#thats a huge fucking deal
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I am never gonna emotionally recover from Cayde and Crow's relationship.
#destiny 2#destiny 2 spoilers#destiny 2 final shape#final shape#final shape spoilers#seriously them fighting back to back#they work so well together#the fact that cayde thought about killing him the furst night#and then realized that hes not Uldren#screaming crying throwing up#i knew he was gonna pass the hunter vanguard position to him but gifting him a new cloak???#listen if you don't know d2 lore or hunter lore#thats a huge fucking deal#cloaks are very important to hunters and have a lot of symbolism#i just love how Cayde is written#hes still goofy but also takes things seriously#and his cutscene with Sundance had me crying#i love this dlc so much
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can i be fr for a minute?? sending abuse to people online for holding different views than you is not activism and in fact actively hurts your cause. most people are not extreme in their viewpoints, you can give them a new perspective if you're willing to spend some time explaining shit. if someone is saying something you disagree with and you rush in there to condescend to them and call them disgusting and subhuman and dont even TRY to explain calmly why their views are harmful, they're going to shut you out instantly and double down on their views.
most people are simply genuinely ignorant to the issues they're talking about - they just pick their views up from the news and the world around them and express opinions because that's what every person does. if you run in there and tell them they're scum for it, what then? if someone does that to you, are you going to think "maybe i should do some research" or are you going to think "this person is an asshole, im blocking them." a lot of you think you're activists and then refuse to do any kind of actual WORK to support your cause.
#this is not about the isr*el thing even tho thats obviously a huge issue rn#its just a pattern ive observed online#im not saying you have to be kind to people who oppress you dont twist my words#but if youre trying to support any cause and you think calling people names is going to help#youre a fucking idiot lol#people call themelves activists and pro-X cause because they called their opposition dirty c*nts online#how the hell is that meant to help anyone? theyre just going to retreat into their propaganda chambers because you proved what the leaders#of those spaces have been telling them#you can obvs block people if you dont want to deal w them but thats a neutral action. sending abuse harms ur cause.#text#like educating ignorant people is hard work! yeah! its also the entire fucking point of activisim#and if you think its too much effort then just stop pretending you give a shit tbh#like my parents managed to change our neighbour's very xenophobic stance on migrants with a calm conversation#some people will listen and some wont and shes not exactly going out to protests for migrants rights but shes not hostile anymore#and a lot of yall think that isnt good enough but let me tell you it IS good because these things take time!#unlearning things is MUCH harder than learning them in the first place and a lot of people grew up in environments that taught them#very discriminatory and conservative views and its actually not their fault. and its hard to educate yourself differently on something you#have no idea is not true. where do you start w that?
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chapter 8 literally has like 3-4 more paragraphs what am i doing... im sitting at my desk rereading this thing and just staring staring staring like. geniunely have slammed my desk a couple times like a little baby throwing a tantrum <3 <3
#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#sophie speaks#series:www#im getting it done before my birthday#which is in 6 days#im fucking GETTING IT DONE#or im gonna start hitting myself again#not in like an on purpose way btw its just gonna happen the autism demands it#thats probably not still reassuring dont worry guys i have. drugs. perscription ones#thats also not reassuring#anyway#every now and then i remember my life is so unlike the average persons and ive talked about something i definitely shouldnt have#but also isnt it like soooooooooooooooo annoying to have to constantly censor urself#like this is just my daily life its really not that huge a deal...#what was i talking about#right this is making me tear my hair out#biting biting biting i can get it i can do it i can i can i can#god i hate mental blocks its like a maze of them inside my brain and they pop up constantly#i will continue to torture myself gang i am GETTING IT DONE
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THE BEST OF PRIORITY: TUCHANKA (PART 1)
Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Urdnot Wrex, and Urdnot Bakara With: Dr. Mordin Solus, Primarch Adrien Victus, Dalatrass Linron, Urdnot Wreav, and Comm. Specialist Samantha Traynor This will be the defining moment of Krogan history... Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs ✨#sophie shepard#urdnot wrex#mordin solus#mass effect#mass effect 3#me3#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#tuchanka is here baby!! she’s another two parter bc she was a chonky one for good cutscenes#i was gonna enjoy some ME3 last night bc i have to redo the coup for reasons™️ but scottina released reegar returns#AND THATS MY FAVORITE QUARIAN ON THE CITADEL (plus everything scott makes is stonks!!)#so we restored the ME3 install and divvied up the tuchanka footage into gifs instead while textures reinstalled lmao#but onto the gifset commentary as per my usual tag ranting: i adore tuchanka!! it’s one of my favorites for priority missions!!#wrex and bakara have some absolutely FLAME dialogue throughout the mission (especially bakara’s speech)#i usually pick a quote i like from the mission to subquote the post with and i wanted to use bakara’s but i decided it made a better gif!#also wrex head butting wreav is hot as fuck thanks for that one wrex you kinda ate on that#the first set is kinda boring compared to the second set but i love that the dalatrass comes in#and tries to make a shady little underhanded deal with shep!!! like that’s one of the more interesting ME3 plot points imo#i myself would never side with her bc i love wrex too much and disagree with genophage politics too much#but for her to come in with a shady little deal and be like ‘you should sabotage the cure and we’ll help you instead’?#i gotta respect her shady motives even if i hate her tbh lol#i will say i wish companions had a bit more dialogue in the cutscenes in the front end (and the back end too)#priority tuchanka feels a little? light? on the commentary from EDI and james#they both deserved so much more dialogue during the mission bc this is SUCH A BIG ONE??? this is such a huge deal???#i wish they had more to say here!!! bc i feel like they would both have so many thoughts on everything going on!!! ESPECIALLY kalros??#and wreav?? the city of the ancients?? like there's so many concepts that get the BAREST of touches and i wish they were touched on more!!#bc the city of the ancients is the best part of the mission imo.. like it's gorgeous and i wish we saw just a touch more of it!!#like c'mon i KNOW the companions would have SOOOO much to say in the bigger conversations!!!
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I literally can't stand the way this stupid chapter went down. Chapter 7 has been a pain my ass the entire time, I can't even look at it without being pissed. And now posting it has left everyone confused, and I hate that added on confusion, as if this AU didn't have enough going on
I know it's not a big deal, but I hate disorganized things. I think it reflects badly on me and makes me look like I don't have my shit together, plus I deadass cannot stand what I wrote!! Even now!!
Ugh, can we all collectively forget about this...stupid reordering of chapters. I'm so pessimistic about it, and I'm glad I didn't delete it, but it's hard to see the silver lining right now
#constellations fic#this is such a huge fuck up in an otherwise crisp chapter release schedule#im a week behind. and now im doubting everything#i hate that people dont know whats going on even with my notes#because it's going to be confusing. to everyone. i cant expect people to remember chapter titles#or the order of them. most don't even read them#for people to remember is a big deal but like#with how spread out updates are. thats wishful thinking#i honestly dont expect anyone to remember anything. when they do I'm so surprised#i just wanted to make this as easy as possible#and I'm so fucking tired#i can't do long things like this anymore. there were too many elements#this is why i thrive with longass chapters#doing it this way is such a pain. it's not for me
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ive spent two weekends in a row at my parents house because of reasons (was bribed with food last weekend and this weekend it was infinitely more practical for my brother to pick me up and drop me off here than my own apartment, like, distance wise) and i love my parents and i know this is not their intention but my fucking GOD i havent able to relax at ALL. meaning i havent really been able to rest after work week for two weeks in a row now and i can Feel how fucking tense i am i can Feel how fucking fast my heart is beating and i have a stress headache and i kind of feel like crying alllll the time. the things we do for love and all that
#genuinely had a lovely time with the brother and the sister in law. we had dinner and watched umk#earlier this week the brother and me went to see nothing but thieves in helsinki and had a lovely time. so much fun honestly#but i couldnt just fucking Not make yesterday easier on him and the Rather Pregnant sister in law#already feel like a shit person shit kid shit sibling shit friend. but thats whatever#apparently half the family has made a huge fucking deal of the two of us spending time together and thats kinda amusing#but - and i know im making things up here -#it kinda feels like theres a condescending undercurrent in that family gossip of me being a pathetic loser wholl never amount to anything#again it does not help here that i havent been able to really relax. cant during week cant at parents house. i know this#sure wish i had a less fucked up brain sometimes
