#but it’s really getting 2 me i can’t concentrate on my uni shit i just keep thinking about it

[the-casbah-way]

i found loads of pictures of my uncle i am going 2 cry

[lvnatiq]

Modern!au Felix Escellun x tattoo artist!gn!reader | Headcanons

a/n: Hey!!! I’m back at it again with my beautifully fucked up request fill. I’m still working on three other things, while I make you wait I took it upon myself to not starve this fandom. So here you have it. Please reblog or comment so that I have a crumb of motivation to keep up.

Should I do a smutty pt. 2 ? Who knows lmao.

Your hand slipped through the pile of designs that your colleague (and your close friend) had sent you to choose and pick apart from.

Unfortunately you were spending the night at the beautiful library of your uni, trying to balance off your school work with your actual work.

You didn’t mind spending your time under the faint scent of books and the mere sound of wood beneath you feet, but what you ‘do’ mind is the fact that the library is way colder than you thought it would be after the midnight.

Good thing that the yearning for finishing your work and leaving as soon as possible made it easier to concentrate on the task at hand.

It also made it easier for you to not notice the presence of an unexpected company.

That was until you felt the warm floral yet musky scent invade your senses as you felt the weight of cotton drape around your shoulders.

You slowly turn your head towards the owner of the coat who’s already making their way out. Desperately trying to find a way to make them stop but failing to raise your voice because of the circumstances.

The last picture of the person buried in your head was their hair caressed by the wind and their quick steps.

Fast forward to a week later, going completely out of luck with finding a place to stay you decide to ask help from your friend whom interestingly has a lot to offer.

With things going a lot smoother than you expected you stopped by the tattoo shop to finish your appointments with couple of customers before you left to meet up with your possible candidate.

“Don’t bother I’ll just call him here so you could talk comfortably.”

Your work seemed to take a lot longer than usual. So you kindly accepted your friends offer as you wrapped up the leftover stuff, finishing up the last customer.

“Hey, oh-“

The sight of your guest tickled your memories as you kept glaring at the glorious figure in front of you.

Felix, completely avoiding eye contact, placed the fallen hair strand behind his ear as he kept his eyes on the table of the tattoo equipments.

You quickly got up as you grabbed his coat from the hanger and walked back where you left him.

“Thank you for the coat, you really saved me back there.”

“Oh- no problem.”

That day you two chatted and melted the ice in between. Deciding to rent the close by apartment and start your roommate era.

Your friend smiled to themselves knowing all too well that felix was completely crazy about you.

Your encounter at the library wasn’t a coincidence either, well don’t think of him as a stalker now, he just dumped a couple of coins in the fountain wishing that you would be there that night. That’s all.

As you two moved in together you realized that there were a lot of things to be ‘caught off guard’ about him but you were most baffled by the tremendous amount of books felix owned.

“Hey Lover boy ! Would you mind recommending me some of them ?”

Felix blushes terribly and you love it so much that you constantly bother him in order to catch a glimpse of his flustered state.

Unbeknownst to you, the pile that felix left on the doorstep of your room was consisted of the books that he thought of you as he read.

Felix, abandoning his night owl habit, decided to fix his sleeping schedule for the better. Definitely not because he wanted to see you at morning before you got off to the work.

Insisting on offering you a ride on your way back home with his nice car.

Nearly every single day.

He knows that it may annoy you but he knows how much you are devoted to your responsibilities so he at least wants for you to save a bit of energy before you dive into the work.

Speaking of his nice car, it tickled your curiosity so you decided to check the price tag on the web and... well...

“Felix... you don’t so some sketchy illegal shit for a living right ?”

“It’s nearly impossible for me to work at the moment because of my studies. Why did you ask ?”

“Your car costs more than the apartment we are living in right now.”

With that, you discover that Felix’s father owns one of the most prominent chains of pharmaceutical companies and that he basically flee from his fathers mansion because he was pressuring Felix to take over his position in the future.

Being his puppet was not a thing to be tolerated in Felix’s book.

That being said, your domestic life with felix was pretty soft to say the least.

Cleaning together, cooking while talking about how your day went or getting to enjoy his expressions while he spilled his frustration against authors that didn’t affect him well.

Occasionally noticing the new cooking books appearing out of nowhere

and the delicious smell of food welcoming you after work, quite often than you expect.

Finally, more skinship.

One day whilst you two got through the gates of your apartment block you noticed the open doors of the elevator so instinctively you held Felix by the hand and ran into the mirrored box.

What you didn’t notice was the fact that you didn’t let go of his hand as you two went up.

From that day on Felix used every single opportunity to sneak his hand into yours.

Don’t blame him, it’s just that your hands are warm and the feeling of security that radiates from your fingertips is his medicine.

You absolutely avoided to tease or point it out to him because you knew that he would never do it again so you went with the flow.

You really enjoyed it though.

Snaking your arms around his waist while he is organizing the bookshelf. Feeling him shutter into your arms.

Nights became more and more enjoyable once he started to accompany you.

Everytime you caught him slacking on the sofa, you used his lap as a pillow.

Felix is extremely easy to figure out, mainly because he can’t hide anything.

Also, well

He is ticklish and you use his weakness against him, a lot.

Diving your fingers down to the sides of his tummy you started to tickle every possible sensitive spot you could catch on.

“Spit it out.”

“I-I wan’t you to- give me my first tattoo.”

Telling his words apart from his adorable giggles, needless to say you were ecstatic.

“Alright. What do I get in return ?”

“Name your price.”

You thoughtfully stared at the ceiling, humming as you blurted out your very obviously well thought out response.

“I want you to show me what keeps you up all night.”

You can’t be serious.

If you asked for an organ, he would’ve been more compliant.

You didn’t know what you got yourself into.

You basically asked for him to show you his ‘masterpieces’ that he showcases on AO3. Something that you were already well aware of.

“Deal ?”

“No !”

“Good ! Let’s see what you got.”

Felix anonymously contributed to the community by writing some of the most famous slow-burn stories on the web.

Just so you know, his author persona blew up thanks to the mind blowing, earth shattering smuts he wrote.

Yeah you heard that right

Smuts

Well he is fucking panicking now.

Nonetheless days kept on going as felix prayed each night to every single deity that you forgot your ‘deal’.

The days go on even if his worries don’t.

Did I say that Felix is a whimpering, whiny mess ? he struggles to stay in one position as the needle drags upon his skin.

“If you plan to keep on moving, I might as well strap you down felix. 5 more minutes and then we are done. Please behave.”

When you put it like that how can he refuse I mean you made things worse he is internally screaming at what you just said but he is not going to refuse a command when it’s given by you.

In exchange for giving him a tattoo you decide to let him give you one even though he’s inexperienced.

He’s terrified because he thinks that something would go wrong, his hand would slip or something and he would scratch that pretty skin of yours with a horrendous tattoo.

But you assured him nevertheless and offered him to draw something very minimal and easy. He accepted eventually.

As it turns out Felix is a natural. His hand is extremely steady and the tattoo turns out great.

Throughout the process he’s constantly asking if you’re hurt because he thinks that he’s doing something wrong but in fact he’s very delicate and gentle with the strokes and his touch.

You decide to be evil and use it against him. After you touch up your tattoo you lean in very closely and turn your cheek towards him.

“What are you doing ?” He stutters.

“I can’t possibly ask you to kiss my freshly made tattoo, so won’t you give me a kiss so that it heals faster.”

If his hands were steady before they weren’t now.

As soon as his lips left your cheek you held him by his wrist and pull him back close again so that you can lean in onto his ear.

“Don’t think that I’ve forgotten our deal. I am excited to see what you have in store for me tonight.” You winked.

Then the worst thing happened

The “tonight” came.

Felix was running in circles around the living room with one hand on his forehead wondering what could get worse after this.

Maybe you’ll be disgusted or scared hell if he knows.

He wanted to do nothing to harm your relationship in anyway because you and what you two have is all he ever wanted.

...and he believes that he has a tendency to ruin things.

But what happened was beyond his expectations.

Your eyes followed every single sentence throughout the screen, the white light traced your expressions as your eyebrows raised up and down and the corners of your lips inched closer to your ears. Your lower lip became a victim of your teeth’s assault.

He was so confused. Still waiting for you to lash out or make fun of him, at least.

“I used to think ‘what am I gonna do with you’ when it comes to you. Mostly out of frustration.”

Yet here you were with the laptop closed shut and your arms behind your head as you closed your eyes and groaned.

Slowly the smile plastered on your face grew.

”Now I know what to with you.”

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Forever

A Very Rogers Christmas.

Part 1- The Best Things In Life Are Tree.

Summary: It’s that time of year again and the Rogers family prepare to go and pick their Christmas tree. But when Emmy calls with a bit of bad news, it puts a little downer on the whole thing for Katie and Steve decides to call in reinforcements to pull off the best Christmas Heist he can…

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: So here we go, Part 1 of my Stark Spangled 2020 Christmas special- A Very Rogers Christmas.  This one was written for for @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ and @sagechanoafterdark​ ‘s Winter/Holiday Challenge. My prompt- Finding the PERFECT Tree.

It feels like AGES since I wrote for my babies so I hope you enjoy this little three parter. Part 2 posting next Friday, and part 3 on Christmas Eve.

SSF Masterlist //  WIYPT Masterlist 

"Daddy, I found something else I want to ask Santa for, for Christmas." Rori bounced into the study and Steve closed his eyes on the papers he was trying to grade and sighed.

"I bet you have." He mumbled before he glanced up at his daughter and couldn't help but smile at her as she skipped over to him, her long pony tail swinging behind her "What is it, Princess?" "A capybara." she said, scrambling up onto his lap. "A what?" Steve frowned. "A capybara. Look!" she turned the tablet she was holding towards him to show him a picture of the brown animal "They're like huge guinea pigs. I saw one at the zoo with Uncle Buck yesterday and when I said I wanted one he told me to tell you that I was gonna ask Santa." "Course he did." Steve sighed, mentally cursing his asshole best friend. "You know, Rori, don't think Santa can get you one of those." "Why not?" "It’s too big." He attempted “There’s nowhere for us to keep it.” "Our garden is huge!" Rori blinked at him. "And when Emmy and Petey move into the Tower he can live in the cabin." Trust her to be as damned smart as her mother. "They're wild animals honey." Steve shook his head as he tried attempt number two. "But they live in a zoo." Rori looked up at him, her face full of eager excitement “That’s not the wild.” "Yeah but that’s different." Steve reasoned patiently. "They're not like dogs or cats or regular guinea pigs. They need very special care.” "Oh." Rori looked down a little, her shoulders slumping and Steve sighed.

Fuck you, Bucky.

"Okay. Never mind." She clicked off the screen of her tablet and turned towards Steve, looking up at him with those damned green eyes. "Do you think he could get me a kitty instead?"

No, just say no… "Maybe."

Way to go, Rogers. Rori's eyes lit up and Steve inwardly groaned. It was a well-known fact in their house that whenever Dad said maybe, it meant yes. Fuck.

“I love you Daddy!” she beamed, reaching up to press a kiss to his bearded cheek before she hopped off his lap and skipped towards the door “Oh, me and momma are going to make gingerbread men for tomorrow so we can have them when we decorate the tree.”

“Can’t wait baby.” He smiled

“Are you gonna be working tomorrow afternoon?” she asked a little shyly and he shook his head.

“No, I promise.”  He assured her. “All day tomorrow is family day.”

She gave him another huge smile, one that truly warmed his entire being as it made her look even more like his wife, and then headed out of the room, her feet pattering on the tiles of the hallway as she skipped back into the other part of the house. Steve exhaled and looked back down at the paper, groaning as he realised he’d lost his place. He’d been home early that afternoon hoping for more peace and quiet than he got in his office at the University to concentrate on getting through all these and for the most it had worked, until Jamie and Rori had arrived home from school full of it as usual. Katie had kept them out of his way for the most but the realisation that Christmas was well on the way had hit the eldest two and whipped them up into a fever.

Not that Steve particularly cared. He adored this time of year. It was Katie’s holiday and from the day after Thanksgiving the Christmas period started in full throttle in the Rogers household, and they’d picked tomorrow, 2 weeks before the schools broke up, to go and pick the trees for their lounge and hallway. He was a little disappointed that it hadn’t snowed yet, there had been a good covering the previous year but, still it was set to be a cold and dry day so they could still get bundled up and have their hot chocolate and snacks as usual.

He rubbed at his eyes and focussed, reading through the paper in front of him on the ‘Strategy, Diplomacy and politics of Axis and Allied forces in WW2’, wishing to God he was marking something on the course he was actually employed to teach now- Fine Arts- but all those had been done and graded last week. This was the module of History that he taught, because as the Uni said- he was a living, breathing expert.

Aparently.

An hour or so later he finished red-penning the final six paged essay, with a proud smile as that one had been particularly good and he quickly checked it over once more, making sure he’d captured all the notes on the electronic copy and queued it up to send on Monday, just like Katie had shown him how to, so that each student had the hard copy and soft copy back. He stood up, stretched, turned off his laptop and headed through to the main area of the house, the smell of baking and cooking hitting his nostrils as he went.

He walked into the kitchen to find Rori kneeling on one of the tall stools over the island-slash-breakfast bar, her hands and face smeared in pink icing as she decorated a gingerbread man, her little tongue poking out of the side of her mouth in concentration. Katie was stood supervising Harry who was also covered in frosting, this one bright green. Flossie sat in the highchair opposite, banging a spoon on the tray occasionally letting out a yell or babble of something incoherent. As soon as she saw Steve she gave a huge grin and her shouts became louder and he smiled.

“Hi Floss-Floss!” he beamed, crossing to drop a kiss to her head before he looked across at Katie “Where’s Jamie?”

“Upstairs in his room.” Katie gave a little sigh “He said, and I quote, ‘I’m ten now, far too old to decorate gingerbread, mom.’ I could have cried there and then Steve.” She finished with a pout.

Steve gave her a sympathetic smile, the fact her eldest baby boy was growing up was something he knew she hated “Yeah, I bet he won’t be too old to eat them, though.” He appeased and she smiled.

“That’s what I said.” Rori gave a dramatic roll of her eyes and Steve chuckled.

“You finished Grading?” Katie asked as she gently guided Harry’s hand over the cookie shaped like a Christmas tree.

“Yeah, all done. Sorry it took so long.”

“It’s okay.” She looked up at him, smiling “Your dinner is in the oven. I already ate with the kids. Sorry, I was starving.”

“I didn’t expect you to wait.”  Steve walked over the room and dropped a kiss to her cheek. “Thanks, Sweetheart.”

He made his way over to the Aga stove and opened the door, giving a little groan when he saw she’d done his favourite, a Mac and Cheese bake laced with chicken, chorizo and broccoli. He turned to look at her and didn’t miss the flicker of a smile on her face as she knew what he was thinking, before he pulled out the plate giving a yell as it burnt his fingers, dropping it onto the side with a clatter.

“Careful daddy, hot!” Harry turned to face him, and Katie burst out laughing.

“Yeah, thanks Son.” Steve tried not to roll his eyes as he sucked his thumb. Grabbing a tea-towel he gripped the plate, found some cutlery and sat down at the table to the side of the kitchen, tucking in.

“I finished all mine, Momma.” Rori grinned, placing the tube of squeezy frosting down on the side. Steve watched as Katie moved to look over Rori’s shoulder.

“Good job sweetie.” She smiled, “Creative, I’ve never seen a pink cat before.”

Steve paused and looked at Rori as she grinned “I know they’re not really pink, and my kitty won’t be, but it can have a pink collar.”

At that he winced and hastily shoved another forkful of food into his mouth, praying that the conversation stopped there.

Katie sighed “Rori we’ve been over this, you can’t have a cat.”

“Daddy said I could.”

Shit.

Katie’s eyes shot to Steve and he gave her his best innocent look, but from the way her features grew stern he knew he was utterly busted and he swallowed the food in his mouth which turned to cement in his throat.

“No, that’s not what I said.” Steve shook his head.

“You said maybe.” Rori shrugged “Same thing.”

“We getting a kitty?” Harry asked, looking at Katie.

“No.” she shook her head.

“But I asked Daddy if Santa would bring me one and he said maybe.” Rori looked at Katie.

“Well Daddy is wrong.�� She glared at Steve and he visibly shrank in his seat. Katie’s green eyes narrowed before they turned back to Rori. “Santa can’t bring live animals. It’s in the rules.”

“What rules?”

“The Christmas Rules” Katie said quickly “No live animals. It’s not fair on them. They don’t like the sleigh.”

“But…”

“No buts Rori.” Katie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose “I’m sorry honey, but it’s not gonna happen.”

Rori pouted a little but she knew when she was beat and glanced down at the cookies on the tray before she looked up, grinning smugly. “I’ll just ask Uncle Bucky to get me one. He got me Dory.”

“Oh for the love of…” Katie spluttered “Uncle Bucky won’t get you one either.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’ll tell him not to.” Katie looked at her “We have Stark. No more animals.”

Rori folded her arms and at that point Steve stepped in, sensing an impending tantrum.

“Aurora.” He said sternly and she turned her head to face him as he pointed his fork at her. “Enough.”

She glared at him before she sighed and looked at Katie “Can I get down now please?”

Katie obliged and pulled her stool out a little allowing Rori to hop down. “Stay right there little miss.”

“Why?” Rori frowned as Katie headed to the sink, coming back with a cloth. With a groan, Rori held out her hands so Katie could wipe them clean, along with the little smear of icing on her face “20 minutes and then its bath time. We’re up early in the morning.”

“Ooh, yeah!” Rori bounced excitedly “To pick our trees. Hey, can I get one for my room?”

Katie hesitated before she shrugged “You know, I saw some in the shop that already have the lights on and they change colour. We’ll get a big one for the lounge and hallway like normal and I’ll get you a special one. And you get to keep it for next year and the year after.”

Rori pondered this for a moment before she shook her head “I want a real one from the farm.”

Katie groaned, and threw her hands out to the side “Fine, just, go and watch TV or something in the Play Room.”

“I watch TV too please, Momma?” Harry asked and Katie nodded, cleaning him up too before she lifted him down off the stool. He toddled after Rori, yelling for her to wait and as soon as they were gone Katie rounded on Steve.

“Honey, I…” he began and winced as she exploded on him.

“Seriously? A damned cat?”

“She caught me unawares.”

“She always catches you unawares!” Katie scoffed “After six, almost seven years I’d have thought you’d be used it by now.”

“I only said-“

“And as usual I’m left to be the bad guy.” Katie ranted, shaking her head as she moved to turn Flossie’s chair so she was facing the table. “You’re an asshole.”

“This is technically Bucky’s fault.”

“Oh, no, Steven Grant Rogers! Don’t you are try and blame this one on Buck.” She hissed.

“But he took her to the zoo and told her to ask for a capybara!” Steve practically whined “When I said no she asked for a cat, the maybe just slipped out.” Katie paused, her arms folded, face furious and Steve peered up at her giving her a little smile “Don’t be mad, come on baby. I didn’t mean it.”

“You’re still an asshole.” She grumbled, before she crossed to the fridge and pulled out the wine. “And for that you can deal with bedtime. I’m going for a bath.”

“Sure, not a problem.” Steve nodded, swallowing more of his food. Katie poured herself a large glass before she moved to put the bottle back and then changed her mind. With the bottle in one hand, full glass in the other she made for the door. “I love you.” Steve shot as she passed him, and despite her annoyed demeanour, the slight smile that played on her face told him he wasn’t in too much trouble.  

****

All kids were bathed and in bed little over an hour later. The youngest three settled down to sleep, Jamie instructed he had an hour of TV or reading time before lights off.

“Ok Dad.” He nodded, running his hand through his hair as he tidied up his games console a little, Stark curled up on the bed.

“I’ll be in to check.” Steve looked at him, and Jamie rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, I got it. You can trust me.”

“I know.” Steve gave a chuckle “Night son.” He crossed the room to drop a kiss to his head and Jamie pushed him away.

“Gerroff, I’m ten.”

“Yeah, well, you’re still my kid so…” Steve grumbled, and Jamie burst into laughter as the pair of them began to play fight, Jamie digging Steve in the ribs with a well-aimed jab. “Ouch! “ Steve stood up, rubbing at his side, that had hurt a little too much for his liking. “Nice shot.”

“Bucky said I had a good right hook.”

Steve rolled his eyes “I don’t wanna know how he even found that out.”

“He has a punch bag in the garage.” Jamie shrugged as he flopped down onto his bed. “Like yours. He was teaching me to swing.”

“I could teach you that.” Steve replied, a little petulantly.

“Will you?”

“No. You’re ten.” He shot back and Jamie let out a groan of frustration, before Steve chuckled “Ok, I’ll teach you a little IF you promise not to use it anywhere but on the punch bag.”

“But what if I need to use it?”

“Well, that’s different.” Steve pondered, before he shook his head. “But you’re far too young to be getting into situations like that.”

“Uncle Buck said you were fighting people form the age of six. And getting your ass kicked.”

“Well, you do as I say…”

“Not as I do, yeah I got it.” Jamie grinned and Steve arched an eyebrow before he made his way to the door. He paused and turned back to look at his son, not for the first time taking in how damned tall and broad he was for his age. He pointed to Stark “Don’t let your mother catch him on the bed.”

“You know she says the same thing about you.” Jamie looked at him and Steve chuckled.

“I do, but let’s just pretend I don’t okay?”

“Okay, night dad. Love you.”

“Love you too.” Steve smiled, closing the door behind him.

He made his way back downstairs and into the lounge, and paused as he saw Katie talking into the laptop, her eyes brimming with tears.

“Don’t worry about it.” She said softly, and he could tell she was fighting to keep her face straight as Emmy’s voice came from the other side.

“I’m just gutted we can’t get home to come with you guys for the tree.”

“What’s going on?” Steve frowned as he sat next to Katie on the sofa, looking at Emmy and Peter as they both waved to him on the screen “Hey Kids.”

“The UK has been caught up in a huge snow storm.” Katie turned to him. “Their flight has been cancelled.”

“Bummer.” Steve’s frown deepened “Is there nothing from another airport?”

“Not in London.” Emmy shook her head “And the roads are that bad, even if we managed somewhere else…”

“Don’t wanna risk driving Mr R.” Pete shrugged and Steve had to give it to him, that was a sensible move.

“Wise decision.” Steve bit his lip, before he turned to Katie “Can we not get The Stark jet over? You guys should have used that anyway, not gone commercial.”

The irony of his statement didn’t pass him by, as there’d been a time when he had hated using a private jet as he felt it was ostentatious, but he’d fast learned to live with it as it was less hassle and a damned sight comfier and quicker too.

“I told you we didn’t want to.” Emmy shot back and Peter hastily cut in to prevent an argument.

“Already tried Happy before we called. He can’t get in any airfield be it private or other. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Katie shook her head “If you need anything just call. Have you got a place to stay?”

“Yeah, The Savoy found us another room.” Emmy shrugged before she grimaced “I’m gonna have to put it on my credit card though.”

“Don’t worry about that.” Katie shook her head “Just do what you gotta do, we’ll sort the bill out. Do you need us to wire you some cash or-“

“No, we’ve got enough between us for that.” Pete smiled “Just the hotel. We could get somewhere cheaper if that’s-“

“If it’s that bad out there you can stay where you are.” Steve shook his head. “Don’t worry about the money kids, it’s not important.”

“Just call us if you need anything.” Katie added.

“Thanks Mom. Look, we’re gonna go try and get something to eat and then sleep” Emmy sighed “It’s past 1 am now.”

“Sure, call us tomorrow okay, keep us updated.” Steve instructed and Emmy nodded.

“Will do. Love you both.”

“And you.” Katie smiled “Stay safe, and look after each other.”

“Got it.” Emmy grinned and with that she blew them both a kiss as Peter waved and the screen went blank.

Katie bit her lip before she tapped at the keyboard of her laptop “I’m going to send her some money, just in case. I know she has plenty in her savings, but…”

Steve nodded “Good idea. Those are for a rainy day, not a snowy one.”

Katie gave a small smile as she logged into the banking, and hesitated before she transferred a few thousand over to Emmy and closed the laptop, running her hands over her face. Steve saw her shouldes shake and he gave a sigh, pulling her to him.

“Hey, come on. They’re safe. In the poshest hotel known to man.” He pressed a kiss to her head “No doubt thinking this is some kind of huge romantic adventure. Snowed in, in London, with a mini-bar, room service.”

At that thought he grimaced, as his mind took him to a very dark place about just exactly what the spider kid would be doing to his daughter in said hotel room but he shook himself out of it as Katie spoke, sniffling a little.

“I know it’s just, well we started this tradition with Emmy that first Christmas she lived with us.” Her voice cracked “We went with Tony, Pep and Nat remember?”

“I could I forget.” Steve chuckled, his hands rubbing Katie’s back “You were almost five months pregnant and had that jumper on with a huge Christmas pudding on the front.”

“I’ve still got that.” Her voice was muffled as her face pressed into his Henley.

“And Pepper was going mad when Tony bought that nine foot tree for their lounge.”

“Ours wasn’t much smaller.” Katie laughed, leaning back to wipe her eyes. “You had to trim the top off.”

Steve chuckled, his hands cupping her face “A few days after that we found out bump was blue. Hello Jamie.”

“God it seems so long ago.”

“It was.” Steve smiled pressing a kiss to her lips. “11 years.”

“Yeah.” Katie looked at him “We’ve been through a lot since then.”

Steve nodded, as he wiped her face with his thumbs “And a lot worse than this. I know it’s disappointing, kitten, and I’m gutted as well, but it can’t be helped. We’ll still have a good time and we can go out with Emmy and Peter when they get back, nice meal and a few drinks somewhere instead, just the four of us. Start a new tradition now she’s all grown up.”

“Yeah suppose.” Katie sighed “I mean when they moved out in the New Year, they might not wanna come with us to get a tree anymore.”

“Like that’s gonna happen.” Steve snorted “She’ll simply be getting one for her own place. You know she loves Christmas as much as you. All the kids do. Because you make it so special.”

“It isn’t all down to me.” She smiled “You help.”

“It’s definitely your speciality.” Steve shook his head “You do the baking, the carols, the cooking…suss the decorations out.”

“Yeah, but you hang them. And you’re the one that started leaving Santa footprints by the hearth.”

“Okay so it’s a team effort.” Steve shrugged, dropping another kiss to her lips. “It always is when the kids are concerned.” He pulled back a little and nodded to her glass “You want another?”

“I wasn’t going to but yeah, now I do.”

Steve chuckled “I’ll go get us a drink, you find us something suitably Christmassy to watch.”

He stood, pressing his lips to the crown of Katie’s head before he wandered into the kitchen. As he closed the door behind him he pulled out his phone. He’d had an idea, but hadn’t wanted to mention it to Katie just in case it didn’t work…but if it did, well, he was going to reunite his family for their tradition and earn himself major husband points.

Win win situation.

“Hey punk.” Bucky drawled as he picked up.“What’s crackalackin?”

“God you talk some shit.” Steve rolled his eyes and Bucky laughed

“Sorry, we were watching Madagascar.”

“Yeah, I know where it’s from. I got five kids, remember. Six if I count you.”

“Well you could argue Diva Doll counts for two so you really have seven.”

“Yeah, speaking of which, I got a bone to pick with you about her and a damned capybara.” Steve narrowed his eyes as he spoke and there was a pause before Bucky burst out laughing. “Yeah, laugh it up, jerk. That got me in some major shit before.”

“You didn’t say yes?”

“No of course I didn’t.” Steve sighed “But she sideswiped me asking for a damned cat and I said maybe, so…”

“You fucking moron.”

“Whatever, listen, that’s not why I’m calling anyway.” Steve sighed, his voice growing serious. “I need a favour, Buck.”

“I’m listening.” Bucky replied, before Steve explained the predicament and possible solution. When he finished there was a pause and Bucky let out a long whistle. “Man, that’s…”

“I know, I know.” Steve sighed “But I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t desperate. Katie’s heartbroken Emmy can’t get home.”

“Well, we can’t have the second most important woman in my life upset now can we?” Bucky replied “Leave it with me.”

“Cheers buddy.”

“You’ll owe me a life time of favours if I can pull this off.”

“We’ll call it quits for you almost getting me couched.”

“Not my fault you can’t say no to your likkle Princessa.” Bucky responded and Steve snorted.

“You’ve met her, right?”

There as another pause and Bucky laughed “Point taken.”

“Not a word to Katie.” Steve instructed “Just in case you can’t do it.”

“You seriously doubt me after all this time?” Bucky sighed “That hurts Stevie.”

“You know what else will hurt?” Steve shot back “My foot up your ass.”

“You want me to do this or not?” Bucky scoffed “Because threatening me aint gonna make me wanna do you any favours.”

“No but not wanting to see my wife upset is.”

“You fight dirty, Steven.” Bucky’s voice was low and Steve could imagine the narrowed eyes he was pulling as he spoke. “Okay, I’ll call Sam now. Leave it with me.”

“Thanks Buck.”

Steve cut the call and stuffed his phone back in his pocket, running a hand over his beard. Buck was right, it was a big ask and ridiculously over the top but, well, nothing was too much for him where his family was concerned. And after everything they’d been through this year what with Flossie’s horrific birth and Katie’s post-partum depression, his amazingly brave and gorgeous wife deserved the damned world. With a sigh he yanked open the fridge as he pulled out Katie’s wine and a beer for him, simply hoping that it worked.

**** “You good?” Steve asked as Jamie hopped into the back of the Q7, taking his place on the rear row of seats.

“Yup.” Jamie grinned “I prefer it back here, Rori can’t bug me.”

“Wanna bet?” Rori turned her head and peered at him from her place in the middle of the second row and Steve shot her a look.

“Enough. I hear one sound outta you that’s annoying him, we’re coming straight home.” He said sternly. Rori eyed him shrewdly, as if weighing up whether he was serious or not and he raised his eyebrows, challenging her.

“Ok Daddy.” She shrugged, turning back round. Steve shot Jamie a wink as turned and collapsed Flossie’s little stroller. He slotted it down the side of Jamie’s seat before he shut the trunk and then quickly inspected the roof rack. Satisfied he looked up just as Katie came out of the house, Flossie on her hip, Harry jumping down the steps in front of her. He headed over to his dad and peeked up, Steve giving a laugh as his little woollen hat slipped down over his eyes.

