf war or squid craigslist, and their place has the energy of that one tiktok of the eleven person brownstone house tour (wait, it's actually sixteen. oh my fucking god) and it's like an ecosystem in there. somehow their individual chaos balances each other's out perfectly

8. Favorite weapon class and why? 

chargers, probably! although the heavy splatling is his all-time fave and he's quite fond of the splatana wiper. his favorite "category" of weapon is really anything with a wave breaker; the only reasoning for his choice of weapons is a note in his earlier concepts that says "mains what i main". he's evolved a bit from that, but he's still a player-character guy at his core

29. What’s a situation that would make them cry? Do they cry easily?

this is an interesting one. i don't think ramen water's opposed to crying, but i don't think it comes quite as naturally to him as it would to most of my other characters. he's more the type to simmer, speak his mind, or outright get into a full-blown argument first, and crying is more of an afterthought for serious stuff when he actually manages to sit down and process for awhile

8. Any details about their appearance that they’ve put a lot of thought into?

all of it all the time!! his "standard" appearance/mimic is crafted to suit him and it's something he's done for so long that calling it to mind is second-nature. in that context, he's not keeping specific tabs on it—if he's messing around with smaller features he does have to keep them in mind for awhile or they'll change back. —that being said, mimicking top scars is something he's put long-term thought into + worked through a host of doubts about.

26. Do they care about “being fresh”? Have they ever cared and how did it show?

yeah, lol! but in the same way that he cares about being (his version of) put-together, or being good at turf. i think it's just something that's part of his life so he wants to be decent at it. (he also loves barazushi merch so the freshness rating is like a bonus collectors incentive to him)

10. Something they feel is extraordinary about themself?

rw absolutely revels in his self-created whimsy and his refusal to care about how others see him. he thrives in his own unknowability + while that in and of itself can cause him issues, he's also really comfortable in his own skin + knows what he's capable of!

11. Something other people see in them that they don’t really see?

in general, his persona's so carefully crafted (physically and socially) that there's really not an assumption someone could make about him that he isn't already aware he's implying :/ this isn't really an answer to the question, but i think the closest anyone gets to this kind of thing is isaiah, who can relate deeply to his relationship with the nss and why glory's argument with him tore such a rift in their friendship for awhile. that, and he'll occasionally mimic features of someone he's thinking about without realizing it, cuz his mimic ability is that ingrained in his life/thoughts. (and thats my justification for swapping hairstyles/gear in-game without going thru the whole character creation screen)

2. Have they ever intentionally hurt anyone? How?

that is a GOOD ASS QUESTION and almost for sure the answer is no, he hasn't. i think the closest he comes to this is being a little too defensive over misunderstandings or the time he was playing softball with his roommates and broke a window (one of the roommates was the softball)

13. What kind of morals do they follow and where did they learn them?

ramen water grew up in his moms' very kind and even more matter-of-fact care, which i haven't really put a lot of thought into besides that they're kind of like this and he loves them very much. so he's very dedicated to his passions + goals and lets smaller things slide off his back easily, but when something offends him, BOY is it an offense. on a similar note, one of the reasons he works so much is cuz he's determined to make it on his own and insists on paying his rent + expenses out of pocket, even though he wouldn't have been desperate to escape his living situation. he just wants to be a big kid. he definitely still visits home regularly

23. How do they deal with bad emotions? Do they have any tried-and-true coping mechanisms?

as his mom(s(??)) would say, "While we can use the label negative [...] it’s important to acknowledge that all emotions are completely normal to experience." i'd say he's better-equipped than most his age on handling stress + knowing how well he can navigate different situations... he's solid on terms of accepting his emotions + putting effort toward understanding them. howeverrrr, that doesn't make these situations easier to handle in the moment... he spends a lot of time in his own head trying to unpack that without reaching out for another opinion, working late or even just doing menial tasks instead of sitting down to feel the weight of those emotions. it's a coping mechanism as much as it is an avoidance tactic; if a situation's dire enough he's prone to thinking about it way more than he needs to, ruminating over all sorts of possible explanations and generally not giving himself very much credit at all.

28. Are they a person that gives or takes more? Is it intentional?

in small ways he takes more: there's a perpetual battle over snack stealing in his apartment and he tends to act in his own best interests whenever he gets the chance. on a larger scale, though, he unintentionally tries to do neither; he's not a giver or a taker if he can just stay out of the way

13. How hard is it to get to KNOW them? Are they an open book or does NOBODY really know them?

one HUNDRED percent in FULL seriousness there is not a soul on earth who Really Knows them, ramen water included. his identity and his personality and everything he knows about himself is like a piece of the puzzle, but he's been swapping and layering all kinds of masks for so long that he really doesn't know what he's like without one. maybe under all those layers there's nothing. glory's the one who knows him the best, with isaiah and his moms at a close second. or, at least, he's the most genuine with them. his roommates and his penpal lemon see him w/o a decent amount of filter; his coworkers probably see about the same amount (maybe even less if he's particularly tired or running on autopilot). he defaults to oversharing just enough to keep people from asking questions about him

16. How would they describe themself?

exactly the way they want people to see them, really. talking about himself to himself is a whole other animal and the answer varies wildly with his emotional state, but he tries not to be mean

28. Has their appearance or character changed over the years? How and why?

metawise? ramen water, like honeydew, is sort of a stand-alone character in this hero mode universe, but the nature of him as an avatar in my game means that he gets all sorts of extra connections and bits that don't quite make sense. there's no canon reason for him to have a penpal or be on a competitive team, etc etc etc, but his persona is funny enough that i keep him around all the time + bits of those experiences leak into his character. i think it's also worth noting here that he and honeydew are distantly related + i made this happen for the sole reason that i make them both run around on my switch

since u read this far i'm also handing u half a fun fact: he does have a real, legal name that's not ramen water. i have made this name known to zero people and im trying to keep it that way for as long as i can so everyone just has to call him ramen water forever

[laianely]

*insert main failed cool intro ideas*

I apologize for making a mess of your floors and for well.....breaking into your house. The chimney was wide open and the fire put out- a lovely glass of milk perched on the table top. My Santa senses were tingling- i knew you had great taste but that only left me with more questions. If Santa may ask..

1. What are your favorite songs?

2. Whats your favorite Christmas activity or tradition?

3. Whats your favorite Christmas classic (book movie or tale)?

4. What's your favorite color?

5. What's your favorite trope? (ex:enemies to lovers)

6. What are things you do not want in your gift (things you dislike)?

Santa has been cooking up some ideas for some potential fic idea. I would like to ask you which one you like the most and if you'd like me to change anything or include anything. After all Santa wants to give you a gift you'll truly enjoy (I think my Santa impressions are starting to get too creepy now-oops).

Idea 1. Reverse Isekai- "I accidentally summoned a pirate into my room instead of the demon I was trying to make a deal with" This could be a play on season 5 in an alternate universe where Killian kills rumplestiltskin and becomes the dark one. Emma "accidentally" summons him instead and he's not happy about it. But in trying to find a way to get him back to his world....they grow on each other and he decides to stay or leave (depends on the ending- they could find a way to make him mortal or he could stay with her until she dies or there's a time limit on how long killian could stay and he ends up disappearing and she spends ages trying to find him.

Idea 2. That darned book- "Classic! I got consumed by a book of fairytales and I'm now a gaurdian angel for a self destructive pirate. How do I prevent him from doing anything drastic without revealing my identity". There could be a fun spin on things where Emma posses items near him causing him to think the Jolly Roger is haunted....captain floor who? We could have angst and misunderstandings with killian thinking Emma is working for rumple. We could have messups where Emma tries to do something good but it backfires. We could have a blue fairy and tinkerbell moment with Emma returning back to the real world and Killian realizing life isn't the same without her so he trades his ship and travels all the way too find her + some groveling and a happy go lucky ending.

Idea 3. A play on real life- Emma and killian are in college and they hate each other guts. They're both theater kids and have secured the lead roles in the college play much to their distress acting as a captive prince and a cutthroat pirate captain. Unfortunately for them their dislike for each other is so strong the fairytale gods decide to intervene and transmigrate them onto blackbeards ship as lovely deckhands. Will they be able to work together and find a way to escape or will they continue to bicker their way to doom? Basically over time they'll grow to trust and open up to each other which is the key to their escape.

4. Ghost of the Christmas past present and future for both Emma and Killian. Haven't thought much about this one.

Do let me know which one you like the best and feel free to offer suggestions and I could even refine or write a few more blurbs out. Hope you've been doing well and taking care of yourself!

PS: I apologize if this is a mess and filled with typos lol (its 3 am and I'm so exhausted from rehearsals 😭)

Hey Santa!

I suppose next time I should prepare not only milk for you but also a bed so you could rest, 'cause omg, 3am!

I think I have a lot of favorite songs) It's really hard to choose but I'll try... "I'm yours" by Isabel LaRosa "Too sweet" by Hozier "Touch" by July Talk "Ruby with the sharpest lies" by Des Rocs "Come with me now" by Kongos "Particles" by Nothing But Thieves "Valkyrie" by Battle Tapes "Breathe" by Window to the Abbey "Royalty" by Neoni

Exchange gifts 🤭 Also I like Christmas decorations with all those beautiful lights.

I'm not sure if it's classic but I love "Love Actually".

Blue is on top and purple is second favorite.

Well, I've searched what things considered a trope, so the things that popped up in my mind Enemies to lovers (obviously 🙃), friends to lovers, fake dating, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending

A/B/O, gore and body horror aren't my things absolutely. Also I usually don't like bad endings.

As for your ideas, they all sounds really interesting! But my favorite two is 1 and 2. And... I think I like the first one more) But if you'll have some difficulties with it, the second one is still an option.

I don't have any particular requirements or ideas for it, but I can't wait to see what you come up with!

Have fun! And please take care of yourself!

[slowee00]

• — SYSTEM X • ACT 1

• BY SLOWEE00/SLOoORE

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INTRO 𝟶𝟷 • 𝚂𝚊𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚏𝚒𝚌𝚎 희생

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❌ MASTERLIST + INFO + WARNING

The first two - three chapters are old. Bare with me.

Chapter warning: super short, augst(?), might have grammar errors.

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DISCLAIMER ⚠️

This is a work of fiction. Characters, character personalities, business, events and incidents are the products of the author's imagination. Stan Ateez and their hardworking music. <3

[Flashback: nearly a year ago]

Location: unknown

"Damn, it’s locked." Lola stated, banging on the medal door one more time. She tried every thing. "We're trapped, it's no use..." Yeji mumbled. She felt the cold concrete under her rear as she sits down on the freezing stairs. She sighs, running her thoughts on how she got into this mess to begin with.

"So...we're gonna give up?" Lola asked, turning around to face her partner. "Well… the head is dead, the widows are free, which means our mission is... done."

Lola gave Yeji a worrisome expression before joining her on the cold stairs.

"One minute till self destruct. Please head to the escape pods immediately."

Lola sighs and rubs her hands together as if she trying to ease some stress. Her leg bounces up and down, thinking if there another way out of this death situation. Any windows? No we're underground and every gate has been locked so tightly, not even a insect can sneak in.

The two woman took off their black mask to smell the toxic yet fresh air. It smelt of burnt mental, dry dirt, and concrete. The smell of being buried alive.

"...smells like ass..." Lola let out a small snort at Yeji's comment. She smiles up at Yeji while Yeji looked up at her smooth face. Lola unintentionally placed her hand on Yeji's thighs with her palm facing up.

Yeji isn't much of a talker. She's probably the only assassin who takes her job seriously besides Seongwha, Mingi, and Hongjoong. Yet she was here, waiting on her death beside one of most loved person in the squad. Lola. A loveable person. Guess she’s the closest Yeji would ever get to ‘rest in peace’.

"10...9...8...7...6...5..."

"I'm sorry, Yeji," Lola muttered, biting her lip and look up to Yeji while the corner of her eyes began to swell.

"Me…” Yeji swallowed. “…Me..too," Yeji answered grabbing her hand and held it tightly; pressing her forehead against Lola's.

"...3...2...1-"

"This is Bravo 7, every squad has made it out, 4-K is unresponsive. 4-K do you copy?! Over!!" Mingi yelled though his intercom, praying to have a response but received nothing but static on the other end.

His breathing slowed. he felt his heart in his throat. He was thinking the impossible. Killing both Lola and Yeji would be impossible. Both women are strong fighters and a simple mission like this couldn't kill them both. No, not after everything.

Drips of sweat ran down the males face as his palms began to heat up. There was something in his stomach, screaming for him to do something more than to scream into his intercom.

"Don't do this Lola, He's gone so far-" just than, a large explosion occurred. Sending large and small parts of concrete in the air. The helicopter swerved in a attempt to dough the flying dead trap.

"Oh god..." Mingi mumbled as the the underground building blow up to bits. His messy yellow and black hair blows crazy against the strong wind through the black smoke.

"Lieutenant I need to withdraw now! I can't see a thing! The mission is complete, there’s nothing we can do!" Yelled the pilot. Mingi didn't have time response as the pilot swerved the helicopter away from the flaming land.

“Lieutenant what’s your status!? Bravo 7 do you copy!?” Mingi could only watch the flame grow smaller as two of his partners go up in flames. With no response or last words.

He lifted up his intercom to his pumped lips, inhaling and exhaling a breath of realization. The sound of the radio and gunshots were muffled as he pushed down on the red button at the top of his walkie-talkie.

“Mission of General Dreykov; 5 out of 7 red room: mission..." he paused.

"Complete... two KIA.”

"Yes!," Wooyoung yelled with a big smile on his face. He jumped off of the helicopter after patting the pilot's shoulder for a 'thank you'. Yunho couldn't help but to smile too. Even the pilot started to play music from the copters radio.

"That was awesome! San, the way you slid under the guard!" He commented pointing at San. "Show me how you did that!" Yunho added.

Everyone's hair aggressively blows as the wind began to pick up. Mingi's copter.

Wooyoung smiled, waving his hand up high for Mingi or anyone else to see. His other hand behind his back.

"Mingi!" He yelled.

Once Mingi's copter was close to the ground, the mixed haired male jumped off of ledge and landed on his feet with a loud stomp. "Min-" Yunho went in for a hug but the male simply walked passed him. "-gi..." he finished, putting down his arms. He sounded hurt with a tint of confusion in his eyes.

The copper finally landed, giving Wooyoung a better view of what was in his companion's copper.

Nothing. The med kit, the backup weapons, and the medical bed still sat at the back of the copper with each strap in the same place.

"Mingi, where's Lola and Yeji?" San asked the taller male, in which he didn't get an answer from. Wooyoung's mouth hanged open slightly, shocked at the empty setting.

"Where is Lola and Yeji, Mingi!" Wooyoung asked, getting more aggressive.

They waited for an answer for a couple of seconds but Wooyoung had enough and began to walk towards the tall male.

"Where the hell are they?!" He yelled, only to be stopped by San and Yunho. Both male placed their hands on his chests, stopping Wooyoung from doing something he’ll might regret later. Mingi stood close to the cliff, looking over the tall trees and mountains.

"K..." He said.

“No-”

“KIA… they’re KIA.” Mingi broke in a whisper, taking out a small box.

Wooyoung grips San's shoulder as his legs began to become weak. “You’re joking..” “wish I was..” The air in his lungs were kicked out of him, leaving his month gaped. Yunho held his waist, trying to keep his partner standing.

“Oh shit…” Wooyoung lips began to quiver. Yunho and San exchanged glances in hopes of one of them knew what to do next. Unfortunately, they were just shooked as everyone else.

“I’m going to look for her-”

“They’re gone, Wooyoung!” Mingi shouted. “I saw the place blow up…” Wooyoung’s mouth was left gasping. “Where… where were you, Huh?!” He asked now getting angry. “They told me to leave and get the USB back to the copper and secure it…” he pauses. “ I thought they were behind me but…”

Mingi avoided everyone’s eyes, he back facing them.

Wooyoung didn’t want to believe it! Without thinking, he legs were running to the other side of the cliff upon seeing the large black smoke painting the sky.

“We have to leave! The smoke is getting too big! Someone definitely seen it and the police is probably on their way here now, get in!” The pilot yelled as he started up the copper once again.

Yunho and San gently grabbed Wooyoung’s arms and guided him to the last copper. From there they got a better view of the flaming forest. Nothing could’ve survived that. There were no words to describe the tension in the air. The atmosphere was filled with realization. The realization of there real business. They’re assassins, death is something they signed up for years ago.



NOTES

N/A

❌ - NEXT CHAPTER -

Taglist

@yayaistime

[amythystraine]

9 Magickal Herbs

From The Witch's Desk... here ya' go ~

Nine herbs for protection, to shield from unnatural illness, to ward off hexes and black magick:

1. marjoram

2. star anise

3. cumin

4. garlic

5. dragon’s blood

6. sandalwood

7. ginger

8. plantain

9. basil

How do we use these 9 herbs?

1. Marjoram:

Place a small bundle of marjoram leaves at the four corners of your house or property, and this includes everywhere you may be for extended periods of time– like your place of employment. These leaves should be replaced periodically to keep the strength and power going, say at each Full Moon cycle.

2. Star Anise:

To ward off hexes and bad mojo, you’re going to want to make a conjure bag to carry on you– in your pockets, in your purse, put it under your pillow at night. This bag will be your friend, your very close friend. About the only thing you’re going to do without it is shower– but you can still keep it close by!)

Besides the Star Anise, add a pinch of sea salt, garlic, and sage to the bag, along with a snippet of your hair, or fingernail clippings.*

3. Cumin:

You’re going to mix cumin seeds with sea salt to create a mixture you can sprinkle around the perimeter of your yard, around the foundation of your house, across the thresholds and window sills to keep Evil out. One word of caution here, if you use this stuff to sprinkle around the perimeter of your yard, everywhere you pour the sea salt, it will kill the grass. The first time I did this, I didn’t realize this would happen. We got up the next morning and looked out our upstairs bedroom window to see a clear and definite line of dead grass running all the way around the front yard. I thought this was hilarious. My (ex)husband did not see the humor in it.

4. Garlic:

For our purpose here today, the best thing I can tell you to do with garlic is to add it to your scrub water and go to town in your home– wash the hell out of the floors, the stair wells, and the front steps. If you do all this and you still feel Evil breathing down your neck, wash the walls and the windows, stair banisters, and dark and spooky closets and cubbies. Evil can run, but it can’t hide.

5. Dragon’s Blood:

Burn Dragon’s Blood, the chunks or powdered form, on charcoal. I’ve got some Dragon’s Blood incense that I bought the other day that I’m going to try for house cleansing and see how well it works. Frankly, I don’t like messing with those little round charcoals– and for newbies, this charcoal that I’m talking about is not the charcoal that you buy for grills, it’s different. It’s safer, and you can burn it indoors, just be sure that you have a strong fireproof receptacle to burn it in. I’m still going to cross my fingers and go with the incense; it smells wonderful! (“Be gone, Evil!”, says Dragon’s Blood, kicking Evil in the ass as it rushes out the door.)

6. Sandalwood:

This is another Evil chaser that can be used for smudging, as in incense, or powdered sandalwood can be added to Brick Dust and Sea Salt and sprinkled across all the thresholds to your home. And I do mean *All* the thresholds!…main entrances; back doors; every single window– including tiny basement windows and attic windows; odd entrances like cellar doors, garage doors, etc.

7. Ginger:

For protection keep a whole ginger root under your bed or your pillow at night to ward off Evil Spirits that will prey on you when you are at your most vulnerable, when you’re asleep! This is another herb that is exalted for its ability to ward off Evil from property (and to protect those individuals who reside on said property). Keep it in conjure bags scattered throughout your house; use it to sprinkle doorways, sidewalks, and walkways. Ginger is reputed to slap negative nasty behavior and energy right back to the unfortunate turd who threw it at you– and they will feel it keenly. Take advantage of this.

8. Plantain:

This little herbal magick is going where you go. Tradition advises that you use the roots and leaves of plantain kept in a conjure bag in your vehicle to protect you from the jealousy of those who envy you. Apparently, it’s assumed that Envy travels, following you like a stealthy thief in the night, ready to steal your peace of mind, your self-confidence, and your success. (As a side note, plantain and calamus root are powerful partners for Safe Travel mojo bags, which everyone in my family keeps in their vehicles.)

9. Basil:

What a versatile herb!…Okay, here we go:

1) A Cleansing Wash– add it to your mop water, along with rosemary and a pinch of sea salt and scrub your floors with it.

2) A Dry Wash– sprinkle the dried herb on your floors, and using your Broom, sweep the basil and Evil right out of your house, swooshing them right out the front door. (You can even stamp your foot and swear and cuss a little, let the universe know just what you think about the situation. You’ll feel better, trust me.)

3) Body Wash– in a good sized glass container, make a tincture of Basil that you will use for 9 days to wipe down your body, using a white cloth. On the last day, stand at the threshold of your front door, and throw out any remaining water in the jar. Along with this water, you will be throwing out Evil energy, nasty intentions from nasty people, hate, spite, jealousy, vindictiveness, plotting, and gossip. (Listen close, as the water hits the ground, you might be able to hear a squeal or a grunt as this energy is thrown back upon the individuals who are responsible for sending it.)

