axelnyx

[axelnyx]

Kinda wanna right a fic where Soap goes absolutely feral

Like, hear me out. The 141 members, bearing Soap, get captured and then the people who took them manage to convince everyone that Price, Ghost, Gaz and Roach (yes I'm including him idc that he wasn't in the reboot) are dead even though they aren't. And then Soap just...idk absolutely fucking looses it. He sets off on a one man path of revenge, not caring if he lives or dies trying to get it. Of course, he ends up finding out his team is alive and saving them, but he isn't the same. In fact, he acts early similar to how Ghost did at the very beginning of his time with 141, before the others pulled Simon Riley back from the grave.

Like just imagine the angst potential :) Idk was just an idea I've had the past few days.

[axelnyx]

Update on the next "Desolation" Chapter

For those of you who follow this fic on ao3, I'm sorry it is taking so long to get chapter 9 out. A lot has happened since I posted chapter 8 (I've graduated, moved, got a new job, etc. etc." and on top of that I've just had writers block and some personal things going on. That being said, I have NOT abandoned this fic. In fact, I have actually already typed up a plan for how the next chapter is going to go and will be making a draft of it soon. So, I would say that chapter 9 should be out in the next week or so. I plan on making it longer than my usual chapters so I hope that makes up for how long it took me to get it written lol.

I'm also going to try to be a bit more active on Tumblr to keep you guys updated on the progress on my fics as well as just hear your questions, comments, and ideas. That being said, feel free to ask any questions about my fics/the characters and plots, as well as leave any suggestions or ideas you have for the fics I'm writing or fics you want me to write.

Hope you all have a good day! <3

[axelnyx]

Desolation Part 8

part 1 previous part

can also be ready on ao3

Chapter 8: Lost and Found

Soap stared up at Ghost, slightly shocked. He hadn’t expected his lieutenant to find him so quickly, hadn’t even expected him to be on base yet. But, here the man was in all his imposing and clearly pissed off glory. Ghost didn’t say a word as he stared down at Soap, but Soap could tell from the look in his eyes what the man was thinking. The sergeant struggled for a moment to think of something to say, his head still pounding and becoming more dizzy by the minute.“H-Hey, Lt.” he eventually managed to say with a strained smile, his voice hoarse and shaky.

Ghost said nothing in response, simply staring at Soap for a moment longer before moving closer to him. The lieutenant reached down and picked up Soap’s discarded duffle bag, slinging it over his shoulder by the strap. He then grabbed Soap’s arm, his grip gentle but firm as he pulled the sergeant to his feet. Soap stumbled a bit, the world feeling as if it tilted on its axis as his head began to spin violently. Ghost quickly steadied him, wrapping an arm around the sergeant’s waist and letting him lean against him. Ghost adjusted the duffle back over his shoulder before crouching slightly and putting an arm under Soap’s legs. He easily picked up the Scot and held him close.

Soap was caught off guard when Ghost picked him up but did nothing to prevent it from happening. He was too out of it to say anything as Ghost began walking, likely taking him back to base. The sergeant closed his eyes and rested his head against Ghost’s shoulder, neither man saying a word. It wasn’t long until the sound of approaching footsteps caught Soap’s attention. He opened his eyes slightly, not too worried about it since Ghost didn’t seem to be alarmed. Soap looked towards the noise, noticing two figures approaching but struggling to determine exactly who as his eyes refused to focus.

He felt Ghost stop and wait on the two people to reach them. Soap’s eyes still failed to focus even as the two figures stopped just in front of him, however it didn’t take a genius to recognize their voices. He closed his eyes once again as Price and Gaz began to talk quietly to Ghost. Soap’s mind was too hazy to make out what the three men were saying but he could sense their worry. He hated it. He didn’t want them to worry about him. It was the entire reason he had left. They weren’t supposed to come searching for him. He doesn’t even know how they found him in the first place.

Ghost eventually started walking again and from the sound of it, Gaz and Price were walking alongside him. Soap still didn’t open his eyes. He was exhausted and unwilling to actually face his teammates. There was nothing he could even say to make the situation better. No joke he could crack to lighten the mood. No story he could tell to ease his teammates' nerves. He hated it. He hated himself for it. His teammates came all the way back to base just to drag his ass to medical and he can’t even make the whole ordeal less tense for them. They were supposed to be healing… They were supposed to be healing . Ghost had a sprained wrist and a banged up shoulder.

Guilt settled heavily in Soap’s chest. Sure, Ghost’s injuries were probably healed up more by now, but he was still injured and yet he’s still carrying Soap. His teammates were in the process of healing and they still came back to help him. But who is Soap kidding? The only reason they’re here is because they feel responsible for him. Because it’s their job to worry about him.

Soap remained lost in his own thoughts as his teammates escorted him back to base. He was too caught up in his own head to realize he was falling asleep until he had lost consciousness.

[axelnyx]

Desolation Part 7

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 previous part

can also be ready on ao3

Chapter 7: Nights Like These

Soap had been walking for a few hours now. Or at least, he thinks he has. It sure as hell felt like it. By now though, Soap was miserable. As luck shall have it, not long after Soap had snuck out of the base, a storm began to roll in. While the storm hasn’t fully hit yet, the loud thunder from the clouds and the heavy wind was reminder enough of what was to come. Soap mentally scolded himself for not checking the weather before he left. He should have known better. Hell, he was trained better. ‘ Price would be disappointed.’ Soap thought bitterly. He quickly shook his head to clear away the thought, deciding instead to focus on getting to his destination.

In truth, Soap was moving at a much slower pace than he was hoping. As much as he would like to move faster, every step made his ribs scream in protest and he was finding it difficult to breathe. Not to mention that he had a pounding headache and was beginning to feel a bit dizzy. The sun was almost fully set now, but any light that was left was covered by the thick storm clouds. Meaning, that it was almost pitch black. In his haste to leave the base, Soap had forgotten to pack any form of light source. He would have been able to use his phone, but he had made the conscious decision to leave it in his room. He didn’t want to risk his teammates tracking him with it. So yeah, he wasn’t making as good of time as he thought he would have.

Soap sighed and leaned against a nearby tree to catch his breath. He chose to focus on the sound of the heavy wind and roaring thunder, rather than the sound of his whistling breaths. He knew focusing on his breathing would do nothing but cause him unnecessary anxiety. Soap closed his eyes to try and abate the dizziness that was plaguing him, only to open them again as he feels something drip onto his hand. Soap looks at his hand and groans in a mix of frustration and annoyance as more water droplets begin to fall. The rain quickly turns heavy and Soap huffs before continuing forward. He could barely see at this point and he knew he couldn’t travel far in this weather. So, Soap decided it was better to find a place to camp for the night.

Soap walked for a few minutes before stumbling upon a hollowed out tree. It wasn’t the best shelter, but it would do. Especially since Soap was exhausted, and wet, and cold, and just overall feeling like shit at the moment. With a sigh, Soap made his way into the little alcove. He set his duffle bag on the ground and ran a hand through his hair. He shivered as a gust of wind blew into the space. Soap was soaked, the storm having taken no mercy on him as he had searched for his makeshift shelter.

The storm showed no signs of letting up as Soap leaned against the side of the tree. He took a deep breath, regretting it the second his chest expanded. He exhaled sharply as his ribs suddenly burned with pain, causing the air to get stutter in his lungs. Soap knew the routine by now and didn’t care enough to try and stop coughs from tearing free from his chest. He simply braced himself against the inside of the tree, intending to simply ride out the fit, However, he felt a bit of panic swell as, after a few minutes, the coughs refused to cease. He tried desperately to take in a breath as his dizziness increased. Soap squeezed his eyes shut and clutched at his chest. His lungs screamed for air as Soap fell to his knees. He couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. The sounds of the still raging storm began to fade as Soap slumped against the side of the tree. 

He could tell his consciousness was slipping. He knew just how long he could go without air. All Soap could do, as the world around became quiet, was hope that he woke up.