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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my besties boyfriend is someone i rly dont enjoy interacting with for a variety of reasons but i also dont know how to talk to him about it without it being A Thing and he keeps trying rly rly hard to be friends with me . miserable existence pain and agony what do i do chat
#i frequently find that i just feel hurt or offended or offput by him way more than i enjoy interacting with him#and when ive spoken up about this in the past i have felt generally unheard#and also he called me a burden in a backhanded way ????????#like ive talked to bestie about it and he was fully understanding because apparently this is A Thing with his bf of just people can't .#really like#put up with how his bf acts/treats them#so like bestie said he understood and he gets that some people just dont vibe together and thats ok#but also like his bf is trying rly rly hard to be friends with me#and i . im so sorry dude but i dont want that i dont think#I SPENT A WEEK WITH MY CRUSH MAKING A FULL COMMUNE ON A SHARED MINECRAFT SERVER SO WE CAOULD ALL PLAY TOGETHER#EVERYONE GOT A TWO STORY CUSTOM TO THEIR TASTE FULLY FURNISHED HOUSE AND GREAT STUFF IN IT#A FARM AND ANIMALS#A FISHING SHACK#A MINE SHACK WITH A FULL SMITHING SPACE#A N D#A FULLY FUNCTIONING RAIL SYSTEM BETWEEN ALL OF THESE PLACES#and he hits me up less than a day after we showed everyone including him saying he wants to play modded minecraft do i have java#like mY BROTHER IN CHRIST THAT IS FAR FROM THE SOLE OR BIGGEST REASON I DONT WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH YOU BUT THAT IS JUST#YOU COULDNT HAVE WAITED A WEEK OR SOMETHING#THAT WAS SO OUCHIES MY GUY#LIKE WE WORKED SO HARD TO MAKE ALL OF THIS FOR EVERYONE#AND SO EVERYONE COULD PLAY T O G E T H E R#SORRY ITS VANILLA MINECRAFT BUT LIKE MY GUY NOT EVERYONE IN THE MC GROUP HAS THE MONEY TO JUST BUY JAVA ??? I SURE AS FUCK DON'T .#SOME PEOPLE DONT EVEN HAVE A COMPUTER TO PLAY JAVA ON AND YOU KNOW THIS BECAUSE WE ALL TALK ABOUT THIS FREQUENTLY#LIKE THATS INTENTIONALLY EXCLUDING PEOPLE FROM PLAYING AND THE TIMING IS HORRIBLE AND NO THIS IS NOT THAT HUGE OF A DEAL IN AN ISOLATED CON#HAS SRSLY RUBBED ME THE WRONG WAY#and i know that people have talked to him about a lot of these things#including myself#and i have seen not a crumb of him having intention to work on it#like my guy please listen to what other people tell you
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what websites do people even use for art hosting anymore it seems like every site that was good for that has just gone down da drain, or has ridiculous restrictions. im not using the new twitter2.0 but what is there...
#havent used instagram in over a year cause it sucks. only used twitter for a little while a few years ago and it sucks#deviantart loses another 40% of its userbase every 6 months. this site isnt any better. idk whats going on with fa#im not even actively making art really but man i just wanna put my drawings somewhere#i feel i keep failing at art no matter what i do and i just get sicker and sicker and have to keep relearning it#so idk. i wanna share my art but its just never gonna be good or at least its never gonna stay good it feels#got distracted watching a goku amv hes so cool. he never had to deal with websites...#i feel the only art i was ever good at was ceramics which i feel i wont be able to do for years again#god im just miserable. my plan in life was to work at/ for a ceramic studio and i got to do it for years and i loved it#but im too disabled to do it anymore. so even if i found one that was hiring i wouldnt be able to do it anyways#like. there IS a studio nearby-ish. and its beautiful. and you can volunteer at it#but im too mentally ill to go there cause its around where i grew up so its this whole huge area of ___ that makes me dry heave and pass out#and i dont think thats something i can realistically overcome in the next few months just to play with clay. california fucking sucks#i see why all the musicians from sacramento are miserable and insane#aaaand rant over
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shout out to Kiri Allen's suits
#soft butch#also as an Old Queer its so fucking cool how the Ministers of Justice and Health are both lesbians of colour and thats just normal#plus the Minister of Finance is A Gay#i remember when it was a huge deal that there were 3 openly queer MPs and now there's at least that many on the front bench#and everyone is basically sure its cool I suppose what about this RMA replacement
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⁺ ⛧ ﹒ jurgen leitner ? — ˚ 🕯️ ⌢
“ stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner god damn fool book collecting , dust eating , rat old bastard , shithead , idiot , avatar of the whore - ”
＞＜﹐ lupe , loop﹐🦇
🕯️﹐any / all + 17 + aroaceapl + abro ﹐★
﹑likes - tma , homestuck , lego monkie kid , persona series , drawing , figure skating , fanfiction﹒⟡﹒⤿
⛧ ﹔🥀﹒dislikes - bigots , wasps , needles﹐ıllı
！About you/info - pls save me from the self - inflicted suffering that is called “ drawing my characters reference sheet “﹒🪦
