#that's what i am going to waste my time on today | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

biancadoes1 · 6 hours ago

Note

Hi,

First off, thank you for posting my post. Organized Anon. I never thought people would care what I had to write, just had to get that off my chest and I love a good list lol. I guess, I have more so here is part 2. Lol

Today will be the Wild West west for Lukolas. I see people sending in post that are all over the place.

I myself am not a lukola -per se. I love Nic and Luke. I would love if they dated. But I like to remain neutral. I find it is the best for me. For me.

I am seeing posts saying Nic and Luke are beefing bc he did not post for her bday and she has not liked her post. My advice is to not engage with people who think Nic is dating Jake. It is a waste of time. You could have ET standing next to you saying aliens are real and they still will not believe you. It doesn’t matter about posts talking about the meaning of sweet one, they will not listen. The only thing to prove a jakola wrong is to let them use their brain. Trust me, if you ask question that requires thinking, in a respectful way, they will not know how to respond or what to do.

again, saying Nic is with JD bc she went to his premiere is childish. Saying she is mad with Luke and she has been showing JD off since Luke went to Rome is childish. Saying there is beef between them is childish. yes, I am even calling so called Lukolas on this site out who are agreeing with things.

there is nothing we can say to prove or show. But again, ask yourself those key questions.. if she is dating Jake and they have been out an about all this time, why not just post or tag that is who she was with in her photo. Nic has a brain and smart. We know they went to the WT movie together and we know they spend time together so why not post or tag him- and she might later do this- but why be public with JD on certain days and private with him on other days- makes no sense. No logical sense. People already think they date, so why hide him on the bday post. -Because his is most likely isnt dating him. This is just from rational thinking.

again, think rationally. Why would two adults- who play a beloved fan favorite of Polin be beefing and put in on SM for the world to think so. It’s bad for the product. Look at the Amazon show, culpa tuya. The leads are apparently beefing and yea people are talking but Polin is a different type of love story. Shonda would not let dirty laundry out so stop with the beefing theory. People sound like children. And these are grown adult women. Stop thinking that people are vindictive and want to manipulate others. Go seek therapy and figure out why toxicity is a driving force in your life. If Nic was beefing, why is Luke all over her end of year dump. His photo is on the back of her phone. At the least, they are besties.

now the million dollar question- why did he post for Claudia Bday and not Nic. There are only two possible reasons. A. JD is her man and he did not want to take away from JD on her special day. OR B. Luke is her man or her and Luke are getting close and decided to make it private - no attention. I believe the latter based on rational clues. Extra extra eyes were on them this year. Commenting on her SAG post was loud but not posting is louder. Personal stays private.

Could I be wrong yes- lol. But I’ll leave with this. If Nic is dating JD, you will have people saying she trolled the fandom. And if you are being honest, it can be seen that way. Posting and not posting jd. Jd trolling as well, saying things like people want me to marry Luke , doing that audiobook. It’s just too much. And she will get push back and fans will leave. I don’t care how nice people think JD is, he is not worth losing fans for. But let’s not think on this. We will cross that bridge, when or a big big big big if we need too. thanks!!!

.

#no notes

80 notes · View notes

raiiny-bay · 1 year ago

Text

i think i need to start drawing other people's OCs

#like some mutuals' OCs maybe #would that be weird #i'm worried that would be weird #i draw kelly like. 90% of the time #i feel like i should branch out #i could do fanart for like. my favorite shows or books ig but #i generally prefer to draw OCs idk why #i just always have #anyway i woke up with the sudden urge to make an infographic detailing the dhes & kel multiverse so #that's what i am going to waste my time on today #rainyrambles

36 notes · View notes

rileys-battlecats · 1 month ago

Text

was trying to figure out why I feel so Wrong rn and I think it's because I didn't follow my usual daily routine like At All and now my brain is freaking out. woke up at a vastly different time, had entirely different tasks throughout the day, took a nap at a weird time (to make up for the fact I had about 3 hours of sleep last night), zero human contact for the past 15 hours, and ate different food from usual (various leftovers from social events/thanksgiving, instead of cooking for myself like normal). and before I really realized that these were all things that were Bad For My Brain I was just wandering around my house like "why do I feel like garbage?? I've literally been outside so much today my brain should be happy"

ANYWAY here's to me not remembering I have issues with unstructured living because my days have been so similar for the past 4ish years that I straight up Forgot that things being too different too fast makes me crazy ✌️