—-----------------------------------

Soap isn’t sure how long he was unconscious for as he slowly blinks open his eyes and becomes aware of his surroundings. His limbs felt heavy and sore and his body was wracked with shivers from how clod he felt. He slowly tilted his head to the side, looking out of the tree as he noticed that it was brighter outside of his makeshift shelter. It wasn’t daytime yet. Rather, the storm had passed and the full moon shone high in the sky. Soap was a bit relieved that the storm was no longer a threat, however the after effects of it were. Soap was soaked to the bone from the rain and the storm left a chilling wind in its wake. He knew this was not a good mix for his already exhausted lungs. Soap’s breathing was even worse than before. Each breath was a struggle and caused his lungs and ribs to ache in protest.

Soap couldn’t bring himself to move. He had no desire to with the way his body felt achy and weak. He doubts he’d make it far even if he did manage to get up from the cold, hard, wet ground. His head was a bit dizzy and pounded with pain. So, Soap just sat there, leaned against the inside of the tree in defeat. He closed his eyes with a sigh and leaned his head back to rest on the tree.

Soap is unsure of how long he sat there, he refused to open his eyes. That was, until a shadow fell over him and blocked out the light. Soap slowly blinked his eyes open and looked up at the figure standing over him, a familiar skull mask swimming into view as his eyes adjusted.

‘Shit.’ Soap thought to himself.

[axelnyx]

Desolation Part 6

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 previous part

can also be ready on ao3

Chapter 6: Stubbornness and Pride

Soap was walking towards Price’s office with a single goal in mind, the file he had printed and filled out clutched tightly in his hand. Anyone he passed in the halls looked at him in concern. How could they not? Soap looked like a mess. His hair disheveled, bags under his eyes, and he seemed to walk favoring one side over the other. Soap paid no mind to his fellow soldiers’ concerned looks as he grew closer to Price’s office. He knew the office was locked, Price always locked it when he was off base, but there was nothing stopping Soap from sliding the file under the door. Well, almost nothing.

“How’d I know you would try to come up with some stupid plan to get out of doing what Price told you?”

Soap was snatched from his thoughts at the sound of the voice. He sighed in frustration as he saw who spoke to him. “Laswell,” he greeted. She was leaning against the door to Price’s office, arms crossed over her chest and a look of disappointment on her face. “Soap,” she replied, not unkindly. “What’s that you’re holding?” she asks, nodding her head towards the file in his hands. “Somethin’ for Price to read when he gets back,” Soap responded. “That so?” “Yes.” “Well I can hand it to him when he gets here. It would be a hell of a lot easier than just sliding under the door.”

Soap took a step back from Laswell. “No.” Laswell sighed. “Soap, listen,” she started, “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you’ve got everyone worried.” A stab of guilt shot through Soap, causing him to feel a bit  sick. “They don’t need to.” he replied softly. Laswell rolled her eyes. “It’s our job to look after you, Sergeant.” And with that the guilt Soap felt vanished. “Right,” he said, his voice laced with sarcasm, “I must have forgotten.” “I didn’t mean it like that Soap,” Laswell said softly. Soap pauses for a moment, slightly surprised before he scoffs. “Whatever you say, Laswell.”

Laswell sighs. “Let’s just get you to medical,” she says, taking a step towards him. Soap takes another step back. “I don’t need to go to medical.” he replies. Laswell’s look of disappointment increases. “Your breathing says otherwise.” And sure, she wasn’t necessarily wrong, he did sound pretty bad, but he had it handled. “I don’t need to go to medical.” he repeated. Laswell sighed again. “Soap-” she started but, before she could get anything else out, Soap turned and started walking back to his room. “Where do you think you’re going?” she asked, starting to go after him. “Follow me and we’re gonna have a problem, Laswell,” Soap said through a clenched jaw. Laswell stopped, unsure of what to do as she watched Soap walk away.

When Soap made it to his room he pushed his door open harshly, causing it to slam against the wall with a loud bang. He was pissed. Everyone kept ruining his plans. All he wanted to do was spend his leave on base and be left alone. He could handle a couple bruised ribs on his own. He didn’t need to be coddled like some child. Especially not by people who only care because it’s their job to.

Soap took a deep breath, despite how it made the ache in his ribs worse. He thought for a moment. If he couldn’t leave the file in Price’s office, then the man would just have to find it here, in Soap’s room. Not like Soap would be here when Price stopped by anyways.

Soap placed the file on his nightstand before heading towards his closet on the other side of the room. He opened the closet doors and grabbed his empty duffle bag from the floor of it. Soap then went through his entire room, grabbing whatever he thought was most important for him to take. He paused as he saw the knife that he had found in Las Almas. It was Ghost’s. Soap had expected the man to demand it back, but he never did. In fact, when Soap had tried to return it to him, Ghost had simply shook his head and told him he could keep it, that he had enough knives to last him a lifetime and losing one wasn’t that important to him.

Soap shook his head to clear it before picking up the knife and placing it in the duffle back as well. He gave one last look around the room and zipped up his bag, deciding that he had everything he needed. He quietly left his room, looking around to make sure no one would see him. When he saw no one was around he gently closed his door, making sure to lock it behind him. It wouldn’t do much to prevent his teammates from realizing he’s gone, but it would slow them down just a bit.

Soap walked down the hall, making his way to the nearest exit slowly and quietly. It didn’t take him long to get there. He knew the base like the back of his hand. Soap cautiously made his way outside.By now, the sun was beginning to set. Meaning that most people were either heading to bed or eating in the mess hall. There was a fence that surrounded the base and beyond that was a dense woodland area. However, Soap knew where a weak and unguarded spot in the fence was. He also knew that just past the woods there was a small town. All he had to do was navigate his way there and then he could stay in a local hotel for the night. He would just have to move on in the morning to avoid his teammates catching up to him. If they even come after him that is.

Soap made his way to the weak area of the fence. It was located towards the back of the base, mostly hidden from sight. He and Gaz had found it after a particularly stressful mission. They were both exhausted and wanted some sort of break from everything. They had decided to walk around the base together. Talking about anything they wanted or nothing at all if they didn’t feel up to it. Gaz had been the one to spot the flaw in the fence. They had debated telling someone, but they were desperate to get away for a bit. So, together they made their way through the fence and into the woods. They stayed out there for hours just enjoying each other’s company.

Soap shook his head to push away the memory. He’s sure the security cameras have seen him, but it doesn’t really matter. Once he’s off base and Price reads the file Soap left for him, then Soap is no longer the 141’s problem. It would take a few days for the paperwork to go through, but after those few days Soap would return to base. He wouldn’t stay long, of course, just long enough to grab whatever else he needed and then leave.

Soap made his way through the fence, making sure that it wouldn’t rattle behind him. He then turned towards the woods and began to walk. If he made good time, then he should make it to the town around midnight. It wasn’t too far away. He could make it.

That’s what he told himself anyways.

[axelnyx]

God I Wish I Never Spoke Part 4 (Finale)

Just realized I never put the last chapter of this fic on here. Will also be adding the chapters of my other fic (Desolation) on here as well in case you guys rather read it on Tumblr than ao3. Anyways enjoy.

part 1 part 2 part 3

can also be ready on ao3

Gaz had told Price where he could find Soap with the condition that if the Sergeant didn’t want to talk, Price would back off and give him space. Price had quickly agreed and now he was walking towards the training grounds. According to Gaz, there was a hidden alcove on the grounds that was relatively hidden from sight. Soap and Gaz used the spot when they needed to cool off for a bit or need a moment to themselves. When Gaz had told Price this, the Captain double checked to make sure it was alright for him to go to the spot, not wanting to intrude on the Sergeants’ sense of comfort. Gaz had reestablished that is was fine, so long as Price follows the condition he set,

After some searching, with the help of Gaz’s directions, Price was able to find the hidden spot. He cautiously approached it, catching sight of his other Sergeant. “Soap.” Price called gently, stopping a few feet in front of him. Soap quickly looked up at him, scrambling to his feet and stepping out of the alcove. “Captain, ye need somethin’?” Soap asked. His tone was calm and level, and he had a smile on his face. But Price could tell it was fake. The smile was strained and Soap stood tense and fidgety. Price shook his head. “Just wanted to talk to you for a minute, lad. It’s about the other day.” he says calmly. Soap visibly gets more tense, swallowing nervously. “Right. Listen, it wasn’t the others’ fault. They dinnea do anything wrong. Hell, it was my idea and-” the Sergeant started rambling but Price held up a hand, signaling him to stop.