“Come here, buddy.” He said, swinging him into his arms. The little boy gave a giggle as Steve pulled his hat straight so he could see.

“Thanks Daddy!” he smiled and Steve pressed a kiss to his rosy cheek.

“No problem. You ready to get a tree?”

He nodded “Big one!” he threw his arms out wide and Steve nodded seriously.

“The biggest.”

Ten minutes or so later they were sailing out of Brooklyn in the winter morning sun, heading for the tree farm some forty or so minutes away. True to her word, Rori was behaving and chatting to Harry, Jamie was quiet in the back doing something on his tablet and Katie was gently humming to something on the radio. Steve’s hand reached over for hers and he entwined their fingers, gently bringing her arm across his body, pressing a kiss to her wrist.

The journey pass uneventfully and as Steve announced they had arrived the kids all gave a cheer. He parked the car up and then the disembarking began along with issued orders for Jamie and Rori to stay where they were as they sorted the youngest two.

“I think I’ll just carry Floss.” Katie glanced around. “Pushing her stroller is gonna be a pain. I’ll put her in the carrier.”

“You sure?” Steve asked “I would say I’d do it but…”

“You’re gonna be carrying trees, yeah I know.” Katie waved him away. “Its fine, she’s not heavy. Besides, she’ll be too big to do this with next year.”

Steve smiled at her wistful tone, and between them they had Flossie strapped to Katie’s back in no time, having become experts at it over the years. Katie glanced over her shoulder as Flossie gave her a hug grin, before she peeked around and started to gabble animatedly.

“Ready?” Steve looked around and held the hand that wasn’t containing the saw out, Rori taking it as Katie took Harry’s, Jamie falling into step at her other side next to Steve who strategically placed himself between his eldest son and Rori to avoid any potential arguments between the two siblings.

“Want me to take that Dad?” Jamie asked, nodding to the saw. Steve hesitated then shrugged, it had the safety cover on so he handed it over, Jamie slinging it over his shoulder proudly, stepping in front of them a little and Harry wriggled his hand free of Katie’s and ran forward to take Jamie’s. Jamie smiled down at him and Steve shared a glance with Katie as she smiled at him, slipping her hand into his. The family made their way to the entrance and as they approached the various little trade stands, one of which was selling various hot drinks and baked snacks. Katie took a deep breath and smiled, the warming scents of spices, cinnamon and pine hitting her nostrils.

“Smells exactly the same.” She beamed and then frowned as Steve was looking around, blatantly not listening to her as he was busy studying something to their right.

“Hey!” she tugged on his hand and he glanced down at her.

“Sorry, honey.” He diverted his attention “Just saw someone I know.”

“Oh, from work?” she asked.

“Not exactly.” He nodded in the direction he had been looking and Katie spun at the same time Rori let out a shriek.

“Emmy!” she yelled, wrenching her hand free of Steve’s and bolting towards her sister as she strode towards them alongside Peter, Bucky and Sam.

“I don’t-how?” Katie was struggling for words at the sheer emotion of seeing her eldest daughter, who should still be stranded in England, sweeping Rori into hug. “Steve? What?”

“You got Bucky and Sam to thank.” He said gently, as she spun between them all, before she strode forward meeting Emmy halfway and throwing her arms around her.

“Hey mom!” Emmy smiled, before she pulled back and gently waggled Flossie’s hand. “Hi Floss!”

“How did you get here?” Katie sniffed, wiping her eyes, chuckling before she gave Pete a hug.

“Quinjet.” Emmy grinned “It was awesome. Hey Dad!”

“Hey, sweetheart.” Steve swept her up into a huge hug, picking her up slightly off the ground kissing her head. “Nice to have you home.”

“Hold up, a Quinjet?” Katie looked at Emmy, then to Bucky who shrugged.

“Yeah well Steve rang me last night begging for my help…” he began, putting on a whiney voice “Please Buck, I can’t do this without you Buck, you know the usual.” Steve rolled his eyes as Bucky sniggered. “So, me and Birdbrain set off on a daring rescue mission.”

“Yeah, we totally used and abused Fury’s equipment.” Sam chuckled, as he pressed a kiss to Katie’s cheek as he gave her a hug. “He’s gonna be pissed when he finds out.”

“Oh, screw him!” Katie gave a laugh as she turned to Bucky, wrapping her arms round him. “Thank you so much!”

“Anything for you darlin’” he beamed before she stepped back and spun to face Steve, reaching up and grabbing his face. With a smile she pulled him down to meet her in a long, deep kiss.

“Thank you.” She whispered against his lips, and he beamed at her, his nose brushing hers. “I love you, so much.”

“Love you too.” He smiled, before he drew himself up, a little embarrassed at their PDA in front of his two friends and the kids. “Right, who’s ready to go tree picking?”

“We’ll leave you to it.” Bucky smirked as various excited shouts rang out around them. “I’ve got stuff to do with Jen and Sam’s…ahhhh, crap.” The smile on his face turned into a grimace and Steve spun round to see a familiar figure in a trench coat and eyepatch stood by a black SUV watching from a distance.

“Son of a-” Steve snorted, shaking his head as Fury started walking towards of them. “He still knows everything.”

“You have no idea. “Sam muttered.

“Oh, trust me, we do.” Katie grinned as Fury stopped in front of them.

“Someone wanna tell me why one of my jets was in London this morning?” Fury looked at Bucky, then to Sam, then to Peter, all three of them giving him an innocent look.

“Well, there was a thing.” Bucky shrugged “Emergency.”

“Emergency.” Fury dead panned “So nothing to do with a certain Miss Rogers and Mr Parker being stuck in London in snow storm?”

“How do you know this stuff?” Bucky looked at him.

“I told you Barnes, you wanna get one up on me you gotta keep both eyes open.” He levelled him with a look. “Happy called me in a flap to see if I could action a pick up and I told him I wasn’t running a damned Uber service. And then one of them went missing so I put two and two together and looks like I came up with four” He paused and shrugged, smirking a little “Plus, you forgot to wipe the mission log.”

“Damned it Tin Man!” Sam shoved Bucky “You dick, I told you!”

As the two men began to squabble Fury raised his eyebrows and turned to Steve and then Katie, a small smile flickered across his face “Nova, Cap. Long-time no see.”

“Hi Nick.” Steve smiled, reaching out and shaking his hand.

Fury jerked his head as Katie shook his hand, his eyes roving over each of their kids in turn. “I’ll say. You’ve been busy I see.”

Katie gave a huff “One way of putting it.”

Nick arched an eyebrow before he sighed and turned to Bucky and Sam who were still bickering. “Imma let this one slide.” He spoke loudly, the two men instantly turning to face him. “But only because it’s the holidays and I’m in a good mood.”

“You know technically Stark Industries owns half those jets. Tony paid for and designed a lot of the tech on them after all.” Katie quipped and Nick looked at her, before he let out a laugh.

“You’re more like your brother than you’ll ever care to admit” he shook his head as she snorted, pointing at her.

“Worse people to be like.” She smiled fondly, and Fury gave one last scoff before he turned to Sam and Bucky.

“I’ll see you two later. Now, imma go get me some churros then split.” He looked back at them all “Merry Christmas.”

As they all waved him off, watching the curious glances he attracted as he strode towards the hot food stand and then Harry tugged on Steve’s sleeve, causing him to turn his attention from Fury to the little boy.

“Daddy, who’s the pirate?” Harry asked.

There was a pause before Katie burst out laughing, Steve following suite as they both shared a knowing glance, remembering Tony’s fond little nickname for their one time director.

The Goth Pirate.

“He’s an old friend of mine and your momma’s “Steve explained before he glanced up, not surprised to find that once more Fury had disappeared from sight. “We haven’t seen him in a while. And I doubt we will again for a long time.”

There were more hugs shared and after another final thank you to Sam and Bucky, Katie demanding they come over later for drinks, the four remaining adults and four kids all headed into the farm and the chaos began as they began to scout for their perfect trees.

“So we need two large ones.” Katie spoke, “And one for Emmy and Pete in the Cabin and a smaller one for Rori’s room.” she paused “Jamie, did you want one for your room too?”

“Nah, it’s okay.” He shook his head “Thanks though.”

“So four over all.” Steve nodded. “Okay gang, let’s find us some trees.”

They decided to get Rori’s first as it would be smaller and easier to carry once they’d picked it. They set about walking down the various aisles, and before long the jokes started flowing and they were getting worse and worse with time.

“What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations?” Pete asked and Jamie looked at him, arching a brow. “Tinselitis.”

“Oh God.” Emmy snorted “That’s as bad as one of dad’s”

“Which reminds me.” Steve said, a smirk on his face, “Did you guys hear the forecast for Christmas eve? They’re predicting rain, deer…”

Katie and Emmy both let out a groan as Jamie and Peter howled with laughter.

“What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa’s workshop?” Jamie asked and Steve paused before he shrugged.

“No idea.”

“A rebel without a Clause…”

Katie, Steve, Emmy and Pete burst out laughing as Pete held out his hand to hi-five him. Jamie grinned.

“That’s a good one buddy.” Steve chuckled. “Where did you hear that?”

“Moo text me before.” He smiled “She said her and Auntie Pep had been googling them to put in their cards this year.”

“Like Father like daughter.” Katie smiled to herself, a little nostalgically as a memory of her brother crashed over her and Steve pulled her a little closer, his hand tightening on hers as he dropped a kiss to her head.

After half an hour or so of scouting and plenty of excited shouts and laughter, Rori paused in front of a tree that was the same height as her and she gave a gasp.

“Daddy, that one.” She pointed.

“You sure?” he cocked his head to one side. The tree was leaning to one side, the branches completely uneven, sticking out at all angles and the top was bent. “It’s a bit-”

“It’s perfect.” Rori insisted.

“Okay Princess, whatever you say.”  He looked at Katie as she smiled, her hand dropping to the back of Rori’s head. “Jamie, you got the saw?”

“Yup.” Jamie nodded, passing it over and they all watched as Steve gripped the trunk of the small tree with one hand a little higher up and began to cut it towards the bottom. He could have easily snapped the trunk with his bare hands but he played the part and in four strong swipes it pulled free with a little crack and Rori gave a shriek and clapped her hands.

“I love it!”

Once the safety cover was back on the saw they continued their search, walking towards the slightly bigger trees they spotted and Katie paused in front of a large, Norwegian spruce and reached out, gently crushing one of the needles between her fingers. She took a sniff and stepped back, nodding.

“That one.”

“I still can’t believe you pick them with the smell.” Steve shook his head.

“It’s not all the smell.” She protested “There’s a lot to consider. The height, width and spacing of the branches…this one’s just right for the corner in the lounge. And that one two down will do for the hallway.”

Steve chuckled, knowing better than to argue. “Positive?”

Katie nodded and once more Jamie passed him the saw. This time they all stepped back as Steve crouched down on the ground, expertly cutting the trunk and just the right place. As he took the final swipe, the tree pitched over to a loud shout of “Timberrrrr” from Jamie and Peter and it landed with a thud.

Harry gave a loud cackle and clapped, Flossie shrieking too as Steve then moved two down and repeated the action with a slightly smaller one that would sit in the entrance lounge directly in front of the photo of the pair of them at their wedding, so it would be the first thing anyone saw as they walked into the house.

Emmy strode past the tree to one that was behind it and then nodded to Pete “I think this one will do. I kinda like the way it fans out at the bottom.”

“Sure, Em.” He smiled “Mr R?”

“Oh, here.” Steve handed him the saw and watched as Pete cut his and Emmy’s first Christmas tree down, his arm round Katie’s waist, lips softly kissing Flossie’s cheek as the baby grinned. He arched an eyebrow as Emmy pressed a kiss to Pete’s lips, giving a soft huff as Katie dug him in the ribs, shooting him a warning glance which he returned with an innocent one of his own.

“Well, that was easy.” Emmy commented “It took us 2 hours last year.”

“They need to be right.” Katie shrugged simply, Steve and Emmy exchanging a look before Steve watched as Pete hoisted his tree easily onto his shoulder. It still surprised Steve how strong Peter was, even though it shouldn’t, he knew he was enhanced after all.

“I’ll take Rori’s, Dad.” Jamie stepped forwards, puffing his chest out a little, picking the smaller tree up easily and placing it on his shoulder, in an identical manner to Pete. Steve actively fought the urge to laugh as Jamie began to walk besides Peter and Emmy, clearly proud as punch at being able to help before he turned to Katie.

“Don’t say it.”

Katie laughed “Oh I’m gonna.” she smirked “If he was any more like you I’d be convinced he was a clone.”

Steve snorted as he bent down and easily lifted their two trees onto his shoulders, before they followed a little slower due to Harry being with them. Steve maneuvered around the other tree pickers as they went, his boot clad feet traipsing on the damp of the ground as they made their way back towards the main entrance and joined Pete, Emmy and Jamie at the place ready to pay. As the various helpers, all dressed in little Elf outfits bustled around to wrap their trees and strap them to the roof of the Audi, Katie was suddenly struck with a little problem.

“Hang on.” she turned to Emmy as she thanked the man who’d been dealing with and handed over the cash. “How are you two gonna get home if Bucky and Sam left?”

At that Pete gave a little grin and pulled a set of keys out of his pocket, “Mr Wilson let me borrow his Chevvy.”

“Yeah they went home on Buck’s bike.” Emmy shrugged and at that Steve let out a huge laugh.

“What?” Katie asked.

“Sorry, I’m just picturing those two riding pillion.” He snorted “I give it five minutes before Sam ended up tells Buck to let him off on account of him driving his Ducatti like a maniac.”

“You’ve no room to talk.” Katie scoffed and Steve looked at her with mock outrage.

“Mom?” Jamie asked and Katie turned to him “Can we get a drink now please?”

“Sure, come on.” She smiled and they headed over to the stall. She purchased a hot cider each for her, Steve, Emmy and Pete before hot chocolate for each of the kids along with a selection of donuts, churros and Stollen as Steve took Flossie back to the car so they could pop her in the stroller. They made their way over to one of the benches by the side and sat down and Steve returned, parking Flossie besides them before he handed her a piece of a donut and slipped his arm round Katie, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“You have a good time?” he asked.

“Yeah.” She beamed, before she glanced over at the other side of the bench. Jamie was settled to Emmy’s left, talking to her about school, as she nodded along whilst Rori was perched on Peter’s knee as she animatedly told him about how she was going to decorate her tree in unicorn colours. Harry meanwhile sat in between both Pete and Emmy, his little frame chewing on a donut as he grinned at his parents who smiled back. Katie turned to look a Steve again, leaning up to kiss him softly “It’s been perfect, thank you for making sure we were all together.”

“Well it wouldn’t be a Rogers Christmas otherwise would it?” he smiled, kissing her again.

“Get a room.” Emmy grumbled and Steve turned to her as she smirked, shoving a piece of donut in her mouth.

“Watch it young lady.” Steve pointed at her.                      

“Daddy.” Rori asked “Can I go with Pete in their car to Target? I need decorations for my Princess Tree.”

Steve hesitated for a while and Pete hastily cut in “It’s no bother Mr Rogers.”

“Yeah we need some for ours.” Emmy nodded.”So we’re going anyway.”

“I come too?” Harry asked hopefully and Emmy shrugged

“If Momma and Daddy say it’s ok, course you can, squirt.”

Steve looked at Katie who shrugged “Fine by me. Sure you can manage them?”

Emmy rolled her eyes “They’re no bother.” She then turned to Jamie “You wanna come too?”

“Hell no.” he said hastily, peering round at Rori before he shook his head “I’m going home for some peace and quiet.”

Both Steve and Katie let out a loud laugh, as Katie shook her head “Oh Jamie.”

“What?” he frowned.

“Nothing pal.” Steve smiled, reaching for his cider. “Nothing at all.”

#ssholidaychallenge #sageandsweater

[causticsunshine]

i was tagged by both the lovely @dyingstars-x and @harrymegirlfriend to answer twenty questions about myself! this was a lot more candid than i anticipated but here we go~

💗what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

alex!

💗when is your birthday?

july 21st! cancer season baybee

💗where do you live?

in the US! i've been in the pacific northwest for about eight years but i'm definitely still a californian at heart

💗three things you’re doing right now?

1. jobhunting 2. trying to open my online shop 3. attempting™️ to finish deadline stuff and this HSLOT drawing i've been working on since saturday 🤞🤞

💗four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now?

i go through little phases where i have my one big primary interest—one dee since returning to it last summer—that sticks around for awhile and then some smaller, less involved ones that tend to come and go, so i'd say right now the only other 'fandom' i'm kinda in is for MDZ/the untamed/cql, even though i'm a very late member to the party!

💗how is the pandemic treating you?

okay i guess? i'd really like to be moved out already as being in therapy and gaining confidence since my big mental breakdown last fall—accompanied with quitting my job of nearly four years that didn't get me anywhere in life—i've realized how many unhealthy behaviors and mindsets are perpetuated in my household and how they're....really not good for me at all. but i also know i can't get to the place i'd like to be mentally and emotionally without moving out, i also can't move out until i find a 9-5 with bennies with all my health problems + me losing my insurance in the new year so it's been....a time.

buuuut besides the soul crushing terror of being an adult living at home with people who don't understand you, i'm confident now and a lot of my mindsets have changed to healthier ones and i've regained my love of art and being creative?

💗song you can’t stop listening to right now?

it's a combination of 'i wish i never met you' by loote, 'crowd' by sophie cates, and...... 'stay' by the kid laroi + justin bieber (although i think that one's just an earworm i need to work out lmao)

💗recommend a movie

i just got to rewatch 'cowboy bebop: the movie' and it's sooo fun....(spoilers) i know the ending of the anime is supposed to be purposefully open as it just covers a section of time in the characters' lives where they're all together but i kinda wish i'd watched the movie after as opposed to when it takes place because it's a little bit...of a nicer (and much clearer) wrap up!

💗how old are you?

twenty five 🧓

💗school, university, occupation, other?

currently jobhunting for a Boring grown up job just for some regularity and insurance (and $$ to get my ass OUT) but i want to take on freelance commission work again too! i dropped out of uni in like 2018 because the school i was going to kept fucking me over with credits just to get my associate's but maybe i'll go back one day.....maybe.....

💗do you prefer hot or cold?

HOT only because it's so gd cold and wet where i live now and even when the summers are warm they're super short and don't compensate for the months i spend not moving out of arthritis pain and freezing my ass off

💗name one fact others may not know about you.

i always come up with fun ones when i don't have any reason to share them lmao but i guess.....staying on-brand with 1d stuff, and i might've said this before, but louis gave me my first bout of gender envy that i recognized as actual gender envy when i was like, fifteen? and as i was coming out of my obvious emo phase into one more subdued, i totally dressed like twink louis for almost a year....haircut and everything....

if i can find the one photo i'm thinking of i'll post it but until then use your imagination sjkgdf

💗are you shy?

i can be? i think once i vibe with someone enough it becomes easy to talk to and open up to them but before that i can be pretty closed off and a bit impersonal.

💗do you have any preferred pronouns?

they/them!

💗any pet peeves?

i'm one of those 'people talking or random noise being made near me while i'm trying to concentrate on something fuels my murder response out of nowhere' people but otherwise...outside of common courtesy/manners stuff being ignore, i don't think so? although i genuinely hate when people walk right behind me or right in front of me...shit makes me anxious and ticks me off dfjkngdf i got shit to do!!

💗what’s your favourite “dere” type?

am i boring if i say tsundere just because it's relatable? although dorodere is kinda fun in the right setting....i love a good character twist!

💗rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be.

i'd say a 5? there's a lot more i want to do and achieve and things i know i could have right now if my ADHD and anxiety didn't still have such a death grip on me but i'm also in the best headspace i've been in in years so i'll take that as a win!

💗what’s your main blog?

this one!

💗list your side blogs and what they’re used for.

swmpwxtch is my art-only blog because i'm slow at finishing things and know there's no point trying to make this an 'art blog' when i reblog so much, and then prickelndauge is my insp blog (so if you're wondering why there's a startling lack of fashion and art on this blog, it's mostly over there!), then i have one for creepy/spooky stuff (bonepickng) because i know not a lot of people want to see that on main, aaaaand am-ref a ref blog for art tips, life things, donation pools, etc.! (and some old urls i have saved)

💗is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

at the risk of sounding like a YA protagonist: my heart is full of love and i try to be as understanding and open as i can be but i also have a very short bullshit fuse, so while i'm still happily understanding of certain behaviors and mindsets, if you cross the line that i put very bluntly in the sand, you're not crossing back over.

(ie i love my friends but don't be a dick and if you are you get one warning and that's all <3)

uhhh i know a lot of people got tagged already and have done this so! i'll be tagging @grimmpitch @hershelsue @niallnailme @dragmedown @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk @justmehernthemoon @non-binharry @genius0flove @mamaharry @theymetinthetoihlet @saintqueer and uhhh anyone else that would like to!! and if you've done this already please ignore me~

[writingsfromhome]

Josslyn

Request: Harry imagine based off the song Josslyn by Olivia O'Brien?

A/N: This was in my inbox for a while, but I finally finished it! It got a little long but I really wanted to set up a backstory. Hope it’s what you wanted! :)

Part 2

————————————————————-

My leg bounces under the table, eyeing everyone walking through the door until my best friend Regan walks in. The first day back to school always felt like hell on earth. It would be more unbearable if my best friend didn’t have the same homeroom as me.

“I want to die,” she drops into the seat in front of mine and turns around. “Like literally. I can’t wait to be done with this dump.”

“We just do it all over again in uni,” My stomach turns remembering what our final year meant. I didn’t even know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life and I had to choose this year. It was a scary thought.

“At least there’ll be more freedom, I won’t be living with my crazy family, and,” she pauses ticking each item on her fingers, and wiggles her eyebrows. “All the hot guys.”

“Is somebody talking about me?”

We turn and Harry Styles, class jock, stands above us with a pencil behind his ear and a shit-eating grin on his face.

“If we were, you would’ve heard ‘major douchebag loser’,” Regan rolls her eyes. I give Regan a look like what an idiot and she ignores him to continue on about her dream school. As hard as I concentrate though, I’m too aware of Harry walking around and settling into the seat behind me.

It had happened, over the summer-we had hooked up. I can’t say it was a shining time for me, I also didn’t reqret it quite as much as one might think.

It was at a party I was invited to while Regan was visiting her grandparents in New Jersey and I was getting lonely. He’d cornered me, made me feel less alone. The hookup lasted a week, before we were off, and then another two weeks in August. I quit him-like a habit-the week before school started.

I confessed to Regan, she’d warned me to avoid him during the year if I wanted to have a decent final year. So I didn’t know if him showing up in the first hour of senior year was a good sign or an omen.

“You girls have a good summer?” Harry asks behind me. Regan locks eyes with me-she would handle it.

“You’re sort of interrupting our conversation here. Maybe you should find a new seat if you wanted to make friends.”

A small laugh escapes me, I couldn’t help it.

“Y/N,” Harry calls me out. “Have you forgotten how to talk or you’re getting shy on me?”

I turn around, he was way too smug. “Regan’s said it perfectly, why do you need me to talk.”

“Just making sure you could,” his eyes flash with humour before he says casually: “I wasn’t sure if you’d worked your mouth too hard this summer that it stopped working or something.”

My jaw drops and I hear Regan gasp.

“Yeah, like that.” Harry points to my open mouth and it takes everything in me not to slap him. But then he does a strange thing, his mocking smile softens into a genuine one. His eyes crinkling like we were on the ins of a joke and the angry flame softens at the curve of his smile.

There was this one weekend where his parents had left town and we’d spent the whole time just binging bad movies, under covers, learning every inch of each other. I never thought it would be a calming feeling waking up and seeing Harry’s sleeping face on the pillow next to me but I had stared at it for what felt like an hour until I’d poked him awake and he’s just pulled me in to sleep longer.

“You’re disgusting,” I tell him now, but it doesn’t have the same rage it would have last year. He’d worn me down, and I know he only liked to wind me up because he thought it was hot. He’d said as much over the summer.

I turn just as our teacher walks in and class begins. Harry gets in trouble for talking to his friends, I ignore the note he throws my way, we’re told it’s the most important year in our life thus far and I almost fall asleep halfway. Just a typical day of high school.

***

It was near the end of the first week, already I had an essay and a project due in two weeks and a thousand pages of math. I was just happy it was Friday and Regan and I were going to do our regular end-of-the-week detox: Starbucks and driving around town.

“Don’t hate me,” Regan says as I approach her car. “But Adam just invited me with his friends to the mall and I know we were supposed to hang out but this is maybe the first time he actually looked me in the eye and talked to me so-“

“It’s okay,” I interrupt her even though I was bummed. “You’ve been trying to get him to notice you all year so...finally! we’ll hang out over the weekend.”

Regan hugs me. “Really? You’re okay? You could come with us. Or I can drop you home first...”

“I can take the bus,” I insist. “We rode the bus last year remember?”

“Ugh, too soon,” Regan shakes her head. “I’ll make it up to you I promise. He’s calling now I’ll see ya!”

I wave her off and begin the slow walk to the bus stop, thinking of things I could do tonight by myself. Someone whistles to my right and I look up. Harry waves his hand, standing by his car. My face flushes as I remember the things that went on in that back seat.

“Where’s a pretty girl like you going all alone?” Harry shouts. I sigh and walk up to him.

“Do you ever realise how predatory you sound?”

“I’m king of the jungle,” he gestures to the school. “Why wouldn’t I sound predatory.”

I cover my face, “Omg please shut up Harry do you even hear yourself? You’re such a-an-ugh!”

“Hey,” his hand peels mine off of my eyes and he holds it in his grip as he walks backwards until his back hits his car, pulling me along. “What’s the matter with you? Didn’t we have fun this summer-why do you act like you hate me?”

His honesty shuts me up. “I-I don’t. I never said I hated you.”

“You sure act like it,” he crosses his arms. “You ignore me in homeroom, roll your eyes every time I say something...”

“We had a fling Harry, we’re not dating each other.” I shrug, trying to tug my hand away from Harry but he holds tight. “There’s nothing more to it. And to be honest...you’ve always been kind of annoying.”

“You’re kind of annoying,” Harry smiles again, tugging my sleeve to bring me closer. I don’t even resist moving into his orbit and settling between his outstretched legs as his arms wrap around my waist.

The truth was being with Harry was nice. He was a cocky jerk who knew he was desirable but when I was with him all the noise in my head died down for a bit and I existed in the present. That’s how he lived: for the now. And even though we were only more than friends and less than together forever, we had something between us. I just had to make sure my heart didn’t get caught up in between it. I’d had too many guys break my heart like I’d told Harry about one day when he’d driven us to a beach and we’d spent most of the day laying in the sun. Something about being there made me open up. He’d said he didn’t want to hurt me like the boys before. So we’d kept things light.

“You have any plans tonight?” Harry asks, his eyes shamelessly on my lips. I feel the familiar flutter in my stomach. Even though Harry would get with any body with boobs, it still felt nice to be looked at like this. By him.

“Not anymore,” I say. “Regan cancelled last minute so-“

“You’re free?” Harry sounds happy. I nod and he lets me go to move to the passenger door. “Get in, where do you want to go?”

“I...” I move to the car and sit inside, I told myself-and Regan-this wouldn’t happen and yet. It was. But Regan did ditch me for Adam so, maybe this was just the alternative. “Regan and I usually just grab drinks and drive around with music on.”

“Can I drive you somewhere?” Harry asks. I smile, of course.

***

Harry ends up taking me to a drive-in theatre. I’d never been to one and the excitement is all over my face. “It’s exactly like the old photos!” I squeal as he leans over and pushes my seat back. He does the same to his. “Have you been here before?”

“My family used to come here when we younger,” Harry smiles. I grin back at him and soon we’re locked in a staring contest because neither of us can look away. I open my mouth to say something but Harry moves forward, cupping my face to pull me to him. All common sense flies out the window as I get lost in his kiss. I tug at his hair the way he likes it and he presses me against the door as he kisses me harder, the handle jabbing my back but I didn’t even care. I’d missed Harry even though it had only been a week. His hands roam lower and lower until they stop as someone knocks on his window.

“Hello!” A muffled voice shouts from his window. We force each other apart. Harry looks at me with a drunken look on his face-eyes half lidded, a lopsided smile...and I’m sure I looked the same. We check who was at his door and it’s the girl bringing us our snacks.

“Harry?” She says as we roll down the window.

“Uh-oh-oh hey, Josslyn right? Long time!”

Harry grabs the drinks from...Josslyn, who looked familiar, and passes them to me to put in the dashboard holder we’d received when we entered. I keep an eye on the interaction as Josslyn goes from professional to flirty in under a second.

“Uh yeah because you never responded to any of my messages over the summer! How have you been? You look so good!”

“Yeah I’m good, I didn’t know you worked here?”

“My parents own the thing,” she glances back. “I have to work here when it gets busy.”

“No way,” Harry’s now fully interested in their conversation with his back to me and I feel a little left out. “I used to come here all the time as a kid did your parents own it back then?”

“Yeah! They took over from my grandparents. We definitely saw each other as kids cuz I was here all the time. Like every summer. I know every single lyric to every single summer hit from 1999 to present.”

“That’s impressive,” Harry laughs. I pick at the m&ms off the popcorn, feeling slightly jealous even though it didn’t make sense to be. Harry and I weren’t exclusive or anything, he wasn’t mine and I wasn’t his.

“Well I gotta go get the next order but we should catch up some time,” Josslyn puts her hand on Harry’s arm. “My number’s the same: if you’ve been ignoring my texts like I think you were then you should have it in your phone. Maybe we can recreate old times.”

With a wink, she’s gone and Harry clears his throat as he goes through his phone. His chuckle when he finds her texts irritates me.

“So like, do you have a lot of girls texting you that you just ignore?”

“What?” Harry looks up like he’d forgotten I was even there. “No, we just have some history. The texts were...funny.”

