#its so easy to do this. and im working with a very small space too.

[snekdood]

i both love and hate that i keep finding different moths in my house. why are they here? i dont want them to get caught on the sticky traps i put out for the flies. but also, very fun to see so many different varieties and knowing my garden probably plays a role somehow.

[lovegalor333]

lord please save her for me

paige bueckers x fem oc

story info • chapter one

hi bbys! thank you for the love on chapter one, part of me wishes i never started this lmao maybe its my ocd but i hate it already but im gonna keep going but i think ill just stick to one shots once im finished with this 🤓

chapter two:

this is why leni didn’t drink often. the pounding head, dry throat, intense nausea and violent shakes were not worth it. the girl had decided that her day was going to consist of rotting on the couch. she was already wrapped in her fluffiest blanket and had netflix playing in the background. riley had left a few moments ago to go to work and leni was glad of it. she felt guilty about kissing paige last night but not guilty enough to stop fantasising about it.

paige clouded her dreams last night. coming to leni in her sleep like some sort of devine sign. she dreamed of what life was like before when paige was a constant in her life. she woke up in bed alone and cold and questioning everything.

it took leni a long time to even look at another girl after paige. but when riley asked her to go for coffee one day all leni could see was her blonde hair and light eyes. if she couldn’t have paige, she would settle for riley and that’s what she did. riley was a nice girl and treated leni well but she would never be paige and deep down, leni knew that all she was doing was filling a void.

there was short knock at lenis apartment door and she considered not answering it because she was too comfortable but she imagined it would be riley, having forgotten something or the other. wrapping the blanket around herself like a cape, she trudged to the front door and opened it without looking through the peep hole.

“paige?” leni was caught off guard seeing the basketball player at her door. hair tied into a low messy bun, grey beanie pulled over her head. she was wearing what paige always wore, sweats and a uconn huskies tee. the silver cross chain that leni was oh so familiar with, hung delicately around her neck. but something leni wasn’t familiar with was the rectangle, clear framed glasses that were perched on the bridge of paiges nose. they were new and it made leni feel something she couldn’t quite place. sadness because it showed change in paiges life that leni had no idea about? attraction because the girl in front of her looked hot as hell with her new accessory? whatever it was, leni had been thinking about it for too long and not heard what paige had said.

“so…” paige trailed off waiting for an answer to her question that had fallen on deaf ears. “sorry- what did you say? actually, what are you doing here? how do you know where i live?” leni asks a series of questions as reality hits and she realises what is going on. paige is at her apartment.

PAIGE is at HER APARTMENT.

“i said can i come in?” paige repeats herself for lenis benefit but she doesn’t wait for an answer before stepping inside. paige looks around lenis apartment, taking in the foreign view. she notices small accents that make it obvious this is where leni lives. the photobooth pictures tacked to the wall, the string lights adorning the window frame, the copious amounts of potted plants dotted around, the place was leni all over.

leni looked different from last night, obviously, but that didn’t bother paige. she always thought the tanned skin girl looked pretty in her natural state. tossled curls, makeup free skin, comfy clothes. lenis beauty had no limit and paige wished she had told her that more often.

“i didn’t actually say yes.” leni mumbles but closes the front door anyway. “how do you know where i live?” after the fallout from her and paige, leni applied to transfer accommodation and her request was granted. in her head, a new space signified a fresh start. somewhere paige hadn’t infiltrated…until this very moment. “it wasn’t easy. money was involved.” paige tells her with a nod of her head. “you paid someone to tell you where i live? that’s the kind of thing that gets someone branded as a creep.” leni says starting to feel awkward, stood in the entrance way, still wrapped in her blanket, curly hair a mess from the night before and her embarrassingly juvenile bunny slippers on her feet.

“i thought it was romantic.” leni rolls her eyes, “paige, please. i can’t have a repeat of last night. i can’t go over all this again. last night was a mistake. we were both drunk and i meant what i said. we need to go back to not knowing each other. it’s-” lenis words were rushed and messy and her heart pounded as she spoke. her body was having an adverse reaction to what she was saying. morally last night was a mistake but for someone who always lead with her heart, it wasn’t.

“i ended it with camilla.” what?

“what?” lenis brain felt like it was turning to mush. from the hangover mainly but also because of what paige had just said.

“i ended it with-“ paige begins to repeat herself but leni cuts her off.

“yeah. i heard what you said. but why would you do that paige?”

“because of you len. for you.” leni shook her head which only intensified her headache, “paige you make me laugh. not because you’re comedically funny but because you’re insane funny. you broke up with your girlfriend for me?”

“yes i broke up with her because of you. not that it matters, but we’ve only been together a few weeks. it was never going to work out. me and her, we didn’t fit. not the way you and I fit, len.” paige gestured between the them and leni understood because she felt the same about riley. both girls were searching for each other in different people. it was an impossible task because to paige no one could compare to leni and to leni no one could compare to paige.

“why now paige? why after all this time?” leni mutters, vlice soft and sweet.

“last night. seeing you. speaking to you. kissing you. i know that all means something. and you think i didn’t try? you blocked my number and my instagram and my snapchat and my tiktok, you even blocked my student email for goodness sake! real mature by the way. you moved apartments. you did everything you could to avoid me. i had given up hope and then last night…”

“last night i was drunk! do you really hate me so much that you can’t stand to see me happy? you just have to throw a spanner in the works?”

“hate? HATE?! leni you are so far off it’s ridiculous. and are you happy? are you really? because you’re doing all this shit that isn’t you. going to parties, getting drunk, you don’t have your nails done and you took your nose piercing out.” leni almost always had her nails done, the most elaborate sets too and her nose piercing was a part of her personality at this point so of course paige noticed when both were absent.

“just because i’ve changed doesn’t mean im not happy.” leni scoffed, taking steps further into the apartment. the close proximity of her and paige was beginning to get to her. she could smell her cologne, vanilla and woody. it was nostalgic.

“don’t give me that bullshit, leni. i know you more than you’d like to admit. tell me you’re genuinely happy. just say the words and i’ll let go. i’ll let you go.” paige had matched lenis steps and was just as close to her, if not closer than she was when they were by the door.

like last night, leni couldn’t say it. leni couldn’t tell paige she was happy because she wasn’t. she was comfortable. she had settled for riley. it was secure and consistent and she was content but she wasn’t happy.

lenis silence only encouraged paiges actions. paige knew if she was happy she would say it- hell, she would scream it. leni was a scorpio and a true one at that. she loved passionately and intensely and she wanted the whole world to know. if she really loved riley and was really happy, paige would have to accept that but that just wasn’t the case.

paiges movements were calculated. soft and gentle, a stark comparison to lenis rushed and needy ones last night. she cupped the shorter girls face, taking a moment to study her perfect features without the the influence of alcohol. her eyes were such a deep shade of brown, almost black. paige truly believed leni could move mountains with a single blink. her lips were naturally plump, with an exaggerated cupids bow that made them so enticing paige felt dread just at the thought of never having them pressed against her own again. her brows were carved into the most precise arches and when she glanced up at paige her lashes were long enough to reach her brow bone. to paige, leni had the type of beauty that the greeks would have carved into marble.

paige traced over lenis lips with her thumb and lenis eyes fluttered closed at the feeling, “paige…don’t.” she breathed out but she didn’t do anything to stop paige leaning down and kissing her. she didn’t pull away, she didn’t refuse to open her mouth to allow paiges tongue to slid in, in fact, she moved her own tongue in accordance. she moved her head to the side to allow paige a better angle. she dropped her blanket and let paige to guide her backwards by her waist, not breaking the kiss. and when her legs hit the back of the couch and paige laid her down, she opened her legs just enough for paige to insert herself inbetween them.

when paige reached for the waistband of lenis pyjama shorts she made a point of looking in her eyes, waiting for the go ahead. leni nodded, in a haze of need and yearning for the girl leaning over her, everything else disappeared. riley. the hurt paige had caused. the months of healing. it all washed away in a wave of pure love. lust. love? lust.

“say what you want, len.” paige needed to hear words.

“fuck me, paige...please.”

thank u for reading baddies! as always let me know if u wanna be added to the tag list 💋

tag list: @unadulteratedcyclepaper @heart4caitlin @jadasogay @avvwritesstufff @bueckersp

story info • chapter one

[asher-agere]

Hi!!! Hi ashhh!! Hiii!!! Its my again the anon who asked for sskk headcannons. I think that at this point i should get an id emoji neh? Hm.... lets see... i have two seals plushies so lets go with 🦭! If you don't mind of couse hahaha

Anyway, thougths on a sleepy little dazai with cg chuuya? It's on their time in the mafia and both just got out of an exausting task mori gave for them... :3

I'd love to see your take on this qwq

(Totally not projecting a little because im reaally exausted with school stuff sjhskansj what? Never...)