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

You might think this is about body dysphoria and depression. And it is! But it's also about why no one was shocked two years ago when I was diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD and only a few people were surprised when they realized that a person capable of delivering a master's level education in clinical research applications and systems theory analysis almost never eats more than 2 meals every 72 hours when Wifey is out of town on work trips!!** coincidentally, being dysphoric, suicidal, and chronically self-neglectful by accident all at once is not actually particularly coincidental lol, apparently it happens all the time.

**one time, wifey went away for 9 days to an organizing training in like Milwaukee or something, and while she was gone I kept forgetting to cook or eat so I bought a chipotle burrito bowl and then like 4 days later i didn't have any burrito bowl left so I got another, and I did this 3 times without ever eating anything other than chipotle burrito bowls and Reign Orange Creamsicle energy drinks. The day I picked her up from the airport I only remembered to make chili because she was coming home and I knew she'd be hungry and I was out of burrito bowl again

I think it's worth remembering sometimes when life gets hard. It's REALLY easy to get stuck in places in our lives that are bad for us, even or especially if we are aware of it. It is REALLY scary to buy into the reality of a better future, and you kinda need to buy in at some point before that future actually gets to be reality, or else it's often WAY too fragile to sustain long term. But we can change a lot more about our experiences in life than it seems like we should reasonably count on when it comes to deciding on buy in.

Ten years ago, I was walking down a street in a tank top and sandals during a blizzard because I didn't care enough about myself to navigate what mattered in my daily life. Today, I sat in a doctor's appt and clearly expressed my concerns, my long term treatment and care goals, and the things I would need to not get lost in the system during the process of seeking care, and it worked! My voice breaks whenever I sing because puberty is still weird the second go-around, and I spent the whole ride to my doctor's appt singing in the rain with the windows down and my music blasting and I felt alive. I do things like "maintenance", not just on my health, or my home, but also on my hobbies, on my relationships, on my routines!

And like. It's not easier? But also it is. Because it turns out that being so alienated from your body that you literally do not care about the shape that it's in or your relationship in it is actually a sign of something being wrong! And that's fixable actually! And once it's changed, even though technically you still have to put in the same work you did before, it just.....doesn't feel like it's hard work anymore.

My life isn't perfect. It's hard a lot of the time, and I'm still a hot mess. But I'm messy now in ways that are largely sustainable. I think out loud and have to be intentional about how I act on my thoughts and impulses because it takes me a while to work through cause and effect. I have valley trash taste in music and I like to fuck women who are big, loud, opinionated, and treat fighting like foreplay. Pigs will likely fly before the day I remember to eat without being literally told to by my wife.

But it's a good life and I love it, and that just makes it so much easier to face the work of continuing to maintain and cultivate that life.

It turns out that transitioning means caring if I live or die, but not so much that I've stopped being the danger slut that used to blast greenday at 130mph on the highway at 2am, which is honestly kind of hilarious because being passively suicidal for 30yrs means having cultivated a persona of responsibility, caution, and careful obfuscation of how much of my personality is the direct result of spending decades fantasizing about smashing your car into the stone facing of the foothills lmao

[nvertheless]

5:30am — jake sim

highschool students jake x reader.

you had woken up around 4:30 to a text from someone. you could feel your eyes giving up to open but you still managed to grab your phone off of your desk to see who texted you.

it was no other than jake sim, your best friend.

jake <3: hi yn r u awake [read 4:31]

you: hi jake and now i’m awake since u woke me up lol, why are you awake? your usually knocked out by this time at night [read 4:32]

jake <3: do you wanna go see the sunrise? we haven’t seen it in a while and i miss you :( [read 4:33]

you: if i say yes will you pick me up? :o [read 4:34]

jake <3: of course i will [read 4:35]

you: then yes sure :] [read 4:35]

jake <3: i’ll pick you up in 5 minutes :) [read 4:36]

you had gotten up and just stayed in what you were wearing, a comfortable t-shirt and gray sweatpants. you quietly put on your slip on shoes and closed your door as quietly as you could, trying to not wake up your parents.

you made your way downstairs to leave through the side door, you opened the side door as quickly and quietly as you could, walking out and shutting it gently. you walked to the side of your house, waiting for jake.

then a couple of minutes went by as a black car pulled up, it was jakes car. you quickly walked to his car and opened the door to see him smiling at you, “hi.” he said looking at you getting into his car, “hi jake.” you said.

you put your seatbelt on as he started driving away from your house. you took a closer look at him. he was wearing a blue hoodie with some black sweatpants, his brown hair had been messy, he looked cute.

“where are we going?” you asked him as he stopped at a red light. “the beach we always go to, did you forget about our spot?” he asked, pretending to be sad to just mess with you. “no! no i didn’t i just.. thought you were taking us somewhere else this time.” you said looking down, feeling a little embarrassed.

“i’m just messing with you y/n, i’m not upset about that i understand since we haven’t hung out.. like just the two of us in awhile.” he said as he started driving again, you looked at him before looking out of the window, seeing all the dark houses, everyone sleeping peacefully.

“when was the last time we looked at the sunrise anyways?” you asked. “i’m not sure.. maybe like since summer.” damn. it’s been a while.

you could say you missed it a lot.. or just missed jake. he was busy with soccer and you were busy with school, you two couldn’t find a time to hang out together.. and it sucked.

the car had stayed silent, mostly soft music from jakes phone connected onto his radio was playing, you could feel your eyes slowly close but you made sure they didn’t.

you two had finally pulled up to the beach, hence it was already 5:00am. he parked somewhere as you both got out of his car, you stood next to him as you walked on the cool sand. jake found a small spot on the sand that wasn’t dirty with the help of the flashlight on his phone.

you two had sat there, he sat close to you as you looked at the water splashing back and forth. you didn’t even realize how close he was until you looked at him. your heart had started to beat faster than usual.

you started to shiver a little bit, forgetting it was kinda cold and you had only wore a t-shirt, “are you cold?” jake had asked you as you slowly nodded your head. jake looked next to him and grabbed his white hoodie to give to you. “you brought another hoodie with you?”

“i knew you were gonna forget something so i came handy just in case, and it worked.” he said as you slide on the comfortable hoodie, it smelt exactly like him, but of course it did.

you two sat in silence, just looking at the water until you noticed the sun started to rise. the colors of yellow, pink and purple were all happening at once, it was beautiful.

“jake look, the sun is rising.” he looked at the sun as you took a glance at him, his eyes had the colors of the sunrise in them, he looked beautiful in this moment.

jake suddenly smiled and put his head on your shoulder, you turned your head to see him, you smiled as you felt your cheeks get hot. “i missed this yn.. i’ve missed you a lot.” “i know, i’ve been busy with school.”

“i’ve been busy with soccer, i miss these moments where it’s just us you know?” he said as you hummed, letting him know you were agreeing. you two stayed silent for a couple of moments.

you suddenly felt butterflies approach in your stomach as you slowly put your hand on his, jake intertwined your hands together as he slowly rubbed his thumb on your hand.

as the sun started to rise more, you realized you loved jake. and in a romantic way.

how couldn’t you have realized this before? maybe it was the times where you were by yourself, thinking “no i couldn’t.. he’s my best friend, i can’t possibly like jake.”

or the times where your friends had asked you if you liked anybody, and the first person that came in mind was jake, but you shook it off completely.

you looked at jake as his head turned to you, you could feel your heart beat out of your chest, “y/n.” “yeah jake?” “i like you.” well shit.

you stayed calm about it on the outside, but in the inside you were silently screaming. “you do?” “of course i do, i like you so much.” “i like you too jake.. so much.” he took his head off your shoulder for a brief moment and smiled brightly at you.

you looked at his eyes, smiling at him. “you do?” “yeah i do jake, i really like you.” he didn’t say anything else as he put his head back on your shoulder, holding your hand softer and tighter than before.

you put your head on his head, getting yourself comfortable. you two stared at the sunrise as you both smiled to yourselves.

it was like the sunrise never looked so beautiful until now.

notes — this was probably the cutest thing i think i’ve ever written and especially for my own bias.. this is a jake sim love bot acc 💌

permanent taglist (send an ask or message me if you would like to be apart of it <3): @un-flirt @deeznutsriki

[9tzuyu]

four months.

note: hiiiii! just trying to get into the groove again. i dont know what this is. the original prompt is below, however it did not turn out that way?¿ its kind of a mess, but fluffy i suppose. i hope you enjoy :>.

using my own experience so don’t think i hate poor people because i am those people </3

(also chapter 4 of children of tragedy will be out soon, i promise. ive just had awful writers block.)

+ thank you moli for proofreading so i dont have to. i love you.

warnings: none?

prompt: * reader used to be poor and stuff and w/n is like “you know you don’t have to get the cheapest things” and R covers it up and says “oh this is the brand i like, but w/n discovers hidden receipts and asks why they have a bunch of useless receipt and R is like “i was just tracking how much we spend....”

🏷 @natasha-danvers @midnight-lestrange @whatiziz @kermy48 @mycosmicparadise @peggycarter-steverogers @blackxwidowsxwife (lmk if you want off the tag list because ik i dont post as regularly as other writers, so im just going with people who have told me they want to be on my tag list in the past)

and lastly, for my baby @nermalina. its not really your genre per se [ i have a smut fic that i’ll dt you on ;)] however, accept this as a form of love.

it wasn’t so much that you were homeless and out on the streets, but you weren’t necessarily well off either. working as a waitress only got you far enough to pay your monthly rent and gas. somehow you managed to squeeze in a list of groceries.

every penny counted, you didn’t have room for mishaps or sick days. thats why you kept your budget small and a stash full of receipts on the kitchen bar.

natasha didn’t know about any of this though. you were sure she’d have you by the neck if she found out how long you’d been keeping your secret.

the redhead was generous, and no matter how many times you offered to pay for something she would never even dream of letting you. natasha insisted on it, and you were powerless to stop her.

it wasn’t until you tagged along with her on a trip to the grocery store when things began to unravel. she only needed a few things, nothing important.

but nat was quick to pick up on the fact that you continuously flipped every little thing you picked up to look at the price tag.

“here, it’s the cheapest one i could find.” you said, smiling as you handed her a cardboard box of pasta. natasha hummed, “you know you don’t have to get me the cheapest thing on the shelf.”

you bit your lip, eyes suddenly looking back at the shelf of different pasta boxes. “i know... it’s just- it’s my favorite brand.” natasha automatically knew you were lying by the way you began chewing on the inside of your lip.

she narrowed her eyes. “no it’s not.”

“huh?”

“you got this brand because it was the cheapest. you know i can afford more, which leads me to believe you do this out of habit.”

you shuffled uncomfortably under her gaze. “no, i just really like that brand.”

the sudden realization that she had never been to your place struck her.

“y/n?”

“yeah?”

“why don’t we go back to your apartment after this? we can just relax, watch a movie, do whatever you want.”

a mix of guilt and shame flooded your body. but damned if you didn’t still give it a try.

“my apartment’s a mess right now, you don’t want to see that.” you tried, offering a small, dry laugh in hopes of getting her off your back.

“you’re a terrible liar.”

“i’m not-”

“i picked you up from the park today, just like every other day. i’ve not once picked you up from your own apartment, so what are you hiding?”

when you didn’t give an answer, she tossed the cheapest box of pasta in her cart and walked away. you groaned as you watched natasha leave before catching up to her.

“okay, okay, we can go back to my apartment. just don’t judge me, alright?”

she smiled softly, “it wouldn’t even cross my mind.”

soon enough you began helping your girlfriend load her car with bags full of miscellaneous items. nothing needed to be refrigerated, so if natasha wanted to, she could stay at your apartment all day.

your leg bounced in the car as you gave her directions. but soon enough, after what felt like the longest fifteen minutes of your life, natasha pulled into a parking space right outside your door.

you silently cursed yourself for not renting a spot upstairs. at least then it would’ve prolonged the situation just a little bit longer.

natasha watched as you fumbled with your keys, your hands visibly shaking.

“fuck.” you mumbled after hearing the clank of metal hit the ground. you bent down to pick them up but natasha beat you to it.

“which key?” her voice was soft.

“the yellow one.”

the door swung open and you motioned for natasha to go before you.

it wasn’t bad, really. apart from the chipped brown walls, the lingering smell of cigarette smoke (you hated your neighbors for that), the broken windows, lack of space and furniture that was as good as the floor.

natasha noticed the windows first, a sense of protectiveness overpowering her. she didn’t like that you weren’t safe.

you went to offer her a water bottle, but she wasn’t paying attention. instead, she noticed the lack of food in your fridge, frowning when you tried to cover it up.

another few minutes of her silence went by and you couldn’t take it anymore.

“look, i know you’re rich. i know you like to have luxury brands and that you don’t have to worry about whether or not someone will break in and steal what little you have left. but that doesn’t give you any right to judge me. i’m sorry i don’t live up to your expectations.”

natasha licked her lips and leaned her back against the kitchen counter.

“how long have you lived like this?”

her question caught you off guard, but you managed to find an answer.

“i’ve always lived like this, nat.”

she nodded solemnly before abruptly turning around to look at what was inside your cabinets.

“what are you do-”

“you have no food.”

you sighed, “well yeah, i can’t really afford it.”

“and the receipts?”

natasha was met with a shrug. “have to keep track of everything somehow.”

she stared at you a minute longer before finding the exact words she wanted to say.

“i would never judge you, or anyone for that matter, on their living situation. i know people don’t always have a say in what or why things happen.” she paused. “but i don’t like knowing you go to sleep every night with broken windows practically inviting anyone to come in and intrude. i don’t like knowing all you have to eat is bread, canned fruit and grilled cheese sandwiches.”

you listened to her ramble on, still nervous about the fact that this was new to her.

“so come live with me.”

“natasha-”

“come live with me.”

you immediately shook your head. “no, no, no. nat don’t even-”

“i’m serious. you won't win this argument, y/n. let me take care of you. i don't mind picking you up and dragging you out of here myself if that’s what it takes.”

a sigh left your lips as you folded your arms across your chest. “natasha, i can’t have you do that. i’m okay, i promise.”

the redhead raised her eyebrow. “how many times have you gone to bed hungry? or let your car run on fumes for as long as you could? and how many times have you gone to work sick because you can’t afford to miss one single day?”

when natasha was met with no reply she moved closer to you, wrapping her arms around your waist, pulling you into her embrace.

“i know it’s only been four months but i don’t think i could ever forgive myself if something happened to you and i didn’t do enough to stop it.”

she kissed the side of your head, “let me take care of you.”

[libraryofloveletters]

A June Wedding

Evan Buckley x Reader 

Warnings: alcohol and the consumption of 

Category: Fluff 

Word Count: 2.8k

Author’s Note: idk what this is, I opened the doc and just started typing, so yeah // the flashbacks are set two years ago, when y/n meets Buck. The end is back to the present

---- 

From B: I was thinking about you.

From B: I miss you. 

The phone sat in your hand, you stared down at the message on the screen. It had been months, maybe longer since you met him-  2 years to be precise. 

The two of you had a weird friendship to say the least. One of those “will they, won’t they?” kind of things. Everyone seemed to notice how the two of you were in love except the two of you. 

Your story starts in a hole in the wall coffee shop two years ago, when Buck comes in after his first shift at the station. 

*Two Years Before* 

Tired and hungry was a typical look you saw among the folks who came to your shop. It was downtown LA and there were a lot of businesses around including station 118. 

Among your typical morning crowd, there were people in suits and ties, the few hippies/skater crowd and your favourite, the fire-fighters. 

They were your favourite not because they always had larger orders but they usually left big tips and were super sweet. 

It was around 9 in the evening when the bell on the door chimed as it was pushed open. You were closing up for the day but the ‘come in, we’re open’ sign still hung on the window that was ideally supposed to be taken down an hour ago. 

Pulling a tray of cookies from the oven, you were startled by the door considering that you thought you locked the door. Peering from the doorway of the kitchen, there was a man by the counter, staring up at the menu board. 

“Hi,” you smile, hesitantly stepping towards the counter from the kitchen. He glances down at you and smiles, mumbling a hello. 

“Uh, we’re actually closed right now.” you inform him. 

His brows furrow, glancing over his shoulder at the window. “But the sign-” “I forget to take it down.” 

“Oh. I’m sorry, I’ll- okay, I'm gonna go.” he looked.. disappointed. He pulls a phone out his pocket and sighs. You take that moment to study him. A grey sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, there’s a hat sitting backwards on his head and a duffle bag tossed over his shoulder. As he turns to leave, you notice the 4 letters written on his hat in bright red - LAFD. 

“Hey!” you call out, “You’re a firefighter ?” 

The blonde smiles and nods, “yeah, I started today actually. The guys at the station were talking about the coffee shop down the street. I didn’t get a chance to come during the day so I thought I'd come now- but I can come back another time, you’re closed”

Waving off his statement, you pick up a cup from the counter. “Nonsense, I'd never turn away one of the city’s finest.” you smile, he chuckles. “The city’s finest is more of a cop thing.” he tells you. 

“Is that so ?” asking, you begin looking through the fridge to see if there was any milk, he hums. 

“I think you’re pretty fine yourself” you mumble, standing straight when you realize what you’ve said. Your back was to him, a blush burning up your face. 

What you didn’t know was that Buck was blushing too, a pretty person like you calling him fine was surely going to make him blush and that it did. 

Clearing your throat, you turn to face him again. He was looking anywhere but at you for the moment. 

“What can I get you ?” 

“What do you have right now ?” 

“Just about everything, except for baked goods. I usually put those in the oven in the morning but I do have a tray of cookies if you’re interested.” 

“That sounds good,” he smiles at you. “I’ll take a cookie and uh-” glancing up at the menu, “whatever is your favourite drink” 

Humming, you turn and head to the kitchen to get two cookies for him and then begin mixing some coffee and creamer in a cup, along with ice and some caramel sauce. You ended up making two, one for him and one for you. 

The man was sitting at one of the stools by the window. He was watching the cars drive past. “Here,” you slide the plate over to him and set the cup beside it. 

He smiles, “thank you. How much do I owe you ?” he asks, reaching for what you assumed was his wallet. “Oh, don't worry about it. The register is locked and it’s your first time here, I wouldn’t have charged you anyways” 

“You don’t charge first time customers ?” 

“Only the firefighters, y’all hold a special place in my heart” you laugh, he smiles once more. 

“Are you in a hurry to leave? I can take it with me if you are.” 

“No, you're alright. The cookies are warm, I just took them out when you got here.” you sit beside him, taking a sip of your drink. He also takes a sip of his, you watch as his face twists and he smacks his tongue to try and figure out what it is. 

“I call it the y/n special” filling him in, his brows furrow. “It’s basically just caramel ice coffee” a small laugh passes your lips as you take another sip.

“I’m y/n by the way.” “I’m Buck” he smiles.

--

From that day, Buck was a regular in your shop. You made him a regular coffee before his shifts, 2 cream and 3 sugars - you've come to realize he had a bit of a sweet tooth.  After work, he’d stop by for an iced coffee and a cookie. You’d always keep some in the back for him. 

This became a routine, you asked him for his number so he could let you know when he was on his way to work that way you’d have his coffee ready if he was running late. 

Most mornings you’d just get an ‘coming’ or a little fire truck emoji letting you know he’s on his way to work. 

Over the next year and a half, the two of you became close. All the guys that came in from the station always teased you about your “boyfriend Buck” although he wasn’t your boyfriend. 

The two of you were close, you hung out all the time - when Buck had days off, he’d still stop by the shop for coffee or just to see you even though he lived in the opposite direction. He would also pick you up after work when you could walk home because you lived down the street. 

You often stopped by the station when you knew they were on a 24 hour shift. Buck would text you hourly with whatever he was thinking about, especially during the nights when most of his team was asleep and he couldn’t. During those 24 hour shifts, the last few hours kicked their asses, everyone was tired and too lazy to move to do anything about it- those were the days that you headed into the shop early to get some stuff together to take over for them. 

Over time, the affection between the two of you became clear to everyone but the two of you. 

You only really noticed you liked him after his unfortunate run in with the fire truck and his promotion which you decide to celebrate with him. 

There you were, a bottle of champagne in one hand and a bag of Thai takeout in the other - the perfect thing to celebrate his new- temporary as he kept reminding you- position. 

He had invited you over to watch a movie but life was short as was recently reiterated after Buck’s “getting stuck under municipal equipment” phase as the two of you joke. 

“Hey!” he smiles at you when he opens the door, immediately noticing the bottle of champagne in your hand. 

“The nice stuff,” he hummed, stepping aside so you could come in. You set the bag on the counter with the bottle before venturing further into the kitchen to find glasses. 

“What are we celebrating ?” he watches as you tumble through the cupboards. 

“Y/n?” “What ?” 

“What are we celebrating ?” he asks once more. 