If I was a crazy girlfriend I would’ve demanded to see those texts but I was neither crazy or his girlfriend so I just look forward, kicking off my shoes and folding my legs into myself. I didn’t want to feel this way but I couldn’t help it.

“You’re not jealous are you?” Harry sneaks closer to me, clearly intrigued that I could be. But I don’t give him the satisfaction.

“Why would I be jealous?”

“Right?” He puts his hand on my knee and it tingles. “She doesn’t mean anything anyway. Just someone from the past.”

“Like me someday,” I don’t know what makes me say it. Maybe I was just moody.

He furrows his brow, leaning back in his seat. “Y/N,” I look over at him but he looks like he’s struggling for words. I raise my eyebrow and he holds out his arm. “Come here.”

“Where?” I ask, looking him over. He sighs and in a single move he’s put one arm under my knees and the other around my back as he tries to lift me while seated.

“Harry stop!” I can’t help but laugh as the stick hits my bum, my knees spill the overflow of popcorn, and we knock heads. “What are you doing!”

Harry laughs and motions to me, “Just c’mere!”

I oblige, twisting my body to straddle him in the front seat. I make sure not to lean back-I’d done that in the past and blared the horn. I’d learned since then.

“What?” I ask, pretending to still be upset but the ridiculous move minutes earlier had already washed it away. He moves my hair behind my ear and holds my face above his.

“You’re lovely,” he says and I melt. He knows it.

“I wasn’t jealous,” I mumble as he peppers my neck with kisses, “I just...” the words already slip away from me.

“Mhm,” he hums.

***

“Thanks,” I say to Harry. We’re parked outside my house and we hesitate to leave each other. The movie was fun, Harry was distracting throughout but that just added to the fun.

“Your parents home?” Harry asks innocently.

“Yes,” I roll my eyes. I check the time, it was nearly 11pm. I’d told them I would be home by 10 but I knew they would be asleep so I had pushed my luck. “Where else would they be?”

Harry shrugs, “My parents are out of town again.”

He scratches at a scab on his hand, hiding his face. After spending time with Harry, I knew his parents weren’t around much what with high profile jobs and travelling all over. His house was huge but empty and it made Harry make a little more sense to me then. Right now though, he just wanted to get me in bed.

“I’d invite you in but if you were caught, my funeral would be Sunday.”

“I’d come in a disguise,” Harry reaches for my hand and threads his fingers through it. “And jump into the grave after you, I’d be as dramatic as possible.”

“Harry you’re mistaken,” I say. “Your funeral would be the exact same day.”

Harry laughs and kisses my hand, “Then we’d just find each other in the afterlife yeah?”

I lean towards him and kiss him tenderly, I try to stop myself but it feels like I’m falling and I remember Regan’s words as I cave and sneak him into my room, hushing him as he bumps into every possible piece of furniture. But I forget it all the second we get under covers only to find him gone the next morning with a text promising me coffee on my front porch.

***

“Kiss any hot guys over the weekend?” Harry whispers in my ear Monday morning. It was a couple weeks since I’d snuck him into my room and we had been seeing each other pretty regularly. Harry sat with Regan and I at lunch sometimes despite her glares, and threw me notes often in class that were just bad drawings. But there were days where he would be distant and I would see him flirting with another girl. I would have to scold myself then, even though I was in his bed half the time we never said where we drew the line. Although I felt what I felt, I couldn’t expect any more from him.

This past weekend, Regan and I had driven to a few universities she was interested in and I could potentially be interested in. We’d crashed at a friend’s dorm before driving back Sunday afternoon. It gave me a small thrill that Harry might have been thinking about me kissing other guys even though he didn’t text me once.

“That depends on what you define as a hot guy,” I tease as I turn around but Harry looks annoyed.

“Oh,” he stares. “So you had fun over the weekend?”

His annoyance rubs me the wrong way, he could flirt with people and do whatever he wanted but he was annoyed at a joke? “Lots, not that you would know since you went awol yourself.”

Harry raises a brow but I just shrug and turn to the front. He was probably hanging out with other girls, not that I should care. But when it’s confirmed when Regan shows me the instagram story of someone she follows, I click through and find he was indeed. The picture shows him, a girl from our basketball team, and Josslyn on the beach getting high. My stomach churns for the rest of the day but I don’t dare bring it up. I just tell him we needed a break, maybe the distance would stop the obsession.

***

Harry was throwing one of his parties on Friday. With his parents gone most of the time it was the perfect place to host our class. This morning when he told Regan and I to swing by, I’d lingered behind and we’d made up. I was still nervous about the party, even though Harry and I were on again.

At the party, I hang out with Regan, Adam, and his friends for a bit. I talk to a few other friends and see some unfamiliar face. Harry catches up to me halfway through and apologises.

“I got caught up with everyone,” he says, his words softened with alcohol. I had seen glimpses of him with his friends, seen him flirt with a few girls when he came in but he ended up with me here so I don’t hold onto it.

“That’s okay,” I place my hand without a drink on his chest, feeling the steady heartbeat underneath. “You’re here now.”

He wraps his arms around me, “You’re staying the night right?” He whispers in my ear. It tickles and I giggle.

“As long as you don’t get too drunk.”

“So you won’t help me out if I get too drunk?” He pouts.

I laugh, about to say something but someone comes up to us in our private moment. Josslyn.

“Harry! Thanks for the invite!” Josslyn puts her arms out so Harry lets go of me to give her a hug. I try to wash away the possessive paranoia with my beer but I feel it creeping up. Josslyn glances over at me and I give her a smile.

“Hey,” I say awkwardly.

“Hi! You’re from the drive-in right?”

I was surprised she remembered me considering she didn’t even look at me that day. “Yeah, the same one.”

“Ooh,” she glances between us. “So are you two like dating or something?”

“Uhm...” Harry and I awkwardly look at one another as we try to find the right words. “Not really-“ I start to say as Harry says, “We just hang out...”

“That makes sense,” she flashes her eyes at Harry and I feel more insecure than ever. It reminds me that they did hang out together on the beach, maybe more often than I knew. Harry looks unbothered though. “So I can steal Harry away for a bit? You don’t mind? It’s been a while since we caught up!”

“I don’t own him,” I fake laugh even though I want to shout leave us alone liar!

I watch them leave, a sinking feeling in my stomach as Harry only glances my way before leaving. I stumble from group to group after that, finally locating Regan in a game of beer pong. I cheer her on and almost convince myself I was having fun but I continue to scan the room for Harry. My phone finally buzzes later in the night, Harry was upstairs asking me to come up.

“Harry?” I ask quietly as I knock on his door and peer around the corner. He’s laying on his floor shirtless and his room needs airing out. I sigh and open his window. “Where did you get the weed?”

“What? I didn’t do anything,” Harry says from the floor. “Where were you?”

“I was downstairs, at your party. You disappeared with Josslyn.” I can’t hide the edge in my voice.

“She shared her stash,” Harry says, his voice a low rumble. “We just talked about life.”

“Right, is this all she does?” It seemed Harry and her only ever got high together. “Did you want anything? I was watching Regan win and I’d like to go back if I’m here for no reason.”

“No wait,” he gets up slowly and walks to me, trying to kiss me but I pull away.

“I’m not interested right now Harry,” I push his arms off me. All I knew was he left with Josslyn and ended shirtless on his floor, high and alone. Who knows what they did.

“I was alone this whole time,” Harry tries to convince me. “She left a long time ago.”

“She left that too?” I point to a tanktop draped on his bed.

“That’s....that’s yours?” Harry says.

“Oh right, I forgot what my own fucking clothes look like.”

I stomp to the door but he calls out, “You’re making it a big deal! Nothing happened!”

I didn’t trust that. Not when he lied to my face like that.

***

At school on Monday, Harry tries to talk to me but I ignore him all morning. He forces me into an empty classroom and tries to win me over but I push him away as a teacher walks in and tells us to leave.

“Y/N,” Harry whines. “It’s not a big deal come on! She’s just an old friend!”

“Did you date her?” I demand, finally stopping by my locker.

“No I-we didn’t date. She’s just an old friend.”

“You keep mentioning,” I roll my eyes.

“Because it’s true, babe.” Harry touches my arm. “Listen. Nothing happened.” When I don’t respond he takes it as in invitation to ask if I wanted to do homework at his place after school. I tell him I’d see.

I end up going. We don’t do a lot of homework.

***

A couple weeks go by without a snag, I finally settle into a rythm for senior year and join the basketball team with Regan for our final year. I go over the endless decisions of what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, and on weekends, I would hang out with Harry at his place.

It’s our first game of the season and Regan and I are doing our warmups as we watch the bleachers fill with friends and our rival school.

“Will Harry be here?” Regan asks, although she still didn’t like him she had accepted she would see him from time to time.

“I thought he would. Maybe I should call him.”

I leave the loud gym and duck into the locker room. There’s only two other people, so I shuffle to the side and call Harry.

“Y/N,” he picks up on the fourth ring, he sounds out of breath. “What’s up?”

“Harry,” I say cautiously. “Where are you? I thought you were coming to our first game?”

“Oh shit uh yeah,” he sounds panicked. “I uh can’t-really uhm-.”

I hear a laugh and muffled noise, like Harry had dragged his microphone against his shirt. “Babe I can’t see you right now okay? I’ll swing by at halftime.”

“Oh okay...” before I can say anything he’d hung up. That was weird, unless I was overthinking it. But I remember the muffled noises in the back-he was with someone else.

I slowly put my phone back in my bag and look up, the one girl from my team, I think her name was Valentina. She stays near her locker but she’s obviously listening to my conversation. I don’t think much of it, and head out to find Regan. Screw Harry, we had a game to win.

I take my position as forward and Regan and I exchange fierce looks before smiling. I look around at our rival team, recognising a few from last year. And that’s when I realise why Josslyn looked familiar to me. She stands exactly diagonally from me, already looking at me-I remember her from semi-finals last year.

She narrows her eyes and I do a double take, maybe she was just being friendly competitive. But as the first quarter progresses, she gets aggressive, coming over to my side even when she should be on hers, and making sure to check me as she runs past. I glance at the referree but she doesn’t notice a thing. What was going on?

I ask Regan before the second quarter begins but she hadn’t noticed. She tells me she’d keep an eye out and once the whistle blows for halftime she runs up to me.

“She has it in for you, what did you do to her?” Regan whispers.

“Nothing!” I shout-whisper. “She’s an ‘old friend’ of Harry’s but I don’t know what I did to her...she hates me!”

“She wants to kill you Y/N, I have never-“

“Hey Y/N,” Regan’s interrupted by Harry who finally shows up. I continue drinking my water as he stands there uncomfortably. “Uh, I’m sorry I’m late?”

“Missing the first half isn’t late,” Regan pipes in for me. “It’s missing half the game.”

“Well...sorry for missing half the game,” Harry says but it doesn’t actually sound like he’s sorry. Just on the edge of annoyance. “Could I talk to you alone Y/N?”

I glance at Regan and let her know I was okay. She makes a show of being annoyed and goes to find Adam.

“What do you want?” I ask.

“To say I’m sorry,” Harry says again.

“About?” I raise my eyebrow. There was something he wasn’t telling me, everything about today was off from our phone call to the way Josslyn was attacking me on the court. Speaking of, I glance around and notice her staring at us.

“You know,” Harry doesn’t meet my eye. “Missing your first game and stuff.”

“Okay,” I watch the timer count down our halftime and I needed a water refill. “I’ll catch up with you later. Your ‘old friend’ Josslyn is here if you want to hang out with her!”

Harry stares at me like he’s trying to figure me out, my sarcasm lost on him. I raise my eyebrow which makes him stop. He kisses my cheek and walks to the bleachers. Weird.

***

When we switch sides, Josslyn must’ve negotiated with someone because she stands opposite me.

“Bring it on 15,” Josslyn calls me by my number as we wait for the whistle. She didn’t even know my name.

“Likewise,” I crouch down. “We don’t lose on home turf.”

“Too bad you already lost on home turf,” she says just as the whistle blows and she’s off. My head spins as I try to figure out what she meant and I end up missing a pass. My teammates shoot me a look and I try to focus. But Josslyn continues to taunt me and try to mess with me. By the end of it, we win by three and I gloat as much as I want to.

Until Valentina corners me in the changeroom.

“Hey, Y/N. I know we don’t talk much but can we talk? Girl-to-girl?”

I walk towards the windows and she follows. “What’s up Val?”

“I...don’t know how to say this. I’ve been friends with Harry for a while and Josslyn too...” As soon as I hear the name I realise it was her instagram Regan had shown me. And that’s why she was eavesdropping on the conversation. Her and Josslyn were friends. “...a couple times but you should know she doesn’t care he’s with you. I tried to tell her he had a girlfriend but she said he didn’t? I think they...hang out if you know what I mean.”

My ears ring as I stare at Val, what she’s trying to tell me. I couldn’t believe it, I’d been so stupid. Of course that’s what was going on.

“Thanks,” I say abruptly and turn around to grab my stuff from my locker. Letting Regan know I’d meet her at her car. My mind was heaving as everthing clicked into place. Harry’s party, Val’s stories that weekend I was away, how he had lied to my face...the other voice on the line when he said he couldn’t come to the first half. It was Josslyn. He was with Josslyn.

I’m still in my shorts, only having changed my shirt. But I storm out and find Harry at his car where he said he would be.

“Hey Y/N, where are we celebrat-“

“Josslyn,” I say and Harry shuts up. “You and Josslyn? Really? It’s one thing to do it and another thing to fucking lie to me for weeks!”

“Okay wait, can we talk somewhere-“

“No!” I shove Harry in his chest and he stumbles into his car. “I-I’m such an idiot! Everyone told me this would happen and I thought okay, he’s a player and a flirt but at least he doesn’t lie! But you lie like the truth is a chore, you’re scum just like everyone said you were!”

“Wait!” Harry shouts as I leave. “You can’t be this angry with me, it didn’t mean anything! And we aren’t even together Y/N!”

“You’re really playing that card?” I spin around. “We never drew the line but read the fucking signs Styles, I thought we made it clear how we felt. You didn’t even care at all did you?”

I ignore what he says and head back, towards Regan’s car to wait for her. People in the lot stare but I don’t care. And to make it worse, I walk past a group of the other team on my way to Regan’s car and Josslyn is one of them. She smirks and I want to strangle her.

“I told you you’d already lost,” she says as I shoot her a dirty look.

“It’s not called losing when he was never worth having,” I stick up my middle finger and use my rage to propel me the rest of the way without breaking down. As soon as I sit in Regan’s car, I break down. She doesn’t say anything, just turns up the music and we go for a drive.

***

Harry tries to speak to me. Through text or calls, he tries to pass me notes and tap my shoulder but Regan offers to switch seats and I accept it. I was torn between feeling absolutely nothing and wanting to cry into a tub of ice cream. Mostly I was angry, at Harry but also myself.

After practice on Thursday, I walk towards the bus stop with my gym bag bouncing off my knees. Regan couldn’t make practice so I didn’t have a ride, but I didn’t mind-I could use the time to clear my head....Until the very person I was trying to clear away falls into step with me. Harry.

“Y/N can we talk? You’re avoiding me and I feel really bad about what happened I just want to talk.”

“Nothing to talk about,” I pick up my pace.

“I’m sorry okay? I fucked up but we were never an item Y/N! We never said what we were. It didn’t mean anything with Joss.”

He hits the nail on the head, the same thing I was angry at myself about. I try to continue my steely silence but I couldn’t, not with the way he says her name.

“I know that Harry, we never said where we drew the line, but I’m sure you read the signs. You knew what we had was different. But I guess you had to go and ruin it just so you could get a quick fuck and I’m sure you had fun doing it too so I’ll leave you to her. I don’t care anymore.”

“Y/N wait don’t say that! Don’t give up on us! It-it wasn’t like that! I didn’t know...wait!” Harry falls behind as I continue speed walking but he catches up at the bus shelter. There’s no one else waiting so it’s hard to ignore him.

“Y/N, it just happened. I didn’t mean to hurt you, it just happened.”

I snort, not amused in the least. “You were hanging out with her whenever we were off, maybe when we were on too. It was bound to happen,” I turn and watch for the bus so I didn’t have to look at his face, “those things don’t just happen. They don’t.”

“Okay listen, we can take a break. If you want space I can give that to you. I hate fighting, Y/N you mean something to me. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I’m thinking now just please. I never said it before but you mean a lot to me, you’re different Y/N...I’m different around you and I-well I-“

“Harry,” I force him to stop. I didn’t want him to say the words out of desperation. Not like this. Not from him. I see the bus off in the distance, finally. “Harry you act like you’re the victim but you hurt me, you lied to me like telling the truth was a chore to you. You’re right though. I was never yours. I don’t want to fight...I just never wanna talk again.”

Harry opens his mouth to say something just as the bus pulls up. I turn to face him once more.

“Don’t call me, what we had...whatever is was, is over.” I turn as the doors open but not before saying: “I hope that it was worth it, fucking Josslyn.”

His mouth opens in disbelief, the same mouth I used to dream about when it wasn’t kissing me, and be consumed by when it was. The person I knew would ruin me but I thought might turn out different. The guy I toed a line with but will never cross. Especially not anymore.

I flash my card to the bus driver and hoist my bag onto my shoulder as I shuffle further into the bus. My legs ache from practice and my stomach rumbles as I sit. This was senior year, it’d been fun but this was my future. Harry wasn’t the kind of guy who was ever going to be in my future.

As the bus groans and moves forward, I look out the window. Harry sits at the bus stop with his head in his hands, maybe this was a turning point for him. Maybe he was going to change. Maybe he wasn’t. But I couldn’t stick around to find out. I decided I was going to move on, and leave him in the dust with his Josslyn.

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Forever

A Very Rogers Christmas Part 1- The Best Things In Life Are Tree

Summary: It’s that time of year again and the Rogers family prepare to go and pick their Christmas tree. But when Emmy calls with a bit of bad news, it puts a little downer on the whole thing for Katie and Steve decides to call in reinforcements to pull off the best Christmas Heist he can…

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: So here we go, Part 1 of my Stark Spangled 2020 Christmas special- A Very Rogers Christmas.  This one was written for For @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ and @sagechanoafterdark ‘s Winter/Holiday Challenge.

Prompt- Finding the PERFECT Tree.

"Daddy, I found something else I want to ask Santa for, for Christmas." Rori bounced into the study and Steve closed his eyes on the papers he was trying to grade and sighed. "I bet you have." He mumbled before he glanced up at his daughter and couldn't help but smile at her as she skipped over to him, her long pony tail swinging behind her "What is it, Princess?" "A capybara." she said, scrambling up onto his lap. "A what?" Steve frowned. "A capybara. Look!" she turned the tablet she was holding towards him to show him a picture of the brown animal "They're like huge guinea pigs. I saw one at the zoo with Uncle Buck yesterday and when I said I wanted one he told me to tell you that I was gonna ask Santa." "Course he did." Steve sighed, mentally cursing his asshole best friend. "You know, Rori, don't think Santa can get you one of those." "Why not?" "It’s too big." He attempted “There’s nowhere for us to keep it.” "Our garden is huge!" Rori blinked at him. "And when Emmy and Petey move into the Tower he can live in the cabin." Trust her to be as damned smart as her mother. "They're wild animals honey." Steve shook his head as he tried attempt number two. "But they live in a zoo." Rori looked up at him, her face full of eager excitement “That’s not the wild.” "Yeah but that’s different." Steve reasoned patiently. "They're not like dogs or cats or regular guinea pigs. They need very special care.” "Oh." Rori looked down a little, her shoulders slumping and Steve sighed.

Fuck you, Bucky.

"Okay. Never mind." She clicked off the screen of her tablet and turned towards Steve, looking up at him with those damned green eyes. "Do you think he could get me a kitty instead?"

No, just say no… "Maybe."

Way to go, Rogers. Rori's eyes lit up and Steve inwardly groaned. It was a well-known fact in their house that whenever Dad said maybe, it meant yes. Fuck.

“I love you Daddy!” she beamed, reaching up to press a kiss to his bearded cheek before she hopped off his lap and skipped towards the door “Oh, me and momma are going to make gingerbread men for tomorrow so we can have them when we decorate the tree.”

“Can’t wait baby.” He smiled

“Are you gonna be working tomorrow afternoon?” she asked a little shyly and he shook his head.

“No, I promise.”  He assured her. “All day tomorrow is family day.”

She gave him another huge smile, one that truly warmed his entire being as it made her look even more like his wife, and then headed out of the room, her feet pattering on the tiles of the hallway as she skipped back into the other part of the house. Steve exhaled and looked back down at the paper, groaning as he realised he’d lost his place. He’d been home early that afternoon hoping for more peace and quiet than he got in his office at the University to concentrate on getting through all these and for the most it had worked, until Jamie and Rori had arrived home from school full of it as usual. Katie had kept them out of his way for the most but the realisation that Christmas was well on the way had hit the eldest two and whipped them up into a fever.

Not that Steve particularly cared. He adored this time of year. It was Katie’s holiday and from the day after Thanksgiving the Christmas period started in full throttle in the Rogers household, and they’d picked tomorrow, 2 weeks before the schools broke up, to go and pick the trees for their lounge and hallway. He was a little disappointed that it hadn’t snowed yet, there had been a good covering the previous year but, still it was set to be a cold and dry day so they could still get bundled up and have their hot chocolate and snacks as usual.

He rubbed at his eyes and focussed, reading through the paper in front of him on the ‘Strategy, Diplomacy and politics of Axis and Allied forces in WW2’, wishing to God he was marking something on the course he was actually employed to teach now- Fine Arts- but all those had been done and graded last week. This was the module of History that he taught, because as the Uni said- he was a living, breathing expert.

Aparently.

An hour or so later he finished red-penning the final six paged essay, with a proud smile as that one had been particularly good and he quickly checked it over once more, making sure he’d captured all the notes on the electronic copy and queued it up to send on Monday, just like Katie had shown him how to, so that each student had the hard copy and soft copy back. He stood up, stretched, turned off his laptop and headed through to the main area of the house, the smell of baking and cooking hitting his nostrils as he went.

He walked into the kitchen to find Rori kneeling on one of the tall stools over the island-slash-breakfast bar, her hands and face smeared in pink icing as she decorated a gingerbread man, her little tongue poking out of the side of her mouth in concentration. Katie was stood supervising Harry who was also covered in frosting, this one bright green. Flossie sat in the highchair opposite, banging a spoon on the tray occasionally letting out a yell or babble of something incoherent. As soon as she saw Steve she gave a huge grin and her shouts became louder and he smiled.

“Hi Floss-Floss!” he beamed, crossing to drop a kiss to her head before he looked across at Katie “Where’s Jamie?”

“Upstairs in his room.” Katie gave a little sigh “He said, and I quote, ‘I’m ten now, far too old to decorate gingerbread, mom.’ I could have cried there and then Steve.” She finished with a pout.

Steve gave her a sympathetic smile, the fact her eldest baby boy was growing up was something he knew she hated “Yeah, I bet he won’t be too old to eat them, though.” He appeased and she smiled.

“That’s what I said.” Rori gave a dramatic roll of her eyes and Steve chuckled.

“You finished Grading?” Katie asked as she gently guided Harry’s hand over the cookie shaped like a Christmas tree.

“Yeah, all done. Sorry it took so long.”

“It’s okay.” She looked up at him, smiling “Your dinner is in the oven. I already ate with the kids. Sorry, I was starving.”

“I didn’t expect you to wait.”  Steve walked over the room and dropped a kiss to her cheek. “Thanks, Sweetheart.”

He made his way over to the Aga stove and opened the door, giving a little groan when he saw she’d done his favourite, a Mac and Cheese bake laced with chicken, chorizo and broccoli. He turned to look at her and didn’t miss the flicker of a smile on her face as she knew what he was thinking, before he pulled out the plate giving a yell as it burnt his fingers, dropping it onto the side with a clatter.

“Careful daddy, hot!” Harry turned to face him, and Katie burst out laughing.

“Yeah, thanks Son.” Steve tried not to roll his eyes as he sucked his thumb. Grabbing a tea-towel he gripped the plate, found some cutlery and sat down at the table to the side of the kitchen, tucking in.

“I finished all mine, Momma.” Rori grinned, placing the tube of squeezy frosting down on the side. Steve watched as Katie moved to look over Rori’s shoulder.

“Good job sweetie.” She smiled, “Creative, I’ve never seen a pink cat before.”

Steve paused and looked at Rori as she grinned “I know they’re not really pink, and my kitty won’t be, but it can have a pink collar.”

At that he winced and hastily shoved another forkful of food into his mouth, praying that the conversation stopped there.

Katie sighed “Rori we’ve been over this, you can’t have a cat.”

“Daddy said I could.”

Shit.

Katie’s eyes shot to Steve and he gave her his best innocent look, but from the way her features grew stern he knew he was utterly busted and he swallowed the food in his mouth which turned to cement in his throat.

“No, that’s not what I said.” Steve shook his head.

“You said maybe.” Rori shrugged “Same thing.”

“We getting a kitty?” Harry asked, looking at Katie.

“No.” she shook her head.

“But I asked Daddy if Santa would bring me one and he said maybe.” Rori looked at Katie.

“Well Daddy is wrong.” She glared at Steve and he visibly shrank in his seat. Katie’s green eyes narrowed before they turned back to Rori. “Santa can’t bring live animals. It’s in the rules.”

“What rules?”

“The Christmas Rules” Katie said quickly “No live animals. It’s not fair on them. They don’t like the sleigh.”

“But…”

“No buts Rori.” Katie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose “I’m sorry honey, but it’s not gonna happen.”

Rori pouted a little but she knew when she was beat and glanced down at the cookies on the tray before she looked up, grinning smugly. “I’ll just ask Uncle Bucky to get me one. He got me Dory.”

“Oh for the love of…” Katie spluttered “Uncle Bucky won’t get you one either.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’ll tell him not to.” Katie looked at her “We have Stark. No more animals.”

Rori folded her arms and at that point Steve stepped in, sensing an impending tantrum.

“Aurora.” He said sternly and she turned her head to face him as he pointed his fork at her. “Enough.”

She glared at him before she sighed and looked at Katie “Can I get down now please?”

Katie obliged and pulled her stool out a little allowing Rori to hop down. “Stay right there little miss.”

“Why?” Rori frowned as Katie headed to the sink, coming back with a cloth. With a groan, Rori held out her hands so Katie could wipe them clean, along with the little smear of icing on her face “20 minutes and then its bath time. We’re up early in the morning.”

“Ooh, yeah!” Rori bounced excitedly “To pick our trees. Hey, can I get one for my room?”

Katie hesitated before she shrugged “You know, I saw some in the shop that already have the lights on and they change colour. We’ll get a big one for the lounge and hallway like normal and I’ll get you a special one. And you get to keep it for next year and the year after.”

Rori pondered this for a moment before she shook her head “I want a real one from the farm.”

Katie groaned, and threw her hands out to the side “Fine, just, go and watch TV or something in the Play Room.”

“I watch TV too please, Momma?” Harry asked and Katie nodded, cleaning him up too before she lifted him down off the stool. He toddled after Rori, yelling for her to wait and as soon as they were gone Katie rounded on Steve.

“Honey, I…” he began and winced as she exploded on him.

“Seriously? A damned cat?”

“She caught me unawares.”

“She always catches you unawares!” Katie scoffed “After six, almost seven years I’d have thought you’d be used it by now.”

“I only said-“

“And as usual I’m left to be the bad guy.” Katie ranted, shaking her head as she moved to turn Flossie’s chair so she was facing the table. “You’re an asshole.”

“This is technically Bucky’s fault.”

“Oh, no, Steven Grant Rogers! Don’t you are try and blame this one on Buck.” She hissed.

“But he took her to the zoo and told her to ask for a capybara!” Steve practically whined “When I said no she asked for a cat, the maybe just slipped out.” Katie paused, her arms folded, face furious and Steve peered up at her giving her a little smile “Don’t be mad, come on baby. I didn’t mean it.”

“You’re still an asshole.” She grumbled, before she crossed to the fridge and pulled out the wine. “And for that you can deal with bedtime. I’m going for a bath.”

“Sure, not a problem.” Steve nodded, swallowing more of his food. Katie poured herself a large glass before she moved to put the bottle back and then changed her mind. With the bottle in one hand, full glass in the other she made for the door. “I love you.” Steve shot as she passed him, and despite her annoyed demeanour, the slight smile that played on her face told him he wasn’t in too much trouble.  

****

All kids were bathed and in bed little over an hour later. The youngest three settled down to sleep, Jamie instructed he had an hour of TV or reading time before lights off.

“Ok Dad.” He nodded, running his hand through his hair as he tidied up his games console a little, Stark curled up on the bed.

“I’ll be in to check.” Steve looked at him, and Jamie rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, I got it. You can trust me.”

“I know.” Steve gave a chuckle “Night son.” He crossed the room to drop a kiss to his head and Jamie pushed him away.

“Gerroff, I’m ten.”

“Yeah, well, you’re still my kid so…” Steve grumbled, and Jamie burst into laughter as the pair of them began to play fight, Jamie digging Steve in the ribs with a well-aimed jab. “Ouch! “ Steve stood up, rubbing at his side, that had hurt a little too much for his liking. “Nice shot.”

“Bucky said I had a good right hook.”

Steve rolled his eyes “I don’t wanna know how he even found that out.”

“He has a punch bag in the garage.” Jamie shrugged as he flopped down onto his bed. “Like yours. He was teaching me to swing.”

“I could teach you that.” Steve replied, a little petulantly.

“Will you?”

“No. You’re ten.” He shot back and Jamie let out a groan of frustration, before Steve chuckled “Ok, I’ll teach you a little IF you promise not to use it anywhere but on the punch bag.”

“But what if I need to use it?”

“Well, that’s different.” Steve pondered, before he shook his head. “But you’re far too young to be getting into situations like that.”

“Uncle Buck said you were fighting people form the age of six. And getting your ass kicked.”

“Well, you do as I say…”

“Not as I do, yeah I got it.” Jamie grinned and Steve arched an eyebrow before he made his way to the door. He paused and turned back to look at his son, not for the first time taking in how damned tall and broad he was for his age. He pointed to Stark “Don’t let your mother catch him on the bed.”