-🦭 (ilyyyyy)

Yay another identified anon! I’ve noticed some anons are using emojis without asking, which I don’t mind! So those who are doing so don’t worry hehe. I can just get very confused cause I’m like- I don’t remember this emoji, it’d be so rude to say that though… Such a cute way to pick your emoji though! And school can be so exhausting :( I LOVE YOU TOO OMG PEOPLE ARE SO NICE

Warning! These two sillies are not standard sillies! There will be implied sensitive topics such as suicide, self harm, and body hatred. And there’s a brief mention of smoking! Stay safe everyone, don’t read or interact if these topics might be triggering!

Sleepy Little Dazai + Caregiver Chuuya

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

₊ ⊹ Working in the mafia can be such hard work! It’s always exhausting, mentally or physically… A lot of the time both actually. Especially with someone like Mori as your boss. He expects the best and only the best will survive. So they’re forced to be the best. Overall it makes every single mission exhausting and for Dazai, sometimes he just wants to be a little baby! Babies don’t need to work and stress about this stuff, so why does he have to? It’s no fair…

⛦ If after a mission Dazai starts feeling small then he tries pushing it away. Chuuya must be just as tired as he is, if not more so considering Chuuya is the brawn to his brains. What Chuuya needs is some rest. Not the burden of looking after a pathetic baby like himself. So he just ignores it! But it isn’t that easy. It isn’t long before it starts causing… Problems. Dazai is very familiar with the issues of pushing off his regression, but the symptoms never get any easier no matter how many times he does it

₊ ⊹ Everything starts off feeling a little fuzzy, a gentle request from his body which he ignores. But then it works up into a headache. Easy, Dazai is used to headaches! He can just tighten his bandages, pressure helps relieve pain! But doing things feels really hard… So he ends up sitting in the bathroom holding useless bandages and working himself up into a panicked frenzy. It just makes him feel smaller and smaller by the second… It’s not fair. Why can’t he just be normal? The Demon Prodigy shouldn’t be acting like a child

⛦ Luckily for times like this, Dazai isn’t trusted in a bathroom alone for very long (He doesn’t have a great track record). It isn’t long before Chuuya is knocking on the door to check on him. Chuuya will come into the bathroom and gently wrap the bandages around Dazai’s head for him (It’s much nicer when Chuuya does it anyway…), nice and snug to ward off headaches! Dazai is always quick to insist he isn’t a baby, so Chuuya will calmly explain that he’d do this even if Dazai wasn’t a baby. In that voice. That voice that is clearly intended for a baby. But how can he explain that?

₊ ⊹ Nicknames time! As usual the Soukoku classic, Chuuya definitely calls Dazai “Mackerel”! It’s especially helpful when Dazai claims he doesn’t want to be treated like a baby since Chuuya calls him that all the time. Overall it’s just trying to keep up the teasing atmosphere! Dazai doesn’t like change, so Chuuya will also just call him things like “Dummy” a lot. But sometimes when Dazai is deep enough into baby space he won’t object to things Chuuya can call him “Baby”, Dazai loves this one! He just usually objects to it. I also think Dazai calls Chuuya “Chibi”! It’s hilariously ironic considering how small Dazai feels, but of course he’s gotta act like he’s in control!

⛦ Missions can get messy, lots of injuries and sensory issues. Dazai tries to just quietly sit still as Chuuya treats any injuries, but by the end of it he’s a shaking sniffling mess… Especially something like stitches. Is it safer to take him to a doctor? Yes. But the mental toll that would take on him is to much. Better to just let Chuuya take care of it. Plus something like blood on his clothes? That feels so sticky and gross! He needs it off. But he doesn’t like bathing because he feels so exposed. I think seeing his body is a reminder that he exists, a reminder that he doesn’t appreciate

₊ ⊹ Bath time solution? Bubble baths! Bubble baths hide his body. Plus with Chuuya helping to wash him Chuuya can use special smelling soaps to encourage relaxation! I think Dazai struggles to sleep, poor baby definitely has nightmares, so sleepy time bath scents definitely help! Plus Chuuya gives him some clothes (Chuuya buys clothes that are too big for him so that they can fit Dazai). Being surrounded by the smell of Chuuya, cologne he uses, laundry detergent, maybe even the faint smell of cigarettes. It reminds him of Chuuya so it’s relaxing

⛦ As Dazai starts settling down Chuuya makes him some nice warm angel milk! He serves it in a sippy cup (Just to avoid spills! Not because he’s a baby. Of course not). Then they can just snuggle up on the couch and watch a show! Dazai hates the idea of sleeping, so Chuuya can’t create a sleepy atmosphere or the babies onto him! Both the couch instead of the bed and a show that should take focus are a very awake atmosphere! And with Dazai not thinking about sleeping he’s able to drift off in Chuuya’s arms

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

I love these two so so so so much. I have more thoughts on them but I tried limiting this to just relating to after mission/sleepy baby. ANYWAY HAVE A SUPER AWESOME AMAZING WONDERFUL DAY/NIGHT EVERYONE

[acti-veg]

hi acti, shits pretty bleak in the U.S. at the moment. I'm very proud of my folks for voting 93 and 80% majority for blue but it's not enough. We're taking this time to just rest and try to think of ways to brace for what's coming. Especially with FDA and health inspection rollbacks in place. My family's majority plant-based save for my mom. Idk if u remember or if u had gotten it, but I wrote an anonymous message a long time ago asking if there was a way to transition my mom from backyard egg vegetarianism with rescue hens to veganism, especially since I don't think we can trust animal products soon. I really want to start a micro farm, (like a freight hydroponics microfarm or something similar) if possible because soon I won't trust the soil from big box stores as I can't sterilize it enough nor grow year round and its gonna be a rough 4 years and up. I'm just looking for hobbies to help feed my community if anything.

(Im so sorry if this seems like the beginning manifesto of an online recipe) but Do you happen to have any sources on vegan alternatives to beekeeping? Or any sources on sustainable indoor hydroponic farming that could feed several people? Or if you think its best to keep rescue chickens for eggs and transition my mom to plant-based sources for her own safety now? Thank u in advance

I want to preface this by saying I don't really have any personal experience with this, so my answer here is based solely on research. It will depend on the level of space you have in your home, but even if you have a couple of spare rooms to use, I think you'll need to manage your expectations a little bit.

It is unlikely that you'll be able to become self-sufficient unless you have access to a plot of land. What you'll be growing will supplement what you're buying, but it won't replace it. Communal allotments could be an option, but that will depend heavily on where you are and how available they are, as well. Even then, the quantity you'll produce on a small allotment will not be enough to feed several people.

That said, you can grow quite a lot indoors or on a small plot of land, and you'll certainly be able to provide a real boost of fresh fruit and veg, either to community kitchens or to your family. I don't think that having animal inputs would really provide much of a benefit since you'd also have to rely on buying or growing feed, so my recommendation would be to just start with trying to supplement what you're buying now, with easy options to grow at home.

As for resources, here is highly rated book on vegetable gardening, if you do have access to an outdoor space. For indoor, this is supposed to be a good entry level book, here is a more extensive text focused on soiless growing, and here is one focused on equipment. There are also a couple of active subreddits on this, but I think that these four combined should provide a really good foundation to get you going - but it is apparently a lot of trial and error, and you will need to set some money aside for an initial investment into your equipment.

I think that it's a great idea so start to look towards growing your own food, but don't get too wrapped up in the self-sufficiency idea. Reach out to local growers and grower communities, make connections at farmers markets, see if you can do any work in community gardens to learn. Community is what is going to get people through this, and making those connections now would be wise.

Edit: Check this advice from a knowledgeable anon as well.

[turretistrying]

Caged Bird and Chased Mouse

Part 2.5: The Traveler, Bird, and Eagle

A/N: OKAY I KNOW ITS BEEN A HOT MINUTE, I DONT WRITE AND HAVE BEEN READING FANFICTION AND WENT TO SEE A MUSICAL. Anyways like,,, sends me asks i need some social interactions it doesnt even have to relate to the story, once i get further into this story and have more characters you guys can request headcannon stuff! Also im basing some of the emotion stuff on my personal experience when playing these story quests.

No Warning!

Lumine is exhausted.

She’s currently resting in a room given to her by Dunyarzad, thinking over the last few days. Normally, when helping people like Tighnari, Collei, and Dunyarzad, shes fine thanks to her Creator leading her and showing her with their heavenly warmth. But without it, it has drained her of all energy, unable to give answers that once came easy to her in conversations. Paimon has filled in whenever those moments come up.