“Do you not own any champagne glasses ? All I can find are solo cups and those ugly ass mugs you have.” sighing, you grab the solo cups knowing his answer already. 

“Y/n/n, I'm a 20-something year old guy living by himself-” “What makes you think I have such things?” finishing off the sentence for him which makes him laugh. 

Setting the cups down on the counter, you push the bottle over to him. “Would you be so kind as to do the honours?” you hop onto the counter. Buck peels the casing from around the top and then shakes the bottle. 

Your brows furrow, “that’s going to make a mess-” before you finish your sentence, the bottle pops. 

The cork ends up somewhere in the apartment whilst the very expensive champagne is sprayed everywhere. Buck just so innocently titled the bottle your way, soaking you in the liquid. 

Laughing, you pull the bottle away from him. He's standing in front of you when you grab his chin, pulling him towards you. Your left hand is cradling his jaw and leaning his head back to pour some of the champagne in his mouth. You over poured and split it on his shirt. 

The two of you were a laughing, sticky mess and the bottle was already half way empty. He held the cups out for you, letting you pour some into each cup before handing you one. 

“Okay, now will you tell me what prompted the champagne showers ?” he smiles, leaning against the counter next to you. 

“Well, life is short. You’re a fire Marshall now so, I’m here to celebrate.” 

Buck smiles at you, he wasn’t the biggest fan of his new job to be honest. Sure he liked it, but he’d do anything to be back out in the field. 

Your arm stretched out, “So to you Mr. Evan Buckley, wait should I say Fire Marshall Buckley ? Anyways congratulations my love, you deserve the job but if the power goes to your head, I'm putting you in your place.” laughing, you bump your cup to his. 

“To a speedy recovery and hoping for your return to the field soon because you’re driving everyone mad. Cheers!” 

Both taking a sip before Buck hops up onto the counter beside you. He shifted slightly, making a gap between the two of you and pulling the bag of takeout to the spot. Dinner was had on the counter, eating straight out of the containers.

“Bobby would be so upset if he saw us right now.” Buck mumbles, his mouth full. 

“Mhm but he’s not here. He doesn’t have to know.” 

A few moments later, his phone began ringing. He pulls it out and his eyes widen. There’s a confused look on your face, waiting for him to give you some context or tell you who’s calling. Finally he shows you his phone. 

Bobby is calling. 

“You summoned him!” Buck shouted. You resisted the urge to laugh. 

“Answer the phone!” 

You watch as Buck answers the phone, holding back his laughter at the conversation moments ago. He looked happy, you loved seeing him like that. The way his eyes glimmered when he smiled that million dollar smile of his, how his curls showed when his hair was wet or if he hadn’t cut his hair in a while. 

It was the little things that made you fall in love with him. 

He was still on the phone when you decided you’d find something to change into. 

He watched as you made your way to the bathroom, coming back out shirtless with a towel in your hand, drying off. He noticed the way you took a step every two steps like he does. He could hear you humming from upstairs, the way you went up in pitch when you saw something you liked or how you’d stop in-between to start whistling. He smiles to himself as he ends the call. 

He too had fallen love with you somewhere along the line. 

----

You watched as the little bubbles popped up on the screen on and off for the next few minutes. 

Today was your wedding day. 

You hadn’t spoken to him all day, things had been hectic. You promised to see him before you got married but truthfully, you had been so consumed with planning and making sure everything was ready that you didn’t get a chance to. 

Your friend comes in, sticking their head in and smiling at you. “You ready ?” they ask, you hum before taking one more look at the phone. 

“As ready as I'll ever be.” 

It was a hot summer day in June, you and your fiancé had decided on an outdoor wedding considering you had always wanted a June wedding. 

Standing at the end of the aisle, each side of the yard was filled with people you loved and cared about but your love was smiling at you on the verge of tears at the altar. 

Resisting the urge to laugh at him, you smile as the music begins playing - your cue to make your way down the aisle. Making it to the end without tripping, you smile at him. 

“Hey,” you smile, reaching for his hand.

“You look beautiful” he smiles, he leans forward to give you a kiss when a hand against his chest stops him. 

Bobby gives him a disapproving look, “I’ll be fast but you gotta wait to the end to kiss them, Buck.” The statement earned him a laugh from the crowd. 

The heat was getting to everyone including the two of you so Bobby skipped over the unnecessary parts, letting the two of you say your vows. 

You started, your hand giving his a squeeze. “The day you walked into the shop, I thought ‘damn, I'm gonna die. Why do I always forget to lock the door?’ but little did I know, it was going to be the love of my life walking in. From the moment we sat down and started talking was the moment I knew you were the one- you made me smile, laugh, gave me butterflies but you also made me feel safe, like I could tell you anything and you’d always be there for me. I watched you walk out with the promise of coming back in the morning and I knew then, we were gonna have a June wedding.” you laughed. 

“You taught me what love was, how to be happy, to never give up no matter what life throws my way because for the last 2 years, that’s what I've watched you do and I'm so incredibly proud to be marrying you. There’s no one else for me. It’ll always be you.” you smile, blinking back the tears. 

“How am I supposed to compete with that ?” he hums, giving you a grin. 

“Everything about you is.. perfectly imperfect, in every single sense of the term. You strive for perfection, but you come up with a slightly different version every time and I love that about you- like when you run out of breath while singing you start whistling so you don’t lose the melody, it’s the little things that make me love you. You hold the stars and the moon, you’re my whole world y/n, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. You make me a better man and I could never thank you enough for that.” Both of you are about to cry, looking at each other with the most love and adoration in your eyes. 

Bobby cuts to the end, both of you now impatient and waiting for him to announce that you were officially a couple and the moment he does, Buck pulls you towards him, kissing you like it was the last time he was ever going to. 

The sound of clapping and cheering filled your ears, making you both smile as your made you way back down the aisle officially as the Buckleys. 

---- 

taglist: @advicefromnixxxx @dralexreid @keenmarvellover @beth-winchester21 @fernandaweasley2 @yikesyikesyikes95 @hotchsdarling @duhbar1975 @hailsstormthings @averyhotchner @captainxholmes @venusrosepetal @luke-alvez @looney-literature @caitsymichelle13​ @artemishunter18 @multibuckley 

[boldlyvoid]

Hypothetically | Chapter 1-5

summary: Reader and Spencer were friends in kindergarten, she watched him grow up and explore the world while she was still trying to catch up to him. now that they work together, they fall in love incredibly fast.

friends to lovers, case of the week style story

A/N: Set between seasons 4 and 6, not following canon. all original crimes based on real-life stories.

Warnings 18+: Murderers, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Blood, Guns, mentions of autopsy, Fluff, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, bed-sharing, Riding, Unprotected Sex, Virgin Reader, Case of the Week, original crimes, Food mention, Smut, Oral Sex, Light BDSM, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Talk, obgyn appointments and info, Home Invasion, Past Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Emotional Manipulation, Grooming, Pedophilia mention, non-con oral (male receiving), Pregnant Sex, Daddy Kink, Breeding Kink, Homophobia, conversion therapy

Word Count: 15k

chapter 1

It took Y/N longer than she had hoped to finally catch up to him. He seemed to go from the cute little boy with a bow tie who sat beside her in her kindergarten class to working for the FBI by the time she graduated high school. It wasn’t fair that he happened to be smarter than anyone on earth, causing him to test out of elementary school before she even got to know him.

Spencer Reid had an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, and the sweetest personality to match. Y/N saw him around as he grew up, coming home to see his mom often and minding his business as he wandered around in his free time.

He liked to sit on the swings at the abandoned park across the street from her house, it was a place he would go to at the most random hours of the day for years on end. Every time he was in the area, he visited the swing. And She’d watch him from her window seat in her bedroom. Pretending to read, but really she was watching him read.

It was years of watching, from the ages of 13 to 18 when he was coming back and forth from working on his second Ph.D., and she was still trying to make it through high school.

But she never walked out there and talked to him, she knew nothing real about him other than his name and that he was smart. The town told rumours about him being an alien or a government experiment because there was no way a kid could be so smart, but she never believed them. She liked to keep to the idea that he was sweet, smart, and special.

He stopped coming to the swing for a while after they turned 18, her mother had said something about Spencer Reid’s mother being admitted to the nursing home she worked at and y/n drew the conclusion that he’d finally left the small Nevada town she was seemingly trapped in.

Y/N kept tabs with him online, as weird as it felt to her she had a strange sense of pride when it came to Spencer’s achievements. That was the kid she sat beside in kindergarten out there working for the FBI, saving lives and changing the world. It inspired her.

So sure enough, when she moved to Virginia to join the FBI academy it was the perfect opportunity to finally be on an even playing field with him. An excuse to reach out to him and catch up, get to know him. She was technically older than him, by 10 months, and yet somehow he seemed to feel unreachable, wiser and more of an adult than she ever would be.

At 28 she finally bumps into him again. She’s carrying boxes into her new apartment with help from a moving company when he leaves the apartment across the hall from her.

“Oh my gosh, Spencer Reid?” she said with the biggest smile spreading across her face.

“Hi?” he says, not having any clue who she is.

“You might not remember me, I’m Y/N Y/L/N we were in kindergarten together in Nevada?”

He takes a moment to think, she watches his eyes flutter as he recalls the memory to his mind. She is mesmerized by how his brain works, like a filing cabinet he can just pull memories out. “Oh, yes we sat together the first day and you got in trouble later that afternoon for adding water to the sand because I had said it was too dry to build a model of the Pyramid of Giza.”

Her smile gets even bigger, “yes! I hope this isn’t weird but I’ve kept up with you over the years, I’ve always thought it was so amazing that someone from my town was off doing incredible things! I can’t believe I’m moving in across from you that makes it look so much worse oh god, I promise I’m not stalking you!” She rambled anxiously.

He laughed, “it’s okay I believe you! I’m surprised honestly that you remember me, we were what? 5? That’s a good memory you must have?”

She walked over to him and out of the way of the men moving her boxes into her apartment, that’s what she was paying them for anyway. She set the box down on the floor beside herself to free her arms, “I think your first ever friend would leave an impact on your memory.”

“We did have a good bond before I was transferred out,” he recalls with a smile.

“Well,” she smiled right back, “I also work with the FBI if you want to get coffee before work on Monday and catch up? See if there’s a possibility of being friends once again?”

“Yeah!” he answers abruptly, “I leave around 7:15 normally and I always go to the little cafe down the road, what department are you in?”

“VICAP,” she said, “just a floor above the BAU, surprised I’m only running into you now”

“You sure you’re not stalking me?” he joked.

She shook her head lightly, her cheeks hurting from smiling so hard. “Promise, just inspired by you, that’s all.”

He chuckled to himself, almost shocked that such a lovely person would be inspired by him. “Well, thank you. I’ll let you get back to moving in and I will see you on Monday Y/N.” he said with a small wave and walked down the corridor.

She sighed to herself, this was going to be amazing.

---

Y/N had barely unpacked anything by the time Monday had rolled around. She spent most of her time working on her bedroom organization, leaving a mess of boxes everywhere else. Going through her closet to find the best outfit for her first-morning commute with Spencer.

Her job didn’t require as much fieldwork as he did, so she could wear anything she wanted to the office as long as it was professional. She settled on black flared dress pants, a nice white turtleneck, the watch her family gave her when she graduated from the academy and her cute healed wedge boots.

She grabbed her purse and wallet, ensuring she had her keys and badge in there before unlocking her safe and clipping her gun to her belt. She grabbed her go bag and coat and draped them over one arm, holding her purse in the other.

With everything she needed, she walked to her front door, turning off her alarm just to change the setting to protect her empty apartment. She closed and locked the door behind herself just as Spencer walked out into the hallway.

“Good morning Spencer,” she said, cheerful as ever.

“You’re awfully cheerful for this time of day,” he yawned after speaking.

“Late night?” she asked, joining him as he walked towards the building entrance.

“We had an emergency case this weekend that kicked my ass, I’ve only been home for 15 hours. Hopefully, today is just a desk day,” he yawned again. “Sorry, I’m sure you’re tired as well, from moving this weekend.”

“Oh I’m exhausted, normally I don’t leave till quarter to 8, living farther away now is going to suck a bit.”

“At least our building is nice,” he adds.

“It seems wonderful so far.” He held the door for her as they walked into the parking lot, he dug her keys from her bag, “do you want to take my car?”

“Sure, seeing as I don’t have a car, I normally take the subway,” he said softly, walking to the passenger side and opening the door as he heard the door unlock.

“Well if you want a ride every morning I don’t mind, even If you need rides to emergency cases,” she smiled softly.

Spencer insisted on buying her coffee, saying it was only fair for driving him. But really it was because he wanted to spoil her, ever since she said she was inspired by him his mind hasn’t been able to stop playing that sentence on loop. He’s completely enamoured by her, willing to do whatever it takes to get on her good graces. Not realizing she’s willing to do the same for him.

In no time she’s pulling up to the main building, both of them showing their badges before being allowed access into the parking structure of their building. Y/N parked close to the main elevator, having impeccable luck with getting that spot in the garage.

“We still have time before we’re officially on the clock, if you wanted to come meet my team?” He offered, hitting the button in the elevator for floor 3. His floor.

“I’d love to meet the legend that is Penelope Garcia,” she smiled.

“She is wonderful,” he agreed with a smile.

The elevator dinged and she felt her heart drop into her stomach thinking of how Spencer was going to introduce her. He walked with her towards the glass doors, holding them open for her as she walked into the bullpen.

All eyes were suddenly on Spencer and Y/N, so many faces she’s never seen before, and 2 she knows too well from her research on the BAU. She smiled lightly as she walked towards them all. Spencer not far behind her.

“Good morning,” Spencer smiled a small pressed-lipped smile. “This is agent Y/N Y/L/N, she works up in VICAP, she was one of my best friends in elementary school.”

She smiled, so that’s how. “Hello!” She waved, “It’s so nice to meet you all,”

“Derek Morgan,” the tall dark and handsome one reached his hand out for yours.

“Oh, I don’t shake hands sorry,” she said, grabbing her right middle finger with her left hand and smiling lightly.

He laughed, “wow pretty boy, how come you never told us you have a twin?”

“Do you not shake hands either?” She asked him, “we really do have a lot of catching up to do Spence.”

“Emily Prentiss, it’s lovely to see Spence bring in new friends.”

“It’s so nice to meet you, I’ve always admired the BAU, I’ve actually compiled a few of the cases you’ve worked on this year, I’m pretty good at finding patterns even the system overlooks.”

“Oh yes, Y/N Y/L/N, I’ve seen your name on all the emails, thank you you’ve sent some of the best-connected cases to us, you’ve brought justice to people who we would have never connected to cases,” JJ said enthusiastically, “I was actually just about to tell Hotch about the newest one you sent me.”

“It’s horrible, isn’t it? I’ve been carefully looking over this case for 2 years now I knew you’d all be able to help with it. It’s right up your ally,” she nervously laughed.

“You sent in the files on the family annihilator that was going after people he believed to be decedents of Cain from the bible right?” David Rossi asked.

She nodded her head and sighed, “yeah everyone told me it was a stretch to catch onto but when I noticed all the men were from the same online ancestry family tree I knew you guys needed to see it.”

“That was specifically interesting, the death of his own brother led him to seek revenge on the father of murder,” Spencer agreed.

“So what’s this new one you’ve brought us?” Derek asked.

“Oh, would you like to pitch it to us? We’re all here we can meet you in the briefing room before your shift starts upstairs?” JJ offered.

“Oh sure,” she smiled, finally it was her time to show off.

Soon enough, Aaron Hotchner, Emily Prentiss, David Rossi, Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, Penelope Garcia and Jenifer Jareau were all staring at you in the briefing room.

“In Wichita Kansas, there have been a string of murders over the last 6 years that have all been incredibly, creepily similar,” she started explaining as she handed out the case files to everyone.

“Each victim is female, 16 to 24, they’ve all been strangled with rope while completely naked, signs of brutal sexual assault, binding and torture. They’ve all been found wrapped in shower curtains and placed in various public locations. Clearly a sign of remorse with how he keeps them covered but still a taunt that we can’t find him even now that he’s 6 victims deep.”

“Clarise Richardson, victim number 1 was raped, strangled with rope and left by an underpass. She was found in 1998, the M.E said she was dead 16 hours when they found her, COD was asphyxiation. Her family reports she was last seen at least 73 hours before she was found. So he kept her for a while. There were fibres under her nails of green carpet, either she was held at someone's house or in a van with carpet like they had in the 70s and 80s.”

“Were there any fingerprints or DNA on the bodies?” Prentiss asked.

“Yes, there was a sperm sample retrieved on victim number 5, Sharon Flynn. Most likely he wore a condom for the rest of his rapes and he wasn’t in the system already. Either he never ejaculated in earlier rapes before he grew to murder or his victims never came forward before 1998.”

“which is highly likely, we saw in the EARs case in California how hard it was to get the men and women who were raped to even come forward. There were 4 confirmed cases in the news before more came forward with similar stories. It’s seen as a shameful thing when in reality it’s just giving them more power if they believe they’ll never be caught.” Spencer explained.

“Yes, it’s very hard to come forward when it happens to you,” she agreed before quickly hanging subject. “I’ve been searching for any rapes in the area with similar MO, choking, BDSM, ropes, vans with green carpet, and I’ve found 3 women who claimed to be raped by a man at festivals the late 70’s who had an orange van with green carpet who bonded them up in a very intricate form of bondage that tightened every time they squirmed to entice them not to move. And from my research, that's the same pattern of rope as the rope burn on the 6 bodies we have.”

“All 6 of them are fairly similar it’s just their dumpsites that sets them apart. He didn’t have one strict area that he stuck to, he seems to have no problem travelling to them.” Emily said, flipping through the files.

“I’m thinking he has a job the requires him to still use his van. Like a travelling plumber, a phone or computer tech, home surveillance or maybe even he’s with Jehovah's witness or the Mormon church. It would explain him being able to get into these women’s houses and neighbourhoods long enough to pick someone, learn their schedule and grab them.” Y/N explained.

“Garcia, can you look into those businesses, as well as independent contractors, satellite companies, mailmen, and anyone else who might have been on the job by the victim's houses on the dates and times they were last seen,” Hotch asked.

“Absolutely, I’ll also run the DNA samples in my other databases.”

“I was about to ask you to do that, I think he might have children. There is a very large gap between the rapes and the jump to rape and murder, if you could run the saliva sample from victim 3 that's on her neck with any foster system or genealogy company to see if he has a son or uncle we can trace his sample to?”

“That's a great idea, I’ve never thought to do that,” Garcia smiled. “I like you, you’re a smart cookie!”

“Looks like we’re headed to Wichita,” Hotch said. “Do you think VICAP would be mad if we stole you for a few days? You have more connections with the Wichita police than we do, they might cooperate more If they know a friendly face.”

“Absolutely, let me grab my go-bag from upstairs!” Y/N jumped up, “I’ll be right back down!”

“Wheels up in 30,” Hotch said, And with that, she was out the door.

“Reid if you don’t marry her I will,” Penelope said softly.

“Okay.” He blushed.

—

She took a seat beside Reid on the jet, the two of them chatting amongst themselves for a while before they were called for the second briefing.

“So local PD think they have a recent victim from this weekend they want us to check out,” Penelope said over video chat. “she’s a little different than the others. Katie Newton, 27 was found bound to her bed, already having passed and was being assaulted when her husband came home. He screamed at the guy who was only wearing a ski mask and “tight-y white-y’s” as the husband described. He grabbed his bag and clothes with him but he left her tied up with the little time he had to knock the husband out of the way and run out.”

“Did he get any other identification marks on the unsub?” Y/N asked.

“He said he was pasty white, 5’8 and he didn’t talk. He didn’t scream, nothing, he just grabbed his things and ran. He does however remember he had a very large brown birthmark on his chest covering the right nipple down to his stomach.”

“Okay that’s good to know, why do they think it’s our guy?” Rossi asked.

“Blood found on the rope she was tied up with can match back to 13 different women. 6 of the murders that Y/N brought to us, 1 of the rapes she found and 5 other break-in and rapes of other women in the area.”

“Holy shit,” Y/N whispered to herself.

“Well done on finding this one Y/N, this one is going to be big.” Morgan complimented her with a smile.

“Thanks,” she smiled back, “I didn’t expect any of this when I connected the 6 of them originally. This is insane.”

“have you ever been in fieldwork like this?” Hotch asked.

“At the academy, I was combat trained, I have all my clearances and I’m a great shot. I’m good on my feet and I tested perfectly on hostage talk down.” She tried not to brag but this was almost as important as a job interview.

“Well damn,” Morgan nodded in approval. “We might just have to seal you full time.”

“I wouldn’t mind that at all!”

“Good,” hotch smiled, something he didn’t do often. “I’m going to send you and Reid to the M.E to see what else we can find out about these new break-in homicides. Prentiss and Rossi, I want you to travel to the last dumpsite and the latest crime scene to see what else could connect them. Morgan and JJ come with me to the station to set up communication with the local PD and media we don’t need them naming him like they did with BTK.”