“You know she says the same thing about you.” Jamie looked at him and Steve chuckled.

“I do, but let’s just pretend I don’t okay?”

“Okay, night dad. Love you.”

“Love you too.” Steve smiled, closing the door behind him.

He made his way back downstairs and into the lounge, and paused as he saw Katie talking into the laptop, her eyes brimming with tears.

“Don’t worry about it.” She said softly, and he could tell she was fighting to keep her face straight as Emmy’s voice came from the other side.

“I’m just gutted we can’t get home to come with you guys for the tree.”

“What’s going on?” Steve frowned as he sat next to Katie on the sofa, looking at Emmy and Peter as they both waved to him on the screen “Hey Kids.”

“The UK has been caught up in a huge snow storm.” Katie turned to him. “Their flight has been cancelled.”

“Bummer.” Steve’s frown deepened “Is there nothing from another airport?”

“Not in London.” Emmy shook her head “And the roads are that bad, even if we managed somewhere else…”

“Don’t wanna risk driving Mr R.” Pete shrugged and Steve had to give it to him, that was a sensible move.

“Wise decision.” Steve bit his lip, before he turned to Katie “Can we not get The Stark jet over? You guys should have used that anyway, not gone commercial.”

The irony of his statement didn’t pass him by, as there’d been a time when he had hated using a private jet as he felt it was ostentatious, but he’d fast learned to live with it as it was less hassle and a damned sight comfier and quicker too.

“I told you we didn’t want to.” Emmy shot back and Peter hastily cut in to prevent an argument.

“Already tried Happy before we called. He can’t get in any airfield be it private or other. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Katie shook her head “If you need anything just call. Have you got a place to stay?”

“Yeah, The Savoy found us another room.” Emmy shrugged before she grimaced “I’m gonna have to put it on my credit card though.”

“Don’t worry about that.” Katie shook her head “Just do what you gotta do, we’ll sort the bill out. Do you need us to wire you some cash or-“

“No, we’ve got enough between us for that.” Pete smiled “Just the hotel. We could get somewhere cheaper if that’s-“

“If it’s that bad out there you can stay where you are.” Steve shook his head. “Don’t worry about the money kids, it’s not important.”

“Just call us if you need anything.” Katie added.

“Thanks Mom. Look, we’re gonna go try and get something to eat and then sleep” Emmy sighed “It’s past 1 am now.”

“Sure, call us tomorrow okay, keep us updated.” Steve instructed and Emmy nodded.

“Will do. Love you both.”

“And you.” Katie smiled “Stay safe, and look after each other.”

“Got it.” Emmy grinned and with that she blew them both a kiss as Peter waved and the screen went blank.

Katie bit her lip before she tapped at the keyboard of her laptop “I’m going to send her some money, just in case. I know she has plenty in her savings, but…”

Steve nodded “Good idea. Those are for a rainy day, not a snowy one.”

Katie gave a small smile as she logged into the banking, and hesitated before she transferred a few thousand over to Emmy and closed the laptop, running her hands over her face. Steve saw her shouldes shake and he gave a sigh, pulling her to him.

“Hey, come on. They’re safe. In the poshest hotel known to man.” He pressed a kiss to her head “No doubt thinking this is some kind of huge romantic adventure. Snowed in, in London, with a mini-bar, room service.”

At that thought he grimaced, as his mind took him to a very dark place about just exactly what the spider kid would be doing to his daughter in said hotel room but he shook himself out of it as Katie spoke, sniffling a little.

“I know it’s just, well we started this tradition with Emmy that first Christmas she lived with us.” Her voice cracked “We went with Tony, Pep and Nat remember?”

“I could I forget.” Steve chuckled, his hands rubbing Katie’s back “You were almost five months pregnant and had that jumper on with a huge Christmas pudding on the front.”

“I’ve still got that.” Her voice was muffled as her face pressed into his Henley.

“And Pepper was going mad when Tony bought that nine foot tree for their lounge.”

“Ours wasn’t much smaller.” Katie laughed, leaning back to wipe her eyes. “You had to trim the top off.”

Steve chuckled, his hands cupping her face “A few days after that we found out bump was blue. Hello Jamie.”

“God it seems so long ago.”

“It was.” Steve smiled pressing a kiss to her lips. “11 years.”

“Yeah.” Katie looked at him “We’ve been through a lot since then.”

Steve nodded, as he wiped her face with his thumbs “And a lot worse than this. I know it’s disappointing, kitten, and I’m gutted as well, but it can’t be helped. We’ll still have a good time and we can go out with Emmy and Peter when they get back, nice meal and a few drinks somewhere instead, just the four of us. Start a new tradition now she’s all grown up.”

“Yeah suppose.” Katie sighed “I mean when they moved out in the New Year, they might not wanna come with us to get a tree anymore.”

“Like that’s gonna happen.” Steve snorted “She’ll simply be getting one for her own place. You know she loves Christmas as much as you. All the kids do. Because you make it so special.”

“It isn’t all down to me.” She smiled “You help.”

“It’s definitely your speciality.” Steve shook his head “You do the baking, the carols, the cooking…suss the decorations out.”

“Yeah, but you hang them. And you’re the one that started leaving Santa footprints by the hearth.”

“Okay so it’s a team effort.” Steve shrugged, dropping another kiss to her lips. “It always is when the kids are concerned.” He pulled back a little and nodded to her glass “You want another?”

“I wasn’t going to but yeah, now I do.”

Steve chuckled “I’ll go get us a drink, you find us something suitably Christmassy to watch.”

He stood, pressing his lips to the crown of Katie’s head before he wandered into the kitchen. As he closed the door behind him he pulled out his phone. He’d had an idea, but hadn’t wanted to mention it to Katie just in case it didn’t work…but if it did, well, he was going to reunite his family for their tradition and earn himself major husband points.

Win win situation.

“Hey punk.” Bucky drawled as he picked up.“What’s crackalackin?”

“God you talk some shit.” Steve rolled his eyes and Bucky laughed

“Sorry, we were watching Madagascar.”

“Yeah, I know where it’s from. I got five kids, remember. Six if I count you.”

“Well you could argue Diva Doll counts for two so you really have seven.”

“Yeah, speaking of which, I got a bone to pick with you about her and a damned capybara.” Steve narrowed his eyes as he spoke and there was a pause before Bucky burst out laughing. “Yeah, laugh it up, jerk. That got me in some major shit before.”

“You didn’t say yes?”

“No of course I didn’t.” Steve sighed “But she sideswiped me asking for a damned cat and I said maybe, so…”

“You fucking moron.”

“Whatever, listen, that’s not why I’m calling anyway.” Steve sighed, his voice growing serious. “I need a favour, Buck.”

“I’m listening.” Bucky replied, before Steve explained the predicament and possible solution. When he finished there was a pause and Bucky let out a long whistle. “Man, that’s…”

“I know, I know.” Steve sighed “But I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t desperate. Katie’s heartbroken Emmy can’t get home.”

“Well, we can’t have the second most important woman in my life upset now can we?” Bucky replied “Leave it with me.”

“Cheers buddy.”

“You’ll owe me a life time of favours if I can pull this off.”

“We’ll call it quits for you almost getting me couched.”

“Not my fault you can’t say no to your likkle Princessa.” Bucky responded and Steve snorted.

“You’ve met her, right?”

There as another pause and Bucky laughed “Point taken.”

“Not a word to Katie.” Steve instructed “Just in case you can’t do it.”

“You seriously doubt me after all this time?” Bucky sighed “That hurts Stevie.”

“You know what else will hurt?” Steve shot back “My foot up your ass.”

“You want me to do this or not?” Bucky scoffed “Because threatening me aint gonna make me wanna do you any favours.”

“No but not wanting to see my wife upset is.”

“You fight dirty, Steven.” Bucky’s voice was low and Steve could imagine the narrowed eyes he was pulling as he spoke. “Okay, I’ll call Sam now. Leave it with me.”

“Thanks Buck.”

Steve cut the call and stuffed his phone back in his pocket, running a hand over his beard. Buck was right, it was a big ask and ridiculously over the top but, well, nothing was too much for him where his family was concerned. And after everything they’d been through this year what with Flossie’s horrific birth and Katie’s post-partum depression, his amazingly brave and gorgeous wife deserved the damned world. With a sigh he yanked open the fridge as he pulled out Katie’s wine and a beer for him, simply hoping that it worked.

**** “You good?” Steve asked as Jamie hopped into the back of the Q7, taking his place on the rear row of seats.

“Yup.” Jamie grinned “I prefer it back here, Rori can’t bug me.”

“Wanna bet?” Rori turned her head and peered at him from her place in the middle of the second row and Steve shot her a look.

“Enough. I hear one sound outta you that’s annoying him, we’re coming straight home.” He said sternly. Rori eyed him shrewdly, as if weighing up whether he was serious or not and he raised his eyebrows, challenging her.

“Ok Daddy.” She shrugged, turning back round. Steve shot Jamie a wink as turned and collapsed Flossie’s little stroller. He slotted it down the side of Jamie’s seat before he shut the trunk and then quickly inspected the roof rack. Satisfied he looked up just as Katie came out of the house, Flossie on her hip, Harry jumping down the steps in front of her. He headed over to his dad and peeked up, Steve giving a laugh as his little woollen hat slipped down over his eyes.

“Come here, buddy.” He said, swinging him into his arms. The little boy gave a giggle as Steve pulled his hat straight so he could see.

“Thanks Daddy!” he smiled and Steve pressed a kiss to his rosy cheek.

“No problem. You ready to get a tree?”

He nodded “Big one!” he threw his arms out wide and Steve nodded seriously.

“The biggest.”

Ten minutes or so later they were sailing out of Brooklyn in the winter morning sun, heading for the tree farm some forty or so minutes away. True to her word, Rori was behaving and chatting to Harry, Jamie was quiet in the back doing something on his tablet and Katie was gently humming to something on the radio. Steve’s hand reached over for hers and he entwined their fingers, gently bringing her arm across his body, pressing a kiss to her wrist.

The journey pass uneventfully and as Steve announced they had arrived the kids all gave a cheer. He parked the car up and then the disembarking began along with issued orders for Jamie and Rori to stay where they were as they sorted the youngest two.

“I think I’ll just carry Floss.” Katie glanced around. “Pushing her stroller is gonna be a pain. I’ll put her in the carrier.”

“You sure?” Steve asked “I would say I’d do it but…”

“You’re gonna be carrying trees, yeah I know.” Katie waved him away. “Its fine, she’s not heavy. Besides, she’ll be too big to do this with next year.”

Steve smiled at her wistful tone, and between them they had Flossie strapped to Katie’s back in no time, having become experts at it over the years. Katie glanced over her shoulder as Flossie gave her a hug grin, before she peeked around and started to gabble animatedly.

“Ready?” Steve looked around and held the hand that wasn’t containing the saw out, Rori taking it as Katie took Harry’s, Jamie falling into step at her other side next to Steve who strategically placed himself between his eldest son and Rori to avoid any potential arguments between the two siblings.

“Want me to take that Dad?” Jamie asked, nodding to the saw. Steve hesitated then shrugged, it had the safety cover on so he handed it over, Jamie slinging it over his shoulder proudly, stepping in front of them a little and Harry wriggled his hand free of Katie’s and ran forward to take Jamie’s. Jamie smiled down at him and Steve shared a glance with Katie as she smiled at him, slipping her hand into his. The family made their way to the entrance and as they approached the various little trade stands, one of which was selling various hot drinks and baked snacks. Katie took a deep breath and smiled, the warming scents of spices, cinnamon and pine hitting her nostrils.

“Smells exactly the same.” She beamed and then frowned as Steve was looking around, blatantly not listening to her as he was busy studying something to their right.

“Hey!” she tugged on his hand and he glanced down at her.

“Sorry, honey.” He diverted his attention “Just saw someone I know.”

“Oh, from work?” she asked.

“Not exactly.” He nodded in the direction he had been looking and Katie spun at the same time Rori let out a shriek.

“Emmy!” she yelled, wrenching her hand free of Steve’s and bolting towards her sister as she strode towards them alongside Peter, Bucky and Sam.

“I don’t-how?” Katie was struggling for words at the sheer emotion of seeing her eldest daughter, who should still be stranded in England, sweeping Rori into hug. “Steve? What?”

“You got Bucky and Sam to thank.” He said gently, as she spun between them all, before she strode forward meeting Emmy halfway and throwing her arms around her.

“Hey mom!” Emmy smiled, before she pulled back and gently waggled Flossie’s hand. “Hi Floss!”

“How did you get here?” Katie sniffed, wiping her eyes, chuckling before she gave Pete a hug.

“Quinjet.” Emmy grinned “It was awesome. Hey Dad!”

“Hey, sweetheart.” Steve swept her up into a huge hug, picking her up slightly off the ground kissing her head. “Nice to have you home.”

“Hold up, a Quinjet?” Katie looked at Emmy, then to Bucky who shrugged.

“Yeah well Steve rang me last night begging for my help…” he began, putting on a whiney voice “Please Buck, I can’t do this without you Buck, you know the usual.” Steve rolled his eyes as Bucky sniggered. “So, me and Birdbrain set off on a daring rescue mission.”

“Yeah, we totally used and abused Fury’s equipment.” Sam chuckled, as he pressed a kiss to Katie’s cheek as he gave her a hug. “He’s gonna be pissed when he finds out.”

“Oh, screw him!” Katie gave a laugh as she turned to Bucky, wrapping her arms round him. “Thank you so much!”

“Anything for you darlin’” he beamed before she stepped back and spun to face Steve, reaching up and grabbing his face. With a smile she pulled him down to meet her in a long, deep kiss.

“Thank you.” She whispered against his lips, and he beamed at her, his nose brushing hers. “I love you, so much.”

“Love you too.” He smiled, before he drew himself up, a little embarrassed at their PDA in front of his two friends and the kids. “Right, who’s ready to go tree picking?”

“We’ll leave you to it.” Bucky smirked as various excited shouts rang out around them. “I’ve got stuff to do with Jen and Sam’s…ahhhh, crap.” The smile on his face turned into a grimace and Steve spun round to see a familiar figure in a trench coat and eyepatch stood by a black SUV watching from a distance.

“Son of a-” Steve snorted, shaking his head as Fury started walking towards of them. “He still knows everything.”

“You have no idea. “Sam muttered.

“Oh, trust me, we do.” Katie grinned as Fury stopped in front of them.

“Someone wanna tell me why one of my jets was in London this morning?” Fury looked at Bucky, then to Sam, then to Peter, all three of them giving him an innocent look.

“Well, there was a thing.” Bucky shrugged “Emergency.”

“Emergency.” Fury dead panned “So nothing to do with a certain Miss Rogers and Mr Parker being stuck in London in snow storm?”

“How do you know this stuff?” Bucky looked at him.

“I told you Barnes, you wanna get one up on me you gotta keep both eyes open.” He levelled him with a look. “Happy called me in a flap to see if I could action a pick up and I told him I wasn’t running a damned Uber service. And then one of them went missing so I put two and two together and looks like I came up with four” He paused and shrugged, smirking a little “Plus, you forgot to wipe the mission log.”

“Damned it Tin Man!” Sam shoved Bucky “You dick, I told you!”

As the two men began to squabble Fury raised his eyebrows and turned to Steve and then Katie, a small smile flickered across his face “Nova, Cap. Long-time no see.”

“Hi Nick.” Steve smiled, reaching out and shaking his hand.

Fury jerked his head as Katie shook his hand, his eyes roving over each of their kids in turn. “I’ll say. You’ve been busy I see.”

Katie gave a huff “One way of putting it.”

Nick arched an eyebrow before he sighed and turned to Bucky and Sam who were still bickering. “Imma let this one slide.” He spoke loudly, the two men instantly turning to face him. “But only because it’s the holidays and I’m in a good mood.”

“You know technically Stark Industries owns half those jets. Tony paid for and designed a lot of the tech on them after all.” Katie quipped and Nick looked at her, before he let out a laugh.

“You’re more like your brother than you’ll ever care to admit” he shook his head as she snorted, pointing at her.

“Worse people to be like.” She smiled fondly, and Fury gave one last scoff before he turned to Sam and Bucky.

“I’ll see you two later. Now, imma go get me some churros then split.” He looked back at them all “Merry Christmas.”

As they all waved him off, watching the curious glances he attracted as he strode towards the hot food stand and then Harry tugged on Steve’s sleeve, causing him to turn his attention from Fury to the little boy.

“Daddy, who’s the pirate?” Harry asked.

There was a pause before Katie burst out laughing, Steve following suite as they both shared a knowing glance, remembering Tony’s fond little nickname for their one time director.

The Goth Pirate.

“He’s an old friend of mine and your momma’s “Steve explained before he glanced up, not surprised to find that once more Fury had disappeared from sight. “We haven’t seen him in a while. And I doubt we will again for a long time.”

There were more hugs shared and after another final thank you to Sam and Bucky, Katie demanding they come over later for drinks, the four remaining adults and four kids all headed into the farm and the chaos began as they began to scout for their perfect trees.

“So we need two large ones.” Katie spoke, “And one for Emmy and Pete in the Cabin and a smaller one for Rori’s room.” she paused “Jamie, did you want one for your room too?”

“Nah, it’s okay.” He shook his head “Thanks though.”

“So four over all.” Steve nodded. “Okay gang, let’s find us some trees.”

They decided to get Rori’s first as it would be smaller and easier to carry once they’d picked it. They set about walking down the various aisles, and before long the jokes started flowing and they were getting worse and worse with time.

“What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations?” Pete asked and Jamie looked at him, arching a brow. “Tinselitis.”

“Oh God.” Emmy snorted “That’s as bad as one of dad’s”

“Which reminds me.” Steve said, a smirk on his face, “Did you guys hear the forecast for Christmas eve? They’re predicting rain, deer…”

Katie and Emmy both let out a groan as Jamie and Peter howled with laughter.

“What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa’s workshop?” Jamie asked and Steve paused before he shrugged.

“No idea.”

“A rebel without a Clause…”

Katie, Steve, Emmy and Pete burst out laughing as Pete held out his hand to hi-five him. Jamie grinned.

“That’s a good one buddy.” Steve chuckled. “Where did you hear that?”

“Moo text me before.” He smiled “She said her and Auntie Pep had been googling them to put in their cards this year.”

“Like Father like daughter.” Katie smiled to herself, a little nostalgically as a memory of her brother crashed over her and Steve pulled her a little closer, his hand tightening on hers as he dropped a kiss to her head.

After half an hour or so of scouting and plenty of excited shouts and laughter, Rori paused in front of a tree that was the same height as her and she gave a gasp.

“Daddy, that one.” She pointed.

“You sure?” he cocked his head to one side. The tree was leaning to one side, the branches completely uneven, sticking out at all angles and the top was bent. “It’s a bit-”

“It’s perfect.” Rori insisted.

“Okay Princess, whatever you say.”  He looked at Katie as she smiled, her hand dropping to the back of Rori’s head. “Jamie, you got the saw?”

“Yup.” Jamie nodded, passing it over and they all watched as Steve gripped the trunk of the small tree with one hand a little higher up and began to cut it towards the bottom. He could have easily snapped the trunk with his bare hands but he played the part and in four strong swipes it pulled free with a little crack and Rori gave a shriek and clapped her hands.

“I love it!”

Once the safety cover was back on the saw they continued their search, walking towards the slightly bigger trees they spotted and Katie paused in front of a large, Norwegian spruce and reached out, gently crushing one of the needles between her fingers. She took a sniff and stepped back, nodding.

“That one.”

“I still can’t believe you pick them with the smell.” Steve shook his head.

“It’s not all the smell.” She protested “There’s a lot to consider. The height, width and spacing of the branches…this one’s just right for the corner in the lounge. And that one two down will do for the hallway.”

Steve chuckled, knowing better than to argue. “Positive?”

Katie nodded and once more Jamie passed him the saw. This time they all stepped back as Steve crouched down on the ground, expertly cutting the trunk and just the right place. As he took the final swipe, the tree pitched over to a loud shout of “Timberrrrr” from Jamie and Peter and it landed with a thud.

Harry gave a loud cackle and clapped, Flossie shrieking too as Steve then moved two down and repeated the action with a slightly smaller one that would sit in the entrance lounge directly in front of the photo of the pair of them at their wedding, so it would be the first thing anyone saw as they walked into the house.

Emmy strode past the tree to one that was behind it and then nodded to Pete “I think this one will do. I kinda like the way it fans out at the bottom.”

“Sure, Em.” He smiled “Mr R?”

“Oh, here.” Steve handed him the saw and watched as Pete cut his and Emmy’s first Christmas tree down, his arm round Katie’s waist, lips softly kissing Flossie’s cheek as the baby grinned. He arched an eyebrow as Emmy pressed a kiss to Pete’s lips, giving a soft huff as Katie dug him in the ribs, shooting him a warning glance which he returned with an innocent one of his own.

“Well, that was easy.” Emmy commented “It took us 2 hours last year.”

“They need to be right.” Katie shrugged simply, Steve and Emmy exchanging a look before Steve watched as Pete hoisted his tree easily onto his shoulder. It still surprised Steve how strong Peter was, even though it shouldn’t, he knew he was enhanced after all.

“I’ll take Rori’s, Dad.” Jamie stepped forwards, puffing his chest out a little, picking the smaller tree up easily and placing it on his shoulder, in an identical manner to Pete. Steve actively fought the urge to laugh as Jamie began to walk besides Peter and Emmy, clearly proud as punch at being able to help before he turned to Katie.

“Don’t say it.”

Katie laughed “Oh I’m gonna.” she smirked “If he was any more like you I’d be convinced he was a clone.”

Steve snorted as he bent down and easily lifted their two trees onto his shoulders, before they followed a little slower due to Harry being with them. Steve maneuvered around the other tree pickers as they went, his boot clad feet traipsing on the damp of the ground as they made their way back towards the main entrance and joined Pete, Emmy and Jamie at the place ready to pay. As the various helpers, all dressed in little Elf outfits bustled around to wrap their trees and strap them to the roof of the Audi, Katie was suddenly struck with a little problem.

“Hang on.” she turned to Emmy as she thanked the man who’d been dealing with and handed over the cash. “How are you two gonna get home if Bucky and Sam left?”

At that Pete gave a little grin and pulled a set of keys out of his pocket, “Mr Wilson let me borrow his Chevvy.”

“Yeah they went home on Buck’s bike.” Emmy shrugged and at that Steve let out a huge laugh.

“What?” Katie asked.

“Sorry, I’m just picturing those two riding pillion.” He snorted “I give it five minutes before Sam ended up tells Buck to let him off on account of him driving his Ducatti like a maniac.”

“You’ve no room to talk.” Katie scoffed and Steve looked at her with mock outrage.

“Mom?” Jamie asked and Katie turned to him “Can we get a drink now please?”

“Sure, come on.” She smiled and they headed over to the stall. She purchased a hot cider each for her, Steve, Emmy and Pete before hot chocolate for each of the kids along with a selection of donuts, churros and Stollen as Steve took Flossie back to the car so they could pop her in the stroller. They made their way over to one of the benches by the side and sat down and Steve returned, parking Flossie besides them before he handed her a piece of a donut and slipped his arm round Katie, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“You have a good time?” he asked.

“Yeah.” She beamed, before she glanced over at the other side of the bench. Jamie was settled to Emmy’s left, talking to her about school, as she nodded along whilst Rori was perched on Peter’s knee as she animatedly told him about how she was going to decorate her tree in unicorn colours. Harry meanwhile sat in between both Pete and Emmy, his little frame chewing on a donut as he grinned at his parents who smiled back. Katie turned to look a Steve again, leaning up to kiss him softly “It’s been perfect, thank you for making sure we were all together.”

“Well it wouldn’t be a Rogers Christmas otherwise would it?” he smiled, kissing her again.

“Get a room.” Emmy grumbled and Steve turned to her as she smirked, shoving a piece of donut in her mouth.

“Watch it young lady.” Steve pointed at her.                      

“Daddy.” Rori asked “Can I go with Pete in their car to Target? I need decorations for my Princess Tree.”

Steve hesitated for a while and Pete hastily cut in “It’s no bother Mr Rogers.”

“Yeah we need some for ours.” Emmy nodded.”So we’re going anyway.”

“I come too?” Harry asked hopefully and Emmy shrugged

“If Momma and Daddy say it’s ok, course you can, squirt.”

Steve looked at Katie who shrugged “Fine by me. Sure you can manage them?”

Emmy rolled her eyes “They’re no bother.” She then turned to Jamie “You wanna come too?”

“Hell no.” he said hastily, peering round at Rori before he shook his head “I’m going home for some peace and quiet.”

Both Steve and Katie let out a loud laugh, as Katie shook her head “Oh Jamie.”

“What?” he frowned.

“Nothing pal.” Steve smiled, reaching for his cider. “Nothing at all.”

[fanfictin]

Liz flicks through the Clone Wars for interactions between favourite disaster dad/brother and anger child and also maybe his ‘snippy?’ padawan

1-2

“Anakin, where are you?” said in the most long-suffering voice as obiwan holos anakin and ahsoka in their ship not following orders

1-3

“I hope you know what you’re doing, anakin” “Well, if I don’t, I won’t be around to hear the I told you so” “That’s reassuring...”

1-4

Subtly has never been one of your strong points, Anakin.

Everything I know, I learned from you, Master.

(why does obiwan keep saluting every time he runs from grevious)

You know we have GUNS. You can shoot back ANY TIME. -Anakin

(anakin still calling obiwan Master gives me life)

(also disaster gang really do call each other by Snips and Skyguy, huh)

1-5

“Still here, Anakin? When was the last time you slept?” (FUCK yes,, my favourite trope) [...] “Since then, he vanished.” “Well, unlike you, maybe he’s getting some much-needed rest” (the SASS. the CARE.)

1-6

“Suicide is not the jedi way, Master” asgfgdhkslfhsdalafl out of context that’s hysterical

(anyway none of these episodes are connected i have no idea what the fuck is happening or just happened at any point)

FINALLY some hurt/comfort. the classic “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” and blackout. nice.

awwwww ahsoshka trying to cheer up anakin and anakin just “you can’t replace r2″ i mean he’s right

Ahsoka has a green saber!! bless. love that.

1-7

Rex IS calling Ahsoka ‘Sir’. love it.

“Where’s R2 when i need him” awww ani

okay Grevious’ bodyguards are WAY harder to kill than that,, do you know how many times i have done that level in lego starwars,, I--

“Besides, R2 is more than a droid. He’s a friend.” 0,.0

1-11

ObiWan and Anakin their typical -anakin from the ceiling- anakin: oh it’s you obiwan: This is how you thank me for rescuing you? and THEN-- How am I supposed to become a jedi master if I’m getting caught all the time At least you’re a master of getting caught HYSTERICAL

it’s just Them on a mission. much love. i’m crey. they work so well together. “Why do I even try” that’s the obi wan exasperated abt his padawan that i know and love. crey.

BICKERING WHILE THEY CRASH LAND A SHIP. LOVE.

rock fall!! oh they’re fine. okay well the banter is pretty good and brief panic. 

Anakin, when I tell you to run, Run. Master! You’re alive! And where is your lightsaber? It got knocked out of my hand. By a rock? Yeah. By a rock. You know what would be helpful? A little light. Certainly. -obiwans lightsaber doesn’t work- Silly thing. It was working just a minute ago. You don’t suppose it was hit... by a rock, do you? -obiwan dramatically points a finger and is abt to give his padawan a piece of his mind-

Anaking running away while Obwan is chill,, perfect. ObiWan helps at just the right time. they use the force together to put it down. PERFEDCT.

They get poison gassed and ahsoka rescues them and they just say it was fine I LOVE IT OH MY GOSH DISASTER TRIO

oh my gosh they knew the drinks were poisoned or whatever and switched them and they look so SMUG abt it--

okay write it down, 1-11 absolute favourite 

1-12

okay never mind, they were drugged and wake up together caught. typical.

obiwan holding anger anakin back from yelling at count dooku. amazing.

“Do control your protege’s insolence so I can concentrate” “Anakin.” “WHAT” “Control your insolence. The count is concentrating” THE SASS

oh my gosh a very unusual trio. Dooku just like “I would kill you both rn if i didn’t have to drag your bodies” not bc they’re his enemies but bc of the banter and sass

getting electrocuted then immediately breaking each others bonds and fighting back. yes.

1-13

heck yes. anakin saving everyone and getting hurt himself? ahsoka going back for him? fuck yes. my shit.

so anakin does get hurt. badly. and WHY did i not find this on tumblr?? also,, ahsoka calling him anakin when he’s unconscious? fuck yes.

“I’ve certainly perfected the art of demolishing ships and getting my master killed” oh ahsoka you did so well dear one. she loves her master so much.

Rex does call ahsoka ‘kid’. i love.

the weak person just abt waking up and trying to get up bc danger and the one watching over him being worried and defending him? another favourite trope.

1-14

ooooo a straight up continuation. nice. anakin “you’re still too injured to move” oh the drama

an injury CONTINUING to impeded a character afterwards?? whoa. anakin rlly is the chosen one.

oooo stealth mission, this is exactly how i play a stealth thing like this!

LIGHTSABER GO WOOSH WOOSH BUZZ

1-15

snow time. pls let anakin complain abt the snow. someone get cold. pls. that’s all i ask. but either way, it’s anakin and obiwan mission time together again!

summary: that guy was dumb and i’m glad he died

1-16

anakin smashing several windows to get to obiwan in another tower. yes.