While doing Tighnari ‘quest’ (as her adventure guild book tells her, it has unique writing not like how Katheryne has written with an almost robotic font, so Lumine has chosen to assume that it was her lovely Creator), she imagined what it would’ve felt like to have her Creator lead her (her Creator was sure to cry about the poor scientist and his creation, they are such a caring and sensitive deity even for such a non-living, lifeless creature).

During the trip to the City of Sumeru, Lumine has felt a slight tug on her heart- No, her very soul. She is blindly hopeful that shes getting closer to her beloved Creator, the one thing that has been a constant in her long, long trip throughout Tevyat. Perhaps that last mark on her map was a message from her Creator, telling her where to find them, for only their most devote follower.

Lying down in the bed, Lumine has a feeling that something important is going to happen tomorrow, something that will hopefully lead her to that heavenly warmth that she has been depraved up,

Sabzeruz Festival.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Nahida has been working hard.

She’s been doing everything in her power, in her small godly body to make sure the Sages wont take them away. She may not remember who they are but Celestia be damned if she let something so familiar and comforting be torn away from her. They’ve been asleep for weeks, almost 2 months, or 57 days to be precise (Nahida doesn’t normally like to count the days of somethings like her imprisonment but she needs to make sure they don’t somehow die or sleep for too long). She didn’t want to let go the warmth the stranger brought to her, that was so unlike the cold and sterile environment of the sanctuary she saw everyday for the past 500 years.

She’s made it so if they tried to remove the stranger from her prison, something would go wrong and mess with the Akasha so horribly that it would be down for who knows how long, and since all citizens were dependent on the Akasha, the sages weren’t willing to take that risk. Especially when their plan seems so focused on using the Akasha for.. something, something big and dangerous. So the Sages had decided to let the caged bird have her toy, for now.

Nahida cuddled up to the prone body of the stranger, wanting to feel more of the comforting warmth she felt in the dream space. She hoped they would meet again soon in the dreamscape, maybe they would do something nice like sing to her or something…

Nahida let herself sleep, and decided to pass the time until the Sabzeruz Festival came by looking at dreams, hoping that with that the stranger’s subconscious would let her in again.

She wishes she had been more greedy and have them talk more, their voice was nice.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Al Haithem is confused, yet curious.

The Sages ushered him into the Sanctuary of Surasthana, needing him to act as a scribe and record their research for an upcoming plan of theirs.

When he walked in he saw…

It was them. The stranger- no wait, Imposter if he remembered correctly (which he did) - he met months ago, the one who was incredibly suspicious yet intriguing. They gave off a form of aura, that felt… warm. He let them off the hook to see what they’d do at that time, not expecting them to be the infamous Imposter that a few Nations had warned others about. In his opinion, they looked just like the creator, but they didn’t seem malicious by any means. Only scared, as if a tiny mouse being hunted by packs of foxes.

It makes sense though, they’re being hunted by every nation just because they shared the same face. Al Haithem personally thought they were going a bit far, it’s idiotic to punish someone who happened to share a face with the All Mighty Creator.

One of the Sages cough to get his attention.

“Yes?” He replies with pen and scroll in hand, ready to record for them.

“You seemed lost in thought, a dangerous thing for a scribe to be doing, especially with such precious information as this.” One spoke up with an attitude

“Well, I realized I knew who that stranger is in the orb,” Al Haithem points with his pen, where Lesser Lord Kusanali was seemingly cuddling up with the Imposter, “It’s the rumored Imposter, the one who wears the Creator’s face.”

The Sages take a double take, walking towards the center to try and get a good view of the strangers face. It may have been squished slightly against the ‘glass’ but it was, in fact, the same face. The revelation starts a murmur with the Sages, as Al Haithem observes the Imposter,

Feeling a…

Tug in his chest.

______________________________________________________________

Okay okay i know i was gone for awhile, but do you like this filler? Lumine won for which traveler should be the one I use so yeah, shes her now.

oh god so many people to tag

If your name is crossed out it means I could tag you Im sorry :(

Taglist: @no-name-omo @moosieman12345 @tinandabin @esthelily @d0rmiens-fact0rem @lunalily19 @meerpea @justasleepyboi @lunarianillusion @cumbermovels @allblognamesaretakenlikereally @dulleyeddreamer @ello-its-me-ya-boi @jayastronomicnova @apple-ai @campanula-rotundifolia @kokomisimpppp @the-dumber-scaramouche @aintrovertmortal @i-loveyou013

[dippersguidetotheunexplained]

ok i know all these antennas and dishes were probably just drawn randomly but can you play with me in this space for a minute i want to speculate. for fun

these two antennas on the left are pretty clearly yagi uda antennas (ones even drawn with enough detail that you can tell which way its pointing. drew a little arrow to show). yagis are very directional so since theyre both pointing in different directions i assume theyre being used for different things. they have all kinds of applications but its my post so im going to blindly speculate and say well, if i was in panic mode i would probably want an easy way to communicate with my apocalypse bunker at the very least as a failsafe and well a yagi can work for that as long as its pointed in the right direction. as for other potential uses well i would probably also want to keep as ear out for local law enforcement since i assume portal operation has got to be breaking some kind of laws and once again you can use a yagi to do that. from what i understand its a little overkill considering how small gravity falls is but whatever itll work probably

as for the giant seti looking satellite dish after looking into a bit im actually pretty confident that this is an early tv dish, in the late 70s/early 80s satellite tv was kind of just starting out so thats just how big the dishes were apparently

^ heres a picture of a commercially available satellite dish from around that time (which was going for over $30k in the early 70s btw... yikes) and the resemblance is really really close imo. person in the pic was interviewed about his setup in 1981, so the dates match up too. so despite the really dramatic scifi kind of look to such a huge dish i think the purpose of it was actually relatively mundane. it seems that programing was a bit limited at this point in time so im not sure what exactly hed be watching but who knows, maybe someone was broadcasting some scifi shows for him to keep up on

the tiny satellite dishes on the shacks roof are little bit more of a mystery to me since as previously mentioned tv dishes were fucking huge at this point so theyre definitely not for that. honestly i dont know a lot about parabolic antennas. might get back to this later

[leefi]

The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere Read-through | Part 1: Chapters 1-14

Part 1: 1-14 | Part 2: 14-22 | Part 3: 22-34 | Part 4: 34-64 | Part 5: 64-80 | Part 6: 81-90 | Part 7: 90-100 | Part 8: 100-127 (caught up here)

Hi!!!! I've been reading through this webnovel after seeing @ot3's pitch for it and started writing down some thoughts on the characters and worldbuilding and imminent murdering. This story is very, very long and I only reacted up to about chapter 33, so most of my thoughts will involve the worldbuilding and less the murder mystery aspect -- so if you're looking for theorizing you won't find much of that here. Since I'll be continuing eventually, I wanted to post what I did make note of to revisit later!

Most of these are not marked by chapter/section because I was lazy and I'm not sure how easy it will be to follow as a result, but everything is chronological.

everyone here is hijabi mashallah

The visual I'm getting of the solar system/local system/dimension they inhabit is kind of a blend of steampunk and fantasy and uhh some secret third thing. With the walls of their "universe" painted in that puella dollhouse witch lair style. Does the sun bounce around like a screensaver. Does it orbit their earth or is it on a fixed axis flung out into “space”? Does “space” even exist anymore? I’m assuming they’re in an enclosed area that they've created. Do they actively use arcane resources to keep objects (ie star and planets) sustaining themselves, or have they made them self sufficient?

everyone is so mean to Ptolema leave her alone what the fuckk let a bimbo live i want to kill you all you’re so annoying. Ptolema I WOULD be your friend and not ask all these weird ass questions. and we would hold hands and skip and giggle

Yes shes an airhead nepo baby but you guys could try doing anything other than snickering and rolling your eyes whenever she says stupid shit. If she starts arguing back about government war crimes during the Revolution or something then you have my blessing to beat her ass!

I HATE kamsurepa i HATE her i HAYE Her and her stupid ass name

Ran and Su have no chemistry its insane that theyre always hanging out every conversation is like uhhh (awkward silence) (rude comment from Ran) *Su voice* wow she gets me so well. every time they talk im like what the fuck just happened.