“Garcia, would you also widen the search for anyone convicted of sexual misconduct, flashing, stalking, break-ins where underwear was stolen or and peeping toms? Go all the way back to the 70s. If any of them are now working for any businesses that have vans and require him to travel. This guy has to have a mistake somewhere that you will find.” Y/N asked one last time.

“Got it, genius girl, over and out.”

—-

The bureau had the funds for rooms for the main team, meaning Y/N had to double up with someone and she had to decide who once they landed and headed to the hotel.

“It wouldn’t be weird if we got a room with two queen beds right?” She asked Spencer, “it would give us a chance to catch up in our downtime like a sleepover we never had as kids.” She nervously rambled in the SUV as Reid drove.

“No I don’t mind, It would be fun if we get any sleep in this case. This one seems like it will be a bit of a brain rattler.” Reid agreed with a soft pressed-lipped smile.

They booked their rooms, dropped off their things and all headed their separate ways. The M.E’s office was close to the police station, the two of you in an SUV followed Hotch, JJ and Morgan in another down the road.

The bodies had all been cremated or buried shortly after being found, there wasn’t anything fresh enough to examine for them but they did have access to all the information on all the cases.

“I’ve been the medical examiner here for the last 30 years,” the nice old man said as he led them down the hall to the storage room. “These ones have all been some of the worst cases I’ve seen here. So much so that I keep them all in their own boxes just in case a day like today ever happens.”

“That is very helpful for us thank you so much!” She smiled at him as he held the storage door open.

“They’re all labelled by name and date. If you have any questions about tests or need me to run more with what we have left just give me a holler!” He said as he left the room.

Y/N sighed. “Why do I feel like this is going to take a million years?”

“I can read 20,000 words a minute, it will take me 3 hours to read everything in this room. Luckily we only need to read these few boxes.” Spencer pointed at the wall.

“Okay boy wonder, stop showing off,” she smiled, taking the Victim # 5 case box down first. “She was the first one I put into the system when I joined VICAP.”

“Is that why you sent this case to JJ?”

“Partly,” she sighed again. “There was the emotional attachment of this being my first case but there were just too many connections I knew you guys could bring justice to her family. She was so young.”

Spencer opened a box and she watched as his eyes darted across the pages as he flipped through them. She was mesmerized by how he could do that. But he was probably even smarter than god so it made sense.

“This is interesting. They found LSD in the system of the 3 rapes from back in the day which isn’t that uncommon for the time period or the places where they were abducted, but what’s strange is the amount. This is enough LSD to make someone go insane, no one in their right mind would willingly take this much LSD?” Spencer said.

“They were all found 2 days later dehydrated and alone in the middle of nowhere, there’s no way of knowing if more women didn’t have this happen and died where he left them.”

“He is probably in his 50’s now. How fit would he have to be to still be able to break into houses and rape and murder women?” Spencer asked.

“Well that might be just why he stopped dumping, he might have a bad back and can't lift the dead weight. He is more willing to get caught in someone's house so that he doesn’t have to do the dumping, he can just leave after. 5 of the 6 home invasions were with women who lived alone or husbands who worked night shifts. So they wouldn’t be home. He watched them long enough to know when he could successfully get away with this.” Y/N explained as she flipped through boxes.

“And the rope technique our last victim was found in is exactly the same as the rope burns as the others you’re correct,” Spencer complimented her. “He might have ex-girlfriends or even an ex-wife who he would have tried BDSM on and she didn’t like it, so now he feels like he has to do it this way. When we deliver the profile we should alarm the public about him to draw out any women who would have willingly tried something with our unsub.”

Y/N nodded as he spoke, agreeing with everything. “That could have even been the original stressor, all the women are pretty vanilla, I talked to the husbands over the phone and the original rape victims. They weren’t into trying anything like this in their free time. 2 of the rapes were also virgins. They all had good jobs and good grades, they were outstanding, low-risk members of the community. He might be getting revenge on the women who wouldn’t indulge in this fantasy.”

“He probably feels a lack of control in his personal life, maybe he even has a more dominating wife who he feels he can't stand up to so this is how he deals with it.” Spencer agreed.

“Let's go see Hotch, I think we should deliver the profile.”

—-

They walked into the police station, gliding through the doors like they owned the place. Emily and JJ watched as they walked over to hotch with the exact same energy. Both speaking with their hands and rambling about what they had found.

“So he’s a fit, early 50’s, white male. Married, probably with kids, works with or owns a van. He has a problem with authority in his own life, he feels like he is in a submissive role all day be it from a female boss who’s always on his ass or his wife. It’s possible he even has only daughters and no sons. He feels emasculated, surrounded by women, which is why he started taking these women originally to rape them with BDSM-like acts to finally have that control he lacks in his everyday life.” Y/N explained. “He wouldn’t be very handsome, he would have issues speaking with most women, he keeps to himself, he might have even failed out of jobs involving the police or security, he wants to be in a place of power but he has none of the social skills to accomplish what he wants. I would even look into local army cadets or boy scouts he could be a very old member or the father of someone in one of those groups. His affinity for binding them up and the types of ropes he used are very common BDSM ropes but the knots are reminiscent of ones my brothers would do in at Navy cadets.”

“You got all that from the M.E?” Derek said, shocked at how good she was at this.

“I’ve been staring at his work for 2 years, every time a case from this town came in I checked into it to tie it to this guy. I don’t know what it is but this one gets to me, like BTK or Ed Kemper, these men have specific vendettas against women, they need to dominate women because they have a strong mother or wife in their presence. I know the type of man he is and I want to see him rot in prison.”

Spencer walked over to another table, spreading out a map and beginning to look at the geographical profile. Making down the 3 rapes and their dumpsites, the 6 abducted women and their dumpsites as well as the 6 home invasion homicides. Narrowing down on the geographical profile to find his comfort zone.

Y/N stood beside him watching him draw perfect circles over the map, placing a dot right in the middle. “He either lives or works in this area. Everything is within 35 miles of this area.”

Hotch took out his phone and called Garcia, placing the phone on the table with the speaker on. “Hello my lovelies, what can I do for you?”

“Have you narrowed anything down?” Y/N asked.

“Yes, I have 117 orange vans originally bought in the late ’70s that are still registered to men in this area all between the ages of 45 and 60. 63 of them work in home security, 13 of those have a son in boy scouts and 4 of those have prior peeping tom allegations.” She explained.

“Any of the 4 look interesting?” Hotch asked.

“We have Travis Johnson, 55 he works for Acorn Security, he was doing service in each town that a murder took place the same week they went missing. He is married and has been since 1980 right when he stopped raping and his 5th and last daughter was born the same week that Clarice Richardson was murdered in 1998. They took in a foster child to give him a boy 3 years ago who is in boy scouts, and has all his badges in you guessed it, knot tying.”

“Do we have his home and work address?” Morgan asked.

“Yes of course I do chocolate thunder, they’ve been sent to you already. I’ve also sent a list of his appointments for today, he might be on the hunt.”

“Thanks, baby girl,” Morgan smiled at the phone.

“It's what they pay me the big bucks for.”

She hung up and hotch immediately started handing out bullet-proof vests. “Time to catch him.”

Spencer rested a hand on your back as he passed you, smiling as if to say 'good job'.

Y/n grabbed her vest and her go-bag and quickly changed into something more suited for chasing after a runner. It almost always came to that in her experience. She came back out in jeans and a white long sleeve shirt tucked in, her vest on and her hair up. She placed her earpiece in and straightened out her gun. Making sure the clip was full and adding an extra one to her vest.

“Ready?” She asked Spencer as he tightened his vest.

“Let’s do this.”

They split up, Prentiss Rossi and JJ went to his house while Reid, Morgan, Hotch and Y/L/N took a squad of local cops to where the unsub was supposedly doing his house calls.

They slowly drove through the neighbourhoods, lights off just paroling up and down the streets. They saw an orange van parked on the side of the street, they watched as the unsub got out of the driver's seat, grabbing a bag and walking up to a woman’s house. Slowly they all got out of the SUV, Morgan and Hotch taking the back while Reid and Y/L/N took the front door. They waited for confirmation that he wasn’t alone in this home, before going in.

They could hear a woman talking and then there was a scream, “I’m going in,” Y/L/N said, Kicking the door down before Reid took the lead, Y/N following behind him.

“Travis Johnson? FBI!” Spencer yelled.

The two of them cleared the main room, working their way to the hallway, Reid let her take the lead to the bedroom where they heard the struggle.

“Travis put down the rope and let her go,” Y/N said slowly as he walked into the room, gun pointed.

“And why should I?” He panicked, holding the woman against his chest, she was crying gripping onto the rope he was holding tightly around her throat.

“I’m a huge fan of your work!” Y/N said. “I work for VICAP, I’m the one who had to put each and every single one of your victims in the system. I know exactly how much you’re into control and BDSM, it’s honestly surprising that you have to force these women into it, why are women so against letting a big strong man control them anymore?” She said softly as she lowered the gun and her voice.

“You know, I’ve always thought BDSM was super sexy, I’d love to be tied up and taken control of, if you put down the rope how would you like to have a willing participant one day?” She teased him, getting closer and closer, she could see he was rock hard. He loosened the rope and pushed her to the side, stepping forward towards Y/N who quickly flipped him to the floor and cuffed him.

“Travis Johnson you are under arrest for the rape and murder of over 12 women. You have the right to remain silent, everything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you can't afford one will be appointed for you. If you chose to share anything without a lawyer present you have the right to stop at any time. Is that clear?”

She single handily lifted him to his feet and dragged him out of the room as the men in the hall just watched with awe.

“You’re a little bitch you know that?” The unsub said as he struggled in her grasp.

She slammed him against the hallway wall, pressing right up against his back, whispering in his ear “oh so now you have a big mouth huh, finally feel like you can talk to a woman who isn’t tied down? I’m in control here, you’re my little bitch you hear me? Only good boys get to speak to me.” She said as she pulled him back off the wall and handed him off to local PD. “Have fun being a little bitch in prison Travis.”

She stood there with her arms crossed catching her breath as the adrenalin shook through her body.

“Well done Y/L/N,” Hotch and Morgan put their fists out to give her props.

“How would you like to join the team for good?” Hotch asked? “we’ve been looking for an extra hand.”

“Absolutely!”

—

They were going to spend the night in Wichita, all agreeing to spend the night getting drinks at the local bar suggested by the PD. Piling into the SUV all together with Spencer offering to DD.

“How much time have you put into Travis?” Prentiss asked in the back seat beside Y/N.

“Sharon Flynn was the first case I ever put into my system 2 years ago. Her case looked so gruesome and evil it never left my mind. So then when Alice Webster, number 6 came in I did some more digging and found the 4 before Sharon and the 3 rapes, I knew it was cold for a while but something about him always stuck with me. And for some reason last week when I emailed the info to JJ out of the blue I had a gut feeling he was at it again.” Y/N explained.

“It’s a special talent to just feel when something is wrong.” JJ smiled back at them.

“I’ve always been, not fascinated, by serial killers but more interested in the chase of justice.” She explained, “if that makes sense. I love puzzles and finding answers and at least this way the end result is families finding peace.”

They pulled into the parking lot, all of them finding their way into the bar before the ladies went to the bathroom to freshen up.

“So Y/N,” Prentiss said, taking her phone out and calling Penelope. “The ladies of the BAU are very close, so welcome to our little group.”

“exactly.” Penelope said over the phone, “welcome to the group you’re going to fit right in!” She cheered.

“Thank you, VICAP was not a tight-knit group like y’all are. I’m extremely excited to get to know you all more.” Y/N smiled as she straightened her shirt out in the mirror.

“So you and Spencer?” JJ asked.

“We were in the same kindergarten class,” Y/N said with a small smile. “I thought he was going to be my best friend and then he took some test and was bumped into 4th grade. By the time I was in high school he had already finished his second Ph.D.”

��So you never kept up with each other?” Prentiss asked.

She shook her head. “I knew of him, my mom is the Activities Organizer at the home his mom is at, he used to go to the park across from my house, he now lives across the hall from me and works with me. I think we were always supposed to be friends but it wasn’t the right time till now.”

“Sounds like you have a crush,” Penelope teased through the phone.

“I do.” She smiled to herself. “I think I always have.”

“If pretty boy was here he’d say that there is a statistical likelihood that because you’ve been interested in him for longer than 3 years you’re most likely in love with him and you'll never not be.” Prentiss explained, “I heard him say that to Hotch once.”

She nodded along, “I guess I just need to get him to fall in love with me now.”

“It won't be that difficult.” JJ placed her hand on Y/N’s back and they all made their way out of the bathroom smiling.

The men were all sitting together at a table with everybody’s drinks already waiting.

“We didn’t know what you liked,” Spencer said as Y/N sat beside him. “So I said I’d go get whatever you want.”

“Or we can go up to the bar together.” She smiled.

The two of them got up and walked to the bar, the rest of the team watched them.

She leaned against the bar, ordering her drinks and pressing in close to Spencer. “It’s been so nice getting to spend time with you.” He said softly.

She was handed her drinks before she could even respond. Taking her tequila shot there and bringing her margarita back to the table as Spencer followed swiftly behind her.

They all drank and exchanged case stories from within and beyond the BAU, Spencer was able to add a lot of input but he was always cut off. Y/N leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “you can tell me all your facts later I really want to hear them.” She smiled so softly Spencer felt his heart about to burst in his chest.

Emily left the group to go flirt with the bartender, JJ was on FaceTime in the SUV with Will, Rossi had disappeared with a local woman and Hotch and Morgan were exchanging childhood stories over a beer in the corner.

The bar was playing old, slow music, almost everyone had filtered out but there were still older local couples hanging out and dancing in the middle of the room.

“Do you dance?” Y/N asked Spencer.

“I can try.”

She took his hand and led him to the floor. Drunk on the alcohol and his touch as she slipped his hands around to her back, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and leaned her head on his chest. She felt his cheek rest on the top of her head as the two of them just swayed in a circle together.

“Do you have any other memories of me?” Y/N asked him softly.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “You lived across the street from the park, and your mom works at the nursing home. You have 2 younger brothers who have always looked older than you. They would come and go when I was sitting on the lone swing and I’d always see you in the window reading. I knew you were my age but it still never felt right for me to talk to you when I was in university.”

“I watched you every time you were on the swings, you looked so peaceful. You read at least a book a day every time you were out there and it became so special to me seeing you there every weekend.” She explained.

“The world works in mysterious ways.” He explained.

She held him as close as she could. Never in her wildest dreams did she expect her day to go like this. She expected coffee and a weird goodbye in the elevator and staring at a computer screen all day. Somehow she ended up in Spencer's arms in a different state after having caught the serial killer that's haunted her dreams for years.

He rubbed his thumb lightly over her back, “do you want to go back to the hotel? We have an early flight.” He whispered.

“Yeah,” she smiled pulling back but reaching down to hold his hand as they walked over to Hotch and Morgan.

They drove home quietly, everyone in the back was happily drunk and tired. They parked and wandered up to their rooms, saying goodbye at their doors and disappearing into their rooms.

Spencer let her take the bathroom first, changing into her PJ’s and then he did the same. She laid in her bed, facing his as he sat up and read.

“Can I come lie beside you?” She asked, knowing exactly how needy she sounded.

He nodded, pulling the sheet back so she could slip right in. She laid on her side and just looked up at him. Absolutely astounded that she was with him.

“Can I ask you a personal question?” Spencer asked, putting his book down and sliding down the bed to be on her level.

“Yeah?” She said nervously.

“Today you said it’s hard for people to come forward after they are assaulted, it sounded like personal experience and I wanted you to know if you need anyone, I’m always available for you.” He explained.

“Oh,” her face dropped. “I was 12, he was 15. You were in high school at the same time as him. I don’t know if you’d remember him, his name was Christopher.”

Spencer nodded along as she spoke. “When my mom finally went back to work she didn’t trust me watching my brothers alone so her friend offered to babysit us during the days. Her foster son took advantage of me the whole summer and when my parents finally found out he went into Sophomore year and told everyone that the nerdy girl who looks like bugs bunny was obsessed with him, that I stalked him and that anything I said about him wasn’t real.”

“I’m so sorry.” He rubbed his hand over her shoulder to soothe her.

“It’s okay, they used to call me bugs bunny because of my overbite. I used to rest my front teeth on my front lip and they would throw carrots at me,” she explained further.

“It all makes sense now,” he said softly.

“What does?”

“When I was 13 the seniors had a cheerleader invite me onto the football field and convinced me to strip down to my underwear, she was about to kiss me when all the football guys ran out and beat me up, they tied me to the goal post and the one said ‘we should really hook you up with bugs bunny, you losers would be perfect together.’ And they left me there all night long.”

“Oh Spencer I am so sorry,” she cuddled in close to him, placing her head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. “I think we went through our traumas separately all these years because something bigger than us knew we’d need each other one day.”

“When we get back to Virginia, would you like to go on a date with me?” Spencer asked.

“I would want nothing more.” She hugged him a bit tighter.

They stayed like that for a while until Spencer felt Y/N slip into the night's slumber. He quietly reached for the lamp, turning it off and readjusting himself under Y/N’s grasp.

He fell asleep not so long after. Both sleeping soundly for the first time in a long time.

Chapter 2

They had 3 back to back cases once they arrived back at Quantico. They travelled from DC to California to North Carolina within 2 weeks of Y/N working with the BAU.

Meaning she had not yet gone on that date Spencer asked her out on.

“If we get another call as soon as I reach that elevator I am leaving and not coming back. I am exhausted,” Emily said as she packed her bag and all but sprinted for the door.

“I hope my car still runs, it’s been parked here for so long now,” Y/N added and she walked towards the door. “You coming Spence?”

“Yeah, I’ll meet you at the car,” he said with a smile as he waved her off.

Emily and Y/N waited for the elevator, Penelope and JJ quickly followed behind them with their bags in their hands. Penelope’s heels clicked as fast as they could against the floor as she tried to catch up.

“Girls night?” JJ asked, “Will said Henry is asleep and he’s about to go to bed too, so I’m free for a bit?”

“I have to go home, I’ve barely moved into my new apartment, I still have to unpack,” Y/N explained.

“How about we come have some wine and help you?” Emily offered.

“If I’m being honest, I kinda want some alone time with Spencer.” She blushed bright red.

“Oooooo,” Penelope and JJ teased.

“It’s about time someone gave Spencer the attention he deserves,” Emily laughed.

“Believe me he’s going to get too much attention now that I live across the hall from him, work with him and carpool with him,” she giggled right back. “Has he never had a girlfriend before?”

“Not that we know of,” JJ said, “he’s very quiet.”

“Have you?” Penelope asked, “dated before that is?”

“oh no, I’ve never dated anyone before, I haven’t even kissed anyone in years,” she said feeling bashful and embarrassed.

“I think that's what Spencer needs though,” Emily added, “He needs someone on the same level as him all ‘round, you two match in every sense it’s almost perfect.”

“He’s probably the only man who doesn’t make me feel scared like I want my first real love to be with someone I feel safe with, I don’t think I could do anything with like, Morgan or Hotch or any men like them. They’re nice, yeah but the aggressive authority side isn’t something I’m comfortable around outside of work.” She explained.

“Yeah, Spencer is a sweetheart. I think that’s why I didn’t end up with him honestly.” JJ said softly, “Gideon tried to hook us up years ago cause we were the youngest on the team, but I do crave that authority outside of work.”

“It’s probably because you’re in power here. You handle the media, you wear the pants and you get shit done,” Y/N said, “you want to go home and be taken care of by a man who knows how to run a household.”

“Exactly!” JJ laughed.

“I want to be taken care of, yes, but I rather be the caretaker at home. I just want someone who will do their own thing with me in the same room, to kiss me before we go to bed and make sure I know they love me.” Y/N said softly, only picturing a life with Spencer as she said it.

The elevator never moved the whole time they were in there, it dinged and opened to Spencer and Morgan waiting. “You guys are that tired you didn’t even make it to your cars?” Morgan teased.

“didn’t even push the button actually,” Y/N chimed in.

“We were having girl time,” Penelope smiled.

“well let’s go home finally,” Morgan and Spencer walked in, pressing the button to the garage and riding down in silence.

Spencer waited for Y/N to exit the elevator last before walking with her to her car. She unlocked it and got in, watching and waving as her new friends pulled out of the garage.

“Ready?” She asked, pulling out as soon as she saw Spencer nod his head with his cute little pressed-lip smile.

They drove home in silence, enjoying the peace and quiet for the first time in weeks. The drive was quick, 30 minutes in the cold, dark, Virginia wilderness.

She parked in their parking lot, yawning as she turned the car off. She grabbed her purse from the back seat and made her way inside with Spencer.

“You going to sleep?” She asked him when they reached her door.

“Probably not, my brain is still too caught up in the cases,” he said honestly.

“Would you like to come in for some tea? To calm down before bed?” She offered as she unlocked her door.