#rye.txt #I'll be fine lol #the sudden shift in my daily schedule and my generally unhealthy eating today were the big things that made me feel Bad #so now that I am actually cognizant of this I can take steps to mitigate it tomorrow #god. what the hell did I even eat #leftover soup. that was breakfast (very out of my ordinary). uhh. a lot of pie (grandma made a ton for thanksgiving).#a tangerine that miiight have been on the edge of going bad #(thought I should eat a fruit. fruit did not improve status)#reheated popcorn chicken? that was not a good decision I felt so gross after eating that #hrm. ok my issue is that I feel like I Need To Eat These Leftovers So They Don't Go Bad #otherwise i'll be Wasting Perfectly Good Food #BUT. I don't want to eat it and eating it makes me feel generally unfulfilled and kinda blehg #ough. why can't I be normallllll #I'm also not dealing with the whole 'zero human contact' very well tbh. which is weird because I'm a deeply introverted person #and usually spend my days avoiding people like the plague #but idk. it's been literal years since I've spent and extended period of time completely alone #I don't knowwww i don't know #I'm gonna invite some friends over tomorrow and get them to help me eat these dang pies #ALSO. ITS BEEN REALLY COLD TODAY. AND I HAD TO BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBORS' HOUSE #(was not breaking in; I was trying to take care of their dogs since they're out of town)#(but their door code AND their garage door code weren't working #and I didn't have a physical key to use #so I had to push my way in through a back door that'd been blocked by a pile of boxes taller than my head #and squirm into their garage in order to get inside and take care of the dogs)#(was a very stressful way to spend my early waking hours)#i ALSO had to drive to the AIRPORT this morning which SUCKED. had to drop off family #which like I'm happy to help but also airports suck so much ass I hate them #anyway. today was sort of shitty #but mostly I only have myself to blame #did not structure my day well enough

21 notes · View notes

violetganache42 · 3 months ago

Text

FUCK YU-GI-OH! GO RUSH!!, YU-GI-OH! SEVENS, AND THE WHOLE FUCKING BRIDGE ERA!!!

#WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YUHI SUDDENLY BECOMES OTES?!#IT'S BAD ENOUGH AN ENTIRE BREATHER EPISODE WAS WASTED ON HIM OBSESSING OVER HIS OUTFIT!#IT'S WORSE THAT THE WRITERS RETCONNED HIS RESOLVE TO FACE YUAMU AND MADE HIM AN ABSOLUTE COWARD!#BUT THIS?! THIS IS COMPLETELY SUDDEN OUT-OF-NOWHERE HORSESHIT ON CEREAL!#NOT ONLY ARE YUHI AND OTES' CHARACTERS OFFICIALLY RUINED INDIVIDUALLY BUT THIS IS THE FINAL NAIL IN THE COFFIN OF GR BECOMING SEVENS 2.0!#THERE IS NO TURNING BACK AND I FUCKING HATE IT!#BRIDGE HAS ANNOYED AND PISSED ME OFF MULTIPLE TIMES BUT AFTER TODAY THEY ARE DEADER THAN DEAD TO ME!#THEY HAVE COMPLETELY JUMPED THE SHARK WITH GR AND IN THE PROCESS TARNISHED WHAT MADE SEVENS ENJOYABLE!#I HOPE YOU'RE FUCKING PROUD OF YOURSELVES EVERYONE AT STUDIO BRIDGE! 😡😡😡 I MEAN IT THIS TIME WHEN I SAY THIS: I AM FUCKING DONE WITH YOU!#my post #yugioh go rush #go rush spoilers

14 notes · View notes

james-spooky · 3 months ago

Text

this is a test

#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th #the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo #g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit #ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco #ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo #e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a #ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha #e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t #care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea #y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss #im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop #e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo #ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas #ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can #use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s #much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a #annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically #now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s #lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like #what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or #smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc #ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other #than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140 #haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai #let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o #what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some #one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james #im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh #w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause #ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:

9 notes · View notes

seventh-district · 11 days ago

Text

.