Su’s internal narration is too self aware for me. it’s like she talks like she knows she’s a character? or something. it's self-deprecating in a very bizarre way

im sorry i don’t know if i can continue with this. i know too many med students irl and these characters are literally pissing me off. compliments to the author for realism you knocked it out of the park

Oh, thank you very much!" Kam said, reverting back to her smiley-diplomatic form for a moment before stepping away from the counter and continuing as she handed us the cards. "...as far as it seems to me, the desire to reproduce is essentially an immature form of pursuing life-extension - this idea that you'll 'live on through your children' that's patently pseudo-mysticism justifying what is ultimately an animal instinct." ⬇️ I’m going to grab her ginger head and swing her around like bowser in mario 64. SHUT UPPPPP SHUT UP please tell me shes the one that dies

You know," I mused idly, my eyes wandering. "I think this is actually the fourth glass ceiling I've seen today." "Mm, it's true that you don't see a lot of women working in Aetheromancy," ⬇️ I know this is a small nitpick but aren’t we really far into the future why do they keep using terms like this 😭 gendered stuff like this still exists billions? trillions? of years into the future?

Why has the disco elysium skill tree randomly started talking to su. Is this her future self nagging her. Is she pulling a han sooyoung. when do we get to the various utsushikome ego deaths

"prosognostic overlap"…do ppl repeat faces? Are most people cloned at this point? What triggered the need for cloning surely medicine is advanced enough that childbirth or test tube babies are feasible? Can bodies be cloned and reinhabited to inhibit aging? Is there some disturbing psychological element to seeing someone with the same face as you? Does it make your brain short circuit? Kam mentioned having children earlier which I assume means people still give birth or have test tube babies, so i don’t know if it’s the result of cloning…but it does sound like a sameface sort of thing. What else would it be if not that though?

Actually, if they’ve figured out teleportation (whatever it was called when they went up the aetherbridge) - let's say they can atomize a body and reforming it elsewhere (though we don't know for sure yet, could also be a fold in spacetime) - transferring consciousness to an empty clone of yourself (and therefore effectively doing away with aging or death wholesale) sounds a lot more efficient and technologically practical than maintaining an organic system that naturally decays. Why keep on finding ways to push the human body past its limits when you could simply transfer a person to a new, identical vessel?

I feel like the key to immortality isn’t maintaining an organic body, which naturally tends towards systems of entropy (being a biological thing, entropy=decay), but rather delineating and separating human consciousness from its host and replicating its original environment perfectly. I’m not talking about making a copy of consciousness, which is just glorified cloning - I’m talking about *transferring* a consciousness.

You could almost call dementia itself the mind's tendency towards its own kind of entropy?

Though if you transfer a consciousness to a younger body, the dementia issue could still potentially remain. Depends on if it the author sees it as a solely physical phenomena (atrophy/buildup of inhibitors of the brain) or there's some metaphysical anomaly about amassing too many memories/"existing" too long in general

The way spellwork is described is really cool and feels super believable. Optimizing multiple concurrent spells into one “function” is intricate and sophisticated, and you have to dedicate a lot of brainpower to doing the math in your head. It’s like they’re coding the real world. I love the way lurina describes this it's awesome.

[lucabyte]

HOWDY! *slams pile of papers on the desk* i have Inquiries. OKAY SO-

1.) i know the bridge between infurno and purrgatorio is Ali realizing they cant leave, so like, whats pawradisio???

2.) wtf happens ta Ali durin the 'age ???' section of their design timeline. what type cult stuff do they get involved w and how. its haunting me i needa know

3.) whats with the 3 year memory erasing thing in that one ali purrgatorio relationship chart. Really funny chart ive shared it w a few friends but also im staring intently at it like Huh What O_O

4.) what is mymk's final form? is it gonna be written, a comic, etc?

5.) got any music you associate w any mymk characters/ali? besides like, in canon reasons like Chrome more like any songs/artists/lyrics that remind u of anya em :0??

anyway yeah huge fan! also hope ur vacation's fun!

Hehe hi :)

1. We shall get there when we get there <3 my lips are sealed. Though I will say, there are further books by Dante one can animal-pun the titles of... Though they aren't part of the divine comedy..... (Alludes vaguely to plans that will inevitably take me years)

2. Okay so spoilers for Creature Feature, Ali's home setting (and @samhainian's thing) (because this is all a bit of an open secret) but Ali is, as I've alluded to previously, an Antagonist.

Creature Feature is a real world adjacent setting, set in our modern day, only with all manner of monsters and cryptids living secretly alongside humans. Ali lives in Wraithbrook, a hidden town populated primarily by monsters (albeit, most everyone still upholds a disguise, just in case). Being a (very) small town with an effectively captive population.... The post-high-school ennui tends to set in bad for people. Hope you enjoy the family businesses, kids.

So... This leaves the listless vulnerable. And boy is Ali a bit malleable. A trusted figure in their life takes advantage of this, part of an accellerationist group looking to break these confines, having singled them out as candidate for their most recent attempt to mold a magic user into a weapon to shatter the veil. And, well, if you've got a self-hating isolated guy who is predisposed to a bit of Catholicism already... Why not utilise the concept of the antichrist? They will be bringing a world together, in a way... And when you've been around as long as some immortal librarians have, doing a little bit of time dilation in the later stages of indoctrination isn't thaaaaat hard... Sooooo....

(But don't worry. They get better. Eventually. At least they look it. Everything is A-OK!!!)

(as for if purrgatorio is canon to this timeline....? Yes! But in a fucked up way! Can't make it too easy for the little guy....)

3. Okay so I was coy literally a sentence ago but yeah purrgatorio is set dead on like.. at the exact same time MYMK proper *should* start. Thus, it cannot exist at the same time as the main story... Ali's narrative powers keep them from being subsumed by the universe and just becoming a funny animal themselves.

But should a time come where Ali is *gone*, and the world is similar enough to the moments before they arrived? Well, the narrative can just pretend the time hasn't passed! Just, don't think too hard about your count of how many Halloweens and Christmasses you've had doesn't really line up....

(A normal person would simply name Purrgatorio noncanon, but hey, if Ali's whole thing is that they manipulate reality like a Narrative... Well. May as well use it! So once canon is over for both parties, things can start creeping back in. It's needlessly overcomplicated but I'm having fun)

4. Written with illustrations! An Online picture book, I suppose. I was initially damning myself to a comic, but after playing in the space with Purrgatorio, I realised I prefer prose. I'll probably write the thing in whole and then release it bit by bit as I work on the illustrations? I have a working outline as of right now and it's not a super long story lol. But its likely going to come after some practice with smaller projects like my reworking of Hazeclan and maybe Damonquest (name pending) (the latter featuring a cut main character of mymk lol)

So! ETA: a while. But we stay silly

5. OKAY.... so I can't link character playlists sadly since they don't exist (..... Yet.) and I'll stick primarily to our at present Purrgatorio cast.

I am like. Famously bad with identifying songs (<- usb stick full of songs on shuffle in the car as a kid) but I have been trying to put thought into this recently (my gold standard for this being my friend @teddymedley who's so good with character songs I did ask him for some vibe checks for this even)

So these are messy and some are like, inherited from earlier drafts of the characters so can be a bit off but I'll give a handful and their reasonings. (No links or embeds though I'm on mobile and Tumblr might eat my visibility if I do. I'll reply with some though)

[Ali Alighieri]

1. "Here comes the flood" by the Divine Comedy (self explanatory really, that animatic will exist someday I promise. This is THE big one to me, but @samhainian may have a different top spot opinion lol) Bonus: it has a demo version that also fucks supremely

2. "All the angels (demo)" by MCR. (Ali is not the MCR sibling, they're the P!ATD sibling. But I don't listen to panic lol)

3. "If you could save yourself you'd save us all" by Ween (peak "sorry what was that line just there?" song)

4. "In the meantime" by Spacehog (I like Spacehog. Everyone gets a spacehog song yaaay)

5. "Here comes the sun" cover by Ghost (not their style of music at ALL and you KNOW they're contrarian about the Beatles, but grim irony is such a vibe here)

[Chromium Mono]

1. "Manicure" by Lady Gaga (this is such a flippant "because I said so" choice lol)

2. "Let it grow" by Renaissance (this is such a nice cheesy song. I like to think of this as speaking to the actual nice loving guy chrome can be when he's not being a prickly bitch)

3. Kissing Ancaps by Patricia Taxxon (... GOD this song is way too cool or smart for chrome lol. It's a chrometab song to me because of the big words and cynicism. It's too modern and online for them but I'm attached to it... Also it contains a sample from let it grow)

4. "Run away with me" by Carly Rae Jepsen (more vibes based! Love some ms jepsen. But at least has a coherent theme wrt to eloping lol)

Bonus: oh god I really have to finish the voiceclaim video I was making. Premiere kept melting on me but I should probably let the world know chrome sounds like Donald Glover huh. The marshall lee to live action Simba pipeline.....

Bonus 2: @teddymedley suggested "Ratchet" by Bloc Party, with the phrasing "subject matter younger chrome sound older chrome" which I like!