“Not that part. I’m talking about how I treated you, Soap.” Price explains softly. Soap blinked in surprise and then nervously cleared his throat. “Well, it’s understandable. I fucked up an’ made a dumb decision. Ye had a right to be mad.” he says. Price shakes his head. “I may have had a right to be mad, but I had no right to take it out on you like that. You had done what you thought was appropriate for the situation and, in the end, everything worked itself out. I didn’t listen when you tried to explain that and for that I apologize…and I apologize for scaring you.” Price says softly, looking at Soap with regret in his eyes.

Soap shrugged his shoulders. “It’s fine, Price.” he murmurs, looking at the ground and avoiding Price’s gaze. “It’s not,” Price retorts, “You thought I was going to hurt you.” Soap cringes at the mention of how he reacted to Price’s outburst. “I was being a bit dramatic.” Soap says quietly. Price’s eyes widen in surprise. “No, you weren’t. I was being a dick and took it too far. That’s all on me, not you. You didn’t do anything wrong and you sure as shit weren’t being ‘dramatic’.” Price gently corrects. Soap is silent for a moment as he looks at Price before slowly nodding his head. “Ye were bein’ a bit of a dick.” he mumbles. Price chuckles and nods in agreement. “That I was, but I promise to better control myself in the future.” Price says.

Soap smiles at him before clearing his throat. “Sooo, I’m guessin’ Gaz told ye where to find me.” he says. “He did. It’s a neat little spot you two got here.” Price says, nodding towards the alcove behind Soap. Soap beams at him, a sparkle of excitement in his eyes. “Ye want a tour, Cap?” he asks. Price smiles and nods his head. “Would love one, son.” he replies. Soap turns around and gestures for Price to follow him into the alcove.

It would take some time for Price to fully gain his boys’ trust back, but his actions today were a good start.

[axelnyx]

TMNT Uprising AU

So about a year ago I made my own tmnt au and I've decided to start working on it again. So, I'm gonna share some of what I have so far. Let me know if you all want to see more content related to this.

Basically, in this AU mutants are known to exist and are targeted/used by the government. Despite this, the turtles still do their usual vigilante stuff. That is until they become targets themselves. When they become targets they decide to essentially go on strike and rise up against the government. They refuse to help people until the government/society accept mutants into society so they no longer have to hide.

I've also got some of the character descriptions.

Raph-oldest (16)

Bog Turtle

Height: 6’ 3”

Short temper but does his best to control it

Looks for other mutants with Casey

Leo- second oldest (15)

Desert Box Turtle

Height: 6’ 1”

Helps get any inside info they need (has contacts in a bunch of places)

Don- middle (15)

Striped Mud Turtle

Height: 6'

Designated hacker of the group (April and Mikey help)

Mikey- youngest (14)

Southern Painted Turtle

Height: 5’ 11”

Spray paints on buildings to spread their message (hides secret messages in paintings to lead other mutants to safety)

Splinter

Black Rat

Height: 6’ 6"

He and Leatherhead help in the sanctuary

April (18)

Human

Height: 5’ 6”

Writes about the uprising to help gain support (independent journalist)

Casey (17)

Human

Height: 5’ 8”

Goes out and finds mutants that need help (Raph often joins him)

Leatherhead

American Crocodile

Height: 6’ 10”

Helps Splinter in the Sanctuary and helps spread word of the uprising (travel a lot)

Karai (18)

Human

Height: 5' 7"

Took over the Foot Clan after Shredder’s death

She and the Foot Soldiers protect the mutants and make supply runs for them.

[axelnyx]

Desolation Part 5

part 1 Previous part

Can also be read on ao3

Ch 5: All The Things I Don't Talk About

Soap had decided to stay in his room for most of the day. After his call with Gaz and Price he was too exhausted to interact with anyone. He had long since put his phone on silent, ignoring all the text messages and calls from Gaz and Price. Soap hadn’t checked if Ghost had replied to, or even seen, his short message. At this point he was too tired to care really.

Soap was sitting on his bed propped up with his back against the pillows. He found it a bit easier to breathe sitting up, even if it was a bit uncomfortable. He startled slightly at the sound of a knock on his door before sighing and carefully maneuvering off the bed. He hissed in pain as he straightened up into a standing position, gently cradling his injured ribs with his hand. Soap walked to the door slowly, dropping his hand back down as he opened the door.

Soap raised an eyebrow at the, clearly nervous, rookie that stood before him. “Wha’ is it?” Soap asked, slightly confused on why the rookie was here. “Sir,” the rookie addressed him, standing stiff as a board, “I was told to inform you that Agent Kate Laswell is on base and she wishes to speak to you.”

Soap wanted to scream. Contrary to popular belief, Soap wasn’t stupid. He knows exactly why Laswell is here and he knows exactly who sent her. Honestly, Soap was beyond pissed at this point. He just wanted to be left alone and to sleep and to stop fucking hurting. He wanted his team to stop pretending to actually care and to mind their own business.

The rookie started looking more and more unsure of themself the longer Soap was silent. Soap sighed and ran a hand down his face. “Alright,” he started, “Tell Laswell tha’ I’m a bit busy at ta momen’ but i’ll come find her when I get th’ time.” It was another lie. One that Laswell was smart enough not to believe but it would buy Soap some time.  The rookie seemed to hesitate for a moment before responding. “Yessir,” they said before walking quickly away from Soap’s room.

Soap had to physically restrain himself from slamming his door closed. He let out a huff of frustration as the door clicked shut and stomped over to his nightstand where he had discarded his phone. He clenched his jaw as he unlocked it and scrolled through his recent calls. He hit Price’s contact harshly and brought the phone up to his ear as it began to ring. It rang once before Price’s voice filtered through the phone, sounding relieved. “Soap-” he started before Soap cut him off. “Wha’ te fuck is yer problem? I practically tell ye ta leave meh alone and ye send Laswell. I dinnae need a fuckin’ babysitter.” Soap snarled.

Price sighed. “It’s not like that, Soap. All of us are worried about you. We know something is wrong but you won’t tell us what. I figured if you wouldn’t talk to us, then maybe you would talk to Kate. Maybe she can get you to get checked out by medical because something is wrong.” he said, worry lacing his voice. “If you don’t want to talk to her then fine, but you will talk to someone. Me and the boys are heading back soon, I fucking find someone you want to talk to. Until then you need to get examined by medical” Price’s voice turned stern but not unkind as he talked.

Soap felt his heart stutter for a moment, anxiety beginning to ease its way into his chest. There was no way they were coming back earlier than they should. The need to heal and to rest. Be sides, another week and Soap’s ribs would be practically healed. They wouldn’t have to worry about him then. They can’t come back early. “Yer not due back here fer another week.” Soap said accusingly. “We’re coming back early.” Price responded simply. “No, yer not,” Soap said, his voice taking a pleading tone as he began to pace his room, “Ye cannae come back yet. Ye all need yer rest. Tha’s the whole point in ye leavin’. An’ I dinnae need ye here. I’m fuckin’ fine on meh own.”

By now, Soap’s breaths were coming out in short gasps, his lungs rattling with each exhale. It was getting hard to breathe. “Soap,” Price said gently, “Listen to me, son-” Soap felt his anger reignite, burning through him. “Dinnea call me tha-” Soap started, being cut off as a cough ripped from his throat. Soap felt a spike of panic as his lungs stuttered, another cough tearing itself free. He tried his best to force the coughs down but to no avail. Faintly, Soap could hear Price’s voice from his phone, asking him if he was alright.