#Seven’s Public Diary #vent #vent post #cw negative #cw health issues #‘You’re such a heartless and hateful person.’ well have you ever considered that i’m not really a hateful person and i just hate You #like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so you’ll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want #‘That 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.’ MF that was made TODAY. IT’S FRESH AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT #if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it #dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache #i feel sick too but i know it’s my fault so i’m not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting #food. because you act like you’re fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and that’s why I feel sick #but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so we’re sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when it’s my fault #everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and that’s My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasn’t enough #for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so i’ll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dog’s teeth need #cleaning too and that’ll come out of my pocket and i guess that’s My fault for not taking care of him either #i think i have another goddamn UTI and that’s definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i can’t use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess that’s my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position #my eye keeps twitching and i guess that’s my fault too. i don’t know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired #god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if they’re packed in a way that shows what’s inside then i’ll have to explain #That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night #the living room floor is caving in so now there’s Two room’s floors that need fixing so that’s super fucking fun! 😃#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis #well i don’t Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that i’ll go to all this trouble and they’ll say i don’t qualify #and god it’s NYE now. Besties i’m not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just can’t make myself write these days. i’m sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now i’ve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but #there’s just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what i’m gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.

5 notes · View notes

ganondoodle · 11 months ago

Text

sorry about that last rambling post, i didnt mean to sound like its worse than it may be, but i got no ... lense to view it through but my own, and the main reason i wrote it out anyway was bc i needed to get it out (even if posting it might be not the greatest idea) .. and bc it kinda showcases, i think, how my stories kinda write themselves, involuntarily in a way? its not like im not putting in any effort- but its like .. i cant STOP it always keeps going and even the dumbest idea stays in some form, its very hard to get everything in place bc theres so much going on all the while i am very slow at making anything, writing or drawing anything, especially anythign coherent is very hard bc not only do i get constantly distracted, i get distracted by my own thoughts suddendly skipping to a certain scene and me having to go throguh imagining in detail NO MATTER how many times i have done it before for the same scene that i already decided on how it goes, when theres a new idea it can take over my entire day bc i cant let go of it-

not trying to sound either like im the only that has that sort of problem, but i think its a big part as of why i start tso many projects without being able to finish them, or even start them bc i constantly have to fight my own thoughts from derailing into another daydream session, thinking of too much too fast than i can ever draw or even write about and not knowing what is worthwhile and what isnt (im telling you i have no idea what is good and what isnt, idk why but for all i know all things i do could be trash, or they all could be bad, maybe the one i thinnk is decent is actually worse than the things i deem not good enough and once i start to think no this isnt good enough i stop having fun making or thinking it bc im trying to do better

honestly its kind of impressive that i can get anything out at all, not to pat myself on the back there but even if i hate how long it takes me, considering how much im having to work just to start working on something at all, the fact that i could post stuff coherent enough for some people to understand AND LIKE is something i should be a little more proud of

#ganondoodles talks #personal #sorry today is a bit of a brain fart day #got a headache and have wasted the entire time until now (5pm) with watching old analysis videos i have watched 5 times already #and crying over undertales music #how much could i get done if i didnt have to deal with thought trains going 200 above speed limit #also didnt mean to sound mean to people who like the things i deem cringy #BC I DONT KNOW WHAT IM TALKIGN ABOUT 90% OF THE TIME #I DONT KNOW IF ITS GOOD maybe it is #my judgement of my own stuff is pretty random #.... maybe thats why i can work with fanstuff that adheres to lore better #bc it sets limits for me #it gives me options of rails to derail onto without falling straight into the woods #idk if that made sense either #... i need to start drinking more #(and i guess by calling some of my stuff cringe bc i am entirely unsure of its quality im trying to make myself smaller than i am)#(so if it turns out to be actually bad- im more safe from ridicule since LOOK I AM SELF AWARE)#and there i go letting my thoughts spin further #maybe ill delete both of these posts tomorrow when i realize how dumb this is to say in the first place

20 notes · View notes

jrueships · 4 months ago

Text

Bought one of my lil nephew giannis shoes for his birthday bcs he loves giannis and these are some of the ugliest fucking things I have ever laid my eyes on in my life. anyways it's his bday today so i gave them to him. but they are so ugly. he loves them