She stepped inside, unlocking the alarm with the 4 digit code. Spencer tried his best not to listen but he failed, he’ll remember the sound of the code forever now.

She flicked on the light and looked around at the mess she left in her living room. “God I forgot it’s a mess in here,” she groaned.

Spencer followed her inside, following her lead and dropping his bag on the floor. He watched as Y/N walked around the house with her hand on her gun, clearing each room to make sure it was still safe.

“Sorry, I live alone, I don’t take any chances,” she said as she came back into the room.

She unlocked her safe and placed her work gun inside, closing it and spinning the lock right after. She let out a deep sigh, stretching her arms out over her head. “It’s so nice to be back in this mess.”

“I can help you unpack this weekend?” Spencer offers.

“If you want to that would be nice, I’ll order us some take out too.”

She picked up the boxes on her couch and moved them to the floor, she cleared off her coffee table and took the lamps out of the box in the corner. She plugged them into the wall and set them on the end tables. Luckily her furniture was in place all she had to do was put out all her little trinkets, books and photos.

Spencer took a seat on her couch, opening a box with mugs and cups, taking them all out of their bubble wrapping and setting them on the coffee table.

Y/N managed to find her kettle, as well as the box of random food she brought from her old cupboard. She set out a variety of teas and digestive biscuits.

Spencer slowly brought the mugs over, placing them in the cupboard of Y/N’s choosing, making sure he left 2 mugs out for them.

“Can I have a green tea?” Spencer asked softly.

“Of course, is it your favourite?”

“No,” he shook his head. “I would like some caffeine but I’m not interested in having a coffee, so this is a good middle ground.”

“I’m not a fan of most hot drinks, that's why I drink ice coffee in the mornings,” Y/N poured the hot water into both cups, leaving room for milk in both mugs just in case. “But, Orange Pekoe is my favourite.”

She placed a tea bag in each mug and handed Spencers to him.

She watched him add a little sugar to his mug before picking it up and returning to the sofa. She followed him shortly after adding milk and sugar to her own, as well as a plate of cookies.

She sighed as she settled in to the couch. “Going to try my hardest to manifest a full weekend off, with no cases, if my spirit guides loved me they will listen.” She jokes.

“You’re spiritual?” He asks.

“A little?” She shrugs, “I’m very into natural medicine, lunar cycles, manifesting and affirmations. Basically what would be considered a witch back in the day.”

“Do you enjoy it?”

“Yeah,” she smiled. “I had a pretty invasive surgery when I was 17, and because of the body trauma, I developed fibromyalgia. And there really aren’t any answers or explanations for it so I had to turn to something to bring me peace and pain relief.”

“I’m sorry you have to go through that.”

“It’s okay, eating right, taking my supplements, sleeping and exercise help. Basically, if I take care of myself my body will thank me,” she huffed out a small laugh. “It’s annoying waking up in pain randomly for no reason. I rather wake up sore from taking down an unsub, at least then, the pain is more like a reward, you know?”

Spencer nodded along and smiled softly, “I’m glad you found something that helps you.”

“How about you? I’m guessing you’re a science-only man?”

He laughed, “yes.”

“So do you believe in soulmates?” She asked on a whim.

“In the scientific sense of the word yes. I believe when the big bang happened, all the atoms, electrons and particles that split to make the universe as we know it, still exist in us today. Who’s to say that they don’t pull back to each other, causing a cosmic connection,” Spencer explained softly, his voice low as he explained himself.

Y/N set her drink down, moving in closer to him on the couch. “And how do you know when you’ve met your other half?” She asked. Her voice was just as low.

Spencer set his mug down as well, he placed his warm hand on her cheek, “I think everything would just make sense with them. They’d orbit each other's lives for so long, observing and acknowledging one another and finally one day they’ll connect.”

He leaned in and pressed his perfectly soft lips against hers. She reached her hand around the back of his neck and held him into the kiss. Breathing in deeply through her nose, trying to keep the moment forever.

She pulled back, her breathing was deep as she opened her eyes to look into his. “If you weren’t just explaining the big bang to me, I’d think that was it.”

He laughed at her joke, making both of their hearts soar. She pressed him back against the sofa, adjusting themselves so that she was lying partially on top of him as they cuddled in her crowded living room.

They could hear the sound of the world going on around them. The subtle hum of the subway below them. The distant car horns, someone upstairs was walking around in their apartment.

They were completely quiet then, just cuddled up in their own world without any distractions. The two of them let their hands wander each other as they laid there.

Y/N slowly sat up, peeling herself out of Spencer's grip. “Do you want to spend the night here?”

“I’m just going to run across the hall and get ready for bed, I can lock up when I come back?” He said softly.

“Okay, the button with the person inside the house is the one you hold down on the alarm system after you lock both locks,” she explained before standing up and walking into her bedroom.

She changed into a pair of shorts, a sports bra, and a tank top. She brushed her teeth and hair, throwing it up in a little bun. She took out her contacts, replacing them with her glasses. She washed her face, watered her plants and sat down in her bed finally.

She had her hand on her night side drawer, where she keeps her other gun, just in case the person coming into her house wasn’t Spencer. But then she heard the alarm system arm, both locks clicked, the sound of dishes being placed in the sink and finally the sound of a lamp being clicked off.

Spencer slipper clad feet against the hardwood floor is all she heard as he walked into her room. He took the right side of the bed, wearing his PJ bottoms and a regular t-shirt. It was really the first time she was him so dressed down.

She settled down into the bed, she put her glasses on her side table, plugged in her phones and turned out the light. Spencer spooned into her, cuddling in tight and holding her against his chest.

“Goodnight, Spencer.” She whispered.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

She didn’t fall asleep right away. She basked in the glory that was Spencer Reid’s warm embrace. The feeling of his breath against her neck and his hand on her stomach.

“I love you.” Was the last thing she thinks she heard before she finally fell asleep.

—

She woke up to her phone ringing. She reached over to the nightstand and clicked talk. “SSA Y/L/N,” she said.

“Hey, it’s Penelope.”

“What’s up?”

“Not a case don’t worry, I was just wondering if I could stop by with some iced coffee and breakfast sandwiches to help you unpack?” She asked way too cheerfully for whatever time it was.

“Uh yeah just give us a chance to wake up, can you come by in 30?” She said as she rubbed her eyes, waking up.

“Us?”

“Uh, yeah, Spencer came in for tea and slept on the couch,” she lied.

“No I didn’t,” he groggily chimed in from where he was cuddled into the crook of Y/N’s neck.

“Right okay, so I’ll bring Spencer some breakfast too then,” she said before hanging up.

Y/N placed the phone back on her night table, settling back into Spencer’s embrace.

“Why’d you lie?” He asked.

“Didn’t know if I had your consent to tell her about us yet,” she whispered into his hair as she placed kisses on his head.

“Morgan told me if I didn’t kiss you last night, he’d make me do another round of physical evaluations,” he smiled against her skin. “He wanted to win the bet everyone set to see who would kiss who first.”

“So you just helped the guys win?”

“Prentiss, Morgan and Hotch were betting for me to kiss you first,” he admitted.

“Well, that means Rossi, Garcia and JJ think I’m the one wearing the pants here. Good to know,” she giggled.

“You can wear the pants,” he said as he shifted his weight to look up at her, “as long as I get to take them off later.”

“Well, Dr. Reid, I never thought you’d have it in you,” she was pleasantly surprised.

“When I get comfortable around someone I’m a lot different than I am at work,” he explained, “I heard what you said about needing someone to take care of who still wants to take care of you.”

She blushed, “of course you did.”

He leaned down to kiss her jaw and down her neck. “I think we can work something out,” he whispered.

Her breathing hitched. She couldn’t believe the complete 180º his personality just took, and she wasn’t complaining. All the moisture left her mouth as she just nodded her head in agreement.

“We should get up before she gets here,” he said, kissing her one last time before crawling out of bed.

She laid there staring up at the ceiling, shocked, flabbergasted, enamoured, basically every single word that essentially meant ‘what the fuck just happened.'

She got up, turned off the alarm and waited to use the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and replaced her tank top with a sweater. Spencer slipped across the hall to change into jeans and a button-down shirt, almost like he couldn’t be in anything else around his friends.

Penelope was a hugger, she made sure to give Y/N a good squeeze as she walked into her apartment. “It’s literally the same as Reid’s just backwards,” was the first thing she said.

“I wouldn’t know, I haven’t been over there yet,” Y/N smiled, taking the coffees out of Penelope’s hands and setting them on the counter.

“JJ and Emily said they’d love to come help later too if you want them to, but it doesn’t look too bad for just the 3 of us,” she said looking around.

“Everything is labelled, my room is all done so you don’t need to worry about it, set up however you see fit, honestly, I’m at a bit of a loss figuring out how to make this place feel more like me with what I have.”

“Alright, well,” she started, looking for the box with the cleaning supplies. “First we clean the kitchen then we put everything where it has to go.”

So that's what they did, they spent a few hours wiping down every surface in the house, disinfecting the floors, the walls, door handles, nobs, everything. Then Penelope got out all her pots and pans, hanging them on the rack above the kitchen island.

Spencer took all the plates out, stacking them neatly in the cabinet. Y/N stacked her cups and glasses, placing them on the shelf with the glass door. They organized her utensils, baking equipment, cookbooks and aprons, asking all about how much she baked.

She offered to make cookies for the team soon, that was a Sunday night with Spencer activity for sure.

In the living space, there weren’t many things. Spencer unpacked the books and placed them on her shelves in library-coded order. While Penelope and Y/N unboxed all her albums and records, cheering and singing along to their favourites.

Y/N had never quite had friends like this before, people who just fit into her life so easily. This was really the best family in the FBI, they knew how to make someone feel completely and wholly loved.

“I need to get some art and stuff,” Y/N said staring at the one empty wall.

“What are you going to do on the fireplace mantle?” Spencer asked, noticing it was still empty.

“Probably some of my spiritual stuff, like my crystals and candles and incense,” she smiled.

“oh, I do that too!” Another thing they had in common.

The day blew past them. They finished unpacking and breaking down all the boxes by 2 pm, finally sitting down altogether, exhausted. Ready to order a few pizzas and chill for the rest of the afternoon.

—

“I really appreciate the help today,” she said as she hugged Penelope. Penelope’s hugs were more comforting than her own mother’s, she thought. Holding her tightly and taking it all in. “I’m so blessed I ran into Spencer and now I get to be your friend.”

“I will cry,” she joked as she hugged y/n tighter. “I’m very blessed to have met you as well.”

She hugged Spencer on her way out as well, forcing herself to leave or else she would have stayed and talked for hours.

As soon as Spencer closed the door behind her, he set the alarm the way Y/N liked it. She smiled at him, seeing him remember how she likes to feel completely safe.

She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in. “Would you like to make out with me on my bed?”

“Like horny teenagers?” He giggled, dropping his forehead to rest on hers.

“We never really got the horny teenage experience,” she said softly.

“Are you-?” He cut himself off before he could say the word.

She looked up at him, her eyes big and innocent, she nodded. “technically.”

“Technically?” He repeated softly.

“I don’t want to count my sexual assault as my first,” she whispered. “I’ve never let anyone touch me since.”

His arms wrapped tighter around her, pulling her in closer to be right against his chest. He kissed her cheeks, her chin, forehead, nose, and finally her lips. “I’m going to try my best to never hurt you.”

She kissed him deeper, her hand on the back of his neck, never wanting to part from him. But when she did, she whispered, out of breath. “Promise to only hurt me if I ask you to?”

He saw the way his breath hitched and the way his grip changed. His face went red as he nodded feverishly.

“Are you a virgin Dr. Reid?” She teased.

“No,” he whispered. “I uh had sex in college, just to get it out of the way.”

She broke out of his grasp, taking his hand and pulling him into her bedroom. She closed the door behind them flicking on her fairy lights and lighting a couple of candles. He sat patiently on her bed as he watched her nervously organize things that had no reason to be organized in that moment.

But he let her calm down until she was fully ready, or she changed her mind. Either way, he was going to hang out with her all night long, however she wanted him.

“Close your eyes,” she asked softly. “Lay back against the bed and don’t look at me yet.” She ordered him and he listened.

He pressed his eyes closed and scooted up the bed till his head was on a pillow, laying back with his hands over his eyes. He listened closely to the sound of her taking her clothes off. She tried to steady her breath as she pulled off her sweater and sports bra and replace it with something cute.

She put on her only pair of matching underwear, ones she got on sale at some department store that she only wore for herself so far. She crawled up the bed, sitting directly on Spencer's hips.

She took his hands off his eyes, noticing they were still closed, she smiled. She placed his hands on her bare hips. “Open them.”

He opened his eyes to the most stunning image he’s ever seen in his life. Blinking a few times as his mind burned the image into the back of his eyelids for the rest of time. “Fuck,” he whispered.

She smiled to herself, “thought you’d like it.”

She leaned down, arching her back and kissed his neck. His hands travelled from her thighs to her perched ass as she kissed up his jaw to his ear. He was nothing but breathy moans and thank you’s as she explored him.

She ground herself down on his growing erection, smirking against his skin. She sat back on his hips, wiggling as she undid each of his shirt buttons, way too slow.

She took her time, pulling the front of his shirt out of his jeans and finally spreading the shirt open. Her hands ran over his chest before she used her nails to scrape her way down to his jean buttons.

He reached for her hands then. Stopping her and looking up into her eyes. “Before we start, I need to know what will trigger you,” he said softly.

“Oh,” her face dropped a little, she was a little overwhelmed with the fact he was asking, but she knew he truly cared. “I can’t do blowjobs yet, I will probably have a panic attack.”

“I can live without them,” he smirked, “look at everything else you do, fuck you’re amazing.” His hands roamed her skin the whole time.

She tucked her ankles under his knees and in one swift moment flipped them from laying on his side of the bed to the middle. He was on top of her now, absolutely amazed that she could do that.

“Told you I was combat trained,” she giggled.

Spencer sat up on the bed, ripping his shirt off and pushing himself out of both his jeans and underwear at the same time. Her mouth couldn’t help but fall open and the sight of his perfect cock bouncing free.

He sat back, trying to tug his jeans off of his ankles when he fell back and landed on the hardwood floor, “Spencer!” She couldn’t help the laugh that erupted from her.

He huffed, clearly embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” she quickly bit her lip to try and stop laughing.

“When you said horny teenager phase I didn’t think you meant the awkward part too,” he smiled, standing completely naked in front of her.

“Get back here,” she giggled.

He got right back on top of her, between her legs that she wrapped immediately around him. Locking him in place. “How would you like it?” He asked.

“Well hypothetically,” she began with a smirk, “I think I would like to ride you, sitting up, tits in your face, the whole shebang.”

He forgot how to breathe, the most beautiful girl in the world just laid out how she wants to be fucked like it was a science experiment.

He was in love with her.

She flipped him again, “you have to stop doing that!” He gasped.

She laughed as she sat up, getting off him enough so he could sit up against the headboard. She shimmied out of her underwear before sitting down on him again, their most intimate parts just resting close to one another. She shivered at the feel of his hot skin against hers. She’d never been this close to another human before.

“Do you have a condom?” He asked, suddenly shy.

“If you want one yeah but I have an IUD in case I get,” she stopped herself, “you know, in the field.”

“Yeah that's smart,” he was so nervous.

She leaned in and kissed him. Holding his cheeks in her hands as his hands reached behind her back to undo her bra. She opened her mouth to let him explore with his tongue as she felt the straps of her bra slip down her shoulders.

She let go of his face one hand at a time and peeled the bra from her skin. Flinging it across the room without looking and pressing her breasts against his chest.

She gets on her knees without breaking the kiss, reaching between them she grips the base of his cock. His breath hitches in his throat and she can feel his pulse in his shaft.

She drags the head through her folds, she breaks the kiss to breathe in his ear, “you know, you’re just a bit bigger than what I'm used to.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

She lines him up with her and slowly pushes down on him, pulling up and back down again, each time getting his cock a little wetter on her juices so he can slip in easier. “I think it was called the emerald stud, he’s in a box over there,” she whispers in his ear as she bottoms out.

She sits back, her arms around his shoulders, she rocks on his cock. His eyes slip shut as he dips his head back against her crossed wrists. “Fuck,” he breathes.

She shifts again, bouncing more on him when she’s used to his size. His hands are on her ass again, helping her bounce as he moved to kiss her neck and collarbones.

He’s all noises, hot breath against her chest and sloppy kisses. She reaches between them to rub her clit before he pushes her hand out of the way to rub her himself. Feeling how swollen she is, he squeezes her clit lightly.

She moans out a high pitches squeak that she had no idea she could make, covering her mouth as she bounced a little harder on his cock. “Fuck Spencer,” she whispered into his hair.

He kissed her ear again, “you want me to cum in you?” He asks.

“God yeah, fill me up,” she replies without thinking, tossing her head back and grinding down ever so provocatively on him.

She presses her front against him more, causing the friction from his index finger on her clit to get more intense as she bucks her hips faster and faster against him.

He’s gone. Absolutely destroyed. He cants even worn her that he’s about to cum he just tips his head back and fucks up into her, gripping her ass so tight that he knows she’s going to have 5 deep, finger-shaped, purple bruises around each ass cheek.

Her orgasm rips through her, losing balance with her shaking thighs she gasps for air, falling into him with her face in the crook of his neck. She is breathing so hard as she comes down, she drools on his neck a little.

He pulls his hand out from between them, flicking her clit on last time. Sending a tremor through her body. She twitches against him, tensing up and tightening around the cock still inside her.

He moans once more, and she feels the tiniest trickle of cum slip out of her as he lifts her off him.

They don’t talk. They just hold onto one another, breathing and rubbing their hands over each other's skin.

“Wow,” Spencer finally says.

“Yeah,” she agrees.

“Hypothetically,” he says with a smile, “I think the outcome we reached was the intended goal?” Only Spencer Reid would make a joke like that after sex.

She laughed and kissed his neck, “very successful, I would be willing to switch techniques next time to see if we can repeat this outcome.”

“Sounds like a date.”

chapter 3

They worked together perfectly. Every morning he’d head across the hall to his own apartment to get ready, coming back to a slice of toast and coffee in his travel mug ready to go.

She looked gorgeous every morning. She put time and effort into what she wore to work, just to chase psychopaths all day. He was in love with her, its the only thing he knew for sure when he looked at her. He was never going to recover from falling for her.

He’d hold all her things while she sets the alarm and locks the door. She would drive them to work each morning and even then he’d carry all her things up to the office.

Everyone noticed how Spencer changed around Y/N, he was always smiling, he was basically glowing from being in love, and having sex. Derek teased him constantly, but in all honesty, he was really proud of his little bro.

They had a slow day, which meant all the ladies filed into Penny’s office to shoot the shit when they were really supposed to be writing reports.

“So?” Penelope looked at Y/N with an arched eyebrow. “How is he?”

She shook her head and giggled to herself. “Really good.”

“Really?” Emily pried?

“He has this other personality that comes out when we, you know,” she was afraid to say fuck inside the walls of Penelope’s office. “I’m addicted, I was so afraid to have sex and now I’m like having an internal battle of is it really worth getting caught in the filing room for a quicky!”

They all burst into laughter, sharing stories of all the times each of them has fucked at work, “you won't get caught if you let us help you?” JJ said with a smirk.

“You’re kidding?” Y/N tilted her head, not believing her.

“I can ask Morgan and the team to lunch while you stay here, text Spencer saying to stay back to get work done but he can meet you in here.” Penelope planned the whole thing.

“No,” Y/N shook her head. “I don’t think I’m comfortable enough for that yet.” She was being completely honest.

“We need a code word for when you choose to use this plan,” Emily said. “Like you group text us the word ‘switch’ and we will keep everyone busy for you and Spence.”

“Why do you want me to fuck him here so bad?”

They all laughed, “because we’re not used to Spence getting this kind of love!” JJ said. “Emily and Penelope covered for me literally when me and Will made Henry.”

“having a hand in making my godson gave me a god complex,” Penelope joked.

They got along fabulously, laughing and working all afternoon before the boys came to get them.

“We got something.”

Y/N walked out first joining Spencer in the hall with a smile, standing close enough to him as they walked that their knuckles rubbed together. She sat beside him in the briefing room, opening the case file in front of her and flipping through the info.

“Wow,” she whispered to herself. “I know a few of the 13 women, I put them in the missing system.”

Spencer rubs his hand over her back softly, looking at the pages she’s flipping through.

Garcia wasn’t cheery anymore, she grabbed the remote for the tv and started her rundown.

“Over the last 6 days, police in Winnemucca Nevada have dug up 13 bodies of women who have gone missing in the last 10 years. He seems to kill sporadically without patterns. M.E has confirmed all 13 women, and de-comp shows they were all killed within 24 hours of going missing.”

“Cause?” Prentiss asked.

“All 13 were strangled with plastic shopping bags, that were left wrapped around their faces in the graves. They were all sexually assaulted antemortem, but not all of them died from asphyxiation. He also stabbed 9 of the 13 victims, 5 of which died from massive blood loss. But the real kicker was that all 13 of them had their wombs removed.” Penelope finished.