Soap gripped his side tightly as his ribs flared in pain. He barely registered that he was moving downward until his knees hit the floor with a harsh thud. He tossed his phone to the side, using his now spare hand to brace himself against the floor and hold himself up. Soap stayed in that position for a few moments as he struggled to catch his breath. Tears streamed down his face as pain continued to hum through his body. When he was finally able to breathe again,the first thing Soap registered was frantically calling for him to give him a sitrep.

Soap took a shaky breath as he reached for his phone, which had landed only a short distance from him. He whimpered in pain as his injured side was jostled before his hand finally closed around his phone. He brought the device back towards him, his hand shaking as he lifted it back to his ear. “Solid,” he replied to Price, his voice sounding shot.

“Solid my ass,” Price growled out, causing Soap to flinch at his tone. “Here’s what is going to happen,” Price continued, his voice turning gentle again, “You’re going to finish catching your breath and then you're going to go to medical. You’re going to let them determine what’s wrong and you’re going to let them treat you. I’m going to call Laswell and she is going to keep an eye on you until me and the boys get there. Do I make myself clear, Sergeant?” Soap was silent for a moment as he tried to come up with an excuse to get him out of this. He thought for a moment before a plan began to form in his head. “Crystal, sir,” he replied to Price, his voice quiet and defeated. “Good,” Price responded, “We should be there in a day or so. For now just do what I Told you to do.” “Yessir,” Soap said before Price hung up, likely to get a hold of Laswell. Soap scoffed as he set his phone on the floor beside him. He most certainly was not about to do what Price had told him to.

[axelnyx]

God I Wish I Never Spoke Part 3

part 2

Can also be read on ao3

After Ghost had left his office, Price sat and thought for a moment. He agreed with Ghost, he really did need to talk to his sargeants. Especially Soap. Price grimaced as the memory of Soap’s expression flashed through his mind. He ran a hand down his face and let out a heavy sigh. Yeah, he definitely needed to apologize to Soap.

Determined, Price stood from his desk and left the office, locking the door behind him. He wandered around base searching for either of his two sergeants. The two were known to be loud and rambunctious but, when it came down to it, they were damn good at making themselves scarce. If they didn’t want to be found then Price was going to be looking for a very long time. Sure, he could wait for them to come to him but it’s already been three days. To Price, that’s three days too long. He should have at least attempted to mend his mistake the same day he had made it. Instead, he had selfishly sat and wallowed in his guilt. He’d definitely have to thank Ghost later. The lieutenant was never afraid to put Price in his place if he crossed a line. It’s one of the reasons Price made him his lieutenant in the first place.

Price searched for a few hours before finally stumbling upon Gaz, who was sitting under a tree on the edge of the forest that was located next to the base. The sergeant hadn’t yet noticed him approaching so Price took the time to give him a once over. He felt his stomach twist and guilt burn his chest as he took in Gaz’s condition. The man looked exhausted. He had heavy bags under his eyes and the ever constant grin he had was now replaced with a slight frown.

Price took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself as he purposely made his footfalls heavier to alert the sergeant of his presence. Gaz’s head shot up upon hearing his approach, locking eyes with the Captain. “Captain,” Gaz said in way of greeting, his voice tinged with anxiety. Price tried to make himself seem less intimidating, keeping a relaxed posture and expression soft. “Sergeant,” he replied, “Mind if I join you?” Gaz shrugged and gestured to a spot to the left of him. Price nodded in thanks and carefully sat down next to him.

It was silent for a few moments, Gaz fiddling with his hands anxiously. Price took in his tense form and let out a sigh, startling the man slightly. “I came to apologize,” Price said softly. Gaz looked at Price with a surprised expression. “Sir?” he asked cautiously. “I want to apologize,” Price continued, “for my behavior the other day. I should never have lost my temper like that. I sure as hell shouldn’t have taken it out on you boys. You were just doing your jobs and took the best course of action you could think of.” Price turned to face Gaz, looking the sergeant in the eye. “So, I’m sorry for losing my temper and I’m sorry for scaring you, son.” he said softly.

Gaz took in a shaky breath and searched Price’s face for any signs of deception. It wouldn’t be the first time someone had apologized without meaning it. Seeing nothing but honesty and regret in Price’s expression caused the dam Gaz had been holding back to break. He hastily turned his head away from Price, not wanting his Captain to see the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. Gaz bit his lip to stop it from trembling as he tried his best to reel in his emotions.

 “Kyle?” Price asked softly, placing a gentle hand on the sergeant’s shoulder. Price had a moment of panic as a sob ripped through the sergeant. He was about to take his hand off his shoulder, fearing he had fucked up somehow, when suddenly Gaz threw himself onto Price and latched onto him. Price held the sergeant close, cradling the back of his head as he sobbed in his arms. Price whispered apologies over and over as he rubbed Gaz’s back in an attempt to comfort him.

It felt like ages before Gaz’s sobs turned into sniffles, when in reality it was probably only a few minutes. He still clung to Price like his life depended on it, keeping his face buried in the Captain’s shoulder. Price continued to apologize as Gaz slowly collected himself. After a few more moments Gaz took a deep, shaky breath and pulled away from Price. Price let him go but kept his hands on the sergeant’s shoulders to keep him grounded. Gaz wiped his face to rid it of any tear tracks before his red rimmed eyes finally met with Price’s concerned ones.

“I get why you were upset,” Gaz said quietly, “so I forgive you.” Gaz seemed to hesitate for a moment. Price gently squeezed the sergeant’s shoulders to try and encourage him to continue. Gaz took another deep breath before speaking again. “Just…try not to do it again?” It sounded more like a question than a request but Price nodded none-the-less. “I won’t do it again,” he replied with a determined expression. “Besides,” he continued, “Simon promised to break my nose if I did and I quite like having my nose in tact.” This earned a surprised laugh from the sergeants as he once again wiped his eyes. Gaz sniffled slightly before looking at Price again. “Thanks sir,” he said, a small smile on his face. Price nodded in reply, a smile of his own beginning to form.

The two sat for a while in silence, simply just enjoying each other's company. It wasn’t until about an hour later that Price broke the silence. “Do you know where I can find Soap?,” he asked softly, “I need to talk to him.”

[axelnyx]

God I Wish I Never Spoke Part 2

part 1

Can also be read on ao3

It had been three days since Price’s outburst and the guilt of it was still eating him alive. In that time he has only caught glances of the boys. It’s not as if he was actively trying to avoid them. He just wasn’t seeking them out. Price knows he should apologize, actually sit down and have a conversation with them. The problem was that he didn’t exactly know how to. Each of the boys had their own mental wounds. Wounds that Price had ripped open once again. Talking to the three at this point would have to be a very gentle affair. If Price says the wrong thing or uses the wrong tone of voice, they will pull away from him. What little trust they have left towards Price will be shattered and he will never be able to earn it back.

Price was sitting in his office, trying to focus on the paperwork he was attempting to complete, when there was a knock on his door. “Come in,” he called, not bothering to look up. He heard the door open in close but no greeting from the person entering his office. Confused, he looked up and felt his chest tighten. Ghost stood in front of his desk, staring him down. Price had been expecting Ghost’s signature blank stare, he was prepared for it even. However, Ghost stood before him with nothing short of pure rage in his eyes. Price sighed and placed the paperwork to the side, gesturing for Ghost to sit down in the chair on the other side of the desk.

Just as Price was about to start talking, Ghost cut him off. “They think you hate them,” he said. And wasn’t that a kick to the gut. The guilt that weighed on Price increased ten fold. He sighed and ran a hand down his face. “I don’t,” Price replied. Ghost rolled his eyes and leaned forward, resting his arms on the desk. “It’s not like you’ve said anything recently to convince them otherwise.” Price knew he was right. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. All the while Ghost stayed silent, waiting.

“I’m sorry,” Price said after a moment, “You boys scared the hell out of me when you-” Ghost cut him off saying,  “That’s not an excuse.”

“I am not using it as an excuse, Simon. I’m trying to explain.”

“You know the hell they went through and yet you still pulled that shit.”