#i am not a sneakerhead #i wish i could be . finacially i can be. but mentally i cannot #i am not a car guy either. i could. but i cant mentally #bcs the only time id get smthing pretty is to look at it. and keep it safe #and then id want to km$ for not using smthing thats intended to be used bcs i hate wasted potential #once i got these rlly nice shoes #ive worn them once when i was trying them on #and i hate myself every day for doing that but also i just cant get them dirty #BUT I HATE THAT #some ppl can do that. they get a million things and only use it once and yea i COULD but psychologically i just CANT #im friends with a lot of sneakerheads and chain wearers and while i cant mentally make myself one #i can understand why they can #like ppl always wanna excuse not helping ppl by pointing at the stuff they already have #like oh u can buy urself a chain but cant buy ur momma and u a nicer place to live #like ok so credit scores are not existent then. especially when ppl use that phrase against ppl growing into crime like #yes they are making money now but is it good clean money? no. thats not gonna go into smthing long term n hefty like a house #chains are a rlly big thing bcs sometimes some jewelers just dont ask questions. hence bmf's jeweler getting roped into their crime schemes #any business can be like that btw. like michael jacksons doctor getting paid to kill him. the difficulty lvl just changes #and also. random ppl make fun of the stuff they can see or hear right in front of them #random ppl can and will make u feel bad abt any little thing they know or see the best bcs theyre assholes like that #u wear shoes all the time everywhere. thats more and more eyes noticing how old/dirty ur shoes are #or ur cars old n busted or ur phones a fucking android like it doesnt matter. the more ppl can see. the more theyll know #the more sensitive u get abt whats actually small to u at the start but big 2 them n then it gets big 2 u #anyways yea so like. i get it. i dont do it but i can see why others do #anyways yea these shoes are so ugly lol like i dont buy merch of my favs unless the style matches mine personally #he just liked them bcs they were giannis tbh n then i pointed out they were modeled after 1 of the jerseys #which made he rlly want them a while back so i surprised him today #but yea these things are ugly lol im glad he likes them but ew LMFAO

14 notes · View notes

cerbreus · 3 days ago

Text

moodboard for the rest of this week

#it has not been a good start #every time work is annoying (frequently as of late) the Overwhelming Dread ™ returns #and i get stuck in these spirals about 'what the fuck do i even do about my future'#and 'why did i waste 9 years trying to go to college just to get an art degree that is functionally useless'#(even though it was valuable learning for me)#i am joining the crowd of people in saying 'bro don't get an art degree get anything but an art degree you'll be happier-#-doing something unrelated to art and being able to pursue your art as a hobby'#i wish i'd gone into geology or ecology/forestry or civil drafting/engineering like i was thinking about #before so many ppl convinced me i was too dumb and too bad at math to even remotely succeed #now i have to decide whether to completely return to undergrad and spend potentially 4 years (if i can't waive any gen eds)#restarting from scratch when things are even worse and more expensive than last time #and i'll be 30+ this time so getting into jobs will be even tougher :(((#AUGHHGHHHGHHGH #anyway #no spiraling today #we're not thinking about the future just gonna get through the rest of the month til my surgery #personal stuff

6 notes · View notes

the-casbah-way · 1 month ago

Text

i found loads of pictures of my uncle i am going 2 cry

#he looked so sweet…..he looks SO much like my dad #i found the last picture of him that my granddad took a month or so before he died it’s so sad #trying to decide if i should tell my mum that i know about him or if i should just keep it to myself #idk if somethings wrong with me maybe it’s because i was already grieving before i found out #but it’s really getting 2 me i can’t concentrate on my uni shit i just keep thinking about it #i think i rlly need to talk about it with someone but i have no idea who or how or what i’d say. but it’s weird because it’s a secret yk #like i’m not even supposed to know he existed #idk. i have a gender clinic appointment next week and i’m going to ask if they can recommend any therapists #me being very very brave and trying therapy again after being forced into it my whole life and ending up a bit traumatised #idk. i feel bad that i’m alive and i’m wasting my life when my uncle got killed when he was just a kid #it makes me feel like i should be more grateful and do more with myself.#and i am going to try but i’d rather he was here instead. same with my granddad #every time i experience something beautiful or good i wish my granddad could experience it because he deserved it more than me #and the best i can do is experience it for him and be grateful. but i would chance places instantly if i could #him and his kid deserve to be here they were so special. i know i don’t know his kid but i’ve heard they were similar #so i know he must have been special too #i found a fb comment today from a family friend i’ve never met and she was saying that she only met my granddad once #but she called him gentle and it made me cry. because he was very scottish and sweary and traditional and masculine #so everyone just assumed he was tough and scary but if you knew him he was really quiet and kind #and i’m glad someone who only met him once could see that #i’m going to be half asleep for the rest of my life i think. i’ve been dreaming since my granddad died and i don’t feel like i ever woke up #nothing has felt real since i was nine years old. everything just stopped and never started again #i’ve just been waiting. i’m waiting for him to change his mind and come back. idk. i don’t know what to do with myself #and i continuously feel fucking insane and stupid for being this way. it’s like fresh grief all the fucking time #but it was fifteen years ago. why does it still feel this way #i can’t even tell people because they won’t understand why i’m still so bothered by it #he was my parent for nine years. i lived with him he was my sole caretaker #i was nonverbal and him and my brother were the only people on the planet who knew what my voice sounded like #he’d think it was silly if i failed my exam because i was crying about him instead #he’d tell me to whisht and stick in. so i will