“Do we know if any of them were pregnant?” Y/N asked.

“Yes,” she said flipping through slides, “victim number 13, Traci Purcell was 17 and according to her autopsy, her HCG levels indicated she would have been 3 weeks along when she was murdered.”

“Are they able to see if the others were pregnant?” Hotch asked.

“They’re working on it, best bet will be for me to pull medical records and to ask the family.”

“Wheels up in 30,” Hotch nodded towards the door.

Slowly but surely they all filed into the plane, Y/N took a window seat, quickly burying her head in the file, looking at each and every victim carefully.

“Spence, would you help me place the geographical profile?” Y/N asked him softly as he got comfortable in the seat across from her.

“Once we take off we can spread out the map,” he smiled softly back at her. Even when dealing with the hard cases they managed to get caught up in each other's eyes.

“Okay love birds, can I sit here too or will I get more than air sickness?” Morgan said, pretending to feel sick as he sat beside Y/N.

She smacked his arm lightly.

“Speaking of,” Spencer said, stopping to swallow nervously. “Hotch I’m going to need 2 of the workplace fraternization forms when we get back.”

Everyone on the plane cheered at him, he got 3 high-fives and all the congratulations in the world. Y/N immediately felt her face warm up.

“Don’t worry, Garcia filed them for you that night she helped you unpack,” Hotch smiled into his paperwork.

“How did she even know?” Y/N’s voice went up 3 octaves as she panicked.

“At least we know when pretty boy lost his V card now,” Morgan smirked.

“No, just me.” Y/N corrected him. To which Spencer was given yet another high five.

Just then Spencer was handed $20 from Rossi, Hotch, and Morgan. Y/N raised an eyebrow, “why?”

“I bet them $20, years ago, that I am in fact not a virgin and they said they would and I quote ‘only pay me if a woman who has fucked me confirms it.’ So who’s going to tell Gideon to pay up?” He explains.

The team carried on like normal after all the excitement died down. Having side conversations, working on the case, sleeping. The trip from Quantico to Winnemucca was fairly quick.

Y/N sat with Spencer at the table, spreading out the map and watching him place where all 13 victims disappeared from as well as where they were found. They were spread over 3 subdivisions, all 35 miles at least away from the burial sites.

“The park,” Spencer said softly.

“Is that the middle ground?”

“Yeah there’s something significant with the park,” Spencer confirms.

—

Spencer and Y/N went to the M.E together, all 13 women were labelled and displayed under white sheets. They took their time looking over each skeleton and the bodies.

“Clean cuts on the stomach, I wonder why he didn’t stab her?” Spencer said as he looked at the 13th victim.

“She might have cooperated better, or and I hate to say it but, seeing as she was Asian there is a high chance she didn’t bear resemblance to the source of the unsubs rage meaning she got to go out a little easier,” Y/N suggested with a disgusted look on her face.

“The 5 who died of blood loss were all white, brown hair, green eyes. 3 were 26, 2 were 29. They might be exactly his type,” Spencer confirmed the theory.

“They were also murdered,” she flipped her notebook open to show a chart with 5 columns. “June, February, June, November, November. Could also mean something to him.”

“What is that?” Spencer asks.

“It’s a chart that has the name, their age, the missing date and last scene location, the estimated date of death, and the cause. So that I can easily refer to the most important info when making a connection,” She explained. “My brain works better if I can see everything, so I also have my own little hand-drawn map of the area on his page as well as all my ideas in case I don’t get a turn to speak.”

“That���s really smart,” he smiled.

“So June, November and February might be significant to him.”

“Let’s go tell Hotch.”

Spencer drove for once, Y/N sat in the passenger seat in the SUV, doodling into her notebook.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Spencer asked.

“I wrote down the first letter of each month,” she explained, showing him the notebook. “And I circled each of the 3 months that repeat, February, June and November.”

“Okay?” He followed along.

“From February to November it’s 10 months or 40 weeks which is the typical length of a pregnancy,” She explained further. “This whole thing is clearly about pregnancy seeing as he is taking wombs. It’s clearly not a woman seeking revenge because of the sexual assault so it has something to do with him seeking revenge for a pregnancy in his life.”

“Could even be his own, like he’s punishing women who look like his mother because he wishes he was never born,” Spencer ponders.

They pulled into the police station, she got out and walked in all with her head still in the notebook. “Find anything?” Hotch asked.

“Of course she did,” Spencer bragged about her.

—

They all took a break, going back to their hotels to get some rest. All agreeing that since the media hasn’t released anything about this case yet the killed has no idea. They take it in faith that he will stick to his 2 to 4 month waiting period.

They all returned the next morning, refreshed and ready to resume their findings. JJ and Emily spent most of the morning interviewing families of the victims, specifically asking if they knew the vic was pregnant as well as what significance the park played in or around their pregnancies.

Y/N sat in silence with a coffee, flipping through her notebook. Hotch and Morgan were running over ideas they all had with Garcia on the phone.

“Hey, Spence?” Y/N called boy wonder over from the map he had been staring at.

“Yes, my love?” He says softly.

“I think I have an idea, can you go over it with me before we tell the team?” She asked.

“Of course,” he took a seat beside her.

“Why do I have an IUD?” She asks him in a whisper.

“In case you get raped in the field,” he whispered back.

“More specifically.”

“So you don’t get pregnant as a result of a rape in the field.”

“The sexual assaults in his mind, are him getting these victims pregnant. But they’re already pregnant when he picks them right?” She explains, “So that when he removes the uterus postmortem it's his way of aborting the child.”

“So this is all about abortion?” Spencer confirms.

“More specifically to do with how you said he regrets being born,” she corrects.

“Do you think he’s the product of a failed abortion?”

She nodded her head, “yeah and that by taking the whole uterus, and the strangling, and the stabbing, both mother and baby are for sure dead.”

“Hotch!” Spencer called across the room. “Y/N figured it out.”

They waited for JJ and Prentiss to finish an interview before they all piled into an office to discuss Y/N’s idea.

“Is there even any way to know if someone is the product of a failed abortion?” Prentiss asked after Spencer and Y/N took turns explaining how they came to their conclusion.

“Probably the best way would be to search for babies born with the common disabilities that occur in babies of failed abortions, but make sure they were born in November,” Y/N explained.

“Why November?” Penelope asked over the phone.

Y/N took a whiteout marker and started writing on the whiteboard.

“The 5 victims that died from loss of blood were all exactly the same, they were murdered in June, February, June. November and November.” She explained.

Writing “J F M A M J J A S O N D” on the whiteboard. Circling February, June and November.

“February, conception. 10 months later, or 40 weeks, is November. June is 4 months along meaning that would be when the mother either had the abortion, be it medical or homemade,” Y/N explained.

“Last year alone 146 of the 164,045 abortions resulted as a failure. When this happens most women choose to have the second procedure, or a D and C. Or they can carry the baby the rest of the way to term,” Spencer explained. “Children brought to term from a first-trimester medical abortion failure often have limb or digit abnormalities while infants born from non-medical approved abortions are more likely to have congenital problems.”

“However someone without a limb would not be able to do what our unsub is capable of. Digging graves, abducting, dragging dead bodies, it’s a lot of effort,” JJ added.

“Exactly, which is why I think our unsub probably has a mental disability.”

“Non-medical abortions, most often referred to as the poor person’s method, is taking a non-FDA approved ulcer treatment drug called Misoprostol, which is causing an epidemic of birth defects all along South America and parts of Asia,” Spencer added. “It induces contractions, causing women to deliver babies far too early to survive outside of the womb. If taken after the first trimester, and unsuccessful it can cut off oxygen to the brain long enough to permanently damage development in the frontal lobe.”

“Did the families mention anything about the park?” Y/N asked Prentiss and JJ.

“So far 4 of the victim's husbands say their wives announced they were pregnant on park benches, near the children swinging. They said it was the typical, ‘that could be us one day, that day came sooner than you thought’ moments from movies.” JJ confirmed.

“Let’s deliver the profile,” Hotch announced, following them all into the precinct.

—

They spent the next few hours looking for anyone with birth defects or mental disabilities that could be a potential suspect. Asking the other officers as well as anyone around the park about the type of man they were looking for.

Morgan and JJ patrolled the park while Rossi and Prentiss asked around on the street.

“Lynette Hayward,” Y/N whispered to herself, standing up and rushing through all the papers on the table in front of her.

“She was the only one who wasn’t pregnant, she was the only one who wasn’t reported missing, she was the oldest and in her youth, she had brown hair and green eyes. What if she’s his mother?” Y/N expressed to Spencer and Hotch who were watching her scramble around.

She pulled her phone out and called Garcia, “what’s cooking good lookin’?” Penelope answered.

“Can you help unscramble my egg brain?” She joked right back.

“Sure thing, whatcha got?”

“Lynette Hayward, does she have children, was she ever pregnant, or put someone up for adoption?”

“Let me check into it and I will call you right back!” Garcia said, hanging up and going right to work.

“Is there anyone here who knew Lynette Hayward about 30 years ago? She would have been 26 to 29, my height, brown hair, and green eyes?” Y/N announced to the whole Police Department.

“I did,” an officer said, standing up from the desk on the other side of the room.

She waved him over, pulling out a chair and asking him to sit.

“Was Lynette ever pregnant?” Y/N asked.

He thought for a moment, licking his lips and harkening all the way back to his 20’s. “There was a summer that no one saw her."

"When was this?" Spencer asked.

"From June to November, not a single person saw her. We thought maybe she was doing summer classes somewhere,” he explained.

“Were there any children dropped off at a fire hall or a hospital that November?” Spencer asked.

“There was a baby left in the park, poor little guy had been left out there in the cold,” he said.

Hotch, Spencer and Y/N all took a deep breath and looked at each other. “That’s him.”

Garcia called back then, “I found 1 baby left abandoned in the park in November of 1979, he was diagnosed with a cleft lip and palate, seizures, and later on he was diagnosed with diabetes, Crohn’s disease and Asperger's syndrome.”

“Name and address?” Spencer asked.

“That's the difficult part, he was born, operated on and handed over to the state and cared for by a foster family that named him Jake Alexander Ingrid. At the age of 6, he was adopted by them fully. When he was 12 he dropped out of the public school system due to bullying that left him in the hospital with a broken arm. After that, his trail goes cold.”

“How cold?” Y/N asked.

“If I didn't know better I'd say he was the one missing not Lynette,” Garcia confirmed.

“Does anyone live in Lynette’s house?” Hotch asked.

The sound of Garcia’s typing was all they heard over the phone, “her bills are being paid on time, someone is in her trailer. I’ve sent the address to your phones.”

“Let’s go.”

Hotch kicked the trailer door in, “FBI!”

He was asleep, startled awake in the bed that used to belong to his birth mother. He cried, overwhelmed with the 3 guns pointed in his face. Hotch sighed, cuffing him and reading him his rights.

“Why are the worst ones always the sadist?” Y/N asked Spencer as they watched forensics tore apart the trailer.

“Sad in what context?”

“His whole life was so fucked up, it sucks. All those women crossed paths with him and he took his fucked up life and ended theirs, as well as their babies,” Y/N couldn’t stop shaking her head as she spoke, disgusted with the whole situation.

Spencer wrapped her up in a hug, “if we spend all our time wondering why the world is like this we won't have enough time to bring justice to the victims.”

“which is the best outcome we can ask for,” Y/N agreed.

“Dr, Reid, agent Y/L/N?” An officer interrupted their hug and watched them awkwardly pull away from each other quickly.

“Yes?” Spencer answered.

“We found the wombs.”

The worst fucking sentence she had ever heard. “I can’t look at that.” She said, walking away to join JJ and Prentiss standing by the SUV.

“Good job kid,” Morgan said, wrapping his arm around her. “You’re almost as smart as boy wonder over there.”

“Just call me Mrs, boy wonder then,” she joked.

“Don’t tempt him!” Prentiss joked.

Y/N turned back to see Spencer walking out of the trailer, a shade of green spreading across his skin. “Excuse me,” she said walking towards the ambulance that was on standby.

“Dr. Reid looks like he might be sick,” she said, taking an EMT with her towards him.

Sure enough, Spencer leaned over the bushes and hurled before passing out into the EMT’s arms. Morgan and Hotch came running over to him, helping get him into an ambulance.

“What happened?” Morgan asked.

“He took a look at the recovered womb’s the forensic team found,” Y/N explained.

“That would do it,” Hotch agreed.

Y/N rubbed her hand along Spencer’s shoulder, “good catch,” the EMT complimented her as he took Spencer's vitals.

“I know him well.”

“Too well,” Morgan agreed. “You’d think you were cut from the same cloth.”

“No,” she said softly, gripping Spencer’s hand in her own as he started to stir a little. “We’re cosmically connected, made from the same space rock that split during the big bang.”

“I love you,” he whispered, awake the whole time she was speaking.

“Yeah, yeah,” she teased him, “I know, save your strength, you’re still all pasty white.”

“Gross,” Morgan smiled, turning away from the ambulance

chapter 4

Prentiss convinced Y/N and Spencer to take the weekend off in Nevada to go visit their parents. They agreed that it would be nice, seeing as neither of them thought to tell their moms that they met again let alone that they were together.

Y/N walked into the Nursing home first, looking for her mom in her office as Spencer walked in quickly to go find his mother.

“Hey mom,” Y/N smiled as she knocked on her mother's office door.

“Y/N!” She yelled, shocked to see her eldest baby standing in front of her for the first time since last Christmas. “What are you doing here?”

“Remember how I moved?” She started there.

“Yes?”

“Well, my new neighbour ended up being Spencer Reid, and he introduced me to the BAU and I helped them with a case, so they hired me, and now I work for them and we just finished a case in Winnemucca and me and Spencer are dating. He’s here too and we’re taking the weekend off to tell you and Diana,” she had never rambled so fast to her mother before in her life.

“Holy shit?” Her mother was shocked, “this all happened in the last 3 weeks? Is that why you’ve been too busy to text me?”

“I’ve been on 5 cases in the last 3 weeks, I was swamped,” she smiled, her eyes welling with tears.

Her mom walked over to her and wrapped her up in her arms, holding her close. “My baby, this is everything you wanted why are you crying?”

“I haven’t taken a moment to actually understand that this is all real,” she whispered.

Her mother pulled back, looking in her eyes with a stern look. “Is he good to you?”

She laughed, wiping the tears from her eyes. “He’s wonderful.”

“Diana is in the game room, let’s go see them,” she tucked her arm under Y/N’s and the two of them walked arm in arm towards the game room.

Diana stood up as she saw them walk in, “Debbie’s daughter?” She asked.

Spencer nodded with a large smile on his face. “This is Y/N Y/L/N, my partner.”

“I know you,” Diana said softly, reaching out to pull her into a hug. “You would read to me on Thursdays after Spencer left for CalTech.”

“Really?” Spencer asked.

“I knew you were here as often as you could be, and I felt bad she didn’t have any other children to come see her,” Y/N explained. “I know if my mom was here and my brother couldn’t visit I’d fill in.”

“It was lovely, I still have the book you gave me before you left for the academy,” Diana’s smile was as big and bright as Spencer’s.

They all sat together, sharing stories with each other. It seemed like their mothers enjoyed sharing embarrassing kid stories to make Spencer and Y/N blush back and forth.

Before they knew it, it was 3 pm and visiting hours were coming to an end and Debbie’s shift was about to end as well. “Where are you both staying?” She asked.

“At a hotel downtown,” Y/N explained.

“Nonsense, stay with me and your father!” Debbie insisted.

Y/N shook her head, “we can come to visit for dinner tomorrow, but we need some space.”

“You know how it feels to be in love especially this young Deb, I’m sure you understand,” Diana patted her on the shoulder.

“Go on, have fun. But tomorrow dinner starts at 6:15, Levi and Lizzie also home this weekend,” Debbie smiled, hugging both Spencer and Y/N before Diana.

“Would Diana be able to come to dinner at our place?” Y/N asked.

“I think I can pull some strings,” Debbie agreed, “have a good night tonight guys.”

“We will,” Spencer smiled, taking Y/N’s hand and walking with her to the parking lot.

They both sighed as they sat in their rental car. “That went well,” Y/N said softly.

“Why didn’t you tell me you visited my mom?” Spencer asked, holding her hand again.

“I was going to, there’s so much I want to tell you but we haven’t had enough personal time to get through it all, every time we talk lately it’s about murder,” she replied.

“Let's go get a table at a nice restaurant and tell each other everything.”

“I have something to do first, can I drop you off at the hotel and meet you there?” She asked.

“absolutely.”

-—

She drove to her parent's place as fast as she could, they were all just sitting down in the living room when she walked in the door. “Hi sorry I can’t stay I just want to grab a dress from my closet.”

She kicked her shoes off and ran up the stairs to her bedroom just like she would have after school. Her room hadn’t changed much. Her desk was still in the corner, her bed was made, and her mom now used it for storage. There were boxes, lamps, pillows and a million folded blankets all resting on her bed and scattered along the floor.

She shuffled some things out of the way of her closet door and quickly looked through all the bagged dresses she had left here. Minoring in political science and volunteering with government organizations in college meant she had a dress for every occasion, times the 4 years she was there.

“Cocktail, dinner, black tie, prom, homecoming,” she flicked through them all, “funeral,” she said as she stopped. “Why is this here?”

She pulled out a black dress she wore to a democratic representatives fundraiser, it was an off-the-shoulder, 3/4 length sleeve, plunging neckline, skin-tight dress with a slit to show some leg. It was perfect.

She placed it on the edge of her bed and dug out the black heels that she originally bought to go with the dress. She found a strapless bra in her dresser, and a cute pair of underwear buried at the back of her drawer.

She closed her door and quickly changed, walking across the hall in her heels to fluff her hair in the mirror and figure out how the fuck she was going to do her makeup here.

Just then her brother's wife came walking up the stairs, “Y/N?” She knocked on the bathroom door before coming in.

“Hey Lizzie,” she smiled. “Do I look okay?” She asked.

Lizzie looked her up and down with a shocked look on her face, “yeah what’s the occasion? I didn’t even know you were home?”

“It’s a long story, my boyfriend and I were here on a case and we’re staying for the weekend, you get to meet him tomorrow!” She filled her in as she searched the bathroom drawers for makeup.

“What do you need?” She asked.

“Do you have your makeup kit here? We’re like the same shade right?”

Before she knew it, Lizzie was making her sit on the edge of the tub while she did Y/N’s makeup for her. “Remember when you did my prom makeup?” Lizzie asked.

“Yeah,” she smiled. “You and Levi looked so good together that night.”

“Not as good as you look right now, he’s going to eat you alive,” she hyped Y/N up.

“You think so?” Y/N asked, standing up to take a look in the mirror.

“Absolutely!!!”

She took a deep breath and shook the nerves out, “okay I have to go,” she said running back to her room for her phones, wallet and badge.

“Go get him, SSA Y/L/N,” Lizzie smiled as she watched y/n steadily run down the stairs in heels, clicking on the hardwood as she ran.

“Wait!” Her dad yelled from the table, “don’t I get to see you before you leave?”

She ran into the table room, quickly hugging her father at the head of the table and kissing him on his bald head. “I’m late for my date, I love you, I’ll be home tomorrow,” she said running back towards the front door and to her car.

She was like a mad chicken running around with her head cut off. She took a breather in the car before starting the engine and making her way back downtown.

--

She left her car out front with the valet, saying she would be back in a minute. She dug her phone out of her wallet and called Spencer. “I’m in the lobby.”

“I’ll be right there.”

She waited by the elevator, she pulled her boobs up into her bra and wiggled the wire till they looked okay, then she straightened her dress out. She never felt this nervous when she wore this dress the last time, she’s never felt this nervous period, actually.

Spencer Reid did something to her that she couldn’t quite describe. But if she had to, she’d say he makes her feel alive.

The elevator dinged and Spencer walked out in one of his best suits. He was looking down at his button as he stepped out not seeing her at first.

She smiled at him, waiting for him to look up. When he did his eyes grew three times their normal size and his mouth dropped. He stopped right in front of her, placing his hands on her shoulders and lightly running his hands down her arms. “You never cease to amaze me.”

“Could say the same thing about you Dr. Reid,” Y/N teased as she pulled on his tie.

She pulled him down by his tie and pressed her lips against his. Never before had either of them been a big fan of PDA, but this was an exception.

She pulled back from him and tucked his tie back into his jacket. Smoothing out his sleeves before taking a step back and handing him the keys. “Lead the way doctor.”

He extended his arm to which she wrapped her arm around. He walked her to the front of the lobby, watching as the bellhop held the door for them.

Their car was still there, waiting with the valet who opened the door when he saw her return. She sat on the passenger side, fixing the slit of her dress to not show too much just yet.

Spencer joined her, sitting in the driver's seat he started the car and drove off.

He reached his hand over to place it on her thigh, where it belonged. He gripped her leg and felt down to where her holster was. She saw his eyebrow raise as he looked down, moving the side of her dress to see her gun strapped to her leg.