“You think I don’t know I handled that situation wrong? You think I don’t feel like shit after what I did? You think the way you all reacted to it won’t haunt me for the rest of my life?”

“This isn’t about you, Price.”

“I’m not trying to make it about me. I’m trying to make you understand-”

“I understand perfectly. I get where you were coming from but there were so many better ways to handle it.”

“I know, Simon. What do you want me to say?”

“What were you going to do?”

Price looked at Ghost with a slightly confused expression. “What?” he asked. “When you took a step towards Johnny,” Ghost continued, glaring at Price, “What. Were. You going. To do?” Price started at Ghost with disbelief. “I wasn’t going to hit him if that’s what you think.” he said. “Then what?” Ghost insisted. “I don’t know. I just wanted him to actually look at me.” Price replied, “He refused to look at me.” “Because you scared him.” Ghost said. “I know.” Price said, looking away as he spoke. He turned back to Ghost, holding the lieutenant's stare. “Scared all of you and for that I am so sorry. I should never have reacted like that. You boys are the closest thing I have to family left. I was just so fucking scared of loosing you boys and I let that fear control my actions. I know that is not an excuse. Believe me I know. I am so sorry that I made you go through that, Simon. I’m so fucking sorry.” Price said, his voice cracking slightly on the last sentence.

The burning rage that in Ghost simmered down to nothing but coals as Price talked. Ghost took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The two sitting in silence as Ghost processed what Price said. “You need to talk to them,” Ghost said, opening his eyes and looking at Price once again. Price released a deep breath. “I know,” he replied.

Ghost nodded once, standing up and turning towards the door. “And Price,” he said once he grabbed hold of the door handle. “Yes?” Price asked. “If you ever do something like that again, I’ll break your nose.” Price chuckled slightly. “I have no doubt you will,” he said. Ghost nodded towards him once more before leaving the office, closing the door quietly behind him.

[axelnyx]

Desolation Part 4

part 3

Can also be read here on ao3.

Soap still couldn’t sleep. Don’t get him wrong, he has managed to sleep on and off for a few hours, but it’s not enough. Its been two days since his team left, he was exhausted and yet he couldn’t fucking sleep. His ribs ached with each breath he took, keeping the possibility of sleep just out of Soap’s reach. Occasionally, Soap had to force down a cough. Trying desperately to avoid another fit. Most of the time he failed, and each cough would intensify the pain to the point his side felt like it was burning. He hated it. It frustrated him to no end. Sure, Soap could probably go get some pain meds from medical, but that required getting up. Not only that, but the medical staff would certainly ask questions. Questions that Soap did not have the energy to lie about. He was tired of lying to people. What's funny is that, when he was younger, he hated how much people lied to him, especially the people he thought cared about him. So, in turn, he had promised himself that he wouldn’t lie to the people he cared about. Yet, he had done it. He lied to Price, and to Gaz, and if Ghost would have confronted him then Soap would have lied to him as well.

Guilt ate away at Soap. He trusted his team, more than he probably should, and he liked to believe that his team trusted him as well. And yet, he fucking lied. Right to their faces. What’s worse is that Gaz knew he was lying. Gaz knew but didn’t press him about it. He didn’t demand answers or get angry with Soap. Soap wishes he had.

If Soap was being honest, staying on base was almost as bad as staying in an empty hotel. He thought staying would keep his anxiety to a minimum. He was wrong. Sure, his surroundings were familiar, but it mattered little when it was pitch black. The only light source being the glaring red of his alarm clock. He thought the constant movement of fellow soldiers would ward off any scenarios his mind attempted to conjure up. It didn’t. In fact, every time someone walked past his door Soap would tense and hold his breath. Waiting for the person to come through the door. Waiting for them to make a move, only for them to continue past his room.It wasn’t like this when his team was one base. Knowing they were close by always eased his nerves. But now, they are all gone and Soap hates it.

So yes, Soap wishes Gaz had pushed him for the truth. Though, Soap knows why he didn’t. If Gaz had, then Gaz would have to deal with the broken mess that Soap was. Gaz probably would have gotten Ghost, who in turn would have gotten Price and then Soap would have been everybody’s problem. They didn’t need Soap’s problems on top of their own. They need to rest, and to heal, and they couldn’t do that if they had to worry about Soap.

Soap laid on his bed, curled up on his uninjured side until sunlight began to filter in through his window. He knew he should get up, he had work to do and it wasn’t like he would magically fall asleep, but the thought of moving made him cringe. Soap debated with himself on whether it was worth it or not to move from his bed. In the end, his phone decided for him. Its shrill ringtone echoed throughout the room and Soap grimaced at the noise. He lifted his head and looked at his nightstand, only to huff in frustration when he realized he had left it on his dresser that was tucked in a corner across the room.

Soap inhaled sharply and braced his injured ribs as he sat up from the bed. He slowly stood up and made his way towards the dresser, glaring at his phone as it continued to ring. He mentally cursed whatever deity, if any, was watching over him as he read the caller ID. He released a sigh and picked up his, answering it as he brought it up to his ear. “Hey auld man,” he greeted with faux cheerfulness, earning a slight chuckle from the man. “Hey lad,” Price responded, “I was just calling to check up on everything. I haven’t heard from you since we left.”

“Everythin’ has been all good here,” Soap responded, “Nothin’ interestin’ has happened. It’s honestly been a bit borin’.” “I figured as much, but that’s not what I meant. What I meant was: How have you been? Everything alright?” Price asked, a bit of worry seeping into his voice.

The question through Soap off guard. Why was Price suddenly asking this? There was no way he knew about Soap’s injuries. “Aye, I’m doin’ alrigh’. Why do ye ask?” Soap responded. There was a moment of silence before Price spoke. “Gaz mentioned something about you not seeming right the last time the two of you talked. Said he was a bit worried about you.” Soap wanted to kill Gaz at that moment. Nevermind that he viewed the man as practically his brother or that they have spilt blood for each other. Soap was going to kill him or at least knock him around a bit. “Did he now?” Soap asked, a bit of his frustration seeping into his voice. “Well you know how Gaz is,” he continued, “Man’s a bit of a worry wart.” Price sighed on the other side of the phone. “I’m a bit worried too, son.” Price said.

Soap’s heart clenched at the title. “I’m fine,” he said. “You don’t sound fine, Soap.” Price replied, quiet but firmly, “You sound exhausted and I can tell your breathing sounds off even through the phone.” Soap knew he sounded exhausted, hell he was exhausted. But, as he took stock of himself, he realized Price was right. His breathing did sound off. Each exhale produced a small wheezing sound from his lungs. Soap would be lying if he said he wasn’t a bit worried about it.

“I’m fine,” Soap repeated. “You’re not. I know you’re not. Talk to me, son.” Price pleaded. By now Soap was getting pissed. Gaz had no right telling Price anything about their conversation and Price had no right to question him about it. It was none of their concern and if Soap wanted them to know he would have told them. “Ye dinnae know shit, Price,” Soap bit out, “Why the hell do ye care anyway?” “I’m your Captain. It’s my job to care.” Price responded with a level voice.

And that was it, wasn’t it. It was his job to care. He had no choice in the matter. It was the only reason he put up with Soap. It was the only reason Price was checking on him now. He didn’t actually care about Soap. He never did. He was just doing his job and that’s all it ever was. All it ever will be. Soap’s nothing but a tool and it’s Price’s job to make sure he doesn’t break. Otherwise, Soap’s useless.

“Whatever you say, Captain,” Soap spat. “Don’t be like that, son,” Price said softly. “I have to go. I have things to do.” Soap replied harshly, cutting off Price’s sounds of protest as he ended the call. Soap stared at his phone for a few moments. His rage increased as the call played through his head over and over. Who the hell does Price think he is? He had no right to act like he actually cared. He sure as hell had no right to call him “son”. Soap huffed out a breath and hastily scrolled through his contacts. When he found the right one, he clenched his jaw and tapped the call button, raising the phone to his ear once again.