[Tabitha Boss]

1. "Cable Rat King" by Gem Milsom (this one genuinely feels like a solid choice to me. It's polite and tentative and about depressive spirals, and is from the same album as the Number One Main Labyrinthine song, Pipes. That animatic will exist someday too I promise)

2. "This too shall pass" by OK GO (Preferably the brass band version. I think Tabitha would adore their videos, he'd be delighted by the moving parts and generally light tone. Also, Labyrinthine has a different "this too shall pass", being by Danny Schmidt)

3. "When will you die?" By TMBG (goofy song. But you get it.)

4. "Zeroes" by Spacehog (Spacehog again 👍)

Bonus: Jimmy buffet discography. He is living on island time baby

Bonus 2: @teddymedley assigned "Happy Hour" by Eels and I think the strange upbeat lethargic energy fits

[Lavender Wafeu]

Lavender is really funny because I honest to god don't think she listens to much music. This means I barely associate music with her apparently.

However @teddymedley did suggest "Black Rainbows" from Hawaii: Part 2, and I think that's better than any of my previous notes. Those previous notes being entirely the words "Little shop of horrors". She, Knives and Mafioso do also share an association with "Panda Hero" by Hachi but that's more visual to me?

I have however begun associating some Zelda OST tracks with her though... Hmmm....!

[Markus Felidae]

This poor bastard has shed and gained characterisation recently enough to have shook the MCR out of their system.... I don't have all that much for them.

Now. Hm. I think I'd have to go with some very on the nose musical tracks? My mind immediately goes to the opening track to Disney's Notre Dame, and maybe like, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer from Cats? These are such dreadful picks lol. Sorry buddy, characterisation overhaul syndrome. They probably also would listen to P!ATD same as Ali though so do with that what you will.

Bonus: in Markus' earliest iteration over 10 years ago..hrm. long story short, 121 guns is so fucking unfitting but it's lodged there forever lol

[Lupus Felidae]

Lupus is associated in my head with the kind of dub anime opening best codified by 4kids era Pokémon. Like the ideal song here is that one from Yugioh. "No matter what"? That kind of cheese and boyish power of friendship. "OK!!" From the JP endings of anipoke goes here too it's cute to me.

"I can go the distance" from Disney's Hercules is also up there for the same vibes. She's just silly and having fun!

Bonus: "Don't let's start" by TMBG is a Miao song to me, but in relation to her family. So it's also Lupus and Markus' by association.

[Ess Somil]

The idea of an ess playlist is hysterical to me. I feel like it's a Mother 3 battle theme in that man's head all the time. What's your time signature boy.

Anyway, "Numbers" by Neil Cicierega. Since it is overwhelming enough of a soundscape. Or just "Doctor Worm" by TMBG. For that they live in the soil.

.... And that's probably enough!!! This ask is very long now! Sorry it took a while to answer lmaooo. I've been very busy but it's been nice to chip away at during my downtime! Thank you so much for the questions :)

[lollytea]

Adding to the Neverland idea where she transforms to her human size in his hand, but Hunter's strong and readjusts to still be holding her one handed. What if she appears full sized while she's in a sitting position and and she says "You know you're technically grabbing my butt now, right?" And that flusters Hunter enough to lose focus and drop her, only for her to land right on top of him and he's about to die of embarrassment.

ASGVSJNDK THESE ARE THE SILLY SHENANIGANS IM LOOKING FOR

She got nervous!! And she blurted out the first thought that sprung to mind which happened to be "You're touching my butt yknow"

He yelps, immediately scrabbles to get his hands off her butt, which just makes him let go of her entirely. But Willow, also operating on instinct, squeaks and throws her arms and legs around him before she falls and hurts herself, which results in him losing his balance and they both topple to the floor.

Hunter fucking plummeted to the cold hard floor and it hurt like a motherfucker but he is not thinking about that right now because there is now the weight of an utterly ethereal looking teenage girl pressing down against his chest. Hello?? Excuse me?? This man had never touched a pretty girl in his life. So touching Willow is like a guy who's never swam before getting tossed into the deep end. It is taking every bit of his will not to just. Faint.

Meanwhile Willow is still a little stunned. She's sometimes a bit playfully flirty with him but this is a very different experience. She's never laid on top of a boy's chest before. Especially not this boy. This is the first time she's ever been this close to him while in human form and its a lot. A lot more than she was expecting. There was Something about the difference in size between a human and fairy that created a comfortable detachment in the physical department.

That strange floppy strand of hair was more like a thick rope that she had to take in both her hands to yank on. Now it's so much more manageable, brushing across his forehead and it would be so easy to teasingly twirl it around her forefinger.

That sharply carved face of his, now staining a flowery red, the perfect size to press the palm of her hand against.

Before, if she had ever gotten up in his personal space, disobediently perching on the bridge of his nose, his eyes were too large and too close to appreciate in detail. Like being engulfed in a depthless sheet of rich colour. But now she can see those eyes in the way they're supposed to be seen. Blown wide, glinting in shock and awe, a strikingly burning hue in his irises.

He's prettier like this. Prettier when he's so....holdable....touchable...like he was crafted to be pressed against her chest, squeezed in her arms.

That's when he asks, uncharacateristically meek in tone, "Can you turn back to normal?"

"This is normal," Willow answers. "This is me too."

"Oh," He answers shakily and she wonders why he seems so scared.

Maybe...

"What's wrong, pirate?" She asks, getting a little daring now. She abandons her half-hearted attempt to climb off him and instead melts back against his chest. "Too heavy?"

"No," Some of his bite returns, though his face hasn't stopped flowering. If anything, Spring was in bloom.

"Then what's the problem?" She tries not to think too deeply about just how strong the body she's laying on is. She'll get distracted. "You love to complain about how annoying it is that I'm so small. Makes me hard to catch. Makes me a menace."

The temptation works in her favour in this case, as taking that silly strand of hair between her fingers is exactly what she should do in this situation. It drives him crazy. She can tell from how he wriggles. "Is this not more convenient for you?"

He has made no attempt to push her off. Strange, considering he's so ✨️big and strong.✨️

The pirate finally mutters in an unreadable tone. "No matter what you do, you'll never be convenient, fairy."

[iraprince]

Heyo! Any advice on struggling to get your art seen in the world? I feel like no matter how much I post, or what I post, people never see it or seem to like it. I love art and am pursuing it as a career (hence why Im getting a degree in it currently lmao) but its kind of disheartening to work really hard on something, post it, and no one sees it.

oh, man. i'm afraid for this one i don't feel like i have a lot of solid advice. having a large-ish following online feels like something that kind of just, like, Happened to me, mostly on accident/in ways outside of my control, and even if i had some ideas on how to potentially replicate those gains i don't think they'd work consistently. (also, a lot of my large jumps in follower count came from mental health related work going viral bc it's #relatable; this is something i have complicated feelings about and it's absolutely not a viable, like, "strategy" or something that i would recommend, in the way that ppl can say like, "fanart gets attention!" or stuff like that.)

so, i don't have advice for how to actually GET those eyes on your art; i can maybe help with making ppl more likely to STAY once they do find you, and how to build a following that will actually help you maintain a living from your work -- bc i have TONS of peers w a following a fraction of the size of mine who get more jobs than me, are doing cooler/more "professional" stuff than me, etc! (heads up that most of my experience is on twitter; i know less than nothing about places like instagram + tiktok, and while tumblr functions very differently from twitter i feel like i handle things mostly the same here, aside from doing less personal posting/being less talkative and not 'networking' or following many people).