“How did YOU get over here” “I improvised”

1-17

“You seem a bit on edge” [...] “So yes, I’m a bit on edge!! Why aren’t you?” “I’m better at hiding it.” eyyyy

THEY WERE TALKING ON THE COMMS AND THEY JUST RAN INTO EACH OTHER IN A CROSS CORRIDOR and ahsoka just like “Master?”

disaster gang stop a virus and they’re all fine. ..good for them.. i gues.. just kidding, i love them

obiwan trying to calm anakin down abt padme and ahsoka but also knowing that anakin is rlly worried

“You just destroyed 17 defenseless battle driods without suffering a scratch” “18 actually”

1-18

“It was a trap Snips. It wasn’t your fault.” “Take heart, little one. That’s the reality of command” oh anakin you’re almost a good master

1-22

anakin gave his lightsaber to padme as a joke and now he’s trying to fight eithout it lol

he got shocked out and caught lol and padme is like hm can i show affection for an unconscious jedi without ppl thihnking hes my husband

“Please Ani. Wake up” wakes up like okay anyway let’s leave

.

okay it’s gone midnight and i have work and uni interview tomorrow,, that’s s1

[bengalaas]

A Year In Review: 2020 Writing

This has been a strange year, to say the least, and it's weird to look back at the New Year's resolutions I had for it. Writing has been complicated, with little downtime from work and uni, and the lowkey stress permeating this whole plague situation has taken a bite out of my concentration and inspiration. 

But here's a review of what I still managed to get done :)

I’ve seen a different end-of-year format making rounds, but I’m using the one from last year. So if you see this, feel free to either consider yourself tagged, or just take the tag as an expression of love and thanks ♥

Writing

My main writing resolution was to finish A Different Kind of Courage (Hobbit fic, Fili/Tauriel) in summer/autumn, but that didn't work out. I did write 27′500 words for it, and I'm not giving up on that rarepair pool noodle lol. At 43'400 words it's also my second longest fic to date :D

I added a 3800w chapter to Canticle of Chaos (Loki x Dragon Age crossover). By this point I'm pretty sure that fic is kinda cursed, so I'm writing it very slowly and only when I’m feeling lucky lol. Nevertheless, I think it's some of my best writing, and it's been a great exercise in “writing for yourself”.

I also translated a wonderful series, Lucky Heart (American Gods, Laura/Sweeney), 5600 words. I absolutely loved the rich mythological and metaphorical layers of the original, and it was a treat to try and reflect the author's style in English, playing with the rhythm and the word choices. Neither English, nor Russian are my native languages, so I’m double proud of this one!

Sometime in autumn I took an unexpected detour and fell into the tiny Varric/Merrill canoe and started a series Mirrors and Manuscripts, currently featuring 2 works at 6155 w total. 

And some smaller things: I polished and posted an old F!Brosca & Zevran oneshot (No Honour in Dust, 1260w), and a curious writing experiment with M!Hawke/Isabela (Asyndeton, 1040w). I'm also slowly filling the “30 Days of OC” challenge with Martin Lavellan (5800w). And there were two other DA Drunk Writing drables, but they disappeared into the void whence they came from (I accidentally deleted them).

So that’s a total of 51′100 words, which I think is not bad, considering this fun year, and actually it’s 20k more than last year :D

Beta thanks

Still no beta, the bengalaas be wild and unspellchecked. 

However, I’d like to thank @hollyand-writes for a betaing opportunity :) I’m sure there’s room for improvement in how I communicate my comments, and, being a non-native English speaker, there’s stuff I can’t really comment on, but diving into things critically is something I do enjoy, so — thanks for letting me :)

Progress

I think, this year I'm getting a bit better at finishing things. Oneshots and prompts definitely have forced me to focus on keeping the right amount of tension in my writing up until the end, and then to wrap it up nicely. 

I’ve started compiling glossary lists with smut expressions and vocabulary lol, and also body language, facial expressions etc. Because it’s unbelievably frustrating to clearly picture what the character is doing and completely forget what’s that gesture called in English. Glossaries save me some time.

And also... I’m learning to let fics progress at their own pace. A reader reminded me in summer that a slowburn is a slowburn for a reason and it would be wrong to force it to move faster. It would break the authenticity of the story, of the characters. And when I was trying to push and finish a chapter recently, I again realised that the reason it’s not working is because I was ignoring the underlying truth of the story in favour of getting shit done. So. Truth ftw. Even if it takes its sweet time to emerge.

Community

My corner of the fandom has been wonderful, filled with talented, friendly people like @hollyand-writes​, @cartadwarfwithaheartofgold​, @lucyrne​, @barbex, @cafeleningrad, @dorianpink, @serial-chillr, @dafan7711​ and others. Thank you for being here and making this an inspiring, positive place! ♥

Additionally, raw respect for D, who made 100 lists x 30 prompts this year, and has been a staunch, supportive, positive voice in the fandom and an overall wonderful person. 

I’ve also started talking with people more, and even joined the DA Drunk Writing Circle :D

Comments

I’ve been blown away by the comments I got on the Varric/Merrill oneshots, those were totally unexpected! Comments on the Lucky Heart series have felt so damn gratifying, for having been able to bring those stories to the English-speaking readers. Comments to Courage... they just warm my heart so much :))

Detailed, long-ass responses to the Varric/Merrill shots and to my own comments have been a delight. When discussions in the comment sections flood my email and AO3 starts to feel like a social media site... I live for it :))

2021

I’ll continue working on Courage and maybe puttering away on Canticle of Chaos. Maybe finish the 30 Days of Martin Lavellan series.

I don’t feel like starting any new multi-chapter fics, because I think that the next step for me would be to learn to plot properly and write a first draft before starting posting, and I just can’t see myself doing that next year lol. 

I’d like to do more Dragon Age oneshots and prompts. Write something small and whimsical. Maybe Varric/Merill, since people seem to like it. I’d like to learn to write faster, so random prompts it is. Maybe I’ll finish playing DAI, for once. That might give fodder for new fics too. 

And here’s a crazy idea lol, but maybe I should try writing something in my own native language next year XD

[rollercoasterwrite]

I’m So Curious [Chapter 3]

CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 

Prompt : Jjong is a college student with tight money, but manages to get into a prestigious uni where he becomes friends with Taemin. One day, Tae asks him to go out on a blind date with his cousin Jinki, a notable lawyer who still hesitates about dating someone. Jjong refuses, but the amount of money Tae offers is a sight he can’t ignore. Jinki adores him immediately and after several dates, Jonghyun falls in love with Jinki, but he doesn’t know how to tell Jinki about his agreement with Tae.

Pairing : Jongyu

Genre : romance, fluff, angst, smut 

Word Count : 10 000 ~

Links : AFF & AO3

Special thanks to Cheryl, my beta once again!!!

"When are you going to tell him?"

The question hit the unaware blonde like a ton of bricks. The hand that held his debit card froze mid-way as his head turned back towards his friend. 

"What are you talking about?" he feigned, trying to keep his face under control. 

"Riiight," the brunette scoffed, rolling his eyes. "What in the actual hell am I talking about?"

The other’s derisive tone couldn’t be missed, but Jonghyun let it slide to go back to completing his transaction. 

Once that was over, they walked out of the store, both of them carrying two bags in each hand. 

"You would’ve never bought a pair of pants worth two-hundred dollars before,” his friend bluntly pointed out as their footsteps synced on the sidewalk.  

Jonghyun felt his jaw tense up, but kept looking ahead. "And your point is?"

"My point is that you seem to be enjoying that prostitution money."

That stopped him dead in his tracks. 

"Excuse me?" he hissed, feeling his internal volcano awaken. 

The younger one turned back to face him. "I said what I said."

"Do you have a fucking problem, Kibum?"

"I do, actually," the other fired back. "That’s not you at all, Jonghyun."

The blonde’s sudden surge of anger fell prey to a wave of guilt, leaving him speechless for a moment. 

"The money was just a one-time thing," he simply said before picking up the pace again. 

"I know, but your relationship isn’t," his friend returned as he settled right beside him once more. 

Jonghyun could feel his face burning, but he wasn’t sure if it was from the sun beaming over their heads or from the cocktail of frustration and embarrassment that was forming inside him. 

"We’re not…"

"Don’t say that you’re two aren’t in a relationship," the brunette cut off. "How many dates has it been now?"

Five. "I don’t fucking keep track."     

Kibum clicked his tongue. 

"You’re so ridiculous, I swear.” 

Jonghyun chose silence this time, hoping that would be enough to make the conversation die. But of course, it wasn’t. 

"You’ve never stuck with someone that long before," the younger one went on. "So you’re going to tell me that it’s nothing special?"

Jonghyun took in a sharp breath, suddenly regretting inviting him out. 

"I’m not going to say anything, actually, because it’s none of your fucking business.”

The conversation lulled for a moment as they rushed across the street to make it before the light turned red. 

“Well, whose business is it going to be when the shit hits the fan, huh?" Kibum picked right back up. 

"I don’t know why you’d think that would become your business if anything were to happen," Jonghyun threw back with contempt. 

The other snorted loudly at that. 

"You like to act like a tough bitch, but do I have to remind you in whose arms you usually end up landing when the going gets tough?" 

The blonde glared at him as if the intensity of his gaze could end a life right here and now .                                        

"And do I have to remind you whose fist can land on your pretty face?"

The younger one rolled his eyes again. "Always threatening with violence, but never actually following-" 

His breath was cut short as he was hit square in the chest with one of the bags the older one was carrying.

"What was that?" Jonghyun asked, smirking, as he watched the younger one bring a hand to his heart with a shocked expression. 

"You know what? I’m not doing this anymore," Kibum settled before quickening his step to move past him. 

The blonde cocked a brow in surprise. When he saw that the brunette wasn’t actually turning back, he followed suit, having to jog to catch up with him. 

"Yah, Kibummie," he hailed as he tried to match his frantic pace. 

No answer. 

"Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you’re really mad now," the blonde half-taunted, half-inquired. 

Still no answer.

Jonghyun frowned, feeling his frustration grow. He was tempted to just dump him in the middle of the street, but he knew better than to make the situation worse right now. 

"Okay, I’m sorry," he forcefully apologized. 

He was again met with silence, but the look of contempt that was thrown his way at that moment did manage to spark some hope inside him. 

"You know how I get when we talk about that stuff," he tried as his expression grew softer.

That did the trick. 

"That stuff?" Kibum echoed, confused. "You mean love?"

Jonghyun’s eyes grew wide at the sound of that word. 

"The hell?" he all but yelled as his heart started thumping against the confines of his chest. "When were we talking about that?"

"I don’t know how many times you’re going to make me roll my eyes at you… it’s really getting tiring," Kibum said, annoyed. 

"It’s one thing to talk about our…" Jonghyun paused, taking a quick inhale in before pushing out the dreaded word. ""Relationship", but it’s another to talk about love."

"Okay, I can get with that," the younger one accepted. "But can you admit that what’s going on here is not like the other times?"

Jonghyun averted his gaze, concentrating on his feet and keeping a diligent focus on their cadence for a few seconds before nodding in response. 

"Good," Kibum acknowledged, satisfied. "More reason for you to be honest with him if you’re getting serious about this." 

"But what good will that do, huh?" Jonghyun promptly reacted as he looked up again. 

Their eyes met for a second before they both focused their gaze ahead again. 

"Do I really have to paint a picture here?" Kibum said, baffled. "What kind of healthy relationship are you two going to have if you’re already keeping secrets from each other?"

Jonghyun snorted. 

"You’re one to talk…"

The brunette’s mouth dropped open in disbelief. 

"How dare you?" he spat. "That’s not even comparable!"

"Yeah, okay. Whatever," the older one gave up as the onset of a headache began to tug at the corners of his temples. 

"Don’t try to get off topic," Kibum reproved. 

"Yes, Mom," Jonghyun said, derision weighing heavy in his tone. 

"Immaturity isn’t a good look on you, Jjong," the brunette sharply replied. "I can see he’s changing you for the better, so please don’t ruin it."

The blonde’s brow cocked. His curiosity was piqued. 

"What do you mean?"

"You smile more, you’re more outgoing, your energy feels…" Kibum paused, searching for the word. "Lighter," he pinpointed after a few more seconds. 

Jonghyun felt his face burn up once more. 

"Ah, well…"

"I can see you like him," Kibum said. "Like, a lot."

His heart responded with a somersault. 

"Well… if any of what you’re saying is true, I can’t afford ruining things by telling him the truth."

The younger one sighed. 

"Maybe I should be kicking Taemin’s ass for putting you in this mess."

Jonghyun couldn’t help but chuckle.

"The kid means well."

"Yeah? Why does he always have a satanic way of showing it then, huh?"

The blonde shook his head, lips curved into a crooked smile.

"It’s part of his charm, you know?"

Kibum snorted.

 "He must suck dick really good for you to be saying that."

There was a brief silence. 

"And then you wonder why I don’t want to share anything personal with you anymore," Jonghyun snarled, glare weighing heavily on his face. 

"Gosh, you really can’t take a joke, can you?" the younger one grumbled in annoyance. 

"If that’s your idea of a joke, then I’m clearly not the one at fault here," the blonde shot right back, effectively silencing his friend for a few seconds as the latter looked back at him, mouth agape. 

"You’re insufferable!" the younger one ended up spouting in anger. 

"But yet, you still hang out with me," Jonghyun casually pointed out. 

"Don’t think I’ll tolerate anything just because it’s you," Kibum warned. 

They slowed down a bit as the bus terminal finally came into view. 

"Are you still coming back to the dorms with me?" Jonghyun asked, somewhat worried now. 

A heavy sigh crossed the other’s bowed lips. 

"You really don’t deserve any more of my time, but tonight’s a big night, so it’d be cruel of me not to help you out."

Kibum could be a pain in the ass a lot of the time, but it was in moments like these, that Jonghyun was reminded why having him as a friend was a true blessing. 

"Thank you," he uttered with sheer gratefulness as they made their way to the bus stop.

They didn’t have to wait long for theirs to arrive and soon enough, they found a comfortable seat at the back, their legs lining up unconsciously against each other’s. The twenty-five-minute drive had them falling into a trance, calming down their overactive minds as they enjoyed a shared silence. 

It almost felt like a crime to get up and move, but they did nonetheless as their stop came about.

Silence stretched out throughout the five-minute walk to the dorms and throughout the additional minutes it took to reach the seventh floor. 

A sigh of relief left them both as they finally entered the blonde’s lair and put their bags down. 

"I need some water," Kibum said, voice slightly hoarse. 

Jonghyun didn’t even bother to answer, knowing the other would just go on ahead to quench his thirst. 

As he heard the faucet turn on, he walked to his room, closing the door behind him as he undressed.

He gave a quick look to his alarm clock as he tugged down his pants. 5:17. 

There was a little less than an hour before he would have to be on his way. That was plenty of time in a practical sense, but very little in an emotional one. 

His heart jumped as his mind dragged him down the possible paths this evening could take. It was the first time they were going to be alone and he couldn’t help but feel nervous, a little giddy, but also excited. 

He didn’t want to expect anything, but he was also ready for everything. 

He finally made his way to the bathroom and into the shower, sighing in relief as the hot blast of water drenched his skin. He ran his hands through his hair rhythmically, giving himself a good scalp massage, before bringing his shampoo and body wash into the mix to wash up thoroughly. The small space was soon filled with floral scents that tickled his nostrils and subconsciously brought a lightness to his tight neck and shoulders. 

He took a little more time than usual to clean up if the sudden knock on the door was any indication, but he let himself bask some more in the soothing atmosphere he had just created for himself. 

It was another few minutes before he finally stepped out of the shower and wrapped one of his towels snugly around his waist. Water droplets fell to the floor with his every step while some clung on for dear life as they slid down his skin.

He finally reached his room again, gaze falling upon an obviously annoyed Kibum. 

"You could’ve told me you were going to take a shower," the latter said. 

"I thought that went without saying," Jonghyun replied matter-of-factly. "I can’t show up all sweaty and gross."

At that, the brunette’s face brightened with mischief. 

"So… it is going down tonight," he gathered, a sly smile gracing his lips.

A flash of heat coursed through the blonde’s belly. 

"I… I don’t know…" he uttered as his mind started to drag him elsewhere again.

"This guy must’ve had enough of waiting," Kibum observed. "He’s not a fucking priest, for god’s sake!"

Jonghyun chuckled at that, relieving some of the tension that had found its way into his body just now. 

"That, he isn’t, for sure."

"But seriously, Jjong," Kibum started again. "If you do end up fucking, you at least have to tell me if he’s good."

The older one rolled his eyes, silently imploring whatever gods were out there listening to help him bear with his friend’s stubbornness. 

"Fine," he conceded with a sigh. "Now, can you help me pick out an outfit?"

"Of course," Kibum agreed as he sprung up from the bed to land on his feet. 

His hand reached quickly for the wardrobe’s door, sliding it further open to get a view of what he had to work with. 

Jonghyun could only see the back of his head for the most part, but the rustling sound of clothes being sorted through filled in the gap. He knew it was only a matter of time before an inevitable critique would roll off the other’s tongue.  

"Oh, thank god!" Kibum sighed in victory. He made a snap turn around, holding his hand up to show his discovery. 

The blonde cocked a brow. 

"That’s just a T-shirt." 

His words were rewarded with a scowl. 

"No. That’s not just a T-shirt."

“Okay…?"

A sigh of despair left the brunette as he closed his eyes to muster some patience.

"It’s a white T-shirt!" Kibum tried again. 

Jonghyun was even more at a loss. "Okay?"

At that, his friend’s expression grew even more frustrated. 

"You’re so fucking dumb, I swear," he groaned, dropping onto the mattress again. 

"Okay, let me try to put this simply," he started as he laid the t-shirt right beside him. "Most of your fucking wardrobe is on the baggy side, which, if that’s the kind of look you want to sport, then fine," he interjected with a bite of judgment. "But if you actually want to have some shape and appeal, we need to tighten your shit up."

"Okay… I get it… but why white?" Jonghyun asked. 

He wasn’t against brighter clothes, heck, that was his shirt after all, but he did generally lean towards darker clothing. 

"Seriously?" Kibum deadpanned. 

The silence that followed was the only answer needed.

"I fucking swea-" 

The younger one cut himself off abruptly, realizing it was no use. 

"Because that will actually show off all of that," he all but cried out as he gestured to Jonghyun’s uncovered chest vigorously.     

Jonghyun’s head immediately dropped down, gaze steadying on the planes and dips that stretched out to his towel. 

"I’m not sure I get what you mean…" he half-feigned, half-inquired as he looked back up. 

Kibum rolled his eyes this time.

"Give me a fucking break," he squarely dismissed. "You’ve obviously been hitting the gym more, so why not show off for once?"

Heat rushed up to the blonde’s face at the thought.

"I guess…"

"Seriously, you’d be so lost without me," the brunette asserted before standing up again.

Jonghyun waited to have his back to roll his eyes.

But he was quick to realize that he would’ve indeed struggled so much more if Kibum hadn’t taken charge. Instead of having to go through the pain of second-guessing every one of his styling choices, every decision was made for him in a matter of twenty minutes, even down to the way he should style his hair.

"Forget the gel and leave your bangs down," Kibum immediately said after he finished drying his hair off in front of the mirror. "We still want you to look casual and comfy.”

Jonghyun nodded in approval, always happy to keep things as simple as possible. 

"So what pants did you end up picking?" he asked as he turned back around. 

The younger one huffed at that.

"You’ve seriously not made my job easy with that non-ass of yours."

A frown creased the blonde’s brow as he glared at his friend.

"Smaller asses are valid, too, you know?"

"Oh, I agree," Kibum instantly acknowledged. "But that’s not what we are dealing with here," he added without blinking.

A three-second fantasy of landing a good punch on the other’s face flashed behind Jonghyun’s eyes, but he refrained from acting on it, because he really needed his help. 

"Stop running your mouth and just show me," he said, annoyance spiking his words. 

Sharp slanted eyes shot daggers at him before they moved to the bed. 

"Those tight denims should do the trick," the younger said before throwing the pants at him.  

Jonghyun caught them easily, instantly nodding at the sight of the darker blue shade. He didn’t wear them often anymore, but he could definitely agree that they were probably the best choice for tonight.   

"And it might be kinda chilly outside by the time we step out, so bring this with you, too," Kibum said as he indicated the black leather jacket in his hand.

"Good," the older one approved. "Shoes?"

"Your black Timbs.”  

"Perfect."

Kibum’s lips stretched into a sly smile. 

"Time to get some dick.” 

Jonghyun’s eyes brushed over his friend’s face with a wince of disgust, but somewhere in the middle of his lower belly, there was also a soft pang of approval. 

***

Jonghyun was nervous. 

He hadn’t realized it at first, but the feeling hit him on the road as he got closer and closer to his destination. By the time the car’s engine fell silent, his hands were shaking. 

Why am I so nervous?

The question rattled around in his mind as he let his head fall on the steering wheel. The thought fired through every synapse in his brain, but still failed to resolve itself with an answer. 

After mentally running through more of the same, he lifted his head up again, groaning at his stressed out and frustrated state. Realizing it would only worsen if he stayed immobile, he finally made a move to open the door and step out of the car.  

Once the door was locked, he looked up, taking in the tall condominium complex that stretched out before him. If he were being honest, he had expected something with a more grandiose look, but it wasn’t any more different than others he had seen in other neighborhoods. Somewhat though, that managed to calm his nerves a bit.

He finally started walking, momentarily leaving behind any thought that could’ve glued him into place. His pace was brisk, almost as if he were trying to outrun anything that could attack him from behind. He quickly had to stop again to put in the code that the brunette had sent him the day before. He punched in the numbers with one finger and let himself in as the door buzzed.

The elevator was only a few steps ahead and not long after, he stepped inside, pressing the button for the third floor. A quick thought about taking the stairs flashed through his mind, but he quickly dismissed it to focus back on his breath again. A deep inhale graced all corners of his torso before an exhale emptied it out. He repeated the process once more just before the elevator doors opened. 

His feet were now gracing the limestone floor, the sound of his heels clicking against it filling up the silent space. Every step he took was accompanied by a quick glance to each door as he searched for the right one. His venture ended up bringing him to the end of the hallway, right in front of a white door adorned with a shining number 11. 

Jonghyun just stared at it, mind empty, heart going crazy. 

"There is no turning back now."

His hand made its way to the doorbell on its own accord, his index finger pushing against it while his mind went blank.

His eardrums caught sound from the inside, but it was all too muffled to get a clear sense of what it was. 

Jonghyun stood there anxiously, silently wishing for this nerve-wracking anticipation to be over with. The sound of the door being unlocked a second later seemed to come as an answer to his prayers, but when it was finally pulled open, another draft of anxiety hit him square in the gut.

"I’m-I’m sorry," he stammered, embarrassed beyond words. "I think I’ve got the wrong place."

He immediately stepped back to make a quick exit, but the man’s next words made him halt just in time. 

"You’re Jonghyun, right?" he asked. 

"Uh… yeah…" the blonde confirmed, confused.

A wide smile spread across the unknown man’s face, making his large eyes narrow and crinkle at the corners. 

Who’s he? Jonghyun thought as his gaze scanned the sight before him. He’s gorgeous. 

The prompted thought only made him even more nervous which translated as a deep frown on his face. 

Before he could investigate what he was dealing with, Jinki finally joined in, pulling the taller man away from the doorframe to stand in his place. A mutter of protest came from the other, but the brunette casually ignored it.   

"Jjong!" he sighed, his breath a little shaken. "I’m sorry about that. I was finishing up in the kitchen and Minho got to the door first and…" 

A hand lifted to the back of his neck as his eyes darted down to the space between them. 

"Things aren’t really going as planned."

Jonghyun wanted to wrap him into a tight hug and let him know that he didn’t care, but a more pressing issue was toying with his mind. 

"Who is Minho?" he couldn’t help but ask.

 Jinki had mentioned him as if it were the most natural thing in the world, but this was the first time Jonghyun was hearing anything about that man. 

The brunette’s gaze shot up under his bangs and his eyes grew wide with realization. 

"Right… I never actually told you about him, huh?"

Jonghyun shook his head. 

Jinki sighed, more at himself than anything else.

"Come in. I’ll introduce you properly."

He stepped away from the doorframe, leaving an opening for the blonde to pass through. Once the door was locked and Jonghyun had taken off his shoes, he finally ventured into the brunette’s home. There was a subtle burnt smell in the air, but he chose to leave the matter on the back burner and instead give inquisitive looks to his surroundings. 

The apartment was a typical open concept loft, uniting the kitchen, the dining room, and the living room into the same spacious space. The set up was modern in style, the combination of wood and metal surfaces effortlessly complementing the cream-colored walls. Jonghyun wasn’t one to truly pay attention to details of this sort, but he could appreciate how everything seemed to work in unison to give a homey but classy feel to the apartment. He especially appreciated the fluffy white carpet that stretched out before one of the living room’s couches a few meters away. 

"So what do you think?" Jinki inquired as he followed the blonde’s gaze. 

The latter snapped back to attention, a slight shrug of surprise gracing his shoulders. 

"Ah… it’s very nice…" he awkwardly uttered as he let his eyes drag away from the living room and settle back on the brunette. 

It was just then that he noticed his all-black attire, consisting of a tight t-shirt and form-fitting jeans. It was the most casual he had ever since him, but somehow, that made him even sexier. 

"You have a lovely apartment, " he added quickly to avoid selling himself out as a prying pervert. 

A beautiful grin answered his compliment. 

"Thank you," he said. "Although…" His gaze scanned around. "I really had nothing to do with it. Minho chose it and perfected it to what it is now."

Jonghyun’s brow shot up in response, his shoulders tensing. 

"Oh, so he lives here, too?"

"Well, yeah," Jinki replied, not noticing the sudden edge in the other’s tone. 

A clench graced the younger one’s jaw. Oh, well, that sure reassures me.

"Ah, he’s coming back," Jinki said as footsteps resonated from the hallway to their ears. 

The man in question came into view again, now rocking a striped marine suit that somehow made his legs look even longer. 

Jonghyun couldn’t help but frown at the sight. Tall bastard. 

"Sorry for the disturbance, I’ll be leaving now," the young man informed as he gave them an apologetic smile. 

"Good, but first, let me introduce you properly," the eldest followed up. 

"Aaah, right, right." 

He was quick to close in the distance between them, stopping right in front of Jonghyun. 

"So this is Minho," Jinki started. "He’s my-

"I’m his best friend, roommate and law firm partner," the other swiftly interjected with a liveliness that made Jonghyun want to wince. "Is he a hyung?" Minho then asked, gaze moving to Jinki. 

"No, no," Jinki answered with a chuckle. 

"Aaah okay, I can relax a bit more then," the other noted with an easy smile. "I’ve heard a lot about you, Jonghyun. I’m very happy to finally meet you."

Taken aback by the frank response, the blonde missed the blush that crept up the other’s neck at that exact moment. 

"Ah, um," he started uneasily. "It’s nice to meet you, too," he reciprocated despite his reluctance. 

Cackling in response, the tall brunette said, "That doesn’t sound too convincing."

Jonghyun’s eyes widened, stunned by his lie hitting him back in the face.

 "It is, I-"

"Don’t worry," Minho cut in, still laughing. ""I wouldn't be very warm, either, to someone my boyfriend's apparently close to, but that he never mentioned before," he then reassured, not without the double intent of throwing a jab at his friend too. "Choi Minho," the eldest loudly protested in response, not noticing the bewildered expression that had just settled on the blonde's face. "You're making it sound like I was trying to hide something."

As interested as Jonghyun should've been in the course the conversation was taking, everything that followed was lost on him. He could hear their voices, but none of the words reached him. Not after a single one had rendered his senses useless. Boyfriend. The word rung loudly inside his head, replaying again and again in a reckless loop as his heart raced. 

He managed to turn his head to give a look to his right, searching for a hint of what he was feeling on the other's face. But all he could see there was the frown that had settled deep between his eyes. Not used to seeing that expression, his newfound curiosity for what was causing it was what managed to make him leap back into reality.

There was a brief silence and suddenly the giant's eyes were on him, twinkling with mischief. "He's really cute after all," the latter said as his eyes travelled along his body. Jonghyun's reaction was innate, lips parting to give the other a piece of his mind. But he wasn't quick enough. "I wouldn't be worried in a million years. Trust me," Jinki all but snarled.

That was enough for Jonghyun to lose all bite. Instead, his teeth sank into his bottom lip. Shit. He is being hot again. 

The tallest smirked.

"As spicy as that would've been, you know I would never." He then looked straight at Jonghyun, a pleased smile still dancing on his lips. "I'm glad Jinki finally stopped acting like a little virgin. I have to thank you for that." "Can you just shut up and go now?" Jinki burst out as his skin flared up again. Yup. My sentiments exactly, Jonghyun silently seconded, his impatience growing by the second. "You were the one who wanted us to get acquainted," the younger one retaliated, eyes almost popping out of their sockets. "Well I think Jjong has a good idea of who you are now," Jinki indicated. Yup. An unnecessarily tall and annoying prick, the blonde kept on in the secrecy of his mind. "If you say so," Minho dismissively acknowledged. He didn't waste a beat of silence to continue on. "So, how do I look?" The smug smile that followed did nothing to help his case in the blonde's mind.

"Good, as always," Jinki replied, a lace of exasperation tugging at his words. "Thaaaank yooouu," his friend voiced excitedly. "You know tonight's a big night," he added with a wink. "Aren't you just seeing Yejin?" "Meeting her parents tonight actually," his friend filled in as he tugged on the front of his suit to straighten it out more than it already was. "Not worried though," he instantly added. Suuuuure, Jonghyun derided. It was a miracle he managed not to roll his eyes. Jinki was more patient, obviously. 

 "No?" he questioned, doubt raising his voice. "Nah," Minho assured. "She told them I was a lawyer and they apparently screamed from joy." A grin stretched out wide on his face. "So imagine when they see how handsome I am, too." If there had been a camera in the room, Jonghyun would've surely stared into it to display his sheer annoyance at the other's inflated ego. "Riiight," Jinki said, seemingly as annoyed as he was. It didn't go unnoticed by the tall brunette. "Okay, enough about me," he settled. "I'll leave you lovebirds alone now." He reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys before giving a lazy wave their way. Before he could exit through the front door, Jinki spoke up again. "You're spending the night at Yejin's, right?" Minho turned back around, meeting the question with a sly smile. "Of course." Jonghyun's heart jumped as his eyes grew a little wider. Calm down, calm down. "Good," Jinki voiced in satisfaction. Oh. Fuck, fuck, fuck. "Have fun," Minho said with a wink before finally leaving. The clicking sound of the door closing sealed those words dramatically, making them suddenly aware that they were very alone. Jinki made a move first, turning his body towards him so he could look at Jonghyun properly. "I need to apologize," he prefaced, expression guilt-stricken. "Ah, it's fine," Jonghyun quickly dismissed. "We all have annoying friends." Jinki's brows rose, mouth agape. "That's not what I was talking about..." The blonde froze as the words struck him like a bucket of cold water being thrown in his face. "I'm...I'm sorry, I didn't-" The other's laugh cut him short. 