It rang twice before he heard the tell tale sound of it being picked up. “Soap.” Gaz said with a slightly dejected tone, as if he was already expecting what was to come. “Wha’ te hell is the matter wit’ ye?” Soap hissed through clenched teeth. Gaz sighed. “I was worried about you, mate.” he said. “So ye went ta Price instead of jus’ talkin’ ta me?” Soap asked, running a hand through his mohawk in frustration. “I thought maybe you would tell him what was bothering you. You sure as shit didn’t want to tell me the last time we talked.” Gaz replied, beginning to sound irritated himself. “Because it’s none of ye business. If I wanted ye ta know then I would o’ told ye. Am I not allowed to have a personal life now? Is that it? Ye all are allowed to have yer secrets and yer faults but the moment I do it’s unacceptable. What kind o’ bullshit is tha’?”

Soap knew he was ranting, he also knew that Gaz didn’t deserve to hear it. He knew Gaz was probably just worried, but Soap was tired, and hurting, and he just wanted to be left the hell alone. He didn’t want to answer any more questions, or to explain himself to anyone. He didn’t need to explain shit to anyone.

“Soap, please. I know something is wrong, mate. Just talk to us.” Gaz pleaded. “Steamin’ Jesus. Ye an’ Price jus’ know everything, don’t ye?” Soap said sarcastically. “It’s not like that,” Gaz replied, starting to sound a bit desperate. “Like hell it isn’t. Ye both can’t get off meh back for five fuckin’ seconds.” Soap replied coldly. Gaz let out a sigh that only served to further agitate Soap. “Soap listen,” Gaz started. “No,” Soap cut him off, “I’m done listening and I’m done talking. Do us both a favor an’ dinnae try to contact me ‘til ye all get back from leave.” Soap hung up the phone before Gaz could respond.

He looked at the top of his screen, seeing he had some new messages. He clicked on the notification and scoffed when he saw who they were from. Price had sent him a few messages asking him to call him back so they could talk or to at least find someone else to talk to. He also had the nerve to tell Soap to get checked out by medical. Soap scoffed again and exited out of Price’s messages. Upon further inspection, he realized that he also had a message from Ghost. He clicked on the message and made his way back to his bed, sitting on the edge of the mattress. Ghost never was one for conversation, so it came as no surprise to Soap as he read the two worded message. ‘Call me.’ it read. Soap was tempted to. In truth, he missed talking to the lieutenant. He hadn’t gotten the chance to before the man was put on leave. But Soap was still exhausted, and hurting, and it felt harder to breath. The light, raspy wheeze he noticed earlier seemed to be a bit louder now and his chest felt more constricted.

Soap took a deep breath, attempting to get more air in his lungs, and immediately regretted it as he was thrown into another coughing fit. His ribs screamed in protest as he struggled to pull in air. Soap doubled over and hung his head between his shoulders, gripping his comforter to stop himself from falling over. Just as his vision was starting to become blurred around the edges, the coughing finally subsided. It left Soap winded and gasping for breath. It took several more minutes for Soap to get his breathing relatively back to normal. Well, as normal as it was before he started coughing.

Soap sighed and looked back down at the message Ghost had sent him. He debated with himself for only a moment before sending back a one word reply.

‘Later.’

[axelnyx]

God I Wish I Never Spoke

Can also be read on ao3

Fic Summary: Based on .__..edits.._ on tiktok headcannon of Price raising his voice at 141 but when his boys looked terrified he thought he was a monster for scaring them.

Ch 1: The Silence After the Outburst

Price was fuming as he looked at the three men that stood before him. Ghost, Soap and Gaz had recently returned from a mission, having only enough time to get cleaned up and checked out by medical before being summoned to Price's office. The mission itself had been a success though not without great risk. A risk that had gotten the three almost killed. Price had been listening in on the radio chatter. He knew he wasn't technically allowed to but sending his boys out on loan with another Captain didn't sit right with him. So he listened closely as his boys gave and responded to various orders. Of course, it didn't take long for the mission to turn to shit and Price could do nothing but listen as all hell broke loose on his boys' end. His worry for their safety turned to panic when the three idiots decided that the best course of action would be for them, and only them, to try and take on the enemy, or at least draw their fire so the rest could escape to the exfil site.

In the end, all three of his boys had made it back unharmed save for the few bruises and shallow cuts that littered their bodies. Still, seeing the state of them had Price's anger flaring up. He leveled each man with a stern look. Ghost being the only one who seemed to be able to look him in the eye. Soap's eyes were looking anywhere in the room except for Price and Gaz's were glued to the floor at his feet. Price grit his teeth and took a deep breath through his nose. "What the hell were you thinking?" he asked in a calm, yet cold, tone. "The team was pinned down and we saw no other option than for us three, being the most skilled and experienced, to draw the enemy's fire and provide the others with a chance to escape." Soap said, his statement sounding rehearsed.

"I told you boys specifically before you left not to pull any self sacrificing bullshit."

"Yes sir, but-"

"But nothing, Mactavish. You three went directly against what I said and almost got yourselves killed in the process."

This time it was Ghost who spoke up. "We had no choice, sir-" Price cut off Ghost's statement before he could finish. "No choice?" he asked, the volume of his voice beginning to rise. "There is always a choice Simon and the one you three chose was stupid and reckless. For a man who is so insistent that 'choices have consequences' you seem to not think through your actions. I expected this type of behavior from Soap, hell maybe even Gaz, but you? You are their lieutenant first and foremost, always. It doesn't matter if you are under my command or on loan, you have responsibilities to them." Had Price been less focused on his frustration towards the three men, he may have noticed how Ghost had flinched when Price had said his name or how he grew more tense as Price continued ranting. Price may have also noticed that Gaz had taken a step back and Soap had begun to hunch in on himself as his volume continued to grow.

"That's not fair, Cap." Soap said softly, still refusing to look at Price directly. Price's attention snapped back to the Sergeant, causing Soap to flinch slightly under the sharp glare. "You knew better as well." Price snapped. "All three of you knew better. You knew what you were doing was idiotic and yet you still went through with it. What would have happened if one of you hadn't made it back, hm? What then? Did you even stop to think of the possible consequences? Would you have been able to live with yourself if you had been the only one to make it off that field?" "We knew what we were doing." Soap retorted, his breathing starting to become erratic.

"You didn't!"

"We did! We had a plan-"

"A shit one that relied on luck alone!"

"No, it wasn't-"

"Don't lie to me!" Price snarled, taking a quick step towards Soap. He hardly registered Ghost quickly grabbing Soap and shoving the scot behind him. Acting as a barrier between Price and Soap. Price stopped in his tracks and the room fell silent. It was only then that he noticed the ragged breathing coming from the three men before him. He looked at each of his boys and felt as though the world had turned on its axis. The three men he had fought side-by-side with, had laughed and cried with, had comforted when they needed him most. His boys who had trusted him enough to share their dark pasts with him, now only looked at him with something he could only describe as pure fear. Ghost looked cool and collected on the outside, glaring down at Price and holding his gaze as if daring him to come after Soap. Yet, Price has known Ghost for a long time. He recognized Ghost's too even breathing, a pattern that only came when Ghost was forcing himself to be calm. He could see the slight tremor in Ghost hands that were currently clenched into fits at his side. Price looked past Ghost, catching sight of Soap whose eyes were now wide with fear and staring unblinking at the floor. Soap was trembling and his breaths were coming out in short gasps. He had a hand fisted into the back of Ghost's shirt, whether to ground himself or to pull the man back if necessary Price didn't know. Finally, Price looked towards Gaz and his heart stuttered painfully in his chest. Eyes that once held nothing but trust now were filled with pure terror. Gaz had backed himself up to the wall and leaned heavily against it for support as his body shook. He stared right at Price and Price felt nauseous as he stared right back, feeling like the world was crashing down around him.