“Gonna shoot me if I’m not on my best behaviour tonight, agent?” He laughed.

“Nevada is a concealed carry state, and I don’t trust anyone,” she said. “Plus I look like this tonight, do you know what the crime rate is in Los Vegas-? Don’t answer that, of course, you do,” she teased him.

“It’s pretty hot,” he complimented her.

“What? The gun or my attitude?”

“The fact that you don’t take shit from anyone, you’re a badass and I never have to worry about you.”

“What if I want you to worry?”

“I’m always going to worry, I just mean you’re not a damsel in distress. I can go into every situation knowing you’re smarter on your feet than anyone on the team, and as long as you’re there we’re coming out alive,” he explained better.

“That’s the best compliment,” she felt bashful all of a sudden. She put her hand on his and squeezed it. “I love you, Spencer,” she finally told him.

“I love you too,” he smiled.

“I’m sorry that I haven’t said it back yet.”

He pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant they were going to, returning his focus fully to driving. He pulled into a parking spot and put the car in park.

“I knew you’d say it when you were ready, I’m in no rush to hear it,” he leaned over the centre console and kissed her on the lips.

He got out of the car and walked around to open her door, helping her out before extending an arm out for her once more.

He made a reservation while he was alone at the hotel, getting a table in the back away from everyone else. It was a round table with a booth stretching all the way around the table. The back of the chair tall enough to enclose them in their own little world for the time being.

They were at a cute little stake house, one where you got to pick the exact piece of meat you wanted and they did it however you asked. They ordered drinks and enough bread to make the waiter look at them differently.

“Tell me the most random fact about you,” Y/N asked as soon as the waiter left to tell the kitchen their order.

“When my mom’s schizophrenia started getting bad, she thought that the government used dryers to take our socks for DNA and clone us, so whenever one of my socks went missing she freaked out. After that, I started wearing mismatched socks all the time so that that way she would never notice which of the pairs were missing since I never wore them that way anyway.”

She smiled the whole time he talked, absolutely in love with him. He was her everything. “So that’s why I’ve got so many random socks around my house.”

“It’s worse at my apartment,” he smiled again. “Your turn.”

“The first time I ever rode a bike without training wheels was because I stole my neighbour's bike and took off with it down the road,” she laughed.

“Why?”

“I think my mom said I couldn’t take my own training wheels off yet, so I took matters into my own hands.”

“See?” He shook his head lightly. “Badass.”

“When was the last time you were in Vegas?” She asked.

“Earlier this year when we reopened the Riley Jenkins case,” he said softly.

“oh, my mom was telling me about that one! Your mom went off her meds to help remember if your dad was involved right?” Y/N recalled.

He nodded, “do you know what really happened?”

“I have the gist, Lou killed Gary in revenge for Riley.”

“That's not all of it,” he said lightly. “Gary was watching me, and my mom told Lou that the way he looked at me, he might have been the one who hurt Riley. And then she witnessed Lou kill Gary.”

“Holy shit Spence, I’m so sorry,” she said softly. “Did you know Gary was my neighbour?” ,

“No?”

“Yeah we were 4, my brother was 2 and my mom was pregnant again, and Gary kept taking photos of my brother through the fence. My dad threatened to kill him a few times and then we finally moved across town,” she explained.

“How is it that our lives were so intertwined, and yet it took 20 years for us to actually connect again?” He asked.

“The same thing happened to my parents.”

“What’s their story?” He asked.

She moved around the table to sit closer to him, taking his hand in hers. “My dad is 8 years older than my mom, they met when she was 17 and he was 26 and they became good friends like he was her older brother. They realized years later that my dad delivered newspapers to the town my mom lived in, and he saw her basically grow up playing in the yard. Then his best friend always invited him to his cabin and when he finally went, the lot across from them was my mom's family cabin. They were always so close but never knew each other till they were meant to. And now they’ve been happily married for 30 years.”

“There's an old Buddhist saying that, when you meet your soulmate, remember that the act to bring you together was 500 years in the making. So always appreciate and be kind to each other,” Spencer explained.

“It took 500 years of coincidences to bring us together,” she said softly. “Which kinda makes the 20 years of admiring you from afar not seem so long.”

“From here on out let’s make every moment count then,” Spencer suggested, “we’ve been barely dating for 3 weeks I’m not going to ask you to marry me right this instant, but I do intend to spend the rest of my life with you in whatever capacity I can. Because I think you’re it for me.”

She could bask in the feeling of her heart fluttering like this for the rest of her life, it was like butterflies but completely calm. True happiness at its finest.

“Let’s make a deal,” she said softly, “in 1 year we come back here, and if we feel the exact same way as we do right now, you can propose to me.”

He put his pinky out for her, she wrapped hers around his, before kissing each other's knuckles. “Promise.” Spencer and Y/N said at the same time.

—

Back in the hotel room, she didn’t even bat an eyelash before slamming Spencer against the door. She slid her thigh between both his legs and boxed him in.

She undid the single button of his suit jacket, shushing Spencer. She pushed it off his arms, knocking it to the floor. She loosened his tie, tossing it to the side, still around his neck, while she unbuttoned his shirt.

He was completely silent and still. She was in control.

She tossed his shirt to the ground next. Holding onto his tie as she pulled him down into a heated kiss.

“Take my dress off,” she breathed into his mouth, feeling his hands reach around her back for the zipper.

He pushed the sleeves down her arms, watching the dress gather at her ankles before she stepped out and kicked the fabric out of the way. She tugged him by his tie towards the bed.

“Strip,” she instructed him. “Not the tie.”

“Underwear too?” He asked as she dug through his suitcase.

“yes.”

She returned with 2 more ties. Looking at him, butt naked on the bed. She stepped out of her underwear and the uncomfortable strapless bra. She set her gun in the hotel safe with her badge and returned to the bed.

“Would you be willing to try something?” She asked.

“anything,” he said, overly eager.

“Would you tie my hands to the bedpost and blindfold me and just do whatever you want?”

“Hold on,” he got off the bed and opened his go-bag side pocket. “I have a blindfold for the plane.”

“So you want to?”

Actions speak louder than words, he would always say.

He dimmed the lights down, got on the bed and roughly picked her up laying her back against the pillows. He tied her left hand first, and then her right hand. He took a hair elastic off the bedside table and put her hair back as best he could before he rested the blindfold against her forehead.

He hovered over her. “Anything I want?” Spencer confirmed.

“Yeah,” she whispered.

“Ground rules?”

“Yellow for slow down, red for stop?” She shrugged.

“You really mean anything?”

“I trust you, Spencer Reid, make me feel good,” she smiled.

He kissed her on the nose before coving her eyes with the blindfold.

She had always wanted to try this, it was a kink she had always been determined to try. She took a deep breath and tried her best to listen to him as he moved to sit between her spread legs.

He ran his hands up her thighs, over her hips before following the curve to her waist. He gripped her waist tightly and leaned forward, pressing his mouth to her stomach, breathing her in as he kissed.

She wasn’t embarrassed about her tummy, for the first time in her life she loved her body. She felt him kiss all over her chest, dragging his bottom lip along her skin. He licked a stripe between her breasts, dropping his chin to her chest then to blow lightly over the wet trail.

She felt her nipples harden, she could physically hear the smirk that spread across his face.

He sucked one of her nipples into his mouth, cupping her breasts with his hands as he groped her lightly. She squirmed, trying her best to grind her hips against his.

He pushed her hips against the bed, “be patient.”

He disappeared then. She felt his weight shift and get off the bed. She let out a deep breath, knowing she told him he could do anything and that included punishing her. She literally asked for it.

“I picked something up after you dropped me off,” she heard him say from the other side of the room.

He walked around for a minute, taking something out of a hard plastic container. He struggled with ripping it, she heard papers fall the floor and something hard hit the floor. “Shit.”

She heard him walk towards the bathroom, she crossed her ankles and just waited.

He came back to the bed, moving her legs apart like they were when he left. “stay.”

He crawled between her legs once more, his hand brushed her thigh and it was cold and wet like he washed his hands.

“Can I touch you?” He asked softly. She nodded her head feverishly.

She heard a small buzzing, an all too failure sound. The first place she feels the vibration is in her belly button. Causing her to let out a shocked little giggle.

“Shhh,” he smiled.

He dragged the little bullet vibrator down her stomach, over her pelvis and finally, finally, against her clit. She let out a moan that sounded more like a sigh of relief.

All she wanted was for someone else to control her pleasure, surprise her, set the rhythm, the speed, everything. She spent so long pleasuring herself, she was so ready to sit back and just take it.

Spencer felt the same. He took his time, feeling every inch of her skin, kissing every single place he wanted to. He spent so much time just looking. Finding freckles and scars and kissing them. He was mesmerized by the fact she was real, that a beautiful woman would lay down in front of him, spread open like this and just let him explore. It felt like the best wet dream his brain could ever conjure.

She could feel him getting closer to her. His weight shifted and she felt his breath on her leg. She took a deep breath, sucking in her stomach in the anticipation of feeling a tongue on her for the first time ever.

He turned off the vibrator. Setting it to the side as he looped his arms around her thighs. Just admiring the view. Just then her whole body shivered as she anticipated the heat of his tongue.

He pressed a kiss to her clit first before flattening his tongue against her. “Sweet fucking Jesus Christ,” she gasped.

“I’ve never done this before,” he breathed against her.

“Explore away, sir,” she whispered.

He clearly did research, if he didn’t just say this was his first time eating someone out, she would think he was an expert. She regretted having her hands tied up at that moment. She squirmed, he held her hips down. She gripped the ties around her wrists wishing it was Spencer's hair.

She was never big into overstimulation or denial, never having the willpower to keep going after making herself cum once. Spencer, however, had the ability to bring her to the edge again and again without ever letting her spillover.

She didn’t beg, she didn’t complain, she sat there in the blissful feeling and waited. It was heavenly.

“Spence,” her breathing was heavy.

He hummed, letting her know he was listening. His tongue still wiggling back and forth on her clit.

“Can you please just fuck me now?”

He kissed his way back to her mouth. All up her stomach, over her breasts, her neck and jaw. She could taste herself on his lips, “untie me?” She asked softly.

He let one hand free, which she immediately used to grip his hair. The second hand was freed and she pushed the blindfold up and worked her way into a sitting position while he kneeled in front of her.

“Anything else you want to try?” She asked, wrapping her arms around his neck and looking into his eyes once again. She pushed his hair out of his face and just looked at him.

“Lie back and roll over,” he instructed.

He pulled her into a face-down, ass-up position and aligned himself with her. Pushing in little by little till he bottomed out. He reached around the bed for the vibrator and placed it in her one hand.

“You decide when you cum,” was all he said before he started fucking her.

She white-knuckled the pillow as he rammed into her, she was arched in the most perfect way for him to hit her g spot every time he rammed into her.

“My hair,” she gasped, wanting him to grab her by her ponytail as he fucked her.

With one hand on her hip to steady her and the other in her hair, he fucked into her like his life depended on it. Her legs were quaking, she felt like she was going to explode if she didn’t cum soon.

She flicked on the vibrator and pressed it against her own clit, feeling the familiar heat bubble in her stomach. “Fuck me, oh god,” she chanted.

Cuming with a shout, she dug her face into the pillow and all but screamed. Pushing back against Spencer as he bucked into her one last time and erupted inside of her.

His hips shook as he emptied his load before slowly pulling out and dropping down beside her.

She turned her head to look at him, eyeliner and mascara all smudged around her eyes, makeup all over the pillow. She was trying her hardest to catch her breath, staring at him with a smile on her face.

“If sex was an Olympic sport, I think we’d win,” she complimented him.

“you think?” He asked, his breath just as shaky as hers.

She rolled onto her back, letting him cuddle into her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him. “Everyone told me that the first time I have sex it’ll be underwhelming and uneventful, and yet every time we fuck I feel like I’ve run a marathon and I should invest in a wheelchair.”

He laughed, “would you put that in writing and send it to everyone from our high school?”

She smacked his arm. “and then I’d have to swat women off you with a bat if I wanted any alone time, you’re mine now.” She wrapped her whole body around him and held him there.

“I love you,” Spencer smiled.

“I love you, more.”

chapter 5

They packed everything into their car just to go to her parents house. There was something in Y/N’s gut that told her there was a case coming.

Her parents lived 30 minutes out of the city, on the edge of a cul-de-sac that faced a park. They had lived there since she was 5, it was her mom’s dream home. It was the only place in the town she had good memories in.

Y/N’s mother brought Diana home with her after work. They were waiting in the kitchen for Spencer and Y/N when they arrived. Tonights guests included not just them but Y/N’s youngest brother Levi, his wife Lizzie and their 2 year-old Chloe.

“There’s my girl!” Her dad cheered, standing up and rushing to give her a real hug. “Did you get taller?”

“it’s the boots,” she laughed, holding onto him tightly.

“You look great! The FBI is treating you well,” her dad was always one to compliment her. He pulled back and looked at Spencer. More like glared at him.

“Nice to meet you Sir, I’m Doctor Spencer Reid,” he said, shockingly extending his hand to shake her father's.

The profiler in her knew he was breaking his comfort zone to appease her baby boomer, ex-cop, father.

Her dad always did this thing when he met new men where he squeezed their hands to see how much they could take. “Harrison Y/L/N Sr.” She watched Spencers hand shake as he squeezed right back.

“Strong shake.” Her father complimented him. “She must have warned you.”

“No, he just knows how to read people,” Y/N laughed.

“Well come sit down Doctor Spencer Reid,” he teased him. “Let me interrogate the profiler.”

“Here we go,” Y/N laughed, placing a hand on Spencer's back as she led him into the kitchen.

They sat down together, Spencers mom, Diana, just across from him at the table. They smiled and nodded at each other in a quiet little hello.

“I would ask you to tell me a bit about yourself, but Y/N has kept me all caught up with you over the years,” her dad said. “You went to CalTech at 13, somewhere in there you got a degree from MIT, she idolized you.”

“Thanks, Dad,” she blushed.

“It’s very flattering, but if anything I’m now huge fan of her’s. In the last 3 weeks she has been the one to find the major break in 3 of our cases. She is amazing at what she does, you raised an incredible woman,” Spencer replied, praising her in a way that made her heart flutter.

“Go on then, tell us about these cases then,” her dad asked.

And with that they got lost in all things horrific. Spencer explained, verbatim, how each case went down and exactly what Y/N came up with to solve them. She answered little questions here and there but mostly it was Spencer showing off how much he loved his girlfriend.

Her mom passed out dinner plates in the middle of the talk, some how all of them were able to discuss cases and eat at the same time. Her mom made burgers and potato salad for dinner, just something simple for them all.

“Did you really offer to fuck a serial killer?” Her brother asked, disgusted.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I knew in his sick twisted mind he wouldn’t be able to refuse a woman willing to let him do what he wanted and as soon as the weapon was down, so was he.”

“I always told you she’d be able to kick your ass, Levi,” her dad said. “Ever since she was a kid I knew she had it in her to wrestle someone to the ground.”

“Yeah, Spence didn’t believe me that I’m combat trained.”

“No,” Spencer interjected, “It’s not that I didn’t believe you, I just didn’t ever think you’d be able to take me down.”

“And did you?” Her mom asked.

Her face turned bright red. “Yeah, I showed one of my combat maneuvers on him, we were all horsing around and I showed them how to go from being pinned to the ground to being the one on top.”

“How?” Her brother’s wife asked.

“Yeah demonstrate!” Her mom innocently cheered them on not knowing she was mid sex with him when she showed him how to do it.

“Um okay, Lizzie come with me,” she said, saving Spencer the awkwardness of having to straddle her in the middle of her family home.

She laid down on the floor, “you basically have to just pin me down how ever you see fit.”

Lizzie, sat on her, holding her shoulders down with one forearm. Y/N, quickly flipped her onto her back, making sure to catch her head as she did so. Not wanting her to smack it off the hardwood floor.

“Like that,” Y/N stood up and helped Lizzie to her feet. “Made sure all the girls knew how to do that.” She lied.

“As you should!” Her dad cheered, “nice to know your team all has each others backs.”

“How do they all feel about you two?” Diana asked. She had been mostly quiet all night, just enjoying time outside of where she was used to.

“They love it, they’ve been placing bets about us,” Y/N laughed.

“Like what?” Her dad asked.

“If he would kiss me first, if we’d tell the team ever, they even had one about who is most likely to say I love you first, they’re insufferable,” Y/N ranted.

“So what team one?” Her brother teased, just trying the embarrass her.

“He kissed me first, he told the team that we were together after like 10 hours and he was the first to say I love you,” Y/N blushed.

“Does she still have the I love you problem?” Her mom asked innocently but received a death glare from Y/N.

“Uh no, she says it to me too.” Spencer noticed the awkwardness.

“Any plans for baby number two?” Y/N asked Levi, changing the subject faster than ever.

She’d be lying if she said she was listening to the answer, her ears were ringing and all she cold focus on was Spencer’s hand on her back. Her mom was about to pass out cake when she excused herself to the bathroom, and ended up in her old bedroom.

She sat down on the edge of the bed, hearing the words her mother said over and over in her mind. “Does she still have the I love you problem?”

She rubbed her hands over her eyes and just breathed. She didn’t want him to know about that yet.

Spencer knocked on her door, opening it softly and peaking his head in. “Do you want company?”

She nodded.

He kneeled down on the floor in front of her, running his hands along her thighs. “Are you okay?”

“I told you about Christopher?” She said softly.

“yes.”

“In order to get me to do what he did, he would always say I had to because he loved me,” she explained. A tear dripped down her cheek and landed on his hand. “And so for 7 years after I never told anyone I knew that I loved them.”

“That’s okay, you went through trauma. You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” he soothed her.

“I want to though because, before you, I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand love, I thought it was weird and forceful and something dependent on coercion,” her voice was so tiny, she didn’t want anyone else hearing her. “Loving you is light and fluffy and special and safe, I didn’t want you to think just now that I said it this weekend to get it over with or something because I truly do love you.

He pulled her into a kiss, “I love you, more.”

She laughed, “we’ll see about that.”

—

Y/N and Diana were doing the dishes as her mom packed the leftover food into Tupperware containers. Debbie was just about to ask who wanted coffee when Y/N’s phone started to ring.

She sighed, drying her hands on a dishtowel before answering the phone. “SSA Y/N Y/L/N.”

“There’s been an explosion at a mall in Los Angeles and reports of 4 more planned, how fast can you and Reid get to LA?” Hotch asked.

“Um, we’re about 45 minutes from the airport.”

“We’re 4 hours out, we want you and Reid there ASAP. Is there any way we could send a helicopter to get you?”

“Yes, there’s a soccer field across the street from my parent's house, Garcia knows the address she can direct them where to go, we’ll be ready.”

“Debrief has already been sent to your phones, I need you and Reid to go to the LA field office and start communication with Garcia on victimology.”

“Got it.” She said as she hung up. “Spence we have to go!”

“What’s wrong?” Diana asked.

“We have an emergency in LA, they need us there immediately. There’s a helicopter coming to get us,” Y/N explained as she walked around the room towards her go-bag.

She unzipped it, unfolding her bullet-proof vest and putting it on. She adjusted her gun and made sure she had everything she needed. Spencer did the same at the table beside her.

“You are a badass,” her dad complimented her, filming her getting her gear on. “This is my daughter! FBI superhero! Kickass tonight kid!” He had an affinity for embarrassing her, but an even bigger obsession with showing her off.

He was like that with all of his children, first with her brother Harrison in the army, then with her other brother Levi and his swat training. Now his daughter was catching serial killers like it was nothing.

“Okay, we gotta go, the helicopter will be landing in that field in 3 minutes. Dad are you okay to take the car back to the dealership if this takes a while? We will be back for our suitcases after the case, I love you guys.” She said. handing her father the car keys and moving to put her shoes on.

“Got everything?” Spencer asked.

“Yep,” she smiled.

They walked out the door and across the street. Most of the neighbourhood watched a helicopter land in the soccer field as the sun was setting. They ducked as they ran getting in the chopper and strapping in.

“Agent Valdez, Nevada PD!” the officer in the pilot seat introduced herself. “We have just over an hour till we land, use the headsets to communicate with me if you need to!”

And they were off. She looked down to see her family waving up at them from their houses as the neighbours she grew up around took photos and videos of them leaving.

“What’s going on?” Spencer asked.

Y/N took out her phone and read over the debrief, “tonight at The Grove in Los Angeles, a small bomb went off killing 6 people and injuring 31.”

“Where did it go off?” Reid asked.

“Inside a small dress store that has been renting the space for the last 7 years,” Y/N confirmed. “I’m sure Garcia is looking into everyone who was injured or killed as well as the current and former employees.”

“It says here that the person who called 911 before the bomb went off warned of 3 bombs to come. Saying; ‘4 bombs in total the first in clear, the next is where her checks would clear.’” Reid read from the phone.

“So we need to find a connection between the dress store and a bank in the area,” Y/N said. “We need to go over that call more, have Garcia look into every aspect of the sound.”