SCROLLING BACK UP TO ADD A SPOILER ALERT: AS ALWAYS I HAVE SAID "HAHA IDK I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY ADVICE" AND THEN PROCEEDED TO TYPE A FULL ESSAY. IF YOU ARE ON DESKTOP YOU CAN HIT THE 'J' KEY TO SKIP THIS POST. IF YOU'RE ON MOBILE, I'M SORRY

a very important thing, especially professionally: it HAS to be easy to see what you do. (this is easier here on tumblr, where u can have a designated art tag etc, than on twitter, which is an awful website that sucks. <- guy who makes all his money on twitter) this means, like -- if i see something from you and get curious and click your profile, it should only take one more click to quickly see at least SOME of your art. on a professional account, it's probably best for your icon to be your own work, something snappy and memorable and eye-catching that reads well at a small size; people shouldn't have to dig for 20 minutes before they can start browsing your art. on twitter, this means TRY not to gunk up your media tab with a ton of reaction images/screencaps of your gacha pulls/etc; on here, it means make your art tag easy to find; on any website, a portfolio link, prominently displayed, is the best bet. (i am still working on that one myself lmao and i've been working professionally full time for a few years now so like, there are outliers and wiggle room on all of this).

next! it's great when your audience finds you, but you have to find them, too. find artists who do similar stuff to you and get into their stuff -- sincerely, not just as "networking." (like only do this with ppl whose stuff you actually think is cool, not just trying to get in mutuals with everyone you see in hopes of a bump, obviously.) get interested in other indie artists, find the people who are working/publishing in the spaces that are exciting and aspirational for you, and support them! i don't want it to sound cynical when i say there's a kind of give-and-take built into this; the point is not "well, if i reblog/retweet a bunch of YOUR stuff, maybe you'll feel obligated to boost mine in return," but that when you find other artists/creatives who are on the same wavelength as you, you will naturally stumble into pools of people who want to support art like yours, and you and your newfound peers will help each other when you hype each other's stuff up and direct followers to each other! (again re: things going differently on dif websites: this is twitter-specific for me, bc i use my tumblr as a gallery/portfolio. that doesn't mean it doesn't happen here tho! it can and does happen everywhere!)

it is really not a competition. i know that SOMETIMES it is in like, a really nitty-gritty numbers sense; people only have so much money to spare, they will make choices about whose patreon they can afford/what comic to buy/etc, that's true. but to me that's not competition. people who are sincerely into your stuff will hang on until they can afford it; maybe that means someone follows you for two whole years before the planets align and they have the budget/opportunity to commission you. by hanging out in similar circles you are not taking potential business or opportunities away from anyone else, nor are you risking leading your own audience to Someone They'll Like Better; you're just offering more options, and the internet is VAST and endless, and EVENTUALLY people will show up who are into YOUR STUFF, SPECIFICALLY. helping each other is never going to stifle or delay that!!

and my final chunk of advice is the one i give constantly that everyone is probably super sick of hearing but i just seriously seriously believe in it, even tho i know it's slow to pay off and hard to follow: keep doing exactly what you want to. keep doing it!!! you have to!!! yes, i mean the stuff that's getting like, 2 likes and 0 reblogs! the stuff that 'nobody likes!'

earlier i mentioned i have gotten big follower bumps from like adhd comics and stuff like that going viral. the thing is that, from a professional standpoint: my follower count has like, more than quintupled from where it was at a few years ago; my patreon income has absolutely NOT quintupled lmfao. it has less than doubled, over that same period of like... i wanna say over 4 years. that's still good, i'm grateful for it, and i owe a lot of it to the sheer numbers game (the more ppl see ur work, the more likely it is you'll reach someone who decides to support you), but there is absolutely not an actual direct correlation between numbers and career success/stability.

where there IS a direct correlation is between "people who give a shit about the art i really truly love making" and "people who like my art enough to support me professionally." HUGE chunks of the followers i get any time something goes viral slough off over time; there's nothing wrong with that, they just follow me bc something was funny/interesting and end up realizing my work's not actually their thing. but the ppl who follow me bc they're into all the stuff i post most consistently, the stuff i care about and am passionate about, stick around. and i would not have found them if i wasn't posting the shit i care about!

out there there are people who will be 100% crazy about the stuff that is 100% what you want to make. it's like actually statistically impossible for there not to be. the more niche your thing is, the longer it will take to find them, but they absolutely exist. but if you give up before you find them -- if you start saying, "well, i'll put in 50% of this idea that i love, but the other 50% is too weird and nobody's gonna like it and it'll flop" -- well, in that case, you can only ever find the ppl who are 50% into what you do. don't fuck yourself like that!! you cannot deny yourself the possibility (the INEVITABILITY!!! IMO!!!!!) of finding the people who will 100% get what you're doing.

so: on a pragmatic level, i'm sure there will be ppl who disagree with me on this, and who think it's absolutely mandatory to do fanart as a crowd draw or learn about algorithms and posting times and get on tiktok and do the visibility grind and everything and that it's stupid and irresponsible to tell people not to. i'm sure it's also easy to point out that i'm speaking from a place where i now have more eyes on my stuff than i know what to fucking do with so maybe i'm just totally out of touch and being naive or something. but for me the most important part of doing art now, ESPECIALLY as a career, is to keep loving it and to believe in what i'm doing and to build an audience that cares about the same things i do. and i think it is really really vital to make that your top priority. bc if you don't, then even if you DO crack the code to suddenly getting tons of notes on everything etc -- will you even keep wanting to do it?

this job is hard. it's lonely, in my experience; i spend so much time sitting in front of my computer alone. it's unstable, which is stressful and can be frightening. it's emotionally taxing, for me, because art is so important to me that it's hard to set boundaries and separate my identity from it and actually treat it like a job. it has taken me a long time to find success doing this; maybe i could have gotten there faster if i had tried to find ways to draw an audience specifically, but i think if i had somehow managed to get a big patreon following/tons of commissioners/etc by doing something formulaic or doing stuff that specifically gets tons of attention, but isn't what's natural for me -- i don't think i would have lasted very long that way. this is already hard and complicated enough; i don't think it's sustainable to give up any unnecessary ground on doing exactly what you're passionate about, bc at least in my case, that's mandatory for this even being a livable career for me. i would burn out and decide to do something else very quickly if the only way to succeed was to chase numbers/engagement.

doing it this way is very slow. if i hadn't been able to lean on family/my wife while starting up, i would have had to have a day job for much longer (like, years, probably) while saving up and preparing to go full time; for as long as you struggle to get traction, it may mean going full time has to be on the backburner. but the thing is that there's nothing wrong with that, it's the reality for the vast majority of us (from what i've seen) -- and you'll eventually build a career that can last way longer, i think.

okay oh my god i'm done. sorry about that. like i said this job is pretty lonely and i sit here all day and think about this stuff and then generally do not talk about it with anyone until somebody asks me about it and then i repeat myself at length again. like i did here. anyway have a good night sincerely and i hope some part of this was helpful!!!

[qweerhet]

i just wanted to share my experience. i dont wanna go into too much identifying detail but like. one of my best friends used to be my abuser. we were in an unhealthy codependent relationship for years, both abusing alcohol to cope with our traumas, and unfortunately abusing me as well. eventually we broke up and moved into different places, and both decided to stop drinking for our own sakes. after space and time we came back together to talk and have some closure. we both missed each other as friends. we set very clear boundaries with each other, and started hanging out more in slow and small increments. we both went to therapy, and not only did i process trauma there, i also got to speak to my abuser about it. and actually be heard. its shockingly healing to hear your ex abuser say "that was so fucked up what i did, and im sorry." sometimes these memories pop up still and we kinda have an understanding that me bringing it up is to talk through it with them, not out of anger. for some reason it really helped my healing to understand what my abuser had been thinking and going through themselves during the abuse.

people really don't understand when i try to explain it to them, they look at me like am an idiot, still being abused without realizing it. im not saying it was Easy, or without road bumps. we had fights a couple of times. but now, i feel so much more healed over that trauma than any other in my life. i feel actual closure, and i trust my friend completely now. i just want people to respect that, but oftentimes they don't :(

i don't really have much to say to this--just that i appreciate you sharing this, and that i personally resonate with a lot of it. i've had a similar experience--i don't refer to it as abuse for myself, because i don't think they had hierarchical power over me and i was genuinely just as toxic and violent towards them as they were to me during the period of time that was most harmful. but it was harm, it was emotional toxicity and power games, it was a lot of mutual toxic drug abuse, and it was sexual violence towards me specifically.

and... yeah, we broke up, and moved out, and both did a lot of trauma work and processing and community building and both giving and receiving emotional aid. and eventually, we got to a place where we started being friends again and are able to talk very openly about what we did to each other and why. and hearing "that was fucked up, i'm sorry i did that, and here's why it was wrong and how i act differently now" about the sexual violence i experienced... was the only thing that got me past the sexual trauma i carried with me from that time, in the end.

that's a personal statement. it's not going to apply to everyone, or even most people. but i really appreciated your willingness to share your experience publicly, and i'd like to reciprocate in turn for once. (probably not going to do more personal life experience sharing on this blog, or at least not in more detail than i have already, but i felt like this was an important one to share in this context.)

but yeah. it's really hard when people don't respect that or treat you like you're a naive idiot.

[facelessfractal]

I am working on fixing a very run-down two story house. The rooms, of course, dont exactly make sense. Which does make sense, really. For me, at least. The spiral staircase in the dead center of the house is iron and pretty much the only piece that doesnt seem like it may be trying to succumb to years of rain and weathering.

The basement is flooded, i dont really have the equipment to fix that either. The attic is the least touched part, which feels strange. No holes in the roofing there I guess, its dry and a little warm. Probably the safest place to sleep as it doesn't move and change positions like the rooms on the second floor do.