Price looked away from the three and took a step back. They all stood in silence as Price scrambled to figure out what to say. He took a deep breath. "You are all dismissed for now. We will talk more about this later." he said, his voice almost a whisper. Still, Ghost heard him and wasted no time in gently grabbing the two Sergeants and pulling them from the office, quietly closing the door behind them. Once alone, Price let out a shaky exhale and leaned against the front of his desk. He raised his slightly shaking hand and ran it down his face, taking deep breaths to try and calm his rapid beating heart. He fucked up. He knows he did and oh how he hates it. He hates the looks that the three had given him. Images that would now be engraved into his memory for the rest of his life. He didn't mean to. He was just so angry at them for pulling something that could have cost them their lives. He shouldn't have yelled at them. He was angry, yes, but he had no right to take it out on them. Especially not in that way. He knows the pain they have faced from people they've trusted, has sat up with each of his boys on more than one occasion just trying to get them to calm down from the painful memories. Why did he yell like that? It was such a selfish thing to do. He knows it's a possible trigger for them, but he still did it. His own incompetence was the reason they looked at him in a way he had only seen when they were half delirious and panicking from a nightmare.

Price slowly slid down to the floor and held his head in his hands. He could feel a lump form in his throat and his chest tighten. He clenched his jaw and fought back the tears that were trying to fall from his eyes. His boys were terrified of him and it was all his fault.

[axelnyx]

Desolation Part 3

part 2

Can also be read on ao3

Ch 3: Departure

Soap was right with the assumption that he wouldn’t get much sleep. He spent the night gritting his teeth in pain and curled up on his uninjured side. There were times where he would begin to doze off, only to wake up with a sharp hiss of pain when he would accidentally shift his position.

Soap now glared at his alarm clock. Its bright red numbers, that read 0400, seemingly taunting him. Tears of frustration welled up in his eyes. He was so fucking tired and the pain from his ribs only seemed to increase with each passing moment. His chest felt tight. He took in a deep breath, attempting to stifle a cough as the air got caught in his lungs. The cough rattled out of his chest and developed into a fit as Soap tried his best to force it down. He quickly sat himself up, not caring that it further agitated his ribs, as each cough sent more pain burning through his side. Tears slipped down his face though now due to pain instead of his earlier frustration.

After a few minutes Soap was able to get his breathing back under control, the tightness in chest having only increased. He wiped his face to rid it of the tear tracks before getting up from the bed. There was no use in laying around if he wasn’t going to be able to sleep. He walked to his door and stepped out into the hallway, deciding he was going to use this time to do something useful. He softly closed his door behind him, not wanting to accidentally disturb anyone, and made his way to his office.

It was there that Gaz found him, just a few hours later, slowly making his way through a pile of paperwork. Gaz didn’t bother to knock as he stepped into the office. “Heard you were staying on base” he said, rounding the desk and standing beside Soap. “Aye, I am.” Soap replied, looking up from the files he was sifting through. Gaz gave him a thoughtful look. “Why?” he asked. Soap had to physically restrain himself from sighing in exasperation, leveling his fellow Sergeant with a playful glare. “Dinnae act like Price dinnae tell ye already.” he said, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. He did his best to hide a grimace as the movement pulled on his side.

Gaz rolled his eyes and sat down on the edge of Soap’s desk. “Yeah, but knowing you it wasn’t the truth. I mean come on,” Gaz said, looking at him with disbelief, “You? Doing something useful? It’s unheard of.” Soap suppressed a flinch. He knows that Gaz is joking but that doesn’t stop his chest from aching at the statement. “Yeah, well I gotta do somethin’. Otherwise ah’ll be bored outta my heid.” Soap replied, faking a chuckle. Gaz chuckled with him before suddenly turning serious. “Seriously, Soap. Why do you actually want to stay here?” he asked, looking at Soap with a concerned expression.

Soap almost caved at Gaz’s expression. He was so tempted to spill his guts to the man and tell Gaz the truth behind his reason for staying. To tell him he had no one to go back to. No one who would tolerate his presence outside of the base. That he would not be able to bear being alone with his own thoughts. That his mind played tricks on him when he was alone. But Soap knew that he couldn’t. Gaz either wouldn’t understand or would think that he was weak.

Gaz’s look of concern intensified the longer Soap went without answering. Soap looked away from him. “Like I told Price,” he said, glancing up at Gaz “Someone needs to keep an eye on things around here and I have paperwork to catch up on.” Gaz looked like he wanted to argue but was cut off by a knock on the door. “Come in,” Soap called out. One of the rookies stepped into the office. “I came to inform Sargeant Garrick that it’s almost time for him to leave” they said, glancing between Soap and Gaz. Gaz nodded at the Sergeant as a form of dismissal and the rookie quickly left the room.

Gaz sighed and stood up from the desk, turning towards Soap. “Just take care of yourself, yeah?” he said. Soap nodded in response, not meeting his eyes. Gaz sighed again and walked towards the door, looking back one last time at Soap with a worried expression before stepping out of the office.

Soap let out a sigh of his own when he heard the door click shut. He closed his eyes and took a moment to gather his thoughts. He hated lying to his teammates but it’s better than burdening them with his problems.

Soap carefully stood up from his chair, being mindful of his bruised ribs, before making his way to the door. He had promised Price that he would see them off so he slowly started making his way to the tarmac.

—---------------------------------------------------

Soap stood on the tarmac watching as his team members boarded the plane that would take them wherever they decided to stay. Price had hung back a bit, clearly intent on having one last word with him. “You sure you want to stay here, son?” he asked, placing a hand on Soap’s shoulder. “Dinnea worry ‘bout me, auld man,” Soap said, hoping his smile looked more believable than it felt, “I’ll hold doon the fort while you lot are takin’ yer lil’ vacation.” Price chuckled and gave his shoulder a light squeeze before turning towards the plane where Ghost and Gaz were waiting for him. He boarded the plane before turning back one last time and saying, “Don’t hesitate to call if you need me.” Soap plastered a tight smile onto his face and held up a thumbs up, signaling that he heard Price.

If Soap hadn't been paying so close attention to his teammates’ reactions, he wouldn’t have noticed Gaz’s brows furrow with worry or Ghost narrowing his eyes at him. As if the man was trying to look through him. Even Price seemed to have noticed the slight change in Soap’s demeanor, his mouth dipping downwards a bit before going back up into a smile. With a final nod, the captain turned his back and fully stepped into the plane, the ramp closing behind him.

Soap took in a deep breath in an attempt to steady himself and immediately regretted it as his ribs ached in protest. He grit his teeth as he made his way back towards his room, each step causing sharp pain to spread across his injured side. He was about to round the corner that led to his team’s wing that had their rooms, when a rookie came speeding around the corner and slamming into him. Soap clenched his jaw to cut off the wounded sound he made as his injured ribs were jostled. Both he and the rookie tumbled to the ground, landing with a loud thud.

“I am so sorry, Sergeant,” the rookie quickly said, scrambling to pick himself off the floor. Soap paid little attention to him as he struggled to regain his breath and keep any pained sounds from escaping his throat. “Are ye out yer fuckin’ heid?” he spat through clenched teeth, glaring up at the rookie that was now standing over him. “I’m so sorry,” the rookie repeated, offering Soap a hand to pull him up. Soap accepted the hand with a huff and the rookie quickly pulled him to his feet. He flinched and tried his best to hide a grimace as the movement increased the already growing pain of his bruised ribs. The rookie, ever observant as they are trained to be, immediately noticed his discomfort. “Are you alright, sir? I didn’t hurt you did I?” he asked, a look of genuine concern on his face. Soap let out a sign and shook his head. “Nah,” he said, plastering on a strained smile, “just pulled somethin’ on the last mission s’all.” The rookie hesitantly nodded before apologizing again for running into him. “S’alright,” Soap said, “but be a bit more careful next, aye?” “Yes, sir” the rookie replied, before saying goodbye and continuing on his path.

The second the rookie was out of sight, Soap quickly made his way to his room. He closed and locked the door before leaning his back against it. After taking a second to compose himself he walked to his bed. He carefully sat down on the edge of the bed and gripped the covers at his side tightly.

It was going to be a rough couple of weeks.