” - biggest clown in the circus , laughed out of town , cowboy motherfucking jurgen leitner ”
#intro post#tags are stupid#stop pinning me when i talk about jurgen leitner i hate him so much why does he have so many fucked up books ?#why did he decide to fuck around and find out just to set them loose#is he dead is he a bastard man has such a visceral affect on me not even in the room never seen this mans face and i know he has the worlds#shittiest beard get away from me#if i wanted to get into heaven and god said jurgen leitners waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent#back down#if i have to deal with jurgen leitner speaking one word in person on voice in podcast not only will i close the tab i will delete my#bookmark out of spite and have to rewatch the entire series again for the purpose of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned#or alive#i dont even know why i hate him so much. he collects books but i am just mad because i am angy#he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of creepypasta and wanted the irl version#ill go ham#better have had a book make him kill a man because if he didnt im going to make him#paypal dot com slash i fucking hate jurgen leitner#episodes not even about him. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be in his library and i fuckibg lost it#where the fuck is jurgen leinter if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt#crusty old man#ill punch leitner and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until#all thats left is one final book he kept on him simply titled Now You Fucked Up in ancient yiddish#im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point#i hope theres a date given for when jurgen died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone#every day once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who had so many fucked up if true books#holy fuck i just hand typed the entire leitner rant /srs#thank you for coming to my ted talk
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anyways sometimes i wonder if i'm meant to be connected with people. don't get me wrong i appreciate my friends, but like my quality of life wouldn't go down too much if i hadn't met them. i like digging information out of people. they lose a lot of appeal once i know too much about them. i don't really have any kind of interest in pursuing any kind of relationship with people, romantic or platonic. i could take people or leave them. dunno
#they're playing ahead by a century on the radio and it's great#i love the colour of that one. it's pretty much just a night sky. the instrumentals are a dark blue and the white stars#and his voice is a lovely green that makes me think of the northern lights#i know i talk shit but i don't think i could leave canada for good#might head further north eventually but i'll stay in the country#dunno i got some synesthesia that only shows up sometimes or some shit idfk man#though rn i am bitching about none of them understanding the situation from our (mine and my brothers) side#like yeah i know you guys have jobs.#are you trying to search for one for yourself?#while helping your parents business because if that goes under we're ROYALLY fucked?#while worrying about a buddy of yours genuinely going missing?#i'll b real he was a huge help by the end of that job once everyone else who liked me left#anyways#no? none of those apply? then shut the fuck up about us getting the dates wrong. we gave#god fucking dammit im trying to type and hit the wrong button im going to fucking make a bed with the fishes#yes we got the dates mixed up. cope. bitch. we have actual real life problems to deal with.#sorry our shit got in the way of your plans. i guess. still don't see why i had to apologise but maybe im just a genuinely shitty person#one self centered motherfucker#anyways thats my word vomit for the night. might delete l8r. dunno
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in my hater era
#sophie speaks#tw vent#like. what. what???#i do try not to upset anyone with trauma dumping or whatever but sometimes that bites me in the ass because people assume I'm not strugglin#struggling hugely#had one of my most violent meltdowns ever recently and it was after pushing myself to do something#and you know. thats on me#but saying like#im NOT trying??#i dont want to start any problems but oh my GOD what do you think being sick constantly does to a person#what???#trying to be a proper adult here but i am quite upset#idk how are you supposed to deal with shit like this#express this has upset you and that you are having a hard time#but then they dont believe you??#trauma dump it is. hope you enjoy my psychiatrists notes#like im level 2 support needs autistic. i need a little fucking leeway or i genuinely try to kill myself#i KNOW its pathetic i KNOW its weak but my number one priority is keep myself alive#im so tired#ive been suicidal for like 7 years now#my life sucks so incredibly hard and I'm in constant pain and that just#it doesnt make me willing to deal with this shit#cripplepunk core lmao#cripple and im going to kill you#this is just geniunely upsetting#i feel like i need a good cry#i really am so tired#i feel like i just dont want to do this#why am i paying for this? why am i doing this?#if im not enjoying this why the fuck would i do it