"Don't worry," he reassured. "I know he can be a lot sometimes, but he has a good heart." At that, a frown creased his brow making the brunette laugh even harder. "I swear," the latter defended despite it. "If you want, I can tell you about how he actually saved my ass in a big case." Jonghyun snorted. 

"Does it involve him sleeping with someone?" Jinki blinked. 

"How did you know?" The blonde shrugged. 

"He strikes me as the type." "He really didn't make a good impression on you, huh?" No. "I mean... If he's your best friend and you live with him, too, I bet he has redeeming qualities," Jonghyun conceded despite himself. "You are the worst at hiding your emotions," Jinki snickered. "But I'm glad, actually", he went on more seriously. "Minho can be quite the charmer and maybe a small part of me was scared he'd charm you." The admission came with a sheepish smile, sending Jonghyun's heart into a furious race again. "He's not my type," he said without hesitation. "What is your type?" Jinki asked in a cheeky tone. You. "Aah, you know... Guys that..." His eyes shifted as if an answer was floating around. "Um…" "Guys that get so nervous about a dinner at home that they burn the meal?" the other chimed in, giving an embarrassed smile. 

Jonghyun’s gaze settled back on the brunette, wide with confusion. 

"What?"

"I really hope that type of guy is your type," Jinki continued. "Or else… I’m screwed."

A nervous laugh followed and Jonghyun’s heart fluttered. 

"Don’t worry," he said. "I think that kind of guy is cute."

There was a lull of silence, during which Jinki turned redder than he had before, making the blonde melt and simultaneously cringe at his own corniness. 

"So, um," the brunette cleared his throat. "I was thinking we could order some food instead." 

"Yeah, sure."

"What would you like?"

"I really don’t mind."

"I really don’t mind, either."

"So how the heck are we going to solve this, huh?"

"Hmmm, what haven’t we had yet?"

They both pondered on the matter, reviewing all their previous dates. Apart from the fancy restaurant that had brought them together the first time, they had kept it pretty casual, eating at different local restaurants whenever they felt hungry. Jonghyun wasn’t much of a foodie to begin with, but Jinki was on the other end, so he usually followed in whatever craving the older one had in the moment. 

"What were you cooking earlier?" he thought to ask. 

"I was trying out a Coconut Shrimp Curry recipe."

"Mm, that sounds good. Why don’t we order that?"

"Yeah," the other agreed. "And we can pretend I actually made it while we eat it, too."

Jonghyun smiled at his silliness. 

"Sure."

"Okay, I’ll go find my phone so we can check out places," Jinki indicated, already turning to move. 

But before he could take a step, he was halted by a firm grip on his wrist. 

"Wait," the blonde said as he turned him back around. 

He stepped closer, slow and measured, his almond shaped eyes flicking upwards once there was nearly no more space between them.  

The other’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he gazed into those criminally pretty eyes, waiting. 

"You haven’t kissed me yet," Jonghyun finally said, tone expectant. 

A breathy laugh met his skin.

"You’re forever impatient."

"That’s been established already. So, don’t make me wait any longer."

You’ve made me fucking needy, you bastard. 

Jonghyun was expecting to be left hanging, just to get him frustrated to no end, but before he could prepare any argument in retaliation, the other’s soft lips caught his breath, melding their bodies together. A sigh of contentment left him; it was like everything was right in the world again. 

Jinki held him, arms hugging his waist under his jacket as they shared a soft and sweet kiss. Despite his eagerness, Jonghyun didn’t push for more, knowing well that everything he wanted would come in time. 

"Happy?" Jinki asked as he pulled away, eyes lingering on the lips he had just made pinker. 

"Mmhm," Jonghyun hummed, chest heaving slightly. "For now, yeah."

That made the other laugh again before he stepped back.

"Well, let me get my phone before we actually get to dessert."

He disappeared, leaving a baffled Jonghyun to wrap his mind around what he had just said. Knowing the man a little better now, he knew how purposefully confusing he could get. There could literally be a real dessert waiting ahead without any real prospect of something more. But fortunately, he hadn’t forgotten the exchange that had happened between him and his friend earlier.

He wanted to make sure we would be alone for the night.

That thought alone was enough to make him hot all over again, prompting him to take off his jacket. He walked to the hanger near the entrance and hung it on there before returning to his spot in front of the kitchen island. 

Jinki came back almost simultaneously, gaze fixed on his screen. 

"Hmm… I’m not sure we’ll find what we are looking for…" He lifted his head up. "Maybe we should-"

The pause was abrupt, weird even. But the brunette’s gaze gave it all away as it settled on the other’s chest before traveling further down. It wasn’t the first time Jonghyun was at the receiving end of the taller one’s hungry eyes, but it never failed to make him feel like a blushing schoolgirl. 

"Maybe we should what?" Jonghyun reminded with a thin voice as he tried to distract himself from his own desire. 

Jinki’s eyes shot back up to his face, confused. 

"Eh?"

The blonde cleared his throat.

"You were talking about the food…"

"Oooh, right," the older one said, face lighting up with realization before he looked at his phone again. "Um… so yeah, it seems like no restaurant near here makes that type of food, so it would take an eternity before it arrives here."

"Aaaw, that’s too bad," Jonghyun expressed with disappointment even though in truth, the matter left him highly indifferent. 

"So what do you want to do?" Jinki asked, a slight pout curling his lips. 

That on the other hand, didn’t leave him indifferent. 

"Hmm, how about pizza?" he proposed as he thought of the last time he had ordered in. 

"Yeah, pizza’s good," Jinki agreed. "I haven’t had that in ages actually," he realized upon further thought. 

"That’s perfect then," the younger one settled with a soft smile. "I’m bringing you back to basics."

"Definitely," the other chuckled. "You better not judge my choice of toppings though."

"As long as it’s not Hawaiian, you’re good."

Silence followed. 

"Oh come on, really?" Jonghyun exclaimed in disbelief. 

"What if it is?" 

The blonde crossed his arms resolutely.

"Well, I’ll judge you for sure."

"That’s it?" Jinki taunted, amused. 

"Well, yeah, that’s it," Jonghyun threw back, annoyed. "I’m not going to leave or something. That would be dumb."

The other’s amusement morphed into a full-blown laugh.

"Thank god you’re not that dramatic."

The blonde frowned.

"Is that sarcasm?"

"No, sweetheart. Of course not," Jinki kept on, giving him a sweet smile that made his words ring even more insincere.

"You know that I hate you, right?" Jonghyun threw right back at him.  

"I can live with that," the older one brushed off as he redirected his attention to his phone once more. "Plus, I hate Hawaiian pizza."

“Oh, thank the fucking lord," the blonde sighed out, relieved. 

Jinki shook his head at that. 

"You are truly something else."

"I just have good taste, that’s it," Jonghyun shrugged off. "So what are you ordering?"

"That Meat Lover’s one sounds good."

"And that’s when I remember whose cousin you are."

The older one laughed. 

"We gotta have some things in common."

"That’s really all I hope you two have in common," the blonde scoffed. 

"Are you really friends with Taemin?" the other taunted in reply. 

"Depends on my mood, really."

That was met with more laughter, but Jonghyun hadn’t really meant it as a joke. He did love his friends, but he also truly hated them sometimes. 

"So, what kind of pizza do you want?" Jinki asked. 

"All-dressed is fine."

"I thought you would’ve preferred Bare-Naked…"

Jonghyun frowned, confused, but caught up soon enough when he recognized the pleased smile the other was sporting.  

"Your jokes are just getting worse and worse," he voiced, scrunching up his nose in disapproval. 

"Oh, and I thought you said you had good taste," Jinki struck back before the same smile stretched even wider on his face. 

"Fuck you."

"Wow. Best comeback ever."

The reaction was immediate. Anger flared bright and hot inside the younger one as his jaw tightened and his hands balled up into fists. He was ready to go off the rails and rage, but before any words could come out of his mouth, the adult in him spoke up. 

Let it go. 

The voice was firm and resolute, decided to not let his weakness overcome him. 

If it were anyone else, he wouldn’t think twice and would freely let himself throw a tantrum, but he had enough conscience to not want to self-sabotage in this moment. 

"Whatever," he grumbled instead, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"Ah, please don’t be mad at me," Jinki implored as he caught his surly demeanour. "I’ll make my bad jokes worth your while, I promise," he added with a smile that could redeem a million sins and that instantly made the other’s heart somersault. 

“You'd better," the latter grumbled between his teeth before the brunette went on to call the pizza place and put in their order. 

"They said it’ll be here in twenty minutes," Jinki informed as he hung up. 

"Good," Jonghyun answered absent-mindedly. 

His attention had already been caught by something else in the time their conversation had lapsed. 

"Is that a piano book?" he asked as he pointed to the living’s room center table. 

Jinki’s brows shot up with surprise before his eyes followed a few meters ahead. 

"Oh, I forgot to put that away," he realized with some embarrassment. 

"So you’re learning to play piano?" Jonghyun pursued with inquiring eyes that bore into the taller one’s profile. 

"Yeah…" Jinki revealed, the scrutiny making him uncomfortable.  

"Since when? How? Where?" Jonghyun went on eagerly, obviously unaware. 

"Um… Just started a few months ago…" Jinki cleared his throat. "I take a class every Sunday and practice with a keyboard at home whenever I have time."

The blonde’s brows formed a tight frown over his bewildered eyes.

"Why am I learning this just now?"

"Didn’t really think you’d be interested…"

The muttered answer didn’t go unheard. 

"Not interested?" the younger one exclaimed a little louder than intended. "You know I study in a Music program, right?" he tried to say in a calmer tone despite his growing frustration. 

"Yeah, I know…" Jinki sighed, making the blonde’s brow cock upward. 

"So what gives?"

"Nothing," the older one quickly answered. "I didn’t think it was anything important, it’s just a little hobby I picked up again."

"Again?" Jonghyun immediately caught. "So you played before?"

"Yeah…"

"You’re into music!" 

Exclamation points were flashing in the blonde’s eyes, that piece of information alone firing up all his synapses. 

"This is one of the first things I should’ve known about you!" he reproached despite himself. 

"Like I said, it’s not that important in my life that I felt it was worthy of mentioning," Jinki reiterated, a bite of annoyance marking his words. 

"Not important, but the book is on display in your living room?" the blonde challenged, unwilling to let it go. 

"I just forgot it there."

"Well I’m glad you did, because from what I’m understanding you had no intention of letting me know about this," Jonghyun threw back, feeling more and more cheated. 

"That’s got nothing to do with us," Jinki said, trying to keep his tone even. 

Any kind of restraint the other was trying to keep over himself flew out right there and then. 

"Are you serious right now? How is something we have in common not relevant?" he went off, voice not far from a shout. 

"Jjong," Jinki warned. "Drop it."

"Or what?" he scoffed. "It’s not like you’re going to kick me out or something."

Despite his best efforts to keep a neutral expression, that was the brunette’s final straw.  Hard eyes looked straight at the younger one. 

"Don’t think I can’t."

Jonghyun’s frown deepened, jaw clenching with tension.

"You gotta be kidding." 

That clearly wasn’t the best thing to say. 

"Not this time." 

The brunette’s tone was sharp, unarguable even.

If Jonghyun didn’t know any better he’d think it wasn’t the same man before him. This man he was looking at was almost scary. 

"Really?" 

His own tone faltered under the weight of the other’s gaze, sounding almost meek. This wasn’t at all how he wanted the night to end. 

There was a pause, a quiet exchange through their locked gazes. Despite it, Jonghyun couldn’t for the life of him guess what the other would say, but he was praying with all his might that he hadn’t screwed up this whole evening. 

Just as the guessing game was getting the best of his nerves, a sigh broke through the dense silence. 

"I don’t want to kick you out, Jonghyun,” was the first thing the brunette said as his whole demeanour softened.

Thank god. Jonghyun’s shoulders relaxed.

"You fucking scared me for a sec."

"Did I?" Jinki questioned, surprised. 

"Of course!" The blonde gave him an astounded look. "You look fucking scary when you’re mad!"

Jinki chuckled.

"Oh, well," His mouth stretched into a pleased smile. "I guess that’ll teach you."

The blonde’s lips parted, but no words came out. Who the fuck are you? 

"Look." Jinki stepped closer to him, his expression having regained some seriousness. "I’m sorry I reacted that way." 

Jonghyun jumped slightly as a warm hand cupped the side of his face. It wasn’t long before he was melting under the gentle caress.

"No, I’m the one who’s sorry."

"Sorry for?" the older one teased with a soft smile which made the blonde scrunch up his nose in annoyance. 

"Sorry for pushing it," he said, disgruntled. "But you can’t blame me for getting passionate about you playing an instrument," he quickly followed up, arms crossing one over the other. 

The other’s hand dropped down.

"You know that any kind of justification following an apology makes it sound fake, right?" 

The playful jab drew out a scowl on the smaller one’s face. 

"So be it, I’m not taking that back."

Before the brunette could retaliate, he plunged forward, planting a kiss on his slightly parted lips. A barely audible sigh met the gesture before their lips locked fully, bringing a heightened sense of warmth to reverberate through their bodies. 

Jonghyun was not going to play nice this time. His tongue spoke for him as it swiped across the taller one’s lips, asserting its will. Being shown no resistance, he let it slip in with ease, claiming the mouth he had become so addicted to. Desperation and pleasure coiled inside his stomach as the brunette fought back with more passion, pressing their bodies together with a firm pull around his lithe waist. 

The blonde whined against him before one of his hands shot up to the back of his neck while the other gripped on the front of his black shirt. A groan answered the gestures, vibrating low and sensual through the kiss. Clearly, he had struck the right chord, because a moment later, the hands around his waist moved further back. 

A gasp escaped him, his eyes shooting wide open as the brunette’s hands squeeze his ass hard. Their gazes locked as the other checked for a reaction, a self-satisfied smirk breaking their lips apart for a second before he dove back in for seconds. 

Jonghyun moaned again, holding on even tighter to the taller one’s shirt. He was clearly losing the power he had first asserted. But he didn’t mind it. He wanted Jinki to show himself impatient; to show him how much he wanted this, too. 

And impatient he was. Before Jonghyun could get accustomed to the feeling of having his ass cupped by resolute hands, he was suddenly submitted to the delicious pain of having a crotch fully pressing against his own. By the way Jinki was pushing against him, he knew this was no accident. He was finally showing his hunger and the blonde was beyond delighted. 

"Jjong…" Jinki breathed out, barely pulling back. His mind blanked as the other’s tongue poked out to lick at his bottom lip, pupils blown out wide. "I…"

The aborted statement emboldened the smaller one, the grip he had on his shirt finally letting up as he slowly slid his hand down his covered chest, not missing the shiver and the clench it provoked on its way down south.

He tugged on the taller one’s belt, eliciting in him a poignant sense of déjà-vu. Their eyes locked again, making Jonghyun’s heart race from the implications he could read in the dark depths facing him. 

Gaze unwavering, his hand went to work, sliding the belt’s tongue out of its metal buckle with a ringing sound that cut through the heavy atmosphere around them. 

Watching the taller one’s Adam’s apple respond with a slow bob up and down his throat, gave him the last push he needed not to hold back anymore. He dropped to his knees unceremoniously, not minding the dull pain of landing on a hard surface. 

There were more important matters at hand and Jonghyun was going to make sure to give his full attention to them. The first being to close the gap between his first fantasy and reality. His eyes focused on what was before him, the thought of what he was about to uncover being enough to make him lick his lips again. 

Maybe he should have been questioning the fact that he felt hungrier for dick than actual food, but that was going to have to wait for another time.  

Without hesitation, his index finger and thumb pinched at his zipper and unfastened it, letting the curve of a bulge peek out from behind another layer of fabric. Jonghyun was impatient for sure, but he also liked to tease a bit. His hands tugged at the edges of the other’s jeans, sliding them down until they collapsed to the floor on their own. 

Meanwhile, his mouth moved forward on its accord, going straight for what it wanted. A hissing sound and a grip on his hair graced his senses as he took a light bite at the clothed erection that was already swelling up before him. 

He gave another bite, this time harder, and the hiss turned into a curse. Jonghyun smiled, pleased at the power given to him after such a long time. But he wasn’t without being bothered himself, feeling his own pants tighten. Want was coursing through his body making it tense and heated and focused only on making it reach its apex.  

Conscious again of the hand buried in hair, he looked up to see the upstairs result of his ministrations. The sight made his heart skip a beat. The man hovering over him had an expression of troubled lust, brows kneading tightly as his mouth hung slightly open. 

He had seen that face before, but he didn’t want a repeat of previous times. Jonghyun knew what he wanted to see this time. Looking back in front of him, he started kissing at his clothed erection, mouth and tongue traveling along it with languid strokes. He only stopped when he felt a harder pull on his hair, the dull pain making him moan. 

"Jjong…" The brunette halted, voice shaken by a quiver. "Wait, please…the pizza…"

The blonde’s brow arched up in disbelief. 

"You’re fucking kidding me," he spat out. "I’m about to suck your dick and you’re thinking about pizza?!"

"It's not that," the brunette quickly defended. "But the delivery guy's com-"

His brain short-circuited as he was suddenly bared of his underwear, leaving him hard and exposed. He didn't dare look down, an acute sense of discomfort seeping through the excitement that was spreading throughout his body.

"You're fucking kidding me," the blonde repeated, sounding breathless.

A beat of silence followed before his mind spoke on its own.

"You're fucking huge," he said louder this time.

He was too focused on the monumental piece of hard dick before him to notice the blush that had spread across the other's face.

"Fuck..." he let out, mesmerized. "Your hotness just keeps on giving, huh?"

Before the brunette could offer any input, lips suddenly took him in, giving a tentative suck to the crown of his dick already salivating with pre-cum.

His hips bucked, instinctively pushing more of himself into the tight warmth offered to him. The gesture was welcomed with a moan that vibrated through him and made him weak in the knees.

A resumed grip on the other's hair steadied him enough to withstand the subsequent assault. As he felt the base of his dick being squeezed by a firm hold, the blonde pulled back only to leave wet strips on the underside of his cock with an obviously experienced tongue, making him whimper at the bottom of his throat.

"Jjong..." he breathed, lids fluttering over his eyes.

The blonde's answer was sucking at his balls, giving them each their moment of glory inside his mouth before he moved back to the main course.

This time, he didn't test the waters. No, this time, he instantly took the dive, plunging the erection he had been sizing up deeper into his mouth.

Any restraint the brunette had tried to keep over his voice collapsed as the sensation sent a loud moan flying out through his parted lips.

"Fuck..." he cursed out as he finally looked down, hand softening a bit in the other's fluffy hair.

The blonde was covering him almost completely, cheeks hollowed out to accommodate more of him inside. The sight almost made him cum, the familiar pang in his lower belly hitting him deep.

"Jjo-"

His throat tightened around a groan as the one he had meant to warn began moving up and down his length, bobbing his head in a slow but steady rhythm.

A satisfied hum graced the motion, breaking the suction sounds that were filling the room. It wasn't long before Jonghyun picked up the pace, finding a perverse kick in almost choking every time he deep throated the other.

His pants became unbearably tight, but he didn't tend to it. He could probably get off just by sucking him off.

"Shit..." 

The curse above came with a rougher tug on his scalp.

"Jjong, I'm-"

But words came a little too late. A forward thrust in brought him deep inside the other's mouth again, letting it all go with a grunt.

"Ugh."

Suddenly, warm and thick cum was shooting at the back of the blonde's throat, making him wheeze, but he stayed put, welcoming it with all the greed that had built up inside him throughout these past weeks.

And from the load he was drinking in, he could tell the build-up was reciprocal. Jinki was just giving him a taste of it right now, leaving him wanting more.

As the brunette slowly pulled back, releasing his spent dick from his mouth with a wet pop, Jonghyun's gaze shot back up to him like an expectant dog looking at its master.

Jinki met his gaze with a mix of fondness and embarrassment, simultaneously flattening his hand over his bright shock of hair to gently comb through it.

"Sorry..." he quietly said.

Jonghyun almost swooned under his touch, but the apology instantly pulled out a reaction from him.

"What are you even apologizing for?" he retorted, annoyed.

The brunette looked away, averting further scrutiny. 

"I don't know, just..."

They were pulled out of their bubble by the sudden buzzing sound at the door, reminding them of the world that existed outside of them.

"Oh shit, the pizza," Jinki shouted out in panic.

Quickly rushing to get fully clothed again, he then ran to answer through the intercom at the door, leaving an even more annoyed Jonghyun to frown at the interruption.

"Tell me we are not really going to stop to eat pizza now," he verified as Jinki walked back up to him.

Confusion spread across the taller one's features.

"Well I already buzzed him in..."

Jonghyun rolled his eyes.

"I know," he huffed. "But that doesn't mean we need to eat it now."

"But then it'll get cold..."

"Are you fucking serious?"

An apologetic smile crept up the other's face, frustrating him even more.

"I'm afraid I am," he said, before holding out his hand for the other to take.

Jonghyun was tempted to ignore it, but finally grabbed it and let himself be helped up to his feet.

As soon as they were at eye level again, Jinki kissed him, soft and easy, tasting himself off his pliant mouth.

Pulling back just an inch, he said, " We've got all night to ourselves."

Jonghyun shivered, the words settling his impatience just a bit.

"Also," Jinki added. "If I don't eat before, my old bones won't be able to keep up with your youthful vigor."

His words were met with a distinct eye roll that made an honest laugh rumble out of his chest.

The doorbell ringing broke them apart and Jonghyun used that opportunity to take a trip to the bathroom. He ventured into the hallway in search of it, but before he could get there, he couldn't help but peak into a gaping door, the outline of a bed catching his attention.

He pushed it further open as his nose took note of the whiff of savory flavor coming a few meters away.

Even if he couldn't have been sure of whose room it was, what he found on the bed gave him the answer. From head to foot, the whole mattress was covered in white peonies. His eyes widened and mouth fell wide open as his heart thumped loudly inside his chest.

He was so stunned that he failed to hear the footsteps that were getting closer. It was only when a hand settled on his shoulder that he got abruptly pulled out of his trance, jumping in surprise.

Darker eyes met lighter ones as the blonde turned back slightly.

"I decidedly can't do anything right tonight," Jinki uttered, somewhat dejected. "I should've known to keep my door shut."

Jonghyun was immediately punched in the gut with guilt. 

"No, no, it's my fault," he immediately countered." I shouldn't have been snooping around, I just wanted to go to the bathroom..."

"It’s alright, really," Jinki halted before looking back at the bed. "So, what do you think?"

Jonghyun followed his line of sight, once again taking in the angelic sight the petals formed on the bed. He had seen such gestures being made in movies and had always thought they were over the top and cheesy, but to actually have someone do that for him...

And they weren't anything generic like roses, they were actually his favorite flowers.

"I... It's... It's..." He swallowed, feeling his throat tighten. "It's perfect."

The words fell out of his mouth with an unfamiliar quiver, prompting him to clear it out with a cough.

"I'm glad you think so," Jinki welcomed with a huge grin. "I remembered you mentioning these were your favorites when we were walking through the national park."

Jonghyun blinked at him, surprised.

"Wasn't that like weeks ago??"

The brunette laughed.

"I know I'm old, but I have a good memory."

The younger one's mind blanked again at that, dumbfounded by the gesture.

"Are you okay?" Jinki couldn't help but ask with a chuckle after a whole minute of silence stretched between them.

"Yeah..." Jonghyun breathed out. "It's just..."

He inhaled deeply before looking straight into his eyes again. 

"Why would you do something like that for me?"

Taken aback, the taller one answered on the spot.

"Why wouldn't I?"

When he saw the unchanged expression of confusion and astonishment on the blonde's face, he went on. 

"I thought I had made it clear that I really like you."

Jonghyun's eyes darted away, embarrassed.

"But..."

"No but," Jinki interjected. "I know that's not what you're used to, but I want you to know how much you mean to me."

The confession made his heart somersault. He felt an overwhelming warmth spread through him and suddenly, it all felt too much.

"Jinki..." he started faintly. "I don't deserve this."

As he watched a deep frown crease the other's thick brows, he went on.

"You've been so sweet and attentive, and I've just been..."

An asshole.

A liar.

"I've just been..." 

He wanted to say the words, but they felt stuck.

"You've been just perfect," Jinki filled in, giving him a loving look that only made him feel worse. "I don't know where this is coming from, but-"

"I've been lying to you," he blurted out as a window of imminence opened wide before him.

The other's gaze widened before narrowing under another frown. "What..."

Jonghyun's heart flipped, stomach coiling with anxiety.

"There is something I need to tell you.”

[combeauferre]

check in tag <3 

tagged by @ttlmt and @djhquiff thank you!

1. how has your day been?

so far, okay. im travelling back to uni today after a few days at home and im a bit worried about going on the train for the first time since all this shit started, but hopefully it’ll all go okay

2. what’s the last thing that made you smile?

i was watching a dnpg video this morning and i heard phil laugh very softly and it made me smile very big 

3. what’s keeping you entertained these days?

i’ve been crocheting a fair bit, im making a triceratops at the moment. also there’s the mystery au i’m working on that hopefully won’t be too long in the works before it comes out. also another au with a friend that again hopefully won’t be too long before we start getting it out. 

4. if you’re in some kind of quarantine/self-isolation what do you hope to achieve in this time?

i’m trying to get through as much reading as i can, but my new meds are making me very tired and i can’t really concentrate (i’ve been told this should pass soon so hopefully it won’t be too long before it’s all okay again)

5. post selfie, if you’re comfortable doing so

6. tag some people

@just-a-smol-squish @plinth-of-life @spacecitrine and @suckerpunchh

[mickmarstookmyheart]

Life's a Sick Joke pt 2

Pairing: Mick Mars x Reader

Would like to start from the beginning? Here is Part 1 !

Sidenote: As this story is under construction, I would like to warn you that those chapters which don’t have a proper title are written in the main caharcter’s POV!! Be aware!!! Be awaaare! I hope you will enjoy this storyas I did writing it, have a nice day and feel free to leave marks!

2. After-Meeting Party

"Hey Liz, you forgot your helmet! Don't dare to ride without it." Dylan threw it in your way and you caught it smoothly. You said goodbye to him and ran down the stairs, hoping not to meet any of your neighbors.

You packed your stuff into the bag of your motorbike. It was a beautiful, shining jet black chopper. You've worked your ass off to afford it, but it was way cheaper than a car. Perks, you can easily avoid traffic jams. It was just still February and all, but since you hate public transport, particularly people, you got your helmet on and pulled the leather jacket down your waist.

On your way to the meeting, plenty of things crossed your mind. Firstly, in a couple of months, you will be on the road and travel a LOT with Ozzy Osbourne as the opener group during 'Bark at the Moon' tour. Secondly, how should you behave with the boys and the other members of the staff? Should you joke with them or stay calm and silent and ignore all the witty sentences they will tell? And finally, Mick. You hoped he forgot that little chat between the two of you.

When you got there and finally found a parking lot. You took off your helmet and headed towards the building. Inside you took a look at the big clock and saw that you were half an hour earlier, but you didn't mind. Never have you ever been late from anywhere. I gave a look to that clerk from last time and confidently stepped in the elevator. When you got in front of the office door you hesitated a bit. When you stepped in you said a shy hello to the others who were already there. You sat down at the end of the table and started to read the papers on the desk.

"Hey, don't touch them! It's confidential." At the same moment, you dropped the papers and looked over the man in complete shock. You felt my face burn in embarrassment.

"Oh...I'm so sorry. I didn't know..." You tried to say a proper sentence.

"Just kidding, kid. Don't worry. Anyway, I'm Doc." He approached you and shook hands.

"(Y/N). Nice to finally meet you." You were smiling since you truly meant it. He already managed some bands you liked so much.

"Are you the new makeup artist?" He asked rubbing the back of his head guessing.

"Nope. I'm a photographer. I don't, more like I can't really do anything with makeup." You chuckled remembering your many attempts with make-up. You either ended like a clown or you never saw any difference.

"Ohh so you are the nerd one." Yaaay now they will call you The Nerd™. Cool. "Anyway, I read your CV. Nice qualifications. To be honest I expected an old, skinny man with a big mustache to be the photographer. But it's a pleasant disappointment."

"Thank you. I guess." You said after he left you there.

After he left the room, you let your hair loose and fix it a bit due to the helmet completely ruined it. The only body part you adored was your hair. Well, your hair, generally in the family. All the three of you and your bitch mother had silver, almost platinum white hair.

10 am. Finally. Everybody was present except for the four musicians. Nothing really happened, just discussed things which relate to the staff.

10:30 am. The door opened and the dark knight himself entered the meeting. You tried to avoid eye contact with him so you entertained yourself by the color of the wall and the long, shining glass table in front of you.

"I am sorry." Mick apologized and shut the door after himself. So he is the only one who attended the meeting. Nice.

"So, your interview went well I see." He whispered in your ear as he sat down next to you. Next to you. There were plenty of other seats available, but he had to sit down right there. Yay. Becoming invisible mission failed.

"Yeah...I was surprised, too." You said blushing.

You tried my best, really. You tried to concentrate on the meeting and jot down important information, but every time Doc joked and Mick chuckled or laughed you completely lost control. You always felt his eyes on you. It was frustrating. You cleared your throat more than once as a sign for him to look away but he didn't get it or just didn't want to. Doc started to write on the board the important concert dates and so did you.

"Shouldn't we wait until the boys come?" You chuckled. A girl asked who was sitting in front of you. She was a rookie, too if you had to guess.

"It's very unlikely to happen, dear. They are rockstars and they do whatever they feel like." Doc sighed continuing on the board.

"You know I'm sitting here, right?" Mick asked in a serious tone. Everybody cracked up, including me.