[axelnyx]

Desolation Part 2

Part 1

Can also be read on ao3

Ch 2: Lie Through Your Teeth

Soap had just started to doze off when a knock on his door echoed through the room. He sighed in frustration and quickly sat up, letting out a string of curses as his ribs ached in protest. Another knock sounded as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and reached for his discarded shirt. “‘M comin’” he said groggily, sucking in a pained breath as he pulled the shirt over his head.

Opening the door, he was greeted with the sight of his Captain. “Shouldn’ ye be restin’” he asked Price groggily. Price rolled his eyes in faux exasperation. “Was just comin’ to check on ya, lad.” he said. “Didn’t see you get checked out by medical.” Soap cursed the universe for his Captain being so observant. “Aye,” he said, “ain’t got nothin’ but a few scrapes and bruises. No sense in wastin’ the staff’s time.” Price seemed to scrutinize him after his response. Soap willed himself not to fidget as Price looked him over, trying to find any signs that the Sergeant was lying.  “Alright” he said, seemingly satisfied with his observation.

Soap felt relieved that Price wasn’t like Ghost. Ghost wouldn’t have taken that as an answer. The lieutenant would have demanded that Soap get checked out by medical or even let him check himself. Soap would have had a hell of a time trying to convince him that he was fine.

“I also came to tell you that I’m putting us all on leave.” Price said after a moment. This was the conversation Soap was dreading. Convincing Price that he was relatively uninjured is one thing, convincing him to let Soap stay on base, pretty much alone, without his team to watch his back is another. After everything that happened with Shepard, Graves’ betrayal, and finally taking down Makarov, the team had become much closer. Hell, Soap considered the 141 to be his family more than his own biological one. He’s not entirely sure the others think the same as him. They most likely don’t. At least not about him anyways.

“I dinnae think it’s necessary fo’ me ta leave, Captain.” Soap said. Price stared down at him with slight surprise. “Why’s that, Sergeant?” he asked

“Well, like I said, I ain’t that injured. Ah’ll be healed up in a few days tops. Besides, someone should keep an eye on things ‘round here.”

“Perhaps, but none of us have had time off for a while now. I thought you would want some time off to relax.”

“I can relax here on base. It ain’t like I’m gonna have much to do withou’ the team. I could honestly use the time to catch up on all that paperwork ya been naggin’ me ‘bout.”

Price still looked hesitant but after a moment he gave a slight nod. “Okay” he said, clapping a hand on Soap’ shoulder and giving it a light squeeze, “Can’t promise the other two will accept it though.” They both chuckled slightly at that. Gaz and Ghost would most certainly not be happy about him staying behind but Soap’s sure that he will be able to talk them down like he did Price. Price gave his shoulder another squeeze before pulling away. “It’s late. Get some rest, son. We’ll be heading out around 0900 tomorrow if you wanna see us off” he said. “Aye, Ah’ll be there.” Soap replied, sending the Captain a smile before closing the door.

Soap let out a deep breath and rested his head against the wood of the door. He thanked every deity he could think of that went as well as it did. He took a deep breath in, regretting it immediately as his ribs ached in protest. He grit his teeth, pushing off the door and heading back to his bed. He knew he likely wasn’t going to be able to get much sleep, but he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to try.

[axelnyx]

Desolation

Can also be read here on ao3.

Summary of fic: After a mission goes wrong the team is left with some mild injuries. Soap, in an effort to avoid having to go on leave, hides his own injury. Price, Gaz and Ghost end up going on leave so that they can rest and heal, reluctantly leaving Soap behind at the base since he had no reason to leave. Things for Soap go downhill from there and the rest of the team is not happy about it.

Ch 1: Quiet

The mission itself was supposed to have been fairly easy, a quick in and out. Of course, knowing the 141’s luck it should have been obvious that it would have gone to shit. They had expected to make it out relatively unscathed. Instead, the four of them ended up with some pretty extensive injuries. Price ended up taking a hard hit to the head from the butt of a rifle, leaving him with a small concussion. Gaz has a deep gash, though now stitched up and wrapped tightly, that around from just shy of his inner wrist towards his elbow. “Gonna make fo’ a right belter scar,” Soap had told him as a nurse tended to Gaz’s wound, earning a smile from the man. Ghost simply ended up with a sprained wrist and bruised shoulder from landing wrong when he took a fall from off a platform. He had assured everyone that he was fine but Price was having none of it, ordering Ghost to take leave. And Soap? Well, he took a rather brutal hit to his side when an explosion nearby had sent large pieces of debris heading his way. When exfil came to retrieve them, everyone was mainly focused on Gaz, worried that the man was gonna bleed out. So, Soap’s own injury was put to the back of his mind, ignored in favor of helping his friend.

It wasn’t until his adrenaline wore off and they were all being checked out by medical that he recognized the ache in his side. Before any of the medical staff could look him over, he snuck out of the room and made his way towards his own. Once entering, he locked the door behind him and stepped into the bathroom that was attached to his room, a perk of being part of the 141. He flipped on the light switch, shutting and locking this door as well. He looked at himself in the mirror, taking in the dirt and grime that he hadn’t been able to wash off yet. With a sigh Soap began to peel his shirt off, gritting his teeth as he raised his arms up to pull it over his head. He furrowed his brows and frowned in discontent as he took in the sight of the left side of his body. The area on his ribs was a mix of deep blues and purples, seeming almost back in some places. He gently pushed his hand against the bruise, checking to make sure his ribs weren’t fractured or broken. He bit his bottom lip hard enough for a bead of blood to form and drip down his chin as he tried to stifle his pained whimpers.  Once he concluded that his ribs were simply bruised, albeit rather intensely, he let out a sigh and rested his hands on the sink's edge. He gave himself a few more moments to collect himself and wiped the blood from his chin before heading back into his room and grabbing a change of comfortable clothes. He decided that he would take a shower and then take a much needed nap.

The shower left Soap more exhausted than the mission he had just been on. Each time he moved in an attempt to wash away the dirt that covered him, his side would burn with a sharp pain. By the time he turned off the water, his jaw hurt from how hard he had been clenching it. Tears pricked the corner of his eyes and his breathing was labored, each deep breath heightening the pain of his ribs. He painstakingly attempted to slip into his clothes. He was able to put on his underwear and a loose fitting pair of sweatpants but opted out of trying to get his shirt over his head. He simply grabbed his shirt and stepped back into his room. He wasn’t stupid, he knows one of his teammates will come to check on him sooner or later. So, he set the shirt on the nightstand next to his bed, ready for him to grab and throw on when someone inevitably knocked on his door. He let out a sigh and got into his bed, laying down as carefully as possible as not to jostle his side. He tried a few different positions, attempting to find the least painful. After a few minutes he gave up entirely and simply laid on his uninjured side.

Soap knew they were all going to be put on leave to rest up and heal. Those that are injured anyway. The thought filled him with dread. It’s not like he could stay with his family. they had disowned him long ago. Their personal views on certain matters, of him , too different for them to want him around. He wouldn’t even entertain the thought of asking to stay with one of his teammates. He wouldn’t want to burden him with that. He was loud, too energetic and annoying. They didn’t need that around them while they were trying to heal. Not to mention that his teammates tend to worry about others more than themselves, he didn’t want them to ignore their own injuries just to focus on his. So yeah, staying with any of them was a no go. Meaning, that if he were to be sent on leave, he would have to stay in a hotel which he would rather avoid at all costs. The base he and his team are stationed at is familiar and he doesn’t have to worry about what hides in the dark corners. It’s hardly ever quiet here, rookies and seasoned veterans alike constantly on the move training or just socializing. Even at night there are still people moving around. People he knows .

At a hotel, he doesn’t have this luxury. The silence puts him on edge, every creak outside his door making him itch to have a weapon in his hand. It becomes worse when it's dark. His mind begins to play tricks, convincing him that he is constantly being watched, that someone will sneak in and attack him while he’s vulnerable. He hardly gets any rest anyways when he is away from the base and his team members. So yeah, he would rather stay on base if possible. And it was, he just had to keep his mouth shut until his team left.