“Where did Hotch say he wants us?” Reid asked.

“At the LA field office, he wants us working behind the scenes in correspondence with Garcia.”

Spencer sighed, “well, our weekend was fun while it lasted.

9:42pm PST

By the time the rest of the team landed and Hotch and JJ arrived at the field office, another 2 bombs had gone off at a Liberty Bank downtown LA.

“Garcia, do we have any connection from the dress shop to the bank yet?” Hotch asked.

“Nothing Sir, I have dug and dug and there isn’t a single person with a connection to both the bank and the dress shop within the last few months, I'm widening back 2-5 years but still nothing,” Garcia panicked over the phone.

“Is there any possibility our unsub is female? This to me feels like a scorned lover, maybe her husband is paying someone under the table who is cashing checks at that exact ATM that exploded and then went and bought a dress,” Y/N suggests.

“Garcia run with that as far as you can and call us back,” Hotch ordered.

“On it!” She cheered before hanging up.

Spencer looked around at all the info he and Y/N brainstormed while waiting for the team. “a female unsub would make the most sense.”

“Did we get any more clues for where the next bomb will be?” JJ asked.

Agent Cunningham from the LA field office shook his head, “nothing at the scene or over 911, we’re on the lookout for any suspicious calls and tips currently.”

“If you were cheating on your wife, after going to the bank and the dress shop where does she go with you next?” Y/N asked Hotch.

“Uh,” he shook his head, clearly faithful to his wife. “Dinner and a hotel?”

“So those are possibly the next two targets,” Y/N said, “but finding out what restaurant and hotel in the entirety of LA is like finding a needle in a needle stack.”

“I hate to say it,” JJ sighed, “but we might need one more explosion before we get a breakthrough.”

“All we can do is hope for minimal damage,” Y/N shot a soft smile over to her, “till then, what kind of woman in the area could make the type of bombs that are being used?”

“Almost anyone,” Morgan said as he walked into the room. “I was just looking at the debris and shrapnel, it’s a fairly simple bomb that anyone with basic knowledge or internet access could make.”

Hotch called Garcia once more. “Can you start a search for women 35-55 who are married, ask the NSA if we can search through any women in the LA area googling how to make bombs in the last month.”

“Of course, I’ve also been looking at the past transactions of the specific ATMs that were targeted, 13 of the people depositing cash and cheques there, recently bought dresses from the store at The Grove.”

“Any of them look like they are partaking in an affair?” Y/N asked.

“2 of them are lesbian women, 3 are drag queens and the other 8 are girls in high school depositing birthday money,” Garcia explained.

“Well thanks for looking, hopefully, the NSA has some hits for us,” Hotch said as he hung up. “I guess we wait.”

11:56pm

“We’ve got reports of an explosion in an all-female dorm at UCLA,” one of the LA agents said as he burst through the door.

“Morgan, Prentiss, Rossi,” Hotch said, “go to the scene and find out everything.”

Y/N called Garcia, “as soon as we know what room the explosion was in I need you to go back 10 years of women who lived in that dorm room and their connections to older men. Sugar daddies, teachers, anyone.”

“The 911 call shortly after the bomb say it was heard on the first floor, possibly room 119 as that's where the blast was heard. Luckily the girl who was supposed to be in that room was with her friend down the hall so we currently have no casualties here,” Garcia explained.

“Thank god,” JJ exclaimed, placing her hand over her eyes.

“In the last 10 years, 6 different women have all had that room,” Garcia said as she narrowed down her search. “Okay, here we go this is the juicy stuff!”

“What is it?” Hotch asked.

“From 2000 to 2002 Maggie Burton was working on a science degree at UCLA. She was working part-time, both years, as the main Chemistry professor's teaching assistant, she was depositing money from him bi-weekly to Liberty Bank.”

“Okay, who was the professor?” Spencer asked.

“Michael Thompson, 56, but that would be too simple now wouldn’t it?” Penelope teased. “Thompson is gay and has been in a domestic partnership since 1998, his Partner Adam Pearson, however, is bisexual according to the sugar daddy website he’s on,” she explained further. “Whether Maggie knows it or not, she had been getting paid to be Thompson's TA, as well as his boyfriend sugar baby.”

“So our unsub is Michael Thompson?” Hotch confirmed.

“By the looks of it, yes. Maggie stopped being a TA when she graduated and now she works with a cosmetics developer downtown. Every week she deposits 500 cash to the ATM, which is the exact amount of cash Adam has been withdrawing for the last 7 years,” she kept explaining, they could hear her keyboard clicking as she kept digging. “Look’s like Adam is filing to remove the domestic partnership and he bought a ring last week.”

“There’s the trigger,” Spencer confirmed. “Do we have a home and work address as well as where the next bomb would be?”

“Adam checked into a Hilton hotel downtown, suite 613 which he has been booking once a month for the last 7 years,” Garcia confirmed. “Sending the locations now.”

“I need a bomb squad sent to the Hilton hotel, evacuations should be done floor by floor saving floor 6 for last, I need agents on floor 6 to evacuate all rooms, except for 613, quietly without making a scene.”

“Sir, suit 612 was booked only for tonight by Michael Thompson, using cash,” Garcia cut him off.

“All rooms but 612 and 613 are to be evacuated, I need a direct line on the scene to room 612 when we arrive,” Hotch ordered as they all hurried towards the elevator.

—

On the scene, Reid, Y/L/N and JJ were sent up with the bomb squad to floor 6. Red lights in the stairwell were flashing to alert that there was an evacuation taking place, but the building was silent.

There were 14 rooms on floor 6, 4 of them being rented that night. Rooms 601 and 608 were the only two they had to focus on to evacuate.

JJ quietly knocked on room 601, “Hi sir,” she whispered. “My name is Jennifer, I’m with the FBI. We need to quietly evacuate this floor, if you wouldn’t mind grabbing your necessities and any other guests in the room, an officer will escort you down the stairs. In the parking lot across the street, there are people issuing refunds and information about relocations for the night.”

The man nodded, he quickly grabbed his things and followed an officer down the hall.

Y/N knocked on 608 next, a young woman answered. “Hi, my name is Y/N, I’m with the FBI. We need to quietly evacuate this floor-“

“I have 2 kids with me,” she whispered.

“Okay, are they awake?” JJ asked.

“My daughter, she’s 2, she’s out cold. My son is watching TV, oh my god my husband isn’t here,” she quietly panicked.

“Ma’am it’s fine, we have officers here to assist you down the stairs and across the street, there are relocation preparations being made. If you don’t mind, I can help you carry your daughter down the stairs?” Spencer said softly.

“Yes, absolutely.” She said, running into the room to gather all her things.

Spencer lifted the little girl up softly, not waking her at all in the process. He held her against his chest softly while the mother grabbed their necessities and her 6-year-old son before followed Spencer down the stairs.

JJ and Y/N stood in the stairwell, Y/N picked up her radio and called down to Hotch. “All civilians on the 6th floor have been evacuated.”

“Any movement in 612?”

“Yes sir,” one of the bomb squad members said. “With our tech, we can see 2 bodies in 613 and 1 in 612, all alive.”

“Any idea how many bombs were talking about?” Hotch asked.

“Not yet, we need a clear look inside the room. Snipers on the building across the street say the blinds are closed,” he explained.

“Hotch, have you gotten in contact with him at all?” JJ asked.

“No, he won't pick up,” hotch confirmed.

“Would you like one of us to knock?” Y/N asked.

“Not yet, I want you both to come down. If we’re knocking on his door we need to have a full plan in place,” Hotch ordered.

“Over,” Y/N said. Following JJ back down the 6 flights of stairs.

Down at the base of operations, Spencer was still holding onto the 2-year-old as the mother called her husband. He shushed her and held her close with a blanket over her back as she slept.

“Hotch,” JJ got his attention. “I noticed each room has vents on the connected walls, is there any way to get into 611 and snake in a camera to see what we’re dealing with?”

“That was my next suggestion,” a SWAT office said as he shook her hand. “We’re prepping the equipment now.”

“Can we also spray a sleeping agent through the vents? If we knock out the unsub we can just drag him out and see what’s going on?” Y/N suggested.

“Yeah that would work,” the SWAT officer said, “we have a sleeping agent in a compressed gas form that we can spray through the vents.”

“Okay, just in 612,” Hotch confirmed. Y/N I want you and Morgan up there to assist in making sure Maggie and Adam are evacuated safely while the bomb squad looks at what we have going on.”

“On it,” she and Morgan said at the same time.

One of the SWAT officers pulled them aside, handing them protective gear for the gas that will erupt into the hallway. She waved to Spencer in the lot as she headed across the street with the SWAT team. They ran up the stairs, it was exhausting but Y/N pushed through, up the six flights. They quietly unlocked room 611 and filled the room with officers.

First, they snaked a small camera through the vent, the image showing on the screen right away, “you seeing this Hotch?” Morgan asked over the radio.

“Crystal.”

“It’s a wall of C4,” one of the Bomb Squad officers quietly confirmed. “Fairly simple to dismantle, it looks like it’s a manual switch. Wait till he crosses the room, and then spray the gas. We need officers to be in the room as it’s sprayed. He needs to hit the floor nowhere close to the detonator.”

Morgan quietly opened the door and assembled the team in the hall, making movements with his hands as he instructed the men. The door kicker was in place, the officers were ready to file in.

The swat agent deployed the gas, they watched on the monitor as the unsub turned to look at the hissing sound, inspecting it before hitting the ground.

“NOW!” Morgan yelled. The door was knocked in and the unsub was in handcuffs.

Y/N ran to 613, knocking on the door as hard as she could. “FBI OPEN UP!” She yelled.

A half-naked man opened the door, “what?” He yelled.

“We need to evacuate the building right now, cover-up and follow me.” She ordered as the two victims covered themselves and followed her down the stairs.

Halfway down, she got a call over the radio. “Bomb has been defused, all clear on floor 6.”

“Bomb?” The man questioned.

“Yes sir,” Y/N confirmed. “your partner, and your science teacher, Michael Thompson, has been bombing places around the city that you two have been to, and was planning to blow you up tonight.”

“What the fuck?” Maggie asked.

“He’s under arrest, you’ll have your chance to ask him questions in court,” Y/N confirmed as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

She held the door for them and watched as they were whisked away by EMTs. She waited for another set for the unsub before turning around and running all the way back up the 6 flights to Morgan.

Morgan was standing over the cuffed, unconscious, unsub in the hallway. “Good job pretty girl!” Morgan high-fived her.

“Thanks,” she smiled, “let's get this bastard down into the ambulance. The elevators should go back up in a minute.”

“What? No more stairs?” Morgan teased.

“I might not be able to feel my legs tomorrow, I’ve been up and down those too many times tonight!” She smacked him.

“Sure that’s why,” he laughed as they waited for the elevator.

—

Spencer and Y/N packed up that night and took a short trip back to Los Vegas. By the time they arrived back on her parent's doorstep it was 5:32 am. 12 hours since they were last there.

She sighed at the front door and called her parent's home phone. “Hello?” Her father's sleep-ridden voice answered.

“Hey dad, it’s Y/N can you come open the front door for me? Please.” She asked nicely.

“Yep.” He hung up.

She watched the hall light come on from the front door. Waiting for him to slowly make his way down the stairs to the front hallway. He unlocked the door and welcomed them in.

“Your mom cleaned off your bed in case this happened,” he whispered, rubbing his eyes. “What time is it?”

“5:30, go back up to bed, we’ll lock back up, thank you,” she hugged him and sent him on his way.

She sighed and sunk down to sit on the bottom step. She tugged her boots off and left them in the hallway. Spencer picked them up and moved them to be in order with the rest of the shoes. He locked her parent's front door and turned off the entryway light.

“You need water or anything before bed?” Y/N asked.

“No, come on,” he took her hand and walked with up the stairs to her bedroom.

She closed the door behind him, peeling out of her clothes and climbing into bed first. She got under the covers and moved the pillows around to make sure they were how she liked them.

Spencer crawled in beside her, wearing just his socks and underwear. He laid flat on his back while she cuddled into his side. He kissed the top of her head and let out a deep breath as he settled into relaxation finally.

“I love you,” she reminded him.

“I love you, more.”

[magicalgardenofhypnosis]

Possessing A Harem # 1

Part 1

Tyler Tikewell is so evil and mother fucking hot for me as I wake up sighing in the early hours of the morning.

He is a con artist, criminal master mind at the top of his game, and he is literally just out of the bathroom.

The heat and the steam blows out hot in

I face as he approaches me standing over my bed.

“Do you like the hotel bed? Slept Well?”

“Yes boi, it’s wonderful. How are you?”

“I am so grateful for you, you changed my life but the cops.”

I sigh sitting up staring into those beautiful dark eyes with a kiss on my mind.

He kneels by the bed worrying about me as he knows that I am in total control.

He stares at the window watching out to see what is going on and there it is.

“Someone is knocking sir”

“Get dressed and then answer”

“Sir Yes Sir”

A few minutes later I am hidden in the hotel bathroom as he answers the door.

I can see the Detective flash his badge in the air with a smug expression over it.

He proudly enters the room his eagle eyes are active and searching for me.

“Can I help you detective?”

“You got off easy yesterday”

“Your point”

Part 2

The top converse as I sneak out agenda ready and grab a lamp shade proceeding to smashing it over head.

His eyes fall back into their sockets as he fell to the floor, Tyler grabs his legs dragging him to the bed.

One hurl, a few pieces of rope and his body tied down later, I head to the kitchen and return with a glass of water.

I will enjoy this monumental moment lifting the glass and throwing the water into his face.

Snapping back into reality he tries to make a noise or any scream only to realize his lips are taped shut.

“Detective Brenton you had a choice to avoid all that I was doing.”

“I fell in love”

“Why did you have to mess with it?”

“All of my plans are ruined obviously”

“Oh Well! On to bigger and better”

I need to strike while the opportunity is hot so without a second thought I have his lips released.

The switch is flick shutting the lights low but it’s what happens next that throws him for a loop.

The lights to start to stop in every color and variations of color in the book.

His pathetic attempt at resistance and the massive failure at escaping my wrath:

His mind, inner mind and subconscious fall

prey to my power forever and I do a evil laugh.

“Detective goodie two shoes, I think you will be more apt to have fun now.”

“No longer seeing the world as black and white.”

“It’s a kaleidoscope of hellion proportions and you are in for the ride with us.”

Part 3

Brenton went back to work the next hour after we left him to hop in the cara he drive off.

He woke up staring the white blind ceiling then came to and jolts up to a empty room.

He grabs on to the side table placing his hand on to the table and discovers the note I left him.

“What on earth is this?”

“Damn! Those two gave me the slip”

“What if the cops come?”

He sighs grunting begrudgingly with little effort on his part two former man is now a pig.

He walks to the mirror proud to how very disgustingly unkempt his appearance is.

He thinks his greasy hair, dirty clothes and bruised face looks good.

“Yes Sir! No one was here a total dead end”

“They will bother to look twice here now”

“I better hit the road to catch him”

He speeds off into the city streets breaking the laws he swore to protect.

On the way down the high way he turns a corner and heads to private property.

He stops parking the car then heads into a huge cabin in the woods.

“Master Lawrence “

“I’m home and your will is done”

“Let the fun begin…Mwahahahahaha “

Part 4

Tyler, Brenton and I snuck out to visit the beach only to relax for a bit.

Chris the beach bum suddenly appears he does the usual human thing.

Staring at me peculiarly with these narrow eyes of judgement.

“Why do you guys look so suspicious?”

“Master, I got him”

“Will dispose of him”

I stop them thinking it over as they drag him into the alley one hand to his mouth.

The other pinning him to the wall I grab one of those magic wands they make to kill viruses.

I flash his eyes with the alterations I have made and he blinks for a bit.

“You are perfectly fine Chris”

“I am fine”

“Focus on me, you have been a bad body today and you must pay.

I snap my fingers after a limb thirty minute conversation as he wakes up abruptly.

He stares at us questioning what happen in a hour or so.

It is a sweet smile that I think it over when he comes to realization.

“Oh Master Lawrence “

“May we go now?”

“I want my time with you “

The end

[harrypotter-imaginess]

A/N: You can still commission a love letter from your favorite character until 3/10/2021, information is here!

- I’m using Hogwarts mystery for the background here for the relationships because it just makes sense to me

- You know, you’re three kids, sneaking around an ancient castle, in dark corners at a fancy library, trying to break curses

- It’s only natural one -or two- of you catch feelings somewhere in all those late night adventures

- And they both think you’re the most amazing person they’ve ever met

- An absolute original piece, no one else like you in the world

- And while they have both come to realize their feelings for you

- Bill and Charlie are pretty oblivious to each other’s growing feelings for you

- Until one afternoon at the burrow, it’s summer vacation, and you’re on their lawn playing with A 7 year old Ron and a 6 year old Ginny

- “I like them,” Molly says as she peers through the kitchen window, watching the way you pick up Ginny when it looks like she might trip on a tree root

- “I want them in the family” she says, giving a meaningful look to her sons

- “I’m working on it”

- Charlie says at the same time Bill says:

- “I’m planning for that.”

- Charlie’s eyes snap up from his book to Bill, who is looking at him with an equally shocked expression

- Oh

- .

- ..

- ...

- OHHH

- “Well good, that’s twice the odds” Molly says, turning back to whisking her batter

- But it’s only really started for Charlie and Bill

- “So when you said ‘we might have to make you an official Weasley’ -“ Bill starts

- “I was talking about me of course, what did you think I meant?”

- “Well I thought you meant me!!” Bill just thought Charlie liked you as a friend, and that he was supportive of Bill’s new romantic pursuits

- Bill’s been quite obvious about his attraction to you

- He figured Charlie knew

- Bill pinches the bridge of his nose

- Well this is just a spectacular mess

- And Bill is half convinced that maybe he should just back off, he’s the older sibling after all, it’s just the right thing to do

- Charlie on the other hand is having a existential crisis

- How’s he supposed to compete with Bill?!

- For one Bill is older, and he didn’t inherit these god damn freckles from their Dad so that another plus for him.

- Not to add that Bill got their Mum’s brilliant blue eyes, and their dad’s jawline

- Charlie’s clutching his hair- he hasn’t got a chance

- Who in their right mind would ever pick him when they could have Bill??

- “Charlie you can have them if you want, I’ll back of-“ Bill starts

- “No!” Charlie shouts

- Because the only thing more mortifying than being rejected, is his love rival just giving up for his sake

- Charlie claps a hand on his brother’s shoulders. His eyes glistening with determination

- “We’ll compete for their affection as equals, like men”

- And Bill is so overcome with emotion at seeing his little brother showing such robust maturity that he doesn’t see Charlie’s about a second away from falling apart

- Why did he say that????

- Did he really just say that he would willingly compete with Bill?!?

- Perfect, all O’s, prefect, could charm a Veela with just one look, golden boy extraordinaire, Bill Weasley?!?!

- He’s got no chance

- No, he’s got less than zero chance, he’s got a -15% chance of you, by some miracle, picking the nerd who talks about nothing but dragons and magical creatures, over his hunky, tail end of puberty, older brother

- But he knows he had to do it-

- And not just because it’s the right thing to do for his brother

- It’s just that-

- Well if you do love Bill, and why wouldn’t you really-

- If Bill makes your heart race, and makes you excited for the next day because you know you’ll get to see his face,

- If you feel like you’ve been alive for so many years, but the worlds never looked so colorful before-

- Not until you stood at his side-

- Like everything’s sparkles when you’re with him

- If you feel for Bill, like Charlie feels for you-

- Then he doesn’t want to deprive you and his brother of a requited love just because he’s being selfish

- He just wants you to be happy,

- even if it’s not with him

- Molly thinks the whole thing is pretty funny

- She was half joking when she said she wanted one of her sons to marry you-

- she was half serious though, you would make a nice addition to the family, official Weasley or not

- She watches the two negotiate terms, discuss what the most respectful way for each of them is to court you

- “No taking them into the forbidden forest in the dead of night to try and find dragons, they need to sleep or they’re going to pass out!”

- “That’s fair, you should ease up on the dueling club meetings, they can barely stand upright most days”

- Bill nods

- Molly holds back a laugh, these are the same boys who would fight over who got more chips, measuring each one so they all got the same amount

- She shakes her head

- Her sons are lucky to have someone like you in their life

- Someone who brings out the best in them

- Bill and Charlie are only a moment away from writing up a contract on things they can, and can’t do while pursuing your affection when you walk through the door

- Ron and Ginny are each tugging one of your arms

- “(Y/N)’s going to marry me!” Ron’s yells

- Charlie and Bill both flinch at his words

- “No they’re going to marry ME!” Ginny shrieks

- Molly watches her two oldest children stumble towards you, in an attempt to placate their siblings and possibly stop any more love rivalries from occurring

- “Hmm that’s 4 out of 7, almost 60% chance.” Molly murmurs to herself

- Maybe she should introduce Percy to you too, that would bring the odds up to 70%