"If you really want to see them, check them at the after-meeting party." Doc told the girl.

"After-meeting party?"

You whispered to Mick.

"Yep. You coming?" He asked leaning closer. His breath was doing things to you.

"I don't know. Maybe. Although, I can't really drink, and party without alcohol isn't a party."

"And what if I won't drink either? That would be fair, right?" He offered in a very dangerous tone, it gave you goosebumps.

"Ohh I can't expect it from you. It's a party overall!"

"I want to be sober when I'm talking to you. I want to remember everything you say and tell me." Your heart skipped a beat.

At the party

"Hey, Mick!!! We didn't expect you to be hereeeee!!" Nikki yelled as he, Tommy, and Vince entered the party. They were all drunk as hell but trying to act sober. You and Mick were sitting at the bar drinking juice and water. Shame.

"Fuck. I didn't know what I was missing. These morons." He placed his face in his hands. Somehow you felt a sudden urge to touch his shoulder to comfort him, but you didn't have the guts to do so.

"And who is this?" The boys approached you and stopped in front of you. Vince eyed from head-to-toe and was grinning. "Nice to meet you, dear. I'm Vince Neil, the singer, and leader of this band."

"Vince, you are the lead singer, not the leader. It's not the same, man." Nikki corrected Vince.

"(Y/N)." He held your hand and placed a kiss on the top of it.

"My lady." Mick just rolled his eyes. You were afraid he might eye-roll himself into another dimension.

"And (Y/N)....what?" Tommy asked curiously.

"I'm sure she is (Y/N) Sixx cause I will fucking marry her, man!" He and his terror twin high-fived while you and Mick just shared a look.

"Wow. That was so original. You don't have better pickup lines?" You asked pulling one of your eyebrows at him.

"Hey, that was good. As me." He winked and with that, he just walked away pretending to be offended.

"I'm Tommy. Tommy Lee. And I really would like to know your surname!! Is it embarrassing or what?" He snickered.

"Well if you look me with those puppet eyes of yours I'm gonna tell ya. My name is (Y/N) Cooper." You sighed and waited for the reaction. Tommy was wide-eyed and already turned towards his bandmates.

"Hey Sixx, Vinnie! This is Alice Cooper's daughter!" You facepalmed since you already knew this will happen. A bunch of idiots.

"No, man. This is the reason I didn't want to tell it. Because you, fucking teenagers will immediately think that I'm a relative of Alice Cooper!!" You snapped and now completely understand Mick's thoughts about them.

"Chills, dude. I'm leaving." Lee held his hands up in defense and left you there with Mick.

"Fucking teenagers" is my line." Mick spoke up after they all left.

"You need to copyright it sometime."

∆Still at the party∆

"So I already know that you like taking pictures. Tell me your story!" You were now on the balcony which was much quieter and peaceful them downstairs. You finally convinced Mick to drink something even if you couldn't. He had a bottle of beer in his hands and was gesturing with it.

"I don't really know what to tell. What do you want to know?" You asked while taking a sip from your water. Water at a party. You couldn't believe it either.

"Well, do you live near here? Children?" He paused for a second. He looked at you from the coach. "Husband?" You smiled at the last question.

"Woah, Woah, Woah. Hold on! One question at once! I can't even remember them. Well, if you really want to know we live 30 minutes from here. We moved here at least four years ago."

"With whom?" He asked while he slowly stood up and leaned on the railing of the balcony beside you.

"With my brother and sister. Woah, now just with my brother, cause Isabelle went to uni. And for that husband topic...I haven't really had any proper relationship, there were mostly jerks, dumps, and idiots, in that order." You looked down and laughed at how miserable you were with relationships. "Also looking after my sister and sometimes my brother is just like having a baby." He chuckled. "And what about you?"

"I have a sister, called Susie and three..."

"Brothers?" You asked back not letting him finish his sentence. Mick already regretted intending to mention his children so it was a good come out.

"Yeah, sure." He said before taking a sip of his booze. He stood closer to you so his shoulder was touching yours. Mick met many girls during his life who were pretty and kind, but when he saw you in the office acting nervous, he knew you will completely turn upside down his whole life.

You hummed from the slight touch and leaned your head on his shoulder. You were admiring the view of the city night and the peaceful quiet. Then something crossed your mind like thunder during a storm.

"Holy shit." You cursed thinking he will kill you.

"What is it?" Mick asked worryingly.

"I forgot to call him, my brother. He will kill me. Sorry, but I gotta go."

"Okay, I will wait here." Mick sighed and thought he fucked it up this time. Maybe this touch and personal questions just scared you away. You headed towards the phonebooth downstairs. You felt terrible leaving Mick there all alone, but your brother must be worried sick, not knowing a thing about you.

You found a phone in the kitchen which was not that quiet. Cool. It ranged at least a million times until he picked it up.

"What kind of meeting lasts for more than 3 hours? I worried sick. Where are you?" He ranted on the phone. He was pretty angry.

"I'm so sorry, Dylan. Time just flew. Currently, I'm in a house party near to the office. It's a so-called after meeting party. Sounds ridiculous, I know." You smiled on the phone.

"Sure, it does. But you aren't drinking, are you? I hope you remember...that thing."

"Yeah I remember and you don't have to remind me all the time. And I'm sober. Anyway, Mick is asking of you."

"So...becoming invisible mission failed?"

"It fucking did."

"Who are you talking to, my dear?" A strangely familiar voice echoed from your back so you turned around. Vince. Dear Satan give you enough strength to handle him.

"Hey, Dylan I have to go, but I will set off soon, I promise. See ya later." And without waiting for his respond you hung up. After putting back the phone you glared at him, not in a mood for his attempts.

"What do you want, Vince?" You asked while heading back to poor Mick.

"Just a kiss from a rose." He stepped in front of you and put his fingers under your chin.

"No way, man! You are wasted and I'm not enough wasted to kiss you. So, please let me go." You wanted to walk beside him back to Mick, but he grabbed your wrist and pulled closer to him. Mick went back to the room and was about to leave this party since he supposed you weren't coming back. It was too long now for just a telephone conversation.

"It's just a kiss. From me. From the fucking lead singer of Mötley fucking Crüe." He whispered in your ear.

"But asshole, I don't give a damn of who you are. And get your hands off me!" You were about to walk away but he crushed his lips on yours. You immediately moved away and punched him in the face. He fell to the floor and held his hand on his face.

"You BITCH! You hit me!!" You stood there in complete shock, not believing what you just did. Everyone was staring at you. Your hand hurt like hell and you just wanted to be somewhere else.

"I'm so sorry. I should...go." You ran out of the bar and got on your bike.

"Hey, (Y/N)! Please wait!" Mick yelled from the door and was approaching you. "Where are you going?"

"Didn't you see what I did? I punched Vince. Actually, he is my boss. I fucked it up." You sighed and was gripping the hand clutch so strong your hand was already white.

"In that case, I'm your boss, too. And what did he do? I just saw that he is on the floor and you are running out."

"He...he tried to kiss me. I told him to stop and go away but he didn't. And after all, he did it and I got furious and hit him." You took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. Mick didn't know what to think at first, he was just amazed at how badass you were and angry as hell about Vince.

"Don't worry. He is so drunk he won't even remember it in the morning." Mick tried to chill you down.

"Are you sure? But what Doc will think? He is angry I guess..." You murmured.

"I think he didn't even notice it. And he won't care if Vince will go to him and cry like a girl who just broke her nails."

You chuckled. He stepped closer and you hugged him. You didn't know why you just needed someone to comfort you. He didn't move for a second. Later he hugged you back and rubbed your back. Mick wanted that moment to last forever, though it felt like a minute. Your strong grip, your smell and your hair in his face were just perfect. You were just perfect.

"Thank you for always being there when I need the most." You wiped your tears away and felt awkward." Sorry, this might sound strange." You sniffed.

"Hey, it's okay and I understand." A long pause and awkward silence. "So is this your bike? It looks badass." He took a look at your bike.

"Yap, it's mine. And thanks. I worked a lot to get it. But it worthed." You looked in the distance for a while. You thought about Vince and that you may have to look for a new job and had to leave Mick.

You screwed it up. 

Next chapter

Tags: @cmft-jr-winchester  @leatherandheels​

[wordstrings]

Inbox dump 

(brace yourselves, I’m including the timestamps because these have been sitting forever and you may literally forget ever having sent one of these because they’re from so long ago 😬)

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Anonymous said: March 11th 2014 *Clears throat* Non-canon verse, uni AU probably *strums guitar and takes a deep breath* DUEEEEE TO A COMPUTING errORRR, dean and gabe are stuck as roomatesssssssss, whilesamandcascanbestucktogethertoo that'snotaneccesitybutitwouldbegreaaaaaaaaattttttttt, and veeery soon it turns into something of a friendship BUT THEEEENNNN dean fights with saaAAAM and gabe is like "dude stop being so upset" aND FLUFF HAPPEeeeeeEEEEEEeens! *stands up and bows* tyvm for accepting debriel though like omg <3

I’ve been rewatching some of Supernatural seasons 5 and 6 this past weekend, and it reminded me how much I love and miss Gabriel. I still maintain that Debriel is a super-underrated ship. The manic-chaos potential is *muah*. (see: #Debriel)

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Anonymous said: August 7th 2018 psst... light back tickles while cuddling in bed are pure™ and wholesome™

Good shit good shit good shit

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Anonymous said: September 19th 2018 I love science and go to public seminars as often as I can. I walked in to the most recent one (which I had picked at random), and it was on the science of tickling. There were demonstrations. There were hand gestures and finger wiggling. There were in depth descriptions of the anatomy and physiology behind ticklish spots. It was legitimately your Amateur Production’s fic, and I was Kevin. Worst of all it was 2 hours long. I think I died during it and my soul was sucked into hell.

Uhhhhhh where can I get a copy of the slide deck?? Asking for a friend. (see: #series: Amateur Production)

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Anonymous said: September 23rd 2018 your art skills have me shook in the best possible way

aaaahh thank you! Fun fact: I went to art school and even took illustration as a concentration area but I’ve hardly drawn anything for like ten years. When I do draw, it’s usually because there are feelings that I don’t wanna do words about. (see: #strings does art)

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Halo!anon said: September 27th 2018 A small, sinful part of Castiel had the urge to gloat. It was somewhat dampened by the fact that Dean was still under the impression that being abducted is peak romance."I can't believe you went out of your way to set up our second date!" He'd squealed, as Castiel tightened his restraints. - little excerpt of a sequel to Date Nights with Demons i had planned for months but abandoned. halo!anon

Your demented version of Demon!Dean is so entertaining 😄 (see: Date Nights with Demons)

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Anonymous said: November 6th 2018 Aaaaah your Gabriel / Kali drabble was adorable, I can't help but love seeing our mighty archangel reduced to a mass of giggles, and you write Gabriel so so well <3. I love your writing your stories always brighten my day ^^

It’s so rare for him to let his guard down, isn’t it? But when he does, he has a grand old time of it. :) (see: this drabble)

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sarah-lou-who said: November 8th 2018 1/4 Boo! The ghost of my online presence in the community is peeking its head in because I need help. I don’t have a platform or following to sound an alarm, so I’m using my platonic tumblr wife’s platform and following for me, because that’s what platonic tumblr wives do. Right? Anyway, I’m very actively fixated on Attack on Titan atm. You know this very well. You also know my predicament. I seem to have exhausted the entire supply of tickly AoT content I’m interested in that exists currently. 2/4 So, if you’re willing to publish these for me, I’m crying out into the vast TFB lands hoping that there’s someone out there to answer the call. I am in desperate need of tickly AoT content. I don’t know if anyone around here writes for it much these days. I haven’t found anyone. And I know beggars can’t be choosers, but it can’t be helped; I really only care if Eren is involved. Even better would be Levi, but I haven’t found ANYTHING involving him, so I feel like asking for that is futile. 3/4 I digress. Even after all this time I can’t keep my asks less than 50 parts long. So my goal here is that someone, somewhere, will by chance come across these, and be able and willing to either write fic of the tickly variety for Eren and/or Levi from Attack on Titan, or direct me to someone who can, if they know a person who knows a person who knows a person. (Sidenote, hi anyone who still remembers me! It’s Sarah, the more ticklish half of Leerah. I’m doing good and I miss you!) 4/4 (I hope you’re all doing well!) Thank you for letting me take advantage of your devoted followers, Strings! Love yaaa!!!

Ah, my platonic tumblr wife Sarah returns! (Digitally, anyway. Reality-wise, we hang out all the time and it’s probably very rude of me to have not published this ask for so long!) I keep teasing her that she has a Type, and that is dark-haired sulky badass who’d probably make a wicked ‘ler – AoT Levi, SPN Cas, FMA Roy, etc. So anyway, if anyone knows of somewhere I can point her to find the content she’s (still) craving, lmk!

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Anonymous said: October 23rd 2019 I’m sorry if this is invasive in any way, but how is Sarah doing? I’ve been absent from Tumblr for a couple years and I see that her blog is now deactivated. I was just wondering if she’s doing alright and if she’s still around here on a different blog maybe?

See above! She doesn’t have a TFB community blog anymore, but she’s doing well. We’re quarantine buddies and helping each other out a lot. Very kind of you to ask! <3

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Anonymous said: December 2nd 2018 Hi, sorry to bother you but do you know what happened to prodigal-anon’s blog? It seems to have been deleted. Sorry again if you’ve been asked this before

No worries, friend! Here’s an answer for you!

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Anonymous said: December 13th 2018 I LOVE THE LOOPY SERIES! I love it so much, is there any chance you’ll be doing a part four? I’d give anything to see Cas and Dean tickle each other, it would be so cute 😍

Despite all evidence to the contrary, I haven’t entirely stopped writing... and Loopy 4 is one of those unfinished pieces that has seen a few additions lately. :) I’ve learned not to make promises about when something might get finished and posted, but I genuinely do believe this may be one of the first things that shows up once I’m ‘back in the game.’ Stay tuned... (see: #series: Loopy)

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Anonymous said: January 1st 2019 No no no you can't just stop there! I need more fluffy destiel with tickles and kissing! Pretty please?

I believe this is in response to Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight. Don’t you worry, anon – Dean and Cas are not done being fluffy on this blog!

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1832wasalongtimeago said: January 25th 2019 Hi I just wanted to pop in and say the Maintenance series is amazing!! The second part was doing things to my poor heart I’ve read it like 5 times already. You’re such an amazing writer and thank you fo writing for us!

I’m very flattered, but I can’t take credit for the Of Maintenance series – that’s the lovely work of ask-flip-frost! It does things to my poor heart, too, so you’re in good company. :)

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Anonymous said: January 26th 2019 Sam Winchester can take a lot of things. The one thing he CAN'T take? Someone using baby talk on him when he's being tickled. He collapses into a puddle of helpless giggles faster than a house of cards in a stiff wind.

Precious Sammy just needs to laugh and be held, doesn’t he? <3

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Anonymous said: May 17th 2019 Thor needs tickles. So. Damn. Much.

Oh this was from right after Endgame came out. Thor did make me feel some sads there. :( Poor bab.

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Anonymous said: July 25th 2019 hi! i’ve read your wonderful fics forever but i’ve never really sent anything like this before so i don’t really know what to say.. but i had a destiel tickly thought and really wanted to share it with somebody, so here goes i guess- dean is taking too long in the shower so cas decides to use his mojo from the other room to speed things along. and listens to dean’s echoey laughs through the door. that’s all. sorry if this is weird! okay bye have a good one

This is not weird and I may have delayed in telling you any of my feelings about it but I definitely have a doc somewhere that has some vague notes about how I’d like to write this because I like it!

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Anonymous said: August 6th 2019 Anhhgff your Good Omens tword fics are so cute snvfddf i never knew I needed that of my favorite husbands till now😳😍

I know, right?! They’re just dying to be dropped into every fluffy situation. (see: #Good Omens)

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Anonymous said: July 25th 2019 Poking my head in to say hello, hope you’re doing well still! I just got into Good Omens and I absolutely loved your fic! (I watched the show first because my book was taking too long in the mail lol) Also, the other week I somehow talked myself into making a tfb blog, after all these years of almost doing so before chickening out (this ask isn’t from it because I just hopped in here briefly in a private phone browser to say hi, it’s literally just august-anon though) ~August!Anon

August!anon, I’m always so happy to see you stop by! Tagging your (not-so-new anymore) blog so everyone can check you out: @august-anon​

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hey-teenblog said: August 4th 2019 I love your fanfiction very much! They give me a lot of pleasant emotions. And most importantly, they, saturated with tenderness and love, gave me to accept myself as lee!! sorry for my english, i'm russian Love you 😘❤️

I will never tire of hearing things like this! Thank you for telling me. “Saturated with tenderness and love” is a such wonderful compliment about my writing – thank you very much! No need to apologize for language differences; I’m always impressed with anyone who manages to pick up English because it’s bonkers. 

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Anonymous said: August 23rd 2019 Hi! Just found this blog and wondering some basic info. ** What fandoms do toy write for? ** Do you accept prompts? ** Do you write reader insert fics? Thank you lovley ❤️

Anonymous said: August 29th 2019 Do you write tickle fics for bnha?? Asking for a friend 👀👀

The only fandoms I have reliably been able to write for are Supernatural and Good Omens – but even Good Omens is a rookie player here. Supernatural is my main jam, and Destiel is my favorite flavor. I don’t do reader inserts, but I’m always “accepting” prompts. I just haven’t written many of them for quite a long time now, so you’re welcome to drop them as long as you’re okay with them collecting dust. (see: this selfsame post)

My About/FAQ page is very dusty right now, too, but there might be some useful tidbits in there for you.

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Anonymous said: November 12th 2019 okayokayokay. Have you watched Lucifer? It's on netflix, it's great, so much emotions and pining. (Also, y'know, reg. Luci stuff. He runs a club. Bad jokes. It's great.)

I haven’t, but it’s on my Netflix watchlist, so I’ll get there eventually! I saw a gifset once where he actually did the thing I see in winged fanfic all the time, where there was gunfire and he sheltered someone he cared about with his manifested wings. And honestly, that was the deciding factor for me.

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Anonymous said: November 16th 2019 Oh Man U listen to Critrole as well! Nice! Campaign 1 was awesome but also heartfelt and really gut-punching at points. Who is your fav so far, anyone you aren’t fond of? (& Out of interest do you have any tickle related thoughts on the main crew or upcoming Fics we can look out for? As you said it’s tumbleweeds out here for this fandom’s tickles and I’ll take anything really 😂!) Hope u enjoy!!!!!

It’s STILL tumbleweeds out here and it’s making me crazy! My heart belongs to Vax primarily, Percy secondarily. I don’t really have cohesive thoughts or headcanons about anything, unfortunately. I do have this one mental picture that keeps coming up that I keep wanting to see art of (who knows, maybe I’ll commission somebody someday?) – of ridiculous brute Grog just lifting Vax straight up in his arms and gettin’ wiggly with his fingers while all Vax can do is laugh and pry and kick while absolutely nobody helps him.

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Regarding #series: Accessor:

Anonymous said: August 31st 2015 I would like to see accessor!verse cas using feathers on Dean!!! and NIBBLES and RASPBERRIES and TEETH and TONGUE and WOWWWWWW

ME TOO, FRIEND. It’s been aaaaages since I published anything new for the Accessor AU, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been going back to my unfinished docs every once in a while to add a few lines here and there. ;) 

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Anonymous said: October 29th 2016 Prompt: Cas is put in charge of getting a treaty with a neighboring country that shares a lot of the same customs, including Accessories, with certain... twists (think Bracelets AU) and treats their personal slaves (like Accessories) like people (listening to opinions, giving proper care, etc.). The foreign diplomats keep bringing that up and talking to Dean. Cas isn't sure he can make it though the diplomatic proceedings. Also, he might be having improper thoughts about that custom and Dean...

I’m posting this here, but I’m definitely keeping this filed elsewhere because it’s FANTASTIC.

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Halo!anon submitted: June 4th 2018 I can’t help but imagine how tickling must play a part in other aspects of society in the accessor ‘verse, besides the sessions between master and accessory. So here’s some imagines and headcanons, with a touch of worldbuilding. (Warnings, besides the usual for this AU: death mention, reference to past trauma.)

- Among the high class, during parties and other celebrations, it’s seen as a common courtesy to string up one’s personal accessory in the center of the room and let the guests entertain themselves with them. Lord Castiel never does this with Dean, much to his fellow nobles’ disappointment; the mere suggestion had Dean quaking as things he’d rather forget came back to bite him.

- Every so often, a petty criminal(the poor man’s accessory, if you will) is placed in stocks in a small town’s square and left at the mercy of the very people they used to menace. What happens next usually involves honey, some sheep, and plenty of begging. A guard stands by to warn people, “No hurting, only tickling. Everyone please wait your turn, they’re not going anywhere any time soon.”

- Certain monastic healers perform tickle therapy as a treatment for anxiety, stress, and other “diseases of the soul”, as they call them. Balthazar himself proposed the idea, because of course he did. The rich usually indulge in this kind of therapy secretly, due to its undignified nature. Some contemplate the possibility of training accessories to tickle in the future, but it’s still a big taboo.

- Every town has a folktale about a tickle monster. Curiously, many of them involve controlling plants and attacking through dreams. The southern communities still have a giggle remembering that one time six years ago when Michael offered to hunt down one such monster and came back with Crowley, a sleazy drunkard with a fetish and a dream, sitting in a cage and wearing a mask.

- The Masters sisters, Lillith, Meg and Ruby, have a long history with law enforcement. Their favorite pastime is snatching unlucky merchants off the roads and tickling them into coughing up everything they have. Everyone is sure they had a hand in Fergus"Crowley" Macleod’s untimely demise by ferocious attack hounds, but they’re very good at covering their tracks. They’ll help you cover up your tracks too, if you’re a friend- ask Bela Talbot.

I might make a second part if I get any more ideas. I hope you enjoyed this! -Halo!anon.

I am very fond of you indeed, Halo!anon. These are so creative!

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hypahticklish submitted: July 24th 2018 Accessor!Ideas:

~ Gabriel leads a furious rant regarding Prince Lucifer/Sam to Castiel, relating back to perhaps dealings he has directly had with the Prince between their two unstable-yet-truced Kingdoms. Castiel relates with similar views shared by Gehenna’s councilor(s).

~ Dean and Sam BM where the audience learns more about their homevillage. Dean starts it after a rather morose remark from Sam and ends with Sammy smiling and stealing my heart.

~ Balthazar helps Sam in several ways: 1) Learns the Sam was originally a psuedo-Advocates apprentice, as well as herbalist nephew when Sam identifies the components to some salves/medicines he’s making (he had been explaining what he was doing in an attempt to spare himself being attacked like the first couple times) 2) Calls Sam out on being intelligent and making a recklessly stupid choice by selling himself to find Dean. 3) Removes Lucifers mark. And maybe perhaps: 4) Allows Sam to assist in his own healing/medicine making under his careful observation, feigned as needing two sets of hands to do correctly and his assistant was running an errand, to assess his skills. 5) Offer he work in the hospice under him, apprenticing, should Gabriel allow his intelligence not go to waste. It’s not what Sam really wants to do/learn, but it’s better than doing nothing.

~Dean officially thanks Castiel for saving Sam. I’m talking full feels, single man tear sorta thing. And Castiel says “there was never another option” and then its schmoopy sweet with the kisses and the tickles and the Cas saying he loves Dean back!!!!!!!! swoon.

~ Kali!Likes!Sam’s!Spirit! Give me a dinner scene with Gabriel, Kali and Sam where hes holding his own in a diplomatic conversation with them when he nearly crosses a line (maybe something classist? Making it clear that Cas and Gabe are the exception to his experiences) and she says “I like this ones fire. He reminds me of you, my love.” *grabby hands*

~ Prince Lucifer sends a message to Gabriel requesting (threatening) his Helpmate be returned to him for a handsome reward. Sam somehow sees letter and gets spooked because DRAMA. Gabriel responds to Lucifer with the Chief Advocate equivalent of “Fuck Off”

You, my friend. YOU. All these feelings about Sam? Top-notch, and I shall be borrowing them, yes I shall.

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Regarding #android!Cas:

hypahticklish said: January 23rd 2016 Android!Cas deciding today is the DAY. Dean has been teasing him lately that he likes these strange sensations that have him using all his back-up generated power to not accidentally break Dean's bones and challenging him with that cocky smirk and relaxed confidence. Android!Cas practicing during time while Dean rests with holding objects with similar density to the human wrists with enough gentle force that they neither fracture or slip from his grasp. Android!Cas surprising Dean by turning the tables and pinning his wrists over his head while settling himself on Dean's thighs. Android!Cas not necessarily tickling at first so much as just touching like he had been wanting to so as to catalog how his best friend feels with his new technology. Android!Cas feeling that bubble of FEELS in his chest as he listens to Dean swear at him with positive physical actions negating his harsh words, growing more amused as the bubbling giggles begin. I love Android!Cas 

Anonymous said: January 23rd 2016 Android!Cas figures out his own strength comes in handy for more than just retaining himself during tickle fights. When he surprises Dean, Dean tends to squirm and fight back a little (even though he told Cas to get him back as part of the experience), so Cas uses his strength to gently hold Dean down while ticking him. Dean's never been held immobile before so it's a new experience for him, but he ends up liking it. Cas notices how Dean relaxes into his hold after a minute or so. Cas doesn't fail to use this knowledge about Dean, coming up with teasing words and methods of ticking to make Dean all squirmy and giggly, taking special notice of how light tickles effect Dean even more than most other touches, using that specially designed soft brush meant to gently clean Cas' delicate computer chips.

Anonymous said: February 17th 2016 I'm joining in on the Android!Cas thing, if not too late. Perhaps Android!Cas has detachable parts, like a foot, and Dean is a jerk and runs off and hides with it all the while tickling it and making fun of Android!Cas's increasingly desperate attempts to get it back.

Y’all, careful deliberate curious determined ‘ler Cas is LIFE. And, reserved confused helpless adorable ‘lee Cas is also life. Detachable and extensible parts are probably key to both of these things.

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Regarding current personal circumstances:

Anonymous said: January 14th 2020 I pray that you’re able to find peace during this difficult time. You are loved more than you will ever know. I know it’s hard to believe, but there will come a time that you are thankful for this experience, because it will have turned you into the person you are truly meant to be. Be strong and be hopeful. Keep your faith and keep knowing that you are going to be okay. Don’t let this dark time destroy the magnificent light inside of you. Sending you so much love

Anonymous said: January 17th 2020 I’m so sorry you’re struggling. Hang in there! We’re all here for you!

Anonymous said: February 11th 2020 all my love, thoughts and prayers are going towards you right now. also wanted to just drop a little thank you note in your inbox for all the light and joy i've found in your fics over the years. im sitting half way through my first year at uni currently but ive been a fan of yours since early highschool and i feel like ive almost grown up with your writing and fanfics in a strange way, so thank you so much for that. sending all my love to you once again- you are so strong x

I love you all so much.

[northernreads]

looking back at the decade is weird. like i am so damn old. the last time i hit a decade i wasn’t really old enough to fully i don’t know... comprehend it? if i had to summarize the 2010s in one word than maybe: university? though there was more than that i suppose. this is probably going to be stupid long but i don’t caaaaare cause the 2010s went on forever too

i graduated high school in 2010. i went back for a victory lap solely to avoid university for a year. i did mediocre in high school in just about every way (grades, friends, experiences). i can’t say that i enjoyed it at all so finishing up with hs was a great way to start the ‘10s even if i petrified to start uni

in 2011 i started uni. i was terrified. i didn’t want to go in the first place, high school had sucked why would I want to do more school? but i felt like i had no other choice. the first year was rough, i worked my ass off though and while I was warned to expect my usual grades to drop the first year, they actually soared. when i was late enrolling for courses for second year the dean of my faculty emailed me to see if everything was okay and if I needed help. by second year i was actually really enjoying uni. i majored in history and minored in english and i loved it. i really like writing essays it turns out.

i graduated cum laude in 2016. my original plan to go to teachers college but after already extending my undergrad by a year and getting yanked around by my uni in so many dumb ways, when I found out that I would have to push back my graduation again to make teachers college work I decided to switch gears instead. i found something else to make my liberal arts degree work: librarianship

in 2015/2016 i realized I had to very quickly make things work if I was going to get accepted into a masters program. everything I had been doing to make teachers college work wasn’t enough for this masters program. namely that being a teacher meant volunteering with kids a lot while getting my masters meant developing relationships with profs. something I was incredibly uncomfortable with, and hadn’t even had much opportunity to do as my undergrad uni had a massive population and most class sizes were large even at fourth year level. I went way, way outside my comfort zone and made it work though. i got my letters of recommendation and got my act together and got accepted into both masters programs i applied to.

in 2016 i began my masters program at a new uni. the program was much smaller than what I was used to, and while I missed my english classes especially, I loved the program. I did well. I made friends. I even joined a club. mostly this two year program was me dealing with a long commute. (5-6 hours per day, four days a week). i was exhausted all of the time. i got a paper published. i loved this too.

in 2018 i graduated with my masters of information, with a concentration in library and information science

in the 2010s i graduated three times. graduations suck and yeah that’s some extreme first world complaining, but god i hate them so much

i got my first real job in 2012. i had no experience and had a hell of a time finding a job. finally one day someone gave me a chance and i started my first job at a gas station. i worked there for five years. i went through four managers, i trained a lot of employees, i made some work friends, i read a lot of books for uni there, it helped me come out of my shell a bit too

in 2017 i quit my job at the gas station. I was on my fourth manager and after weathering all that change this one finally broke me. every week he changed how he wanted things done and acted like I was clueless for doing it any other way. I also knew that I needed to develop some more work experience.

my next job was at a shoe store. less than two months into the job i was a senior employee because everyone kept quitting. it was my first time in retail and also the first time i was really working with other people. i hated it at times, but i also grew to like it too. i picked everything up quickly and was made a key holder before long. i was there for less than a year. the company wasn’t doing well and my hours were cut to almost nothing. cue next job

by this point it was 2018 and i had just graduated my masters program and was looking for a job in my field. in the meantime i needed money. i got a job at costco. they thought i was still in uni even though my resume said ‘graduated’. so I got hired on for the summer as a student. it was an okay job. bigger than anywhere i had ever worked certainly. by the end of the summer i was so ready to be done with it though, the management was poor at times and they were relentless in pushing us to promote membership upgrades. I despise upselling products to people who clearly don’t want to talk about it. overall it really wasn’t terrible. i did like a lot of the people.

i got two interviews for jobs at libraries over that summer. i was applying for hours every single day in 2018. zilch.

so by fall 2018 i needed a new job again. enter the coffee shop. i got hired to be a baker at tim hortons and was never a baker, in fact less than 2 months into the job they moved me permanently to their satellite location at a gas station (oh how circular life is) which had no proper kitchen. i liked the gas station location better in the end. there was a small group of ridiculous teens and barely adults on the afternoon shift and they were kind of the best. i was at tims for 8 months, was almost made supervisor but luckily dodged that bullet

in 2019 i got a better paying job. completely different than anything i’ve ever done before and not in my field. but i’m not complaining

i started the 2010s having never even kissed someone before. and i’m ending it having found someone that actually makes me believe soulmates are a thing.

in 2013 (i think) i had my first boyfriend. he was shit. i don’t think it even lasted 6 months but honestly i don’t remember much and i try not to

in 2014 (i think?) i had begun to question my sexuality a bit and landed on bisexual. i also had my first girlfriend. she was also shit. i guess it was maybe almost a year long. again i try not to remember. 

there were other almosts and not quite relationships but mostly it was just the two. and they were bad. they messed with me in their own ways. after the gf (2015) i just stopped dating. i needed a break from it at first. but the more time I took the more I began to struggle with realizing that i was ace. something i did not want whatsoever. i was also just busy with my masters. i had no time to date even if i wanted to between school, commuting and work.

in 2018 i met someone on here. he has been nothing but perfect ever since and i am madly in love with him. he also doubles as my bestest friend ever so that’s awesome

i traveled a little bit too. i did four major roadtrips with my family. twice to the west coast of canada and twice to the east coast. i also took a plane for the first time ever and went to england

i went to a few concerts: marianas trench (twice), lorde, hayley kiyoko, and imagine dragons

i got my drivers license and first car

i had roomates in uni in the dorms and now have my first apartment (+ a roommate)

i cut my long hair super short and kept it that way for a few years and then grew it all back again

i got back into reading again and it saved my life

i lost a lot of pets. i used to have my own personal zoo at the start of the decade. In particular i lost my dog Sam, who was the most important being in my life for most of the decade. now I visit my family’s cats and dogs once a week. and I miss them a lot.

we saw the world go through a lot of changes but i’m sure there are a million articles on that already. we saw too many memes too. but i’m guessing a zillion articles on that subject.