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au where charles is an architect and max is the structural engineer whos forced to deal with him and the target audience is me
#the premise: they both work for huge london firms#charles is an associate and he's working on this project in italy thats unnecessarily elaborate and organic#its like. zaha hadid meets rem koolhaas#like its just a lot#max really doesnt want to deal with it but his firm has an agreement with charles' firm#and they all drew straws and max lost because he was late to work that day because he was hungover#so now its his problem#the project is a multibillion dollar art gallery in italy owned by lewis hamilton who is an art dealer#every piece of this thing has to be custom made. every beam every joint every window#the whole thing#max and charles have to travel across europe constantly to all these different factories to oversee the quality#its really REALLY annoying#but they bond a lot during their trips and actually it turns out they have really similar tastes and ideas#they both want to do more or less the same things#impassioned drunken speeches in hotel bars about architectural theory and the inherent beauty of physics#that kind of thing#at the end they quit their jobs to start their own firm#they shamelessly poach all their friends from their previous companies#the hamilton deal actually falls through as well because it turns out lewis is fucking charles' principal (sebastian)#their firm immediately fires him and then lewis hires him privately#and sebastian designs him this very nice little sustainable vernacular architecture gallery which wins like 10 awards#its on the cover of architectural digest. the founder of his previous firm? fuming.#and they all live happily ever after the end#writing tag
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i both love and hate that i keep finding different moths in my house. why are they here? i dont want them to get caught on the sticky traps i put out for the flies. but also, very fun to see so many different varieties and knowing my garden probably plays a role somehow.
#i think im gonna start a tag for my garden posts so i can keep track of everything thats happened- wont have some of the info bc im#sure as fuck not digging into my blog to find my past posts but i can at least document it all from this point on#my mini reserve#i think is what im gonna call it lol#for reference future me: so far we've been dealing with doves constantly poopin out babies and lots of tiny bees and flies#as well as a carnivorous caterpillar that likes aphids#and of course the wasps that made a nest my first year#and the frog. cant forget the frog.#theres evidence of other caterpillars on my plants but I havent really seen any of them actually#tho ig the evidence of their presence is within all the moths lol#oh also the mantis we found yesterday and trtied to put back outside but keeps trying to come inside :|#i think i have a pet mantis now lol#there was also a katydid stuck in the same spot the mantis was and the clicking sound was driving me nuts bc i had no idea what it was lol#we had bats the first year bc i had a nicotiana that bloomed at night and attracted small bugs#i prolly still have bats but i usually dont go outside anymore at night bc squitoes#also lots of different kinds of crane flies#not many butterflies tho. and i havent attracted the carpenter bees yet. i do have mason bees tho and there was some sort of wasp#parasiting off of some of the lil holes. which. sad. but its nature.#lots of funky flies and bee type things like sweat bees or flies that look likes wasps#saw a robber fly that bitch was huge i loved it. thought it was a wasp lol#milkweed bug. cucumber beetles. leaf/tree hoppers a' plenty.#its so easy to do this. and im working with a very small space too.
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still no proper dni but if you watch turkey tom get away from my blog
#champ talks#saw the 'HUGE TRANS DRAMA' tomdark video come across my feed and after watching it i can safely say he sucks ass#trying to say that transphobia and someone using slurs against a trans coworker was 'silly' and 'not a big deal' shut the fuck up#'i got a new haircut so im nonbinary im going by zim now my pronouns are je/jer' being the opener is a bad fucking look babes idk!#especially when in the same video you then go on to only refer to a nonbinary character with she/her and be like 'no thats a girl'#and then TRY AND CLAIM THATS NOT WHAT YOURE DOING#ive always had bad vibes about him bc he just genuinely seemed like he was obnoxious at best and a bad person at worst but like. lord#and he just lets his comment section fill with bigotry because he doesnt give a shit like way to go dude nice to know you dont care about u#he didnt say anything outwardly transphobic so a red mark on shinigami eyes would probably be a bit much but oooooh he needs it SO BAD#he also makes some sketchy comments about a trans furry in that 'gamers won the war' type way#so. what a wonderful time
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