The second floor seems to consist of doors that lead to the same hallways and rooms. Several bedrooms, the only ones i have seen so far look like various versions of our childhood bedrooms over the years. Sometimes theyre full rooms, sometimes the walls are tarped off from when they were doing construction for so many years. I don't look out from behind the tarp. I don't want to know what is on the other side of them. There is a couple of bathrooms. Neither of which are from my own homes. The garden tub at our late aunt's house, still full of plants and dirt and her art on the walls. The vases she made sitting on every surface. The light from the sunroof that sits over it is still so beautiful and reminds me how much I miss her and how much I wish we had been closer when I became an adult. The other bathroom I've seen is less remarkable, a small one with a small shower. The sink and tubs are stained with hair dye, i can faintly hear music and crying from downstairs when im there. There is a small window that otherlooks the forest and makes it seem endless. Theres a small livingroom space on the second floor too, but i can only look in. That has always been my place. To look in and never enter that room. To show my face from the corner and scare the child within. Theres no child there now, as i realized a long time ago that i was that child myself and i cant really take both positions.

The first floor is run down, open concept, and circles itself around a T shape of walls in the middle so you can pretend theres a difference between the kitchen, dining space, and living room area. None of those have any furnishings though, put its fun to walk the circle. Ive places a few potted plants in the corners but the flooring is soft and needs replacing. I feel lucky to be so light on my feet despite how heavy i can be. The windows are broken in a few places. One is busted outwards entirely. It feels a little exposing but easy enough to ignore.

My door doesn't really stick to the walls on the 1st floor. I can place it, but i cant look directly at where i want it to be. Once it is up, if i touch it suddenly the thing crumbles like a built up powder under my touch. Seems to work fine on the second floor. I may have left an unfortunate amount of drywall dust on the floors where ive tried to place doors on the first floor.

[calebwittebane]

ok but that alt timeline Ghetsis Wins idea is kind of growing on me already. i think it would be extremely funny And extremely sad. ok im putting the following under a readmore cuz it ended up being longer than i had intended

im picturing N looking dejected while sitting at whatever serene place he likes to spend his time nowadays--maybe chargestone cave now that it’s a perfect place without humans, maybe some quiet forest clearing. powerless arceus and the creation trio are with him, small and plain-looking, but still alive and well. he is lost in thought, and he is feeling glum.

indeed, having experienced some human interactions, some connections (though feeble), and having begun to crave a worthy opponent to his convictions, he has now ultimately gone back to square one. it looks like he really did not belong among humans who are, for all their complexities, just as cruel and thoughtless as he was led to believe. not even others from team plasma are exempt from that; now that their part is done, they are all simply part of the kneeling, groveling masses put in their rightful place.

but what makes him different? and what makes ghetsis different? their dreams aligned in their outcome, as humans lost their hegemony and pokemon are now all free and perfect beings, but the meaning behind those dreams diverged significantly. many pokemon had to be hurt in order to achieve this. the ones that worked hard among team plasma, the ones ghetsis has stolen divinity from. N’s hands are not clean.

and what is ghetsis even going to do with this power? will he create something out of nothing? will he change something small yet fundamental about this world, causing it to become unrecognizable? or is standing so far above the rest of humanity all that he ever wanted? now he is untouchable, untarnishable by scorn, and needs no pity. is he going to be an absent god, only taking any interest in the mechanisms and their inhabitants on a rare whim? arceus says that for a being separate from all other things such attitude is inevitable. well, then--N once again finds himself stuck, as ghetsis is no such thing in his eyes. maybe back when N was very little and understood very little, and futilely looked up to his father in unquestioning adoration. oh, of course, N loves him, that has not changed and can’t ever change, but ascending to godhood has only made ghetsis seem all the more fallible and corporeal and ordinary. more human than ever before. gods are supposed to be beyond one’s understanding, and N feels like he sees and understands the man more clearly now than ever before. all the greed and uncertainty and overjoyed erratic rambling. far too human.

arceus also says that to be in control of all things is to be in control of nothing. now that arceus is but a simple moving part of this chaotic and fragile world, it feels proud of the little control that it has, the space it takes up, the ownership it has over its very own cosmologically tiny and insignificant body. but that is easy for arceus to say--N is keenly aware of the fact that ghetsis never felt safe or in control within his own body, with all the ways it could fail him.

so what is N meant to do now? enjoy all the things that finally are as they should be, he supposes. he, however, is as lonely, as powerless, as frustrated by the limitations of his own mind as he was before. as an individual, he has gained nothing, if making new pokemon friends is to be excluded here. he feels very unloved, and it stings particularly badly to feel very specifically and pointedly unloved by god. although, yes, N sees the undeniable humor in this. “god can’t even decide if he’s my real dad. god didn’t feel like spending too much time around me, so he had my sisters look after me, and i can’t blame them if they resent me for it. god used to give me so many gifts, so many toys and books and art supplies and whatever else i desired, so long as it would fit inside the room i was confined to. god seems weirdly threatened by me sometimes, and it makes me wonder what i could’ve possibly done to him. god likes it when we have some interests in common, but only when he’s better and more knowledgeable at them. god used to like playing chess with me because he always won. god is very scared and alone, and so am i, but i don’t know if we could ever relate to each other. god is educated and clever, but he is also really, really, really stupid sometimes, so stupid that it startles me. god is never going to therapy at this rate, is he”, and so on.

N doesn’t think anyone, any creature, should reign over another. giratina says that all beings and ideas have their equivalent opposite, and all reactions have a response, and so, ironically, someone has to rule over all else to ensure there are no rulers and subjects. palkia concurs--when left to its own devices, all matter succumbs to forces of gravity and clumps together, and nothing is left evenly distributed. dialga adds that all repeating cycles are an act of mercy.

arceus doesn’t say anything. N wonders if it’s embarrassed that its children seem to know more than it does.

[heat--end]

20 questions for fic writers

i saw this from @tearsoftime0086 and figured why not

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

14, though i think one MIGHT be privated?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

453,462

3. What fandoms do you write for?

basically just pokemon, lol. one day i wanna branch out, but i really like writing for pokemon, so i don't mind that all too much

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Iridescent Bonds - my first ever fic, a dawn/irida story that involves them falling in love over the course of PLA's storyline and some other events. dawn is transgender! it's good! i hold this story very close to my heart, and i'm actually rewriting it right now, which is fun!

Bloom - trans girl lillie during the sun/moon story. its basically just a deeper dive into lillie as a character, while also making her trans, because Me Like Trans Characters. im very proud of this!

God Cannot Give You Relationship Advice - a very short, very silly one-shot that i threw together on a whim and is my 3rd most kudos'd work lmao. still, it's fun and cute, i can see why people like it so much

Shining Beyond Space Itself - my current project other than BFS! a rewrite of iridescent bonds, really fleshing out the idea and doing it proper. currently on 17 chapters out of 20, so its wrapping up soon

Jewel Box - my dawn/irida oneshot collection, based entirely on the universe established in iridescent bonds/shining beyond space. it's just a big fluff collection, but damn if i dont love it LOL. plus it really helped me develop the framework for SBS

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

LOVE responding to comments, only time i dont is if i feel i cant really add much or the like. but i really enjoy adding on to people's questions, or further explaining stuff, or even just thanking them for nice comments because i love comments!!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

honestly, i don't really write angsty endings - i do enjoy writing angst, but not in my endings. i guess maybe Stardust Memories, but even that ends on a nice note???

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably Iridescent Bonds, since that just ends on dawn and irida getting married lmao. it's mushy and sappy but damn it i am a mushy and sappy gal!!!!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

thankfully no. i got one comment on iridescent bonds though that was like "this was great until the trans shit" which like. that's in the 2nd line, bro lmao

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nah, probably wont ever

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

MY PRIDE AND FUCKING JOY, BUILD FIGHTERS SHINING. a crossover fic between pokemon and gundam build fighters, but to be more specific, it's a crossover between iridescent bonds/SBS and gundam build fighters. i love love LOVE writing this story, it's my other project next to SBS (it's taken a small hiatus because of SBS wrapping up - all my focus is going into that). LOVE build fighters shining. my pride and joy. my brainchild. i pour my heart and SOUL into this story

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that i know of, but i wouldn't mind someone doing so

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i haven't no. might be fun, though!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

incredibly easy answer lmfao. akari/irida, 100%. dawn/irida as well, but that's just a variant of akari/irida really. i love love LOVE this ship, i think the game really lets these two build a strong relationship over the course of the game and they grow so incredibly close that i think its so cute, i love irida as a character so i think shes gay, and i love dawn/irida cause thats MY variation of it. girls gay. gay women. go check out @iridawn for all my autism about this ship

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

probably the akari/irida WIP i had where akari gets burned bad from the fight with lord arcanine, and irida has to help her while the others get materials to help. i cant really find the angle i'd want on it, and i'm a little worried about inaccurately writing a burn injury lmfao