I discovered so much about myself over the past decade. 2010 holly would not know who I am now and I am so grateful for that. she was kind of an idiot. I feel so much more like me than I ever have before. the 2010s were rough at times, and that’s putting it lightly. But i’m here. i made it. Things feel good. I have a lot more big things coming, and hopefully sooner than later. 

[bubblepop-32]

If Bruce was De-aged and the only one who could make him stop screaming is Jason. (Part 2)

Bruce gets de-aged, but his memories aren’t as young (but not as old) as what they’re supposed to be. And he desperately needs Jason.

I wanted to read de-aged Bruce with our man Jay but I literally can’t find any ;A; So I sacrificed sleep and wrote this. 

There’s going to be good ol’ fluff and bonding between Jason and small Bruce, but there’s also going to be angst and suffering, and more angst. And swearing (mostly from Jay) 

Here’s >> Part 1 << (Visit me before u keep on going cos I was born first! D:<)

~~~

Jason rolled up at the looming front gates of the manor, feeling somewhat chilled after taking blasts of high winds as he sped through Gotham’s bare streets. Even with his thick gloves and high-grade clothes that are designed to keep the wind out, mother nature always has ways to intervene. The gates opened, opening their long metal arms to welcome him in.

He rode his bike up to the front door, where he hopped off and had a moment to think about what he was getting himself into. Do I really need to do this? He considers the events that could happen after Bruce returns to normal. He’ll probably banish Jason from ever setting foot in Gotham ever again, probably for seeing him in such a vulnerable state. He'll probably still hate him, even more so since Jason would be the reminder of both his failure and his recent embarrassment.

Ha. Why was he even here when everyone could’ve waited for Zatanna to do her magic and everything would be back to normal again. Zatanna could probably solve everything with her backward spells and her sheer black pantyhose and the black top hat.

So when the large, heavy grand doors opened to reveal Zatanna and Dick on the other side, he did a double take, which gave Dick the chance to speak first.

“I’ve heard that Prince Charmings always arrive fashionably late to parties… and well, I’m glad you’re here.” Dick flashes a small, tired smile that didn’t really stretch as far as his usual signature smiles.

“If this is a party, then this is the lamest one I’ve been at through my entire lives.” Jason fires back mirthlessly. He watches with spiteful satisfaction as Dick’s eyes widened the slightest bit as he processed what Jason said.

Jason’s eyes slid from Dick’s blue eyes to the ugly scab that was forming on his chin. Maybe it hurts for him to smile with the cut. He’s trying really hard to believe that it’s the cut rather than anything else.

Dick noticed the subtle change in eye contact but doesn’t choose to say anything more. He doesn’t want to scare Jason off before Bruce has a chance of letting Zatanna work her magic.

Jason lifts an eyebrow at Dick, clearly wanting answers. The quick glance Jason shot at Zatanna behind him proved to him that Jason was hoping for the same thing he was when he called her in.

“Zatanna’s magic isn’t working.” Dick supplies.

Jason’s entire frame heaved heavily for a moment as he took in a slow breath and exhaled deeply.

“Well…shit.” Jason murmurs. He was hoping that all this was fixed and he that wouldn’t need to hear such agonising screams ever again. He was hoping for a lot of things but none of them was coming true. I should better start hoping that this is dragged out for the longest time possible so that doesn’t come true either.

“I’ll explain the rest inside.” Dick steps to the side, allowing Jason a clear passageway into the house, but he doesn’t miss the reluctance in Jason’s stride as they made their way to the kitchen.

So far so good. Even better than what Dick thought it would turn out. He had imagined that he would have to go knocking on every one of Jason’s safehouses in Gotham, then try and drag him to the mansion.

Jason noticed something was odd the instant he stepped in, though soon realised that it was because Alfred wasn’t the one who opened the door to let him in. Even now, Alfred who was most definitely most attentive to offering ‘guests’ tea was not here to do so either. (Jason knows he’s not a regular, not anymore.)

Dick, now somewhat upholding Alfred’s spot as the butler, asked, “Do you want tea?”

“I want tea, but not yours. Alf’s going to murder you in your sleep if you touch his fine chinas.” Jason stepped between Dick and the glass display case, retrieving three cups with foreign gentleness.

“Damn, you just got rejected.” Zatanna mused as she moved to watch Jason handle tea leaves with care. But Dick seemed almost happy that Jason started brewing tea. Alfred seemed to have taught Jason a whole lot more things than either Dick or Bruce knew about because his muffins were second to the ones Alfred made. But that was all back then.

Soon enough, they were all gathered around the counter each with a cup of tea in hand. Silence enveloped as Jason took a sip, his gaze somewhat distant as he did. Dick took advantage of this moment to gather his thoughts, and how he was going to present everything to Jason.

He knows he has to ease the facts in as gently as possible. A shocked Jason can soon become a frustrated Jason, who will soon turn into an angry Jason. But Jason beat him to it.

“So, tell me that Bruce isn’t de-aged into some fucking ten year old and that phone call I got wasn’t real.” Jason eyed Dick, daring him to say ‘yes all this was just to prank your gullible ass.’

Dick sighed, blowing steam away from his tea. “Bruce is ten. He still is, and still will be unless we figure something out.”

“And, Jason, if what I think about this little situation with Bruce is correct, then you will play a huge role. Just to let you know, it’s not my magic that isn’t working,” at this, she sends Dick a look. “Bruce himself is the one who’s unconsciously refusing to let me to temporarily lock away his memories. Most of the memories anyway. I’ve sealed away what I can.”

“Wait, so you haven’t tried changing him back yet?” Jason growled, somewhat annoyed.

“I was getting to that. You see, space-time continuum must have been broken for Bruce to be ten years younger. In fact, I don’t think this is as simple as ‘de-aging.’ I’ve tapped into his energy signature and it’s slightly different from Bruce’s usual one.” Zatanna says, now clearly shedding new light onto the case since Dick’s face became even more contorted into confusion.

Jason gathered that this was the first time Dick was hearing this too. “You’re saying that time travel is involved in this shit and this Bruce is really him from long ago.”

“Yes, but the thing is, energy signatures remain the same no matter what age,” Zatanna adds as she tucks a dark lock of hair behind her ear. Dick’s face went a little paler and his dark eye bags seemed to have become even bigger. “Some exchange must’ve happened between this universe and another universe. Messing around the space-time continuum is a messy thing, and I’m guessing the memory mix-up is a result of it being ripped.”

Jason concentrated on the aroma of freshly brewed tea rather than on the shock that was about to be hitting him right about…now.

“That sounds like a…rather complicated deduction.” Was what managed to come out of Dick before he laced his fingers and pressed them to his lips.

“And that’s why I haven’t tried re-aging Bruce. The only thing I can do for him at the moment would be to lock away some of his memories, otherwise, he would practically break,” Zatanna concluded. “Whenever I tried to speak with him, he began screaming. He was screaming your name, Jason.”

Jason looked back at the reflection of him that rippled in the tea. “Still doesn’t explain why I’m here.” He murmured.

This time, Dick was the one who answered. “You’re the one who’ll be able to calm him down. I’ve tried, Zatanna’s tried, even Alfred’s tried.” He eyed Jason with his fervent blue eyes hooded behind his long, dark eyelashes. Jason’s eyes never left his tea. “But he keeps calling for you.”

A loud, pensive silence overtook them. The magician added something more in a smaller voice. “…I believe that there is a high possibility that this little Bruce, still has his parents back in his world.” That would be like rubbing salt into a bleeding wound, no doubt making all the memories that flooded into Bruce mind that much harsher and crueller.

That was another shock to Jason because if Bruce never lost his parents, Batman would never have come to be…and Jason would never have to be who he is. He might’ve been able to go to Uni, get a degree and not needing to cringe every time he sees a crowbar or bury bullets into heads.

He imagines standing in front of a mirror, seeing himself but standing straight, his shoulders light without burden. He imagines staring into calm blue eyes, like the ones he once had, and black hair brushing at just the tips of his lashes. No white. However, the image was nothing more than a mirage; a soft haze that would linger at the very back of his mind but never leave or step into the light.

If there was ever an even bigger shock, Jason felt betrayed by his own emotions. He fucking feel peeved about how he wasn’t angry about the fact that he was called here for reasons that are only based on theories or for Bruce.

Alfred’s paced footsteps arrived at the boundary between the kitchen and the hallway. “Master Jason, it is wonderful to see you here. I am glad to see that the chinaware has remained, for the moment, intact.”

Maybe the one thing he would miss if Bruce never became Batman would be Alfred. So something in his heart twinged when Jason saw Alfred standing by the doorway with the most forlornly expressed face Jason has ever seen him show. Jason feels the ache in his chest worsen as Alfred walks closer, allowing Jason to really pick up the subtle changes in the way his body glided across the open space. Alfred’s frame was slightly bent over, his back not as straight and his nose held just a little bit lower. As long as ‘Batman’ exists, Alfred’s ongoing exposure to all the suffering and the shit that goes on will never cease. Jason feels the anger inside of him being boiling once more – but he felt immediately because Jason was one extra thing Alfred had to deal with.

Jason loves the guy and he hates the things he’s done to the butler, taking years off his life for worrying over him when he didn’t need to. He’s done nothing to deserve his care.

“How’s Bruce?” Dick lifts his head and asks. The weariness they both shared seemed to have established a mutual sense of understanding. Dick knows that Alfred has personally stepped up to take the responsibility of taking care of Bruce – like he always has. Alfred understands that Dick feels useless about not being able to do anything, but he also understands that Dick understands that he’s doing what he can as best as he can.

“He has worn himself out to the point of exhaustion. I must say that it is for the best right now. I’ve removed all things that a young boy like him can break and throw. It was quite the feat to stop him from breaking multiple bones in his body.” Alfred’s expression melted into collected despondence. No one knows how he can pull off such conflicting emotions with calm professionalism. But then, people learn from experiences and this wasn’t the first time Alfred has seen something like this.

Dick could only imagine what Alfred had to struggle with when Dick rushed into the bat cave carrying a glassy-eyed Bruce who was swimming in the swaddles of his Batman costume. Dick thought that it was just shock and a terrible concussion.

He first called Damian down to the cave. Damian had a grey hoodie on with tight black jeans, with his growing fringe bobby-pinned back. That kid has been too busy acing school to get a haircut, much to Alfred’s constant reminders. Damian sarcastically commented on how delinquent-like DIck looked with the newly healing cut to the chin.

Dick briefed him over what had happened (though, leaving out how everything about how reckless he got). A villain wannabe, real name Jeremy Fritzleburg, or less commonly known as “the InventorDoc,” (Damian snorted at the name), de-aged Bruce (to which Damian snorted at again before an ear-shattering scream rang from somewhere within the cave – that was when they both knew something was wrong).

Dick told Damian to go check on Bruce whilst he called Tim and told him to come in as soon as he can. He wanted to get the broken pieces of whatever the InventorDoc invented to be analysed and hopefully understood so that they’ll be able to do something.

After more than ten minutes of pacing around, biting his thumb, he thought that calling in Zatanna would be a good option. His thoughts were confirmed when Damian came running back to him, eyes wide and undoubtedly shaken, but refused to admit what had shaken him so bad. He immediately dialled the famed magician, telling her the important point to convey the severity of the situation.

On the way to Bruce, Damian lagged slightly behind Dick.

“What’s wrong Dami?” Dick had asked but didn’t get a reply. It was only until Dick was nearing the place that Damian grabbed Dick’s arm.

“He doesn’t remember me.” Damian had whispered.

Dick paused abruptly, heart suddenly shuddering in his chest. “Go back up and wait for Timmy and Zatanna, yeah? I’ll…I’ll talk to him.”

Damian held on for a bit longer before letting go. He glanced up at Dick, “Father is barely able to talk in his state,” and then swiftly left.

Dick continued walking and swallowed thickly as he drew ever nearer. Soon, he was face to face with a small, fragile-looking Bruce writhing on the ground with blood trailing from his bloody hand and smearing onto the floor for he had dug his nails into his palms. Bruce’s skin was sheen with cold sweat. His small body trembled as he took in shallow, rattling breaths, but found that he lacked the ability to stand back up.

Dick rushed to help as Alfred must have disappeared to brew hot chocolate. Alfred would never leave Bruce alone like this, nor would Damian. Memories must’ve had rushed in sometime between Damian leaving and Dick arriving. Except Dick didn’t know that memories were what was putting Bruce through such an ordeal.

When Dick’s hand touched Bruce’s small shoulder blades, the child flinched and fell sidewards. Dick saw a face that resembled Bruces’s, but rounder, softer, younger but contorted by distress and fear. Bruce’s blue eyes were wide, his pupils dilated. Dick thought that it may actually be a new kind of toxin that could take the form of a ray. He doesn't know what he’s thinking anymore! Bruce was in a bad shape, and Damian was right. There was no way Dick could get through to the Bruce that was shaking in front of him. There was absolutely no flicker of recognition in Bruce’s eyes. To him, Dick was a stranger.

Dick had drawn his hand back, feeling unexpectedly hurt by Bruce’s reaction. He couldn’t really help that, despite telling him that it was unjustified to feel hurt when he shouldn’t be.

“Master Dick?” Alfred had called as he appeared with bandages.

At that, Bruce’s eyes intently bore into Dick’s face, cataloguing every detail, every bump and wrinkle. His wide eyes paused at the cut on his chin before shakily meeting Dick’s gaze.

“Dick?” The voice was small, shaken and weak, like a candle flame diminishing by the second. But a small flame of recognition was there.

“Y-Yeah that’s me, B.” Dick reached out to touch Bruce, but he still recoiled from his hand. Recognising Dick must’ve triggered something else in Bruce, because he clutched tightly at his own head and curled in on himself, letting out a pained groan.

Dick was torn between putting his hands on Bruce’s small back and not touching him at all, but chose to close it into a fist instead. “Tim will be here soon, ok? Hang in there.”

After several strenuous breaths of air, Bruce replied with something that froze Dick to the spot.

“W…who’s Tim? W-where’s…” Bruce’s eyebrows furrowed, creating crinkles in his youthful skin as he began recalling the one name that he wanted to say. “…Where’s Jason?”

“He’s not here.” Dick rushed back with a reply. Maybe Bruce just didn’t see Damian’s face properly. Dick thought that Bruce must have temporary amnesia due to the sudden changes done to his body. “But Tim, he’s your son. Lives on coffee, and Damian, he’s your current robin-”

Bruce seemed especially insistent about Jason, rather than about Tim or about Damian. “…not here?” This time his voice was slightly clearer but still as disjointed.

Cogs were turning in 10-year-old Bruce’s head as the memories started gushing in, turning so fast that they were burning. Pieces upon pieces of his memory rained down and he was drowning.

“Where’s Jason?!” Bruce was pleading now, eyes blown wide once again. He tried pushing himself up to search the cave with his sporadic gaze that was glowing with a feverish need to know where Jason was. Bruce’s breathing became hard and fast, which was quickly going to spiral into hyperventilation.

“Master Dick, it is not an apt time for you to be here.” Alfred shooed Dick gently out of the way so that he could as quickly and softly unfurl Bruce’s hand to bandage. “Master Bruce, you must control your breathing.”

Dick stumbled to stand up and back away. This…This wasn’t right. Something’s off. At that moment, the fear of not knowing what was affecting Bruce overtook him. He had to fix this. Otherwise, Bruce would never be the same and he wasn’t prepared for that.

Dick squeezed the mug of warm tea in his hands. Right now isn’t the time to think back. They need to think forward; think of ways to fix all this and make sure Bruce is going to be ok.

Jason placed down his empty cup of tea. It was still warm to the touch.

“Where is he right now?” Jason murmured dourly. Dick looked at Jason with a newfound sense of hope, despite how little it was.

--

I was going to end this a bit earlier, but I had to get Dick’s flashback in before I ended it. 

I have a headcanon (something where one as an individual, you think/want to be canon) that Jason’s eyes used to be blue, but turned aquary-green after he got tossed into the pit (despite the fact that he’s shown to have aquary eyes before he died - I sorta like the ‘change’ he undergoes pre to post-resurrection).

Maybe I’ll post the next part sometime :) been hella stressed cos of tests and due dates for my major work ,><,

Take care, fellow readers~

Next part: >> Part 3 << 

[silviartemis]

Everyone told me university was going to be better than high school. More freedom, you get to choose what subject you want to learn, all that.

Well I'm finishing my third year, I should be getting my degree anytime from July to March, and yet I still have half of my exams behind. It's going to take me at least another year before I can graduate and then I have to do another "two" years to get my full degree and be able to apply for the State exam, so I can actually try to become a psychologist. Oh yeah and if I want to become a psychotherapist I have to attend another 2/4 years of incredibly expensive school on the weekends!

And I really, really wanted to study musical theatre.

I had my first encounter with depression my first year at uni, it slowed me down a little but I was able to make it to the second semester in one piece, and I was feeling better. Then it came back during summer's exams, then it came back during winter's exams and so on.

I was able to keep up some facade of functioning, but it really hit hard on my self worth and motivation to do absolutely anything.

I love what I'm studying and I love going to classes, I think that if I can get my shit together I might make a good psychologist one day, but I just can't find any concentration to open my books after classes end.

I'm going to therapy, I'm working through it and I'm really feeling a lot better, I'm figuring out the when's and why's but it's so hard to find motivation to study.

I don't even know why I'm screaming at the Void of tumblr but I've been quarantined for more than two months now and I've been coping by throwing myself on musicals and singing and trying to improve my dancing and it helped a lot but sometimes it just reminds me I'm not good enough at anything.

Not good enough for pursuing a career in the arts and not good enough for university.

[getaandlucius]

EVERGREEN LOVE, part 8

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

Summary; You have some free time from uni so you visit your parents who live in gloucestshire for a week and study for your upcoming finals. When you get back to London it has started to snow. After your last final,  adventure with Rog awaits you!

I strongly suggest listening to the pride and prejudice soundtrack  ‘The living sculptures of Pemberly “ as it matches the tone of this part perfectly.  

wordcount; 1,9k

Warnings; fluff

Disclamer; I wanted to give reader a bit of a backstory, but if you want to keep reader neutral, I suggest skipping to the last part (under the -----line)! Thanks for reading y’all! Tell me what you think! Request are Always open! :) 

‘Can you tell mom I’ll come home this Tuesday?’

You were on the phone with your younger sister Mia who still lived at home. It was Friday evening and you were sitting in the windowsill of the library with your knees pulled up, talking quietly to prevent people from getting angry.

‘Sure thing. Having dinner with us too?’

‘Yeah I think so, yes. Will Jane be home too?’ Jane was your older sister and studied English Literature at Cambridge.

‘Not sure, I’ll ask mom.’

‘Thanks.’

‘No prob. Glad you’re coming home Y/N, we missed you.’

‘Missed you too sis.’ You looked through the window over the courtyard of the library. It was minus 5 degrees outside and it would get even colder over the weekend. You looked forward to going home. You truthfully had missed them a whole lot, having seen your family far too little in the past couple of months.

Your parents lived in the Glaucestshire countryside, twenty minutes out of town and it was honestly the calmest place on earth, especially compared to crazy London. You could study undisturbed in your room overlooking the fields and help your mom making the garden ready for spring. You were yearning for some time away from the chaos and also some time away from Roger.  

You had seen him at class earlier today. He was late for the lecture and stumbled in while muttering apologies to the teacher. He then sat next to you and gave you a tired smile.

‘So how was the date?’ You asked

‘Splendid. Great fun.’ He answered, then leaned over you to read your notes, face close to the paper. ‘What is it about?’ He tried switching to a different subject.

‘Photosynthetic electron transport.’ You answered, tagging along and dropping the Christina thing.

 You wondered if they would start dating properly now or if it was just a one time thing. Either way you were glad you could spent some time away from it all. You had finals in a week and couldn’t use any distraction. Especially not from the worst distraction of all.

 That Tuesday morning you packed your suitcase with some essentials and said goodbye to Ally and Sam.

‘If Rog calls, can you tell him I’m at my parents and I’ll be back for finals?’ You asked, just in case.

‘Sure thing babes.’ Ally answered and hugged you goodbye. You then took your suitcase and headed to the train station.

It was freezing cold and you were glad you were wearing a thick parka and knitted hat, but cursed at forgetting to take gloves as your hands were icy-cold. You blew little white clouds in the air while you waited for the train to arrive.

When it did you walked to second class and sat down in a small four-seat compartment next to the window. You put your bag next to you on the seat and made yourself comfortable for the three-hour trip. You loved train rides, always had. When you were little your dad would take you and your sisters out for little trips to villages across the country. Those were the days of building campfires from driftwood at the shore and camping out in the wild. But also the days of being stuck in swamps and wanting to go home. Days of excitement and days of tears.

    When you arrived at Bibury your mom picked you up.

‘Hi sweatheart.’ She gave you a hug and helped you carry your suitcase to the car. Mia was in the backseat and wrapped her arms around you when you sat down in front.

‘Ahh you smell so good! What are you wearing? Is it new?’

‘Yes, it’s Yves-Saint-Laurent.’

‘Can I borrow it?’ She asked cheerful.

‘Steal it, you mean? Sure but I don’t have it with me so you’ll have to come to London.’ You said smiling.

Mia groaned and let you go form her grip. ‘Ugh, alright…’

‘Sorry Mia.’

‘No boys to impress here huh?’ She jokingly added, not knowing there was truth in her words. You rolled your eyes at her, just like when you were younger. Some things just never changed. 

    It was a short drive to the house and Mia chatted away from the backseat about a winter ball at school and her dress and how Jane was coming home tomorrow and how glad she was you’d all be together again. 

    When you arrived at the house and the car-engine was turned off the silence was almost overwhelming. There was no sound apart from  that of nature and you had forgotten what it felt like.

You carried your suitcase to the porch and took a moment to look out over the fields. Everything was sober, from the white walls of the house to the fields and the empty garden. The white formed a big contrast with the forest behind it and you realized how much you had missed the place.

‘Your dad is  in the back chopping wood, go say hi.’ Your mom said and pointed her chin to the side of the porch. ‘Oh and tell him dinner is ready in an hour.’

You nodded and walked around the house, indeed hearing the sound of an ax hitting wood in a controlled manner.

‘Hi dad.’ You said and waited for him to stop chopping before you came closer.

‘Hi sweetheart!’ His face lit up. You really had been away for far too long, you felt as if he looked older than you remembered.

‘Dinner is ready in an hour, need help?’

‘Help me carry in a bit?’ He said and gave you a smile.

 That evening you spent catching up with your parents and sister. Your mom made soup and fresh baked bread and you talked about life in London and university. You also talked about your friends but chose your words carefully not in the mood to talk about Roger.

 The rest of the week you spent working in the garden and studying in your room. Your sister had come home but you hadn’t talked to her properly yet when she knocked on your door one evening.

‘Hey, how’s studying going?’

You shrugged. ‘Can’t concentrate.’

‘Feel like having a sleepover in Mia’s room?’

‘Ah I could’ve predicted she wanted one of those.’ You said.

‘Not to get out of.’ Jane said and laughed. ‘Come I’ll help you carry your sleeping stuff to her room.’

    That night you spent in Mia’s room braiding each-others hair and talking about boys.

‘How is Charlie?’ Mia asked Jane.

‘Ah, we broke up like three weeks ago.’

‘Why?’

‘He… cheated.’ She said quietly and shrugged.

‘Oh shit. That really sucks.’ You said, surprised they weren’t together anymore.

‘Yeah it does, but I’m okay really, I wasn’t that in love with him anymore anyway. He turned out to be pretty…’ She stopped to look for the right word. ‘…Boring.’

‘Yeah I never liked him, Jane.’ Mia said.

‘I know you didn’t sis.’ Jane said and threw her a meaningful look. ‘So we’re all single girls now then huh?’ She added with a melancholy smile. ‘Unless…. Our mysterious sister Y/N has a secret lover.’ She looked at you expectantly, eyes twinkling.

‘I don’t. Sorry to disappoint you.’

‘So where’s your mind then? You seem so distracted.’

You sighed. Jane had always been able to read through you.

You decided to just be honest. ‘You remember Roger right?’

‘Of course, the bambi boy?’

‘Bambi boy?’

‘Yes, because of his big eyes. Bamboy.’

‘Yeah right… that one.’ You said, then continued. ‘You know, I try really hard to not think of him and focus on my finals and understanding the processes in prokaryotic and eukaryotic cells, but all I end up thinking about is how beautiful Rogers hands are.’

‘Well I can see why.’ Mia said. ‘That sounds bloody boring.’ You laughed but Jane’s face turned serious.

‘Roger is in that band right, smile?’

‘Yeah.’

‘You are not in love with him, are you?’

‘No I am not.’ You said. ‘But I could be. Oh Jane, I really could be.’ You noticed there was a longing in your voice.

‘So why don’t you let yourself fall in love with him?’

‘Because… he doesn’t love me back and he can be a really arrogant self-righteous prick sometimes.’

‘How do you know he doesn’t love you back.’

‘He doesn’t act like it, not in a romantic love kind-a-way anyway.’ You said. ‘And he’s dating a girl now. A really pretty one.’

‘Well you are very pretty too you know.’ Mia said. You smiled but shook your head a little. ‘I’m afraid that if I fall in love with him, and even if we end up dating, he will crush my heart by falling for a different girl in a heartbeat.’

‘You know,’ Jane started and shifted her weight so she was lying next to you. ‘I’ve only met him once at that garden party of yours last May, but he seems very, very fond of you.’

‘He does huh.’

‘Yes!’

‘Hm.’

‘I think you should consider telling him. It’s worth the risk don’t you think?’

‘The stakes are pretty high, I might lose my best friend.’

‘Yes, or you’ll gain a love of a lifetime.’

‘I don’t know.’ You said, your heart racing at the thought of having to tell him. You were too afraid to lose him.

 After the weekend you had to get back to London to take your exams and hugged your sisters and parents goodbye. 

---------------------------------------------

Sitting in the train you looked out of the window, lost in thought. It was still incredibly early, the golden morning sun barely giving off any warmth. Your warm breath made a white haze on the window and without thinking you bended forward and pressed your lips to the cold glass. You wondered what Rogers lips would feel like and felt rosy by the thought of kissing him.

When you arrived in London you rushed to university to take your first exam.

The following days were filled with late night studying and more finals and you were glad when it was Friday and the last one had arrived. It had started snowing that morning. Thick snowflakes came falling from the sky and wrapped London in a thin white blanket, getting thicker by the second.

It muted every sound and it was completely silent in the exam hall apart from the sound of turning paper and sniffling and coughing.

You hadn’t talked to Roger over two weeks now, having only seen him once that week at an exam on a subject that you shared. He followed a different major which gave you partly different courses so it wasn’t strange you hadn’t seen that much of him. You had missed talking to him though.

You looked at the clock. Two hours left. You turned back to your paper, focusing on the questions.

When you were finally done you handed it in, a feeling of relieve came washing over you.

 You walked out and went looking for your jacket when you suddenly saw him. 

Roger. 

He was leaning to the opposite wall, wearing a huge jacket and a red knitted hat, completely covered in snow. He smiled brightly.

‘Hi love. Up for an adventure?’

‘Hi Rog. Always.’

‘Good. We’re waiting outside with the van. It’s time you met Freddie.’

He slung his arm around you and pulled you in for a side-hug.

 ‘We’re going on a roadtrip babe.’ 

TO BE CONTINUED

previous part, next part

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