6 notes · View notes

wildevenusian · 3 months ago

Text

i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?

can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit

#vaugepostimg on main about an irl don’t mind me #i just. am feeling sad bcus i have been trying to keep my distance and respect the space they said they needed. and then they reached out to #me for their book club and said we should chat and i got excited! i miss my friend of course i got excited #still let them take the lead. i want them to be comfortable. they said they’d lmk what day they were free #and then proceeded to ghost me for like. almost two weeks??#(it was 10 days but !!! still!!! almost 2 weeks from them suggesting i come to book club which would’ve inherently necessitated an irl talk #and then after all that yesterday said they actually weren’t ready which. hurted #tbf i knew something was up after like 2 days of them not replying so it’s not like i was fully caught off guard it just really hurt #and like i feel weird bcus our social circles are really overlapped and i spent a lot of time with them last winter and i had thought #that would happen again this winter. we would swim together a lot and i consistently went to their house dinners #bcus if i care about you i show up! and i’m understanding ! bcus i am patient and kind person and as a triple taurus i’m not tryna rush ever #especially when it comes to people’s emotions ??? especially if someone has told me i hurt them???? like ik im an autistic lesbian but #despite popular conceptions on that particular identity. im not fucking evil ????? if you ask for space i will give you space !!!!!#and like when it comes to emotions and conflict i’m blunt but i’m caring and it takes a lot for me to be disinfranchised by people #or relationships. so i’m not saying i don’t want to still be her friend #i’m just. noticing behaviors #they did tell me that they were very avoidant in conflict and i told them i’m very much not and like. now that i’m on the receiving end of i #idk what to do!! i’m not gonna chase her down like they’re grown!! and again!!! if you ask for space i’m going to respect that!!!#and like honestly. i’m happy she at least gave me the curtesy of saying they weren’t ready to talk even if it took her mad long to do it #so like. who tf knows when we’ll talk. if ever. probably when she wants the validation of our friendship if it even happens at all #bcus again. she reached out not to reconnect and clear the air but to check if i still wanted to come to her club she was starting #ik in earlier conversations she was worried no one would come but ig she found people. which like good for her tbh but to be honest i feel #discarded?? i’m feeling like i’m failing to not project too much so i gotta stop but idk man i’m just feeling weird about it all #and then i had the thought today of like. is this what i want in a friendship? someone who goes back and forth abt whether or not i’m worth #which again. kinda wasn’t expecting that bcus we spent so much time together last autumn/winter/spring like. many times per week!!!#so the idea of not being her friend all of a sudden?? feels fucjing weird to think about #but like? i don’t want to feel this way this is what i hate about west coast/white people conflict resolution!! there fucking isn’t any!!!#and i can’t deal with that! i can’t spend my life with people who aren’t going to engage with me as a person who cares about them #humans are fallible creatures and were only here on earth for so long so why are we wasting time here? what is the point of all this ???????#but then the guilt and shame say i deserve it all and at that point i just need to stop so. i’m gonna stop now lol

4 notes · View notes

tankerfishthesimp · 4 months ago

Text

my room is such a mess tho wtf

#cory's rants #i need to sort it out sometime but it just builds and builds #and with the assignments and everything and art i don't think i'll have time #i also forgot to finish my dinner - like i was halfway through then i went and got some cold pills and went to the washroom then remembered #- i hadn't showered so i showered and then i came out and it was already later than 21:30 #so now i've got cold asf noodles on the plate #and sincerely i am not very hungry but i hate wasting food #so im probably going to have late night dinner then...#but then i still haven't done my fucking art homework what the fuck #i didn't use my time well today...#oh well