16. What are your writing strengths?

i like to think i'm good at writing emotional stuff when i really need to, especially when it's just sappy and good. i also think i can write action scenes pretty well. not FLAWLESSLY, but im proud of it

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

definitely how i describe certain things and my habit to repeat words, lmao. i fall into writing ticks a lot, stuff like "a bit" or just sticking to certain words, and i dont give AS much detail as i should sometimes when decorating a scene. its something im slowly working on, but def my weakness

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

not a bad idea at all, yeah. i say its good

19. First fandom you wrote for?

published was pokemon, but first i WROTE for was DBZ. i wrote a very small piece a long, LONG time ago, and i never published it or anything, it was just a small little idea i had. i think its lost to time now though lol maybe ill go look for it one day

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

GOD, this is hard. i love everything ive written, but i really have to give it to build fighters shining. despite not being done yet, BFS is my brainchild, its my self indulgent baby, i have poured my heart into that fic and i love developing the world in it and the custom gunpla and everything. i fucking LOVE build fighters shining, it is so fun to write for lmao

[mysteriawrites]

hello!! could i please request a romantic matchup with a honkai star rail men

my pronouns are they/them, my mbti is intp-t, my zodiac is virgo.

personality: im really shy and kind of awkward when socializing others bcos im not really good interacting with them so i just stay in the sideline where i observe people and their behavior and thats the reason why people depict me as intimidating and hard to approach and also bcos of my stoic expression too but when im with my close friends, im really bubbly and more comfortable with them. im really quite moody sometimes and i also tend to overthink things. i always listen to my friends whenever they're having a problem and just be there for them sometimes pitching in some advice now and then. im also the type of person to run away from their problems and tend to push people away bcos i dont want to burden them, i also laugh at small things, im also the type of person to read a body language very well bcos of my observant nature. i also get insecure with my appearance too. im also blunt with my words i do not sugarcoat things.

my hobbies/likes:writing stories and reading books, poetry composition, learning about stars and outer space, watching horror videos on yt, staying up all night writing down my ideas about my next stories, sleeping, i also have a fascination to ocean and i tend to stare at it, dark academia, i also like abandoned places especially if its haunted, i also love matcha green tea, i really love a meadow full of lavenders.

my dislikes: loud people including loud places too, vegetables (depends on my mood), cheaters and playboys, worms, hot weather, arrogant people.

what i like in a person: someone who's very loyal and someone who can be my safe haven when everything's overwhelming.

- 🦋 anon

Hello hello and danke danke for the request. Sorry for this taking so long, I really appreciate gettting so many in the short time this blog has been around. Now enough rambling this match was easy...CUE THAT DRUMROLL!!!

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

DAN HENG!!!

Congratulations! You've been matched with the ever elusive but very caring Dan Heng (lowkey jealous, but I must adhere to my duties as matchmaker).

So, because this game still doesn't have a lot characters, Dan Heng was kind of the only match that made sense. You're both so similar it's kind of what drew you two together.

You both can be rather quiet and reserved people. You prefer to keep to yourselves and mind your own business, but kind of for different reasons. You're more shy and awkward while Dan Heng is aloof and just overall preferring to keep to himself more than he's shy. I think because of this you two may need a bit more of a push to get to know each other.

After you both have been part of the Astral Express for while Welt will have started a book club as a sort of team bonding activity (encouraged by Himeko). Whenever it comes to you or Dan Heng's turn to choose a book you start to notice that you have as similar taste in literature. After that (and some nagging from march because she also likes to play matchmaker) Dan Heng approaches you about some other books you like.

From there the conversation will spiral to other topics such as your own writing and if he can take a look at it some time, the vast universe you guys are traveling through and theories on how it works, what your next destination will be, and so much more. In time you two will come to a mutual comfort with each other.

Now as time goes on and you start to get closer to him and the rest of the express crew, Dan Heng starts to see the real you come out. The happier, sillier, bubblier version of you that reminds him a lot of March. However, unlike with March he finds that part of you rather cute, and that's when he's realized that he's slowly falling for you.

Now even though he doesn't want to admit it, we've all seen that Dan Heng is the type to run away from his problems. Once he realizes his feelings for you, he may start to distance himself from you for a little while to sort out his feelings, but don't worry it won't be for too long because despite his introverted nature he does begin to miss your presence. However, it may take a little push from the others (and maybe a minor life or death situation on another planet and him realizing his fear of losing you-) for him to come around.

Once you two finally get together I imagine some of the dates you guys will go on will be calm and quiet things like tea dates, exploring the libraries and bookstores of different planets, walking through nature, and some may just be simply sitting in silence and enjoying some music or watching a movie. (I would add going star gazing but you guys kinda see the stars regularly so)

Dan Heng is rather private so I don't think he would be into too much PDA, but on missions he would slowly hold your hand and intertwine your fingers. It gives him comfort to know you're right next to him safe and sound and so he can be ready to protect you at a moment's notice if he senses any danger.

Dan Heng is more of a listener than a talker, so he'll always be there to listen to your troubles when you mind starts to spiral and his calming voice will reassure you to quell those voices in your head. However, he is also more of a man of actions than words so he will do whatever he can to disprove any negative thoughts and stress you may have.

All in all, I think you two are so similar it makes your relationship easier because you understand each other so well. You are both running from something whether that be from your pasts or your problems, but together you'll give each other the strength to face and overcome them.

This one was actually pretty hard because like I said there are few characters right now and we still don't know a whole lot about the ones we have. Man did it get long though, but I hope you still like the matchup.

Runners Up: Welt Yang, Gepard Landau, Loucha

[neuroticboyfriend]

Hi, I hope you don't mind this ask, I just kind of- wanted a space to verbalize some of my thoughts on my complicated feelings about my own disability. And, idk, maybe this could resonate with some other people too.

Basically, I've sort of considered myself disabled for a little while, because, well. A disability is something that impacts your ability to function and carry out tasks and activities, and my abilities to do those things is certainly impacted. But I always felt guilty for thinking of myself like that, because most of my struggles felt like they only impacted the things I did for leisure, and it felt like I was being overdramatic. Even now, it still feels weird to call myself disabled, like I'm doing something wrong.

I say all of this because it's set-up to the fact that I recently realized that I have a lot less functioning than I thought I did. I am in school, and I have good grades, which is a large part of why I was dismissing everything. But I realized that I still only take four classes, and they're all decently easy work (as in, the intellectual work I have to put into them isn't particularly high), and yet I still rarely go to a full week of classes and can't do much outside of school once I get home from a school day. I do eat regularly, but that's mostly because I'm lucky enough to still live with my very nice father who's willing to cook for me, and when he's not around, I essentially don't eat food that takes any preparation beyond "open a container".

And. It was a very strange experience to come to this realization, and instead of being saddened by it, feeling happy and lifted up. Instead of being crushed by the weight of things I couldn't do, it felt refreshing to newly recognize how surprisingly short my limits are.

Now that I think on it, I believe I know why I felt that joy. On some level, I'd already known my limits, and loathed everything they kept me from doing, but I'd never really made the mental connection that those limits were due to my disability. In addition, it felt legitimizing to my struggles to realize that there was a deeper reason than I'd thought as to why I struggle despite having an easy life. (Of course, disability isn't the only legitimate reason why someone can struggle, but it's hard to apply things you logically know to your own emotions sometimes)

So. If anyone else is still reading this, I guess what I want to say is that it's okay to be glad that you're disabled, or for your first reaction to realizing that you're disabled/more severely disabled than you'd thought to be joy. It can bring you a sense of validation to finally feel like you have a reason for struggling with things most other people seem to find easy. It isn't selfish, and it isn't just "having an excuse to be lazy" or "invading the space of real disabled people".

thank you for sharing your experience; i relate to this, too. and this kinda reminds me of how i felt about being fat. for the longest time, i felt like i was too fat, and didnt deserve to take up so much space. it lead to me having a really distorted, hateful view of my body.

but once i encountered fat liberationists, many of whom were actually bigger than me, things changed. i saw them be happy and fight back. they taught me to stop blaming myself. the fategories allowed me to see myself in relation to other fat people, instead of skinny people through BMI.

im between small-mid fat, but BMI says im morbidly obese. for a while i thought i was just comforted by the idea that i wasnt as fat as I thought i was, but that felt fatphobic to me. until i realized, it was that i realized i wasn't too much, because none of us (fat people) are. all bodies are different, and that includes size, too.

the comfort ultimately came from finally being able to look at my body and see *me* - not the skinny person i was "supposed to be." i was humanized, as who i really am. in both cases - disability and fatness - its recognizing the reality of our existence that affirms us.