3 notes · View notes

gobbluthbutagirl · 5 months ago

Text

crazy how if you google “how many job applications per week” (which you probably shouldn’t google anyway) you get one result saying doing 2-3 a day is good, one result saying doing 5-10 a day is good, and one result saying doing 11-20 a day is good. So basically, do whatever the hell you want forever

#my thing is. HOW many of these jobs are real. HOW many of these places are actually hiring #one of the 2 i did today made you answer like 15 different questions about whether you’ve ever been late for work. ummmm.no #my plan is to apply at least 20 jobs over the next ummm week or two or so #and keep in mind these are all like nothingburger minimum wage retail jobs designed for stupid individuals such as myself #and if NONE of these places want me then i will know that the job market right now is probably bad for realsies #and so between like september 14-21 i will know if i should be looking for a place to stay for october #or looking for a plane ticket back so i don’t waste money chasing something that won’t happen #and IF it’s option B then i will make my brother hire me at dunkin for a few months until a) the job market improves #or b) i have enough money saved up that i could convince some landlord to rent to me while unemployed #because my thing about the money is like. i still have everything i saved when i worked at target #and i still remember what i endured in order to save all that money. so i absolutely am not dipping into that money #until i KNOW my life is headed in the right direction #and also when i got the job at target that was literally the 4th job i applied to in like 3 months #so if i apply to like 2 dozen jobs and none of them pan out then i’ll Know the timing is wrong. the market is bad #anyway pay me no mind i’ve only been back on the west coast 24 hours #i just had to go ahead and think through every possibility before my head asploded. Her ass did not fucking sleep last night your honor

6 notes · View notes

tortademaracuya · 6 months ago

Text

I feel like a thief

#tomorrow is my second day at a local con #even though i did way better than expected today i felt so ill. felt like i made my friends angry so many times #i couldnt even help well because of how sick i felt and kept making messes #and like. i know this is mostly because i had to forcefully lower my daily antidepressant dose cuz im running out of pills so im trying #to ride it out without making a scene #but i want to die so much. i dont want to go back so my friends will have more space and wont have a disastrous person making everything #more stressful #i feel like such a piece of absolute shit for selling things today. i should have sold it all at a lower price. i should have gifted it #i feel like i should give back the money to as many people as i can #im such a fucking thief i cant live with myself. and i keep stealing from everyone by continuing to go sell at cons #im unable to get picked for anything because im sure everyone must notice what a sham i am. i want to jump into a train or from a tall place #if im in pieces i cant have all the horrible thoughts telling me what a shameful conman i am #the way i keep trying with all this is so selfish. im taking spots that could be better used in other people #im wasting everyones time and money #i jsut want to starve and suffer because i dont deserve such basic needs but if i do my body immediately gets sick #from how weak it is. i will just be an ever bigger burden if i do that. i just want to suffer and atone for my horrible existance #haunted.txt

4 notes · View notes

pepprs · 1 year ago

Text

im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol

#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all #purrs #chicago #i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about #when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m #for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi #and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t #recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting #for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that #my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it #just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of #stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and #utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a #biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL #i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i #have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again #delete later #kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol

8 notes · View notes

fuwaprince · 1 year ago

Text

...

#waiting ever so patiently for ppl to fall asleep so that I can microwave some mashed potatoes...#in the past two days I have not had enough food #yeah that's all the time and yes the calorie deficit is kicking my ass #but fuck I am so hungry rn and have been since early this morning #once ppl are in bed I'm going to warm up potatoes and peas #pls godoka let there be a little more for me #in my own place I'll be able to use the bathroom and eat food whenever I want #I won't even have to expect shame #I won't worry about earning my food by working my ass off for someone else #I'll just get to eat when I want and in peace not in the dark and as quiet as a mouse #I'll light myself a candle because why not and help myself to homemade soups #i really want to cook for some reason but using the kitchen pisses ppl off bc they can hear the sounds of my existence #i hate that if i don't do enough to them that they think i just lose the right to eat bc they perceive me as a waste of resources #i stood up all night and wandered around crying over the same old same old... came home at like 5am #i let myself sleep in and ik they think i haven't contributed enough to earn any food today #“what good is a man if he only eats and sleeps?”#that's all they see #trying not to smoke and trying to cope in other ways like writing about it #at least school is tomorrow and I'll get to see my dear profs again #i cried reading their happy thanksgiving messages over email last night

3 notes · View notes